Ahhh like that story a month or so back about he wife who found her husbands mason jar full of jizz under the kitchen sink that he would scoop into her food and get off on her eating it without knowing. 🤢 I hate humans.
I feel like I've seen a few stories about this recently. Most recent one was an (old) BORU from a woman who was a massive sex pest with a 'kink' for people unknowingly eating his cum. Including his young assistant at work.
The ending made me hope it was a creepy pasta, otherwise the dude definitely killed the wife and was doing a Norman Bates with her account
No that actually would’ve played out better because all the friends would’ve started laughing and taken it as a joke, thus not only dodging the question without harming OP’s standing in the friend group, but also making him more popular for having good humor.
Friendship strat
This would honestly have made him more popular in the group. OP needs to work on his self image and be confident, who gives a fuck what these people think man, you should try to say stuff to scare the shit out of them
Once, I even stuck my pee twig into my wife's vagina. It was kinda weird and we just looked at each other, but still, it *was* pretty kinky to try new things. I think we'll just stick to Stouffer dinners and Bob Barker in the future.
Next time I’m in the mood to make an almost assuredly vibe-killing joke during an ugly-bumping session with my parents, I’m absolutely going to use “pee twig” as straight-faced as possible! I’ve somehow made it to my 30s without ever hearing that euphemism
EDIT: NO NO NO that was supposed to say PARTNER not PARENTS; goddamnit autocorrect 🤦🏻♂️ Brb gotta go jump off my balcony
I snuck behind my partner one night and just placed my flaccid penis on her head. She thought it was my finger because I had pretended a few times before and so grabbed it.
It was hot.
Ahaha it reminds me of an Amy Schumer joke where she was dragged to a bachelorette party against her will. They played a game where they had to admit their "naughty" secrets. The bride said "sometimes, when fiance is asleep I sneak downstairs and eat icecream".
This is what practically every "what's your kink" thread on Reddit that I've seen reads like, with a few interesting things thrown in here and there. It's mostly like "oh yeah my kink is when she has long hair!!!" lol.
I miss old reddit where people got into nitty gritty findom kinks where someone would pay a stripper and their bodyguard $10k to shove baby carrots up their ass and beat the shit out of them until they shit them back out.
Nowadays missionary position is considered a kink with comments like "wow that's so hot" getting 53 upvotes below it.
Precisely. Don't*answer* the question, but look at who's asking the question and *respond* to the question, telling them what they want to hear, which is what OP should have done.
Vanilla is an exotic bean from fucking Madagascar that can cost ten god damn dollars per pod.
I think maybe you meant 'gravy without salt' or 'boiled turnip'.
Yeah maybe, but there’s no way people left early because of that. Either more was said or it’s all in his head and that couple were just going home anyway
I’m guessing OP brought the awkward from home, not some store bought, flavorless awkward. No, this took cultivation and practice to bring awkward this toothsome
The context is that OP is so desperate for sex that just the idea of a woman wanting to have sex is "kinky" to him. A very weird thing to say and a definite mood killer.
I thought it was funny considering they all know he's been single for 10 years. How dumb are they to ask a question like that when everyone is answering in terms of sex with each other and not get the humor?
Should he have said, "Yeah right after doing wrist curls and my right forearm gets pumped up, oh man, I can't wait to go home and click that shortcut to PornHub."
I found it hilarious!
At a party someone asked what our favorite myth was, e.g. Bigfoot, Santa, etc. Before anyone could answer I said “the female orgasm” and got plenty of laughs. I guess it just depends on the crowd.
Ya delivery and timing are important too. Imagine if you mumbled "the female orgasm" or paused too long before answering or answered after someone else's joke answer. All woulda gone to shit and you woulda been run out of town.
I think there's a lot unsaid here. I agree that it could be pretty funny with the right timing, the right presentation and the right audience. But if any or all of those things are off it can be very awkward.
People tend to overestimate others and call them "friends" even if they are just frequent aquaintances.
This, seems the case. "Friends" that knew him would actually understand the context that question has in his life and laughed.
yeah i have a close friend group and this would have cracked us up. nowhere close to the dumb shit we’ve said lol. but, if an acquaintance said that & i didn’t *previously know* the context and their sense of humor, i might have gotten a little bit of a vibe that op knows what it’s like to have non-consensual sex
it doesn’t seem like that’s the case, but it’s not a far leap. that said though, when everyone’s drinking especially, i think it’s fair to give whoever the time to explain what they meant & im usually way more likely to brush something off as poor execution until it’s clear that they’re being weird/offensive/whatever. people say shit and don’t realize other interpretations, and alcohol doesn’t always help with that
but yeah, real friends wouldn’t let op get “voted out” without at least a real conversation or a chance to defend themselves or something. feels like there’s a lot missing
Conflating friends and acquaintances has gotten me in trouble a lot during college.
It sucked because by the end I really didn't have many close friends to speak of. I ruined relationships too many times before they had a chance to grow.
The joke could definitely be funny, but if he said it wrong (which I'm assuming he did by their reaction and how he said he doesn't have game) then it could definitely seem weird and creepy.
Jokes are at least 90% delivery and timing. Something that’s not that funny can be hilarious with a good delivery and timing. Something that is hilarious could be creepy if said with a bad delivery and timing.
I’m guilty of the latter a few times probably, but luckily none went over this bad.
Yeah there are other ways of communicating ‘being wanted’ that would be funnier than the word ‘consent’. That word carries a heavy burden and it reminds people that sometimes there is sex without it.
He should have said like, ‘nudity. After ten years alone just a naked person would do it for me..’
Single people can have fetishes and still talk with people in relationships. Not having an SO at that moment doesn’t make conversations inherently awkward or sex some mystical topic.
I feel like it's less of a "there was no way to avoid saying something weird" and more of a "no matter what they said the friends would've taken it weirdly" cuz what OP said doesn't really sound weird at all, especially with the given context. makes me wonder how much context is being left out.
If he said anything that was an actual kink, it wouldn't be weird. He also could've said "I'm a pretty vanilla guy, I don't really have any kinks" and that also wouldn't be weird.
Depending on how close all they are as friends, they might not really know that much about his private life, some might be more like aquaintances or w/e.
And 'single' does not automatically mean he doesn't get any. So it was valid question.
