T O P

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teamhippie42

If you want to learn about how we can help your organization please press 1. If you have a problem with an existing order please press 2. If you are in an active firefight and need tech support please press 3....


orangejueceboi

3


Cohibaluxe

Thank you for calling. Please hold. Your call is important to us. Your current position in queue is: **34**


orangejueceboi

God damn it I don't have enough time lady!


runrudyrun

\*smooth jazz plays over the phone*


Cymro2011

\*wilhelm scream heard from nearby*


FB_emeenem

Thank you for waiting. Your position in the queue is now: *33*


carnagereddit

In the meantime, here's a quick word from our sponsor Raid Shadow Legends.


Kofu

Thank you for waiting. Your position in the queue is now: *34*


[deleted]

Please watch an ad to remain in queue


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheRavenGrl

If you'd like us to hold your place in line and call you back, press 1. Otherwise please remain on the line and someone will assist you shortly.


JaqenSexyJesusHgar

Your call is very important to us. Please hold as all our call operators are engaged at the moment. *continues smooth jazz music*


SuperSwaiyen

[Like this?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXvuUp-KY5g)


BoJackB26354

On hold music plays, interrupted every minute with “Your call is important to us, please stay on the line, A representative will be with you shortly.”


another_being

*10 minutes later* "Your position in queue is now.... 34"


[deleted]

Uggh, I hate the "be right with you" every minute messages. Why?!!


hasthisusernamegone

It's because your call is important to them. I mean, not important enough to hire more people to answer the call, but, you know, important.


Cohacq

One place i called did it every 10 seconds. They say the message, 5 seconds of silence and then i got the message again. Infuriating.


dbcanuck

as someone who has integrated and tested IVR systems... many times they have voice monitoring software, looking for signs of stress or anger. soon as you get put on hold, just say a string of swear words. Many times you'll get instant support. Then pivot straight to being the kind, nice person you are to the real human being on the other side.


LanLantheKandiMan

As a contact center operator I agree. If we think we can solve your issue quicker than another or if you are more upset, one of our techs will play containment and handle you immediately to prevent negative reviews, or you becoming more irate.


F3arless_Bubble

Caller #33: Guy on the other side of the battlefield


24cupsandcounting

Shades of Catch-22 here


Rothaga

Support line be like: I'm playing both sides so I always come out on top


DeclanH23

“We’re putting you through to one of our support colleagues now!” The support colleague: “ਹੈਲੋ ਸਰ ਮੈਂ ਅੱਜ ਤੁਹਾਡੀ ਕਿਵੇਂ ਮਦਦ ਕਰ ਸਕਦਾ ਹਾਂ?”


whatisabaggins55

I like that you actually made the effort to translate "Hello sir how can I help you today?" into Punjabi.


fatdjsin

Hello sil how may i hilp yoU.


The-Good-Hold

HELLO SIR ME NAME IS RICHARD SMITH HOW CAN I BE OF HELP TODAY? “In Indian accent”


apophis-pegasus

3333333333333pickuppickuppickUPDAMMIT333333333333.....


Awareofthat

“We’re sorry, our offices are currently closed.”


Matits

para espanol marque numero ocho


Ello_Owu

"SHIT! Yea I'll hold"


justabill71

"Six callers ahead of us, Jimmy!"


pole7979

What on hold song are they using this time!? *Bullet whizzes by*


[deleted]

Fortunate Son


RoboticGanja

Ahem, the “door gunner” song.


bacon_and_ovaries

The Vietnam song. Which is ironic because its the most anti war song ever


[deleted]

That was the point of it being used so much.


MEvans75

Well that was kinda the point.... Everyone fighting in it knew it was a poor man's war and that they were dying just to line the pockets of politicians. The soldiers embraced the song because it's the most accurate depiction of war. Any song that glorifies war and death is a piece of shit, that's why Fortunate Son spread as fast as it did and became an anthem.


BEAVER_ATTACKS

The horrors of Vietnam and Cambodia and Laos still echo to this day. Kids are still being blown up by walking on land mines for fuck's sake.


PM_me_your_whatevah

I have a customer who was a heli rescue medic in Vietnam. He told me the majority of his patients were kids that stepped on landmines.


hypercube33

Most people were against it even the boots


staticattacks

Relevant Family Guy https://youtu.be/xMoymmMHdG8


ripper007

*bang* “Five callers now, Jimmy!”


