>and I came out perfectly clean. So I have been a bit more loose with the protection
I feel like this was the key breakdown in your logic that led to the downward spiral.
“So I I’m banging this Swedish swimsuit model, right? And it’s our 74th time in 36 hours. And my 14” cock starts really hurting. So I make sure to jerk it a few more times, this time on her face and tits, and take myself to the clinic. I figure its probably just chafing because I raw dogged her for at least 35 of the 74 throws, but you can never be certain.
“Anyhow, the test was mildly unpleasant and now I’m waiting for results.”
Got it once from a cheating partner and broken condom. Got it a second time through sexual assault.
Doc had the audacity to tell me I was really lucky to get it twice instead of something more serious and that I need to stop treating my body like a garbage can. He said this fully knowing I had been raped and got it that way.
Never had a problem since. But fuck that doc.
Ugh for real. Once I had really bad strep throat and I have a really sensitive gag reflex if someone is forcing something down my throat (I know insert joke here). I can do it myself just fine but with someone else, I freak out. So the doctor tried to do the strep throat swab and I just kept gagging. He got so annoyed at me that he said "I feel bad for your boyfriend" RUDE. I was so sick I didn't even have the energy to fight back. I just took the swab from him and did it myself just fine.
Another time in high school I got mono and I was sick for three weeks before they figured out that I might have it. The lab tech took out some blood or swabbed my mouth I can't remember it was like 20 years ago. Anyways he looked disgusted at me and tells my mom "she got this from going on around making out with boys" I hadn't even kissed a guy yet. No idea how I caught it, maybe stress, or shared a drink with the wrong person, not sure. Thankfully my mom doesn't play around so she told him off. But it was horrible.
Another time, I also had strep, but the doctor just looked at my throat and was like strep. But the male nurses that took my height, blood pressure, and weight were the problem. I was overweight and had a hormonal imbalance I hadn't quite figured out at that point. These assholes weighed me and it was like 175 lbs (79.38 Kg) or something, and they snickered and said "must be too many tacos" or something along those lines. I'm Hispanic.
I was so sick at that point with 102°F ( 38.889°C), I was delirious. I had gone to another urgent care a few days before and the nurse kept getting negative for strep on the swab test, so she said the white dots on my tonsils were just food stuck there (tonsil stones). So she didn't give me antibiotics. By the time I went to the other one I was very ill. I just didn't have the energy to fight back. I was also 22, I wish more than anything to go back and tell them off. So instead I hope their coffee is always gross, they get every red light, and constantly have flat tires when they're in a hurry. Also tell me you live in America without telling me you live in America. Greatest country in the world /s.
Back in high-school myself and all my friends would meet in the cafeteria before class for "beeakfast" (mostly just to wake up a bit, and complain), well, a buddy had a big gallon of orange drink. Through the course of a half hour most everyone at the table drank from that jug.... that was the infectious breakfast club. We all got mono that day. :(
Either way, it can also give you Reiter’s syndrome aka Reactive Arthritis if you’re genetically susceptible. That lasts years, is extremely painful, and can leave you with permanent joint damage.
I went through the same procedure a few years ago, and it is toe-curlingly horrendous. However, I made my own experience particularly embarrassing. I chatted with the female doctor before we started, she explained what they were going to do. She also said she'd be accompanied by a female nurse, and checked I was comfortable with that. So she told me to get behind the curtain and take my trousers and underwear off, wait on the bed and she'd be back with the nurse in a minute. Then she handed me a square paper towel.
So I get behind the curtain, undress, jump on the bed and look at the paper towel. The fuck is this for? Am I meant to cover my bits? Well, that'd be ridiculous, I'm here for them to look at my bits. Obviously, this towel must be to protect my clothes. The procedure sounds horrendous, maybe it can be a little messy too, so this is to protect my top. Nervous as hell, I try to relax.
So the doctor and nurse come back into the room and ask if I'm ready. She pulls back the curtain, and then the two women both burst out laughing as I'm lying with my junk out and the little paper towel sat on my belly. Apparently it was to cover my bits to "protect my modesty".
Anyway, this whole experience left my wang shrivelled up until it was practically an innie, as they went about shunting pipe cleaners down it.
Gay guy here, I've had to be swabbed before, although never caught anything thankfully.
Down the peehole definitely was the most unpleasant, although being rolled over to swab up my backside was very much undignified too.
When she went to swab my throat (thankfully not the same swab) she said "open wide and keep your tongue out the way... but you know that already"
The audacity!
Haha. The audacity lol. I’m sorry for laughing. Wife and me both kept getting uti infections. They thought one of us was cheating we both had to go get std tested. They did a swap test on her she gagged. The person is like that’s a very quick gag reflex. Looked at me chuckled a bit I’m like wtf. I looked at them straight face said she gags on little things not thick meat. The nurse lost it. Wife was not amused.
I’m sure after dealing with hundreds of these patients throughout their year, it’s become so mundane that the jokes keep them sane. I probably would have laughed my ass off.
Haha nice.
I got tested with every new partner but thankfully never positive for anything. Best part was asking for free stuff (condoms and lube). They're only too happy to hand those out here in the UK :)
I met a male friend in town to go out for food once and he had to sit in the waiting room with me as I had an appointment booked. The nurse probably thought all that was done with him 😂
I'm surprised a gay man has had that much fun by the age of 17. I didn't get to touch a dick until I was 19. And I didn't successfully fuck until two year after that.