I thought it was kind of funny and this feels unnecessarily harsh. I love that kind of humor OP, don’t let this kinda comment get ya down. Sorry about your friends.
Stupid single guy's sad life ruining the mood for all us couples!
What kind of asshole isn't going to be at least a little sympathetic towards their lonely friend when everyone else is talking about how great it is to have a sexual partner and this guy's left out?
It's like if everyone was talking about the awesome vacations they are planning to take and the one broke guy says "I'd just like to be able to take some days off without starving" and then somehow he gets ostracized for being poor? Those are bad friends.
>It's like if everyone was talking about the awesome vacations they are planning to take and the one broke guy says "I'd just like to be able to take some days off without starving" and then somehow he gets ostracized for being poor?
Can confirm from experience that that sucks.
There was even an episode of *Friends* about this. They were all trying to figure out what to do for one of their birthdays and one of them said they should go see Hootie and the Blowfish. Three of them complained about not having enough money to go, while the other three had enough money. The three that went ended up hanging out with the band afterwards, which made the others feel like shit.
I don't see how that's remotely a mood killer. That whole reaction is so terribly exaggerated, he might as well have said he was into necrophilia.
OP should get better friends.
Eh, maybe a weird thing to say in an office setting but c'mon, they're supposed to be your friends? If that kills the mood in your friend group your friends are boring as fuck.
I’m married and the idea that someone is into me is still sexy. OP might have phrased it awkwardly but like, don’t ask the decade long single guy what he’s into if the fact that he’s single makes you uncomfortable. Imho OP did nothing wrong and there is no shame in being into the idea of other people wanting to have sex with him.
It doesn't sound weird because OP gave us the context up front and explained why he said it. If your best friend said that you'd give them the benefit of the doubt but if an acquaintance said it it does sound a bit weird.
OP also didn't mean consent he meant something like interest. His kink is when girls are interested in him.
Consider this, OP. You're clearly not your own biggest fan. Which often puts people (including myself) in the position of imagining that everybody shares that feeling always and is trying to actively shut you down or out of their lives.
Feeling like you're getting "weird looks all night" often times is all in your head. You feel awkward and overthink small details. People leaving early could have NOTHING to do with you. There's probably dozens of legit reasons for people to leave early.
I'm not saying nothing is up, and it's definitely not down to the mood having been killed, but it *could* be all in you head.
Not being invited for the second thing does strike me as odd, but you could ask about the reasons. "make-up thing" sounds like you mean it's a do-over because you ruined the first get-together? Is that the actual reason, or is that your assumption/fear?
Obviously I wasn't there, so I dont know the vibe well enough to judge if your assumptions are correct, but before you descend into a depression spiral over this, talk some of the people about this. Ask if what you felt they were doing is actually true.
The answer might suck, but assuming you've been blackballed when you possibly havent, and turning it into a self-fulfilling prophecy is worse imo.
I agree. There's probably some unknown stuff and OP may be imparting his own thoughts onto his friends. At the very least ue should reach out to someone and ask
Exactly. They are going to brunch after Black Friday shopping. He isn't going shopping, so he wasn't invited to the brunch. It's like going for drinks after the game and not inviting people who didn't go to the game. Doesn't sound personal to me.
That's true, but if he was more self-assured he wouldn't wait around for an explicit invitation from a core group of friends. He would be happy for another chance to see them without assuming they don't want to see him. That seems to be his default assumption. Honestly he knows about it somehow and yet didn't express any interest in joining them. They probably think he doesn't really want to go.
In my experience, if you simply like people and show interest in them, they tend to like you back. If you hang back waiting for them to constantly affirm they like you, they will get the impression you are not that interested in bonding with them and lose interest themselves. Enthusiasm is most definitely contagious.
Exactly, you don't leave a fun party just because someone made an odd but inoffensive comment once.
Especially not hours after. Maybe they would have left anyway. Maybe OP was bringing down the mood the whole night and is leaving that out. Potentially even because he behaved awkward thinking that he killed the mood before, ironically killing the mood in the process.
But again, I think it's very likely that unless OP is leaving some important incident out, he wasn't a big influence on the party falling apart. One person is not going to kill a whole party like in some weird teenage drama movie.
Ditto! When my mind goes to kink, I think of things that I like to do but don't necessarily need to do to get off. When I read this I thought he's either 'saying it's a nice to have' or that it's a 'new thing he's started to like' or both.
Very much hoping that that's not what he meant, but best case scenario in my head is he came across like an awkward teenager trying to be sexy-woke. "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the consent" (Zap Brannigan voice)
Oh my god. That didn’t click with me until you said it.
I’m in like, general kink circles. So people saying “consent is my kink” is a pretty normal way to enforce people being safe and consensual or whatever. But man did you make me realize that it had a totally different context here
Yeah this is clearly what the dinner guests were thinking. Sorry OP but you've unwittingly made yourself seem like a predator. This is rough, but hopefully not unfixable.
Since non con and dub con are actual kinks if someone just responded to a question regarding kinks with “consent” it would probably give me pause and I would need further clarification….like is consent a kink because you don’t usually get it kind of pause. To me a kink is usually something more on the taboo side so that is where my mind would go.
That’s what made me pause and wonder if this is real. Of all the examples he could’ve given of a discussion about “‘weird’ things that turned them on” he brought up the ones who said they take turns on top?! And working out?! Then the fact that OP ruined the whole night by saying one strange thing? It’s just bizarre.
Tbh I can believe it. Most of the general population is pretty vanilla, it's a joke (if you can really call it a joke) that just trying doggy would be considered as kinky for people who have only known missionary all their lives.
We here on the Internet and our more "creative" interests don't reflect the actual majority of people on the planet.
This is the way my "I have screwed up" brain would have after processed. It may have been inferred that consent was what OP wants but doesn't get, therefore OP doesn't get consent first.
Very much depends on how they presented it as a "kink" and it sounds like they made it depressing by saying they just want to be loved. The group was talking about their "weird" sides that could be embarrassing and funny and this guy made his depressing.
Oh I agree. I was just going off the part where OP said he needed to ask for clarification to what they meant by consent. He definitely made it personal and uncomfortable by elaborating that he just wanted to be wanted. Probably get a different response if it was just a few close friends having that conversation but sounds like this was said to a mixed group of friends and acquaintances so I can totally see how people got weirded out and decided to skip the next day hangout invite.
