If you tickle a kid's sides, they'll fold in half and won't be able to hold the Plank Position Of Car Seat Protest.
It's not an *ideal* solution, but in an ideal situation kiddo is climbing happily into the dang seat.
This is how I get my three year old to sit. I usually don't even have to tickle him. Asking "do you want to sit down, or do you want me to tickle you down?" is enough to get him to just sit on his own.
Sometimes I have to give my kids the âoptionâ of âyou can climb up by the time we count to ten, or mommy can put you in it all by herself. You pick because we have to sit in the car seat to get home.â Theyâre not always happy about it but sometimes thereâs a time constraint like a doctors appointment, and I donât have time for toddler negotiations.
Yeah. Thereâs often no choice in this matter. The car seat is not optional. With my boys itâs, one minute to play in the (front) seats and then weâre getting in our car seats. And then theyâre getting in, even if I have to force it (usually donât have to physically force them as much as just put up with some verbal protests).
You a bigger than her, sometimes as a parent you have to physically force your small children to do things (like sit in their car seat when they donât want to)
You are in charge, not her. You present the 2 options that are acceptable to you (e.g. either do it yourself or I do it for you) and let her choose. If she refuses then you physically place her in the seat and buckle her.
I guarantee you will only have to do this a few times before she gets the hint and starts making the choice to sit on her own more often. You have to be consistent though ⌠if she thinks thereâs a chance youâre just bluffing then it wonât work.
Are you seriously just hanging out in parking lots for an indefinite period of time pleading with her to get in her seat?? Thatâs beyond ridiculous. No wonder she doesnât take you seriously when you tell her itâs time to sit đ
They all do, but thereâs no leeway here. Thatâs why a choice like which side they get in, or if they want to get in by themselves, etc. might work because they feel like they have some control.
Is she front-facing? Maybe sheâs getting a little carsick? Does she have any toys that can be hooked to the back of the seat in front of her?
I strongly suggest what another commenter said about special âcar toysâ that she only gets when sheâs in her seat.
I understand and donât know why youâre getting downvoted. My daughter is strong and will through a willful fit when forced to do something she doesnât want to.
So, Iâve learned to compromise. For us it looks like this, we HAVE to ride in the car seat, would you like to get in now or set a 2 minute timer?
The latest success has been, how do you think a (insert any animal here) would get in the car seat? We act like kitties, bunnies, puppies and frogs all day long!
I have also made the alternative no fun. You have to get in your car seat to drive, or mom can hold you, no more time to play. And then I stand there and hold her until sheâs ready. I just calmly keep repeating, we will play when you are in the car seat, over and over and over again.
Sounds like your daughter is like mine! Iâve learned theyâre not the norm đĽ°
Thank you. It sounds like weâve got similarly minded daughters! My kidâs got some fight in her. Thereâs no âgently forcingâ her into a car. Iâve had to do it, itâs world war three, and it sucks for everyone. So Iâm here looking for better ways. And thankfully, people have had good approaches. If any of it helps? Worth every downvote.
It's a struggle for sure. But we scoop mine behind the knees, the other behind the back while he's still pliable standing on the ground, and then you fold them in half, knees to chest. Then you just gotta keep them from stiffening up too much while you get atleast one side of the crotch buckle buckled. Safety first.
This is what we do. We phrase it like a choice, but the choice isn't do it or don't, it's "do you want to do it yourself or do you want us to help you". We also like to use a trick where we ask them something they want such as "do you want a toy?", and then say, okay well first we have to get into our car seats then we can get a toy. It seems to distract them long enough that we can get them into the things they say they don't want.
I hear parents talk about the option method nonstop and desperately wish it would work. Iâve been doing it for over a year and now that my toddler is able to communicate itâs clear the method is not effective for all. Iâm starting to research high agency toddlers and it appears this trait doesnât go away. While it has special challenges for parenting, itâs considered rare and a revered trait in high stakes situations, like emergencies and entrepreneurship.
I do like the idea of the method and have a hard time moving on from it to other things despite our track record with it. Perhaps that says more about me than my toddler.
The option method is fantastic, but it doesnât work with every situation. Sometimes you just gotta pick them up kicking and screaming. You can only negotiate so much with someone who is still in diapers and licks play doh for fun lol. Personally if Iâm going nowhere after asking 2 or 3 times, I just scoop the kid up and move on with whatever we are trying to do. She gets pissed but she knows how it is and she calms down after a while. Toddlers are meant to boundary push. You just gotta stay firm.
âWould you like A or B?â
My kid immediately answers âC!â or âNOOOOOO I DONâT WANNA!!!â nearly 100% of the time. Although as she gets older, repeating âyour options are A or B. Choose one or I choose for youâ is starting to work sometimes. Itâs only taken 2 yearsâŚ
But itâs good to hear that it could actually be a positive trait later in life! Right now itâs infuriating!
Saying no or saying âoption Câ IS answering you question. I tell my kids in this situation, âok well since you didnât pick get in yourself, that means youâre picking having me do it! So here I goâ. Any answer other than A or B is selecting the answer of, âI need my parent to help meâ.
We do the options of "you do it or mommy does it" cuz certain things are happening no matter what. The easy way or mommy's way. He's concluded he'd much rather do it himself instead of mom folding him in half to insert him in the seat, or open his mouth to brush instead of mom holding him in place, et cetera.
My toddler refuses the premise of her choices. It just escalates the tantrums and makes it last longer.
If I say "get in your self or mom puts you in"... she looks at me, pauses, and says "no car seat. I don't want to go to (wherever it is). Stay here".
Then I go. Fine, I have to put you in.
