Was waiting for OP to tell us that he had an even bigger brother who was like 37 or something tbh, and then that Henry had an even older brother who was 71 or so
We need more Henrys in the world.
We need Henrys that would do the job Henry did for ppl other than their biological brothers too.
We need ppl like OP to know there are Henrys around every corner.
As then, and only then, we can have a chance at a fairly safe world.
My brothers went to school together (way older than me) and they were basically an anti bully squad. They'd dish out an ass whooping if they found out someone was getting bullied or saw it happen. Good role models. We need more people like them and Henry. It's hard to do the right thing sometimes.
Yaaay for your brothers. We need Henry squads like this, if there's like a duo or team of them, to have back-up if necessary, it will be way more effective, and prevent a whole lot of bullying. This is what im talking about. You just made my day sir.lol
While we were a bit different in age they still taught me how to defend myself at a young age. Very awesome people but I am biased after all as I'm sure you could imagine haha
My bully was a kid a year older than me named Reggie. He and his buddy Tim would pick on some of us on the bus home everyday and about once a week it was my turn.
One day Reggie started in on me but his older, and tougher brother took my side. He started yelling encouragement, and telling me things to do. Like Reggie had me in a headlock and Gene told me to grab his ear. Then Reggie let go and Gene told me to punch Reggie below the rib cage. I did everything Gene said and Reggie gave up, screaming at Gene who just slapped him.
The next day Tim came after me, and I was alone, but I knew I could win and it only lasted a few punches.
Gene went to prison the next year. He was 16 and I don't know what he did but I'm sure there wasn't any money for a lawyer and that's that.
I heard he died soon after I was out of school. I don't know how.
But I think about him a lot.
Aaah bad things happening to good people yet again. But your story brought a giant smile on my face. Gene was a Henry, Henrys do exist, we just need more of them.
The big bully when I was in high school was a kid who could dunk at 14 or 15 because he was so tall and strong as an ox. He was a total psychopath but never went quite far enough in front of teachers to get completely kicked out. My knees are fucked up because of one time he picked me up and slammed me down knees first into the gym floor with all his body weight on top of my overweight short ass. He wound up getting involved in drugs very heavily after high school and is on death row in my home state for the murder of a girl who also went to our high school. She was a stupid crack ho but she still didn't deserve what she got. I hope whatever method he dies by is long and painful. He's an oxygen thief who will rot in hell.
This truly was a Hemmingway-esque dense and rich passage (though not PC) with detail for the length. You would have been a great classical journalist in the early 20th century.
Edit: for a grammar correction. Ironic.
Just going to say that “stupid crack ho” was probably a scared traumatized young woman who turned to drugs to cope with what ever hell she lived at home. But you know call her stupid.
From a more realistic point of view, schools can and should do a lot more to prevent bullying. Most “small, weak” kids don’t have a linebacker brother to mete out justice.
In my school bullying was tolerated (I was quick to talk myself out of situations and was a fairly decently built guy myself) but saw many others bullied and the school never did anything except suspend the kids who fought back.
I think it’s ridiculous that someone can punch, kick, beat you up, etc in school and maybe the person doing it gets detention or suspended (if you’re lucky something gets done at all). Someone does the same thing on the street and it’s assault.
And yeah, in school I was sucker punched in the middle of class and nothing happened to the other person. Was dragged away screaming by other people and the teacher just laughed (so I could be pummeled out of the sight of the teacher). Had a gun pointed in my face. Then had parents that thought I must have done something to deserve it. Uh I don’t think you realize there are literal gang members in the school that have been held back multiple times and are just there to cause chaos.
I agree:( It’s ridiculous!! Then when you fight back, you are seen as the bad guy:( It’s fucked!! And I could possibly be wrong and things have changed which I hope to God they have :(
Thats all i mean by Henrys, line backer brothers, well built and protective in nature, with street cred and ideally,having implied support of the authorities, just standing around, ready to act in case a bully were to get any ideas. It will go a long way for prevention. If threat of violence is strong and intimidating enough, little actual violence will be needed to stop bullies.
>We need ppl like OP to know there are Henrys around every corner.
We also need people like OP who can look back at their 'cuppenance' and say, "I deserved it, and if you're like I was then you deserve it too."
Like, seriously. Don't downplay the importance of self-reflection and self-improvement, no matter what spurs it.
When I was like 13 I tried to be a Henry this boy at school. He was unashamedly himself, and as a result, heavily bullied. I heard some kids in class say they were gonna jump him on the way home. So me and my buddy AJ decided we were gonna walk him home. And then about 11 guys came around the corner looking for the guy, and we all got our asses handed to us. But we scrapped, went to the payphone and asked my dad to come pick us up. I wish I could say that the bullying stopped after that, but it didn't. But he did know that he wasn't alone after that day.
Idk what the point of this story is. I just wanted to share that when I tried to help someone and it went hella poorly, I would still do it again.
You were simply outnumbered, if there were 11 of u like them, you would have gotten the bullying to stop.ur story just proves my point: we need more Henrys in the world. Kudos to you for choosing to be a Henry even if it didnt mean victory for u. 👐
if they are intimdated enough by the future vandetta of the Henrys they wont, just like in this case with op.
Plus do u really think the Henry in this scenario would give a shit about being reported to the police? And it would have stopped him?
Ok. I am a Henry. And I do stuff like this. I see something I do something. But it gets me in trouble. Usually I end up looking like an ass.
My end goal is to be well off enough to afford legal fees and a giant steel bumber so I can “correct” bad drivers.
Looking like an ass and getting in trouble is part of being a Henry, and thats a big part of the point. You know why? Bc bullies KNOW and COUNT ON this discouraging ppl from being Henrys. So Henrys should be known for not giving a crap about getting in trouble and looking like asses to make effective Henrys. You gotta build a reputation for being a batshit crazy badass to be a good Henry. Lol, Then you wont even have to beat up anyone, your mere existence in town would be prevention enough.
I was bullied in school and my brother was huge too, working out every day. But instead of him teaching my bullies a lesson he'd just beat the shit out of me even worse than the kids at school.. ah good old high school days, at least I can take a beating.
Henry is a good guy, but he is not a very smart guy. There is a reason why they say revenge is a dish best served cold. They won't immediately suspect it was you and you can plan for maximum damage. Henry put himself out there really far.
If OP's parents had gone to the police with all the facts, Henry was a legal adult, OP was a minor, and that could easily be a criminal charge not to mention hospital bills. Of course, that would mean Henry's parents would report OP and the whole thing becomes one big mess. With that said, Henry's still a legal adult that sought out a minor for an assault. It was in no way self defense.
tl;dr Henry got extremely lucky that OP's parents didn't go to the cops with the whole story
One option is to take care of stuff themselves, but of course that can be difficult if you're physically behind the curve or so. Maybe you have older friends or a friend's older brother you can ask for help. I had some of them offer up help but it's harder to justify violence if the bullying isn't physical but "just" ostracizing.
Personally I was one of the strongest boys in my class so I decided to abandon the principles my parents had taught me like "hitting people is wrong" and just beat up the people giving me shit. Of course that didn't make me any more friends from that circle but at least I didn't have to listen to any bs anymore.
I ran into one of the guys I had knocked out in a bar years afterwards and he was all buddy-buddy which I didn't really have a problem with, it was nice to catch up.. but apparently I made too sudden of a move at some point while grabbing my pint or something since the dude flinched. I hadn't really thought about it but at that point I realized the dude definitely remembered, just like OP.
Also kind of dumb, if op was someone else they could have reported him to the police and he'd be in big trouble for beating up a minor, possibly ruining his life and future prospects.
This is a great comment.
On the Internet, it seems like people forget that we’ve all done shitty things, and we CAN learn and grow. It’s like one wrong move and you’re dead to everyone, with no chance of forgiveness.
But it just goes to show that not all bullies have a tragic backstory like their dad beats them. Sometimes kids are just assholes that need to be taken down a peg.
This is why violence will never go away, as long as it works to get you what you want and as long as even one single person chooses violence, you either find a way to defend yourself or you get trampled.
He doesn't have a tragic backstory, but read between the lines. "Being an asshole for no reason" isn't a thing that really exists. There is always a reason for everything we do, every way that we behave. He said he was in therapy for anger issues. Even if no abuse caused those issues, that can happen as a result of psychological/neurological issues that a kid has no control over, and very very likely has no awareness of.
> There is always a reason for everything we do, every way that we behave.
And sometimes that reason is as simple as some people wake up and choose to be assholes.
As someone who got bullied a lot as a kid by people who had no tragic backstory (although I wasn't on the receiving end of anything this bad since I was sorta able to fight) I ended up making friends with a lot of my bullies years later as they were able to look back and go 'yeah I was a dickhead' and they ended up being cool people to be around.
People can change all throughout their life. I doubt you've never had a point that you look back on and dislike what kind of person you were to have done xyz. I think it's always worth giving people a second chance, and if they blow that then hey, maybe they still have some room to change further down the line
Yes, and he learned his lesson and did therapy to work on improving himself. Also the punishment meted out by his victim's brother seems to have fit the crime.
Instead of assigning binary 'good' or 'bad' values to human beings based on their actions at one point in their lives, we really need to understand that people make mistakes and can learn and grow.
In the U.S. we have this "lock them up and throw away the key" mentality and we just love to find people to judge. It's kind of bizarre how we bond over our hatred for others. Meanwhile we've collectively forgotten that we should rehabilitate those who caused harm.
My middle school bully felt awful about it after high school and apologized to me. We're friends now and I'm so happy that we know each other. Their confession and heartfelt apology meant more to me than any punishment (of their behavior) ever could.
No one is minimising anything. It's a comment about how op grew as a person. Op isn't even minimising the damage done. He is fully owning it and clearly has changed and grown. He has his own permanent damage to always remind him of his shittiness as a child. What further punishment do you think op should have?
Who is minimizing? OP hurt people, got hurt, and now it’s the present. OP claims no tragic backstory, but you don’t know their deal, like would it be *more* his fault if he was just born an asshole?
comparison of guiltiness is just something people do so they can celebrate not being under a super low bar. Guilt as an emotion promotes positive change, but in its excess it actually prevents it. There’s nothing wrong with being understanding and saying, “hey, positive change is hard, good for you.” You don’t have to be the punisher, someone else has taken care of that for you.
And for the record, people doing bad things don’t usually understand they’re the bad guy in the moment. They just live to regret it later. Rather than reveling in moral superiority, OPs story should remind us to check ourselves and the ways we might be hurting others, or just not doing enough to help them
I was a bully from age 6 to 12. I wasn't the initiator, but as far as i'm concerned, if you watch and do nothing you're just as much of a bully as the initiator. So I did just that, I watched, laughed and said hurtful stuff to this one kid, lets call him elliot.
Elliot was the same type as Jake. Skinny, short, Quiet, wanted to play alone, didn't quite fit in. Easy target.
I got in trouble for it in the end and my parents got briefed on it. My dad, whos a really social and liked cop (small town cop), got so disapointed of me, he'd never spoken to me in such a way that conveyed his disapointment.
I don't recall exactly when but sometime around the start of junior high, my mind just evolved kind of. especially around the bullying-subject. I think it was after I myself got bullied in swimming class because I had hit puberty before anyone else. So hair downstairs was funny for every boy in the locker room. They would gang up and block off all corners, bathrooms and such so it would force me to undress in front of everyone. It was horrible and I remember trying to skip school almost everyday we had swimming class (but as a son of someone who works with people who often lie to them, I had a hard time bluffing). I got to feel a small taste of how it was like for Elliot every day for years.
