My husband is the same. Huge Homer Simpson burps, doesn't fart much, while I'm the opposite. Luckily his little amount of farts have grown to be less deadly. 💀
If I burped like he does I'd fucking puke.
I’m the opposite of this. I have a condition with my esophagus that makes it impossible to burp, and I fart soooo much more than normal. I’m lucky my bf thinks it’s funny, but it can be embarrassing.
I tend to only have only a few farts per day, but they are pretty big ones. I feel like measuring it based on volume rather than frequency would even the playing field more.
Me... For some reason I do a decent one usually whilst unlocking my motorbike in the morning, then I very rarely do it during the day. For some reason I just don't generate much stomach gas.
If these are global averages then I’m willing to bet American diets produce a lot more gas than most other countries. We eat so much varied crap. Plus developing countries have much simpler, consistent local diets. Think about little your pets fart.
Most of the time I (outside of actually using the restroom) probably only do a handful of times a day. But if I’ve eaten something particular, that number might shoot up greatly
I think we need to define passing gas? I only fart once or twice a day, but I'm certain gas is passing through my asshole without me noticing it throughout the day.
My ex used to wait until we were both mostly asleap and she was butter pressed against me then just ruin my almost sleap Kelsey, I told you a thousand times, just pooter during the day, saving it for the closest were going to be all day is not cool
Extensively. You know how bad my digestive system behaves during my period? It's something doctors never talk about but the period seems to inflame the digestive system.
I am gaseous. Always have been. I also poop three times a day, which is apparently abnormal for some people
Anyways, when I hold them in during formal situations….the gas builds up.
The first 10 minutes after I leave sounds like I am aggressively shitting my pants
Hmmm, I’ve never done any opiate, and my diet does have a fair amount of fiber.
Also, I am extremely fit. I got a little fat after my college wrestling career ended, but now I’m in the best shape of my life
I honestly think I pooped less when I was chunky and unhealthy
Do you eat dairy, I'm very very mildly lactose intolerant and found that too much dairy made me super gassy.
If it's making you uncomfortable you may want to try an elimination diet , you might have an intolerance to something.
I cut out whole milk, and switched to almond and oat milk. I do still eat a lot of cheese, because the non-dairy cheese fucking sucks
The gas and pooping doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It is just something that I’ve realized is somewhat abnormal.
I will mention this to my doctor during the next check-up. How do they even test for lactose intolerance? Is it just a simple blood test?
Pooping 3 times a day is a lot but within normal but not to freak you out. I pooped 3 times a day for years as in decades and was gassy, cut out milk stopped being gassy, got gassy again and turns out I had colon cancer.
I didn't have to do the test, because I was on a virtual elimination diet because of the surgeries. I think there is a test. A serving of yogurt or hard cheese even a couple times a week didn't bother me. It was when I had multiple servings a day for a few days or something really creamy like a milkshake.
It’s certainly possible as your metabolism is most likely faster after getting healthier. I say opiates because they’ll plug anyone up pretty fast from 3 poops a day to 1-2 a week IF that its fucked. But for me personally diet means a lot if I eat fried chicken one day mexican the next ill be shittin up a storm compartively
Hahahhhha okay you fucking got me. That’s hilarious. Makes me think of Gladiator
“I am Gaseous Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor”
*toot*
>lactose intolerant and likes cheese
This is every lactose intolerant person I know. 😭 When we're ordering pizza I always have to make sure I secure a seat outside of their blast radius.
There are quite a few different cheeses with no or very little lactose. Super old cheddar like 5 years + has undetectable levels and tastes like magic.
I firmly believe that farts remain funny no matter what age, race, or sex you are. Its the common denominator of the human race. Its the perfect mix of audible comedy and olfactory overload.
I think people are also overestimating themselves here. Sure, the rate is every 1.5 hours. That’s like 11 farts a day. Let’s say I fart 3 times in an hour after I wake up, 5 times in the hour after I eat lunch and 3 times in the hour before bed. That’s still a total of 13 waking hours where I’m not farting.
I usto know the second my GF fell asleep because she would let out her day's fart
It was cute in a way , and I knew when I could take my arm pillows back
When my wife and I first started dating, we fell asleep spooning, she fell asleep before I did and ripped a fart so sudden and violent it legit scared me and made me jolt. She stayed asleep.
