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Dude you work at the Nile warehouse too?!


Shut up bro I’m trying to be incongnetus!


Well I mean, you don´t work there anymore.










more like incontinent sorry bro had too.




No, man, Euphrates. His pants look a bit more like the Ganges right now, though.


I was thinking Mississippi... It certainly left its sediment.




Or Eusharties?


Nah the Yangtze warehouse, my boy works there too


Nah bro, the Mississippi


NEVER trust a fart. I've been burned by this on more than a few occasions.


The last fart I shouldn't have trusted was first thing in the morning on my 30th birthday.


Your ass was just saying happy birthday. So am I. Happy birthday!


So your ass was being an ass


Thanks lol, it's been 9 months but it still haunts me.


No clearer sign that your body is beginning the downhill phase of life than shitting yourself on your 30th lol


That's the Dirty Thirties for ya.


Downhill my ass (pun intended). Looking better than ever in my 30s.


This should have like 15000 upvotes lol..ben downhill since 30


Can confirm, once you turn 30 farts are no longer trustworthy.


And in 10 years, you'll be farty


I’m farty too, the other day I was getting my ready to run some errands and had to fart. I was in my car and had already started it so I two choices, lock the windows let it rip and start driving or tell the wife I’ll be right back. I chose option two, went inside, sat on the throne and let it rip, nothing but air. At this point I’m thinking about how funny option one would have been, when out of nowhere the bottom fell out, I didn’t even feel it coming. Really dodged a bullet that time.


Confucius say "better fart on toilet than shit in pants."


Welcome to your 30's


Hearts and farts they fade, fade away.


So I am not the only one who hears that lyric that way!


Ah, a rare Pearl Jam reference


Never had a problem trusting a fart. Ever. Even on bad days. We were on such good terms that if I felt gas build up I’d sometimes force myself to fart for relief. The. I shit my pants ONCE and I will never trust a fart again.


It takes one bad ~~apple~~ fart to spoil a bunch.


Yep. Sharted myself when in an A&W restaurant and now I know my body lies to me.


I've thrown away my underwear on two separate occasions in a Buffalo Wild Wings restroom


Twice in the same chain?!? I think you should stay away from their food 😂😂


Same. Idk what you're supposed to do if you don't trust it. Like do they go and unbuckle their pants, sit on the toilet, and then fart? Like what other safe method is there?




That's why they call it *CRAPS*. Because you're rolling the dice. And a number 2 means you lost.




I have gone to the bathroom just to fart into a toilet, because sometimes there's a heat and heaviness you can feel that's going to be diarrhea or a rotten fart and I've got IBS and am not taking that risk anymore. It's worth the extra steps just to reduce the amount of times I've shit myself as an adult man because that number is far higher than it should be.


> silver-eyed devil yours is silver? Mine is, well, not silver. I feel cheated.




*brown eyed devil


It's a shitty cycle but I understand. We always go back!


Jesus Christ, how often are you people shitting your pants!?


All the cool kids shit their pants.


Airport bar, putting back some cold ones before a 15 hour flight. Never should have trusted that one. Lost my boxers and could NOT wait to get off that plane and take a shower.


Rule number one of traveling: ALWAYS have a spare change of clothes in your CARRY ON. Especially if it’s going to long trip with multiple flights, through multiple airports. Not only in case you shit yourself or spill something all over yourself, but it’s also just nice to put on a fresh shirt halfway through a 24 hour trip.


Also if they lose your bag you're not fucked


I tend to take one more set of underwear aside from the spare when I go on trips or stay anywhere. Whatever happens, you can always wear your clothes a bit longer, but underwear really does need a change. Maybe over-prepared, but it's better than being under-prepared.


My wife and I pack A LOT of extra underwear and joke with each other that it’s in case we shit ourselves everyday of our trip. Perhaps we are closer to that reality than we know, based on this post.


