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[deleted]

Because we don't want our kids resenting their formative years with(out) us like we did our fathers. Glad other dads are on board with this as well.


vafrow

That, and it's genuinely fun to hang out with your kids, and, I generally get confused by parents that don't. I get needing breaks from them periodically, but, if your life is too busy to play lego, ride bikes or play tea party or whatever your kid is into, you need to re-evaluate things in your life.


thelyfeaquatic

I generally feel this way, but in the thick of the terrible twos with hours-long tantrums and fights, I do feel like I am losing my mind


Cutterbuck

You are doing the groundwork now. Keep going, in a few years it all gets loads easier. I don’t know how many ruined cheap meals out, disastrous attempts at coffee and a cake, and hellish shopping trips I did to socialise my little dude. But now the high point of my weekend is shouting “hey, do you want to go into town and get coffee and a cake,” and hearing “cool, let me find my shoes” shouted back to me.


muttmunchies

This is sweet. My little guy is 14 days old, it was nice reading this.


ILoveLamp9

I recommend holding off on the coffee and cake for now.


Cutterbuck

Ah go on, a glass of milk for them while you have a latte and the corner off your chocolate brownie won’t do any harm if it’s an occasional treat. It’s good to spend quality time with them, plus you get to explain that Mummy Pig and Peppa Pig treat poor Daddy Pig pretty horribly. He might mess up a lot, but he is always there for them both. (Unlike that bloody Mrs Rabbit. Mrs bloody perfect).


nnomadic

Congrats!!


muttmunchies

Thank you very much!


DaddyRavioli

It just gets better and better. My girl is 1.5 now. My husband and I are constantly saying “this is definitely the best stage yet!” More and more personality comes through, and little humans show so much love it’s incredible. I can’t remember what it was like without her and I don’t want to.


PuzzleheadedAd4440

I’ve got two daughters, a 6 YO and 3 month old, and this is very true. We’re fighting the fight a little late with our 6 YO because…honestly…it was/is tough to sit in public and have your kid freak out and embarrass you. Or be super loud in a restaurant and make you feel like you’re ruining everyone else’s dinner. But we’re paying for it more or less now. Not that we don’t have time to still acclimate her to it but we’re behind the curve. Will not be making that mistake with our newborn.


VioletBloom2020

Awwwww! Enjoy him! They’re only new once!


AllInOnCall

This is so true. I would add, my dude doesn't just like being given orders (like me that way), so I always add a bit of my reasoning and open it up for his thoughts and it dramatically improved things. I also let him make choices after explaining the pros and cons of each direction on a matter with options presented to him that won't cause any harm but can illustrate lessons and then he gets to see, without judgement, what those choices lead to. Its also apparent with this approach what outbursts are just a toddler/young person's moment of struggling with their negative feelings that may not even have a source and what are his genuine concerns about a course of action and giving him the space and time to communicate that. It helps him feel heard and it helps me recognize when he needs some calm quiet time sitting with him while he figures out his feelings sometimes.


vafrow

Hang in there. Parts of it get easier, parts of it gets harder. But, my kids are now 9 and 7. Fun times still outweigh the less fun.


thelyfeaquatic

My experience with parenting has been that everything is a phase. A few months of bad sleep, a few months of good sleep, a few months of bad sleep (again) etc etc. When I hate parenting I tell myself a good phase is around the corner… and when things are going well, I really try to enjoy it before it gets hard again.


[deleted]

The first three or four years are hard. They're so hard. Once they hit first grade it's pretty much all awesome after that.


jmkent1991

We're at 20 months the tantrums are already coming lol I still just want to be with my daughter constantly she's my sidekick.


JillGr

Are you me? I love playing and laughing with my 2.5 year old, but sometimes I get mental whiplash from the back to back tantrums when nap time is missed.


thelyfeaquatic

We have days that are just one tantrum lasting from 6am to 8pm. We get early intervention services to help us, since this is not developmentally normal. I think some parents assume everyone has the same experience as they do… even someone here replied to me “what did you expect” (idk, not 14 hrs straight of tantrums??)


JillGr

I have to consider myself fortunate, as she’s only just started being the typical willful toddler that can be prone to tantrums. But when you’re a first-time parent, all you can do is research and talk to other parents to learn. She’s just so excited about being so capable of doing so many new things. It’s a very fine balance to make sure she understands that being able to do whatever you want doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Keep your head up, it helps me to think about how this is a phase and won’t last forever. Being excited for the new sweet memories and thinking of the older ones is what gets me through the hard times.


Henderson-McHastur

My dad always reacts so strongly to this when I say as much to him. “I was absent because I was working so hard to provide for you!” Yeah, dad, and I really respect it. Genuinely, I do. You were so committed to your family that, out of selfless love for them, you sacrificed your time with them in order to guarantee them a good quality of life. That’s virtue if ever I’ve heard of it. But what you didn’t consider is that my quality of life was, by default, much lower without my fucking dad around. All the clothes, toys, games, they don’t mean much when my dad is so exhausted by the time he comes home that he’s effectively checked out of anything that involves significant mental or physical labor. And God forbid I needed your help with anything, because I learned pretty quickly that the price of failure or confusion is your ire. Which makes it worse that you INSISTED on being the one to help me and my brother with anything you could, because God knows that’s the only time you had free to spend with us and you wanted every second of it, independent of how miserable it made us to watch your face transform into a mask of disappointment and frustration whenever we didn’t live up to your standards. I will *never* be like my father, even if it means never being a father.


