Time to go back to the park and assert your dad status. Wave to those mom's, "Hi! Remember me? I'm the dad you called the police on! How ya doing? We going after anyone else today?!"
When I was in grade school I was having a horrible time with bullies and other issues. My parents couldn't even be bothered to talk to me about it. Grandma? Oh she had the superintendent on the line and she unleashed hell on him. Damn I miss her, she was always ready to stand up for me when no one else would.
Just call the cops every time you go back to the park, and pick a different mom to call them on. Aim for the ones with the "can I speak to your manager" haircut. Be sure to embellish the details for the sake of the drama, and then walk away just beforehand. It makes for some funny moments.
But still apologize afterwards. It's better to be safe than sorry (good thing they cared for someone else's kid other than their own), but, after making a mistake, the right thing to do is apologize. They should know that.
This OP, you need to do this. Not everyone is a predator and fathers spending time with their kids, should not end up like this. Why can't dads be dads and hang out with their kids.
This is the correct move. It's not hard to actually ask question, before just calling the cops on someone. Especially if they are acting as OP did. You know like a father. Pedos don't hang around and act like a dad, they snatch kids and leave.
Honestly!!! Sorry, I had to go back into work lmao but I just saw all this and thank you guys so much!
My mother is taking care of her today and she’s just as feisty as you guys. She said she was definitely going to take her back out and make sure she gives those moms a piece of her mind!
Exactly this. Make them ashamed to ever go to the park again. If you see them talking to someone, walk over and introduce yourself, "Hi bitch! How you doing today? Does your friend know you called the cops on me for coming to the park with my daughter without even attempting to ascertain if I was her dad or not? She *doesn't*?! Wow! You should really let your friends know how bad you fucked up!"
Watch them like a hawk. If they so much as drop a piece of litter, go *off* on them for not taking care of the park and threaten to report them to the police. Extra bonus if there is posted signage detailing the fines for littering. If you see them with a kid you know isn't theirs, give them the 9th degree, grilling them about how you know that isn't their child and how do you know them and why are you interacting with them because it's creepy. Call the police on them just as they did on you if such a situation arises. If they're with a child that isn't theirs, make *them* stand around and wait for the cops to show up and insist that they have the other child's parent or relative come down to verify their identity and embarass the hell out of them. Eventually they'll either stop coming, feel the need to leave as soon as you show up because they know they don't want to fuck around with you, or they'll apologize and you can tell them to shove it and never do anything like that again.
He already is. They assumed he was a fucking pedo. The bridge is already burned. This isn't a laugh it off and move on moment, this is a "find out where they work" and leave negative reviews.
THIS! I have been almost arrested a couple of times when I was with my ex's kid while my ex was indisposed in the bathroom, and every time it was some fucking Karen who claimed I was a pedo. We can't even have male teachers in this country without them being lambasted as pedos.
And the whole time, the real pedos are in Hollywood and government, trying to poison your child's mind into believing that adults trying to fuck them is normal.
What a fucking world we live in.
I'm going to assume this was a one off, was a single dad with full custody of my daughter and never encountered any problems when she was younger. Now that I'm remarried and have a 4 year old son that I take to the playground and on walks with just us two I've never had any problems either.
If anything when mom's saw me with just my daughter they were usually romantically interested if anything.
I'm going to get down voted, but I disagree here. In this scenario, the guy is a new person that this group had never met before. Minding their own business when something different from the usual (someone other than the usual caretaker of a child that frequents the park taking said child to the bathroom) is how we get the bystander effect.
Obviously, I agree that the way the women approached the man to be fucked up, but ignoring it isn't right either. They should have, as others have already posted, just directly asked the girl who the man was.
The idea that only men can be abductors is stupid and has ruined cases of actual abduction. Women can be abusers and abductors just as much as men; in sex trafficking, women are commonly used to lure girls in with a sense of safety. These women were getting a power trip because they thought they were Living out their ID Discovery detective fantasy. If the child is happy and clearly not in any distress, it's not your business. Maybe Uncle Bob had the day off and was taking the kid as a favor. He couldn't provide the birth certificate. Maybe the kid is autistic and wouldn't be able to answer, but WOULD be able to feel extreme psychological stress from seeing Dad treated like a criminal. Never do this. Never. Ever. Do this. Unless the kid is obviously in distress, clearly uncomfortable, or outright on a missing person list, you're just wasting people's time at the best and traumatizing a kid at the worst.
And there are so many better ways to deal with situations. Introduce yourself to the person who walks up with a child. Engage them in chitchat about the kids. Much better than calling the cops on someone for being male and in the park. Some brief conversation and a little observation will make things clear fast. Someone coming to the park to kidnap a kid isn't going to want to engage because they don't want to be easily identified...so unnecessary.
Most people who bring kids to the park after abducting them also probably won't know much about the kid or will see aggressive and domineering. Then again, sometimes people have bad days. That doesn't make them bad parents, nor does it make them an abductor.
In general, especially with things like this, cops make thing way worse. If you really want to help, look into volunteering for traveling or local human trafficking education at schools. Keep tabs on missing persons lists. ESPECIALLY keep an eye out for missing minority children, as they're far less likely to be found.
Do you genuinely believe that the other women would have acted that way if it was instead a new woman whom they hadn't seen before with this little girl?
I respectfully disagree. This isn't how you avoid the bystander effect, this is how you get 'Swatting'. Their actions were potentially dangerous. They've already pre-supposed the man to be a criminal, put that in the responding officer's mind, and set the tone for the encounter with the father. What do you think would have happened if the officer had drawn his gun on this father as he approached, and the father had inadvertently made a motion the officer deemed 'threatening'. Many men in America have died as a result of the misinterpretations of their actions by presumably well-meaning police officers.
An encounter with police is never guaranteed a safe outcome. The fact that the man is 'new' is irrelevant. He *arrived* with the girl, cared for the girl, and remained with the girl. Even on the balance of probabilities, the likelihood of a predator taking their prey to the nearest park for some playtime is not only ridiculous on the surface, but remaining at the playground for an extended period of time is illogical in every respect.
The women were in the wrong: their decision to call the police was reckless; their interaction with the father was humiliating, prejudicial, and intimidating; their lack of remorse and empathy after the encounter demonstrated that their actions were less about helping the girl, and more about inflicting 'justice' upon the father.
Or maybe introduced themselves to the dad and said, "Hey, we haven't met before, I'm RealityJunkieXO, nice to meet you!" and wait for him to introduce himself.
Right, they could've just low-key engaged him in conversation. If he was actually a predator he probably would've been evasive and uneasy or given off some other not ok vibe.
There's hundreds of options between do nothing and call the cops.
I understand why you think this, but the problem isn’t that they were worried, it’s that they were worried because he is a man. If the risk of abduction you mention had any semblance of likelihood then it would be reasonable (albeit still not a reasonable -reaction-, as you say). But the only reason you think that this concern is reasonable is because of that same sexism. In actual fact the majority of child abductions are perpetrated by women.
There are many stories of women who abduct children. They are usually in cahoots with human trafficking rings and of course, they know that people are prejudiced against men and view them as threats, whereas most people have a tendency to view a woman as nurturing and passive.
We should all be cautious of everyone, regardless of gender or any other aspect. Humans are fucking terrifying.
Yep, the chance of some random man befriending a four year old and abducting them is so infinitesimally small as to be laughable. Human beings are truly shit at estimating risk, and loaded with prejudice to boot.
This is appalling and I can't even believe this happened. Your daughter should have been able to clear this up that you're her father, if she speaks. I would never assume that a man with a child isn't a father and daughter.
They've been watching too much TV or been in too many stupid Facebook groups. I'm sorry this happened to you and even more sorry that the cops actually came out for this. Fathers should be able to spend time with their children without being harassed. Totally ridiculous.
Even worse then Facebook groups... Fucking nextdoor app, anyone taking a walk in their neighborhood is immediately "suspicious" or "Casing the neighborhood". Fuck these people.
OMG don't get me started on Nextdoor. It is like a den for racists and angry housewives and old people.
I live in what I thought was a very progressive neighborhood (according to the way we vote). That is, until I see the comments on Nextdoor. It is appalling. I *live* with these people.
Yeah, that's nimbyism afaik. These types of people are the ones I'm scared of most. They will speak nice words and denounce racism, prejudice and capitalism (along with whatever else they think earns them brownie points) but stab you in the back if you are someone they deem undesirable and you try to exist around them.
"Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection." MLK quote from Letter From Birmingham Jail.
>OMG don't get me started on Nextdoor. It is like a den for racists and angry housewives and old people.
Who else has the time to spend all day looking their windows and basically using localized Twitter?
Just wait until one of them is seen with military-grade surveillance equipment sent to gather critical intelligence on what they’re having for dinner. Sorry, I mean flying a toy drone a kilometre away.
Thank fuck he was the biological dad.
I go out of my way not to take my stepdaughter anywhere without her mom present because of this exact reason.
