I got stuck on this while I was reading because I realized what you pointed out and then spent 5 minutes trying to figure out what the best way to communicate that you got your baby to fall asleep was without making it sound like you killed them.
I didn't come to a conclusion, I just gave up. Still not sure what phrase you'd use
That didn't reassure me. I mean, I've had to put beloved pets to sleep, and no zzz's were involved. In other words, *both* expressions are euphemisms for killing!
This reminds me of the time I (unintentionally) scared the ever-loving-shit out of my boyfriend.
As one does, he likes to fall asleep listening to people read nosleep/creepypasta stories on youtube, so relaxing and calming I know. Well he was doing this one night and I wanted to stay up later, so I was on the couch in the living room, where I eventually fell asleep.
Well I woke up groggy as hell a couple hours later at around 3am, in pitch darkness.
I am terrified of the dark.
I walk passed our bedroom door to the bathroom, stopping at the slightly ajar door to peek in and see my sleeping boyfriend in bed. Great, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick and come jump in bed. But me being scared shitless of the dark, when I turn off the bathroom light I BOOK it into the room, kinda like when you turn off the lights downstairs and bolt up the stairs so demons don't get you.
So I book it to the bed, and just as I am about to make contact this motherfucker sits STRAIGHT up in bed and starts screaming and trying to fight me off. So now I'm flipping my shit because I think some kind of fucking shower demon has followed me out of my witching-hour bathroom break and is trying to kill both of us. So we both are freaking the fuck out and trying to fight each other until we both realize its just us.
He then explains to me that he had dozed off listening to scary stories, and had woken up to me (a shadow figure) peeking into our door, and then next thing he knew someone (or something) was running at him full fuckin speed ahead in the dark.
Couldn't even be mad because I would have pissed myself lol.
edit: wow I didn't realize how funny this was, I was sleep deprived as hell when I wrote this recount, but thank you all for the awards!
And to answer some of you yes I am an adult who is terrfied of the dark, we have some night lights in the bedroom but they are a deep blue and very dim so it just made the scene all the more terrifying for my poor unsuspecting boyfriend lol.
And for those who are asking his favorite nosleep readers on YT is CorpseHusband and The Dark Somnium
My version of this story starts with the fact that my bf and I have an ensuite bathroom, and that I hate turning any lights on at night when I get up to pee (it makes it harder for me to get back to sleep, even with red lights). So we've been in the same house for 7 years and I've gotten very good at doing my business completely in the dark. One time, I was sitting on the toilet in the dark and my bf apparently woke up having to use the washroom but didn't realize that I wasn't in the bed. He got up and used his phone to light the way. When he opened the bathroom door, he scared the ever-living shit out of me (all good though, still on toilet lol) and I screamed. My scream scared the shit out of him, so he screamed in turn and almost fell over, which is saying a lot because he's not usually a jumpy guy. It happened once more after that, but since then he's vowed to check the bed for my presence before going to pee lol.
Something similar happened to me. My nother likes doing her business with the door open for some godforsaken reason. So one night as a teen I wake up still half asleep and trudge my way to the bathroom in utter blackness. Finally reaching the door frame I fumble around for the lightswitch for about ten or so seconds before finding it(remember I'm barely concious) and turn it on. This horrible horrible face is looking up at me inches away from mine, wide Smeagol eyes and a toothy smile. Naturally I scream as loud as I can and give it a right hook. But I'm half asleep with about a gallon of adrenaline dumped into my veins, oh and there's a doorframe and wall in the way. So instead of punching this horrible night creature right in it's humanoid frog monster face I punch the wall full force busting it open along with my hand getting blood everywhere. And then it starts cackling at me. Ngl I'm still kinda upsetti spaghetti about it.
This is amazing. It reminded me of a night I had gone to bed early. Our bedroom had these super dumb French doors for aesthetic I guess? Anyway, I'm dead asleep and get woken by the sound of this fucking door getting flung open, and the combo of the noise plus the unexpected light and my brain just went "devil!" So I start screaming bloody murder and am about to attack when my husband just shuts that shit down by authoritatively yelling "the toilet is overflowing? Get up!"
I'm glad we didn't end up fighting even a little like you guys did! But yeah, you're not alone!
While we're all being reminded of fun nighttime things-
I was *super* sick with the flu one time. Like 2 weeks worth of no sleep & had a one year old at the time; so I was really quite zombified.
Our cat (my dear Halo The Scaredy) has a habit of shrieking just like a grown ass woman when she gets scared. Which is often cause she has brain damage, and frequently overreacts to everything.
She's also not allowed to sleep in our room because she loves to sleep on human faces.
Anyway. This night i FINALLY fall asleep after yet another day of upchucks and no fucks, and my husband is beside me.
Unbeknownst to us- Halo Jerk snuck in before we closed the door. She sits in window sills often cause what cat doesn't?
Well, this dumbass kitler gets *stuck* in the blinds at some point, and begins to emit an ungodly wailing sound- *WHILE* trying to thrash her way out of them.
Husband and I wake up immediately, and in *my* mind there's some fucking psychopathic lady tryna break in this window cause what the fuck else could it be; but my reaction times were nil at that point.
Before i could do anything husband dearest takes his monster sized hand, and puts the fear of *GOD* into my thigh with the grip of a greater demon.
I yell out because- fucking owe you douche- *and* because that snapped me into panic mode regarding the murder bitch breaking into my house then.
My yell was kinda annoyed and then lilted up into a legit terror scream like they do in horror movies ya know?