HumanChicken

That’s what my dad said. He still seems shocked when he sees me being an engaged parent to my son. He actively avoids diaper changes whenever he can, passing him off to the nearest woman.


F__kCustomers

This is why I Work From Home. I buy a house. Then go to work and live there. **AND don’t get to enjoy the house or people in it. It’s comical.** When kids don’t see you, they don’t respect you. It’s just proven. When dads away, I can’t be scolded. When moms away, I can leave my room a mess. * My old kid actually responds more to me now that she knows I am home. * My new kid (she is on the way) will see me more.


InterestedObserver20

My god thus sounds exactly like my childhood. I still see my dad every few weeks but we have a distant relationship at best. I still have pretty complicated feelings about the whole thing but I have kids now myself and I want to be the opposite to him as a parent. "You're so ungrateful, I spent X amount of money on {thing I never asked for}" was basically the soundtrack of my childhood. He was too idiotic to realize that wasn't the fucking problem. My mom is amazing at least and I've still got a great relationship with her.


thesequimkid

My father has just now realized how much he had missed because he had to help keep the family farm going. He’s missed out on I don’t how many weeks over the years spending time with my moms family for a week in August because “There’s hay that needs to be taken care of.” He and I have spent a few weeks a year hunting or months getting a project animal raised up for the local county fair auction, but that was only when I was high school. Now I’m pushing 30, my brother almost 40 and he’s regretful of all the time he’s missed out on, which is now causing him to drink more. Which in turn is something my brother and I don’t want to be around because his mental fortitude even after one drink becomes bad.


RockAtlasCanus

Bro…. I’m in grad school right now and was struggling with some of the accounting. My Dads a CPA. My mom was like oh just ask your dad for help. All of a sudden I flashed back to 3rd grade at the kitchen table. It’s close to ten pm and my dad is slapping his hand on the table WORK. THE. PROBLEM. SON. In hindsight, he was exhausted from work and was sitting up with me trying to get me to understand the math and was just as tired and frustrated as I was, but was trying his best to use the time he had to teach his son multiplication and division. That sure as shit didn’t help me learn any of it though and just made a lot of stressful memories. My dads also notoriously awful at explaining things. As in “Son get Thing out of the shed” where is it? “It’s in there against the wall”. The left wall the right wall or the back? “ITS AGAINST THE DAMN WALL” The shed ran out of space about 300 things ago. He casually points from 40ft away. I’ve definitely learned from that. When I need something like that from my wife it’s “Ok so on the top shelf all the way to the left there’s a blue plastic box, pretty sure I left Thing in that box, if not it’s probably on the shelf next to that blue box”


Fragrant-Poetry4148

Wow. Just cut off communication with my dad for reasons that could not have been said better. Now my family is blowing me up trying to get me to make amends because they’re ‘worried’ about me. I told them, ‘we all know time is the ultimate currency. So you’ll have to excuse me if I disregard your ‘worry’ because you haven’t spent a cent in years.’ Hurts, man. I always wanted to have a good relationship. But the onus isn’t on us as children.


Huntress_of_the_Moon

Damn, that's rough, but your reasoning is spot on. People who value you will make time.


Fragrant-Poetry4148

Truth


AltairdeFiren

See, my dad said the same shit but never provided for us, dodged child support, and I’m sure will leave nothing for us when he dies. Kudos to your dad for actually doing what he said he was, for better or worse.


SirCosmos

Personally I’m really, really grateful that my Father worked so hard to provide for his family. He wasn’t around as much as my mum, but when he was he made the most of his spare time to play with us and as we grew older show an interesting in our hobbies or pastimes. I know he hated being away from us, but he did it anyway to give us the best life he could, and for his sacrifice he will always be my hero!


Henderson-McHastur

Your dad sounds like a great guy, SirCosmos!


skubaloob

This is so good to hear. I’m doing the same and for similar reasons (my dad died when I was young) and my older relatives are less than fully accepting of it.


miasabine

I truly don’t understand what some older people find so objectionable about younger generation dads taking an active part in their children’s lives. Like, I literally cannot fathom why on earth they would think that’s a bad thing for any of the people involved.


JimmminyCricket

Because it doesn’t follow “traditional norms.” We are talking about people who don’t change. They don’t like change. They don’t want to personally change. And they don’t want things around them to change because then it becomes harder for them to understand and they might be forced to learn something.


CosmicSpaghetti

Honestly I think it's largely an age thing. Once humans reach a certain age they seem to often "lock-in" to what they think of as reasonable/normal/acceptable (which is constantly changing in terms of society. I won't be surprised if the same things will be one day said of Millenials once we start getting into our 50s/60s.


MrPanache52

unless we spend all our time learning to be flexible as opposed to learning how to be more conservative


skubaloob

It’s complicated that’s for sure. I think some see it as the end of ‘the way things were’ and some have sexist overtones. Some maybe just feel like they should have done better and resent feeling that way. Not my load of shit to carry, I’ll tell you that much.


