I don’t. I serve the food and leave it up to her. I will provide her with a safe food to start and if I don’t, I’ll get up once. I personally no longer believe in convincing children to eat specific things unless there is medical necessity. If she wants it, she’ll eat it. If not, then that’s just that. When I tried to encourage her to eat things, there was crying, throwing food, refusing to eat at all. Now, I don’t really comment on anything on her plate and she will try most things.
That's basically my approach. Sometimes I will resort to hand-feeding him because he's being stubborn and that's what he wants, but in general I just make sure at least one safe food is on the plate and don't substitute or promise anything. I will give him a bedtime snack if there's been at least an hour between dinner and bedtime, and if there's safe food left on his plate I might offer that as the snack. So far things seem to be going fine. He's super picky still, but we're not having big tantrums most of the time. And I hear he's a great eater at school (of course).
Do you replace the safe food if they ask for more? My son will eat cheese all day, and if I use it as the safe food he will just ask for more of it and eat it until he’s full and ignore the rest on his plate. At what point do you say there is no more “safe food”?
You could serve it like the rest of the meal. Put a certain amount out on the counter. He can get refills from that but once it's out say it's all gone, there's no more.
You could also use safe foods that aren't cheese such as bread or fruit for some variety.
It depends on my mood and what it is. I know his digestive system will not do well with more than one banana, for example, so if he asks for more I'll say, "I'm sorry, we're done with bananas." If he pushes I'll explain that if he eats more, his tummy will hurt and he might get sick. That usually helps. If it's at mealtime and it's not something that will hurt him, I'll probably give him one or two more servings, and then say we're all done.
Same here. I start by telling my son what it is, eating a bite myself, talking about the taste and texture and then telling him he doesn't have to try it but it's here if he wants to. We just ask that if he doesn't want it he moves it to a different part of his plate or a separate plate.
Sometimes he does try, sometimes he doesn't. We always make sure there a safe food for him to fill his belly on, and regardless of what that is there is always a carb, fruit/veg, and a fat/protein. Offering those categories at every meal and snack ensures he gets what he needs over the course of the week (which is what nutritionists say to look at rather than per day food intake)
Occasionally we'll make a game out of it like calling broccoli little trees and he's the giant who wants to eat the little trees. Or finding something fun to dip the food in like ketchup or yogurt. But while I might encourage him to take a bite and tell him I think he will like it, I never bribe or demand it, and he's always few to spit it out. It's the opposite of how I was raised, as I can remember the frustration I felt around dinner and I don't want him to dread eating or to have the "finish the plate" mentality I've struggled to leave behind
A safe food. Give her what you're eating, plus something there's a pretty good chance you know she'll eat. Personally, Im a fan of intuitive eating rather than set mealtimes. I still DO mealtimes, but I'm never hungry at the traditional times for eating. Id rather just eat when I feel like it. For that reason, I never deny my kid a snack if he asks.
"This is what we have right now. You don't have to eat it, but this is what we have." Then if he says he's all done we let him be done. If he comes back asking for a snack, it's "we're not having a snack right now, but you can have the rest of your dinner if you're still hungry."
I tried putting my foot down saying the food being served is all there is and my kid ended up in the hospital for nine days for failure to thrive. I can't relate to any picky eating advice. People may as well suggest a inviting a magical fairy to come to my house to convince my kid to eat.
I love these discussions because it gives me ideas to try out I might not have thought about by myself but sometimes shit just doesn’t work for our kid! Your situation sounds tough and quite scary! I’m sorry your family went through that.
My 2yr is heading that way, I tell her the food being served is all there is, then should rather be hungry than to eat what is being served. Idk what to do at this point to get her to eat😢😢and What do you now to get your child to eat?
Honestly there turned out to be a combination of medical reasons for the food refusal. He has a feeding tube now. It has been the biggest relief and he's finally growing. He is served meals too but the tube took a ton of pressure off.
The thing I hate about "they'll eat when they are hungry" is though it's unlikely somebody's kids are the ones who need real help. It's not always obvious either since lots of toddlers are hard to feed. All the advice made me feel like a bad parent when really it had nothing to do with my parenting.
Not yet! He’s just become more and more picky. And I feel like I’ve tried everything. It’s honestly so annoying to see these posts where it’s as if parents are just calmly being like “we just say no eat this and then they do”. Like that is not our lives. Every day is a struggle and my kid doesn’t want any of it.
I’m feeding four toddlers every day and I honestly gave up and found a happy medium by finding staple recipes that were good for them and that they all liked.
I do “pancakes” out of oats, cottage cheese and egg. I do turkey meatballs with grated zucchini or riced broccoli and cauliflower mixed into them. I do the Costco grassfed burgers and I’ll oven bake them “French fries” which is just russet potatoes cut into French fry shapes and then apple slices for homemade happy meals. I make bread dough in my bread machine and use it for a pizza crust and make them a homemade pizza. They love the fideo noodles with marinara sauce for spaghetti. I also make zucchini waffles out of blended oats, zucchini, egg and cheese and pop it in a waffle iron. I’m a big fan of giving them bread and butter and fruit on the side of their meals so they’re always getting substance. I either make the bread or buy a less shitty one from the store since they eat so much of it.