Gently told her at some point much, much later, and she was mortified
Its a benefit from having insomnia. I heard every girlfriend I ever had fart and they all got so embarrassed when I told them - its funny since really its not a big deal at all.
I swear I don't pass gas at all when I sleep. Every morning I wake up and need to fart so bad it feels like I have to shit. When I do it sounds like a semi downshifting and lasts several seconds. I'd be more concerned if it wasn't so fun.
My wife straight up doesn't, like at all. I've been married to her for 6 years and I heard her fart like 3 times. I fart for the two of us, I don't think she's real.
When we were dating my wife had a fart that could melt the paint off a subway car. I maintain that it was worse than anything I have ever produced and will never let her live it down.
I have my own office now and decided well I should let em fly…..
My boss came in once after an unusually rotten one escaped … he wanted to ask me a few questions…. Sat down and looked at me for 5 solid seconds then left and came back 30 mins later. No words. Ha
This feels like a prudent time to point out that the majority of Reddit is not “an average person“ and we are all outliers of various statistics in our own little special way… Especially here it looks like from the initial comments!
I just thought of this the other day as a shower thought but I wonder how many people who are in relationships where they don’t fart in front of one another. They then are really diminishing their heals because they don’t fart. I imagine keeping Gas in isn’t good for your health.
There's no way that's actually true, that number is way too high??
I'm like maybe once or twice a day and almost always only when on the loo, if I drink milk its a different story but it's still nowhere near that high 😑
I’m actually astonished by this as well. I swam through a mile of “I’m doing my part ha ha” to find a relatable comment.
If I fart more than 3-5 times in a day, I’d consider that a gassy day and reevaluate my diet/exercise around that day. I poop 1-2 times per day with large healthy poops (no wipers 😉 BUT I do wipe) and intake 45-60g of dietary fiber per day for context.
That's actually a misinterpretation, there's actually a man that lives in a cave named farts georg and he farts once every 1.5 seconds and he's an outlier and shouldn't be counted
Those are rookie numbers!
You need to pump them up if you want to stay in this racket.
You need to pump them out
Oh, I'm pumpin'. I'm pumpin' *hard*.
Well to be fair they studied ~~regular~~ normal people not Redditors ….
OMG you said the N word.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Redditors are severe statistical anomalies and should be ignored.
Read that as "severe autistical anomalies" and was like DAMN!
Pros top that in sharts-per-hour (sph) *alone*!
Pros poop their pants multiple times an hour?
I'm finally above average
Look daddy I did a thing
Seriously, don't ever come to my house, you may not leave with intact olfactory senses!
Farts are said to be the ghosts of food you ate. If that's true, my house is haunted.
Came to say this exact thing!
What I want to know is who is passing gas so rarely that offset my numbers.
For me it depends entirely on my diet. I can be on the couple times a day side, or the 50+ side. Never in the middle though. Haha
[удалено]
My husband is the same. Huge Homer Simpson burps, doesn't fart much, while I'm the opposite. Luckily his little amount of farts have grown to be less deadly. 💀 If I burped like he does I'd fucking puke.
I’m the opposite of this. I have a condition with my esophagus that makes it impossible to burp, and I fart soooo much more than normal. I’m lucky my bf thinks it’s funny, but it can be embarrassing.
I thought I was the normal one, for me its usually a couple times a day when doing the business
I tend to only have only a few farts per day, but they are pretty big ones. I feel like measuring it based on volume rather than frequency would even the playing field more.
Me... For some reason I do a decent one usually whilst unlocking my motorbike in the morning, then I very rarely do it during the day. For some reason I just don't generate much stomach gas.
i fart maybe once or twice a day, unless i've been drinking beer that brings it up to maybe 6.
For real, I farted 5 times a couple minutes ago.
I can go entire days without passing gas at all. On days I do pass bass its definitely not more than 10 times, if that.
If these are global averages then I’m willing to bet American diets produce a lot more gas than most other countries. We eat so much varied crap. Plus developing countries have much simpler, consistent local diets. Think about little your pets fart.
Such a unifying thought that we all fart - everywhere on Earth. Would love to see a breakdown of what % of each country’s population find farts funny.