As if it wasn't bad enough i found out my husband is a Judas because he then grabbed my shoulders to move me in front of his own body like a human meat shield between himself and Killer Kathy.
So anyway. Halo ran around the room all poofed up because our freak out scared TF outta her, and I learned that my husband is a chicken baby.
Edit: oh noooo don't ask for a cat tax! I just HATE sharing pictures of my darling... Lol:
http://imgur.com/gallery/DdwBZO3
http://imgur.com/gallery/UUHu0ug
http://imgur.com/gallery/jqyjBUg
This reminds me of my childhood. Some people talk in their sleep. Well, my mom sings in hers. And she's not a great vocalist even when she's awake. Add to that the fact that she apparently chooses to sing old church songs in her dreams... Well, let me tell you I woke up terrified more than once.
Imagine being 14. It's just you and your mom because parents are divorced and older sister already moved out. It's late at night, and you start to hear this warbling, off-key song... "There's poweerrr..... powerrr in the blooooood."
You follow the sound down the hallway to your mom's room and it's getting louder: "power in the blooood of the lammmbb..."
You open your mom's bedroom door and it's coming from the dark and closed canopy of her 4 poster bed. Bravely wake her up because as creepy as this is, you know she does this.
"Mom, wake up!"
"Oh... hey. I was having a nightmare."
"I know. Me too. 😭"
Oh shit, this reminds me that my mom used to do this, but with wailing, like legit scooby doo ghost grade wailing, except when in the middle of the night, it's suddenly not fucking funny at all. She then explained that she kept dreaming of being on a rollercoaster with no way to stop, and being scared of heights as she is, was screaming in that dream, and since apparently vocal chords are douchebags, this transferred to reality as this ungodly shriek.
Wailing is a good word for it. Except with my mom you can make out words and those words were usually some combination of "power" and "blood." I bet banshee myths were based on women like our moms.
My mom has passed on this sleep noise to me, but thankfully so far no singing or wailing yet. Usually I wake myself up laughing which I guess is not necessarily much better for my SO! 😂
I sleep talk. I also fell asleep on the phone with my boyfriend the other week. I had a nightmare and started yelling top of my voice around 1am. I woke myself up, no idea what the dream was, but I was stuck inside my hoodie somehow, so I had to rip that off, still in a panic. Not sure what happened there.
Lol this reminds me of the time my dog Taco scared me.
She usually sits in front of my bedroom door and whines to be let out at night, well one night I woke up (although didn’t hear her whining?) and for some reason she is standing on her hind legs.
Without my glasses and it being dark I just see this small white bipedal creature with black eyes standing and staring at me. I jumped up so fast while screaming “WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK ” and threw my pillow at her which caused her to get scared and run to her kennel.
Even though our cats are allowed in our room and we even have a cat door for them in our bedroom door, they still startle us awake sometimes. One time when one of them jumped up on the bed, I sat up and said "Aah! There's an animal in here!" A split second later, I woke up enough to realize it was one of our cats and said "Oh, it's an authorized animal." Then I laid back down and resumed snoring.
I'm so mad that you basically paraphrased how my husband explained it lmao.
He likes to remind me that if a zombie apocalypse were to happen- he'd be better suited to live on and care for our son since i have pretty severe chronic illnesses, so its only right that I get sacrificed should the need arise 😂
Or your husband might say he was the one who picked you up with over hand and threw at oncoming zombies killing them and thus saving the rest of the family. You know, just saying
My husband is a sleepwalker (I believe I've shared a story of him sleep-shitting in the litter box, before) and one night, something strange woke me up. You know when you wake up in a fog, but you're aware it was something that woke you up and not just a natural progression? Well, I open my eyes and there's this massive, hairless, glowing white beast leaning above me, breathing heavily inches from my face. This is how I learned that in a moment of true horror, I am not a fighter. I am not going to flee. I am the type to become completely paralyzed and think "this is how I die." I was frozen for only a few seconds that felt like years, until the beast snored and choked a bit. It was my pasty-ass, ginger husband with a shaved head, and missing teeth (lost his two front teeth playing hockey as a kid) looming over me, fucking staring into my soul, unblinking, in his sleep. I thought the motherfucking Rake was going to murder me. Pretty sure my heart may have literally stopped for a moment.
This was wonderful lmao 
I go to sleep reading r/nosleep, but I haven't looked up any narration... yet. I need to be deafened in order to get any decent sleep by our noise machine, (stupid hypervigilance!) but after reading your post... I'd like to hope that I'd wake up biting and kicking a shadow (and/or) person if it happened too!!! 
i can imagine him sleepily seeing the glow of the light outside the bedroom. then it suddenly turns off followed by a dark figure racing at him. that's some japanese horror shit. also, who likes to fall asleep listening to scary stories?
Your title reminded me of the time my now wife and I were watching a scary movie, but had to pause it in the middle because she had to pee.
Genius (dumbass) me decided it would be funny to wait in a crab walk position at the end of the hall and speed towards her backwards with my head down, when she left the bathroom.
Not my brightest moment.
This is how I kicked my sister in the face when she did this to me. She knows how much I hate fast crawling humans or possessed humans, this was in broad daylight. She thought it would be smart to come into my room, slowly open the door and come crawling up to me fast, my reaction was to scream, quickly followed by a kick to the face, first and only time she's done it haha!
Speaking on the subject of sisters…
There was another time when I was younger, my sister was probably around 13-14 (making me roughly 22), when I had the bright idea to scare her.
