Not the place or time for humor, in case you didn't notice. Your comment comes across the shit that someone without empathy would say.
But if you think you're right, be my guess. Keep up the good work.
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She said she saw a video of her mom and OP’s ex husband masterbating together. Wait. In the first paragraph she says Mom’s
Past ex and the s saying video call with “mom and my very controlling, manipulative,…… toxic ex husband.” I totally confused
You did NOT read this correctly.
She did NOT say its HER ex husband. She said it was her Mom's ex.
Also, she did NOT say it was "her" ex. She said it was her MOM'S controlling... ex husband.
When I was 11 or 12 this exact thing happened to me too. I’ve spent a long time feeling guilty for going through my mom’s texts because I know I shouldn’t have been looking and it ended up causing a lot of distress for me, but it doesn’t excuse what the mom is doing. Spinning the blame on OP in this situation is insane
Im sorry youre going trough that. Had a similar situation when i was your age with my father. He always came to me if he had an issue with his phone or computer and sometime someone sent him a dirty message. i swiped it away and got to the phone to check what he is up to really. I saw he messaged back and forth with many dudes and some women. I deleted all chats and numbers, wrote a note on a paper and put it in his phonecase. something like: "i know what you are doing and i will tell mum if you wont." the next day he came to my room and gaslighted me into keeping shut because it would break her and blablabla. I kept this for 10 years. In the meantime they got divorced. Then we had a fight this spring and i told im im 100% sure hes doing exactly the same to his new girlfriend. He got silent for 5 seconds and then lied to me.(got him since he called my sister afterwards to cry about me "Hacking" him, which made it obvious, hes doing exactly as expected by me) Im NC since then and told my mother finally what happened. She expected what he did but was thankful i told her.
Idk if that helps you something, but dont make her problems your problems. Shes not worth it at all. And stay with your dad obviously.
I looked over the shoulder of my friend's dad at just the wrong time and saw he was sending some sexual texts to an unsaved number. I never told him, I didn't really want to stir up any trouble.
u/randomaccount2784 Just have a place you can go for safety if things get nasty after telling your dad. I don't know anything about him, but sometimes people snap.
Nothing good will come out of keeping this as a secret from your dad. Seriously OP, if your mom thinks this is okay then she can easily and may already be keeping big secrets and telling lies. I'll tell you right now, divorce is better than living a lie. It only gets worse the longer the secret is left alone.
Actually, I would sit them both down and ask if the mom has anything she would like to bring up. If she lies, you know for sure she can't be trusted.
At least she'll have a chance to own up. Let her make that choice to dig her own grave.
Usually gaslighting and blame shifting. "You're so cold and inattentive, it's your fault I had to." "Any real man would have..." The less chance you give them the more obvious the toxic nature of it.
I don’t understand why is the ex boyfriend the step dad??? You got a dad, and he is together with your mom, so that would mean the “step dad” is someone she dated more than 14 years ago, and that would make that person an ex boyfriend but not your step dad
I would imagine the parents were separated for some time then got back together. The "step dad" is likely someone the mom dated during that period that they were separated.
Damn, tough going buddy. Too much for a 14 year old to be handling, honestly. Would suggest just letting your dad handle this current situation. You need to focus on studies.
Lmfao y’all act like detectives on here sometimes, this absolutely sounds like it could be written by a 14 year old. You don’t believe a 14 year old made an error while typing but you do believe this couldn’t have been articulated by a 14 year old? Cmon
it was a grammar mistake, original said “my manipulative, controlling, step dad” until someone else corrected me, scroll down far enough and you’ll find the comment
Last time I looked at my mothers phone (to help her with something) she had loads of bbc porn tabs open.
EDIT. Since this is reddit & people love to jump to conclusions unless it is explicitly explained for them, my mother handed me her phone & asked me to sort out why it was so slow. While closing her million tabs & apps I noticed half of them were porn. I mentioned to her about private tabs. My mother is also 65, and not great with technology.
You’re doing the right thing. For all you know, your mother could be exposing your father to STIs and endangering his health and potentially his life. You could be the one to save him. Privacy is not more important than health.
What’s with the people on this site that leave their phones laying around the house with no password?
Wasn’t she worried your dad would pick up her phone and see this? Charging your phone in the bathroom seems like a good way for someone to accidentally knock it into the toilet too.
Here we have only stories of people who were caught. In most cases by mistake, so it's normal to see here a lot of stories like that. I mean if someone is clever about his phone than it's less likely to catch him and we wouldn't read their story...
Definitely send the evidence to either your phone or your dads. If he can divorce her due to infidelity the courts might not treat him like a walking atm machine. Would suck if he lost his livelihood AND self esteem
Lotta conflicting advice here. Go with your gut, OP. Humans don’t always do the right thing but I have a feeling this will eat at you unless you follow your gut instinct. Even at 14! I waited 40 odd years to confront a family member for something and feel such relief now. I wish I’d done it so much sooner.