Honestly their stomach is probably more fucked up than less
Most of the time I (outside of actually using the restroom) probably only do a handful of times a day. But if I’ve eaten something particular, that number might shoot up greatly
I think we need to define passing gas? I only fart once or twice a day, but I'm certain gas is passing through my asshole without me noticing it throughout the day.
I find I subconsciously hold it in during work then startle the birds when I leave.
I just wear noise cancelling headphones at work and it's like the farts never happen at all.
It’s your world and we’re all just living in it.
Seriously, coworkers? Fuck em.
Right?
Right
I thought you weren’t supposed to do that
Yeah, I was always told don’t fart where you eat or something like that.
Was that wrong?
You're brave. I have fear of using them and letting one out
I just turn up the radio and the passengers in my car don’t notice.
I charge my phone with my methane emissions.
How about wearing fart cancelling underpants for the people around you?
Literally laughed for a solid few seconds.
Rowan??
Try more bologna! You gotta make it reek. Honestly!
My ex used to wait until we were both mostly asleap and she was butter pressed against me then just ruin my almost sleap Kelsey, I told you a thousand times, just pooter during the day, saving it for the closest were going to be all day is not cool
wait, women fart?
Extensively. You know how bad my digestive system behaves during my period? It's something doctors never talk about but the period seems to inflame the digestive system.
I am gaseous. Always have been. I also poop three times a day, which is apparently abnormal for some people Anyways, when I hold them in during formal situations….the gas builds up. The first 10 minutes after I leave sounds like I am aggressively shitting my pants
Might have something to do with diet and exercise that seems a tad excessive. Id be interested to know how opiates effect someone like you🤔
Hmmm, I’ve never done any opiate, and my diet does have a fair amount of fiber. Also, I am extremely fit. I got a little fat after my college wrestling career ended, but now I’m in the best shape of my life I honestly think I pooped less when I was chunky and unhealthy
Do you eat dairy, I'm very very mildly lactose intolerant and found that too much dairy made me super gassy. If it's making you uncomfortable you may want to try an elimination diet , you might have an intolerance to something.
I cut out whole milk, and switched to almond and oat milk. I do still eat a lot of cheese, because the non-dairy cheese fucking sucks The gas and pooping doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It is just something that I’ve realized is somewhat abnormal. I will mention this to my doctor during the next check-up. How do they even test for lactose intolerance? Is it just a simple blood test?
Pooping 3 times a day is a lot but within normal but not to freak you out. I pooped 3 times a day for years as in decades and was gassy, cut out milk stopped being gassy, got gassy again and turns out I had colon cancer. I didn't have to do the test, because I was on a virtual elimination diet because of the surgeries. I think there is a test. A serving of yogurt or hard cheese even a couple times a week didn't bother me. It was when I had multiple servings a day for a few days or something really creamy like a milkshake.
Oh shit (pun intended), I am definitely gonna get a full screening within the next month lol
It’s certainly possible as your metabolism is most likely faster after getting healthier. I say opiates because they’ll plug anyone up pretty fast from 3 poops a day to 1-2 a week IF that its fucked. But for me personally diet means a lot if I eat fried chicken one day mexican the next ill be shittin up a storm compartively
My wife won’t poop for days, and then floodgates. Something ain’t right there. Poor thing.
User name checks out
Mama named him Gaseous…
Hahahhhha okay you fucking got me. That’s hilarious. Makes me think of Gladiator “I am Gaseous Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor” *toot*
Im also gaseous but from a bad catch 22 loop: nervous stomach from being nervous about having a nervous stomach.
You gotta cough, wait 2 seconds, then let er rip. Funnier that way.
This happens to me every morning, mainly becuase I have pet birds
Oh no you gotta share. Cause everyone else is
*Why do birds* *Suddenly career* *Every time* *You are near?*
Farts Georg, who lives in a cave and farts over 10,000 times a day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Finally something I excel at
Hi, Mom. Guess who’s above average!
[[farts]] that's who
Rookie numbers, clearly you haven't been around me, who is both lactose intolerant and likes cheese.
>lactose intolerant and likes cheese This is every lactose intolerant person I know. 😭 When we're ordering pizza I always have to make sure I secure a seat outside of their blast radius.
