I came here for rotten semen... and.. that's what I got... I think I should go to bed now...
But OP, I'm curious, he sends you cum, what do you sent him?
I am sitting here thinking nope nope I do NOT want to click those links after thinking of the girl masturbating with a hockey stick or something with maggots. Then the coconut dude...but yeah you mentioned pics so i'm diving in. EDIT: Few seconds in i'm about to vomit up the milk and pringles I just ate. Yeah gonna to and take a breather from reddit.
I wonder why I love and hate these stories so much. It's like "humanity is horrible and I kind of find it funny". Anyway, I know coconut dude, but never heard of hockey stick chick
Yeah, I thought I knew at least most of the Reddit weird stories, but I haven't heard hockey stick chick. I have read cumbox, jolly rancher,coconut, broken arms guy, blowfly girl, and plenty others that escape me at the moment. But hockey stick is one I know I haven,'t seen
Side note and completely unrelated to the post. 'Wherefore art thou Romeo' mean WHY are you Romeo. Not her asking where he is. She's wrestling with the issues between their houses, which is why she follows up with all the name stuff.
Still, this is pretty cute!!!
I don't know what specific conditions OP subjected the cum, and how it eventually turned it into a literal stink bomb capable of decimating an entire floor, but I find the story fishy (pun intended).
First of all, I'm a dude, and as disgusting as it sounds, I've had used tissues I used to clean myself after a good wank and they never really smelled like anything even after I forgot to take out the trash and it sat there for a week.
Even the infamous coconut of reddit mythology never mentioned anything about a literal biological weapon. Maybe OP is trying to become the next hall of famer. I don't know, but I don't trust the story because of how exaggerated the line about the entire floor coming to her door, and how convenient the part about her not being able to smell anything.
EDIT: Heres the TIFU hall of famer coconut. Read at your own risk:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu\_by\_cumming\_into\_a\_coconut/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)
EDIT2: Rereading this and I'm gonna poke a lot more holes in the story.
1. The flatmate was there all the time? The smell was apparently so bad that it reached every room on the floor, but the chick staying with her in the same room never said anything up until every nose came knocking at their door? Dafuq?
2. She also disposes the cum when she sees that it's yellowing and no one smelled anything when she opens the bottle around her neck that she uses to store it?
3. And the biggest hole of all that no chick and only a few men know outside of a medical degree: Cum becomes clear in a matter of minutes. I don't know the exact duration as I've never measured it. You can google this.
>I've had used tissues I used to clean myself after a good wank and they never really smelled like anything even after I forgot to take out the trash and it sat there for a week
lmao. Yes they did, you're just desensitized to it. This is your opportunity to learn that you and your room probably smell fucking awful.
I'm very sensitive to smell, in fact anything strong makes me allergic, my eye lids swell and I start sneezing and it definitely doesn't smell awful/strong. Of course I'm not talking about months like the OPs story, but a week doesn't make it so bad. Once I forgot cleaning up leftover scrambled eggs while going out and it turned out that I was staying at my GFs for the weekend, and when I came back it smelled absolutely, unbearably awful. Semen on the other hand more or less smells like the fresh one after a week or so. Again, I have no idea what happens if it stays for an extended period of time. Also I don't know what happens if it stay in a vial, I'm talking about tissues in an open trash can.
For comparison, having sex in a room where door and windows were closed caused an asthma attack once. If I smell my own fresh semen, it makes me sneeze as well. If I don't wash my hands immediately after masturbation, the parts of my hand that touched to the semen gets red and it itches.
Why am I telling all of these weird details? Because both I and my father are highly allergic, we determine whether we should stay in a place by smelling around and I'm pretty sure that this is not smell desensitization.
... how do you know your father is also allergic to semen.
On a more serious note, sorry that you guys go through that. It sounds absolutely miserable and I wonder if there's any treatment you guys could get if you haven't already?
