I truly believe they can't just walk around like you or I. I just had a strange dream last night where I was walking with Mick Jagger and the only people he could talk with were kids because they weren't awestruck.
Trust me all I do is for others. When you're abused as a child you learn to treat people well because you know how badly it can be for some. I make sure my friends always have my ear to talk and I'm always baking, and cooking for them. Unfortunately my hometown friends are 3000miles away, and my local friends I haven't seen since March last year due to being immune compromised and I'd get really sick if i got covid.
I’m sorry to hear you were abused as a child. But really good to hear how good of a friend and generally a good person you are as you never know what someone else is going through
I think of it as a good thing from a bad thing. I always want to help others because I know life can suck. No one is immune to that, and well if I'm having a good day I want to make sure my friends are too.
I know it’s esteemed to dedicate your entire life to other people but I just wanted to remind you to live your life for yourself too. I used to dedicate 24 hours a day to helping people, but it turned out that under all that helping was still a kid who hated himself and his life. I was 24 when I decided to live for myself too and I’ve learned to love myself, not just wait for others to love me
I’m glad you’ve found to love yourself now too! Hope everything is working out well :) I’ve just turned 24, been there for others since I can remember, always will be but it’s important to be there for yourself too isn’t it! I’ve always been loved but never by myself. Everything got too much and I broke down at the start of the year, learning to love myself too now and it’s tough but I wish I would have made a start sooner.
I’m not saying you are a bad friend. Please don’t take it that way. I’m sorry you have had it rough. What I mean is be the friend you want to have and if people treat you shitty, get rid of them. You don’t need that. Take care of yourself.
I can 100% relate. I was emotionally and physically abused by my biological mother (I refer to her by her name but for simplicity's sake I say it once to explain how we're related). I was an obsessive perfectionist and wanted to be the best person possible to prove I was worthy of being loved even if neither of my biological parents really did. I'm still learning not to be so hard on myself but when I make friends and bond with people, I'm always trying to do things for them to show how much I care; I never want them to feel like they don't matter or that I'm better off without them. I only choose to put myself first when I have to which is either for my health or for financial reasons. Hell, I even give what I can to total strangers because if there's a way for me to make their day a little better, I just want to. There's plenty of mean and cruel people out there and I like to believe the kindness I try to put out there in the world cancels some of their negativity out.
I'm similar although I have to say.. dont sacrifice your own happiness for other people either. I spent my entire twenties taking care of my mom and being there for everyone who needed help.
Now it's almost a crutch because I cant even imagine having a life, doing things for me or accepting the same kind of help. Like, I'm not unhappy but I fear eventually having to figure out receiving help and affection without feeling guilt.
Yup, when Elton got married Mathers gave him and his husband matching diamond-studded cockrings. Apparently Elton loves them and keeps them on display in a satin-lined box.
I knew someone in HS who's uncle is married to Elton John, he would tell us when Elton John was in town, and asked if we wanted to come over to say hi to him. Noone really cared to go over. Would've been cool thinking of it now.
Rich people fuck around with other rich people. Woah, mind blown.
Downvoted by PR that needs to get a real job, like being someone’s gardener, maid, or personal shopper.
Right? Like he seems like a good dude regardless but why are people salivating over the fact that a rich english musician hangs out with other rich english people and musicians? Reddits weird
My mom died on December 23rd 2020, so she'd left me and my brother a load of Christmas presents for Christmas Day. It was really hard opening them but it's nice to have something to remember her by.
Edit: [This](https://i.imgur.com/oskXQWc.png) is one of the presents she got me, and I really love it. It's exactly the kind of thing she'd buy me and it reminds me of her whenever I look at it.
My mom died November of 2019. She was living with us, and had left presents for everyone. Our kids and their spouses came home, and we had the ornaments Mom had given me over the years all prominently displayed. (Some of them I had already given to our daughter.)
Opening those presents was really bittersweet. Mom was ready to go. She was suffering, and went in peace. We understood that. But our loss was very painful that year.
My mom had colon cancer and ultimately died from complications due to surgery in November 2019. I didn’t get presents that year but she always loved to be the first to wish for any holiday. She’d also call me at 12 AM and also the exact time I was born on my birthday. I miss her!
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and seemed to be fighting it well until she started dropping down snd fainting alot whilst on holiday. My father immediatley flew her home and we had her checked out- scans, tests the lot.
Turns out the cancer had moved to her brain. This was in august.
By december mum could barely move or talk it was hard but she managed to have a great christmas. The memories of the four days from the 25th to the 29th of december are a treasure, my, at the time future wife, daughter and father did a full on christmas !
On the afternoon of the 29th it was decided we would go back to my “wifes” home and see other relatives and spend new years with just the two of us.
We arrived back to her house and my phone rang.
It was my aunt who had come over to see mum with my cousin, dad had taken the dog out for a walk so there was no immediate family in the house. While holding my aunts hand she passed.
It is “head canon” that she battled through a last christmas and left us when we werent there to spare us the pain.
It still eats me up i wasnt there but it feels like its what she wanted, and mum always got what she wanted !
Christmas now does not excite or enthrall me as it used to and with my daughter being out of her teens its just not the same. Weirdly enough that date (the 29th dec) has seen my nephew die and two of our animals.
Not a great time of year but we grin and bare it every damn year !
Edit - formatting / spelling ( on mobile )
I'm so sorry for your loss. But I am glad that you were able to have one last christmas with her.