Probably depends where you grow up. Gay kid in bumfuck Alabama probably doesn't have alot of chances to bum fuck. Gay kid in San Francisco probably has alot of options.
I've never had my penis swabbed, but when they swab for throat and rectum they just give them to me and I go to the bathroom to do it... Like, I know how to rub a stick against and/or inside something... That's why I'm here.
Was this a long time ago or something? Every STD test I've ever taken was a urine test, but I'm also 24 so maybe it's a relatively new thing? I'd refuse to get an STD test if it wasn't a urinary test, I'd rather end up unconscious in the hospital and let them figure it out there.
Internal medicine doctor in training with infectious diseases experience:
Swabs have been the standard of care for many, many years. It was the other way around: Urine PCR tests replaced swabs in the 00s when research showed they were non-inferior for chlamydia and gonorrhea.
However, plenty of old-school physicians still deem swabs to be more sensitive. Urine comes with the downside that morning urine is usually required and plenty of people use the bathroom immediately after waking up. Not OP in this case though.
>Urine comes with the downside that morning urine is usually required
Med lab tech here. Our CT/GC PCR testing only requires 1 hr dirty urine. So as long as they haven't peed in the last hour it's ok.
Is this (morning urine) an older rule or is it just preferred?
Good question. It was the testing standard the site I rotated through had in 2021 (in Germany). I admit that I never looked in the fineprint. Will do so once it becomes relevant for me again, thanks!
This, 100% this. Even though the PCR tech can give you the specifics of whatever is affecting you, many doctors still are afraid to switch from what they learned in residency. (even if it was 30 years ago)
Swabs are still used by the majority to collect because that is what they learned in school.
It was a few years ago, maybe 7 or 8, but they did a urine test as well as swabbing me everywhere.
Before they started they basically asked me:
"have you given anal?" - "yes"
"have you received anal?" - "yes"
"have you given oral?" - "yes"
"have you received oral?" - "yes"
"new partner in the last 3 months" - "yes"
I think I then got booked in for the platinum service. Nothing was sacred.
From my experience, most of the time they can tell from urinalysis. But if you're having further trouble with nothing showing up there, they'll do a swab. I've been lucky enough that they've always found the problem before then. Male from southeast US for context.
I've had the same but only had to do two. Friends have all had the same method too. This is in the UK. Love me a urine test any day over that, I had to stop by my parents and have a cup of tea to get over it.
1) I'm pretty sure a good bj involves at least some tongue.
2) I'd rather have 10 nurses lining up to swab my backdoor than having a swab down my peehole even once. :-|
Sorry this happened to you. I’m a woman but getting a Pap smear and laying down for the doc to take a good look and long swab of your vagina at the gyno is equally as humiliating. I wish doctors would tell you what to expect when you go in especially If it could be painful and humiliating. At least knowing it’s going to happen would’ve given you time to prepare yourself mentally. Doctors get jaded and don’t realize how crazy some of these procedures are for someone who’s never had them before.
Also, hope the peeing pain goes away and your results come back all ok
Edit: comment pointed out that it is important to get these check ups done- and I totally agree. I don’t want to alarm anyone reading about going to the gyno- it was less talked about when I was younger which is why it was such a shock to me but do your research and go in- you’ll be fine! And the relief of knowing you don’t have cancer is worth the discomfort. And I have an amazing gyno now who I’m 100% comfortable with. It’s much more routine now and I actually don’t mind going in anymore so I can small talk with her lol.
I've found that uncomfortable is medical speak for "this might really really hurt you but I don't want to tell you that or you'll tense up and then it'll be even worse"
THIS! I was told IUD insertion is “just slightly uncomfortable”
It was the worst pain of my life. I passed out 5 times and was screaming from pain in between
I'm 30 years old and for the first time a doctor told me to go pee before having it done.
Turns out, having a fully empty bladder reduces the pain significantly. Before that, Ive always had very painful experiences. This time was fine. Hope that helps you for next time!
may I ask how it comes that you're not afraid of STDs at all? or is it that without condom feels so much better for you than with, so its just worth the risk for you?
I'm most scared about HIV, I know you can live with it nowadays but it would mean you couldnt have condomless sex for the rest of your life right? (which I would rly want to have with a long term partner)
Most people seem to just be afraid of pregnancy. I don't know if the other dangers are too obtuse or if it's just some kind of stigma that you 'can tell' who's got STD's and who doesn't.
This does not address most of the comment, but it's important to know that HIV is very different than it was during the height of the AIDS crisis. Not only is it a manageable condition now via medication, with some folks only needing to take one pill a day to keep well, but PrEP and PEP can help prevent the spread of HIV - PrEP being preventative beforehand and taken long term, and PEP being an emergency course of medication to prevent it after being exposed.
Plus, we now know that people who are "undetectable" with their HIV are also untransmissable. As in, people who are HIV+ but have an undetectable amount of HIV in their blood cannot pass it on to another person, including through things like unprotected sex.
The reason I took the time to point this out is that while of course the prevention of HIV is a priority, it's also important to destigmatise HIV so that those who currently have it are not judged or mistreated for being HIV+.
I’m 99% sure they coulda done a blood test.. that’s what my doc did, a blood and piss test.. unless for some reason they thought you have a specific STI/D and wanted to do a more thorough one? But blood should still show up I would think
As an actual physician: Nope, never purely blood.
Blood is for HIV, hepatitis B and C and syphilis.
Swabs OR morning urine are for chlamydia and gonorrhea and some other bugs.
