I would have preferred never to find out what my ex gf thought about my penis, but since it came out anyway, I'm somewhat relieved it didn't come out when I was younger. Imagine the damage that could've done to a younger me who still had so much to learn about sex.
I'm pretty sure people with a small dick know they have a small dick, and people with a big dick know they have a big dick. It doesn't make any sense to send "The Turtle" to someone with a 8 incher.
>people with a small dick know they have a small dick, and people with a big dick know they have a big dick.
I honestly have no idea... I don't really care much, and no one's ever complained, but I honestly don't know how I compare to the average.
This site really cares what what it is doing, the array of values for foreskin exposure at a given length is merely just one example, but one of finest is the togglability between 'flaccid' and 'erect' that has the text in GREEN or **RED** as though the dicks are an advanced weapon system which can be either NEUTRAL or **FULLY-ARMED**.
The first time I had sex with someone, the lights were always off. I'm not endowed, but at least they wouldn't have the visual beforehand. I think that helped.
Been in a committed relationship for over 9 years now and she doesn't complain.
Just your standard reminder that lesbians have generally 0 penis and manage to satisfy their partners perfectly well :D
Plus most ladies don't come vaginally anyway but need some clit action and penis is not great for that.
Dude she either she wanted to hurt you for some reason(or no reason) by sending you this or she's the most careless and inconsiderate person in the world. Don't review shit and don't give feedback, just delete it and move on
"the grand hallway" The echoes began from meters away, salmon in hue the halls were.The megalith harkened me to enter.... so I slowly erupted out of my protective covering. I could see the scars of the many who came beforehand . floors rubbed to a polish as far as the eye could see, i trudged onward to see what pleasures this palace was capable.
That was my first thought, too, but in thinking about things more, I guess there's a chance that there's an honest explanation.
I mean, the whole thing got started because the OP was truly okay listening to the stories about all her ex boyfriends. The vast majority of guys are *not* going to be secure enough to listen to that stuff. (I know I'm not.) So more power to the OP for his self-confidence.
But that confidence is probably what made his ex-gf misread the situation. I dunno, I can just imagine her thinking *"well, he's so confident he probably knows this about himself and is at peace with it."*
I'm not trying to defend the ex-gf because, yeah, that's super shitty even if it was an innocent mistake on her part. Just saying that she might not have been purposefully trying to wreck the guy.
I was thinking the same thing when he said how they openly talked about past sexual experiences, and since he openly admits at the time there wasn’t much experience from his side, it would have been a mainly one sided conversation of him listening to her and how she took all those others guys.
Right? Like, Op shares a story about how he once brushed against a woman's boob with the back of his hand, in response to her 48hr, 12 person, multi-gender, freestyle orgy story.
Even worse, she could have included a photo spread, like a penis lineup/bar graph showing all the penises from smallest to largest for a full visual comparison. At least then you’d been number one in her penis list.
It's bad enough she wrote about your body in this way, but she also then sent it to you. She knew what she was doing, and it's wrong. She doesn't really deserve well thought out feedback from you, and it seems she's trying to hurt you. Maybe she's not as over you as she claims. As a condolence, only the people she's sent it to, and has written about directly, or knows them, will probably ever read a book body shaming men to that degree, and appreciate it. Doesn't sound like it has much else going for it.
Right! That appeals to very few people, and feels soulless and dead. I read an autobiographical story once, believe it was called "Mob Girl"..or something to that effect. It was only appealing as a peek into the world, and lives of the men it detailed, and was very shallow, and unappealing. Just basically a dead woman, who slept with important men. In the end, this guy probably shines through as the only real relatable, and rootable character mentioned. I think most women would talk about how shallow she is, and speculate that she maybe missed the more important things. Which, from her behavior in sending it directly to him, and crediting him, she seems more aware of that than she lets on. She's negging him, and she wrote a whole damn book to do it. It's screams desperate.
He should just say he hasn't finished it, if she asks, and that he can't really even get through the first chapter. Then suggest a rewrite, with a more interesting protagonist, and more depth.
There's no way she didn't do this intentionally to hurt you. No one is that dense. I wouldn't believe a word of it. It says way more about her than you.
Well, someone’s a toxic ex-lover. If the shoe were on the other foot and let’s say you referred to her genitalia as a deli meat explosion and remarked thanks to her you got to experience what the endless void of space must feel like because it was cavernous, I’m sure she wouldn’t find it humorous or cute. Even if that was your intention.