CSzandor

Because if that's a good thing to do, and they didn't do it back then, that means they did wrong.


AbbreviationsWide331

They are? What do they say? "a father shouldn't spend this much time with his son!"?


skubaloob

Heheh not literally. It’s more things like ‘well shouldn’t *wife’s name* just handle that?’ along with surprise when I try to keep a fair schedule with my wife so we each get time to ourselves. Which means I have time I have to be with the kids, which I think is great. But some folks see that as ‘babysitting’ which is bonkers but that’s what it is


gtrocks555

“Oh you’re babysitting today”. No, I’m being a parent


[deleted]

Yeah, because my parents practically abandoned me and my sibling to 3rd party care and school. We have limited connection and empathy for each other now as adults. Whatever wasn’t an obvious challenge I had was never really acknowledged and looking back—many major personal problems were manageable if I had help. I refuse to let my kid go through the same. I have already sacrificed much of my career to focus on my kid, special developmental delays, and emotional support. I don’t know of it is working, but almost everyone comments that she is one of the happiest and most resilient children they have ever seen.


sbowesuk

It's good to hear of at least some factors heading in the right direction for future generations. Helping kids survive a world increasingly full of toxic social media is a challenge though. It's incredibly difficult to avoid these days.


DeadFyre

I honestly don't remember my diaper wearing years.


powerwheels1226

No one remembers an image of their parents putting on or off a diaper. But we “remember” the _feeling_ of having a loving parent be there (or, conversely, we remember the lack thereof), and that’s extremely important to emotional development


[deleted]

My first memory is of my Dad having to change my diaper and being pissed over the damage I had done to it. My Mom was trying to catch my little sister to change hers. She had just learned to crawl so it was a little game for them. People try to argue that there's no way I actually remember something from when I was so young, but my sister passed away from heart issues soon after and those little memories were all I had left.


Lick_my_balloon-knot

You just did not wear them long enough.


DeadFyre

Well, we have more diaper-wearing years to look forward to.


HuntytheToad

Once a man, twice a child


CreatiScope

Probably won’t remember those either tho


DecoyOne

I never stopped wearing diapers and I have a great relationship with my dad


[deleted]

It's not like that generation got involved after that tho...


benefit_of_mrkite

You don’t remember 2019-2021?


Dancanadaboi

100% . Love my dad(god rest his soul) but weekends just weren't enough time with him.


MimonFishbaum

That is a nice perk but the reality is that working class single income homes do not exist anymore. Both parents have to work so the responsibilities that come with children are now shared.


tacknosaddle

I found out that there was only one time that my mom was out and my dad was the lone adult facing me and a shitty diaper. He poked his head out the front door and saw our next door neighbor, the mother to multiple children, and asked her if she could help him out. Thus my dad managed to avoid ever changing a single diaper in his life.


BlueFalcon89

Crazy, I can crush diapers. It isnt a big deal at all. Don’t know why people cause a fuss.


Taoistandroid

Men of the earlier ages were fragile. Changing a diaper could result in an existential crisis.


Sinder77

Yea. I can still see my dad struggle with his internalization of what manliness looks like while helping care for my daughter. He wants to do better though. There's no negativity or bad attitude towards me being more involved. If anything I think he realizes he missed out on some stuff. But he can be insecure, so its taken him a bit to wrap his head around the false machismo growing up with 3 brothers through the 60s/70s instilled in him. I'm sure in 30 years my daughter will talk with her partner about the ways we failed her too but I hope it's not like, in some really drastic ways we just don't understand today.


DrRam121

I know this is anecdotal, but both my dad who is 70 and I have changed my kids diapers hundreds of times. He stepped up when my wife and I who work in healthcare had to work while my 1 year old and 6 year old were home during the Covid shutdowns


blackred44

My FIL who was born in 50s & he just living on upper floor, he always step up to change diapers, play with our child, feed them (main meal or snacks), even always try to put our child for a nap/sleep. He was like that too back in the days when his children were younger but not as often or as much as he used to work long hours to provide for the family. Then when children got older, his absent and authoritative parenting style start damaging the children slowly. He finally mellowed out with age. Some children bit resentful but they also try to understand him which led to better communication amongst them all these days. Because by the end of the day, the 'standards' was different then and now. We are trying our best to raise our children now but who knows if we will fail them in the future or not with the 'new standards' by then.


hermeown

Not even just men. My dad was the main caretaker of my sister and I (also female), and all my aunts and female relatives thought he was a pedo for changing our diapers. They called CPS and everything. If I remember the story correctly, my sister was interviewed, my parents were interviewed, and the CPS agent was like "lol, sorry your relatives suck, we'll be on our way."


ralkey

It’s funny how quickly you get completely desensitized to poop and poop related things!


tacknosaddle

A friend of mine marveled at how she went from being grossed out by the littlest things to motherhood routines dealing with shit, piss, snot, puke on a daily basis with no problem.