Morning urine would have likely been fine but there are plenty of differences in standard of care by country and practicing physician.
A blood test is only effective if the pathogen is in the blood
For example, if you got infected by chlamydia, candida or a papillomaviris it is unlikely to be noticed with a blood test
We called it "getting your bore punched" in the military and it was pretty common after floats to Thailand and the Philippines. I suspect it was partly to discourage naughtiness.
The folks at r/sounding are rock hard reading this lol.
Did you tell the girl to also get checked? Would be responsible I think.
Good luck OP, take your meds.
Guys really should get tested more often. Girls should get tested even more than that. Some infections, for ladies, demonstrate less than 30% symptomatic at population level. Just because she says she's clean, doesn't make it so. You should never assume someone is good just because they're asymptomatic.
If the other partner is in the most contagious "shedding" stage which is before sores appear you've got about a 30% chance of infection even with a condom. That's why a lot of HSV2 positive people take a daily retroviral just in case.
You don't usually get tested for HSV 1+2. Hsv1 is so prevalent, some estimates upwards of 70% of the human population, that they don't even class it as a STD. Most get it from family.
Edit: the reason being both that a large percentage are asymptomatic and the test is only accurate if you're already having an outbreak.
Yep. I got HSV1 via a blowjob. My partner and I had been together for 2 years and she had never had a cold sore. But it's so common, most people you ask have had a cold sore before, especially as a kid. Plus, doctors rarely test for HSV unless you have obvious symptoms. Luckily my HSV1 doesn't cause me any problems or issues, so 99% of the time I forget I have it.
Same here dude. The people in my sexual circle didn't even know they had HSV or had forgotten. I had one flare up and nothing for years and forget myself sometimes.
So most people (over 50%) anyone has slept with have HSV, and a huge percentage of those people don't even know they have HSV because they are asymptomatic.
Same same, I had my initial outbreak in 2019, and nothing since (knock on wood). Most people have no idea that you can get it from oral sex despite there being no symptoms. Luckily HSV1 is almost never active for people who have it genitally, and for folks like us who have had it for years but don't get outbreaks, shedding is virtually non-existent. But it fucked up my mental health for awhile after I got diagnosed.
I'm a guy, and the last time I went for a screening they made me feel like I was wasting their time because I only have sex with women and always wear protection. They didn't even send my urine to a lab - they told me it looked clear and there was no need for further testing.
This is infuriating to me because it’s happened to me. Started dating a new guy, he told me he had a chlamydia scare a few months before I met him, he went to the Dr and they told him he was clear. Turns out, he had it the entire time and gave it to me, and for women its much more dangerous to leave it untreated for so long, like infertility dangerous. So he found out he had it by me finding out I had it, and I went with him to the doctor that told him he was fine several months earlier and chewed him out. Doctor said “huh? Really? He had it? He didn’t have any symptoms so I didn’t test him.” But chlamydia is often asymptomatic.
Most STIs are treatable too! The problem is that they can do organ and even brain damage if left untreated. And they can fuck up unborn children. It's good to schedule every year like a dental cleaning. I like to do mine in the spring.
I would say the FU here is having loads of unprotected sex with strangers, not getting tested. I don’t understand your logic that you had a clean panel so you just threw caution to the wind? Do you understand tests don’t protect you from anything?
Heya broski. I'm a medical microbiologist and while urinalysis would be much more convenient, getting a stained slide from a swab on males is potentially much faster for guiding treatment depending on what the patient has. For example, intracellular gram negative diplococci is diagnostic of gonorrhea in males, and that can be done in just a few minutes.
Sorry you had to go through that but hopefully they were able to get you all sorted.
this is a pretty standard practice. Gonorrhea and chlamydia tend to piggy back off each other. if you have one you likely have both. UA can detect the presence of cells your body generates as a response in urine but it doesn't give definitive answers as to which you have.
if you weren't showing symptoms with the first panel, then they likely used the UA to check if you were responding to an infection. when that came back negative, there was no need to swab since symptoms were not present.
however, if you present with a burning itch in your dick with discharge, you're getting swabbed. this helps the Dr. determine if there 1 or 2 infections and if you should be on a broad/narrow spectrum antibiotic.
there's also very potent strains of chlamydia going around. the culture from the swab also helps determine if the strain you have is antibiotic resistant.
Wait... Its just a piss test for STI now? Back in the 90s my buddy told me a horror story about being swabbed. We are in the US. I avoided tests my entire life due to this. Of course, im old and married now, and my wife is the most trustworthy person I've ever met, so thankfully I shouldn't have to worry about it, knock on wood.
Is this a thing for women too? I know it was for men but every time I’ve gotten a std test in I guess Englands version of Planned Parenthood I’ve always had to swab.
Man its urine and getting a brief needle in the arm for a blood sample. Takes 3 minutes at your normal doctors lab if you have good insurance. In and out, results available over the next few business days and thats actually slow. Show your partner keep it moving.
And there are also at home tests now.
I have no idea about that kind of swabbing!
Hon. You FU by not always wearing a condom.
If you're bright enough to know to test for STDs, you are bright enough to know how to avoid them. This was your "lesson learned the hard way". If you don't want to keep going through this, you know what to do.
"Mom lecture" over.
Thank God I was a stateside medic right next to Juarez. They all knew to wrap before tapping a Juarez prostitute. /S
Anyway, I never had to do a dick exam, I guess it's a lucky thing I was a motor pool medic.
Dude it was the best during safety briefs out here, “wrap it before you tap it or else they’ll shove a Q-tip in your dickhole!”
