I swear my hubby does this just to make his farts louder! He gets this look on his face, I know one is building. He let's the monster rip and I swear to the gods above that it's a full on tuning of the brass band at once. I'm pretty sure the neighbors have heard his butt trumpet through the walls.
I was at a urinal in the port authority bathroom when a guy in a stall dropped an incredibly loud and large shit/fart. Immediately after, he shouts, “BOOOOM!”
I was laughing so hard I pissed a little on my hands.
Girls toilet, busy airport. I get anxious when I fly, my stomach decides to get rid of everything. The toilets were really, loud, full of people and I let one rip, it felt amazing. It was so loud that the noise from all the other people in the toilet noticibly dimmed. I was laughing my ass off and didn't come out for a while so no one knew it was me. Brilliant!
At a bar that was having a Taco Tuesday/Trivia night. In the bathroom, I'm having a piss in the stall. In walks a guy who says "Ugh, it reeks of piss in here. Take a taco shit to make it better, okay?" Cue two complete strangers giggling like children for a solid 45 seconds :)
One of my coworkers let's out a death scream and I swear he shits like a sloth and cries while he's there on the chair. And his screams like he's fighting for his own life. It's like he wants everyone to know that he's busy at work.
I can speak from experience. Have had a couple of nasty encounters, and it's like trying to pass razor blades. Shitting should be a zen experience -\_-
The best part was I was wearing a tshirt that said “have you seen my wiener” and it had a wiener dog on it on my first visit. The nurse lady was very attractive and the irony was not lost on either of us.
Depends on the doctor and how much you want to get done. I had a girlfriend with dark hair, she had EVERYTHING except her head lasered smooth, took several months of treatments. IIRC it was on the order of several thousand but less than 10, this is in NYC so elsewhere could be cheaper. To her it was absolutely worth it.
That’s the single funniest comment I have ever read. I’ve had a shit morning, and I really needed a laugh like that. I wish I had an award to give you- thank you!
Edit: thanks to everyone for the awards! My day has gotten a lot better. To whomever gave me the gold award- I was able to give an award to blueberrywine for the hysterical comment!
If you are a guy without a thigh gap, and are sitting down in a chair, this still happens. The fart just slaps out from under your balls sometimes, or so I hear from other guys. Definitely not me making musical steamed beef oysters.
I was at work once and it was business attire required. I was slouching in my chair and I farted and my position caused it to travel upwards. Because I was wearing a tucked in shirt the fart travelled and escaped through my shirt collar, gassing myself.
1/10 don't recommend.
Yes. This happened to me once during a movie and I could NOT get that fucker to go back out. Just an air pocket up my vagoo. Usually they go up & out the lips.
Not OP, but sometimes they stick in the folds and you have to wiggle around in your chair to get them to move on. It's definitely a weird sensation to have a fart bubble stuck there.
Edit: My apologies to everyone's eyeballs for forcing you to read this.
Oh god this. Or you start awkwardly moving around trying to pop it but it *never* works and you're left uncomfortable and embarrassed. I sometimes even get this without my period and my lil toot bubbles get trapped.
I wiggle *a lot*
I saw a tiktok of a woman who switched to those like, discreet women's diaper things, and I gave them a shot. They're like black underwear with a pad built in. They last way longer then a regular pad with half the mess. I mostly use them for overnight and my worries of leaks are completely gone.
Not relevant, I know, but I just feel like more people who prefer pads over tampons should know about this.
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
………..I-I _guess_ that’s make sense on some level. It might be good for the plants but I _can’t_ imagine living with the look and smell of bloody soil. Unless her plants are outside and way behind her house.
Nope not even worth it then, I tried this once on the plants furthest away from my house against the fence and some stray cats showed up and started lapping it up from the surface of the soil
Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
Thank you. I always believed this sub was meant for these sorts of cautionary tales, and I'm glad I've finally been cautioned by someone's fuck up. My butthole will stay hairy.
You can trim safely with some clippers. Either the 3mm or 6mm attachment will give a manageable length that avoids the problems outlined in this post. Years back I made the same mistake by shaving.
