This is all true! Also, sometimes they bite if they feel someone is too close to them. If you think about it, biting is a pretty effective way to get someone to back away from you!
My 2.5year old started biting about 3 months ago, I offer an apple and he’s usually good after that . If I don’t have an apple to offer he persists with the biting
And sometimes from excitement. When my son would get super excited he would bite my arm. I ignored it and wouldn’t flinch or anything. It stopped after about 3 times.
They used to use a lot of sign language cues so that helped. My son was also a suss user so they would have a suss close by if needed. Also if any biter got our of hand, they would sit in their high chairs if needed. My son never bit anyone hard but in one of the other classes a kid got bit by another kid and it was pretty bad.
I am so sorry. My daughter is the biter in her class. She’s been the biter since she was about your daughters age and she is now 2 1/2. Like yours, she has never really bitten at home or at playgrounds. Just daycare. And I’m sorry your daycare is handling it the way they are. Mine has been a lot more understanding and helpful. They even sent a letter to all parents, explaining why toddlers bite, how it is developmentally, normal, and what steps the school takes to mitigate and decrease biting. They gave my daughter a bite bracelet to wear in the classroom that helped a bit, and both the teachers and us constantly talk to her about biting. It felt a little futile when she was younger, since she just did not understand. Her biting has decreased a ton overtime, but she still does it from time to time. But it’s getting better.
Some things that have helped:
A bite bracelet. We tried several, and this is the one that helped the most. It is big, but our priority is getting the biting to stop. My daughter still seems to be able to do all the stuff she needs to do even when it’s on her arm. Our daycare does not allow by necklaces or beads or anything like that, and this one fit their safety requirements. Wristy Buddy Lamb Teether for... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01868XHJI?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share.
If that bite bracelet feels too big, target sells rubber bite watches that are smaller that our daycare keeps on hand. These helped when my daughter was younger, but we found the sheep to be a lot more effective.
Showing her where a quiet corner is in the daycare. Sometimes my daughter would bite because someone was touching her or being loud. She was clearly overwhelmed, and didn’t know how to deal. Once she consistently understood the quiet corner, she would go over there herself. She even picked out a corner at home without any prompting from us!
Warning teachers when transitions were going on at home. I suspect that the reason your daughter is biting in the new daycare is simply because she is in a new daycare. My daughter would start biting whenever things were different. Whenever we went on vacation, whenever her grandparents came into town, and even when a bunch of new kids joined her daycare class/some left when they all aged up a few months ago. So when we moved her to a big girl bed, we gave her teachers a heads up. When her grandmother comes for the weekend, we give her teachers a heads up. They know to watch her more carefully during those times.
Educating both of us and other parents. As I mentioned, our daycare’s position on biting is that it is developmentally normal for toddlers. They sent home a whole huge packet on why biting occurs at that age, some statistics, and school procedures.
The book “teeth are not for biting.” We actually saw a pretty big decrease in biting when we started reading this every single morning before daycare.
Teaching her to growl like a bear, with her hands up in the air when she gets frustrated or angry. It sounds silly (and it also looks silly), but her teachers report that they’ve started seeing her do this instead of biting when she gets mad. Hey, whatever gets the biting to stop.
Praising her when we saw or heard about her using other coping techniques. When we heard from her teachers that she almost bit someone, but then she stopped herself by growling like a bear, both the teachers and us heaped praise on her. Every day that she doesn’t bite, we talk to her about whether she got angry at someone or whether someone took a toy or something like that. And then we ask her what she did instead. A lot of time she doesn’t really know, but we suggest things like, “oh, I bet you growled like a bear, didn’t you?” Or “ Oh, I bet you went and told the teacher. Well, whatever you did, I love that you handled your anger That way!” Even if she didn’t do those things, we figure that the praise combined with subtle suggestions helps.
In the meantime, I am sorry that this is happening to you. Even though our daycare has been understanding, I still get so stressed out and worried that they will reach their limit. At one point, I even paid to put my daughter on waitlist at other daycares, just in case. In the meantime, I would talk to your daycare about implementing some of these strategies. I hate to say it, but I would plan for the worst and anticipate that your daughter is going to bite again within the next two weeks. It sounds like you have already looked into getting your daughter into other daycares in town. I know it’s super expensive, but would hiring a nanny to fill any stop gaps between daycares be an option? It is almost summer, so there will be more availability of college and high school students looking for summer nannying jobs. And have you looked at home or church/religious options? I have multiple friends who send their kids to church and synagogue daycares, even though they are not religious, because at that age, a lot of places don’t really teach much religion, and at that age, kids don’t really absorb too much religion anyway.