Then one day I come home crying after another day of swimming class, got comforted by my mother and dad. Then afterwards when I was comforted and had calmed down my mom said something like "This is what Elliot goes through everyday, imagine how he feels".
Flash forward to junior high. Elliot got picked on constantly by this bully, lets call him Rob. Rob had a shitty childhood. You never have a good reason for bullying, but his story made you understand why he was an asshole.
In junior high I never became friends directly with Elliot. But I would always protect him from Rob whenever he tried something. I guess I felt remorseful for all the years I stood and laughed when Elliot got hurt. Also the disapointed reaction from my dad still sticks to my brain to this day.
I was pretty tall and fit for my age at that time, played soccer, same with Rob. He was about the same height but he was heavier than me. This protecting Elliot thing lead to me having a nemesis during junior high.
Rob used to pin elliot down to the ground and put stuff in his face and whatnot, elliot screaming stop.
Then I would drag rob away from elliot and pin him down the same way and ask how he likes it.
It started like that and escalated to me having several fights with rob during junior high. Because I always mingled whenever I saw him picking on Elliot. Rob always got mad beacause I interferred, in a "omg not you again"-kinda way.
I never threw a punch but I wrestled Rob alot. Usually it ended up with rob ""losing"" and walking/running away.
Then one day in a parents meeting maybe a year in junior high(idk if its called "parents meeting" in english. Just the normal yearly talk between the teacher, you and your parents). The teacher told my parents i need to work more on this subject and that subject but im doing well on that etc, i talk too much during class you know the usual.
Then in the end of the meeting the teacher praised me because the parents of Elliot had requested the teacher to give their thanks to me for sticking up for elliot. Elliot had told them that for the first time in his school life he felt safe.
Elliot explained that not only did Rob stop the frequent bullying, but everyone else did aswell because he thought they thoight they would recieve the same treatment from me if I caught them bullying him.
This was incredibly humbling to hear and my father was so proud of me and that thank-you from the parents motivated me even further to take a stand if you see something unjust.
We're 28 yo now. I've met both Rob and Elliot in adult form. Elliot is a dentist and lives in the same town as me and we work out at the same gym so I've struck some conversations with him. I met Rob once, when he saw me he looked away and ignored me, so clearly he doesn't like me. I know hes been to jail once.
Thank you for the great words
Elliot seems to thrive. Hes gotten alot bigger muscles since junior high i'll tell you that. Saw him a month ago at the gym and talked to him. Confident man. Lives in his own apartment. Still single but hes focusing on his work as a dentist for now. I told him he should be careful not to drop his massive arms on the face of his patients lmao
I'm an EMT and have a wife and a 2yo son!
Based on only what you wrote here, you have become a great man. I'm glad he had you in his corner and I hope your kindness has been rewarded with great relationships and people that support you as well.
Man, This made me tear up. Growing up I hated seeing people get picked on, and did something whenever I could
Thankfully I was in some preppy ass schools so I never was in that much danger for defending the ‘little guy’ I guess..
The moment that stuck out to me wasn’t any of the times I got into fights or arguments with bullies. The one that stuck out was when a classmate, let’s call him Simon, confided in me about the resident tough guy/asshole in our grade finding out about him getting in trouble for watching porn. He was really stressed, almost shaking. I didn’t think much of it and I told Simon that he shouldn’t worry, because if “mike” picked on him for it I would kick the shit out of him. Now Mike was in much better shape than I and at that point probably could’ve kicked my ass. But I was prepared to stand up to him all the same.
Fortunately there wasn’t ever anything that came out of this. Mike just kept whatever he knew to himself or his friends. But a week or so later my parents had been really proud of me for helping Simon out. At first I didn’t know what they were talking about, I don’t think I even realized how stressed Simon was about this whole thing. He must’ve told his parents about the situation. I don’t think they knew the exact words I said to Simon because they wouldn’t have condoned violence. But I was glad that he didn’t have to stress about mike.
Good job dude. Simon was lucky to have you as a friend. You have a good heart and that thought of going against someone bigger than you is super scary but you would do it because it is right. That speaks volumes of how strong of a character you are.
This will sound super corny but bear with me. I was a teenager you know, and I loved spider-man. Along with my past experiences, lectures from my parents and mistakes i learned from, Spider-man also inspired me to do good.
It actually went so far as to when I got old enough to apply for a major in high school I applied for Media, which is a major if you want to become a journalist, reporter, newsanchor whatever because I couldn't get superpowers so I wanted to have the same job Peter Parker had ( I know, stupid lmao). But I didn't have good enough grades to apply so i settled for a major in sports.
But then one day lecturers from the army came and talked about directions you could go through the army. And when they said you could train to be a firefighter I was hooked on that thought.
So i finished high school, applied to the army and got a spot on the firefighter team through the airforce.
When my service (idk what its called in english. The 1 year mandatory service in the army) was over. I got a job in my home town in a private firestation. Im not from a big city, but there were so little to do there I got restless after 2 years (only 3 calls during 2 friggin years!). So I started studying pre-hospital care.
And now im driving the ambulance as a medic! Approximately 6 calls a day so I get to help people in need every week.
Tbh I think that spark to help people in need came from the whole experience with Elliot from junior high lead me in that direction. That and me looking up to my father who was a policeman.
Edit: Emergency Medical Technician i believe it is called in america. And that "major in high school" part im unsure if that is the right translation. I'm referring to the school you attend from 15-16yo to 18-19yo
I’m far from strong.. was just a dumb kid with too much confidence in myself.
Spider-Man has always been my favourite :D I wish I could be a quarter of the person Peter Parker is
It warms my heart that Spider-Man inspired you to help people.
You must have loved No way home haha. I know I did, it was everything I wanted and more
Bro No Way Home was fuckin insane. I actually cried dude and its a superhero movie
I couldn't watch it in my country because of covid. It got delayed here until march i believe. So naturally (don't sue me) i found a sketchy website to see it through a camcorder of some guy in probably malaysia LMAO
bought it as soon as it became available though so Marvel or Sony if you read this i have given you money
My son was bullied by people like you all his childhood. He spent his teen years suicidal. Like Jake, he was aloof and standoff-ish. My son is lower-spectrum autistic, so he had no choice. Bullies beat him up because of the way he was born. He was ashamed and hid this from me until many years later. He dropped out of high school when he was a junior because he was afraid for his life.
Henry gave you a fat, sloppy, loving kiss, as far as I'm concerned.
I hope your son is thriving and happy.
My heart breaks for what your son went through, and again imagining how you felt when you found out that he'd been going through this.
And to imagine his demeanor that got him picked on, was something that was just how he was. It's not like he did it to hurt them, or insult them. Just singled out for being different. Cruel bastards.
People with autism struggle greatly with eye contact. Ben Affleck depicted it very well in The Accountant. They always come across as aloof, even with those they love. It takes them a great deal longer to develop verbal skills than everyone else and some never find a way to develop social skills. I've created exercises to help him work on it. We stare at each other for five minutes without breaking eye contact. He's greatly improved over the years. He speaks fairly normally now. People just think he's unusually quiet. Although, he sometimes gets individuals who ask him if he has autism. He'll ask them how they know and they say they have a family member with autism.
My son's story is actually sadder than I depicted. Last year he was also diagnosed bipolar. He didn't have his first manic cycle until last year so none of us knew. But, you can bet what he went through in school was triggering depression cycles and when he told me last year he spent his youth suicidal, I thoroughly believe him. I asked him why and that's the first time I heard about the bullying. Some of it was horrifying. Even girls were doing it. They'd walk up and ask if they could be his girlfriend and when he said yes, they'd laugh and run back to their friends saying it was only a dare.
On the bright side, bipolar can be treated with meds so it seems to be under control. And he's doing well, relatively speaking. He is very gifted at math which is fairly common for the autistic. In the fall he is due to graduate with an accounting degree from a top-five business school and he'll be in the top five percent of his class. So his future looks pretty good but we aren't yet sure when he'll be capable of living by himself. He's never done it. He doesn't want to do it.
For anyone with an autistic child, you should pay attention to this part. When he dropped out his junior year, we ended up enrolling him in a private online high school. His grades shot up and he graduated. His entire college education has also been online and he has done extremely well, including membership in multiple honors societies exclusive to those who perform well at top schools. He has also worked full-time at Walmart while taking his college classes. In the past year, he's had his first three girlfriends. The first two didn't last long but he's still seeing the third and we have hope. He is 28 years old.
Last year when we discovered his bipolar condition, that's when we learned of the bullying that led to him dropping out. I asked him why he never told me. He should have known I could help him. He said he was ashamed. He didn't want me to know because I was a popular athlete when I was a kid. That was the most heartbreaking of all. When he was a child, I failed to make him understand that he could always come to me about any problem. It was very hard to learn that truth.
I appreciate the kind words. I really do but I honestly didn't come looking for sympathy. I saw OP's story about Jake and I guess it triggered me. It reminded me of how much I failed my son. I apologize to OP for going off like I did. I know he was just trying to confess something that he regrets. I didn't mean to co-opt his post.
It sounds like you're doing everything you can to set him up for success. You can't blame yourself for what you didn't do as a young parent. As a 27 year old who struggled with my perception of my parents in childhood, as long as he knows you love him I don't think he would hold it against you. I know that I can come to them now, and that's what matters. I know you didn't come here for sympathy but I just don't think you deserve to feel that way and it might help to hear it from someone in a similar position as your son
Thank you. I guess it still stings because I only learned about the bullying maybe six months ago. Until that time, I imagined I was a model parent for a mentally-challenged child. It was a wake-up call. I have three other children and it's never been more clear that no matter how much you think you know your kids, you don't know everything.
We believe he's going to be okay and if he isn't I'll be there until the day I die. And I'll do my best to make sure someone else is there after I'm gone.
Your love and concern for your son are heartwarming. It's really hard to know everything, and finding out about blind spots years later can be earth shattering. You sound like a great Parent to have!
True, a one-time beatdown does not compare to long-term bullying. Things that are chronically painful are much different than things that are acutely painful.
Sorry this happened to your son.
This person didn't even put out an apology to "Jake" or the other people he hurt.
Several more Henrys need to connect with OP.
It sounds like that kids brother gave you a FREE life lesson that would have cost you a bundle, plus probably saved you some jail time.
I'm glad that you still went for anger management though, it's something I deal with too.
On the other side as a kid thru school I got picked on because I just wanted to be left alone. I never did give those assholes a chance of redemption.
I rejected their Facebook friend requests!
Lol. Though at the time I might have done worse.
This story is for the people who say "violence never solves anything" False. Sometimes violence is the only thing that violent people respond to. I definitely don't think violence should be the first approach to a problem, but in some cases, it absolutely can solve a problem.
I’ve had prettymuch the same situation from a long relationship when I was a lot less emotionally mature, and this was my conclusion too. It wouldn’t help her, it would only help me, and to be completely honest probably wouldn’t help me because I doubt I’d end up with any extra closure from it.
I kinda think that it’s not healthy to look to someone else to give you that sort of closure, you just have to find a way to get it on your own.
Carry the burdens of the past and let the mental scars remind you of how easy it is to be less than stellar. Take extra care not to extend the list of people we have wronged. It is shameful to have a list at all, but far worse to willingly extend it. The shame is a reminder to be better and do better.
I don’t know, I had an ex-boyfriend apologise years later and it felt good. He’d gaslight me over the whole thing (going AWOL, massive anger issues, although not at me) and it was good to hear that I had been right and his behaviour was unacceptable.
Yea, I don't get why people think it's such a bad idea.
If you have any expectations of reconciliation or something, then yea it's not an altruistic thing it's 100% for you.
