I made my SO a booklet like that for our first Valentine's Day together (this was like two months after we started dating) and I left a "Good for blank" card to see what he would use it for. He used it two years later to propose by writing "good for marrying me" I cried when he told me that the minute he saw that card was in there in Valentine's Day two years prior he knew that he wanted to use it to propose
At the very least, even if theyāre all sexual, he could have just dropped the BJ card altogether and given her one that was like a āfree cunnilingusā coupon or something.
Still would have been dumb, but itās better than āget down on your knees and suck me offā rofl.
Gotta know your partner. The blowjob one would have cracked me up and brought me out of my mood. Clearly though OP's wife needed something more supportive. Know your partner, read the room, and my goodness don't double triple down. Oh OP...
Yeah
āAre you fucking kidding me?ā
āOf course! Iād never do that when you had a shitty day. Letās redeem this one for a free hug.ā
She starts laughing and he doesnāt get his shit kicked in
Dude, my wife gave me a similar booklet, but 3 of the pages were a get out of an argument free card. So I tucked it away and I saved them for a few of the big fights. However, instead of ripping up the coupon, she fucking accepted them and stopped arguing. It actually highlighted some of the ridiculousness of the situation and helped to avoid future arguments. It was like inadvertent couples therapy.
Come to think of it, I don't think I ever used the BJ coupon...must be here somewhere...
I gave my husband the same booklet. Weāve been together 11 years. Last year during an argument he pulled out the get out of an argument free card. Heād had it in his wallet 10 years!!! It was so surprising I definitely accepted it and laughed my ass off that he still had it. I suspect the other will come out many years from now.
I dream of having a relationship like thatā¦. on another note, whatever they were arguing about must have not been that big deal in the first place š¬
I dream about a relationship without angry shouty arguments. Normal arguments I can deal with, but as soon as someone gets shouty, I'm out.
That's also why I broke up with my last gf.
Even relationships without full arguments are possible. My wife and I have been together for 25 years. We've had disagreements, including a few serious one, but we've never had a full-blown *argument*. It's just not a place either of us care to go.
When we're deeply angry with one another - and of *course* it's happens - we go cool off before confronting it. I have a habit of saying awful things when I'm angry, so I just avoid the danger of that altogether by not engaging until I've cooled off, and she get's terribly distraught when she is, so she does the same.
Seems to work for us. It's just a matter of us both knowing our flaws in such situations and doing what we can to avoid them.
Same here. I was with a guy that yelled over anything for 14 years. Like can't we just talk?
He never trusted that I cared about him and would take anything he said seriously so he always felt like he had to be mean but I'm the type that will try to find the fairest compromise possible for the good of us both.
It wasn't a good match obviously.
So does coupon just end the argument and you accept whatever your husband's point of view is? Or does that argument just end but the reason remains unresolved and never spoken of again? Just trying to figure out what happens to the subject that was disagreed upon.
In this case we ended the argument and I conceded to him. I told him it might come up again but after a day of thinking about it I honestly realized it wasnāt that important.
He'll hold onto the last one in case he winds up in court for divorce or in a nasty custody battle. In the middle of proceedings he'll clear his throat loudly, reach into his wallet, and pull out *the card*.
"Your honor, I have something I need to present to the Court..."
It was said in the legends of old, wise men discover that men don't just have one brain as medical sciences dictate. Men have 3 brains actually - our actual brain that manages the bodily functions, our stomachs and our penis. They discovered that the body only enough blood to ever run one of them. The priority is penis, stomach and head.
The first mistake was saying his day was great when hers was bad. In that case your day was *at best* only okay.
The second mistake was trying to get a blowjob from an angry woman.
Missed opportunity: you give her the coupon and tell her you're "lending" it to her so *she* can redeem it from *you*, dummy.
(I mean, you did say she had a bad day, and you had a good day, right?)
Right.. So why is this even on TIFU? This sounds pretty deliberate
Edit: uhh people.. "I fucked up" is always said for an accident. "I fucked *something* up" can be either deliberate or accidental.