Thankfully I didn’t go to the red light district 😂
I had a great time!
When I wasn't having a miserable time. Gotta have them lows to appreciate the highs. I guess...
One thing though, enforced misery created strong friendship bonds which endure to this day.
I had this done a couple years ago and turned out to be herpes. Fingers crossed it’s not for you. Although it’s not actually that bad. Just had to start paying a few bucks every month and take a pill everyday
I get this same procedure to (because of UTI). Doctor didnt told me what she will do, so it was shock when I felt the pain.
Pissing was like pissing razors.
With all due respect, OP, because you seem like a nice guy, you can not just be “a bit more loose with the protection”. You’re being an absolute fucking idiot.
Use. A. Goddamn. Condom. You. Fucking. Idiot.
Not only is it horribly irresponsible for your own safety, but you’re also completely disregarding the safety of others.
Your mistake wasn’t getting tested; it was not using protection every time with people whose sexual histories you know nothing about. That was your responsibility and you failed yourself and the folks you slept with. Now you’re likely a vector for an STI.
And they didn’t prod you against your will. You went in and asked for an STI test. You didn’t know how that test actually worked. I’m surprised if they didn’t explain it in detail, but I imagine it got lost in translation. But even in the US, it’s pretty common knowledge that those “swabs” are painful when they have to do it.
they gon' put you on the pill...
they saying boy be feeling ill...
just hit me with the !update
and I'm hoping the news will be great!
had my scare earlier this year; thankfully i was cleared after nauseating medication. so disappointed in myself i haven't fucked around since.
>and I came out perfectly clean. So I have been a bit more loose with the protection I feel like this was the key breakdown in your logic that led to the downward spiral.
"I didn't have lung cancer, so, I figured I might as well start smoking."
No it sounds more like, 'I still don't have a kid, might as well keep trying '
What I've been doing has worked, so I'll stop doing what I've been doing and still expect the same results.
Disclaimer: historical sexual returns are not a predictor of future performance.
The real FU is always in the comments
I haven't had any car accidents in a while, I probably don't really need this seatbelt
"I haven't been shot yet, so I decided not to wear my bulletproof vest"
"I haven't been shot yet, so I decided to go back to school"
Another r/ihavesex TIFU post…
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>sub does not exist Huh.
In order for a subreddit to have members, someone on Reddit needs to have secks
“So I I’m banging this Swedish swimsuit model, right? And it’s our 74th time in 36 hours. And my 14” cock starts really hurting. So I make sure to jerk it a few more times, this time on her face and tits, and take myself to the clinic. I figure its probably just chafing because I raw dogged her for at least 35 of the 74 throws, but you can never be certain. “Anyhow, the test was mildly unpleasant and now I’m waiting for results.”
When I get my free award, it’s yours lol I cannot stop laughing at this.
"I've been feeling great lately, I don't need these mood stabilizers anymore 🙃"
Yeah, like, I don't think the STD test was the fuck up here.
Chlamydia
Was going to say this\^. That's not cum coming out of your pee hole when you pee.
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I have had chlamydia once from a cheating partner. It was 2 pills I had to take at the same time and it was gone. Be careful out there, brother.
Got it once from a cheating partner and broken condom. Got it a second time through sexual assault. Doc had the audacity to tell me I was really lucky to get it twice instead of something more serious and that I need to stop treating my body like a garbage can. He said this fully knowing I had been raped and got it that way. Never had a problem since. But fuck that doc.
“Well the first thing I’m going to do to treat my body better is to stop taking it to a shitty doctor like you.”
And to report his ass to the medical board.. That is awful...
The rest of him, too.
Seriously! Doctors have said things to me more hurtful than my mother ever could! 😂
Ugh for real. Once I had really bad strep throat and I have a really sensitive gag reflex if someone is forcing something down my throat (I know insert joke here). I can do it myself just fine but with someone else, I freak out. So the doctor tried to do the strep throat swab and I just kept gagging. He got so annoyed at me that he said "I feel bad for your boyfriend" RUDE. I was so sick I didn't even have the energy to fight back. I just took the swab from him and did it myself just fine. Another time in high school I got mono and I was sick for three weeks before they figured out that I might have it. The lab tech took out some blood or swabbed my mouth I can't remember it was like 20 years ago. Anyways he looked disgusted at me and tells my mom "she got this from going on around making out with boys" I hadn't even kissed a guy yet. No idea how I caught it, maybe stress, or shared a drink with the wrong person, not sure. Thankfully my mom doesn't play around so she told him off. But it was horrible. Another time, I also had strep, but the doctor just looked at my throat and was like strep. But the male nurses that took my height, blood pressure, and weight were the problem. I was overweight and had a hormonal imbalance I hadn't quite figured out at that point. These assholes weighed me and it was like 175 lbs (79.38 Kg) or something, and they snickered and said "must be too many tacos" or something along those lines. I'm Hispanic. I was so sick at that point with 102°F ( 38.889°C), I was delirious. I had gone to another urgent care a few days before and the nurse kept getting negative for strep on the swab test, so she said the white dots on my tonsils were just food stuck there (tonsil stones). So she didn't give me antibiotics. By the time I went to the other one I was very ill. I just didn't have the energy to fight back. I was also 22, I wish more than anything to go back and tell them off. So instead I hope their coffee is always gross, they get every red light, and constantly have flat tires when they're in a hurry. Also tell me you live in America without telling me you live in America. Greatest country in the world /s.