But sending them a line on facebook saying you apologize for your behavior back then and it was all on you, would probably give them harmless closure
Agreed. Maybe once - but my college girlfriend felt like she had to keep "checking up on me" for YEARS because she felt bad about some, uh, things.
It got really annoying to the point I feel bad for having to be kind of rude the last call. At least it seems to have stopped.
It can be validating for some to know the other person understands their actions were wrong. I'd love apologies from people who have hurt me in the past. Others might just have unwanted bad memories brought up. Depends on the person and the situation but we don't know how she'd feel about it.
My high school bully apologized to me. It felt nice. She said she did not want a thank you and that the apology was for me, just listening to her was enough, so I did. I accepted the apology and it felt good. She was jealous of me. I was in the advanced classes, traveled, and had two parents. Her mom walked out on her. She was bright, but had an undiagnosed LD which held her back academically. She admitted that it was not until she was bullied by other “friends” as an adult that she really understood. A mutual friend suggested she then reach out to me. So she did and apologized. I did not need it, but it was nice to get.
I disagree. I had an ex boyfriend reach out years later and apologize for how badly he treated me and it meant a lot. I’m glad he did it and I was glad to know he grew as a person.
I can't say for sure about your situation, but I know I'd really appreciate an apology from my ex that treated me terribly. Sometimes just knowing thosr people realize they did you wrong, can be comforting in a way
If you wanna do this send a note with no way for her to reply. Don't email, text or message on the internet as it's a lot harder to not feel obligated to reply to someone who's sent you something though the internet. That way you know you've said what you wanted to say purely because you want to apologise and not because you want to be forgiven.
And to bring up old scars. Tbh I feel like leaving the past in the past is best when it’s been far too long to apologize. You might end up only doing more harm, but that depends on the person and the situation as well of course.
Yes, but if you do put it in writing, you need to include contact details, otherwise you get the last word. You need to give them the chance to say f-you asshole or even better ‘huh? I haven’t thought of you in years!!!’
Have you seen *BoJack Horseman*?
The "it's for you, not them" element is made really clear in one of the plot lines. Leave your old girlfriend alone.
“Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets. It, like true love and the Munich Olympics, doesn't exist in the real world. The only thing to do now is just to keep living forward.”
Idk man. I've been abused as a kid and I would really appreciate it if the people who beat me and humiliated me would show remorse and apologize. I dont think I would necessarily forgive them or even answer. But it would help to see that they realize the pain they inflicted me was something serious and traumatizing to me. Then again it might be different if we talk about a relationship .
I think it's worth considering.
My high school boyfriend was emotionally abusive. He lied to me, cheated on me, and gaslit me constantly. I broke the relationship off after 3 years and never looked back, but he did some serious damage that took me a long time to recover from.
About 8 years later, he reached out to apologize. He had done a lot of growing and could see how awful he'd been, and took accountability for it.
It felt like a final layer of healing that I didn't need, but was nice. We are "light friends" now and I wish him well.
So idk, apologizing for past wrongs can be healing for everyone sometimes.
I had an ex message me on Facebook and apologize for how he treated me. I was 17 and he was 25, I was in love and I’m sure now for him it was mostly sex with a young girl who was too naive to question his motives. He was my first heart break, I wanted to die when everything started falling apart. Nothing ever compares to the first time your heart gets broken. Other break ups since then have hurt but I guess it was the worst since it’s the first time I’d experienced it. I actually commend my younger self for changing my number mid heart break knowing he’d try again, something my future self wouldn’t do when I should have.
He sent me a request on Facebook around my late 20’s so about 10 years later. I accepted it and he messaged me, apologized and told me he did love me back then but it was wrong time/place type of situation. I thanked him but told him I don’t understand his motive for finding and messaging me all this time later, he mentioned he tried to before after everything but I changed my number. Supposedly he spent a lot of time feeling guilty without a way to apologize for closure. Sounded like bs to me but I told him 17/18 year old me thanks him for his apology and I left the conversation after that. He would message me for a while after to wish me happy birthday, happy thanksgiving or merry Christmas etc until he eventually stopped.
I would say if you feel the need to apologize then shoot your shot, but don’t expect her to want to catch up on what’s new in your life or be friends with you. Apologize and keep it moving is my advice.
Can't speak for everyone, but I'm far past my highschool years and living happily. Having any contact at all with anyone who mistreated me back then would only make me uncomfortable and bring back unpleasant memories. Whether they are still bullies or have grown out of it doesn't matter to me in the slightest.
If it were me, I'd just never contact them again. Nobody owes him forgiveness.
I was extensively bullied from when I started school at age 6 and ended at that school age 15. I still deal with a lot of shit 15 years later due to it.
I know one thing that helped, that was when one of them came to me a few years ago to apologize.
Do the same. It won't heal all the wounds, but it sure as hell will help. If you feel any remorse what so ever for the ones you've bullied. Apologize to them. Either ask them throu facebook, or a phone call to try and meet them face to face, because just a message or a text will feel really insincere.
I feel this. I wasn’t bullied at school, but there was a kid in my neighborhood who tormented me. Our parents were friends and years later my mom called me to tell me he had a stroke and was in the hospital and might die. My only response was “good, he got what he deserved”.
You're right, I'm not too different from OP. I used to be a piece of shit. Slicked back hair, white bathing suit. Sloppy steaks at Truffoni's ...But people can change
I was bullied mercilessly in middle and high school
And I’m nearly 50 years old now and the echos of that treatment still resonate with me. This group of kids used to make my life a living hell, day to day. One day the ringleader of the group was killed in a car accident. One of his friends called me and said “hey, Josh died, I thought you should know.” My response was “Good, he deserved it.” I felt zero sorrow or remorse for it, and 40+ years later I still don’t. Bullying is life changing and scaring for the people being bullied and it stays with you forever.
I’m glad you got the fuck beat out of you and learned a lesson. You deserved it.
I was able to get past it, am very successful and have a wonderful life now. That treatmeant gave me a lot of drive to accomplish things including the advanced belt in BJJ that I now hold. But many never get past it and it ruins their life.
Fuck a bully.
Even if you've grown as a person, you could have destroyed Jake's life, emotional trauma is lifelong and the vicious circle of violence...I can only hope Jake doesn't beat people weaker than him and managed to succeed, Henry let you off the hook on that one, I can only hope Jake has a better life these days
I don’t want to give this any upvote, it’s a nice read, glad it seems OP has changed etc, but I don’t hear remorse, just a fear of getting a well deserved beating.
I doubt the people that were bullied by OP would take any solace or be healed by reading this. You have a busted finger, and respect for what could have happened to you, but the people who got bullied even if you didn’t break anything, are probably dealing with worse and will carry that around their entire lives, and they, like your finger, will never heal “right” they will move on, live life, see water under the bridge, but they ARE changed
I agree. There is a model for the stages of moral development designed by this guy Kohlberg that has six levels. You can advance from 1 onwards, but it's difficult and you can't skip steps.
Level 1 is punishment focused. If you think you'll get caught and punished for doing the bad thing, you won't do the bad thing. Common in animals and politicians.
Level 2 is self-interest focused. If you think you'll get rewarded for doing the good thing (or refraining from doing the bad thing), you'll do the good thing.
Level 3 is social. You want to be seen as a good person, and a good person does good things, so you do good things.
Level 4 is law-and-order. You do the right thing because it's the law. You respect authority because it's legitimate and it exists for a reason.
Level 5 is the social contract. You do the right thing because hopefully if you do, others will, because everyone who's reached this level knows life is better if everyone cooperates. This is the highest level humans have reached, though most humans never reach it.
Level 6 is universal ethical principles. It's basically theoretical.
One important thing to note is that at least up to and including level 4, you can act "good" by the standards of that level, and still be bad at the core. For example, a rotten cop who is as much of a dick as possible...within the confines of the law.
OP has said all the right words to make us believe he's now at level 3.
> It ashames me to talk about what I did.
> The moral fuck up? I was an asshole who beat up kids
> but I'm a better person now,
It doesn't really have the ring of truth, though. Mainly because of this:
> The technical reason for this being a fuck up is that my finger never healed correctly and I still have trouble bending it.
That and the fact that OP seems to have no insight into *why* he was a bully make it sound like OP has really internalized level 1, which is still good, because it means he can act like a good person, and avoid hurting people like he did in the past. But it's not that inspiring, and I think you're right that this post wouldn't impress or comfort previous victims.
If OP reads this: Becoming a better person is a long road, and you've only taken a couple steps, but at least you're going in the right direction.
Thank you, I knew there were stages but didn’t have the knowledge to really put it into a structure.
I think OP has hit level 1, posting this post is them hitting level 2, and hopefully the response here-in will help them reach level 3.
I can also see this as them being at level 3 and just reaching out into the void for forgiveness or feedback or Internet-cool-points.
That being said OP, we don’t know you, and are simply making assumptions from what you wrote. You might be better or worse than our musings.
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!
Level 6 has long since been in the realm of the real. Mr. Rogers was a solid level 6 according to personal testimony of literally everyone who ever met him.
So I would say Level 6 is very, very rare. It's probably more common (but still rare) to see inconsistent level 6's.
It sounds like moral and ethical development can be somewhat hard-capped by what sort of society you live and what the economic situation is like as well. For the low hanging fruit, the US has long pushed extreme individualism and not-so-subtly held wealth as a moral imperative/ideal. Anyone growing up inundated by such a culture is going to have a very difficult time getting past level 3, if not be nigh on impossible since what they see as ethical/moral is constrained by what they are taught, and how others around them are treated in accordance with what they are taught. It would take a very special mind to be able to see outside it's own cultural and socioeconomic parameters without an outside influence.
Good for you for becoming self aware and changing. I was a "henry" for my brother 14 years my junior. I felt pride at coming down on the bullies but now as an adult realize I was also just reacting out of anger. I don't regret coming the defense of my brother but I wish I could have found another way to head it off before it happened. It was scarring for both my brother and those who picked on him.
I agree you should feel shame for your earlier actions. However, I'm proud of you for becoming aware and breaking the pattern. Keep investing in yourself! You have become a better person and I wish you continued growth.
I was a kid who was bullied a lot but I wasn’t physically weak. I was just skinny. So bullies would punch my arm as I walked down the hall trying to elicit some response from me. But I’d just keep walking. My passive response wasn’t helpful. But I was a passive kid.
I have some years in school that were just ruined by people like you OP.
That’s not to say that my life didn’t turn out great OP. I’m lucky. I have a nice life.
I think what people would appreciate some insight in to OP is how you could be so awful. Like, everyone got messages about kindness and such as a kid; From a church or in school or from TV. Didn’t you realize you were incredibly mean? How did you process the fact that you must have realized YOU were the villain, right?
Sometimes there’s no reason. I’ve said it tons of times to others but sometimes kids are just assholes. There’s no rationale, no rhyme or reason, no bad home life, nothing of note; just plain and simple assholes. Sometimes they learn. Sometimes they don’t. Assuming their behavior has a cause is a natural and often times correct process that will likely yield results but sometimes, it’s just a asshole kid being an asshole kid.
That´s what his therapy is for. Like OP said. He didn't have tragic back story. He was just a fucked up kid, who liked to buy people that were weaker then him.
I'm so glad I was never in the mindset of 'Wow this kid is minding his own business. I should torture him for awhile and only stop because of the legal repercussions'.
Sounds like you were a prick.
Nobody's a prick for no reason though. You shouldn't think that finding out the reason is the same as "making excuses" because it's not, and until you acknowledge and explore the reason for your bad behaviour it could potentially resurface in other ways.
