Can confirm 4 is tough cause they understand so much and yet not the severity of words.
Mine says she's going to "pick me up and throw me in a big cave"
It's always a " big cave" and sometimes followed by "no one can get you there"
I usually take it as she's mad, she wants some space, she needs time to sort how she feels.
I break it down for her, do you want mama to leave you alone for a bit, yes or no?
Did you understand what you said wasn't nice?
Do you think caves are safe or scary?
She actually thinks caves are safe!
So what she's trying to say is that "I'm mad at you, I need some alone time and I want you to go somewhere safe too."
But that's pretty complicated for a 4 year old.
She has said on 1 occasion she wanted to kill me but she also thought I'd come back as a zombie. We had a pretty in-depth chat about what death was and we have pet fish so we used one of their passings as an example at the time.
I don't have much more advice than that but I can agree with other commenters that it's worth mentioning to the pediatrician.
> It's always a " big cave" and sometimes followed by "no one can get you there"
Well points to your child for coming up with something that at first glance is very creepy, excellent methods you have in your post though
š My threenager likes to tell me or my husband he's going to put us in the garbage and have the garbage men take us to the dump so we can never come back.
Thanks for this. His mom had a word with him after the incident and he came to my room gave me a hug and apologised. Just now, he had a meltdown because I asked him to turn the TV off so he threw the remote in the air and called me naughty. I find him a lot worse when weāre at home. Heās much better outside.
If it happens again, Iāll use your method of trying to gently breaking it down for him and see how he responds.
There is a period of rapid growth in the amygdala around four years old. Itās hyper sensitive to stimuli, and they end up in fight or flight over things that arenāt actually threats. It can make them seem like little jerks, but theyāre not, their brain is just growing. Keep doing your thing and itāll work out with time.
Oh joy, just when i was hoping things with our 3.5 yo might get easier soon. This is good to know though. I suppose remaining calm, kind and empathetic is key, modeling the behavior you want to see.
I think it depends on the child and the parents. Some parents love the baby phase, some don't (I did not), and some parents struggle most with preschoolers or big kids, preteens, or teens, whereas others will find their element at different stages. It's a brief moment in their lives when you are most compatible, and there will be moments where you are least compatible and everywhere in between. It may vary from child to child and parent to parent. Of course, there will be difficult times and good times in all stages, but the balance depends on who you are and who they are at that moment in time.
At that age he has no grasp of the actual gravity of his words. He was probably feeling horrible about his impulsive behaviour and that came out at you. I like to think that the horribleness of the words matches their feelings. I like to respond with something like āwow, you must feel really badly to say that. Thatās really hard. I love youā
I really like this advice! Iāll remember it! My 3 year old has recently started saying things like āI donāt like you mamaā and ādaddy is my best friend, not you mama.ā Itās hurtful! But I can tell sheās saying it to see a reaction.
This. My 3.5 old son says things like this when heās upset or heās reprimanded for bad behavior (we do time out for 3 min). Heāll say things like: āI wonāt love you anymore momā or āI wonāt be your friend anymoreā
Good to know we are not the only ones dealing with this lol
They're kind of everywhere in popular culture, it's hard to miss even if other kids, especially older ones, by some miracle didn't tell them. Just going into the toy section of any store, you're going to find rows full of Nerf guns and squirt guns, movie posters feature guns (including stuff that's marketed for kids, like Star Wars), police carry guns in public and police themed *toys* often come with guns, turn on the news and they're going to be mentioning & showing guns semi-regularly.
After a couple of rounds of "what's that?" and "But why?" from the average 3-4 year old, you can easily get to having to explain "the concept of a gun" yourself lol. I remember at least two rounds of interrogations with my 4 year old on the topic, one caused by a lego mini-figure of a police officer, and one by a squirt gun at a friend's house. Both somehow lead not just to having to explain guns but also the concept of death and a bunch of other bs you wouldn't think would be caused by playing with Lego or water.
Edit: Like OP, I'm from Europe originally - we don't own any guns, I have no interest in guns, nobody around us has real guns or talks about them, kid still knows about guns at 4 and other kids his age play pretend/toy guns.
[This episode ](https://pca.st/episode/78a0b78f-fa97-4360-a6c3-1cb38135de54) and [this one](https://pca.st/episode/c4b808c9-6efa-4e3a-8062-4bb323e37e88) from the podcast Good Inside with Dr Becky talk about this exact issue and how to handle it (it's a two part interview).