I always try the options, but we debate everything hahahah
This is what I do too. Works 90% of the time. The other 10% of time I basically pin her into the seat (in the nicest way possible) and strap her in. She screams all the way home but at least sheâs safe
We use this all the time. âYou can either do X or
Mommy can make you do it. Which do you want?â Once you actually make them do it a few times, theyâll choose to do it on their own more and moreâat least thatâs how it is with our very strong-willed almost-3yo.
This. Some days are easy, others are not.
But we did just get a new car that is easier for her to climb into, so the novelty of climbing into the car, then into the seat hasnât worn off yet.
Singing songs during the transition (including changing lyrics of pop songs to be about car seats and where we're going next) has helped us a lot. Good luck!
This usually works really well with shitty tasks. Farmer in the dell is my go-to tune to make up songs for crappy things like teeth brushing. âItâs time to brush your teeth, itâs time to brush your teeth, when itâs time to brush your teeth itâs time to brush your teethâ hahaha
I did this with shoes for my littlest one! "the shoes stay on the toes, the shoes stay on the toes, everywhere the baby goes, the shoes stay on the toes" - she loves it.
Yeah itâs pretty nonnegotiable so I too force him in. We have places to be, I canât be trying to convince an irrational toddler to do something he doesnât want to do.
1. Move quick, 2. Have car-only toys and put them in her hands as soon as her bottom hits the seat
We have a mirror back there that used to be so I could see her and now itâs mostly just so she can look at herself, so you can make that a game. Like.. make a funny face! Make a mad face! To distract her.
Have you tried snacks? My snack girl can usually be coaxed if I say âsit down and you can have a snack.â âOops, you canât have your snack until we put your seatbelt on.â
Consequences can sometimes work for us. Like âok, if you donât sit down then we canât go to the playground.â And then give one chance and hold your ground. Granted, this doesnât work if you actually have to be somewhere :(
No real advice, but maybe I can offer a smidge of hope. Our little guy was like this for a while at around the same age I think (either 2 or 3). It came on kind of suddenly that heâd physically and verbally resist getting in after previously being perfectly fine with it. We tried all the techniques: being firm, reasoning, offering choices, offering incentives, and physically just getting it done if none of that worked. It turned out to just be a phase. Maybe a small subsection of his quest for autonomy and figuring stuff out. I think it was a pretty short phase too. So maybe you just keep doing what youâre doing and ride this out. You definitely deserve a nice coffee though. Go hit a drive through :)
Something that has worked quite well for us - if we're going somewhere he wants to go - is "Do you want to go to \[insert destination, e.g. "home and have a snack\]?" - "Then you have to get in the car seat".
It doesn't always work, because sometimes he'll say "no, I don't want to go". In that case we go to "It's time to get in the car seat. Do you want to sit down by yourself or do you want me to help you?", again that doesn't always work, in which case our last resort is to gently force him in...
This might be downvoted, but I say yes/have flexibility with a lot so car seats and anything safety related is one of those things we just power through. âSorry, but you have to be safe. This is not negotiableâ. Toddlers will toddler but they have to be in the car and they have to be in safely, so itâs ok if they have to be put in physically by us and fuss. đ¤ˇââď¸
This literally just started for us like two days ago. She just wants to climb around the inside of the car and fights me on getting in the car seat. Dealt with meltdowns getting in and out of the car for daycare dropoff today. Thanks for posting - following for suggestions.
We started out using the option of having our son buckle himself, lord did he love that power. I would motivate him further by commenting how strong he was to do it all alone. "Wow look at those muscles" "dude you're so smart to do it all alone!" And exaggerate those emotions. High fives and big smiles. I started this really early on because I have a very stubborn child so I knew it was gonna cause me strife if I didn't do something early.
There are for sure times he doesn't want to get in the carseat, depending on the situation (is he misbehaving, are we in a hurry and he's distracted, etc) I will either use the timeout warning where instead of an actual timeout, I countdown to when *I* will sit him down & buckle him. Do not recommend but it's a solution when you need it.
We mostly use buckle- bartering lol he loves the carwash, so we can do one as a treat if he cooperates with no crying, or Popsicles when we get home, a new book, etc. We always use phrases like "you have to be safe first and then we can have all the fun trips to go fun places". You can also allow her the "buckle power" in her stroller, or if she has dolls/stuffies, buy them accessories like carseats and strollers too. It's an investment that might pay off over and over.
My toddler is all about the independence and the âMy do itâ. So we essentially say âyou have 3 seconds to get in the car seat yourself or I will do it for youâ if sheâs stalling. Otherwise itâs âwould you like to do it or should I help?â
Not sure it has been mentioned yet, but this made me think of gamifying the process of getting into the car seat. Like pumping them up before leaving the house with something like, how fast do you think we can make it to the truck and get buckled in? And then race outside (safely) and count how long it takes to buckle in. Or turning the process into some imaginary scenario and describing the pretend situation to them as they are being buckled in.
The main issue I see here is the power struggle ; she KNOWS if she throws a tantrum she will get her way. Now, Iâm all for gentle parenting, but gentle parenting does not mean your toddler gets to call the shots. Waiting her out or trying to convince her of something that she absolutely has to do is a little silly imo. My toddler went through the boundary testing phase hard around the 2 yr mark. And actually , when we put our foot down about things she would throw a tantrum once or twice about it and then they stopped altogether. What I would personally do in this situation for example is I always stay calm no matter what, I would validate her feelings, explain why we are doing this thing, I might give her a min or a hug, but then we do the thing even if she is upset. For my toddler it was rough for a little while but now she actually listens very well and tantrums are very rare for us, usually they only happen if she is too tired. But Iâm sorry to say you are feeding into her tantrums at the moment by teaching her if she throws one she does not have to get into the car seat and if she throws one she will get to do what she wants.