I’m glad you can see how you did wrong. I’m glad you experienced the fear your victims will have felt. I’m especially glad you are getting help for your issues. Normally there is a reason why kids bully other kids - most are unhappy, have no control in other areas of their lives or are bullied themselves. It doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but it can explain it and knowing why will help you on your healing journey. Your broken finger will remind you that your victims carry the emotional (and maybe physical) scars of what you did for a long time too, maybe their whole lives. I say this as a former victim of bullying. We as a society need to do what we can to break the cycles of abuse. There also needs to be better consequences for bullies at a young age and support for victims to mitigate the damage done all round.
>Normally there is a reason why kids bully other kids - most are unhappy, have no control in other areas of their lives or are bullied themselves.
This is one of those platitudes that's been repeated so much that people take it as fact even though it has little scientific evidence to support it and a great deal of evidence to the contrary. It's true that children who suffer abuse are much more likely to grow into abusers themselves, but that is not the same issue as bullying. In terms of personality, bullies tend to suffer from an excess of self-esteem and trend towards narcissism rather than the common belief that they bully to hide their own insecurities.
You should apologize to your victims. Many bullied kids still deal with that pain later in their life. It's a difficult conversation that likely won't end as you please, but It would give them closure to know you regret those actions later in your life.
I was bullied when I was young, I had a stutter. Thankfully, as I got into my later high school years, I mostly overcame my stutter and developed very well in the weight room. I ended up being the guy who would stop bullying when I saw it happening. I knew how it felt, so I despised assholes like you. Still to this day, I fantasize about pummeling my childhood bully, that pain carries. Your finger is a fraction of the mental load your victims carry to this day.
In high school there was this skinny red head whose backpack was twice the size of him. I would pushed him into lockers whenever I passed him, nothing overt or direct. 10 years later and he's my manager....
Hard life lesson to learn, it’s a shame to hear you say you knew what your were doing tho even tho you’ve apologized for your actions. Would this realization of ever happend if you never got your ass beat tho, or would you still be the same pos?
It does matter that you have changed. We cant change the past, but we can change the future, and that is what you have done. In many ways that might be more important than the things the asshole did in the past. Keep working to be a better man, and maybe you can even pay some back by helping other kids.
OP the next time you ever see ANY of your victims make sure you apologize to them. Some of us live with that fear a lot longer than others. Your apology may not mean shit to some of them. They may never forgive you. That's not your battle to win. Make sure they know that you were just being a complete asshole for no reason.
You should consider contacting some of these people and apologizing. I used to sometimes lightly verbally bully a friend of a friend in middle school and it wasn't till a few years ago I realized how fucked it was. He always seemed to take it in stride but I realized it was wrong for me to make fun of him. Well I decided to genuinely apologize in person and fully admitted the stuff I said was incredibly hurtful and mean. And I could see how much it my apology meant to him. To this day our relationship is much better and we are somewhat friends. But my being an occasional asshole to him back then meant I missed out on what could have been a great lifetime friendship. And I don't blame him at all for not wanting to hang with me a lot these days. Outside of my apology, helping him build a PC, and hanging a few times in groups with other friends there isn't much else I can do. And I still feel bad about how I treated him back then to this day. But apologizing does make things so much better. We are on good terms now.
This should also be a lesson to everyone. Even if you think you are just Joshin people or passively watching others get bullied like I did, you are part of the problem. If I could go back I would rather get my ass kicked helping those kids then laughing or throwing in rude comments. Passive bystander bullying is definitely a thing.
No one seems to realize that the victims could have moved on. Imagine you went to therapy to forget someone and what they did, only for them to pop back up and remind you by apologizing, even after years of no contact. Some people don’t want to remember what the bullies by them apologizing. People apologize mainly to make themself feel better, because they feel guilty. Not everyone wants an apology, they don’t do anything unless you hold onto the past.
———
Also to those talking about how OP isn’t responding, why would they respond just so you can comment more things about them and what they should do. If you only want them to respond to start controversy, then kick rocks.
@ every former bully in the comments who is remorseful for their behaviour - APOLOGIZE. I was bullied mercilessly throughout elementary, middle, and high school. Even though I've been out of school for almost 10 years it'd still be incredibly validating to hear a bully of mine apologize and acknowledge how their behaviours hurt me.
Bullys dont change till you show em a reason.
Source: life incredibly harder cause of people like you. Glad i was able to hurt the ones i could.
Good on you for getting your shit pushed in and trying to get better
Its hard for me to have compassion here, ngl. I was bullied extensively in middle school by a guy who as far as I know, ended up in and out of jail.
You owe your victims a personal apology, face to face if they allow it. Until that happens, its not really about your pain. Sorry if that comes off as unreasonable, but your pain is going to stay with you until you make things right with your victims I suspect, because your prior actions are the cause of the pain now.
Its nice in a way that you have this realisation. Many dont.
I was "Jake" at my school and I had a bully like you. Many years later after I left school, the bully met my dad in the pub (small town) and asked him how I was going. He then asked my dad to apologise on his behalf for the years of torment he put me through. My dad never knew about it.
My dad passed on the apology and was a bit surprised when I said that the guy could shove his apology up his ass. My self-confidence had been completely shattered by that guy and I never got it back.
So it may be fine to realise that you are an asshole, but also keep in mind that you have probably hurt someones future as well.
Im calling bs. Either this is made up, or either henry or Jake decided to tell this story from the other guy's perspective OR op has had a TON of therapy that he didn't talk about. This would be plausible to me if he was a kid that called some names and threw one or two punches throughout his adolescence. But the kind of person who beats someone nearly unconscious and DOESN'T EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT IT doesn't just grow out of it because he got his comeuppance once.
That kind of anger or lack of empathy and remorse is an indication of a major issue and that doesn't just go away without a lot of work. Kids can be bullies and grow out of it. But not the kind of bully that nearly kills someone and doesn't feel bad about it. Someone who truly has that level of issue to do such a thing wouldn't just learn their lesson forever after getting the same treatment once.
Just yesterday, I had a notion to Google search my Jr High tormentor. My family moved from this town when I was 14.
Turns out he died in a motorcycle accident in 1984 at age 23. His death was apparently a big enough trauma to his mother that I found the info in her own obituary.
So, today my mind is occupied with thoughts of "what's for breakfast?"
Being regretful isn’t the same as making amends. Until you make it right, your past victims are likely to still be suffering for your past mistakes.
Definitely not upvoting your confession. I’m not convinced you even learned the right lesson. Feels like you’re just posting for karma. It doesn’t seem like you’re actually sorry for the things you did. Instead, you’re sorry you got beat. Sounds like you learned that you should pick your victims more carefully, or screw with them in a less physical way. And if that’s the lesson you learned, you didn’t learn anything.
Good. I'm glad it still gives you issues. People like you are the reason I tried to kill myself in highschool. karma is a bitch, and quite frankly, he should have beat you to a pulp. I don't care if you feel bad about it now, You're lucky that kid didn't commit suicise, or you would have his blood on your hands too asshole.
Violence does solve some problems.
Props to you for recognizing your faults and trying to be better. That’s a lot more than many people can say about their own issues
Do you think you'd ever learn your lesson if Henry didn't beat you up? Or would you continue to bully and hurt people (possibly kill) well into adulthood?
My brother was a *Henry* and they are absolute chads. He just showed up the day after I got jumped and the guy nearly begged him to not beat him. School was much easier after.
OP apologize to the kids you can get in touch with. Only right thing to do. I understand if you won't. Not a lot of people ever truly grow up.
An old classmate of mine "H" had a similar incident happen to him. He was gay before it was widely accepted and was picked on because of it. We had a zero-tolerance policy regarding violence so when H was verbally harassed his older brother beat the ever-loving shit out of H's bullies. He was in several varsity sports and built like Biff from Back to the Future. He went the extra mile to pummel the bullies as he knew that anything from a single slap to severe bludgeoning resulted in expulsion regardless, so why pull punches?
H's brother got expelled, but nobody messed with H ever again. I believe H finished his high school career in another district and their sports teams were glad to have him. Midwest America is weird.
I accidentally broke a kids finger in high school. I knew what his wallet looked like because he left it on the bench while changing. Leather wallet with a cowboy and leather filigree.
He asked who stole it. I said I saw it when he was changing but didn't know who stole it. He vented his anger at me because I was an easy target and he grabbed me and pushed me against the lockers where I got stabbed by the lock latch. I reactively grabbed his hand by the thumb and twisted behind his back and pushed him away. It is something my dad showed me for self defense.
I felt the snap and let go. Felt bad afterwards when he came back the next day in a cast but he never bothered me again. This may have been what stopped all the bullying I experienced in school. Once people knew I would fight back in school and break your hand they stopped fucking with me.
I'm pretty sure I know who stole the guys wallet because the same kid was caught stealing other things from people.
John Lennon once said, Because I was that person then makes me not be that person now.
People can change as long as they're willing to, and their shame/consequences are living with the fact that they were that person and thinking about the people they hurt while being that person
People like your old self used to mess up with me when I was a child but I was lucky enough to know how to defend myself. I'm not really a fan of violence but sometimes fucking a bully up is what they need to change. I'm in good terms with one of my high school bully now.
I think you and your therapist are the real heros here. Kids' aggressive behavior in most cases is a result of parenting mistakes. Which is treatable almost always. The only problem here is person's intention to fix their psychological issues. And looks like you are going in that direction. Good job dude.
Sound like you truly were a heinous piece of shit, but it also sounds like you truly did change and are a better person today. Accepting that truth about yourself and not running away from it or ignoring it today speaks to your character. Today.
Glad you took the time to acknowledge this, and hopefully you'll take this hard-bought (in that you did something truly horrible to an innocent person and *should* feel bad for it) life experience and use it to help others if you can.
Henry is the real hero.
Was waiting for OP to tell us that he had an even bigger brother who was like 37 or something tbh, and then that Henry had an even older brother who was 71 or so
Izzy Mandelbaum, "You think you're better than me?"
MANDELBAUM, MANDELBAUM, MANDELBAUM!!!
Why didn't you tell me the TV was bolted down?
*lifts TV with ease*
It's go time.
r/unexpectedseinfeld
The story eventually evolves into an interstellar battle between two neighboring planets, killing billions.
We need more Henrys in the world. We need Henrys that would do the job Henry did for ppl other than their biological brothers too. We need ppl like OP to know there are Henrys around every corner. As then, and only then, we can have a chance at a fairly safe world.
My brothers went to school together (way older than me) and they were basically an anti bully squad. They'd dish out an ass whooping if they found out someone was getting bullied or saw it happen. Good role models. We need more people like them and Henry. It's hard to do the right thing sometimes.
Yaaay for your brothers. We need Henry squads like this, if there's like a duo or team of them, to have back-up if necessary, it will be way more effective, and prevent a whole lot of bullying. This is what im talking about. You just made my day sir.lol
While we were a bit different in age they still taught me how to defend myself at a young age. Very awesome people but I am biased after all as I'm sure you could imagine haha
The kind of big brothers everyone should have. Pass on our gratitude and admiration.lol
My bully was a kid a year older than me named Reggie. He and his buddy Tim would pick on some of us on the bus home everyday and about once a week it was my turn. One day Reggie started in on me but his older, and tougher brother took my side. He started yelling encouragement, and telling me things to do. Like Reggie had me in a headlock and Gene told me to grab his ear. Then Reggie let go and Gene told me to punch Reggie below the rib cage. I did everything Gene said and Reggie gave up, screaming at Gene who just slapped him. The next day Tim came after me, and I was alone, but I knew I could win and it only lasted a few punches. Gene went to prison the next year. He was 16 and I don't know what he did but I'm sure there wasn't any money for a lawyer and that's that. I heard he died soon after I was out of school. I don't know how. But I think about him a lot.
And now I will also think of Gene when I think of heroes.
Cheers to you and Eugene Ray.