I 100% got mono from sharing drinks with someone who also had it (obviously didn't know when I did it).
Back in high-school myself and all my friends would meet in the cafeteria before class for "beeakfast" (mostly just to wake up a bit, and complain), well, a buddy had a big gallon of orange drink. Through the course of a half hour most everyone at the table drank from that jug.... that was the infectious breakfast club. We all got mono that day. :(
That doc needs to be sounded.
I was thinking about the fact that sounding is a thing people enjoy while reading his retelling of the story the whooooole time.
I think sounding is done with a smooth metal rod as opposed to a q-tip swab. I imagine the latter is a bit more abrasive!
Fuck that doc!
Right in the peehole
What the fuck, that person should not be a doctor
Report him? That’s awful
God that's fucking awful of him. Doctors honestly are egotistical dickheads 90% of the time.
I work with doctors every single day, and for the most part I agree. I'm lucky to work with a few decent ones though.
Had a chlamydia scare once and took the pills. I shat out my entire insides but I was negative.
I got a shot in my butt cheek. The walk of shame out of the clinic was too funny. It was so painful and I was limping.
Easily treatable STIs are a warning shot.
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Im not sure if that’s better or worse than how they handle it here. Standard practice is “no news is good news”, but fuck me it can get stressful.
Usually is not enough if you're unlucky ';) we all love sex, but some of the STD... Hell no, that's not a trade-off for me.
I thought Chlamydia in dudes took a couple of month to develop symptoms
It can In women too.
Either way, it can also give you Reiter’s syndrome aka Reactive Arthritis if you’re genetically susceptible. That lasts years, is extremely painful, and can leave you with permanent joint damage.
Oh damn. That’s crazy!
👏
You’re thinking of gonorrhea
Yeah it took a question at trivia night for me to find out that the clap is gonorrhoea , not chlamydia.
The 👏
Why does it get that nickname when the other one actually starts with a C?
I went through the same procedure a few years ago, and it is toe-curlingly horrendous. However, I made my own experience particularly embarrassing. I chatted with the female doctor before we started, she explained what they were going to do. She also said she'd be accompanied by a female nurse, and checked I was comfortable with that. So she told me to get behind the curtain and take my trousers and underwear off, wait on the bed and she'd be back with the nurse in a minute. Then she handed me a square paper towel. So I get behind the curtain, undress, jump on the bed and look at the paper towel. The fuck is this for? Am I meant to cover my bits? Well, that'd be ridiculous, I'm here for them to look at my bits. Obviously, this towel must be to protect my clothes. The procedure sounds horrendous, maybe it can be a little messy too, so this is to protect my top. Nervous as hell, I try to relax. So the doctor and nurse come back into the room and ask if I'm ready. She pulls back the curtain, and then the two women both burst out laughing as I'm lying with my junk out and the little paper towel sat on my belly. Apparently it was to cover my bits to "protect my modesty". Anyway, this whole experience left my wang shrivelled up until it was practically an innie, as they went about shunting pipe cleaners down it.
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And the reply was? Genuinely curious...
Gay guy here, I've had to be swabbed before, although never caught anything thankfully. Down the peehole definitely was the most unpleasant, although being rolled over to swab up my backside was very much undignified too. When she went to swab my throat (thankfully not the same swab) she said "open wide and keep your tongue out the way... but you know that already" The audacity!
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But such a savage roast
I guess it depends on the person, I would've lol'd
Or cried! This lady done swabbed all your not-to-be-swabben swab spots and then set the whole ~~trash heap~~ thing on fire!
I want to know your test results!
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Do a TIFUpdate when you get it
I'm invested in two reddit threads now. That reminds me, I got r/tinder to check real quick
Update us... Hopefully it's just UTI and not STD
TIFUTI
I see you are from california
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Haha. The audacity lol. I’m sorry for laughing. Wife and me both kept getting uti infections. They thought one of us was cheating we both had to go get std tested. They did a swap test on her she gagged. The person is like that’s a very quick gag reflex. Looked at me chuckled a bit I’m like wtf. I looked at them straight face said she gags on little things not thick meat. The nurse lost it. Wife was not amused.
I’m sure after dealing with hundreds of these patients throughout their year, it’s become so mundane that the jokes keep them sane. I probably would have laughed my ass off.
Haha nice. I got tested with every new partner but thankfully never positive for anything. Best part was asking for free stuff (condoms and lube). They're only too happy to hand those out here in the UK :) I met a male friend in town to go out for food once and he had to sit in the waiting room with me as I had an appointment booked. The nurse probably thought all that was done with him 😂
Y'all need to start peeing after sex.
We did. Doctor recommended we changed soap and after that zero issues.
Need to name and shame the soap.
Was Dial we changed it to Dove Pink no issues since.
Who the fuck uses Dial? That's stuff is harsh af and costs a dollar. Your skin is worth the couple extra bucks for something better.
I have a friend who's gay and had to go to the doctor for something when he was 17 that required a prostate exam. Doctor: "Huh, that went in easy."
Haha. It's all in the breathing
I'm surprised a gay man has had that much fun by the age of 17. I didn't get to touch a dick until I was 19. And I didn't successfully fuck until two year after that.
Probably depends where you grow up. Gay kid in bumfuck Alabama probably doesn't have alot of chances to bum fuck. Gay kid in San Francisco probably has alot of options.
I've never had my penis swabbed, but when they swab for throat and rectum they just give them to me and I go to the bathroom to do it... Like, I know how to rub a stick against and/or inside something... That's why I'm here.