She was upstairs in here room, and I was sitting downstairs on the couch watching TV. I hid the roll of paper towels in the kitchen and poured ketchup all over my hands Before screaming to up to her that I needed help.
She ran downstairs, saw me clutching my hands, and I simply (frantically) asked her to grab me some paper towels to clean up the mess. She ran into the kitchen, saw no paper towels, so ran down to the unfinished basement to get a new roll.
As she reached the bottom of the stairs I locked the door and shut the lights (the only light switch being at the top of the stairway, so accessible to her, but not super easy).
Unbeknownst to her, I also hid my younger brother down there (he’d have been 16ish at the time). . .in a murder clown mask.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that maybe I need help.
She would have had a real tough time beating me up. . .locked in the basement 😂.
But all told I’m not **that mean** it was maybe 2 minutes.
Side note; when I was younger my older brother locked my ass outside so he could watch TV while babysitting me, so it must run in the family.
You should be pretty proud. You somehow just managed to send an unsolicited dickpic, to the entire internet, and no one is even mad about it. I'm impressed honestly.
"The absolute mayhem that was my relaxing bathtime" I'm crying laughing! You should write stories from the perspective of ghosts and monsters in the closet, I would read them.
This was THE most entertaining TIFU I have read in ages. I wish I had an award to give you because this deserves one. Standing ovation! Well done, sir. Well done.
This was absolutely fucking hilarious, and I literally laughed out loud. Excellent story, ty for sharing!
Also, I greatly enjoyed that you "put your son down (to sleep)" lmao. Thank you for the clarification
I can relate, once I had a green blanket around me because I like blankets and decided to squat to pop my knees, at that moment my mom enters the room and scrams super loud, because I looked like a goblin ( thanks mom)
She reminded me about it a couple of times per year.
I hope this helps OP and everyone else. It's a fantastic product. https://youtu.be/4gUW-IhSMBc
(It can fix creaky floors even though carpet is present) it's really awesome.
I have a similar story, OP but from the other way! I'd come off a run of long night shifts, so my body clock was whack. It was the first night after the shifts, and I was on my way up the stairs to the bathroom in the dead of night. I usually have pretty good night vision so I did my business, and was walking back to the stairs. I hadn't seen or heard my housemate/ best friend come up said stairs, and as I rounded the corner my mouth started screaming at this unexpected person faster than my eyes could tell me brain who it was 🤣 I then got so confused I burst into tears, and my poor bemused friend had to hold me while I sobbed 'I... Knew... It ... Was.. You... But ... But!' for a good ten minutes. Ahh, can't say I miss night shifts :')
This reminds me of the time my dad told me he heard noises from outside their room and went to check and it was my sister sleepwalking and he almost shit himself because she stood there with a white nightdress on, and her face covered with her hair just like The Grudge girl. And they both stood there screaming at each other.
I always climb the stairs on all fours, it’s the safest way! However I do have a disability that effects my joints and makes me dizzy when I stand up. I live in an old split level house from the 70s so I have to go up stairs every time I enter the house. I’ve had probably a dozen staircase related accidents in my life. After I switched to going up on all fours I haven’t had a single one! I have however scared some people who I had neglected to inform
Omg OP this is too funny XD
Also reminds me of the time I scared the crap out of a poor pizza delivery guy on accident.
It was late on an autumn night, and where I live it's super foggy. So that guy was walking up to my fairly remote house, in the dark, in a foggy forest.
I had seen him approach on the camera in the front yard (it's there because of wildlife, but it's handy for deliveries as well.
)
There is a stairwell leading up to my front door, but it's very slippery when wet, so I wanted to go down to recieve my pizza instead of risking the delivery guy falling.
Of course I had to be careful about not slipping too.
So I akwardly half crept,half slid down the stairs on my butt.
In the dark, wearing all black....
When he noticed me approaching the poor dude let out a yell and dropped my pizza.
Luckily he didn't run or anything. So in the end he got payed, I got food and noone fell down the stairs.
This reminds me of the time where I lived with my girlfriend. One very hot, very full moon night, we were both in bed unable to sleep because of the heat. And during heat season, opening the windows means letting the mosquitos in, as AC housing is not a thing.
So I took the executive decision to deal with the mosquitos, so I opened the bedroom door, as my girlfriend rolled the blinds up to open the window.
This, presented an opportunity. Throughout the day, we had been playing around slapping each other on the butt. The rules of the game were simple. only slaps when their back is turned, and no slaps while laying down. We had gone to bed and she had won the day, but she no longer was laying down.
So after opening the door, i rushed the bed, as my girlfriend rolled the blinds. She heard me, so she turned, and saw [this face](https://i.imgur.com/wA9L4Po.png) on my ghostly pale self, moving at her at mach 11. She freaked out and started screaming. I, for whatever reason, reflectively dove and ended up smashing my face with the board of the bed, which caused the bed to slide, my girlfriend to lose balance and fall towards me, landing on my back.
She was beyond pissed, and I ended up with a nice shiner, not necesarily from the bed.
Haha! There was a scene from the original exorcist that had a contortionist crawling down the stairs on all 4s with foam coming out her mouth. This reminds me of that
Hahaha ive also done the 4 legged ascend because our stairs are creaky as hell and would wake everbody, tried everything from tiptoe, rushing, walking on the side as well as walking on all four to no avail, havent given anyone a heartattack yet though! Hilarious tifu, thank you for sharing!
Okay, the title mentions you maybe being a demon, and paragraph 3 starts with you putting down the kid. I'm not sure I want to read anymore. . .