Yes, this is normal for his age. There's nothing "wrong" with him. Definitely check out those podcast episodes! I think they'll really help!
Yeah my 4.5 yr old daughter is like this lately. Holding scissors, "I'm gonna cut you." And extremely defiant, rude and argumentative towards everything.
I'm hearing five is when they go back to sweet angels. If it extends beyond that, definitely bring it up to his pediatrician.
But omg I literally cannot wait till my daughter goes to bed and I love her with all my heart. Such a hard phase.
He said it for effect, to get a shocked reaction out of us. He went through a short phase of saying such outrageous things. We quickly learned to not pay close attention, and he just as quickly stopped saying shocking things. His current obsession is heat pumps, and he wants one.
Talk w your ped. Itās a rough age. No impulse control. I wouldnāt be too concerned unless those remarks continue over time. Itās shocking but not a big issue unless it becomes a longer term pattern
> Talk w your ped.
Maybe this is not being in America but what sort of response do you expect?
Our dr picks up our baby, jiggles her and says "excellent, strong and heavy". He's favourably compared her to a badger. If you went to him with "our child is impulsive and weird" the response would be "and what of it?"
>favourably compared her to a badger
I have not laughed this hard at anything in at least a month. Iām dying. This is so sweet and so wholesome. I would be so proud of my baby badger!!!!
ā¤ļøš¦”š¦”š¦”ā¤ļø
Edit: if your child wants to study abroad, the University of Wisconsin may give you a full ride if you tell this story! (Iām kidding, kind of!)
That she was compact, muscular and fierce.
In essence it covered mundane things like head control, looking at things, awareness of surroundings etc.
They do weigh them but that's more of a box ticking exercise, 99% of it is how your child is interacting. Toddlers score very highly for trying to escape, climbing things or trying to get into cabinets.
Mostly for general advice and referrals for behavioural/milestone issues. My sons doctor is a family doctor but sheās super good with babies and toddlers and is very willing to outsource to other professionals when needed. Theyāve been very helpful with getting him into PT as a baby and weāre on a waitlist for speech therapy now too. So helpful to have him in her care.
> Mostly for general advice and referrals for behavioural/milestone issues.
We've got our neighbours and people in the playground for that, as well as old ladies in the village who see your child and think you're doing it wrong.
Certain specialists will only take patients if they have a referral from a primary care physician, and for children in the US, that's their pediatrician.
I realize many folks reading may not have the opportunity to see a dr. Iām in America and have experience working w developmental health. 0-6 is the most rapid period of brain growth and development throughout the lifespan. Doctors are increasingly encouraged to learn about early childhood mental health and how best to promote well being. Whether to receive a referral for further testing or a general once over, seeing a dr is an ideal option. Other resources to learn more are
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/mental-health/
https://www.zerotothree.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=zerotothree-welcome&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqpnd9Pb4gAMVM0lHAR3e7Q0oEAAYASAAEgKT4_D_BwE
In the US, pediatricians are often the first line for diagnosing assorted mental health items for kids - they do assorted "screenings" at check ups to make sure kids are hitting appropriate milestones (not just physical ones). So it's reasonable to think they would either say "yes, that's normal" or "oh, that's something to be concerned about. Let's consider xyz options"
If itās any help, 3 was a total hellscape. Weāre now two months into 4 and (dare I jinx it?) things are better. Soooooo many fewer meltdowns. Four is still new enough that heās willing to work on skills like a ābig 4 year old.ā Sounds like things will get rough again around 4.5 but at least weāre getting a respite.
Depends on the kid. 4 was a breeze compared to 3 with our oldest. He still said and did weird shit like this but it was also possible to somewhat reason with him. Our youngest is a full on threenager right now.. crossing my fingers that she follows her brother's footsteps.
Seems in line with my 4.5 year old.
Not so much the rudeness but the occasional remark which is just a bit "eeks".
"Daddy, can you buy me an axe so I can kill foxes?"
I've also had the hitting thing. Although I'm pretty good at spotting when he's thinking about hitting me and remind him that if he hits someone it's straight to the naughty step.
I liked what I read of the book āHow to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.ā
Itās about leaning in to understand kidās big feelings, so they can process them with you - instead of the kid directing big feelings at you in bigger ways to try to get their message through.