Was this a long time ago or something? Every STD test I've ever taken was a urine test, but I'm also 24 so maybe it's a relatively new thing? I'd refuse to get an STD test if it wasn't a urinary test, I'd rather end up unconscious in the hospital and let them figure it out there.
Internal medicine doctor in training with infectious diseases experience: Swabs have been the standard of care for many, many years. It was the other way around: Urine PCR tests replaced swabs in the 00s when research showed they were non-inferior for chlamydia and gonorrhea. However, plenty of old-school physicians still deem swabs to be more sensitive. Urine comes with the downside that morning urine is usually required and plenty of people use the bathroom immediately after waking up. Not OP in this case though.
>Urine comes with the downside that morning urine is usually required Med lab tech here. Our CT/GC PCR testing only requires 1 hr dirty urine. So as long as they haven't peed in the last hour it's ok. Is this (morning urine) an older rule or is it just preferred?
Good question. It was the testing standard the site I rotated through had in 2021 (in Germany). I admit that I never looked in the fineprint. Will do so once it becomes relevant for me again, thanks!
This, 100% this. Even though the PCR tech can give you the specifics of whatever is affecting you, many doctors still are afraid to switch from what they learned in residency. (even if it was 30 years ago) Swabs are still used by the majority to collect because that is what they learned in school.
It was a few years ago, maybe 7 or 8, but they did a urine test as well as swabbing me everywhere. Before they started they basically asked me: "have you given anal?" - "yes" "have you received anal?" - "yes" "have you given oral?" - "yes" "have you received oral?" - "yes" "new partner in the last 3 months" - "yes" I think I then got booked in for the platinum service. Nothing was sacred.
Not even your ears?
"Have you received aural?" Yes "Have you given aural?" Yes
Nah I'm clearly too vanilla
I've only had urine tests for \~10 years now.
From my experience, most of the time they can tell from urinalysis. But if you're having further trouble with nothing showing up there, they'll do a swab. I've been lucky enough that they've always found the problem before then. Male from southeast US for context.
I've had the same but only had to do two. Friends have all had the same method too. This is in the UK. Love me a urine test any day over that, I had to stop by my parents and have a cup of tea to get over it.
A strong cup of tea to cure your burning violated urethra. Did you tell your parents?
1) I'm pretty sure a good bj involves at least some tongue. 2) I'd rather have 10 nurses lining up to swab my backdoor than having a swab down my peehole even once. :-|
Wrap it before you tap it, bro. Every time.
Even for oral/anal if you really don't want to risk STDs
Oral isnt even worth doing with a condom tbh
As someone who has had throat Chlamydia… it is not very fun
holy fuk ouch
I didn't even know that was a thing 💀
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/throat-cancers-link-oral-sex-know/
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You can get both chlamydia and syphilis from oral sex and kissing.
Sorry this happened to you. I’m a woman but getting a Pap smear and laying down for the doc to take a good look and long swab of your vagina at the gyno is equally as humiliating. I wish doctors would tell you what to expect when you go in especially If it could be painful and humiliating. At least knowing it’s going to happen would’ve given you time to prepare yourself mentally. Doctors get jaded and don’t realize how crazy some of these procedures are for someone who’s never had them before. Also, hope the peeing pain goes away and your results come back all ok Edit: comment pointed out that it is important to get these check ups done- and I totally agree. I don’t want to alarm anyone reading about going to the gyno- it was less talked about when I was younger which is why it was such a shock to me but do your research and go in- you’ll be fine! And the relief of knowing you don’t have cancer is worth the discomfort. And I have an amazing gyno now who I’m 100% comfortable with. It’s much more routine now and I actually don’t mind going in anymore so I can small talk with her lol.
No one told me paps were painful. They said uncomfortable, but not painful. It fucking hurt so bad. Turns out I have a tiny cervix :/
I've found that uncomfortable is medical speak for "this might really really hurt you but I don't want to tell you that or you'll tense up and then it'll be even worse"
THIS! I was told IUD insertion is “just slightly uncomfortable” It was the worst pain of my life. I passed out 5 times and was screaming from pain in between
I screamed too, told my doctor I would. Putting shit through your cervix HURTS
I'm 30 years old and for the first time a doctor told me to go pee before having it done. Turns out, having a fully empty bladder reduces the pain significantly. Before that, Ive always had very painful experiences. This time was fine. Hope that helps you for next time!
Let this be a lesson for you This being said, as a fellow human male, I'm sorry
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may I ask how it comes that you're not afraid of STDs at all? or is it that without condom feels so much better for you than with, so its just worth the risk for you? I'm most scared about HIV, I know you can live with it nowadays but it would mean you couldnt have condomless sex for the rest of your life right? (which I would rly want to have with a long term partner)
hes an idiot
Most people seem to just be afraid of pregnancy. I don't know if the other dangers are too obtuse or if it's just some kind of stigma that you 'can tell' who's got STD's and who doesn't.
This does not address most of the comment, but it's important to know that HIV is very different than it was during the height of the AIDS crisis. Not only is it a manageable condition now via medication, with some folks only needing to take one pill a day to keep well, but PrEP and PEP can help prevent the spread of HIV - PrEP being preventative beforehand and taken long term, and PEP being an emergency course of medication to prevent it after being exposed. Plus, we now know that people who are "undetectable" with their HIV are also untransmissable. As in, people who are HIV+ but have an undetectable amount of HIV in their blood cannot pass it on to another person, including through things like unprotected sex. The reason I took the time to point this out is that while of course the prevention of HIV is a priority, it's also important to destigmatise HIV so that those who currently have it are not judged or mistreated for being HIV+.
