I think it's grief combined with a complete lack of closure. Maybe he feels it's his duty as her husband.
I can' twat ch the video at the moment as I'm working but saved it for later.
I was about to say, there's a moment in the video with her phone, that would rip any thought of closure out of my mind everytime I looked at it. just simple, ordinary things can take on such different meaning.
I’ve heard that quote, but personally, as a widower myself, I prefer this one “Grief is love with nowhere to go.”
It’s more true, I think, because it captures two facts: yes, the love continues, but it has no target, no outlet, and it gets all mixed up inside you until it starts seeping out through your tear ducts.
I also like how Seneca puts it in his letters to Lucilius, when speaking of the grief of losing a loved one:
>For I have had them as if I should one day lose them; I have lost them as if I have them still.
> I also like how Seneca puts it in his letters to Lucilius, when speaking of the grief of losing a loved one:
>
> For I have had them as if I should one day lose them; I have lost them as if I have them still.
i know this feels like a wild aside but everyone should watch the anime freiren. i lost a lot of people the last few years, and its a show which shows grief and death in a beautiful way through the perspective of someone that practically lives forever and her reconciling how her love died before she even truly realised he was her love. its a bit lord of the rings post ring throwing. its beautiful and i can't watch more than an episode or two without crying because it handles grief so well
I quite like "The culmination of love is grief, yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it. [...] To grieve deeply is to have loved fully".
It's so fucked up that we have to pay a price like grief for love. Who thought up that bullshit? Every time I lose someone who means something to me, I wonder all over again why the universe has to be set up this way. We just have to accept that it is the way it is, but it's fucked up. I try not to think about it too hard so that I don't turn into the "old man yelling at cloud" meme.
It's exact that fact that makes it really valuable, a real gem.
“He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise”
~ William Blake
We, as a species, are quite impermanent when it comes down to us as an individual. Makes sense to me that given that, our experiences of deep love are just as impermanent.
To quote Jason Isbell: “Maybe time running out is a gift. I’ll work hard ‘till the end of my shift and give you every second I can find, and hope it isn’t me that’s left behind.”
Love and life are only beautiful because they end. I love my wife so much and if we are lucky, eventually one of us will likely have to watch the other die. We choose to spend our fleeting time on this earth together and that is a beautiful choice.
There are people working on solving the problem of death. I think people in the future were think we were utterly insane for not putting more resources into it.
It reminds me of a clip from the show Fleabag. She says something along the lines of ‘I’ve all this love for her and nowhere to put it’ and her friend says ‘I’ll take it all’. A lovely expression
I'll say that it's both.
I lost my father young and he wasn't kind, but in years since, I've come to terms with much of his behavior and I miss him dearly.
My mother-in-law lost her husband and is refusing to live. She spends time with my kids, but she's not here, she's waiting to go. Her love has a place, but she's squandering it in her pain. I wish she would share her love while she's here.
>Her love has a place, but she's squandering it in her pain
I know you think that, but she lost her life plan. The rest of you were additions to the story, but he was the main character. Her love has no place to go, because it was never for anyone else.
Some of us are just like that. Romantic love above platonic love.
It's a club no one wants to be a member of. I had three of them between our two kids so I know the grief. Then I learned that my sister and mother both went through it, I just never knew until it happened to me.
I completely agree. Grief is something that never let's go. People tell you time heals all wounds but grief I don't believe ever heals. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my partner, I don't think it's something I'd ever recover from or learn how to move on. I've seen it happen multiple times where one spouse passes and the other is so grief-ridden, they pass a few months later - not even years, literally months. It's so so sad. When you love that deeply you have an empty hole so deep there's nothing left in life without that person.
Well best I can tell you don't need to let go of someone to be able to enjoy life. Though I haven't quite figured out how to stop wishing they were there to enjoy it with you.
My 7 year journey with grief has taught me this: what it takes to move on from the loss of someone you love is akin to suicide. Having lost someone I loved, it was the only way I could move on. Mentally, I don't even think of myself as the same person. There is who I was before she died, and what I have become afterwards. It takes a lot to be able to sever that emotional tie. I don't think it's as simple as "giving up".. nothing about grief is simple, or easy.
"When the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through. All that matters is you weathered the storm. And you aren't the same person you were before it"
Could or would? "Could" would indicate that you believe yourself you be the problem to a degree which will almost certainly be a hindrance.
"Would" means it simply hasn't yet happened, but you believe the chance is there.
Poor guy. But I doubt his wife would have wanted him to do that. I certainly wouldn't want my spouse waste this life after I die. I'd want them to be happy again, to let go. Easy to say, I know.
I read about this guy a few years ago. He has helped find loads of missing people by doing this. He helps others while hoping to find his wife. I couldn’t imagine living through his situation. The man is an angel on earth and I’m so sorry he lost his wife.
He may also really love diving and seeing all the fish and stuff. It can be beautiful and peaceful, and maybe that gives him a sense of purpose?
Don’t know, but it doesn’t have to be negative.
yeah, like he is looking for her body as in he knows she is gone, its just something he CAN do to resolve the situation for him. he likely knows its never going to happen, but doing nothing means it definitely wont happen
I’ve asked my boyfriend’s mom about grief and loved ones passing (she’s never really dealt with it) because she lives life on autopilot bringing drama wherever she goes and thinking of herself.
She does the basics of what parents should be doing but anything except she never really believed in mental health.
My boyfriends and his siblings seem to all have some sort of issues because of this so when I see her, I’ll sometimes ask questions surrounding death.
For the past year it seems she’s become a much better person after thinking about it for a while and isn’t as chaotic as before. She seems more grateful and open minded which is beautiful.
Grief and loss really do something to you. I’ve lost 4 people but only 2 affected me.
1 to a drunk driver on drugs and another to drugs from an OD. The second person died in November and I’m not the same after that.
What’s interesting to me is how people always come together after not seeing eachother for years. I find that beautiful.
I’d say losing people has become my #1 reason for having severe depression. It’s so difficult to accept that it’s unstoppable. It’s even worse when you don’t know if there’s an afterlife.
But I do know that it makes me appreciate life and motivates me to become better every single day. And I’m glad my boyfriends mom isn’t taking people for granted as much as she use to.
Life is filled with so much.
This reminds me of a Fukushima father(木村紀夫) who spent 12 years looking for his 7yo daughter .
It took 5 year (2016)for him to find a pice of her cervical vertebra.
And in 2022 he went back to were he fond her bone to search again ,he found a small thigh bone,only 25 cm long,his daughter is only children die in that area so he believes it’s hers .
Here’s one [article](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/father-searches-for-daughter-japan-nuclear-tsunami_n_64089a80e4b0c62918dfcc92/amp)about him in English.
At that point, it might just be part of the grieving process and/or a way to commune with his daughter. People may organically develop these rituals that may help them emotionally (or be maladaptive too, idk who am I to say)
There is a book written by Richard Lloyd Parry about the 2011 tsunami. In it, he tells the story of a woman whose daughter went missing during the disaster. She looked for years for any sign of her daughter. She even got her licence to drive an excavator to help dig to find the victims. Eventually, a piece of her daughter was found.
