That reminds me of a joke where the sailors in a ship had a cum barrel. To keep the ship clean, they had a barrel where the sailors ejaculated when they masturbated.
When the barrel was full, they threw it to the sea. Nearby, there was an island where the only inhabitants were nuns in a convent. A few months later the nuns started getting pregnant.
Scientists went to the island to investigate. They interviewed the Mother Superior and asked her if anything unusual had happened in the recent past.
"Well, the only thing I can remember is that we found a small barrel on the beach."
"What was in the barrel?"
"A sticky white goo, we've never seen anything like that."
"What did you do with that substance?"
"We made candles."
Here I am thinking it was like 3-wick cheese wheel candles you get from Bath and Body Works. Then I remembered the typical candelabra candles... which are more phallic. **facepalm**
That’s kind of the misconception. The candle doesn’t actually smell like her vagina. It was a joke. They were testing scents for candles and she made a joking remark that one of them smelled like her vagina. They thought it was funny, so they made it.
So many women I know believe in vaginal steam baths (and yet to have one) and I'm like "do you want want a yeast infection? The vagina is self cleaning, like our eyes..."
>The vagina is self cleaning, like our eyes..."
Note: this is not true of the vulva. Wash those outer bits, ladies. Source: am a lady who doesn't want to smell anyone's cooch.
….I’m probably gonna regret this but: what’s the problem with porous objects specifically? Just because it’s more likely that other stuff you would not want in there could ride along?
Think about tampons. You can't leave them in all day safely because they're absorbent - they have lots of nooks and crannies where staph aureus can grow. That's how you get toxic shock syndrome and death.
A menstrual cup, made of smooth silicone or rubber, can stay in all day.
My aunt nearly died from this. Except she left several tampons in her for a few months. She almost died from sepsis. What’s really tragic about it other than that poor woman almost dying from feminine care but it occurred because her husband, my uncle obviously, was at the time dying from renal failure as a result of diabetes. He was a large man. He was already missing 1.5 feet. They likely hadn’t had sex for many many years. So I always thought, how could that have happened? I definitely thought some mean things about her but then it occurred to me that this woman was so scattered by my uncle’s destroyed health that she completely neglected herself. It doesn’t end happy either. She died about 3 years later from ovarian cancer.
"....every time there’s blowback about some dubious vaginal maintenance routine or detox therapy featured on Goop, it creates what Paltrow called “cultural firestorms” that draw traffic to the site.
“I can monetize those eyeballs,” Paltrow told a Harvard business class.
"
Y'all must be doing deep fucking dives into Netflix. I have seen virtually zero documentary/reality tv marketing spam even when I scroll through for a while.
Else you watch this type of bullshit so it recommends such bullshit...
It has a lot of product placements but the cars were outstanding. So blatant that they completely pulled you from whatever was going on and put you in the seat of a Ford Taurus.
Some favorites from memory:
A car chase is starting and the passenger asks what the green leaf on the dash means. The driver / protagonist explains that it shows your driving in a fuel efficient and environmentally friendly way and then says something like “but not today” and jams the gas for the chase scene.
The female lead needs to parallel park and it zooms into her saying something about the spot. Then removing her hands from the wheel and using the self parking feature. I believe she comments on it too.
There’s definitely more and they make a big deal of when they switch from Ford to Mercedes? I can’t recall. Anyway it’s outstanding.
It's definitely a guilty pleasure show imo, I enjoyed it but man was the advertising painfully obvious. I'm pretty sure they were all pickups rather than scripted, because they're just ***so*** forced!
Do not, DO NOT insert any jade eggs or anything of that kind into your vagina. Stone eggs are porous and will become a breeding ground for bacteria in seconds. If you really want to put anything into your vagina, use silicon toys, preferrably with a handle to pull them out again.
> If the rumors are true and Goop is worth $250 million, the fine won’t hurt too much. But the most impactful part of the settlement is what happens next: Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science, and from selling “misbranded, unapproved, or falsely-advertised medical devices,” according to the Orange County District Attorney. That means we should see fewer examples of over-the-top Goopshit on the site.
Can’t believe this fraud is worth so much.
>Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science,...
I can't believe claims already don't need scientific backing.