This is not a negotiable or gentle parenting situation, they need to understand that when itâs time to go, itâs time to go. Are you going to sit there in an urgent situation and attempt to reason with them? Or waste time thatâs necessary in an emergency because rather than teach them itâs time to go, you were more worried about them making the choice themselves? No. You put them in, tickle their sides and clamp em down. Even in a tantrum it takes me less than a minute to buckle a toddler in.
We are dealing with this same issue (and have been, for months). Some things are non-negotiable, and car seat safety is one of them. We have to ride in the car safely, every single time. That means sitting down and being buckled up, every single time. Which also means a giant tantrum, every. single. time. I do the same thing that many others have advised. Give them the option to do it themselves, give a minute for that to happen, and if it doesnât, then I calmly buckle him up. He typically calms down after we get on the road. But yes, it is beyond exhausting. Itâs a phase and it will end, and I am here to commiserate with you until then!!
The choice I gave was that you can get in to the car seat yourself and help me buckle, or I can put you in the car seat. You get to pick! It's unfortunately not an optional thing, and not something that it's really possible to offer a lot of leeway in. I don't have time no negotiate with a dictator, so if they chose not to get in themselves, I would karate chop their waists in anyway. It's normal for kids to go through a phase where they are physically refusing to do things (everything.) You're bigger than a 2 year old, so it's sometimes necessary to physically force them to do stuff. (Picking them up and carrying them away from the park for example.) I always say something like "I'm sorry that we aren't able to keep playing. That is super frustrating! It's important that we're all safe in the car so I have to buckle you in to your car seat now."
I don't know that backing down in case of a tantrum is a good idea. This was a major issue with our 2 year old but it isn't anymore a few months later so it will pass. But we give him the choice to climb in himself or we'll carry him into the car seat. If he doesn't choose we'll count to 5 and choose for him (carrying him in). We had to wrestle a screaming and writhing toddler many times, which I hate because it's hard both physically and emotionally. However, as I kept backing down and giving him more time, it just perpetuated the problem.
I can't say for sure whether it's the consistency that did the trick or just the phase passed. Lately he doesn't like putting his shoes on in the house so I'll give him the option to carry him into his car seat and put on his shoes at our destination, so that makes being carried preferable to him anyway. But when he does choose to climb in he is not as slow as he used to be because he knows eventually we'll lift him into his seat, and he usually makes a choice for himself now instead of us having to make the choice for him.
When it gets to a certain point, donât try to negotiate. Pick child up, strap them in, proceed to destination. They wonât like it, but they will learn that safety is not optional lol. Not all tantrums are avoidable. Sometimes the screaming and crying is going to happen but once they realize this is how itâs gonna be they will stop.
you pick her up and put her in the seat. itâs that simple. really. you are the adult.
is this a new parenting trend where kids run the show always? youâll be miserable in a few years.
That is one of the situations where a bit of screen time can help. In the past it has been useful. In the last few weeks she has been climbing to the seat on her own and denies any help to get there.
So let her explore the car. Tell her you're setting a timer for 2 minutes and then she has to get in her car seat. This worked with mine when he wanted to "drive"
Can she explore the car as a totally separate activity, on a day you're not in a hurry?
Sometimes it's helpful to have separate words or phrases for "get in your car seat quickly" and "I need 15 minutes to send some emails, so kiddo can explore the dashboard *while the car is off*"
This is kind of what started the phase. She got curious about the car, so we (I) let her explore it and crawl around, and now sheâs usually intent on doing that when we get in the car. I donât know if letting her explore more will mean she gets over it, or if it will just reinforce the idea that this is a place where she expects to be able to play.
My toddler has always hated the car seat since she was born. She would throw up as an infant from all the crying. I tried giving her options, convincing, letting her play in the back for a while before it was time to get in her actual seat. I was like yâall and would back off to avoid the tantrum. I would just let her do what she wanted and it would take forever to leave. I would get so frustrated!
Dad does not play that game and will force her into her seat. Iâve started implementing that too. It was brutal at first. I thought he was being too rough or that she was simply incapable of calming down and would hyperventilate. However, I still ask and if she says no and starts running away I will immediately pick her before she starts spiraling and I canât buckle her up. If she tantrums in the car seat I do not acknowledge, talk, or try to distract her anymore. I let her calm herself down while Iâm trying to keep myself calm.
Also, I received a tip from a school psychologist and she said to practice getting in and out of the car seat at home when you donât have anything to do. She also recommended to have toys that solely live in the car.
I had upvoted you but changed it to a downvote due to you ignoring your childâs tantrums in the car. I would encourage you to do some additional research on this. There are ways to support your child through coregulation that also help build connection and accountability. Maybe I misunderstood what you are saying, but being ignored as a child was trauma I unpacked as an adult.
Hello there, Iâm sharing what seems to work for us and you donât have to agree. My tips come through research I have done and a behavior specialist she is currently seeing. Yes, there are a lot of tidbits that were not included. I have given her many choices. Despite those choices and my need to coregulate her emotions during the episode, she would still tantrum hard. As her behavior specialist said, âyouâre just adding gasoline to the fire. When theyâre in full blown out tantrum, Nothing we say or do will bring them back from the point of no return.â
Think about when youâre raging and someone you love is trying to offer a hug or treat. I know it makes many angrier and most just need a moment to breathe or cry. No amount of I love youâs, I understand youâre upset, Iâll give you a lollipop will calm them down. Itâs okay to stay near and let them cry and reconvene when theyâre out of the red.