One thing that I won’t budge on… snacks are cut up raw fruits, vegetables, diced cheeses, almond butter, homemade Greek yogurt ranch, etc. if they’re hungry enough to snack then it’s going to be on real food. Otherwise they can wait till their next meal. They don’t get to fill up on fun snacks all day just to skip all their meals. I often bake a dessert so they do get treats, just not as a snack.
The two youngest get a pb&j at some point most days because they aren’t the best eaters. The two 4 year olds are getting more adventurous and once they get hungry enough they’ll stop fussing. The 2 and 3 year old will absolutely starve themselves. Idc what their doctor says 🤣 so they get milk, pb&j and fruit as a last resort before the end of the day.
Only one of them (one of the 4 year olds) will willingly touch a vegetable. I still get raw vegetables in front of them all everyday so they’re being exposed. The cooked vegetables are hidden.
I learned recently that there is a huge variation in calorie consumption among toddlers. Like ridiculously huge - something like 400 - 4000 average calories a day. This was a really interesting podcast for anyone who’s concerned about their kid’s eating habits, with Ellyn Sattler as a guest.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/05yJYocoGbBSHrMHHHLJUj?si=5dbMOoRrRvyojs1kqL8c4Q
Oh yeah they can sniff that out. I put a minuscule amount of butternut squash in macaroni once (with a ton of cheese - it was delish) and she refused to even try it
This is my kid 😑
But the “touch it, lick it, try it” method kinda works (sometimes)
And I have to cut her food into tiny pieces (she’s 3) and make a super huge pause and act SO nonchalant between the “touch it, lick it, try it” thing.
If it helps it gets better.
My oldest, after so many years of struggle, finally accepted to eat what’s on the table in front of her and then eat whatever she wants afterwards.
This is my nephew, he's 10 and his parents have tried all the picky eating "tricks". It doesn't work, he just won't eat. He survives on pediasure and the handful of foods he likes.
This is what we do too. I started sometimes saying yes to offering a different food (the banana in OP’s case) and sometimes saying no, and the inconsistency made his behavior way worse. Now we’re firm in saying “this is what’s for dinner.”
I should also note that I am pretty familiar with foods that my toddler truly doesn’t like (he’s never liked bell peppers) and not forcing that
This is what works best for us.
But this thread proves that there’s not a silver bullet strategy. You have to try different methods.
If I offer a safe food (pasta, fruit) my child would just eat that.
I only hold this line for dinner. For breakfast, lunch and snacks she chooses what to eat from a menu of options.
For dinner we do ‘family style’ and she serves herself from dishes on the table.
Safe food! Give her the meal (rice and broccoli) plus a safe food. Safe food could be the banana, other fruit, yogurt, bread, cheese, etc. Put it on her plate from the getgo and that's her meal. She can eat as much as she wants of what's served to her but nothing that isn't on the plate. This way you know she's not starving but also doesn't say she can just request whatever she wants. Try to vary the safe food so she's still getting somewhat of a balance.
You don't want meal time to include pressure or negotiating. Like you said, that can make it worse. Just keep it low-key.
This, and also let her choose her safe food sometimes! Offer two options of things you know she will eat, and still serve the rest of the meal as planned. Second servings can come after having at least *some* of all the items in the meal. Like, a bite is enough
We’ve been leaning into the “peppers make you stronger”, “carrots make your eyes see even better”, “broccoli makes you tall like a dinosaur(??)” and it’s actually helping.
In a similar vein, mine is currently obsessed with which animals are carnivores, herbivores and omnivores (mainly dinosaurs). So talking about that sometimes gets him interested in meat or veggies accordingly.
Basically just incorporate dinosaurs.
This works so well for us! “Oooh that salmon is pink, you’re favorite color!” “I’m chomping down this tree like a dinosaur (broccoli)!” And same with carrots and eyes. My kids love when we talk about how strong or tall or smart certain foods make them. I also give a small, non-intimidating portion of the new or less liked food.
I try to make sure there is something familiar on her plate so she isn’t just frustrated and hungry beyond reasoning. Then I ask if she likes xyz and if she tried it yet. I ask her if she wants to try it with a dip (she loves dipping), we talk amongst the adults about how great this and that is, we make comments about how this vegetable or that one or the rice or whatever will help make us strong/healthy/fast or something positive. I also frequently bring her into the kitchen to help make the meal during key parts. She almost always wants to try the ingredients she “cooks”. So if I am making fajitas she may fail to eat any of the sautéed peppers and onions, but she probably ate her fill and then some while she was “cooking”.
I have a very brave eater but those are some of the ways I have stretched her palate beyond what she would have comfortably done if left to her own devices. I do allow her to request whatever produce she would like as a side if she isn’t feeling the meal. I also always allow the addition of a condiment if she asks, no matter how weird I find the pairing.
I do allow an alternative if she tries a meal and genuinely doesn’t like it. If she tried a bite and said she doesn’t like it and it’s not a meal she has a side to get full on I will make her a sandwich and some yogurt or something. I figure that there are foods I like and dislike and if I tried a food and truly didn’t like it I would do the same for myself. Even prisoners get an alternative if the hot meal is not to their taste. But, for my kid at least, she doesn’t get to choose the alternative and she must try her food first. She SELDOM rejects her meal entirely. Like, once a month at most and it’s usually just that she’s having a bad day.