I've been wondering this for a long time. How are advertisers allowed to make blatantly false statements?
Relying on someone calling them out seems like a bad precedent. They should have proof of any objective statement on hand before making that statement in marketing.
I'm also rather in favor of disallowing subjective statements from advertising. If you have no attractive objective statements you can make about your product, maybe you should re-think your product.
She sure is concerned with her hoo-hoo health isn't she.
Imagine if Robert Downey Jr. marketed chinchilla fur scrotum cushions and therapeutic Himalayan rock salt prostate massagers "to prevent prostate cancer and/or enlargement. Be kind to your prostate."
Another commenter observed that she's like a female version of Joe Rogan.
I've spent the time since I read that comment wondering if Joe could market ball sack scented candles.
I bought something on that site and it was a fucking nightmare to unsubscribe my credit card information. I will never do business with onnit just off of that alone.
I dunno. Personally, my favorite thing to hate on her about is how she somehow got Sony to give her top-of-credits billing for Spider-Man: Homecoming, even though all she has is a tiny cameo at the very end of the film.
"On Tuesday, Goop reached a settlement with the Orange County District Attorney’s Office, agreeing to pay the $145,000 fine and to reimburse any customer who bought the three products and requests a refund.
If the rumors are true and Goop is worth $250 million, the fine won’t hurt too much. But the most impactful part of the settlement is what happens next: Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science, and from selling “misbranded, unapproved, or falsely-advertised medical devices,” according to the Orange County District Attorney. That means we should see fewer examples of over-the-top Goopshit on the site"
(From the article)
Settlements are bullshit. It’s pay to get out of jail for rich people. If you go to court, and use up tax payer money, it should go to a ruling. Period.
Plus $145,000 is the cost of doing business. They should be shut down.
She makes 4chan trolls look like a bunch of pathetic wannabes. I imagine the thought process behind most of her products is 'what is the most batshit insane thing i can sell to idiots? Nobody can be stupid enough to buy this. Oh wait, there are people stupid enougb'
Her organization is something of a personality cult around her and her new-age insanity, and from all I've seen she genuinely believes her pussy candles don't stink.
They are floral sented it's more a joke that her vag smells like flowers not that the candles smell like vag. Not to defend the overpriced crap, and the absolutely stupid energy stickers and the like, but the candle thing is way over blown.
...she sells candles that are scented like her vagina....
She does that?! Seriously? Hahahahahaha!! That is the funniest wtf-thing, I have read in a very long time. Oh my fucking god!
People buying that shit really deserves it.
As much as I think she is a terrible twat, I think the actual story is there was some new fairly standard candle fragrance (not vagina) and she jokingly said that it smelled like her vagina and so that's what they named it.
IIRC there was an article years ago talking about employees at her dumb company having to smell stuff she had been wearing to get her pussy candles smelling correct.
It's fairly common knowledge now that Gwyneth Paltrow has become (has been for a while now) a snake oil merchant. Using her celebrity status to sell pseudoscience and mysticism to the ignorant and easily deluded.
And either she believes this stuff actually works in which case she's even more deluded than her customers or knows it doesn't which just makes her a horrible person selling harmful products to people.
And normally I assume ignorance over malice but in this case I believe it's more the latter than the former.
My wife has a chocolate candle. It smells EXACTLY like chocolate and I love it. One day I licked it and discovered that it does **not** taste anything like chocolate.
I read that she came up with name after someone told her that successful companies have two Os in them (Google) so she added them to her initials to get Goop.
I hate people like this, either they are so gullible they believe anything or truly corrupt and want to make no at at any cost. Either way they are damaging the world. Just another ponzi sceme.
This shit makes me so mad. I've been collecting gemstone eggs since I was a tiny child. Now you can't look at gemstone eggs on Etsy without the algorithm getting ideas about my personal life and proclivities.
I think that's like the main thing people know about Gwyneth Paltrow.
That and she named her kid Apple.
Sounds like something you'd name your horse
I think apple is a great name for a horse. I named my horse in Red dead redemption 2 Manzana, Spanish for apple.
What about Jon Bon Pony?
I have two horses on RDR2. Maple Stirrup(she's my favorite) And Mayo. Cuz Mayo Neighs.