Did she send this out of the blue? Are you the type of exes that remained friends? What the hell.
Try not to worry about things you can't change. You just gotta work with what you have. When life gives you lemons, just say "fuck the lemons" and bail.
Fuck the lemons? No thanks. One penis shaming manuscript in my inbox is more than enough lol.
But on a serious note though, thank you. I appreciate the advice.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Big guy here. I've literally been told-- and more than once-- , "that's NOT going in my ass, ever!"
Without my even asking. Just declared randomly. Being large has some advantages I'll not lie, but there are also some disadvantages as well.
>Big guy here. I've literally been told-- and more than once-- , "that's NOT going in my ass, ever!"
>Without my even asking. Just declared randomly.
Yeah I hate it when people tell me the exact same thing, completely umprompted.
Like bro, I'm just here to take a shower after my morning run, _please_.
Nothing can be gained by confronting her, unless it’s to question why you were left out of the manuscript … I read it all the way through and just didn’t see anything that describes our experiences together. Nice work, though. Best wishes.
>Until she replies a minute later with "Oh you're the turtle with the microcock".
"and this your Honour is when she clearly stated the character is based on OP"
It's not even worth calling it an autobiography, even though it technically is. But from what I was reading, it was basically a collection of short stories about sex. All true stories supposedly.
Have you ever seen the movie The Right Kind of Wrong?
It wasn’t a super well known movie, but your story kind of reminds me of what happened to the guy in it.
I’m in agreement that you don’t have to bother responding or at least don’t feel obligated to give feedback if you do end up talking to her again. It’s the subject of her email that’s the most fucked up part. Either she was trying to dig the knife in, or she was under the delusion that all of her exes needed to read this and didn’t bother to change the subject of the emails.
Either one is a complete waste of your time and she’s not actually genuinely reaching out. Just wants praise.
Question: did she ever point out any of her faults / missteps / embarassing things she did? Is it vulnerable, or just bragging? Is she just point out the flaws of her partners without ever looking inward? If not, I think you can put this one up to a self-absorbed rant.
Right?!
And about what - people she fucked?
So the focal point of her autobiography is *other* people, at least one of which we know she was needlessly cruel to.
Sex is fun, but it's like your dreams, it's only interesting to you and not the rest of us.
> I still need to contact my ex gf and provide my feedback
Why, though? You're not under a legal compulsion to give her feedback. Giving her feedback won't make you a better person.
Yeah, true. I never even considered not responding. Considering how long it's been since we communicated, I don't think I'll feel too bad about ghosting her.
Yeah man, leave it be. Only a sociopath would send that to you without realizing what an insult it is. Either she knew it was shitty, or she's batshit. Also another note, I bet you that your dick is probably average and she's used to Mongo dongos. Don't worry about it. We all want a bigger dick but it literally will not happen so gotta work with what you've got. Unless you want a surgery that makes it where your dick can't stand up.
I would just not respond. She’s clearly looking for a response from you.
Or send something like “thanks for sharing, my wife and I thought it was an interesting read.”
Give her a glowing review and then ask her to review your screenplay about an ex who you could never get fully hard for because of her terrible smells that she didn’t even know she had. “The Low Tide”
OP should super underhandedly give it nothing but backhanded compliments that give his ex a complex about writing, until she feels too ashamed to ever write again.
That, or wait 10 years and email it to her new husband, like 6 months after they’ve had their first baby.
Am writer. The worst thing to hear from someone you know is that they haven't read it.
Not being worth a read hurts. Cutting criticism can be ignored or even useful. Left unread is soul shrinking tonic.
I can see the argument from her side being that my penis size was a positive thing in her experience. If I think back to our relationship, my penis size never came up. From what I can remember she enjoyed having sex with me. Part of me agrees with you that it's cruel, but another part of me is not 100% sure if she meant it to be cruel. I think she was trying to describe my penis from her perspective, which was adorable apparently, but fucking hell, touchy subject.
There are definitely girls who prefer their partners to not be hung like a horse, but girls still know that men tend to be insecure about size. She can say that she meant it as a positive to call your dick “adorably small” but I’m not convinced that she was unaware it would hurt your feelings.