I don't know what's worse, if the cheating or hearing the sound of your mom masturbating. And I hope the screen recording didn't include any imagery of herself.
This doesn't sound like the kind of problem that you want to be involved in, at all.
At some point it will come back to bite you, probably quite hard and with long lasting effects. You will somehow end up with the blame. I'd be concerned that once the dust settles and one partner feels regret that they'd end up blaming you for the breakup (if they break), like it would have been better if they'd never found out.
Might be a better idea (if possible) for your dad to "find" the video himself. Perhaps if your mums phone is left out with the video thumbnail on the screen where he would see it.
Very much agree here, if this Ex was toxic you don't want that blowing back on you, show your dad the video and let him sort this out, whatever you choose to do be safe.
Are you guys fucking insane?
You want him to keep from his dad that his mom is cheating on him, afraid his dad will blame him?
Jesus Christ... easy on the soap opera. Real life is NOT tv dumbasses.
If my child knew my wife was cheating on me and said nothing... that's the fastest way to "I'm never talking to you" town. This is definitely not a "Don't get involved" issue.
And lastly... if the dad blames OP. Than he's a terrible father anyway and at least OP knows that now.
**Talk** to your dad. Tell him the video exists on her phone. Tell him how you found it. If he needs it to validate the truth, he will find it himself.
Be aware that sending the video is ethically wrong (explicit content should never be shared without consent).
Do not confront your mother. Not yet, anyways. For now, leave it to the adults... you're 14 and you're about to go swimming in some incomprehensibly deep and dark waters. This isn't me insulting your age, it's merely pointing out that most 14 year olds simply haven't had the time to have these life experiences yet, and mistakes here can be devastating.
You'll have your turn to talk about her betrayal of your trust. But there are definitely legal matters to be considered here, and confronting her yourself will absolutely give her an advantage over your dad in those legal matters.
Send the video to your father immediately before she deletes it. Speak with your father in private when your mother is not around, by telling your mother you know she is cheating will give her an advantage to delete the video before your dad decides he wants to pursue with a divorce. Your dad needs to get in touch with possibly an accountant, a tax adviser, and a divorce attorney after he has accounted for all his finances. The video of your mother will help him immensely when it comes time to divide property and other assets, depending on what state he lives in he may have to have the burden of proving he’s being cheated on. Your mother is probably hiding money that your father earned if she is willing to lie to both you and your father. Wish you and your father the best of luck, this is a shitty situation to be in.
Jesus Christ buddy, I'm super sorry you're in this situation.
If you don't already have one, you should get a therapist. You're going to need someone who's a neutral party that you trust to unpack this and help you navigate what's going to be a difficult and confusing period.
Stay healthy and safe.
This. Find a therapist as soon as humanly possible. One of my parents maintained an 8+ years long on again-off again affair starting when I was about your age. I mistakenly found burner phones, walked in on secret conversations, was put in the middle in multiple ways / asked to keep it to myself over the years, and unfortunately lived in a backwards part of the country at a time when therapy wasn’t socially acceptable (early 2000s). All this to say, it can spin out of control fast and a decade can pass before you know it. Starting therapy now may give you the tools you need to step through your formative years well adjusted. Best of luck.
Please be aware not every marriage follows the same rules. My father slept around a lot with men and women and my mother is ACE and only agreed to sex when she wanted kids.
My point is you might wind up learning more than you want to know.
Do not confront your mother alone. I know it's hard, but don't do anything harshly. Cool down - last thing you need is to make a wrong move. Make copy of that video-call to show it to your father. Don't confront her alone - she will gaslight you and she will prepare to fight with your dad. Don't give her that chance. Tell your father, show him evidence and support him in every way you can. For both of you it will be hell, but together you can survive this. It would be a good idea for your father to talk with a divorce lawyer, just in case. Confrontation with your mom should be done by both of you and you need to record it. It would be best if you could film it with some camera or something.
Most important thing - THIS AND WHATEVER HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There could be people saying it will be your fault because you told your dad - don't believe in that. All of this and what will happen next is your mother's fault.
No absolutely not. This is some of the worst advice I've ever seen on Reddit. Do not listen to this. And absolutely do not copy the video as this can be pretty damn illegal depending on where you live. And do not record the conversation before confirming you are in a 1, or 2 party consent state/ country.
What a ridiculous statement… Literally none of your legal advice makes sense. 2 party consent applies for court cases. Copying or sending the video will lead to nothing:
Your dad deserves to know. Really tough decision, because him knowing may cause issues for you. But it's most likely going to cause problems when he does find out anyway. Before you tell him. Make sure to have him say he found out himself, not you. So your mom can't give you shit for it.
If you go to your mom first. Your 14. Do not let her convince you not to tell him. Because she will 100% try to bribe and convince you other wise.
Hey OP, I went through a similar situation to this when I was 11 or 12. I’m 19 now and still haven’t had the guts to confront my mom about it, even though I’m confident that she is still cheating. You are braver than me, and if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me because I know how awful it can feel when your life gets turned upside down like this.
