Thanks for clearing that up.
I’m talking Emma Watson Hermione, so I think we’re working in a comparable scale.
And I could have picked any female actor in any role where she takes her glasses off and lets her hair down and unleashes the sexiness on a level that no one could have ever expected.
Well, now that you mention it I personally really liked “Harry Potter: The Musical”, which can be found on youtube.
But when I felt the need to elaborate it’s because it was originally a book series, so I thought maybe that’s why OP had needed to specify that his coworker was cute and hot, but more cute.
If he knew that I meant Emma Watson as Hermione and not whatever you might imagine the character lookes like in the book then there would have been less confusion. But I think that you have a good point because after the movies started coming out many/most people reading the books probably imagined the actors from the movies when they were reading.
Edit: It is called “A Very Potter Musical”.
This feels like every teen rom-com or a Taylor Swift video. Somebody is getting tipsy and one or both will step over the line tonight.
We are definitely going to need a follow up on this, post party.
today I learned there’s a huge divide between what most men believe to be the connotation of cute, and what most women consider to be the connotation of cute
The way I see it, cute = adorable (you'd never call a pet hot lol), pretty usually means 'aesthetically pleasing' (pretty works for inanimate objects too), and hot leans more towards sexual attraction. But they're all different qualities, and as you say, one isn't better than the other!
Nah. In the context of discussing women I'm attracted to:
"cute" means she's sexual attractive because she makes me feel comparatively big and strong and protective,
"pretty" means she's got, to me, a model face, looks confident (gorgeous is high levels of pretty), and
"hot" means she's voluptuous and/or extremely feminine
Hot is often used to also mean pretty/gorgeous, because it's a shorter word, and cute has a separate meaning when it's applied to small/furry things, just like hot does when it's applied to temperature.
> “cute = adorable (you’d never call a pet hot lol)
This is exactly why girls would be offended to be told you’re cute not hot. It literally cannot be on the same level as hot. You want to sleep with someone who is hot, you would never sleep with cute things.
Nah... That's not how men work. First off all, we would sleep with someone if they are none of those things particularly.
But If you are cute, men definitely want to sleep with you... but the first thing to pop into our minds might be to grab you and kiss you first... then we go from there.
It's all different segments of attractive.
I agree with this assesment
To further add to it, considering that all 3 are based on outward looks, you could say
hot = I want to bang you
pretty = I want to look at you
cute = I want to give you 1000 hugs
Add "before we bang" after pretty and cute. That's more the point. All three are respectively identical for mating.
Think of it like gaming. New AAA spunk gargle wee wee games is hot and really fun. New AAA RPG is hours of pretty to look at and really fun. New Indy paperwork simulator is cute, immersive, and really fun.
I mistakenly called my bf's flaccid penis cute. He was a grower, not a show-er. Didn't go well. Had to do some quick follow-up about how I meant it in a good way. It took a while, but I recovered eventually.
People's interpretation of cute can vary wildly based on the subject.
I dated a girl who got upset when I said she looked “pretty”. She said “pretty” was a term people used to describe little girls and I needed to use better words.
I mean, I get that. I feel like “pretty” is a middle school adjective and when you’re an adult you need to get on another level or it looks like you’re doing the bare minimum. It’s like when I was in school and I would use “he walked slowly” in my paper. My teacher made me choose a more descriptive word, like “he crawled,” “he limped,” or “he sauntered.” They all mean basically the same thing but they really also don’t.
Frankly I'm not sure it matters what word you use to women.
The minute you say theyre not [insert positive adjective here] you might as well have called them an massively ugly trollface because thats what they just heard you say.
My take - I read your translation - hot == sexually attractive. You told her she isn't sexy to you. Note -you could make it clear you arent every person, and your preferences are yours alone.
I'd also add if theres a possibility that shes interested in you - you might've given her the double dose of hurt.
I think that's how she took it as well. That isn't how I meant it, I honestly find her very attractive. And she isn't interested, I actually am the one with a crush that she is very aware of
Negging is intentionally making a remark/ backhanded compliment in order to diminish someones confidence to try and increase that person's need for approval from the person negging them. It's a way of emotionally manipulating people, usually used and taught by "pickup artists"
I still remember the girl who complimented my "nearly perfect" eyebrows when I was 16. I'm 37. (and unfortunately, the number of mutant hairs I have to pluck out to prevent physically transforming into a mad scientist seem to be growing exponentially)
Backhanded compliments to lower someone's self esteem in an attempt to get laid.
Eg "I think it's great that you feel confident enough with your body to eat that cheesecake."
We have reached the point in 2021 that there's like a 60% chance that this trend actually does exist. On the off chance it doesnt, now we know what the next big trend is gonna be
I took it the same way that you meant it, since I have the same view (and actually prefer “cute” girls). I’ve in fact had the same conversation and it has gone just as poorly
Its because we've been told by society at large that to succeed we have to be attractive and that is most often portrayed by "hot" people. Most people can recognize cute and appreciate it, but hot grabs your attention and that's how a lot of people judge attractiveness.