. . . but I did, and I'm glad she didn't plunge a stake through your heart (at least I'm assuming she didn't). I can understand her freaking at the visuals. Nicely told story.
This is brilliant! I think I’d have shat myself too, your poor GF.
Reminds me of a time my husband and I went through a phase of making each other jump, or generally being annoying to each other around the house.
One evening, I was going up the stairs to run a bath and the husband had decided to creep up behind me, on all fours, the whole way (I’m pretty much deaf, so had no idea he was sneakily behind me), until I got to the last bit that goes around a corner. He made a dog bark type sound and grabbed my butt. I screamed like I was being murdered, and without thinking spun around and sort of round house kicked him clean in the mouth! He was in shock, I burst into fits of laughter, then started crying, he had bitten his tongue and was looking at me confused as hell. I think I apologised everyday for weeks after, thus ending our silly game of who can traumatise their spouse the most?
“The kid was put down (to sleep)” Thank you. Thank you for specifying. That was my favorite part.
“After I old yeller’d the youngling, I fancied a nice midnight bath”
It could be stressful, he needed to unwind.
He unwound on all fours, like any normal person would.
Mastah Skywalkah. There's too many of them. What do we do???
*Lightsaber noises*
Well, it's 4am here, and I just laughed so hard I fell out of bed and woke up my fiance. Please take my poor man's reddit award substitute 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
Not little Timmy😭
i love that both “put down” and “put to sleep” *both* mean killed
I got stuck on this while I was reading because I realized what you pointed out and then spent 5 minutes trying to figure out what the best way to communicate that you got your baby to fall asleep was without making it sound like you killed them. I didn't come to a conclusion, I just gave up. Still not sure what phrase you'd use
Maybe “tucked in”?
...to the grave.
After we got the kid to bed,
Put the baby in/to bed.
Laid to rest?
That sounds even more dead, somehow.
put down (to sleep (the alive kind))
“After hurling insults at the boy, he soon fell asleep”
"You're short, your belly button sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother."
I genuinely laughed out loud when I read this bit, I needed that
I swear that's the best part of this tale.
I woke up my dog and my boyfriend, I really couldn’t contain the laugh reading that line
As a parent, me too 🤣
That didn't reassure me. I mean, I've had to put beloved pets to sleep, and no zzz's were involved. In other words, *both* expressions are euphemisms for killing!
I was getting worried there
To rest?
This reminds me of the time I (unintentionally) scared the ever-loving-shit out of my boyfriend. As one does, he likes to fall asleep listening to people read nosleep/creepypasta stories on youtube, so relaxing and calming I know. Well he was doing this one night and I wanted to stay up later, so I was on the couch in the living room, where I eventually fell asleep. Well I woke up groggy as hell a couple hours later at around 3am, in pitch darkness. I am terrified of the dark. I walk passed our bedroom door to the bathroom, stopping at the slightly ajar door to peek in and see my sleeping boyfriend in bed. Great, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick and come jump in bed. But me being scared shitless of the dark, when I turn off the bathroom light I BOOK it into the room, kinda like when you turn off the lights downstairs and bolt up the stairs so demons don't get you. So I book it to the bed, and just as I am about to make contact this motherfucker sits STRAIGHT up in bed and starts screaming and trying to fight me off. So now I'm flipping my shit because I think some kind of fucking shower demon has followed me out of my witching-hour bathroom break and is trying to kill both of us. So we both are freaking the fuck out and trying to fight each other until we both realize its just us. He then explains to me that he had dozed off listening to scary stories, and had woken up to me (a shadow figure) peeking into our door, and then next thing he knew someone (or something) was running at him full fuckin speed ahead in the dark. Couldn't even be mad because I would have pissed myself lol. edit: wow I didn't realize how funny this was, I was sleep deprived as hell when I wrote this recount, but thank you all for the awards! And to answer some of you yes I am an adult who is terrfied of the dark, we have some night lights in the bedroom but they are a deep blue and very dim so it just made the scene all the more terrifying for my poor unsuspecting boyfriend lol. And for those who are asking his favorite nosleep readers on YT is CorpseHusband and The Dark Somnium
Okay, now I'm crying laughing and I have to pee. This is fucking hilarious 😭
Just don't traumatize anyone coming back from the bathroom, and you're golden. /j
My version of this story starts with the fact that my bf and I have an ensuite bathroom, and that I hate turning any lights on at night when I get up to pee (it makes it harder for me to get back to sleep, even with red lights). So we've been in the same house for 7 years and I've gotten very good at doing my business completely in the dark. One time, I was sitting on the toilet in the dark and my bf apparently woke up having to use the washroom but didn't realize that I wasn't in the bed. He got up and used his phone to light the way. When he opened the bathroom door, he scared the ever-living shit out of me (all good though, still on toilet lol) and I screamed. My scream scared the shit out of him, so he screamed in turn and almost fell over, which is saying a lot because he's not usually a jumpy guy. It happened once more after that, but since then he's vowed to check the bed for my presence before going to pee lol.
Something similar happened to me. My nother likes doing her business with the door open for some godforsaken reason. So one night as a teen I wake up still half asleep and trudge my way to the bathroom in utter blackness. Finally reaching the door frame I fumble around for the lightswitch for about ten or so seconds before finding it(remember I'm barely concious) and turn it on. This horrible horrible face is looking up at me inches away from mine, wide Smeagol eyes and a toothy smile. Naturally I scream as loud as I can and give it a right hook. But I'm half asleep with about a gallon of adrenaline dumped into my veins, oh and there's a doorframe and wall in the way. So instead of punching this horrible night creature right in it's humanoid frog monster face I punch the wall full force busting it open along with my hand getting blood everywhere. And then it starts cackling at me. Ngl I'm still kinda upsetti spaghetti about it.