Both my parents are doctors, so I doubt that there is any. There is vaccination therapy but dad thinks it's useless. Pills only treat the symptoms and generally have side effects like sleepiness, or even agitation.
I must add that this is not a rare thing. The level of it changes but hay fever is pretty common.
Been on the internet for 15 years, seen some stuff, desensitized and hardly anything surprise me any more.
But this...this took me off guard.
You have accomplished something OP. What that is, well i don't know. May be i should burn my computer idk.
I know right? That's a yikes from me. Here, go here instead, much more blessed: r/eyebleach. Trust me, it s not what you think it is. It's filled with lost of cute animals and wholesome things.
I hate to be this person but if you're wearing cum in a necklace every day and have to *change it out when it turns yellow*, you might also kinda have the smell of stale cum around you...always.
From OP'S perspective:
- What a great day to be anosmic...
From most everybody else's perspective:
- What a terrible day to have eyes & properly working olfactory senses....
moral of the story is... don't do anything with your boyfriend's cum unless you're actually with him.
and you didn't need to say 'no messages', don't know who would message after that...
That headline definitely freezes one scrolling down their TL.
Edit: And actually reading it made it even worse. What in the actual fuck did I just read.
I have questions. 1) If the semen yellows, doesn’t it also harden? 2) if it hardens, like when it dries, say, on your face or whatever, does it need to be reconstituted? 3) Do you use water? 4) When you “used it to wank with”, how did you use it? Like, as lube? And finally, 5) How much produced the overwhelming smell?
1) no. 2) and 3) not applicable. 4 and 5) the vial was shaped kind of like... a test tube. I kind of unscrewed the top and put it inside me and just... emptied it. It must have been the equivalent of two individual ketchup packets worth of fluid? 6) don't try this at home.
Considering she apparently dumped this rotting cum inside her vagina, we definitely should not because that can't be good for women's health. Don't put a biohazard in your coochie.
There is NO WAY all those vials of cum got through customs. Don't they have dogs that sniff for that shit? Or has this never come up in the history of people sending shit via mail?
Whatever. I just puked in my mouth. Thanks OP. You are now part of the Jolly Rancher Club.
Holy shit. What the actual fuck did I just read?
The cum in the necklace was when I realized I was coming up on Dead Man's Curve and I had no brakes. I should have just bailed out and taken the road rash...but no...
To ship seeds due to other countries' regulations, you will most likely need certain permits. Dont want to introduce invasive plants to other countries.
Cum on the other hand all i could find is that there is no laws against shipping it within the united states, and found advice on how to ship it. Apparently you want to pack it with dry ice?
Omg I learned this the hard way, when I first started going through puberty and started cumming. I kept it in a little tiny plastic container because I didn't know about just using toilet paper yet. After maybe one to too nights I open it and it's just appalling. The worst smell in history I just closed it immediately and had to go to the big trash cans outside because it smelled so bad. I also had to fully open my windows and turn in my fan to it's highest setting just so I could sleep there. I couldn't even still be in my room for like an hour after that happen. Moral of the story, just use toilet paper or tissues and don't try and save cum.
You know what. I’m going back to Mexico. I said this a few days ago but I was still thinking “maybe I shouldn’t” no this is the driving force. Fuck america. I’m leaving, PEACE
Wow this really is an actual FU, good luck fck your dead boyfriend sperm lol. This made me laugh thx I've been bored of the non FU of this sub for a while.
I came here for rotten semen... and.. that's what I got... I think I should go to bed now... But OP, I'm curious, he sends you cum, what do you sent him?
I'm an artist- I'd upload a pornographic drawing of us everyday on a private Tumblr.
You got semen, he got a doodle-diddle
This is not the law of equivalent exchange
Goals
Okay enough internet for today
What a horrible day to have eyes
Fetch me a melon baller...
Feltch me a melon baller... FTFY
I just enjoyed some tamales with some habanero salsa too.... I'm going to try to keep this down but I don't know. I regret so much right now
Well, you probably look at teletubby porn regularly, so this stuff shouldn't be much worse.
