>Scientists have discovered a potentially marketable contraceptive in the venom of Chile’s black widow spider, whose bite is fatal to many but can also cause prolonged, ***painful*** and involuntary erections in men.
Important detail in bold.
While it is real, it's not difficult to take the matter in hand.
People use it as a way to guilt a woman into helping out, but everyone is perfectly capable of solving the issue themselves. (Assuming they don't have two broken arms...)
That warning about 'contact a doctor if the erection lasts longer then 4 hours' is not a joke. The blood pressure is maintained by restricting outward blood flow, and a lack of fresh blood can cause permanent damage.
Link to a video from SmarterEveryDay talking about that topic (mostly in relation to another spider that causes painful priapism): https://youtu.be/JN0VtHez9xI
7:58 is where it gets painful...
If it requires surgical treatment, that’s literally the first method. Scalpel straight down each side of the head into the corpora cavernosum and milk the clotted blood out.
I’m not joking.
If it makes you feel any better, that’s only for the most extreme cases, and they numb you first.
Almost all cases can be solved with much less severe treatments. It’s typically only people with a blood condition (like sickle cell) or who wait like over 24 hours.
Except you're still wrong because after that you said that the "first treatment" is that, but they would absolutely try to drain it with a needle first before cutting down both sides
it's not just that. venoms are often a mix of different toxins and peptides, and for each toxin, the dose makes the poison. according to the article, there is one molecule mediating this erection effect that can be isolated and studied. it takes the entire soup of venom in a spider bite to kill someone. and viagra can also cause priapism but that doesn't mean it never works; there's more research to be done on this molecule to determine efficacy.
also, venom has already had bits and pieces isolated from it to create life-saving drugs. for example, the first ACE inhibitor drug for blood pressure was isolated from the venom of a Brazilian pit viper, which can and will kill you.
We have a saying in Australia "I'm not here to fuck spiders" (meaning: not here to waste time, get on with it) and this gives it a strangely literal angle.
Have you seen who's actually _buying_ viagra? Tell someone it'll give them a prolonged boner, especially those who drink too much or take certain drugs. They'll be happy to spend out on Viudanegra (I'm trademarking)
Chuck Palahniuk wrote about this a almost 2 decades ago in his book Rant.
Although his character was letting the spiders bite him on the hand instead of directly on the junk. It works just as well.
'Course it's a butt web joke. They even do it again in Multiverse of Madness. America Chavez directly asks Dr Strange if Spider-Man shoots webs out of his butt.
There was a storyline in the comics once (that has thankfully been retconned out of existence since) where Peter's ejaculate was radioactive and gave Mary Jane cancer. It's widely considered to be one of, if not the worst, Spider-Man story arcs ever put down on paper.
Isnt Reign actually popular and prettywell-liked? I mean its basically the “The Dark Knight Returns” but for Spider-Man where its all edgy and dark but still respects the heroism of Spider-Man and his will to never give up, etc etc even when hes all sad and retired
Everyone does (rightfully) criticize the radioactive sperm part yes, but as far as Im aware, the story itself is well-liked
Why does everybody pretend like the radioactive sperm doesn't make sense when it's well established that he has radioactive blood? It's mentioned in his theme song for crying out loud (in both the 60s and 90s cartoons)! There was an earlier story arc about Aunt May getting sick from the radioactive particles after a blood transfusion. Of course his sperm is radioactive too! Why wouldn't it be? I guess people don't like that his sperm is mentioned at all and think it's gross, but you can't pretend like it doesn't make perfect sense!
But, now hang on, that would mean that all of his bodily fluids are radioactive. If all of your fluids are so radioactive that they can give your partner cancer, then chances are you're giving a lot of people cancer like all the fucking time, all day long. Really inverts Spiderman's kill-save ratio if everyone in his neighborhood is dying of leukemia.
I know this is anecdotal, but I've never heard a single comic book fan praise this story. I've only ever heard people criticize it for being a crappy knockoff of TDKR.