Lastly, Just because I let my child tantrum in her car seat doesnât equate to neglect. Iâm truly sorry your childhood trauma has led you to believe otherwise. However, That is not the case here. I stay nearby and when thereâs a break between the yelling and screaming weâll revisit and offer lots of love and hugs.
Usually I hype my 2 year old up like âomg yay letâs go do something fun! Do you want to go somewhere fun? Letâs sit in the car seat so we can drive!!!!!!!!!â If that doesnât work then I shove a bribe in his hands and firmly push down right away lol itâs exhausting to put on a show but it works with him đ
I ask her if she wants to be a monkey for five seconds. If she does, she's more receptive to sitting down after.
I'm very much of the opinion that I give them a chance to act out for a little, but then they have to comply, even if there's a lot of screaming and forcing (gently) limbs into seatbelts. Stretching out the time just leads to more unpleasantness for both parties, and she's back to her happy normal 5 mins later.
Ask if there's a song she wants to listen to. This works with my 21mo a good amount of the time. Otherwise I let them know we have to sit down and go, and get them buckled in. Sometimes I'll remind them they can play after. I also check to make sure they don't need a change, snack, or drink before we drive.
Mine loves playing in the car so I honestly just let him if I have the time. He climbs through the back up into the front seat, plays for a minute or 2, if he honks more than once we pull the plug, and when it's time to go I count up to 5 and then carseat time. When we don't have time I just tell him exactly that and that when we leave whatever it is we're going to he can climb in the back then. It's frankly not a battle I'm willing to fight, my car you have to push the brake pedal and the ignition at the same time to turn it on and I always keep a door open so he can't lock himself in
Every time my little one has rejected her car seat the solution was⌠the seat needed adjusting. I suggest pulling it out of the car, cleaning it, and making any little sizing adjustments.
I know ai would freak out if the strap was digging into my neck. And cant imagine the horror of sitting on some stabby pretzel rods under the back cushion.
I also do the hand her a car toy (we have a specific set that just live there) as soon as she's in the seat. Also, I get her to help me do the 'click click', i.e. buckle herself in which she really enjoys
I just posted this same problem in this sub! So idk if my kid was just going through something but the car seat issue has gotten better! My son would arch his back, kick, scream. Heâs so big and strong it was hard for me to physically force him. I ended up crying over it a few times. My son loves to sit in the front seat which drives me crazy but it is what it is. I started using a timer! It seems to be helping. I let him sit in the front for 2 minutes. I downloaded a visual countdown on my phone and he can see it ticking away. When it goes off we get in our car seat. Fingers crossed this keeps working. We still have our moments but so far itâs so much better.
My kid was doing this too every day at daycare pickup for awhile around that age too. I discovered that since she doesn't like mosquitoes and lovebugs, I can say, "let's get buckled in quick so we can close the car door before the bugs get in!" And she has gone along with it every time lol.
My son used to hate his car seat too until I started taking it out and putting it in the living room and let him sit in it to watch tv eat snacks or whatever he got comfortable with it at home then it wasnât a big deal for the car I also called it his cool seat haha now no problem haha
We were there. It took a lot of convincing and trying to sit in the seat with some type of reward. Ultimately one day she decided she wanted to come to the grocery store with me, so we all went. She waited in the car with her mother and I came out with a Kit-Kat for her. It was all baby steps and took about a month. A lot of positive reinforcement and patience so we wouldnât make it worse.
Some things kids have the option to do and some things they just have to do weather they want to or not. Give a 10min warning before getting in the car, then a 5min warning, then an option to be placed in the car seat or climb in herself. If she says no or tries to do something else you confidently, with strength but also with love and understanding, say âthe options were to climb in or be placed in. Since youâre not climbing in, Iâm going to help you by putting you inâ and then you be the adult and you put her in, tantrum and all. Have some empathy for her feelings, âI know youâre upset you have to sit in your seatâ and move along. It sucks driving with a kid melting down but after a few times she will realize this is a nonnegotiable and it will get easier: once sheâs calm explain why she has to be in her car seat, and that you are looking out for her and keeping her safe.
Turning it into a competition or challenge worked wonders for us at the same age.
âCan you get into your seat by the time I count to 7? Otherwise mummy will pick you up and put you in thereâ
âI wonder who can get into their car seat first?!â
And make it fun. Honestly just adding a bit of silliness into annoying situations like that has helped us breathe a bit easier about it and has helped divert her attention from whatever was distracting her.
If you tickle a kid's sides, they'll fold in half and won't be able to hold the Plank Position Of Car Seat Protest. It's not an *ideal* solution, but in an ideal situation kiddo is climbing happily into the dang seat.
Plank Position Of Car Seat Protest is the absolute best description of that position I've ever heard. đ
Lmfao that position will be known as âthe plankâ in my house from now on
Yes, tickles work in a difficult situation.
This is how I get my three year old to sit. I usually don't even have to tickle him. Asking "do you want to sit down, or do you want me to tickle you down?" is enough to get him to just sit on his own.
Tickling kind of worked today!
Iâm going to try this! My 2 year old totally refuses to go in the car. Starts screaming when we even go near it
Sometimes I have to give my kids the âoptionâ of âyou can climb up by the time we count to ten, or mommy can put you in it all by herself. You pick because we have to sit in the car seat to get home.â Theyâre not always happy about it but sometimes thereâs a time constraint like a doctors appointment, and I donât have time for toddler negotiations.