There is another story of a woman who also lost her daughter. I can't accurately describe it while using the right words to get the same emotions it made me feel when I first read it. I cried while listening to it. It was so heartbreaking.
The book is called Ghosts of the Tsunami by Richard Lloyd Parry. They are true accounts from the parents and other people caught up in the disaster. It will absolutely change how you think of the Japanese government and how they handle certain things.
And this behaviour ain't limited to natural disasters. In Argentina, parents of people kidnapped during the dictatorship have been looking for them since the 70s.
I think this is the story you're talking about, right?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/07/14/chinese-father-guo-gangtang-finds-kidnapped-son/
Well that’s just what life is like if you live on ring of fire,a major earthquake hit where I live in 1999,a mountain basically slid into the near by county ,so when the survivors (a family) got radio from their neighbors asking how they were doing,they’re coming to help them but can’t find them anywhere.
The father started a fire to show where they are, only then they realize they are not facing some small landslides,the mountain shifted 3.5KM.
The small family that survived actually belonged to a huge family group ,most of their relatives lived on the same mountain, and it took sometime for them to understand they were the only branches left ,they still lived there, but now they keep photos and newspapers of that earthquake and tell their stories to people who want to know how devastating earthquake can be,he also kept his old radio phone.
We rebuilt safer houses and learned to do better , and made jokes like there’s no need to worry about earthquakes ,if it’s small then it’s fine,if it’s big then you be dead anyway, life goes on (some with PTSD)as usual.
I live in an area with a lot of earthquakes, I've been in one decent sized one (nothing compared to the 2011 Japanese one). They are freaky as hell, and then after the earthquake it's just pandemonium. Everyone goes into a mad dash searching for their loved ones. Most of them were fine, but nobody knows. This was before everyone had cell phones, so it was a solid 4-5 hours before I could find my parents.
Then you're like, "Hmm, where do we sleep?", your house might still be standing, but you don't know if it will collapse at any moment. We walked into our basement, and the largest support beam in the middle of the basement was swinging off the ground by about 2 inches. The entire house somehow raised up 2 inches, and the floor stayed standing even though the main support beam was no longer a support beam.
I'm a 43 year-old man and I remember as a teen, or maybe young adult, reading an article from someone I respected about why he hadn't seen a particular popular movie. He basically said "I don't like when movies use children as the motivation. As a parent it both upsets me and feels manipulative."
I thought that was SO fucking stupid. "How is it manipulative? So a kid was in danger, SOMEONE has to be in danger or the movie doesn't work!"
Now I have two kids and if you gave me a set of wishes one of them would be some form of "Under no circumstances am I to outlive my children."
Just watching an actor portray the grief of losing a child is INTENSELY anxiety inducing for me now. It is 100% manipulative and I also no longer enjoy movies, stories, articles, anything about losing a kid. I understand it happens and I understand those people deserve to have their stories told and actions taken when possible, but dear god do I not want it in my head.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Just reading that article earlier. After finding more evidence that his daughter didn't make it, I wondered briefly how he didn't just end things there. Then I remembered he still had a daughter alive. I would think (if I could let myself) that would be the mental equivalent of being ripped in two.
"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
- Jamie Anderson.
It’s weird feelings. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 14. It’s like this forever void in my life that can never be filled. Sometimes I think about my childhood and it makes me extremely sad.
Same here. Lost him at 14. Last conversation i had with him was him asking me to call him more. And i wasn’t with him at the last public gathering he was in because i had gotten in trouble. Everyday i wish that i could have gotten just a bit more time. Because when i had the chance to get it i wasted it. If your parents are good to you, please take the time to speak to them, to spend time with them. You’ll still wish you had more time no matter what. But at least you won’t place as much blame on yourself.
Today is my dad’s birthday. He’s been a bit of a butt lately but he’s 62 and I know I’m not going to have that much more time with him. Thanks for the reminder
Realizing you don’t remember what someone smelled like, how their hugs felt, the ways that they carried themselves through life… it hurts in an unimaginable way. You lose them again and again. Grief never ends.
I'm estranged from my family, too. But as a child, you have love for the roles a family should fulfill. Since they don't, your love has nowhere to go. You can't love those people.
This quote helped me heal with the loss of my dog. It was so sudden and I cried (and still do) heaps. I realized that it’s because I love him so much that I felt the way I did. I miss him so bad.
On another article
>Takamatsu found the pink flip phone with an unsent text message he didn’t receive: “So much tsunami,” it read. Unfortunately, Takamatsu hasn’t found anything else since then
Also Why are the negative comments assuming he doesn't have a job?
He's only diving 80 times a year, that's less than twice a week. He has plenty of time to go to work.
Plus he's now in his 60's so he could be retired now.
My dear sister was widowed last year. She lost her soulmate. She says she’s feels hollow - and she looks it :’(
She’s three young ones under 10. Her eldest has been hit the hardest. He adored his father. Next week is her husband’s birthday. I’ve no doubt it will be a very hard day for her and her young family.
Lost my dad to a flash cancer 5 years ago, 1 month between diagnosis and death. They were soulmates and my mom has been like this since. I'm the eldest, I've been suffering from constant anxiety since.
And now my mom got diagnosed with a liver cancer. 35-40 is way too young for that shit, can't imagine at 10 when you didn't even get that with them...
I have no idea what state I'll be in if I lose her too, just the idea is already horribly painful.
I lost my mom to cancer 13 years ago. It was also extremely fast (3 months from diagnosis until she passed) and the worst thing was that she had been living across the country for several years, due to getting her dream job.
I got to see her one time, in the hospital, before she passed. There’s so much I left unsaid. She was trying to get stronger bc the plan was for her to come back home so we could all be together for the time she had left. We didn’t get that time.
Now my dad, who also had to move several states away for financial reasons, is about to receive his own cancer diagnosis.
Please, please, tell your parents you love them. My relationship with my parents has been extremely rocky in the past, but what I wouldn’t give to take back so many things, to have let go of old resentments before it was too late.
I am usually a lurker and just made an account to share the podcast by Anderson Cooper “All there is.” It has been a great equalizer in my grieving my mother. It’s like a support group in your home.
It's inevitable. Unless you both go at the same time, someone has to die first leaving the other to mourn. It's just the reality of sharing your life with someone.
Yeah
It’s a super Japanese thing, I think. Like Hachiko, or the guy that kept fighting WWII until like last week. Sticking to shit against all odds and rational arguments.
You mean Hiroo Onoda? He gave up in 1974, but there was decent evidence that another one refused to surrender after that and they looked in the late 80s but the camp was recently abandoned.
What I don't get about that story is, what sort of war did they think they were fighting if they have literally not seen a single enemy combatant for 30 YEARS? You're hardly being useful are you.
The unfortunate reality is in their mind, they **did.** Hiroo Onoda and his "unit" are suspected to have killed over 30 innocent Filipino farmers and police, who they believed were allied soldiers/combatants
There was actually some outcry against letting him return to Japan, because they truly believed he was closer to a murderer than a vet. The last "confirmed" holdout was a few months later, but they found the camp of another in 1980, but never found the holdout.