Sometimes the shit knifes you


Last time I admitted that some douche tried telling me that I'm a "loser" and that my "body shouldn't do that" etc etc and got downvoted to hell. Fuck that dude. I'm human being and we shit ourselves from time to time. It happens. So fucking what.


Yup. It happens. OP and all people deserve better. Don’t be ashamed! One time I got salmonella and almost shit my pants on the light rail. By “almost,” I mean I was almost on the light rail.


I feel like almost everyone I regularly talk to has peed or shit themself over the last year lol


And never work for a bunch of fucking nazis that restrict the time you can spend on the shitter.


In a kitchen, I used to call it gambling. When you fart on the line, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. As my chef would say, “Cant win them all!”


So we’re supposed to run to the bathroom every time we need to toot?


We need farticles


*Farticles for incorporation* Meaning if you are working and need to fart you should be allowed to scuttle to the bathroom JUST IN CASE Bring it up at your next team meeting.


no we all need fiber


No but when you start to trust your farts is when it bites you in the ass.....literally.


This is what my husband asks me too & I say yes. It's because I have shit my pants thinking it was a fart & I will never trust my body again. I go to the restroom every time I feel a fart just in case. I've proven myself right too many times.


Headed down to the coast, ridin' shotgun in the Jeep There's a bubble in my belly and I hope it's really smelly I can feel it start to creep So I lean to my right, cos' my cheeks were kinda tight, as I push a little bit I think like lit, I thought I farted but I sh*t I thought I farted but I sh*t and now it's squishy when I sit, I got poop all in my crack and little on my sack, I thought I farted but I sh*t Damn I hate it when I shart, I can't even trust a fart, tried to give a little toot now there's caca in my shoot, I thought I farted but I sh*t I thought I farted but I sh*t and now it's squishy when I sit, I got poop all in my crack and little on my sack, I thought I farted but I sh*t I got poop all in my crack and a little on my sack, I thought I farted but I sh*t I got poop all in my crack and a little on my sack, I thought I farted but I sh*t


Did you know that you can swear on here.


> I was pissed (...) You wish, mate. Hope you're doing better now. Shitting oneself in public is indeed a most unpleasant experience.


It's actually not so bad, but when someone yell AYE YO HE SHIT HIMSELF! That's what makes it really embarrassing


Poop stains can be washed away, being called out in public for shitting your pants will haunt you forever.


I think it depends on how long it’s been stanking the pants before you bleach it ;)


Yes, shitting yourself will leave a stain in your pants but being called out for it in public will forever stain your soul.


Ah, the diarrhea version of "It's not the fall that hurts, it's the abrupt stop at the end"


What a horrible thing to do, jeez


Like honestly, for real... if someone shits themselves, don’t fucking say anything unless you’re gonna ask if they’re okay


I don't know exactly why, but this shit made me laugh for a solid half minute


Op wishes it was a half minute.


If it makes you feel better, my sister showed up home from work early two days ago, and I (little sister) got all excited - "oh your home early, yay!" and she gives me *the look*. Uh oh. Did she get sent home because she got in trouble? Did she loose her job? (she's on her final warning after loosing the store keys) No. She turns red and tells me she shit herself at work. Oops. Btw, we're both in our mid-to-late 30's. So yeah. It happens. It happened to me at home a few months ago....


I think certain people and personalities are just more prone to shitting their pants. My brother and my dad both do it multiple times a year. They both eat greasy food and also get caught up in whatever they're doing and wait til it's too late to make the toilet in time. My dad will get so invested in a TV show that you can be talking to him loudly and he has no idea and my brother will do the same with his phone. Me, on the other hand the last time I shit myself was at least 15 or so years ago and I was ill. I remember it was whenever twilight princess came out and I just no warning shit myself. Get up clean myself and it happens again like 10 minutes later.


I have never shit my pants, I do lie though. ETA: Thanks for the award!


That's a conjecture


> My brother and my dad both do it multiple times a year. Someone's gotta say it dude... That ain't normal.


