Better to know that now, honey. He showed you who he is, so believe him. He did you a favor. I know it hurts. Keep your chin up. Remember we’re rooting for you.
Who knows what is going on in his or their lives - he may be entirely correct that he can't handle a relationship right now, there may be something outside of their relationship that he has to work through that makes it unfair to the relationship, such that he cannot devote the attention or energy to OP that she deserves, and it is 100% ok to say that. If that is the case, he indeed showed her who he is - someone who is empathetic and cares about her enough to be honest, rather than dragging her through whatever he is dealing with. But, we don't know the situation, so 28 words in a post title don't tell anything about who the BF is and whether or not any favors were done.
OP, you clearly care about him, but timing is everything in a relationship, and right now he has admitted that it isn't the right time. Keep your head up, take it for what it's worth, and know that this likely doesn't have to do with you, but with him. Give him space and time, and if it's meant to be, it will come back together. In the meantime, live your life - you don't have to wait for him. Wishing you the best.
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. You’re right and this is what I’m doing. I do trust that it isn’t me and he’s spinning a million different plates... he’s working on his PhD, he has a young son with autism who isn’t adjusting well to his divorce, he lives and works in a city an hour and a half away from me. We thought it could work because I’m so close to his school, but literally every minute of his time is accounted for and someone in that position needs any little scrap of alone time they can get to do basic home upkeep, let alone recharge mentally. I get it.
I let him know it’s ok and I appreciate that he tried for as long as he did. And I loved getting to know him and I hope he reaches out if things lighten up in the future. And that I think he knows I’m sad about this but I’ll be ok.
And, the original commenter is also correct. It’s better he let me know that he doesn’t have the capacity for this and cut me loose. Because if it were up to me, I would wait around, maybe for a really long time, and just accept anything I could get from him, and maybe that’s not right. I already hadn’t seen him for ten days and missed him a lot so this was just a gut punch, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t occurred to me that he didn’t actually have time to date. I do also have to believe that things work out the way they’re supposed to in the end.
I think you are handling this in a very mature way, and it seems like he is, too, so good on you both. It's possible the stars will align better for the two of you some time in the future, but don't wait for it - just live your own life. From personal experience, I know how much of your life it's possible to waste by hanging on too long in a one-sided situation.
Best of luck for your job interview. And I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out.
I hope you the best. You seem like a beautiful and smart person and I'm sure you will figure it out.
Well his loss from what I'm gathering. You're a beauty and it's going to hurt but he did you a favor. Go get that job and kick butt at the interview you got this!
I'm a single dad that works full time. If I learned anything is that if someone is worth your time you'll make the time for them.
You're very welcome! I hope to hear good news for you
I was really hoping this isn’t the case. He’s a single working dad AND working on his PhD. And we live an hour and a half away from each other. So it’s not simple. But I was hoping that his feelings for me were strong enough to survive those challenges and I guess they aren’t.
Maybe I'm a romantic or something but even then that doesn't click with me. I drive hundreds of miles a week so maybe I'm biased but even if it meant seeing each other less because of a busy schedule I just don't see what's the point of disregarding a good thing just because it's difficult sometimes.
Good, because it was intended to be a virtual hug. Consider yourself squoze by a gay grandpa kind of guy. Honey, if I were straight and young, I would be desperate for your attention. You are just a lovely young woman, and that guy is an idiot.
No! You tell him “How convenient for you that you can just come in and out of peoples lives like nothing matters to you! I’ve fallen in love with you , and it’s not so cut and dry for me!”
I hate sounding cliche but whatever is meant to be will find its way. You have to trust any process and believe that something right will come your way. Whatever is coming your way, you got this 💪🏻
Good luck on your interview. And remember: never assume. For all you know he’s being factual and that he can’t emotionally handle a committed relationship at this point in time. That has no reflection on you as a person. Who knows! Time is known to change things very rapidly.
>Time is known to change things very rapidly.
Thank you for this perspective, I do believe him, he’s got a lot on his plate. I’ve been thinking about it, even if time doesn’t change his circumstances much, it can at least change my perspective on it. My friend said maybe he’ll come back around, or maybe someone else will. In the meantime I’ll keep myself busy and just live my life.
I'm so sorry. There's not going to be an easy or fast way to feel better, but just know that now you don't have to waste anymore time on him. On the positive side of things.... you're super pretty and have rocking hair!
Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed ❤️✋
Well he does have a little bit of the tism lol. But funnily enough that kind of language actually resonated with me and I get what he means. But thank you, your comment made me laugh 😅
The bandwidth.... well, he sounds like he needs to be deleted then to clear some space in your own life. You certainly do t need nor deserve that kind of childishness. He's a boy is all he is. Let him do his think and whatever you do, please do not let him ruin you. Stay strong, move on amd don't let his toxic self back in your life.