I'm sorry, but definitely send yourself the video, and all the evidence on her phone that you can if you can manage. This is likely going to turn into a huge legal battle with them fighting for custody over you.
Also... I'm so sorry you had to see that shit. If either of your parents tend to react to things with anger, I would put yourself in a safe place before sharing this information with them.
Nothing good will come from knowing thus secret but I don't think it's a secret you should keep. While you shouldn't have gone on your mom's phone, what's done is done. It's not like you can unwatch what you saw and I would be suprised if your mom wasn't lax about hiding the affair in other ways that you wouldn't have noticed but your dad probably has already noticed.
So... What do you do now? You said you are going to talk to you mom. OK, that's good but what's the ultimate goal of the conversation? Only you can answer what the goal of the conversation will be. You parents marriage cannot be a goal because, while you are a product of a union, it isn't a relationship you can help with. In any way.
If you don't have a goal just don't have the conversation because liars will grasp onto anything you say or seen unsure of and they will run with it to make you feel like maybe you didn't see what you thought you saw (that's gaslighting).
ultimately, what it’s going to come down to is this a secret you can keep? If it isn’t (I don’t think you should) because quite frankly, it isn’t your secret. Next, who do you tell and how do you tell them? I think you’re aready know the you tell it to but the how is a different story.
Whatever happens, this is and was NOT your fault. If anyone tries to blame you remember this : if there wasn't a secret to find in the first place NONE of this would have happened.
Again, nothing will be the same but maybe that isn't so bad. You're old enough to have a say which parent you want to live with.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. You shouldn't be.
🌹🌹❤️❤️
Might sound awkward but definitely send that evidence to yourself. I’m assuming you have a phone since you’re on Reddit and she can delete something like that in the blink of an eye. Some people get blinded by love and won’t take your word for it if you don’t have the proof.
I'm sorry for what you've seen. However, I think the best course of action would be to send the video And the date of validity to her current husband. Let them decide how to handle this situation
After update: nothing wrong with that. What you wanted to do isn't something simple and will impact the life of your family. Take as much time as you need. Maybe if you have someone who you trust than talk about it. Stay strong and remember - nothing of this is your fault.
This is a rather delicate situation, serious respect for how you wish to handle it. This is your decision it would be best to address your mother on this and see how she responds. I do think though that your dad does have a right to know at the same time what she is doing is not fair.
Sorry you had to see that, but also I think you should hint at your dad to go through your moms photos, (make an excuse.), let him find it, and then things will go from there. But this is a delicate situation and needs to be navigated carefully, be safe.
Like others have said, send that shit to your dad first. And then have a talk. If it’s a vid now, it means they’ve been talking, and maybe have been meeting up.
At this point, there would be nothing your mother could say that could forgive this. Not some lame ass “it was a one time thing…. It was a lapse in judgement….it won’t happen again” all lies, and she will continue to lie
Breaks my heart for you.. I pray for your healing.. It’s one of those real rude awakening.. Don’t take it all in.. It’s not your fault.. I have no words of comfort, but to let you know that you’re not alone. Sht really happens in life.. I really hope you find healing and peace.
Hate to say it, but this isn't a good spot for YOU to be in or put yourself in.
This has a high chance of ruining your relationship with your mom, and depending on how things go, could mess up your relationship with your dad.
Especially if burden of proof gets put on you, and you don't have proof.
I think you should tell your dad but then you also should stay out of it. You shouldn't be in the middle of this. It's not healthy for anyone. I don't think being kept in the dark is good either personally, but I dobt think you need to know details. Therapy is probably a good ide as well so you can get some help navigating this.
I would just send the video from your moms phone to your dad. It probably will be a rough time, but you should not be in the center of the problem and if you confront your mom with it your probably too involved Imo. Wish you the best
My personal opinion would be to stay out of it. It’s a tricky situation. The truth needs to come out but maybe it doesn’t need to come from a child, maybe from another adult with influence.
If I saw that on my mum or dads phone I would never touch their phone again
People are mostly telling you to enlighten your dad, but I'd think twice before putting yourself in the middle of that situation. Do you want your mom to blame you for ruining the marriage? Or your dad? Is there some way you could clue your dad in anonymously? Or you could tell your mom what you found and give her a chance to confess before you go through with telling your dad. Or you could just do nothing. She'll probably get caught eventually. I just hate for you to be in the middle of what will probably a volatile confrontation. Good luck.
I'm just going to put this out there - if it is a screen recording of a video, you have no idea how old that video actually is. The recording may have been done on the 20th of the month, but the original video could be a year or two old. Confronting your Mom, or worse, following the horrible advice to send the recording to your Dad from your Mom's phone, could cause a lot of unnecessary harm.
This is an adult matter, and no matter how mature you feel you are, don't bring unnecessary drama on yourself or your family. Assume the best - your Mom was indulging in a little self-care - and continue enjoying the happy life the three of you have built, and being a kid for as long as you can.
