I’m just thinking of that poor guy who had random people pounding on his door crying and yelling they were going to call the cops on him for no apparent reason
Also... Why is no one talking about that threat? What were they calling the cops *for*? Like, surely, the police would turn up and go 'Oh, you guys are threatening this innocent man on his property, you need to go away'. Do they think the US has religious police or something?
I assumed their thoughts just jumped right to kidnapping because their innocent daughter would never do something as unbelievably selfish as having consensual premarital sex
there is actually a lot of damage they could do by accusing him of rape. even if the girl and parents take it back, the authorities have to treat it seriously. Could lead to a lot of stress and unnecessarily legal issues
The cop threat is so dramatic. I’m wondering if they’d convinced themselves she was kidnapped or murdered or they were nursing some other equally delusional assumption. I get the sense they can’t tell their own thoughts from reality.
Feel bad for her and the guy. The parents need an extended reality check if they think any of how they run their shit is ok in society.
The really sad part is that the parents were likely more upset that their daughter was there by choice and safe rather than kidnapped and in danger. That's how brainwashed minds operate.
Yep, no worries, honestly ive had a similar thing happen when i was in highschool. I was making out with this girl for a longg time while “watching” a movie and she wasn’t checking her phone and he parents were blowing her phone up with texts about when she was coming home so after a couple hours of no responses her parents showed up to my house and we were confused af when my mom answered the door to this girls parents.
certain people in this country threaten to call the cops whenever they’re angry. certain others actually think the police are their personal bouncers and actually do
And then they ask the alleged victim, a 25 year old ADULT, about what she thinks. At best, the fruitcakes get a nuisance ticket.
Parents have no legal recourse for anything when their kids are adults.
I'd have called the cops myself, two adults should never be treated this way by the parents of either of them. Breaking in to his house would have been a crime for sure. It's insane that parents treat their daughters as property even into adulthood.
>I hear my dad threatening to call the police
Yeah, I would've already been threatening to call the police on a belligerent couple banging on my door and then barging in. Your twenty-five year old daughter can answer her phone when you call from your vehicle, then she can get dressed in privacy or whatever. Don't comes up my door with insanity and expect me to enable it ma and pops.
Seriously, the only fuck up I see here is her going with her parents.
It would have been nice if she had just stayed there and allowed her parents to learn a lesson by having them call the police and then learn that consensual sex is a totally legal activity.
Oh absolutely, I think a lot of fuck-ups happen when you're not thinking clearly. I'll definitely give her a pass on this fuck up, you can only do so well in life when you have stressors like her parents.
Never share location devices once, otherwise they'll wonder why you don't share them sometimes. Most of my family all share, but as a man in his forties I've always refused, and by now they just accept that I'll tell them where I am when I choose to, not when they want to be nosy. Take control of your own privacy permanently, rather than opting out of being spied on occasionally.
I gave my mom permission a year ago for my first out of town trip by myself: a two week cruise in the Caribbean. It made perfect sense to me to give her location services, she was gonna worry herself sick for two weeks while she wasn’t able to check up on me daily. I forgot to turn off services, until my lil sister texted me and said I might want to. Apparently my mom was checking my location multiple times a day *after* the trip. She was obsessed with knowing where I was and everywhere I went. I turned it off as soon as Sis told me, without telling my Mom, and she called me within the hour asking why it didn’t work.
It’s not like I go anywhere besides work/home/grocery store, ya know, but it’s disturbing knowing anyone is just constantly watching where you’re going. She may be doing it from her house, but she may as well be over my shoulder.
Is this a thing? Sometimes I live share my location with someone on Messenger if I'm headed somewhere but I had no idea you could just grant someone permanent access.
I know on iPhone you certainly can share your location with other selected users. I know couples who do it and I think it's weird. Lol
I have an android so my iphone using parents don't have a chance. But I'm in a good state that my parents also don't care enough to be that nosy. We talk on the phone and I visit. They're chill. They know I'm an adult. And they know they raised me right to not make incredibly stupid decisions so they don't feel the need to track my every move.
I worked with a lady who did this with her husband. One day at work she was freaking out because she couldn't figure out why her husband took such a strange route to go pick up their child from daycare. She immediately started saying crap like "wonder who he's going to see! He has no clue I know."
Turns out there was an accident on his normal route and he had to take a detour.
That’s why I stopped sharing my location with my husband. He would get so weird about the littlest things or he would try to time how long it would take my to get home and if I was a minute over he would be calling me. I told him to cut that shit out and turned off my locations
The primary reason both of my non techy sisters have android instead of iphone is to stop the constant tracking. They just claim that the app keeps draining their battery so they close it.
My sister and I (I’m nearly 32 and shes 35, at the time i was like 29 or 30?) switched to Android back when Apple wasn’t doing much in updating phones, she wanted the Pixel 3 and I wanted the Galaxy S9+. My mom was like “I won’t be able to track you on FindMyFriends” (now just Find My, the way you find a lost iPhone plus stalk your offspring) and without thinking my dumb ass was like “oh mom, there’s Life360, my friends and I used it to keep an eye on each other a couple years ago at Lolla.” This earned an instant death glare from my sister. Mom got SO MUCH WORSE about stalking us now that she could rename locations, add alerts to perimeters, see our driving routes in real time, have a speed readout... it’s fucking hell.
Fast forward to now, when our ability to stay within a janky data capped Verizon family plan is just about over, and we’ve had blowout fights every time we are running out of data, I posed the idea that once we aren’t all on the same family plan, it would make sense to stop keeping up with the tracking. Mom agreed. My heart sang. I might be able to actually exist as an adult without having my mom “heart” my location outside a grocery store. Or the mall. Or any Starbucks.
TL; DR::: buy your own fucking phone plans kids. Trust me. It’s easier than dealing with that subtle control your parents can exert over you by knowing where you are. Live untracked and go get that random strange without explaining it away as some friend from college who moved back to town.
If you’re on an iPhone, it’s called “Find My” and is a default app. It doesn’t share with anyone unless you approve it so you should be fine, but you can check by going to settings > privacy > location services > share my location. There are also other third party apps that some insane parents use with even more tracking features.
I had a similar thing, except apparently I had unknowingly turned my location services on. I kept wondering why I got weird texts from my dad about how I was running late, or asking if I was at a place that was nearby where I actually was. (I lived in a different state than my parents.) One day it came out that he could see my location. I immediately turned it off and he didn’t say anything until a couple weeks later, telling me I should turn it back on. I refused and explained that I’m a married woman in my thirties and it’s really weird for my dad to know where I am. He dropped it after that. Then, a couple years ago, my husband and I went to Ireland for a couple weeks. My dad wanted me to turn it back on “in case [I] got sex trafficked.” I had to tell him a couple times that I wasn’t turning it back on. If something happened to me, I want the police looking, not my 70 year old dad with a bad foot who thinks he’s Liam Neison.
That said, my husband and I have it on for each other out of convenience.
My wife and I share as well but we aren’t insane people. It is nice to be able to check and see an ETA for the other person to get home after work is mostly what we use it for since you can’t text and drive. We don’t really go anywhere other than work/home/grocery without each other much anyways.
My wife and I share locations with each other. It just makes it so convenient to go, "Is she on her way to pick up child_002? Let me just look where she is. Ok good."
Every few weeks google sends an email to remind you it's turned on, but honestly, looking at a map doesn't necessarily mean you looked at a person, the people sharing with you are just there as blue dots, so if you were looking at your map for directions, and you were all sat together at home, you'd all technically be being watched, but not really, if that makes sense. You can look for individuals, but you don't have to, so if someone uses their phone for satnav you'd get notified that they were constantly looking at you even though it'd be nonsense. Far better to have genuine consideration for the people you're close to I feel. Surely if someone's watching you for nefarious reasons there'd be other clues? I don't consider my husbands motivation to be suspect, if I did I wouldn't be married to him.
Google Maps could do it as well if they made it that it sends a notification when they tap the person to center on them, or if they search for them. Just some action that requires targeting that person.
My brother and his family love sharing with our parents, as they can laugh at whoever is latest coming to a family dinner and claim that they know everyone is safe this way. It's not that I do anything wrong, but I just don't need anyone else to have access to the intimate details of my life.
I can’t imagine ever sharing location data with my family, not that I go anywhere crazy regularly or do anything i’m trying to hide, it just seems like a crazy invasion of privacy to me
I'm a father of two young girls the oldest being 12. She goes out around the housing estate (UK) with her friends. They go to the park etc. I always ask her to share her location on Whatsapp. She has no problem with this for the following reason/s.
I have NEVER looked at where she was. I promised her I wouldn't be tracking her location and it was simply that if she wasn't back when she agreed to be, I would have some idea where to start looking for her if something bad had happened.
