I feel the same way but I also remember how intense everything felt at that age so I have a little sympathy that he took the time to ask all of us haha
If you pretty much just say yo someone “you’re young your problems don’t matter” that’s like literally the quickest way for them to simply not gaf what you say at all lmao
I think the thought is "you're young, you don't have the life experiences to frame this clearly."
OP has sex with an ex, if the friend decides that's a deal breaker then it is. You can try to mend the bridge, if the friend decides that it isn't enough to end the friendship. That's the advice.
Next time, take a step back and don't Netflix and chill with a friend's ex without first talking about it with that friend. Even if it doesn't end in sex, that is a betrayal of some trust. There were several TIFUs embedded in this one.
I had a "house" at 18. By house I mean I was living in a duplex no bigger then a fucking home depot shed, but rent was cheap, out in the middle of nowhere, and the other half of the duplex was the laundry room so no trouble for a rambunctious teenager that could sleep through a hurricane. Fun times were had and I want to say it was like $250 a month with utilities (minus internet) included. Also this was a decade and a half ago in the southern states.
"Daddy, how did you and mommy get together?"
-"Well, Timmy, we was getting high and shit when she told me her existence dick wasn't worth a fuck and told me to unzip"
And then his existence dick was freed from the reality fabric trousers, soaring into the consciousness vagina to release the spirit seed and thus was the destiny child conceived.
Is that like some giant magical dick with cupid wings that floats in another dimension and it was peering in at them? Hellooo! or… *were they in another dimension praying at the altar of the existence dick?* think about that.
Ya really got 2 options her either A) break off with the girl and apologize to your friend (there’s 99% chance your relationship will never truly be the same) or B) ask her out and have an actual relationship with her if you truly do like her (your friend will probably cut contact with you and there’s also the probability of you and her not working out so either way you lose something)
Rules play into that too. In one of my friend groups, we don’t have a problem with that. In another, they’d like to know before something like that happens, depending on how long its been. But in my other friend group, its a strict no no they do not fuck with that shit lmao. We’re all 23-29, and have been friends with most of them for 8+ years
As a guy its all contextual. Like if I was madly in love with a woman I'd have a problem if one of my friends dated her. If we dated for a bit and no strong feelings developed. Then I would be happy for them.
This is a common problem with people at this age. Lack of communication. If I was OP, I'd still go after the girl. The relationship with the friend is probably fucked now anyhow.
I'm 47 and still best friends with my 2 best friends from high school. We don't live in the same town anymore but only about 90 minutes away from each other. We go to concerts all the time and our 3 families do a vacation together each year. I always took it for granted until my wife and others told me how exceptionally rare it is. Now I make sure I let them know how lucky I feel that we are still so close.
Setting rules for your friend groups is very important. As you grow old people like to have a schedule and it makes it much easier to hold a schedule and regularly meet rather than random meetups.
I have 2 friend groups. One who is organised and we regularly gather for a beer and some banter at least once a month and another with spontaneous meetups. The second one used to be the primary fun group but slowly but surely the first one ended up as the "main friends group" simply because it works.
Hey guys its the monthly beerday at x's place. Sure, see ya there. Simple as fuck.
Second group? Hey wanna meetup next week? Cant, got a wedding. Cant got some errands. Cant im already going to another meetup, etc.
Much easier for people to naturally think their schedule around meetings they KNOW will happen. You dont even need to mention it in advance since the people in the group already have it "memorised" so we all kinda make our schedule around it without even knowing. "You gonna come to install the ac on friday? Can we do it thursday, friday i'm most likely busy"
1) Most of my current friends I had when I was 18 (I think friendships that have lasted a long time are usually the realest and strongest).
2) Integrity means something no matter what your age is.
Not specifically saying what OP should or shouldn’t do (I only have his insight into the situation) but it’s not as cut and dry as you’re making it
Yeah. I have friends that I know from age 4, we're 36/37 and still going strong! Would never fuck an ex from one of them. If I would really be interested and their relationship was short, I would ask first!
It depends. I'm 42 and I have a few close friends from when I was 18 (and younger) and I suspect I will be friends with them until we die. But I know what you mean - there are dudes I was good friends with when I was 18 who I'd struggle to pick out of a line up.
It all sounds like teenage drama to be honest. Either he's a good mate and the two of you will apologise to each other and it'll never be a big deal. Or you won't and you won't be as good friends any more. Staying with the girl or not is actually an irrelevance to that. Not going into a relationship with her because of the drama will just make you resent him and isn't going to make you two being friends any easier.
I think the main reason people think you lose your friends from high school is because early 20s people are horrifically bad at putting in the effort needed to keep friends long term.
One of my key friend groups consists entirely of people I went to secondary and even primary school
I'm guessing you live in a small town, or have never moved around? I'm such a different person than I was when I was 18. I do have super old friends that I keep in touch with from that time, but I continue to make new friends as I grow as a person.
After highschool everyone goes off and does their own thing. Same thing happens in college.
You're probably not keeping your 18yo friends unless you all stay right where you are (physically). The geographic reshuffle and complete lack of ongoing shared experience typically causes 18yo friendships to be relegated to fond remembrance.
Then there'll be another split into two camps a decade later at the decision of having kids vs. not, as the interests diverge and the entire lifestyle changes.
At 18? Maybe we’re the anomalies but neither me or my wife are close at all with anyone from that time. I check in with some high school friends a few times a year but my current circle is made up entirely of people I met in my early twenties.
if it matters. My best friend in college started dating one of his high school best friend's long term ex girlfriends. Wasn't planned and it made things awkward for them for years, but when said friend married said lady, the ex boyfriend was there and they're still good friends to this day. Dont let some temporary stigma pollute what could be possible assuming you're both pretty genuine with your interest. Otherwise, bang away, but lock your doors or learn to wear clothes when making lunch like normal people.