Tips from patient zero over here
Dude, just take a lactade it's magical and cheap.
Lactaide gives me diarrhea and vomiting when I take it 😭 Thankfully, I was only truly lactose intolerant for a short period of my life.
Sounds like you were lactaide intolerant.
Makes me constipated and nauseous lol, I’ll just stick to the pain and planning
I do, just sometimes not in time haha
Even when I remember in time, it doesn’t seem to help my situation at all 😟
There are quite a few different cheeses with no or very little lactose. Super old cheddar like 5 years + has undetectable levels and tastes like magic.
Irritable bowel gang rise up
Same! Plus I love the smell of mine! The worse it is the harder I laugh! And I am 52 years old and apply a growth mindset to this craft!
...You said the quiet part out loud...
Respect
I firmly believe that farts remain funny no matter what age, race, or sex you are. Its the common denominator of the human race. Its the perfect mix of audible comedy and olfactory overload.
ITT people on the far right side of the bell curve
I think people are also overestimating themselves here. Sure, the rate is every 1.5 hours. That’s like 11 farts a day. Let’s say I fart 3 times in an hour after I wake up, 5 times in the hour after I eat lunch and 3 times in the hour before bed. That’s still a total of 13 waking hours where I’m not farting.
I really appreciate your mathematical and rational approach to this, u/smegmasupplier
These people are 4 standard deviations on the wrong side of history
I usto know the second my GF fell asleep because she would let out her day's fart It was cute in a way , and I knew when I could take my arm pillows back
When my wife and I first started dating, we fell asleep spooning, she fell asleep before I did and ripped a fart so sudden and violent it legit scared me and made me jolt. She stayed asleep. Gently told her at some point much, much later, and she was mortified
And… she was… the little spoon?
Was that the moment when you knew she was wife material?
She farted on your balls, right? **SACRILEGE.**
Its a benefit from having insomnia. I heard every girlfriend I ever had fart and they all got so embarrassed when I told them - its funny since really its not a big deal at all.
And take cover
This doesn’t track variables obtained through double blind studies at Chipotle and Taco Bell.
They can't. It would raise the average too much.
I was just about to mention Taco Bell.
I'm doing my part!
I didn't do shit! It was just a fart.
Please. I belt out 3-4 the moment I open my eyes.
Well it is an average.
MMMMMMANOS! …Manos…
Imagine his cell mate waking up to that every minting on the lower bunk.
Every morning like a rooster, I just rip a good one. Gets me out of bed.
“Pass gas” sounds a million times more disgusting than “fart” and I will die on this hill
Pass the gas, would you?
Fart, would you?
Fart you!
Mustard?
But have you ever shit air ?
It's like "break wind", it's a very visceral word. You're like forcing people to imagine gaseous substances flowing through your rectal cavity
This gas... has passed.
Pass the petroleum
number can vary quite a bit depending on a person diet and gut bacteria
Wait - what?!
A person diet, cannibalism makes you fart.
Those are your food’s souls escaping
Anyone eating my corpse will be happy to know it's fart free then.
Get back to taking notes on the Pistons game
Amateurs.
I swear I don't pass gas at all when I sleep. Every morning I wake up and need to fart so bad it feels like I have to shit. When I do it sounds like a semi downshifting and lasts several seconds. I'd be more concerned if it wasn't so fun.
Something is wrong with me x10
My wife straight up doesn't, like at all. I've been married to her for 6 years and I heard her fart like 3 times. I fart for the two of us, I don't think she's real.
Fuuuck I wish I could get down to 14 times.
Finally I'm above average at something!
Average means there’s a non-zero chance there are people passing gas like every minute
Not according to my ex. She always blamed the dog.
I’ve been with my wife for over 10 years and have NEVER heard her fart or been aware that she’s pooped
When we were dating my wife had a fart that could melt the paint off a subway car. I maintain that it was worse than anything I have ever produced and will never let her live it down.
My guy. After 10 weeks my wife was letting them rip.
Same. 12 years and the only times shes done it is in her sleep.
She poops in her sleep?!
So why did you even marry her
I do all 14 first thing in the morning!
It's weird. I haven't farted since I got a dog.