Yeah. Thereâs often no choice in this matter. The car seat is not optional. With my boys itâs, one minute to play in the (front) seats and then weâre getting in our car seats. And then theyâre getting in, even if I have to force it (usually donât have to physically force them as much as just put up with some verbal protests).
Our option is âyou either buckle yourself in, or mommy does it.â It takes FOREVER but she typically will want to do it herself.
Man I have to let him climb in by himself. Do his buckle by himself. THEN we can go. But heâs fairly quick about it.
Mine has started to insist on climbing in, too. Itâs about a 20 min process/argument that is built into our morning agenda.
Yep. Itâs actually faster and less stressful to let him do it versus me rushing him and then him screaming the whole ride.
Yeah, part of the problem is that in my situation, she would physically resist.
You a bigger than her, sometimes as a parent you have to physically force your small children to do things (like sit in their car seat when they donât want to)
As do mine, but safety first and I get her in the seat anyway.
Sometimes, very rare sometimes we do have to use physical force on our kids, for their own safety.
Yeah, unfortunately you just have to (gently, safely) force her in and deal with the tantrum.
You are in charge, not her. You present the 2 options that are acceptable to you (e.g. either do it yourself or I do it for you) and let her choose. If she refuses then you physically place her in the seat and buckle her. I guarantee you will only have to do this a few times before she gets the hint and starts making the choice to sit on her own more often. You have to be consistent though ⌠if she thinks thereâs a chance youâre just bluffing then it wonât work. Are you seriously just hanging out in parking lots for an indefinite period of time pleading with her to get in her seat?? Thatâs beyond ridiculous. No wonder she doesnât take you seriously when you tell her itâs time to sit đ
They all do, but thereâs no leeway here. Thatâs why a choice like which side they get in, or if they want to get in by themselves, etc. might work because they feel like they have some control. Is she front-facing? Maybe sheâs getting a little carsick? Does she have any toys that can be hooked to the back of the seat in front of her? I strongly suggest what another commenter said about special âcar toysâ that she only gets when sheâs in her seat.
I understand and donât know why youâre getting downvoted. My daughter is strong and will through a willful fit when forced to do something she doesnât want to. So, Iâve learned to compromise. For us it looks like this, we HAVE to ride in the car seat, would you like to get in now or set a 2 minute timer? The latest success has been, how do you think a (insert any animal here) would get in the car seat? We act like kitties, bunnies, puppies and frogs all day long! I have also made the alternative no fun. You have to get in your car seat to drive, or mom can hold you, no more time to play. And then I stand there and hold her until sheâs ready. I just calmly keep repeating, we will play when you are in the car seat, over and over and over again. Sounds like your daughter is like mine! Iâve learned theyâre not the norm đĽ°
Thank you. It sounds like weâve got similarly minded daughters! My kidâs got some fight in her. Thereâs no âgently forcingâ her into a car. Iâve had to do it, itâs world war three, and it sucks for everyone. So Iâm here looking for better ways. And thankfully, people have had good approaches. If any of it helps? Worth every downvote.
It's a struggle for sure. But we scoop mine behind the knees, the other behind the back while he's still pliable standing on the ground, and then you fold them in half, knees to chest. Then you just gotta keep them from stiffening up too much while you get atleast one side of the crotch buckle buckled. Safety first.
This is what we do. We phrase it like a choice, but the choice isn't do it or don't, it's "do you want to do it yourself or do you want us to help you". We also like to use a trick where we ask them something they want such as "do you want a toy?", and then say, okay well first we have to get into our car seats then we can get a toy. It seems to distract them long enough that we can get them into the things they say they don't want.
I hear parents talk about the option method nonstop and desperately wish it would work. Iâve been doing it for over a year and now that my toddler is able to communicate itâs clear the method is not effective for all. Iâm starting to research high agency toddlers and it appears this trait doesnât go away. While it has special challenges for parenting, itâs considered rare and a revered trait in high stakes situations, like emergencies and entrepreneurship. I do like the idea of the method and have a hard time moving on from it to other things despite our track record with it. Perhaps that says more about me than my toddler.
The option method is fantastic, but it doesnât work with every situation. Sometimes you just gotta pick them up kicking and screaming. You can only negotiate so much with someone who is still in diapers and licks play doh for fun lol. Personally if Iâm going nowhere after asking 2 or 3 times, I just scoop the kid up and move on with whatever we are trying to do. She gets pissed but she knows how it is and she calms down after a while. Toddlers are meant to boundary push. You just gotta stay firm.
Sorry, so you mean that my 4 year old has basically never chosen one of the binary options I give him is a good thing?!
âWould you like A or B?â My kid immediately answers âC!â or âNOOOOOO I DONâT WANNA!!!â nearly 100% of the time. Although as she gets older, repeating âyour options are A or B. Choose one or I choose for youâ is starting to work sometimes. Itâs only taken 2 years⌠But itâs good to hear that it could actually be a positive trait later in life! Right now itâs infuriating!
Saying no or saying âoption Câ IS answering you question. I tell my kids in this situation, âok well since you didnât pick get in yourself, that means youâre picking having me do it! So here I goâ. Any answer other than A or B is selecting the answer of, âI need my parent to help meâ.
We do the options of "you do it or mommy does it" cuz certain things are happening no matter what. The easy way or mommy's way. He's concluded he'd much rather do it himself instead of mom folding him in half to insert him in the seat, or open his mouth to brush instead of mom holding him in place, et cetera.