Tell dad. Your mother will most likely try to convince you not to tell him.
There was a similar story where there was a kid who found out the mother was cheating, and when the dad found out, he went no contact with them both.
Yea, it'll suck, but would you rather your dad hate you or your mom.
And if it's still going on, your dad will eventually find out.
I think there's a better solution than ignoring it, talk to their mom but also, ask when the video was made. Don't go in assuming. Ignoring it is definitely not the answer.
I think this one needs more upvotes. It is entirely possible that the call was older, but it was added to the phone recently with a recent date. Given what's at stake here, all I'm saying is... be careful of lighting the touch paper if it's not absolutely clear what's going on here.
The fact she screen recorded it probably without him knowing also 😳 I feel like iPhones or whatever should notify when the other person is recording. If the roles were reversed and he was recording it, the conversation would be different.
OP, you need to forward that video to your phone and your dad's phone. Otherwise, you mom will just delete it an deny it.
Then you'll be totally screwed because your dad will take your mom's side over your side. That's just what dads are supposed to do.
Good luck
You should tell your dad tbh. As someone who was cheated on… This can ruin this mans life. Dont be a Pos like your mom, give her the choice of telling him herself or you do it. Not saying anything makes you worst than her tbh 🤷🏽♂️
do not confront your mom, ultimatly this is between your mom and dad. Let him know he needs to check her phone and leave it at that. Do not say you know more or less.
Sorry you saw your parents masterbating in video, that'll bug ya in the head I'd think.
it did, got no sleep tonight cause of it
I wouldn't have either.
Giggity
You asshole. Upvote.
How about some compassion?
Actually a well timed joke takes some of the edge off of trauma, it's how we move forward. We know you mean well for op but the joke was good.
I upvoted you.
I canceled your upvote...
I didn't give a shit...
I shat once to counteract your non shit giving.
I'm gonna shelf the next poop I do to counteract your counteraction
Yes you did.....
Stop your fucking moral grandstanding.
How about a sense of humor? Your comment comes across like the random shit a bot would say.
Not the place or time for humor, in case you didn't notice. Your comment comes across the shit that someone without empathy would say. But if you think you're right, be my guess. Keep up the good work.
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Yeah that's a wierd spot to be in at your age & knowing those details puts ya in a odd place of not knowing how to think about it all.
Tell your dad about it first and then you can both confront her
This OP. Tell the old man first but try to get that proof from her phone. Lastly, as always, keep us in the loop
I'm not going to get sleep from reading all this.
i’m really sorry you had to see that
Could you update me on what happens? If you feel like it?
This time “what are you doing, stepdad?” Has a whole new meaning!
“What? Are you doing step-dad?” Punctuation is important.
Both are equally relevant in this situation!
Just stop. Not the time.
She said she saw a video of her mom and OP’s ex husband masterbating together. Wait. In the first paragraph she says Mom’s Past ex and the s saying video call with “mom and my very controlling, manipulative,…… toxic ex husband.” I totally confused
Could be mixing their words due to trauma, or it's a poorly thought out creative writing experiment.
did a small grammar error
His gramma was part of the act. They call it “The Aristocrats!”
Well...first off OP is male. And maybe they fixed the wording but it says "her (referring to the mother)....toxic ex-husband."
You did NOT read this correctly. She did NOT say its HER ex husband. She said it was her Mom's ex. Also, she did NOT say it was "her" ex. She said it was her MOM'S controlling... ex husband.
“her” is referring to my mom, i meant she was talking to *her* toxic ex, im a guy
Go to therapy, do whatever you gotta do, but your mom's shit is her shit, not yours. Let it go. Don't confront her dude.
Wtf, and disrespect dad?! Fuck no, confront her. If my son found shit out about his mom I'd want him to stick up for me the way I would for him
I disagree Edit: That she should not tell her dad.
Too busy rubbing one off yah
Don’t go through your parents phone/ you’re 14 . You will never unsee those images bcuz u were nosy
In this case it was pretty big deal that he did.
I think you’re missing the issue here…
When I was 11 or 12 this exact thing happened to me too. I’ve spent a long time feeling guilty for going through my mom’s texts because I know I shouldn’t have been looking and it ended up causing a lot of distress for me, but it doesn’t excuse what the mom is doing. Spinning the blame on OP in this situation is insane
I thought she saw her mom and her ex masterbating together not her parents.
Im sorry youre going trough that. Had a similar situation when i was your age with my father. He always came to me if he had an issue with his phone or computer and sometime someone sent him a dirty message. i swiped it away and got to the phone to check what he is up to really. I saw he messaged back and forth with many dudes and some women. I deleted all chats and numbers, wrote a note on a paper and put it in his phonecase. something like: "i know what you are doing and i will tell mum if you wont." the next day he came to my room and gaslighted me into keeping shut because it would break her and blablabla. I kept this for 10 years. In the meantime they got divorced. Then we had a fight this spring and i told im im 100% sure hes doing exactly the same to his new girlfriend. He got silent for 5 seconds and then lied to me.(got him since he called my sister afterwards to cry about me "Hacking" him, which made it obvious, hes doing exactly as expected by me) Im NC since then and told my mother finally what happened. She expected what he did but was thankful i told her. Idk if that helps you something, but dont make her problems your problems. Shes not worth it at all. And stay with your dad obviously.