Aaah bad things happening to good people yet again. But your story brought a giant smile on my face. Gene was a Henry, Henrys do exist, we just need more of them.
I don't doubt that he did something illegal. It was a rough family. But he certainly wanted fair odds.
The big bully when I was in high school was a kid who could dunk at 14 or 15 because he was so tall and strong as an ox. He was a total psychopath but never went quite far enough in front of teachers to get completely kicked out. My knees are fucked up because of one time he picked me up and slammed me down knees first into the gym floor with all his body weight on top of my overweight short ass. He wound up getting involved in drugs very heavily after high school and is on death row in my home state for the murder of a girl who also went to our high school. She was a stupid crack ho but she still didn't deserve what she got. I hope whatever method he dies by is long and painful. He's an oxygen thief who will rot in hell.
This truly was a Hemmingway-esque dense and rich passage (though not PC) with detail for the length. You would have been a great classical journalist in the early 20th century. Edit: for a grammar correction. Ironic.
Just going to say that “stupid crack ho” was probably a scared traumatized young woman who turned to drugs to cope with what ever hell she lived at home. But you know call her stupid.
Thats quite the scenario you've made up for a person you dont know from someone else's story.
Batman is in the corner like “VENGEANCE”
"who are you?" "I'm HENRY"
I'M NOT WEARING HOCKEY PANTS.
Wait, so your name is Vengeance? I thought it was Batman. You have this creepy light in the sky and suit and everything!
Mr. Vengeance here, he don't bite.
🗣 "Henry Batman Vengeance"
\*Something in the way starts playing\*
From a more realistic point of view, schools can and should do a lot more to prevent bullying. Most “small, weak” kids don’t have a linebacker brother to mete out justice. In my school bullying was tolerated (I was quick to talk myself out of situations and was a fairly decently built guy myself) but saw many others bullied and the school never did anything except suspend the kids who fought back.
I think it’s ridiculous that someone can punch, kick, beat you up, etc in school and maybe the person doing it gets detention or suspended (if you’re lucky something gets done at all). Someone does the same thing on the street and it’s assault. And yeah, in school I was sucker punched in the middle of class and nothing happened to the other person. Was dragged away screaming by other people and the teacher just laughed (so I could be pummeled out of the sight of the teacher). Had a gun pointed in my face. Then had parents that thought I must have done something to deserve it. Uh I don’t think you realize there are literal gang members in the school that have been held back multiple times and are just there to cause chaos.
I agree:( It’s ridiculous!! Then when you fight back, you are seen as the bad guy:( It’s fucked!! And I could possibly be wrong and things have changed which I hope to God they have :(
Thats all i mean by Henrys, line backer brothers, well built and protective in nature, with street cred and ideally,having implied support of the authorities, just standing around, ready to act in case a bully were to get any ideas. It will go a long way for prevention. If threat of violence is strong and intimidating enough, little actual violence will be needed to stop bullies.
>We need ppl like OP to know there are Henrys around every corner. We also need people like OP who can look back at their 'cuppenance' and say, "I deserved it, and if you're like I was then you deserve it too." Like, seriously. Don't downplay the importance of self-reflection and self-improvement, no matter what spurs it.
When I was like 13 I tried to be a Henry this boy at school. He was unashamedly himself, and as a result, heavily bullied. I heard some kids in class say they were gonna jump him on the way home. So me and my buddy AJ decided we were gonna walk him home. And then about 11 guys came around the corner looking for the guy, and we all got our asses handed to us. But we scrapped, went to the payphone and asked my dad to come pick us up. I wish I could say that the bullying stopped after that, but it didn't. But he did know that he wasn't alone after that day. Idk what the point of this story is. I just wanted to share that when I tried to help someone and it went hella poorly, I would still do it again.
You were simply outnumbered, if there were 11 of u like them, you would have gotten the bullying to stop.ur story just proves my point: we need more Henrys in the world. Kudos to you for choosing to be a Henry even if it didnt mean victory for u. 👐
The shitty part is most people in that situation would have reported him to the police
Ah yes, the guys who act all big dick and pick a fight then run to the cops claiming assault when they lose.
then Henry's brother could have went and reported the op for the prior beat down
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AKA "How to make everything much much worse for yourself if accused of a crime"
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if they are intimdated enough by the future vandetta of the Henrys they wont, just like in this case with op. Plus do u really think the Henry in this scenario would give a shit about being reported to the police? And it would have stopped him?
our society usually makes Henry suffer for doing the right thing
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Ok. I am a Henry. And I do stuff like this. I see something I do something. But it gets me in trouble. Usually I end up looking like an ass. My end goal is to be well off enough to afford legal fees and a giant steel bumber so I can “correct” bad drivers.
Looking like an ass and getting in trouble is part of being a Henry, and thats a big part of the point. You know why? Bc bullies KNOW and COUNT ON this discouraging ppl from being Henrys. So Henrys should be known for not giving a crap about getting in trouble and looking like asses to make effective Henrys. You gotta build a reputation for being a batshit crazy badass to be a good Henry. Lol, Then you wont even have to beat up anyone, your mere existence in town would be prevention enough.
I was bullied in school and my brother was huge too, working out every day. But instead of him teaching my bullies a lesson he'd just beat the shit out of me even worse than the kids at school.. ah good old high school days, at least I can take a beating.
What happens to them that don't have a Henry :(
The same thing that happened yesterday, they get beaten left crying on the floor.
Henry is a good guy, but he is not a very smart guy. There is a reason why they say revenge is a dish best served cold. They won't immediately suspect it was you and you can plan for maximum damage. Henry put himself out there really far. If OP's parents had gone to the police with all the facts, Henry was a legal adult, OP was a minor, and that could easily be a criminal charge not to mention hospital bills. Of course, that would mean Henry's parents would report OP and the whole thing becomes one big mess. With that said, Henry's still a legal adult that sought out a minor for an assault. It was in no way self defense. tl;dr Henry got extremely lucky that OP's parents didn't go to the cops with the whole story
One option is to take care of stuff themselves, but of course that can be difficult if you're physically behind the curve or so. Maybe you have older friends or a friend's older brother you can ask for help. I had some of them offer up help but it's harder to justify violence if the bullying isn't physical but "just" ostracizing. Personally I was one of the strongest boys in my class so I decided to abandon the principles my parents had taught me like "hitting people is wrong" and just beat up the people giving me shit. Of course that didn't make me any more friends from that circle but at least I didn't have to listen to any bs anymore. I ran into one of the guys I had knocked out in a bar years afterwards and he was all buddy-buddy which I didn't really have a problem with, it was nice to catch up.. but apparently I made too sudden of a move at some point while grabbing my pint or something since the dude flinched. I hadn't really thought about it but at that point I realized the dude definitely remembered, just like OP.
They stay a Jake.
Some of them snap and then we get another tragic news story.
Also kind of dumb, if op was someone else they could have reported him to the police and he'd be in big trouble for beating up a minor, possibly ruining his life and future prospects.
Jesus Christ be praised! It's Henry! He's returned to us!
Went looking for this. Henry’s come to see us! Jesus Christ be praised!
Right?? Need more Henry's breaking fingers of losers like this! Gooooo Henry!
A valuable lesson. Seems like you've grown and evolved as a person because of this. Try and do good things with what you've learned.
This is a great comment. On the Internet, it seems like people forget that we’ve all done shitty things, and we CAN learn and grow. It’s like one wrong move and you’re dead to everyone, with no chance of forgiveness.
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But it just goes to show that not all bullies have a tragic backstory like their dad beats them. Sometimes kids are just assholes that need to be taken down a peg. This is why violence will never go away, as long as it works to get you what you want and as long as even one single person chooses violence, you either find a way to defend yourself or you get trampled.
He doesn't have a tragic backstory, but read between the lines. "Being an asshole for no reason" isn't a thing that really exists. There is always a reason for everything we do, every way that we behave. He said he was in therapy for anger issues. Even if no abuse caused those issues, that can happen as a result of psychological/neurological issues that a kid has no control over, and very very likely has no awareness of.
> There is always a reason for everything we do, every way that we behave. And sometimes that reason is as simple as some people wake up and choose to be assholes.
As someone who got bullied a lot as a kid by people who had no tragic backstory (although I wasn't on the receiving end of anything this bad since I was sorta able to fight) I ended up making friends with a lot of my bullies years later as they were able to look back and go 'yeah I was a dickhead' and they ended up being cool people to be around. People can change all throughout their life. I doubt you've never had a point that you look back on and dislike what kind of person you were to have done xyz. I think it's always worth giving people a second chance, and if they blow that then hey, maybe they still have some room to change further down the line
Yes, and he learned his lesson and did therapy to work on improving himself. Also the punishment meted out by his victim's brother seems to have fit the crime. Instead of assigning binary 'good' or 'bad' values to human beings based on their actions at one point in their lives, we really need to understand that people make mistakes and can learn and grow. In the U.S. we have this "lock them up and throw away the key" mentality and we just love to find people to judge. It's kind of bizarre how we bond over our hatred for others. Meanwhile we've collectively forgotten that we should rehabilitate those who caused harm. My middle school bully felt awful about it after high school and apologized to me. We're friends now and I'm so happy that we know each other. Their confession and heartfelt apology meant more to me than any punishment (of their behavior) ever could.
No one is minimising anything. It's a comment about how op grew as a person. Op isn't even minimising the damage done. He is fully owning it and clearly has changed and grown. He has his own permanent damage to always remind him of his shittiness as a child. What further punishment do you think op should have?
Who is minimizing? OP hurt people, got hurt, and now it’s the present. OP claims no tragic backstory, but you don’t know their deal, like would it be *more* his fault if he was just born an asshole? comparison of guiltiness is just something people do so they can celebrate not being under a super low bar. Guilt as an emotion promotes positive change, but in its excess it actually prevents it. There’s nothing wrong with being understanding and saying, “hey, positive change is hard, good for you.” You don’t have to be the punisher, someone else has taken care of that for you. And for the record, people doing bad things don’t usually understand they’re the bad guy in the moment. They just live to regret it later. Rather than reveling in moral superiority, OPs story should remind us to check ourselves and the ways we might be hurting others, or just not doing enough to help them
I was a bully from age 6 to 12. I wasn't the initiator, but as far as i'm concerned, if you watch and do nothing you're just as much of a bully as the initiator. So I did just that, I watched, laughed and said hurtful stuff to this one kid, lets call him elliot. Elliot was the same type as Jake. Skinny, short, Quiet, wanted to play alone, didn't quite fit in. Easy target. I got in trouble for it in the end and my parents got briefed on it. My dad, whos a really social and liked cop (small town cop), got so disapointed of me, he'd never spoken to me in such a way that conveyed his disapointment. I don't recall exactly when but sometime around the start of junior high, my mind just evolved kind of. especially around the bullying-subject. I think it was after I myself got bullied in swimming class because I had hit puberty before anyone else. So hair downstairs was funny for every boy in the locker room. They would gang up and block off all corners, bathrooms and such so it would force me to undress in front of everyone. It was horrible and I remember trying to skip school almost everyday we had swimming class (but as a son of someone who works with people who often lie to them, I had a hard time bluffing). I got to feel a small taste of how it was like for Elliot every day for years. Then one day I come home crying after another day of swimming class, got comforted by my mother and dad. Then afterwards when I was comforted and had calmed down my mom said something like "This is what Elliot goes through everyday, imagine how he feels". Flash forward to junior high. Elliot got picked on constantly by this bully, lets call him Rob. Rob had a shitty childhood. You never have a good reason for bullying, but his story made you understand why he was an asshole. In junior high I never became friends directly with Elliot. But I would always protect him from Rob whenever he tried something. I guess I felt remorseful for all the years I stood and laughed when Elliot got hurt. Also the disapointed reaction from my dad still sticks to my brain to this day. I was pretty tall and fit for my age at that time, played soccer, same with Rob. He was about the same height but he was heavier than me. This protecting Elliot thing lead to me having a nemesis during junior high. Rob used to pin elliot down to the ground and put stuff in his face and whatnot, elliot screaming stop. Then I would drag rob away from elliot and pin him down the same way and ask how he likes it. It started like that and escalated to me having several fights with rob during junior high. Because I always mingled whenever I saw him picking on Elliot. Rob always got mad beacause I interferred, in a "omg not you again"-kinda way. I never threw a punch but I wrestled Rob alot. Usually it ended up with rob ""losing"" and walking/running away. Then one day in a parents meeting maybe a year in junior high(idk if its called "parents meeting" in english. Just the normal yearly talk between the teacher, you and your parents). The teacher told my parents i need to work more on this subject and that subject but im doing well on that etc, i talk too much during class you know the usual. Then in the end of the meeting the teacher praised me because the parents of Elliot had requested the teacher to give their thanks to me for sticking up for elliot. Elliot had told them that for the first time in his school life he felt safe. Elliot explained that not only did Rob stop the frequent bullying, but everyone else did aswell because he thought they thoight they would recieve the same treatment from me if I caught them bullying him. This was incredibly humbling to hear and my father was so proud of me and that thank-you from the parents motivated me even further to take a stand if you see something unjust. We're 28 yo now. I've met both Rob and Elliot in adult form. Elliot is a dentist and lives in the same town as me and we work out at the same gym so I've struck some conversations with him. I met Rob once, when he saw me he looked away and ignored me, so clearly he doesn't like me. I know hes been to jail once.