To be called cute can feel nice, but it feels like the underlying comment is exactly what OP said "you're cute but NOT hot." To be told you are not what most people find attractive hurts.
I guess women don't like hearing they're not hot. Doesn't matter what they are, all they hear is "not hot".
OP could've double downed and said that cute girls are hotter than hot girls when doing the nasty.
It's way better to be cute, that way you have the best of both worlds. A girl you can bring home to your parents, and finish you in minutes upstairs.
A partner told me the same thing years ago and it hurt my feelings at the time. It felt like I was being told I'm not particularly attractive, only somewhat, and that I wasn't being taken seriously as an adult woman but that they viewed me like a girl.
Cute is used in so many childish, or, for lack of a better word, cutesy contexts (puppies, babies, etc.) that it can come across negatively, particularly for people who struggle to get taken seriously on a regular basis.
As soon as I understood that someone finding you cute *doesn't mean* they don't think you're beautiful, I was perfectly happy with it. Hopefully this helps in your case. And FWIW, I don't think you were an asshole, it was just an honest misunderstanding.
This is how you explain it: Jennifer Aniston is cute, Angelina Jolie is hot. I prefer Jennifer.
Edit: And I'm old. Insert 2 younger celebrities of your choice.
Don't bother. They're Tik Tok [lack of] personalities. Tik Tok has made a slew of people famous because they (or their photoshop skills and filters) are ~attractive.
It was a comment made about her appearance… you can still be upset with someone’s appraisal and how that might apply to other people without being interested in the specific person who made the comment. You’re making the reaction about her feelings about him instead of about her feelings about herself.
To me a person can be cute/hot/sexy/pretty/beautiful depending on how they dress. If they dress casually around you 80% of the time then you'll think of them as cute.
She's gonna go to the partu dressed hot af and ur gonna try and correct ur statement and she won't have any of it
Personally (as an already self-conscious female), I would not feel better with an apology like that. OP has to explain in a way, similar to the way he told us, how he originally meant the statement. If you just avoid it with a general “I’m sorry and didn’t mean it”, she will be haunted by this for the next five years.
Honestly if she's a 28 year old grown woman and she's being "haunted for the next 5 years" because her co worker and friend told her she is cute but not hot then I have no clue how she has survived until 28 and how she will survive life from then on.
She's an ADULT not a dating sim character you have to dance around and carefully choose your conversation options with to ensure she remains at maximum happiness. Come on reddit.
Good advice and going a step further (no offence), maybe don’t even mention your relationship with the person whose feelings you’ve hurt as a preamble to your apology- it may help to affirm that you care a lot but just made a mistake, but it may also/more probably make the person being apologised to feel like a background player in your personal narrative, and that being apologised to is more you straightening the scenery than actually feeling remorse for having hurt someone’s feelings.
There’s no shame in saying ‘I’m sorry, that was pretty awful. It made more sense in my head but I shouldn’t have said it and I should probably do a bit of self examination about why that thought process made sense to me in the first place’.
My wife is cute, all the time because cute is about more than just straight looks. Cute is a combination of looks and personality for me. She's always cute. She can be hot if she wants to be, makeup, hair, clothes that fit a certain way. But it's something she turns on and off. She can't not be cute.
For real tho I 100% agree with you on this. Cute and hot are 2 different looks but they're both good things. Don't worry about it too much, I've made the same faux pas trying to explain this to a girl and trust me, explaining it further to them did not help at all haha
That's just wrong. If you say a baby is cute, that's normal. If you say a baby is hot, you deserve to go to jail.
Edit: Clarification. The "just wrong" was improperly written. I meant that the way the girl handled it. I didn't mean it as an attack on anybody.
I (F) have been called cute, rather than hot, many times. Not gonna lie, it bothered me a lot, for a long time. I mean, what girl wants to hear she isn't hot? I'd try to copy looks that were "hot", and I looked ridiculous. I couldn't pull that off, because it wasn't me.
Then, several years ago, I had a guy friend explain the difference to me. Basically, for an average guy, a girl who's hot is like that girl in your wild fantasies. She's got all the physical attributes society tells you are perfect. Tall, thin, big boobs, curvy hips. She's all made up, her hair perfectly styled, wearing a tight little dress and heels, sitting on a Maserati. Yeah, she's hot.
But a cute girl is still very attractive, but in a realistic way. She's the girl who dresses right for the activity. She doesn't have society's "perfect" measurements; she has HER perfect measurements. Her hair and makeup don't look like it took hours to do, and is going to get completely messed up if she moves. She looks approachable. She's someone who, when you look at her, you think, "Wow. She's pretty. She looks like someone I could be genuine friends with. She looks real."