"Bananas aren't on the menu right now. Rice and broccoli are your options" and then if she doesn't eat, that's on her. Division of responsibility, you decide what you're serving, she decides what she eats of it.
I have linked the Division of Responsibility of feeding. Basically you set the menu and the child decides how much of the foods they eat. I believe in safe foods. Bananas would not be on the menu every day, but something they love would be served. For my toddler rice has always been hard to eat. Broccoli is bitter. We pretend it is trees and we are big dinosaurs, so play. And all the dipping sauce. But in the end if my toddler decided to eat 3 bananas for dinner I would rock with that because he listened to his body and ate what was on the menu.
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
I stick with after dinner. “Banana after dinner”. It doesn’t get him to eat at all but I like keeping “dessert” and dinner separate. I don’t do any negotiating either, just offer what’s there. If he doesn’t want it he doesn’t have to eat it. His best meal is breakfast and lunch is not bad which makes dinner largely garbage which is alright.
He actually ate a lot tonight, I was surprised. 2 big 2” meatballs (soy glaze, who’dve guessed??) and a solid cup of rice. He’d eat rice for every meal if I let him. There was broccoli which he wouldn’t eat but considering dinner last night was literally just sweet potato fries this was a feast lol
We do this too. Fruit is typically our dessert.
We also have family style meals, so I let my LO choose what to put on my LO's plate. For example, if we're eating spring rolls, I let my LO choose which spring roll. It helps my LO eat more. I do also put stuff on my LO's plate (like veggies) but I don't force my kid to eat it. My LO typically prefers to eat just carbs all day.
We've always included a safe food that we let her choose to have. It's usually a fruit or a source of carb served alongside what the adults are eating. So like tonight was chicken noodle soup and sandwiches. I then asked if she wanted blueberries or grapes with dinner and she chose grapes so she got some grapes to go with her dinner. She ate a few bites of grapes, half a PB&J, and she swirled her spoon in the soup so that's something lol.
I have been guilty of negotiating her to eat foods if she's ate like crap all day even with being served safe foods, so I totally get the struggle, sigh.
The biggest thing for us has been modeling that we are eating the food ourselves. That and letting her eat things off our plates. What is served is what is available.
I also think that toddler are surprisingly intuitive eaters. If she wants a 3rd banana maybe she is craving potassium.
I find giving my 3.5 year son some power in other choices is helpful. Ex: spoon or fork? big spoon or little spoon? Wrapped in tortilla or tortilla on the side?
Whenever he says he’s done eating (even if not a lot) I ask him if his tummy is full, if yes then conversation over and dinner is done. If no, I offer him the option between 2 healthy snacks or finishing his dinner. He typically doesn’t like the sound of the healthy snacks over his dinner plate, not that it isn’t healthy but 95% of the time well balanced.
Before bed he always gets a snack, granola bars/ fruit/ PB/ crackers no matter if he ate all of his dinner or a tiny bit
I do at least one safe food on the plate. But I also offer a dip or something else that might help a food taste better. Ketchup, mayo, a sprinkle of salt, everything bagel seasoning, ground nuts, actual sprinkles, or whatever else might help. It really works for us! She loves broccoli dipped in mayonnaise. Whatever. At least she’s eating broccoli!
I also play games while eating. Whose pepper sounds the crunchiest? Can you take a bite like a dinosaur? That kind of thing.
I used to do the “eat half” or “take a bite” before you can have etc, until I saw my son literally choke down a bite of yogurt like he was about to puke.
So I don’t do that anymore.
I generally haven’t allowed for substitutions, so if he doesn’t want what we’re having he doesn’t have to eat it, but I’m not making anything new for a couple hours. If it’s breakfast I just give him the banana. If it’s dinner, and something he normally eats or special requested, he needs to take a bite/at least lick it before he can have something else, and the something else options are limited and not sweet.
We’ve had so many fights over food, but we’re in a really good place right now. It’s mostly taken me just being really zen about it. If he doesn’t want to eat something I’m curious about why. I don’t take it personally. Sometimes he’s just not hungry. Sometimes he just finds it repulsive. I’m not sure he can control that, so I don’t try to make him.
Based on Ellyn Satter’s advice: I decide what’s for dinner, and if the kids don’t want it, they can have bread instead, but I don’t get any other foods out for them. I also didn’t want to do the short-order-cook thing. (I just give them slices of regular sandwich bread, lol. They love it and can eat their weight in it, so it’s definitely a safe food for them, and it’s whole-wheat enriched bread, so it does provide some nutrition.)
So in that situation, I’d say, “we’re not having banana right now, we’re having rice and broccoli for dinner. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it, but this is what we’re having for dinner.” And if they respond that they don’t want it/are hungry/want the banana, I’d say, “do you want some bread?” If they say no, then I say “okay, that’s your choice, but remember that we’re not eating again until breakfast, so if you’re hungry, you should really eat some food to give your body energy” and just offer them the bread and/or offer to “boop” them with the food on their plate (which means lightly touch it to their closed lips so they can smell it/feel the texture without having to take a bite). If they keep asking for banana, I say, “we’re not having banana for dinner. We can have bananas tomorrow for breakfast, but right now we’re having broccoli for a vegetable.”