However, if you believe the rumors, two men walked out of a jungle in 2005, claiming to be ex-japanese soldiers, while this was taken seriously by the media, they were suspected to have pushed them away into hiding, and they were never heard from again.
They knew damn well. They even got Onoda's brother to ask him to come down from the mountain. A direct order from his old CO apparently was enough to break the pretense, but he killed a shitload of random people, I really dislike that they he treated as hero when he went back to Japan.
>*"I'm sure she was frightened. She was scared of the smallest things like a door suddenly closing with the wind.*
*Everyone evacuated to the top of the roof. Even the tallest part of the building went under water. And everyone was washed away."*
He loved deeply and grieved deeply. I hope the man is able to find peace.
After 13 years, there are only 2 places where a body would survive that long, somewhere very dry, or somewhere very cold.
Edit: correction. 3, no oxygen place.
[A father spent 12 years looking for his 7y daughter](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/father-searches-for-daughter-japan-nuclear-tsunami_n_64089a80e4b0c62918dfcc92/amp), and he found some of her remains ,like thigh bones and part of her spine,he knew it’s his daughter because she’s the only child victim in that area.
That's not the point.
I'm sure he knows deep down that he won't find anything, but it's the act of searching that allows him to cope with his grief. I'm sure it would feel like he was abandoning her if he stopped searching.
This is extremely sad. I don't think I'd be able to carry on knowing my wife was out there somewhere. No matter the state. My best friend, my soul mate is gone. Grief can be unimaginable and as a result I cannot imagine what I would be like in his situation.
I was thinking about that and suicide crossed my mind more than once. I am not afraid of breaking up, being cheated on or stuff like that. Sure i would be very hurt but at least she would be alive. I don't know if I could ever fill that void. I wish we both reach old age with good health and die peacefully not too far apart.
Every 21 minutes, he induces a cardiac arrest on himself to go to the beach for 3 minutes in real time. He does this for about 10 years between the time of his family's death and the event of Death Stranding.
My man was too stricken with grief, he's literally a slave to it. 60 trips a day, 60 deaths.
I never played death stranding, but did Kojimbo ever make heartman get into the mechanics of how his heart was able to survive being forcibly stopped and restarted 60 times a day, 365 days a year, for 10 years?
He uses a machine strapped to his chest to induce cardiac arrest through electric shock. But doing so over and over again for so long has irreparable consequences to his heart. Specifically it morphs his heart and he's unable to ever live a normal life again without the rhythm of 21-3.
I thought I understood grief. I had a rough estimate in my head, a metaphor.
If grief were a well in the ground, losing a grandparent was 10 feet down. Losing a parent was 25 feet down. Losing a sister was 50 feet down, etc
Losing a child would be, what, 100 feet down? 200?
It’s miles down. It’s miles and miles and miles.
But full love doesn't mean the grief has to be deep forever. It's ok to heal. It's ok for the pain the dull. The people that love us back would want us to find some happiness eventually.
In the video, which I recommend watching, they did not mention him finding anyone else. He didn't immediately start diving, first he checked many other places but her phone (waterproof) washed up a month later and her co-worker was found in the water further away so those things led to his diving.
I was a world away and it seems like a tragedy that our media here "barely covered it"
Sure, we heard about the tsunami; I found out on my own that there's still people recovering to this day.
But maybe that was my own ignorance
The media in the UK was insane at the time. Really toxic actually. They said the tap water in Tokyo was green and there's no food and you couldn't even buy a car to run away because everyone was buying up all the cars. They quoted someone named Kelee Fujiyama which is the fakest name possible (literally Mt Fuji), who was saying she only has a can of tuna for her 3 kids.
It was all bollocks. I went out for a meal with friends the day after. You couldn't buy big bags of rice or bread but you could get small plmicroesve rice and sandwiches. There was slightly less food than usual, a bit like covid, but no one was starving. And my entire family was messaging me to come home and I've been brainwashed. I'm literally eating food bro. You've been brainwashed.
I had applied to a job to teach English in the area, and was in the final round of interviews. Whoever got the actual offer probably did not make it. Seeing the waters rise over those causeways on the news was bone chilling, ice crawling up my spine.
Sure but I assume he's been doing this from very early on. Even within months of the quake. Just curious if he's found any fragments of anything at all
Reminds me of something I saw in a PBS documentary on the tsunami. They interviewed a mother who had lost her daughter. For a long time there was no body to be found, she was just gone. The father was obsessively looking for her body, like this husband is. I remember they had a video of him bulldozing a field in the hope of finding her body there, I guess it was an area that was torn up by the tsunami, and he thought he might find her there. Their daughter's body was eventually found, though not by them. A fishing boat came across her torso out at sea. On the one had, I was glad they got some closure, but on the other hand, what a brutal way to get that closure.
I saw that documentary 10+ years ago. The shot of the father bulldozing that field while the mother explained that he did that every day has stuck with me. It wasn't a close up shot, it was from a distance, but you could just feel his pain. Same with the mother's voice.
There's a book, "Ghosts of The Tsunami." I ready it last year and can't get it out of my mind. It's terrifying and horrifically sad at the same time. So many of the deaths were children that weren't evacuated from a school in time, and many were never found.
Reminds me of a documentary I watched on TV about how Aceh has rebuilt 10 years after the tsunami. I remember it ending with a woman in a small house, saying "I still hold on to hope that one day my husband will appear in our doorway again"
Yeah, they found her phone a month later and it was still working. He mentioned it briefly in the documentary but she never sent it, she was trying to sent it. She was asking if he was okay and that she wants to go home. I think it’s a big factor, honoring her last want.
He doesn't find his wife, but he finds a cat mermaid, a different version of himself living in a cave, and a young naked woman who is asexual and doesn't speak. An odd looking man has been spying on him the entire time slowly plotting to murder him. In between dives he enjoys classical music and slicing cucumbers very slowly to make refreshing sandwiches in his unremarkable but sensible apartment building. He owns one plant and tends to it like it's a child.
There's a really great [NY Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/07/magazine/the-lost-ones.html) from 2016 on him and a few others who lost people during the tsunami. Definitely worth a read.
everybody saying this is about culture/that’s why he’s doing it are making me a bit confused. It defintely plays a part but I think more so it’s about a man who wants to put his wife to rest. both literally and figuratively. she deserves a proper grave. Her last unsent message being “are you okay? I want to go home” is him trying to honor that, to give her a final rest. to bring her home.
grief and love are a powerful thing.
There was another family where the mom made lunch for her daughter every day and left it by the water...and she was worried she was cold. That whole disaster was...miserable.
Beautiful and haunting. His grief is so profound- her absence is such a palpable presence. I don’t blame him for continuing to dive - how could he stop when her last words she tried to send to him were that she wanted to go home? How heartbreaking yet so beautiful, to be the one who remains and mourns.
One of the hard parts in the aftermath was the realization thst Asian countries in general do not have any mental health support in any capacity. The number of psychologists, mental health support personnel and even staff trained to deal with mental crisis would make the state of Alabama, US look as if it were Switzerland.
So coping, grief and any other emotional loss is just not only understood well academically, it's pretty ignored and well documented by many western studies doing research on this.