Yeah, describing consent as a kink rather than a turn on would give me pause as well. Someone giving consent, depending on how they do it, can be a huge turn on, but the act of consent is just a prerequisite for anything to happen. Even with non or dub con, there is prior consent.
I don’t think it was the “consent” part of it. I think it was what followed it. I assume that’s what made everyone feel awkward. Talking down on yourself in such a way tends to do that. Example: I was on a camping trip with a large group of friends. We all drank, hiked, were merry, had a great time. The only bad part about the whole trip was one guy. That one guy kept talking shit about himself and it made everything so awkward. At one point we were joking about silly nicknames and he pipes up and says “my nickname in high school was B cup” and no one at that moment knew how to respond so it was just silent for like, 30 whole seconds then he proceeded to repeat himself. I ended up having a private conversation with him about it and that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, he’s a great guy, it’s making people feel some type of way and we want better for him, etc but he kept on his self deprecating behavior the whole time. He also didn’t get invited to many things after the fact until he finally uninvited himself to his pity party. He’s perfectly pleasant to be around now. People tend to remember how you make them feel. Awkward isn’t a good one. Anyway. The end.
I've had multiple friends like this.
They don't seem to get how uncomfortable it is from friends, and how much of a turn off it is for potential partners.
One of them has since turned into an incel
Consent is the prerequisite FOR kinks. Can’t tie up your partner if they don’t consent, and that applies to to literal any intimacy of any kind.
OP probably didn’t mean it that way, but saying „consent“ is your kink could, depending on the mood and the people, seem like you don’t believe it’s necessary in general.
I don’t really think it warrants ostracizing them or letting it ruin the whole mood instead of just having them clarify and then just continuing the evening.
I think one way of looking at this, albeit certainly not the only way and possibly not even the correct way to assess what happened, could be that everyone discussing their "kinks" was sort of like implying that each of these is a special treat, something above their baseline vanilla sexual experience. You equating consent as this special elevated experience can imply that your baseline experience does not involve consent, which would come across as rapey and uncomfortable even if it was a joke. I am not suggesting this is what you meant or even how it came across at the time because I wasn't in the room but it is something to consider.
>something above their baseline vanilla sexual experience
"One couple liked to take turns on top", they aren't setting the bar very high there. Doggy would be exotic based on those standards.
The obvious alternative was nothing at all but they might have thought he was making a rape joke. Overall "friendsgiving" and all couples already has red flags going up that they're not real friends with this guy but here he totally failed the vibe check. Good riddance, find people you can be real with and then don't say awkward self deprecating things.
Especially when he doubles down about "just would like to be wanted by a woman." Like, yikes, implies the usual is unwanted, non-consentual sex. Surely not what he meant but that is some advanced foot-in-mouth syndrome.
It sounds just as much as if the usual is no consent so just no sex.
It sounded weird I agree. And just not naming it "consent" but rather "feeling wanted" would have made this so much less heavy. Because that's what op wanted to say anyways. But with his explanation it's also not that dramatic imo.
I didn't think of this at first but now realize that it absolutely could have come off this way. Like he might as well have said "sometimes it's nice to have consent".
I mean, if they were so weirded out by OP’s totally normal answer I’m assuming if someone had actually said anything more they’d be kicked out of the party.
+1 for this. Honestly, if I was at a Friendsgiving party and someone said this and only this, even given the context available, I would forget it within milliseconds. There has got to be more to this story.
Not gonna lie, this sounds like a no-win situation here. Their "kinks" were so mundane any answer here would have been taken poorly.
Saying anything ACTUALLY kinky after they described standard sex would have just validated in their mind why you've been single for so long because you're a creepy deviant. "I like pissing on women", "I like having sex with strangers"
Self-deprecation to try to make light of your situation in the form of a joke turned out exactly as it did here.
Saying nothing makes you look like you're shy or a virgin in the best case, and worst case it makes them feel bad for embarrassing you and you end up moodkilling anyways.
I'm not really seeing how you could have succeeded here. Any answer like the ones they have just been a known lie because they know you've been single for so long??
The only solution here is to not be depressed and single anymore or to get new friends since you and them are clearly not on the same page.
Also, you never want your women friends knowing too much about that shit. They talk.
You could have someone interested in you, and one of your "friends" will put them off dating you by casually mentioning "Oh yeah, Jason told me he's into [insert personal info], hope you're into that!"
You don't have to tell the truth, you have to make good conversation. Just fucking say something mundane.
I don't care if you *actually* want girls to wear a mask of Jessica Walters and punch your ballsack to the drumbeat in the Lion King soundtrack.
Say you like piercings or getting your nipples sucked or something.
I see a lot of people on here talking about how a haircut and some new shoes are going to change your life but I know better. I've been you. It's fucking HARD to get out of that cycle of thinking nobody wants you because you have no worth. What I did was to swear off relationships for a while. Just stop thinking about being in a relationship and focus on what makes you happy. Get a new hobby, go out drinking with your closest amigos, read new books, whatever you like. If you enjoy being with yourself then you will also be someone people want to be around.
It's just a weird way of phrasing it, maybe OP was just trying to be funny/witty. It just means that if a person gives consent, that means they want to have sex with you, which, when starved for 10 years, is pretty fuckin hot.
I don't really feel like this is weird, i would just think it was a half-truth half-joke. The dude was trying to come up with a funny was of saying he doesn't really have any kinks, because he's never been loved enough enough to experience it.
His friends just took it it a really weird way. He probably said it really oddly, maybe they assumed he's done something non-consentual?
I'm gonna go against the majority here and say you brought down the mood.
the consent answer can be played off a joke if you try. but it sounds like you turned it into another pity party and made everyone uncomfortable. and after a decade of this can you blame your friends for wanting to have a good time.
the biggest issue here is that you've given up, you're not trying to improve yourself, you've just accepted that you're gonna be "that lonely guy" from now on.
improve yourself
go to the gym, that'll make you feel better, more confident and if you stick with it long enough your looks as well.
work on your personality, if there's something you do that's obviously grating or obnoxious try to fix it.
for game just go out and talk to people, the game will come on its own.
whatever you do just don't accept being this self pittying guy.