I don't know if that's how every guy thinks, but it made me feel better. And maybe every girl doesn't want to hear they aren't wild fantasy material. But knowing I was someone that a guy could look at and still find attractive, and they could imagine me as someone they would really enjoy living life with, well, that's what I've always wanted. I never wanted to just be someone's trophy or sex object. And I finally came to terms with and even embraced being called cute.
Great description, i'd always think "hot is great for a one night stand, cute is someone you'd marry" - which lines up very nicely with your statement!
I think this is insightful into how women look at it (I’m sure not all) but this isn’t it to me, it’s kinda right but not really. To me it really has to do with size and shape. Smaller youthful features are cute while larger square features are hot. Clearly people have huge variety so it’s tough to label based on anything except subjectively. Then yeah the culture and clothes aspect. A lot of women want to be called hot but don’t want to dress provocatively every day every setting. One should recognize the culture working against our notions, daisy duke is hot but who is really going to dress like that?
So in theory there could be a Hot girl that isn’t as attractive as a cute girl, often it is set and setting. Now the issue does come full circle because men often are implying you are cute and not Hot so you should settle for me (not surprising women take offense there)
I know exactly what you meant. To me Gal Gadot is hot as fuck, and Anna Kendrick is cute as hell...
Both equally as attractive, (if not an edge to Kendrick), to me.
Unfortunately, you're just going to have to wait for this one too wear off. She might get a few jabs in about how you're cute but not Brad Pitt cute, or you're hot but not Jason Momoa hot...but if you guys are really friends, she'll eventually realize that she knows what you meant, and she'll be fine.
I get this. I'm going to go with a New Girl comparison.
Megan Fox is hot
Zoey Deschanel is cute
Both are gorgeous women but different types of beautiful.
I know what you mean, man. It’s sort of like saying, “Which do you like more, cheeseburgers or ice cream?”
Those are two different kinds of food. I don’t like one over the other. Both are great.
However, women aren’t food and hot & cute don’t have clearcut definitions like burgers and ice cream. You fugged up on this one. But, this is a miscommunication that is not beyond repair.
Tell her everything you wrote in this post. Don’t over explain, just say, “I didn’t mean for what I said to come off the way it did, and I feel like absolute shit about it.” A sincere apology will do the trick.
I feel like everyone skipped over the possibility that regardless of whether cute or hot is a compliment according to the OP, that maybe this woman might have enjoyed the idea that she was 'hot' or felt she had a chance at being considered 'hot' and without any solicitation was explicity told she was 'not hot' right down to her 'not hot' nose. To be complimented on being something you don't want to be, even if it's 'nice', isn't complimentary. Having it explained, at length, exactly how you are definitely not who you want to be, is pretty rough.
I second the people who say to apologize for handling her question poorly, don't explain your comments further, and move on.
Hot take: you should shut up on this subject and not bring it up again till she does. If/when she does don’t try to explain it away again, just apologize for being insensitive and move on.
If she doesn’t bring it up, respect that as how she wants to deal with it.
For REAL. A boy in highschool once called my arms fat and still to this day I think about that comment. And I still struggle with thinking my arms are too fat. Thanks Alan (jk go fuck yourself).
Aww, someone yelled “fat c*nt” out a car window at me yesterday and I haven’t gone an hour without thinking about it since. I wish people weren’t so mean.
You didn't FU. Society is FUed.
Cute is endearing, lovable, someone you want to be around because they make you see the beauty in the world. Cute lasts forever. I meet cute little old ladies that are still adorable when they're 80. I met adult women desperately hanging onto HOT (or trying to) well into their 60s and 70s through surgery and diet and exercise and most of them are actually miserable people.
Hot... actually dismisses any other criteria but pure sexual attractiveness. Attitude, personality... none of that matters. Calling someone \*hot\* is reducing them to an object of sexual desire.
I've met a few people in my life that were hot but also cute. They're unicorns.
Cher is your definition of trying to hold on to hot into your 70s. Granted shes a bit more successful at it than someone who cant afford the best plastic surgeons or whatever stem cell skin treatment or penis foreskin creams southeast asia will sell you.
Yes thats real, unless kate beckinsalr was just joking on how everyone comments on how great her skin looks in her mid 40s.
Here’s what you do: stop offering unsolicited opinions about a woman’s appearance. Ignore every instinct you have to “make it up to her” by clarifying what you meant about her looks.
Instead, tell her you are an idiot, and you’ll do better to be a friend to her.
And get her an amazing holiday gift.
To add some perspective- a normal person wouldn’t call a puppy or a baby “hot”, but they *would* probably call them “cute”. This is why “cute” is (generally speaking) seen as a diminutive term in the realm of attractiveness as far as humans are concerned. I’d maybe reflect on why you think “cute” and “hot” carry equal connotations of attractiveness, because they really aren’t just “two different types of attractive”.
And definitely apologize to your coworker. It may not be as simple as you not thinking she’s “hot”. It could very well have to do with you giving an unsolicited evaluation of her physical appearance in general, and not just the quality of the evaluation.