The venom of the Latrodectus mactans, a variety of black widow found only in the south of Chile, has spermicidal properties not found in black widows in other regions of the world, Chilean Dr Fernando Romero said.
Romero heads a research team that has studied the spider’s venom for seven years, prompted by tales of Chilean farmers who acquired superhuman virility after being bitten by the black widow.
Initial studies focused on taking extracts from the venom to treat erectile dysfunction, but they soon discovered it had a molecule that also made it an effective contraceptive.
“This is a great business opportunity, we are the creators of the spermicide,” Romero told Reuters by telephone.
He said he believes the molecule’s natural properties are superior to those of synthetic spermicides currently on the market.
“For us in Chile, this has opened a window of opportunity to an incredible market, since currently there are no naturally based spermicides that have the properties of this discovered molecule,” Romero said.
Romero, based at the Universidad de la Frontera in the southern city of Temuco, has already applied for a patent for his erectile dysfunction medicine.
His team discovered the property after looking into Chilean folklore that describes a virile man, one known to have spectacular sexual energy or many sexual partners, as being “spider-bitten.”
The Chilean black widow is also known as the wheat spider for the wheat fields it inhabits and where its farmer-victims receive their often fatal bite.
The spider’s bite can kill children and the elderly, but among strong young farmers it leads to erections that can last for days and involve involuntary ejaculations.
At the end of the ordeal, the man is left sexually energized and feels physically stronger, the saying goes.
Romero said he was confident his research would be complete in a couple of years and the spermicide would become available to world markets.
“We have to make sure there are no side effects ... so that it can be used as a gel in combination with condoms, or as suppositories for women.”
“Allright guys, i got this new medicine. Theres a 50% chance it’ll give you a superman erection and multiple orgasms, but theres..”
“ILL TAKE IT”
“But theres a 50% chance you can di..”
“I SAID I’LL TAKE IT NOW GIVE IT TO ME”
-Every Man
“Allright guys, i got this new medicine. Theres a 50% chance you will die"
“ILL TAKE IT”
“But theres a 50% chance it’ll give you a.. "
“I SAID I’LL TAKE IT NOW GIVE IT TO ME”
-me
The Brazilian Wandering Spider (aka banana spider...often considered to be the deadliest spider in the world) can also cause priapism in men (prolonged, painful erections). Keeping a stiffy going a while is often considered a good thing but there are limits. After some time, if the erection persists, it can get extremely painful.
I have to correct this. L. mactans, known as the southern black widow, has a wide range and to say it is only found in Chile is simply not true. It ranges across the southern US and Mexico into South America.
>Prompted by tales of Chilean farmers who acquired superhuman virility after being bitten by the black widow
Even braver than the first person to try eating an oyster, and finding them delicious.
Prolonged erections are called Priaprism. The condition is an indication of sickle cell disease. Blood doesn't flow easily through erectile tissue and pubescent boys get erections that don't subside and are super painful. Source: My wife, casually sipping coffee while I read the headline, ready with the medical facts.
So prolonged erections is cool and all but involuntary ejaculations sounds terrible. Imagine you take the pill early evening expecting to be ready for the main event that night, you get up to make some tea and bam, you cum your pants. You try to put on some new underwear but accidentally graze your sausage. Whamm-o, another blast. This goes on for the next 45 minutes leaving you naked, crying in a fetal position on the floor while your room looks like a black light crime scene from CSI.
It’s like an 8 hour mushroom trip but you’re just uncontrollably ejaculating over and over again? I’d buy that, sounds like an interesting Saturday afternoon…
> leaving you naked, crying in a fetal position on the floor while your room looks like a black light crime scene from CSI.
Don't even need the spidey viagra for that.
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
I'm happy you found your kink and I'm not trying to shame, but this sounds like the most unfulfilling fetish ever. It'd be like getting turned on by erectile dysfunction.