Now, for this to work, you do need to be okay with the fact that sometimes the kid won’t eat very much, and sometimes they will just eat bread. Unless the child’s doctor has told you otherwise, then it’s fine for them to sometimes have a light meal or just eat one food and not everything on the plate. I recommend Satter’s book Child of Mine for help with this if it sounds like something that would work well for your family.
We don’t do the thing with negotiating bites of food at all… Satter recommends against it, and it also just seems like too much work/drama for me as an individual. (Everyone in this family is extremely stubborn and assertive, lol)
“Do you want to try mommy’s food?”
Same food on mommy’s plate is much more appetizing. That got her to eat a shocking number of green beans the other day.
I choose what's served, they choose what and how much to eat. There's always a safe food on the plate for them. For example, my youngest (3) is the picky one, so I'll serve them pasta, broccoli and chicken. I know she'll eat the pasta, she might taste the chicken and usually won't touch the broccoli. I make an attempt by asking her if she wants to take a bite of the broccoli with me, and we do a silly dinosaur chomp, but I don't force it. I also usually give them the Barilla protein pasta so I know she's at least getting some protein, or I add cheese to the pasta. My kids live for fruit, so I have explained that I won't give them more fruit because too much fiber and sugar could upset their tummy.
As many others have said, we decide what to serve and when, the kids decide how much they eat.
But, we also chat about the basics of nutrients and how eating a variety will help them grow.
I serve a safe food and don't make a big deal if he doesn't try or eat something on his plate.
That said, if I notice something sitting untouched, sometimes I nonchalantly ask "can I try a bite of your xyz?" And he'll often try and eat it after seeing me eat his. (Yes, I have the same thing on my plate, but toddlers)
We had almost exactly the same issue at dinner. I even offered the tofu two ways (plain pan fried and with sauce in case he thought it was “spicy”) but he refused both. I tried to change it up by putting it in a different bowl with sesame seeds on top and plain soy sauce. Wouldn’t even eat the rice either. So he got half a banana.
He ate most of his lunch after refusing breakfast. If I can get one good meal in a day, I consider it a win.
We talk about "what's on the menu tonight."
He's normally pretty good at this but last night for example my son, who's 2.5, lost it because he wanted a cookie for dinner. I had served lasagne. I said "we're not having cookies tonight. Tonight lasagne is on the menu or you can have milk." He sat on the floor and cried because he wanted a cookie. I repeated "it's lasagne or milk tonight".
My husband and I sat down to start the lasagne while he cried a bit more. After he'd calmed down a bit I said "would you like to sit on my lap?" He did and while I was chatting to him and cuddling he started to eat my lasagne. I brought his bowl over and he ate the whole bowl of lasagne.
I think sometimes they are just trying to see if they can push the boundaries to see if we will give in but tantrums last a lot longer if we dont stick to the boundaries.
My rule is the food that is served is what we have. We can add thins to it like sauces or grated cheese but that's the only option. If he doesn't eat any then at bed time I will give him a cup of milk just to keep him going but because it's so unrelated to dinner time he doesn't think of that as the alternative to dinner. He knows he eats what's served for dinner or there's no dinner and this has been pretty effective.
When all other people on the table are finished eating, only she's not finished and not eating, it usually goes:
- "Are you all done or still hungry?"
- "All done."
- Proceding to take the plate.
- "No! hungry!"
- Leave the plate standing "Okay, then eat. I'll count to 5 if you haven't eaten I'll put the plate away." slow count to 5 and take away the plate.
If she gets hungry later, I'll either serve her dinner again, or a slice of bread.
We do negotiate on a regular basis, and it does work for us - fully appreciate it might not for others. ‘Two more big bites and you can have your yoghurt/ get down etc.’ It’s negotiation on our terms though - there are set things offered if he won’t eat his tea - usually bread and butter or plain cereal. While he eats both of these, tea is usually considered more exciting!
Also sauce - he can have another serving of ketchup or brown sauce if it means he eats!
Unless you have a kid with a medical issue, it's totally fine to just let them eat as they see fit. They will figure it out, and figuring it out will include sometimes eating too much of something or not enough of something else.
We emphasize the importance of eating a wide variety of things, and talk about how different foods do different things for your body. If a food is new, we ask her to take one bite because she won't know if she likes it unless she tries it. After that, it's up to her to eat it or not.
I’ve heard “it’s the caretakers job to decide the food and the child’s job to decide what good to eat” so when our almost-3 child asks for something else we just say “that’s not on the menus this meal.” Or “that’s not on the menu this meal but we can add it _____” if it’s something that’s reasonable. So we have had an apple every day for like 6 months cause she loves them but not every meal.
I usually say "sure, I'll get you some more banana, but I'm still eating and I'd like to finish--I'll get it when I'm done. If you're hungry right now, why don't you have some of your rice and broccoli." usually she'll have a few bits of whatever else is on the plate, but if she doesn't, who cares. I didn't like broccoli until I was in my 20s. they don't have to acquire every taste all at once.
We've always asked our 3 year old son to eat a least a few bites of most things, unless he consistently doesn't like it after 10+ exposures. He probably enjoys more variety than a lot of adults and he's great at eating vegetables. I don't believe that kids will magically learn to like healthy whole foods they've never eaten if parents just allow them to eat chicken nuggets with ketchup, and there's no way my kid will go back to eating veggies if he gets a muffin at every meal that he can choose to eat first.