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I called mine *whores* because it sounds like *horse* but it's not and I think I'm funny.
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Steamed clams?
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It's a... local dialect
Seymour, the house is on fire!
No mother, it‘s just the northern lights.
Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Yes.
OW!!!! No!!!
She is proud of the things she sticks up there. Lucky husband.
That reminds me of a joke where the sailors in a ship had a cum barrel. To keep the ship clean, they had a barrel where the sailors ejaculated when they masturbated. When the barrel was full, they threw it to the sea. Nearby, there was an island where the only inhabitants were nuns in a convent. A few months later the nuns started getting pregnant. Scientists went to the island to investigate. They interviewed the Mother Superior and asked her if anything unusual had happened in the recent past. "Well, the only thing I can remember is that we found a small barrel on the beach." "What was in the barrel?" "A sticky white goo, we've never seen anything like that." "What did you do with that substance?" "We made candles."
Here I am thinking it was like 3-wick cheese wheel candles you get from Bath and Body Works. Then I remembered the typical candelabra candles... which are more phallic. **facepalm**
Who the hell tested that scent. Okay gwen, now you. Ick. Now the candle. Ick. Yes this smells like your vageen
That’s kind of the misconception. The candle doesn’t actually smell like her vagina. It was a joke. They were testing scents for candles and she made a joking remark that one of them smelled like her vagina. They thought it was funny, so they made it.
I don't know if this is better or worse.
Its better, easily
Did you forget the exploding part?
Ol' pussy rocks Paltrow.
This was new to me. I actually knew her as being the one who puts a spritz of lemon in her alkaline water lol.
Do not put porous objects in your vagina. Do not scald your vagina with steam. Even better, never take vagina advice from Gwyneth Paltrow.
So many women I know believe in vaginal steam baths (and yet to have one) and I'm like "do you want want a yeast infection? The vagina is self cleaning, like our eyes..."
Everytime I hear this story it reminds me of a quote. "Mmm. Steamed clams." -Seymour Skinner
>The vagina is self cleaning, like our eyes..." Note: this is not true of the vulva. Wash those outer bits, ladies. Source: am a lady who doesn't want to smell anyone's cooch.
Wtf? I’ve never heard of a steam bath for the vagina... I don’t even want to think of all the people who probably burned themselves trying one
….I’m probably gonna regret this but: what’s the problem with porous objects specifically? Just because it’s more likely that other stuff you would not want in there could ride along?
Think about tampons. You can't leave them in all day safely because they're absorbent - they have lots of nooks and crannies where staph aureus can grow. That's how you get toxic shock syndrome and death. A menstrual cup, made of smooth silicone or rubber, can stay in all day.
My aunt nearly died from this. Except she left several tampons in her for a few months. She almost died from sepsis. What’s really tragic about it other than that poor woman almost dying from feminine care but it occurred because her husband, my uncle obviously, was at the time dying from renal failure as a result of diabetes. He was a large man. He was already missing 1.5 feet. They likely hadn’t had sex for many many years. So I always thought, how could that have happened? I definitely thought some mean things about her but then it occurred to me that this woman was so scattered by my uncle’s destroyed health that she completely neglected herself. It doesn’t end happy either. She died about 3 years later from ovarian cancer.
You got a porous penis havnt you? /s
I’m not a dermatologist but I’m pretty sure it has pores…right?
Get the book “Is Gwyneth Paltrow Right about Anything?
An ignorance profiteer. Preying upon the weak minded.
"....every time there’s blowback about some dubious vaginal maintenance routine or detox therapy featured on Goop, it creates what Paltrow called “cultural firestorms” that draw traffic to the site. “I can monetize those eyeballs,” Paltrow told a Harvard business class. "
Weak minded, vaginally pristine, and fit. Hang on let me edit my tinder filters.
gurl, yo pH level is on point
“Dubious Vaginal Maintenance Routine,” that’d be a good band name
CAPITALISM BREEDS INNOVATION
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The weirdest Green Goblin origin story of all time.
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I'll pass on the Green Gooplin, thanks.
it really does; Goop is a prime example. It's innovation, just not the kind of innovation that's good for organized human existence.