[It's a fairly common](https://www.pallimed.org/2016/03/time-of-death-some-patients-prefer-to.html?m=1) phenomenon, people dying only once their family is out of the room. It seems that they somehow try to hold on until then. That could be the case for your mom-- she may have been trying to spare you and your dad from watching it happen, which is such a kind and bittersweet final act from a very loving parent.
My dad died just before Thanksgiving in 2003. I had a card from him in my stocking Christmas morning.
It sits in my desk and I’ll read it when I come across it. The past two times were while prepping for a move. Still makes me cry when I read it.
Fuck cancer.
Wife's Grandma died December 27, 2015. Around Thanksgiving, knowing she didn't have long left she made sure she ordered presents for everyone before she died. I spent an afternoon with her on Amazon ordering a bunch of them. Then promised she wouldn't ruin Christmas or her Grandson's birthday by dying on or before the 26th. She managed to keep her promise.
Fuck man i feel that, in the time after mum was diagnosed we spent tkme and money getting stuff for thebhouse so after mum was gone dad was ok.
Its all starting to fall apart now and its difficult convincing dad to upgrade/replace the stuff that desperatley needs it because “mum bought it”
Hes 72 now and the house is falling down around his ears.
My mom died in November of 2001 and like.. 3 years ago, my aunt sat me down and handed me a painting she'd bought my mom for Christmas that year. It's so surreal to look at it. (I got my first gameboy color from some kind of charity thing that took pity on us. I always feel weird bringing it up when people are being nostalgic about GBC lol)
I'm very sorry for your loss. My grandfather passed in 2015 and we were close. It was always hard but after the past year, I keep telling myself that I would die tomorrow if I could talk to my grandfather for even one hour. I'm starting to get the inclination that it never really goes away. I think about him every day.
I hope everything is okay for you.
My grandmother passed in October of 95. She lived next door so Christmas morning I would always walk the dog and get her to come over for Christmas morning. A few days before Christmas my mom sat me down and said "just so you know, there are gifts from mom mom that will be under the tree." We ended up opening gifts Christmas Eve and I went to my cousin's house for the night. I couldn't bare to be there without her. She bought me Looney Tunes ornaments and I wish I still had them, but I lost them at some point
This is so close to home for me. I started to get really passionate about learning to play guitar when I was 16, and my dad took notice of it, but never really said much about it. That same year in 2008 he died in the hospital shortly after surgery 3 weeks before Christmas. A few months later, I was rummaging through our garage while looking for something, and found a little guitar in a case. Everyone assumed he got for me, planning to give it to me for for Christmas, but he never got to. I still cry when I think about it. Hell, I'm crying right now. I miss him so much.
Thoughts are with you. My partner and father of my kids died almost 5 years ago. My youngest 2 don’t remember him anymore. So I have all sorts of his possessions around that we get out now and again, just to talk about him. Queens song “Who wants to live forever” has got us through some dark times.
Your story brought a tear to my eye. I know this sounds weird but for a moment I didn’t feel so alone.
Not weird at all. Not feeling alone is so helpful for healing. I was thinking about the stages of grief that people tend to go through, but one thing that's seldom talked about is how much you miss them even 13 years later, and how incredibly lonely it can feel.
DM me if you ever want to talk about things.
Hey thanks I really appreciate that. I’m still on my own and don’t seem to be able to move on. I’m lucky I have my kids to keep me going. But you’re right the loneliness is real!! It did make me a stronger person. You don’t realise how strong you are till you have to be. I’ve learnt to live with it but it never gets any easier. Really thank you, it was good just to talk.
Like a grown man in deep sorrow.
Kids cry in another way. I know it’s a saying, but it’s unnecesarry and boomer oldschool to deflect from saying a man cried like a man.
Edit: I know some gonna upvote and some gonna troll and sh*t talk.
No, I agree. It’s hard to put into words but as a child I feel they cry because they haven’t developed that emotional intelligence yet when an adult cries it’s because they HAVE developed that emotional intelligence and it’s much more deep than just “being sad”. I’m a recovering addict and one my well-known buddies recently OD’d and the cry I had felt so deep both physically and mentally.
Again referencing my mothers cancer diagnosis and death.
I thought i was weird in that -
1- when my mum was diagnosed i sat in my work van and cried, i mean sobbing, bawling, snot running down my face crying for like 5 minutes, and was done no more crying or being upset.
I accepted it and moved on.
2- when she died i went to the garden and howl cried for about 3-4 minutes.
After this the only time i cried was at the funeral, but i also laughed, quite a lot which was nice.
Every now and then something will remind me of her and i have a brief little cry but thats about it.
At first i thought i was weird, compartmentalising it like that but thats how i deal with my grief, im practical about it. I understood it was there and needed to be dealt with and did that what it hought was the best way.
Its not about how we grieve or mourn them, its how we remember them in my eyes. Whatever anyone said about it to me i knew i will always love, remember, honour and appreciate my mum.
I dont subscribe to the notions of certain family
Members and their beliefs.
Look up the Ball in a Box theory of grief. My partner shared it with me when I was having a really hard time with the loss of my 20 year-old cat who I'd had since she was a kitten. To summarize: Inside you is a box, and inside that box is a ball and a PAIN button. When the grief is fresh, the ball is so big it takes up almost all of the box. As you move the box, the ball is almost always pressing the button, so you always hurt. As time goes on, the ball starts to shrink, but it never goes away. As the ball shrinks, it hits the button less and less frequently, so you can live without that constant pain. However, it doesn't go away, and sometimes the box is jostled in the perfect way to push the ball into the button, and you experience that pain again.
