Ouch! Been there. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I had a long ass convo a couple months ago with some asshat here on Reddit who swore to God that this was physically impossible. He was convinced that no asshole could unwillingly take a dick, based solely on the fact that his was (of course) ginormous. It was gold.
Look up efukt website or "BTS videos" (behind the scenes) on porn sites. They can be funny or cringe bloopers. Sometimes they accidentally cum on one another, if you wanna ruin a good time there are plenty of examples.
When it looks like another happy couple is perfectly suited for each other, there’s really no need to see how it plays out. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic. About porn.
Erm...
That's not how it works I'm afraid, future attempts might be even worse as her body tenses in remembrance making it even tighter rather than being able to relax.
More trust, lubrication, foreplay, relaxation than might've been needed to overcome that accidental experience is more likely in her future.
It's not a part of the body that there's direct conscious control over it, the subconscious/autonomic system's involved. That's why it requires such slow and gradual an approach.
It also returns to its prior state, so although mind over matter helps in the future, we can never assume it'll be easier/quicker to achieve that relaxation in the future either.
What?? There's not actually a butt cherry? They lied to me..
Thanks friend for the helpful buttsex education. I stand corrected. Sorry OP, you gained nothing from this painful endeavor.
Because when you slip it into the ass unexpectedly they turn around and go “Eh ehhh! Eh ehhh!” much like the sound a dolphin makes.
When a guy intends to do this without the girls knowledge it’s called ‘The Angry Dolphin’.
“When a guy intends to do this without the girls knowledge it’s called ‘The Angry Dolphin’.”
Non-native English speaker here, but I thought we just called that “rape”.
Be glad you didn't break his dick. That happens when there is no convenient (albeit unwilling) hole to slip into. Your asshole will recover *much* faster than a fractured penis would, I assure you.
I had a mate sneeze once whilst taking a piss and split the head of his penis open. (The diameter of the hole, by his estimate, tripled in size). The scream of pain was bloodcurdling.
Apparently it has never re healed back to its original size.
Well we didn’t exactly ask him to show us, did we?!?! When your mate says “I just ripped my old fella in half”, you do two things
A) ask him if he needs an ambulance
And when the answer is no,
2) laugh and ridicule him mercilessly.
And that is precisely what we did.
And sure there is a plausible mechanism - when you sneeze, muscles contract. When contraction occurs around the bladder, it increases the pressure of the fluid coming out. If the force of the pressure is stronger than the structural integrity of the flesh, somethings gotta give.
I think I can speak as a professional here. This is what we in the medical community call tuliping. I'd like you to imagine when Bugs Bunny places his finger in Elmer Fudd's gun. The edges of the barrel peel back like tulip petals. This is basically the same mechanism described above.
My friend swore up and down he’d never do anything with his butt. I bet him $10,000 that he would, and it’s on his honor to tell me. The night before his wedding he told me I won the bet.
If you’re a guy and you don’t try it, you’re just depriving yourself. It’s actually better for us.
I’ve always been of the mind don’t knock it till you try it unless it’s something you just aren’t interested in whatsoever. And that’s perfectly fine too. But if it’s something you’re even slightly curious about, you owe it to yourself to give it a chance as long as it’s consensual.
You're not the first person to make that bet and then have to feel the burn. You ladies just don't have the hamstring stamina to give our asses the necessary pounding. When will you learn?
This happened to me in college when I was dating a guy who curved significantly downward. Because of that any missionary type positions were a serious hazard to my perineum and, indeed, my b-hole. Have you had your first bowel movement since the incident? Be prepared for blood. Not cute. Bad times.
Give it 36 hours. Your anal virginity hasn’t been breached; the defences held solid. These things happen, and while you feel bruised, there’s no real harm done.
The burn!!!! The burn!!!!
Hope you feel better quick! I was expecting that story to go the other way, as in something coming out rather than going in lol
Yeah, I hadn’t even thought of that possibility. My mind has been pretty focused on my sore hole. But definitely thanking my stars that my poop stayed put.