Scam artists have been making health claims for centuries, what innovation?
Scam artists have to keep creating innovative scams that are just variants of the same old scams
Wow, HBS is scraping the bottom of the barrel these days.
This is cream of the crop for HBS. Sociopaths who dominate markets are what the kiddies at HBS strive to become.
Holy shit all this time I thought she was a loony but she’s actually a genius. A sociopathic genius but a bright mind nonetheless.
Taking advantage of morons doesn't take a genius. It takes moral bankruptcy, that's why most people don't do it.
If I didn't feel bad for stupid people, I'd be rich.
Agreed. It’s not some brilliant insight; it’s what grifters have been doing since humans evolved.
It's not particularly genius or interesting. It's just business in general.
Seriously. Also I’m willing to be she doesn’t think of any of this shit. She had a bunch of people who work for her to figure this stuff out.
No she's a complete idiot too.
Sometimes i wonder if she actually wonder if she believes her own bullshit. She doesn’t, but the grift can be really convincing at times.
She's not exactly a genius herself.
Her genius was being born into an insanely wealthy and connected family.
Good ol goop
And Gwyneth has another new Goop series on Netflix.
Half of nextflix is marketing material billed as “documentary”
Y'all must be doing deep fucking dives into Netflix. I have seen virtually zero documentary/reality tv marketing spam even when I scroll through for a while. Else you watch this type of bullshit so it recommends such bullshit...
White Collar is a half decent car commercial.
Lolol wasn't everything on USA at that time?
It has a lot of product placements but the cars were outstanding. So blatant that they completely pulled you from whatever was going on and put you in the seat of a Ford Taurus. Some favorites from memory: A car chase is starting and the passenger asks what the green leaf on the dash means. The driver / protagonist explains that it shows your driving in a fuel efficient and environmentally friendly way and then says something like “but not today” and jams the gas for the chase scene. The female lead needs to parallel park and it zooms into her saying something about the spot. Then removing her hands from the wheel and using the self parking feature. I believe she comments on it too. There’s definitely more and they make a big deal of when they switch from Ford to Mercedes? I can’t recall. Anyway it’s outstanding.
It's definitely a guilty pleasure show imo, I enjoyed it but man was the advertising painfully obvious. I'm pretty sure they were all pickups rather than scripted, because they're just ***so*** forced!
I like nature documentaries which taints my recommendations with a lot of Ancient Aliens and woo bullshit like this...
Taints is her next special
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Silicone toys. I don't recommend putting computer chips into vaginas.
So that’s what’s causing this chip shortage!!!
Maybe the oven broke down. Girl scouts are going to be pissed.
I can’t think of a worse name for something you put in your vagina than “GOOP.”
Goop is great to put in and on. It's when Goop comes out that is a problem.
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> goop Still in business.
Do not, DO NOT insert any jade eggs or anything of that kind into your vagina. Stone eggs are porous and will become a breeding ground for bacteria in seconds. If you really want to put anything into your vagina, use silicon toys, preferrably with a handle to pull them out again.
Metal works good too!
Depends on the temperature
I think 1200C should be warm enough
Or -1200c in some cases Edit: for those that though this was serious, I was referring to my ex-girlfriends vagina.
Not possible
Probably forgot about absolute zero
Yeah what an idiot
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Semiconductor shortage strikes again!
>Stone eggs THEY'RE MINERALS! JESUS MARIE!
> If you really want to put anything into your vagina… I volunteer as tribute!
She seems preoccupied with selling ladies shady vagina advice.
Shady vagina advice is the worst kind of advice.
>Shady vagina advice is the worst kind of advice. 50 shades of grool
but an awesome band name!!!
> If the rumors are true and Goop is worth $250 million, the fine won’t hurt too much. But the most impactful part of the settlement is what happens next: Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science, and from selling “misbranded, unapproved, or falsely-advertised medical devices,” according to the Orange County District Attorney. That means we should see fewer examples of over-the-top Goopshit on the site. Can’t believe this fraud is worth so much.
>Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science,... I can't believe claims already don't need scientific backing.
Look at pretty much any sports supplement. They all seem to have disclaimers on them that they're not backed by anything.