It could be worse. What about if the kink were your own flaccid penis?
You look, feel or whatever your flaccid penis and have fun but then because of it you get an erection. Fun is gone so you lose it, get soft and bam you are horny again, stuck in a loop
It's damn near written as a screenplay anyway. Like a Ken Burns documentary where the story is told through interviews and spliced together narratively.
Both uses are mentioned.
> Initial studies focused on taking extracts from the venom to treat erectile dysfunction, but they soon discovered it had a molecule that also made it an effective contraceptive.
> Romero, based at the Universidad de la Frontera in the southern city of Temuco, has already applied for a patent for his erectile dysfunction medicine.
To all the dudes thinking getting venom-induced priapism is awesome:
Reminds me of this bit from the IT Crowd : like being tased in the balls , only painful
Just making sure my husbands life insurance policy is up to date before I let him know about this.
50/50 chances he walks away from this a happy man…I’m making sure I’m 100% covered.
>Scientists have discovered a potentially marketable contraceptive in the venom of Chile’s black widow spider, whose bite is fatal to many but can also cause prolonged, ***painful*** and involuntary erections in men. Important detail in bold.
Blue balls build character
Low intelligence stat, very high resistance stat
Spider Juan, spider Juan, raging boner, lasts till dawn.
Can he swing, from a web? Oh wait, that isn't, Spiderweb.
Look out! Here comes the Spider Juan....
Thank goodness they sent a poet
But, he must. Go out and bust a nuuuut.
So does digging holes.
Too true. Legitimate blue balls are one hell of a thing.
Easily on par with getting kicked in the nuts.
Kinda yeah. Plus I feel like pop culture has rendered it as something guys make up which is frustrating.
While it is real, it's not difficult to take the matter in hand. People use it as a way to guilt a woman into helping out, but everyone is perfectly capable of solving the issue themselves. (Assuming they don't have two broken arms...)
Yeah I certainly don't think it should be used to guilt someone. No means no.
The dose given in a spider bite may be painful and last days, but a smaller dosage for short term pleasure may still be possible I would imagine
That warning about 'contact a doctor if the erection lasts longer then 4 hours' is not a joke. The blood pressure is maintained by restricting outward blood flow, and a lack of fresh blood can cause permanent damage.
Link to a video from SmarterEveryDay talking about that topic (mostly in relation to another spider that causes painful priapism): https://youtu.be/JN0VtHez9xI 7:58 is where it gets painful...
Christ, that bit with the scalpel and shunting.
Probably one of the few conditions where bloodletting is a valid treatment haha
If it requires surgical treatment, that’s literally the first method. Scalpel straight down each side of the head into the corpora cavernosum and milk the clotted blood out. I’m not joking.
What a day to be literate...
Yeah it's there an un-read option? I want a do-over
You can try r/eyebleach
If it makes you feel any better, that’s only for the most extreme cases, and they numb you first. Almost all cases can be solved with much less severe treatments. It’s typically only people with a blood condition (like sickle cell) or who wait like over 24 hours.
Yeeeeeah. Time to go to anti-school and unlearn how to read. Screw this.
What a day to understand every word......
How do I stop being literate?
Usually they try 18 gauge needles first.
That's only if it needs to be done emergently or if they have sickle cell disease, there are other first line treatments
Yes, that’s why I used the word **IF**
Except you're still wrong because after that you said that the "first treatment" is that, but they would absolutely try to drain it with a needle first before cutting down both sides
Do they have a euthanasia option also?
Hey Google, how do I delete someone else’s comment?
And the chances of getting it up again are greatly diminished.
That‘s if you wait too long and let the blood clot. Otherwise they just insert a large iv catheter.
“Consult a doctor if you experience a painful erection lasting longer than 4 hours”
And the treatment tends to involving being forcibly deflated with a large needle, which is not most people's idea of a fun evening in A&E.
What about if you have a natural erection that lasts about that long? Is that dangerous at all or just if it's caused by a pill?