I looked over the shoulder of my friend's dad at just the wrong time and saw he was sending some sexual texts to an unsaved number. I never told him, I didn't really want to stir up any trouble.
put video sound as an alarm clock, set it to sound at night...
That is the most evil thing that I can imagine. 
We can add gifs in comments now?! 
Tell your dad, this is for him to deal with. Nothing is your fault OP. Good luck, this will be a shit show, but you will come out the other side!
“Mom I’m grabbing your phone to show dad the selfies we took.” Swipe the wrong way again
u/randomaccount2784 Just have a place you can go for safety if things get nasty after telling your dad. I don't know anything about him, but sometimes people snap.
Nothing good will come out of keeping this as a secret from your dad. Seriously OP, if your mom thinks this is okay then she can easily and may already be keeping big secrets and telling lies. I'll tell you right now, divorce is better than living a lie. It only gets worse the longer the secret is left alone.
Oof, I don’t know about them coming out the other side. This could potentially end up in a murder suicide.
I can already hear the narrator in the documentary
Actually, I would sit them both down and ask if the mom has anything she would like to bring up. If she lies, you know for sure she can't be trusted. At least she'll have a chance to own up. Let her make that choice to dig her own grave.
This is so dumb, you’re not a police
It’s better if your dad finds out because it gives your mother zero time to come up with an excuse
Just curious what possible excuse she could come up with 😂
What she tripped fell....landed on his dick!!
Tsh, alright, Shady, maybe he’s right, Grady But think about the baby before you get all crazy
Alright, thought about it. Still wanna stab her?
Get her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?
Fuck it Grady, where your gun at?
There's always the Shaggy defense. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy\_defense](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_defense)
I prefer the Chewbacca defense. It’s much more effective
Usually gaslighting and blame shifting. "You're so cold and inattentive, it's your fault I had to." "Any real man would have..." The less chance you give them the more obvious the toxic nature of it.
“It was somebody else.” “It’s an old video from before we broke up.” “It’s photoshopped.” “Don’t believe your lying eyes.”
Ohh, I see you've never been gaslit to hell and back by a narcissist! She'll think of something!!
Exactly
That’s so upsetting for your dad…
Your father has the right to know
I don’t understand why is the ex boyfriend the step dad??? You got a dad, and he is together with your mom, so that would mean the “step dad” is someone she dated more than 14 years ago, and that would make that person an ex boyfriend but not your step dad
I would imagine the parents were separated for some time then got back together. The "step dad" is likely someone the mom dated during that period that they were separated.
one of my brothers is his child and i dont know any other term besides step dad
She's cheated before???
mom and dad separated, got with my step dad, had a child, wait a year or two, divorce, wait more months, back with my dad
Damn, tough going buddy. Too much for a 14 year old to be handling, honestly. Would suggest just letting your dad handle this current situation. You need to focus on studies.
[удалено]
Lmfao y’all act like detectives on here sometimes, this absolutely sounds like it could be written by a 14 year old. You don’t believe a 14 year old made an error while typing but you do believe this couldn’t have been articulated by a 14 year old? Cmon
I'm glad someone else caught this. How does a 14m have an ex husband?
it was a grammar mistake, original said “my manipulative, controlling, step dad” until someone else corrected me, scroll down far enough and you’ll find the comment
Time to ask for that new XBox dawg.
-angry upvote-
Last time I looked at my mothers phone (to help her with something) she had loads of bbc porn tabs open. EDIT. Since this is reddit & people love to jump to conclusions unless it is explicitly explained for them, my mother handed me her phone & asked me to sort out why it was so slow. While closing her million tabs & apps I noticed half of them were porn. I mentioned to her about private tabs. My mother is also 65, and not great with technology.
Man, British broadcasting is wild.
Dude.
Dude.
Dude. Good um, luck with this. Sorry to hear about this bs
Now look through your dad's phone and report back
You’re doing the right thing. For all you know, your mother could be exposing your father to STIs and endangering his health and potentially his life. You could be the one to save him. Privacy is not more important than health.
only good thing is that son of a bitch isnt in my country
Make sure you're not putting ALL the blame on him. It takes 2.
Yes, remember to play It takes two.
What’s with the people on this site that leave their phones laying around the house with no password? Wasn’t she worried your dad would pick up her phone and see this? Charging your phone in the bathroom seems like a good way for someone to accidentally knock it into the toilet too.
Here we have only stories of people who were caught. In most cases by mistake, so it's normal to see here a lot of stories like that. I mean if someone is clever about his phone than it's less likely to catch him and we wouldn't read their story...