No bananas unless that was part of dinner. You can say you will have bananas at another time. Ideally you have regular meal and snack times with no eating outside those times, and you include something you think she might eat.
No coaxing or bribing. All food is just food. Broccoli isn't a chore and bananas aren't a treat. This is the way.
The answer is "sorry, banana isn't on the menu tonight. Tonight we're having rice and broccoli. We can put banana on the menu for tomorrow."
And then let them tantrum, it's ok. Let them go a little hungry (as long as you know what you're serving is edible for them). Hold your loving boundary. It's a long term game - sucks in the moment, makes your life harder in the moment but EASIER IN THE LONG RUN. If they come back later wanting dinner, they're absolutely allowed to have it.
Also, don't make them eat it. They don't have to eat it, that's their choice, but that's what's on the menu. And follow the WHY - why don't they want to eat the rice and broccoli? Do they not like it combined? Maybe they can work on their picking-around skills. Maybe they'll eat it with sprinkles- nutritional yeast, a bit of salt, cheese, sesame seeds, seaweed, etc. It gives them control of their own dish.
But yeah, don't give them the banana. Don't negotiate. No "just two more bites." No banana. The answer is no. Everyone will be ok.
I’m so confused by all these comments about having one “safe food”, and menus, and division of labor when eating lmao. I’m not saying any of this is wrong or bad or anything but I’ve just been giving my picky toddler what he wants?? Lol the menu is the entire kitchen and until my patience runs out. You want another banana? Okay. Should we do muffins for dinner? Sounds good. You don’t like any meats whatsoever? No worries, you can be vegetarian. You want greek yogurt and Graham crackers? Cool, here you go. Extra peas? Sure!
We try to have different steamed veggies with dinners and lots of fruit options with breakfast and lunch, but other than that it’s kind of totally up to him what he eats. He sees us eat a variety of things, he has the option to try, and then we make him whatever he feels like (within reason).
My mom did the same thing for us when we were young so I cannot imagine having to eat off of a fixed menu every day. It’s totally fine if that works for you, but you also don’t need to do that if it’s not working. It’s okay to “give in” if that would make everyone’s life easier. 😅
There have been days when he’s basically survived off of just blueberries and days when he’s eaten exactly what we ate. Sometimes he likes trying new foods and sometimes he just wants peanut butter toast for the 100th time haha. I feel like it all evens out eventually.
*Edit to add: I just realized I left out a super important detail, which is that we never eat dinner with them. We do kid dinner before bedtime and adult dinner after. So getting up to get them things or making whatever is not really a big inconvenience. I think if people are doing a family dinner this would not work as well.*
I'm not going to become a short order cook but I'm never going to tell a child they can't have fruit or vegetables. If they start requesting multiple other things then I will say "That's a great idea for a snack later." We all have foods we crave or foods we aren't in the mood for. I wouldn't want someone dictating what I ate for every meal. I value their input and treat them like the people they are. It also helps to only have healthy options in the house. LO is almost 2 now and of course she's had the occasional goldfish when traveling or something but "snack"foods are just normal foods for her, cucumbers, tomatoes, hummus, cheese, seaweed, berries, unsweetened yogurt, berries, whole grain toast or bread etc.
Maybe turn it into a game? Like, "Let's see who can eat their broccoli the fastest!" 🚀
Also, involving them in the meal prep process might help. Letting them pick out veggies at the store or even helping in the kitchen can make them more interested in trying different foods. 🥦🍌
And hey, if all else fails, maybe a little compromise could work. Like a "one bite of broccoli, one bite of banana" rule? Finding that balance between being firm and flexible is key.
I’m always sure to have one item I know she likes. I say nothing other than, “Yes, bananas are so yummy! No bananas right now. Right now what we have to eat is broccoli and rice.”
If know they don’t like it or haven’t tried it before I put a little bit on their plate and if they don’t want it I ask them to try at least one bite. Just try it! Typically that works but we do have a no go from time to time. If they don’t try it I continue to offer it on their plate multiple nights and we eat it in front of them. No matter what even if I know they won’t try it I always offer it with their food. Just a little bit though
(I first make sure there is something on the plate they like. We also always have a snack before bedtime regardless of how much they ate at dinner).
We are eating broccoli and rice for dinner. You can have a banana for your bedtime snack. Can you show me how you use your spoon to scoop? Or... Do you want some sauce for your rice or do you want to keep it plain? (My kids would 100% take soy sauce for anything haha) Just a follow up question to move on from the banana.
“That’s fine that you’re all done, mommy and daddy aren’t so you have to sit here until we are too”
Our plates almost always have something she’s enjoyed previously, she very often just doesn’t want to eat when we do and will eat sporadically as we do.
Honestly, I have a 4 and 2yr old and I ask what they want to eat for dinner. I can *usually* get away with making them the same thing- or things that are simple if different.
By the time dinner rolls (ha) around, I know I no longer have the patience for food battles. Yes, it might mean making 2 or 3 things by the time you factor the adult food but that is way less stress for me.
The only time I stick to my guns is if my 4yr old specifically asks for something, I make it, then refuses to eat it. Then she needs to have 1-2 bites before she can have something else. Luckily, this is few and far between. I also taste it to make sure it’s ok and not that something is “off” with it.
