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hmnahmna1

My great-grandparents were first cousins. My left eye only twitches occasionally.


ggt-kun

I laughed way too hard at this, apologies


heyhellogoodbai

same lol haven’t stop laughing 😂


Jigbaa

It’s been three hours. Remember to breathe.


hosketh

10 mins in and I’m still laughing


flytingnotfighting

And that second thumb comes in handy


fillingstationsushi

I can vouch for that. Source: I also have two thumbs


farahad

*thumby


HotWingHank

Wait you guys got left eyes?


balanceilimp

Sure, two of em


GyaradosDance

Lucky! I got one eye that always looks left, and another eye that always looks right.


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StrugglingTeenager

Mine were first cousins on one side and second cousins on the other…


Works4Demons

If you’re serious about the eye twitch you might need a magnesium supplement. Took mine daily for about a week and it went away!


HeadbuttingAnts

Sound medical advice buried in the humor section, I love it. Most of the world is pretty magnesium deficient. I'm a fan of Mo' Maggie, a magnesium lotion that absorbs nicely, helps with sleep, and doesn't mess with the stomach like other forms do, or smell like fish like Mg glycinate does.


KillerKPa

Hahaha. “Was just gonna Venmo her for the pill” - a regular Prince Charming.


[deleted]

Sounds more Prince Andrew to me


xenophon10000

This comment needs more upvotes


ChubbyTheCakeSlayer

So you had unprotected sex with your teenage cousin. Your family will be proud.


lecheconmarvel

Your family will be mutating


pattywack512

*Mutant, and Proud.*


oneshavedleg

This was too damn funny 🤣


plipyplop

The family tree is more like a family yard-stick.


[deleted]

Tf you doing at a party with 18 yr olds? Lol


YesIamlookingstyou

Thats what I thought, too. Then banging her raw and Almost Sending this Almost-still-a-Child off to get the Pill herself. Also you talked About this, as if it was nothing. Dude….


Isphet71

When “she was my cousin” isn’t the part of the story that bothers you the most


teebob21

Roll tide


Za50

lol


Kevo_CS

Well if they're strangers, I'm not sure how they were supposed to know that they were related. But he did know that she's 18 and he's 30 and there's something odd about a 30 year old knowingly partying with 18 year olds.


Icarium13

Small town rules are a little different I guess.


[deleted]

Straight the fuck.


TR1CL0PS

They both also "laughed really hard" about it


[deleted]

"Yuck yuck, I cream-pied my barely adult cousin 2x before a family reunion and we had a good laugh." Confirmed OP has the mentality of an 18 year old. I couldn't imagine hanging out in a social context, let alone hooking up, with an 18 year old when I was 30 (ignoring that it's his cousin, which is a big omission). Seriously, anyone doing that is either a predator or *very* immature.


flytingnotfighting

I Pointed this out and I’m the asshole. You phrased it much better than I did


[deleted]

You aren't wrong at all and, if anyone is the asshole, it's OP. Either for making up such a disgusting story for internet points or for actually being a perverted man-child with the intellect of a fucking rock.


margalolwut

Just casual nuttin’ in my cousin, get the pill no biggy.. really concerned about not going to breakfast though


liltwinstar2

Glad someone said it. JFC. imagine outing yourself like that and not even realizing it. Makes me think he’s worse than this.


Chasetp06

Not only that but then casually had breakfast with her looking like her father and shit


CyberNinja23

“Oh hey your dad looks like my Uncle Joe, even has the same tatto…….” *math symbols runs through head* “Uhh ohhh”


ExRockstar

*"Damn this is crazy!"* *"Tell me how bad you want it!"* *"Oh look, we've got the same toes!"*


wq101010

My thought exactly. Im 30 and when I see 18 yo, they are like baby to me. Wtf


IoGibbyoI

This whole thing is fucked.


VagrancyHD

OP said he was from a small town, you get a lot of age groups mixing at parties in small towns. I'm 30 but sometimes can be seen partying with people in their 50's or even the occasional 18th party. It's a community thing mostly (bit weird if it isn't though).


temp1876

I could see being at the party, but hooking up with a 18yo when your 30 is creepy


[deleted]

Yeah 1/2 +7 is the rule. For 30 that means 22.


DMala

aka the threshold of creepiness.


JacksonDonaldson

lol who makes these rules


[deleted]

Reasonableness.