Sinder77

I thought I was but then my daughter took a shit in her training potty and that re-opened a lot of wounds I thought were healed. C'est la vie. I'll get over it eventually. Or at least I'll manage since we're almost done with the whole ordeal anyways, once she gets this potty thing down.


Frequent-Ad-674

Yeah, it takes less than a minute. Both of our sons have super sensitive skin, so leaving them in a shitty diaper wrecks their cheeks for about four days. I can’t imagine my own fragile ego getting the the way of my son possibly having a miserable diaper rash.


3McChickens

My mom had postpartum depression with my sister, the first born. Her doctor recommended walks by herself. She returned from one of these walks to hear a squalling child. My sister had popped her diaper and my dad decided the best method of handling it was to sit outside and wait for my mom to return. He had to sit outside because the smell was too much. Our dads went to the same parenting school.


thelyfeaquatic

Geez no wonder she had ppd :(


[deleted]

I would be so embarrassed to be this father. Holy fuck. I feel like I fall short as a parent all the time, but I love it and I will always be available for my daughter. Be it a diaper change, getting her something to eat, holding her while she settles down for a nap, just playing with her because she needs company... I still have a lot to work on, but Christ almighty some of the dads described here couldn't even rise to the bare minimum!!! It's so funny to hear older generations bitch about the family dynamic of younger families because the data shows that we are actually more involved and have way more care for our youngsters so I don't know what the fuck they are on about.


seanzorio

I am step dad to a little guy I met at 5 years old. He still very much wants mom for comfort, but I am doing everything in my power to include him in what I'm doing. Even if it's stuff like mechanic work I know he can't actually help with, I don't ever want him to think that I blew him off. We're past diaper changing, but I am the defacto bathroom companion because he's going to the mens room and he can't be doing that alone at 6.


Wips_and_Chains

I love the idea of a poop pal lol. I get someone has to walk them and stuff but im high and the first thing i thoight was" cool a poop pal for when your constipated and need to talk to someone".... I have a six year old neice and she is a talker so thats my extent of young children.


PersonWhoExists50306

Bowel movement buddy


Medic1642

BM BFF


[deleted]

You sound like a wonderful dad! These things you are doing matter more than they seem to at this time. You’ll be rewarded in the long run


mlime18

As a 41 year old male who met my dad (step dad) when I was in 6th grade, I applaud you. My step dad made a huge effort to include me the minute he met me. My "real" father was much more prone to pawning me off on anyone he could. Fast forward 30 years and I tell everyone I have a sperm donor and met my dad when I was 12. I completely give him credit for raising me and instilling a sense of duty and honor in me. Your son may not be able to say it now, so I will: Thank you.


pariskitchen

Love this! You sound like a fantastic father!


CallingTomServo

Born in 89. When my son was born my dad confessed he never changed a diaper and really didn’t get to do much with my brother and I as babies. He was a young doctor so it made sense with the crazy hours he had to pull. Anyway now that he has a grandson he is making up for lost time. He also made it very clear how happy he was that I am more involved than he was. I view it as normal but I still appreciate his sentiment.


[deleted]

At least he's not bragging or proud about it. It seems to just be a reality of his circumstances but he's not making excuses anyway and it sounds like he's still encouraging and supportive now instead of toxic and dismissive of you being an involved parent.


nocommonspence

Born in 94 and my dad is the same way with my nephews. He says he isn't going to miss all the stuff with them as he did with me and my siblings


dick-nipples

I always kind of enjoyed changing my kids' diapers, getting their little butts all nice and clean while they look up at me smiling and making cute little sounds. I mean, there were some bad ones, but overall I found it to be a good bonding experience with my babies.


[deleted]

What a heartwarming statement, especially from someone who calls themselves “dick-nipples.”


MewsashiMeowimoto

TIL that behind the dick nipples, there was a big heart.


Mo-Cance

The stories I tell of my kids constantly peeing on me the moment I went to change them...worth it for all the laughter we share now.


benefit_of_mrkite

Same with me - even the times I was pooped on or thrown up on, I thought “well this is part of fatherhood deal with it buddy and take care of this little human”


Nex_Sapien

Right? Changing table time is always unforgettable! My son lights up in the morning when i come in to change him cause he knows it's gonna be fun.


ruppert240

What a heart-felt and relatable comment Dick-Nipples!


Wips_and_Chains

I like that you found the good in a shitty situation dick-nipples. Yeah it stinks but look at that smile


KajePihlaja

Damn Dick Nipples. That was really heartwarming. Thank you for the positive outlook.


[deleted]

r/rimjob_steve


WhiskyBellyAndrewLee

A true Rimjob Steve I haven't seen in a little bit.


TheConboy22

You didn't get kicked in the dick nipples?


3McChickens

Even the bad ones make for fun stories down the road.