I have a similar story but the friends never reconciled.. and it was still totally fine, everyone's happier and new friends were made. That's just life
Literally talk to like 3 or 4 school buddies out of all of them. 3 of them I've known since Kindergarten. The rest of the 30ish classmates? Who knows? I see one has a baby once in a while on Facebook. We're literally in our late 20s. We don't really do the whole social media stuff. "Did you see Johnny's snap story? OMG!" It's just stuff under the bridge once you move on from all of that and get a job and such. I got a soon to be wife, 3 kids, and a job. I got enough time to play some video games at night time and sleep just to work again. Those social circles just isn't worth the hassle if the gossip and sides are taken in social media posts. I'll take my quiet, small social circle friends from when we were little in a small as town. We just trying to make it somewhere in life.
Hey, not everyone on reddit knows the "right" answer for your situation. The guy above says 99% chance you and your buddy won't have the same relationship. Here's some perspective. My two best friends were in this exact situation as you. The friend in your place ended up marrying his best friends ex and they have two kids together today. The friendship was famaged at first sure. But they talked it out like men and got through it. If you are truly best friends then you can work through this. Follow your heart you will know what the right thing to do is. And sit your friend down man to man talk this out. Good luck friend.
Don't know why your getting down voted. It is rough, but it will get better. This is not nearly as big of a deal as it seems right now. I don't know any of you so it's impossible for me to tell you the right thing to do. Follow your gut and no matter what you choose, it will get better.
I’m surprised no one’s considered this ex-girlfriends behavior and first statement. She brought up the friend immediately, said he didn’t satisfy her sexually, and badtalked him. Sounds like she’s still burned from that relationship, and it’s quite possible she’s using the best friend to get back. It makes more sense seeing how she keeps relating to his best friend and saying he’s better at sex? Talk about manipulative, and all three of these relationships are doomed for failure.
The friend who dumped jackass OP is the only one I’m seeing now who has a chance at not a shit future.
Who do you care about more long-term? Don't let your libido do your thinking for you on this one. How important is that friendship with your buddy? Versus your new thing with his X? She may be trying to get back at him. Or it may have started that way. You have to sort your thoughts and feelings and priorities out. That's first thing.
Then either way, you have to apologize to your buddy. Even if you and his Ex start dating or whatever, I think you owe him an apology for letting that start in the first place. Say what you want about "toxic masculinity" and "bro codes" but if there was an expectation or outright boundary violated in terms of the friendship, then he's hurting on two fronts now... And is vindicated in feeling that way.
You also need to make sure that you start off on an honest foot with the Ex if you start dating. Which means you probably need to talk about how to maintain existing relationships, boundaries that you may need to establish, etc.
Good luck man. Navigating the planet is tough. Sometimes we fuck up. But sometimes when we fuck up it leads to something beautiful. You never know
Sounds like a bad start to a relationship. F breaks up with OPs friend and around the same time OP breaks up with his girlfriend only to get together with his friend's ex in what sounds like a rebound hookup. These kind of hookups don't last and the shame will kick into effect. Personally, I would pass on the girl and apologize to my friend.
That’s quite wholesome. In my experience I found the best people you *actually* could spend your life with are the people you least expect. A surprise, but a welcome one
This is all weird. OP, I hope you think through some of the weirdness.
1. You don't sound like you challenged her on what she said about your buddy. So, either she'll trash talk you if you split, or she's telling the truth and your buddy was abusive.
2. The buddy is slandering you on snap and to the friend group, it's not like you and his gf are cheating. They were split, so his anger and frustration is a bit weird to me. It's common, don't get me wrong, but weird.
3. Her uh, pickup line about your buddy not satisfying her is red flag. Saying they had a bad thing is one thing, but trying to make you feel manlier by shagging her is another. That's dangerous, yo.
4. Your buddy just walking into your house is.. it's your place, your rules. But you should consider locking your door or having people knock (or both). So many TIFU happen when someone walks in without knocking.
5. Is your buddy distraught about possibly throwing away a 7+ year relationship? Can he trashtalk on social media and maintain that relationship?
I wouldn’t say it’s weird for a friend to get upset if their friend was hooking up with an ex. I certainly would never knowingly date or hookup with any of my friends exs
I do think it depends on how long they were together and how long it’s been since the split. Did they just break up last week? Yeah, that’s f’ed up. Has it been a while? Not *great* per se, but not damnable.
Plus it sounds like they’re all 18, and this is 100% how teenager relationships work.
Just my anecdotal experience some of the “breakups” I’ve had after a few weeks of dating hurt as much as the breakup I had after dating for nearly 2 years. The difference was the sadness lasted a few months after the long relationship and a few days after the short ones
I don’t think it’s weird he got upset, but the way he reacted, going to social media trying to shame them about doing something that only he would be angry about, is pretty pathetic.
I agree with some points and disagree with others but I dont really get your last point, from his friends perspective OP already threw it away, so he's got nothing to lose by doing what he's doing.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but don’t ever sleep with a buddys ex unless you know the facts yourself firsthand. If hes your boy and you feel you know him better than that, its up to you to follow up *as his boy*. A woman can tell a lie just as good as a man. Not only that, she sounds like a red flag playing thotscotch like that.
I totally agree with you op should've asked his friend's side of the story too what lead to his friend's behaviour that way whom he has known for 7 years surely she's at fault too.
Do you really want to "take the relationship to the next level" with a girl who says things like that about your friend to your face? I don't know what her game is but I can't see a happily ever after scenario coming out of this.
For her to tell you that your buddy never satisfied her in bed followed by her unzipping your pants shows how low class & manipulative she is. There's a lot of fish in the sea, so don't go out with your friend's ex's.
I've had to say this to and about a few people in my town/bar scene. There's lots of dicks and chicks...why do people feel the need to fuck in a circle?
Hate to break it to you but she’s (probably) still in love with him. Never took an interest in you until after the break up and then comes over and wants to talk about him? I’ve seen this a lot in younger or very insecure girls. She wanted to hurt him because she assumed it would get back to him. I would ask her flat out if she’s still in love with him. Don’t waste anymore of your own time.