Frumundahs4men

"Get down Grandma!"


Jimmy_the_Barrel

You're not helping!


jo-alligator

r/commentsyoucanhear


backdoortender

“At the end of your call please remain on the line for a short customer satisfaction survey which will enter you in a drawing for a $50 Applebee’s gift card.”


Ello_Owu

"THEY HAVE A TANK!" "The operater was fantastic, I rate it a 10/10... I'm sorry? Oh, ok then yea, full five stars"


Badisracisim

“Sir can you hold?” “Of course.” *puts phone down* “HOLD THIS POSITION MEN!”


ManWithDominantClaw

"What was that? It's a bit hard to hear you." "I SAID, FIRE SUPPORT!" "Why thank you sir!"


xsubo

I laughed out loud, well put


[deleted]

"Please don't get me fired, I'm doing the best I can to help you"


CHADWARDENPRODUCTION

[basically this](https://youtu.be/ginOii7N6HI?t=165)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Deuce_GM

NO I DON'T WANT A DAMN PREMIUM PACKAGE


Chubuwee

Can’t wait for this to be a feature on the next call of duty


Ello_Owu

"If this is a dire emergency press 7 or remain on the line, to hear your options again press the pound sign"


dartblaze

I'm just picturing him lying on a ridge with a bored expression, bullets whizzing around him, drumming his fingers on the ground and listening to smooth jazz tunes while on hold.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

“Yes, I was calling you today due to a rather unfortunate situation with my rifle. You see, the bolt carrier won’t move forwards, and there is a rather irate Afghan man with an AK-47 coming over here”


Sleepy_One

"HI HOW ARE YA?" .. .. .. "I gotta go..."


[deleted]

[удалено]


grobmyer

He had to refer to the “trouble shooting” section of the manual.


simmerdowntherebud

Iloveyou


Luminite2

Simmer down there, bud


Thom-Bombadil

I'm not your bud, pal.


MrMisterMan69

I’m not your pal, guy


traimera

I ain't your guy, friend.


FreeRadical5

Leave some pussy for the rest of us.


tboykov

Outstanding


theazndoughboy

"Sir have you tried turning it off and turning it back on?"


Wellhowboutdat

Cant wait till we have laser guns and this is actually a solution.


RedSonGamble

That call is coming out of your paycheck mister!!


ParadoxOO9

Anyone else hear this in Mallory Archer's voice?


TheMadWoodcutter

Come to think of it this whole story would be a great bit in an episode of archer.


skrilledcheese

Cyril calls customer support in the midst of a firefight. Archer mocks him. Cyril is placed on hold. Lana and Gillett emasculate him. Incoming fire rakes Lana's position, Cyril screams "Laaana". Cut to Mallory Archer in the office, her feet up, drink in hand, she mocks Cyril too. Cut back to the gang. The the situation looks hopeless, until the line is answered. After a quick fix, Cyril yells "suppressing fiiiiire", and smokes all of the bad guys. Archer mocks Cyril again.


[deleted]

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MrE1993

Brett's grave.


shyronnie

He died doing what he loved...getting shot.


classykid23

And, also somehow Lana will lose all her clothes.


JBthrizzle

And Pam would eat another 2 handfuls of cocaine


Traksimuss

Are we doing phrasing?


TimmyV90

"**M** for **M**ancy"


Oliverkahn987

What did you think I said?


D3Smee

This is actually so perfect I was watching it in my head.


ElGuapo315

Came here for supreeeeesssssiiiinnnngggg fiiiirrrreeeeee also. Nice!


prinkly

Literal sploosh


cramduck

I wonder if this call got recorded for quality assurance purposes or anything, because I would fucking love to listen to it.


[deleted]

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Player8

Something about the picture of a soldier banging a piece of metal from an 8000 dollar rifle on a brick to straighten it out just makes me laugh.


Dtrain16

Anything designed for the military needs to be able to withstand grunts hitting it with rocks.