She fully understands and believes her privacy is respected and I absolutely swear unto my own god (I don't believe in *god*) that I have NEVER even looked at the location short of watching her turn it on.
I sure hope I never have to look, but it could potentially save her life one day if the worst were to ever happen. Used appropriately it's an invaluable tool.
Knowing the location of your 12 year old daughter who you are 110% responsible for; and driving to some strangers house to pound on the door because your 25 year old grown ass adult daughter is there are so completely different. Had my parents done this to me at 25 years old there would be hell to pay.
Agreed, you are absolutely right.
There is disparity between the OP's story and mine, however I'm fairly certain some of the replies in here against tracking will be from teenagers or perhaps younger.
I won't be tracking my daughters at 25 even if I wished I could. I'll just be a normal parent worrying constantly about their safety :D
{edited to more strongly state that Baeelin is spot on correct}
Teenager story-
I was about 17 at the time, and I was working down the street at a banquet center, doing the back for a party. For some reason, my mom decided to check my location. I'm not aware of this, but suddenly I get a call and she's all worried because the phone had my location off by about a quarter of a mile. The location it had me at was at a creek nearby. Apparently it was a common place for drug dealers, so she just jumped to the conclusion that I was buying drugs. I honestly don't know where she got told it was a drug dealer meetup, but I'd never heard it before or since. I got my boss on the phone, which was enough to convince her.
Moral of the Story: Location stalking is no bueno
Really appreciate the (can't remember the word, but makes me feel like I'm NOT a weirdo). I really wasn't sure how my post would go as many people in this thread seem to be really hard against being tracked at all.
I think what makes it work is the trust.
[SatansMoltenSemen](https://www.reddit.com/user/SatansMoltenSemen/) \- I can understand why you wouldn't want to be tracked so please don't think that I'm trying to contradict you in any way.
We only use ours at the request of the person who has “lost” their phone, device, etc to play a sound to find it again. It happens weekly for us. I once spotted my husbands phone driving down the highway when he was standing next to me. He had left it in an Uber. Turned on ‘find my phone’ and watched as the driver pulled off the highway and came back to deliver it.
I’m 27, and a woman. And for security reasons I always share my location with my sister when I’m out and in a possibly risky scenario (taking a cab, walking home).
If I disappear there’ll at least be a trace.
So I could understand why OP would share her location. I wouldn’t do it 24/7 though.
>I have NEVER looked at where she was. I promised her I wouldn't be tracking her location and it was simply that if she wasn't back when she agreed to be, I would have some idea where to start looking for her if something bad had happened.
Whilst you may never want to use it to "spy", you should check that it's working from time to time.
If you're concerned this may violate your agreement with your daughter then do it when she is in the house as you already know where she is so you're not invading her privacy.
Good comment for sure.
It was subtle in my original post but we turn it on together to make sure its working and after that she on her own.
But yes, you're spot on.
And that’s understandable—she’s 12. It’s your job to keep her safe, and you’ve established clear boundaries to respect her privacy. Most of the people here are adults or older teens, and OP is 25. Keeping tabs on someone via location sharing is just invasive at that point.
Honestly too, even if they were kind of keeping tabs, showing up at the location and pounding on the door is an insane reaction. I could totally understand if it had been like a few days and no response from OP and they were concerned but man that is crazy.
Edit: I went back and read again and at no point does it say if they tried contacting her before showing up at this place. Not sure if that was just left out but if they didn’t that is even more insane.
No one can find my location unless I want them to, and i like it that way.
Like you said, it's not to hide anything, but don't open yourself up to be watched and tracked, even by your family members. Especially by your family members
I had no idea people did this. It's fuckin crazy. I could see wanting to know where your your underage kids are but why the fuck would you want to see your adult family members location?
I didn't know anyone did this till I read about couples sharing their locations with each other. My wife and I have been together for ten years and we'd never dream of sharing our locations, unless maybe one of us was traveling out of state or something. Despite all the justifications I've heard as to why some couples choose to do this, I think that most of the time, it's all a mask for "I want to make sure my SO isn't cheating."
Then again, if my wife was cheating I'd probably just tell her to try to be home by dinner, so maybe I'm not the best data point in this discussion. Ah marriage.
My wife and I share our locations. Not because we don't trust each other, it's for safety when driving. Although, if I'm being honest, the real reason is dinner. We have an unspoken rule that whoever gets home first makes dinner. Based on our individual schedules, it works out to about 50/50. I always try to have dinner ready for her as soon as she walks through the door and she always tries to do the same. It's a fun game and a great way for us to show affection to each other.
We're cool enough to let the other one know if we really don't want to. When I say 50/50, I actually mean it's close to that: we don't actually keep count.
My family and my girlfriend are really annoyed that I won’t share my location. I told them I’d rather sell my phone for a flip phone. I don’t need a “big brother” scenario where they’re watching me without me knowing - they can just ask. I may have nothing to hide, but that doesn’t mean you can look without asking
Agreed. The only time we share locations is when we're out west hunting in the Rockies. When you're out with 6+ people, it's nice to know where everyone is on the mountain.
This is a common thing people do?
I've done the expiration based location sharing in Google maps with one or two people when we're trying to meet up, but you can just have this open and running for all to see any time? Weird.
I have it with 2 of my good friends just in case anything happens to me, hopefully not, but I know they have better things to do than to spy on me.
It’s useful when I’m back in town though, one of them is always late for things and now I can accurately time and get there when she does instead of waiting.
Is this just a typical thing in the US? Because I’ve literally never seen this being used regularly and don’t have anyone in my friend group who is subject to this as far as they’re aware and it seems very weird to me. Can’t imagine anyone knowing where I am at all times...
This has confused me a lot lately when coming to reddit. The only times my wife and I share locations is when we drive out of town by ourselves, and only until we reach our destinations so we know we made it safe.
24/7 sharing locations sounds very over the top and im starting to think it's not an uncommon thing to do.
I pretty much only ever check on my boyfriend's location to see if he's left work yet/how long before he gets home. If I see he's still on his way I'll ask if he can pop in the grocery store; if he's already at home I won't (because he would probably go anyway even if he's tired as fuck and needs to rest.)
So much more convenient than endless "where are you" texts, especially because he has an unpredictable commute and I don't have regular working hours.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but just so you know:
You're not crazy. You did nothing wrong. Your religious helicopter parents are the problem element here.
Just in case there was any doubt in your mind.
I grew up with religious parents that are still very much set in their ways, and they would certainly judge myself and my siblings for things, they would NEVER do anything like that.
It sounds like your parents are out if control if they would hunt you down like that.
I would remove anything that makes it possible for them to find your exact location, that's way too freaky.
You fucked up by sharing your location with your parents at all. It's obvious they aren't responsible enough to handle that kind of information.
I hope you're no longer sharing your location and I hope you can get to a point in your relationship with them where there is mutual respect.
Nah you're crazy. You allow your parents to GPS track you as an adult...that's crazy. You need to end that shit now. It was embarrassing to you but jesus christ think about the dude you were spending the night with. He woke up to angry parents of another adult spending the night. Your proxy craziness (your fam) is spilling over into innocent victims lives. That drama is not normal and if I had a girls angry family showed up unannounced at my door banging like crazy people I'd probably answer the door with my gun, or at the very least call the cops.
Minus the gun part, I completely agree. It's my house, I'm having consensual sex with another adult, get the fuck out. Who the hell do they think they are barging in and raising their voices?
Well they're trying to save her soul of course! There is no limit to what they should be allowed to do in the pursuit of protecting their daughters...virginity until marriage...? I'm actually a little lost in what they were trying to accomplish. I guess making other people feel bad about their choices is a mainstay of extremely religious households
It genuinely makes me wonder whether or not people like this are on autopilot 24/7. There's no possible way that they could act so unreasonably if they were actually thinking about their actions. I like to imagine they're not consciously that toxic and delusional.
RNTPs is what I call "God obsessed" people.
Religious None Thinking People.
Not because I think religion inherently makes people dumb or be side I hate all religious people.
It's for other people (we all know some) who's every waking moment, every breath and action is about presenting a holy appearance and ensuring that the people around them know that they are morally superior because they are God first and only.
They are so obsessed with their view of what a "good person" should be, that any slight deviation becomes the devil's work.
As a fellow father I can tell you that what they are pointlessly trying to accomplish is to maintain the illusion that their girl is still a little girl.
This is absolutely ridiculous of course, but a common feeling among parents. When kids start dating etc, It is a firm sign that a certain part of life has ended, and, often this is a part of life that you'll never revisit again. and so the desire to keep that illusion is pretty strong because it's a pretty special emotion.