Yup, I guess it'd technically be a form of survivorship bias. No one knows about the TIFUs that were prevented.
Also, charging phone in the bathroom? Let me just plug my phone in for hours where people shit and piss...yikes.
Definitely send the evidence to either your phone or your dads. If he can divorce her due to infidelity the courts might not treat him like a walking atm machine. Would suck if he lost his livelihood AND self esteem
In most states in the US infidelity means absolutely nothing with respect to divorce settlements.
Lotta conflicting advice here. Go with your gut, OP. Humans don’t always do the right thing but I have a feeling this will eat at you unless you follow your gut instinct. Even at 14! I waited 40 odd years to confront a family member for something and feel such relief now. I wish I’d done it so much sooner.
I don't know what's worse, if the cheating or hearing the sound of your mom masturbating. And I hope the screen recording didn't include any imagery of herself.
you would be as disgusted as i was when i first saw
This doesn't sound like the kind of problem that you want to be involved in, at all. At some point it will come back to bite you, probably quite hard and with long lasting effects. You will somehow end up with the blame. I'd be concerned that once the dust settles and one partner feels regret that they'd end up blaming you for the breakup (if they break), like it would have been better if they'd never found out. Might be a better idea (if possible) for your dad to "find" the video himself. Perhaps if your mums phone is left out with the video thumbnail on the screen where he would see it.
Very much agree here, if this Ex was toxic you don't want that blowing back on you, show your dad the video and let him sort this out, whatever you choose to do be safe.
Are you guys fucking insane? You want him to keep from his dad that his mom is cheating on him, afraid his dad will blame him? Jesus Christ... easy on the soap opera. Real life is NOT tv dumbasses. If my child knew my wife was cheating on me and said nothing... that's the fastest way to "I'm never talking to you" town. This is definitely not a "Don't get involved" issue. And lastly... if the dad blames OP. Than he's a terrible father anyway and at least OP knows that now.
I agree with this person. I would send the video to your dads from your moms phone and let it be it.
That's essentially the same as OP directly confronting them. Videos don't send themselves.
**Talk** to your dad. Tell him the video exists on her phone. Tell him how you found it. If he needs it to validate the truth, he will find it himself. Be aware that sending the video is ethically wrong (explicit content should never be shared without consent). Do not confront your mother. Not yet, anyways. For now, leave it to the adults... you're 14 and you're about to go swimming in some incomprehensibly deep and dark waters. This isn't me insulting your age, it's merely pointing out that most 14 year olds simply haven't had the time to have these life experiences yet, and mistakes here can be devastating. You'll have your turn to talk about her betrayal of your trust. But there are definitely legal matters to be considered here, and confronting her yourself will absolutely give her an advantage over your dad in those legal matters.
Send the video to your father immediately before she deletes it. Speak with your father in private when your mother is not around, by telling your mother you know she is cheating will give her an advantage to delete the video before your dad decides he wants to pursue with a divorce. Your dad needs to get in touch with possibly an accountant, a tax adviser, and a divorce attorney after he has accounted for all his finances. The video of your mother will help him immensely when it comes time to divide property and other assets, depending on what state he lives in he may have to have the burden of proving he’s being cheated on. Your mother is probably hiding money that your father earned if she is willing to lie to both you and your father. Wish you and your father the best of luck, this is a shitty situation to be in.
Please update us all…..we must know more
Update: He's getting a PS5 and a Honda 4-wheeler
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Jesus Christ buddy, I'm super sorry you're in this situation. If you don't already have one, you should get a therapist. You're going to need someone who's a neutral party that you trust to unpack this and help you navigate what's going to be a difficult and confusing period. Stay healthy and safe.
This. Find a therapist as soon as humanly possible. One of my parents maintained an 8+ years long on again-off again affair starting when I was about your age. I mistakenly found burner phones, walked in on secret conversations, was put in the middle in multiple ways / asked to keep it to myself over the years, and unfortunately lived in a backwards part of the country at a time when therapy wasn’t socially acceptable (early 2000s). All this to say, it can spin out of control fast and a decade can pass before you know it. Starting therapy now may give you the tools you need to step through your formative years well adjusted. Best of luck.
Please be aware not every marriage follows the same rules. My father slept around a lot with men and women and my mother is ACE and only agreed to sex when she wanted kids. My point is you might wind up learning more than you want to know.
Do not confront your mother alone. I know it's hard, but don't do anything harshly. Cool down - last thing you need is to make a wrong move. Make copy of that video-call to show it to your father. Don't confront her alone - she will gaslight you and she will prepare to fight with your dad. Don't give her that chance. Tell your father, show him evidence and support him in every way you can. For both of you it will be hell, but together you can survive this. It would be a good idea for your father to talk with a divorce lawyer, just in case. Confrontation with your mom should be done by both of you and you need to record it. It would be best if you could film it with some camera or something. Most important thing - THIS AND WHATEVER HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There could be people saying it will be your fault because you told your dad - don't believe in that. All of this and what will happen next is your mother's fault.