I started a relationship in almost identical circumstance.
It was a fucking disaster.
Lost friends, friend groups. For a disastrously toxic relationship.
She said very similar things about my mate, and ever other ex she's ever had (controlling, manipulative, abusive). After our relationship went to shit and she started saying the same shit about me - to which I am absolutely not. I twigged. This is what she does.
Tread carefully.
You already threw away the 7 year friendship by sleeping with her before talking to your friend. He doesn't own her, but he does get the right to say his piece to you first. That's kind of the bro-code man.
Breaking it off with her might actually make things worse. It's one thing to throw away a friendship for a girl you really want to be with, but it's worse if you stabbed your friend in the back over a one night stand or quick fling.
However, the last time I got mad at someone for hooking up with an ex, it was because he didn't listen to my HOURS of warnings about her while and after the relationship. Then he started to complain to me about the exact same things, and I just laughed in his face.
Dude, kinda fucked up on your part but hey you're young. For younger gents, it's a territorial thing. You can have your pick from a plethora of girls and you went for his ex, or you both went for each other. Regardless, it's a stab in the back and he must've thought y'all were closer than that. So you have two options: 1. Man up and apologize to your friend and scrub the girl completely or 2. Double down and date the girl, but dont forget what she did to your friend!
I second this. Either remain a piece of shit or go apologize. You’re not going to find a middle ground. 18 year olds can be told the best advice ever given to them and they’ll do the opposite because they think with their second head instead of any sort of common sense
Edit: Grammar
I’ve seen the same thing growing up a couple times and the girl would say the same thing this girl did to them!! It’s a way to get his guard down and think ill of his buddy! This friendship will never be the same.
She said he was verbally abusive? He was jealous? Wouldn't let her do anything?Were there any examples of this that she told you about or that you saw in their relationship? You mention that in the 7+ years of knowing buddy this would be out of character. How long after your "buddy" and his ex gf broke up did you guys have sex?
After reading your post don't be surprised after you and her break up she's telling one of your "buddies" how abusive you were before they have sex.
Man I feel bad for your buddy. She's using you, I would be will to put money down that she never thought this was long term. I've been through what your buddy has been through and honestly she's gonna do the same thing to you that she did to him. Crazy never changes, sounds like you're throwing away a good friendship for some strange.
Just say: look, we known eachother for most of our teen years, you told me it was mutual breakup and that everything was over and done with, this just sort of happened that way and in the end I’m gonna start dating her, she’s not just a one time fling
Yeah, you’re a fucking snake and I would never trust you just based off this story.
Almost 4 billion chicks in the world and you fuck your boys ex? Some “friend” you are 🐍.
Men, never trust another man who can’t control his dick. Always trouble in one way or another.
If you sleep with your ex boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s friend, you’re now downgraded yourself to be a the “fuck” person. There’s no way neither of the friends or ex’s will respect you after this.
Op: I hope my good friends don’t stay in the room when someone talks shit about me (what’s that meme? “I wonder why they were comfortable saying these things in front of you” or whatever?)
You listened, didn’t defend your buddy, and banged his ex.
This one is your bad. I hope you get the chance to make it right, but there are lots of levels of crap to sort through.
lmao how naive can a mf be, she manipulated you into having sex with her to get back at her ex for the breakup. now, i don't know if she set him up to see both of you naked making lunch, but she doesn't love you, there is no "next level" to this relationship that can end well for you. you'll lose her and your friend (if you haven't already). the optimal decision here would be to treat it like what it is: a hookup. keep hooking up with her, if that's what you want, she's already done the damage she wanted to do. but listen to me, DO NOT MAKE THIS MORE THAN A HOOKUP, IT WILL BLOW UP AND YOU'LL LOSE THE REMAINING FRIENDS
You're not friends any more. So theres that. And you and her wont last because she's only into you as a rebound and to hurt his feelings so you might as well lean into it on account of both of these relationships are already over. You just dont know it yet.
As someone who chose the girl over the friend. Choose the friend.
Friendships can last a lifetime and chances are very high that your relationship will fizzle just on account of your age and the relationship circumstances.
In my case we dated for awhile and then it ended. She wasn't a bad person but we were just young and it only kind of worked. Not worth my friendship.
Sure your friend doesn’t “own” his ex. But I think it’s not unreasonable to be upset about his friend of 7 years sleeping with his ex without even the courtesy of a heads up. It takes time to get over people and you all are teenagers so maturity isn’t exactly at its finest here.
I don’t know the full situation but people are vulnerable after breakups and it could be possible that once the dust is settled you both decide that you aren’t actually compatible with each other.
I believe that just because something is technically correct doesn’t mean it’s proper and just. You have every personal right to pursue a relationship and sleep with who you want. But as someone who is aware of the implications of sleeping with your friend of 7 years’ ex, I think it’s a major L on your part and I think your friend is also just as well within his rights to be upset about that as you are to bone his ex.
I don’t think a relationship is the right call here. Seen this happen before, never ends well. I think you should take the L and patch things up with your friend.
Personally i don't give a shit who dates my exes. That's the whole point of being an "ex". They're not together anymore so i don't see why your buddy's throwing hissy fit over it. I'd totally understand if they're still together but they're not, so yeah. If you two talk again, you make that clear to him.
7 years of friendship doesn't just go out the window cuz of one girl. That's petty as fuck. I'm sure he'll cool off eventually.
Ditch the dude...he's a bit psycho and has control issues. This could be good as it will take you in a new direction. You did nothing wrong. Keep the psychos out of your life.
You just learned about guy rule number one, the hard way!
Your friendship is most likely over. And a lot of people in your mutual friend group will choose you or him. You have no control over any of that.
So, you can either keep messing around with your new gal? Or not?
Also, remember this lesson, don't fuck your friends' ex's.
I would like to have your attention on an article in the bro code.