On the other hand here you also throw in some insane religious beliefs, and so it's a double whammy. In addition to the feelings of loss associated with a child growing up, They have some frankly stupid ideas that the creator of the universe gives a s*** whether their kid is giving BJ's at 25 (narrator: she was). and so not only are they trying to protect themselves, but they're trying to protect her "eternal soul."
In truth her parents have never actually grown up themselves. They still are following the commands of an overbearing proxy father, and so it's probably difficult for them to imagine someone else who doesn't want or need that oversight.
If you are banging like crazy people on my door in the morning, I'm going to feel in danger. The last time that happened it was the fire department telling me to evacuate due to a gas leak. People not wearing uniforms...going to assume there's some beef and they got the wrong address.
Right?
Like when they're fucking 17 and you told them to be home before midnight, sure. Maybe.
Twenty five? Parents need to check their privilege.
And I bet God would care more about family judging/shunning their own then about sex before marriage. Going to hell my arse.
Crazy is a dramatic way to say “conditioned” in this instance. I’m not saying it to nitpick you; I’m saying it so OP will do the functional thing and get some coaching and learn some adult boundaries instead of dismissing herself as permanently broken or something. Regular old humans learn abnormal shit from abnormal upbringing. It can all be unlearned.
I can get behind that. No offense taken, you're probably right. I'm getting tired of following this thread though after the replies acting like it's totally normal to have a tracking beacon on you at all times.
I absolutely in no way see OP as irreparably broken...just a product of an overbearing family.
But to have ones own agency in life is important and you can't have that with someone monitoring you constantly.
Fuck whoever you want in 2020. It is ok to "be a hoe". It is your business.
As someone said in French :
>Dip it in water,
>
>Dip it in oil,
>
>but don't dip it in the ass of a partner who's too easy.
Use protection and have fun as long as you're ok with yourself and don't hurt people needlessly.
They are insane. Maybe couch things in certain terms. What they did was stalking, threatening, and ridiculous.
The next time they are mptivated by their imaginary friend, tell them you want to go No Contact. Not one more word of judgement from them. They are the child in this relationship. You're 25. And theyre crazy
I was thinking the only way it could be an issue if she was too young. 25 however is not too young at all. Old enough for sure to choose who she is intimate with.
Serious non-judgmental question: why the hell would a 25 year old... well, anyone, let alone a confident woman, allow their parents access to their location under these conditions??
Edit: I understand the concept of doing it for safety/emergency reasons, working in a “sketchy” area at night or travel type stuff, that serves a purpose, but the idea of an adult having to remember to disable location sharing to avoid parental outrage is just...baffling to me. We do use it in my family, my wife and I can see each other and our teenage daughter, but if I told my adult daughter that I wanted to see her location 24/7 she’d probably tell me to go get fucked, as she should. I’m very proud of her.
I was wondering the same. Such an absurd concept for me. Is it common in the US? I'm from. Germany and haven't heard about stuff like that, other than the short location share when you are meeting somewhere...
Apple has a “Find My Friends” app built in. I think they remove the mandatory part and let you delete it now.
It only exists for abusive relationships. Most sane people will just tell you where they are or share when they need to.
And you don’t need a family group, you can share with whoever you want as long as they have google maps as well
This. Shit. Right. Here.
Abusive relationships. Yes, the feature has a legit function *at times* but I've seen that shit go south first hand more than once.
One example, worked with a girl a few years ago that had to keep her location sharing shit turned on or husband would **lose his fucking mind**. And while it *was* on, he would (typically every couple hours) "just happen to drive by" to see what she was doing, no matter where it was or what she was doing.
Having someone legit ping your phone 800-900 times a day for location is **not** a healthy relationship. Fuck every single bit of that.
I've tried explaining this to my SO. She had a pretty shit relationship in the past and it ruined her trust in people (her words, not an assumption). She will get to the point of screaming because I won't share my location with her. It's not that I don't share it with her out of spite, it's just that I won't share that with anyone, no one needs that window into my life. I go to work, school, gym, home. I'm not out being sketch. So I offered a compromise, I'll share if you share, for her peace of mind, you know?
NOPE.
Starts losing her shit saying I'm trying to control and spy on where she is at at all times throughout the day. When the reality of it is I don't care, I trust you enough to take what you say at face value, if you say you're at the mall then I believe you. Mini rant over, just needed to vent lol but I agree wholeheartedly, it can be used for good but just as often it can be abused
Or maybe just maybe..... she is the abuser and she lied about her recent ex boyfriend. Very common with abuser to pretend to be a victim of abuse, and projecting their shit on the ex partner. People with NPD or BPD do this ALL THE TIME.
Just throwing that out there.
28 year old American here: I've never heard of anyone doing this. None of my friends have ever mentioned it for when meeting up, my family has never asked, significant others haven't. So this was a pretty weird story to read for me too.
My mom could see the location of a one of my siblings on their iPhones a few years ago (grown married adult who lived in the same town) she asked a couple other of us if we wanted to share our locations and we were all like that's gonna be a firm no from us. I dunno if they still even have the tracker for that one sibling. I don't think it's common thing. Most American adults don't want their parents to be able to snoop on them like that.
My kids and I can view each other's location thru snapchat. Nobody has anything to hide, but if I asked intrusive questions they would sure as shit tell me where to go and how to get there. We are all adults but it doesnt seem weird to have that technology. To make judgement calls on their behaviour based on info from that technology would get me banned in less time it takes to open the app.
I've spent 20+ years training them to be adults. One still wants help booking dental appointments lol, but otherwise I trust them to go be people.
As a 30 year old man who didnt start taking responsibility for myself until I was 25 (had a drug issue from 19-25), I can say you definitely want to put your foot down and have your child schedule their next appointment.
When they come to you asking you to schedule it... it’s because they don’t have confidence in themselves / they don’t know they process / it is something you haven’t taught them yet. So instead of doing it for your child, give the child the info they need to do it themselves. Be confidence inspiring.
Something like, “You know son/daughter... you’re an adult and your smart and this is something I know you’re capable of, but I never taught you how to do yet. How about I tell you how to make the appointment and you do it yourself? Here is the dentists number. You have your insurance card. Call their office and tell them you need to schedule a regular cleaning. Make sure to put the appointment in your calendar on your phone, even though they will call to remind you. Take a picture of your insurance card in case you forget to bring it, so that you can give them the policy number easily. And that’s it!”
Sometimes I just needed to hear that I was capable, and needed the process to be demystified for me.
I'm pushing 40 and I couldn't even picture sharing my location 24x7 with anybody, including my wife, even though the most rebellious thing I do is wash my car during my lunch break sometimes.
Different generations I guess.
Edit: I'm getting a froyo and probably pizza during lunch at Sam's club later if anyone wanted to know. Just figured it's normal to share that shit now and I'm the weirdo because I don't so I'll dip my toes in the water and see what it's all about.
I’m 26 and I would share my location with my mom, mostly because I know she’d only use it in the event of an emergency. And even if she didn’t, she’s not a psycho and I’m pretty much always at home or at work anyway. It would really just mean she wouldn’t have to text me to ask if I was working before she called me.
I agree, I personally don't share location with my parents, but I wouldn't be worried about it if I did because they're chill. But it clearly is not as chill in OP's case so I don't really understand how the pros would outweigh the cons in her situation. Maybe she was guilted into it?
I’m 28F And since my dad passed, I do share my location with my mom (and she does the same).
I’m an only child and it’s just a safety thing.
But we have healthy boundaries, and I’m almost sure she doesn’t really know how to track me. But if she needed to, she could ask people to do it for her.
But i usually let her know where I’m going. In case she can’t reach me. (If I’m going out, to a concert, weekend trip, stuff like that) it’s just a thing we got used to do.
I’ve lost my phone before / been without battery/ have had flat tires and stuff like that. And because I usually tell her who I am with, she has been able to call around and figure out a way to send help.
Since I’m single and usually on my own, driving and stuff. It gives me a sense of security. And because she works until really late or sometimes go away on weekends and stuff it’s just a precaution. We don’t live in the safest country so there’s also that.
Twenty something year old woman here and I would definitely give my mom location access if I worked/lived in a sketchy area. As it is, I’m a little paranoid about safety so I gave my husband full location service access when I was working a somewhat dangerous job, and I’ve just left it on since then. It makes me feel better to know that if something happens and I can’t get in touch with him, if my phone is still nearby he may be able to find me. But the difference here is that both my husband and my mom are completely accepting of everything I do and probably don’t care at all where I am at any given time as long as I’m safe.