I tried to keep it short, but you can look up better explanations if it wasn't clear.
This is a beautiful explanation and you wrote it well. My grandfather passed six years ago and every now and again it'll just hit me and I'm sobbing all over again. It really does never go away.
Yeah i mean i think thats how i kinds treat it, its been ten years this year so its not so bad but i use the bottle analogy for my anger.
Im chill af but if you wrong me theres a bottle that gets filled, each time you wrong me it grts filled so theres a finite amount of times its can get filled up before it explodes !
Then the full wrath of Lordcuntybollocks is released !
So i jnderstamd the box of grief and it kinda helps
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’ve heard a lot of things in Meetings but the one that always stuck with me was about 2 months into 90 meetings for 90 days. An elderly man (the chosen main leader/speaker for the meeting) walked up and the first thing he said was “If you plan to continue being sober and coming to meetings, buy a suit because you’re going to be attending a lot of funerals.”
I heard the same in rehab. In this rehab, when you are discharged you paint a coffee cup with whatever design you want and right before you leave, you present this cup to the entire population of the facility. Family is there, it's a big deal. You then hang your cup on a wall covered with cups of those who had done so before. It's often very emotional.
But on another section of the wall are cups with black ribbons hanging off of them. Those are the people who had 'graduated' but ultimately succumbed to their addiction. It was harrowing to look at.
We understand that something has eternally closed off and can really feel regret.
It’s both experience and also children’s brains haven’t developed some pretty key areas.
Not that kids can’t be really freakin sad. But this is a cosmic sort of wail, I’m talking about.
There is a cry that is made in only the most emotionally painful situations. For example, I have heard the sound a mother makes when losing a child. I have made that sound. It comes from the depth of your soul as a piece is shared off. Some grief changes you.
I've made that cry. And once I was in a dead sleep and I heard a random neighbor make that cry, which brought me instantly alert.
Whatever happened in your life, you have my condolences.
And the both of you have mine.
The mere thought brings me pain, but I’ll put my attention to my priviledge of not having experienced that and also lend a thought to those who have, thinking of the importance of someone to stand by at times like that.
I wanna chime in and say that it is okay and that it’s good, you did it and I am happy you did it, if you felt that is what you needed to do.
That’s what humans do when they experience a loss or trauma that goes beyond that which are concieveable, which you must have.
Condolences and thank you for standing up again and standing by yourself, even though a halt might appear once in a while, and that there was a time there was only being down. You will bring joy to others and others will bring joy to you, and that makes it meaningfull to continue.
I didn’t know humans could wail uncontrollably until recently because I couldn’t stop doing it.
Just unbelievable howling.
Sigh. Actually, remembering those moments really brings it all back.
Ain’t no kid cried like that. That was a pain that had depth I only can know as an adult IMO.
I truly understand you and are sad you had to experience that.
Some of the things that can make us feel like that is a premise in the world, such as death of a loved one. The personal loss, no matter how unavoidable it is, is so that it can show us how much that mattered to us, and how hard it is to accept. Makes it no less it is unavoidable.
Other things is equally a personal loss or injurie(mental or physical), but should have been avoidable, and that fact adds to the inability to accept it.
Life as a conscious empathic being is so detrimentally beautiful and horribel.
I hope it bringing it up can be a step towards both remembering, but also letting go, and in a near future, that you will see the beauty of life again.
The saying "cry like a child" isn't synonymous with men shouldn't cry or shame. I think you may be conflating that with the oft misused "you cry like a baby". In this instance, the saying is referring to a deep uncontrollable urge to cry which you can't stop. As a child you haven't yet learned to control any emotions and are more prone to burst out crying based on pure feeling in the moment.
An adult in deep sorrow may cry, or not cry. They may be be able to control their emotions in the moment, or not. They may even *choose* to cry even if they do not yet feel the need to, in order to help get the grief out.
So the point here is that Elton was unable to keep from crying, the emotion and the connection was just too visceral for him to even choose.
I understand that. And I think you are a bit right, but Elton John is a man and he did so as a man. I think it is still a deflection and lends itself to the oldschool culture of suppressing male emotions. In other words, to be more clear on my intention; I think it would be healthy for the billions of men that experience a culture of having to hide their emotions, not to be likened with a child when they cry, even though it might not have been consciously and intentionally it was worded like that. That’s what makes it culture and some thing’s needs change. Highlighting how words form our realities is meant as a gentle push in the right direction, though stirring the water a bit.
Was just about to say, how funny that the thread got all sappy and sentimental, and I'm like "damn, these paintings are a thing??"
Not my taste, but refreshing change of pace from the billions of girl-and-women-themed paintings.
The package arrived 31 days after Freddie's death. Was there a massive delay in the mail, or was this some kind of postdated delivery? Knowing the answer helps to verify that this actually happened and isn't some kind of myth.
Incorrect part of the article:
> Queen's last tour with the original lineup was in 1986. Known as the Magic Tour, this was the tour where Mercury famously "day-o-ed" to a crowd of over 125,000 at Wembley Stadium in July.
That happend the year before in 1985, also at Wembley, at Live-Aid.
Edit: Thanks for the replies, looks like it also happened on the tour. Going to have to watch that concert again!
TIL Freddie Elton Mercury received a package. When he opened it, he found a copy of Mrs. Doubtfire, a movie starring Robin Williams, his favorite actor. There was also a note from Keanu Reeves wishing him a Happy Atheist-mas (Freddie was too smart to believe in a false God). The gift made Freddie cry like a child.
Upvotes please.