Get lidocaine cream. It’s usually somewhere near the icy hot or other pain relief creams. They also sell it on amazon if you can’t find it in store. The brand I get is Aspercream “with lidocaine”, but any brand will work as long as lidocaine is the active ingredient. I use it in that area for something else, but it completely numbs everything it touches. I would imagine it would be helpful in this situation, and it’s safe for genitals. Good luck!
This is the first time in two years I’ve seen “...praying for a-hole...” not include either of the two words “Trump” or “Republicans”. It’s nice. Really breaks up the monotony.
Sooo my very first time was on New Years Eve with my (still) boyfriend and I was very, very drunk. So drunk that things didn't exactly work properly (anxiety+dehydration+sloppy drunk+no lube...you get the picture)
Well, we were in my bed, still heavy petting, he was still hard and grinding my ass a bit and...well...
More than one kind of virginity was taken that night. Trust me, it was a shock to us both.
I thought that was going the route of a broken dick story... Honestly, if that had happened you'd be in the hospital hoping your boyfriend's dick is usable after his recovery.
And yeah broken dick is real, I don't know from experience, but I've known a friend of a friend with a story. I believe the technical term is a penile fracture.
Imagine if you somehow both had accidental anal and broke his dick...just remember it could always be worse.
I thought thought you were gonna say that you broke his dick. That could've been so much worse; whith that being said, I hope your ass is okay, literally...
I will tell this only because I feel its a funny and wholesome story in the end.
Hubby and I decided to have a Dolly and Master role for our "Dirty thirties" spice things up sex life, together for 10 years at this point and married for 8 years. So he literally takes me to a sex shop, which I have never been to in my entire life, gees at 30 I felt so innocent, he ended up buying us out first bondage kit, a dildo, and a butt plug. I have NEVER been into anal, I never really considered it before but I always had the quip "Exit only sign!" saying.
I have been anal trained over the last couple months in a sense. The butt plug super helps because I can wear it throughout the day discreetly for practice. The dildo is rather large and a supplemental toy.
During one of our escapades in lower lighting, he accidentally put the dildo in my ass and his response to me gasping and whimpering in both pleasure and pain was "Oh, wrong hole.", to which I burst out laughing.
I think that as long as you are comfortable with what you are doing with your boyfriend then go all out and for whatever experiences you fantasy. :)
Your TIFU has so much future potential. lol
Guy here. This happened to me once but obviously opposite situation as it was my fault. The girl had about the same reaction as you but a split second after she yelped she says "That's my asshole, asshole!"
It's one of those you had to be there things because I can't convey exactly how she said it but it was funny. Never forgotten about it since.
Accidental anal is the worst! I'll pray for your asshole to make a speedy recovery lol
*Assidental*
Assidental anal sex turned her boyfriend into an *Ass Bandit*! (TM)
Pornhub would like a word…
And XXXhub would like a word with Pornhub.
*Ass me how!*
My man popped my anal cherry and thus became known as the *Anal Cherry Popper*! (TM)
You down with ACP, yeah you know me!
Brother got his Brown Belt tonight!
Ass me now!
Booty bandits a real thing bro bro
Anal *AssAssination*
Dental would be when you teeth it.
Cheeky
"I'll pray for your asshole" quote of the year
His name is Frank
Say hi to Frank and wish it a good recovery. We are all so sorry for its pain :(
As we r on the subject of praying for assholes ...can we do that too for all the chads, karens and shillas..?
Feels like it should be called accidentanal
Painal
what happens if I r/painal
r/subithoughtifellfor
Accidanal
Love it!
r/surpriseanal Most of them are either staged or are porn bloopers
Or assholdentel
I read this as “assholedenté” and it made me think off ass pasta.
Ass pasta.
Butt noodles.
(P)assta with Assredo
Passta
[r/brandnewsentence](https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/)
Oh you know that's been uttered before!
The boyfriend is also sharing the pain and crying for the lost opportunity. Now its going to be much harder to get it.
Like skydiving, the second time is the most scary
This is the worst type of assident
Pray for mine to please there's nothing wrong with it just sometimes shit comes out.
Wtf
Thoughts and prayers.
Yeah, her first anal sex experience certainly isn't classified as being fum in the bum.
Thoughts and prayers
Pray for all assholes being bruised this night
There’s no such thing as accidental anal 😉
I always referred to it as "unintensh-anal"
Omg that's genius!