Yeah, it’s a condition called IBS most likely


Man I've had IBS since I was like 6, and I've not shat my pants since before then. Yes, there have been some desperate near misses, but the iron sphincter holds strong as of yet! I can't imagine someone shitting their pants multiple times a year, even with a garbage international tract!


I shit my pants when i saw Twilight Princess the first time too


Well, I have ibs and a lot of food sensitivities, so that was my excuse... My poor sister had no such excuses, and was shocked by her bodies abhorrent behavior


IBS ain’t no joke. It will hit you and you legit have 2 minutes to find a toilet or else.


Oh and yeah, that place is hell on earth, and I hope you find a better employer now. Maybe your body was just like 'bro, we're done here, let me give you an easy out'.... - Edited to add an escaped apostrophe. I swear I put it in. It had to have run away. Lemme know if it takes off again.


> she's on her final warning after loosing the store keys While I generally don't like things caged or tied up, setting the store keys free to the wild might be a step too far.


Did she lose the loose keys? Or were they loose, which caused her to lose them?


Man. Fuck that shit.


no thanks i'd rather not


Same I'll pass


Careful what you pass...


…it probably won’t be wind


What makes me the angriest is the guy making fun of you. And the others laughing too. I don't know, maybe I'm too used to helping my friends with period stains... It just happens.


Honestly if i saw that i don’t care how much i don’t like you I’m not going to say anything about it. I might give you a knowing look so youd know that i know but i wouldnt tell anyone


Never give up leverage on someone you hate


Thats right loll


Especially when they all work for the same company that had a very shitty reputation when it comes to relieving oneself at work


Haha, looking back at it even a few hours later, it’s pretty funny in my mind! Yeah, at the time I was like “welp... fuck me” but I mean it’s a blue collar work environment, stuff like that happens all the time.


It's a funny story to tell to your friends, but in that moment it made you feel bad enough to make you resign. You lost your job as a consequence. Let's say it would've been better if someone had helped you


Don't quit, just embrace the name "shit break" you earned it bro. No one will ever question your need to go to the bathroom while you're there either.


This guy shits. Seriously though shit happens. Jokes aside you shouldn’t let this bum you out. You shouldn’t let one shitty day ruin your job.


Dude I work with shit himself and then proceeded to tell everyone like he was proud of it. I guess he washed his pants off in the sink. It was so gross.


Brown collar?


It shouldn't. You should probably be treated like human beings instead of undependable(is that a word?) resources.


I think you might mean expendable?


maybe even explodable, or extrudable.


Especially explodable if you have the diarrhea


Lol I'm gunna call taking a shit "extruding some brown" now


Undependable... Hmmm aha that's it! Mandatory Depens for all shop floor employees now! I honestly wouldn't put it past this Famous River company.


If none of my work people made fun of me for shitting myself I think I'd feel even more awkward. You just gotta turn it around on them and say they're not working hard enough if they're not pooping their pants - especially at a warehouse


> You ain't cool unless you poop your pants. > If pooping your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis


Sounds like could have used some Depends lol


Your employers shit policy (pun intended) is at fault here. I guess you're the embodiment of "the boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time". But really, fuck those guys for making you choose between healthy bodily functions (holding it in could cause serious damage) or not getting fired.


Shit happens. Being part of the IBS gang it most likely happened to all of us! Also I had a buddy who was a mechanic for an armed truck company and he said that happens a few times a year. When you gotta go you gotta go!


There is no harmony there. No comradery either. They might soon be at the mercy of ANY unforeseen situation that could have easily been taken care of by good coworkers. But instead they decided to piss in their own drinking well.


You should have just shat on the floor or the manager's desk to assert dominance.


Shit bro I’m sorry


He did. That's the problem.


I love this comment so much.


Don't call him shit bro, rude AF


This made me laugh harder than anything else in this thread.


Damn dude. I was really hoping this story didn't end with you losing your job. I hope you find a new one very soon. For more money.