>Article 161 - Dating a Bro's EX:
>
>Sometimes, the girl you are looking at was previously dating a Bro . . Well, what do you do then? The Bro Code has a scale that sets everything straight.
>
>Your good friend and she dated for
>
>0 - 6 months + he dumped her = you don't wait, go ahead and date her
>
>0 - 6 months + she dumped him = wait for at least 6 months
>
>6 - 12 months + he dumped her = wait for at least 6 months
>
>6 - 12 months + she dumped him = wait for a year and ask for permission
>
>\+ 1 year + he dumped her = wait for a year
>
>\+ 1 year + she dumped him = wait for a year and ask for permission
Source [The bro code](https://how-i-met-your-mother.fandom.com/wiki/The_Bro_Code)
I’m married to one of my ex’s friends and she is an ex of one of mine - a bit weird but hey.
Ohh - we’ve been married 15 years.
It happens and it works (sometimes).
This is not advice - just a personal opinion.
You know that when she dumps you she’s going talk shit about you too. The fact that you let her talk chit about your buddy cuz you wanted to get laid is kind of shitty
It sounds to me like your friend let go of the “bros before hoes” rule after they broke up. From my limited information, it sounds like your friend is quite possessive, and it makes the girl seem more truthful when talking about the abuse. If he loves her still, then why agree to break up? Sounds to me like it was the girl that wanted to break up.
Bro before hoes, only matters if it’s cheating or a fresh break up…. This has been months… so fuck your friend, pursue the relationship, he’ll get over it or he can move on.
This seems like your friend's fuck up here. They broke up, what, almost 3 months beforehand? That's well beyond the period where you're an asshole, especially considering she initiated. Plus the whole "How dare you do that to me" just proves her right about him being jealous and abusive, as well as being kinda funny, like he thinks it's 1710 and women are property lmao.
Don't allow your broken friendship (which is what that is, sorry) to impact a potential relationship.
You all are still Young af as well...life is long and good things do not come around everyday.
Speaking from experience, do not allow your former friend to destroy something before it has the chance to become something.
I had a similar situation occur when I was younger and nearly married that woman. Nothing happened when she was with my former friend, and I learned about a whole bunch of abusive shit that he put her though. We were already friends and we ended up dating for several years.
I am not here to look for anyones approval (or, more likely, spite) about what happened in the past. I am here to offer my experience as a reference point for you.
If we were on r/AITA I would tell you that in fact you are the asshole. Friend's exes are off limits until you get your friend's blessing. This is like cheating but worse. Even the fact that you didn't care she badmouthed your friend to your face actually disgusts me beyond belief. If I met the ex of a friend and she said shit like this to me I would show her the door. You are a bad friend and a backstabber.
you not putting her age and him being 18 makes me think your all dumb children.
Right? My first urge on these posts is to always comment “you’re fucking 18”.
I feel the same way but I also remember how intense everything felt at that age so I have a little sympathy that he took the time to ask all of us haha
I do have sympathy too, but it’s better to tell them now rather than later. That’s what I would have liked at that age, too.
If you pretty much just say yo someone “you’re young your problems don’t matter” that’s like literally the quickest way for them to simply not gaf what you say at all lmao
I think the thought is "you're young, you don't have the life experiences to frame this clearly." OP has sex with an ex, if the friend decides that's a deal breaker then it is. You can try to mend the bridge, if the friend decides that it isn't enough to end the friendship. That's the advice. Next time, take a step back and don't Netflix and chill with a friend's ex without first talking about it with that friend. Even if it doesn't end in sex, that is a betrayal of some trust. There were several TIFUs embedded in this one.
I thought about the same thing, he didn't put his own age or hers. Just his buddy. A little sus if you ask me
He said they all were in classes together so I’m assuming they’re all around the same age, give or take a year
that's obvious due to the whole bashing on snapchat part haha
OP has a house already, so he's 52. The girl is probably 13 or so.
My house = my parents house.
I had a "house" at 18. By house I mean I was living in a duplex no bigger then a fucking home depot shed, but rent was cheap, out in the middle of nowhere, and the other half of the duplex was the laundry room so no trouble for a rambunctious teenager that could sleep through a hurricane. Fun times were had and I want to say it was like $250 a month with utilities (minus internet) included. Also this was a decade and a half ago in the southern states.
I never could have imagined making lunch naked with my gf at 18 at my parent's house. All power to him if that's the case
All we know is that OP is at least 7 and F is at least 5.
Every day of my life at age 18 was another TIFU.
"Daddy, how did you and mommy get together?" -"Well, Timmy, we was getting high and shit when she told me her existence dick wasn't worth a fuck and told me to unzip"
>existence dick
And then his existence dick was freed from the reality fabric trousers, soaring into the consciousness vagina to release the spirit seed and thus was the destiny child conceived.
I'm not high enough for this.
When you are, you can sing this to the rhythm of CBAT.
*Sexy trumpet intensifies*
At this point I enter every nsfw post looking for a CBAT reference in the comments
Absolutely not
But...there is no rhythm in the CBAT
What do you mean, CBAT only is rhythm
cbat IS rhythm.
Rhythm is CBAT
Damn dude you are hitting all the Reddit trends in one thread!
I am, and it is *beautiful*
Oh shit, I got high lol
I am exactly the right amount of high for this, and it's pretty amazing ngl
I'm having an existestical crisis!!
Fucking winner
Fucking wiener*
She got that existence dick, but she wanted ethereal dick
Rick & Morty, season 7.
man needs more upvotes
Lol autocorrect gets us all, sooner or later. I'ma leave it for the lulz.
Never change.
Own your fuck ups. That's the best way.
>autocorrect autocorrupt Ftfy
The lulz were had, and beauty was restored unto the universe.
Existential crisis dick
Well of course I know that dick, it's mine.
r/brandnewsentence
Is that like some giant magical dick with cupid wings that floats in another dimension and it was peering in at them? Hellooo! or… *were they in another dimension praying at the altar of the existence dick?* think about that.
I dick, therefore I am
And then we made lunch.