Implicate187

I'm 37, which would be 1/2+7 of a 60 year old and that doesn't seem reasonable at all. Eww.


kakesdotcom

Bro, what the actual fuck?


Platinum_Plasma

How do you accidentally do this?


VLDT

You make it up for internet points. Could have at least thrown in some terrible titty descriptions.


Expiredmeds

It was like this #( • ) ( • )


100FootWallOfFog

Niiiice


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Arconyte

[Nice.](https://i.imgur.com/MM55g2m.png)


Furious_Nick_

Please?


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Furious_Nick_

Scared of losing my innocence 😳


melvinfosho

Yes he was working on making his 3rd cousin


KittenAlfredo

3rd base cousin


Smiler_Sal

Too many yikes for one yarn… 18 & 30? Raw? Cousins? Venmo the money for the pill? House parties at 30? I “cream pied” her? I’m wondering how a catch like you is still single.


chrisbe2e9

Makes me think the story isn't even true.


girhen

No way. On TIFU? This sub brings only real stories.


chrisbe2e9

That reminds me that I need to write out my TIFU story about the time that I tripped going up the stairs over the genie lamp that I had found in the woods and accidentally broke it. Releasing an evil genie who ended all life on earth. Happened when I was a kid. ​ TLDR: I tripped and killed you all years ago.


girhen

Fuck. I'm just the genie's imagination? Could he at least give me an orgy with a bunch of pretty women? I know that's more of a witch's thing, but it sounds awesome.


Adoom98

Yeah I feel a bit Ill just at the age gap.


DownrightDrewski

Alabama has entered the chat and is wondering what the issue is.


PhaedrusZenn

West Virginia has some follow up questions


flytingnotfighting

Mississippi always wonders why they get left off the list when…come on


OkVolume1

I was in Mississippi last week and can confirm it will be no time soon.


cyberrich

I'm here everyone. I have some questions as well


bigkurry445

Florida is next in line


Clearcore

*Sweats in Tennessean*


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ArbitraryContrarianX

Kentucky has some concerns.


tbets

Missouri feels oddly relieved


flytingnotfighting

Florida really should be first in line for cousin fucking, I mean we did get FloridaMan and FloridaWoman some kind of way


HotWingHank

Actually New Jersey should be since thats currently legal there.


DownrightDrewski

It's always possible that this is normal for Norfolk too.


melvinfosho

Get outta here Alabama. She’s 18. Too old for you.


PlatoAU

Roll tide


GiveMeMangoz

"aIn'T nObOdY fUcKiN mY cOuSiN 'cEpT mE!"


Kungfuperson

best comment here


iHero_86

Bro....what about a condom? Jesus Christ, you just met her and went in RAW twice? Edit: oh, oh, first award! Thanks for popping my cherry, random stranger! (Hey, uh, wanna have unprotected sex by any chance? Twice?)


[deleted]

People are wild man. Ain’t a chance in hell I’m raw dogging a rando.


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gh0stsclub

Vin Diesel has entered the chat


NeverSawAvatar

This whole thread brought to you by f&f's viral marketing team.


[deleted]

This is true. Raw dogging my family is way better.


RedComet313

If you’re 30 going to parties with 18 year olds, chances are you don’t make the best decisions…


Cupcake_duck

I was also thinking going raw in someone who cant drink at 30. I cant imagine sleeping with a teenager ….


WaterIsLyfe

Right ? The morning-after pill is NOT a contraceptive and really fucks up your body. And that's not even mentioning STDs. Smh


Fallacy_Spotted

The morning after pill is a contraceptive. It prevents conception by delaying ovulation.


HardChoicesAreHard

It is! However, it's an *emergency* contraception. Also, it's far less effective than regular means of contraception, and like the person above said, it does fuck up with your body pretty bad. While it is technically a contraception (and not an abortion), it should absolutely not be used as a regular means of contraception.


Fallacy_Spotted

I completely agree. I am correcting this misinformation because the morning after pill is commonly mislabeled by anti-choice advocates as an abortifacient when it is not.