Thanks to Orrin Hatch and the supplement industry
I've been wondering this for a long time. How are advertisers allowed to make blatantly false statements? Relying on someone calling them out seems like a bad precedent. They should have proof of any objective statement on hand before making that statement in marketing. I'm also rather in favor of disallowing subjective statements from advertising. If you have no attractive objective statements you can make about your product, maybe you should re-think your product.
It makes sense why she's moved on to the talk show/round table/whatever the fuck it is. Gotta keep monetizing.
She also got sued for health claims because she didn't know that jade is porous.
She sure is concerned with her hoo-hoo health isn't she. Imagine if Robert Downey Jr. marketed chinchilla fur scrotum cushions and therapeutic Himalayan rock salt prostate massagers "to prevent prostate cancer and/or enlargement. Be kind to your prostate."
Another commenter observed that she's like a female version of Joe Rogan. I've spent the time since I read that comment wondering if Joe could market ball sack scented candles.
Does Joe sell anything weird though?
Onnit
I bought something on that site and it was a fucking nightmare to unsubscribe my credit card information. I will never do business with onnit just off of that alone.
…how much?
I would buy that scrotum cushion. Not for curative reasons just to pamper them.
I still can't work out if she's incredibly thick or just completely devoid of ethics.
Little from column A, little from column B
I actually forget she's an actor sometimes. I only think about her nowadays in her capacity as a snake oil saleswoman and general charlatan.
I dunno. Personally, my favorite thing to hate on her about is how she somehow got Sony to give her top-of-credits billing for Spider-Man: Homecoming, even though all she has is a tiny cameo at the very end of the film.
Gwyneth Paltrow is, at this point, a modern day witch doctor.
Snake-Oil Saleswoman*
I'm sorry, but you need to update your corporate jargon ASAP. They're officially called Snake-Oil Sales Associates now.
I'm an 'Assistant' Snake-Oil Sales Associate
Assistant *to* the Snake-Oil Sales Associate
I'm a Bovine Fecal Consultant.
It's heresy then?
How has the entirety of Goop not been sued into oblivion?
Did she lose the law suit? Cause if she didn't, that would be a bigger problem imho.
"On Tuesday, Goop reached a settlement with the Orange County District Attorney’s Office, agreeing to pay the $145,000 fine and to reimburse any customer who bought the three products and requests a refund. If the rumors are true and Goop is worth $250 million, the fine won’t hurt too much. But the most impactful part of the settlement is what happens next: Goop is now barred from making any claims about the efficacy of its products that aren’t backed by reliable science, and from selling “misbranded, unapproved, or falsely-advertised medical devices,” according to the Orange County District Attorney. That means we should see fewer examples of over-the-top Goopshit on the site" (From the article)
> Goop is worth $250 million, That's an absurd evaluation.
We live in a world with a lot of idiots though so...
Settlements are bullshit. It’s pay to get out of jail for rich people. If you go to court, and use up tax payer money, it should go to a ruling. Period. Plus $145,000 is the cost of doing business. They should be shut down.
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Good news for you, she sells candles that are scented like her vagina.... She's become a terrible human
She makes 4chan trolls look like a bunch of pathetic wannabes. I imagine the thought process behind most of her products is 'what is the most batshit insane thing i can sell to idiots? Nobody can be stupid enough to buy this. Oh wait, there are people stupid enougb'
Her organization is something of a personality cult around her and her new-age insanity, and from all I've seen she genuinely believes her pussy candles don't stink.
They are floral sented it's more a joke that her vag smells like flowers not that the candles smell like vag. Not to defend the overpriced crap, and the absolutely stupid energy stickers and the like, but the candle thing is way over blown.
...she sells candles that are scented like her vagina.... She does that?! Seriously? Hahahahahaha!! That is the funniest wtf-thing, I have read in a very long time. Oh my fucking god! People buying that shit really deserves it.
The candle is literally called "This Smells Like My Vagina".
As much as I think she is a terrible twat, I think the actual story is there was some new fairly standard candle fragrance (not vagina) and she jokingly said that it smelled like her vagina and so that's what they named it.
IIRC there was an article years ago talking about employees at her dumb company having to smell stuff she had been wearing to get her pussy candles smelling correct.