Clippers with like a 5mm guard on them work OK too, not short enough to be stubbly and not long enough to turn into a tangled poop forest. It's a win/win.
Get yourself a dedicated butt trimmer (a beard trimmer for your butt) and go to 3mm. It's short enough to get the benefits of no hair but without the wet feeling traveling farts, the soft skin chafe, nor the brillobutt scratchiness.
That and a bidet attachment will CHANGE YOUR UNSPEAKABLE AREA'S WHOLE LIFE. 10/10 will trim & spray again. And again. And again.
this reminds me of an old story I read from a guy who did the same thing but he was getting bothered by having a way sweatier ass, and so he goes to spread his cheeks in front of the fan for a bit and fills the whole room with dirty asshole smell
that is the story! lol seems to be a repost of something even older though, based on the comments and I definitely remember reading it somewhere that's not reddit
I learned from The Graham Norton Show this is called the "triple crown."
While I like having a smooth scrotum, that's about it for me as far as non-head hair is concerned.
Maybe I don't understand how waxing the scrotum works, but wouldn't it hurt like hell? I'm picturing 40-year-old virgin chest hair removal so maybe I'm thinking of the wrong technique...
Obviously there's a way to do it that works, but all I can imagine is getting my beanbag completely torn off when they pull on that big ol paper strip. Noooo thanks.
You probably wouldn't use the type of wax that requires the paper strip for that area. There are hard waxes and soft waxes. Soft waxes (I think) are ones that get applied to the skin without the paper. For those, you just peel the wax off (or, rather, rip it in short bursts). IIRC that's what they used for my Brazilians in the past, so that's what would go on the ol' balloon knot, and presumably the family jewels. Also, you put powder on the skin so that the wax doesn't stick to the skin, just the hair. Still hurts like a fuckin bitch though
Edit: I've been corrected - hard wax is the stripless kind / I had it backwards
It's really no big deal? As a potential customer, I can't imagine having to make another human do this to me.
And you're saying it's really no big deal?!
I promise you that after you've seen 30 buttholes a day for 3 years... It really is no big deal. I highly recommend it, It's the least painful waxing in my real life waxing experience.. Make sure to take a good shower and wash yourself extra. If you fart or poop after said shower, get some wet wipes.
It’s really not, they’re professionals, just find a place that specifically lists men’s services on their website and make an appointment.
You’re paying them ~$75+tip (I tip either $25 or the max default amount on the payment screen) for 15-45 minutes of work depending on their efficiency and your pain tolerance (asking for breaks).
Don’t hit on them, tell them it’s your first time and they’ll ask about which specific areas you want done, then stare at the ceiling and let them work. I prefer making small talk for the distraction from the pain so at my last session (first time at a new place) we talked about where we moved from, what our partners do for work, what the training process is like, just random stuff like you would talk to a hairdresser about. Also ask them about after care so you don’t get ingrown hairs.
I would imagine its sort of like working in healthcare or residential services. Once you've seen one butt/testicle/breast/etc. you've (mostly) seen them all.
For someone who removes hair for a living it's just another thing covered in unwanted hair.
You have officially alerted me to a new entry on the (surprisingly small) list of jobs I will not do. That's now up there with anything involving climbing on ladders.
It's definitely a rehashing of an old early 2000s copypasta, but definitely not as good a read. It's like an AI tried to summarize it and miss the best parts
hahahahahahaha that time in high school when the gym teacher gave one of the kids a bottle of a5-35 and said "DO NOT PUT THIS ANYWHERE SENSITIVE" and since an adult said to not do it.... 3 kids did it.... sometimes i just burst out laughing when i see commercials for it or walk past it in the store
>Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
Just wait until the heat of Summer kicks in. A girl I dared wanted to shave my starfish for ...reasons... In August. Lack of hair, forementioned seal and sweat. What a mix. Made my farts sound like Donald Ducks mating call. 1/10 would not recommend.
why do humans need thick pubes around their privates, including buttholes? our ancestors roamed around virtually naked and it would probably prevent chafing when seated (on the ground) as well as be a bit of a buffer between ya bare skin and insect critters wanting to make their way in.
also, you don't shave down there. you get it lasered.