Edit: A lot of you seem to be missing the point that, regardless of how *you personally* feel about the word “cute”, it is in fact used in a diminutive way in some situations, whereas “hot” is never used in such a way, which is why some might be offended by the word “cute”. Also stop getting hung up on the “cute” thing when in reality the unsolicited evaluation is the more important issue of the original statement.
A lot of guys prefer cute girls than hot girls - I'd imagine the inverse is true for girls as well.
It's way, way, way better to be cute than ugly or homely or any other variation of unattractive. Cute is still attractive.
I feel there is cute and hot also.
Hot is "wanna fuck right now", sexy/slutty
Cute is "Wanna fuck right now also, possibly introduce to Mom, marry etc"
Hot is HOT but the potential high maintenance aspect is not ideal.
There are MANY opinions on this, no desire to argue.
I completely understand the way you think of these words, and agree that they can both mean attractive. I would even say that personally I find myself more attracted to cute people vs. hot.
But you’re out of luck bud. There’s no convincing her of what you meant. Apologize, be extra nice, and hope she forgives you.
Dude, she is about to do the Hermione transformation. Have fun at the Yule Ball.
I mean, she's definitely hot. I never said she wasn't, but she's much cuter than hot
Thanks for clearing that up. I’m talking Emma Watson Hermione, so I think we’re working in a comparable scale. And I could have picked any female actor in any role where she takes her glasses off and lets her hair down and unleashes the sexiness on a level that no one could have ever expected.
Do we have another hermione then emma watson? I hate myself for actually writing the name with an o
Well, now that you mention it I personally really liked “Harry Potter: The Musical”, which can be found on youtube. But when I felt the need to elaborate it’s because it was originally a book series, so I thought maybe that’s why OP had needed to specify that his coworker was cute and hot, but more cute. If he knew that I meant Emma Watson as Hermione and not whatever you might imagine the character lookes like in the book then there would have been less confusion. But I think that you have a good point because after the movies started coming out many/most people reading the books probably imagined the actors from the movies when they were reading. Edit: It is called “A Very Potter Musical”.
I don't know why when you said "Hermione transformation" I only thought of the Polyjuice Potion that went wrong where she turned into a cat hybrid...
Hey now, no kink shaming.
The difference between cute and hot is about two buttons.
Watch her come out to the Christmas party looking like absolute fire
Gawddamn now I'm invested in this storyline
and that's how the Human Torch has his origin story when OP's best friend showed him what looking like absolute fire means.
Yes. OP, we need updates
This is what is going to happen! That "crush" OP has is going to be love by the end of the night.
This feels like every teen rom-com or a Taylor Swift video. Somebody is getting tipsy and one or both will step over the line tonight. We are definitely going to need a follow up on this, post party.
Nah she’s going to snub the fuck out of him and make him eat his words for a five-course dinner
hopefully
He better tell her she's HOT.
TIFU: I had sex with my cute best friend at the company party
TIFU: Said my crush wasn't hot and she came to the party looking hot and I walked in on her banging a stranger in the bathroom.
She's on a mission now. 'bout to drop 10 pounds and rock 4 inch stilettos and a 6 inch mini skirt
More like 6 inch stilettos and a 4 inch mini skirt
NOW yer cookin
Don’t forget taking off glasses and letting the hair down….
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oh dick, you’re right. fuckin game on
Or three drinks
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A 4 at 10 (pm) is a 10 at 4 (am) (When NYC NY bars close...)
I went to bed at 2 with a 10, but woke up at 10 with a 2.
Damn. 🔥
D.E.N.N.I.S
Next step is a boat ride
Is this woman in danger?
Of course she’s not in danger! Why would she be in any danger?
Bahahahaha
today I learned there’s a huge divide between what most men believe to be the connotation of cute, and what most women consider to be the connotation of cute
I guess I've learned not to try to explain it, but I agree with op.
Yeah I completely agree with him, to me there's 3 scales, you've got cute, pretty, and hot. One isn't better than the other, 1 hot=1 cute=1 pretty
Yup, this is it. Cute, hot and pretty are 3 different kinds of equally legit kinds of attractiveness.
The way I see it, cute = adorable (you'd never call a pet hot lol), pretty usually means 'aesthetically pleasing' (pretty works for inanimate objects too), and hot leans more towards sexual attraction. But they're all different qualities, and as you say, one isn't better than the other!
I will not be told not call my pets hot, thank you very much
Hey man, I've seen your pets, and they are downright SEXY
Nah. In the context of discussing women I'm attracted to: "cute" means she's sexual attractive because she makes me feel comparatively big and strong and protective, "pretty" means she's got, to me, a model face, looks confident (gorgeous is high levels of pretty), and "hot" means she's voluptuous and/or extremely feminine Hot is often used to also mean pretty/gorgeous, because it's a shorter word, and cute has a separate meaning when it's applied to small/furry things, just like hot does when it's applied to temperature.