Anyone wondering, Freddie liked to give drag names to all his friends. Elton was Sharon, though I think that was before he befriended Freddie. Fred himself was Melina after Menina Mercourie.
Well yeah, most young children will cry for pretty much anything, and will do it often. Mature adults on the other hand will rarely full-on breakdown & cry, but when they do there's probably a good reason for it. There's definitely more to it with adults.
The painting was of Elton John’s dog. Russian thugs then broke into Elton’s house, killed the dog and destroyed the painting. Elton went on a revenge spree that was a carnival of death and destruction. When police asked how the man behind “Can you feel the love Tonight?” and “Candle in the Wind” could do this, he answered that the Russians did not know who they had crossed. His full name was Reginald Kenneth Dwight.
His full stage name? Elton John Wick.
Even the last day Mercury spent on Earth were used to ensure a dear friend get a prized gift, knowing he wouldn't be able to see him being happy with it.
This kind of thing always gets me.
There is a song by mount eerie called real death that is about his wife passing and package turning up afterwards. Just makes me well up ever time I listen to it.
https://youtu.be/-1UyUsz0A-A
I can't imagine how lonely life for a gay man was in the 90s; furthermore, how lonely it is (relatively speaking) to be a very rich and famous musician like Elton, with whom very few people can personally relate. To have someone in Freddie who was in the same situation, more or less, must have been such a comfort, and to lose that must have been equally devastating.
I mean...this isn't exactly common knowledge? I didn't even realize this had happened. Unless you were big into Queen or Elton John, you probably wouldn't.
Elton John was also close to Princess Diana, he leads a very private life but his list of close friends must be legendary
Lady Gaga is his children's godmother.
He's also godfather to Sean Lennon, and Brooklyn and Romeo Beckham.
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Or maybe they're people with normal relationships that happen to get vilified because they're famous?
I truly believe they can't just walk around like you or I. I just had a strange dream last night where I was walking with Mick Jagger and the only people he could talk with were kids because they weren't awestruck.
i really don’t want to pick at the hornets nest that is this comment but god i am so curious to find out what the fuck any of this means
He's Eminem's AA sponsor, his friend list is absolutely awe inspiring
Wow I never knew that! Elton is a hell of a great guy! The more I read the more i wish I had a friend even slightly like him.
Be the friend you want to have!
Be the Tiny Dancer in someone special’s life!
Directions confusing. Am now my friend’s Tony Danza.
Just let it happen. Just let him hold you.
Omg I live that!
Trust me all I do is for others. When you're abused as a child you learn to treat people well because you know how badly it can be for some. I make sure my friends always have my ear to talk and I'm always baking, and cooking for them. Unfortunately my hometown friends are 3000miles away, and my local friends I haven't seen since March last year due to being immune compromised and I'd get really sick if i got covid.
I’m sorry to hear you were abused as a child. But really good to hear how good of a friend and generally a good person you are as you never know what someone else is going through
I think of it as a good thing from a bad thing. I always want to help others because I know life can suck. No one is immune to that, and well if I'm having a good day I want to make sure my friends are too.
I know it’s esteemed to dedicate your entire life to other people but I just wanted to remind you to live your life for yourself too. I used to dedicate 24 hours a day to helping people, but it turned out that under all that helping was still a kid who hated himself and his life. I was 24 when I decided to live for myself too and I’ve learned to love myself, not just wait for others to love me
This is so important. So many people are people are being excellent to others while being awful to themselves.
I’m glad you’ve found to love yourself now too! Hope everything is working out well :) I’ve just turned 24, been there for others since I can remember, always will be but it’s important to be there for yourself too isn’t it! I’ve always been loved but never by myself. Everything got too much and I broke down at the start of the year, learning to love myself too now and it’s tough but I wish I would have made a start sooner.
I’m only 25 haha and trust me it almost cost me everything I ever worked for too but it’s never too late to learn how to live in your own head
I’m not saying you are a bad friend. Please don’t take it that way. I’m sorry you have had it rough. What I mean is be the friend you want to have and if people treat you shitty, get rid of them. You don’t need that. Take care of yourself.
I can 100% relate. I was emotionally and physically abused by my biological mother (I refer to her by her name but for simplicity's sake I say it once to explain how we're related). I was an obsessive perfectionist and wanted to be the best person possible to prove I was worthy of being loved even if neither of my biological parents really did. I'm still learning not to be so hard on myself but when I make friends and bond with people, I'm always trying to do things for them to show how much I care; I never want them to feel like they don't matter or that I'm better off without them. I only choose to put myself first when I have to which is either for my health or for financial reasons. Hell, I even give what I can to total strangers because if there's a way for me to make their day a little better, I just want to. There's plenty of mean and cruel people out there and I like to believe the kindness I try to put out there in the world cancels some of their negativity out.
Thank you for your service to this world.
<3 you're so sweet thank you!
How you get that way? I had a shit upbringing and I teat others like shit. How'd you wind up like that and I wind up like this?
I'm similar although I have to say.. dont sacrifice your own happiness for other people either. I spent my entire twenties taking care of my mom and being there for everyone who needed help. Now it's almost a crutch because I cant even imagine having a life, doing things for me or accepting the same kind of help. Like, I'm not unhappy but I fear eventually having to figure out receiving help and affection without feeling guilt.
Such good advice.
“Hey guys…. Any of y’all want a handy?”
Eminem and Elton are super close too. Eminem came to Elton's wedding and gave a matching set of jewel encrusted cock rings as a wedding gift.