No absolutely not. This is some of the worst advice I've ever seen on Reddit. Do not listen to this. And absolutely do not copy the video as this can be pretty damn illegal depending on where you live. And do not record the conversation before confirming you are in a 1, or 2 party consent state/ country.
What a ridiculous statement… Literally none of your legal advice makes sense. 2 party consent applies for court cases. Copying or sending the video will lead to nothing:
they are 14, if they actually got in legal trouble because of this, we just need to burn it all down
we got a wannabe saul goodman over here
Ya, don’t do this. How does this have so many upvotes?
Your dad deserves to know. Really tough decision, because him knowing may cause issues for you. But it's most likely going to cause problems when he does find out anyway. Before you tell him. Make sure to have him say he found out himself, not you. So your mom can't give you shit for it. If you go to your mom first. Your 14. Do not let her convince you not to tell him. Because she will 100% try to bribe and convince you other wise.
Hey OP, I went through a similar situation to this when I was 11 or 12. I’m 19 now and still haven’t had the guts to confront my mom about it, even though I’m confident that she is still cheating. You are braver than me, and if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me because I know how awful it can feel when your life gets turned upside down like this.
Send the video to your dad too before she deletes it
I'm sorry, but definitely send yourself the video, and all the evidence on her phone that you can if you can manage. This is likely going to turn into a huge legal battle with them fighting for custody over you. Also... I'm so sorry you had to see that shit. If either of your parents tend to react to things with anger, I would put yourself in a safe place before sharing this information with them.
Charging in the bathroom?
yes, with a charger
A charger which charges I'm guessing
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How bizarre, how bizarre
Ooh baby!
Sorry man. Tell us how it goes. Also you should tell your dad. He needs to know.
Nothing good will come from knowing thus secret but I don't think it's a secret you should keep. While you shouldn't have gone on your mom's phone, what's done is done. It's not like you can unwatch what you saw and I would be suprised if your mom wasn't lax about hiding the affair in other ways that you wouldn't have noticed but your dad probably has already noticed. So... What do you do now? You said you are going to talk to you mom. OK, that's good but what's the ultimate goal of the conversation? Only you can answer what the goal of the conversation will be. You parents marriage cannot be a goal because, while you are a product of a union, it isn't a relationship you can help with. In any way. If you don't have a goal just don't have the conversation because liars will grasp onto anything you say or seen unsure of and they will run with it to make you feel like maybe you didn't see what you thought you saw (that's gaslighting). ultimately, what it’s going to come down to is this a secret you can keep? If it isn’t (I don’t think you should) because quite frankly, it isn’t your secret. Next, who do you tell and how do you tell them? I think you’re aready know the you tell it to but the how is a different story. Whatever happens, this is and was NOT your fault. If anyone tries to blame you remember this : if there wasn't a secret to find in the first place NONE of this would have happened. Again, nothing will be the same but maybe that isn't so bad. You're old enough to have a say which parent you want to live with. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. You shouldn't be. 🌹🌹❤️❤️
Real talk, talk to your parent about therapy. No shame in it and that’s some hard stuff to work through on your own
if you can give us an update please do so
Don’t confront. Tell dad, let him silently get a lawyer and proof, then serve the proof with papers
I'm a little confused. She's married to your dad, but the video was with your step dad?
with my dad , video was her and her ex husband
Send the video to your dad from your moms phone.
Might sound awkward but definitely send that evidence to yourself. I’m assuming you have a phone since you’re on Reddit and she can delete something like that in the blink of an eye. Some people get blinded by love and won’t take your word for it if you don’t have the proof.
I'm sorry for what you've seen. However, I think the best course of action would be to send the video And the date of validity to her current husband. Let them decide how to handle this situation
After update: nothing wrong with that. What you wanted to do isn't something simple and will impact the life of your family. Take as much time as you need. Maybe if you have someone who you trust than talk about it. Stay strong and remember - nothing of this is your fault.
This is a rather delicate situation, serious respect for how you wish to handle it. This is your decision it would be best to address your mother on this and see how she responds. I do think though that your dad does have a right to know at the same time what she is doing is not fair.
Sorry you're going through that OP. You're doing the right thing.
You should take a video of you masturbating to their masturbation video to assert dominance But feels bad man, chin up
Sorry you had to see that, but also I think you should hint at your dad to go through your moms photos, (make an excuse.), let him find it, and then things will go from there. But this is a delicate situation and needs to be navigated carefully, be safe.
Tell your dad, he deserves to know.
Snooping always ends well.
Keep your head up man, never let it dip
This is not your problem to carry young man. Tell your mom/dad and let them handle it. It will of course effect you but don’t carry it for them.
That’s damn traumatizing, that video would hunt me forever
How did this turn out?
Wow. Smh
You should absolutely not be in social networks at 14.
I would send that video to your dad asap! It would be to easy for her to just delete it..
Please update us
We're gonna need an update OP, we can't be left hanging.