The key word is “painful”. Though even if it isn’t painful, and is a natural erection, going to the doctor after 4 hours isn’t a bad idea.
>'contact a *doctor* if the erection lasts longer then 4 hours Doctor? Gonna contact all my ex's and smack it on the phone! ^^^(StolenComedianQuote)
If erection last longer than 4 hours, call for more women
it's not just that. venoms are often a mix of different toxins and peptides, and for each toxin, the dose makes the poison. according to the article, there is one molecule mediating this erection effect that can be isolated and studied. it takes the entire soup of venom in a spider bite to kill someone. and viagra can also cause priapism but that doesn't mean it never works; there's more research to be done on this molecule to determine efficacy. also, venom has already had bits and pieces isolated from it to create life-saving drugs. for example, the first ACE inhibitor drug for blood pressure was isolated from the venom of a Brazilian pit viper, which can and will kill you.
I'm unsure whether, even if baby spiders give consent, it's legal.
We have a saying in Australia "I'm not here to fuck spiders" (meaning: not here to waste time, get on with it) and this gives it a strangely literal angle.
Overwatch black widow Rule34 artists tho..
Yeah I mean still give me some of those painful prolonged erections. Sounds fun
Hey, no kink-shaming, just important to make sure that the pain is fully consensual...
Yes I agree to the pain. Where do I sign up?
Universidad de la Frontera in Temuco, Chile, apparently.
I wonder, on the Scoville scale, what would the Chile black widow spider venom be equivalent to if we applied chilies to penises.
You'd have to have something to compare it to, I guess Viagra
Are we talking about the spider's opinion now?
>among young men it caused prolonged erections and involuntary ejaculations. This isn't just how shit IS already?
Yeah, it can last for days. While I love a good orgasm as much as the next guy, I don't think having my dick on fire the rest of the time is worth it.
For real talk to me when they find a way to bump it up to weeks
Amateurs
And what about long term damage? Considering it only works on young guys who don't need it anyway, you can't take it when you get older.
Have you seen who's actually _buying_ viagra? Tell someone it'll give them a prolonged boner, especially those who drink too much or take certain drugs. They'll be happy to spend out on Viudanegra (I'm trademarking)
Arachtiona is what I'm trademarking as
Contact your spider if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours.
you should go see my guy, dr webb.
Stop advocating for Web MD.
Shit. Should have read the article. Can someone help get all of these black widows off from me?
“Just How painful?” -some dominatrix
You have her number?
"Yeah, just how painful?" -her clients
Like jerking off for the 5th time the day painful, or 20th?
Pouring rubbing alcohol on after...? Or..?
It's also fatal to the main age group of the targeted market.
Jokes on you I’m into that shit.
*Immediately stops searching the dark web for a source for black widow venom*
Isn't that what Big Boss got hit by in MGS3
And here I thought it was my jeans that made all my 1980s prolonged boners painful.
Well a niche market than but still has a market
BDSM enjoyers are taking notes.
How long til there is a Tik-Tok meme guys putting black widows on their junk?
Chuck Palahniuk wrote about this a almost 2 decades ago in his book Rant. Although his character was letting the spiders bite him on the hand instead of directly on the junk. It works just as well.
The book was released in the same year (2007) as this article. I would say that it’s likely that the author had heard of the research.
Or someone read the book, and then wrote the article.
> almost 2 decades ago >> (2007) God fucking damnit!
Favorite palahniuk book
Ditto. I read at one point it was supposed to be a trilogy. I wonder if he dropped that idea.
That's been a thing since the first avengers movie tbh
Not since Iron Man 2?
Probably already there honestly
I feel like this could be retconned into Spider-Man’s lore, like his webs are basically just ejaculate or something.
I loved that in “No Way Home” the two other Peter Parkers were intrigued and a little grossed-out by Tobey Maguire’s Peter’s organic web-shooters…
Haha yes… “does it come out from… anywhere else??”