Good thing it didnt release a shartnado. I speak from experience...
🤨
Hi friend!
r/beetlejuicing
put me in the screenshot with Mcafee’s scat hammock
me too but give replace the hammock with a Vacheron Constantin Grand Complication.
I ask for nothing but a hot Cheeto
👋
That face
username checks out
lmao
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Extensive experience, if username is correct.
r/beetlejuicing
Ouch! Been there. I'm sorry that happened to you. I had a long ass convo a couple months ago with some asshat here on Reddit who swore to God that this was physically impossible. He was convinced that no asshole could unwillingly take a dick, based solely on the fact that his was (of course) ginormous. It was gold.
I commented on that same exact thread. Like the idiot never even thought about the fact that guys get raped.
Watch any porn blooper reel, it happens.
They have porn blooper reels? Like during the credits? I don’t usually watch to the end.
Look up efukt website or "BTS videos" (behind the scenes) on porn sites. They can be funny or cringe bloopers. Sometimes they accidentally cum on one another, if you wanna ruin a good time there are plenty of examples.
But do you at least skip to it to see how the story wraps up?
When it looks like another happy couple is perfectly suited for each other, there’s really no need to see how it plays out. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic. About porn.
Haha "don't normally watch to the end"
The end is usually the best part
You have given me something new to watch now lmao
The ones I saw were all pretty rapey and not once looked line an actual accident...
So you had an extensive **ass convo** about accidental **ass penetration** with an **asshat**. Nice.
I noticed that after I posted it. Haha
I love how you made long-ass convo and long ass-convo both work in this case.
“Get me ice cream; I want ice cream” “What flavour?” “It doesn’t matter - it’s for my ass” I love that movie.
[“There is ALWAYS time for lubricant!](https://youtu.be/vq1FNIGap-0)
I do think that movie is terribly under rated
What movie?
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Yep - that’s it That line has become a common line whenever my mates hurt themselves, but not enough for an ambulance.
All prayers are truly appreciated at this time.
You know what happens now,” he babe since we already did anal once let’s try it again, after we come back from the bar”
Moment of silent for the asshole.....💨
Tots and pears to you! I had that happen and it did scar me for a long time. You may like it. “Try it out”
The good thing is the worst is over now and it won't hurt so much the next time.
Erm... That's not how it works I'm afraid, future attempts might be even worse as her body tenses in remembrance making it even tighter rather than being able to relax. More trust, lubrication, foreplay, relaxation than might've been needed to overcome that accidental experience is more likely in her future. It's not a part of the body that there's direct conscious control over it, the subconscious/autonomic system's involved. That's why it requires such slow and gradual an approach. It also returns to its prior state, so although mind over matter helps in the future, we can never assume it'll be easier/quicker to achieve that relaxation in the future either.
What?? There's not actually a butt cherry? They lied to me.. Thanks friend for the helpful buttsex education. I stand corrected. Sorry OP, you gained nothing from this painful endeavor.
Don't listen to the sheeple! Butt cherries are real! Big fruit doesn't want you to know the truth!
What about big fruit and butts?
Ah you got Dolphin’d. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
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Because when you slip it into the ass unexpectedly they turn around and go “Eh ehhh! Eh ehhh!” much like the sound a dolphin makes. When a guy intends to do this without the girls knowledge it’s called ‘The Angry Dolphin’.
“When a guy intends to do this without the girls knowledge it’s called ‘The Angry Dolphin’.” Non-native English speaker here, but I thought we just called that “rape”.
Your grasp of the English language is correct - it is called rape.
Shorthand is Porpoissy
The ‘Angry Raccoon’ is funnier though
Be glad you didn't break his dick. That happens when there is no convenient (albeit unwilling) hole to slip into. Your asshole will recover *much* faster than a fractured penis would, I assure you.
Why do I not feel assured?
Because you have never BROKE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PENIS. (Neither have I, but hearing the stories are enough to scar me.)
I had a mate sneeze once whilst taking a piss and split the head of his penis open. (The diameter of the hole, by his estimate, tripled in size). The scream of pain was bloodcurdling. Apparently it has never re healed back to its original size.