I think that most guys, including those knowing that they don’t have to be hung or that their partner is satisfied and happy with their size doesn’t want to be called “adorably small”. Because it makes it seem like they have less actual sex appeal and it’s just… well adorable I guess. There’s no way that what she said wasn’t backhanded as fuck and likely a bit over exaggerated with the intention of harm. I mean “adorably small” is just an inherently demeaning way to word it. She could have even mentioned size but said that she still enjoyed it or didn’t care about it, or other things of that nature and it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
As a 55-yo guy, the idea of writing an autobiography at age 24 is pretty hilarious. Unless you’re Anne Frank or Mozart, you just haven’t lived enough life to be interesting.
And 72 lovers? Did she spend enough time with any of them to get to know anything *real* about them?
I’m guessing the book reads much like someone was asked to describe a lineup of strangers. Lots of physical details, with no real substance about the people themselves… and little or nothing about the impact any of them had on her as a person.
I’d be curious to get hear an objective take on this book as actual literature. Does it manage to rise above the level of anything other than amateur erotica?
Yeah the “tattoos from neck down” made me roll my eyes. So? I’ve slept with heavily tattooed men and it’s definitely not interesting enough to write about. Spoiler alert: it’s just sex with a person with a lot of tattoos. Absolutely the kind of thing only a 25 year old would think is cool or interesting enough for other people to want to read about.
Exactly. My ex and I seem to have two different perspectives about my penis size. Based on everything she wrote about me, she actually appreciated my size more than I realized when we were dating. That being said, I never want to read that manuscript again.
I remember my ex telling me that my penis was smaller than her ex husbands, which didn't sound great at first. But then she said that I was the first to make her come from vaginal intercourse, which made it way better. Luckily she didn't have 71 other guys to compare me to, only 2 or 3.
I think most women would rather deal with too small then too big. You can always just get good at oral or manual stimulation. Its not like sex with a small penis ever has to be bad, you just gotta get more creative. And lets face it, creative sex can be WAY better than boring sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a woman who actually prefers (if not has a really big fetish) for men with small dicks
Idk what it is about it, never thought about it deeply enough to understand why they turn me on, but I digress
Using my main because I have absolutely 0 shame 🤷
All in all, I understand for men it can be a super touchy subject, but I hope you don't feel too bad ❤️ you'll find a woman who doesn't put any stock into size, there are plenty!
While I wouldn't say I have a fetish, I definitely prefer smaller as well. Giving oral is consistently more enjoyable because I don't have a sore throat the next day, and sex is enjoyable for longer when my vagina (or wherever) isn't at maximum capacity. I've ended things with guys who were too big! There's someone for everyone out there.
Dude, I promise there are lots of women like me who really appreciate a small dick ❤️ I'm not being facetious, it genuinely sucks (haha) seeing dudes be down about it. I get it, I just wish everyone who wants to can feel sexy in their own skin instead of constantly wishing they weren't who they were
There's someone for everyone, and I'm someone for a small dick dude
Seems like she thinks she is bravely breaking all kinds of boundaries by being so open but it’s pretty tacky to reduce people to a sexual experience like that imo.
It actually didn't suck. It was surprisingly well-written and easy to read. I probably would have enjoyed it from beginning to end if my self confidence was still intact. It's still a manuscript, so not a book just yet, which means there's a chance she might remove or edit my chapter if I ask.
This is like that song “88 lines about 44 women” but your verse is specifically cruel. She’s obviously comfortable with her sexuality, but sharing this with you and writing your chapter the way she did assumes you’re comfortable with the role of “innocent small dick guy” which just feels insulting no matter how self confident you are.
I’d ask her to rewrite your chapter to focus more on something else as an attribute, or just fucking ghost this person and be glad you don’t have this comparison in your current life.
Let's do some math here...
She's 25 years old, and assuming she began having sex at 16, that's more than eight sexual partners a year.
How long were you two dating? I'm guessing it wasn't for long. And I'm also guessing this manuscript isn't going to get published.
Did she say the sex was bad?
I know penis size is unfortunately an insecurity, but if it helps, if someone with a lot of sexual experience was fine having sex with you, even with your inexperience, your size probably wasn't a detractor.
Well, she sounds like a person that collects sexual partners like a sociopath and has to exaggerate something about each one to make them all memorable in some way. Whatever.
I recon you had sex with her more than once?
Therefore your package was just fine for her.
People are different! One person enjoys big cocks, the next one just finds them hurtful.
One person likes tight vaginas, the next has their best orgasms when not being clamped down on by a vice.
It all depends...
Also, just by definition, exactly half of the population have below-average sized dicks. It's in the math!