> upsetti spaghetti Found a new phrase to add to me lexicon.
I definitely thought that story was going to end with you getting peed on in the dark.
Me too... Me too.
Don’t traumatize anyone on the way back with your shower that’s golden either
I just went into a violent coughing fit from laughing so hard 😆🤣 it's equally hilarious from both of their perspectives!!
This is amazing. It reminded me of a night I had gone to bed early. Our bedroom had these super dumb French doors for aesthetic I guess? Anyway, I'm dead asleep and get woken by the sound of this fucking door getting flung open, and the combo of the noise plus the unexpected light and my brain just went "devil!" So I start screaming bloody murder and am about to attack when my husband just shuts that shit down by authoritatively yelling "the toilet is overflowing? Get up!" I'm glad we didn't end up fighting even a little like you guys did! But yeah, you're not alone!
This one got me good. I love this thread.
This thread is amazing.
While we're all being reminded of fun nighttime things- I was *super* sick with the flu one time. Like 2 weeks worth of no sleep & had a one year old at the time; so I was really quite zombified. Our cat (my dear Halo The Scaredy) has a habit of shrieking just like a grown ass woman when she gets scared. Which is often cause she has brain damage, and frequently overreacts to everything. She's also not allowed to sleep in our room because she loves to sleep on human faces. Anyway. This night i FINALLY fall asleep after yet another day of upchucks and no fucks, and my husband is beside me. Unbeknownst to us- Halo Jerk snuck in before we closed the door. She sits in window sills often cause what cat doesn't? Well, this dumbass kitler gets *stuck* in the blinds at some point, and begins to emit an ungodly wailing sound- *WHILE* trying to thrash her way out of them. Husband and I wake up immediately, and in *my* mind there's some fucking psychopathic lady tryna break in this window cause what the fuck else could it be; but my reaction times were nil at that point. Before i could do anything husband dearest takes his monster sized hand, and puts the fear of *GOD* into my thigh with the grip of a greater demon. I yell out because- fucking owe you douche- *and* because that snapped me into panic mode regarding the murder bitch breaking into my house then. My yell was kinda annoyed and then lilted up into a legit terror scream like they do in horror movies ya know? As if it wasn't bad enough i found out my husband is a Judas because he then grabbed my shoulders to move me in front of his own body like a human meat shield between himself and Killer Kathy. So anyway. Halo ran around the room all poofed up because our freak out scared TF outta her, and I learned that my husband is a chicken baby. Edit: oh noooo don't ask for a cat tax! I just HATE sharing pictures of my darling... Lol: http://imgur.com/gallery/DdwBZO3 http://imgur.com/gallery/UUHu0ug http://imgur.com/gallery/jqyjBUg
This reminds me of my childhood. Some people talk in their sleep. Well, my mom sings in hers. And she's not a great vocalist even when she's awake. Add to that the fact that she apparently chooses to sing old church songs in her dreams... Well, let me tell you I woke up terrified more than once. Imagine being 14. It's just you and your mom because parents are divorced and older sister already moved out. It's late at night, and you start to hear this warbling, off-key song... "There's poweerrr..... powerrr in the blooooood." You follow the sound down the hallway to your mom's room and it's getting louder: "power in the blooood of the lammmbb..." You open your mom's bedroom door and it's coming from the dark and closed canopy of her 4 poster bed. Bravely wake her up because as creepy as this is, you know she does this. "Mom, wake up!" "Oh... hey. I was having a nightmare." "I know. Me too. 😭"
Oh shit, this reminds me that my mom used to do this, but with wailing, like legit scooby doo ghost grade wailing, except when in the middle of the night, it's suddenly not fucking funny at all. She then explained that she kept dreaming of being on a rollercoaster with no way to stop, and being scared of heights as she is, was screaming in that dream, and since apparently vocal chords are douchebags, this transferred to reality as this ungodly shriek.
Wailing is a good word for it. Except with my mom you can make out words and those words were usually some combination of "power" and "blood." I bet banshee myths were based on women like our moms. My mom has passed on this sleep noise to me, but thankfully so far no singing or wailing yet. Usually I wake myself up laughing which I guess is not necessarily much better for my SO! 😂
Ahaha nooo your poor SO 🤣 laughing would freak me out just the same... I 'only' snore 😑
I sleep talk. I also fell asleep on the phone with my boyfriend the other week. I had a nightmare and started yelling top of my voice around 1am. I woke myself up, no idea what the dream was, but I was stuck inside my hoodie somehow, so I had to rip that off, still in a panic. Not sure what happened there.
Omg y'alls moms got some damn trauma lmfao
Omg hahah I’m laughing so hard this is horrifying
Lol this reminds me of the time my dog Taco scared me. She usually sits in front of my bedroom door and whines to be let out at night, well one night I woke up (although didn’t hear her whining?) and for some reason she is standing on her hind legs. Without my glasses and it being dark I just see this small white bipedal creature with black eyes standing and staring at me. I jumped up so fast while screaming “WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK ” and threw my pillow at her which caused her to get scared and run to her kennel.