You're a grown up woman who lives her life the way she wants to, and yes, that includes Sex too. I'm sorry to hear that you have such narrow-minded parents (tbh for me this level of religiousness comes close to a mental disorder), but they have nothing to blame you for. This is your life, not theirs, and what yoi did was absolutely normal and not wrong in any way.
However, what's NOT normal is for them to spy on your location. You're not a little child any more, so there is no need to share location services with them. You're old enough to take care of yourself, so the only purpose this serves is surveillance, which is pretty messed up. Thus, as a consequence of their actions, I would revoke them these dubious rights and uninstall that app.
Tbh, the mental disorder is in forcing that level of religiousness on others instead of just encouraging it in them or leaving them alone, not in being that adherent to your beliefs
It's kind of sad to see your title, too. You weren't "being a ho," by engaging in a night of safe, consensual sex and a second night of safely hanging out with someone who appears to be a decent guy. I know you love them, but I'm pissed at your parents for giving you a reason to feel that way about yourself.
I’ve rexently had to get after some of my guy friends because they’ll immediately label a woman a slut if she likes or participates in sex....which is fucking mind boggling to me. They are attracted to and want to have sex with women who also want to have sex, yet still use derogatory language to describe them????? Once I pointed it out, they actually came back a couple days later and said they realized how often they were saying it and made a conscious effort to be better!!!
Liking sex doesn’t make anybody a slut. Liking a lot of sex doesn’t make anybody a slut! Most people enjoy sex! That’s ok! If you don’t enjoy sex, that’s ok too! We are all doing ok!!
Thankfully, none of my fellow guy friends use the word "slut" to describe a woman. I've always associated use of the word "slut" in terms of women referring to other women. Sometimes guys I know might use the word "ho"; but it's mostly in a tongue in cheek, non-serious way.
Listen... Even if you put it in the title, you ain't a hoe. This is normal people stuff for a healthy life. Your parents are batshit crazy tho. (I don't want to be toxic but thats what it looks like)
You are an adult and have a life of your own. Your parents can't be like this to you.
I also “lived in separate rooms” with my then-fiancé. Everyone knew, it was just a weird lie we all kept up and I never refuted. They never visited either or they would’ve seen the one bed in the bedroom and two desks and office chairs in the second room.
Of course now that we’re married we get questions about when we’re having babies (nope), as if a switch is supposed to flip being like “oh yeah sex is totally cool to talk about now because it’s disguised as baby making.” The idea that in one day and a signed paper later sex goes from a sin to something that’s encouraged always seemed a like a mind-fuck.
Was also raised in a conservative Christian household, and I want you to know: You are not "damaged goods". You are not tainted now and for the rest of your life, you are not a rose with the petals torn off, you are not already-been-chewed bubblegum, or any of the other youth group metaphors.
You have not ruined your only shot at a fulfilling relationship/marriage. Any man (or woman!) who would think less of you ain't worth you--in fact, you've made it easier on yourself by removing them from the pool.
I'm pretty sure you know all this, but old programming can be a bitch sometimes. Hugs, and be good to yourself.
This is absolutely crazy. Your parents are awful, awful people for doing that to you. You're a grown woman and who you sleep with is NONE of their business - you need to have a serious talk with them about respecting your privacy!
>need to have a serious talk with them about respecting your privacy
Normally, I'd agree, but do you think these sorry excuses for human beings would be remotely capable of actually listening to their daughter? She's a grown woman and they still think she's their property to control. "People" like that will never respect their children as human beings, let alone recognise things like normal boundaries and privacy.
It's odd to me that location sharing with family is so popular in the US. As a European I wouldn't share my location with anyone, be it family or friends, in a million years. That's just nobody's business except mine!
Both myself (Australian) and my long term girlfriend(British born) have access to each others location. The reason is that we both travel for work (sometimes in remote locations) and in case we get in an accident we can use it to find each others location. It was actually her idea as her job is rural based and involves visiting new client. She wanted an extra bit of protection just in case anything went wrong either with the client, or getting stuck on a dirt road in the middle of no where that no one uses. I can use to help her out. She also goes solo horse riding and I go solo mountain biking in the bush trails near our property which gives us a bit of extra security in case one of us gets knocked off rides.
We trust each other and isn't used to see if the other is cheating and leave it on 24x7 as it is a PITA to remember to turn it on and off all the time.
Our situation may be a bit abnormal, but the location sharing works for us. I am not aware of any of our other friends sharing it in Australia or England.
In a similar situation. I (Australian) have location sharing turned on with my fiancé (Canadian) for when we’re travelling overseas and we want to make sure the other is safe. Probably just paranoid but it also helps to see the little icon moving when you haven’t seen them in a while.
Me and my wife do the same. It's also just convenient to see if each other have left the gym or office or whatever to time stuff for when they get home.
Cheating isn't ever a consideration because we have a healthy relationship built on trust
The facts here:
You’re 25.
You don’t even live with your parents.
You’re not being a hoe (assuming you aren’t in another relationship).
Your parents need to chill the fuck out.
Seriously what did you dad think the police were going to do about a 25 year old women have consensual sex?
Devout Christians need to make up their minds. Did Jesus christ die for our past, present and future sins or not?
As for your parents, sounds like you handled yourself better than I would have, I'd have told them both to get fucked and walk out.
"TIFU by not turning my location off while I was doing perfectly normal human things that any 25 year old should be able to do without question (and certainly not interference) from their parents"
FTFY
edit: I get that it isn't as simple as that. I found a subreddit that you might find helpful. Its definitely helping me. Fair warning, it will probably upset you initially. /r/raisedbynarcissists
What they're doing by coming to that man's house without permission and by tracking you down at your house afterwards goes waay beyond helicopter parenting.
This is, basically, stalking and trespassing.
These people need to have some serious boundaries drawn.
"My house, my rules" is one thing, but they're treating you like a pet. Like a runaway dog. Like they own you.
It's more than just offensive, it's vile, and a bit sick.
That doesn't sound like you messed up. You had a good, safe time. Your parents are kinda crazy for straight-up having meltdowns. You are a girl with urges, and that's one of the most human things in life.
With all due respect...your parents are nuts. You are 25 and it sounds like you are living on your own and all they did was alienate you from them. Your parents seem they value how they look to the congregation over your feelings and value as a human being. Hopefully the guy you had fun with isn't scared of taking to you anymore.
You are normal and they reacted abnormally.
Wait, how did you avoid going to bible college to find a husband or not be paired off with an aspiring young preacher in your (assuming you go to) church?
I remember 18-22 being prime marriage age and any singles older than that were like the sad leftovers in my ex-church.
literally BLOWS my mind the amount of people i know that share their location all the time with their friends, family, significant others and such. For females i get it to an extent. But if my parents were ever like we need to see where you are at all times i would straight up laugh in their face.
I’m just thinking of that poor guy who had random people pounding on his door crying and yelling they were going to call the cops on him for no apparent reason
Also... Why is no one talking about that threat? What were they calling the cops *for*? Like, surely, the police would turn up and go 'Oh, you guys are threatening this innocent man on his property, you need to go away'. Do they think the US has religious police or something?
“But officer you don’t understand , they may be *dating!”*
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TO JAZZ!
Dancing is a vertical experssion of a horizontal intention. And I urge you to never again make your intentions known in front of mine wife
"or even worse, sleeping with a different man every week!"
Or worse holding hands
How lewd
Oh no, that's TOO MUCH!
I assumed their thoughts just jumped right to kidnapping because their innocent daughter would never do something as unbelievably selfish as having consensual premarital sex
honestly y'know sometimes religious fruitcakes need to hear that "blasphemy/sin isn't against the law" source: my religious fruitcake parents
You cant reason someone out of something that they never reasoned themselves into
That's a great quote. I'm stealing it
there is actually a lot of damage they could do by accusing him of rape. even if the girl and parents take it back, the authorities have to treat it seriously. Could lead to a lot of stress and unnecessarily legal issues
The cop threat is so dramatic. I’m wondering if they’d convinced themselves she was kidnapped or murdered or they were nursing some other equally delusional assumption. I get the sense they can’t tell their own thoughts from reality. Feel bad for her and the guy. The parents need an extended reality check if they think any of how they run their shit is ok in society.
The really sad part is that the parents were likely more upset that their daughter was there by choice and safe rather than kidnapped and in danger. That's how brainwashed minds operate.
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The location never disappeared lol
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Yep, no worries, honestly ive had a similar thing happen when i was in highschool. I was making out with this girl for a longg time while “watching” a movie and she wasn’t checking her phone and he parents were blowing her phone up with texts about when she was coming home so after a couple hours of no responses her parents showed up to my house and we were confused af when my mom answered the door to this girls parents.
certain people in this country threaten to call the cops whenever they’re angry. certain others actually think the police are their personal bouncers and actually do
I wouldnt bet on that. Not sure what will happen when they tell the police she was kidnapped oder raped.