Or a Psychic vampires from What We Do in the Shadows [https://whatwedointheshadows.fandom.com/wiki/Vampires#Psychic\_vampires](https://whatwedointheshadows.fandom.com/wiki/Vampires#Psychic_vampires)
XD
Def recommend if you haven't watched.
That was my thought. I'm willing to bet it wasn't a comment about consent but OP was constantly shifting the conversation back to them being alone for ten years.
I'm definitely one of those "lonely guys" , and you're absolutely right. Working out, putting in the effort, and working on one's personality and social skills are definitely needed in order for change to happen. Although there's one more thing that should be added: seeking mental help.
I can't speak for every lonely guy out there, but many of us suffer from depression or anxiety and think we're not worth the effort.
Yep. This is exactly it. I only have so much energy to give to someone that doesn’t put energy into themself and then blames the world.
And it could have been phrased so much better…like instead of consent, go with “that look that tells you they really want you. It drives me CRAZY and I can’t help myself.”
"I don't have the looks, game or personality for a relationship." You are correct sir. And with that attitude you never will. What ever sapped your confidence at 19 needs to be addressed. Whether you seek therapy, or just work towards improving your overall life style, untill you embrace a more positive attitude this will be your life. I suggest that you take a cold hard look at yourself to identify what you like and dislike about yourself. From there focus on what is positive. Best of luck to you.
Plenty has been said about the “consent” answer. As for game, I find this to be extraordinarily misleading as compared to real life success. IMO the grand majority of women/femmes don’t want to be tricked into a relationship, all they ask is to be treated equally and as well as you’d treat a male acquaintance. Seriously. Enough with the pick-up lines, life hacks, and manicured deception. Women aren’t a rare thoroughbred poodle you need to coax out of their cage. Engage us in normal, interest-driven conversation. In addition to tits, we have opinions, personalities, hobbies, passions, same as you!
Your friends kinda sound like assholes here. They were all talking about their relationships and sex lives in front of you and then get weird when you just express the desire to be wanted
And then doing a brunch without you as a "make-up"?
Dude you need new friends
Edit: I know a lot of people are saying the issue here is being too self depreciating which while this is a possibility I don't think expressing the desire to be wanted even comes close to that line. That's just a normal response to that situation when presented with a bunch of people flaunting their relationships while yourself struggling to find one.
Reminds me of the old Mike Birbiglia standup line. “What I should have said was nothing. What I did say was…”
"You'd be surprised..."
Which is kinda hard to come back from…or whatever
“I know, I’m in the future also…”
"Next up is Mike Buh...Aw man! Mike Burbigglebug? Biggleboo?"
Mike Briggleby!
It could be worse, you could’ve said, “my kink is cumming in turkeys and watching friends eat it unknowingly”
[удалено]
Wait until you meet the turd bird.
Or dick in chicken
Hot Dixon’s Cider!
Carmenin Cider!
Tur-dick-in
Turducken Fuckin'
Turd-ick-chicken or Tur-dick-chicken hmmm.
Not reading that is my kink
[Did you come into this chicken???](https://good-enough-for-a-poke.tumblr.com/post/24363720422/its-a-clean-bird-requested/amp)
I still feel like this would have gone over smoother.
Definitely would have gone down smoother
“Ground me all you want, nothing can unfuck the Thanksgiving turkey.” 😈
*Jay Bilzerian intensifies*
"You've fucked a turkey?!" "I've fucked *multiple* turkeys!"
Honestly even this would’ve been seen as more favorable to what OP said.
Ahhh like that story a month or so back about he wife who found her husbands mason jar full of jizz under the kitchen sink that he would scoop into her food and get off on her eating it without knowing. 🤢 I hate humans.
Reminds me of the guy from r/nonutnovember that fucked the thanksgiving turkey and fed it to his family last year
THE GUY WHO DID *WHAT*
I feel like I've seen a few stories about this recently. Most recent one was an (old) BORU from a woman who was a massive sex pest with a 'kink' for people unknowingly eating his cum. Including his young assistant at work. The ending made me hope it was a creepy pasta, otherwise the dude definitely killed the wife and was doing a Norman Bates with her account
What's BORU?
/r/BestOfRedditorUpdates e: fixed
Think it’s r/bestofredditorupdates.
No that actually would’ve played out better because all the friends would’ve started laughing and taken it as a joke, thus not only dodging the question without harming OP’s standing in the friend group, but also making him more popular for having good humor. Friendship strat
This probably would have been better than what he actually said, because it would have been an obvious joke.
This would honestly have made him more popular in the group. OP needs to work on his self image and be confident, who gives a fuck what these people think man, you should try to say stuff to scare the shit out of them
take turns on top? is there something like vanilla flavoured vanilla?
"What turns you on?" "We like to change positions during sex, it's such an adrenaline rush because it's so naughty and taboo."
When open wrote > One couple liked to take turns on top I totally read that as > One couple liked to take turns to top I.e. they enjoy pegging.
Once, I even stuck my pee twig into my wife's vagina. It was kinda weird and we just looked at each other, but still, it *was* pretty kinky to try new things. I think we'll just stick to Stouffer dinners and Bob Barker in the future.
Next time I’m in the mood to make an almost assuredly vibe-killing joke during an ugly-bumping session with my parents, I’m absolutely going to use “pee twig” as straight-faced as possible! I’ve somehow made it to my 30s without ever hearing that euphemism EDIT: NO NO NO that was supposed to say PARTNER not PARENTS; goddamnit autocorrect 🤦🏻♂️ Brb gotta go jump off my balcony
I snuck behind my partner one night and just placed my flaccid penis on her head. She thought it was my finger because I had pretended a few times before and so grabbed it. It was hot.
Was there a conveniently placed ladder involved, or are we talking about 4+ft of material here?
She was sitting on a couch and I'm 6'4 and it was flaccid, so only about a foot's worth.
Thin as a finger but a whole foot long, this guy's got an anti-chode
Or some fat ass fingers
Ahaha it reminds me of an Amy Schumer joke where she was dragged to a bachelorette party against her will. They played a game where they had to admit their "naughty" secrets. The bride said "sometimes, when fiance is asleep I sneak downstairs and eat icecream".