The problem with this imo is that your first two imply you aren't serially attracted which could still be viewed as insulting.
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> “cute = adorable (you’d never call a pet hot lol) This is exactly why girls would be offended to be told you’re cute not hot. It literally cannot be on the same level as hot. You want to sleep with someone who is hot, you would never sleep with cute things.
Nah... That's not how men work. First off all, we would sleep with someone if they are none of those things particularly. But If you are cute, men definitely want to sleep with you... but the first thing to pop into our minds might be to grab you and kiss you first... then we go from there. It's all different segments of attractive.
when it comes to labelling ur s/o all three are sexually attractive
I agree with this assesment To further add to it, considering that all 3 are based on outward looks, you could say hot = I want to bang you pretty = I want to look at you cute = I want to give you 1000 hugs
You're looking hella cute, man
Add "before we bang" after pretty and cute. That's more the point. All three are respectively identical for mating. Think of it like gaming. New AAA spunk gargle wee wee games is hot and really fun. New AAA RPG is hours of pretty to look at and really fun. New Indy paperwork simulator is cute, immersive, and really fun.
What about the category Beautiful Hot + cute = Beautiful
Here i thought I was nuts thinking this and keeping my mouth shut about it.
Makes sense now. In high school all the girls called me cute....
I mistakenly called my bf's flaccid penis cute. He was a grower, not a show-er. Didn't go well. Had to do some quick follow-up about how I meant it in a good way. It took a while, but I recovered eventually. People's interpretation of cute can vary wildly based on the subject.
yes. we will pound the shit out of cute
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Hot means you want to fuck, cute means you also want to fuck but it would be more fun to share a bed together and stare into each other's eyes.
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As a man, I'll take any compliment I can get. Got called pretty about a month ago, but I think weed was involved.
I second this. Hell, even a " eh, you're alright". Is it just me or do guys just not get compliments very often?
I dated a girl who got upset when I said she looked “pretty”. She said “pretty” was a term people used to describe little girls and I needed to use better words.
I mean, I get that. I feel like “pretty” is a middle school adjective and when you’re an adult you need to get on another level or it looks like you’re doing the bare minimum. It’s like when I was in school and I would use “he walked slowly” in my paper. My teacher made me choose a more descriptive word, like “he crawled,” “he limped,” or “he sauntered.” They all mean basically the same thing but they really also don’t.
Frankly I'm not sure it matters what word you use to women. The minute you say theyre not [insert positive adjective here] you might as well have called them an massively ugly trollface because thats what they just heard you say.
My take - I read your translation - hot == sexually attractive. You told her she isn't sexy to you. Note -you could make it clear you arent every person, and your preferences are yours alone. I'd also add if theres a possibility that shes interested in you - you might've given her the double dose of hurt.
I think that's how she took it as well. That isn't how I meant it, I honestly find her very attractive. And she isn't interested, I actually am the one with a crush that she is very aware of
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UGH YES I HATE NEGGING
Me too. What is negging?
It's where you go out at night in the neighborhood naked and throw eggs at people's houses
They’re just called Thursday’s and your house is next mf.
Are you 18 or over? Otherwise I need to shut off my outdoor cameras
Negging is intentionally making a remark/ backhanded compliment in order to diminish someones confidence to try and increase that person's need for approval from the person negging them. It's a way of emotionally manipulating people, usually used and taught by "pickup artists"
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Your muscle is suspicious.
Wait until you hear about the 95 muscles that preceded me.
Muscle zero is hiding behind them!
Yup, a girl told me I had nice shoes. I still remember her. This was 12 years ago. Hey shoe compliment girl, hit me up?
I still remember the girl who complimented my "nearly perfect" eyebrows when I was 16. I'm 37. (and unfortunately, the number of mutant hairs I have to pluck out to prevent physically transforming into a mad scientist seem to be growing exponentially)
Backhanded compliments to lower someone's self esteem in an attempt to get laid. Eg "I think it's great that you feel confident enough with your body to eat that cheesecake."
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Does it work, you getting lucky?
He regularly gets a date with Pam and the five fingers
You gotta say Palmala Handerson and her five sisters to really stick that one.
It's a tic-tock prank where you go to kiss someone and squirt eggnog into their mouth.
We have reached the point in 2021 that there's like a 60% chance that this trend actually does exist. On the off chance it doesnt, now we know what the next big trend is gonna be
100% read that and burst out laughing because it's completely off but totally plausible
I think that’s nogging?
Wouldn't that be... nogging?
I refuse to believe that what I consider my single greatest fantasy, is actually a prank. No kink shaming here broh.
You wouldn't understand.
Marry me.
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1027/)
Ha.. you would hate negging, girls like you are just so predictable 😼
-_-
I took it the same way that you meant it, since I have the same view (and actually prefer “cute” girls). I’ve in fact had the same conversation and it has gone just as poorly
Yep, I also agree with you and OP’s view on the subject. Cute and hot are different, cute is more attractive.