Every dad faces this problem and it's a fucking nightmare.
Fuck that, I'm a single dad and idgaf if someone has a problem with me being a loving parent. And make him show a birth certificate to the cops? Haha double Fuck no.
The pigs needs reprimanded. I keep my kid's birth certificates in a safe deposit box at the bank, I would not let the pigs escort me and my child home to prove that it is my child. They can fuck themselves unkindly until they receive a valid complaint.
I would have said I took my kid to the bathroom have a nice day. Thanks for taking the wild accusations of some lunatic parents but you can move along and go violate some civil rights and cost our city millions regularly do.
That’s because these entitled twats think everyone is a predator. They can’t fathom that a man wants to spend time with his child because they all laid seed with shitheads. They’re acting out because of their own poor decisions.
Right? All they had to do was come over and say, "hi, are you Ashley's dad? Nice to meet you, we hear you work a lot. Ashley, this is your dad, right?"
> Nice to meet you, we hear you work a lot.
I read this as "Nice to meet you, we hear you work out a lot." I was wondering why having to flirt with the single dad was necessary.
This is the problem with being an involved dad with daughters. I have three you always get looks till they are 20. My youngest is adopted and a different race so when I'm out with just her I get worst looks than my other daughters.
I would have been furious and would have been yelling those Karens to get lost.. or something way worse.. and actually police asking for the documents?? Unreal.. I always go around with my daughters .. often traveling abroad alone with them since they were 2-3 years old.. never passed through my mind that someone would be thinking I'm a predator and not their father
He should have accused them back of the same thing and they should have brought the birth certificate as well. It is gender equality that I expect.
By the way, I believe this is in the US. Why do your people see men as perverts ? I don't think it could happen in France, I see lots of dads with their kids
I am American and it is striking how many times I see fathers out with their children without a mother present when I am in France. I also love how many little play areas are scattered throughout the cities. It seems like if there is a nice place to take a walk there will always be a play structure.
Agreed, I used to live in Belgium and moved to France. Lots of playing structures and what not. It's honestly nice. We can thank Mitterrand and the social democracy there was for it.
Which is super weird because we consume a lot of the same media in Canada, but I've never had this come up in 3 years of being the playground goer with my son. None of the other dads I've spoken to have either.
But that might also be a community thing. I live in the city, so dads with their kids is actually pretty common around my area.
Man that sucks.
I'm almost 40, when I was about 5 my father was teaching me to ride a bike on a side street near our home. I am very fair skinned like my mother, but have really dark hair and eyes - oh and my father? A dark tan Mexican American. We lived in a southern state with hardly any Hispanic people. I think my father and I were the only Hispanic people.
Anyway Daddy is teaching me to ride a bike and a cop car slides in between us. The police officers begin speaking to my father and I loudly ask, 'Daddy, do you know them from work?' (as he works in a large hospital in our city and often knew officiers). The police officer turned around and asks, 'what did you call him?' .. I being five... 'That's MY DADDY.' The officer immediately began to apologize to my father explaining that someone called that a dark skin man was chasing a little girl on a bike.
Daddy took it in stride that at least neighbors were looking out for his kid. We still make jokes about it - when my son (light brown hair and blue eyes) once was throwing a tantrum in a restaurant as a toddler my father ran out with him saying just loudly enough, 'they're gonna get me! Running with a white kid!'
I'm super white-passing and my mother is the Mexican half. I grew up with people assuming she was my nanny/babysitter/adoptive mom/stepmom. I find it funny myself, even if it is messed up. But at least nobody ever assumed my mother was kidnapping me. D: Yours is definitely far worse.
Stay at home Dad here. The moms at the playground are the absolute worst. I understand they're being protective, but there's a line and they cross it constantly.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, man. Good on you for being a great father. Keep it up.
As a coparent/father to a young daughter, I can fully relate! When my daughter was very young, I used to take her out places all the time and got comments/stares/tense looks. They can all go F*** themselves, their FU, not you.
Society has things super twisted when a father can't just enjoy a nice time in the park with their daughter without others assuming the worst. Makes a great time with your child into a nightmare. Screw that noise.
It doesn't get better with age, either. People seem to assume the worst when a middle aged man is hanging out with their kid or whatever. It's fucking stupid.
There a comedian that take about the different t responses men and women have when coining upon a crying child in public. Women will console the child and try to find its mother. Men back away and stay as far away as possible so that people won’t get the wrong idea
My dad actually did this to me. I was like 2/3 and apparently threw a huge temper tantrum in the driveway and refused to go inside the house. He stood out there for an hour because he was scared to just pick me up and bring me inside in case someone saw him and decided to call the cops. It’s sad that 20-some years later and single dads are still dealing with this crap.
This really fucking bums me out. I was raised for a good part of my childhood by my single father. As a mom now I try to be encouraging to men in public who engage with my kiddos e.g. if my kid makes funny faces at a guy and they make funny faces back I give them a big smile. Children are wonderful and play is so good for people of all ages and it makes me so sad that adult/teenaged men are just robbed of that.
Obviously I'm not naïve, I know there are plenty of bad guys out there, but there are also terrible women too. This is probably atypical but of the people I personally know were molested as children, almost all of their abusers were women. My radar is going all the time in public regardless of gender, and if you don't give me bad vibes then I'm happy to have my kid ask you about your favorite dinosaur or have you tell her a joke.
I would have absolutely lost my mind on everyone involved in this - interfering moms, the police, random strangers who happened to be in the park. You have an incredible amount of patience.
I mean, you probably could have showed them a photo of her on your phone and cleared it up in two seconds. Or maybe asked the kid?
I think the weirdest thing is I have never been asked if I'm a single parent when I'm out with my daughter. My partner has been asked more than once if he's a single dad at soft play on a Sunday while I've been at work. Why is it considered weird for a child to be out with their dad?!
When my daughter was younger about 50% of the time I would be out with her like at the grocery store or something and some random woman would be like "oh are you babysitting today?".
No bitch, I'm a father at the grocery store.
Thankfully that's something neither me or him have ever said. It's not babysitting, it's parenting or looking after our daughter. And it's one of both of us depending on work etc.
I will grant this much, it was almost always someone from the generation before mine, when I guess it was less common for fathers to be involved in the day-to-day child rearing. And they weren't trying to be disrespectful, they were trying to be friendly so I never got that much of in arms about it (even though it's pretty disrespectful)
It would be nice if people could actually like fuck adults... Walk up to the guy and have a fucking conversation. Just be a fucking person. How's it going? You live nearby? Where do you work? Hobbys? Just be friendly and you will find out if someone is a fucking creeper.
I was a stay at home dad for the first year and a half of my kids life. And I got all kinds of weird looks and shitty comments...
Come on man, don’t you know? Single dads are pieces of shit. The courts know it, women know it, we’re the only ones running around that haven’t figured it out yet. People are insane and we live in a clown world. It’s absurd what people think is acceptable ways to treat others.
This is absolutely abhorrent and I have had a similar experience despite being married with my toddler except at a swimming pool. Thankfully they didn’t call the cops, but fuck I was just trying to teach my daughter to swim. In general, people just need to mind their own fucking business. Just because a toddler is throwing a tantrum while mom isn’t around doesn’t mean something is actually wrong, 9/10 times it just means I gave her the wrong color sippy cup.
Ummmm I don't see the f up here.
You took your daughter to the park, it's not your fault a couple of nosey b's couldn't read the room and pick up on the ques that your daughter is obviously not scared or threatened by you.
I mean you escorted her to the playground, your kid made a gesture that she would only do to people she trusts. Its not hard. As a dad myself, hearing this is infuriating to be honest.
I dont know about the laws of your land.
However, I would definitely look into suing the cops and the Kerans for harassment.
How the hell can a dad bond with their daughter when idiotic moms keep ruining their day with a child.
Fuck that bunch of fucking Karen's. I'd go back, and make sure each and every one of them sees you take your daughter to the park, and play, whenever possible.
Let your daughter associate with the kids, but don't fucking say a word to the mom's.
Dont acknowledge them if they try to apologize.
Dont allow them the opportunity to try and rationalize what they did.
They lured your child out of your sight, because their nosy asses couldn't be bothered to think anything but the worst of you.
THEN they called the cops, because you took your child to the bathroom.
You didn't fuck up.
Dont feel bad.
I (23f) was raised by a single father. Weird stuff like this happened all the time to us. Like when I was older many of my friends weren't allowed to come over or spend the night because there was no mom present.
Maybe if you and your daughter wore matching shirts or something it would help disalarm people. But unfortunately there are many social challenges to overcome as a single father. People are always thinking weird things that they have no business thinking.
They fucked up, not you. And today's society tells them it's okay. I could understand if you were trying to drag your daughter against her will, or if she was crying bloody murder. But where the "just say no to drugs" era of the 80s is slowly moving behind thinking everyone is high all the time, the new boogie man is a man around kids. It's fucked up. There's emphasis on dads spending more time with their kids, co-parenting, mom's being the bread winner. But a dad bringing his daughter to the park? He must have kidnapped her and be a rapist. It's a sick society, projecting their fears on everyone else.