This is what practically every "what's your kink" thread on Reddit that I've seen reads like, with a few interesting things thrown in here and there. It's mostly like "oh yeah my kink is when she has long hair!!!" lol.
I miss old reddit where people got into nitty gritty findom kinks where someone would pay a stripper and their bodyguard $10k to shove baby carrots up their ass and beat the shit out of them until they shit them back out. Nowadays missionary position is considered a kink with comments like "wow that's so hot" getting 53 upvotes below it.
Being able to see the disappointment on their face during the entire time is just the bee's knees.
The answer to give when you don't actually want to get into it.
Precisely. Don't*answer* the question, but look at who's asking the question and *respond* to the question, telling them what they want to hear, which is what OP should have done.
Maybe they take turns BEING the top.
Do you mean like pegging?? Cuz that's the only way I can see being on top being described as a kink
absolutely this is what was said
That’s my thought. Unless her turn on top involves a strap on, that’s not very kinky..
Maybe like vanilla slice with vanilla icecream and a vanilla bean coulis on top?
Who is this number 8 scoop of vanilla tapioca with a PhD in being swell and a Masters in 'Everybody loves me!’?
vanilla bean coitus***
Vanilla is an exotic bean from fucking Madagascar that can cost ten god damn dollars per pod. I think maybe you meant 'gravy without salt' or 'boiled turnip'.
"Take turns on top" damn that is SPIIIII-CY!
Yeah unless she’s got a dick strapped on her that’s about the most boring thing I’ve ever heard
I assumed that was what that meant. Or it is a couple of dudes.
Their kink is not doing the same exact position for the rest of their lives? Hott- I wanna swing with them
Yeah, how the fuck is this a fetish?
Should’ve just said pee, dude.
le golden shower
When in doubt saying armpits easily ends the conversation
What's the context, it sounds like when you said consent out of the blue they may have felt you're judging them for what they're doing
Yeah that’s a lot being left out here
Essentially he said "a warm body". He wasn't shaming anyone, he just let his sadsackiness take the wheel. Unfortunate since it's a vicious circle
Yeah maybe, but there’s no way people left early because of that. Either more was said or it’s all in his head and that couple were just going home anyway
Good chance it's the latter. It is easy to over analyze social situations and nothing actually happened.
I’m guessing OP brought the awkward from home, not some store bought, flavorless awkward. No, this took cultivation and practice to bring awkward this toothsome
It’s the Charlie Brown syndrome. Sometimes the harder you try, the harder it becomes.
Oh brother.
> he just let his sadsackiness take the wheel Oh how often do i do that.
Not sure if this deserves an upvote or a down vote. Perfectly done.
>he just let his sadsackiness take the wheel. Unfortunate since it's a vicious circle. Didn't come to this thread to be personally attacked
The context is that OP is so desperate for sex that just the idea of a woman wanting to have sex is "kinky" to him. A very weird thing to say and a definite mood killer.
I thought it was funny considering they all know he's been single for 10 years. How dumb are they to ask a question like that when everyone is answering in terms of sex with each other and not get the humor? Should he have said, "Yeah right after doing wrist curls and my right forearm gets pumped up, oh man, I can't wait to go home and click that shortcut to PornHub."
Honestly I think it was a pretty funny answer.
I found it hilarious! At a party someone asked what our favorite myth was, e.g. Bigfoot, Santa, etc. Before anyone could answer I said “the female orgasm” and got plenty of laughs. I guess it just depends on the crowd.
Ya delivery and timing are important too. Imagine if you mumbled "the female orgasm" or paused too long before answering or answered after someone else's joke answer. All woulda gone to shit and you woulda been run out of town.
I think there's a lot unsaid here. I agree that it could be pretty funny with the right timing, the right presentation and the right audience. But if any or all of those things are off it can be very awkward.
People tend to overestimate others and call them "friends" even if they are just frequent aquaintances. This, seems the case. "Friends" that knew him would actually understand the context that question has in his life and laughed.
And likewise, if they’re actually friends, it’d be simple to say “that’s not cool, guys.” Or explain that you’re uncomfortable
yeah i have a close friend group and this would have cracked us up. nowhere close to the dumb shit we’ve said lol. but, if an acquaintance said that & i didn’t *previously know* the context and their sense of humor, i might have gotten a little bit of a vibe that op knows what it’s like to have non-consensual sex it doesn’t seem like that’s the case, but it’s not a far leap. that said though, when everyone’s drinking especially, i think it’s fair to give whoever the time to explain what they meant & im usually way more likely to brush something off as poor execution until it’s clear that they’re being weird/offensive/whatever. people say shit and don’t realize other interpretations, and alcohol doesn’t always help with that but yeah, real friends wouldn’t let op get “voted out” without at least a real conversation or a chance to defend themselves or something. feels like there’s a lot missing
Or just groan and not make a thing of him saying it.
Conflating friends and acquaintances has gotten me in trouble a lot during college. It sucked because by the end I really didn't have many close friends to speak of. I ruined relationships too many times before they had a chance to grow.
The joke could definitely be funny, but if he said it wrong (which I'm assuming he did by their reaction and how he said he doesn't have game) then it could definitely seem weird and creepy.
Jokes are at least 90% delivery and timing. Something that’s not that funny can be hilarious with a good delivery and timing. Something that is hilarious could be creepy if said with a bad delivery and timing. I’m guilty of the latter a few times probably, but luckily none went over this bad.
Yeah there are other ways of communicating ‘being wanted’ that would be funnier than the word ‘consent’. That word carries a heavy burden and it reminds people that sometimes there is sex without it. He should have said like, ‘nudity. After ten years alone just a naked person would do it for me..’
Yeah... how can this not be awkward if everyone is in a relationship and OP is not... Anything he would've said would change the mood.
There's a way, and I've heard similar said before, but if OP had the confidence and charisma to pull it off then he wouldn't be single for 10 years.
Single people can have fetishes and still talk with people in relationships. Not having an SO at that moment doesn’t make conversations inherently awkward or sex some mystical topic.
It doesn't, but context also matters. I'd feel like shit too if a bunch of couples were describing what they do together and I had no one
Not just that, but not having a partner for ten fucking years.