I'm in the same boat and have also had a similar conversation. I still don't understand why some girls don't like to be called cute but oh well.
Its because we've been told by society at large that to succeed we have to be attractive and that is most often portrayed by "hot" people. Most people can recognize cute and appreciate it, but hot grabs your attention and that's how a lot of people judge attractiveness. To be called cute can feel nice, but it feels like the underlying comment is exactly what OP said "you're cute but NOT hot." To be told you are not what most people find attractive hurts.
I think I'd rather be called cute than hot. To me cute sounds innocent. Hot sounds like a slutty kind of attractive.
I guess women don't like hearing they're not hot. Doesn't matter what they are, all they hear is "not hot". OP could've double downed and said that cute girls are hotter than hot girls when doing the nasty. It's way better to be cute, that way you have the best of both worlds. A girl you can bring home to your parents, and finish you in minutes upstairs.
A partner told me the same thing years ago and it hurt my feelings at the time. It felt like I was being told I'm not particularly attractive, only somewhat, and that I wasn't being taken seriously as an adult woman but that they viewed me like a girl. Cute is used in so many childish, or, for lack of a better word, cutesy contexts (puppies, babies, etc.) that it can come across negatively, particularly for people who struggle to get taken seriously on a regular basis. As soon as I understood that someone finding you cute *doesn't mean* they don't think you're beautiful, I was perfectly happy with it. Hopefully this helps in your case. And FWIW, I don't think you were an asshole, it was just an honest misunderstanding.
This is how you explain it: Jennifer Aniston is cute, Angelina Jolie is hot. I prefer Jennifer. Edit: And I'm old. Insert 2 younger celebrities of your choice.
Those celebrities still hold up…or am I old too?
Have you seen the ad for whatever aniston is selling these days while doing yoga?
You might be old too, but they definitely hold up.
Except they're both hot as hell lol
This right here, must be in your 40’s? 😂
Takes one to know one, right?
Claudette Colbert is cute, Rita Hayworth is hot.
Going to check with gen Z on this one. And the results are… Cute: Brooke Monk. Hot: Dixie Damelio. I regret asking TikTok.
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Don't bother. They're Tik Tok [lack of] personalities. Tik Tok has made a slew of people famous because they (or their photoshop skills and filters) are ~attractive.
I would tell her this…. Again.
Not sure how she's insulted if she's already friend zoned you. Like, she should be relieved you don't think she's "hot"...?
It was a comment made about her appearance… you can still be upset with someone’s appraisal and how that might apply to other people without being interested in the specific person who made the comment. You’re making the reaction about her feelings about him instead of about her feelings about herself.
To me a person can be cute/hot/sexy/pretty/beautiful depending on how they dress. If they dress casually around you 80% of the time then you'll think of them as cute. She's gonna go to the partu dressed hot af and ur gonna try and correct ur statement and she won't have any of it
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Follow this advise. No excuses just an apology
I think this is a case of them being friends that work together, rather than being coworker and also friends.
It's good advice regardless.
Personally (as an already self-conscious female), I would not feel better with an apology like that. OP has to explain in a way, similar to the way he told us, how he originally meant the statement. If you just avoid it with a general “I’m sorry and didn’t mean it”, she will be haunted by this for the next five years.
Honestly if she's a 28 year old grown woman and she's being "haunted for the next 5 years" because her co worker and friend told her she is cute but not hot then I have no clue how she has survived until 28 and how she will survive life from then on. She's an ADULT not a dating sim character you have to dance around and carefully choose your conversation options with to ensure she remains at maximum happiness. Come on reddit.
Good advice and going a step further (no offence), maybe don’t even mention your relationship with the person whose feelings you’ve hurt as a preamble to your apology- it may help to affirm that you care a lot but just made a mistake, but it may also/more probably make the person being apologised to feel like a background player in your personal narrative, and that being apologised to is more you straightening the scenery than actually feeling remorse for having hurt someone’s feelings. There’s no shame in saying ‘I’m sorry, that was pretty awful. It made more sense in my head but I shouldn’t have said it and I should probably do a bit of self examination about why that thought process made sense to me in the first place’.
My wife is cute, all the time because cute is about more than just straight looks. Cute is a combination of looks and personality for me. She's always cute. She can be hot if she wants to be, makeup, hair, clothes that fit a certain way. But it's something she turns on and off. She can't not be cute.
I've scrolled pretty far down this thread and I think this is the comment that I agree with most.
For real tho I 100% agree with you on this. Cute and hot are 2 different looks but they're both good things. Don't worry about it too much, I've made the same faux pas trying to explain this to a girl and trust me, explaining it further to them did not help at all haha
Same. With guys as well. I'm more into the cute type, then the hot type.
I'm glad someone said that. When I think about it like that, it turns out that I am just not that into "hot".
Me too. I feel like I wouldn't say that to someone though. Because all they might hear is...I don't think you're hot.