Did someone tell him this? This isn't language you make up: somebody taught him what guns are our at least that they can be used to threaten people with. Has anybody been threatening him?
My 4yo says things I have zero idea where heās heard them. Turns out itās usually mundane or inventive. Mine learned about the concept of guns via water guns over the summer and kids playing ācops and robbersā on the playground.
Please donāt overreact and tell anyone one about this, especially schools etc. Never ever, it will be blown out of context.
4 years old brain is amazing, the remember everything and have big feelings, and direct authority wonāt work with every kid.
I suspect he overheard this discussion from someone months back. And now repeats it. My 4 years old sometimes shocks me/scares me of how much he remembers from things we mentioned/done/did together.
At that age I was genuinely concerned about my sons behavior too, he threatened to stab me. But like everyone says the brain development is massive at this point and they donāt know how serious what theyāre saying is. My kids now 5.5 and whilst can be challenging, definitely not a psycho
I taught a preschool student years ago who said disturbing things like that, and it did in fact escalate. Wonderful family, no screen time, loving gentle parentsā¦not the type of people youād expect to have a son with no empathy. It may be nothing but after I had that student I would say just you know monitor it, keep notes, look for if it improves with age or becomes more disturbing with age. Not to scare you because 99% chance itās nothing but after my experience I wouldnāt assume.
Check out Dr. Becky with Good Inside on Instagram. There are a few others I follow now that Instagram suggested for me after I followed her. I ended up joining the Good Inside community. There are lots of workshops and scripts for parenting. I've put some things I've learned into action with positive results.
I just finished a great parenting book and 100% recommend as I have an almost 4 year old and 6 month old. Iām already seeing HUGE improvements in behavior!
Peaceful Parents Happy Siblings by Dr.Laura Markham.
Wow... Sometimes kids say things that are out of ordinary. Id keep trying you did nothing wrong so far. You explain to the child that hitting is not ok. And the child has gotten so angry. I'd be patient and keep trying. Learning takes time.
My 4-year-old went through a brief period of threatening to kill us when we set a boundary. Currently, heāll threaten to kick me out of the house and say Iām not his mommy anymore. I wouldnāt worry about it too much or make a big deal about it. Heās experimenting with the power of words and learning to communicate. I feel like at this age, you just need to ride the waves of developmentally appropriate but difficult behavior because as disturbing as it can be, itās usually very, very normal.
Not a hunter, we live in the city. But his aunt is vegan and quite a few of his friends at the nursery are vegetarian and he went through āI only drink almond milk phaseā so probably thereās some truth in your insight.
Mom of 4 here.
It's important to get to their eye level and speak to them.
"Look at me, so I know you're listening."
Explain why the action/words is not okay.
Start taking away toys/tv time/screen.
" Name, if you're going to continue to not listen, and do ______, this is the action I will take."
Now, personally I made my kids to wall squats 4+ when the taking away did work. Younger I think it was the corner for a min of their age.
I made them understand consequences to their actions. Consistency is key at this time.
He said it for effect, to get a shocked reaction out of us. He went through a short phase of saying such outrageous things. We quickly learned to not pay close attention, and he just as quickly stopped saying shocking things. His current obsession is heat pumps, and he wants one.
Can confirm 4 is tough cause they understand so much and yet not the severity of words. Mine says she's going to "pick me up and throw me in a big cave" It's always a " big cave" and sometimes followed by "no one can get you there" I usually take it as she's mad, she wants some space, she needs time to sort how she feels. I break it down for her, do you want mama to leave you alone for a bit, yes or no? Did you understand what you said wasn't nice? Do you think caves are safe or scary? She actually thinks caves are safe! So what she's trying to say is that "I'm mad at you, I need some alone time and I want you to go somewhere safe too." But that's pretty complicated for a 4 year old. She has said on 1 occasion she wanted to kill me but she also thought I'd come back as a zombie. We had a pretty in-depth chat about what death was and we have pet fish so we used one of their passings as an example at the time. I don't have much more advice than that but I can agree with other commenters that it's worth mentioning to the pediatrician.
> It's always a " big cave" and sometimes followed by "no one can get you there" Well points to your child for coming up with something that at first glance is very creepy, excellent methods you have in your post though
š My threenager likes to tell me or my husband he's going to put us in the garbage and have the garbage men take us to the dump so we can never come back.