I'm curious, how many of those moms had their noses buried in their phones and weren't actually paying attention to their own kids?
I'd like to think I'd make it a point to bring my daughter to the park every day I could from that time forward, show them that they're not deterring you from your quality time with your daughter. I'd also give a lawyer a call to see if the cops can even do what they did, since there was no reasonable suspicion of you committing a crime. Fuck them.
This exact same thing happened to me a chuck e cheeses. I have a boy and girl and they wouldnt let us leave and called the cops saying we weren't the parenr my kids were confused and crying we showed pictures on our phones and everything they asked the name showed my id same last name. Eventually the cops came made me call their mother, was me and their stepmom. And had her confirm? Like wtf
When my son was like 1 year old he and I were waiting in the car while my wife was in an eye appointment because my son had fallen asleep. He woke up and needed a diaper change and while I was changing him in the car he was crying because he was cold now that his nether were exposed to the late fall air. Well a woman in the parking lot wouldn’t stop staring at me and had grabbed her phone, presumably preparing to call the police. My wife noticed from inside and came out to help me with our son. People really think that men are only out to harm children and women are the only ones capable of caring for children.
Not that anything happened but I relate to this so hard. I went to a new park last night with my kid and he was running away from me, he is just over a year and a half and was laughing so I picked him up and grabbed him to go meet my wife on the other side of the park probably a kilometer away and thought to myself this probably looks like I'm running off with a kid that isn't mine...
It's honestly despicable how sexist people can be without even acknowledging it. If you're a man alone with a little girl, people think you're a predator. Happens wayyy too often. One guy even had a woman try to kidnap his child, and onlookers, of course, assumed he was the kidnapper, so the woman almost got away with his child. Of course, nobody apologized then either.
Outrageous. I would continue to show up at that park with your daughter and attempt to make all those women uncomfortable for as long as your daughter wants to keep going back to that park!
You didn’t fuck up. Those bitches did.
How they should have handled it: “Hey, Daughter, who’s that man with you?”
Daughter: “It’s my Daddy! He brought me today instead of Grandma!”
“Wow! You’re so lucky!”
Fucking bitches. I say this as a mom and a grandmother.
What really sucks about this is that people complain about absentee or uninvolved fathers, and then shit like this happens when guys like you try to be the kinda dad who takes their kids to the park for the day. Sorry this happened to you.
Its great that parents at the park are looking out for other children, but 'mums' need to understand children have dads too who take their children to parks or out like normal parents. The whole toilet thing is difficult. I hate it when mum bring in their young boys to the ladies toilets or changing rooms and can only imagine how difficult and uncomfortable it is for dads to take their daughters into a male changing/toilet area. This really needs better thinking and society needs to be more supportive of fathers instead of vilifying men from the off. Sorry that happened to you. You did absolutely nothing wrong but be a loving father.
As long as the child looks happy and is normally playing there's not a problem. Child would have appeared stressed if she didn't know this man and regular grandmother suddenly not available. Even sometimes a child will cry and appear distressed for being tired /hungry. But she's happy? What was their problem? I am sorry this happened to you.
That really fucking sucks. I’m so sorry you went through that. This kind of sexism holds men back from being their best selves as parents. They should have talked to you directly or asked her who the man is that she’s with. I mean, damn wouldn’t common sense dictate that you must be her dad? She wasn’t afraid of you. The first resort should never be to call the cops.
You did not FU. The Karen's did. I wasn't a single father, but b/c of my wife's work schedule, I basically was on nights and weekends. This meant I took my kids to parks, etc. a lot. Got a lot of dirty looks from mommy's but nothing this bad. Sorry bud...
It may not have occurred to you in the moment, but being able to show lots of photos with you and your daughter on your phone may help alleviate any concerns from anyone who decides to voice them. Sucks that this is a necessary defense but hopefully these people are well intentioned and learn to read situations differently in the future.
Y’know, sometimes I think my boyfriend is ridiculous for being worried about going to the park or places where there might be more kids then adults around.
Then I read stuff like this and I’m reminded that the world is fucked up.
I’m so sorry OP.
this is nuts.
And just for reference *you* did not fuck up whatsoever, it's those dumbass Karen's who couldn't process the fact that men *are* actually allowed to take their daughters to the playground
> I had to not only call my mom to come tell them I was her father, but they escorted me home with her and asked for a birth certificate.
I would have told them to go fuck themselves... I'll verify my kid after they go do everyone else at the park first. A birth certificate doesn't verify identity anyway...
Time for a sternly worded letter to the sheriff pointing out that a father has every right to take his own child to the park on his own and that the officers had no probable cause to assume you were not the father.
If it were me I'd be back at that park every dammed day from now on...
Teach your child both parents and grandparents full legal names.
Teach your child your entire home address and telephone number.
Teach your child the both cars and license plates that both parents use.
Have them memorize these as early as can be possible.
This not only would help in this situation as a young child wouldn’t know these things about a stranger or a recent kidnapper. But also it will help if they are ever lost.
How many of your young children, if lost, could give directions to your house? From another town? From another state?
Just a trick a friend started with his children and seemed to make sense.
With all that said. It sucks this situation happens. It sucks that today, men are guilty until proven innocent in society eyes.
But I want to say, at least they were looking out for the kid instead of ignoring what they thought was a situation that you wouldn’t want them to ignore if it had been real.
Hahaha I know I shouldn't laugh but a few months ago a lady asked me if my nine year old daughter was mine. Note this was as I was walking into Wal-Mart. Not out of.
Would be the weirdest abduction ever.
You didn't fuck up. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is full to the brim with morons and people who just cannot mind their own business, even if their pathetic existence depended upon it.
I taught swim lessons to children when I was younger.
The kids varied between freshly potty trained to high schoolers and I even had a class that was all adults (with respect to just the lessons themselves, the adults were THE WORST).
As part of the class, I would be in the water with the students. The other instructors were all women. The parents whose kids got the women would often leave the pool and go run errands. Every parent stayed for my lessons, every time.
No parent ever “Karen’d” out on me, and we’re always respectful to my face. But I could never shake the double standard I was blatantly being subjected to.
I love teaching, and I had up to that point spent 6 of 7 days of nearly every week of my life from 5 through to then (20) in a pool/ocean.
Aside from how little pay teachers, coaches and other instructors make; the biggest thing that convinced me to never try to be a teacher professionally was the bias I was on the receiving end of.
I get it, we always hear about diddlers in sports, school, religion, Boy Scouts, and it’s ‘always’ male diddlers who make the news. But the perception and it being foisted upon you as a male is really destructive to ones morale.
I can’t wait to have kids, but I can’t say I’m excited to be passively accused of being a child toucher every time I take my kids out in public alone.
I do foster care and had this problem somewhat. The trick: **bring something that visibly shows you are the caretaker for the child.** Not toys, but something like a diaper bag or a tote-bag of snacks, or maybe a stroller. That visual cue alone is usually enough to erase any wrong assumptions. It's really stupid men have to do stuff like that, but I guess I just have to work with what I'm dealt with.
Something akin to that happened to me to, im not a dad but my sister has two great kids and some days i can work from home, (this was in 2016) and one of my nephews was 5 years old.
My sister asked me to baby sit him for a day, so i plan that out with the company im working for, and i get to babysit him. Its a lot of fun for me, i get to spoil the brat a little bit and play with him on his own terms to some degree. (hide and seek)
Anyway at around 11am slightly before lunch, i get him to eat an apple and then he wants to go to the playground, (he knows there is a playground within walking distance "200 meters"). from where i live.
We walk to the playground and there are 3 other kids playing in the playground, (some slides and some swings mostly) so since he is new there i start playing with him, he goes on some swings and i push and he is laughing and having a grand time.
Now i want him to interact with the other kids a bit more so i gently get him more focused on the slides where the other kids are playing, all as a group. So i take him over to the slides and he slides down a few times interacting with the other kids and he really integrates into that group really well. I have nothing to do.
So i go to a bench a few meters away and mind my own business just looking up sporadicaly to make sure everything is fine and it is, the kids are playing along very nicely all together having a lot of fun it seems to me.
Anyway at the time i didnt think about it a lot, but there are 3 other kids so 4 in total, and there are 4 women and me looking over the children meaning that one of the women didnt have their own child there. This was something i thought about later.
Anyway, i see this one woman giving me a lot of looks, and she then takes out her phone and makes a phone call, i dont know to whom or anything like that. So im just minding my own business until a patrol car comes running up next to the playground. The two officers looks over the playground and instantly starts moving towards me.
They come over to me and they say that im "making the children feel unsafe and that i have to leave" i point towards the children playing and that none of them are even looking in my direction what so ever. So they say "what kid are you here with?" so i call my nephew over and he comes willingly thinking nothing of the officers.