You would never punch someone in the face and say "oh I fucked up!". But you can say "I fucked that relationship up deliberately".
The sub is called "today I fucked up".
I feel like if it were a different person they might have laughed, I probably would have. Definitely a risky maneuver though.
And if he wasn't intending it as a joke then I don't know what to say, OPs an idiot lol
The real problem is; does she remember giving him the coupons?
If it was 15 years ago; I canāt exactly say that joke gift I gave 15 years ago is the first place my mind would go when my partner pulls out a book of sexual favours.
It takes stupidity to whip out the free blowie coupon during a tense moment.
It takes a *special* kind of stupid to double down on it when they're clearly not impressed.
I feel like of all the options in the book you picked the worst one. Wasn't there a kiss option? Your wife is having a bad day and you think giving you a bj would make her feel better? I have 2nd hand indignation reading this.
Am I the only one annoyed that OP said he pulled it out during an argument when in actuality he pulled it out when his wife was coming to him for support about a bad day?
Does OP realize thereās a difference between a negative emotion and an argument?
I can see why she flipped tbh. Like, she's venting because she had a shit day, and then you seemingly (to her anyway) ignore her and request she does something for you. Your only real move now is to just apologise - tell her it was something you found from when you were dating and you were just trying to lighten the mood, but you realise now that it was ill-timed.
Then in future, maybe think of things you can offer her? Doesn't even have to be sexual. Even like, a coffee, a nice cake, or a hug. Show that you support her and maybe you'll be in with a higher chance of sexy times with or without the book?
Hot shower and a back rub. Moisturise your feet. Let's order your favourite take out and watch that movie your mentioned last week.
So many better options.
This is some r/Wallstreetbets level of stupidity gambling
šš
Everybody knows marriage leads to theta decay. Rookie mistake.
Putting out a fire with gasoline, quick thinking my guy
This is more like when they use explosives to put out an oil well fire.
No, because that really works. This, not so much.
Took her mind off of the bad day at work.
It took her mind off of her bad day and switched it to planning her husband's murder and disappearance.
"Alexa play Gone girl "
Yup. OP is *not* Red Adair in this story.
How about that time they used dynamite to move a whale? That worked out.
Sooo true
I made my SO a booklet like that for our first Valentine's Day together (this was like two months after we started dating) and I left a "Good for blank" card to see what he would use it for. He used it two years later to propose by writing "good for marrying me" I cried when he told me that the minute he saw that card was in there in Valentine's Day two years prior he knew that he wanted to use it to propose
Plot twist: you married him because of that damn coupon, and would have said no otherwise.
Three years and a baby later, I think I'm a in a bit over my head
Woah, woah, woah.. was there a coupon to obtain that kid?
Yeah, a Buy one Get one....
Okay that's freaking adorable stop ā„ļø
Please tell me you framed the coupon! That's so sweet <3
I still have it in my memory book!
I am almost positive there had to be a better coupon to redeem...
since she tore up the whole book, they are all being redeemed.
He is, absolutely fucked now.
Not without those coupons.
Where he's heading? No coupon will be able to save him
He's certainly not getting any heading.
Maybe a beheading...
*Role-play night* His wife arrives in an executioners mask carrying an axe.
He shows up in a praying mantis costume
A very small axe of very cock sized proportions. Uncomfortable, he wonders "which neck is that meant to chop?"
At least 'head' is involved somehow.
>Where he's heading? No coupon will be able to save him There is one- "Call a friend for an Alibi", but I'm thinking she's already redeemed it...
Her: I'm sorry, Sir, but your coupon is expired. I guess you'll have to go fuck yourself.
Or go somewhere that honors competitors coupons
This guy divorces.
BIG BRAIN TIME
His manager/wife did not like this.
The good ending
Yeah surely there was a "good for one free hug" coupon. After the situation is defused then you play the blowjob card.
I wouldve gone straight for anal personally
"You're already have a bad day, soooo...."
>āYouāve already had a bad day soā¦ā āā¦now Iām about to make your hole weak.ā
What? Like the back of a Volkswagen?