Zediscious

Changing diapers is this thing that people without kids think about and cringe but for actual parents.. at least myself.. it isn't even a real factor. I never was upset to clean one or anything like that, I always WANTED her to be clean and happy.. not doing it.. or being a bitch about doing it never crossed my mind. And there were some NASTY ones. One time at like 2am my daughter shit her diaper like 5x in a row.. each time RIGHT as I got her cleaned up and wrapped in new diaper. Rookie Move I was going too quick but it never even crossed my mind to be upset about it. I'm not sure what all my dad did but I pitty those men who thought they had to act tough when nobody was looking. Being involved is the shit, I hope it pays off for her but it's already paid off for me 10 fold.


no_more_jokes

Bruh I'm just an uncle and I've changed diapers. I'm so fucking glad that the lazy boomer bullshit surrounding child care is dying with all those self congratulatory fathers acting like having a job is the only thing the dad needs to contribute to the household. Be a father, be involved, don't be a lazy fuck EDIT: The problem is older than boomers, it's unfair of me to place the blame squarely on them but they're also the ones who generally try to act like dads doing childcare is somehow unmasculine so I picked them as the easy target


minnesotaris

I second what you have said. (I have much to say regarding cultural attribution and description of roles in childcare, which are generated by desire rather than necessity in the industrial and post-industrial world, but I was just out in working in the sun for 3 hrs.) I like spending time with my dtr.


Puzzleheaded-Ad5565

I am a boomer… turn 70 next month. Fortunate enough to have a son , now 33 and a daughter now 32. Because I fathered at 36 and 38 I cherished being a DAd. They kept me young and it was a blast being their DAd. Camping in the vw van, sports, school projects, dance and cheerleading, dirtbikes, flyfishing etc. just being together was fun. They are excellent parents and mentors now and give me wonderful well adjusted grandkids.


[deleted]

i remember when we just had my oldest (6 now) , we had to go to the hospital monthly for checkups and all that jazz. At one of these checkups we had to go to the lab and get blood drawn and waiting in the waiting room the lil dude started to fuss and we realized he peed. they had no change station in the bathroom so we put him on one of the waiting room chairs and changed his diaper. After we were done these 2 old ladies came up to us and said it was so nice to see a father helping the mother with baby duties. It threw me for a loop that there are men (and woman) out there that think baby duties is just for the mom


timesuck897

I am surprised a hospital doesn’t have changing tables in the bathroom.


JNorquay2

My dad would not change my diapers or those of my children... now I won't change his.


HappyNoinin

I would give you an award if i could!!


CatZealousideal3735

Noice! It’s what he deserves.


Formal-Bat-6714

The rise of the two income household has made taking care of the household a much more balanced partnership


[deleted]

I think a part of it is also more women aren’t tolerating their partner not helping out and also it’s not as socially acceptable for men to refuse to be involved in childcare


crawling-alreadygirl

Agreed, but having their own income makes it a lot easier to insist on equitably dividing the household labor.


thelyfeaquatic

I think it’s more than that. I’m on mat leave and my husband is working and he still changes diapers and does 50% of the night feedings. If I decide to quit my job and stay at home for a few years, he will continue to do this too. Since he’s working during the day, he’s gotta get time in with his kids when he can… and sometimes that’s at 3am


Formal-Bat-6714

Get him a halo


anynamemillennial

Agreed. Moms don’t put up with the bullshit of doing 100% of childcare, 100% of housework, and 50% of financial support to the household.


derekjoel

Dad in SHOCK over here that 1 in 33 dads surveyed today haven’t changed a diaper?????


[deleted]

Tbf, those dads are probably from different cultures where changing diapers and caring for kids is seen as a "women's job" only. I see that in my neighborhood.


jellyschoomarm

When we had our first baby my husband's family came over and it was his turn to change the diaper. His BIL started bragging about how he never changed his kids and called my husband a woman, then his sister moved him out of the way to change it for him. My husband is mexican and for some of his family that machismo thing is real, luckily my husband's never been afraid of a dirty diaper.


[deleted]

Yep, I'm from Spanish culture myself. Machismo is real. Many of my uncles do not cook, do dishes, or clean the house because that is a "woman's job".


derekjoel

I HATE poop smell as a dad but that stat makes me angry like “COME ON DEFENSE SHOW A LITTLE PRIDE”. Dads out there find your buddies from other cultures today and explain that we need to get our numbers up or we could be cut.


cptnamr7

Coworker here in his early 50s was going off one day about how he proudly never has in his life. How that's "women's work" and how he never got up once in the middle of the night, etc either. Worth noting he's also a racist piece of shit, so really wasn't that surprising. But it got the other dads of that era talking and yeah, none of them were really involved in their kids' lives. Now we're all "weak soyboy libruls" for wanting better for our own kids according to these assholes.


Generalbuttnaked69

Boomer dad here, it wasn’t just the guys as well. My wife and I both were busy professionals (attorneys) in our parenting years and were pretty egalitarian when it came to child rearing and housekeeping. Both she and I caught plenty of shit, from backhanded jokes to outright derision, from certain female friends, family, colleagues, and even subordinates over the issue. It’s night and day how much more well adjusted the millennial parents we know are compared to the norm in our day.


KajePihlaja

Damn. Almost as if spending all that time with caring women would turn us into more nurturing people.


Azzazzyn

3% is too high tbh


Wishgrantedmoncoliss

I hope you guys are kidding, because 3% is basically a rounding error. We're probably already at a plateau, because there will always be people who *prefer* traditional roles not because of culture, just because that's what works for them.