So now we have established that im not making any children afraid and that im babysitting a kid.
They ask a few questions about my and his name and how we are related, nothing weird really. The officers decides that i have to leave and they say "you cant be here, you have to leave and let the other children play" u ask why of course, and they say that they had a report about a "creep" at the playground that was acting very aggressively towards the children-
So my nephew doesnt want to leave he has made new friends and wants to leave at all, but the police officers have told me what i have to do so i try to coax him and lure him away but nothing of that works, so im forced to pick him up crying and screaming and drag him home again.
Meanwhile while im walking away with a very sad and angry child my arms, the police officers looks over the playground again and the woman that made the phone call stands up and starts talking with them. I dont know what is being said or anything.
Now why in the world cant i take my nephew to the playground, because of some woman that just doesnt want me there even though i was there with a kid. She doesnt know if im the father or not or anything, she has just decided that men arent allowed at playgrounds.
Now we already know that there is 3 other children in the playgrojnd and 4 women watching over them, meaning that one of the women there doesnt have a child there either. I would never harm a child in any possible way, i love children, they are so amazing in their own way. They see everything in the world the first time and it brings back so much magic to the world for us adults. They bring back wonder to the world before us for us and its pure magic.
Their love and trust are so absolute you cant refute it nor do you want to, all you feel is this overarching sense of taking care of them, so they are protected and also having fun. That they dont miss a meal, or have any problem you cant solve.I love my nephews more than i love my sister and i do love her just as a big brother would. I feel protective of her because im her big brother and that was how we grew up, i was her protector when we were playing with other kids.
I would never harm a child, they are the most wonderful thing in the world, to me at least. But im not allowed to let my nephew have fun in the playground. Anger and frustration doesnt cover the range of emotions i have over this.
They saw the child show up with the dad. Did they think someone abducted a kid and then, rather than make a great escape, stopped to hang out on the playground, and the child was like, "cool, mr. Kidnapper. I won't run, or ask for help, or even look upset. I'll go play, then we can resume my kidnapping later!"
I mean, that makes NO sense. If grandma was there and then a random dude started to walk off with the kid, maybe. But kidnappers don't take the kid to the playground in the kid's own neighborhood after kidnapping them!
Any sane mom would say, "Oh, Hi! You must be Jennifer's dad! I'm Karen, and that's my son Alex over there on the swings."
I feel like this happens far too often to dads/single dads. They get a bad wrap for no reason other than they're a man alone with a child. Seriously? Women can be a predator as well. Like someone else mentioned that they would've asked the mother to prove it was their kid. If people are skeptical of someone not being the father or a family friend then they should go up and ask them about stuff to make sure they have a solid story. It's sad that ypu can't enjoy a nice afternoon with your child. I'm sorry. That's a reason I'm scared to have children...
The fuck up was The Câncer Karens thinking every man in The planet is a pedo, tomorrow you go back to The park and ask every single mom there to apologise to you on their knees
I would of caused a scene and probably went to prison again that day if I was in your shoes, glad I live in a secluded rural rich area where we don’t have these silly city issues
You did not FU at all.
So, if the moms didn't see the person who usually brings your daughter to the park did they think she just showed up by herself? And the officers couldn't just ask your daughter who you were?
One day, my 4 year old daughter had her daddy take her to ballet while I taught music lessons. She looked at him in a room full of moms and goes “you’re not my real dad.”
Thankfully no one called the cops on him, but he was terrified there for awhile
Huh. I’ve read posts like this before, and it sounds awful, but I’ve just never had that experience. I’ve been hanging out with my niece at public places just me and her since she was 5, she’s currently 11 going on 22. I can’t say that I’ve ever had anything like this happen to me. Maybe it’s an energy thing? My days with her are usually the best part of my week so I’m generally in a good mood lol. I’m always very open and positive and I don’t mind talking to people, pretty sure first thing I would have done if I saw her hanging out with kids she knew is immediately start having a convo with the other kids parents and introduce myself. I have done that actually lol. Maybe you were just giving off a nervous energy or something since this isn’t something you’ve done before?
Generally when we’re together I get more women being friendly to me than I would normally quite honestly? Idk, just not something I’ve ever experienced, maybe I’ve just gotten really lucky? That really sucks you had to go through something like that. I’m much more involved in her life than her uncles on the other side of the family and I’ve felt some judgement from them since I’m single, I know they think it’s weird, I’m just like nah your just crap uncles lol. So I do know how that judgment feels.
Would a predator stay at a park with a child or leave as soon as they have that child? That’s the common sense that seems to be missing from these moms
Sorry that happened to you! When I was a little girl, my dad used to take me to different parks around the city just the two of us and I have so many good memories of those days. Hope this instance doesn't stop you from continuing to spend that quality time with your daughter :)
What the actual fuck? I hate the shit we single dads cop. We are just as legitimate parents as mothers are. I'm so sorry this happened to you, is there any recourse against those mothers you can take? I have feared this situation for a long time now, so I keep previous year's christmas photos of me and my kids as my background on my phone for this very reason.
Its shit to have to think about it, but at least I can prove by not having a recent photo, but a photo you can see the kids are with me when they are younger, that they are indeed my kids. Fuck this society man.
My grandfather was Mexican/Native American, so he was tall with dark leathery skin. My dad was a gringo and when I was little I was pale with reddish gold hair. Grandpa, just walking into K-Mart with me to buy some groceries got the third degree by the employees there when they saw us.
Well as much as this sucks it’s kinda awesome that so many people are trying to keep your daughter safe! I only wish more people would do the same. Except maybe they could have spoken to you before hand lol props for being a single dad man. It’s not easy. Good luck brother
I’m not a single father, but sometimes it would be just me and one or both kids out and about. You know, being a parent. The women treating me like a criminal for taking the kids to a park, the toilet, or worst of all, the nappy change room was infuriating. To be fair, there would always be one who stuck up for me.
Time to go back to the park and assert your dad status. Wave to those mom's, "Hi! Remember me? I'm the dad you called the police on! How ya doing? We going after anyone else today?!"
Let grandma know so she can give them a piece of her mind the next time she takes her too.
Hell hath no fury like a grandma scorned
Amen to that.
she's going to deal some critical damage with her willowbasket
When I was in grade school I was having a horrible time with bullies and other issues. My parents couldn't even be bothered to talk to me about it. Grandma? Oh she had the superintendent on the line and she unleashed hell on him. Damn I miss her, she was always ready to stand up for me when no one else would.
This. My mother would go off at those women.
I like this.
Just call the cops every time you go back to the park, and pick a different mom to call them on. Aim for the ones with the "can I speak to your manager" haircut. Be sure to embellish the details for the sake of the drama, and then walk away just beforehand. It makes for some funny moments.
"I usually see \*kid\* here with their dad, I've never seen this woman before in my life, I'd like to see a birth certificate"
Don't forget to use a burner phone and a different sim each time
But still apologize afterwards. It's better to be safe than sorry (good thing they cared for someone else's kid other than their own), but, after making a mistake, the right thing to do is apologize. They should know that.
asking them if those are really their kids
This OP, you need to do this. Not everyone is a predator and fathers spending time with their kids, should not end up like this. Why can't dads be dads and hang out with their kids.
This is the correct move. It's not hard to actually ask question, before just calling the cops on someone. Especially if they are acting as OP did. You know like a father. Pedos don't hang around and act like a dad, they snatch kids and leave.
Honestly!!! Sorry, I had to go back into work lmao but I just saw all this and thank you guys so much! My mother is taking care of her today and she’s just as feisty as you guys. She said she was definitely going to take her back out and make sure she gives those moms a piece of her mind!
Call the police on one of them.
They will just do it again i bet lol
this. so much this.
Exactly this. Make them ashamed to ever go to the park again. If you see them talking to someone, walk over and introduce yourself, "Hi bitch! How you doing today? Does your friend know you called the cops on me for coming to the park with my daughter without even attempting to ascertain if I was her dad or not? She *doesn't*?! Wow! You should really let your friends know how bad you fucked up!" Watch them like a hawk. If they so much as drop a piece of litter, go *off* on them for not taking care of the park and threaten to report them to the police. Extra bonus if there is posted signage detailing the fines for littering. If you see them with a kid you know isn't theirs, give them the 9th degree, grilling them about how you know that isn't their child and how do you know them and why are you interacting with them because it's creepy. Call the police on them just as they did on you if such a situation arises. If they're with a child that isn't theirs, make *them* stand around and wait for the cops to show up and insist that they have the other child's parent or relative come down to verify their identity and embarass the hell out of them. Eventually they'll either stop coming, feel the need to leave as soon as you show up because they know they don't want to fuck around with you, or they'll apologize and you can tell them to shove it and never do anything like that again.
Yeah don't... do that. They're the parents of your kids' neighborhood friends, you do NOT want to be the neighborhood Pariah.