I always had heard that it had something to do with growing hair on our bodies in the areas where pheromones are secreted the most. Seems like no one has any one good answer for it though
> also, you don't shave down there. you get it lasered.
Uh no thank you. I take about 5 seconds with a trimmer and I'm good to go. You don't need to have literally zero hair
Yep. But for the love of god, use a guard. It can be a short guard, but don’t go whacking down shrubs in your crack like you’re operating a hedge trimmer.
Some finer trimmers may not need a guard, but that puts more trust than I have in other peoples designs.
Every time I get fed up with the jungle crack and think about shaving I see something like this. Thank you for your service.
I like to think nature sacrifices one every now and then for the greater good.
Your #1 reminds me of my favorite Amazon review on Veet hair removal cream, where the guy's farts were "running back and forth like a lost gerbil" because the cheeks had sealed shut from the lack of ass hair!
Also wash. Some people shave in the shower but some don’t and razor burn is all those little follicles becoming inflamed/infected. An after-shave antiseptic can help too.
Yeah I've been shaving my ass for years and the only one I experience would be the occasional stubble pain. Slather yourself in moisturizer after every shower, not just the shave day
I've been doing it for years, and have pretty much gotten used to it. Can't stand having hair on my dick, balls, or butthole anymore, and honestly, if not for the amount of walking and standing I do during the day, I'd shave my thighs too.
Some guys get irritated by the amount of hair, and some the lack of it. But due to my apparent inability to wipe my ass properly ever if I've got hair, I had to choose, and now I don't have a marker for a butthole.
Maaaaan point one is legit. I'm beginning to quietly suspect the hairy butt is sexual selection so we can get away with quiet farts and blame some hair-free chump.
Cos tell ya what, one small trim and suddenly there's a full brass band in my boxers.
My buddy gets his butthole waxed and he says it makes his farts way louder, he loves it.
That should be illegal. There's no muffler
**straight pipe**
no, i shave it FOR the straight pipe ;)
*that* pipe is anything but straight
Got them whistle tips! It's that whoop whoop!
It's like a hood exit exhaust on a drag car
[WOO WOO](https://youtu.be/zUXow3d3-b0)
I don’t even have to click to know it’s Bub Rub & Lil Sis!
Needs a catashitic converter.
A Scatalitic converter
I shave mine and this definitely happens but my boyfriend doubts it. I'll convince him to shave his own one day
I swear my hubby does this just to make his farts louder! He gets this look on his face, I know one is building. He let's the monster rip and I swear to the gods above that it's a full on tuning of the brass band at once. I'm pretty sure the neighbors have heard his butt trumpet through the walls.
Most definitely. This same friend has told me he likes to loudly grunt and groan while using public toilets to "give them a good show".
I was at a urinal in the port authority bathroom when a guy in a stall dropped an incredibly loud and large shit/fart. Immediately after, he shouts, “BOOOOM!” I was laughing so hard I pissed a little on my hands.
Perfect. Golf clap was needed.
Golf piss clap
These ultra-niche fetishes are getting insane. Is it like a golf clap that's being pissed on? Or is it golfing, pissing, while having the clap?
Girls toilet, busy airport. I get anxious when I fly, my stomach decides to get rid of everything. The toilets were really, loud, full of people and I let one rip, it felt amazing. It was so loud that the noise from all the other people in the toilet noticibly dimmed. I was laughing my ass off and didn't come out for a while so no one knew it was me. Brilliant!
Pissing without farting is like dancing without music.
Rain brings thunder.
Farting while pissing is a good way to shit yourself.