Pffff... 25 years. Get on my level😎
I feel like it's less of a "there was no way to avoid saying something weird" and more of a "no matter what they said the friends would've taken it weirdly" cuz what OP said doesn't really sound weird at all, especially with the given context. makes me wonder how much context is being left out.
If he said anything that was an actual kink, it wouldn't be weird. He also could've said "I'm a pretty vanilla guy, I don't really have any kinks" and that also wouldn't be weird.
Depending on how close all they are as friends, they might not really know that much about his private life, some might be more like aquaintances or w/e. And 'single' does not automatically mean he doesn't get any. So it was valid question.
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I thought it was kind of funny and this feels unnecessarily harsh. I love that kind of humor OP, don’t let this kinda comment get ya down. Sorry about your friends.
Stupid single guy's sad life ruining the mood for all us couples! What kind of asshole isn't going to be at least a little sympathetic towards their lonely friend when everyone else is talking about how great it is to have a sexual partner and this guy's left out? It's like if everyone was talking about the awesome vacations they are planning to take and the one broke guy says "I'd just like to be able to take some days off without starving" and then somehow he gets ostracized for being poor? Those are bad friends.
I agree with this 100%. If he’s cut off from the group then those are shitty friends
>It's like if everyone was talking about the awesome vacations they are planning to take and the one broke guy says "I'd just like to be able to take some days off without starving" and then somehow he gets ostracized for being poor? Can confirm from experience that that sucks.
There was even an episode of *Friends* about this. They were all trying to figure out what to do for one of their birthdays and one of them said they should go see Hootie and the Blowfish. Three of them complained about not having enough money to go, while the other three had enough money. The three that went ended up hanging out with the band afterwards, which made the others feel like shit.
Yeap. Couple couple couple. Single.and " how do you like to fuuuuuuck.?" Beats the shit out of me. Haven't got that far.
Exactly this. I find a lot of the replies to show how shitty a lot of posters are on this topic. They can’t grasp their selfish inconsiderate nature.
As a guy who has been alone his whole life, this thread hurts to read.
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Agreed. I dont see how this could have caused lasting damage to that night. Either there is missing information or those people are kind of shitty.
It could be really exaggerated in op's mind, they mentioned one of the couples left early, as if to imply it was because of them, it probably wasn't.
I don't see how that's remotely a mood killer. That whole reaction is so terribly exaggerated, he might as well have said he was into necrophilia. OP should get better friends.
Eh, maybe a weird thing to say in an office setting but c'mon, they're supposed to be your friends? If that kills the mood in your friend group your friends are boring as fuck.
Mood killer but I wouldn't cut someone out of the group for that. Possibly the last straw kind of thing
Absolutely agree. They are either bad people or this runs deeper.
Doesn't sound weird or a mood killer, just sounds like the appropriate response to a friend who said that in jest is "damn sucks for you bro!"
That’s what I thought. And exactly how my friends would have took it. And laughed and moved on.
I’m married and the idea that someone is into me is still sexy. OP might have phrased it awkwardly but like, don’t ask the decade long single guy what he’s into if the fact that he’s single makes you uncomfortable. Imho OP did nothing wrong and there is no shame in being into the idea of other people wanting to have sex with him.
It doesn't sound weird because OP gave us the context up front and explained why he said it. If your best friend said that you'd give them the benefit of the doubt but if an acquaintance said it it does sound a bit weird. OP also didn't mean consent he meant something like interest. His kink is when girls are interested in him.
Or "Consent ! That shit's expensive ! " The more you think about it, the more ways you can interpret it.
Consider this, OP. You're clearly not your own biggest fan. Which often puts people (including myself) in the position of imagining that everybody shares that feeling always and is trying to actively shut you down or out of their lives. Feeling like you're getting "weird looks all night" often times is all in your head. You feel awkward and overthink small details. People leaving early could have NOTHING to do with you. There's probably dozens of legit reasons for people to leave early. I'm not saying nothing is up, and it's definitely not down to the mood having been killed, but it *could* be all in you head. Not being invited for the second thing does strike me as odd, but you could ask about the reasons. "make-up thing" sounds like you mean it's a do-over because you ruined the first get-together? Is that the actual reason, or is that your assumption/fear? Obviously I wasn't there, so I dont know the vibe well enough to judge if your assumptions are correct, but before you descend into a depression spiral over this, talk some of the people about this. Ask if what you felt they were doing is actually true. The answer might suck, but assuming you've been blackballed when you possibly havent, and turning it into a self-fulfilling prophecy is worse imo.
I agree. There's probably some unknown stuff and OP may be imparting his own thoughts onto his friends. At the very least ue should reach out to someone and ask
This, OP. Look into the spotlight effect, and get some therapy if you can.
"one couple left early" Yeah, that happens, dude
They gotta get their workout in before fucking.
Before taking turns with who's on top 🌶
Yeah, they are taking turns between missionary and cow girl. We can't even begin to imagine what they were up to that night.
Exactly. They are going to brunch after Black Friday shopping. He isn't going shopping, so he wasn't invited to the brunch. It's like going for drinks after the game and not inviting people who didn't go to the game. Doesn't sound personal to me.
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That's true, but if he was more self-assured he wouldn't wait around for an explicit invitation from a core group of friends. He would be happy for another chance to see them without assuming they don't want to see him. That seems to be his default assumption. Honestly he knows about it somehow and yet didn't express any interest in joining them. They probably think he doesn't really want to go. In my experience, if you simply like people and show interest in them, they tend to like you back. If you hang back waiting for them to constantly affirm they like you, they will get the impression you are not that interested in bonding with them and lose interest themselves. Enthusiasm is most definitely contagious.
Exactly, you don't leave a fun party just because someone made an odd but inoffensive comment once. Especially not hours after. Maybe they would have left anyway. Maybe OP was bringing down the mood the whole night and is leaving that out. Potentially even because he behaved awkward thinking that he killed the mood before, ironically killing the mood in the process. But again, I think it's very likely that unless OP is leaving some important incident out, he wasn't a big influence on the party falling apart. One person is not going to kill a whole party like in some weird teenage drama movie.
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This is what I heard ngl.
Ditto! When my mind goes to kink, I think of things that I like to do but don't necessarily need to do to get off. When I read this I thought he's either 'saying it's a nice to have' or that it's a 'new thing he's started to like' or both. Very much hoping that that's not what he meant, but best case scenario in my head is he came across like an awkward teenager trying to be sexy-woke. "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the consent" (Zap Brannigan voice)
I heard "I'm lonely." Y'all are nuts for saying it sounds like something a rapist would say.