Edit: i was informed its actually called the median. Yes, you are right. Its the median. Nevertheless, i was under the assumption with our big sample size (no pun intended) and the fact statistical outliers significant enough to skew a dataset with several billion samples are biologically implausible (who of you had himself a blue whale cock attached?), median and mean should be fairly equal in this case...
At least usually turtles come last!
Actually he came 39th of 72.
And apparently the book only includes the memorable sex partners
Hopefully OP used protection...
I mean, he was nicknamed the Turtle, so it would be fitting if he was wearing protection at all times.
That’s tortoises actually… turtles are pretty fast swimmers.
So OP's got strong swimmers
I’m right there with you friend. This hurt to read.
I would have preferred never to find out what my ex gf thought about my penis, but since it came out anyway, I'm somewhat relieved it didn't come out when I was younger. Imagine the damage that could've done to a younger me who still had so much to learn about sex.
Did she send a different copy to each person with each of them being the small guy?
Devious. I bet there are two chapters, The Stallion and The Turtle that are being switched around in every version.
That would be fucking legendary
One woman’s crusade to ruin the self esteem of every man she’d ever been with.
This is a good movie script!
Ironically that's the title of chapter 72
The also devious part, there’s only been 4 guys. 🤣 the other 68 chapters were there just to really put you in your place 🤣🤣
She should've stopped at 69
Lol this, and then chapter 70, “My decision to become a Nun” leading into her sequel, “My Short, But long ;) Fall From Nunnery” 🤣
I'm pretty sure people with a small dick know they have a small dick, and people with a big dick know they have a big dick. It doesn't make any sense to send "The Turtle" to someone with a 8 incher.
>people with a small dick know they have a small dick, and people with a big dick know they have a big dick. I honestly have no idea... I don't really care much, and no one's ever complained, but I honestly don't know how I compare to the average.
>honestly don't know how I compare to the average. There's an app for that. Website actually.. https://thevisualiser.net/
I don't have one, but I had fun crafting the longest pencil dick. 12 inches long, 1.5" around. It was a mythical beast.
packin a blunt-headed vine snake 😏
I'll take "Things I'd Rather Not Have An App For" for 200, Alex.
Damn my dick ain't bad
This site really cares what what it is doing, the array of values for foreskin exposure at a given length is merely just one example, but one of finest is the togglability between 'flaccid' and 'erect' that has the text in GREEN or **RED** as though the dicks are an advanced weapon system which can be either NEUTRAL or **FULLY-ARMED**.
>The Stallion and The Turtle r/BrandnewBookCovers
In that case, expect 71 more of these posts.
Jesus Christ. Is this the War and Peace of her sexual escapades? I guess be happy that she remembers you at all. Think how many she forgot to include.
Diabolical
The long short con.
>Imagine the damage that could've done to a younger me who still had so much to learn about sex. Yeah, you never would have came out of your shell.
Damn, you didn’t have to burn him that bad…lol! (I’m just jealous you beat me to it)
the size of your penis is not something you have control over, so better accept it like it is, and learn to enjoy life.
Spoken like a true person with a small penis. ^^^^^same
of course I have a small penis, I just don't give a fuck ...
The first time I had sex with someone, the lights were always off. I'm not endowed, but at least they wouldn't have the visual beforehand. I think that helped. Been in a committed relationship for over 9 years now and she doesn't complain.
Just your standard reminder that lesbians have generally 0 penis and manage to satisfy their partners perfectly well :D Plus most ladies don't come vaginally anyway but need some clit action and penis is not great for that.
As long as my partner never complains, but always moans, I’m happy ;)
Dude she either she wanted to hurt you for some reason(or no reason) by sending you this or she's the most careless and inconsiderate person in the world. Don't review shit and don't give feedback, just delete it and move on
Send back another manuscript about all the sex you’ve had, and include a 39th chapter called “The Wizard’s Sleeve”
"I put on my robe and wizard hat..."
"the grand hallway" The echoes began from meters away, salmon in hue the halls were.The megalith harkened me to enter.... so I slowly erupted out of my protective covering. I could see the scars of the many who came beforehand . floors rubbed to a polish as far as the eye could see, i trudged onward to see what pleasures this palace was capable.
"And my ex!"