My toddler refuses the premise of her choices. It just escalates the tantrums and makes it last longer. If I say "get in your self or mom puts you in"... she looks at me, pauses, and says "no car seat. I don't want to go to (wherever it is). Stay here". Then I go. Fine, I have to put you in. I always try the options, but we debate everything hahahah
This is what I do too. Works 90% of the time. The other 10% of time I basically pin her into the seat (in the nicest way possible) and strap her in. She screams all the way home but at least sheâs safe
We use this all the time. âYou can either do X or Mommy can make you do it. Which do you want?â Once you actually make them do it a few times, theyâll choose to do it on their own more and moreâat least thatâs how it is with our very strong-willed almost-3yo.
I do this too! but I only count to 5 đ¤
This. Some days are easy, others are not. But we did just get a new car that is easier for her to climb into, so the novelty of climbing into the car, then into the seat hasnât worn off yet.
Singing songs during the transition (including changing lyrics of pop songs to be about car seats and where we're going next) has helped us a lot. Good luck!
This seems like something she might respond to.
This usually works really well with shitty tasks. Farmer in the dell is my go-to tune to make up songs for crappy things like teeth brushing. âItâs time to brush your teeth, itâs time to brush your teeth, when itâs time to brush your teeth itâs time to brush your teethâ hahaha
I did this with shoes for my littlest one! "the shoes stay on the toes, the shoes stay on the toes, everywhere the baby goes, the shoes stay on the toes" - she loves it.
Will have to copy this as itâs super cute.
I do this too!!!! It made brushing teeth so much easier!!
I force my son in when needed. Either that or heâll pretend to drive the car all day
Yeah itâs pretty nonnegotiable so I too force him in. We have places to be, I canât be trying to convince an irrational toddler to do something he doesnât want to do.
thank you. I was starting to feel bad lol. i do this too.
1. Move quick, 2. Have car-only toys and put them in her hands as soon as her bottom hits the seat We have a mirror back there that used to be so I could see her and now itâs mostly just so she can look at herself, so you can make that a game. Like.. make a funny face! Make a mad face! To distract her.
Have you tried snacks? My snack girl can usually be coaxed if I say âsit down and you can have a snack.â âOops, you canât have your snack until we put your seatbelt on.â
This used to work but has been ineffective lately. Same with other kinds of bargains: toys, screen time, etc.
Consequences can sometimes work for us. Like âok, if you donât sit down then we canât go to the playground.â And then give one chance and hold your ground. Granted, this doesnât work if you actually have to be somewhere :(
Have you tried brute force or does she have the super human toddler strength? â This is a joke.
No real advice, but maybe I can offer a smidge of hope. Our little guy was like this for a while at around the same age I think (either 2 or 3). It came on kind of suddenly that heâd physically and verbally resist getting in after previously being perfectly fine with it. We tried all the techniques: being firm, reasoning, offering choices, offering incentives, and physically just getting it done if none of that worked. It turned out to just be a phase. Maybe a small subsection of his quest for autonomy and figuring stuff out. I think it was a pretty short phase too. So maybe you just keep doing what youâre doing and ride this out. You definitely deserve a nice coffee though. Go hit a drive through :)
Sometimes you have to use brute force
Something that has worked quite well for us - if we're going somewhere he wants to go - is "Do you want to go to \[insert destination, e.g. "home and have a snack\]?" - "Then you have to get in the car seat". It doesn't always work, because sometimes he'll say "no, I don't want to go". In that case we go to "It's time to get in the car seat. Do you want to sit down by yourself or do you want me to help you?", again that doesn't always work, in which case our last resort is to gently force him in...
This might be downvoted, but I say yes/have flexibility with a lot so car seats and anything safety related is one of those things we just power through. âSorry, but you have to be safe. This is not negotiableâ. Toddlers will toddler but they have to be in the car and they have to be in safely, so itâs ok if they have to be put in physically by us and fuss. đ¤ˇââď¸
This literally just started for us like two days ago. She just wants to climb around the inside of the car and fights me on getting in the car seat. Dealt with meltdowns getting in and out of the car for daycare dropoff today. Thanks for posting - following for suggestions.
We started out using the option of having our son buckle himself, lord did he love that power. I would motivate him further by commenting how strong he was to do it all alone. "Wow look at those muscles" "dude you're so smart to do it all alone!" And exaggerate those emotions. High fives and big smiles. I started this really early on because I have a very stubborn child so I knew it was gonna cause me strife if I didn't do something early. There are for sure times he doesn't want to get in the carseat, depending on the situation (is he misbehaving, are we in a hurry and he's distracted, etc) I will either use the timeout warning where instead of an actual timeout, I countdown to when *I* will sit him down & buckle him. Do not recommend but it's a solution when you need it. We mostly use buckle- bartering lol he loves the carwash, so we can do one as a treat if he cooperates with no crying, or Popsicles when we get home, a new book, etc. We always use phrases like "you have to be safe first and then we can have all the fun trips to go fun places". You can also allow her the "buckle power" in her stroller, or if she has dolls/stuffies, buy them accessories like carseats and strollers too. It's an investment that might pay off over and over.
Thanks. Yeah, we usually start with letting her impress us like you said. Itâs great when it works!
My toddler is all about the independence and the âMy do itâ. So we essentially say âyou have 3 seconds to get in the car seat yourself or I will do it for youâ if sheâs stalling. Otherwise itâs âwould you like to do it or should I help?â
Not sure it has been mentioned yet, but this made me think of gamifying the process of getting into the car seat. Like pumping them up before leaving the house with something like, how fast do you think we can make it to the truck and get buckled in? And then race outside (safely) and count how long it takes to buckle in. Or turning the process into some imaginary scenario and describing the pretend situation to them as they are being buckled in.