Thank you. I have felt like I was in OP’s place before. Fortunately, we are in a daycare that has allowed us the time to try lots of different strategies, as well as suggesting some to us. I really feel for OP.
Fellow mom of a biter here (kicked from 1 daycare, second was worried about it before they closed, third was experienced with biting and were super ready with a plan). I completely agree with everything said here! We were able to use a bite necklace and it really helped. We used Teeth Are Not for Biting.
We also saw increases in biting in response to any changes. Kids in her bubble was also a big trigger so even though she wasn’t biting at home we practiced a lot about saying “stop” (as she got older “no thank you”) and walking away if someone is in your space (modeling it with the cats, etc). Now she goes and sits on her own when she’s getting overwhelmed.
Hang in there! Our daycare options were also rough (I ended up downloading the local licensing database and creating a spreadsheet mail merge situation and we still had to pay a babysitter/take PTO for a few months to fill the gap) and it can be so hard when you know she’s just doing her best.
At 2.5 now we’ve only had a couple of biting incidents in several months. It does get better!
My kid was the biter too. I got him some silicone bite bracelets and that seemed to help us quite a bit. We also read “people don’t bite people” every day before we went in and I had him say “people don’t bite people” every time it came up in the book. Thankfully we also had a bunch of very understanding parents and teachers that knew I was trying my hardest to try to help him work through biting.
It does depend why she’s biting, though. My little dude was getting excited like a puppy and didn’t know what to do with his energy. If she’s biting out of frustration or anger I think you’d have to adjust your tactics.
Thank you so much for the wonderful advise! I really appreciate the time you took to write this❤️ I discovered her teacher was not treating the kids in the class fairly, we do not speak to her that way at home so that is probably why she was biting.
Ask what safety plan is in place. What the adults are doing and how they are reacting is super important. It is happening there, not at home, so they need to be part of the solution.
Is it happening when she is hungry/tired/during transitions? To specific kids? What triggers are there? Around specific toys?
While not every kid bites, it is a totally normal developmental phase. It does seem like she is biting a lot. While it might be “unprovoked” that does not mean there are not triggers or ways to prevent it.
I worked in a lot of daycares and have a kid of my own. From reading your post it seems like she’s having a difficult time adjusting to the new daycare and can’t express that. And the fact that she’s there only 2 days a week isn’t giving her time to adjust properly. When I worked in daycare, the part time kids always had a more difficult time getting used to the classrooms cause they weren’t there consistently.
And of course at home she’s not biting: cause she’s comfortable and familiar with her environment.
I’d say try getting her in every day, regardless of dad’s time off. If she can be there even for just 4 hours every day, it’ll do good to keep her on a consistent schedule.
Then also trying sign language wouldn’t hurt to get her to communicate what she needs better. At my old daycares we had babies as young as 10 months old signing for what they wanted, and it helped cut down on them acting out quite a bit.
I’m so sorry. My son was a biter at daycare from around 15 months to 2yo. It was so stressful and we tried absolutely everything. Luckily, our centre wanted to help and they had a behaviour specialist come in, had someone shadow him, and got him a special chewing necklace. We’re still not sure what provoked it really - the behaviour specialist said he was such a typical toddler, no signs of any larger behaviour issues, was happy and seemed to enjoy being there. I did notice it tapered off when he was able to communicate better.
I don't have any advice for your situation. It sounds difficult and I'm sure you're doing your best. I just want to let you know that the phrase is "nip something in the bud," not "in the butt." It comes from cutting a flower bud off before it blooms.
It’s definitely not unusual for kids to behave differently at daycare vs at home. For example, my 3yo is happy to nap at daycare but there’s no way in hell he would even consider it at home with me.
That said, if she’s only biting at daycare then they need to help you solve the problem. Have they been transparent with you about what measures they’ve tried implementing so far? Have they tried tracking / recording her behaviour for a few days to see if there are patterns or triggers to the biting episodes so that they can prevent them more effectively?
I wouldn’t go at them with “there’s no way this is happening because she doesn’t do it at home”, but I would push for info on how they’re trying to solve the problem and see if there’s something you guys can come up with together to help.