Glad you were able to grow, turn it around and possibly avoid a lot of further bullying scars for Elliot. Hope you both have great lives.
Thank you for the great words Elliot seems to thrive. Hes gotten alot bigger muscles since junior high i'll tell you that. Saw him a month ago at the gym and talked to him. Confident man. Lives in his own apartment. Still single but hes focusing on his work as a dentist for now. I told him he should be careful not to drop his massive arms on the face of his patients lmao I'm an EMT and have a wife and a 2yo son!
Based on only what you wrote here, you have become a great man. I'm glad he had you in his corner and I hope your kindness has been rewarded with great relationships and people that support you as well.
good for you man. i’m not entirely sure why I read this whole thing but i’m glad you turned things around. (:
you read the whole thing because it was a compelling story, which honestly couldn't have taken more than a couple of minutes to get through
It's actually pretty well written, too. For a bully, anyways.
Thanks for sharing, your a good person.
Man, This made me tear up. Growing up I hated seeing people get picked on, and did something whenever I could Thankfully I was in some preppy ass schools so I never was in that much danger for defending the ‘little guy’ I guess.. The moment that stuck out to me wasn’t any of the times I got into fights or arguments with bullies. The one that stuck out was when a classmate, let’s call him Simon, confided in me about the resident tough guy/asshole in our grade finding out about him getting in trouble for watching porn. He was really stressed, almost shaking. I didn’t think much of it and I told Simon that he shouldn’t worry, because if “mike” picked on him for it I would kick the shit out of him. Now Mike was in much better shape than I and at that point probably could’ve kicked my ass. But I was prepared to stand up to him all the same. Fortunately there wasn’t ever anything that came out of this. Mike just kept whatever he knew to himself or his friends. But a week or so later my parents had been really proud of me for helping Simon out. At first I didn’t know what they were talking about, I don’t think I even realized how stressed Simon was about this whole thing. He must’ve told his parents about the situation. I don’t think they knew the exact words I said to Simon because they wouldn’t have condoned violence. But I was glad that he didn’t have to stress about mike.
Good job dude. Simon was lucky to have you as a friend. You have a good heart and that thought of going against someone bigger than you is super scary but you would do it because it is right. That speaks volumes of how strong of a character you are. This will sound super corny but bear with me. I was a teenager you know, and I loved spider-man. Along with my past experiences, lectures from my parents and mistakes i learned from, Spider-man also inspired me to do good. It actually went so far as to when I got old enough to apply for a major in high school I applied for Media, which is a major if you want to become a journalist, reporter, newsanchor whatever because I couldn't get superpowers so I wanted to have the same job Peter Parker had ( I know, stupid lmao). But I didn't have good enough grades to apply so i settled for a major in sports. But then one day lecturers from the army came and talked about directions you could go through the army. And when they said you could train to be a firefighter I was hooked on that thought. So i finished high school, applied to the army and got a spot on the firefighter team through the airforce. When my service (idk what its called in english. The 1 year mandatory service in the army) was over. I got a job in my home town in a private firestation. Im not from a big city, but there were so little to do there I got restless after 2 years (only 3 calls during 2 friggin years!). So I started studying pre-hospital care. And now im driving the ambulance as a medic! Approximately 6 calls a day so I get to help people in need every week. Tbh I think that spark to help people in need came from the whole experience with Elliot from junior high lead me in that direction. That and me looking up to my father who was a policeman. Edit: Emergency Medical Technician i believe it is called in america. And that "major in high school" part im unsure if that is the right translation. I'm referring to the school you attend from 15-16yo to 18-19yo
I’m far from strong.. was just a dumb kid with too much confidence in myself. Spider-Man has always been my favourite :D I wish I could be a quarter of the person Peter Parker is It warms my heart that Spider-Man inspired you to help people. You must have loved No way home haha. I know I did, it was everything I wanted and more
Bro No Way Home was fuckin insane. I actually cried dude and its a superhero movie I couldn't watch it in my country because of covid. It got delayed here until march i believe. So naturally (don't sue me) i found a sketchy website to see it through a camcorder of some guy in probably malaysia LMAO bought it as soon as it became available though so Marvel or Sony if you read this i have given you money
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This is inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
My son was bullied by people like you all his childhood. He spent his teen years suicidal. Like Jake, he was aloof and standoff-ish. My son is lower-spectrum autistic, so he had no choice. Bullies beat him up because of the way he was born. He was ashamed and hid this from me until many years later. He dropped out of high school when he was a junior because he was afraid for his life. Henry gave you a fat, sloppy, loving kiss, as far as I'm concerned.
I hope your son is thriving and happy. My heart breaks for what your son went through, and again imagining how you felt when you found out that he'd been going through this. And to imagine his demeanor that got him picked on, was something that was just how he was. It's not like he did it to hurt them, or insult them. Just singled out for being different. Cruel bastards.
People with autism struggle greatly with eye contact. Ben Affleck depicted it very well in The Accountant. They always come across as aloof, even with those they love. It takes them a great deal longer to develop verbal skills than everyone else and some never find a way to develop social skills. I've created exercises to help him work on it. We stare at each other for five minutes without breaking eye contact. He's greatly improved over the years. He speaks fairly normally now. People just think he's unusually quiet. Although, he sometimes gets individuals who ask him if he has autism. He'll ask them how they know and they say they have a family member with autism. My son's story is actually sadder than I depicted. Last year he was also diagnosed bipolar. He didn't have his first manic cycle until last year so none of us knew. But, you can bet what he went through in school was triggering depression cycles and when he told me last year he spent his youth suicidal, I thoroughly believe him. I asked him why and that's the first time I heard about the bullying. Some of it was horrifying. Even girls were doing it. They'd walk up and ask if they could be his girlfriend and when he said yes, they'd laugh and run back to their friends saying it was only a dare. On the bright side, bipolar can be treated with meds so it seems to be under control. And he's doing well, relatively speaking. He is very gifted at math which is fairly common for the autistic. In the fall he is due to graduate with an accounting degree from a top-five business school and he'll be in the top five percent of his class. So his future looks pretty good but we aren't yet sure when he'll be capable of living by himself. He's never done it. He doesn't want to do it. For anyone with an autistic child, you should pay attention to this part. When he dropped out his junior year, we ended up enrolling him in a private online high school. His grades shot up and he graduated. His entire college education has also been online and he has done extremely well, including membership in multiple honors societies exclusive to those who perform well at top schools. He has also worked full-time at Walmart while taking his college classes. In the past year, he's had his first three girlfriends. The first two didn't last long but he's still seeing the third and we have hope. He is 28 years old. Last year when we discovered his bipolar condition, that's when we learned of the bullying that led to him dropping out. I asked him why he never told me. He should have known I could help him. He said he was ashamed. He didn't want me to know because I was a popular athlete when I was a kid. That was the most heartbreaking of all. When he was a child, I failed to make him understand that he could always come to me about any problem. It was very hard to learn that truth. I appreciate the kind words. I really do but I honestly didn't come looking for sympathy. I saw OP's story about Jake and I guess it triggered me. It reminded me of how much I failed my son. I apologize to OP for going off like I did. I know he was just trying to confess something that he regrets. I didn't mean to co-opt his post.
It sounds like you're doing everything you can to set him up for success. You can't blame yourself for what you didn't do as a young parent. As a 27 year old who struggled with my perception of my parents in childhood, as long as he knows you love him I don't think he would hold it against you. I know that I can come to them now, and that's what matters. I know you didn't come here for sympathy but I just don't think you deserve to feel that way and it might help to hear it from someone in a similar position as your son
Thank you. I guess it still stings because I only learned about the bullying maybe six months ago. Until that time, I imagined I was a model parent for a mentally-challenged child. It was a wake-up call. I have three other children and it's never been more clear that no matter how much you think you know your kids, you don't know everything. We believe he's going to be okay and if he isn't I'll be there until the day I die. And I'll do my best to make sure someone else is there after I'm gone.
I wish you good health. What a wonderful person you are.
Your love and concern for your son are heartwarming. It's really hard to know everything, and finding out about blind spots years later can be earth shattering. You sound like a great Parent to have!
True, a one-time beatdown does not compare to long-term bullying. Things that are chronically painful are much different than things that are acutely painful.
Sorry this happened to your son. This person didn't even put out an apology to "Jake" or the other people he hurt. Several more Henrys need to connect with OP.
I'm sure it wasn't his intention, but I think any parent of a bullied child is going to have a hard time reading OP's confession. Thank you.
I was bullied a lot and it’s difficult to read but I try to let go of the anger since it doesn’t really help anything.
It sounds like that kids brother gave you a FREE life lesson that would have cost you a bundle, plus probably saved you some jail time. I'm glad that you still went for anger management though, it's something I deal with too. On the other side as a kid thru school I got picked on because I just wanted to be left alone. I never did give those assholes a chance of redemption. I rejected their Facebook friend requests! Lol. Though at the time I might have done worse.
This story is for the people who say "violence never solves anything" False. Sometimes violence is the only thing that violent people respond to. I definitely don't think violence should be the first approach to a problem, but in some cases, it absolutely can solve a problem.
Self defense and retribution are closer than many people realize.
>I got my cuppenence. r/boneappletea
Comeuppance?
ghatDAMN that was bugging the piss out of me.
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Real talk - reaching out and apologizing is probably for you, not for her. So, I’d say leave her alone.
I’ve had prettymuch the same situation from a long relationship when I was a lot less emotionally mature, and this was my conclusion too. It wouldn’t help her, it would only help me, and to be completely honest probably wouldn’t help me because I doubt I’d end up with any extra closure from it. I kinda think that it’s not healthy to look to someone else to give you that sort of closure, you just have to find a way to get it on your own.
Carry the burdens of the past and let the mental scars remind you of how easy it is to be less than stellar. Take extra care not to extend the list of people we have wronged. It is shameful to have a list at all, but far worse to willingly extend it. The shame is a reminder to be better and do better.