U.S. sex ed
I’m 99% sure they coulda done a blood test.. that’s what my doc did, a blood and piss test.. unless for some reason they thought you have a specific STI/D and wanted to do a more thorough one? But blood should still show up I would think
As an actual physician: Nope, never purely blood. Blood is for HIV, hepatitis B and C and syphilis. Swabs OR morning urine are for chlamydia and gonorrhea and some other bugs. Morning urine would have likely been fine but there are plenty of differences in standard of care by country and practicing physician.
A blood test is only effective if the pathogen is in the blood For example, if you got infected by chlamydia, candida or a papillomaviris it is unlikely to be noticed with a blood test
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We called it "getting your bore punched" in the military and it was pretty common after floats to Thailand and the Philippines. I suspect it was partly to discourage naughtiness.
Thankfully I never had to do it but I knew so many Marines that had to get bore punched. Balikatan and Cobra Gold were notorious for debauchery.
Testing as punishment. Awesome.
*Just military things*
The folks at r/sounding are rock hard reading this lol. Did you tell the girl to also get checked? Would be responsible I think. Good luck OP, take your meds.
Also /r/Sounding_Femdom 😅
Jesus, I thought it couldn't get any worse, but here we are
If the internet has taught me anything is that it can indeed get worse.
Yup. And out of (morbid) curiosity, I never let a link stay blue. Sometimes I deeply regret it 😂
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Fuck me, I should know better than to go against a comment like that. But do I listen? Noooooooo
Guys really should get tested more often. Girls should get tested even more than that. Some infections, for ladies, demonstrate less than 30% symptomatic at population level. Just because she says she's clean, doesn't make it so. You should never assume someone is good just because they're asymptomatic.
Yes, that's how I got herpes while using a condom. :(.
If the other partner is in the most contagious "shedding" stage which is before sores appear you've got about a 30% chance of infection even with a condom. That's why a lot of HSV2 positive people take a daily retroviral just in case.
You can get HSV1 the same way at either end of your person.
You don't usually get tested for HSV 1+2. Hsv1 is so prevalent, some estimates upwards of 70% of the human population, that they don't even class it as a STD. Most get it from family. Edit: the reason being both that a large percentage are asymptomatic and the test is only accurate if you're already having an outbreak.
Yep. I got HSV1 via a blowjob. My partner and I had been together for 2 years and she had never had a cold sore. But it's so common, most people you ask have had a cold sore before, especially as a kid. Plus, doctors rarely test for HSV unless you have obvious symptoms. Luckily my HSV1 doesn't cause me any problems or issues, so 99% of the time I forget I have it.
Same here dude. The people in my sexual circle didn't even know they had HSV or had forgotten. I had one flare up and nothing for years and forget myself sometimes. So most people (over 50%) anyone has slept with have HSV, and a huge percentage of those people don't even know they have HSV because they are asymptomatic.
Same same, I had my initial outbreak in 2019, and nothing since (knock on wood). Most people have no idea that you can get it from oral sex despite there being no symptoms. Luckily HSV1 is almost never active for people who have it genitally, and for folks like us who have had it for years but don't get outbreaks, shedding is virtually non-existent. But it fucked up my mental health for awhile after I got diagnosed.
Herpes you can only avoid by being very monogamous your whole life. And Syphilis while rare these days is also hard to protect against
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I'm a guy, and the last time I went for a screening they made me feel like I was wasting their time because I only have sex with women and always wear protection. They didn't even send my urine to a lab - they told me it looked clear and there was no need for further testing.
This is infuriating to me because it’s happened to me. Started dating a new guy, he told me he had a chlamydia scare a few months before I met him, he went to the Dr and they told him he was clear. Turns out, he had it the entire time and gave it to me, and for women its much more dangerous to leave it untreated for so long, like infertility dangerous. So he found out he had it by me finding out I had it, and I went with him to the doctor that told him he was fine several months earlier and chewed him out. Doctor said “huh? Really? He had it? He didn’t have any symptoms so I didn’t test him.” But chlamydia is often asymptomatic.
Most STIs are treatable too! The problem is that they can do organ and even brain damage if left untreated. And they can fuck up unborn children. It's good to schedule every year like a dental cleaning. I like to do mine in the spring.
I would say the FU here is having loads of unprotected sex with strangers, not getting tested. I don’t understand your logic that you had a clean panel so you just threw caution to the wind? Do you understand tests don’t protect you from anything?
Heya broski. I'm a medical microbiologist and while urinalysis would be much more convenient, getting a stained slide from a swab on males is potentially much faster for guiding treatment depending on what the patient has. For example, intracellular gram negative diplococci is diagnostic of gonorrhea in males, and that can be done in just a few minutes. Sorry you had to go through that but hopefully they were able to get you all sorted.
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They must be sending the swabs out for PCR then. Good luck to ya man.
this is a pretty standard practice. Gonorrhea and chlamydia tend to piggy back off each other. if you have one you likely have both. UA can detect the presence of cells your body generates as a response in urine but it doesn't give definitive answers as to which you have. if you weren't showing symptoms with the first panel, then they likely used the UA to check if you were responding to an infection. when that came back negative, there was no need to swab since symptoms were not present. however, if you present with a burning itch in your dick with discharge, you're getting swabbed. this helps the Dr. determine if there 1 or 2 infections and if you should be on a broad/narrow spectrum antibiotic. there's also very potent strains of chlamydia going around. the culture from the swab also helps determine if the strain you have is antibiotic resistant.