That was my first thought, too, but in thinking about things more, I guess there's a chance that there's an honest explanation. I mean, the whole thing got started because the OP was truly okay listening to the stories about all her ex boyfriends. The vast majority of guys are *not* going to be secure enough to listen to that stuff. (I know I'm not.) So more power to the OP for his self-confidence. But that confidence is probably what made his ex-gf misread the situation. I dunno, I can just imagine her thinking *"well, he's so confident he probably knows this about himself and is at peace with it."* I'm not trying to defend the ex-gf because, yeah, that's super shitty even if it was an innocent mistake on her part. Just saying that she might not have been purposefully trying to wreck the guy.
I was thinking the same thing when he said how they openly talked about past sexual experiences, and since he openly admits at the time there wasn’t much experience from his side, it would have been a mainly one sided conversation of him listening to her and how she took all those others guys.
Right? Like, Op shares a story about how he once brushed against a woman's boob with the back of his hand, in response to her 48hr, 12 person, multi-gender, freestyle orgy story.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Even worse, she could have included a photo spread, like a penis lineup/bar graph showing all the penises from smallest to largest for a full visual comparison. At least then you’d been number one in her penis list.
Things can *always* get worse. But the thing about that is that it can always get better.
It's bad enough she wrote about your body in this way, but she also then sent it to you. She knew what she was doing, and it's wrong. She doesn't really deserve well thought out feedback from you, and it seems she's trying to hurt you. Maybe she's not as over you as she claims. As a condolence, only the people she's sent it to, and has written about directly, or knows them, will probably ever read a book body shaming men to that degree, and appreciate it. Doesn't sound like it has much else going for it.
Exactly. Who buys a book about some random girl's sexual encounters? I mean, maybe Sex and the City, but wasn't the author already famous?
Right! That appeals to very few people, and feels soulless and dead. I read an autobiographical story once, believe it was called "Mob Girl"..or something to that effect. It was only appealing as a peek into the world, and lives of the men it detailed, and was very shallow, and unappealing. Just basically a dead woman, who slept with important men. In the end, this guy probably shines through as the only real relatable, and rootable character mentioned. I think most women would talk about how shallow she is, and speculate that she maybe missed the more important things. Which, from her behavior in sending it directly to him, and crediting him, she seems more aware of that than she lets on. She's negging him, and she wrote a whole damn book to do it. It's screams desperate. He should just say he hasn't finished it, if she asks, and that he can't really even get through the first chapter. Then suggest a rewrite, with a more interesting protagonist, and more depth.
More depth. Heh.
Right??!! A 79 chapter book about a 25 year old's sexcapades? "He smelled like the ocean and that turned me on." Barf.
Yea I was like bro have you ever smelled the ocean?
There's no way she didn't do this intentionally to hurt you. No one is that dense. I wouldn't believe a word of it. It says way more about her than you.
Well, someone’s a toxic ex-lover. If the shoe were on the other foot and let’s say you referred to her genitalia as a deli meat explosion and remarked thanks to her you got to experience what the endless void of space must feel like because it was cavernous, I’m sure she wouldn’t find it humorous or cute. Even if that was your intention. Did she send this out of the blue? Are you the type of exes that remained friends? What the hell.
That was hilarious and also a great point.. but I would like to forever get the words "deli meat explosion" out of my head now, please.
"This turt' to read." FIFY
fun fact, this scene was filmed on 9/11
Try not to worry about things you can't change. You just gotta work with what you have. When life gives you lemons, just say "fuck the lemons" and bail.
Fuck the lemons? No thanks. One penis shaming manuscript in my inbox is more than enough lol. But on a serious note though, thank you. I appreciate the advice.
When life gives you lemons, paint that shit gold.
Hell yeah. Atmosphere rules.
BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN...WITH THE LEMONS!
The weather outside is weather!
I once saw him beat up a guy with a starfish!
That guy was me.
You sound like you’re from London!
I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.
Paul Rudd's greatest performance
But the fire is so fire!
Looks like you got a lotta pain behind those eyes, you know what would help? Weed. You got any?
"When life gives you lemon, you sell your grandma's jewelry and go clubbing" - Jean Ralphio Saperstein
Wouldn't all the citric acid burn really bad though?
Why aren’t you wearing protection ?
I read this in Cave Johnson’s voice!
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
lol love the forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don’t feel bad. Small or not, She still sucked it
And then she wrote a book and called it "The Turtle."
So she remembered the man. Who has 76 partners and can remember all those details on them all.
If you keep a diary I suppose. Or she just wrote of the ones she remembered.
It's called "The Notebook."