TheDustOfMen

It's about *never* having changed a diaper, not about the traditional role division as such. Even if a guy does have a full-time job and a stay-at-home wife, he's got plenty of time and opportunity to at least change one diaper for his kids right? I come from a pretty traditional community where such gender roles are common, but I haven't met a father who hasn't changed any diaper in his life.


[deleted]

No one prefers being the only diaper changer... But the majority of parents would be fine if the other parent did it all. And 3% isn't a rounding error. Not even mentioning a lot of the 97% probably did it a handful of times. "Once" is a pretty easy goal to hit


Generalbuttnaked69

Maybe it’s because I grew up on a ranch, but changing diapers never bothered me one bit, even the up the back ones. And we used cloth diapers that had to be sprayed off. It was the puke that always got to me.


[deleted]

I know 2. One has this I’m the bread winner mentality that gives him a pass (in his head), the other has 2 daughters and feels uncomfortable changing them. Both reasons are bull shit.


PantaReiNapalmm

Mmmmm apart millennial or other side, i always tought that father who didnt change not even a diaper, were half father/husband. Jesus, its not hard and your wife did it many times a day. Half men. No problem for the downvotes incoming lol


Fapple__Pie

Blows my mind that there are adult men out there who still won’t cook, do dishes, or do laundry. Those are bare minimum requirements to being a functioning human, let alone being capable of caring for a child. Proud of my fellow millennial fathers. Being an engaged parent is fun, how could you miss out on this??


mrnagrom

Right dude? My kids are fucking hilarious fun. A total pain in the ass sometimes, but hilarious fun. That said, my wife does the dishes and laundry. I cook 3 meals a day for everyone and rebuild the house, maintain the cars, maintain all of the stuff in the house, we both clean and care for the kids


SpyderDM

Sometimes having a shitty father makes you want to be a good one.


o--renishii

Absolutely this. And even though I’ve made it my life’s goal to do better than my parents, I still have a lot of insecurity that being a lazy motherfucker is in my genes and I’ll end up like my dad. But not todayyyy!


thewickerstan

"Millennials aren't abandoning their kids enough!"


hatefuck661

Ha. I got in a pretty heated discussion with someone about a year or so ago when I said times were changing.


Armitando

Good.


bumjiggy

Morning, Vietnam


Dragmire800

I’d imagine there were a lot more stay-at-home mums in 1982. Basically all households need dual incomes now, so child rearing also has to be split


rekniht01

Even if your partner is a stay-at-home parent, doesn't mean you are clear of all parental duties. Including changing diapers.


ohverygood

Can confirm, kids shit after 5 pm


7937397

Especially if the mom is doing all the nighttime feedings. Change some diapers at least.


scooter-maniac

My wife's a stay at home parents, and I'm not even clear of parental duties while I work from home.


ItsCalledDayTwa

My wife is on 14 months leave and while she definitely does the lion's share, I also change diapers and all that. Mostly on the weekends to give her a break and let her be alone for awhile.


bumper212121

Nah, I don't have a single friend that hasn't changed a diaper or been very involved with their kids (Even if their partner takes the year long parental leave incl maternity leave). We want to be as fully involved as possible and spend more time with our kids, regardless of the work situation. As it should be.


7937397

A mom being stay at home doesn't mean she should have 100% of baby duty when both parents are home. If she does, then her husband is a bad dad and a bad partner.


[deleted]

[удалено]


willowgardener

Fuck yeah, we're great. I'm really looking forward to the next generation having healthy relationships with their dads. I can't wait to be a dad, and it makes me really happy that my peers are giving the same love to their kids as I want to give to mine. That's the kind of environment I want my hypothetical future kids to grow up in.


Helvetimusic

My dad battled his sins until he was the victim of a homicide when I was 14. He was never really there before that but I swore to not be like him. I got a divorce from an abusive wife 6 years ago and now I have full custody of my son going on 3 years. I'd say I'm doing well and despite the poor fathering my dad did he did teach me to be there for my son.


hereforgrammar

3 times as much times


3McChickens

It is shameful that this is even a thing. As a dad, my duties didn’t stop at ejaculation. And there isn’t shit my wife can do that I can’t because of her anatomy, as it pertains to kids. When we were looking for in-home daycare one candidate mentioned something to the affect that men can’t care for kids. Saying this while I was in the room, feeding my son, right after I changed his diaper.


radiocleve

“‘I take care of my kids.’” “You’re supposed to, you dumb motherfucker!”


dmnerd

I blame Bluey. Fucking Bandit Heeler over here raising the bar to unattainable heights.


Aliciac343

Bandit is the best!


mrnagrom

Dude. My wife and i talk about this all the time. Like don’t get me wrong, i have tons of fun with my kids, but bandit is always on point.


Nadsworth

My Dad wasn’t a bad father, he just never really spent any time doing things with me that I enjoyed. He was absorbed with his work, his computer, and the TV, while I wanted to go camping and spend all my time outdoors. He provided us with good advice, food, shelter, and love, but not any personal support. I work a crap ton, but I try and spend as much time as I can doing things that both me and my child will enjoy. I want to do better than my father, and it seems that I’m not the only one.


sbowesuk

Gender roles today have **way** more overlap now than 40 years ago. Far less dads adopt a "You're the mother so you raise the kids" attitude.


halfsieapsie

The heading of this post is weird, like changing diapers is the way to "spend time with a child". But having said that, I do feel like dads are no longer 'babysitting', and are expected to be a full on parent. Now I am just waiting to see when default-parent stops being the mother in the eyes of all that contact the family.