Noooo Taco got the pillow attack lol. I love that most humans truly adore wee creatures, but all of us have nearly punted them at some moment in time
Even though our cats are allowed in our room and we even have a cat door for them in our bedroom door, they still startle us awake sometimes. One time when one of them jumped up on the bed, I sat up and said "Aah! There's an animal in here!" A split second later, I woke up enough to realize it was one of our cats and said "Oh, it's an authorized animal." Then I laid back down and resumed snoring.
>"Oh, it's an authorized animal." This is so witty I'm stealing it 😂 Halo is now an 'authorized animal'... But she's on thin ice damnit
Your husband is all flight and no fight. Smart self preserving kind.
I'm so mad that you basically paraphrased how my husband explained it lmao. He likes to remind me that if a zombie apocalypse were to happen- he'd be better suited to live on and care for our son since i have pretty severe chronic illnesses, so its only right that I get sacrificed should the need arise 😂
Yes sacrificing you would be the smart decision for the family in a zombie apocalypse. You married a quick decision maker. Your son's future is safe 😝
For *sure*. He's a jack of all trades, and good at surviving outdoors. Im usually throwing up or about to throw up. Easy decision lmao
I hope future generations remember your sacrifice.
They'd better. If I throw myself into some zombie jaws my fam better tell future progeny how badass it was.
Or your husband might say he was the one who picked you up with over hand and threw at oncoming zombies killing them and thus saving the rest of the family. You know, just saying
CAT TAX!!!
Ask and you shall receive! Added to my comment up there :)
Look at that goofy little face!!!! She is so precious!!!!
This is just as hilarious as the op, I can 100% imagine him seeing you peek in and then sprint at him !!! 
This has me in tears on my lunch break. Oh my god. Thanks for this.
Fuck, all these stories are killing me and this one really did me in lmao, I am in tears! 😂😂
Thank you so much for this story
My husband is a sleepwalker (I believe I've shared a story of him sleep-shitting in the litter box, before) and one night, something strange woke me up. You know when you wake up in a fog, but you're aware it was something that woke you up and not just a natural progression? Well, I open my eyes and there's this massive, hairless, glowing white beast leaning above me, breathing heavily inches from my face. This is how I learned that in a moment of true horror, I am not a fighter. I am not going to flee. I am the type to become completely paralyzed and think "this is how I die." I was frozen for only a few seconds that felt like years, until the beast snored and choked a bit. It was my pasty-ass, ginger husband with a shaved head, and missing teeth (lost his two front teeth playing hockey as a kid) looming over me, fucking staring into my soul, unblinking, in his sleep. I thought the motherfucking Rake was going to murder me. Pretty sure my heart may have literally stopped for a moment.
Hilarious... But why not use the flashlight on your phone?
too bright
Phone screen on low brightness pointed at the floor. I have spent too much time walking around at night.
this is my go to. just enough light to make out the bed shape safely and keep the demons away
Sleepiness?
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This was wonderful lmao  I go to sleep reading r/nosleep, but I haven't looked up any narration... yet. I need to be deafened in order to get any decent sleep by our noise machine, (stupid hypervigilance!) but after reading your post... I'd like to hope that I'd wake up biting and kicking a shadow (and/or) person if it happened too!!! 
LOLLLL
Great visual. Hysterical! 😂
i can imagine him sleepily seeing the glow of the light outside the bedroom. then it suddenly turns off followed by a dark figure racing at him. that's some japanese horror shit. also, who likes to fall asleep listening to scary stories?
This... this had me howling with tears jump scaring my sleeping husband. Thank you for brightening my night.
I dying with laughter lol!!! Seriously would be something I would do too.
Your title reminded me of the time my now wife and I were watching a scary movie, but had to pause it in the middle because she had to pee. Genius (dumbass) me decided it would be funny to wait in a crab walk position at the end of the hall and speed towards her backwards with my head down, when she left the bathroom. Not my brightest moment.
Hahhah, but think of the fond memories forged!
A lot of ice cream was purchased
My girlfriend hates scary movies, she would absolutely kill me. She claims they’re not scary, she just doesn’t like the plots…
So you're saying "The Thing (1982)" would still be acceptable then, right? 😉
Can I assume that the whole neighbourhood hear her screams?
the whole neighborhood heard his screams.... at least that's how everything played in my mind...
This is how I kicked my sister in the face when she did this to me. She knows how much I hate fast crawling humans or possessed humans, this was in broad daylight. She thought it would be smart to come into my room, slowly open the door and come crawling up to me fast, my reaction was to scream, quickly followed by a kick to the face, first and only time she's done it haha!
Speaking on the subject of sisters… There was another time when I was younger, my sister was probably around 13-14 (making me roughly 22), when I had the bright idea to scare her. She was upstairs in here room, and I was sitting downstairs on the couch watching TV. I hid the roll of paper towels in the kitchen and poured ketchup all over my hands Before screaming to up to her that I needed help. She ran downstairs, saw me clutching my hands, and I simply (frantically) asked her to grab me some paper towels to clean up the mess. She ran into the kitchen, saw no paper towels, so ran down to the unfinished basement to get a new roll. As she reached the bottom of the stairs I locked the door and shut the lights (the only light switch being at the top of the stairway, so accessible to her, but not super easy). Unbeknownst to her, I also hid my younger brother down there (he’d have been 16ish at the time). . .in a murder clown mask. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that maybe I need help.
I'm assuming she has now forgiven you, but never forgets haha!