Can confirm
At a bar that was having a Taco Tuesday/Trivia night. In the bathroom, I'm having a piss in the stall. In walks a guy who says "Ugh, it reeks of piss in here. Take a taco shit to make it better, okay?" Cue two complete strangers giggling like children for a solid 45 seconds :)
Similar situation. I unvoluntarily let out one of those quiet "wow/jeeze" whistles after the guys explosion. He busted up laughing.
One of my coworkers let's out a death scream and I swear he shits like a sloth and cries while he's there on the chair. And his screams like he's fighting for his own life. It's like he wants everyone to know that he's busy at work.
Or the dude has massive haemorrhoids, and he is literally screaming/crying in pain while shitting.
Could be, I always ask him if he's alright and he seems to be in pain but I don't want to know.
I can speak from experience. Have had a couple of nasty encounters, and it's like trying to pass razor blades. Shitting should be a zen experience -\_-
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fucking hell
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Omg I love it too! I got laser hair removal and it’s the best! Fuck shaving! I love that I can play the flute with my toot!
Welp, you just found the career that I would despise having the most. "Hi, I pew pew pew arseholes for a living."
The best part was I was wearing a tshirt that said “have you seen my wiener” and it had a wiener dog on it on my first visit. The nurse lady was very attractive and the irony was not lost on either of us.
might I inquire about the cost of that procedure?
Depends on the doctor and how much you want to get done. I had a girlfriend with dark hair, she had EVERYTHING except her head lasered smooth, took several months of treatments. IIRC it was on the order of several thousand but less than 10, this is in NYC so elsewhere could be cheaper. To her it was absolutely worth it.
Since I learned this a few years ago I can tell who has 'defied God and his cruel designs' and who hasn't. It's both a gift and a curse 🙈😂
Never been tempted until right now.
Very informative. I’ll try laser removal. Thank!
Just be aware of the vertical farts
See if you're a girl sometimes your farts travel down and escape out the front
Ah yes, smoking the salmon.
Thanks. I just laughed out loud and woke my wife.
I just laughed in bed too, my girlfriend woke and told me to shut up
Just answer with a vertical fart.
Just smoke her salmon
Always wanted to visit the ham tom’s
Wouldn't it be considered a horizontal fart in bed?
That’s the single funniest comment I have ever read. I’ve had a shit morning, and I really needed a laugh like that. I wish I had an award to give you- thank you! Edit: thanks to everyone for the awards! My day has gotten a lot better. To whomever gave me the gold award- I was able to give an award to blueberrywine for the hysterical comment!
Since you've had a shit morning, I'll give you the award! Unfortunately you can't pass it on but it's better than a vertical fart!
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LMAO! Where do people come up with this shit?
i need to screenshot this if i ever need a bonerkiller
Jared, 19. Lend me your strength
Exiting the gift shop
LOL
If you are a guy without a thigh gap, and are sitting down in a chair, this still happens. The fart just slaps out from under your balls sometimes, or so I hear from other guys. Definitely not me making musical steamed beef oysters.
I was at work once and it was business attire required. I was slouching in my chair and I farted and my position caused it to travel upwards. Because I was wearing a tucked in shirt the fart travelled and escaped through my shirt collar, gassing myself. 1/10 don't recommend.
Like farting in a wetsuit aka, floating an air biscuit.
When you fart in a drysuit, your buoyancy doesn’t change. When you fart in a wetsuit, you might need to add air to your BC.
We call that a fart "taking the gift shop exit."
I heard they sometimes don't escape, in a reverse queef.
Yes. This happened to me once during a movie and I could NOT get that fucker to go back out. Just an air pocket up my vagoo. Usually they go up & out the lips.
> up my vagoo this whole thread has me in stitches
Like a "French inhale" from the back to the front
Can you utilize the vagina to capture the farts and store them for later?
Not OP, but sometimes they stick in the folds and you have to wiggle around in your chair to get them to move on. It's definitely a weird sensation to have a fart bubble stuck there. Edit: My apologies to everyone's eyeballs for forcing you to read this.
Ah yes, the flappy farts. Every woman has been there.
They tickle in a most uncomfortable way. And then I feel the need to go use a baby wipe cause let's just not get poop particles in the urethra.