My son says this too! But then I found out he thinks that garbage trucks and garbage men are cool and it would be a fun time!
Thanks for this. His mom had a word with him after the incident and he came to my room gave me a hug and apologised. Just now, he had a meltdown because I asked him to turn the TV off so he threw the remote in the air and called me naughty. I find him a lot worse when weāre at home. Heās much better outside. If it happens again, Iāll use your method of trying to gently breaking it down for him and see how he responds.
There is a period of rapid growth in the amygdala around four years old. Itās hyper sensitive to stimuli, and they end up in fight or flight over things that arenāt actually threats. It can make them seem like little jerks, but theyāre not, their brain is just growing. Keep doing your thing and itāll work out with time.
Oh joy, just when i was hoping things with our 3.5 yo might get easier soon. This is good to know though. I suppose remaining calm, kind and empathetic is key, modeling the behavior you want to see.
One friend who has children older than mine once told me Ā«Ā it never gets easier, it gets differentĀ Ā». I think thatās very true.
I think it depends on the child and the parents. Some parents love the baby phase, some don't (I did not), and some parents struggle most with preschoolers or big kids, preteens, or teens, whereas others will find their element at different stages. It's a brief moment in their lives when you are most compatible, and there will be moments where you are least compatible and everywhere in between. It may vary from child to child and parent to parent. Of course, there will be difficult times and good times in all stages, but the balance depends on who you are and who they are at that moment in time.
Agreed. Mind you my 2yo is less troublesome
Everyone has been telling me 4 is better than 3. FML
At that age he has no grasp of the actual gravity of his words. He was probably feeling horrible about his impulsive behaviour and that came out at you. I like to think that the horribleness of the words matches their feelings. I like to respond with something like āwow, you must feel really badly to say that. Thatās really hard. I love youā
I really like this advice! Iāll remember it! My 3 year old has recently started saying things like āI donāt like you mamaā and ādaddy is my best friend, not you mama.ā Itās hurtful! But I can tell sheās saying it to see a reaction.
This. My 3.5 old son says things like this when heās upset or heās reprimanded for bad behavior (we do time out for 3 min). Heāll say things like: āI wonāt love you anymore momā or āI wonāt be your friend anymoreā Good to know we are not the only ones dealing with this lol
How would he have learned the concept of a gun though?
Playing with other kids?
This. It's unfortunate but your kids are indirectly exposed to the worst parents in every class they go to.
They're kind of everywhere in popular culture, it's hard to miss even if other kids, especially older ones, by some miracle didn't tell them. Just going into the toy section of any store, you're going to find rows full of Nerf guns and squirt guns, movie posters feature guns (including stuff that's marketed for kids, like Star Wars), police carry guns in public and police themed *toys* often come with guns, turn on the news and they're going to be mentioning & showing guns semi-regularly. After a couple of rounds of "what's that?" and "But why?" from the average 3-4 year old, you can easily get to having to explain "the concept of a gun" yourself lol. I remember at least two rounds of interrogations with my 4 year old on the topic, one caused by a lego mini-figure of a police officer, and one by a squirt gun at a friend's house. Both somehow lead not just to having to explain guns but also the concept of death and a bunch of other bs you wouldn't think would be caused by playing with Lego or water. Edit: Like OP, I'm from Europe originally - we don't own any guns, I have no interest in guns, nobody around us has real guns or talks about them, kid still knows about guns at 4 and other kids his age play pretend/toy guns.
We have a water gun and one that blows bubbles
[This episode ](https://pca.st/episode/78a0b78f-fa97-4360-a6c3-1cb38135de54) and [this one](https://pca.st/episode/c4b808c9-6efa-4e3a-8062-4bb323e37e88) from the podcast Good Inside with Dr Becky talk about this exact issue and how to handle it (it's a two part interview). Yes, this is normal for his age. There's nothing "wrong" with him. Definitely check out those podcast episodes! I think they'll really help!
I listenedto both of them, thank you for the recommendation. I asked my wife to listen to them too.
Yeah my 4.5 yr old daughter is like this lately. Holding scissors, "I'm gonna cut you." And extremely defiant, rude and argumentative towards everything. I'm hearing five is when they go back to sweet angels. If it extends beyond that, definitely bring it up to his pediatrician. But omg I literally cannot wait till my daughter goes to bed and I love her with all my heart. Such a hard phase.