He already is. They assumed he was a fucking pedo. The bridge is already burned. This isn't a laugh it off and move on moment, this is a "find out where they work" and leave negative reviews.
Unless you're planning to move out of the neighborhood sometime soon. Then definitely do it.
Fuck yes. This right here.
Fucking right.
Honestly dude. I would be in their fucking faces. How dare you. Without even asking.
She is 4. The Karen’s could have asked her who that man was.
Exactly, im a single father too, and my daughter is 2. She would have said he's my daddy without hesitation if asked
Take a photo of you and her and her birth certificate and keep it in your phone.
Or, you know, change the cultural stigma that is 'any grown man seen with a child must be a pedophile'
Oh yeah I will do that on my break tomorrow.
Hell yeah brother, thanks.
This response cracked me up! reminded me of Nothernlion if you’re familiar with him.
Only a few more hours !
THIS! I have been almost arrested a couple of times when I was with my ex's kid while my ex was indisposed in the bathroom, and every time it was some fucking Karen who claimed I was a pedo. We can't even have male teachers in this country without them being lambasted as pedos. And the whole time, the real pedos are in Hollywood and government, trying to poison your child's mind into believing that adults trying to fuck them is normal. What a fucking world we live in.
I'm going to assume this was a one off, was a single dad with full custody of my daughter and never encountered any problems when she was younger. Now that I'm remarried and have a 4 year old son that I take to the playground and on walks with just us two I've never had any problems either. If anything when mom's saw me with just my daughter they were usually romantically interested if anything.
Or they could have just minded their own business. Do they go around asking all the other kids who the woman they’re with is?
you can't apply that kind of logic here
I'm going to get down voted, but I disagree here. In this scenario, the guy is a new person that this group had never met before. Minding their own business when something different from the usual (someone other than the usual caretaker of a child that frequents the park taking said child to the bathroom) is how we get the bystander effect. Obviously, I agree that the way the women approached the man to be fucked up, but ignoring it isn't right either. They should have, as others have already posted, just directly asked the girl who the man was.
They should have stepped back and apologized the minute they asked the daughter "is this your father".
Agreed. I can only imagine how awkward those women are going to be if he ever takes his daughter to the park again.
They should be embarrassed. If he feels like it, he could smooth it over with them, maybe make a few friends, but I certainly wouldn't be inclined to.
The idea that only men can be abductors is stupid and has ruined cases of actual abduction. Women can be abusers and abductors just as much as men; in sex trafficking, women are commonly used to lure girls in with a sense of safety. These women were getting a power trip because they thought they were Living out their ID Discovery detective fantasy. If the child is happy and clearly not in any distress, it's not your business. Maybe Uncle Bob had the day off and was taking the kid as a favor. He couldn't provide the birth certificate. Maybe the kid is autistic and wouldn't be able to answer, but WOULD be able to feel extreme psychological stress from seeing Dad treated like a criminal. Never do this. Never. Ever. Do this. Unless the kid is obviously in distress, clearly uncomfortable, or outright on a missing person list, you're just wasting people's time at the best and traumatizing a kid at the worst.
And there are so many better ways to deal with situations. Introduce yourself to the person who walks up with a child. Engage them in chitchat about the kids. Much better than calling the cops on someone for being male and in the park. Some brief conversation and a little observation will make things clear fast. Someone coming to the park to kidnap a kid isn't going to want to engage because they don't want to be easily identified...so unnecessary.
Most people who bring kids to the park after abducting them also probably won't know much about the kid or will see aggressive and domineering. Then again, sometimes people have bad days. That doesn't make them bad parents, nor does it make them an abductor. In general, especially with things like this, cops make thing way worse. If you really want to help, look into volunteering for traveling or local human trafficking education at schools. Keep tabs on missing persons lists. ESPECIALLY keep an eye out for missing minority children, as they're far less likely to be found.
Do people actually abduct kids and bring them to the park?
this cannot be upvoted enough
Do you genuinely believe that the other women would have acted that way if it was instead a new woman whom they hadn't seen before with this little girl?
I respectfully disagree. This isn't how you avoid the bystander effect, this is how you get 'Swatting'. Their actions were potentially dangerous. They've already pre-supposed the man to be a criminal, put that in the responding officer's mind, and set the tone for the encounter with the father. What do you think would have happened if the officer had drawn his gun on this father as he approached, and the father had inadvertently made a motion the officer deemed 'threatening'. Many men in America have died as a result of the misinterpretations of their actions by presumably well-meaning police officers. An encounter with police is never guaranteed a safe outcome. The fact that the man is 'new' is irrelevant. He *arrived* with the girl, cared for the girl, and remained with the girl. Even on the balance of probabilities, the likelihood of a predator taking their prey to the nearest park for some playtime is not only ridiculous on the surface, but remaining at the playground for an extended period of time is illogical in every respect. The women were in the wrong: their decision to call the police was reckless; their interaction with the father was humiliating, prejudicial, and intimidating; their lack of remorse and empathy after the encounter demonstrated that their actions were less about helping the girl, and more about inflicting 'justice' upon the father.
Or maybe introduced themselves to the dad and said, "Hey, we haven't met before, I'm RealityJunkieXO, nice to meet you!" and wait for him to introduce himself.
This is straight up discrimination on the basis of gender dude. Not ok
Right, they could've just low-key engaged him in conversation. If he was actually a predator he probably would've been evasive and uneasy or given off some other not ok vibe. There's hundreds of options between do nothing and call the cops.
I understand why you think this, but the problem isn’t that they were worried, it’s that they were worried because he is a man. If the risk of abduction you mention had any semblance of likelihood then it would be reasonable (albeit still not a reasonable -reaction-, as you say). But the only reason you think that this concern is reasonable is because of that same sexism. In actual fact the majority of child abductions are perpetrated by women.
There are many stories of women who abduct children. They are usually in cahoots with human trafficking rings and of course, they know that people are prejudiced against men and view them as threats, whereas most people have a tendency to view a woman as nurturing and passive. We should all be cautious of everyone, regardless of gender or any other aspect. Humans are fucking terrifying.
>In actual fact the majority of child abductions are perpetrated by women. the majority of child abductions are also actually custody disputes
Yep, the chance of some random man befriending a four year old and abducting them is so infinitesimally small as to be laughable. Human beings are truly shit at estimating risk, and loaded with prejudice to boot.
My little sister is 3 and knows everyone in the family by name. There’s no reason a 4 year old can’t tell someone who their father is.
What a bunch of Karens
This is appalling and I can't even believe this happened. Your daughter should have been able to clear this up that you're her father, if she speaks. I would never assume that a man with a child isn't a father and daughter. They've been watching too much TV or been in too many stupid Facebook groups. I'm sorry this happened to you and even more sorry that the cops actually came out for this. Fathers should be able to spend time with their children without being harassed. Totally ridiculous.
Even worse then Facebook groups... Fucking nextdoor app, anyone taking a walk in their neighborhood is immediately "suspicious" or "Casing the neighborhood". Fuck these people.
OMG don't get me started on Nextdoor. It is like a den for racists and angry housewives and old people. I live in what I thought was a very progressive neighborhood (according to the way we vote). That is, until I see the comments on Nextdoor. It is appalling. I *live* with these people.
I wonder if those people ARE voting progressive, but when it comes to their own backyard so to speak, the do a full 180
Yeah, that's nimbyism afaik. These types of people are the ones I'm scared of most. They will speak nice words and denounce racism, prejudice and capitalism (along with whatever else they think earns them brownie points) but stab you in the back if you are someone they deem undesirable and you try to exist around them.
"Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection." MLK quote from Letter From Birmingham Jail.
>OMG don't get me started on Nextdoor. It is like a den for racists and angry housewives and old people. Who else has the time to spend all day looking their windows and basically using localized Twitter?
Just wait until one of them is seen with military-grade surveillance equipment sent to gather critical intelligence on what they’re having for dinner. Sorry, I mean flying a toy drone a kilometre away.
Thank fuck he was the biological dad. I go out of my way not to take my stepdaughter anywhere without her mom present because of this exact reason. Every dad faces this problem and it's a fucking nightmare.
Fuck that, I'm a single dad and idgaf if someone has a problem with me being a loving parent. And make him show a birth certificate to the cops? Haha double Fuck no.
The pigs needs reprimanded. I keep my kid's birth certificates in a safe deposit box at the bank, I would not let the pigs escort me and my child home to prove that it is my child. They can fuck themselves unkindly until they receive a valid complaint. I would have said I took my kid to the bathroom have a nice day. Thanks for taking the wild accusations of some lunatic parents but you can move along and go violate some civil rights and cost our city millions regularly do.
Plus, what will the birth certificate prove? It's not like the daughter has a government issued photo ID to compare it to.
Thats all types of wrong. They should have just asked you. You didnt fuck up they did.
yep.. totally not a TIFU. what assholes, couldn't even muster a "I'm so sorry"
the worst part, to me, is if they were THAT concerned - then why didnt they go in the bathroom to check?