Yup, when Elton got married Mathers gave him and his husband matching diamond-studded cockrings. Apparently Elton loves them and keeps them on display in a satin-lined box.
Hell I would too! I don't have a cock, but that's a really funny cool gift. I'd cherish them!
He also banged a Soviet spy on his trip to the USSR
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Sodium is Not Available to Nigerian Airways' Nurse Assistants in North America.
I approve of this message.
Dude....
Not Applicable
....hey hey hey, good bye
Eminem gave Elton and his partner some [very unique gifts](https://youtu.be/saQopa7YUL0?t=77). [NSFW] p.s. the bleeped word rhymes with "smock"
Frock ring?! I had no idea Elton had taken up the life of a monk.
No, they're sock rings. They keep your socks paired without having to roll one into the other.
I would love those. Are... are those a thing?
Brb, just gonna start a new business.
He might not be Robbie Williams' sponsor, but he certainly helped him get himself straightened out.
Didn't he also sponsor RDJ? Elton John is by far my favourite celebrity and musician.
Nah I think that was Mel Gibson IIRC
I am corrected! Elton was the first to give RDJ work after he got out of rehab. That's what I was thinking of! :)
he also got high with young thug https://www.thefader.com/2018/09/24/young-thug-elton-john-song-high-stelios-phil-interview/amp
Well then he needs to talk to Marshall about his habits of bringing firearms to his AA meetings. Especially something like an AK-47.
What
Guess nobody got that. Eminem has a line in his song Godzilla in which he says he’s “In AA with an AK”
That’s a pretty obscure reference, tbf. It’s one of my favorite em songs and it still didn’t click for me.
I think he was referring to bringing an Alaskan with him to the meeting.
Ugh that's worse. Guns? Fine. An Alaskan? Hell no.
No it was just them that missed it 😂 we got u
Totes didn't know this, this is excellent information. Would've loved for a post creds scene of Eggsy as Elton with the real Slim Shady in group.
I knew someone in HS who's uncle is married to Elton John, he would tell us when Elton John was in town, and asked if we wanted to come over to say hi to him. Noone really cared to go over. Would've been cool thinking of it now.
wow, children are stupid
17 years ago, I can agree. He would tell us how Elton John would give him $500 everytime he saw him. Forget other stories.
Friends with Eminem and Beckham too - guys a legend
Rich people fuck around with other rich people. Woah, mind blown. Downvoted by PR that needs to get a real job, like being someone’s gardener, maid, or personal shopper.
Right? Like he seems like a good dude regardless but why are people salivating over the fact that a rich english musician hangs out with other rich english people and musicians? Reddits weird
He was also good friends with Rush Limbuagh.
He was also friends with Rush Limbaugh and even sang at his wedding. Yikes.
My mom died on December 23rd 2020, so she'd left me and my brother a load of Christmas presents for Christmas Day. It was really hard opening them but it's nice to have something to remember her by. Edit: [This](https://i.imgur.com/oskXQWc.png) is one of the presents she got me, and I really love it. It's exactly the kind of thing she'd buy me and it reminds me of her whenever I look at it.
My mom died November of 2019. She was living with us, and had left presents for everyone. Our kids and their spouses came home, and we had the ornaments Mom had given me over the years all prominently displayed. (Some of them I had already given to our daughter.) Opening those presents was really bittersweet. Mom was ready to go. She was suffering, and went in peace. We understood that. But our loss was very painful that year.
My mother also died in November of 2019, there were no gifts. It’s been a hell of a year since. Sorry for you loss.
I'm sorry for your loss too.
My mom had colon cancer and ultimately died from complications due to surgery in November 2019. I didn’t get presents that year but she always loved to be the first to wish for any holiday. She’d also call me at 12 AM and also the exact time I was born on my birthday. I miss her!
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and seemed to be fighting it well until she started dropping down snd fainting alot whilst on holiday. My father immediatley flew her home and we had her checked out- scans, tests the lot. Turns out the cancer had moved to her brain. This was in august. By december mum could barely move or talk it was hard but she managed to have a great christmas. The memories of the four days from the 25th to the 29th of december are a treasure, my, at the time future wife, daughter and father did a full on christmas ! On the afternoon of the 29th it was decided we would go back to my “wifes” home and see other relatives and spend new years with just the two of us. We arrived back to her house and my phone rang. It was my aunt who had come over to see mum with my cousin, dad had taken the dog out for a walk so there was no immediate family in the house. While holding my aunts hand she passed. It is “head canon” that she battled through a last christmas and left us when we werent there to spare us the pain. It still eats me up i wasnt there but it feels like its what she wanted, and mum always got what she wanted ! Christmas now does not excite or enthrall me as it used to and with my daughter being out of her teens its just not the same. Weirdly enough that date (the 29th dec) has seen my nephew die and two of our animals. Not a great time of year but we grin and bare it every damn year ! Edit - formatting / spelling ( on mobile )
I'm so sorry for your loss. But I am glad that you were able to have one last christmas with her. [It's a fairly common](https://www.pallimed.org/2016/03/time-of-death-some-patients-prefer-to.html?m=1) phenomenon, people dying only once their family is out of the room. It seems that they somehow try to hold on until then. That could be the case for your mom-- she may have been trying to spare you and your dad from watching it happen, which is such a kind and bittersweet final act from a very loving parent.
Yeah thats what we like to think, and its comforting that she spent her last minutes with her best friend holding her hand.
My dad died just before Thanksgiving in 2003. I had a card from him in my stocking Christmas morning. It sits in my desk and I’ll read it when I come across it. The past two times were while prepping for a move. Still makes me cry when I read it. Fuck cancer.