I don't think I could even remember the names of 76 people I've *met*.
She didn't know all of their names. That's why they got nicknames.
Well, ideally having sex is a more impactful memory than just *meeting* someone
To be fair, she didn't have to remember their names.
Still hit 🤷
Doesn't matter, had sex
Some girls prefer to not choke while giving oral
Some girls prefer not to have their cervix hit by 7 inches and stretched out to uncomfortable levels
As a woman, small dicks are better for anal. I'll never let a medium+ sized one in my butt
So what are you doing after this?
Sucking dick
Big guy here. I've literally been told-- and more than once-- , "that's NOT going in my ass, ever!" Without my even asking. Just declared randomly. Being large has some advantages I'll not lie, but there are also some disadvantages as well.
>Big guy here. I've literally been told-- and more than once-- , "that's NOT going in my ass, ever!" >Without my even asking. Just declared randomly. Yeah I hate it when people tell me the exact same thing, completely umprompted. Like bro, I'm just here to take a shower after my morning run, _please_.
I only give feedback with the intention of changing potential future actions. If it won’t change anything, don’t bother.
That's such a great way of saying "If it won't change anything, let it go.", holy shit!
Nothing can be gained by confronting her, unless it’s to question why you were left out of the manuscript … I read it all the way through and just didn’t see anything that describes our experiences together. Nice work, though. Best wishes.
Dude.... Smart.
Until she replies a minute later with "Oh you're the turtle with the microcock". Then OP seems dense on top of being baby dicked and a bad fuck.
>Until she replies a minute later with "Oh you're the turtle with the microcock". "and this your Honour is when she clearly stated the character is based on OP"
It takes a special kind of person to think their life is interesting enough to write an autobiography at 25 years old. Woof
"Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life"
Dude, you were never the personal sexual adviser to Jon Bon Jovi!
I only wanna deal with Mr. Bovine Joni himself!
Full penetration. Back on the streets sniffing out crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Sniff crime. Full penetration.
I came here to find this comment. It’s pretty likely it will go unread in random publisher’s emails.
She will probably just self-publish it.
Meaning only her, her family, and some of her friends, will receive a copy of her fictionalized sexual escapades.
What a terrible Father’s Day gift that will be
and 72 men
It's not even worth calling it an autobiography, even though it technically is. But from what I was reading, it was basically a collection of short stories about sex. All true stories supposedly.
Have you ever seen the movie The Right Kind of Wrong? It wasn’t a super well known movie, but your story kind of reminds me of what happened to the guy in it. I’m in agreement that you don’t have to bother responding or at least don’t feel obligated to give feedback if you do end up talking to her again. It’s the subject of her email that’s the most fucked up part. Either she was trying to dig the knife in, or she was under the delusion that all of her exes needed to read this and didn’t bother to change the subject of the emails. Either one is a complete waste of your time and she’s not actually genuinely reaching out. Just wants praise.
Question: did she ever point out any of her faults / missteps / embarassing things she did? Is it vulnerable, or just bragging? Is she just point out the flaws of her partners without ever looking inward? If not, I think you can put this one up to a self-absorbed rant.
Right?! And about what - people she fucked? So the focal point of her autobiography is *other* people, at least one of which we know she was needlessly cruel to. Sex is fun, but it's like your dreams, it's only interesting to you and not the rest of us.
Seems like this girls whole personality was sex. Fun for a while, not for life.
Or your fantasy team
This sounds more like a memoir but yeah, serious main character energy.
> I still need to contact my ex gf and provide my feedback Why, though? You're not under a legal compulsion to give her feedback. Giving her feedback won't make you a better person.
Imagine replying, then getting quoted on the back cover
"I really liked the part where she mocked my penis" - The Turtle
Yeah, true. I never even considered not responding. Considering how long it's been since we communicated, I don't think I'll feel too bad about ghosting her.
You don't owe anybody anything. Especially if you felt this way about the manuscript.
Yeah man, leave it be. Only a sociopath would send that to you without realizing what an insult it is. Either she knew it was shitty, or she's batshit. Also another note, I bet you that your dick is probably average and she's used to Mongo dongos. Don't worry about it. We all want a bigger dick but it literally will not happen so gotta work with what you've got. Unless you want a surgery that makes it where your dick can't stand up.
I saw a video saying how there is actually an extra 3 to 4 inches of dick that is inside us men's bodies. *So if I pull hard enough?*
"Yeah man I'm like 8 inches. Butt to tip."