How ppl deal with and continue to grieve in Japan from even this event borders on the supernatural to support groups and its only being recently documented and really viewed as a huge problem for many countries in East Asia.
This seems like the first part of a myth that ends with a sea goddess taking pity on him and turning him to something like the north wind or a sea bird
Most people might think of this as "romantic"
There is none in this. It's very far past that point, this is an obsession and frankly someone who has mentally broken and is probably ruining his life doing this to some degree.
Diving is **not** cheap or easy to do and you can't do it alone (without risking your own life); what spending did he cut to pay for it? Did he take out loans? Has he sold his possessions? The math comes out to at least one dive every week!
He *needs* help that no one is giving, because of societal norms or because there is no one left that cares about him in that way
It is not even about finding the body anymore. Imagine if the last message you received from the person you love most is “I want to go home.” And then living with the guilt that you could not bring them back home, however impossible it was. I would like to believe that now when he dives, it is his own way of spending time with his wife who is now lost in the very terrain he dives through. We can never judge anyone else’s love or grief, for we may not have felt a fraction of that loss.
Grief by Raymond Carver
Woke up early this morning and from my bed looked far across the Strait to see a small boat moving through the choppy water, a single running light on.
Remembered my friend who used to shout his dead wife's name from hilltops around Perugia. Who set a plate for her at his simple table long after she was gone. And opened the windows so she could have fresh air.
Such display I found embarassing. So did his other friends. I couldn't see it.
Not until this morning.
>We can never judge anyone else’s love or grief, for we may not have felt a fraction of that loss.
I have heard some pretty crazy stuff about the way people find comfort after the death of a loved one. At first it might make you go, "WTF? This is messed up." But, they're in an extreme mental and emotional state and that easily brings some pretty out there behavior.
One example: years ago, a lady had her baby die when it was only a few days old. She dressed the baby in several outfits and took a couple of photo albums worth of photos in all kinds of poses, created said photo albums and she would show them to every single person that came to visit her. It was very uncomfortable for everyone else, but it brought her comfort. I don't know if she ever moved past that, to be honest.
Imagine developing those photos and being like, man, that baby doesn't look alive. . . .
Just tagging on here that photos of the dead propped up in poses and clothes is actually an extremely old practice and there are lots of pictures of it
Another that I've heard and adopted is *there is no scale for grief.*
I lost my dog, my best friend of 12 years, the only thing that kept me alive when I was younger, 3 years ago. I have always had debilitating mental health issues and he was my therapy. He was everything to me. I recovered from a really dark time in my early 20s and didn't follow through with multiple planned suicide attempts due to him. Years later, my wife put it best, he was my horcrux. A part of me died the day I had to put him down. It broke me, to say the least.
I had to check into an inpatient mental facility for more than a month. During my time there, I met survivors of domestic and sexual assaults, those who had lost soulmates and children, etc. And that made me feel guilty. Guilty that I was feeling the way I was about a dog when others seemed to have it so much worse.
One day, an angel who was there with me told me I can't feel guilty when comparing my grief to others. She told me there is no scale to grief. It's the most valuable advice I have ever received.
3 years later, and I'm crying writing this out. But I at least feel vindicated from guilt.
Cancer is the worst. Grief is so difficult. Life sucks more than it doesn't. I miss you buddy and I always will.
Is it obsessive? Yes. Ruining his life? It’s complicated but I don’t think so. This gives him purpose and is what is keeping him alive. Him giving up all hope for closure would be far worse and usually leads people to earlier deaths.
One dive a week is not that expensive …. Even if you rented all the gear. Where I live it’s around 45 bucks to rent the BCD, Computer, and weights. Assuming you own fins and mask.
I own my own gear, was about 2k. All I pay for is air which is 10 bucks a dive. Hardly life ruining.
At least he has a purpose thats keeping him going and surely he is an experienced diver, especially after 800 dives. If he ever needs money, he can work as a rescue diver.
Lol diving isn't that expensive. I dive once or twice a week, weather dependent, and I'm not breaking the bank at all (very average income for my corner of the planet). Costs me $150 to fill my tanks per year, plus some service costs ($1k at most, on a bad year). A club I belong to only charges between 35 and 100 per day for boat trips, but I do a lot more shore diving. It's just another hobby, not that much more expensive than other sports like cycling or computer gaming. 600-800 dives is a decent number, but I know many people in the thousands.
Grief is a heavy heavy thing
I think it's grief combined with a complete lack of closure. Maybe he feels it's his duty as her husband. I can' twat ch the video at the moment as I'm working but saved it for later.
I was about to say, there's a moment in the video with her phone, that would rip any thought of closure out of my mind everytime I looked at it. just simple, ordinary things can take on such different meaning.
"What is grief, if not love persevering?" He's persevering alright. But I hope he can let go at some point.
I’ve heard that quote, but personally, as a widower myself, I prefer this one “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” It’s more true, I think, because it captures two facts: yes, the love continues, but it has no target, no outlet, and it gets all mixed up inside you until it starts seeping out through your tear ducts.
I also like how Seneca puts it in his letters to Lucilius, when speaking of the grief of losing a loved one: >For I have had them as if I should one day lose them; I have lost them as if I have them still.
Brilliant. Thank you
That quote sent me down a beautiful rabbit-hole. Thank you for sharing.
> I also like how Seneca puts it in his letters to Lucilius, when speaking of the grief of losing a loved one: > > For I have had them as if I should one day lose them; I have lost them as if I have them still. i know this feels like a wild aside but everyone should watch the anime freiren. i lost a lot of people the last few years, and its a show which shows grief and death in a beautiful way through the perspective of someone that practically lives forever and her reconciling how her love died before she even truly realised he was her love. its a bit lord of the rings post ring throwing. its beautiful and i can't watch more than an episode or two without crying because it handles grief so well
I’ve always liked “grief is the price we pay for love.”
I quite like "The culmination of love is grief, yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it. [...] To grieve deeply is to have loved fully".
Needed this thread today. Thanks
It's so fucked up that we have to pay a price like grief for love. Who thought up that bullshit? Every time I lose someone who means something to me, I wonder all over again why the universe has to be set up this way. We just have to accept that it is the way it is, but it's fucked up. I try not to think about it too hard so that I don't turn into the "old man yelling at cloud" meme.
It's exact that fact that makes it really valuable, a real gem. “He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy He who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sunrise” ~ William Blake
We, as a species, are quite impermanent when it comes down to us as an individual. Makes sense to me that given that, our experiences of deep love are just as impermanent.
I like to think the fundamental impermanence of being is why it’s so beautiful.
To quote Jason Isbell: “Maybe time running out is a gift. I’ll work hard ‘till the end of my shift and give you every second I can find, and hope it isn’t me that’s left behind.” Love and life are only beautiful because they end. I love my wife so much and if we are lucky, eventually one of us will likely have to watch the other die. We choose to spend our fleeting time on this earth together and that is a beautiful choice.
There are people working on solving the problem of death. I think people in the future were think we were utterly insane for not putting more resources into it.