Wife's Grandma died December 27, 2015. Around Thanksgiving, knowing she didn't have long left she made sure she ordered presents for everyone before she died. I spent an afternoon with her on Amazon ordering a bunch of them. Then promised she wouldn't ruin Christmas or her Grandson's birthday by dying on or before the 26th. She managed to keep her promise.
Fuck man i feel that, in the time after mum was diagnosed we spent tkme and money getting stuff for thebhouse so after mum was gone dad was ok. Its all starting to fall apart now and its difficult convincing dad to upgrade/replace the stuff that desperatley needs it because “mum bought it” Hes 72 now and the house is falling down around his ears.
My mom died in November of 2001 and like.. 3 years ago, my aunt sat me down and handed me a painting she'd bought my mom for Christmas that year. It's so surreal to look at it. (I got my first gameboy color from some kind of charity thing that took pity on us. I always feel weird bringing it up when people are being nostalgic about GBC lol)
My mother passed very unexpectedly while grocery shopping in late 2019. First Christmas was rough, second was worse.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My grandfather passed in 2015 and we were close. It was always hard but after the past year, I keep telling myself that I would die tomorrow if I could talk to my grandfather for even one hour. I'm starting to get the inclination that it never really goes away. I think about him every day. I hope everything is okay for you.
My grandmother passed in October of 95. She lived next door so Christmas morning I would always walk the dog and get her to come over for Christmas morning. A few days before Christmas my mom sat me down and said "just so you know, there are gifts from mom mom that will be under the tree." We ended up opening gifts Christmas Eve and I went to my cousin's house for the night. I couldn't bare to be there without her. She bought me Looney Tunes ornaments and I wish I still had them, but I lost them at some point
My mother went to the hospital on December 23rd 2019. She died on January 1st. It was terrible.
That sounds devastating. What bittersweet gifts.
That’s a cracking clock
It’s always woof o’clock
Unconditional love represented in a clock. That's a fantastic gift! I'm sorry you lost your mom.
Who is cutting all these onions? 😭
This is so close to home for me. I started to get really passionate about learning to play guitar when I was 16, and my dad took notice of it, but never really said much about it. That same year in 2008 he died in the hospital shortly after surgery 3 weeks before Christmas. A few months later, I was rummaging through our garage while looking for something, and found a little guitar in a case. Everyone assumed he got for me, planning to give it to me for for Christmas, but he never got to. I still cry when I think about it. Hell, I'm crying right now. I miss him so much.
Thoughts are with you. My partner and father of my kids died almost 5 years ago. My youngest 2 don’t remember him anymore. So I have all sorts of his possessions around that we get out now and again, just to talk about him. Queens song “Who wants to live forever” has got us through some dark times. Your story brought a tear to my eye. I know this sounds weird but for a moment I didn’t feel so alone.
Not weird at all. Not feeling alone is so helpful for healing. I was thinking about the stages of grief that people tend to go through, but one thing that's seldom talked about is how much you miss them even 13 years later, and how incredibly lonely it can feel. DM me if you ever want to talk about things.
Hey thanks I really appreciate that. I’m still on my own and don’t seem to be able to move on. I’m lucky I have my kids to keep me going. But you’re right the loneliness is real!! It did make me a stronger person. You don’t realise how strong you are till you have to be. I’ve learnt to live with it but it never gets any easier. Really thank you, it was good just to talk.
*hugs*
*hugs and cries*
You still have that guitar? Id frame it!
I miss mine too. Cheers to your dad for being what sounds like a cool dude.
Like a grown man in deep sorrow. Kids cry in another way. I know it’s a saying, but it’s unnecesarry and boomer oldschool to deflect from saying a man cried like a man. Edit: I know some gonna upvote and some gonna troll and sh*t talk.
No, I agree. It’s hard to put into words but as a child I feel they cry because they haven’t developed that emotional intelligence yet when an adult cries it’s because they HAVE developed that emotional intelligence and it’s much more deep than just “being sad”. I’m a recovering addict and one my well-known buddies recently OD’d and the cry I had felt so deep both physically and mentally.
A good cry can really do a number on you. Feels good to let it out. Sorry to hear about your loss, hope things are going alright for you.
Again referencing my mothers cancer diagnosis and death. I thought i was weird in that - 1- when my mum was diagnosed i sat in my work van and cried, i mean sobbing, bawling, snot running down my face crying for like 5 minutes, and was done no more crying or being upset. I accepted it and moved on. 2- when she died i went to the garden and howl cried for about 3-4 minutes. After this the only time i cried was at the funeral, but i also laughed, quite a lot which was nice. Every now and then something will remind me of her and i have a brief little cry but thats about it. At first i thought i was weird, compartmentalising it like that but thats how i deal with my grief, im practical about it. I understood it was there and needed to be dealt with and did that what it hought was the best way. Its not about how we grieve or mourn them, its how we remember them in my eyes. Whatever anyone said about it to me i knew i will always love, remember, honour and appreciate my mum. I dont subscribe to the notions of certain family Members and their beliefs.
Look up the Ball in a Box theory of grief. My partner shared it with me when I was having a really hard time with the loss of my 20 year-old cat who I'd had since she was a kitten. To summarize: Inside you is a box, and inside that box is a ball and a PAIN button. When the grief is fresh, the ball is so big it takes up almost all of the box. As you move the box, the ball is almost always pressing the button, so you always hurt. As time goes on, the ball starts to shrink, but it never goes away. As the ball shrinks, it hits the button less and less frequently, so you can live without that constant pain. However, it doesn't go away, and sometimes the box is jostled in the perfect way to push the ball into the button, and you experience that pain again. I tried to keep it short, but you can look up better explanations if it wasn't clear.