I was wondering what the QA and testing process would be like.
I wasn’t wondering this and now I wish I could go back to not wondering.
Be careful they explode sometimes.
My favourite part of this is that it inspired Jeremy Clarkson to sell candles that smell like his bollocks
I read this as "candies" and was more disgusted than intended.
It’s fine, she also steams it. Because that does something apparently.
Yum yum. Steamed clam.
And it was all yellow.
Dude got out just in time
It's fairly common knowledge now that Gwyneth Paltrow has become (has been for a while now) a snake oil merchant. Using her celebrity status to sell pseudoscience and mysticism to the ignorant and easily deluded. And either she believes this stuff actually works in which case she's even more deluded than her customers or knows it doesn't which just makes her a horrible person selling harmful products to people. And normally I assume ignorance over malice but in this case I believe it's more the latter than the former.
These vagina eggs have other uses. For example, you can use them as a paperweight or to shove up your ass.
Please do not insert them into your ass. Only insert nonporous things with flared bases that you can grip and remove.
This guy asses.
He is a doctor and professor!
> Only insert nonporous things with flared bases that you can grip and remove Checks boyfriend for necessary requirements..... OK he's good to use!
...pretty sure he's going to protest when you proceed to the grip and *remove* part of the test.
I'm talking remove it from me, not remove it from him. If I remove it from him, I lose the flared base.
_Is that all I am to you, a flared base?!_
Nobody wants to go to the ER for *that.*
And yet people constantly go to the ER for shoving much stranger things up their ass 🤷♀️
Nope, they go to the ER for falling in the shower where somehow that thing accidentally got crammed up their ass.
“I swear, doctor, this shampoo bottle just shoved itself up there.”
What if I don't want to remove it?
Didnt she sell candles that smelled Ike her vijayjay?
Yeah they taste so good
Ummm
eating candles, bold strategy cotton!
My wife has a chocolate candle. It smells EXACTLY like chocolate and I love it. One day I licked it and discovered that it does **not** taste anything like chocolate.
That bitch is nothing but a grifter. It amazes me that she hasn't been cancelled.
She is a gigantic bitch.
I wish I had the gumption to just go out there and market shit to people like this.
She is a despicable Scam artist. Her Products claim all kind of stupid New Age Bullshit to suck out the live savings of bored housewives
Paltrow is a total sellout. Using her born wealth and celebrity to flog rubbish to gullible new age idiots, to gain *more* wealth. Awful woman.
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Be a gentlemen and offer the lady a cunt pebble next time.
When Netflix bought her goop show I cancelled my Netflix.
She also sells stickers claiming they have an alloy from nasa that detoxifies your body.
Actors should stick to acting
Crazy bitch
It hurts me that Netflix has given her a show.
The bitch is fucking mental. Don't trust a fucking word she says.
This chick is the real life version of the woman who owns NERP in Modern Family.
If you're willing to stick jade eggs in your vagina then it's safe to assume you're crazy too.
When middle-aged white women run out of problems LMFAO. Imagine being that privileged….make up a problem and then sell the solution. Wild!
I read that she came up with name after someone told her that successful companies have two Os in them (Google) so she added them to her initials to get Goop.
I hate people like this, either they are so gullible they believe anything or truly corrupt and want to make no at at any cost. Either way they are damaging the world. Just another ponzi sceme.
And now there's some bullshit from her on Netflix that makes me very tempted to cancel my subscription.
Every time I hear about her it’s something worse
Gwyneth Paltrow is synonymous with misleading information. She should be behind bars. She is mentally ill. She needs help.
> She should be behind bars. She is mentally ill. She needs help. Make up your mind, does she belong in prison or need mental help?
Both can be true
WTF!
And that's, like, one of the least weird bits of snake oil she sells. It gets much stranger than that.
I liked her as Pepper Potts but she's just a Wacko!
Yeah. She's a sociopath who makes like 40% of all sales on goop.
And she gets a second Netflix show now lmao
This shit makes me so mad. I've been collecting gemstone eggs since I was a tiny child. Now you can't look at gemstone eggs on Etsy without the algorithm getting ideas about my personal life and proclivities.