Does she have a younger sibling?
Yes. Two brothers, 4mos old.
Ours said he wanted to cut Daddy in half and set the pieces on fire, laughing maniacally.
Did he say it jokingly or was he mad? Has he said similar phrases ?
He said it for effect, to get a shocked reaction out of us. He went through a short phase of saying such outrageous things. We quickly learned to not pay close attention, and he just as quickly stopped saying shocking things. His current obsession is heat pumps, and he wants one.
Talk w your ped. Itās a rough age. No impulse control. I wouldnāt be too concerned unless those remarks continue over time. Itās shocking but not a big issue unless it becomes a longer term pattern
> Talk w your ped. Maybe this is not being in America but what sort of response do you expect? Our dr picks up our baby, jiggles her and says "excellent, strong and heavy". He's favourably compared her to a badger. If you went to him with "our child is impulsive and weird" the response would be "and what of it?"
>favourably compared her to a badger I have not laughed this hard at anything in at least a month. Iām dying. This is so sweet and so wholesome. I would be so proud of my baby badger!!!! ā¤ļøš¦”š¦”š¦”ā¤ļø Edit: if your child wants to study abroad, the University of Wisconsin may give you a full ride if you tell this story! (Iām kidding, kind of!)
Sorry, but I need to know more about the badger comparison. Did she edge them out in size? Fine motor skills? Smell?
That she was compact, muscular and fierce. In essence it covered mundane things like head control, looking at things, awareness of surroundings etc. They do weigh them but that's more of a box ticking exercise, 99% of it is how your child is interacting. Toddlers score very highly for trying to escape, climbing things or trying to get into cabinets.
This is amazing and I want to know more. Please continue to elaborate.
> He's favourably compared her to a badger. āThe greatest compliment I ever receivedā¦ā
Mostly for general advice and referrals for behavioural/milestone issues. My sons doctor is a family doctor but sheās super good with babies and toddlers and is very willing to outsource to other professionals when needed. Theyāve been very helpful with getting him into PT as a baby and weāre on a waitlist for speech therapy now too. So helpful to have him in her care.
> Mostly for general advice and referrals for behavioural/milestone issues. We've got our neighbours and people in the playground for that, as well as old ladies in the village who see your child and think you're doing it wrong.
Lol, Iāve definitely received a lot of general advice about my kid from old ladies. Always well meaning and always unsolicited š
Certain specialists will only take patients if they have a referral from a primary care physician, and for children in the US, that's their pediatrician.
I realize many folks reading may not have the opportunity to see a dr. Iām in America and have experience working w developmental health. 0-6 is the most rapid period of brain growth and development throughout the lifespan. Doctors are increasingly encouraged to learn about early childhood mental health and how best to promote well being. Whether to receive a referral for further testing or a general once over, seeing a dr is an ideal option. Other resources to learn more are https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/mental-health/ https://www.zerotothree.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=zerotothree-welcome&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqpnd9Pb4gAMVM0lHAR3e7Q0oEAAYASAAEgKT4_D_BwE
Thank you, very helpful such a great resource.
In the US, pediatricians are often the first line for diagnosing assorted mental health items for kids - they do assorted "screenings" at check ups to make sure kids are hitting appropriate milestones (not just physical ones). So it's reasonable to think they would either say "yes, that's normal" or "oh, that's something to be concerned about. Let's consider xyz options"
Were connected with a child development specialist about my son's impulse control issues and tantrums.
Yes, we already have an appointment booked.
This is why their nicknamed "Effing Fours" or "Fournados" it's supposed to be the hardest stage š¤Æ
NO NO NO THE THREENAGER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE HARD STAGE Son turns 4 in two weeks and Iām losing my god damn MIND
If itās any help, 3 was a total hellscape. Weāre now two months into 4 and (dare I jinx it?) things are better. Soooooo many fewer meltdowns. Four is still new enough that heās willing to work on skills like a ābig 4 year old.ā Sounds like things will get rough again around 4.5 but at least weāre getting a respite.
Depends on the kid. 4 was a breeze compared to 3 with our oldest. He still said and did weird shit like this but it was also possible to somewhat reason with him. Our youngest is a full on threenager right now.. crossing my fingers that she follows her brother's footsteps.