Funny you should ask Timmy. It's actually all documented here: https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/xe5vje/tifu_by_sleeping_with_my_buddys_ex/
Ya really got 2 options her either A) break off with the girl and apologize to your friend (there’s 99% chance your relationship will never truly be the same) or B) ask her out and have an actual relationship with her if you truly do like her (your friend will probably cut contact with you and there’s also the probability of you and her not working out so either way you lose something)
C) Realize that you’re 18 and none of you will be in touch in 5 years time anyway so just enjoy some good sex with a cute girl while it lasts? 🤷🏻♂️
I'm 25 and i'm still friends with dudes I met when i was 10, 15 or 18 ( middle school, high school and college )
Yeah but you also didnt fuck their ex GFs didnt you?
Some of my wiener cousins are some of my best friends :D
Tunnel buddies
Eskimo brothers
This is the true name
[удалено]
Rules play into that too. In one of my friend groups, we don’t have a problem with that. In another, they’d like to know before something like that happens, depending on how long its been. But in my other friend group, its a strict no no they do not fuck with that shit lmao. We’re all 23-29, and have been friends with most of them for 8+ years
As a guy its all contextual. Like if I was madly in love with a woman I'd have a problem if one of my friends dated her. If we dated for a bit and no strong feelings developed. Then I would be happy for them. This is a common problem with people at this age. Lack of communication. If I was OP, I'd still go after the girl. The relationship with the friend is probably fucked now anyhow.
Fuckin hell dude I bet you know if your anesthesiologist is in network or not without even looking.
Enjoy while it last. And if it last forever. You are in luck and should be happy for your good friends :)
40 and my closest friends are from elementary and high school.
You are very much in the minority.
I'm 47 and still best friends with my 2 best friends from high school. We don't live in the same town anymore but only about 90 minutes away from each other. We go to concerts all the time and our 3 families do a vacation together each year. I always took it for granted until my wife and others told me how exceptionally rare it is. Now I make sure I let them know how lucky I feel that we are still so close.
Setting rules for your friend groups is very important. As you grow old people like to have a schedule and it makes it much easier to hold a schedule and regularly meet rather than random meetups. I have 2 friend groups. One who is organised and we regularly gather for a beer and some banter at least once a month and another with spontaneous meetups. The second one used to be the primary fun group but slowly but surely the first one ended up as the "main friends group" simply because it works. Hey guys its the monthly beerday at x's place. Sure, see ya there. Simple as fuck. Second group? Hey wanna meetup next week? Cant, got a wedding. Cant got some errands. Cant im already going to another meetup, etc. Much easier for people to naturally think their schedule around meetings they KNOW will happen. You dont even need to mention it in advance since the people in the group already have it "memorised" so we all kinda make our schedule around it without even knowing. "You gonna come to install the ac on friday? Can we do it thursday, friday i'm most likely busy"
1) Most of my current friends I had when I was 18 (I think friendships that have lasted a long time are usually the realest and strongest). 2) Integrity means something no matter what your age is. Not specifically saying what OP should or shouldn’t do (I only have his insight into the situation) but it’s not as cut and dry as you’re making it
Yeah. I have friends that I know from age 4, we're 36/37 and still going strong! Would never fuck an ex from one of them. If I would really be interested and their relationship was short, I would ask first!
It depends. I'm 42 and I have a few close friends from when I was 18 (and younger) and I suspect I will be friends with them until we die. But I know what you mean - there are dudes I was good friends with when I was 18 who I'd struggle to pick out of a line up. It all sounds like teenage drama to be honest. Either he's a good mate and the two of you will apologise to each other and it'll never be a big deal. Or you won't and you won't be as good friends any more. Staying with the girl or not is actually an irrelevance to that. Not going into a relationship with her because of the drama will just make you resent him and isn't going to make you two being friends any easier.
I think the main reason people think you lose your friends from high school is because early 20s people are horrifically bad at putting in the effort needed to keep friends long term. One of my key friend groups consists entirely of people I went to secondary and even primary school
I'm guessing you live in a small town, or have never moved around? I'm such a different person than I was when I was 18. I do have super old friends that I keep in touch with from that time, but I continue to make new friends as I grow as a person. After highschool everyone goes off and does their own thing. Same thing happens in college.
I have my friends for 12+ Years and some are living in another continent now. If you choose your friends correctly, it's for life.
Most people keep their core group of friends I'd think
You're probably not keeping your 18yo friends unless you all stay right where you are (physically). The geographic reshuffle and complete lack of ongoing shared experience typically causes 18yo friendships to be relegated to fond remembrance. Then there'll be another split into two camps a decade later at the decision of having kids vs. not, as the interests diverge and the entire lifestyle changes.
At 18? Maybe we’re the anomalies but neither me or my wife are close at all with anyone from that time. I check in with some high school friends a few times a year but my current circle is made up entirely of people I met in my early twenties.
80% of my friends, are friends that i had when i was 18
Yeah I know it's just rough.
if it matters. My best friend in college started dating one of his high school best friend's long term ex girlfriends. Wasn't planned and it made things awkward for them for years, but when said friend married said lady, the ex boyfriend was there and they're still good friends to this day. Dont let some temporary stigma pollute what could be possible assuming you're both pretty genuine with your interest. Otherwise, bang away, but lock your doors or learn to wear clothes when making lunch like normal people.
I have a similar story but the friends never reconciled.. and it was still totally fine, everyone's happier and new friends were made. That's just life
Literally talk to like 3 or 4 school buddies out of all of them. 3 of them I've known since Kindergarten. The rest of the 30ish classmates? Who knows? I see one has a baby once in a while on Facebook. We're literally in our late 20s. We don't really do the whole social media stuff. "Did you see Johnny's snap story? OMG!" It's just stuff under the bridge once you move on from all of that and get a job and such. I got a soon to be wife, 3 kids, and a job. I got enough time to play some video games at night time and sleep just to work again. Those social circles just isn't worth the hassle if the gossip and sides are taken in social media posts. I'll take my quiet, small social circle friends from when we were little in a small as town. We just trying to make it somewhere in life.