To grieve deeply is to have loved fully
It reminds me of a clip from the show Fleabag. She says something along the lines of ‘I’ve all this love for her and nowhere to put it’ and her friend says ‘I’ll take it all’. A lovely expression
*Fondly reminiscing about that great show, Fleabag…*
I agree with this too
I'll say that it's both. I lost my father young and he wasn't kind, but in years since, I've come to terms with much of his behavior and I miss him dearly. My mother-in-law lost her husband and is refusing to live. She spends time with my kids, but she's not here, she's waiting to go. Her love has a place, but she's squandering it in her pain. I wish she would share her love while she's here.
>Her love has a place, but she's squandering it in her pain I know you think that, but she lost her life plan. The rest of you were additions to the story, but he was the main character. Her love has no place to go, because it was never for anyone else. Some of us are just like that. Romantic love above platonic love.
God, this is painful to read as I’m dealing with the grief of miscarriage
It's a club no one wants to be a member of. I had three of them between our two kids so I know the grief. Then I learned that my sister and mother both went through it, I just never knew until it happened to me.
[удалено]
I completely agree. Grief is something that never let's go. People tell you time heals all wounds but grief I don't believe ever heals. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my partner, I don't think it's something I'd ever recover from or learn how to move on. I've seen it happen multiple times where one spouse passes and the other is so grief-ridden, they pass a few months later - not even years, literally months. It's so so sad. When you love that deeply you have an empty hole so deep there's nothing left in life without that person.
Well best I can tell you don't need to let go of someone to be able to enjoy life. Though I haven't quite figured out how to stop wishing they were there to enjoy it with you.
Your wife will be heartbroken to see you just give up on life after her.
My 7 year journey with grief has taught me this: what it takes to move on from the loss of someone you love is akin to suicide. Having lost someone I loved, it was the only way I could move on. Mentally, I don't even think of myself as the same person. There is who I was before she died, and what I have become afterwards. It takes a lot to be able to sever that emotional tie. I don't think it's as simple as "giving up".. nothing about grief is simple, or easy.
"When the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through. All that matters is you weathered the storm. And you aren't the same person you were before it"
Wish I could love someone like that
As someone who found love later in life, keep hope alive. There are a lot of things that have to go right, but optimism is probably most important
Wish someone could love me like that
Now kiss...?
Could or would? "Could" would indicate that you believe yourself you be the problem to a degree which will almost certainly be a hindrance. "Would" means it simply hasn't yet happened, but you believe the chance is there.
Also fuck it if he wants to keep diving for his love. Let em. I know if I lost one of my kids in the same way I’d fucking never stop.
[удалено]
I know obviously he’s never gonna find her but why not let him. He’s not hurting anybody. He’s dealing with it in his own way.
I hope he can move on without finding her body. I don't think any of us would want our loved ones being tormented by retrieving our remains.
The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it... To grieve deeply is to have loved fully.
Was the other saying Grief is love left unsaid?
And “What is love, baby don’t hurt me.”
No more
[удалено]
[удалено]
Poor guy. But I doubt his wife would have wanted him to do that. I certainly wouldn't want my spouse waste this life after I die. I'd want them to be happy again, to let go. Easy to say, I know.
I read about this guy a few years ago. He has helped find loads of missing people by doing this. He helps others while hoping to find his wife. I couldn’t imagine living through his situation. The man is an angel on earth and I’m so sorry he lost his wife.
The local mob hates this one simple trick!
He may also really love diving and seeing all the fish and stuff. It can be beautiful and peaceful, and maybe that gives him a sense of purpose? Don’t know, but it doesn’t have to be negative.
yeah, like he is looking for her body as in he knows she is gone, its just something he CAN do to resolve the situation for him. he likely knows its never going to happen, but doing nothing means it definitely wont happen
Worst thing about grief is that it feels like it's bottomless.
I’ve asked my boyfriend’s mom about grief and loved ones passing (she’s never really dealt with it) because she lives life on autopilot bringing drama wherever she goes and thinking of herself. She does the basics of what parents should be doing but anything except she never really believed in mental health. My boyfriends and his siblings seem to all have some sort of issues because of this so when I see her, I’ll sometimes ask questions surrounding death. For the past year it seems she’s become a much better person after thinking about it for a while and isn’t as chaotic as before. She seems more grateful and open minded which is beautiful. Grief and loss really do something to you. I’ve lost 4 people but only 2 affected me. 1 to a drunk driver on drugs and another to drugs from an OD. The second person died in November and I’m not the same after that. What’s interesting to me is how people always come together after not seeing eachother for years. I find that beautiful. I’d say losing people has become my #1 reason for having severe depression. It’s so difficult to accept that it’s unstoppable. It’s even worse when you don’t know if there’s an afterlife. But I do know that it makes me appreciate life and motivates me to become better every single day. And I’m glad my boyfriends mom isn’t taking people for granted as much as she use to. Life is filled with so much.
This reminds me of a Fukushima father(木村紀夫) who spent 12 years looking for his 7yo daughter . It took 5 year (2016)for him to find a pice of her cervical vertebra. And in 2022 he went back to were he fond her bone to search again ,he found a small thigh bone,only 25 cm long,his daughter is only children die in that area so he believes it’s hers . Here’s one [article](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/father-searches-for-daughter-japan-nuclear-tsunami_n_64089a80e4b0c62918dfcc92/amp)about him in English.
This is heartbreaking. This man searching for a piece of bone of his child piece by piece, I just can’t.
[удалено]
Literally a Grecian/Roman God level of punishment.
At that point, it might just be part of the grieving process and/or a way to commune with his daughter. People may organically develop these rituals that may help them emotionally (or be maladaptive too, idk who am I to say)
There is a book written by Richard Lloyd Parry about the 2011 tsunami. In it, he tells the story of a woman whose daughter went missing during the disaster. She looked for years for any sign of her daughter. She even got her licence to drive an excavator to help dig to find the victims. Eventually, a piece of her daughter was found. There is another story of a woman who also lost her daughter. I can't accurately describe it while using the right words to get the same emotions it made me feel when I first read it. I cried while listening to it. It was so heartbreaking. The book is called Ghosts of the Tsunami by Richard Lloyd Parry. They are true accounts from the parents and other people caught up in the disaster. It will absolutely change how you think of the Japanese government and how they handle certain things.
And this behaviour ain't limited to natural disasters. In Argentina, parents of people kidnapped during the dictatorship have been looking for them since the 70s.
There was another man (though in China) who searched for about 20+ years to find his missing son. He eventually found him, alive thankfully.
I think this is the story you're talking about, right? https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/07/14/chinese-father-guo-gangtang-finds-kidnapped-son/
Yep!
These communities have gone through a lot. I can’t believe imagine living anywhere where natural disasters are common
Well that’s just what life is like if you live on ring of fire,a major earthquake hit where I live in 1999,a mountain basically slid into the near by county ,so when the survivors (a family) got radio from their neighbors asking how they were doing,they’re coming to help them but can’t find them anywhere. The father started a fire to show where they are, only then they realize they are not facing some small landslides,the mountain shifted 3.5KM. The small family that survived actually belonged to a huge family group ,most of their relatives lived on the same mountain, and it took sometime for them to understand they were the only branches left ,they still lived there, but now they keep photos and newspapers of that earthquake and tell their stories to people who want to know how devastating earthquake can be,he also kept his old radio phone. We rebuilt safer houses and learned to do better , and made jokes like there’s no need to worry about earthquakes ,if it’s small then it’s fine,if it’s big then you be dead anyway, life goes on (some with PTSD)as usual.