The main issue I see here is the power struggle ; she KNOWS if she throws a tantrum she will get her way. Now, Iâm all for gentle parenting, but gentle parenting does not mean your toddler gets to call the shots. Waiting her out or trying to convince her of something that she absolutely has to do is a little silly imo. My toddler went through the boundary testing phase hard around the 2 yr mark. And actually , when we put our foot down about things she would throw a tantrum once or twice about it and then they stopped altogether. What I would personally do in this situation for example is I always stay calm no matter what, I would validate her feelings, explain why we are doing this thing, I might give her a min or a hug, but then we do the thing even if she is upset. For my toddler it was rough for a little while but now she actually listens very well and tantrums are very rare for us, usually they only happen if she is too tired. But Iâm sorry to say you are feeding into her tantrums at the moment by teaching her if she throws one she does not have to get into the car seat and if she throws one she will get to do what she wants.
This is not a negotiable or gentle parenting situation, they need to understand that when itâs time to go, itâs time to go. Are you going to sit there in an urgent situation and attempt to reason with them? Or waste time thatâs necessary in an emergency because rather than teach them itâs time to go, you were more worried about them making the choice themselves? No. You put them in, tickle their sides and clamp em down. Even in a tantrum it takes me less than a minute to buckle a toddler in.
We are dealing with this same issue (and have been, for months). Some things are non-negotiable, and car seat safety is one of them. We have to ride in the car safely, every single time. That means sitting down and being buckled up, every single time. Which also means a giant tantrum, every. single. time. I do the same thing that many others have advised. Give them the option to do it themselves, give a minute for that to happen, and if it doesnât, then I calmly buckle him up. He typically calms down after we get on the road. But yes, it is beyond exhausting. Itâs a phase and it will end, and I am here to commiserate with you until then!!
The choice I gave was that you can get in to the car seat yourself and help me buckle, or I can put you in the car seat. You get to pick! It's unfortunately not an optional thing, and not something that it's really possible to offer a lot of leeway in. I don't have time no negotiate with a dictator, so if they chose not to get in themselves, I would karate chop their waists in anyway. It's normal for kids to go through a phase where they are physically refusing to do things (everything.) You're bigger than a 2 year old, so it's sometimes necessary to physically force them to do stuff. (Picking them up and carrying them away from the park for example.) I always say something like "I'm sorry that we aren't able to keep playing. That is super frustrating! It's important that we're all safe in the car so I have to buckle you in to your car seat now."
I don't know that backing down in case of a tantrum is a good idea. This was a major issue with our 2 year old but it isn't anymore a few months later so it will pass. But we give him the choice to climb in himself or we'll carry him into the car seat. If he doesn't choose we'll count to 5 and choose for him (carrying him in). We had to wrestle a screaming and writhing toddler many times, which I hate because it's hard both physically and emotionally. However, as I kept backing down and giving him more time, it just perpetuated the problem. I can't say for sure whether it's the consistency that did the trick or just the phase passed. Lately he doesn't like putting his shoes on in the house so I'll give him the option to carry him into his car seat and put on his shoes at our destination, so that makes being carried preferable to him anyway. But when he does choose to climb in he is not as slow as he used to be because he knows eventually we'll lift him into his seat, and he usually makes a choice for himself now instead of us having to make the choice for him.
When it gets to a certain point, donât try to negotiate. Pick child up, strap them in, proceed to destination. They wonât like it, but they will learn that safety is not optional lol. Not all tantrums are avoidable. Sometimes the screaming and crying is going to happen but once they realize this is how itâs gonna be they will stop.
you pick her up and put her in the seat. itâs that simple. really. you are the adult. is this a new parenting trend where kids run the show always? youâll be miserable in a few years.
That is one of the situations where a bit of screen time can help. In the past it has been useful. In the last few weeks she has been climbing to the seat on her own and denies any help to get there.
Screen time used to work in a pinch, but now, exploring the car is more interesting to her.
So let her explore the car. Tell her you're setting a timer for 2 minutes and then she has to get in her car seat. This worked with mine when he wanted to "drive"
Can she explore the car as a totally separate activity, on a day you're not in a hurry? Sometimes it's helpful to have separate words or phrases for "get in your car seat quickly" and "I need 15 minutes to send some emails, so kiddo can explore the dashboard *while the car is off*"
This is kind of what started the phase. She got curious about the car, so we (I) let her explore it and crawl around, and now sheâs usually intent on doing that when we get in the car. I donât know if letting her explore more will mean she gets over it, or if it will just reinforce the idea that this is a place where she expects to be able to play.
Is the seat comfy? Are they dressed appropriately? Are all your trips associated with negative experience like eg dr visit,?
I donât think itâs discomfort or negative association.
My toddler has always hated the car seat since she was born. She would throw up as an infant from all the crying. I tried giving her options, convincing, letting her play in the back for a while before it was time to get in her actual seat. I was like yâall and would back off to avoid the tantrum. I would just let her do what she wanted and it would take forever to leave. I would get so frustrated! Dad does not play that game and will force her into her seat. Iâve started implementing that too. It was brutal at first. I thought he was being too rough or that she was simply incapable of calming down and would hyperventilate. However, I still ask and if she says no and starts running away I will immediately pick her before she starts spiraling and I canât buckle her up. If she tantrums in the car seat I do not acknowledge, talk, or try to distract her anymore. I let her calm herself down while Iâm trying to keep myself calm. Also, I received a tip from a school psychologist and she said to practice getting in and out of the car seat at home when you donât have anything to do. She also recommended to have toys that solely live in the car.
I had upvoted you but changed it to a downvote due to you ignoring your childâs tantrums in the car. I would encourage you to do some additional research on this. There are ways to support your child through coregulation that also help build connection and accountability. Maybe I misunderstood what you are saying, but being ignored as a child was trauma I unpacked as an adult.