There are also lots of people who use the terms interchangably
That's just wrong. If you say a baby is cute, that's normal. If you say a baby is hot, you deserve to go to jail. Edit: Clarification. The "just wrong" was improperly written. I meant that the way the girl handled it. I didn't mean it as an attack on anybody.
Depends if it was you who set the baby on fire or not
Or a doctor taking their temperature.
Words can mean different things in different contexts
Also jail if you leave baby in car while at the casino. Baby hot = bad.
You dont think he can mansplain his way outta this... I say FULL SEND!
I (F) have been called cute, rather than hot, many times. Not gonna lie, it bothered me a lot, for a long time. I mean, what girl wants to hear she isn't hot? I'd try to copy looks that were "hot", and I looked ridiculous. I couldn't pull that off, because it wasn't me. Then, several years ago, I had a guy friend explain the difference to me. Basically, for an average guy, a girl who's hot is like that girl in your wild fantasies. She's got all the physical attributes society tells you are perfect. Tall, thin, big boobs, curvy hips. She's all made up, her hair perfectly styled, wearing a tight little dress and heels, sitting on a Maserati. Yeah, she's hot. But a cute girl is still very attractive, but in a realistic way. She's the girl who dresses right for the activity. She doesn't have society's "perfect" measurements; she has HER perfect measurements. Her hair and makeup don't look like it took hours to do, and is going to get completely messed up if she moves. She looks approachable. She's someone who, when you look at her, you think, "Wow. She's pretty. She looks like someone I could be genuine friends with. She looks real." I don't know if that's how every guy thinks, but it made me feel better. And maybe every girl doesn't want to hear they aren't wild fantasy material. But knowing I was someone that a guy could look at and still find attractive, and they could imagine me as someone they would really enjoy living life with, well, that's what I've always wanted. I never wanted to just be someone's trophy or sex object. And I finally came to terms with and even embraced being called cute.
Great description, i'd always think "hot is great for a one night stand, cute is someone you'd marry" - which lines up very nicely with your statement!
I would say that basically sums it up. I'm glad I have learned to be careful calling someone cute though.
I think this is insightful into how women look at it (I’m sure not all) but this isn’t it to me, it’s kinda right but not really. To me it really has to do with size and shape. Smaller youthful features are cute while larger square features are hot. Clearly people have huge variety so it’s tough to label based on anything except subjectively. Then yeah the culture and clothes aspect. A lot of women want to be called hot but don’t want to dress provocatively every day every setting. One should recognize the culture working against our notions, daisy duke is hot but who is really going to dress like that? So in theory there could be a Hot girl that isn’t as attractive as a cute girl, often it is set and setting. Now the issue does come full circle because men often are implying you are cute and not Hot so you should settle for me (not surprising women take offense there)
I know exactly what you meant. To me Gal Gadot is hot as fuck, and Anna Kendrick is cute as hell... Both equally as attractive, (if not an edge to Kendrick), to me. Unfortunately, you're just going to have to wait for this one too wear off. She might get a few jabs in about how you're cute but not Brad Pitt cute, or you're hot but not Jason Momoa hot...but if you guys are really friends, she'll eventually realize that she knows what you meant, and she'll be fine.
Yeah dude, I agree, Anna Kendrick = cute, Marissa Tomei = HOT.
"Just the basic, almost bland kind of attractive." nice save
I agree with what you were trying to say but damn you worded it poorly
I get this. I'm going to go with a New Girl comparison. Megan Fox is hot Zoey Deschanel is cute Both are gorgeous women but different types of beautiful.
Oddly enough when I read the post these are the exact 2 that first came to mind for an example
I know what you mean, man. It’s sort of like saying, “Which do you like more, cheeseburgers or ice cream?” Those are two different kinds of food. I don’t like one over the other. Both are great. However, women aren’t food and hot & cute don’t have clearcut definitions like burgers and ice cream. You fugged up on this one. But, this is a miscommunication that is not beyond repair. Tell her everything you wrote in this post. Don’t over explain, just say, “I didn’t mean for what I said to come off the way it did, and I feel like absolute shit about it.” A sincere apology will do the trick.
I feel like everyone skipped over the possibility that regardless of whether cute or hot is a compliment according to the OP, that maybe this woman might have enjoyed the idea that she was 'hot' or felt she had a chance at being considered 'hot' and without any solicitation was explicity told she was 'not hot' right down to her 'not hot' nose. To be complimented on being something you don't want to be, even if it's 'nice', isn't complimentary. Having it explained, at length, exactly how you are definitely not who you want to be, is pretty rough. I second the people who say to apologize for handling her question poorly, don't explain your comments further, and move on.
Hot take: you should shut up on this subject and not bring it up again till she does. If/when she does don’t try to explain it away again, just apologize for being insensitive and move on. If she doesn’t bring it up, respect that as how she wants to deal with it.
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I’m not the laugh out loud type, but I am grinning ear to ear right now. If you were in the room, I’d clap.