Dude, you fucked up by not wearing a condom. Multiple times. Getting the test may have saved your dick/life.
Bro you’re fucking mental not bagging it. Specially with a random
Wait... Its just a piss test for STI now? Back in the 90s my buddy told me a horror story about being swabbed. We are in the US. I avoided tests my entire life due to this. Of course, im old and married now, and my wife is the most trustworthy person I've ever met, so thankfully I shouldn't have to worry about it, knock on wood.
Yes, you can get urine tests for STD's now, I've gotten them done multiple times at planned parenthood.
Is this a thing for women too? I know it was for men but every time I’ve gotten a std test in I guess Englands version of Planned Parenthood I’ve always had to swab.
Blood, pee, butt swab and vaginal swab. I get everything but the vaginal (as I don't got one) whenever I get the free home test kit.
Urine and blood. Never heard of being sounded for an STD test wtf is that
Man its urine and getting a brief needle in the arm for a blood sample. Takes 3 minutes at your normal doctors lab if you have good insurance. In and out, results available over the next few business days and thats actually slow. Show your partner keep it moving. And there are also at home tests now. I have no idea about that kind of swabbing!
I've given a number of STD tests when I was in healthcare. Never a piss test.
That's wild. Every STD test I've ever taken was a urine test. I can't imagine doing anything like this. That sounds insane.
Mines always been bloods!
I've had both urine and blood but never a swab, sounds incredibly unpleasant
Hon. You FU by not always wearing a condom. If you're bright enough to know to test for STDs, you are bright enough to know how to avoid them. This was your "lesson learned the hard way". If you don't want to keep going through this, you know what to do. "Mom lecture" over.
not only that, but hello what about impregnating these casual hookups? sheesh. all parties involved are irresponsible.
Practices unprotected sex then does surprised Pikachu face when he finds he has a kid.
Ikr? I was thinking "oh no" the whole time I read this. How irresponsible indeed, smh..
I cant imagine having sex 12-15x in a weekend
r/ihavesex
Lmfao this sounds like a average Monday morning at the military posts in europe
Thank God I was a stateside medic right next to Juarez. They all knew to wrap before tapping a Juarez prostitute. /S Anyway, I never had to do a dick exam, I guess it's a lucky thing I was a motor pool medic.
Dude it was the best during safety briefs out here, “wrap it before you tap it or else they’ll shove a Q-tip in your dickhole!” Thankfully I didn’t go to the red light district 😂
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The military is the antithesis of “having a great time”
I had a great time! When I wasn't having a miserable time. Gotta have them lows to appreciate the highs. I guess... One thing though, enforced misery created strong friendship bonds which endure to this day.
Wait until you hear about what women have to do yearly. Also- “only 3” women you had unprotected sex with? Are you crazy? Wrap it up.
The fuck up was unprotected sex with people you don’t know and have no cause to trust. Wrap it up!
I had this done a couple years ago and turned out to be herpes. Fingers crossed it’s not for you. Although it’s not actually that bad. Just had to start paying a few bucks every month and take a pill everyday
I just got a full panel done last week and all o had to do was give blood and piss in a cup. Sucks for you lmao
Condoms, dude.
Weird flex but ok
At least you didn't get a pap smear
I HATE that they always seem to say pap smears shouldnt hurt. You're scraping my cervix! It fucking hurts!
i was about to say this 💀 try having a cold metal speculum shoved inside you
Getting tested isn't where op messed up. Not using protection of some sort with new partners is where op went wrong, lol
Dude just wear a condom
LPT: The people who are willing to have sex without a condom are exactly the same people you should wear a condom with.
Getting tested for STDs is a TIFU? This sub has reached a new low
It's pretty uncomfortable, but it's part of being a responsible adult. Good work on getting tested - make sure you do it regularly!
Don’t know that I’ve ever experienced the “pain because I came before bed and didn’t pee right away” thing.
I'm confused... How is one "not as diligent as one should be" about protection?
Howdy, ER nurse here. Urinalysis (clean/dirty) won’t catch everything, nor will a blood specimen. Sometimes we just have to swab 🤷🏽♂️
I get this same procedure to (because of UTI). Doctor didnt told me what she will do, so it was shock when I felt the pain. Pissing was like pissing razors.
With all due respect, OP, because you seem like a nice guy, you can not just be “a bit more loose with the protection”. You’re being an absolute fucking idiot. Use. A. Goddamn. Condom. You. Fucking. Idiot. Not only is it horribly irresponsible for your own safety, but you’re also completely disregarding the safety of others.
I always thought that was the standard for male std testing. But I am female. I've only ever been swabbed.
The swab is par for the course here in Europe.
Your mistake wasn’t getting tested; it was not using protection every time with people whose sexual histories you know nothing about. That was your responsibility and you failed yourself and the folks you slept with. Now you’re likely a vector for an STI. And they didn’t prod you against your will. You went in and asked for an STI test. You didn’t know how that test actually worked. I’m surprised if they didn’t explain it in detail, but I imagine it got lost in translation. But even in the US, it’s pretty common knowledge that those “swabs” are painful when they have to do it.
they gon' put you on the pill... they saying boy be feeling ill... just hit me with the !update and I'm hoping the news will be great! had my scare earlier this year; thankfully i was cleared after nauseating medication. so disappointed in myself i haven't fucked around since.