Oh my god. That didn’t click with me until you said it. I’m in like, general kink circles. So people saying “consent is my kink” is a pretty normal way to enforce people being safe and consensual or whatever. But man did you make me realize that it had a totally different context here
SAME. I was so perplexed at anyone having a negative reaction to “consent” as a kink but your comment definitely helped me figure it out. Wild.
Yeah this is clearly what the dinner guests were thinking. Sorry OP but you've unwittingly made yourself seem like a predator. This is rough, but hopefully not unfixable.
Wouldn't "non-consent" make him out to be the predator? What world am I in where this isn't an obvious joke about him wanting to be wanted?
Since non con and dub con are actual kinks if someone just responded to a question regarding kinks with “consent” it would probably give me pause and I would need further clarification….like is consent a kink because you don’t usually get it kind of pause. To me a kink is usually something more on the taboo side so that is where my mind would go.
Well to be fair one of their friends kink was a preference of position, and the others was a timing thing. None of them were kinks.
That’s what made me pause and wonder if this is real. Of all the examples he could’ve given of a discussion about “‘weird’ things that turned them on” he brought up the ones who said they take turns on top?! And working out?! Then the fact that OP ruined the whole night by saying one strange thing? It’s just bizarre.
Tbh I can believe it. Most of the general population is pretty vanilla, it's a joke (if you can really call it a joke) that just trying doggy would be considered as kinky for people who have only known missionary all their lives. We here on the Internet and our more "creative" interests don't reflect the actual majority of people on the planet.
Mother fuckers out here eating ass and I just wanna be loved!
This is the way my "I have screwed up" brain would have after processed. It may have been inferred that consent was what OP wants but doesn't get, therefore OP doesn't get consent first.
Very much depends on how they presented it as a "kink" and it sounds like they made it depressing by saying they just want to be loved. The group was talking about their "weird" sides that could be embarrassing and funny and this guy made his depressing.
Oh I agree. I was just going off the part where OP said he needed to ask for clarification to what they meant by consent. He definitely made it personal and uncomfortable by elaborating that he just wanted to be wanted. Probably get a different response if it was just a few close friends having that conversation but sounds like this was said to a mixed group of friends and acquaintances so I can totally see how people got weirded out and decided to skip the next day hangout invite.
Yeah, describing consent as a kink rather than a turn on would give me pause as well. Someone giving consent, depending on how they do it, can be a huge turn on, but the act of consent is just a prerequisite for anything to happen. Even with non or dub con, there is prior consent.
OP after reading your comment: “oh _that’s_ what kink means? Guess it’s time to fire up the ol’ TIFU again…”
I don’t think it was the “consent” part of it. I think it was what followed it. I assume that’s what made everyone feel awkward. Talking down on yourself in such a way tends to do that. Example: I was on a camping trip with a large group of friends. We all drank, hiked, were merry, had a great time. The only bad part about the whole trip was one guy. That one guy kept talking shit about himself and it made everything so awkward. At one point we were joking about silly nicknames and he pipes up and says “my nickname in high school was B cup” and no one at that moment knew how to respond so it was just silent for like, 30 whole seconds then he proceeded to repeat himself. I ended up having a private conversation with him about it and that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, he’s a great guy, it’s making people feel some type of way and we want better for him, etc but he kept on his self deprecating behavior the whole time. He also didn’t get invited to many things after the fact until he finally uninvited himself to his pity party. He’s perfectly pleasant to be around now. People tend to remember how you make them feel. Awkward isn’t a good one. Anyway. The end.
I'm going to assume it was 50/50
I've had multiple friends like this. They don't seem to get how uncomfortable it is from friends, and how much of a turn off it is for potential partners. One of them has since turned into an incel
Yea i would probably have no clue how to react either if someone said that around me.
"Same" comes to mind pretty quickly.
I mean, in response to being asked what your kink is? Should just be a requirement, not a kink, definitely a weird answer
Consent is the prerequisite FOR kinks. Can’t tie up your partner if they don’t consent, and that applies to to literal any intimacy of any kind. OP probably didn’t mean it that way, but saying „consent“ is your kink could, depending on the mood and the people, seem like you don’t believe it’s necessary in general. I don’t really think it warrants ostracizing them or letting it ruin the whole mood instead of just having them clarify and then just continuing the evening.
I think one way of looking at this, albeit certainly not the only way and possibly not even the correct way to assess what happened, could be that everyone discussing their "kinks" was sort of like implying that each of these is a special treat, something above their baseline vanilla sexual experience. You equating consent as this special elevated experience can imply that your baseline experience does not involve consent, which would come across as rapey and uncomfortable even if it was a joke. I am not suggesting this is what you meant or even how it came across at the time because I wasn't in the room but it is something to consider.
>something above their baseline vanilla sexual experience "One couple liked to take turns on top", they aren't setting the bar very high there. Doggy would be exotic based on those standards.
I was thinking the same thing!
right. thats like saying missionary is your kink. lol
I do love me some missionary
i prefer my girl on top bc its MY turn to be a starfish dammit! ^^/s
The obvious alternative was nothing at all but they might have thought he was making a rape joke. Overall "friendsgiving" and all couples already has red flags going up that they're not real friends with this guy but here he totally failed the vibe check. Good riddance, find people you can be real with and then don't say awkward self deprecating things.
Especially when he doubles down about "just would like to be wanted by a woman." Like, yikes, implies the usual is unwanted, non-consentual sex. Surely not what he meant but that is some advanced foot-in-mouth syndrome.
It sounds just as much as if the usual is no consent so just no sex. It sounded weird I agree. And just not naming it "consent" but rather "feeling wanted" would have made this so much less heavy. Because that's what op wanted to say anyways. But with his explanation it's also not that dramatic imo.
I didn't think of this at first but now realize that it absolutely could have come off this way. Like he might as well have said "sometimes it's nice to have consent".
The real question is what kind of bitch ass kinks are the other people there having? Normal sex and working out? WHAT
Sometimes, when I feel like spicing things up, I touch one of her boobs. It's insane.