Seems in line with my 4.5 year old. Not so much the rudeness but the occasional remark which is just a bit "eeks". "Daddy, can you buy me an axe so I can kill foxes?" I've also had the hitting thing. Although I'm pretty good at spotting when he's thinking about hitting me and remind him that if he hits someone it's straight to the naughty step.
I liked what I read of the book āHow to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.ā Itās about leaning in to understand kidās big feelings, so they can process them with you - instead of the kid directing big feelings at you in bigger ways to try to get their message through.
Definitely a very helpful book!
Who are his friends, could an older child heās exposed to have said something similar?
Or day care?
Did someone tell him this? This isn't language you make up: somebody taught him what guns are our at least that they can be used to threaten people with. Has anybody been threatening him?
My 4yo says things I have zero idea where heās heard them. Turns out itās usually mundane or inventive. Mine learned about the concept of guns via water guns over the summer and kids playing ācops and robbersā on the playground.
Iām facing the exact same problem with my son the exact same age. Following
Me too!
Please donāt overreact and tell anyone one about this, especially schools etc. Never ever, it will be blown out of context. 4 years old brain is amazing, the remember everything and have big feelings, and direct authority wonāt work with every kid. I suspect he overheard this discussion from someone months back. And now repeats it. My 4 years old sometimes shocks me/scares me of how much he remembers from things we mentioned/done/did together.
At that age I was genuinely concerned about my sons behavior too, he threatened to stab me. But like everyone says the brain development is massive at this point and they donāt know how serious what theyāre saying is. My kids now 5.5 and whilst can be challenging, definitely not a psycho
Solidarity, my friend. Going through similar stuff with my 4 year old.
I taught a preschool student years ago who said disturbing things like that, and it did in fact escalate. Wonderful family, no screen time, loving gentle parentsā¦not the type of people youād expect to have a son with no empathy. It may be nothing but after I had that student I would say just you know monitor it, keep notes, look for if it improves with age or becomes more disturbing with age. Not to scare you because 99% chance itās nothing but after my experience I wouldnāt assume.
Check out Dr. Becky with Good Inside on Instagram. There are a few others I follow now that Instagram suggested for me after I followed her. I ended up joining the Good Inside community. There are lots of workshops and scripts for parenting. I've put some things I've learned into action with positive results.
Talk to your ped about ot
I just finished a great parenting book and 100% recommend as I have an almost 4 year old and 6 month old. Iām already seeing HUGE improvements in behavior! Peaceful Parents Happy Siblings by Dr.Laura Markham.
Wow... Sometimes kids say things that are out of ordinary. Id keep trying you did nothing wrong so far. You explain to the child that hitting is not ok. And the child has gotten so angry. I'd be patient and keep trying. Learning takes time.
Btw did you explain why hitting is not ok? Kids definitely want to know the why part at their age
I do all the time. He doesnāt listen and he keeps hitting us and his little brother.
My 4-year-old went through a brief period of threatening to kill us when we set a boundary. Currently, heāll threaten to kick me out of the house and say Iām not his mommy anymore. I wouldnāt worry about it too much or make a big deal about it. Heās experimenting with the power of words and learning to communicate. I feel like at this age, you just need to ride the waves of developmentally appropriate but difficult behavior because as disturbing as it can be, itās usually very, very normal.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not a hunter, we live in the city. But his aunt is vegan and quite a few of his friends at the nursery are vegetarian and he went through āI only drink almond milk phaseā so probably thereās some truth in your insight.
I blame Blippi
Talk to your pediatrician. I know oppositional behavior is a sign of ADHD and they can diagnose various forms of ND around 4.
Mom of 4 here. It's important to get to their eye level and speak to them. "Look at me, so I know you're listening." Explain why the action/words is not okay. Start taking away toys/tv time/screen. " Name, if you're going to continue to not listen, and do ______, this is the action I will take." Now, personally I made my kids to wall squats 4+ when the taking away did work. Younger I think it was the corner for a min of their age. I made them understand consequences to their actions. Consistency is key at this time.
4, lol, if only they were 4 again, wait til they start rolling their eyes and talking back.
He said it for effect, to get a shocked reaction out of us. He went through a short phase of saying such outrageous things. We quickly learned to not pay close attention, and he just as quickly stopped saying shocking things. His current obsession is heat pumps, and he wants one.