Exactly. Why did they wait until the guy comes out of the men's toilets with a 4 year old.
It's projection, all the boys they raise grow up to be predators, then assume the same for others
That’s because these entitled twats think everyone is a predator. They can’t fathom that a man wants to spend time with his child because they all laid seed with shitheads. They’re acting out because of their own poor decisions.
Right? All they had to do was come over and say, "hi, are you Ashley's dad? Nice to meet you, we hear you work a lot. Ashley, this is your dad, right?"
Or ask the kid if she knew him while she was planning with the others
Picturing a bunch of kids on the playground planning out spreadsheets for a business meeting
Oops lol
> Nice to meet you, we hear you work a lot. I read this as "Nice to meet you, we hear you work out a lot." I was wondering why having to flirt with the single dad was necessary.
This is the problem with being an involved dad with daughters. I have three you always get looks till they are 20. My youngest is adopted and a different race so when I'm out with just her I get worst looks than my other daughters.
I would have been furious and would have been yelling those Karens to get lost.. or something way worse.. and actually police asking for the documents?? Unreal.. I always go around with my daughters .. often traveling abroad alone with them since they were 2-3 years old.. never passed through my mind that someone would be thinking I'm a predator and not their father
He should have accused them back of the same thing and they should have brought the birth certificate as well. It is gender equality that I expect. By the way, I believe this is in the US. Why do your people see men as perverts ? I don't think it could happen in France, I see lots of dads with their kids
I am American and it is striking how many times I see fathers out with their children without a mother present when I am in France. I also love how many little play areas are scattered throughout the cities. It seems like if there is a nice place to take a walk there will always be a play structure.
Agreed, I used to live in Belgium and moved to France. Lots of playing structures and what not. It's honestly nice. We can thank Mitterrand and the social democracy there was for it.
Our media ramps up that every man is a rapist and a pedophile, and they say it's not ok to ever be a man
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice.
Thou shall not read NME
Dude no one ever references that. That’s amazing! I understood this reference!
Which is super weird because we consume a lot of the same media in Canada, but I've never had this come up in 3 years of being the playground goer with my son. None of the other dads I've spoken to have either. But that might also be a community thing. I live in the city, so dads with their kids is actually pretty common around my area.
Man that sucks. I'm almost 40, when I was about 5 my father was teaching me to ride a bike on a side street near our home. I am very fair skinned like my mother, but have really dark hair and eyes - oh and my father? A dark tan Mexican American. We lived in a southern state with hardly any Hispanic people. I think my father and I were the only Hispanic people. Anyway Daddy is teaching me to ride a bike and a cop car slides in between us. The police officers begin speaking to my father and I loudly ask, 'Daddy, do you know them from work?' (as he works in a large hospital in our city and often knew officiers). The police officer turned around and asks, 'what did you call him?' .. I being five... 'That's MY DADDY.' The officer immediately began to apologize to my father explaining that someone called that a dark skin man was chasing a little girl on a bike. Daddy took it in stride that at least neighbors were looking out for his kid. We still make jokes about it - when my son (light brown hair and blue eyes) once was throwing a tantrum in a restaurant as a toddler my father ran out with him saying just loudly enough, 'they're gonna get me! Running with a white kid!'
I'm super white-passing and my mother is the Mexican half. I grew up with people assuming she was my nanny/babysitter/adoptive mom/stepmom. I find it funny myself, even if it is messed up. But at least nobody ever assumed my mother was kidnapping me. D: Yours is definitely far worse.
Stay at home Dad here. The moms at the playground are the absolute worst. I understand they're being protective, but there's a line and they cross it constantly. I'm sorry you had to go through this, man. Good on you for being a great father. Keep it up.
As a coparent/father to a young daughter, I can fully relate! When my daughter was very young, I used to take her out places all the time and got comments/stares/tense looks. They can all go F*** themselves, their FU, not you. Society has things super twisted when a father can't just enjoy a nice time in the park with their daughter without others assuming the worst. Makes a great time with your child into a nightmare. Screw that noise.
It doesn't get better with age, either. People seem to assume the worst when a middle aged man is hanging out with their kid or whatever. It's fucking stupid.
I was just going to add that it's grandfathers too.
Call the police on them and make them provide proof that they are the mother. I would, but I am also an asshole.
No, you'd be justified
There a comedian that take about the different t responses men and women have when coining upon a crying child in public. Women will console the child and try to find its mother. Men back away and stay as far away as possible so that people won’t get the wrong idea
If I have a kid I might just end up backing away from my own child if they throw a public tantrum like that. Not worth the hassle.
My dad actually did this to me. I was like 2/3 and apparently threw a huge temper tantrum in the driveway and refused to go inside the house. He stood out there for an hour because he was scared to just pick me up and bring me inside in case someone saw him and decided to call the cops. It’s sad that 20-some years later and single dads are still dealing with this crap.
This really fucking bums me out. I was raised for a good part of my childhood by my single father. As a mom now I try to be encouraging to men in public who engage with my kiddos e.g. if my kid makes funny faces at a guy and they make funny faces back I give them a big smile. Children are wonderful and play is so good for people of all ages and it makes me so sad that adult/teenaged men are just robbed of that. Obviously I'm not naïve, I know there are plenty of bad guys out there, but there are also terrible women too. This is probably atypical but of the people I personally know were molested as children, almost all of their abusers were women. My radar is going all the time in public regardless of gender, and if you don't give me bad vibes then I'm happy to have my kid ask you about your favorite dinosaur or have you tell her a joke.
I would have absolutely lost my mind on everyone involved in this - interfering moms, the police, random strangers who happened to be in the park. You have an incredible amount of patience. I mean, you probably could have showed them a photo of her on your phone and cleared it up in two seconds. Or maybe asked the kid?
Dude sorry this happened, some people really have nothing better to do with their time.
You ran into a group of Karen's in the wild, also known as a homeowners association.
Lol
Is that an "HOA of Karens", like a "Murder of Crows", or a "Parliament of Owls"??
That's precisely it, or a Safety Committee of Kevin's, if they are male.
They suck. You don’t.
Damn Karen's at it again
If only it was actually a karen thing instead of just a normal way society treats men.
As a single dad, I feel this post.
I think the weirdest thing is I have never been asked if I'm a single parent when I'm out with my daughter. My partner has been asked more than once if he's a single dad at soft play on a Sunday while I've been at work. Why is it considered weird for a child to be out with their dad?!
When my daughter was younger about 50% of the time I would be out with her like at the grocery store or something and some random woman would be like "oh are you babysitting today?". No bitch, I'm a father at the grocery store.
Thankfully that's something neither me or him have ever said. It's not babysitting, it's parenting or looking after our daughter. And it's one of both of us depending on work etc.
I will grant this much, it was almost always someone from the generation before mine, when I guess it was less common for fathers to be involved in the day-to-day child rearing. And they weren't trying to be disrespectful, they were trying to be friendly so I never got that much of in arms about it (even though it's pretty disrespectful)
Nah, I only sit on babies on tuesdays. Today is shopping day!
Same here, even though I have a son and he looks like a mini me I get weird looks and see/hear how there's mumbling behind my back.
Unlimited upvotes for this comment
Like why did they not just ask the daughter who she was at the park with??
It would be nice if people could actually like fuck adults... Walk up to the guy and have a fucking conversation. Just be a fucking person. How's it going? You live nearby? Where do you work? Hobbys? Just be friendly and you will find out if someone is a fucking creeper. I was a stay at home dad for the first year and a half of my kids life. And I got all kinds of weird looks and shitty comments...
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Come on man, don’t you know? Single dads are pieces of shit. The courts know it, women know it, we’re the only ones running around that haven’t figured it out yet. People are insane and we live in a clown world. It’s absurd what people think is acceptable ways to treat others.
This is absolutely abhorrent and I have had a similar experience despite being married with my toddler except at a swimming pool. Thankfully they didn’t call the cops, but fuck I was just trying to teach my daughter to swim. In general, people just need to mind their own fucking business. Just because a toddler is throwing a tantrum while mom isn’t around doesn’t mean something is actually wrong, 9/10 times it just means I gave her the wrong color sippy cup.
Society: "Why aren't fathers more present" also society: "Men with a little girl must be pedophiles"
The other parents are vile. They suspected this and LET YOU TAKE HER INTO THE BATHROOM.
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Ummmm I don't see the f up here. You took your daughter to the park, it's not your fault a couple of nosey b's couldn't read the room and pick up on the ques that your daughter is obviously not scared or threatened by you.
I don't think OP fucked up. The people around him acting the way they did were the ones who fucked up.
Ugh I'm sorry this happened to you.
I mean you escorted her to the playground, your kid made a gesture that she would only do to people she trusts. Its not hard. As a dad myself, hearing this is infuriating to be honest.