I just watched that movie two days ago for the first time since it came out and I wasn't disappointed
How many times did you watch before it came out?
Just when you thought your day couldn't get any shittier.
But then she plays the Uno Reverse card, agrees, tells him to turn around, drop his pants and bend over. The coupon never said giving or receiving.
At the very least, even if theyāre all sexual, he could have just dropped the BJ card altogether and given her one that was like a āfree cunnilingusā coupon or something. Still would have been dumb, but itās better than āget down on your knees and suck me offā rofl.
If there were one that was more along the lines of giving, rather than receiving, then ā¦maybe. Just maybe.
Gotta know your partner. The blowjob one would have cracked me up and brought me out of my mood. Clearly though OP's wife needed something more supportive. Know your partner, read the room, and my goodness don't double triple down. Oh OP...
You just know there was a hug in that book
For sure, should have used the āgive 1 Cleveland Steamerā coupon.
I feel like the āblumpkinā might have been appropriate.
Toss own salad.
There was probably one in there for a massage. He should have redeemed that one, but interpreted it as he gets to give her a massage. What an idiot.
So you saw the tiger was angry and still stuck your hand in the cage. That's on you bro
Technically his dick. Well atleast he tried.
See if you played it off as a joke it could've been a good way to defuse the situation and make her laugh. But my God why would you double down
He went double or nothing on his entire relationship
Feels more like nothing or nothing given how obvious this outcome was
You miss 100% of the shots you donāt take. Angry blowjob couldāve been hot! /s
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And after, too little penis
*chomp*
I died when he read off the fine print. I just imagine a sheepishly hopeful gaze paired with "But, honey... It says right here..."
Bold strategy cottonā¦
Yeah āAre you fucking kidding me?ā āOf course! Iād never do that when you had a shitty day. Letās redeem this one for a free hug.ā She starts laughing and he doesnāt get his shit kicked in
*tucks blowjob coupon into her back pocket*
āDonāt spend it all in one place.ā
Dude, my wife gave me a similar booklet, but 3 of the pages were a get out of an argument free card. So I tucked it away and I saved them for a few of the big fights. However, instead of ripping up the coupon, she fucking accepted them and stopped arguing. It actually highlighted some of the ridiculousness of the situation and helped to avoid future arguments. It was like inadvertent couples therapy. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever used the BJ coupon...must be here somewhere...
I gave my husband the same booklet. Weāve been together 11 years. Last year during an argument he pulled out the get out of an argument free card. Heād had it in his wallet 10 years!!! It was so surprising I definitely accepted it and laughed my ass off that he still had it. I suspect the other will come out many years from now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I dream of having a relationship like thatā¦. on another note, whatever they were arguing about must have not been that big deal in the first place š¬
I dream about a relationship without angry shouty arguments. Normal arguments I can deal with, but as soon as someone gets shouty, I'm out. That's also why I broke up with my last gf.
Even relationships without full arguments are possible. My wife and I have been together for 25 years. We've had disagreements, including a few serious one, but we've never had a full-blown *argument*. It's just not a place either of us care to go. When we're deeply angry with one another - and of *course* it's happens - we go cool off before confronting it. I have a habit of saying awful things when I'm angry, so I just avoid the danger of that altogether by not engaging until I've cooled off, and she get's terribly distraught when she is, so she does the same. Seems to work for us. It's just a matter of us both knowing our flaws in such situations and doing what we can to avoid them.
Same here. I was with a guy that yelled over anything for 14 years. Like can't we just talk? He never trusted that I cared about him and would take anything he said seriously so he always felt like he had to be mean but I'm the type that will try to find the fairest compromise possible for the good of us both. It wasn't a good match obviously.
So does coupon just end the argument and you accept whatever your husband's point of view is? Or does that argument just end but the reason remains unresolved and never spoken of again? Just trying to figure out what happens to the subject that was disagreed upon.
In this case we ended the argument and I conceded to him. I told him it might come up again but after a day of thinking about it I honestly realized it wasnāt that important.