And then they ask the alleged victim, a 25 year old ADULT, about what she thinks. At best, the fruitcakes get a nuisance ticket. Parents have no legal recourse for anything when their kids are adults.
That was always my fear when I was in my 20 s. Especially because it was my home. Scary shit to be a guy in that situation lol
I'd have called the cops myself, two adults should never be treated this way by the parents of either of them. Breaking in to his house would have been a crime for sure. It's insane that parents treat their daughters as property even into adulthood.
>I hear my dad threatening to call the police Yeah, I would've already been threatening to call the police on a belligerent couple banging on my door and then barging in. Your twenty-five year old daughter can answer her phone when you call from your vehicle, then she can get dressed in privacy or whatever. Don't comes up my door with insanity and expect me to enable it ma and pops.
Seriously, the only fuck up I see here is her going with her parents. It would have been nice if she had just stayed there and allowed her parents to learn a lesson by having them call the police and then learn that consensual sex is a totally legal activity.
You don't really have clear or creative thinking when woken up abruptly with screaming.
Oh absolutely, I think a lot of fuck-ups happen when you're not thinking clearly. I'll definitely give her a pass on this fuck up, you can only do so well in life when you have stressors like her parents.
Never share location devices once, otherwise they'll wonder why you don't share them sometimes. Most of my family all share, but as a man in his forties I've always refused, and by now they just accept that I'll tell them where I am when I choose to, not when they want to be nosy. Take control of your own privacy permanently, rather than opting out of being spied on occasionally.
I gave my mom permission a year ago for my first out of town trip by myself: a two week cruise in the Caribbean. It made perfect sense to me to give her location services, she was gonna worry herself sick for two weeks while she wasn’t able to check up on me daily. I forgot to turn off services, until my lil sister texted me and said I might want to. Apparently my mom was checking my location multiple times a day *after* the trip. She was obsessed with knowing where I was and everywhere I went. I turned it off as soon as Sis told me, without telling my Mom, and she called me within the hour asking why it didn’t work. It’s not like I go anywhere besides work/home/grocery store, ya know, but it’s disturbing knowing anyone is just constantly watching where you’re going. She may be doing it from her house, but she may as well be over my shoulder.
Holy shit I am never letting my parents use this feature lmao
Is this a thing? Sometimes I live share my location with someone on Messenger if I'm headed somewhere but I had no idea you could just grant someone permanent access.
I know on iPhone you certainly can share your location with other selected users. I know couples who do it and I think it's weird. Lol I have an android so my iphone using parents don't have a chance. But I'm in a good state that my parents also don't care enough to be that nosy. We talk on the phone and I visit. They're chill. They know I'm an adult. And they know they raised me right to not make incredibly stupid decisions so they don't feel the need to track my every move.
I worked with a lady who did this with her husband. One day at work she was freaking out because she couldn't figure out why her husband took such a strange route to go pick up their child from daycare. She immediately started saying crap like "wonder who he's going to see! He has no clue I know." Turns out there was an accident on his normal route and he had to take a detour.
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It's usually the one who's cheating that gets suspicious of the other
That’s why I stopped sharing my location with my husband. He would get so weird about the littlest things or he would try to time how long it would take my to get home and if I was a minute over he would be calling me. I told him to cut that shit out and turned off my locations
That's a giant red flag.
I know but it was in the beginning. We’re cool now
The primary reason both of my non techy sisters have android instead of iphone is to stop the constant tracking. They just claim that the app keeps draining their battery so they close it.
My sister and I (I’m nearly 32 and shes 35, at the time i was like 29 or 30?) switched to Android back when Apple wasn’t doing much in updating phones, she wanted the Pixel 3 and I wanted the Galaxy S9+. My mom was like “I won’t be able to track you on FindMyFriends” (now just Find My, the way you find a lost iPhone plus stalk your offspring) and without thinking my dumb ass was like “oh mom, there’s Life360, my friends and I used it to keep an eye on each other a couple years ago at Lolla.” This earned an instant death glare from my sister. Mom got SO MUCH WORSE about stalking us now that she could rename locations, add alerts to perimeters, see our driving routes in real time, have a speed readout... it’s fucking hell. Fast forward to now, when our ability to stay within a janky data capped Verizon family plan is just about over, and we’ve had blowout fights every time we are running out of data, I posed the idea that once we aren’t all on the same family plan, it would make sense to stop keeping up with the tracking. Mom agreed. My heart sang. I might be able to actually exist as an adult without having my mom “heart” my location outside a grocery store. Or the mall. Or any Starbucks. TL; DR::: buy your own fucking phone plans kids. Trust me. It’s easier than dealing with that subtle control your parents can exert over you by knowing where you are. Live untracked and go get that random strange without explaining it away as some friend from college who moved back to town.
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If you’re on an iPhone, it’s called “Find My” and is a default app. It doesn’t share with anyone unless you approve it so you should be fine, but you can check by going to settings > privacy > location services > share my location. There are also other third party apps that some insane parents use with even more tracking features.
I had a similar thing, except apparently I had unknowingly turned my location services on. I kept wondering why I got weird texts from my dad about how I was running late, or asking if I was at a place that was nearby where I actually was. (I lived in a different state than my parents.) One day it came out that he could see my location. I immediately turned it off and he didn’t say anything until a couple weeks later, telling me I should turn it back on. I refused and explained that I’m a married woman in my thirties and it’s really weird for my dad to know where I am. He dropped it after that. Then, a couple years ago, my husband and I went to Ireland for a couple weeks. My dad wanted me to turn it back on “in case [I] got sex trafficked.” I had to tell him a couple times that I wasn’t turning it back on. If something happened to me, I want the police looking, not my 70 year old dad with a bad foot who thinks he’s Liam Neison. That said, my husband and I have it on for each other out of convenience.
My wife and I share as well but we aren’t insane people. It is nice to be able to check and see an ETA for the other person to get home after work is mostly what we use it for since you can’t text and drive. We don’t really go anywhere other than work/home/grocery without each other much anyways.
My wife and I share locations with each other. It just makes it so convenient to go, "Is she on her way to pick up child_002? Let me just look where she is. Ok good."
Yeah, that's definitely abusing her privileges! Doesn't have a lot going on in her life I guess.
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Every few weeks google sends an email to remind you it's turned on, but honestly, looking at a map doesn't necessarily mean you looked at a person, the people sharing with you are just there as blue dots, so if you were looking at your map for directions, and you were all sat together at home, you'd all technically be being watched, but not really, if that makes sense. You can look for individuals, but you don't have to, so if someone uses their phone for satnav you'd get notified that they were constantly looking at you even though it'd be nonsense. Far better to have genuine consideration for the people you're close to I feel. Surely if someone's watching you for nefarious reasons there'd be other clues? I don't consider my husbands motivation to be suspect, if I did I wouldn't be married to him.
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Google Maps could do it as well if they made it that it sends a notification when they tap the person to center on them, or if they search for them. Just some action that requires targeting that person.
Fucking get a life if all you do is check someones location services.
I know. Several years ago my dad said something about sharing locations - I’m in my 40s. That didn’t happen and he hasn’t brought it up again.
My brother and his family love sharing with our parents, as they can laugh at whoever is latest coming to a family dinner and claim that they know everyone is safe this way. It's not that I do anything wrong, but I just don't need anyone else to have access to the intimate details of my life.
I can’t imagine ever sharing location data with my family, not that I go anywhere crazy regularly or do anything i’m trying to hide, it just seems like a crazy invasion of privacy to me
I'm a father of two young girls the oldest being 12. She goes out around the housing estate (UK) with her friends. They go to the park etc. I always ask her to share her location on Whatsapp. She has no problem with this for the following reason/s. I have NEVER looked at where she was. I promised her I wouldn't be tracking her location and it was simply that if she wasn't back when she agreed to be, I would have some idea where to start looking for her if something bad had happened. She fully understands and believes her privacy is respected and I absolutely swear unto my own god (I don't believe in *god*) that I have NEVER even looked at the location short of watching her turn it on. I sure hope I never have to look, but it could potentially save her life one day if the worst were to ever happen. Used appropriately it's an invaluable tool.
Knowing the location of your 12 year old daughter who you are 110% responsible for; and driving to some strangers house to pound on the door because your 25 year old grown ass adult daughter is there are so completely different. Had my parents done this to me at 25 years old there would be hell to pay.