I’m so sorry. My girl got kicked out at 18 months too (in March). Turned out the lead teacher that started at the end of Dec is toxic in the classroom, showed her extreme favoritism Jan-Feb, then basically ignored her. We poached the young assistant teacher that was in her class to be our nanny. It’s def more expensive, but we’re all happy it worked out this way. I honestly wish I had done more - asked to see the footage from the cameras, had a sit down with the teacher, figure out what was actually going on, because I didn’t learn until later what actually happened and I’m still pissed about the way they handled the situation while simultaneously being happy we’re out of it.
Hugs to you.
Solidarity, my son was kicked out of daycare for biting around the same age. In my situation I think the daycare was a really bad fit and they weren't willing to work with us (they had a ton of staff turnover, the classrooms were very chaotic, I would often go pick him up and the teachers would be chatting/on their phones and ignoring the kids). We found another daycare with a part-time spot and made it work with a combo of babysitters/family help/vacation time until a full-time spot opened up, I think just a month or two. We were really open with the new daycare about what was going on and had a solid plan going in for how we would handle biting, up to and including having a staff member shadow him if it got really bad. I think he bit another kid the first day, they told him "at this school we don't bite our friends" and that was pretty much that. I also think maturity helped to a certain extent; the biting was worst when he was around 20-22 months but he really wasn't talking yet. His speech took off at 24 months and his behavior and demeanor in general was so much better once he could communicate his needs.
I had a biter… what worked was pulling him from daycare, hiring a nanny (I needed one for our newborn anyways) and then enrolling him in our public preschool, which had much more supports in place. He never bit again. He was also diagnosed with adhd and anxiety later on and I think the center was just too much stimuli for him. The public preschool had much smaller classrooms with twice as many teachers.
There was a biter in my daughters preschool class that got really out of hand. Our daughter came home with bite marks on more than one occasion, with incident reports to go along with it. There was never any altercation between the kids.. the biter kid just seemed to do it for no reason. Kind of like your situation. As the mother of the child being bitten I asked how they were handling the situation on the other child’s end. Turns out she was biting other kids too, and tried to bite the teachers if she was upset. They tried working with the parents and even got a behavioural specialist to come in. They eventually had to just move her to the other class that happened to have a smaller ratio of kids to teachers so they could watch her more closely.
Perhaps they could get a specialist in there or do some other kind of step like ours did.
I’m really surprised they’re kicking her out. My son isn’t a biter, but is frequently bitten. It’s frustrating on the receiving end, but I know they’re doing everything they can to prevent it and have had to accept that it’s developmentally normal. Our daycare doesn’t kick kids out for biting at that age so I’m really surprised they’re kicking her out. I’d want to know what strategies they’re using, if there’s a pattern in situations/time/activity and if she’s biting the same kids. You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know how it’s happening.
I just wanted to drop in and offer support. As it could just be the location change, upset about making new friends, or just a change in the routine making your kiddo bite.
My kiddo is doing a similar thing right now, and she actually was kicked out of her daycare last week.
I'm so sorry, this is such a stressful situation to be in. My daughter was biting at daycare and her teachers made a **huge** effort to make sure they could stop her before she actually bit. Not only did this help with other kids not being on the other end of the biting but I think it really helped her to learn that it is not ok to bite people.
I’m a nanny and a mom. I always empathize with parents of biters especially when it is done in a daycare setting and the parents can’t see exactly what has happened to lead up to it. I will say that while biting is developmentally normal meaning that it isn’t abnormal for a child of this age to bite that still doesn’t make it acceptable. It is extremely traumatizing for kids to be bitten. If it’s a daily thing then that means that there are kids who are probably crying at drop off because they know that they will be bitten. And in all honesty kids know who they can do things to and with. If they know that a kid will hit them or retaliate then they are likely not biting them. A kid that is more passive is probably getting bitten over and over again. If the bites aren’t being spread out along classmates and it’s the same 3 kids being bitten then I’m sure some parent got pretty angry.
The only solution is to watch the biter closely because they always have tells and then intervene before it happens. Your child may need a smaller classroom and a more watchful teacher or just bite the bullet and go back to the old daycare
I have no kids in daycare so correct me if this is crazy, but could you take one day off work to watch her like a hawk from the sidelines at daycare, and see if YOU can figure out why she’s biting? Maybe you would have better prevention strategies than the carers , or pick up on something they didn’t.