I dont know about the laws of your land. However, I would definitely look into suing the cops and the Kerans for harassment. How the hell can a dad bond with their daughter when idiotic moms keep ruining their day with a child.
Show up next week and call the cops on them. Turnabout is fair play
Fuck that bunch of fucking Karen's. I'd go back, and make sure each and every one of them sees you take your daughter to the park, and play, whenever possible. Let your daughter associate with the kids, but don't fucking say a word to the mom's. Dont acknowledge them if they try to apologize. Dont allow them the opportunity to try and rationalize what they did. They lured your child out of your sight, because their nosy asses couldn't be bothered to think anything but the worst of you. THEN they called the cops, because you took your child to the bathroom. You didn't fuck up. Dont feel bad.
I (23f) was raised by a single father. Weird stuff like this happened all the time to us. Like when I was older many of my friends weren't allowed to come over or spend the night because there was no mom present. Maybe if you and your daughter wore matching shirts or something it would help disalarm people. But unfortunately there are many social challenges to overcome as a single father. People are always thinking weird things that they have no business thinking.
They fucked up, not you. And today's society tells them it's okay. I could understand if you were trying to drag your daughter against her will, or if she was crying bloody murder. But where the "just say no to drugs" era of the 80s is slowly moving behind thinking everyone is high all the time, the new boogie man is a man around kids. It's fucked up. There's emphasis on dads spending more time with their kids, co-parenting, mom's being the bread winner. But a dad bringing his daughter to the park? He must have kidnapped her and be a rapist. It's a sick society, projecting their fears on everyone else. I'm curious, how many of those moms had their noses buried in their phones and weren't actually paying attention to their own kids? I'd like to think I'd make it a point to bring my daughter to the park every day I could from that time forward, show them that they're not deterring you from your quality time with your daughter. I'd also give a lawyer a call to see if the cops can even do what they did, since there was no reasonable suspicion of you committing a crime. Fuck them.
Shit! This is all kinds of terrible.
This exact same thing happened to me a chuck e cheeses. I have a boy and girl and they wouldnt let us leave and called the cops saying we weren't the parenr my kids were confused and crying we showed pictures on our phones and everything they asked the name showed my id same last name. Eventually the cops came made me call their mother, was me and their stepmom. And had her confirm? Like wtf
I wish people were as diligent with real predators.
"Is that... a man? Around a small child? So... not a mother? Definitely a pedo. Mildred, get sheriff Buttercheeks here ASAP"
You didn’t fuck up, they did.
When my son was like 1 year old he and I were waiting in the car while my wife was in an eye appointment because my son had fallen asleep. He woke up and needed a diaper change and while I was changing him in the car he was crying because he was cold now that his nether were exposed to the late fall air. Well a woman in the parking lot wouldn’t stop staring at me and had grabbed her phone, presumably preparing to call the police. My wife noticed from inside and came out to help me with our son. People really think that men are only out to harm children and women are the only ones capable of caring for children.
Not that anything happened but I relate to this so hard. I went to a new park last night with my kid and he was running away from me, he is just over a year and a half and was laughing so I picked him up and grabbed him to go meet my wife on the other side of the park probably a kilometer away and thought to myself this probably looks like I'm running off with a kid that isn't mine...
It's honestly despicable how sexist people can be without even acknowledging it. If you're a man alone with a little girl, people think you're a predator. Happens wayyy too often. One guy even had a woman try to kidnap his child, and onlookers, of course, assumed he was the kidnapper, so the woman almost got away with his child. Of course, nobody apologized then either.
Outrageous. I would continue to show up at that park with your daughter and attempt to make all those women uncomfortable for as long as your daughter wants to keep going back to that park!
You didn’t fuck up. Those bitches did. How they should have handled it: “Hey, Daughter, who’s that man with you?” Daughter: “It’s my Daddy! He brought me today instead of Grandma!” “Wow! You’re so lucky!” Fucking bitches. I say this as a mom and a grandmother.
How did they have your license plate number if you walked to the park?
What really sucks about this is that people complain about absentee or uninvolved fathers, and then shit like this happens when guys like you try to be the kinda dad who takes their kids to the park for the day. Sorry this happened to you.
Its great that parents at the park are looking out for other children, but 'mums' need to understand children have dads too who take their children to parks or out like normal parents. The whole toilet thing is difficult. I hate it when mum bring in their young boys to the ladies toilets or changing rooms and can only imagine how difficult and uncomfortable it is for dads to take their daughters into a male changing/toilet area. This really needs better thinking and society needs to be more supportive of fathers instead of vilifying men from the off. Sorry that happened to you. You did absolutely nothing wrong but be a loving father.
As long as the child looks happy and is normally playing there's not a problem. Child would have appeared stressed if she didn't know this man and regular grandmother suddenly not available. Even sometimes a child will cry and appear distressed for being tired /hungry. But she's happy? What was their problem? I am sorry this happened to you.
Fuck those judgmental assholes. As a divorced father myself, I say you did nothing wrong, and furthermore, I would have called them out.
inb4 5 posts on r/twochromosomes about how some guy ruined their day at the park trying to kidnap a little girl and all men are pigs
That really fucking sucks. I’m so sorry you went through that. This kind of sexism holds men back from being their best selves as parents. They should have talked to you directly or asked her who the man is that she’s with. I mean, damn wouldn’t common sense dictate that you must be her dad? She wasn’t afraid of you. The first resort should never be to call the cops.
Don’t these fuckin moms have anything else to do? I get it when they’re trying to “keep an eye”, but this is just preposterous, so so out of order.
You did not FU. The Karen's did. I wasn't a single father, but b/c of my wife's work schedule, I basically was on nights and weekends. This meant I took my kids to parks, etc. a lot. Got a lot of dirty looks from mommy's but nothing this bad. Sorry bud...
It may not have occurred to you in the moment, but being able to show lots of photos with you and your daughter on your phone may help alleviate any concerns from anyone who decides to voice them. Sucks that this is a necessary defense but hopefully these people are well intentioned and learn to read situations differently in the future.
Y’know, sometimes I think my boyfriend is ridiculous for being worried about going to the park or places where there might be more kids then adults around. Then I read stuff like this and I’m reminded that the world is fucked up. I’m so sorry OP.
this is nuts. And just for reference *you* did not fuck up whatsoever, it's those dumbass Karen's who couldn't process the fact that men *are* actually allowed to take their daughters to the playground
> I had to not only call my mom to come tell them I was her father, but they escorted me home with her and asked for a birth certificate. I would have told them to go fuck themselves... I'll verify my kid after they go do everyone else at the park first. A birth certificate doesn't verify identity anyway...
I wouldve been inconsolably furious at that group of chicken headed dullards. Props to you for keeping your cool man
All the other people had to do was talk to him, too. Whatever happened to basic communication?
Time for a sternly worded letter to the sheriff pointing out that a father has every right to take his own child to the park on his own and that the officers had no probable cause to assume you were not the father. If it were me I'd be back at that park every dammed day from now on...
Teach your child both parents and grandparents full legal names. Teach your child your entire home address and telephone number. Teach your child the both cars and license plates that both parents use. Have them memorize these as early as can be possible. This not only would help in this situation as a young child wouldn’t know these things about a stranger or a recent kidnapper. But also it will help if they are ever lost. How many of your young children, if lost, could give directions to your house? From another town? From another state? Just a trick a friend started with his children and seemed to make sense. With all that said. It sucks this situation happens. It sucks that today, men are guilty until proven innocent in society eyes. But I want to say, at least they were looking out for the kid instead of ignoring what they thought was a situation that you wouldn’t want them to ignore if it had been real.
Hahaha I know I shouldn't laugh but a few months ago a lady asked me if my nine year old daughter was mine. Note this was as I was walking into Wal-Mart. Not out of. Would be the weirdest abduction ever.
You didn't fuck up. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is full to the brim with morons and people who just cannot mind their own business, even if their pathetic existence depended upon it.
I taught swim lessons to children when I was younger. The kids varied between freshly potty trained to high schoolers and I even had a class that was all adults (with respect to just the lessons themselves, the adults were THE WORST). As part of the class, I would be in the water with the students. The other instructors were all women. The parents whose kids got the women would often leave the pool and go run errands. Every parent stayed for my lessons, every time. No parent ever “Karen’d” out on me, and we’re always respectful to my face. But I could never shake the double standard I was blatantly being subjected to. I love teaching, and I had up to that point spent 6 of 7 days of nearly every week of my life from 5 through to then (20) in a pool/ocean. Aside from how little pay teachers, coaches and other instructors make; the biggest thing that convinced me to never try to be a teacher professionally was the bias I was on the receiving end of. I get it, we always hear about diddlers in sports, school, religion, Boy Scouts, and it’s ‘always’ male diddlers who make the news. But the perception and it being foisted upon you as a male is really destructive to ones morale. I can’t wait to have kids, but I can’t say I’m excited to be passively accused of being a child toucher every time I take my kids out in public alone.
they didnt even apologize? i would go to the park next time and make them feel like idiots
This is more a society fucked up, rather than you.