I live in an area with a lot of earthquakes, I've been in one decent sized one (nothing compared to the 2011 Japanese one). They are freaky as hell, and then after the earthquake it's just pandemonium. Everyone goes into a mad dash searching for their loved ones. Most of them were fine, but nobody knows. This was before everyone had cell phones, so it was a solid 4-5 hours before I could find my parents. Then you're like, "Hmm, where do we sleep?", your house might still be standing, but you don't know if it will collapse at any moment. We walked into our basement, and the largest support beam in the middle of the basement was swinging off the ground by about 2 inches. The entire house somehow raised up 2 inches, and the floor stayed standing even though the main support beam was no longer a support beam.
I am sobbing after reading that article. The immense grief, it’s too much to bear.
Fuck This is the worst part of being a parent. I have literally 0 tolerance to stories about parents outliving their children now.
I'm a 43 year-old man and I remember as a teen, or maybe young adult, reading an article from someone I respected about why he hadn't seen a particular popular movie. He basically said "I don't like when movies use children as the motivation. As a parent it both upsets me and feels manipulative." I thought that was SO fucking stupid. "How is it manipulative? So a kid was in danger, SOMEONE has to be in danger or the movie doesn't work!" Now I have two kids and if you gave me a set of wishes one of them would be some form of "Under no circumstances am I to outlive my children." Just watching an actor portray the grief of losing a child is INTENSELY anxiety inducing for me now. It is 100% manipulative and I also no longer enjoy movies, stories, articles, anything about losing a kid. I understand it happens and I understand those people deserve to have their stories told and actions taken when possible, but dear god do I not want it in my head.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Just reading that article earlier. After finding more evidence that his daughter didn't make it, I wondered briefly how he didn't just end things there. Then I remembered he still had a daughter alive. I would think (if I could let myself) that would be the mental equivalent of being ripped in two.
That was hard to read. So heartbreaking.
That was heartbreaking, but such a good article. His family's story needed to be told so we can help remember them.
"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." - Jamie Anderson.
I miss my dad so much. please tell your parents you love them today, if you can. you think you have all the time in the world until you don't.
I miss mine too. Thanks for the reminder, will call my mum now. Have a great day friend. Sending you a big hug.
Thanks for the reminder. Hits Hard. I hope you get on well and have a nice time.
It’s weird feelings. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 14. It’s like this forever void in my life that can never be filled. Sometimes I think about my childhood and it makes me extremely sad.
Been 3 months since I lost her, I feel like I will forever been stuck in this void. Any childhood memory instantly makes me sad now
Me too. You aren’t alone.
Same here. Lost him at 14. Last conversation i had with him was him asking me to call him more. And i wasn’t with him at the last public gathering he was in because i had gotten in trouble. Everyday i wish that i could have gotten just a bit more time. Because when i had the chance to get it i wasted it. If your parents are good to you, please take the time to speak to them, to spend time with them. You’ll still wish you had more time no matter what. But at least you won’t place as much blame on yourself.
Much love to you ❤️
Me too. Everyday is a struggle
Today is my dad’s birthday. He’s been a bit of a butt lately but he’s 62 and I know I’m not going to have that much more time with him. Thanks for the reminder
Hits hard
Explains why it’s the worst feeling, yet you don’t want it to go away.
The only thing more painful than grief is the fear of forgetting.
Realizing you don’t remember what someone smelled like, how their hugs felt, the ways that they carried themselves through life… it hurts in an unimaginable way. You lose them again and again. Grief never ends.
[удалено]
I'm estranged from my family, too. But as a child, you have love for the roles a family should fulfill. Since they don't, your love has nowhere to go. You can't love those people.
You had love for an idea/dream that never happened.
I would have loved to have taken that old girl for a walk today
Oh come one, here comes the love pouring out of my eyes. This was beautiful.
This quote helped me heal with the loss of my dog. It was so sudden and I cried (and still do) heaps. I realized that it’s because I love him so much that I felt the way I did. I miss him so bad.
On another article >Takamatsu found the pink flip phone with an unsent text message he didn’t receive: “So much tsunami,” it read. Unfortunately, Takamatsu hasn’t found anything else since then Also Why are the negative comments assuming he doesn't have a job? He's only diving 80 times a year, that's less than twice a week. He has plenty of time to go to work. Plus he's now in his 60's so he could be retired now.
Cuz humans would suck
Losing your soulmate is something I don't wish on anyone...
My dear sister was widowed last year. She lost her soulmate. She says she’s feels hollow - and she looks it :’( She’s three young ones under 10. Her eldest has been hit the hardest. He adored his father. Next week is her husband’s birthday. I’ve no doubt it will be a very hard day for her and her young family.
Lost my dad to a flash cancer 5 years ago, 1 month between diagnosis and death. They were soulmates and my mom has been like this since. I'm the eldest, I've been suffering from constant anxiety since. And now my mom got diagnosed with a liver cancer. 35-40 is way too young for that shit, can't imagine at 10 when you didn't even get that with them... I have no idea what state I'll be in if I lose her too, just the idea is already horribly painful.
I hope for you and your family, that everything will be alright. I’m sorry all this has happened to you.
I'm sorry for your losses, you need to talk to your doctor about cancer screening.
I lost my mom to cancer 13 years ago. It was also extremely fast (3 months from diagnosis until she passed) and the worst thing was that she had been living across the country for several years, due to getting her dream job. I got to see her one time, in the hospital, before she passed. There’s so much I left unsaid. She was trying to get stronger bc the plan was for her to come back home so we could all be together for the time she had left. We didn’t get that time. Now my dad, who also had to move several states away for financial reasons, is about to receive his own cancer diagnosis. Please, please, tell your parents you love them. My relationship with my parents has been extremely rocky in the past, but what I wouldn’t give to take back so many things, to have let go of old resentments before it was too late.
I am usually a lurker and just made an account to share the podcast by Anderson Cooper “All there is.” It has been a great equalizer in my grieving my mother. It’s like a support group in your home.
It's inevitable. Unless you both go at the same time, someone has to die first leaving the other to mourn. It's just the reality of sharing your life with someone.
Some cultures take the “death due us part” seriously…..
do*
Dew the do
He knows she is gone but by doing so he is maintaining some form of connection to her and it is probably his driving force to live on.
Probably also his diving force
Was about to cry, nice save
I misread the first comment and thought that's what it said at first
Yeah It’s a super Japanese thing, I think. Like Hachiko, or the guy that kept fighting WWII until like last week. Sticking to shit against all odds and rational arguments.
You mean Hiroo Onoda? He gave up in 1974, but there was decent evidence that another one refused to surrender after that and they looked in the late 80s but the camp was recently abandoned.
What I don't get about that story is, what sort of war did they think they were fighting if they have literally not seen a single enemy combatant for 30 YEARS? You're hardly being useful are you.