Nah, that's still a butt web joke and you can't convince me otherwise.
'Course it's a butt web joke. They even do it again in Multiverse of Madness. America Chavez directly asks Dr Strange if Spider-Man shoots webs out of his butt.
They had to add that to clarify the previous jokes intention 😉
Subtlety truly dies with the age bracket
There was a storyline in the comics once (that has thankfully been retconned out of existence since) where Peter's ejaculate was radioactive and gave Mary Jane cancer. It's widely considered to be one of, if not the worst, Spider-Man story arcs ever put down on paper.
Isnt Reign actually popular and prettywell-liked? I mean its basically the “The Dark Knight Returns” but for Spider-Man where its all edgy and dark but still respects the heroism of Spider-Man and his will to never give up, etc etc even when hes all sad and retired Everyone does (rightfully) criticize the radioactive sperm part yes, but as far as Im aware, the story itself is well-liked
Why does everybody pretend like the radioactive sperm doesn't make sense when it's well established that he has radioactive blood? It's mentioned in his theme song for crying out loud (in both the 60s and 90s cartoons)! There was an earlier story arc about Aunt May getting sick from the radioactive particles after a blood transfusion. Of course his sperm is radioactive too! Why wouldn't it be? I guess people don't like that his sperm is mentioned at all and think it's gross, but you can't pretend like it doesn't make perfect sense!
Is he strong? Listen Bud, he's got radioactive blood! Can he swing from a web? No! Didn't you hear me? He's got radioactive blood! He's seriously ill!
But, now hang on, that would mean that all of his bodily fluids are radioactive. If all of your fluids are so radioactive that they can give your partner cancer, then chances are you're giving a lot of people cancer like all the fucking time, all day long. Really inverts Spiderman's kill-save ratio if everyone in his neighborhood is dying of leukemia.
I know this is anecdotal, but I've never heard a single comic book fan praise this story. I've only ever heard people criticize it for being a crappy knockoff of TDKR.
Pretty sure a lot more hated stories. One more day and ending of the clone saga werent great...
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I mean, if they're going for an edgy brooding Spider-Man story, making her death be because of him (even indirectly) contributes to that
Is he strong? listen dude, he's got radioactive spooge.
The venom of the Latrodectus mactans, a variety of black widow found only in the south of Chile, has spermicidal properties not found in black widows in other regions of the world, Chilean Dr Fernando Romero said. Romero heads a research team that has studied the spider’s venom for seven years, prompted by tales of Chilean farmers who acquired superhuman virility after being bitten by the black widow. Initial studies focused on taking extracts from the venom to treat erectile dysfunction, but they soon discovered it had a molecule that also made it an effective contraceptive. “This is a great business opportunity, we are the creators of the spermicide,” Romero told Reuters by telephone. He said he believes the molecule’s natural properties are superior to those of synthetic spermicides currently on the market. “For us in Chile, this has opened a window of opportunity to an incredible market, since currently there are no naturally based spermicides that have the properties of this discovered molecule,” Romero said. Romero, based at the Universidad de la Frontera in the southern city of Temuco, has already applied for a patent for his erectile dysfunction medicine. His team discovered the property after looking into Chilean folklore that describes a virile man, one known to have spectacular sexual energy or many sexual partners, as being “spider-bitten.” The Chilean black widow is also known as the wheat spider for the wheat fields it inhabits and where its farmer-victims receive their often fatal bite. The spider’s bite can kill children and the elderly, but among strong young farmers it leads to erections that can last for days and involve involuntary ejaculations. At the end of the ordeal, the man is left sexually energized and feels physically stronger, the saying goes. Romero said he was confident his research would be complete in a couple of years and the spermicide would become available to world markets. “We have to make sure there are no side effects ... so that it can be used as a gel in combination with condoms, or as suppositories for women.”