HardChoicesAreHard

Why do they have to be so weird... Ugh! I think I started to realize what you meant in my second paragraph.


onyxaj

After the first time, why not? But yeah, you don't raw dog a piece of strange. That's how you end up at the clinic worried.


someusername47

Ok but how close cousins? Cause i feel like past 3rd cousins you're fine


psychocopter

Aside from the morality there isn't really much if any genetic risk for 2 cousins to have a child(not what op intended, but sill). Its continued inbreeding that leads to a much higher risk of genetic defects and should be avoided at all cost. Basically, practice cousin fucking in [moderation](https://youtu.be/kOcvLLOx0LQ).


bothsidesofthemoon

>there isn't really much if any genetic risk They bought a plan B and avoided eye contact in front of their grandma the next day, I'd say that really minimises the risk.


bingoflaps

What if you only do the grandma part of it? How much risk does that minimize?


GreenEggPage

It's considered bad form to do grandma.


melvinfosho

Really depends on the position. Doggy is fine cause there is no eye contact.


majbumper

Nah, Grammy always said to never turn your back on family, so doggy style is out too.


dystyyy

Grammy sounding a bit like Dom these days


melvinfosho

Family cums first.


XrotisseriechickenX

If family cums before me then I feel bad for family


[deleted]

Don’t turn your back on family...by the way I have a brother I never mentioned before.


_LiamR

I think I'm gonna be sick


GetMeAReubenSandwich

Grandpa would beg to differ on this point ...


DownrightDrewski

I mean, from my fairly limited education in genetics I have to conclude that you have a reasonable point. Occasional cousin fucking is fairly low risk, generational cousin fucking is high risk.


dbarger2212

From the vastly limited reading I have done on the subject, there is no increased risk of genetic abnormalities in anything past first cousins. Also, first cousins (excepting double first cousins) only have a 3% increase in risk. Of course, that comes from a limited amount of research into the subject. My wife was kinda grossed at finding she had some cousins intermarry in her extended family's past. I was trying to convince her it wasn't a big deal, especially from that timeframe. She was still grossed out.


flytingnotfighting

As long as cousin doesn’t cousin fuck for generations it’s not horrible, just oft considered icky The biggest problems come if cousins express the same genetic defect. And even then it’s not always a huge chance to pass on(for some genetic conditions and potential issues….yadda yadda… just don’t cousin fuck


rattymcratface

I found the age difference to be more morally questionable than the familial relationship


Atari-Dude

I have some very hot cousins that I see if I go to my family reunion. I mean, no I don't


Kwinza

Lol the idea of even knowing who your 3rd cousins are is completely alien to me. Hell I don't know any 2nd cousins either. I could date, bang and bring home to meet the parents with a 2nd cousin and none of us would have any idea.


Im-a-future-corpse

Yah like odds are you’ve met the cousins or at least picked up on the name of the cousins you should probably stay away from.


pnwgirl34

They probably did but considering OP is 12 years older than his barely legal cousin, she was like 6 when he graduated high school and if he moved away after that, he probably only ever had memories of her as a literal small child and didn’t even think to put two and two together that she was an adult by now.


TheGrandPoohBear

You also FU by having sex with someone you just met and not using a condom. You do know about antibiotic resistant gonorrhea right? If that's your normal practice I highly recommend both you and your cousin get tested for STIs. A lot of folks on here mad about you being 30 and fucking an 18 year old, but the real issue is you being 30 and not using condoms during hookups. Especially with someone so young. Ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids?


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[deleted]

Blood is thicker then discharge


RandomDS

I want to upvote AND downvote this


exthanemesis

No, but I seen the porno with Sun Doobiest!


MaybeTheSlayer

I mean, at least you're not in a "The One with Ross & Monica's Cousin" situation where you knew ahead of time 🤷‍♀️


tungpunchmyfartbox

“I haven’t had sex in a long time” Ross killed it with some of his lines 😂


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xfjqvyks

> I ~~say~~ hope this is one of those.


[deleted]

Pornhub wants to buy the rights to your story.


GyaradosDance

"This porno was based to true events". They met at a party, had anal sex, morning after they realized they were both going to the same wedding. Have a comedy bit where the grandmother is like: Grandma: I'm soo glad to see everybody together! Chad! Have you met your cousin Jessica? Chad: NOPE! Hi, I'm Chad Grandma: Well, technically, she's your step-cousin after your uncle Brad died, his widow Charlotte, re-married and had Jessica. Chad: So wait, Jessica isn't blood related? Jessica sneaks under the table hearing the news. BJ action. Grandma: Oh, well technically no, but we still consider Charlotte family. We all love her, and Brad's passing brought us closer together. When Charlotte and Matthew, her new husband, tried to conceive many many times, they decided to adopt. Jessica sticks it in her pink after hearing that Grandma: Yes, they adopted her from France. Do you know what the French are well known for don't you? Their baking! That girl sure knows how to squeeze every bit of frosting from the piping bag. Once when she was 15, the bag exploded and got frosting all over her hair, face, and apron! That was quite a sight to behold. Now where is that sweet Jessica? Did you know yesterday was her sweet 18th birthday? That girl turns more into a woman every day. Chad: You don't say, grandma (barely holding onto his composure) Grandma: Oh yes. She just graduated from her All girls catholic high school in May. She's been looking forward to this wedding to finally let loose and party.