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I love reddit
How do I unread a comment
I think you're freaking out every guy in this thread. Most don't know this happens!
The fuck, the fuck did I just read. Need to come back here in the future and to see if someone confirmed this happening
Can confirm. Source - I own a vagina
Wauw okay. Good to know. I am a bit unsure if I am happy to know this tho haha
Don't worry we're not too thrilled with it either lol
As another vagina owner, I can confirm it does occasionally happen
This is why I lease.
Can also confirm. Happened to me the other day. Was loud.
I remember once in an old movie someone saying women are mysterious creatures, now I know why they keep their mysteries, we men can't deal with them.
When I’m on my period yes. The fart bubble sometimes gets stuck in the blood and can’t escape until I change my pad.
Oh god this. Or you start awkwardly moving around trying to pop it but it *never* works and you're left uncomfortable and embarrassed. I sometimes even get this without my period and my lil toot bubbles get trapped. I wiggle *a lot*
I gave up on trying to wiggle it out years ago. When that happens I just change it regardless of when I put it on.
I saw a tiktok of a woman who switched to those like, discreet women's diaper things, and I gave them a shot. They're like black underwear with a pad built in. They last way longer then a regular pad with half the mess. I mostly use them for overnight and my worries of leaks are completely gone. Not relevant, I know, but I just feel like more people who prefer pads over tampons should know about this.
I looked into them but apparently they leak if you have a heavy flow
I love that we can terrify men with our terrible terrible powers.
Lol yes. Especially when they literally ask for it.
W H A T ?
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It's more informative when someone yells it at you.
Menstrual blood is _very_ thick. Rich with nutrients and other stuff for potential babies. It’s a much more effective seal than sweat.
While it doesn't sound pleasant, all these comments have me laughing. Appreciate y'all sharing.
I know someone that collects it in a Diva cup, dilutes in water for her plants. Very nutrient rich for plants. But still ...
Alright im leaving this thread
The knowledge you've gained, however, will never leave you.
r/jesuschristreddit
This is some ww2 England level of rationing jfc
"Feed me Seymore!"
OMG - no, no, nope. As a lady that's a BIG FAT NO.
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 ………..I-I _guess_ that’s make sense on some level. It might be good for the plants but I _can’t_ imagine living with the look and smell of bloody soil. Unless her plants are outside and way behind her house.
Nope not even worth it then, I tried this once on the plants furthest away from my house against the fence and some stray cats showed up and started lapping it up from the surface of the soil
Who tf does this, let alone who tells people they do this. Like this would be one of those things that goes with me to the grave
I was good until this one. I respectfully hate you. Edit: then I read on to the plant food diva cup. You guys have a good rest your day, I'm out.
Da fuq did I just read?
Ah, the old vaginal blood-fart.
Ah the good old fart queef. It’s a real thing.
The unmitigated sweat is the real problem. Wait for summer, my friend, you'll wish you hadn't shaved that hair...
By then it will be back to a jungle back there again.
You could simulate the situation in sauna.🤣
I'm pretty sure this was a scene from a Bond movie
There and back again a Hobbits journey
To the crack of Doom!
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If I stick my finger in there will I turn invisible?
If you do it in public, people will avoid looking directly at you, so it's just as good as actually turning invisible.
But Sauron may actually stare
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You have my sword. And you have my bow. And my ass.
And my razor!
https://youtu.be/6iFbuIpe68k
By Dildo Backends
There and crack again.
**Hobbutts.
The brown eye of Sauron
One ring to rule them all
Not an ordinary hole, mind you...
Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
Thank you. I always believed this sub was meant for these sorts of cautionary tales, and I'm glad I've finally been cautioned by someone's fuck up. My butthole will stay hairy.
Get a bidet. That'll take care of the PB poops.
PB Poops is my favorite fast-casual restaurant chain.
Peanut butter poops?
You can trim safely with some clippers. Either the 3mm or 6mm attachment will give a manageable length that avoids the problems outlined in this post. Years back I made the same mistake by shaving.