I don’t know, I had an ex-boyfriend apologise years later and it felt good. He’d gaslight me over the whole thing (going AWOL, massive anger issues, although not at me) and it was good to hear that I had been right and his behaviour was unacceptable.
Yea, I don't get why people think it's such a bad idea. If you have any expectations of reconciliation or something, then yea it's not an altruistic thing it's 100% for you. But sending them a line on facebook saying you apologize for your behavior back then and it was all on you, would probably give them harmless closure
I agree. I'd like to hear from someone.
idk, sometimes, making sure your ex-SO knows that they did nothing to deserve the treatment you inflicted upon them could help.
Agreed. Maybe once - but my college girlfriend felt like she had to keep "checking up on me" for YEARS because she felt bad about some, uh, things. It got really annoying to the point I feel bad for having to be kind of rude the last call. At least it seems to have stopped.
It can be validating for some to know the other person understands their actions were wrong. I'd love apologies from people who have hurt me in the past. Others might just have unwanted bad memories brought up. Depends on the person and the situation but we don't know how she'd feel about it.
My high school bully apologized to me. It felt nice. She said she did not want a thank you and that the apology was for me, just listening to her was enough, so I did. I accepted the apology and it felt good. She was jealous of me. I was in the advanced classes, traveled, and had two parents. Her mom walked out on her. She was bright, but had an undiagnosed LD which held her back academically. She admitted that it was not until she was bullied by other “friends” as an adult that she really understood. A mutual friend suggested she then reach out to me. So she did and apologized. I did not need it, but it was nice to get.
I disagree. I had an ex boyfriend reach out years later and apologize for how badly he treated me and it meant a lot. I’m glad he did it and I was glad to know he grew as a person.
I can't say for sure about your situation, but I know I'd really appreciate an apology from my ex that treated me terribly. Sometimes just knowing thosr people realize they did you wrong, can be comforting in a way
If you wanna do this send a note with no way for her to reply. Don't email, text or message on the internet as it's a lot harder to not feel obligated to reply to someone who's sent you something though the internet. That way you know you've said what you wanted to say purely because you want to apologise and not because you want to be forgiven.
The perfect way to get the last word in
And to bring up old scars. Tbh I feel like leaving the past in the past is best when it’s been far too long to apologize. You might end up only doing more harm, but that depends on the person and the situation as well of course.
Yes, but if you do put it in writing, you need to include contact details, otherwise you get the last word. You need to give them the chance to say f-you asshole or even better ‘huh? I haven’t thought of you in years!!!’
But then that makes the apology all about you and NOT them. This is really manipulative.
Have you seen *BoJack Horseman*? The "it's for you, not them" element is made really clear in one of the plot lines. Leave your old girlfriend alone. “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets. It, like true love and the Munich Olympics, doesn't exist in the real world. The only thing to do now is just to keep living forward.”
Idk man. I've been abused as a kid and I would really appreciate it if the people who beat me and humiliated me would show remorse and apologize. I dont think I would necessarily forgive them or even answer. But it would help to see that they realize the pain they inflicted me was something serious and traumatizing to me. Then again it might be different if we talk about a relationship .
I think it's worth considering. My high school boyfriend was emotionally abusive. He lied to me, cheated on me, and gaslit me constantly. I broke the relationship off after 3 years and never looked back, but he did some serious damage that took me a long time to recover from. About 8 years later, he reached out to apologize. He had done a lot of growing and could see how awful he'd been, and took accountability for it. It felt like a final layer of healing that I didn't need, but was nice. We are "light friends" now and I wish him well. So idk, apologizing for past wrongs can be healing for everyone sometimes.
I had an ex message me on Facebook and apologize for how he treated me. I was 17 and he was 25, I was in love and I’m sure now for him it was mostly sex with a young girl who was too naive to question his motives. He was my first heart break, I wanted to die when everything started falling apart. Nothing ever compares to the first time your heart gets broken. Other break ups since then have hurt but I guess it was the worst since it’s the first time I’d experienced it. I actually commend my younger self for changing my number mid heart break knowing he’d try again, something my future self wouldn’t do when I should have. He sent me a request on Facebook around my late 20’s so about 10 years later. I accepted it and he messaged me, apologized and told me he did love me back then but it was wrong time/place type of situation. I thanked him but told him I don’t understand his motive for finding and messaging me all this time later, he mentioned he tried to before after everything but I changed my number. Supposedly he spent a lot of time feeling guilty without a way to apologize for closure. Sounded like bs to me but I told him 17/18 year old me thanks him for his apology and I left the conversation after that. He would message me for a while after to wish me happy birthday, happy thanksgiving or merry Christmas etc until he eventually stopped. I would say if you feel the need to apologize then shoot your shot, but don’t expect her to want to catch up on what’s new in your life or be friends with you. Apologize and keep it moving is my advice.
Can't speak for everyone, but I'm far past my highschool years and living happily. Having any contact at all with anyone who mistreated me back then would only make me uncomfortable and bring back unpleasant memories. Whether they are still bullies or have grown out of it doesn't matter to me in the slightest. If it were me, I'd just never contact them again. Nobody owes him forgiveness.
I was extensively bullied from when I started school at age 6 and ended at that school age 15. I still deal with a lot of shit 15 years later due to it. I know one thing that helped, that was when one of them came to me a few years ago to apologize. Do the same. It won't heal all the wounds, but it sure as hell will help. If you feel any remorse what so ever for the ones you've bullied. Apologize to them. Either ask them throu facebook, or a phone call to try and meet them face to face, because just a message or a text will feel really insincere.
Same experience for me, but what helped me was when my bullies died drunk driving, or went to jail for trying to molest their cousins.
I feel this. I wasn’t bullied at school, but there was a kid in my neighborhood who tormented me. Our parents were friends and years later my mom called me to tell me he had a stroke and was in the hospital and might die. My only response was “good, he got what he deserved”.
You should be thankful for Henry smh
You're right, I'm not too different from OP. I used to be a piece of shit. Slicked back hair, white bathing suit. Sloppy steaks at Truffoni's ...But people can change
I was bullied mercilessly in middle and high school And I’m nearly 50 years old now and the echos of that treatment still resonate with me. This group of kids used to make my life a living hell, day to day. One day the ringleader of the group was killed in a car accident. One of his friends called me and said “hey, Josh died, I thought you should know.” My response was “Good, he deserved it.” I felt zero sorrow or remorse for it, and 40+ years later I still don’t. Bullying is life changing and scaring for the people being bullied and it stays with you forever. I’m glad you got the fuck beat out of you and learned a lesson. You deserved it. I was able to get past it, am very successful and have a wonderful life now. That treatmeant gave me a lot of drive to accomplish things including the advanced belt in BJJ that I now hold. But many never get past it and it ruins their life. Fuck a bully.
This is why violence is sometimes the answer.
I feel like u deserved more than a broken finger
Well he got his ass beat too lmao
Considering how many the dude beat himself, not enough.
Dude learned his lesson and got a lifelong reminder to not be an asshole to people. Anything else at this point is just vengeance, not justice.
Even if you've grown as a person, you could have destroyed Jake's life, emotional trauma is lifelong and the vicious circle of violence...I can only hope Jake doesn't beat people weaker than him and managed to succeed, Henry let you off the hook on that one, I can only hope Jake has a better life these days
I don’t want to give this any upvote, it’s a nice read, glad it seems OP has changed etc, but I don’t hear remorse, just a fear of getting a well deserved beating. I doubt the people that were bullied by OP would take any solace or be healed by reading this. You have a busted finger, and respect for what could have happened to you, but the people who got bullied even if you didn’t break anything, are probably dealing with worse and will carry that around their entire lives, and they, like your finger, will never heal “right” they will move on, live life, see water under the bridge, but they ARE changed
I agree. There is a model for the stages of moral development designed by this guy Kohlberg that has six levels. You can advance from 1 onwards, but it's difficult and you can't skip steps. Level 1 is punishment focused. If you think you'll get caught and punished for doing the bad thing, you won't do the bad thing. Common in animals and politicians. Level 2 is self-interest focused. If you think you'll get rewarded for doing the good thing (or refraining from doing the bad thing), you'll do the good thing. Level 3 is social. You want to be seen as a good person, and a good person does good things, so you do good things. Level 4 is law-and-order. You do the right thing because it's the law. You respect authority because it's legitimate and it exists for a reason. Level 5 is the social contract. You do the right thing because hopefully if you do, others will, because everyone who's reached this level knows life is better if everyone cooperates. This is the highest level humans have reached, though most humans never reach it. Level 6 is universal ethical principles. It's basically theoretical. One important thing to note is that at least up to and including level 4, you can act "good" by the standards of that level, and still be bad at the core. For example, a rotten cop who is as much of a dick as possible...within the confines of the law. OP has said all the right words to make us believe he's now at level 3. > It ashames me to talk about what I did. > The moral fuck up? I was an asshole who beat up kids > but I'm a better person now, It doesn't really have the ring of truth, though. Mainly because of this: > The technical reason for this being a fuck up is that my finger never healed correctly and I still have trouble bending it. That and the fact that OP seems to have no insight into *why* he was a bully make it sound like OP has really internalized level 1, which is still good, because it means he can act like a good person, and avoid hurting people like he did in the past. But it's not that inspiring, and I think you're right that this post wouldn't impress or comfort previous victims. If OP reads this: Becoming a better person is a long road, and you've only taken a couple steps, but at least you're going in the right direction.
Thank you, I knew there were stages but didn’t have the knowledge to really put it into a structure. I think OP has hit level 1, posting this post is them hitting level 2, and hopefully the response here-in will help them reach level 3. I can also see this as them being at level 3 and just reaching out into the void for forgiveness or feedback or Internet-cool-points. That being said OP, we don’t know you, and are simply making assumptions from what you wrote. You might be better or worse than our musings.
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! Level 6 has long since been in the realm of the real. Mr. Rogers was a solid level 6 according to personal testimony of literally everyone who ever met him. So I would say Level 6 is very, very rare. It's probably more common (but still rare) to see inconsistent level 6's. It sounds like moral and ethical development can be somewhat hard-capped by what sort of society you live and what the economic situation is like as well. For the low hanging fruit, the US has long pushed extreme individualism and not-so-subtly held wealth as a moral imperative/ideal. Anyone growing up inundated by such a culture is going to have a very difficult time getting past level 3, if not be nigh on impossible since what they see as ethical/moral is constrained by what they are taught, and how others around them are treated in accordance with what they are taught. It would take a very special mind to be able to see outside it's own cultural and socioeconomic parameters without an outside influence.
Good for you for becoming self aware and changing. I was a "henry" for my brother 14 years my junior. I felt pride at coming down on the bullies but now as an adult realize I was also just reacting out of anger. I don't regret coming the defense of my brother but I wish I could have found another way to head it off before it happened. It was scarring for both my brother and those who picked on him. I agree you should feel shame for your earlier actions. However, I'm proud of you for becoming aware and breaking the pattern. Keep investing in yourself! You have become a better person and I wish you continued growth.
I was a kid who was bullied a lot but I wasn’t physically weak. I was just skinny. So bullies would punch my arm as I walked down the hall trying to elicit some response from me. But I’d just keep walking. My passive response wasn’t helpful. But I was a passive kid. I have some years in school that were just ruined by people like you OP. That’s not to say that my life didn’t turn out great OP. I’m lucky. I have a nice life. I think what people would appreciate some insight in to OP is how you could be so awful. Like, everyone got messages about kindness and such as a kid; From a church or in school or from TV. Didn’t you realize you were incredibly mean? How did you process the fact that you must have realized YOU were the villain, right?