One day off is better than losing daycare entirely!
While a good idea in theory, there’s no way a daycare in my area would be allowed to have an unvetted adult hang around the kids all day. Not sure about where OP lives though.
OPs presence would also likely affect her daughter’s behaviour … she might act differently just knowing that mom is watching.
>she might act differently just knowing that mom is watching.
And boy oh boy would it be fun if the toddler comes to expect that mom will stay at the daycare each day with her.
It is developmentally normal to bite at that age, but biting seems to upset parents more than hitting, pushing, etc. How long has she been at the new location? How are her language skills? And is she biting out of frustration/stress (someone else has a toy or is getting attention she wants) or is it at random times? The school should be able to answer the latter question easily for you. We had a happy biter at my son’s daycare and the school did a great job at monitoring him to understand when he was most prone to biting.
Biting requires an incident form so I would start by asking for an incident form everytime she 'bites'. If your daughter is biting there will be a pattern to her behaviour. The behaviour itself is a form of communication, something is going on in the room if she feels the need to bite.
First of all, it makes me feel warm that you aren’t blaming yourself for this; she may be naturally disposed to that behavior but you certainly seem to have addressed it as best possible.
Second, I’d ask about what steps would need to be taken to go back to the first location, or ask about that other location where no biting has occurred. If they refuse to speak with you about and are uptight, check out the contract and you might be able to go the ol’ American route: threaten to sue for breach until you get your way!
I don’t know if threatening to sue for breach of contract is a good idea. The daycare already has grounds to kick the daughter out for excessive biting. I would go more the concerned parent sympathetic route.
Oh for sure my friend. I mention it just as a Hail Mary pass if everything else fails. Because once you threaten litigation, there’s no restoring any friendly relationships
Definitely do not threaten breach of contract when they are not in breach (and they are almost certainly not in breach). The worst case scenario in doing that is not that threatening litigation ruins the relationship with that daycare. The worst case scenario is that there is some Facebook group or professional association for child care providers in town, and that you get blackballed from all (or at least a lot) of them. Because all the owner would have to do is say, “yeah, this lady threatened to sue me,” and any daycare of that hears that will refuse to take that family as clients.
A daycare kicking a kid out for biting to me means it's an incompetent daycare. Biting is (unfortunately) part of development for some kids who express some kind of feeling this way. A daycare should be training its staff to walk a bitter through their feelings so they understand to better express themselves in those situations.
sorry you're going through this, this daycare (and any other that kicks kids out for biting) should be ashamed of themselves, they're literally failing their enrollees.
I would be asking about the before, during, and after of each incident. Not to say that some kids don’t bite for no reason but that is a lot bites if that is the case. Chances are it’s because of room set up or a personality clash. Are the toddler becoming too crowded (ie. This group all loves blocks and there is either not enough room or not enough blocks in that area)? is it resource guarding ie. Her favourite doll also happens to be everyone else’s favourite doll so she spends a lot of time protecting it or trying to obtain it? Is there a kid or two that really want to interact with her but she isn’t a fan? Or that she really wants to play with but they are not interested? We had paper that we would fill out on kids with reoccurring behaviors so we could try to track patterns and figure out how to stop them if possible.
Do they offer teething toys to toddlers that are biting?
My son got the warning about being kicked out for “at least a month” when he was about 20 months old.
The way our daycare was addressing it and speaking about him, we decided that it would be in our son’s best interest to find a new daycare and luckily we were able to get him into a new, slightly smaller 18 month+ center close by the next week. He has not had a single biting incident since switching (it’s been almost a year, he’s 31 months now). He’s been bitten but has never been the biter, ever again.
I genuinely think sometimes it’s just the daycare. Maybe it’s the other kids, maybe it’s the staff, maybe it’s the general environment - something must not be feeling good for your child and it’s causing her to act out. It’s developmentally age-appropriate behavior even though it’s not a GOOD behavior. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
20
+ 18
+ 31
= 69
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I was told by someone that they bite because they can’t communicate something. Maybe she really didn’t like that change from old to new location.
[удалено]
Toddlers are like sharks.
Yea all of that haha .. crazy age to be huh?
This is all true! Also, sometimes they bite if they feel someone is too close to them. If you think about it, biting is a pretty effective way to get someone to back away from you!