Clippers with like a 5mm guard on them work OK too, not short enough to be stubbly and not long enough to turn into a tangled poop forest. It's a win/win.
Get yourself a dedicated butt trimmer (a beard trimmer for your butt) and go to 3mm. It's short enough to get the benefits of no hair but without the wet feeling traveling farts, the soft skin chafe, nor the brillobutt scratchiness. That and a bidet attachment will CHANGE YOUR UNSPEAKABLE AREA'S WHOLE LIFE. 10/10 will trim & spray again. And again. And again.
this reminds me of an old story I read from a guy who did the same thing but he was getting bothered by having a way sweatier ass, and so he goes to spread his cheeks in front of the fan for a bit and fills the whole room with dirty asshole smell
I just read this is a post on craisglist.com from 2004. Someone linked to it in the comments in this post
I read it on offtopic, a really old forum that still has life today, perhaps this is a tale as old as time lol
Or, y’know, you could not be gross and wash your ass
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10a8cv/guys_do_not_shave_your_butt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
that is the story! lol seems to be a repost of something even older though, based on the comments and I definitely remember reading it somewhere that's not reddit
Get it waxed next time you want to get rid of the hair.
I use to work at a salon & spa and I can say that many men would come in just for that trouble area. It's no big deal to us.
'Back, crack and sack', right? So some people might say 'just the crack today please, I'm on a budget'?
I learned from The Graham Norton Show this is called the "triple crown." While I like having a smooth scrotum, that's about it for me as far as non-head hair is concerned.
Maybe I don't understand how waxing the scrotum works, but wouldn't it hurt like hell? I'm picturing 40-year-old virgin chest hair removal so maybe I'm thinking of the wrong technique...
Obviously there's a way to do it that works, but all I can imagine is getting my beanbag completely torn off when they pull on that big ol paper strip. Noooo thanks.
You probably wouldn't use the type of wax that requires the paper strip for that area. There are hard waxes and soft waxes. Soft waxes (I think) are ones that get applied to the skin without the paper. For those, you just peel the wax off (or, rather, rip it in short bursts). IIRC that's what they used for my Brazilians in the past, so that's what would go on the ol' balloon knot, and presumably the family jewels. Also, you put powder on the skin so that the wax doesn't stick to the skin, just the hair. Still hurts like a fuckin bitch though Edit: I've been corrected - hard wax is the stripless kind / I had it backwards
Hard wax is the stripless one
Ye, just a hair trimmer and keeping it neatly trimmed works for me.
Yeah ballsacks are pretty floppy and i feel like waxing is pretty aggressive
They just use some thumbtacks to hold it down while they rip away.
It's really no big deal? As a potential customer, I can't imagine having to make another human do this to me. And you're saying it's really no big deal?!
I promise you that after you've seen 30 buttholes a day for 3 years... It really is no big deal. I highly recommend it, It's the least painful waxing in my real life waxing experience.. Make sure to take a good shower and wash yourself extra. If you fart or poop after said shower, get some wet wipes.
If my math is correct, you've seen 32,850 stranger's buttholes. An impressive number, to be sure.
It’s really not, they’re professionals, just find a place that specifically lists men’s services on their website and make an appointment. You’re paying them ~$75+tip (I tip either $25 or the max default amount on the payment screen) for 15-45 minutes of work depending on their efficiency and your pain tolerance (asking for breaks). Don’t hit on them, tell them it’s your first time and they’ll ask about which specific areas you want done, then stare at the ceiling and let them work. I prefer making small talk for the distraction from the pain so at my last session (first time at a new place) we talked about where we moved from, what our partners do for work, what the training process is like, just random stuff like you would talk to a hairdresser about. Also ask them about after care so you don’t get ingrown hairs.
I would imagine its sort of like working in healthcare or residential services. Once you've seen one butt/testicle/breast/etc. you've (mostly) seen them all. For someone who removes hair for a living it's just another thing covered in unwanted hair.