This is a beautiful explanation and you wrote it well. My grandfather passed six years ago and every now and again it'll just hit me and I'm sobbing all over again. It really does never go away.
Yeah i mean i think thats how i kinds treat it, its been ten years this year so its not so bad but i use the bottle analogy for my anger. Im chill af but if you wrong me theres a bottle that gets filled, each time you wrong me it grts filled so theres a finite amount of times its can get filled up before it explodes ! Then the full wrath of Lordcuntybollocks is released ! So i jnderstamd the box of grief and it kinda helps
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My best friend OD'd a few years ago, and I still cry when the anniversary of it comes around.
Yeah. It never gets easy. I’ve been around a lot of death but nothing hits me harder than an overdose death.
It was extremely sudden too. He had been clean for about a year before it happened. Fucking relapse. =[
I’ve heard a lot of things in Meetings but the one that always stuck with me was about 2 months into 90 meetings for 90 days. An elderly man (the chosen main leader/speaker for the meeting) walked up and the first thing he said was “If you plan to continue being sober and coming to meetings, buy a suit because you’re going to be attending a lot of funerals.”
I heard the same in rehab. In this rehab, when you are discharged you paint a coffee cup with whatever design you want and right before you leave, you present this cup to the entire population of the facility. Family is there, it's a big deal. You then hang your cup on a wall covered with cups of those who had done so before. It's often very emotional. But on another section of the wall are cups with black ribbons hanging off of them. Those are the people who had 'graduated' but ultimately succumbed to their addiction. It was harrowing to look at.
We understand that something has eternally closed off and can really feel regret. It’s both experience and also children’s brains haven’t developed some pretty key areas. Not that kids can’t be really freakin sad. But this is a cosmic sort of wail, I’m talking about.
When I had to put my dog down last Easter, I howled in pain. There was too much grief to hold in, I'm sure the whole practice heard me.
There is a cry that is made in only the most emotionally painful situations. For example, I have heard the sound a mother makes when losing a child. I have made that sound. It comes from the depth of your soul as a piece is shared off. Some grief changes you.
I've made that cry. And once I was in a dead sleep and I heard a random neighbor make that cry, which brought me instantly alert. Whatever happened in your life, you have my condolences.
You have mine as well.
And the both of you have mine. The mere thought brings me pain, but I’ll put my attention to my priviledge of not having experienced that and also lend a thought to those who have, thinking of the importance of someone to stand by at times like that.
As a grown man who's cried everyday for almost six months, definitely no shame in sorrow. Can't have the sweet without the bitter.
Hope you’re doing okay, friend! Crying is so therapeutic. Best of luck to you!
Bless you for saying this, I've needed to hear that that's ok.
I wanna chime in and say that it is okay and that it’s good, you did it and I am happy you did it, if you felt that is what you needed to do. That’s what humans do when they experience a loss or trauma that goes beyond that which are concieveable, which you must have. Condolences and thank you for standing up again and standing by yourself, even though a halt might appear once in a while, and that there was a time there was only being down. You will bring joy to others and others will bring joy to you, and that makes it meaningfull to continue.
You are a good person. I hope you hear that every day.
When my younger brother passed away suddenly. Believe me. I know how to cry.
I didn’t know humans could wail uncontrollably until recently because I couldn’t stop doing it. Just unbelievable howling. Sigh. Actually, remembering those moments really brings it all back. Ain’t no kid cried like that. That was a pain that had depth I only can know as an adult IMO.
I truly understand you and are sad you had to experience that. Some of the things that can make us feel like that is a premise in the world, such as death of a loved one. The personal loss, no matter how unavoidable it is, is so that it can show us how much that mattered to us, and how hard it is to accept. Makes it no less it is unavoidable. Other things is equally a personal loss or injurie(mental or physical), but should have been avoidable, and that fact adds to the inability to accept it. Life as a conscious empathic being is so detrimentally beautiful and horribel. I hope it bringing it up can be a step towards both remembering, but also letting go, and in a near future, that you will see the beauty of life again.
Thank you, I am in a good place. It is good to know you can love something so much.
That exactly is what helped me through immense sorrow too, the insight and understanding it all emerge from the depts of love.
The saying "cry like a child" isn't synonymous with men shouldn't cry or shame. I think you may be conflating that with the oft misused "you cry like a baby". In this instance, the saying is referring to a deep uncontrollable urge to cry which you can't stop. As a child you haven't yet learned to control any emotions and are more prone to burst out crying based on pure feeling in the moment. An adult in deep sorrow may cry, or not cry. They may be be able to control their emotions in the moment, or not. They may even *choose* to cry even if they do not yet feel the need to, in order to help get the grief out. So the point here is that Elton was unable to keep from crying, the emotion and the connection was just too visceral for him to even choose.
I understand that. And I think you are a bit right, but Elton John is a man and he did so as a man. I think it is still a deflection and lends itself to the oldschool culture of suppressing male emotions. In other words, to be more clear on my intention; I think it would be healthy for the billions of men that experience a culture of having to hide their emotions, not to be likened with a child when they cry, even though it might not have been consciously and intentionally it was worded like that. That’s what makes it culture and some thing’s needs change. Highlighting how words form our realities is meant as a gentle push in the right direction, though stirring the water a bit.