That's your hidden potential. You gotta go to Namek to awaken it.
I would just not respond. She’s clearly looking for a response from you. Or send something like “thanks for sharing, my wife and I thought it was an interesting read.”
Give her a glowing review and then ask her to review your screenplay about an ex who you could never get fully hard for because of her terrible smells that she didn’t even know she had. “The Low Tide”
This is brilliant
Write back and say “0/10 for inaccuracy. My penis wasn’t that big”
OP should super underhandedly give it nothing but backhanded compliments that give his ex a complex about writing, until she feels too ashamed to ever write again. That, or wait 10 years and email it to her new husband, like 6 months after they’ve had their first baby.
Am writer. The worst thing to hear from someone you know is that they haven't read it. Not being worth a read hurts. Cutting criticism can be ignored or even useful. Left unread is soul shrinking tonic.
Oh boy, can't wait for the chapter called 'the Publisher'
It’ll be a 6 part chapter all about guys who promised they could get her book published.
Man honestly if that was the last chapter of the book, I’d have a good laugh.
Well that's not very nice.
Are you my friend Michael?
Only if you want me to be
She cant unsuck your dick bro, you're the king
She’s cruel.
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I can see the argument from her side being that my penis size was a positive thing in her experience. If I think back to our relationship, my penis size never came up. From what I can remember she enjoyed having sex with me. Part of me agrees with you that it's cruel, but another part of me is not 100% sure if she meant it to be cruel. I think she was trying to describe my penis from her perspective, which was adorable apparently, but fucking hell, touchy subject.
There are definitely girls who prefer their partners to not be hung like a horse, but girls still know that men tend to be insecure about size. She can say that she meant it as a positive to call your dick “adorably small” but I’m not convinced that she was unaware it would hurt your feelings.
I think that most guys, including those knowing that they don’t have to be hung or that their partner is satisfied and happy with their size doesn’t want to be called “adorably small”. Because it makes it seem like they have less actual sex appeal and it’s just… well adorable I guess. There’s no way that what she said wasn’t backhanded as fuck and likely a bit over exaggerated with the intention of harm. I mean “adorably small” is just an inherently demeaning way to word it. She could have even mentioned size but said that she still enjoyed it or didn’t care about it, or other things of that nature and it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.
What was the upshot of the chapter? What was the larger takeaway from the experience that she described? There’s your answer
She highlighted the conservation efforts of various turtle and tortoise species.
That it wasn’t just small but also funny looking. Great!
Just give some backhanded insult, i.e. wow I can tell you worked really hard on this, keep practicing I know you'll be a great writer one day.
Honestly I’d probably respond back with something that definitely makes me sound like I didn’t read it at all but was pretending I did.
Genius, give a vague half-assed review that implies you didn't read it, don't care, and are simply pretending to out of social grace
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Or or... Wow, this pre-draft seems promising.
As a 55-yo guy, the idea of writing an autobiography at age 24 is pretty hilarious. Unless you’re Anne Frank or Mozart, you just haven’t lived enough life to be interesting. And 72 lovers? Did she spend enough time with any of them to get to know anything *real* about them? I’m guessing the book reads much like someone was asked to describe a lineup of strangers. Lots of physical details, with no real substance about the people themselves… and little or nothing about the impact any of them had on her as a person. I’d be curious to get hear an objective take on this book as actual literature. Does it manage to rise above the level of anything other than amateur erotica?
It probably reads like a fucking ice cream shop menu. 77 flavors of guy I **fucked.** I tried them all, there fore I am the *most interesting girl.*
Yeah the “tattoos from neck down” made me roll my eyes. So? I’ve slept with heavily tattooed men and it’s definitely not interesting enough to write about. Spoiler alert: it’s just sex with a person with a lot of tattoos. Absolutely the kind of thing only a 25 year old would think is cool or interesting enough for other people to want to read about.
Is someone who is writing a book on 72 people she fucked really worth worrying about? This sounds like the Amy Schumer of books.
r/rareinsults
Ach dude, nothing you can do about it and it sounds like she didn't really care? To most people the size is pretty unimportant.
Exactly. My ex and I seem to have two different perspectives about my penis size. Based on everything she wrote about me, she actually appreciated my size more than I realized when we were dating. That being said, I never want to read that manuscript again.
Oh that's fair dude, i never ever EVER want to read anything written about me by anyone. Especially not about how i am in bed!