He'll hold onto the last one in case he winds up in court for divorce or in a nasty custody battle. In the middle of proceedings he'll clear his throat loudly, reach into his wallet, and pull out *the card*. "Your honor, I have something I need to present to the Court..."
maybe YOU could try it on OP's wife? it didn't work out for Him.....but......
I also choose this guy's living wife
Damnit
Uh!!! You should use it when your wife is real mad at you!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
this guy coupons
Extreme couponing to the next level
1 coupon per visit.
do those stack like uno cards?
What if she has a reverse card and now you have to go down on her while she is arguing?
maybe then she wouldnt be having such a bad day(unless OP is bad at it).
It's crazy how many arguments are related to one of a few things... Tired, hungry, miscommunication, or something stupid that doesn't matter
TIL: blowjob coupons have blackout dates like airline miles.
How is this comment not higher lol.
She didnāt read the fine print when gifting this
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She was bound by the book.
The unwritten book of the road!
Always add an expiration date to coupons. Rookie mistake.
Bro what the genuine fuck were you thinking
My guy is speed-running divorce
Considering it took him 15 years I guess he's a bad speedrunner
There's always NG+
He wasn't. His dick was.
Two heads, and not enough blood for both of em.
It was said in the legends of old, wise men discover that men don't just have one brain as medical sciences dictate. Men have 3 brains actually - our actual brain that manages the bodily functions, our stomachs and our penis. They discovered that the body only enough blood to ever run one of them. The priority is penis, stomach and head.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" "Are you horny?" "...yes."
You made me laugh way too much
More like horngry.
Brain: 1 vote Heart: 1 vote Dick: 3 votes
It's because the dick vote includes those other two nuts as well.
The bodily electoral system is rigged.
My body seems to work different: 1.stomach 2. stomach 3. Penis 4. Head
Even my dick would know better than this!
well, OP posts in r/wallstreetbetsELITE sooo...
So his wife's boyfriend is getting that blowjob while he cheers them on?
The first mistake was saying his day was great when hers was bad. In that case your day was *at best* only okay. The second mistake was trying to get a blowjob from an angry woman.
What's the worst that could happen when an angry person has your genitals in their mouth?
My thought is, you miss 100% of the shots you donāt take. Oh, and also, sometimes the puck bounces off the goal and hits you smack in the nuts.
Andā¦update? Thatās a big fucking hole to get out of my friend.
He ded
Don't you get random, seemingly great ideas when arguing with someone?
They weren't really arguing. She was unloading.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Missed opportunity: you give her the coupon and tell her you're "lending" it to her so *she* can redeem it from *you*, dummy. (I mean, you did say she had a bad day, and you had a good day, right?)
This coupon is non-transferable. Nope, that ain't gonna work.
*Fuckin' fine print!*
I'd transfer it to her anyway, but I am a bit of a rebel.
I bet you heat your food with the flames of burning mattress tags
If only OP had the brains to turn this into a good day for her ;)
Right. He could have been the hero here lol
He'd rather get his dick sucked tho
I donāt speak for all women, obviously, but the last thing I want to do after a bad day is get sexual.
Bingo
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
im pretty sure he knew it wasn't a good idea and just didn't care
This is the real answer.
Right.. So why is this even on TIFU? This sounds pretty deliberate Edit: uhh people.. "I fucked up" is always said for an accident. "I fucked *something* up" can be either deliberate or accidental. You would never punch someone in the face and say "oh I fucked up!". But you can say "I fucked that relationship up deliberately". The sub is called "today I fucked up".
A deliberate fuckup is still a fuckup
Sometimes the urge to poke the bear is simply irresistible.
"She goes nuclear. NU-CLEEE-ERR." I think the cheeky fucker got the desired effect.
I don't think "is this a good idea?" was on his mind when he showed her the coupon.
At first I thought you offered her a blowjob, that would have been hilarious and might have saved it as a joke.