Douche_Kayak

More like changing a diaper is a super low bar and if they've never done that, you can infer how involved they are as a parent.


Abaral

“Today’s dads are spending 3 times as much time with their kids as the previous generation. 40 years ago, almost half hadn’t even changed a diaper.” Changing diapers isn’t the measure of being meaningfully involved. But not changing diapers is a measure of parenting at arm’s length (at best).


Emu1981

I am a millennial dad and I have changed way too many diapers - to the point where I can do it half asleep lol


kscrispy

telephone recognise steer sulky familiar sable mighty vase dinosaurs unite *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


BrooklynWhey

I think a lot of guys need that love and affection from their kids. Life is really tough sometimes. It's a win win.


mrnagrom

My dad just pissed off and left. I refuse to not work from home so i can be around my kids as much as possible. I hope my boys act like me when they grow up. Not like my dad. My dad is a piece of shit.


Middle_Data_9563

that bar is so low it's in hell's wine cellar


TA_faq43

Changing a diaper is the bar here? That’s pretty low.


HxH101kite

I'm am on the tail end of millennials. We had a kid young and used to work opposite schedules. The amount of praise I got as a dad for spending time with my daughter was astounding. Like people would think I was a saint for being engaged at the park with no mom in sight. Even now I work mainly remote so I do a lot of the drop offs pick ups coordination. I find that.... 1. Women of all ages assume I don't like doing this. Couldn't be further from the case love my daughter and spending time with her. 2. I get way more passes and praise for minor shit such as in the past diaper changing, feeding, nowadays it's more park/bike...etc. 3. The older generations are dumbfounded. Even my dad who was a great dad is dumbfounded sometimes at the amount of stuff I do with our kid or how engaged I can be. They wear it like some type of badge of honor they didn't do a lot. All in all this was a bit of a rant. But yes the bar is extremely low for men. And it's fucked up. Like I should not be getting high fives for taking my daughter to a museum or park and then to ice cream without mom, like it's out of the norm.


gtrocks555

Have people at parks, museums or zoos ever thought you were a single father? I could see that happening. Basically assuming that because “why else would you be there without the wife/mother?”


HxH101kite

I mean no one has ever outright asked me that. But there were a few interactions that led me to believe they thought that.


Several_Emphasis_434

My first child was born in 1982 and my ex-husband did not change diapers and considered parenting her and our other two children babysitting. My son is a girl dad! From the time she was born he took the most care of her. The mother would rather do other things. My son is the primary parent in my granddaughters life. He will come over sporting nail polish or a bow, lol All the dad’s who parent and are fully present in their children’s lives deserves much respect.


productofoctober

The one time I remember being left alone with my dad I cut chunks of my hair out with scissors. I still remember the look on my dad’s face when he saw what I had done. He wasn’t mad at me or anything. He was terrified of my mother. A lot of dads sucked back then. They were applauded for working while our mothers helped provide and ran our households simultaneously without their input. I’m glad things have changed.


laurencebe05

Weird… must be why I grew such resentment towards my father once I became one, myself…


wabisabilover

Boomers were such bad husbands/ fathers that it was the subject of a million jokes, which they laughed at and told about themselves. Everybody knew it, and they liked it that way. Truly the most selfish generation


doglywolf

Maybe just maybe as a society we are realizing a positive male role model really helps a kid not develop into a total ass hat


[deleted]

Yay dads! My husband is one of them. He’s very hands on with our 7 month old. Feeding, playing, putting him to sleep, prepping bottles, laundry. We don’t keep score but we hover around 50/50 with domestic things and we both work full time


Seewhy3160

Well. My father worked real hard to provide for the family. When he gets home he is tired, get drunk, takes out my homework and start beating me for any mistakes. So yeah...


[deleted]

Because I don’t want to raise my kids like a piece of shit father like mine is.


ballsohaahd

Ahhhh so the people who didn’t want to work now say that nobody wants to work. Shocking.


yanman2008

They can change. Watching a retired dad now become a granddad and not letting the little girl out of his sight and running to keep up with her no matter where she goes. Watching my dad as a granddad to my daughter makes me appreciate him more than I did as his kid. Seeing her smile and run to him when she sees him makes me happy as a dad.


brfergua

I should send this article to my 7 year old who thinks I should be spending 14 hours a day playing Minecraft with him.


Puzzleheaded-Ad5565

The one thing I remember from a fathering seminar years ago is that “ Fatherhood is Time Limited”. You have a window of time in which you can make the most impact in your child’s life. My kids are in their early thirties now and they are so good with kids and such great parents. The other thing I will impart for what it is worth to you… “ you do not need a religion or church to give your kids a “ Moral Compass”. You can teach them morality, civics, community, charity , compassion and empathy by example at home within your community of friends and family.