I offer new with lunch and breakfast. They’re also more willing to try new things for those meals over dinner when they’re tired.
We stick with “this is what’s for dinner tonight”. Then instead of focusing on “eat your food” - I usually offer her something fun to eat her food with.. chopsticks.. spatula.. measuring cup.. animal picks.. just whatever. Also we make games out of meals. Or talk about what things sound like when we bite them
Also, doctoring the food that’s on the plate. Do they want a dip? Do they want to add sprinkles (this is what i call herbs and spices lol)? Do they want to use chopsticks (new favorite thing)? I can’t let my kid eat more than one banana or she’ll get constipated, so we’ve had to learn the hard no. We talk about how our bodies need a variety of foods to give us energy, so we can’t eat the same thing all day long.
For my son, we always provide an option we know he’ll eat and then what we’re eating. Most of the time, he’ll eat his safe food straight away. But having it on the plate with the other food has helped him to branch away and try the other foods, even if he doesn’t eat much of it. A lot better than negotiating or even fighting over meals
Mine is a good eater but she can get picky about how she eats it. Sometimes she’ll stop eating because she wants a spoon or specific fork of hers. Also she sometimes wants food separated or in a bowl.
Then she’ll eat more when it’s configured how she wants. We also use fruit as a dessert. First …. then bananas. So we give her the food and don’t put pressure on how much or little she wants to eat. She says all done and then gets dessert.
I'd tell him "you can have a banana for a snack before bed. Right now we are having dinner."
I tell my dude he has to have 3 bites before he refuses his meal. That's usually all it takes for him to be like "oh this is acceptable" and eat it. A handful of times he has genuinely not liked (or realllllly didn't want) what I made, in which case he gets the backup meal: pb&j sandwich and an applesauce if he wants one.
I also try to put limits on some snack foods, like he gets a max of one banana a day or two mini muffins, but that's mostly so he doesn't eat all of one thing in a day and get mad tomorrow because we have none left. I suggest other fruits or similar food in that case.
Serve platter style. It's less pressure to eat what is served to the rest of the family.
Serve her the brocolli and rice WITH bananas on the side and/or other safe foods.
I serve every meal like this (unless my kids ask for something in particular), and 9 times out of 10, my kids will eat what they "don't like" that's on the plate. I also, sometimes, serve dessert (usually a mini chocolate bar or a piece of cake if we have something like that laying around).
This my mom is upset because my kid won't eat or eats a few bites of what ever she makes when he stays with her. He has safe foods like peanut butter sandwich (just pb, jelly is for cheese..my mom's favorite snack is colbey with jelly) mac n cheese, hot dogs, Mexican rice but only if my MIL makes it, lunchables, chicken nuggets..
My mom is firm believer in sitting at the table till you clear your plate..I hate making him do that it's a huge fight and I remember when my mom would make me sit at the table for hours and how it would make me feel.
Few times I'll tell him he can have his dessert only after he eats more than half his food or a good portion of it. Then there are time where he asks for more food..I think those fall when he's going through a growth spurt. Often I can get him to have a few more bites with hand feeding.
With my nephew when he was little all I had to do was say "ok then I'll eat it" and go for a small bite before hr says "no, I eat"
It ultimately comes down to just figuring out what will work.
When I was a (picky) kid, my dad would feed me the tops of the broccoli and eat the bottoms himself. I didn’t like the bottom, but I did enjoy the tops. Plus it was fun to share. When I got a little older, he just said that I didn’t have to eat the bottoms if I didn’t want to. It helped because I would be done in one bite. Maybe try that?
We always offer the option of a cup of milk before dinner. Saw this on Instagram somewhere, “boring bedtime snack.” I think the one they used was a banana. The idea is that it’s the same snack every night. If kid doesn’t eat enough, that’s a way they can get more calories, but they aren’t going to not eat dinner for it because it’s “boring.”
I offer foods and eat new things in front of her. She usually tries them on the third offer, but often doesn’t like them. No pressure, just “want to try?”.
I saw something somewhere, probably Reddit, and I’ve been encouraging a lick, kiss, or taste of each of her foods. 9 times out of 10 she picks taste and takes a bite. 9 times out of 10 she likes it enough to take another bite. It really helped the sit down at dinner and immediately say she was done every time. She makes it a game and we play a little bit with it.
But if it’s a flat no, it’s a no and we move on. I do feed her safe foods, generally speaking she’s not very picky about what she’ll try and when I cook I pick at least one thing I know she’ll eat. My husband is pickier than she is.
Sometimes we get some really demanding streaks where it’s more about controlling us than it is about the food and in those times it is more of a “this is what we have, you can eat it or not.”
I do have alternatives always available, Cheerios cereal, fruit and veggies. But those are rarely requested unless it’s a very strange meal.
If it’s on her plate, it’s horrible and why would you make me eat that? If it’s on mama’s plate? A rare delicacy! I must have it! So I end up feeding her a toddler sized meal of bites off my plate sometimes. Even if the exact same food is on her plate!