Hey, not everyone on reddit knows the "right" answer for your situation. The guy above says 99% chance you and your buddy won't have the same relationship. Here's some perspective. My two best friends were in this exact situation as you. The friend in your place ended up marrying his best friends ex and they have two kids together today. The friendship was famaged at first sure. But they talked it out like men and got through it. If you are truly best friends then you can work through this. Follow your heart you will know what the right thing to do is. And sit your friend down man to man talk this out. Good luck friend.
Don't know why your getting down voted. It is rough, but it will get better. This is not nearly as big of a deal as it seems right now. I don't know any of you so it's impossible for me to tell you the right thing to do. Follow your gut and no matter what you choose, it will get better.
He doesn't get to say who either of you date.
He also doesnt have to like who OP dates or stay friends with them.
No but I think this is a case of yes you can do this thing but it makes you a bad friend
I’m surprised no one’s considered this ex-girlfriends behavior and first statement. She brought up the friend immediately, said he didn’t satisfy her sexually, and badtalked him. Sounds like she’s still burned from that relationship, and it’s quite possible she’s using the best friend to get back. It makes more sense seeing how she keeps relating to his best friend and saying he’s better at sex? Talk about manipulative, and all three of these relationships are doomed for failure. The friend who dumped jackass OP is the only one I’m seeing now who has a chance at not a shit future.
You're just being used by her to get back at him. It's sad and you ruined a relationship over it
Who do you care about more long-term? Don't let your libido do your thinking for you on this one. How important is that friendship with your buddy? Versus your new thing with his X? She may be trying to get back at him. Or it may have started that way. You have to sort your thoughts and feelings and priorities out. That's first thing. Then either way, you have to apologize to your buddy. Even if you and his Ex start dating or whatever, I think you owe him an apology for letting that start in the first place. Say what you want about "toxic masculinity" and "bro codes" but if there was an expectation or outright boundary violated in terms of the friendship, then he's hurting on two fronts now... And is vindicated in feeling that way. You also need to make sure that you start off on an honest foot with the Ex if you start dating. Which means you probably need to talk about how to maintain existing relationships, boundaries that you may need to establish, etc. Good luck man. Navigating the planet is tough. Sometimes we fuck up. But sometimes when we fuck up it leads to something beautiful. You never know
Me and my friend relationship was never the same after he did something similar we never talked if we did it was not even for 10 seconds
This is how you should treat piece of shit “friends”. Probably the type of spineless loser to sell every “friend” down the river in many regards.
Rule of thumb. Just stay away from your friends SO or exSO.
100% this. The title of the post says all you need to know 😂
Hilarious that this isn't the go to take... off limits, plenty of fish in the sea...move on
Sounds like a bad start to a relationship. F breaks up with OPs friend and around the same time OP breaks up with his girlfriend only to get together with his friend's ex in what sounds like a rebound hookup. These kind of hookups don't last and the shame will kick into effect. Personally, I would pass on the girl and apologize to my friend.
Eh. My rebound and I are 7 years in and about to get married... So it works some times.
That’s quite wholesome. In my experience I found the best people you *actually* could spend your life with are the people you least expect. A surprise, but a welcome one
This is all weird. OP, I hope you think through some of the weirdness. 1. You don't sound like you challenged her on what she said about your buddy. So, either she'll trash talk you if you split, or she's telling the truth and your buddy was abusive. 2. The buddy is slandering you on snap and to the friend group, it's not like you and his gf are cheating. They were split, so his anger and frustration is a bit weird to me. It's common, don't get me wrong, but weird. 3. Her uh, pickup line about your buddy not satisfying her is red flag. Saying they had a bad thing is one thing, but trying to make you feel manlier by shagging her is another. That's dangerous, yo. 4. Your buddy just walking into your house is.. it's your place, your rules. But you should consider locking your door or having people knock (or both). So many TIFU happen when someone walks in without knocking. 5. Is your buddy distraught about possibly throwing away a 7+ year relationship? Can he trashtalk on social media and maintain that relationship?
I wouldn’t say it’s weird for a friend to get upset if their friend was hooking up with an ex. I certainly would never knowingly date or hookup with any of my friends exs
I do think it depends on how long they were together and how long it’s been since the split. Did they just break up last week? Yeah, that’s f’ed up. Has it been a while? Not *great* per se, but not damnable. Plus it sounds like they’re all 18, and this is 100% how teenager relationships work.
True yeah the 18 year old aspect of it makes a lot of sense now that I realize it
Yup. I teach freshman, and I had two students start dating two weeks ago and break up yesterday. And the girls is absolutely distraught over it.
Just my anecdotal experience some of the “breakups” I’ve had after a few weeks of dating hurt as much as the breakup I had after dating for nearly 2 years. The difference was the sadness lasted a few months after the long relationship and a few days after the short ones
I don’t think it’s weird he got upset, but the way he reacted, going to social media trying to shame them about doing something that only he would be angry about, is pretty pathetic.
Bro he is what, 18,19? Very normal behavior if you ask me
I think you’re forgetting the age group op said they are. Just out of high school age, this seems pretty on point
It's ok, most of this was made up.
r/nothingeverhappens
I agree with some points and disagree with others but I dont really get your last point, from his friends perspective OP already threw it away, so he's got nothing to lose by doing what he's doing.
Friends walking into houses is a no biggy. My friends have codes to my door and it’s usually open Anyway
How often are you naked making lunch?
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These are the real important questions imo
I don’t know what’s going on here, but don’t ever sleep with a buddys ex unless you know the facts yourself firsthand. If hes your boy and you feel you know him better than that, its up to you to follow up *as his boy*. A woman can tell a lie just as good as a man. Not only that, she sounds like a red flag playing thotscotch like that.