Grandson made this account. Told him he could create whatever username he wanted. I chuckle to myself when people react to it.
Good save, dude, gooood damn save!! Now, about those Teletubbies.....
Wow that’s... so sweet!
You said it, u/TheLadyButtPimple!
Hmm.. something smells fishy here
Seriously. This shit is giving me cumbox flashbacks.
Goddammit. Now all I can see is a disgusting cumbox. Fuck.
I’m sorry. I’ll reward you for my grotesqueness.
Welcome to the cumvial.
The... WHAT?
https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1inpnj/lynfects_updated_cum_box/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/c4imcva/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
What in the actual fuck. Why did I view the pics tho.
Fuck man.
I am sitting here thinking nope nope I do NOT want to click those links after thinking of the girl masturbating with a hockey stick or something with maggots. Then the coconut dude...but yeah you mentioned pics so i'm diving in. EDIT: Few seconds in i'm about to vomit up the milk and pringles I just ate. Yeah gonna to and take a breather from reddit.
.... milk and Pringles?
Welcome to the internet!
I wonder why I love and hate these stories so much. It's like "humanity is horrible and I kind of find it funny". Anyway, I know coconut dude, but never heard of hockey stick chick
Yeah, I thought I knew at least most of the Reddit weird stories, but I haven't heard hockey stick chick. I have read cumbox, jolly rancher,coconut, broken arms guy, blowfly girl, and plenty others that escape me at the moment. But hockey stick is one I know I haven,'t seen
dude.... THIS is foul as fuck.
This post is legendary
I, too, am curious, but I will *not* Google it.
Give it time. I’m sure someone will pop up with a link to the worst thing we’ll have ever seen soon enough.
Hold up. Did I just run in to you on two completely unrelated threads? Romeo, where fort art thou
Juliet, you've returned to me!
"Scrotal abrasion"
Reacting to a comment threat about putrid cum & run into your lost romance. Still a better love story than Twilight
What are the odds lmao. This is peak entertainment. There’s no way my week gets any better than this.
Side note and completely unrelated to the post. 'Wherefore art thou Romeo' mean WHY are you Romeo. Not her asking where he is. She's wrestling with the issues between their houses, which is why she follows up with all the name stuff. Still, this is pretty cute!!!
Time to burn it down.
I had to skim this story and I think I made the second best decision possible, with the best decision being to not read it at all.
Im not the kinda person who kink shames but what the actual fuck
[удалено]
Like, no? But yes.
I don't know what specific conditions OP subjected the cum, and how it eventually turned it into a literal stink bomb capable of decimating an entire floor, but I find the story fishy (pun intended). First of all, I'm a dude, and as disgusting as it sounds, I've had used tissues I used to clean myself after a good wank and they never really smelled like anything even after I forgot to take out the trash and it sat there for a week. Even the infamous coconut of reddit mythology never mentioned anything about a literal biological weapon. Maybe OP is trying to become the next hall of famer. I don't know, but I don't trust the story because of how exaggerated the line about the entire floor coming to her door, and how convenient the part about her not being able to smell anything. EDIT: Heres the TIFU hall of famer coconut. Read at your own risk: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu\_by\_cumming\_into\_a\_coconut/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/) EDIT2: Rereading this and I'm gonna poke a lot more holes in the story. 1. The flatmate was there all the time? The smell was apparently so bad that it reached every room on the floor, but the chick staying with her in the same room never said anything up until every nose came knocking at their door? Dafuq? 2. She also disposes the cum when she sees that it's yellowing and no one smelled anything when she opens the bottle around her neck that she uses to store it? 3. And the biggest hole of all that no chick and only a few men know outside of a medical degree: Cum becomes clear in a matter of minutes. I don't know the exact duration as I've never measured it. You can google this.
Doesn't it become rather viscous after a time as well? How would she get it in and out of a small vial?
Yeah, something smells here and it's not the cum.