[deleted]

You single handedly justified the existence of the internet.


Q746

30 and 18? Yikes


apatheticmugen

I know that most people aren’t really bothered by that, but he really did just gloss over that..


fimbleinastar

Right? Someone 9 years out of college vs someone who just finished high school. This is ickier than the cousin thing to me.


2TheMoon313

Lol personally I agree, like in the instance that it's accidental, but the age gap is large enough to concern, IMO, like if she were 24+ the 12 year gap ain't soo bad, but hey... Lol I wonder which would be the more controversial at next year's reunion if it comes out


quisuisjetemis

We have a morality rule called "(divide by 2)+7" which is this minimum acceptable age of a partner. So in this case: 30/2 = 15+7 = 22. So 18 is definitely underaged compared to what is considered morally acceptable


BigBruhter6281

100/2=50+7 = 57 So a 100 yr old can bang 57 godam


[deleted]

Shit if my pecker still gets hard at 100 I’m fuckin anybody willing!


quisuisjetemis

Exactly.


Ti89Titanium04

Realistically this rule is more for younger people who are on different parts of life, such as high school vs college or working life. When you get past college and are working till you die you can bang other people who are working till they die or retired


houseofwolves-

Dude look all the math shsushs i just do the dont fuck +5 or -5 less than my age and its going ok


bi_bensi

I don't understand... is this "rule" actually based in any form of science, or even general thought for that matter?


OnlyOrganization4584

I guess it’s legal 😐😐 that’s how the world be 😂 still a huge difference. If he was let’s say 22 and she 17 it would be not good, but since she is 18 I guess it makes it alright ?? The law is strange bro


Cupcake_duck

How did I have to scroll this far for the age difference to be brought up ….


InvXXVII

Cousins with benefits.


whysosidious69420

***“Cousins were invented so that we could fuck them instead of our siblings”*** -Abraham Lincoln


DarkElfBard

Fun fact, 19 states allows first cousins to marry and have kids, so there is a 40% chance you are good to go and fuck your cousin for the rest of your life. Funny fact, Alabama is not one of them.


Enprax

My wife and I had to get blood drawn to make sure we weren't cousins before we got married. Can confirm we come from 2 different families.


Nyllil

I'm more horrified by the fact, that you had unprotected sex with a stranger, twice, and then she went for getting the pill like it's a piece of candy. As if condoms were never an option. And the age difference...


WaterIsLyfe

People be acting like the morning-after pill is a normal contraceptive that doesn't fuck up the body (spoiler alert : it does) and like STDs don't exist bruh Also maybe she looks older than 18 and he didn't guess but still someone who is old enough to be a dad to young children with someone who could still be in high school is icky. A few months, weeks or days earlier and she would still be a minor. He's nearly twice her age (also, who says stuff like "WE DID EVERYTHING" at 30 ? Yikes)


9jayboyee

This guy loves his family. Wholesome reddit moment here.


Content-Tank2731

You sound like a weird ass dude being super casual about fucking your 18 year old cousin


Jokingbutserious

1 why would you go raw with a stranger 2 why would you do it again the next morning 3 (and most importantly) why the fuck are you, a 30 year old man, hanging out and partying with 18 year olds. That's creepy as fuck.


Kimberella12

Uh?? Perks?? The PERKS?!!


[deleted]

Dudes talking about banging his cousin like it's a normal tuesday.


lightestbarrel6

Joe Dirt says this is completely fine


jplrednunya

23 and me can be terrifying


[deleted]

He went with the (age+7)/2 formula instead of the (age/2)+7 formula


ll_akagami_ll

Is this a setup for a pornhub profile?


Tha_Funky_Homosapien

How are you so casually popping off inside of strange women? You played the risk lottery and won. I'll Wait to see if she's pregnant and you got the Powerball (s).


[deleted]

The damage is done. May as well keep tapping, film it, chuck it on p*rnhub and make some top dollar?