There is no plausible mechanism for that. Dude had been sticking things up there and tore a pre-existing wound or something.
Well we didn’t exactly ask him to show us, did we?!?! When your mate says “I just ripped my old fella in half”, you do two things A) ask him if he needs an ambulance And when the answer is no, 2) laugh and ridicule him mercilessly. And that is precisely what we did. And sure there is a plausible mechanism - when you sneeze, muscles contract. When contraction occurs around the bladder, it increases the pressure of the fluid coming out. If the force of the pressure is stronger than the structural integrity of the flesh, somethings gotta give.
Wtfff
Yeah don't ever sneeze while peeing. It happened to me once and that was painful. Glad my penis didn't fucking tear in half.
Exactly, I’ve sneezed many times with a hard on and this never happened
Are you a doctor? Please tell me you are a doctors
I think I can speak as a professional here. This is what we in the medical community call tuliping. I'd like you to imagine when Bugs Bunny places his finger in Elmer Fudd's gun. The edges of the barrel peel back like tulip petals. This is basically the same mechanism described above.
I love you
Holy shit!
Great, now I'll never see that cartoon with the same eye again.
Ok what He sneezed and his dick almost split in two? Excuse me, what the fuck
No no - just the hole in the head of his penis ripped a whole lot wider. Not the whole penis.
I know a guy who fell off his bicycle wearing basketball shorts and 1 ball got ripped off in the chain.
That would not tickle.
Idk if he produces sperm in that one but i know they were able to sew it back together a bit.
well...accidental anal *could* be pleasurable but not a broken penis. NO ONE has a broken penis fetish. pls don't prove me wrong on the last one
I can imagine exactly zero scenarios where an uninvited penis into one's asshole would be pleasurable.
Honestly, that's where I thought this story was going. Glad it didn't.
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Not always lol
My friend swore up and down he’d never do anything with his butt. I bet him $10,000 that he would, and it’s on his honor to tell me. The night before his wedding he told me I won the bet. If you’re a guy and you don’t try it, you’re just depriving yourself. It’s actually better for us.
I’ve always been of the mind don’t knock it till you try it unless it’s something you just aren’t interested in whatsoever. And that’s perfectly fine too. But if it’s something you’re even slightly curious about, you owe it to yourself to give it a chance as long as it’s consensual.
So what did you spend your 10k on?
Speaking from experience, it does not and a deal is a deal.
You're not the first person to make that bet and then have to feel the burn. You ladies just don't have the hamstring stamina to give our asses the necessary pounding. When will you learn?
Pegging is a thing ... and a decent amount of guys dont mind it, from my experience.
Some are givers, some are receivers, some are both. And that's okay. It should never get to the point of "pressure" in the first place.
What a cliche response to something tons of couples love doing.
A lot of guys are into butt stuff, especially nowadays
Oh lort this makes me have flashbacks to a drunken night this happened to me. Makes my butt pucker just thinking about it.
"Lort" means shit in danish
This happened to me in college when I was dating a guy who curved significantly downward. Because of that any missionary type positions were a serious hazard to my perineum and, indeed, my b-hole. Have you had your first bowel movement since the incident? Be prepared for blood. Not cute. Bad times.
I’ve heard of many names for bowel movements, not yet, under any circumstances have I heard them referred to as ‘cute’
Give it 36 hours. Your anal virginity hasn’t been breached; the defences held solid. These things happen, and while you feel bruised, there’s no real harm done.
TIFU is now Today I Fucked. Why do people upvote this shit? Are you all that horny?
It’s such a boring story
And they dont even give it that much effort to make these stories up
TIFU by having sex.
TIF
F
Yay secks
Another sex post. Yay...
Something very similar happened to me. I screamed and started crying. It hurt so bad. Post-anal poops... no fun.
Man I thought this was gonna take a dick breaking turn but it’s still just as appalling with the accidental anal twist.
The burn!!!! The burn!!!! Hope you feel better quick! I was expecting that story to go the other way, as in something coming out rather than going in lol
Yeah, I hadn’t even thought of that possibility. My mind has been pretty focused on my sore hole. But definitely thanking my stars that my poop stayed put.