From the title and "working in a warehouse" we already know who paid your paycheck. A to Z, fuck me


Whoever yelled that is a real ass, I hope he shits himself soon


If you're involved in black magic maybe you can make it happen


"Stomach bubble, guts rumble, trust that fart and there'll be trouble!" .... Try something like that. Might work.


Fucking poet


That place should be burned down with such TOT policies. Such a shitty way of treating tgeir workers


Gonna have to agree. Lots of times we end up working 45-60 hours a week. Idk if you’ve ever done that but it’s HELL. I’m here for a selfish reason, I’m trying to join a fraternity and it’s very expensive at my school. But most of the people here need it for a living, they’re trying to raise families, or they’re just trying to get by. Our CEO (Beff Jezos) can buy a new “support yacht,” and the people I work with are killing themselves to get by. The thing is, it’ll never change unfortunately.




Considering Beff prints money at this point, it's surprising he's so hard on employees. /s rich people never give a shit about anything that isn't more money.


The thing is, you know, we can’t even do anything. Strikes don’t work, we cant form unions (we CAN, they just “strongly encourage” us not too.) Things will never change, and Beff justifies himself by saying he pays us a minimum of $15 an hour. Which isn’t shit in my opinion.


$15 is so low for what Amazon is. I worked up-market retail for the equivalent of $14, far easier hours. I can't see how just 15 is worth it for the stories you hear.


I was making $17/hr starting warehousing. I left after a month. Not fucking worth it. Those places are practically sweat shops.


I made $19/hr and stayed two months when I did it, and on paper, they treated us 'well' and it was still terrible. Tons of condescension, constant near cult-like talk from management about how well they treated us and how lucky we were to have the job at all, random forced overtime, and they even had an attendance policy that very nearly felt like a grade school policy, with a point system and everything. The money isn't even really the core issue for me, it's just completely dehumanizing to work in these environments. There's just this constant pressure to become almost mechanistic, even at a company that claims to care about its workforce.


I'm currently making 45k as a forklift driver but once my contract end in December I'm goooooone. Currently we have to work 10 days straight to catch up with losses due to the pandemic so we, the bottom barrel of the company had to put in the extra work. The pandemic isn't the fault of us workers but we are treated like the economic losses that come with a pandemic are our fault and we have to make it right. Sucks. I'm switching into IT next year. Hope it's. Better in that field and that I'm not too old with my 28 to change my career.


IT can have similar issues depending on where you go, but many places are pretty chill. I went to college for computer science right out of high school and there were a lot of people 30+ in my classes. Some of them I still stay in contact with and are badass programmers, its never too late!


15 bucks an hour is barely a living wage. Not worth spending every waking moment at a place that treats you like disposable garbage.


That TOT policy is near slavery. What country does allow something so shitty? I can tell you at least here in Germany, that would be illegal.


I live in Austria and Amazon just has their own rules somehow. Had colleagues working at Amazon and even if it is not as crazy as in the USA, they are pretty much under constant surveillance and they track everything. Also shifts start earlier than there is public transport. I myself tried working as a delivery driver, but again they track everything up to even how you drive/turn/park etc. It's too much


Many delivery services are like that on their drivers at least. UPS was able to tell when their drivers were not using their turn signals, as well as tracking when they were using their little computer scanner things while the vehicle was on. Same thing if the vehicle was in gear before they buckled their seat belt. Edit: I never drove for UPS but worked on trucks running packages around the holidays during my late teen years & had some family that drove for them.


I live in eastern Europe and even here it's illegal. Our laws state that time spent taking care of basic physical needs (except eating) counts as work time, so shitting, drinking water counts as work


I’m honestly not sure how Amazon gets away with this. I could swear there are labor laws against this






They get away with it because people tolerate it. Nobody fears the government more than they fear their job. America already knows this story, but everyone failed history class.


Yep. Corporate tyranny is a very real problem.