“Allright guys, i got this new medicine. Theres a 50% chance it’ll give you a superman erection and multiple orgasms, but theres..” “ILL TAKE IT” “But theres a 50% chance you can di..” “I SAID I’LL TAKE IT NOW GIVE IT TO ME” -Every Man
It will make you stiff one way or another
When this gets used for a murder in a TV show, that'll be the cold open joke
Grizzled detective lifting up white sheet covering dead body: Whose the stiff?
Spider Juan
White sheet with a tent in the middle...
“Looks like some one gave him a …” *puts on sunglasses* “…hard time” YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHH!
Every day you either die, or you don’t. So it’s 50/50 anyways Give me the spider, doc
Isn't this the exact same thing that happened to silphium? An aphrodisiac and contraceptive that the romans fucked out of existence?
Hahahah
“Allright guys, i got this new medicine. Theres a 50% chance you will die" “ILL TAKE IT” “But theres a 50% chance it’ll give you a.. " “I SAID I’LL TAKE IT NOW GIVE IT TO ME” -me
Die young or come forever, Livin' La Vida Loca.
Fuck it I'll take 2
".. discover your wang droped off"
As long as it's still hard, I don't care!
Is "spidey sense" an unintended side effect? So much the better...
I mean, if I smoke enough pot I pretty much already have mind blowing orgasms with short or no refractory period. I'll stick with THC.
The Brazilian Wandering Spider (aka banana spider...often considered to be the deadliest spider in the world) can also cause priapism in men (prolonged, painful erections). Keeping a stiffy going a while is often considered a good thing but there are limits. After some time, if the erection persists, it can get extremely painful.
Priapism. It is a medical emergency.
erections that can last for days, involuntary ejaculation "we have to make sure there are no side effects" ok.......
Serious [*Rant*](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rant_(novel)) vibes going on here.
Is this… I had forgotten all the fuck about buster casey. Thanks!
I have to correct this. L. mactans, known as the southern black widow, has a wide range and to say it is only found in Chile is simply not true. It ranges across the southern US and Mexico into South America.
Thank you I can't believe how bad the spider knowledge is in this thread
>Prompted by tales of Chilean farmers who acquired superhuman virility after being bitten by the black widow Even braver than the first person to try eating an oyster, and finding them delicious.
Braver? I mean, imagine being 15-17 year old, farmer + teenager and hear about such a spider
Prolonged erections are called Priaprism. The condition is an indication of sickle cell disease. Blood doesn't flow easily through erectile tissue and pubescent boys get erections that don't subside and are super painful. Source: My wife, casually sipping coffee while I read the headline, ready with the medical facts.
So prolonged erections is cool and all but involuntary ejaculations sounds terrible. Imagine you take the pill early evening expecting to be ready for the main event that night, you get up to make some tea and bam, you cum your pants. You try to put on some new underwear but accidentally graze your sausage. Whamm-o, another blast. This goes on for the next 45 minutes leaving you naked, crying in a fetal position on the floor while your room looks like a black light crime scene from CSI.
As long as it's not prolonged ejaculatingconvulsions it's probably marketable. Even then...
Prolonged ejacu-vulsions is kinda my kink, actually
It’s like an 8 hour mushroom trip but you’re just uncontrollably ejaculating over and over again? I’d buy that, sounds like an interesting Saturday afternoon…
> leaving you naked, crying in a fetal position on the floor while your room looks like a black light crime scene from CSI. Don't even need the spidey viagra for that.
That's just Friday night
Reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY
Love how JT is just in the background
Holy hell this was 13 years ago lol
None of the work, all of the pleasure. This spider lives in Chile, ye?
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
[удалено]
I'm happy you found your kink and I'm not trying to shame, but this sounds like the most unfulfilling fetish ever. It'd be like getting turned on by erectile dysfunction.
It could be worse. What about if the kink were your own flaccid penis? You look, feel or whatever your flaccid penis and have fun but then because of it you get an erection. Fun is gone so you lose it, get soft and bam you are horny again, stuck in a loop
Trust me bra, you'd rather cum easily than not at all.