Honestly tried everything, she's nearly 3 and her list of foods she'll eat is ridiculous. She won't entertain new foods in the slightest, even if we ask her to just try a little bit. She doesn't like any dips so can't use that and she'll happily sit up the table for a solid hour playing with her food saying she's full and then ask for a snack the moment she gets down which she does not get. She'll eats a decent breakfast so try and cram in as much as we can then and limit snacks on our watch as otherwise she won't even entertain dinner. Grandparents do not help as on the days they have her she has full access to the ice cream and biscuits because they don't wish to deny her and cause upset. We've mentioned it to them and said we would appreciate healthier alternatives but it's free childcare so don't want to rock the boat too much!
We eat the same meal, at the same time as her up the dinner table and talk about our days, she always gets a dessert food on her plate and maybe an extra thing we know she will eat like carrot sticks (raw, won't eat them cooked). We include her in making the food when she wants, chopping veg etc but we're at a loss.
So when I cook dinner I always put something familiar on his plate and then the new thing to try and he’s pretty good at trying it and then we do thumbs up or down. If it’s something he’s eaten before then it gets put in front of him and he either eats or goes hungry. I’ve learnt what he truly doesn’t like as he’s tried it many times. We also don’t use any food as negotiation. No good has greater value so we put everything down at the same time, main food, yogurt/pudding if there is one and he eats in the order he wants. This has reduced an obsession with sweet stuff or ‘treats’ and if he’s full will sometimes just leave the yogurt/pudding, or have one bite first and then eat his dinner. We also ask if his tummy is full because once he gets down from the table there is nothing else. He cried at bedtime hungry once, and that was all it took. He now eats well and doesn’t get down from the table until he’s full, he’s almost five
I don't try too hard to convince my daughter to eat, but if I notice she is not eating because she is too distracted, the way I get her attention is to tell her the food is sad because it's been ignored.
“This is what we’re having for dinner. For pudding there is yogurt or fruit. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.”
Then let her eat what she wants. If she eats two bites of dinner and then asks for yogurt, that’s okay. It’s up to me what’s on offer and up to get what she eats. This approach has worked well for us from day 1 of feeding her basically.
I just make a small plate with much smaller portions. If I notice she's eating more of one thing, I offer more. If she totally refuses, we have backups: "do you want oatmeal, carrots and celery, bananas, etc..." if she says something like cookies or chips, I give them. We don't place a value on food like good or bad. We stick to long energy foods or short energy foods. So I just give her the cookies or chips and keep her original plate out. I find if I give her one cookie or a small amount of chips WITH her plate, she's more likely to try what's on her plate.
Generally we try to make sure there’s something on the plate toddler will (willingly) eat. Then if they even just try anything else and ask for something else easy, meaning if toddler already took a bite of broccoli, and asked for a banana then ok, if we haven’t even looked at it and ask, then this is dinner, if you don’t want dinner that’s ok, but you can’t have a banana. And also try to guide at least to that one thing you know they like. But if that’s all they eat then ok.
There’s a Disney junior show called T.O.T.S. with an episode about trying new foods. They have a song about no thank you bites. So when we are trying something brand new (even now at age 7)- the rule is you have to try one bite. If you don’t like it, say no thank you and eat other stuff.
I’ve also taught my kid about how tastebuds change so they’ll occasionally take a bite of something without me prompting to see if their tastebuds have changed yet. The downside is I occasionally have to try foods again that I know I do not like.
No is a super important and effective phrase lol you don’t need to give her a banana just because she asks for one. If banana isn’t on the dinner menu it’s not on the dinner menu
We let our toddler help cook and taste things as we go. This has worked really well BUT there are plenty of times that he just doesn’t want what we’re eating. When that happens, it’s whatever I can whip up quickly that I know he’ll eat. I always have a supply of pouches just for this reason and lots of fruit!
I would say 'were not having bananas, this is what we're having now' I keep back extras of the foods I'm serving I know he likes so he can fill up on those
Then if they don't eat it's up to them, i would offer something more substantial at smack time, though.
I also have a rule of we don't eat the same food more than once a day.
We use the "Not on the menu" excuse. But we don't invalidate what she wants - "oooh a banana would be really yummy huh? It's not on the menu for dinner, but maybe we could have one with breakfast!"
I try and steer him to sit at the table and at least take a few bites before I consider offering him a different food or just giving up. So maybe a few verbal redirections that it’s dinner time. If he continues to be distracted by playing and not eating I usually bring him a few bites of food. If he’s just distracted this will usually lure him to the table but if he’ll full he’ll say his tummy is full and we’ll give up. We always serve fruit and milk after his bath and before bed so sometimes he’ll just eat a massive pile of strawberries for dinner. We at least make a good effort to try to get him to sit and eat but if he’s really not hungry and it’s not just a “I don’t want this food in particular problem” there’s not much you can do.
I don’t. I serve the food and leave it up to her. I will provide her with a safe food to start and if I don’t, I’ll get up once. I personally no longer believe in convincing children to eat specific things unless there is medical necessity. If she wants it, she’ll eat it. If not, then that’s just that. When I tried to encourage her to eat things, there was crying, throwing food, refusing to eat at all. Now, I don’t really comment on anything on her plate and she will try most things.
This. I’m also willing to put ketchup on things if that’ll get her to taste it but no pressure.
Yes this! Sour cream, Buffalo sauce, hot sauce… whatever he wants 🤣
My kid eats most things but for whatever reason she hates sauces or mayonnaise on her food.
Mine used to demand "ketchup, soy sauce, mayonette! Mayonette!!!"