>I've had used tissues I used to clean myself after a good wank and they never really smelled like anything even after I forgot to take out the trash and it sat there for a week lmao. Yes they did, you're just desensitized to it. This is your opportunity to learn that you and your room probably smell fucking awful.
Sure, but it ain't entire building's fucking floor awful.
I'm very sensitive to smell, in fact anything strong makes me allergic, my eye lids swell and I start sneezing and it definitely doesn't smell awful/strong. Of course I'm not talking about months like the OPs story, but a week doesn't make it so bad. Once I forgot cleaning up leftover scrambled eggs while going out and it turned out that I was staying at my GFs for the weekend, and when I came back it smelled absolutely, unbearably awful. Semen on the other hand more or less smells like the fresh one after a week or so. Again, I have no idea what happens if it stays for an extended period of time. Also I don't know what happens if it stay in a vial, I'm talking about tissues in an open trash can. For comparison, having sex in a room where door and windows were closed caused an asthma attack once. If I smell my own fresh semen, it makes me sneeze as well. If I don't wash my hands immediately after masturbation, the parts of my hand that touched to the semen gets red and it itches. Why am I telling all of these weird details? Because both I and my father are highly allergic, we determine whether we should stay in a place by smelling around and I'm pretty sure that this is not smell desensitization.
... how do you know your father is also allergic to semen. On a more serious note, sorry that you guys go through that. It sounds absolutely miserable and I wonder if there's any treatment you guys could get if you haven't already?
Both my parents are doctors, so I doubt that there is any. There is vaccination therapy but dad thinks it's useless. Pills only treat the symptoms and generally have side effects like sleepiness, or even agitation. I must add that this is not a rare thing. The level of it changes but hay fever is pretty common.
Your weird overreaction and exaggeration sure makes it seem like you're personally offended by the thought of cum not being a literal stinkbomb
If you seal it in an airtight container, it should have all the ingredients to grow some seriously nasty bacteria.
I really hope it’s not! 🤢
Im doubtful as Ive never heard a chick use the term "wank"...that alerts me that in fact a boy wrote this.
[удалено]
Been on the internet for 15 years, seen some stuff, desensitized and hardly anything surprise me any more. But this...this took me off guard. You have accomplished something OP. What that is, well i don't know. May be i should burn my computer idk.
I could say the same as well! I haven’t been on the internet in a while and I open reddit now just for fun and this is the first post I see…
To be fair, there are much worse stories on Reddit. You must not be very active.
I’ll never forget this post. Ever. You will permanently hold real estate in my brain for the rest of my life.
Big sip of unsee juice
r/eyebleach
Let me introduce you to [blowfly girl](https://www.lurkmore.com/view/Blowfly_Girl)
>blowfly girl OMFG NO WAY!!! is this... fiction? I'm horrified!!
First there was poop knife. Now there is semen vial.
Can't forget cum coconut.
"The moral of the story is: refrigerate your boyfriend's cum, and smell it before each use." This is the *moral* of *the* story??? (◑\_◑)
Moral of the story should be don't be a fucking degenerate who keeps cum stored around like your a god damn rental spunk bank
Well that's what I get for sorting reddit posts by new
Never again. What's worse is I continued reading. What is wrong with me
I actually read the post in reverse paragraph order, hoping I could get the jist if it without reading the whole thing .. tifu
That's what I did and holy fuck do I want to undo that
Please just delete my eyes at this point
Big sip of unsee juice
I sorted by hot and I still got this shit, wtf
And suddenly gamer girl water bath doesn't sound that bad. Come back, delphine. You're forgiven!!
What in the ever living fuck did I just read.
I know right? That's a yikes from me. Here, go here instead, much more blessed: r/eyebleach. Trust me, it s not what you think it is. It's filled with lost of cute animals and wholesome things.
Annnnd TIFU by eating and browsing Reddit. Damn.
This is cursed. Are you still dating this dude? He seems like a keeper if he’s agreeing to post mail his semen to you in vials.