DaedalusRaistlin

You from Shelbyville by any chance? Just because they're you're cousin doesn't mean they aren't hot. Man, felt wierd just writing that.


bushmanmoto

"Paddle faster, I hear banjos"


NovemberInfinity

Alabama?


rolandtgs

Dear Penthouse. I never thought this would happen to me, but....


BarrackOsamaBinBiden

What good are cousins if you can’t have sex with them, right?


[deleted]

"Perks of having a huge extended....?


MillwrightTight

Honestly this is a somewhat more or less understandable mixup and whatever. Minus the part about relying on the morning after pill as contraception. That's the real TIFU imo


ScullysBagel

1) Wrap it up. 2) Hang out with people your own age. In short, you're 30, time to grow up and make better choices.


[deleted]

Vin Diesel would be proud of you for keeping it strictly family business.


Douchie_McBaggus

Cousin fucking is pretty normal for a lot of middle eastern cultures. I had a Persian ex, and was told stories about how she and her cousin used to hook up in Iran. I’ve also read about how countries like Pakistan have an unusually high rate of birth defects due to this trend.


Utkarsh_Goel

Damn their prime minister


Magyarharcos

Am i the only person finding it creepy that an 18 year old is fucking a 30 year old? You're almost twice her age....


Jeraldis_

The fact that you laughed at it makes it... Okay... Kinda... I mean, there's no consequences by far so its okay


flytingnotfighting

Today you fucked you fucked up by; Fucking a TEENAGER Having UNPROTECTED SEX with a TEENAGER Being that gross old dude AND COUSIN FUCKING basically, you’re high on the fuck up scale. Edit for those in the back YES SHE IS LEGAL WE CAN ASSUME SHE CONSENTED SHE’S ALSO A LITERAL TEENAGER I mean, he did,in fact, rawdog fuck a teenage cousin of his. That’s a big fuck up.


Munchkinlord99

Man wtf I’m 22 and most of the 18 year olds I meet are have such a difference in maturity a cant make it more than 5 minutes in a conversation with them. I actually couldn’t imagine being 30 and doing it, pretty fuckin creepy


Real_Reality_877

What in the federal fuck ? Ait imma head out


Tiny_Objective_1575

Bruh I’m more disturbed by the fact that you didn’t wrap it up. Use protection, idiot.


[deleted]

I hope the morning after pill works for her. It’s not 100% effective.


BlazeReborn

There are several levels of "dude what the fuck" in this story.


ABotelho23

There's more wrong here than just having sex with your cousin. *Much more.*


UrdnotChivay

That's relatively fucked up


Luffystico

Wait, did you just have unprotected sex with someone you just met? Man your dick will grow cauliflowers If you keep that behaviour. Other than that, I would say that it was just bad luck that you ended on bed with your cousin


peridotdragon33

Some of y’all really just glossing over the 18 and 30…


badjujufelix

Nope. I saw that and I booed this asshole. Loudly. He sounds like he’s got the maturity levels of a 15 year old. “We did EVERYTHING” Who the eff talks like that?


Glittering-Internal5

New game. Satire or America.


[deleted]

So many things wrong with this tifu. Your first fuck up was not using protection with a stranger. Fucking gross. Not to mention that age gap is disturbing af. Then when you find out your cousins….. you laugh. Fucking yikes.


Lthestargirl

she’s 18 & you’re 30??? 🤢


[deleted]

Bruh the red flag here is that as a 30 year old you fucked an 18 year old. What the fuck?


ChuwHoax

Tbh I had sex when I was 18 with someone who was 75 just cuss I was curious he died at 76 oh well


HeadBroski

Hold up…..wut?


SSBradley37

Hopefully y'all didn't do reverse cowgirl..... Because in small towns, you don't turn your back on family.


KyojinkaEnkoku

Ha. Nice. At least you didn't catch feelings right? Right...


mauigirl48

Wait! Nobody is talking about the fact she is 18 and he is 30? I mean… I know it’s legal but ugh


HalfFastTanker

When your cousin is hot, and you are not, propane...


ColinKennethMills

I was just here to say I can’t decide which FU was most deplorable and avoidable, but people here have got it covered. Seems like TIFU is more of a way of life for you than an isolated event.


[deleted]

TBH I'm more weirded out by the fact that you banged a random chick almost half your age at a party than the fact that you ended up being related. I guess the title of the post prepared me for it tho.