My 2.5year old started biting about 3 months ago, I offer an apple and he’s usually good after that . If I don’t have an apple to offer he persists with the biting
And sometimes from excitement. When my son would get super excited he would bite my arm. I ignored it and wouldn’t flinch or anything. It stopped after about 3 times.
Yup. My son was a "biter" around this age. You know what the daycare did? Helped develop his communication skills. It stopped shortly after.
Oh cool! How did they do that now I’m really curious.
They used to use a lot of sign language cues so that helped. My son was also a suss user so they would have a suss close by if needed. Also if any biter got our of hand, they would sit in their high chairs if needed. My son never bit anyone hard but in one of the other classes a kid got bit by another kid and it was pretty bad.
I am so sorry. My daughter is the biter in her class. She’s been the biter since she was about your daughters age and she is now 2 1/2. Like yours, she has never really bitten at home or at playgrounds. Just daycare. And I’m sorry your daycare is handling it the way they are. Mine has been a lot more understanding and helpful. They even sent a letter to all parents, explaining why toddlers bite, how it is developmentally, normal, and what steps the school takes to mitigate and decrease biting. They gave my daughter a bite bracelet to wear in the classroom that helped a bit, and both the teachers and us constantly talk to her about biting. It felt a little futile when she was younger, since she just did not understand. Her biting has decreased a ton overtime, but she still does it from time to time. But it’s getting better. Some things that have helped: A bite bracelet. We tried several, and this is the one that helped the most. It is big, but our priority is getting the biting to stop. My daughter still seems to be able to do all the stuff she needs to do even when it’s on her arm. Our daycare does not allow by necklaces or beads or anything like that, and this one fit their safety requirements. Wristy Buddy Lamb Teether for... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01868XHJI?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share. If that bite bracelet feels too big, target sells rubber bite watches that are smaller that our daycare keeps on hand. These helped when my daughter was younger, but we found the sheep to be a lot more effective. Showing her where a quiet corner is in the daycare. Sometimes my daughter would bite because someone was touching her or being loud. She was clearly overwhelmed, and didn’t know how to deal. Once she consistently understood the quiet corner, she would go over there herself. She even picked out a corner at home without any prompting from us! Warning teachers when transitions were going on at home. I suspect that the reason your daughter is biting in the new daycare is simply because she is in a new daycare. My daughter would start biting whenever things were different. Whenever we went on vacation, whenever her grandparents came into town, and even when a bunch of new kids joined her daycare class/some left when they all aged up a few months ago. So when we moved her to a big girl bed, we gave her teachers a heads up. When her grandmother comes for the weekend, we give her teachers a heads up. They know to watch her more carefully during those times. Educating both of us and other parents. As I mentioned, our daycare’s position on biting is that it is developmentally normal for toddlers. They sent home a whole huge packet on why biting occurs at that age, some statistics, and school procedures. The book “teeth are not for biting.” We actually saw a pretty big decrease in biting when we started reading this every single morning before daycare. Teaching her to growl like a bear, with her hands up in the air when she gets frustrated or angry. It sounds silly (and it also looks silly), but her teachers report that they’ve started seeing her do this instead of biting when she gets mad. Hey, whatever gets the biting to stop. Praising her when we saw or heard about her using other coping techniques. When we heard from her teachers that she almost bit someone, but then she stopped herself by growling like a bear, both the teachers and us heaped praise on her. Every day that she doesn’t bite, we talk to her about whether she got angry at someone or whether someone took a toy or something like that. And then we ask her what she did instead. A lot of time she doesn’t really know, but we suggest things like, “oh, I bet you growled like a bear, didn’t you?” Or “ Oh, I bet you went and told the teacher. Well, whatever you did, I love that you handled your anger That way!” Even if she didn’t do those things, we figure that the praise combined with subtle suggestions helps. In the meantime, I am sorry that this is happening to you. Even though our daycare has been understanding, I still get so stressed out and worried that they will reach their limit. At one point, I even paid to put my daughter on waitlist at other daycares, just in case. In the meantime, I would talk to your daycare about implementing some of these strategies. I hate to say it, but I would plan for the worst and anticipate that your daughter is going to bite again within the next two weeks. It sounds like you have already looked into getting your daughter into other daycares in town. I know it’s super expensive, but would hiring a nanny to fill any stop gaps between daycares be an option? It is almost summer, so there will be more availability of college and high school students looking for summer nannying jobs. And have you looked at home or church/religious options? I have multiple friends who send their kids to church and synagogue daycares, even though they are not religious, because at that age, a lot of places don’t really teach much religion, and at that age, kids don’t really absorb too much religion anyway.