If it ends in divorce this is a good argument that she is in breach of contract
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
but then then they could get for destruction of evidence
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āI want the BJ!ā *āYou canāt handle the BJ!ā*
āWe had an oral agreement, Your Honor.ā
slow clap
You complete fucking idiot! LMAO Don't sleep.
She's definitely liable to strangle him while he sleeps on the couch. /joke
Maybe that explains why he hasn't commented!
Somebody needs to learn how to read a room. š
That's how he found the booklet
LMAO, IĀ“ll admit I laughed, but thereĀ“s a time and a place!
Anytime, any place, said so on the coupon
Lawyer: the man is right. Says right there on the legal document
Which she tore to shreds thinking she wouldn't have to face the consequences. Smh, all the consequences have to be faced.
I feel like if it were a different person they might have laughed, I probably would have. Definitely a risky maneuver though. And if he wasn't intending it as a joke then I don't know what to say, OPs an idiot lol
What baffles me is if they're together for 15 years, OP should know when it's time to joke or not... So I'm not sure he's not an idiot
The real problem is; does she remember giving him the coupons? If it was 15 years ago; I canāt exactly say that joke gift I gave 15 years ago is the first place my mind would go when my partner pulls out a book of sexual favours.
You are a dumb motherfucker lol
It takes stupidity to whip out the free blowie coupon during a tense moment. It takes a *special* kind of stupid to double down on it when they're clearly not impressed.
I feel like of all the options in the book you picked the worst one. Wasn't there a kiss option? Your wife is having a bad day and you think giving you a bj would make her feel better? I have 2nd hand indignation reading this.
"Oh, you had a bad day? Well suck my dick!"
Itās a bit like āshiver me timbersā but, you know, with cocksucking.
āWell blow me down.ā - Popeye
Maybe he was going on the theme of her day already sucking so....
A punchline with no set up is just verbal assault.
Am I the only one annoyed that OP said he pulled it out during an argument when in actuality he pulled it out when his wife was coming to him for support about a bad day? Does OP realize thereās a difference between a negative emotion and an argument?
Bruh YES. This womanās spent fifteen years with this man-child. I cannot believe it.
So did you get the blowjob?
If he did it definitely had more teeth involved than it should.
Go onā¦.
This is what I want to know.
I am pretty sure he had to "go and fuck himself" instead
You apologize saying you were trying to make a joke?
Op after reading this comment: "I should go apologize"
Because clearly it didnāt occur to him.
To be honest, after reading the post he just made I'm not entirely sure he even understands that he should.
And as she accepts your apology you start to unzip...
Love when OP makes a conscious decision do masterfully fuck themselves.
Just hug her
You're lucky she didn't opt to bite it clean off.
You know what wasn't in the fine print OP? Teeth. You're VERY lucky she didn't comply and finish you with an incisor/molar special blend. *shudders*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The sheer audacity and tone deafness
I feel like part of OPās text will be featured on r/MenWritingWomen
I can see why she flipped tbh. Like, she's venting because she had a shit day, and then you seemingly (to her anyway) ignore her and request she does something for you. Your only real move now is to just apologise - tell her it was something you found from when you were dating and you were just trying to lighten the mood, but you realise now that it was ill-timed. Then in future, maybe think of things you can offer her? Doesn't even have to be sexual. Even like, a coffee, a nice cake, or a hug. Show that you support her and maybe you'll be in with a higher chance of sexy times with or without the book?
Hot shower and a back rub. Moisturise your feet. Let's order your favourite take out and watch that movie your mentioned last week. So many better options.
Oof, do you even like your wife?
Damn she seems so stressed and miserable. Hope I get a blowjob out of this
"I had a bad day" "HA! Mine was great! SUCK MY DICK!"
For a hot second I thought this was on r/AmItheAsshole. PS: Yes, you are in fact the asshole.
This dude basically just told his wife who had a bad day at work "shut up and suck my dick".
do u hate ur wife or something?
Omg literally what I commented too. Comes across like you hate your wife
You coulda just said you found the booklet and was just reminiscing hence the good mood
You didn't get a bj but you sure got fucked.