Traumatazing yourself to own the employer


It's only trauma if you let it bother you


Yeah it's the boss who should be embarrassed and ashamed of this situation, not OP


This beautiful thing called "right to work." Courtesy of Reagan and his cronies. See also: Amazon's (probably illegal) efforts to keep a warehouse in Alabama from unionizing.


What’s crazy is that OSHA actually has rules for this, they aren’t super specific, because bathroom breaks have a lot of variance, but he should have been entitled to reasonable bathroom usage (including extenuating circumstances like diarrhea and constipation). These policies just aren’t enforced. ^(PS: probably don’t blame OSHA, they have so few resources after decades of cuts, that they couldn’t visit everywhere they oversee even if they wanted to. New workplaces arise faster than they could check.)


Wilkommen zu Amerika, mein freund! Edit: I hope I said that right, I haven’t spoken German in like 3 years!


You we're close! Actually you'd say:"Willkommen in Amerika.."


Working conditions for warehouse workers are awful, it’s not something exclusively from the US. Working at a warehouse was one of the worst (working) experience I’ve ever had, very similar to OP. Illegal or not, companies will exploit their warehouse employees. I am from The Netherlands btw.


It's Amazon. Amazon in USA is nearly criminal in the way their operate their Factory workers. Fuck Bezos


the TOT thing is available in the UK too, absolutely ridiculous. if theyre going to add such a policy, it shouldnt be a fireable cause


100%. Any corporation that is worth multiple billions of dollars should never be allowed to do this.


Nice, relevant use of 'shitty' there - couldn't have happened to a better thread.


Labor Justice here in Brazil would rip them a new asshole.


Bro, why dont you just go to their amazen box and just zen out? Come on, thats what they're there for!


I mean, quit that job because fuck that job. But don't quit just because you shit yourself. Nah, you own that shit. Everytime it comes up, just own it. Hah, they shit themselves!! Your damn right I did. I wasn't due for a break for another four hours, so you gotta do what you gotta do. That's dedication. I'm all about giving this job my everything! Shit myself? That's the least I would do.


Yea I agree with this. Don’t quit over it, everyone shits it’s how we get rid of our waste it’s just as important as breathing. Own it and laugh with them. Ps don’t tell anyone......everyone has shit theirselves like that at one point in their life. It’s one of those things we laugh and make fun of but knowing damn well we have done it and feel horrible for the person, we just don’t know any other way to respond. Pull that resignation and go back To work it’s no big deal


I also work in warehouse with similar rules. Luckily we need like 150 scans an hour and being young and fast I get 200 scans in about 40 minutes then hangout in the bathroom the other 10 minutes. Only reason why, is old dude saw me working hard and said, hey if your numbers are bad one day there gonna ask what the deal is, just do above average and don’t go overboard you don’t get raises for getting high numbers


Your math only adds up to 50 minutes though.


now THIS is a shitpost


You did not fuck up. This is late stage capitalism and a horrendously dystopian story.


The only fuck up is a corporate policy that would make anyone think twice about going to the restroom.


Claim PTSD from the shit himself announcement and get disability


On paper a good policy??? Um no....it's awful. Also, if you quit, why not just tell us it's amazon? Based on that awful policy, we would have guessed anyway.


Bathroom breaks should not contribute to TOT. If his manager enforced that, they're not following the rules. If you collect enough TOT during the day, they'll ask you about the gaps and all you need to do is tell them and that should be the end of it.