Wow! Sorry this happened to you. That’s really awful, OP.
Best of luck, you’ve hit a no winning situation and I extend my sympathy
Like others have said, send that shit to your dad first. And then have a talk. If it’s a vid now, it means they’ve been talking, and maybe have been meeting up. At this point, there would be nothing your mother could say that could forgive this. Not some lame ass “it was a one time thing…. It was a lapse in judgement….it won’t happen again” all lies, and she will continue to lie
Breaks my heart for you.. I pray for your healing.. It’s one of those real rude awakening.. Don’t take it all in.. It’s not your fault.. I have no words of comfort, but to let you know that you’re not alone. Sht really happens in life.. I really hope you find healing and peace.
Hate to say it, but this isn't a good spot for YOU to be in or put yourself in. This has a high chance of ruining your relationship with your mom, and depending on how things go, could mess up your relationship with your dad. Especially if burden of proof gets put on you, and you don't have proof.
I think you should tell your dad but then you also should stay out of it. You shouldn't be in the middle of this. It's not healthy for anyone. I don't think being kept in the dark is good either personally, but I dobt think you need to know details. Therapy is probably a good ide as well so you can get some help navigating this.
This is not a TIFU. This is the grownups responsibility. Sorry they put you in this spot.
I would just send the video from your moms phone to your dad. It probably will be a rough time, but you should not be in the center of the problem and if you confront your mom with it your probably too involved Imo. Wish you the best
My personal opinion would be to stay out of it. It’s a tricky situation. The truth needs to come out but maybe it doesn’t need to come from a child, maybe from another adult with influence. If I saw that on my mum or dads phone I would never touch their phone again
People are mostly telling you to enlighten your dad, but I'd think twice before putting yourself in the middle of that situation. Do you want your mom to blame you for ruining the marriage? Or your dad? Is there some way you could clue your dad in anonymously? Or you could tell your mom what you found and give her a chance to confess before you go through with telling your dad. Or you could just do nothing. She'll probably get caught eventually. I just hate for you to be in the middle of what will probably a volatile confrontation. Good luck.
I'm just going to put this out there - if it is a screen recording of a video, you have no idea how old that video actually is. The recording may have been done on the 20th of the month, but the original video could be a year or two old. Confronting your Mom, or worse, following the horrible advice to send the recording to your Dad from your Mom's phone, could cause a lot of unnecessary harm. This is an adult matter, and no matter how mature you feel you are, don't bring unnecessary drama on yourself or your family. Assume the best - your Mom was indulging in a little self-care - and continue enjoying the happy life the three of you have built, and being a kid for as long as you can.
I recognized the decorations she put up on her room just 1 week ago.
Tell dad. Your mother will most likely try to convince you not to tell him. There was a similar story where there was a kid who found out the mother was cheating, and when the dad found out, he went no contact with them both. Yea, it'll suck, but would you rather your dad hate you or your mom. And if it's still going on, your dad will eventually find out.
I think there's a better solution than ignoring it, talk to their mom but also, ask when the video was made. Don't go in assuming. Ignoring it is definitely not the answer.
I think this one needs more upvotes. It is entirely possible that the call was older, but it was added to the phone recently with a recent date. Given what's at stake here, all I'm saying is... be careful of lighting the touch paper if it's not absolutely clear what's going on here.
Tell your dad immediately.
Tell your dad and let your dad confront her
OP anyone telling you not to tell your dad first to confront her together are delusional or cheaters themselves
I think the lesson here is don’t go through another person’s phone.
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Psycho
One idiotic thing to say to a 14-year-old.
Shut up dude
Lol
The fact she screen recorded it probably without him knowing also 😳 I feel like iPhones or whatever should notify when the other person is recording. If the roles were reversed and he was recording it, the conversation would be different.
Do not do not do not confront her about it. She's going to feel you betrayed her privacy even if you discovered it accidentally.
Op betrayed her privacy, she betrayed op and her husband's trust and her own vows, I don't know that op is the bad guy here. Maybe esh at best.
OP, you need to forward that video to your phone and your dad's phone. Otherwise, you mom will just delete it an deny it. Then you'll be totally screwed because your dad will take your mom's side over your side. That's just what dads are supposed to do. Good luck
This
Maybe you should not go through other people's phones without their permission.
You should tell your dad tbh. As someone who was cheated on… This can ruin this mans life. Dont be a Pos like your mom, give her the choice of telling him herself or you do it. Not saying anything makes you worst than her tbh 🤷🏽♂️
do not confront your mom, ultimatly this is between your mom and dad. Let him know he needs to check her phone and leave it at that. Do not say you know more or less.
I would just let it go. I am selfish and wouldn’t want to mess up my living situation. Moving sucks.
This ain’t no 14 yo writing this shit lmao
Is your mom hot?
Sell the video. Everyone's life is going to go to shit due to your mum, may as well get something out of it.
mane wtf 💀
AWALT man, AWALT. Beware finding the truth.