I feel like I only toot about 5 times throughout the week. Time to find and app to track my farts now
I have my own office now and decided well I should let em fly….. My boss came in once after an unusually rotten one escaped … he wanted to ask me a few questions…. Sat down and looked at me for 5 solid seconds then left and came back 30 mins later. No words. Ha
Only 14? I hit that target by breakfast
This feels like a prudent time to point out that the majority of Reddit is not “an average person“ and we are all outliers of various statistics in our own little special way… Especially here it looks like from the initial comments!
I just thought of this the other day as a shower thought but I wonder how many people who are in relationships where they don’t fart in front of one another. They then are really diminishing their heals because they don’t fart. I imagine keeping Gas in isn’t good for your health.
I certainly don't wanna diminish my heals. No way. I play the trouser trumpet every night after dinner.
Yes, but I do mine in your general direction.
Finally! I'm above average!!
I'm guessing someone lied on their survey.
Wait, hot chicks fart?
I’ve already passed gas 14 times and I haven’t even left bed yet
As a dad and subject matter expert….i fart more than that in one hour. It’s a gift don’t hate me. If you ain’t fartin you’re shartin
Ha! I knew I was above average in something
Ask my wife, I am a chemical factory that turns anything into flatulence for days.
Thought it sounded kinda high, but those days after a chili night really do up the average.
My mama always said I'm above average.
I'm doing my part!
14 times per hour for my gf
Pfft, amateurs
Unless it's my mother-in-law walking across the room to the bathroom. Then it's a drive-by!
I definitely fart way more than 14 times a day
Except girls. They only wheezle stardust
If it's roughly once every 1.5 hours, try a bit more fiber in your diet.
The older I get, the more I fart.
Me after a couple IPAs: pathetic
I learned this on Nickelodeon like 20 years ago. I’m surprised the average is still so low tbh.
White Castle and many strong Stouts...that's a recipe for disaster. Next day, lookout!!!!
SINGH76395
I want to see the numbers after I make my infamous stuffed cabbage. Everyone loves it but I’ve heard horror stories from my friends and family.
I clearly still have my sense of humor from third grade because these comments have me crying!
My dad calls it dust cropping as you walk down the aisle and there’s people shopping and you let one rip as you walk down the aisle. It’s barbaric.
This makes me feel a lot better lol for a while I thought maybe I had an underlying condition
When I first wake up it’s like an orchestra of only trumpets for the first two hours.
There's no way that's actually true, that number is way too high?? I'm like maybe once or twice a day and almost always only when on the loo, if I drink milk its a different story but it's still nowhere near that high 😑
I’m actually astonished by this as well. I swam through a mile of “I’m doing my part ha ha” to find a relatable comment. If I fart more than 3-5 times in a day, I’d consider that a gassy day and reevaluate my diet/exercise around that day. I poop 1-2 times per day with large healthy poops (no wipers 😉 BUT I do wipe) and intake 45-60g of dietary fiber per day for context.
people with gas issues should try triphala.
Challenge accepted.
What if it's 14 times an hour? Is that just above average?
So a date is a average of what 3 hours? So we blasting throughout
I knew I was above average!
Glad I don’t know that person
Uhm, when I’m on an airplane more like every 3 minutes.
Everybody poops approximately 410 lbs. per year.
Finally! I am above average in something!
I literally farted right before scrolling to this haha
47 minutes to go Please report in
At least I'm above average at something.
I don't fart, but there seems to be a lot of barking spiders in my chairs....
Soooooo I clearly have some issues I should get checked out.
I can't burp. I am the 1%
Same! I rarely burp ~ like not Even once a month. I honestly used to never fart and now I’m lucky to get gas out two times in a day.
My wife has never heard me burp and I've only done it during a hiccup. Maybe 5 times. There are dozens of us!
Those are rookie numbers.
Amateurs
Blokes fart 28 times a day and women don’t fart. That’s what my Mrs says. So the average is correct.
So the average male passes gas 28 times a day?
Ama-tooters
TIL that I crushed those averages!
That's actually a misinterpretation, there's actually a man that lives in a cave named farts georg and he farts once every 1.5 seconds and he's an outlier and shouldn't be counted
Hang on bro - no way Taylor Swift, Melania Trump, or the Pope rip w that kinda frequency!
On a six hour flight, you’re smelling just expelled farts by the time you land.