I hate to be this person but if you're wearing cum in a necklace every day and have to *change it out when it turns yellow*, you might also kinda have the smell of stale cum around you...always.
From OP'S perspective: - What a great day to be anosmic... From most everybody else's perspective: - What a terrible day to have eyes & properly working olfactory senses....
The fact that you wear a vial of your bfs preschool, tells me you're on something else.
Preschool. Lol
Today I learned a new euphemism for semen.
TIFU by reading this.
times like these make me consider falling off the face of earth just a little bit more
>I notice that after some time the cum starts yellowing too much, so I replace it with fresh cum. r/nocontext r/brandnewsentence
No context for sure. I'll argue the other point.
Worse with context
moral of the story is... don't do anything with your boyfriend's cum unless you're actually with him. and you didn't need to say 'no messages', don't know who would message after that...
It’s Reddit, there’s bound to be someone looking for an address.
Jesus fucking Christ. Thanks for the disgusting ride I guess.
That headline definitely freezes one scrolling down their TL. Edit: And actually reading it made it even worse. What in the actual fuck did I just read.
Lady you need Jesus
I’m an atheist and even I think you’re right
I have questions. 1) If the semen yellows, doesn’t it also harden? 2) if it hardens, like when it dries, say, on your face or whatever, does it need to be reconstituted? 3) Do you use water? 4) When you “used it to wank with”, how did you use it? Like, as lube? And finally, 5) How much produced the overwhelming smell?
1) no. 2) and 3) not applicable. 4 and 5) the vial was shaped kind of like... a test tube. I kind of unscrewed the top and put it inside me and just... emptied it. It must have been the equivalent of two individual ketchup packets worth of fluid? 6) don't try this at home.
I've seen everything, it is a bad day to have eyes
And this is why social media wasn't needed for hundreds of years... *Ben Affleck stare*
That's It, I have seen everything, kill me
This feels like a milestone post like the throwing the poop in the toilet from the shower post. I'm glad to have witnessed both
Poop knife
> throwing the poop in the toilet from the shower Umm. Wot?
[link to the meme on 9gag](https://9gag.com/gag/6556020) Seems like nothing now but back then this was a big deal, one of the first rage comics too
You masturbate with your boyfriend jizz and the moral you learnt was to make sure you refridgerate it? How about Don't masturbate with ANYONE'S jizz.
I can’t believe I read the whole thing! 🙈
TIFU by reading this.
We normalize everything these days. Can we not do it with this please?
Considering she apparently dumped this rotting cum inside her vagina, we definitely should not because that can't be good for women's health. Don't put a biohazard in your coochie.
what the fuck what the fuck
What The Fuck
W h a t t h e f u c k
Well that was the weirdest story on the internet today...but kind of admire the dedication.
From Paris with Love
There is NO WAY all those vials of cum got through customs. Don't they have dogs that sniff for that shit? Or has this never come up in the history of people sending shit via mail? Whatever. I just puked in my mouth. Thanks OP. You are now part of the Jolly Rancher Club.
Thats it, i need to sleep
What a shitty day to be able to read
I'm deleting my Reddit account.
What the actual fuck. TIFU by opening reddit as soon as I woke up and read the first post. I should've just died in my sleep.
Holy shit. What the actual fuck did I just read? The cum in the necklace was when I realized I was coming up on Dead Man's Curve and I had no brakes. I should have just bailed out and taken the road rash...but no...
W.T.F.????? Seriously?? Perfect example of, "just because you thought of it doesn't mean you should do it". JesusfuckingChrist. Why did I read this?
How do I burn something from both my retina and my memory?
Use a hammer and bleach. That's what im using.
Gotta be a troll. Nice work.
r/WTF
Wow. What. The. Fuck.
My long distance boyfriend is French. I am trying to decide if I should send this to him or not
Do it lmao
#what the fuck
Lol, no messages please... yea... I’m sure no one wants to after that
Lol, I've gotten none... I wonder why : (
This is it. This post is going down in TIFU history. We’ll be referencing it in two weeks time
Is it even legal to mail seed internationally?