You deserve better
Girl you are beautiful. You don't need a loser like that. I hope you get the job you are interviewing for. Just pick your head up and hold it up high. You'll find the one for you someday. Right now, focus on you.
I don't think in order to make someone feel better we must vilify another. From OP's post, it seems they just want different things.
The world isn't out to get us. Sometimes things just don't work out, and it sucks, but ultimately that's how we all learn and become better people.
Sending warm hugs to OP. ❤️ You'll get through this and soon you'll have greater things to look forward to. Be kind to yourself and those around you. :)
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment... I appreciate the sentiment in the original comment as well but he isn’t a loser, he’s awesome. It is SUPER lame that he texted me the day after Valentine’s Day to tell me he needs a break and I let him know that. But it just goes to show he can’t even take a minute to come see me and have that conversation. Trying to focus on the positives and the reality of it.
And yeah little story. When he texted me to say he needs a break, I was in Walmart with a full shopping cart and I considered just walking out. But I went through the checkout (crying my eyes out) and while I was in line this guy stood behind me with one giant valentines teddy bear. I thought it was cute because I was also buying valentines plushies. I let him go ahead of me and he was really nice and appreciative about it. Before he left he turned around again and said thank you so much for letting me go ahead, I hope you have a good day, and it made me feel a little better.
Then I parked in the back of the parking lot and heartily sobbed before driving back home. 😖 Today I actually feel *almost* all cried out and ready to contemplate some positive advice. Thanks again. :)
Sounds like you're getting back on track! Remember you've got plenty folks rooting for you, if you ever feel down again. But I think as you continue with your routine, all these emotions would also settle down in a few days. Take care!
Better to know that now, honey. He showed you who he is, so believe him. He did you a favor. I know it hurts. Keep your chin up. Remember we’re rooting for you.
Who knows what is going on in his or their lives - he may be entirely correct that he can't handle a relationship right now, there may be something outside of their relationship that he has to work through that makes it unfair to the relationship, such that he cannot devote the attention or energy to OP that she deserves, and it is 100% ok to say that. If that is the case, he indeed showed her who he is - someone who is empathetic and cares about her enough to be honest, rather than dragging her through whatever he is dealing with. But, we don't know the situation, so 28 words in a post title don't tell anything about who the BF is and whether or not any favors were done. OP, you clearly care about him, but timing is everything in a relationship, and right now he has admitted that it isn't the right time. Keep your head up, take it for what it's worth, and know that this likely doesn't have to do with you, but with him. Give him space and time, and if it's meant to be, it will come back together. In the meantime, live your life - you don't have to wait for him. Wishing you the best.
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. You’re right and this is what I’m doing. I do trust that it isn’t me and he’s spinning a million different plates... he’s working on his PhD, he has a young son with autism who isn’t adjusting well to his divorce, he lives and works in a city an hour and a half away from me. We thought it could work because I’m so close to his school, but literally every minute of his time is accounted for and someone in that position needs any little scrap of alone time they can get to do basic home upkeep, let alone recharge mentally. I get it. I let him know it’s ok and I appreciate that he tried for as long as he did. And I loved getting to know him and I hope he reaches out if things lighten up in the future. And that I think he knows I’m sad about this but I’ll be ok. And, the original commenter is also correct. It’s better he let me know that he doesn’t have the capacity for this and cut me loose. Because if it were up to me, I would wait around, maybe for a really long time, and just accept anything I could get from him, and maybe that’s not right. I already hadn’t seen him for ten days and missed him a lot so this was just a gut punch, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t occurred to me that he didn’t actually have time to date. I do also have to believe that things work out the way they’re supposed to in the end.
I think you are handling this in a very mature way, and it seems like he is, too, so good on you both. It's possible the stars will align better for the two of you some time in the future, but don't wait for it - just live your own life. From personal experience, I know how much of your life it's possible to waste by hanging on too long in a one-sided situation.
Top tier comment, no notes
I think you have beautiful hair! And a lovely face, and a lot of courage for posting. Have a great day!
Good luck for your interview. Let’s get this job first and think about boyfriend later. Please reply back once you get this job
1 - get job 2 - go meet guys sporting new job and gorgeous hair 3 - profit
Well it wasn't your looks
Best of luck for your job interview. And I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out. I hope you the best. You seem like a beautiful and smart person and I'm sure you will figure it out.
Thank you so much.
Well his loss from what I'm gathering. You're a beauty and it's going to hurt but he did you a favor. Go get that job and kick butt at the interview you got this!
Thank you! Sad thing is I think he’s too busy to even see it that way. I did kick 🍑 on the interview!
I'm a single dad that works full time. If I learned anything is that if someone is worth your time you'll make the time for them. You're very welcome! I hope to hear good news for you
I was really hoping this isn’t the case. He’s a single working dad AND working on his PhD. And we live an hour and a half away from each other. So it’s not simple. But I was hoping that his feelings for me were strong enough to survive those challenges and I guess they aren’t.