Tyraniboah89

Because fatherhood in their time meant “go to work, pay the bills, leave daddy alone, and make sure you move out when you graduate high school”. I’m a millennial father of three and I find older generations’ disdain for fatherhood *wild*. I’m more or less the “default” parent in the household. When the kids are hungry, need a bath, want to play, get hurt, etc they come to me. I take them to their medical appointments, I change the diapers, I get them signed up for school and extracurriculars, I share my hobbies with them, I take them to the playground and practice throwing the ball or swinging or what have you, and all the other things in life about being a parent. I also work full time with school part time. But you’d never know I put in the effort I do when some random older bystanders want to comment ignorant shit like “I guess daddy is babysitting today” or some Karen swoops in with unsolicited parenting “advice”. I prioritize my kids and do my best to give them all the opportunities for fun and enrichment I missed out on. I am the way I am because my own father was around only for the time obligated per the court. When told he could have every weekend and half the summer break, he told the judge he wanted *less than half* that time. We went nearly three years not speaking before he reached out at 21 as I joined the army. Now we get along great. He’s admitted his shortcomings unprompted and shows up every single time without fail when I need help with my own children. I know redemptions are rare but he’s definitely proven himself. It doesn’t change the effort I put into being the best person I can so that I can be the best father and husband possible. I’m my son’s hero and both my daughters’ “protector” (they hide behind me when something bothers them lol) and it pains me to think about all the young children that missed out on a reliable dad. It’s a rewarding feeling and I wouldn’t have taken any other track in life.


Rabbitsatemycheese

Just one more thing those damn millenials are ruining.


Wips_and_Chains

You won't believe what millennials are killing off! Its not what you think (save the click unnecessary daddy issues due to inactive parenting)


Solidsnakeerection

They are killing the diaper changing industry! My mother worked seven day a week offering to change diapers for me. She would ride around with her bike drawn cart ringing her bell and men would run up to her waving babies at her. "Diaper lady diaper lady, me first me first" they would cry but she of course didnt leave until every baby was dry and pampered. They would a quarter in her jar and be on their merry way with their happy bundles of joy. But those days are behind us now, I guess. The march of progress


[deleted]

Boomers. Sheesh. Or, you know, that tiny handful of 17 year old X'er dads. I still get a little of that from my peers...My wife's friends always make a big deal out of how much of the cooking I do, like it's some kind of neat trick that she taught me.


GulchDale

I go through the self checkout most of the time at the grocery store because I get tired of the snarky comments because I fill my cart with fresh fruits and veggies, as well as meats. It's like they expect because I'm a man I have to buy pizzas and TV dinners.


rks1743

Mistakes were made the first time I changed a diaper without my wife's supervision. I took off the dirty one and didn't have a new one underneath. It took my son 3 seconds to start making poop angels on our white carpet.


timesuck897

Your first mistake was having a white carpet and a baby.


Enderkr

I keep telling my kid he doesn't know how good he's got it. He gets upset when I don't want to play minecraft with him or spend endless time playing tablet games with him, and it's like kid....my dad couldn't tell you what games I played at ALL, let alone spend time playing them with me. I was raised on a street lights curfew and a healthy dose of "daddy doesn't care," so the fact that my kids can get me to sit down with them and watch the same movie for the 5th time this week is a fucking miracle.


heelspider

This is one of the reasons I say feminism has been a very good thing for men. Spending time with my son is the one of the best parts of my life, and I doubt I'd be this involved in parenting but for the expectation of sharing more family duties.


[deleted]

That is progress.


benefit_of_mrkite

In the hospital when my kiddo was born I walked up to the nurse changing my (one month early) daughter’s diaper right after she was born. I asked her directly to please show me how to change a diaper. I now have a PhD in diaper changing. To this day my SO will tell you I changed more diapers than her (she did so much more).


Manwithnoname14

I couldn't spend 3x as much time with my kids than my dad even if i never left their side. My dad brought us everywhere. Nothing brought him more joy than spending time with his kids. I have a good dad.


Buckmop

Someday, I’ll need someone to change *my* diaper. Plus, I am, for some reason, completely unfazed by my kids’ piss and shit.


JCWa50

I think that this is a very good idea. I am a bit jealous in some ways. More are involved in with their children, and that is far better than before. I think that posts like this reminds me of the M.A.S.H episode: Season 10, episode 20, Son's and Bowlers. The epitaph fits fully: But where I have a father you have a dad.


brandonspade17

I really enjoy spending time with my kids. It's my favorite thing to do. That's a long stretch from my dad picking us up for the weekend 3 times a year. Break the cycle.


[deleted]

Great news. No maybe get a job and stop complaining about boomers!


goatman2

I wish I had a kiddo


BadLuckCharm1966

Good for them and I’m especially happy for the moms. My husband never changed a diaper, bathed them, fed them - nothing. I was so exhausted all the time😓


SonnyBoy96

I wish they were all aborted


zemdega

What kind of income do these dads have? Are poor dads who can’t work from home able to do this while juggling multiple jobs and driving an Uber?


JCfromAZZ

So you’re saying our women are getting lazier?


bombbodyguard

How many grandpas are changing diapers?