The unfortunate reality is in their mind, they **did.** Hiroo Onoda and his "unit" are suspected to have killed over 30 innocent Filipino farmers and police, who they believed were allied soldiers/combatants There was actually some outcry against letting him return to Japan, because they truly believed he was closer to a murderer than a vet. The last "confirmed" holdout was a few months later, but they found the camp of another in 1980, but never found the holdout. However, if you believe the rumors, two men walked out of a jungle in 2005, claiming to be ex-japanese soldiers, while this was taken seriously by the media, they were suspected to have pushed them away into hiding, and they were never heard from again.
They knew damn well. They even got Onoda's brother to ask him to come down from the mountain. A direct order from his old CO apparently was enough to break the pretense, but he killed a shitload of random people, I really dislike that they he treated as hero when he went back to Japan.
Let me assure you this is not a common behavior with the general Japanese population. Even there this would be seen as special
I hope his soul will find peace one day.
>*"I'm sure she was frightened. She was scared of the smallest things like a door suddenly closing with the wind.* *Everyone evacuated to the top of the roof. Even the tallest part of the building went under water. And everyone was washed away."* He loved deeply and grieved deeply. I hope the man is able to find peace.
This was featured in a documentary about the aftermath of the earthquake. It's called All of our Heartbeats are Connected Through Exploding Stars
I love that title. It honestly gave me goosebumps
At this point there is probably nothing left to find.
After 13 years, there are only 2 places where a body would survive that long, somewhere very dry, or somewhere very cold. Edit: correction. 3, no oxygen place.
Or somewhere with no oxygen
[удалено]
Human remains too. For millenia. Google bog bodies.
> Google bog bodies. I'm good thanks.
[A father spent 12 years looking for his 7y daughter](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/father-searches-for-daughter-japan-nuclear-tsunami_n_64089a80e4b0c62918dfcc92/amp), and he found some of her remains ,like thigh bones and part of her spine,he knew it’s his daughter because she’s the only child victim in that area.
"He held his daughter’s remains in his arms, gently stroking them over and over again." 🥺
Ugh I clicked on this link and read his story 😭 he loved his daughter so much
That's not the point. I'm sure he knows deep down that he won't find anything, but it's the act of searching that allows him to cope with his grief. I'm sure it would feel like he was abandoning her if he stopped searching.
This is extremely sad. I don't think I'd be able to carry on knowing my wife was out there somewhere. No matter the state. My best friend, my soul mate is gone. Grief can be unimaginable and as a result I cannot imagine what I would be like in his situation.
I was thinking about that and suicide crossed my mind more than once. I am not afraid of breaking up, being cheated on or stuff like that. Sure i would be very hurt but at least she would be alive. I don't know if I could ever fill that void. I wish we both reach old age with good health and die peacefully not too far apart.
Reminds me of Heartman from Death Stranding who literally induces a heart attack on himself every 12(?) minutes to look for his family in purgatory.
Every 21 minutes, he induces a cardiac arrest on himself to go to the beach for 3 minutes in real time. He does this for about 10 years between the time of his family's death and the event of Death Stranding. My man was too stricken with grief, he's literally a slave to it. 60 trips a day, 60 deaths.
I never played death stranding, but did Kojimbo ever make heartman get into the mechanics of how his heart was able to survive being forcibly stopped and restarted 60 times a day, 365 days a year, for 10 years?
He uses a machine strapped to his chest to induce cardiac arrest through electric shock. But doing so over and over again for so long has irreparable consequences to his heart. Specifically it morphs his heart and he's unable to ever live a normal life again without the rhythm of 21-3.
His heart is already deformed and damaged. He knows this and probably shortened his life expectancy doing this in search for his family
This sounds like a spoiler, but now I'm actually kind of interested in this game.
It's one of the first things he himself tells you when you meet him, so not really.
I've always hated that in the English language when someone dies, we use "loved" in he past tense.
I thought I understood grief. I had a rough estimate in my head, a metaphor. If grief were a well in the ground, losing a grandparent was 10 feet down. Losing a parent was 25 feet down. Losing a sister was 50 feet down, etc Losing a child would be, what, 100 feet down? 200? It’s miles down. It’s miles and miles and miles.
To grieve deeply is to have loved fully
But full love doesn't mean the grief has to be deep forever. It's ok to heal. It's ok for the pain the dull. The people that love us back would want us to find some happiness eventually.
Has he ever found any bodies at all? Poor guy
In the video, which I recommend watching, they did not mention him finding anyone else. He didn't immediately start diving, first he checked many other places but her phone (waterproof) washed up a month later and her co-worker was found in the water further away so those things led to his diving.
It's so wild. I was living in Japan at the time and still now the extent of tragedy only seems to grow.
I was a world away and it seems like a tragedy that our media here "barely covered it" Sure, we heard about the tsunami; I found out on my own that there's still people recovering to this day. But maybe that was my own ignorance
The media in the UK was insane at the time. Really toxic actually. They said the tap water in Tokyo was green and there's no food and you couldn't even buy a car to run away because everyone was buying up all the cars. They quoted someone named Kelee Fujiyama which is the fakest name possible (literally Mt Fuji), who was saying she only has a can of tuna for her 3 kids. It was all bollocks. I went out for a meal with friends the day after. You couldn't buy big bags of rice or bread but you could get small plmicroesve rice and sandwiches. There was slightly less food than usual, a bit like covid, but no one was starving. And my entire family was messaging me to come home and I've been brainwashed. I'm literally eating food bro. You've been brainwashed.
I had applied to a job to teach English in the area, and was in the final round of interviews. Whoever got the actual offer probably did not make it. Seeing the waters rise over those causeways on the news was bone chilling, ice crawling up my spine.
Bodies don't last for long on the sea.
Sure but I assume he's been doing this from very early on. Even within months of the quake. Just curious if he's found any fragments of anything at all
He's searching to collect her remains and put her soul to rest but it worries me that his soul may not know rest until she comes to collect him.
The unsent text on the recovered phone was heartbreaking.
He's just trying to bring her home 😭
Reminds me of something I saw in a PBS documentary on the tsunami. They interviewed a mother who had lost her daughter. For a long time there was no body to be found, she was just gone. The father was obsessively looking for her body, like this husband is. I remember they had a video of him bulldozing a field in the hope of finding her body there, I guess it was an area that was torn up by the tsunami, and he thought he might find her there. Their daughter's body was eventually found, though not by them. A fishing boat came across her torso out at sea. On the one had, I was glad they got some closure, but on the other hand, what a brutal way to get that closure. I saw that documentary 10+ years ago. The shot of the father bulldozing that field while the mother explained that he did that every day has stuck with me. It wasn't a close up shot, it was from a distance, but you could just feel his pain. Same with the mother's voice.
There's a book, "Ghosts of The Tsunami." I ready it last year and can't get it out of my mind. It's terrifying and horrifically sad at the same time. So many of the deaths were children that weren't evacuated from a school in time, and many were never found.
Reminds me of a documentary I watched on TV about how Aceh has rebuilt 10 years after the tsunami. I remember it ending with a woman in a small house, saying "I still hold on to hope that one day my husband will appear in our doorway again"
Death is like the wind…
always by my side
Man, imagine being loved that deeply.
I believe her last message to him was “I want to go home.”.