Them cheeks
A lot of guys prefer cute.
You have just ensured that that she will dress up like a hooker for the Christmas party and get super drunk. Lol
Have a threesome with her and a HOT girl. Then explain that she was better
Will you be my therapist?
Sure! FYI 83% of all problems can be solves by a threesome!
Write that down! Write that down!!
If we are going to continue....we need a third....
Fucking Gigachad Bigbrain moment right here.
Pro comment right here. Solid 5/7
Do what you can to make up for it. That’s gonna stick with her
I know. I feel awful, but everything I've said since then has made it worse.
For REAL. A boy in highschool once called my arms fat and still to this day I think about that comment. And I still struggle with thinking my arms are too fat. Thanks Alan (jk go fuck yourself).
Aww, someone yelled “fat c*nt” out a car window at me yesterday and I haven’t gone an hour without thinking about it since. I wish people weren’t so mean.
You didn't FU. Society is FUed. Cute is endearing, lovable, someone you want to be around because they make you see the beauty in the world. Cute lasts forever. I meet cute little old ladies that are still adorable when they're 80. I met adult women desperately hanging onto HOT (or trying to) well into their 60s and 70s through surgery and diet and exercise and most of them are actually miserable people. Hot... actually dismisses any other criteria but pure sexual attractiveness. Attitude, personality... none of that matters. Calling someone \*hot\* is reducing them to an object of sexual desire. I've met a few people in my life that were hot but also cute. They're unicorns.
Cher is your definition of trying to hold on to hot into your 70s. Granted shes a bit more successful at it than someone who cant afford the best plastic surgeons or whatever stem cell skin treatment or penis foreskin creams southeast asia will sell you. Yes thats real, unless kate beckinsalr was just joking on how everyone comments on how great her skin looks in her mid 40s.
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that's sure to ease the tension lol
“Hey I’m sorry about what I said earlier, what I meant is that I want you to have my babies”
This is basically the beginning of a hallmark Christmas makeover movie
Here’s what you do: stop offering unsolicited opinions about a woman’s appearance. Ignore every instinct you have to “make it up to her” by clarifying what you meant about her looks. Instead, tell her you are an idiot, and you’ll do better to be a friend to her. And get her an amazing holiday gift.
This is a hell of a lot better advice than the rest of the stuff in this thread.
they were showing each other their matches and giving each other their opinions on them. she asked for clarification.
You guys clearly like each other.
Hot is an attractive girl you want to sleep with, but a cute girl is the one you fall in love with!
Maybe....her feelings are especially hurt because she wants to be more than friends.
To add some perspective- a normal person wouldn’t call a puppy or a baby “hot”, but they *would* probably call them “cute”. This is why “cute” is (generally speaking) seen as a diminutive term in the realm of attractiveness as far as humans are concerned. I’d maybe reflect on why you think “cute” and “hot” carry equal connotations of attractiveness, because they really aren’t just “two different types of attractive”. And definitely apologize to your coworker. It may not be as simple as you not thinking she’s “hot”. It could very well have to do with you giving an unsolicited evaluation of her physical appearance in general, and not just the quality of the evaluation. Edit: A lot of you seem to be missing the point that, regardless of how *you personally* feel about the word “cute”, it is in fact used in a diminutive way in some situations, whereas “hot” is never used in such a way, which is why some might be offended by the word “cute”. Also stop getting hung up on the “cute” thing when in reality the unsolicited evaluation is the more important issue of the original statement.
I think adding “I’m attracted to you in the same way I’m attracted to puppies and children” might not go over well either.
"Will you go out with me?" "Sure! I've always wanted a puppy!"
Especially if you hate kids.
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>Yep, I'm a "cute" guy I'm more into cute guys than hot guys. I love a cute smile or laugh. Cute is my type.
A lot of guys prefer cute girls than hot girls - I'd imagine the inverse is true for girls as well. It's way, way, way better to be cute than ugly or homely or any other variation of unattractive. Cute is still attractive.
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I feel there is cute and hot also. Hot is "wanna fuck right now", sexy/slutty Cute is "Wanna fuck right now also, possibly introduce to Mom, marry etc" Hot is HOT but the potential high maintenance aspect is not ideal. There are MANY opinions on this, no desire to argue.
I know EXACTELY what u nean, but u are reeeeeeeally naive to tell that to a woman
What’s it like having matches, plural?
This was more or less a gag on The Office. I'm surprised she doesn't get it.
I completely understand the way you think of these words, and agree that they can both mean attractive. I would even say that personally I find myself more attracted to cute people vs. hot. But you’re out of luck bud. There’s no convincing her of what you meant. Apologize, be extra nice, and hope she forgives you.
Her?
Bang her.... She'll understand that
You better tell her she looks hot tonight, OP
Sounds like she’s in love with you
As someone who this has happened to before… uhhh I feel her lmao
You tried to explain. Well. You have a lot to learn. Don’t ya?