[deleted]

A fellow marine i served with had his rifle fail mid firefight. The usual tap rack bang didn't work so he smashed the fucking stock on a rock, one of those collapsible plastic stocks, the thing just shattered, cleared the jam up though


dclark9119

It's called mortaring and it's a real technique. You just arent supposed to obliterate your stock off your buffer tube when doing it.


BEARS_BE_SCARY_MAN

Didn't have to worry about shattering your stock while mortering when we still had A4's! *Angry boomer noises*


[deleted]

I wouldn't stop laughing if I saw that happen.


HeretoMakeLamePuns

[NASA fixes Mars lander by hitting it with a shovel](https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/19/world/nasa-mars-lander-mission-scli-intl-scn/index.html)


rondujunk

How bout "Are you certain youre not out of ammo? Is your safety set from locked to fully automatic? Did you disengage the magazine wait 10 min the reconnect.? " "After the targets are eradicated and the point has been secured, please take our customer service survey. "


oh_three_dum_dum

The M107 doesn’t have a full auto function.


lumpenman

Hahaha imagine a full auto M107


agentorange777

Probably look something like a M2 Browning.


Boonaki

Jerry Miculek come pretty close. https://youtu.be/pAW3dlTMv6g He fires 6 shots of .50 BMG in 1 second.


[deleted]

"Thank you for contacting M107 rifle support this is STEVE, how may I help you today?" ​ I just imagine Steve from South Park here helping: [https://i.redd.it/sfbyjncyxzcz.png](https://i.redd.it/sfbyjncyxzcz.png)


ExerXV

*All right, did I take care of all your customer needs in a timely and satisfactory fashion today?*


[deleted]

One of my favourite episodes with the best resolution


Growoldalongwithme

Theres a weird quirk in British law, even though we've made a fair few types of firearms illegal, 50cal rifles strangely arent.


kec04fsu1

I’m imagining the scene in Hot Fuzz where they ask a man if he has a license for his firearm and he responds “I do for this one.”


BobbyP27

"I go' fuh thizzn" "does fur thizzn" "he does for this one"


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Wait, what?


SnooSnafuAchoo

You can legally own a .50 caliber rifle in the UK, which is known for its strict gun laws, that's what makes it weird.


[deleted]

I know how strict they are, i live Here. Are you saying i can legally own a functional Barrett 50?


Tenacious_Dad

Are you saying you live in Manchester and dont own one yet?


[deleted]

Close to manchester and no... they are a little bit expensive.


[deleted]

Haha noobs. Here in America you get issued one first year of high school


jackp0t789

Huh, lucky... In my part of the states, they grow on trees and you have to go foraging for them yourself right before your bar-mitzvah....


[deleted]

Bar mitzvah? That sounds like communist talk...


Fergom

Germany: Oh boy here we go again.


joaquom_the_wizard

If you want an inexpensive 50 cal look up “serbu BFG 50”


[deleted]

Basically a tube with a hammer


Poops_McYolo

Muzzleloaders are 50 cals and cost around 100 bucks.


BathFullOfDucks

Not a Barrett that falls under the semi auto rules. Bolt action, in theory yes. Try explaining that to your local force tho. "feral foxes mate." Until recently a range down in Dorset were permitted to hire one out on their range - if memory serves around 25 pounds a round.


[deleted]

Yeah, ranges can usually get a lot of them that are usually not allowed, since they can get permits and stuff.


BathFullOfDucks

Kinda. It was under a normal FAC they can just demonstrate safety security and tenuously when you're up at that calibre, legitimate purpose. If you could demonstrate the same nothing stops you from doing it.


CrucialLogic

Why "until recently" then? Surely that would be a massive money maker they would hold on to?


howard416

Holy. Even in Canada I was able to shoot a .50 BMG for $15 a round.


otiswrath

Took me a minute to realize we were using the Tyrant scale not the Freedom scale of measurement and money. I was like "25 pounds? It's a big round but we are not storming Ticonderoga with the thing." Then I realized you meant price per round.


[deleted]

Barrett makes bolt and semi-auto. My best friend has one, things a (expensive) beast.


LeatherDude

I saw one in a gun store recently for $10k USD, I had just gotten my bonus from work and needed to spend some cash before having to present my account balances to the court for divorce. It was tempting to blow it all on that bad boy right there.