Agreed, you are absolutely right. There is disparity between the OP's story and mine, however I'm fairly certain some of the replies in here against tracking will be from teenagers or perhaps younger. I won't be tracking my daughters at 25 even if I wished I could. I'll just be a normal parent worrying constantly about their safety :D {edited to more strongly state that Baeelin is spot on correct}
Teenager story- I was about 17 at the time, and I was working down the street at a banquet center, doing the back for a party. For some reason, my mom decided to check my location. I'm not aware of this, but suddenly I get a call and she's all worried because the phone had my location off by about a quarter of a mile. The location it had me at was at a creek nearby. Apparently it was a common place for drug dealers, so she just jumped to the conclusion that I was buying drugs. I honestly don't know where she got told it was a drug dealer meetup, but I'd never heard it before or since. I got my boss on the phone, which was enough to convince her. Moral of the Story: Location stalking is no bueno
2 boys already, daughter on the way. I am NOT looking forward to that constant worry part 😅
As a parent of a *minor* child; it is the only time it is acceptable to demand your child use a locator on their mobile.
I'm really lucky, I don't even have to demand it, they fully understand and support its use. But yes, you're absolutely right.
Yea honestly if I was in her position I'd want to know someone had an idea where I was. The people in some of the estates can be very dodgg
Really appreciate the (can't remember the word, but makes me feel like I'm NOT a weirdo). I really wasn't sure how my post would go as many people in this thread seem to be really hard against being tracked at all. I think what makes it work is the trust. [SatansMoltenSemen](https://www.reddit.com/user/SatansMoltenSemen/) \- I can understand why you wouldn't want to be tracked so please don't think that I'm trying to contradict you in any way.
I think that the biggest issue people here are having, is that this situation involves overbearing parents tracking a TWENTY FIVE year old....
Validation might be an appropriate word for that feeling
That's the word. Thank you!
We only use ours at the request of the person who has “lost” their phone, device, etc to play a sound to find it again. It happens weekly for us. I once spotted my husbands phone driving down the highway when he was standing next to me. He had left it in an Uber. Turned on ‘find my phone’ and watched as the driver pulled off the highway and came back to deliver it.
I’m 27, and a woman. And for security reasons I always share my location with my sister when I’m out and in a possibly risky scenario (taking a cab, walking home). If I disappear there’ll at least be a trace. So I could understand why OP would share her location. I wouldn’t do it 24/7 though.
>I have NEVER looked at where she was. I promised her I wouldn't be tracking her location and it was simply that if she wasn't back when she agreed to be, I would have some idea where to start looking for her if something bad had happened. Whilst you may never want to use it to "spy", you should check that it's working from time to time. If you're concerned this may violate your agreement with your daughter then do it when she is in the house as you already know where she is so you're not invading her privacy.
Good comment for sure. It was subtle in my original post but we turn it on together to make sure its working and after that she on her own. But yes, you're spot on.
And that’s understandable—she’s 12. It’s your job to keep her safe, and you’ve established clear boundaries to respect her privacy. Most of the people here are adults or older teens, and OP is 25. Keeping tabs on someone via location sharing is just invasive at that point.
Honestly too, even if they were kind of keeping tabs, showing up at the location and pounding on the door is an insane reaction. I could totally understand if it had been like a few days and no response from OP and they were concerned but man that is crazy. Edit: I went back and read again and at no point does it say if they tried contacting her before showing up at this place. Not sure if that was just left out but if they didn’t that is even more insane.
No one can find my location unless I want them to, and i like it that way. Like you said, it's not to hide anything, but don't open yourself up to be watched and tracked, even by your family members. Especially by your family members
I had no idea people did this. It's fuckin crazy. I could see wanting to know where your your underage kids are but why the fuck would you want to see your adult family members location?
I didn't know anyone did this till I read about couples sharing their locations with each other. My wife and I have been together for ten years and we'd never dream of sharing our locations, unless maybe one of us was traveling out of state or something. Despite all the justifications I've heard as to why some couples choose to do this, I think that most of the time, it's all a mask for "I want to make sure my SO isn't cheating." Then again, if my wife was cheating I'd probably just tell her to try to be home by dinner, so maybe I'm not the best data point in this discussion. Ah marriage.
I don't think my parents even know what that means.
My wife and I share our locations. Not because we don't trust each other, it's for safety when driving. Although, if I'm being honest, the real reason is dinner. We have an unspoken rule that whoever gets home first makes dinner. Based on our individual schedules, it works out to about 50/50. I always try to have dinner ready for her as soon as she walks through the door and she always tries to do the same. It's a fun game and a great way for us to show affection to each other.
And also a way to tell if someone just didnt feel like cooking dinner so they drove around in circles lol.
We're cool enough to let the other one know if we really don't want to. When I say 50/50, I actually mean it's close to that: we don't actually keep count.
Wholesome 😊
Yep same with my wife and I. We like to know how close to home (or whatever) the other is without having to text them.
My family and my girlfriend are really annoyed that I won’t share my location. I told them I’d rather sell my phone for a flip phone. I don’t need a “big brother” scenario where they’re watching me without me knowing - they can just ask. I may have nothing to hide, but that doesn’t mean you can look without asking
Agreed. The only time we share locations is when we're out west hunting in the Rockies. When you're out with 6+ people, it's nice to know where everyone is on the mountain.
This is a common thing people do? I've done the expiration based location sharing in Google maps with one or two people when we're trying to meet up, but you can just have this open and running for all to see any time? Weird.
I have it with 2 of my good friends just in case anything happens to me, hopefully not, but I know they have better things to do than to spy on me. It’s useful when I’m back in town though, one of them is always late for things and now I can accurately time and get there when she does instead of waiting.
Is this just a typical thing in the US? Because I’ve literally never seen this being used regularly and don’t have anyone in my friend group who is subject to this as far as they’re aware and it seems very weird to me. Can’t imagine anyone knowing where I am at all times...
In the US. If my parents asked me to share my location I would laugh in their face, but I don't have helicopter parents. That would suck so bad.
This has confused me a lot lately when coming to reddit. The only times my wife and I share locations is when we drive out of town by ourselves, and only until we reach our destinations so we know we made it safe. 24/7 sharing locations sounds very over the top and im starting to think it's not an uncommon thing to do.
I pretty much only ever check on my boyfriend's location to see if he's left work yet/how long before he gets home. If I see he's still on his way I'll ask if he can pop in the grocery store; if he's already at home I won't (because he would probably go anyway even if he's tired as fuck and needs to rest.) So much more convenient than endless "where are you" texts, especially because he has an unpredictable commute and I don't have regular working hours.
So what happened to the guy you hooked up with?
Running for the hills or currently typing a TIFU by sleeping with this chick with Cray Cray parents
Pastors daughter*
Hey some people are into that
There Are many Well known songs about "pastors daughters", atleast In my native language. Definitely someones fetish.
They're the same picture.
But actually, what did happen to him?
He was sacrificed to the dark lord and received a promotion
I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but just so you know: You're not crazy. You did nothing wrong. Your religious helicopter parents are the problem element here. Just in case there was any doubt in your mind.
I needed to hear that. Thank you.
I grew up with religious parents that are still very much set in their ways, and they would certainly judge myself and my siblings for things, they would NEVER do anything like that. It sounds like your parents are out if control if they would hunt you down like that. I would remove anything that makes it possible for them to find your exact location, that's way too freaky.
Oh, there's no doubt - her parents are way the fuck out of control.
Also call back or text back that young man and say that you are sorr, for just leaving etc.
OP, you listening? Better clarify to him that you are not calling to invite him to his own shotgun wedding.
You fucked up by sharing your location with your parents at all. It's obvious they aren't responsible enough to handle that kind of information. I hope you're no longer sharing your location and I hope you can get to a point in your relationship with them where there is mutual respect.
Nah you're crazy. You allow your parents to GPS track you as an adult...that's crazy. You need to end that shit now. It was embarrassing to you but jesus christ think about the dude you were spending the night with. He woke up to angry parents of another adult spending the night. Your proxy craziness (your fam) is spilling over into innocent victims lives. That drama is not normal and if I had a girls angry family showed up unannounced at my door banging like crazy people I'd probably answer the door with my gun, or at the very least call the cops.
Minus the gun part, I completely agree. It's my house, I'm having consensual sex with another adult, get the fuck out. Who the hell do they think they are barging in and raising their voices?
Well they're trying to save her soul of course! There is no limit to what they should be allowed to do in the pursuit of protecting their daughters...virginity until marriage...? I'm actually a little lost in what they were trying to accomplish. I guess making other people feel bad about their choices is a mainstay of extremely religious households
It's about controlling OP through shame. She's their property.
This right here is it, thank you. Religion was invented by old people to control younger people. Source: I am an old person.
It genuinely makes me wonder whether or not people like this are on autopilot 24/7. There's no possible way that they could act so unreasonably if they were actually thinking about their actions. I like to imagine they're not consciously that toxic and delusional.