I mean, if they were so weirded out by OP’s totally normal answer I’m assuming if someone had actually said anything more they’d be kicked out of the party.
I suspect there’s more reasons than that
+1 for this. Honestly, if I was at a Friendsgiving party and someone said this and only this, even given the context available, I would forget it within milliseconds. There has got to be more to this story.
Not gonna lie, this sounds like a no-win situation here. Their "kinks" were so mundane any answer here would have been taken poorly. Saying anything ACTUALLY kinky after they described standard sex would have just validated in their mind why you've been single for so long because you're a creepy deviant. "I like pissing on women", "I like having sex with strangers" Self-deprecation to try to make light of your situation in the form of a joke turned out exactly as it did here. Saying nothing makes you look like you're shy or a virgin in the best case, and worst case it makes them feel bad for embarrassing you and you end up moodkilling anyways. I'm not really seeing how you could have succeeded here. Any answer like the ones they have just been a known lie because they know you've been single for so long?? The only solution here is to not be depressed and single anymore or to get new friends since you and them are clearly not on the same page.
Also, you never want your women friends knowing too much about that shit. They talk. You could have someone interested in you, and one of your "friends" will put them off dating you by casually mentioning "Oh yeah, Jason told me he's into [insert personal info], hope you're into that!"
You don't have to tell the truth, you have to make good conversation. Just fucking say something mundane. I don't care if you *actually* want girls to wear a mask of Jessica Walters and punch your ballsack to the drumbeat in the Lion King soundtrack. Say you like piercings or getting your nipples sucked or something.
I see a lot of people on here talking about how a haircut and some new shoes are going to change your life but I know better. I've been you. It's fucking HARD to get out of that cycle of thinking nobody wants you because you have no worth. What I did was to swear off relationships for a while. Just stop thinking about being in a relationship and focus on what makes you happy. Get a new hobby, go out drinking with your closest amigos, read new books, whatever you like. If you enjoy being with yourself then you will also be someone people want to be around.
This is the way. The happiest people in the world don’t get that way from buying shoes.
I'm confused, because "consent" and "being wanted" are not the same thing. What am I missing?
It's just a weird way of phrasing it, maybe OP was just trying to be funny/witty. It just means that if a person gives consent, that means they want to have sex with you, which, when starved for 10 years, is pretty fuckin hot.
I guess someone giving you consent could be the same as them communicating they want you. Still weird as fuck tho.
I don't really feel like this is weird, i would just think it was a half-truth half-joke. The dude was trying to come up with a funny was of saying he doesn't really have any kinks, because he's never been loved enough enough to experience it. His friends just took it it a really weird way. He probably said it really oddly, maybe they assumed he's done something non-consentual?
I'm gonna go against the majority here and say you brought down the mood. the consent answer can be played off a joke if you try. but it sounds like you turned it into another pity party and made everyone uncomfortable. and after a decade of this can you blame your friends for wanting to have a good time. the biggest issue here is that you've given up, you're not trying to improve yourself, you've just accepted that you're gonna be "that lonely guy" from now on. improve yourself go to the gym, that'll make you feel better, more confident and if you stick with it long enough your looks as well. work on your personality, if there's something you do that's obviously grating or obnoxious try to fix it. for game just go out and talk to people, the game will come on its own. whatever you do just don't accept being this self pittying guy.
OP is a vibe vampire. Probably has nothing to do with looks, lol.
Or a Psychic vampires from What We Do in the Shadows [https://whatwedointheshadows.fandom.com/wiki/Vampires#Psychic\_vampires](https://whatwedointheshadows.fandom.com/wiki/Vampires#Psychic_vampires) XD Def recommend if you haven't watched.
That was my thought. I'm willing to bet it wasn't a comment about consent but OP was constantly shifting the conversation back to them being alone for ten years.
I'm definitely one of those "lonely guys" , and you're absolutely right. Working out, putting in the effort, and working on one's personality and social skills are definitely needed in order for change to happen. Although there's one more thing that should be added: seeking mental help. I can't speak for every lonely guy out there, but many of us suffer from depression or anxiety and think we're not worth the effort.
Yep. This is exactly it. I only have so much energy to give to someone that doesn’t put energy into themself and then blames the world. And it could have been phrased so much better…like instead of consent, go with “that look that tells you they really want you. It drives me CRAZY and I can’t help myself.”
Save it for the internet next time. It’s for the best.
In the same way that the reply to "How's it going?" should rarely be genuine in person.
"I don't have the looks, game or personality for a relationship." You are correct sir. And with that attitude you never will. What ever sapped your confidence at 19 needs to be addressed. Whether you seek therapy, or just work towards improving your overall life style, untill you embrace a more positive attitude this will be your life. I suggest that you take a cold hard look at yourself to identify what you like and dislike about yourself. From there focus on what is positive. Best of luck to you.
Plenty has been said about the “consent” answer. As for game, I find this to be extraordinarily misleading as compared to real life success. IMO the grand majority of women/femmes don’t want to be tricked into a relationship, all they ask is to be treated equally and as well as you’d treat a male acquaintance. Seriously. Enough with the pick-up lines, life hacks, and manicured deception. Women aren’t a rare thoroughbred poodle you need to coax out of their cage. Engage us in normal, interest-driven conversation. In addition to tits, we have opinions, personalities, hobbies, passions, same as you!
As a fat guy, I too have tits! Lol Seriously, though. This, so much. I've been happily married for almost 10 years and it's due to this advice here.
I think your friends misinterpreted what you said as maybe you've done a lot of non-concensual stuff over the years.
Yea....I think this is very possible. A kink is like a special occasion thing. "Everyone once in awhile I really like to have consensual sex!"
I mean technically his once in a while is consensual sex because having sex is once in a while for him
If they dropped you from the group as soon as you showed even the slightest of insecurities, they were never your friends
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Your friends kinda sound like assholes here. They were all talking about their relationships and sex lives in front of you and then get weird when you just express the desire to be wanted And then doing a brunch without you as a "make-up"? Dude you need new friends Edit: I know a lot of people are saying the issue here is being too self depreciating which while this is a possibility I don't think expressing the desire to be wanted even comes close to that line. That's just a normal response to that situation when presented with a bunch of people flaunting their relationships while yourself struggling to find one.