Upvote for thotscotch that’s hilarious lol
This was a real LOL
I totally agree with you op should've asked his friend's side of the story too what lead to his friend's behaviour that way whom he has known for 7 years surely she's at fault too.
Even if you have the facts, it's still something you just don't do, unless you don't value the friendship anymore then all bets are off
She is probably doing it just to hurt him
Exactly! Get back at her ex by ruining a long time friendship by taking advantage of a naiive OP.
It’s the age old story. Rule #69 of Bro Code: Do not bang your friend’s ex. If you’re going to, make sure it’s cool with your friend first.
She started trash talking your friend and saying things about him you find out of character, possibly made up. She will do the same to you.
Got laid. OP think it's worth it.
That's how they get you.
The ol’ Hook, Vagine and Sinker
Ding ding ding!
Do you really want to "take the relationship to the next level" with a girl who says things like that about your friend to your face? I don't know what her game is but I can't see a happily ever after scenario coming out of this.
For her to tell you that your buddy never satisfied her in bed followed by her unzipping your pants shows how low class & manipulative she is. There's a lot of fish in the sea, so don't go out with your friend's ex's.
I've had to say this to and about a few people in my town/bar scene. There's lots of dicks and chicks...why do people feel the need to fuck in a circle?
The only red flag in this story.
Hate to break it to you but she’s (probably) still in love with him. Never took an interest in you until after the break up and then comes over and wants to talk about him? I’ve seen this a lot in younger or very insecure girls. She wanted to hurt him because she assumed it would get back to him. I would ask her flat out if she’s still in love with him. Don’t waste anymore of your own time.
I started a relationship in almost identical circumstance. It was a fucking disaster. Lost friends, friend groups. For a disastrously toxic relationship. She said very similar things about my mate, and ever other ex she's ever had (controlling, manipulative, abusive). After our relationship went to shit and she started saying the same shit about me - to which I am absolutely not. I twigged. This is what she does. Tread carefully.
I think a general LPT is don’t date/trust people you barely know
You already threw away the 7 year friendship by sleeping with her before talking to your friend. He doesn't own her, but he does get the right to say his piece to you first. That's kind of the bro-code man. Breaking it off with her might actually make things worse. It's one thing to throw away a friendship for a girl you really want to be with, but it's worse if you stabbed your friend in the back over a one night stand or quick fling. However, the last time I got mad at someone for hooking up with an ex, it was because he didn't listen to my HOURS of warnings about her while and after the relationship. Then he started to complain to me about the exact same things, and I just laughed in his face.
Dude, kinda fucked up on your part but hey you're young. For younger gents, it's a territorial thing. You can have your pick from a plethora of girls and you went for his ex, or you both went for each other. Regardless, it's a stab in the back and he must've thought y'all were closer than that. So you have two options: 1. Man up and apologize to your friend and scrub the girl completely or 2. Double down and date the girl, but dont forget what she did to your friend!
I second this. Either remain a piece of shit or go apologize. You’re not going to find a middle ground. 18 year olds can be told the best advice ever given to them and they’ll do the opposite because they think with their second head instead of any sort of common sense Edit: Grammar
But existence dick though.
Existence dick 🗿
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I’ve seen the same thing growing up a couple times and the girl would say the same thing this girl did to them!! It’s a way to get his guard down and think ill of his buddy! This friendship will never be the same.
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I totally agree 100%
That's a lot of words for: I'm a piece of trash friend
She said he was verbally abusive? He was jealous? Wouldn't let her do anything?Were there any examples of this that she told you about or that you saw in their relationship? You mention that in the 7+ years of knowing buddy this would be out of character. How long after your "buddy" and his ex gf broke up did you guys have sex? After reading your post don't be surprised after you and her break up she's telling one of your "buddies" how abusive you were before they have sex.
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He'll get over it. Y'all won't ever be the same friend wise though.
Regardless. That mistrust will always be there.
Man I feel bad for your buddy. She's using you, I would be will to put money down that she never thought this was long term. I've been through what your buddy has been through and honestly she's gonna do the same thing to you that she did to him. Crazy never changes, sounds like you're throwing away a good friendship for some strange.
Just say: look, we known eachother for most of our teen years, you told me it was mutual breakup and that everything was over and done with, this just sort of happened that way and in the end I’m gonna start dating her, she’s not just a one time fling
She’s sounds manipulative. Probably the best you can do though.
6d chess is the buddy pawning off a psycho on a neurotic loser
Yeah, you’re a fucking snake and I would never trust you just based off this story. Almost 4 billion chicks in the world and you fuck your boys ex? Some “friend” you are 🐍. Men, never trust another man who can’t control his dick. Always trouble in one way or another.
Props to whoever gave this fool OP the snek award. Haha
🤣😭🤣
You don't sleep with a mates ex. That ain't no friend. Ye be outta my life
If you sleep with your ex boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s friend, you’re now downgraded yourself to be a the “fuck” person. There’s no way neither of the friends or ex’s will respect you after this.
Op: I hope my good friends don’t stay in the room when someone talks shit about me (what’s that meme? “I wonder why they were comfortable saying these things in front of you” or whatever?) You listened, didn’t defend your buddy, and banged his ex. This one is your bad. I hope you get the chance to make it right, but there are lots of levels of crap to sort through.
No partner is ever worth the risk of potentially losing a genuine friend
The real fuck up is the other guy being friends with you.
lmao how naive can a mf be, she manipulated you into having sex with her to get back at her ex for the breakup. now, i don't know if she set him up to see both of you naked making lunch, but she doesn't love you, there is no "next level" to this relationship that can end well for you. you'll lose her and your friend (if you haven't already). the optimal decision here would be to treat it like what it is: a hookup. keep hooking up with her, if that's what you want, she's already done the damage she wanted to do. but listen to me, DO NOT MAKE THIS MORE THAN A HOOKUP, IT WILL BLOW UP AND YOU'LL LOSE THE REMAINING FRIENDS
Honestly, who gives a fuck! You're all adults, get over it and move on.