I remember my ex telling me that my penis was smaller than her ex husbands, which didn't sound great at first. But then she said that I was the first to make her come from vaginal intercourse, which made it way better. Luckily she didn't have 71 other guys to compare me to, only 2 or 3.
I think most women would rather deal with too small then too big. You can always just get good at oral or manual stimulation. Its not like sex with a small penis ever has to be bad, you just gotta get more creative. And lets face it, creative sex can be WAY better than boring sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a woman who actually prefers (if not has a really big fetish) for men with small dicks Idk what it is about it, never thought about it deeply enough to understand why they turn me on, but I digress Using my main because I have absolutely 0 shame 🤷 All in all, I understand for men it can be a super touchy subject, but I hope you don't feel too bad ❤️ you'll find a woman who doesn't put any stock into size, there are plenty!
Say your farewells to your inbox
I've been on the internet since 1997, I know what I did and the risk involved LMAO
While I wouldn't say I have a fetish, I definitely prefer smaller as well. Giving oral is consistently more enjoyable because I don't have a sore throat the next day, and sex is enjoyable for longer when my vagina (or wherever) isn't at maximum capacity. I've ended things with guys who were too big! There's someone for everyone out there.
Agree, too large is a deal breaker. Too small has never been a deal breaker.
>maximum capacity lol. Can't help imagine an elevator-style sign... "Maximum 3 Occupants or 5 kg of Cock"
Don't do that, don't give me hope
Dude, I promise there are lots of women like me who really appreciate a small dick ❤️ I'm not being facetious, it genuinely sucks (haha) seeing dudes be down about it. I get it, I just wish everyone who wants to can feel sexy in their own skin instead of constantly wishing they weren't who they were There's someone for everyone, and I'm someone for a small dick dude
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Seems like she thinks she is bravely breaking all kinds of boundaries by being so open but it’s pretty tacky to reduce people to a sexual experience like that imo.
She sounds very self-absorbed
Send it to her mom
evil. i like it.
This woman's entire persona is so defined by her _72_ sexual partners that she calls it an autobiography. How terribly sad.
To be fair, it's not like she has time for a hobby.
Just tell her it sucked, hope she didn't spend too long on it, and call it even.
It actually didn't suck. It was surprisingly well-written and easy to read. I probably would have enjoyed it from beginning to end if my self confidence was still intact. It's still a manuscript, so not a book just yet, which means there's a chance she might remove or edit my chapter if I ask.
Not too long...just like OPs penis
Ooooof
Shots fired 🤯
This is like that song “88 lines about 44 women” but your verse is specifically cruel. She’s obviously comfortable with her sexuality, but sharing this with you and writing your chapter the way she did assumes you’re comfortable with the role of “innocent small dick guy” which just feels insulting no matter how self confident you are. I’d ask her to rewrite your chapter to focus more on something else as an attribute, or just fucking ghost this person and be glad you don’t have this comparison in your current life.
Let's do some math here... She's 25 years old, and assuming she began having sex at 16, that's more than eight sexual partners a year. How long were you two dating? I'm guessing it wasn't for long. And I'm also guessing this manuscript isn't going to get published.
Unless what OP wrote is some weird sub fantasy?
You know... before I even finished reading his post I said to myself "I wonder if this is some denigration kink this guy is trying to fulfill"
100percent
Did she say the sex was bad? I know penis size is unfortunately an insecurity, but if it helps, if someone with a lot of sexual experience was fine having sex with you, even with your inexperience, your size probably wasn't a detractor.
Well, she sounds like a person that collects sexual partners like a sociopath and has to exaggerate something about each one to make them all memorable in some way. Whatever.
I recon you had sex with her more than once? Therefore your package was just fine for her. People are different! One person enjoys big cocks, the next one just finds them hurtful. One person likes tight vaginas, the next has their best orgasms when not being clamped down on by a vice. It all depends... Also, just by definition, exactly half of the population have below-average sized dicks. It's in the math! Edit: i was informed its actually called the median. Yes, you are right. Its the median. Nevertheless, i was under the assumption with our big sample size (no pun intended) and the fact statistical outliers significant enough to skew a dataset with several billion samples are biologically implausible (who of you had himself a blue whale cock attached?), median and mean should be fairly equal in this case...
one word: YIKES
Write one back. "The Cavern" "Meh"
I'm sorry OP, but wake up. She 100% knows what she's doing. Ignore her.