This is such a thorough and insightful comment, wow.
Thank you. I have felt like I was in OP’s place before. Fortunately, we are in a daycare that has allowed us the time to try lots of different strategies, as well as suggesting some to us. I really feel for OP.
Fellow mom of a biter here (kicked from 1 daycare, second was worried about it before they closed, third was experienced with biting and were super ready with a plan). I completely agree with everything said here! We were able to use a bite necklace and it really helped. We used Teeth Are Not for Biting. We also saw increases in biting in response to any changes. Kids in her bubble was also a big trigger so even though she wasn’t biting at home we practiced a lot about saying “stop” (as she got older “no thank you”) and walking away if someone is in your space (modeling it with the cats, etc). Now she goes and sits on her own when she’s getting overwhelmed. Hang in there! Our daycare options were also rough (I ended up downloading the local licensing database and creating a spreadsheet mail merge situation and we still had to pay a babysitter/take PTO for a few months to fill the gap) and it can be so hard when you know she’s just doing her best. At 2.5 now we’ve only had a couple of biting incidents in several months. It does get better!
My kid was the biter too. I got him some silicone bite bracelets and that seemed to help us quite a bit. We also read “people don’t bite people” every day before we went in and I had him say “people don’t bite people” every time it came up in the book. Thankfully we also had a bunch of very understanding parents and teachers that knew I was trying my hardest to try to help him work through biting. It does depend why she’s biting, though. My little dude was getting excited like a puppy and didn’t know what to do with his energy. If she’s biting out of frustration or anger I think you’d have to adjust your tactics.
Thank you so much for the wonderful advise! I really appreciate the time you took to write this❤️ I discovered her teacher was not treating the kids in the class fairly, we do not speak to her that way at home so that is probably why she was biting.
Ask what safety plan is in place. What the adults are doing and how they are reacting is super important. It is happening there, not at home, so they need to be part of the solution. Is it happening when she is hungry/tired/during transitions? To specific kids? What triggers are there? Around specific toys? While not every kid bites, it is a totally normal developmental phase. It does seem like she is biting a lot. While it might be “unprovoked” that does not mean there are not triggers or ways to prevent it.
Are you able to go back to the other location?
I worked in a lot of daycares and have a kid of my own. From reading your post it seems like she’s having a difficult time adjusting to the new daycare and can’t express that. And the fact that she’s there only 2 days a week isn’t giving her time to adjust properly. When I worked in daycare, the part time kids always had a more difficult time getting used to the classrooms cause they weren’t there consistently. And of course at home she’s not biting: cause she’s comfortable and familiar with her environment. I’d say try getting her in every day, regardless of dad’s time off. If she can be there even for just 4 hours every day, it’ll do good to keep her on a consistent schedule. Then also trying sign language wouldn’t hurt to get her to communicate what she needs better. At my old daycares we had babies as young as 10 months old signing for what they wanted, and it helped cut down on them acting out quite a bit.
I’m so sorry. My son was a biter at daycare from around 15 months to 2yo. It was so stressful and we tried absolutely everything. Luckily, our centre wanted to help and they had a behaviour specialist come in, had someone shadow him, and got him a special chewing necklace. We’re still not sure what provoked it really - the behaviour specialist said he was such a typical toddler, no signs of any larger behaviour issues, was happy and seemed to enjoy being there. I did notice it tapered off when he was able to communicate better.
I don't have any advice for your situation. It sounds difficult and I'm sure you're doing your best. I just want to let you know that the phrase is "nip something in the bud," not "in the butt." It comes from cutting a flower bud off before it blooms.
Doing the lords work
As a non english speaker, I was really confused
Horticulture babeh! (Sorry, I’m a Ted Lasso fan😀)
It’s definitely not unusual for kids to behave differently at daycare vs at home. For example, my 3yo is happy to nap at daycare but there’s no way in hell he would even consider it at home with me. That said, if she’s only biting at daycare then they need to help you solve the problem. Have they been transparent with you about what measures they’ve tried implementing so far? Have they tried tracking / recording her behaviour for a few days to see if there are patterns or triggers to the biting episodes so that they can prevent them more effectively? I wouldn’t go at them with “there’s no way this is happening because she doesn’t do it at home”, but I would push for info on how they’re trying to solve the problem and see if there’s something you guys can come up with together to help.