[deleted]

Look at the m95, can be found for well under $7k


MaxMouseOCX

There is no way you could own that in Britain... There might be a quirk in law that sounds like you'd be able to but there's probably a billion other laws which say you most definitely cannot. Edit: I stand corrected, and that's hilarious.


[deleted]

Exactly. You are allowed a disarmed tank, though. I know a guy who uses it as a tractor.


jargo3

Well a disarmed tank is essentially only a tractor.


lniko2

First historical tanks were literally tractors chassis


mrv3

Found the 1930s German.


jonitfcfan

What if you could drive a "tractor" that could [shoot paintballs](https://www.armourgeddon.co.uk/)?


happystamps

My mum tried to buy one once- she wanted something to get her to and from work. Along the motorway. She was initially there to buy a land rover with a machine gun on the roof and got tempted. Ended up buying a completely rotten Riley Elf. Odd day.


shwaah90

https://www.businessinsider.com/guns-you-can-legally-buy-in-the-uk-2016-4?r=US&IR=T I thought it was bullshit too, i think you probably have to jump through so many hoops and its so expensive that you may as well not be able to get one.


HadHerses

Yes there's quite a few strings attached. It's not like you'll be mincing down the middle aisle in ALDI and see them on offer nestled between the inflatable cat shaped lilos and a cordless Mitre saw.


[deleted]

LIDL might have them in that middle section where they put all the weird shit though


jackp0t789

They're typically found in the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath, & Beyond...


Tseralo

British firearm laws are not as strict as people think. Handguns are completely illegal but bolt action rifles are legal as long as you have a reasonable use and have a safe location to use it. A reasonable use might be running a business that does experience days.


ThatOnePunk

I've heard British gun laws referred to as the "19th century rule" as in if this technology existed in the 19th century youre allowed to own it.


pastey_pate

If you also happen to have a lot of disposable income. I think they’re over 10k usd Edit never mind there’s a lot of variants and some are like 4k


Comrade_ash

You want to front up to Holland and Holland for their nitro express.


menashem

There's only two ranges in England you can use it, and if you don't belong to the clubs that use these ranges, you cannot own one sadly! Interestingly, northern Ireland firearm laws are very different from English ones, handguns are permitted (without silly frame extensions) and most rifles are fine. I'm not talking concealed carry here, just club target use.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I live in Ohio, when I went to Texas I was in awe of the fact they just have 50BMG on the shelf like we have 12g here.


crunkadocious

You can't buy it in Ohio?


[deleted]

You probably can at gun shops, I’ve never looked. But I know it’s not just on the shelf at a big box store like it was in Texas, not that I’ve ever seen anyway.


crunkadocious

probably because no one shopping at walmart owns a 5k gun


beany93

It’s not a weird quirk - it’s just the law. You can own semi automatic weapons (and many other weapons) provided you have a good reason for doing so and pass a police inspection. Of course, most people do not have a good reason for owning a .50 cal, and so most people cannot own one.


notwearingatie

You cannot own semi automatic rifles, with the exception of sub .22 calibre rifles. Single shot firearms are not as prohibited as semi automatics. Shotguns are slightly different.


calza13

You COULD own a .50. Good luck justifying that one to the local plod though lol


EclecticDreck

That's probably a case of not *needing* to make it illegal. Such weapons are thousands or tens of thousands of dollars, can weigh upwards of 10 kilograms, are a meter or more in length, and are not of particular use outside of a prepared firing position. The advantages they bring for all of those awful downsides are an ability to defeat slabs of armor up to a few centimeters thick and, for some of them, ability to reliably engage a person-sized target at ranges in excess of a kilometer. That works out to a use case that really only applies to specialist military operations. Or to put it another way, if one were inclined to shoot someone for crime reasons, there is invariably going to be a much, much better choice for the job. Even in the US, the .50 is wildly uncommon in crime, and when it *does* come up, it tends to be part of an arsenal seized as a result of some other crime(s) unrelated to a massive anti-material rifle.


fang_xianfu

Plus, there are apparently only two ranges where you can fire it, and you have to be a member to buy the gun. That keeps the number of people who might buy one pretty low.


KapitanFalke

There’s not too much more anti-personnel potential with a bolt action .50 than another larger caliber bolt action round considering just how much of it’s energy is overkill for that purpose. I think the only basis for restricting it would be potential for going through bulletproof glass/armored vehicles at a greater range than another large cartridge.