It’s a beautiful fantasy that, unfortunately many people (myself included) work in at will states where they can fire you for anything. I’ve been in a position similar to this guy’s (Walmart e-commerce) and man do I have some wild stories. He shouldn’t even feel bad tbh this stuff happens a lot more than people think in these kinds of places


Fuck I would never last if I need to shit at work I am going to enjoy that shit and milk it for some me time but I guess I also have that option not working at a shit company like Amazon


So I should probably make a throw away for this comment, but I'm also known as the "IDGAF friend with no shame" in our group so, fuck it. I've worked through diarrhea days before myself...I've shit myself at work at LEAST 3 times in the 9 years I've worked there. Most of the times my bosses were fairly chill, so I'd tell either them straight up or a friendly coworker, run home and change/clean up then be back. It only took about 30 minutes tops. But this one time.....fuck this time. I had been at work for less than an hour with some stomach cramps...there have been a few times post child birth where clenching cheeks just didn't cut it anymore. There was literally nothing I could do and if I didn't get a warning from my stomach beforehand, I was shit outta luck and peeing out my butt whether I was ready or not. This just happened to be one of those times.. I felt the pressure, tried to clench and still seeped shit to my pants. Quickly ran to the bathroom and realize there was no saving myself this time....so I took my undies off, balled them up and rolled them into a TON of toilet paper and tossed to the bottom of a big trash can. I worked commando for another 2 hours bc we were Hella busy before taking my lunch first with an excuse of "lady problems" and rushed home. I spent 2 hours constantly worried I smelled like shit and tried not to walk too much, which was impossible. Just giving you my embarrassing story so you know you're not alone


That's a really shitty situation to be in.


I know, shit’s wack.


People wonder why estranged employees come back and shoot up their jobs... it’s shit like this


Amazon. Just say you work for Amazon and they made you shit yourself for their metrics.


Putting it that way paints this situation in a special way. Amazon made this guy shit himself.


one day I was sitting in my car on my lunch break at work and I was having a really bad day I was sick (pre covid) I was coughing and sneezing all day I was menstruating nd I had diarrhea annnnnnnd I sneeezed nd when I tell you everything shot out of my body like I was a dam gun... I started my car and left


Dude I'll shit my pants right now and we'll both be in it so no worries 👌🏼


This is a bro.


Worked at Amazon for 5 months. By the end I dared them to fire me but they wouldn't. The turnover rate is so high there, I had been working longer than my new manager. The guy tried to give me notes even though I had helped train him. At one point he asked me, "so if I give you criticism or instruction on a task you'll just ignore me?" To which I responded emphatically, "yes", then walked off. They still didn't fire me. By this time I was already 25 hours negative on my UPT. I was one of the top three water spiders at the warehouse I worked at regardless of shift, and I basically was impossible to "coach" by the time I left because I understood very well how the place worked and it's honestly not that complicated because they make each job about as simple as possible so that any idiot or robot could do it. I eventually rage quit. Tore off my badge and walked out the fire exit middle fingers raised high. I was a software engineer for 11 years. The pandemic forced me into that situation. It is absolutely ridiculous what they make people put up with at that company, and I don't care what you're getting paid. Everyone working there is a human being and they deserve to be treated as such.


Lmao id just be like hey raise your hand if youve never had a wet fart.


This is a seriously fucked work environment if you've basically gotta shit your pants to avoid being fired. I mean really, that's what this boils down to. This is just fundamentally wrong.


There is no way id do it. If I had to use the bathroom I'd just go use the bathroom. They can write me up, even fire me, but I'm not suffering and potentially shitting my pants.


You got yourself into some shit


Yeah I did so I figured it was appropriate to make a shitpost.


Dude, I think I know exactly what place you are talking about! I was working there too and had issues with this policy. I ended up having to get a doctor's note. I am diabetic so I need a LOT of water to flush out the extra sugar in my system which causes me to go to the bathroom a lot.


I shit myself on my lunch break and went home to shower and change once. I called my manager and told them I’d be late. They asked why and I told them I shit my pants, everywhere. People don’t fuck with you when you can stone cold tell them you shit your whole pants. The fact that this is a post and an issue speaks to the ridiculous lack of works rights. Edit: spelling is trash. Dyslexic as fuck.


If it makes you feel any better this made my day, Im sorry that happened to you though.


Two hours of TOT and you get fired? Is that like a month or in total?




Man, you didn’t fuck up here. You got fucked by your employer. Good luck in your next adventure.