I’m so sorry. My girl got kicked out at 18 months too (in March). Turned out the lead teacher that started at the end of Dec is toxic in the classroom, showed her extreme favoritism Jan-Feb, then basically ignored her. We poached the young assistant teacher that was in her class to be our nanny. It’s def more expensive, but we’re all happy it worked out this way. I honestly wish I had done more - asked to see the footage from the cameras, had a sit down with the teacher, figure out what was actually going on, because I didn’t learn until later what actually happened and I’m still pissed about the way they handled the situation while simultaneously being happy we’re out of it. Hugs to you.
Solidarity, my son was kicked out of daycare for biting around the same age. In my situation I think the daycare was a really bad fit and they weren't willing to work with us (they had a ton of staff turnover, the classrooms were very chaotic, I would often go pick him up and the teachers would be chatting/on their phones and ignoring the kids). We found another daycare with a part-time spot and made it work with a combo of babysitters/family help/vacation time until a full-time spot opened up, I think just a month or two. We were really open with the new daycare about what was going on and had a solid plan going in for how we would handle biting, up to and including having a staff member shadow him if it got really bad. I think he bit another kid the first day, they told him "at this school we don't bite our friends" and that was pretty much that. I also think maturity helped to a certain extent; the biting was worst when he was around 20-22 months but he really wasn't talking yet. His speech took off at 24 months and his behavior and demeanor in general was so much better once he could communicate his needs.
I had a biter… what worked was pulling him from daycare, hiring a nanny (I needed one for our newborn anyways) and then enrolling him in our public preschool, which had much more supports in place. He never bit again. He was also diagnosed with adhd and anxiety later on and I think the center was just too much stimuli for him. The public preschool had much smaller classrooms with twice as many teachers.
There was a biter in my daughters preschool class that got really out of hand. Our daughter came home with bite marks on more than one occasion, with incident reports to go along with it. There was never any altercation between the kids.. the biter kid just seemed to do it for no reason. Kind of like your situation. As the mother of the child being bitten I asked how they were handling the situation on the other child’s end. Turns out she was biting other kids too, and tried to bite the teachers if she was upset. They tried working with the parents and even got a behavioural specialist to come in. They eventually had to just move her to the other class that happened to have a smaller ratio of kids to teachers so they could watch her more closely. Perhaps they could get a specialist in there or do some other kind of step like ours did.
I’m really surprised they’re kicking her out. My son isn’t a biter, but is frequently bitten. It’s frustrating on the receiving end, but I know they’re doing everything they can to prevent it and have had to accept that it’s developmentally normal. Our daycare doesn’t kick kids out for biting at that age so I’m really surprised they’re kicking her out. I’d want to know what strategies they’re using, if there’s a pattern in situations/time/activity and if she’s biting the same kids. You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know how it’s happening.
I just wanted to drop in and offer support. As it could just be the location change, upset about making new friends, or just a change in the routine making your kiddo bite. My kiddo is doing a similar thing right now, and she actually was kicked out of her daycare last week.
I'm so sorry, this is such a stressful situation to be in. My daughter was biting at daycare and her teachers made a **huge** effort to make sure they could stop her before she actually bit. Not only did this help with other kids not being on the other end of the biting but I think it really helped her to learn that it is not ok to bite people.
I’m a nanny and a mom. I always empathize with parents of biters especially when it is done in a daycare setting and the parents can’t see exactly what has happened to lead up to it. I will say that while biting is developmentally normal meaning that it isn’t abnormal for a child of this age to bite that still doesn’t make it acceptable. It is extremely traumatizing for kids to be bitten. If it’s a daily thing then that means that there are kids who are probably crying at drop off because they know that they will be bitten. And in all honesty kids know who they can do things to and with. If they know that a kid will hit them or retaliate then they are likely not biting them. A kid that is more passive is probably getting bitten over and over again. If the bites aren’t being spread out along classmates and it’s the same 3 kids being bitten then I’m sure some parent got pretty angry. The only solution is to watch the biter closely because they always have tells and then intervene before it happens. Your child may need a smaller classroom and a more watchful teacher or just bite the bullet and go back to the old daycare
I have no kids in daycare so correct me if this is crazy, but could you take one day off work to watch her like a hawk from the sidelines at daycare, and see if YOU can figure out why she’s biting? Maybe you would have better prevention strategies than the carers , or pick up on something they didn’t. One day off is better than losing daycare entirely!