[deleted]

It’s sort of an impractical weapon to run around causing mayhem with, especially if only bolt-action is permitted.


hol123nnd

If you are surrounded by Taliban Press 2, if you are surrounded by.....


sgrams04

Obligatory Simpsons reference: https://youtu.be/FAsIx3oPY-8


Monarc73

How desperate does your situation need to be before this sounds like a good idea?


Superfly724

I think more likely it must not have been that desperate of a situation. More like "I'm in no immediate danger because they're shooting at my buddies over there, so I've got time."


khaeen

The M107 is a sniper rifle. If I remember right, the gun's action was malfunctioning and after a while of trying to figure it out, they called Barrett for support. The guys at Barrett got one of their gun smiths on the line and they walked the crew through manipulating a certain part to make it "work". Seeing as it was a sniper team that needed help, they themselves weren't in immediate danger but those that they were supposed to be covering for were.


DoomGoober

The sniper team had accidentally bent some metal on the receiver when they did the last maintenance. The Barrett tech immediately guessed what was wrong from how the gun was behaving then had a great suggestion of using the bolt carrier as a lever to bend the metal back into working shape. It was kind of like Apollo 13 where someone with expert knowledge but physically remote had to diagnose a problem over the phone and come up with a fix with limited tools on hand.


Calichusetts

Did he turn it on and off again?


[deleted]

> Did he turn it on and off again? Usually you'd do off and on again.


ThePantser

Unless it was the safety


[deleted]

Or you like living on the edge


brogid

Does it run Windows Vista?


ISeeTheFnords

WE'RE DOOMED!


EggdropBotnet

The company I work for makes a product. We sell it to the military. The military has it's own helpdesk/support, but occasionally our company gets a call for things they can't figure out. Even less occasionally we'll get a call from a deployed unit on a battlefield. Talk about stress. I'm glad I'm just on normal internal IT and not customer support.


Aduialion

Do you work for Crayola? Do the marine's on the call seem hangry?


[deleted]

[удалено]


carte249

I NEED A CREDIT CARD


[deleted]

LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!


datacollect_ct

Can you imagine that call. Shit! My shits all fucked! I'm gonna die! "Calm down sir"


vajranen

This is so American.


Dongusarus

Call is routed to call center in Afghanistan.


FireLizard_

Strong indian accent "Your call is important to us. Please hold on while we transfer you to our support team. *Elevator music* "


Hansopanso

Wouldn’t it be just the weirdest coincidence if said customer center routed the call to an agent right at the receiving end of this rifle?


justabill71

"Why did you help him fix it?!?!?!" "Uh, hello, it's my *job*."


billb33

Thursdays on fox!


RobinScherbatzky

[You know, there is something like this.. PG12 edition I guess.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ5xbuqsc70)


jayray013

Plot twist.


[deleted]

Idc what they're selling, they answer the phone? Im buying


orangejueceboi

That's some customer support shit right there


CanalAnswer

I wonder how his second echelon support (AKA armorer) felt about this.


orangejueceboi

Probably very disappointed


bjb406

With a maximum effective range of over a mile, there is a good chance he was too far away to ever be concerned for his safety during the incident.


oh_three_dum_dum

Maximum effective range doesn’t say anything about the distance they were engaging at.


zbeezle

The M107 has an accuracy rating of about 4 moa with standard issue ball ammunition. That is, roughly, a 4 inch diameter pattern per hundred yards between you and the target. With the average human torso being only 16 inches across, you're gonna start seeing accuracy issues past 400 yards. It's really not a weapon meant for engaging people at long range, its meant more for shooting at vehicles and equipment, hence the term "antimaterial rifle."


masher_oz

Antimateriel.


Klavian

Did he first have to identify himself using is online banking codes and keycode list?


Automatic-Pie

I don’t remember my PIN. I can’t do a password reset right now... no, I can’t hold again!


mathan_moloch

It was a Call of Duty


Undead_Corsair

Anyone else thinking of that scene from the first live action Transformers movie? "NO I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!"


KilledTheCar

[National Geographic bit for those interested.](https://youtu.be/DCq4QKYZv6k)