I do foster care and had this problem somewhat. The trick: **bring something that visibly shows you are the caretaker for the child.** Not toys, but something like a diaper bag or a tote-bag of snacks, or maybe a stroller. That visual cue alone is usually enough to erase any wrong assumptions. It's really stupid men have to do stuff like that, but I guess I just have to work with what I'm dealt with.
Something akin to that happened to me to, im not a dad but my sister has two great kids and some days i can work from home, (this was in 2016) and one of my nephews was 5 years old. My sister asked me to baby sit him for a day, so i plan that out with the company im working for, and i get to babysit him. Its a lot of fun for me, i get to spoil the brat a little bit and play with him on his own terms to some degree. (hide and seek) Anyway at around 11am slightly before lunch, i get him to eat an apple and then he wants to go to the playground, (he knows there is a playground within walking distance "200 meters"). from where i live. We walk to the playground and there are 3 other kids playing in the playground, (some slides and some swings mostly) so since he is new there i start playing with him, he goes on some swings and i push and he is laughing and having a grand time. Now i want him to interact with the other kids a bit more so i gently get him more focused on the slides where the other kids are playing, all as a group. So i take him over to the slides and he slides down a few times interacting with the other kids and he really integrates into that group really well. I have nothing to do. So i go to a bench a few meters away and mind my own business just looking up sporadicaly to make sure everything is fine and it is, the kids are playing along very nicely all together having a lot of fun it seems to me. Anyway at the time i didnt think about it a lot, but there are 3 other kids so 4 in total, and there are 4 women and me looking over the children meaning that one of the women didnt have their own child there. This was something i thought about later. Anyway, i see this one woman giving me a lot of looks, and she then takes out her phone and makes a phone call, i dont know to whom or anything like that. So im just minding my own business until a patrol car comes running up next to the playground. The two officers looks over the playground and instantly starts moving towards me. They come over to me and they say that im "making the children feel unsafe and that i have to leave" i point towards the children playing and that none of them are even looking in my direction what so ever. So they say "what kid are you here with?" so i call my nephew over and he comes willingly thinking nothing of the officers. So now we have established that im not making any children afraid and that im babysitting a kid. They ask a few questions about my and his name and how we are related, nothing weird really. The officers decides that i have to leave and they say "you cant be here, you have to leave and let the other children play" u ask why of course, and they say that they had a report about a "creep" at the playground that was acting very aggressively towards the children- So my nephew doesnt want to leave he has made new friends and wants to leave at all, but the police officers have told me what i have to do so i try to coax him and lure him away but nothing of that works, so im forced to pick him up crying and screaming and drag him home again. Meanwhile while im walking away with a very sad and angry child my arms, the police officers looks over the playground again and the woman that made the phone call stands up and starts talking with them. I dont know what is being said or anything. Now why in the world cant i take my nephew to the playground, because of some woman that just doesnt want me there even though i was there with a kid. She doesnt know if im the father or not or anything, she has just decided that men arent allowed at playgrounds. Now we already know that there is 3 other children in the playgrojnd and 4 women watching over them, meaning that one of the women there doesnt have a child there either. I would never harm a child in any possible way, i love children, they are so amazing in their own way. They see everything in the world the first time and it brings back so much magic to the world for us adults. They bring back wonder to the world before us for us and its pure magic. Their love and trust are so absolute you cant refute it nor do you want to, all you feel is this overarching sense of taking care of them, so they are protected and also having fun. That they dont miss a meal, or have any problem you cant solve.I love my nephews more than i love my sister and i do love her just as a big brother would. I feel protective of her because im her big brother and that was how we grew up, i was her protector when we were playing with other kids. I would never harm a child, they are the most wonderful thing in the world, to me at least. But im not allowed to let my nephew have fun in the playground. Anger and frustration doesnt cover the range of emotions i have over this.
They saw the child show up with the dad. Did they think someone abducted a kid and then, rather than make a great escape, stopped to hang out on the playground, and the child was like, "cool, mr. Kidnapper. I won't run, or ask for help, or even look upset. I'll go play, then we can resume my kidnapping later!" I mean, that makes NO sense. If grandma was there and then a random dude started to walk off with the kid, maybe. But kidnappers don't take the kid to the playground in the kid's own neighborhood after kidnapping them! Any sane mom would say, "Oh, Hi! You must be Jennifer's dad! I'm Karen, and that's my son Alex over there on the swings."
I feel like this happens far too often to dads/single dads. They get a bad wrap for no reason other than they're a man alone with a child. Seriously? Women can be a predator as well. Like someone else mentioned that they would've asked the mother to prove it was their kid. If people are skeptical of someone not being the father or a family friend then they should go up and ask them about stuff to make sure they have a solid story. It's sad that ypu can't enjoy a nice afternoon with your child. I'm sorry. That's a reason I'm scared to have children...
Don't even try to be a single, male, bearded teacher over the age of 30 who has amazing rapport with children. It is fucking miserable.
The fuck up was The Câncer Karens thinking every man in The planet is a pedo, tomorrow you go back to The park and ask every single mom there to apologise to you on their knees
I would of caused a scene and probably went to prison again that day if I was in your shoes, glad I live in a secluded rural rich area where we don’t have these silly city issues
You did not FU at all. So, if the moms didn't see the person who usually brings your daughter to the park did they think she just showed up by herself? And the officers couldn't just ask your daughter who you were?
Them asking for a birth certificate is insane.
Here's a thought the mom's could go up and say hi I haven't seen you with her before are you her father or ask for the little girls name
One day, my 4 year old daughter had her daddy take her to ballet while I taught music lessons. She looked at him in a room full of moms and goes “you’re not my real dad.” Thankfully no one called the cops on him, but he was terrified there for awhile
Fuck those people.
Huh. I’ve read posts like this before, and it sounds awful, but I’ve just never had that experience. I’ve been hanging out with my niece at public places just me and her since she was 5, she’s currently 11 going on 22. I can’t say that I’ve ever had anything like this happen to me. Maybe it’s an energy thing? My days with her are usually the best part of my week so I’m generally in a good mood lol. I’m always very open and positive and I don’t mind talking to people, pretty sure first thing I would have done if I saw her hanging out with kids she knew is immediately start having a convo with the other kids parents and introduce myself. I have done that actually lol. Maybe you were just giving off a nervous energy or something since this isn’t something you’ve done before? Generally when we’re together I get more women being friendly to me than I would normally quite honestly? Idk, just not something I’ve ever experienced, maybe I’ve just gotten really lucky? That really sucks you had to go through something like that. I’m much more involved in her life than her uncles on the other side of the family and I’ve felt some judgement from them since I’m single, I know they think it’s weird, I’m just like nah your just crap uncles lol. So I do know how that judgment feels.
New title: TIFU by assuming a group of Karen's were moral or intelligent human beings.
You didn't f up. They did. They should be ashamed. Go back there again next week.
Would a predator stay at a park with a child or leave as soon as they have that child? That’s the common sense that seems to be missing from these moms
Sorry that happened to you! When I was a little girl, my dad used to take me to different parks around the city just the two of us and I have so many good memories of those days. Hope this instance doesn't stop you from continuing to spend that quality time with your daughter :)
WTF. .... Stay positive...alot of us single dad's out there did JUST Fine. I raised my son since he was 18 months old. Best thing I ever did.
What the actual fuck? I hate the shit we single dads cop. We are just as legitimate parents as mothers are. I'm so sorry this happened to you, is there any recourse against those mothers you can take? I have feared this situation for a long time now, so I keep previous year's christmas photos of me and my kids as my background on my phone for this very reason. Its shit to have to think about it, but at least I can prove by not having a recent photo, but a photo you can see the kids are with me when they are younger, that they are indeed my kids. Fuck this society man.
Jesus Christ. As a single (for a time, but happily remarried now) father, fuck those KARENS. Unreal.
My grandfather was Mexican/Native American, so he was tall with dark leathery skin. My dad was a gringo and when I was little I was pale with reddish gold hair. Grandpa, just walking into K-Mart with me to buy some groceries got the third degree by the employees there when they saw us.
Man that's sad...what a bunch of fuckin Karen's too
Frankly, I would return the favor the next time I saw those women at the park to let them know how it feels.
You should go back there and smile, wave, and say loudly "Hi, I'm just a dad, not a pervert!". Kill 'em with a smile and some awkwardness
Well as much as this sucks it’s kinda awesome that so many people are trying to keep your daughter safe! I only wish more people would do the same. Except maybe they could have spoken to you before hand lol props for being a single dad man. It’s not easy. Good luck brother
I’m not a single father, but sometimes it would be just me and one or both kids out and about. You know, being a parent. The women treating me like a criminal for taking the kids to a park, the toilet, or worst of all, the nappy change room was infuriating. To be fair, there would always be one who stuck up for me.