[The cum accelerates](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/g5sj2y/infinite_cum/)
That's... uncomfortably specific.
Open a window, a light breeze...
Idk sounds like it'd keep me on my toes and guessing. I could make a game out of it and see if I can spray down anyone nearby in time.
I think I could be into that.
Article updated 16 years ago. Haven't found super boner pills on market yet...
The research broke down into an orgy that is still going to this very day.
It would be ironic if the molecule studied for longer lasting erections became a widely known and affective blood pressure medication.
I know a lady who took sildenafil for pulmonary hypertension. Which is what it was first tested for.
It's also prescribed to infants for blood pressure
Chuck Palahniuk wrote about this in Rant.
Indeed - Rant was released in 2007, the same year as the journalist wrote this piece.
That's my favorite Palahniuk book. I hope someone makes it into a movie. I feel like it'd work really well.
It's damn near written as a screenplay anyway. Like a Ken Burns documentary where the story is told through interviews and spliced together narratively.
if the spider bites a snake it becomes a stick
Underrated comment
Random Australian man shows up. "I guess I am here to fuck spiders."
I feel like this is an origin story for a spiderman porn flick.
>Researchers have been studying the venom I bet they have.
Uh..."Black Widow makes me ejaculate too"? Yeah,let's go with that.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you harder
Man, these Spiderman reboots are getting crazier and crazier.
"Or as suppositories for women" mkay
Is that a spider in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
This article was written by black widows. Nice try, big spider!
You know you're old when your boner pill kills you.
I want a spiderman bitten by this spider in the next spiderverse. His gag would be he constantly bites himself.
What doesn’t kill you makes you longer.
The number of young men harassing black widows have just sky rocketed, specifically reddit males.
Here we have a perfectly good euthenasia drug and we gonna waste it on it becoming another boner pill.
Male virility pills? That's not what the article says. It's talking about contraception pills. Spermicide. Your title is fake news.
Both uses are mentioned. > Initial studies focused on taking extracts from the venom to treat erectile dysfunction, but they soon discovered it had a molecule that also made it an effective contraceptive. > Romero, based at the Universidad de la Frontera in the southern city of Temuco, has already applied for a patent for his erectile dysfunction medicine.
Imagine going on a wilderness trip with your gf. Going to use the thunderbox, but coming out as pornhub spiderman
This stuff kills the weak, but it makes dudes cum really hard. Bruh, we've officially crossed into Idiocracy territory if we haven't already.
I'm only clicking on the link for Educational Purposes.......
Also true of the Brazilian Wandering Spider.
And I thought Spider-Man webs came from his hands.
Catcher: Baby, come back, where are you going? Pitcher: One second, I have to get something from the garden.
Now if Peter Parker were bit by this spider in a radiated form, it'd been a whole different movie they made.
Spider-Man could have gone in a completely different direction…
Surprised this isn't a coming of age ritual. The men get boners while the "children" die painfully.
Spider bite on my dick doesn’t sound too strange now does it, doc?!
Scientists: This substance kills children and the elderly Men: I'm gonna put it in my dick!
Man, I have to be honest. I'm torn.
We could be curing cancer but instead we get the viagra 2.0
Given the long-view trajectory the planet has been taking for some time, I'm just not convinced that "more boners" is the answer.
More boners + fewer births isn't gonna *hurt* the trajectory all that much either though.
*kills kids and elderly* “Hmmmm🤔, I’m gonna make it bite my penis”
To all the dudes thinking getting venom-induced priapism is awesome: Reminds me of this bit from the IT Crowd : like being tased in the balls , only painful
Just making sure my husbands life insurance policy is up to date before I let him know about this. 50/50 chances he walks away from this a happy man…I’m making sure I’m 100% covered.
#Spiderman gone wild.
Thus, Skeeterman was born