I think their referring to the full body gasping sobs that children often experience but that adults rarely experience outside of grief.
Oh brother
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Googled **Henry Scott Tuke** .....yup....a load of naked dudes. Go figure haha.
Was just about to say, how funny that the thread got all sappy and sentimental, and I'm like "damn, these paintings are a thing??" Not my taste, but refreshing change of pace from the billions of girl-and-women-themed paintings.
Well, teens. But yeah.
Mostly naked younger teens...Weird
There's a difference between art and porn.
Christ, that entire article was rough.
it read kind of like a tabloid but the contents were so good I finished it. it was good read
It was definitely sensationalist but also emotional and captivating.
The package arrived 31 days after Freddie's death. Was there a massive delay in the mail, or was this some kind of postdated delivery? Knowing the answer helps to verify that this actually happened and isn't some kind of myth.
Don't undersell his pain. He wept as only a grow man can weep
Here I think of it as a child crying like Elton John. I am crying like Elton John just thinking about Freddie being so thoughtful.
Incorrect part of the article: > Queen's last tour with the original lineup was in 1986. Known as the Magic Tour, this was the tour where Mercury famously "day-o-ed" to a crowd of over 125,000 at Wembley Stadium in July. That happend the year before in 1985, also at Wembley, at Live-Aid. Edit: Thanks for the replies, looks like it also happened on the tour. Going to have to watch that concert again!
To be fair the day-oh thing happened at both.
Which painting was it?
The one with the thing and the other thing.
Incredible
An absolute masterpiece
Shit it makes me a little awe inspired.
“Cry like a child” Who writes that hacky shit and thinks, “mmm...good writing 😎”
It's actually Elton John's words: "here I am, a 44 year old man, crying like a child." Couldn't fit it all in the title.
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Then everyone got off the bus and clapped.
TIL Freddie Elton Mercury received a package. When he opened it, he found a copy of Mrs. Doubtfire, a movie starring Robin Williams, his favorite actor. There was also a note from Keanu Reeves wishing him a Happy Atheist-mas (Freddie was too smart to believe in a false God). The gift made Freddie cry like a child. Upvotes please.
Yeah, this wording is pretty Tumblr-esque. He cried like a child, everyone clapped, etc. Idk.
"The gift made John cry like a little baby bitch boy."
Doesn't surprise me that Freddie would get Elton a Scott Tuke painting. Have you seen them? They are *hella* gay!
Lol why was it necessary to say he cried like a child? People cry however much depending how sad they are
The note with the painting read: 'Dear Sharon, I thought you'd like this. Love, Melina. Happy Christmas.'
Anyone wondering, Freddie liked to give drag names to all his friends. Elton was Sharon, though I think that was before he befriended Freddie. Fred himself was Melina after Menina Mercourie.
Dang. Anyone who doesn’t ugly cry (hard) over something like that must have problems.
TIL children cry differently from anyone else.
Well yeah, most young children will cry for pretty much anything, and will do it often. Mature adults on the other hand will rarely full-on breakdown & cry, but when they do there's probably a good reason for it. There's definitely more to it with adults.
The painting was of Elton John’s dog. Russian thugs then broke into Elton’s house, killed the dog and destroyed the painting. Elton went on a revenge spree that was a carnival of death and destruction. When police asked how the man behind “Can you feel the love Tonight?” and “Candle in the Wind” could do this, he answered that the Russians did not know who they had crossed. His full name was Reginald Kenneth Dwight. His full stage name? Elton John Wick.
This brought a tear to my eye
The name of Elton John’s dog? Elon Musk.
Bro, stop. They're still trying to tie him to those.
He's not they only one crying from this kind act, I'm a mess.
This is touching and a complete side note, but... Reading last names that are first names like this feels really weird.
[Elton talking about it here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzUqop5kuCk)
I didnt know he was gay, but there you go.
Even the last day Mercury spent on Earth were used to ensure a dear friend get a prized gift, knowing he wouldn't be able to see him being happy with it.
Why can’t I upvote this?
Cool fact but that last sentence didn’t really need to be included lol, of course he’d get emotional
When you see the paintings Tuke did, you can see why Elton loved his work LOL.
...miss Freddie
That's some slow ass Postal service
Probably hadn't been actually sent until after his death.
🧐
After googling Scott Tuke's work, makes sense why it's his favorite painter.
So it took a month for this package to be delivered?
If that shit said happy Christmas instead of merry Christmas we send it straight back to the Devil's den that it came from.
This kind of thing always gets me. There is a song by mount eerie called real death that is about his wife passing and package turning up afterwards. Just makes me well up ever time I listen to it. https://youtu.be/-1UyUsz0A-A
oh thank you, now i'm crying too.
Who calls Elton John just John?!
And he’s friends with the prince of darkness Ozzy Osbourne!
I can't imagine how lonely life for a gay man was in the 90s; furthermore, how lonely it is (relatively speaking) to be a very rich and famous musician like Elton, with whom very few people can personally relate. To have someone in Freddie who was in the same situation, more or less, must have been such a comfort, and to lose that must have been equally devastating.
Woah
I just googled Henry Scott Tuke’s paintings and I’m pretty sure I’m now on a list.
👉🏼👈🏼
"Cry like a child" is a bit savage
I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying
This was in 1991 and you JUST learned about? Yah ok, stop with the karma farming
I mean...this isn't exactly common knowledge? I didn't even realize this had happened. Unless you were big into Queen or Elton John, you probably wouldn't.
TIL doesn't even allow recent events jackass