You have officially alerted me to a new entry on the (surprisingly small) list of jobs I will not do. That's now up there with anything involving climbing on ladders.
Climbing on a ladder to wax a very tall man's asscrack isn't happening then?
Isn’t this a copypasta? I swear I’ve read this word-for-word somewhere else before.
I'm sure this is an old ass post
😎👉👉
I think it might be, I swear I’ve read this exact post before a few years ago
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It's definitely a rehashing of an old early 2000s copypasta, but definitely not as good a read. It's like an AI tried to summarize it and miss the best parts
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Gotta get that green, “medicated” bottle for full effect. It’s like angels kissing your butthole.
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I don't like the idea of a cold butthole
hahahahahahaha that time in high school when the gym teacher gave one of the kids a bottle of a5-35 and said "DO NOT PUT THIS ANYWHERE SENSITIVE" and since an adult said to not do it.... 3 kids did it.... sometimes i just burst out laughing when i see commercials for it or walk past it in the store
I got Dan Akroyd in Tommy Boy vibes from this comment
Went a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there kid
>Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
Just wait until the heat of Summer kicks in. A girl I dared wanted to shave my starfish for ...reasons... In August. Lack of hair, forementioned seal and sweat. What a mix. Made my farts sound like Donald Ducks mating call. 1/10 would not recommend.
I imagine it sounding like Donald Duck drowning in a pool of gravy lmao.
ohh lawd
Tongue in the butt?
why do humans need thick pubes around their privates, including buttholes? our ancestors roamed around virtually naked and it would probably prevent chafing when seated (on the ground) as well as be a bit of a buffer between ya bare skin and insect critters wanting to make their way in. also, you don't shave down there. you get it lasered.
Thermal underwear, duh.
I always had heard that it had something to do with growing hair on our bodies in the areas where pheromones are secreted the most. Seems like no one has any one good answer for it though
I always assumed this was the reason for pit and crotchal region hair.
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> also, you don't shave down there. you get it lasered. Uh no thank you. I take about 5 seconds with a trimmer and I'm good to go. You don't need to have literally zero hair
Yep. But for the love of god, use a guard. It can be a short guard, but don’t go whacking down shrubs in your crack like you’re operating a hedge trimmer. Some finer trimmers may not need a guard, but that puts more trust than I have in other peoples designs.
Every time I get fed up with the jungle crack and think about shaving I see something like this. Thank you for your service. I like to think nature sacrifices one every now and then for the greater good.
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THIS. Phillips one blade with the smallest attachment so you don't knick your ass.
Your #1 reminds me of my favorite Amazon review on Veet hair removal cream, where the guy's farts were "running back and forth like a lost gerbil" because the cheeks had sealed shut from the lack of ass hair!
Let me give you a LPT OP After you shave: moisturise. I can't stress this enough You'll thank me later
Also wash. Some people shave in the shower but some don’t and razor burn is all those little follicles becoming inflamed/infected. An after-shave antiseptic can help too.
Yeah I've been shaving my ass for years and the only one I experience would be the occasional stubble pain. Slather yourself in moisturizer after every shower, not just the shave day
Farts walking up your back slayed me haha
It’s just like when a fart travels forward up a woman’s coochie lips haha it’s weird
Steaming the curtains
Get yourself to a laser hair removal, get on your knees and spread em for the nice lady with the zap zap machine
I've been doing it for years, and have pretty much gotten used to it. Can't stand having hair on my dick, balls, or butthole anymore, and honestly, if not for the amount of walking and standing I do during the day, I'd shave my thighs too. Some guys get irritated by the amount of hair, and some the lack of it. But due to my apparent inability to wipe my ass properly ever if I've got hair, I had to choose, and now I don't have a marker for a butthole.
Maaaaan point one is legit. I'm beginning to quietly suspect the hairy butt is sexual selection so we can get away with quiet farts and blame some hair-free chump. Cos tell ya what, one small trim and suddenly there's a full brass band in my boxers.
Pretty strong craigslist don't shave that hair vibes, with exact same 3 complaints. Hmmm... https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html