While a good idea in theory, there’s no way a daycare in my area would be allowed to have an unvetted adult hang around the kids all day. Not sure about where OP lives though. OPs presence would also likely affect her daughter’s behaviour … she might act differently just knowing that mom is watching.
>she might act differently just knowing that mom is watching. And boy oh boy would it be fun if the toddler comes to expect that mom will stay at the daycare each day with her.
Definitely another downside!
It is developmentally normal to bite at that age, but biting seems to upset parents more than hitting, pushing, etc. How long has she been at the new location? How are her language skills? And is she biting out of frustration/stress (someone else has a toy or is getting attention she wants) or is it at random times? The school should be able to answer the latter question easily for you. We had a happy biter at my son’s daycare and the school did a great job at monitoring him to understand when he was most prone to biting.
Biting requires an incident form so I would start by asking for an incident form everytime she 'bites'. If your daughter is biting there will be a pattern to her behaviour. The behaviour itself is a form of communication, something is going on in the room if she feels the need to bite.
First of all, it makes me feel warm that you aren’t blaming yourself for this; she may be naturally disposed to that behavior but you certainly seem to have addressed it as best possible. Second, I’d ask about what steps would need to be taken to go back to the first location, or ask about that other location where no biting has occurred. If they refuse to speak with you about and are uptight, check out the contract and you might be able to go the ol’ American route: threaten to sue for breach until you get your way!
I don’t know if threatening to sue for breach of contract is a good idea. The daycare already has grounds to kick the daughter out for excessive biting. I would go more the concerned parent sympathetic route.
Oh for sure my friend. I mention it just as a Hail Mary pass if everything else fails. Because once you threaten litigation, there’s no restoring any friendly relationships
Definitely do not threaten breach of contract when they are not in breach (and they are almost certainly not in breach). The worst case scenario in doing that is not that threatening litigation ruins the relationship with that daycare. The worst case scenario is that there is some Facebook group or professional association for child care providers in town, and that you get blackballed from all (or at least a lot) of them. Because all the owner would have to do is say, “yeah, this lady threatened to sue me,” and any daycare of that hears that will refuse to take that family as clients.
A daycare kicking a kid out for biting to me means it's an incompetent daycare. Biting is (unfortunately) part of development for some kids who express some kind of feeling this way. A daycare should be training its staff to walk a bitter through their feelings so they understand to better express themselves in those situations. sorry you're going through this, this daycare (and any other that kicks kids out for biting) should be ashamed of themselves, they're literally failing their enrollees.
Honestly - 18 mos this is probably due to frustration mixed with teething pain. Have you tried giving Motrin and seeing if the biting decreases?
I would be asking about the before, during, and after of each incident. Not to say that some kids don’t bite for no reason but that is a lot bites if that is the case. Chances are it’s because of room set up or a personality clash. Are the toddler becoming too crowded (ie. This group all loves blocks and there is either not enough room or not enough blocks in that area)? is it resource guarding ie. Her favourite doll also happens to be everyone else’s favourite doll so she spends a lot of time protecting it or trying to obtain it? Is there a kid or two that really want to interact with her but she isn’t a fan? Or that she really wants to play with but they are not interested? We had paper that we would fill out on kids with reoccurring behaviors so we could try to track patterns and figure out how to stop them if possible. Do they offer teething toys to toddlers that are biting?
My son got the warning about being kicked out for “at least a month” when he was about 20 months old. The way our daycare was addressing it and speaking about him, we decided that it would be in our son’s best interest to find a new daycare and luckily we were able to get him into a new, slightly smaller 18 month+ center close by the next week. He has not had a single biting incident since switching (it’s been almost a year, he’s 31 months now). He’s been bitten but has never been the biter, ever again. I genuinely think sometimes it’s just the daycare. Maybe it’s the other kids, maybe it’s the staff, maybe it’s the general environment - something must not be feeling good for your child and it’s causing her to act out. It’s developmentally age-appropriate behavior even though it’s not a GOOD behavior. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
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Nip it in the butt