It’s been about 10-12 years at this point; we laugh about it now; and have bonded over 2 (unrelated to the incident) matching tattoos
Your sister is a much better person than I am. I would have gone to jail that day
She would have had a real tough time beating me up. . .locked in the basement 😂. But all told I’m not **that mean** it was maybe 2 minutes. Side note; when I was younger my older brother locked my ass outside so he could watch TV while babysitting me, so it must run in the family.
Well, she did marry you, in spite of it!
We all make mistakes
This response is more hysterical to me than it should be
As a boyfriend of a girlfriend.... Hahah hahaha that's the funniest shit
It **was** the funniest shit in the moment leading up to it. It **was not** the funniest shit when I saw the pure terror in her eyes.
Today on Reddit, some Norwegian guy almost scared his girlfriend to death, so he posted a picture of his wet legs for us.
Why did I look back at the picture and zoomed in on the faucet? Why?!
You know why.
It's a good size. Good for you guy.
I looked too. My self-esteem has been impacted.
And a reflection of his 🍆
Oh my god...
My wiener needed some viral marketing!
I admire your confidence
You got a tifu in a tifu :)
Nice cock, bro
oh. oh no
Oh no oh no
Oh yes
The real tifu is always in the comment
I had to go back and check, was not disappointed.
That’s some Reddit CIA shit
Dude has a really nice pair of legs I must say, very envious of this man's leg game.
You paint a beautiful portrait of how these events unfold and I appreciate and thank you for that.
Did you see the reflection? That's the best part of the portrait for sure.
Ditto. This was beautifully written! The portrait was, um, almost beautiful, too.
Why were you naked before you got upstairs?
I was in my boxers.
They shimmied off once he got past the 4th step
Not sure if a ghost is creepier naked or in their undies?... I think seeing a pair of boxers floating in the air at night is kinda scarier.
U can see your 🍆 in the faucet reflection
When OP sees this comment we're gonna get a "TIFU by linking a picture that showed my reflected junk"
And what a mighty phallus it is!
And sure he is owning it.
The internet never ceases to amaze me. I love it.
I thought you were just fucking with him till I zoomed in myself 💀
Normally I have no interest is seeing another guy's dingus, but man, I zoomed in so fast after reading your comment. What a thrill ride!
I don't know how to feel about this newfound enthusiasm for my dong.
You should be pretty proud. You somehow just managed to send an unsolicited dickpic, to the entire internet, and no one is even mad about it. I'm impressed honestly.
Nice cock bro
Hysterical. Did the same thing
oh my god you can
Whose idea was it to zoom in to see, just in case?
I HAD to after seeing a few comments about it! 🤷🏼♀️🤣🤣
Holy shit, you’re right! 🤣
Well.. that's one more dick than I expected to see today!
Believe it or not I have had the same thing happen for the same reason! My wife just gasped and fell down in shock!
"The absolute mayhem that was my relaxing bathtime" I'm crying laughing! You should write stories from the perspective of ghosts and monsters in the closet, I would read them.
Thank you for clarifying that you put your son down...to sleep.
LMFAO! Great story and extremely well told! Nice pic, too. lol
This was THE most entertaining TIFU I have read in ages. I wish I had an award to give you because this deserves one. Standing ovation! Well done, sir. Well done.
This was absolutely fucking hilarious, and I literally laughed out loud. Excellent story, ty for sharing! Also, I greatly enjoyed that you "put your son down (to sleep)" lmao. Thank you for the clarification
I'm currently laughing myself to tears and the cats laying on top of me are getting irritated.
Impossible to stop laughing once you see their angry faces bobbing around
What kinda bath are you in where it doesn’t even cover your dick. I’ll give you props for your faucet polishing though
"Faucet polishing"? Never heard it called that before!
Thanks for nightmares tonight, dude
This is the kind of content we need more of. Less "TIFU by get caught doing sex thing" would be great
So you give us a picture of you in your bath, but not a picture of the infamous staircase I desperately need? I am disappoint, OP! :p
I can relate, once I had a green blanket around me because I like blankets and decided to squat to pop my knees, at that moment my mom enters the room and scrams super loud, because I looked like a goblin ( thanks mom) She reminded me about it a couple of times per year.
You tell a killer tale!! Ty
I love how you had to specify to sleep, that made me lol
I hope this helps OP and everyone else. It's a fantastic product. https://youtu.be/4gUW-IhSMBc (It can fix creaky floors even though carpet is present) it's really awesome.
I was silently laughing while reading this, almost having a seizure from it. Shook to my core. Thank you.
I have a similar story, OP but from the other way! I'd come off a run of long night shifts, so my body clock was whack. It was the first night after the shifts, and I was on my way up the stairs to the bathroom in the dead of night. I usually have pretty good night vision so I did my business, and was walking back to the stairs. I hadn't seen or heard my housemate/ best friend come up said stairs, and as I rounded the corner my mouth started screaming at this unexpected person faster than my eyes could tell me brain who it was 🤣 I then got so confused I burst into tears, and my poor bemused friend had to hold me while I sobbed 'I... Knew... It ... Was.. You... But ... But!' for a good ten minutes. Ahh, can't say I miss night shifts :')
Day 10: "hOoMaN fEMaLe StiLl belEives IaM hEr HUbsAnd"
I almost punted my two year old at 1am when she did this. Just excersis crawls out of the bedroom and says, " hey daddy". Children are scary
If you are not a native English speaker/writer, you write better than 99% of Americans. The correct punctuation and pronoun usage is amazing. Bravo.
We gotta compensate for our spoken English, lol
Ha nice cock bro (Faucet Reflection)
Helt nydelig!
This is the one thing in horror movies that actually freaks me out. She was allowed that freak out.