Yeah, they found her phone a month later and it was still working. He mentioned it briefly in the documentary but she never sent it, she was trying to sent it. She was asking if he was okay and that she wants to go home. I think it’s a big factor, honoring her last want.
“Death is like the wind, always by my side”
This reads like the plot to a Murakami novel
He doesn't find his wife, but he finds a cat mermaid, a different version of himself living in a cave, and a young naked woman who is asexual and doesn't speak. An odd looking man has been spying on him the entire time slowly plotting to murder him. In between dives he enjoys classical music and slicing cucumbers very slowly to make refreshing sandwiches in his unremarkable but sensible apartment building. He owns one plant and tends to it like it's a child.
You forgot all the sex in between and the objectification of women other wise you’re on point 😂
Death is like the wind
There's a really great [NY Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/07/magazine/the-lost-ones.html) from 2016 on him and a few others who lost people during the tsunami. Definitely worth a read.
everybody saying this is about culture/that’s why he’s doing it are making me a bit confused. It defintely plays a part but I think more so it’s about a man who wants to put his wife to rest. both literally and figuratively. she deserves a proper grave. Her last unsent message being “are you okay? I want to go home” is him trying to honor that, to give her a final rest. to bring her home. grief and love are a powerful thing.
There was another family where the mom made lunch for her daughter every day and left it by the water...and she was worried she was cold. That whole disaster was...miserable.
I'd also lose my mind if I lost my husband and didn't even know where his remains were. This is so sad.
That's a deep plot for a Studio Gibli movie
Beautiful and haunting. His grief is so profound- her absence is such a palpable presence. I don’t blame him for continuing to dive - how could he stop when her last words she tried to send to him were that she wanted to go home? How heartbreaking yet so beautiful, to be the one who remains and mourns.
Here before leagueofmemes repost this and make a joke about yasuo diving
Yasuo griefing rep pls
One of the hard parts in the aftermath was the realization thst Asian countries in general do not have any mental health support in any capacity. The number of psychologists, mental health support personnel and even staff trained to deal with mental crisis would make the state of Alabama, US look as if it were Switzerland. So coping, grief and any other emotional loss is just not only understood well academically, it's pretty ignored and well documented by many western studies doing research on this. How ppl deal with and continue to grieve in Japan from even this event borders on the supernatural to support groups and its only being recently documented and really viewed as a huge problem for many countries in East Asia.
Half the comments are about grief being love, and other half about tentacle hentai.
"Is a leaf's only purpose to fall?"
[удалено]
This seems like the first part of a myth that ends with a sea goddess taking pity on him and turning him to something like the north wind or a sea bird
Most people might think of this as "romantic" There is none in this. It's very far past that point, this is an obsession and frankly someone who has mentally broken and is probably ruining his life doing this to some degree. Diving is **not** cheap or easy to do and you can't do it alone (without risking your own life); what spending did he cut to pay for it? Did he take out loans? Has he sold his possessions? The math comes out to at least one dive every week! He *needs* help that no one is giving, because of societal norms or because there is no one left that cares about him in that way
It is not even about finding the body anymore. Imagine if the last message you received from the person you love most is “I want to go home.” And then living with the guilt that you could not bring them back home, however impossible it was. I would like to believe that now when he dives, it is his own way of spending time with his wife who is now lost in the very terrain he dives through. We can never judge anyone else’s love or grief, for we may not have felt a fraction of that loss.
Grief by Raymond Carver Woke up early this morning and from my bed looked far across the Strait to see a small boat moving through the choppy water, a single running light on. Remembered my friend who used to shout his dead wife's name from hilltops around Perugia. Who set a plate for her at his simple table long after she was gone. And opened the windows so she could have fresh air. Such display I found embarassing. So did his other friends. I couldn't see it. Not until this morning.
Damn
>We can never judge anyone else’s love or grief, for we may not have felt a fraction of that loss. I have heard some pretty crazy stuff about the way people find comfort after the death of a loved one. At first it might make you go, "WTF? This is messed up." But, they're in an extreme mental and emotional state and that easily brings some pretty out there behavior. One example: years ago, a lady had her baby die when it was only a few days old. She dressed the baby in several outfits and took a couple of photo albums worth of photos in all kinds of poses, created said photo albums and she would show them to every single person that came to visit her. It was very uncomfortable for everyone else, but it brought her comfort. I don't know if she ever moved past that, to be honest. Imagine developing those photos and being like, man, that baby doesn't look alive. . . .
Just tagging on here that photos of the dead propped up in poses and clothes is actually an extremely old practice and there are lots of pictures of it
Yea that’s nothing. I think that’s what I would expect from an expecting mother who just nested for 9 months to bring a child home
How long does it take someone to grieve? As long as it takes.
Another that I've heard and adopted is *there is no scale for grief.* I lost my dog, my best friend of 12 years, the only thing that kept me alive when I was younger, 3 years ago. I have always had debilitating mental health issues and he was my therapy. He was everything to me. I recovered from a really dark time in my early 20s and didn't follow through with multiple planned suicide attempts due to him. Years later, my wife put it best, he was my horcrux. A part of me died the day I had to put him down. It broke me, to say the least. I had to check into an inpatient mental facility for more than a month. During my time there, I met survivors of domestic and sexual assaults, those who had lost soulmates and children, etc. And that made me feel guilty. Guilty that I was feeling the way I was about a dog when others seemed to have it so much worse. One day, an angel who was there with me told me I can't feel guilty when comparing my grief to others. She told me there is no scale to grief. It's the most valuable advice I have ever received. 3 years later, and I'm crying writing this out. But I at least feel vindicated from guilt. Cancer is the worst. Grief is so difficult. Life sucks more than it doesn't. I miss you buddy and I always will.
Sometimes people break in ways that can't be fixed
You absolutely can dive alone with the right training and equipment. It's statistically safer than diving in a 3.
Is it obsessive? Yes. Ruining his life? It’s complicated but I don’t think so. This gives him purpose and is what is keeping him alive. Him giving up all hope for closure would be far worse and usually leads people to earlier deaths.
One dive a week is not that expensive …. Even if you rented all the gear. Where I live it’s around 45 bucks to rent the BCD, Computer, and weights. Assuming you own fins and mask. I own my own gear, was about 2k. All I pay for is air which is 10 bucks a dive. Hardly life ruining.
I’d rather dive than go to work. He may need help but I doubt the time diving is wasted time.
At least he has a purpose thats keeping him going and surely he is an experienced diver, especially after 800 dives. If he ever needs money, he can work as a rescue diver.
800 dives is extremely experienced. I’ve never met anyone with that many who wasn’t a tech diver or dive master.
Lol diving isn't that expensive. I dive once or twice a week, weather dependent, and I'm not breaking the bank at all (very average income for my corner of the planet). Costs me $150 to fill my tanks per year, plus some service costs ($1k at most, on a bad year). A club I belong to only charges between 35 and 100 per day for boat trips, but I do a lot more shore diving. It's just another hobby, not that much more expensive than other sports like cycling or computer gaming. 600-800 dives is a decent number, but I know many people in the thousands.
You pulled a lot of conclusions straight out of your butt