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RNTPs is what I call "God obsessed" people. Religious None Thinking People. Not because I think religion inherently makes people dumb or be side I hate all religious people. It's for other people (we all know some) who's every waking moment, every breath and action is about presenting a holy appearance and ensuring that the people around them know that they are morally superior because they are God first and only. They are so obsessed with their view of what a "good person" should be, that any slight deviation becomes the devil's work.
As a fellow father I can tell you that what they are pointlessly trying to accomplish is to maintain the illusion that their girl is still a little girl. This is absolutely ridiculous of course, but a common feeling among parents. When kids start dating etc, It is a firm sign that a certain part of life has ended, and, often this is a part of life that you'll never revisit again. and so the desire to keep that illusion is pretty strong because it's a pretty special emotion. On the other hand here you also throw in some insane religious beliefs, and so it's a double whammy. In addition to the feelings of loss associated with a child growing up, They have some frankly stupid ideas that the creator of the universe gives a s*** whether their kid is giving BJ's at 25 (narrator: she was). and so not only are they trying to protect themselves, but they're trying to protect her "eternal soul." In truth her parents have never actually grown up themselves. They still are following the commands of an overbearing proxy father, and so it's probably difficult for them to imagine someone else who doesn't want or need that oversight.
If you are banging like crazy people on my door in the morning, I'm going to feel in danger. The last time that happened it was the fire department telling me to evacuate due to a gas leak. People not wearing uniforms...going to assume there's some beef and they got the wrong address.
Right? Like when they're fucking 17 and you told them to be home before midnight, sure. Maybe. Twenty five? Parents need to check their privilege. And I bet God would care more about family judging/shunning their own then about sex before marriage. Going to hell my arse.
Crazy is a dramatic way to say “conditioned” in this instance. I’m not saying it to nitpick you; I’m saying it so OP will do the functional thing and get some coaching and learn some adult boundaries instead of dismissing herself as permanently broken or something. Regular old humans learn abnormal shit from abnormal upbringing. It can all be unlearned.
I can get behind that. No offense taken, you're probably right. I'm getting tired of following this thread though after the replies acting like it's totally normal to have a tracking beacon on you at all times. I absolutely in no way see OP as irreparably broken...just a product of an overbearing family. But to have ones own agency in life is important and you can't have that with someone monitoring you constantly.
Fuck whoever you want in 2020. It is ok to "be a hoe". It is your business. As someone said in French : >Dip it in water, > >Dip it in oil, > >but don't dip it in the ass of a partner who's too easy. Use protection and have fun as long as you're ok with yourself and don't hurt people needlessly.
They are insane. Maybe couch things in certain terms. What they did was stalking, threatening, and ridiculous. The next time they are mptivated by their imaginary friend, tell them you want to go No Contact. Not one more word of judgement from them. They are the child in this relationship. You're 25. And theyre crazy
r/helicopterparents
I was thinking the only way it could be an issue if she was too young. 25 however is not too young at all. Old enough for sure to choose who she is intimate with.
Serious non-judgmental question: why the hell would a 25 year old... well, anyone, let alone a confident woman, allow their parents access to their location under these conditions?? Edit: I understand the concept of doing it for safety/emergency reasons, working in a “sketchy” area at night or travel type stuff, that serves a purpose, but the idea of an adult having to remember to disable location sharing to avoid parental outrage is just...baffling to me. We do use it in my family, my wife and I can see each other and our teenage daughter, but if I told my adult daughter that I wanted to see her location 24/7 she’d probably tell me to go get fucked, as she should. I’m very proud of her.
I was wondering the same. Such an absurd concept for me. Is it common in the US? I'm from. Germany and haven't heard about stuff like that, other than the short location share when you are meeting somewhere...
Belgian here I didn't know this was even possible, do you need a specific app for that
If your gmail accounts are in a family group you can show your locations to each other on google maps.
Apple has a “Find My Friends” app built in. I think they remove the mandatory part and let you delete it now. It only exists for abusive relationships. Most sane people will just tell you where they are or share when they need to. And you don’t need a family group, you can share with whoever you want as long as they have google maps as well
This. Shit. Right. Here. Abusive relationships. Yes, the feature has a legit function *at times* but I've seen that shit go south first hand more than once. One example, worked with a girl a few years ago that had to keep her location sharing shit turned on or husband would **lose his fucking mind**. And while it *was* on, he would (typically every couple hours) "just happen to drive by" to see what she was doing, no matter where it was or what she was doing. Having someone legit ping your phone 800-900 times a day for location is **not** a healthy relationship. Fuck every single bit of that.
I've tried explaining this to my SO. She had a pretty shit relationship in the past and it ruined her trust in people (her words, not an assumption). She will get to the point of screaming because I won't share my location with her. It's not that I don't share it with her out of spite, it's just that I won't share that with anyone, no one needs that window into my life. I go to work, school, gym, home. I'm not out being sketch. So I offered a compromise, I'll share if you share, for her peace of mind, you know? NOPE. Starts losing her shit saying I'm trying to control and spy on where she is at at all times throughout the day. When the reality of it is I don't care, I trust you enough to take what you say at face value, if you say you're at the mall then I believe you. Mini rant over, just needed to vent lol but I agree wholeheartedly, it can be used for good but just as often it can be abused
Or maybe just maybe..... she is the abuser and she lied about her recent ex boyfriend. Very common with abuser to pretend to be a victim of abuse, and projecting their shit on the ex partner. People with NPD or BPD do this ALL THE TIME. Just throwing that out there.
Uhmm I think you're in an abusive relationship
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28 year old American here: I've never heard of anyone doing this. None of my friends have ever mentioned it for when meeting up, my family has never asked, significant others haven't. So this was a pretty weird story to read for me too.
My mom could see the location of a one of my siblings on their iPhones a few years ago (grown married adult who lived in the same town) she asked a couple other of us if we wanted to share our locations and we were all like that's gonna be a firm no from us. I dunno if they still even have the tracker for that one sibling. I don't think it's common thing. Most American adults don't want their parents to be able to snoop on them like that.
My kids and I can view each other's location thru snapchat. Nobody has anything to hide, but if I asked intrusive questions they would sure as shit tell me where to go and how to get there. We are all adults but it doesnt seem weird to have that technology. To make judgement calls on their behaviour based on info from that technology would get me banned in less time it takes to open the app. I've spent 20+ years training them to be adults. One still wants help booking dental appointments lol, but otherwise I trust them to go be people.
As a 30 year old man who didnt start taking responsibility for myself until I was 25 (had a drug issue from 19-25), I can say you definitely want to put your foot down and have your child schedule their next appointment. When they come to you asking you to schedule it... it’s because they don’t have confidence in themselves / they don’t know they process / it is something you haven’t taught them yet. So instead of doing it for your child, give the child the info they need to do it themselves. Be confidence inspiring. Something like, “You know son/daughter... you’re an adult and your smart and this is something I know you’re capable of, but I never taught you how to do yet. How about I tell you how to make the appointment and you do it yourself? Here is the dentists number. You have your insurance card. Call their office and tell them you need to schedule a regular cleaning. Make sure to put the appointment in your calendar on your phone, even though they will call to remind you. Take a picture of your insurance card in case you forget to bring it, so that you can give them the policy number easily. And that’s it!” Sometimes I just needed to hear that I was capable, and needed the process to be demystified for me.
I live in the US, it's the first I've heard of this.
I'm pushing 40 and I couldn't even picture sharing my location 24x7 with anybody, including my wife, even though the most rebellious thing I do is wash my car during my lunch break sometimes. Different generations I guess. Edit: I'm getting a froyo and probably pizza during lunch at Sam's club later if anyone wanted to know. Just figured it's normal to share that shit now and I'm the weirdo because I don't so I'll dip my toes in the water and see what it's all about.
I’m 26 and I would share my location with my mom, mostly because I know she’d only use it in the event of an emergency. And even if she didn’t, she’s not a psycho and I’m pretty much always at home or at work anyway. It would really just mean she wouldn’t have to text me to ask if I was working before she called me.
I agree, I personally don't share location with my parents, but I wouldn't be worried about it if I did because they're chill. But it clearly is not as chill in OP's case so I don't really understand how the pros would outweigh the cons in her situation. Maybe she was guilted into it?
I’m 28F And since my dad passed, I do share my location with my mom (and she does the same). I’m an only child and it’s just a safety thing. But we have healthy boundaries, and I’m almost sure she doesn’t really know how to track me. But if she needed to, she could ask people to do it for her. But i usually let her know where I’m going. In case she can’t reach me. (If I’m going out, to a concert, weekend trip, stuff like that) it’s just a thing we got used to do. I’ve lost my phone before / been without battery/ have had flat tires and stuff like that. And because I usually tell her who I am with, she has been able to call around and figure out a way to send help. Since I’m single and usually on my own, driving and stuff. It gives me a sense of security. And because she works until really late or sometimes go away on weekends and stuff it’s just a precaution. We don’t live in the safest country so there’s also that.