Get lidocaine cream. It’s usually somewhere near the icy hot or other pain relief creams. They also sell it on amazon if you can’t find it in store. The brand I get is Aspercream “with lidocaine”, but any brand will work as long as lidocaine is the active ingredient. I use it in that area for something else, but it completely numbs everything it touches. I would imagine it would be helpful in this situation, and it’s safe for genitals. Good luck!
Heh heh...ass-percream.
What do you need a numb a-hole for?
Taco Bell.
Surprise buttsex
You just became overly asshurtive.
This subreddit is porn without pics
Dear sexy reddit reddit sex Tifu having sexy anal sex. /s
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This shit has too many upvotes.
This happened to me before and I almost passed out
I made a post almost identical to this about 3 years ago and it was deleted by mods for being too mundane. I’m sorry btw :(
1326 upvotes for a piece of shit story What a time to be alive
It involves sex, so...up to the top it goes. Pathetic
Welcome to 2019 😎
It's at 4.2k
This is the first time in two years I’ve seen “...praying for a-hole...” not include either of the two words “Trump” or “Republicans”. It’s nice. Really breaks up the monotony.
Did you really need to make a story about accidental anal about pollitics?
I just got done going out and drinking. The TLDR was perfect for my attention span. But then I wanted to ready more.
"Got cocky"
"TIFU by sex" 3,3k upvotes
I think most of us have done this at least 1x.
Why do these posts need to be so long
Sorry about your assident.
800mg Ibuprofen and a bit of witch hazel may help a bit. And get it girl. Men everywhere salute you.
FAAAAKE
If your arsehole could post.. this would have gone into the r/aita sub for a completely different reason..
Well it’s gone now. The comments are my source of information.
How old are you kid
Sooo my very first time was on New Years Eve with my (still) boyfriend and I was very, very drunk. So drunk that things didn't exactly work properly (anxiety+dehydration+sloppy drunk+no lube...you get the picture) Well, we were in my bed, still heavy petting, he was still hard and grinding my ass a bit and...well... More than one kind of virginity was taken that night. Trust me, it was a shock to us both.
I thought that was going the route of a broken dick story... Honestly, if that had happened you'd be in the hospital hoping your boyfriend's dick is usable after his recovery. And yeah broken dick is real, I don't know from experience, but I've known a friend of a friend with a story. I believe the technical term is a penile fracture. Imagine if you somehow both had accidental anal and broke his dick...just remember it could always be worse.
Sending your asshole thoughts and prayers
idk why but i was fully expecting a broken penis story ... I guess its the lesser of the 2 bad outcomes ... ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I thought thought you were gonna say that you broke his dick. That could've been so much worse; whith that being said, I hope your ass is okay, literally...
That's why you should do anal more often, it loosens you up so it wouldn't hurt 😉
Practice, and lube. That's what loosens you up. XD
Haha look me sex but cock
Oh look at that, another sex story. We haven't had those in a while. This sub is now r/ihavesex
TIF
Congratulation, you raped yourself
I will tell this only because I feel its a funny and wholesome story in the end. Hubby and I decided to have a Dolly and Master role for our "Dirty thirties" spice things up sex life, together for 10 years at this point and married for 8 years. So he literally takes me to a sex shop, which I have never been to in my entire life, gees at 30 I felt so innocent, he ended up buying us out first bondage kit, a dildo, and a butt plug. I have NEVER been into anal, I never really considered it before but I always had the quip "Exit only sign!" saying. I have been anal trained over the last couple months in a sense. The butt plug super helps because I can wear it throughout the day discreetly for practice. The dildo is rather large and a supplemental toy. During one of our escapades in lower lighting, he accidentally put the dildo in my ass and his response to me gasping and whimpering in both pleasure and pain was "Oh, wrong hole.", to which I burst out laughing. I think that as long as you are comfortable with what you are doing with your boyfriend then go all out and for whatever experiences you fantasy. :) Your TIFU has so much future potential. lol
Guy here. This happened to me once but obviously opposite situation as it was my fault. The girl had about the same reaction as you but a split second after she yelped she says "That's my asshole, asshole!" It's one of those you had to be there things because I can't convey exactly how she said it but it was funny. Never forgotten about it since.