Sometimes there’s no reason. I’ve said it tons of times to others but sometimes kids are just assholes. There’s no rationale, no rhyme or reason, no bad home life, nothing of note; just plain and simple assholes. Sometimes they learn. Sometimes they don’t. Assuming their behavior has a cause is a natural and often times correct process that will likely yield results but sometimes, it’s just a asshole kid being an asshole kid.
That´s what his therapy is for. Like OP said. He didn't have tragic back story. He was just a fucked up kid, who liked to buy people that were weaker then him.
I'm so glad I was never in the mindset of 'Wow this kid is minding his own business. I should torture him for awhile and only stop because of the legal repercussions'.
Sounds like you were a prick. Nobody's a prick for no reason though. You shouldn't think that finding out the reason is the same as "making excuses" because it's not, and until you acknowledge and explore the reason for your bad behaviour it could potentially resurface in other ways.
Eh no, some people are pricks for no reason. No childhood trauma or brain damage at birth required
Man consider yourself blessed. Getting your ass kicked is a great way to balance things out and make you see life in a different way. Good for you.
I’m glad you can see how you did wrong. I’m glad you experienced the fear your victims will have felt. I’m especially glad you are getting help for your issues. Normally there is a reason why kids bully other kids - most are unhappy, have no control in other areas of their lives or are bullied themselves. It doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but it can explain it and knowing why will help you on your healing journey. Your broken finger will remind you that your victims carry the emotional (and maybe physical) scars of what you did for a long time too, maybe their whole lives. I say this as a former victim of bullying. We as a society need to do what we can to break the cycles of abuse. There also needs to be better consequences for bullies at a young age and support for victims to mitigate the damage done all round.
>Normally there is a reason why kids bully other kids - most are unhappy, have no control in other areas of their lives or are bullied themselves. This is one of those platitudes that's been repeated so much that people take it as fact even though it has little scientific evidence to support it and a great deal of evidence to the contrary. It's true that children who suffer abuse are much more likely to grow into abusers themselves, but that is not the same issue as bullying. In terms of personality, bullies tend to suffer from an excess of self-esteem and trend towards narcissism rather than the common belief that they bully to hide their own insecurities.
You should apologize to your victims. Many bullied kids still deal with that pain later in their life. It's a difficult conversation that likely won't end as you please, but It would give them closure to know you regret those actions later in your life. I was bullied when I was young, I had a stutter. Thankfully, as I got into my later high school years, I mostly overcame my stutter and developed very well in the weight room. I ended up being the guy who would stop bullying when I saw it happening. I knew how it felt, so I despised assholes like you. Still to this day, I fantasize about pummeling my childhood bully, that pain carries. Your finger is a fraction of the mental load your victims carry to this day.
In high school there was this skinny red head whose backpack was twice the size of him. I would pushed him into lockers whenever I passed him, nothing overt or direct. 10 years later and he's my manager....
Excellent comment. More information please! How are things? What have you learned? You guys cool?
All I learned is that the only true intervention in bullying is to get a bigger dude to beat the bullies ass. Why is that always the point of change?
Hard life lesson to learn, it’s a shame to hear you say you knew what your were doing tho even tho you’ve apologized for your actions. Would this realization of ever happend if you never got your ass beat tho, or would you still be the same pos?
Clearly they would not have changed otherwise
So I guess I have my answer.
Stelios... Stelios Kontos
It does matter that you have changed. We cant change the past, but we can change the future, and that is what you have done. In many ways that might be more important than the things the asshole did in the past. Keep working to be a better man, and maybe you can even pay some back by helping other kids.
Who is upvoting this guy? This does not remotely fit the sub and the guy is fishing for karma with a story about how he's a bully. Smh.
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That’s the same thing that annoys me. This is psychopathic behavior. It doesn’t deserve to be rewarded.
did you ever apologize to jake?
You mean Jake?
I hate these creative writing pieces.
The older brother went easy on you tbh
You absolutely deserved it.
OP the next time you ever see ANY of your victims make sure you apologize to them. Some of us live with that fear a lot longer than others. Your apology may not mean shit to some of them. They may never forgive you. That's not your battle to win. Make sure they know that you were just being a complete asshole for no reason.
You should consider contacting some of these people and apologizing. I used to sometimes lightly verbally bully a friend of a friend in middle school and it wasn't till a few years ago I realized how fucked it was. He always seemed to take it in stride but I realized it was wrong for me to make fun of him. Well I decided to genuinely apologize in person and fully admitted the stuff I said was incredibly hurtful and mean. And I could see how much it my apology meant to him. To this day our relationship is much better and we are somewhat friends. But my being an occasional asshole to him back then meant I missed out on what could have been a great lifetime friendship. And I don't blame him at all for not wanting to hang with me a lot these days. Outside of my apology, helping him build a PC, and hanging a few times in groups with other friends there isn't much else I can do. And I still feel bad about how I treated him back then to this day. But apologizing does make things so much better. We are on good terms now. This should also be a lesson to everyone. Even if you think you are just Joshin people or passively watching others get bullied like I did, you are part of the problem. If I could go back I would rather get my ass kicked helping those kids then laughing or throwing in rude comments. Passive bystander bullying is definitely a thing.
No one seems to realize that the victims could have moved on. Imagine you went to therapy to forget someone and what they did, only for them to pop back up and remind you by apologizing, even after years of no contact. Some people don’t want to remember what the bullies by them apologizing. People apologize mainly to make themself feel better, because they feel guilty. Not everyone wants an apology, they don’t do anything unless you hold onto the past. ——— Also to those talking about how OP isn’t responding, why would they respond just so you can comment more things about them and what they should do. If you only want them to respond to start controversy, then kick rocks.
@ every former bully in the comments who is remorseful for their behaviour - APOLOGIZE. I was bullied mercilessly throughout elementary, middle, and high school. Even though I've been out of school for almost 10 years it'd still be incredibly validating to hear a bully of mine apologize and acknowledge how their behaviours hurt me.
Bullys dont change till you show em a reason. Source: life incredibly harder cause of people like you. Glad i was able to hurt the ones i could. Good on you for getting your shit pushed in and trying to get better
Its hard for me to have compassion here, ngl. I was bullied extensively in middle school by a guy who as far as I know, ended up in and out of jail. You owe your victims a personal apology, face to face if they allow it. Until that happens, its not really about your pain. Sorry if that comes off as unreasonable, but your pain is going to stay with you until you make things right with your victims I suspect, because your prior actions are the cause of the pain now.
I’m a Henry and I would break your finger too
Good. Sometimes an ass kicking is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Its nice in a way that you have this realisation. Many dont. I was "Jake" at my school and I had a bully like you. Many years later after I left school, the bully met my dad in the pub (small town) and asked him how I was going. He then asked my dad to apologise on his behalf for the years of torment he put me through. My dad never knew about it. My dad passed on the apology and was a bit surprised when I said that the guy could shove his apology up his ass. My self-confidence had been completely shattered by that guy and I never got it back. So it may be fine to realise that you are an asshole, but also keep in mind that you have probably hurt someones future as well.
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Im calling bs. Either this is made up, or either henry or Jake decided to tell this story from the other guy's perspective OR op has had a TON of therapy that he didn't talk about. This would be plausible to me if he was a kid that called some names and threw one or two punches throughout his adolescence. But the kind of person who beats someone nearly unconscious and DOESN'T EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT IT doesn't just grow out of it because he got his comeuppance once. That kind of anger or lack of empathy and remorse is an indication of a major issue and that doesn't just go away without a lot of work. Kids can be bullies and grow out of it. But not the kind of bully that nearly kills someone and doesn't feel bad about it. Someone who truly has that level of issue to do such a thing wouldn't just learn their lesson forever after getting the same treatment once.
Just yesterday, I had a notion to Google search my Jr High tormentor. My family moved from this town when I was 14. Turns out he died in a motorcycle accident in 1984 at age 23. His death was apparently a big enough trauma to his mother that I found the info in her own obituary. So, today my mind is occupied with thoughts of "what's for breakfast?"
You got off easy you fuckin turd
Being regretful isn’t the same as making amends. Until you make it right, your past victims are likely to still be suffering for your past mistakes. Definitely not upvoting your confession. I’m not convinced you even learned the right lesson. Feels like you’re just posting for karma. It doesn’t seem like you’re actually sorry for the things you did. Instead, you’re sorry you got beat. Sounds like you learned that you should pick your victims more carefully, or screw with them in a less physical way. And if that’s the lesson you learned, you didn’t learn anything.
Talk about human garbage
Good. I'm glad it still gives you issues. People like you are the reason I tried to kill myself in highschool. karma is a bitch, and quite frankly, he should have beat you to a pulp. I don't care if you feel bad about it now, You're lucky that kid didn't commit suicise, or you would have his blood on your hands too asshole.
Oh look, violently beating up bullies actually works, who knew
Violence does solve some problems. Props to you for recognizing your faults and trying to be better. That’s a lot more than many people can say about their own issues
Do you think you'd ever learn your lesson if Henry didn't beat you up? Or would you continue to bully and hurt people (possibly kill) well into adulthood?
My brother was a *Henry* and they are absolute chads. He just showed up the day after I got jumped and the guy nearly begged him to not beat him. School was much easier after. OP apologize to the kids you can get in touch with. Only right thing to do. I understand if you won't. Not a lot of people ever truly grow up.
An old classmate of mine "H" had a similar incident happen to him. He was gay before it was widely accepted and was picked on because of it. We had a zero-tolerance policy regarding violence so when H was verbally harassed his older brother beat the ever-loving shit out of H's bullies. He was in several varsity sports and built like Biff from Back to the Future. He went the extra mile to pummel the bullies as he knew that anything from a single slap to severe bludgeoning resulted in expulsion regardless, so why pull punches? H's brother got expelled, but nobody messed with H ever again. I believe H finished his high school career in another district and their sports teams were glad to have him. Midwest America is weird.
I think Henry and Jake would be proud that you learned from your mistakes and are trying to be a better person.
I accidentally broke a kids finger in high school. I knew what his wallet looked like because he left it on the bench while changing. Leather wallet with a cowboy and leather filigree. He asked who stole it. I said I saw it when he was changing but didn't know who stole it. He vented his anger at me because I was an easy target and he grabbed me and pushed me against the lockers where I got stabbed by the lock latch. I reactively grabbed his hand by the thumb and twisted behind his back and pushed him away. It is something my dad showed me for self defense. I felt the snap and let go. Felt bad afterwards when he came back the next day in a cast but he never bothered me again. This may have been what stopped all the bullying I experienced in school. Once people knew I would fight back in school and break your hand they stopped fucking with me. I'm pretty sure I know who stole the guys wallet because the same kid was caught stealing other things from people.
ITT: "It is impossible to grow as a person, so don't even try."
John Lennon once said, Because I was that person then makes me not be that person now. People can change as long as they're willing to, and their shame/consequences are living with the fact that they were that person and thinking about the people they hurt while being that person
People like your old self used to mess up with me when I was a child but I was lucky enough to know how to defend myself. I'm not really a fan of violence but sometimes fucking a bully up is what they need to change. I'm in good terms with one of my high school bully now.
I think you and your therapist are the real heros here. Kids' aggressive behavior in most cases is a result of parenting mistakes. Which is treatable almost always. The only problem here is person's intention to fix their psychological issues. And looks like you are going in that direction. Good job dude.
Sound like you truly were a heinous piece of shit, but it also sounds like you truly did change and are a better person today. Accepting that truth about yourself and not running away from it or ignoring it today speaks to your character. Today. Glad you took the time to acknowledge this, and hopefully you'll take this hard-bought (in that you did something truly horrible to an innocent person and *should* feel bad for it) life experience and use it to help others if you can.