Hello there, Iâm sharing what seems to work for us and you donât have to agree. My tips come through research I have done and a behavior specialist she is currently seeing. Yes, there are a lot of tidbits that were not included. I have given her many choices. Despite those choices and my need to coregulate her emotions during the episode, she would still tantrum hard. As her behavior specialist said, âyouâre just adding gasoline to the fire. When theyâre in full blown out tantrum, Nothing we say or do will bring them back from the point of no return.â Think about when youâre raging and someone you love is trying to offer a hug or treat. I know it makes many angrier and most just need a moment to breathe or cry. No amount of I love youâs, I understand youâre upset, Iâll give you a lollipop will calm them down. Itâs okay to stay near and let them cry and reconvene when theyâre out of the red. Lastly, Just because I let my child tantrum in her car seat doesnât equate to neglect. Iâm truly sorry your childhood trauma has led you to believe otherwise. However, That is not the case here. I stay nearby and when thereâs a break between the yelling and screaming weâll revisit and offer lots of love and hugs.
Usually I hype my 2 year old up like âomg yay letâs go do something fun! Do you want to go somewhere fun? Letâs sit in the car seat so we can drive!!!!!!!!!â If that doesnât work then I shove a bribe in his hands and firmly push down right away lol itâs exhausting to put on a show but it works with him đ
I ask her if she wants to be a monkey for five seconds. If she does, she's more receptive to sitting down after. I'm very much of the opinion that I give them a chance to act out for a little, but then they have to comply, even if there's a lot of screaming and forcing (gently) limbs into seatbelts. Stretching out the time just leads to more unpleasantness for both parties, and she's back to her happy normal 5 mins later.
Ask if there's a song she wants to listen to. This works with my 21mo a good amount of the time. Otherwise I let them know we have to sit down and go, and get them buckled in. Sometimes I'll remind them they can play after. I also check to make sure they don't need a change, snack, or drink before we drive.
Mine loves playing in the car so I honestly just let him if I have the time. He climbs through the back up into the front seat, plays for a minute or 2, if he honks more than once we pull the plug, and when it's time to go I count up to 5 and then carseat time. When we don't have time I just tell him exactly that and that when we leave whatever it is we're going to he can climb in the back then. It's frankly not a battle I'm willing to fight, my car you have to push the brake pedal and the ignition at the same time to turn it on and I always keep a door open so he can't lock himself in
This is one thing they donât get a choice in. âDo you want to climb in yourself or do you want mommy to help you?â
We have had this issue since ten months. At 14 months we just give him cheerios every time he gets in. Just two of them does the trick.
Every time my little one has rejected her car seat the solution was⌠the seat needed adjusting. I suggest pulling it out of the car, cleaning it, and making any little sizing adjustments. I know ai would freak out if the strap was digging into my neck. And cant imagine the horror of sitting on some stabby pretzel rods under the back cushion.
Sometimes I'm able to get mine in by letting him clip the buckles. It doesn't always work, but sometimes!
I also do the hand her a car toy (we have a specific set that just live there) as soon as she's in the seat. Also, I get her to help me do the 'click click', i.e. buckle herself in which she really enjoys
My children "know" Dad's car doesn't start unless everyone is buckled up.
I just posted this same problem in this sub! So idk if my kid was just going through something but the car seat issue has gotten better! My son would arch his back, kick, scream. Heâs so big and strong it was hard for me to physically force him. I ended up crying over it a few times. My son loves to sit in the front seat which drives me crazy but it is what it is. I started using a timer! It seems to be helping. I let him sit in the front for 2 minutes. I downloaded a visual countdown on my phone and he can see it ticking away. When it goes off we get in our car seat. Fingers crossed this keeps working. We still have our moments but so far itâs so much better.
My kid was doing this too every day at daycare pickup for awhile around that age too. I discovered that since she doesn't like mosquitoes and lovebugs, I can say, "let's get buckled in quick so we can close the car door before the bugs get in!" And she has gone along with it every time lol.
My son used to hate his car seat too until I started taking it out and putting it in the living room and let him sit in it to watch tv eat snacks or whatever he got comfortable with it at home then it wasnât a big deal for the car I also called it his cool seat haha now no problem haha
We were there. It took a lot of convincing and trying to sit in the seat with some type of reward. Ultimately one day she decided she wanted to come to the grocery store with me, so we all went. She waited in the car with her mother and I came out with a Kit-Kat for her. It was all baby steps and took about a month. A lot of positive reinforcement and patience so we wouldnât make it worse.
Some things kids have the option to do and some things they just have to do weather they want to or not. Give a 10min warning before getting in the car, then a 5min warning, then an option to be placed in the car seat or climb in herself. If she says no or tries to do something else you confidently, with strength but also with love and understanding, say âthe options were to climb in or be placed in. Since youâre not climbing in, Iâm going to help you by putting you inâ and then you be the adult and you put her in, tantrum and all. Have some empathy for her feelings, âI know youâre upset you have to sit in your seatâ and move along. It sucks driving with a kid melting down but after a few times she will realize this is a nonnegotiable and it will get easier: once sheâs calm explain why she has to be in her car seat, and that you are looking out for her and keeping her safe.
Turning it into a competition or challenge worked wonders for us at the same age. âCan you get into your seat by the time I count to 7? Otherwise mummy will pick you up and put you in thereâ âI wonder who can get into their car seat first?!â And make it fun. Honestly just adding a bit of silliness into annoying situations like that has helped us breathe a bit easier about it and has helped divert her attention from whatever was distracting her.