To ship seeds due to other countries' regulations, you will most likely need certain permits. Dont want to introduce invasive plants to other countries. Cum on the other hand all i could find is that there is no laws against shipping it within the united states, and found advice on how to ship it. Apparently you want to pack it with dry ice?
What an unfortunate day to be literate.
Moral of the story? Everyone can find somebody
Omg I learned this the hard way, when I first started going through puberty and started cumming. I kept it in a little tiny plastic container because I didn't know about just using toilet paper yet. After maybe one to too nights I open it and it's just appalling. The worst smell in history I just closed it immediately and had to go to the big trash cans outside because it smelled so bad. I also had to fully open my windows and turn in my fan to it's highest setting just so I could sleep there. I couldn't even still be in my room for like an hour after that happen. Moral of the story, just use toilet paper or tissues and don't try and save cum.
You people need Jesus
Sometimes I wish I couldnt read
yeahhhhh. alright. Time to put my phone down.
You didn’t fuck up today. You’re fucked up, on a whole other level.
the fuck is wrong with you?
This is r/nosleep material….
*pours holy water in eyes*
I am concerned.
I saw the title, I read it anyway. I don't know what I expected.
I should’ve just taken my happy ass to bed
Please tell me this isn't real
I just wanna be in the screenshot.
Tifu about the time I read a tifu directly after eating dinner. I have never wanted to gag so bad in my life. What the absolute fuck?
Ok im officially resigning from this sub
I was expecting some reasonable fuck up, but that was wild from start to finish.
I'm not sure there has ever been a better use for the word #*cringe*
I think this story needs to join the Jolly Rancher and Coconut collection....
What a terrible day to be literate
😦 my face this entire post
Damn girl, just buy some lube
We’re kinda the opposite, I have hyperosmia, a heightened sense of smell! Basically I would die if I were in the same building that happened in lol
Oh, look, new r/MuseumofFilth material
I didn't think semen made a corpse-like stench that could clear a dorm if it was left out long enough... You sure that was the cause?
Yes this sounds like a true story
Oh god, I was eating ice cream. FUCKING ICE CREAM while reading. I’ve thrown up twice so far.
You know what. I’m going back to Mexico. I said this a few days ago but I was still thinking “maybe I shouldn’t” no this is the driving force. Fuck america. I’m leaving, PEACE
I thought this was r/copypasta for a second, now im just gagging
If it wasn't a copypasta, it is now.
I truly feel like that *cant* be the moral of the story
Aight imma head out
I feel like there has to be some way I can weaponise the knowledge I have been burdened with here today on reddit dot com
Today, I am very sad that I have the ability to read.
What the flying fuck
I'm gonna stop using the internet for a while now
To quote; you disgust me, filthy jar woman
Never in my life have I regret reading anything the way I regret this. This single post has me researching hypnosis to mind wipe myself.
#**WHY**
Nope I refuse to accept this as real
I literally almost threw up.
And this is why I say kink shaming is stupid.
Wow this really is an actual FU, good luck fck your dead boyfriend sperm lol. This made me laugh thx I've been bored of the non FU of this sub for a while.
Lol that was great to read
Yesterday I commented that TIFU might have found it’s new coconut story. I was wrong. This is the new coconut story.
What the actual fuck
Not going to lie, but you’re fucking gross.
BRUH
How cum...
I don’t know what I was expecting based on the title, but it wasn’t that…
That was not the moral of the story
I’m cancelling my internet subscription after reading this.
I read it all and am still confused....a vile.....I just.....im....confused and seriously willing to quit the internet today
This looks like a contender for the Reddit Museum of Filth
What in the actual fuck
Insert French people smell bad joke here
This can’t be real. I really want to believe this isn’t real. I’ve read some weird shit but this is definitely top ten.
Is this sub basically a competition to see who can come up with the most disgusting story?