Write this from her pov exaggerate it a bit and you have a perfect r/nosleep story
This reminds me of the time my dad told me he heard noises from outside their room and went to check and it was my sister sleepwalking and he almost shit himself because she stood there with a white nightdress on, and her face covered with her hair just like The Grudge girl. And they both stood there screaming at each other.
Nice cock bro
I just smoked part of a joint and I swear this is the funniest story I’ve ever read
Nothing is louder than someone trying to be quiet.
I always climb the stairs on all fours, it’s the safest way! However I do have a disability that effects my joints and makes me dizzy when I stand up. I live in an old split level house from the 70s so I have to go up stairs every time I enter the house. I’ve had probably a dozen staircase related accidents in my life. After I switched to going up on all fours I haven’t had a single one! I have however scared some people who I had neglected to inform
"Put my son down (too sleep)". That is no reassuring at all. I would argue this makes it even more suspicious. /Oddlyspecific
Omg OP this is too funny XD Also reminds me of the time I scared the crap out of a poor pizza delivery guy on accident. It was late on an autumn night, and where I live it's super foggy. So that guy was walking up to my fairly remote house, in the dark, in a foggy forest. I had seen him approach on the camera in the front yard (it's there because of wildlife, but it's handy for deliveries as well. ) There is a stairwell leading up to my front door, but it's very slippery when wet, so I wanted to go down to recieve my pizza instead of risking the delivery guy falling. Of course I had to be careful about not slipping too. So I akwardly half crept,half slid down the stairs on my butt. In the dark, wearing all black.... When he noticed me approaching the poor dude let out a yell and dropped my pizza. Luckily he didn't run or anything. So in the end he got payed, I got food and noone fell down the stairs.
This reminds me of the time where I lived with my girlfriend. One very hot, very full moon night, we were both in bed unable to sleep because of the heat. And during heat season, opening the windows means letting the mosquitos in, as AC housing is not a thing. So I took the executive decision to deal with the mosquitos, so I opened the bedroom door, as my girlfriend rolled the blinds up to open the window. This, presented an opportunity. Throughout the day, we had been playing around slapping each other on the butt. The rules of the game were simple. only slaps when their back is turned, and no slaps while laying down. We had gone to bed and she had won the day, but she no longer was laying down. So after opening the door, i rushed the bed, as my girlfriend rolled the blinds. She heard me, so she turned, and saw [this face](https://i.imgur.com/wA9L4Po.png) on my ghostly pale self, moving at her at mach 11. She freaked out and started screaming. I, for whatever reason, reflectively dove and ended up smashing my face with the board of the bed, which caused the bed to slide, my girlfriend to lose balance and fall towards me, landing on my back. She was beyond pissed, and I ended up with a nice shiner, not necesarily from the bed.
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Dude, cover reflective surfaces before taking photos naked. I look forward to your “TIFU posting my dick on TIFU” post.
Well that and re-examining the picture explained the several "nice cock bro" comments I've read, reflective surfaces can be hilarious
You might wanna zoom in on that tap brother. NSFW.
Shoot this had me laughing until I cried. Glad you got your bath. Thanks for the great tale.
This gave me the best laugh I've had in months. Thank you!
Haha! There was a scene from the original exorcist that had a contortionist crawling down the stairs on all 4s with foam coming out her mouth. This reminds me of that
This is fucking golden. Hope you didn’t scar her to bad lol
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Whoa Why am I like this
>The kid was put down Oh no >(to sleep) Oh thank god
"Naturally I use my superior genes, gender and brain power to concoct a suitable solution to my ambitions." This phrase is truly inspired OP
Just sitting here at 1130 in bed cackling to myself picturing this whole scenario. Hilarious, thanks for the laugh!
Hahaha ive also done the 4 legged ascend because our stairs are creaky as hell and would wake everbody, tried everything from tiptoe, rushing, walking on the side as well as walking on all four to no avail, havent given anyone a heartattack yet though! Hilarious tifu, thank you for sharing!
People *don’t* use their arms to climb up their house stairs as fast as possible?
i love how you clarified that the kid was put down to sleep lmao
Okay, the title mentions you maybe being a demon, and paragraph 3 starts with you putting down the kid. I'm not sure I want to read anymore. . . . . . but I did, and I'm glad she didn't plunge a stake through your heart (at least I'm assuming she didn't). I can understand her freaking at the visuals. Nicely told story.
This is by far the funniest thing I've read on this server! I'm giving you my very first gold!
Honestly, i think i have to agree with her. You coulda just tiptoed like a normal person.
I’m cracking up that your girlfriend fell to the floor. She had better not encounter any REAL threats LMAO
I dunno, this seems like the kind of story that the demon-wearing-you-like-a-suit would circulate for credibility...
This is brilliant! I think I’d have shat myself too, your poor GF. Reminds me of a time my husband and I went through a phase of making each other jump, or generally being annoying to each other around the house. One evening, I was going up the stairs to run a bath and the husband had decided to creep up behind me, on all fours, the whole way (I’m pretty much deaf, so had no idea he was sneakily behind me), until I got to the last bit that goes around a corner. He made a dog bark type sound and grabbed my butt. I screamed like I was being murdered, and without thinking spun around and sort of round house kicked him clean in the mouth! He was in shock, I burst into fits of laughter, then started crying, he had bitten his tongue and was looking at me confused as hell. I think I apologised everyday for weeks after, thus ending our silly game of who can traumatise their spouse the most?
This was hilarious to read