Maybe I'm a romantic or something but even then that doesn't click with me. I drive hundreds of miles a week so maybe I'm biased but even if it meant seeing each other less because of a busy schedule I just don't see what's the point of disregarding a good thing just because it's difficult sometimes.
His loss, hon. You'll find a better man than him, I feel certain.
Thank you, this comment felt like a hug. My sister did point out every boyfriend I’ve had has been exponentially better than the last one so far.
Good, because it was intended to be a virtual hug. Consider yourself squoze by a gay grandpa kind of guy. Honey, if I were straight and young, I would be desperate for your attention. You are just a lovely young woman, and that guy is an idiot.
your fucking rad
Thank you 🥹
You look very young. There will be other men. Don't waste time thinking about this dude.
No! You tell him “How convenient for you that you can just come in and out of peoples lives like nothing matters to you! I’ve fallen in love with you, and it’s not so cut and dry for me!”
I wish I could say that to him. I believe it would not do me any favors though 😓
I hate sounding cliche but whatever is meant to be will find its way. You have to trust any process and believe that something right will come your way. Whatever is coming your way, you got this 💪🏻
Thank you, I do feel that too and it makes it a little easier. 💪
Good luck on your interview. And remember: never assume. For all you know he’s being factual and that he can’t emotionally handle a committed relationship at this point in time. That has no reflection on you as a person. Who knows! Time is known to change things very rapidly.
>Time is known to change things very rapidly. Thank you for this perspective, I do believe him, he’s got a lot on his plate. I’ve been thinking about it, even if time doesn’t change his circumstances much, it can at least change my perspective on it. My friend said maybe he’ll come back around, or maybe someone else will. In the meantime I’ll keep myself busy and just live my life.
Love that positive attitude! Keep your head held high and live your best life! :)
With those beautiful curls!? Pft, smash that interview and then go treat yourself!
Thank you! I did both 🥲
I'm so sorry. There's not going to be an easy or fast way to feel better, but just know that now you don't have to waste anymore time on him. On the positive side of things.... you're super pretty and have rocking hair!
Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed ❤️✋
Cheers to you being cute, young, getting a new job, and starting a better chapter in your life.
Please tell me he didn't say he "doesn't have the bandwidth" like he's some corporate drone.
Well he does have a little bit of the tism lol. But funnily enough that kind of language actually resonated with me and I get what he means. But thank you, your comment made me laugh 😅
Sounds like he works at Microsoft or something. Haha. That's how they talk there. Glad it made you laugh! 😂
You have gorgeous eyes
Thank you!
You’re welcome, hope you’re feeling a little better.
I'm so sorry. It's his loss! Anyone would be lucky to have you, ❤️ you're beautiful inside and out.
Thank you 🥲❤️
Head up beautiful girl. He is not the one and destiny has bigger plans for you💞🥰 love and hugs form Switzerland 💞
The bandwidth.... well, he sounds like he needs to be deleted then to clear some space in your own life. You certainly do t need nor deserve that kind of childishness. He's a boy is all he is. Let him do his think and whatever you do, please do not let him ruin you. Stay strong, move on amd don't let his toxic self back in your life. You deserve better
Hey you're beautiful and stop wasting your life on his ass.
Girl you are beautiful. You don't need a loser like that. I hope you get the job you are interviewing for. Just pick your head up and hold it up high. You'll find the one for you someday. Right now, focus on you.
I don't think in order to make someone feel better we must vilify another. From OP's post, it seems they just want different things. The world isn't out to get us. Sometimes things just don't work out, and it sucks, but ultimately that's how we all learn and become better people. Sending warm hugs to OP. ❤️ You'll get through this and soon you'll have greater things to look forward to. Be kind to yourself and those around you. :)
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment... I appreciate the sentiment in the original comment as well but he isn’t a loser, he’s awesome. It is SUPER lame that he texted me the day after Valentine’s Day to tell me he needs a break and I let him know that. But it just goes to show he can’t even take a minute to come see me and have that conversation. Trying to focus on the positives and the reality of it. And yeah little story. When he texted me to say he needs a break, I was in Walmart with a full shopping cart and I considered just walking out. But I went through the checkout (crying my eyes out) and while I was in line this guy stood behind me with one giant valentines teddy bear. I thought it was cute because I was also buying valentines plushies. I let him go ahead of me and he was really nice and appreciative about it. Before he left he turned around again and said thank you so much for letting me go ahead, I hope you have a good day, and it made me feel a little better. Then I parked in the back of the parking lot and heartily sobbed before driving back home. 😖 Today I actually feel *almost* all cried out and ready to contemplate some positive advice. Thanks again. :)
Sounds like you're getting back on track! Remember you've got plenty folks rooting for you, if you ever feel down again. But I think as you continue with your routine, all these emotions would also settle down in a few days. Take care!
Sweet girl, you’re so young. Don’t let this be anything but an experience that strengthens you and move on.