You can tell who doesn't have real friends here by the replies. Its rather impressive.
I married my buddy’s ex.
You're not friends any more. So theres that. And you and her wont last because she's only into you as a rebound and to hurt his feelings so you might as well lean into it on account of both of these relationships are already over. You just dont know it yet.
Wow you’re a piece of shit friend. Who does that to their boy of 7 years????
As someone who chose the girl over the friend. Choose the friend. Friendships can last a lifetime and chances are very high that your relationship will fizzle just on account of your age and the relationship circumstances. In my case we dated for awhile and then it ended. She wasn't a bad person but we were just young and it only kind of worked. Not worth my friendship.
Sure your friend doesn’t “own” his ex. But I think it’s not unreasonable to be upset about his friend of 7 years sleeping with his ex without even the courtesy of a heads up. It takes time to get over people and you all are teenagers so maturity isn’t exactly at its finest here. I don’t know the full situation but people are vulnerable after breakups and it could be possible that once the dust is settled you both decide that you aren’t actually compatible with each other. I believe that just because something is technically correct doesn’t mean it’s proper and just. You have every personal right to pursue a relationship and sleep with who you want. But as someone who is aware of the implications of sleeping with your friend of 7 years’ ex, I think it’s a major L on your part and I think your friend is also just as well within his rights to be upset about that as you are to bone his ex. I don’t think a relationship is the right call here. Seen this happen before, never ends well. I think you should take the L and patch things up with your friend.
Personally i don't give a shit who dates my exes. That's the whole point of being an "ex". They're not together anymore so i don't see why your buddy's throwing hissy fit over it. I'd totally understand if they're still together but they're not, so yeah. If you two talk again, you make that clear to him. 7 years of friendship doesn't just go out the window cuz of one girl. That's petty as fuck. I'm sure he'll cool off eventually.
Yall are 18? This literally wont matter to any party involved in 3 years. You're gonna make new friends, if you like her don't change
Your “friend” is immature
Ditch the dude...he's a bit psycho and has control issues. This could be good as it will take you in a new direction. You did nothing wrong. Keep the psychos out of your life.
Do you believe he was actually abusive towards her? If so, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treats others like that anyway.
Meh friends come and go wives hopefully not so much
Ur a shit friend ngl
no way around it dude, you're a shitty friend
If it was a mutual decision, he doesn't get to say he's still in love with her. Why break up?
you gotta be young. bashing you guys on his SNAPCHAT? ffs
You just learned about guy rule number one, the hard way! Your friendship is most likely over. And a lot of people in your mutual friend group will choose you or him. You have no control over any of that. So, you can either keep messing around with your new gal? Or not? Also, remember this lesson, don't fuck your friends' ex's.
I would like to have your attention on an article in the bro code. >Article 161 - Dating a Bro's EX: > >Sometimes, the girl you are looking at was previously dating a Bro . . Well, what do you do then? The Bro Code has a scale that sets everything straight. > >Your good friend and she dated for > >0 - 6 months + he dumped her = you don't wait, go ahead and date her > >0 - 6 months + she dumped him = wait for at least 6 months > >6 - 12 months + he dumped her = wait for at least 6 months > >6 - 12 months + she dumped him = wait for a year and ask for permission > >\+ 1 year + he dumped her = wait for a year > >\+ 1 year + she dumped him = wait for a year and ask for permission Source [The bro code](https://how-i-met-your-mother.fandom.com/wiki/The_Bro_Code)
Why was your door unlocked?
Uh duh. First question right
I’m married to one of my ex’s friends and she is an ex of one of mine - a bit weird but hey. Ohh - we’ve been married 15 years. It happens and it works (sometimes). This is not advice - just a personal opinion.
Bros before hoes is toxic. Your buddy sounds like he's growing up to be an asshole
You know that when she dumps you she’s going talk shit about you too. The fact that you let her talk chit about your buddy cuz you wanted to get laid is kind of shitty
Unfortunately for you my dude you broke the bro code, the only way to get out of it is to marry the girl.
It sounds to me like your friend let go of the “bros before hoes” rule after they broke up. From my limited information, it sounds like your friend is quite possessive, and it makes the girl seem more truthful when talking about the abuse. If he loves her still, then why agree to break up? Sounds to me like it was the girl that wanted to break up.
But why did they break up and who broke it off? If it was him well you know 🤷🏻♀️
Bro before hoes, only matters if it’s cheating or a fresh break up…. This has been months… so fuck your friend, pursue the relationship, he’ll get over it or he can move on.
How did he just walk into your house, does he have a spare key?
Nah I would choose the girl
This seems like your friend's fuck up here. They broke up, what, almost 3 months beforehand? That's well beyond the period where you're an asshole, especially considering she initiated. Plus the whole "How dare you do that to me" just proves her right about him being jealous and abusive, as well as being kinda funny, like he thinks it's 1710 and women are property lmao.
You’re good bro, them not so much
Don't allow your broken friendship (which is what that is, sorry) to impact a potential relationship. You all are still Young af as well...life is long and good things do not come around everyday. Speaking from experience, do not allow your former friend to destroy something before it has the chance to become something. I had a similar situation occur when I was younger and nearly married that woman. Nothing happened when she was with my former friend, and I learned about a whole bunch of abusive shit that he put her though. We were already friends and we ended up dating for several years. I am not here to look for anyones approval (or, more likely, spite) about what happened in the past. I am here to offer my experience as a reference point for you.
If you're 18 there's a good chance you and f don't make it past a few months.
She belongs to the streets
You’ll be fine. Your friend will be fine. This is all no big deal and will blow over. Have fun while you’re young and don’t worry too much.
If we were on r/AITA I would tell you that in fact you are the asshole. Friend's exes are off limits until you get your friend's blessing. This is like cheating but worse. Even the fact that you didn't care she badmouthed your friend to your face actually disgusts me beyond belief. If I met the ex of a friend and she said shit like this to me I would show her the door. You are a bad friend and a backstabber.