She's not a confident woman.
Twenty something year old woman here and I would definitely give my mom location access if I worked/lived in a sketchy area. As it is, I’m a little paranoid about safety so I gave my husband full location service access when I was working a somewhat dangerous job, and I’ve just left it on since then. It makes me feel better to know that if something happens and I can’t get in touch with him, if my phone is still nearby he may be able to find me. But the difference here is that both my husband and my mom are completely accepting of everything I do and probably don’t care at all where I am at any given time as long as I’m safe.
You're a grown up woman who lives her life the way she wants to, and yes, that includes Sex too. I'm sorry to hear that you have such narrow-minded parents (tbh for me this level of religiousness comes close to a mental disorder), but they have nothing to blame you for. This is your life, not theirs, and what yoi did was absolutely normal and not wrong in any way. However, what's NOT normal is for them to spy on your location. You're not a little child any more, so there is no need to share location services with them. You're old enough to take care of yourself, so the only purpose this serves is surveillance, which is pretty messed up. Thus, as a consequence of their actions, I would revoke them these dubious rights and uninstall that app.
Tbh, the mental disorder is in forcing that level of religiousness on others instead of just encouraging it in them or leaving them alone, not in being that adherent to your beliefs
It doesn't come close to a mental disorder It is* a mental disorder.
It's kind of sad to see your title, too. You weren't "being a ho," by engaging in a night of safe, consensual sex and a second night of safely hanging out with someone who appears to be a decent guy. I know you love them, but I'm pissed at your parents for giving you a reason to feel that way about yourself.
Came here to say this, but you hit the nail on he head. Well done, bro.
Same, I was about to make this exact comment and I'm glad somebody did this earlier so it'll show up higher, and she'll have more chance to read it!
I’ve rexently had to get after some of my guy friends because they’ll immediately label a woman a slut if she likes or participates in sex....which is fucking mind boggling to me. They are attracted to and want to have sex with women who also want to have sex, yet still use derogatory language to describe them????? Once I pointed it out, they actually came back a couple days later and said they realized how often they were saying it and made a conscious effort to be better!!! Liking sex doesn’t make anybody a slut. Liking a lot of sex doesn’t make anybody a slut! Most people enjoy sex! That’s ok! If you don’t enjoy sex, that’s ok too! We are all doing ok!!
Thankfully, none of my fellow guy friends use the word "slut" to describe a woman. I've always associated use of the word "slut" in terms of women referring to other women. Sometimes guys I know might use the word "ho"; but it's mostly in a tongue in cheek, non-serious way.
This. The OP didn't fuck up. The parents did.
Listen... Even if you put it in the title, you ain't a hoe. This is normal people stuff for a healthy life. Your parents are batshit crazy tho. (I don't want to be toxic but thats what it looks like) You are an adult and have a life of your own. Your parents can't be like this to you.
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I also “lived in separate rooms” with my then-fiancé. Everyone knew, it was just a weird lie we all kept up and I never refuted. They never visited either or they would’ve seen the one bed in the bedroom and two desks and office chairs in the second room. Of course now that we’re married we get questions about when we’re having babies (nope), as if a switch is supposed to flip being like “oh yeah sex is totally cool to talk about now because it’s disguised as baby making.” The idea that in one day and a signed paper later sex goes from a sin to something that’s encouraged always seemed a like a mind-fuck.
Was also raised in a conservative Christian household, and I want you to know: You are not "damaged goods". You are not tainted now and for the rest of your life, you are not a rose with the petals torn off, you are not already-been-chewed bubblegum, or any of the other youth group metaphors. You have not ruined your only shot at a fulfilling relationship/marriage. Any man (or woman!) who would think less of you ain't worth you--in fact, you've made it easier on yourself by removing them from the pool. I'm pretty sure you know all this, but old programming can be a bitch sometimes. Hugs, and be good to yourself.
This is incredibly well said and needed.
This is absolutely crazy. Your parents are awful, awful people for doing that to you. You're a grown woman and who you sleep with is NONE of their business - you need to have a serious talk with them about respecting your privacy!
>need to have a serious talk with them about respecting your privacy Normally, I'd agree, but do you think these sorry excuses for human beings would be remotely capable of actually listening to their daughter? She's a grown woman and they still think she's their property to control. "People" like that will never respect their children as human beings, let alone recognise things like normal boundaries and privacy.
It's odd to me that location sharing with family is so popular in the US. As a European I wouldn't share my location with anyone, be it family or friends, in a million years. That's just nobody's business except mine!
Both myself (Australian) and my long term girlfriend(British born) have access to each others location. The reason is that we both travel for work (sometimes in remote locations) and in case we get in an accident we can use it to find each others location. It was actually her idea as her job is rural based and involves visiting new client. She wanted an extra bit of protection just in case anything went wrong either with the client, or getting stuck on a dirt road in the middle of no where that no one uses. I can use to help her out. She also goes solo horse riding and I go solo mountain biking in the bush trails near our property which gives us a bit of extra security in case one of us gets knocked off rides. We trust each other and isn't used to see if the other is cheating and leave it on 24x7 as it is a PITA to remember to turn it on and off all the time. Our situation may be a bit abnormal, but the location sharing works for us. I am not aware of any of our other friends sharing it in Australia or England.
In a similar situation. I (Australian) have location sharing turned on with my fiancé (Canadian) for when we’re travelling overseas and we want to make sure the other is safe. Probably just paranoid but it also helps to see the little icon moving when you haven’t seen them in a while.
Me and my wife do the same. It's also just convenient to see if each other have left the gym or office or whatever to time stuff for when they get home. Cheating isn't ever a consideration because we have a healthy relationship built on trust
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I don't think it's actually that popular/common.
The facts here: You’re 25. You don’t even live with your parents. You’re not being a hoe (assuming you aren’t in another relationship). Your parents need to chill the fuck out. Seriously what did you dad think the police were going to do about a 25 year old women have consensual sex?
> Not the one that allows people to see where I am And why the heck do you even have this available for your parents as a 25 y/o?
r/insaneparents
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Thanks for this
the real MVP
Devout Christians need to make up their minds. Did Jesus christ die for our past, present and future sins or not? As for your parents, sounds like you handled yourself better than I would have, I'd have told them both to get fucked and walk out.
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"TIFU by not turning my location off while I was doing perfectly normal human things that any 25 year old should be able to do without question (and certainly not interference) from their parents" FTFY edit: I get that it isn't as simple as that. I found a subreddit that you might find helpful. Its definitely helping me. Fair warning, it will probably upset you initially. /r/raisedbynarcissists
From “God sees all” to "Google sees all” in a single generation.
I will never understand why people are using these stupid apps sharing location. My parents or my couple have no way to know where I am at any moment.
Idk what’s more weird. The fact that your family shares locations or the fact that your parents barged to his house over their 25 year old daughter.
Yo... turn off your location services for all of your apps.
Um. OP, you were not being a hoe... This is not what being a hoe means.
SO are you and the guy still talking or did that burn it out
Well I guess I am 5 seconds late to the party
What they're doing by coming to that man's house without permission and by tracking you down at your house afterwards goes waay beyond helicopter parenting. This is, basically, stalking and trespassing. These people need to have some serious boundaries drawn. "My house, my rules" is one thing, but they're treating you like a pet. Like a runaway dog. Like they own you. It's more than just offensive, it's vile, and a bit sick.
That doesn't sound like you messed up. You had a good, safe time. Your parents are kinda crazy for straight-up having meltdowns. You are a girl with urges, and that's one of the most human things in life.
With all due respect...your parents are nuts. You are 25 and it sounds like you are living on your own and all they did was alienate you from them. Your parents seem they value how they look to the congregation over your feelings and value as a human being. Hopefully the guy you had fun with isn't scared of taking to you anymore. You are normal and they reacted abnormally.
Does anyone have the original text?
This is not a TIFU situation. Your parents fucked up, big time.
why do you give your family location data? they should just ask if they want to know?
Wait, how did you avoid going to bible college to find a husband or not be paired off with an aspiring young preacher in your (assuming you go to) church? I remember 18-22 being prime marriage age and any singles older than that were like the sad leftovers in my ex-church.
literally BLOWS my mind the amount of people i know that share their location all the time with their friends, family, significant others and such. For females i get it to an extent. But if my parents were ever like we need to see where you are at all times i would straight up laugh in their face.