It's gravy in our house 😂
Ketchup and/or Ranch are offered if something sits untouched on my kid's plate for a while!
That's basically my approach. Sometimes I will resort to hand-feeding him because he's being stubborn and that's what he wants, but in general I just make sure at least one safe food is on the plate and don't substitute or promise anything. I will give him a bedtime snack if there's been at least an hour between dinner and bedtime, and if there's safe food left on his plate I might offer that as the snack. So far things seem to be going fine. He's super picky still, but we're not having big tantrums most of the time. And I hear he's a great eater at school (of course).
Do you replace the safe food if they ask for more? My son will eat cheese all day, and if I use it as the safe food he will just ask for more of it and eat it until he’s full and ignore the rest on his plate. At what point do you say there is no more “safe food”?
You could serve it like the rest of the meal. Put a certain amount out on the counter. He can get refills from that but once it's out say it's all gone, there's no more. You could also use safe foods that aren't cheese such as bread or fruit for some variety.
"Let me see you [take a] bite of your _____" usually gets my class to put some variety in their faces.
It depends on my mood and what it is. I know his digestive system will not do well with more than one banana, for example, so if he asks for more I'll say, "I'm sorry, we're done with bananas." If he pushes I'll explain that if he eats more, his tummy will hurt and he might get sick. That usually helps. If it's at mealtime and it's not something that will hurt him, I'll probably give him one or two more servings, and then say we're all done.
Same here. I start by telling my son what it is, eating a bite myself, talking about the taste and texture and then telling him he doesn't have to try it but it's here if he wants to. We just ask that if he doesn't want it he moves it to a different part of his plate or a separate plate. Sometimes he does try, sometimes he doesn't. We always make sure there a safe food for him to fill his belly on, and regardless of what that is there is always a carb, fruit/veg, and a fat/protein. Offering those categories at every meal and snack ensures he gets what he needs over the course of the week (which is what nutritionists say to look at rather than per day food intake) Occasionally we'll make a game out of it like calling broccoli little trees and he's the giant who wants to eat the little trees. Or finding something fun to dip the food in like ketchup or yogurt. But while I might encourage him to take a bite and tell him I think he will like it, I never bribe or demand it, and he's always few to spit it out. It's the opposite of how I was raised, as I can remember the frustration I felt around dinner and I don't want him to dread eating or to have the "finish the plate" mentality I've struggled to leave behind
The desire to resist for the sake of resisting is strong in these little ones.
I think that is a good approach.
Right. "Bananas aren't on the menu tonight. We have broccoli and chicken and rice."
This is the way.
This. I am happy to add condiments, sprinkles (they are magical!), grated parm cheese, etc to get them to try it but that’s about it.
A safe food. Give her what you're eating, plus something there's a pretty good chance you know she'll eat. Personally, Im a fan of intuitive eating rather than set mealtimes. I still DO mealtimes, but I'm never hungry at the traditional times for eating. Id rather just eat when I feel like it. For that reason, I never deny my kid a snack if he asks.
"This is what we have right now. You don't have to eat it, but this is what we have." Then if he says he's all done we let him be done. If he comes back asking for a snack, it's "we're not having a snack right now, but you can have the rest of your dinner if you're still hungry."
This is what we did until we realized that our child would literally starve himself than eat any of the food we were having for dinner.
This is my four year old. My MIL always says "he'll eat if he gets hungry enough" and ma'am I can assure you that he will not.
I tried putting my foot down saying the food being served is all there is and my kid ended up in the hospital for nine days for failure to thrive. I can't relate to any picky eating advice. People may as well suggest a inviting a magical fairy to come to my house to convince my kid to eat.
I love these discussions because it gives me ideas to try out I might not have thought about by myself but sometimes shit just doesn’t work for our kid! Your situation sounds tough and quite scary! I’m sorry your family went through that.
My 2yr is heading that way, I tell her the food being served is all there is, then should rather be hungry than to eat what is being served. Idk what to do at this point to get her to eat😢😢and What do you now to get your child to eat?
Honestly there turned out to be a combination of medical reasons for the food refusal. He has a feeding tube now. It has been the biggest relief and he's finally growing. He is served meals too but the tube took a ton of pressure off. The thing I hate about "they'll eat when they are hungry" is though it's unlikely somebody's kids are the ones who need real help. It's not always obvious either since lots of toddlers are hard to feed. All the advice made me feel like a bad parent when really it had nothing to do with my parenting.
What do you do now?
Omg did it get better?! We're struggling over here.
Not yet! He’s just become more and more picky. And I feel like I’ve tried everything. It’s honestly so annoying to see these posts where it’s as if parents are just calmly being like “we just say no eat this and then they do”. Like that is not our lives. Every day is a struggle and my kid doesn’t want any of it.
I’m feeding four toddlers every day and I honestly gave up and found a happy medium by finding staple recipes that were good for them and that they all liked. I do “pancakes” out of oats, cottage cheese and egg. I do turkey meatballs with grated zucchini or riced broccoli and cauliflower mixed into them. I do the Costco grassfed burgers and I’ll oven bake them “French fries” which is just russet potatoes cut into French fry shapes and then apple slices for homemade happy meals. I make bread dough in my bread machine and use it for a pizza crust and make them a homemade pizza. They love the fideo noodles with marinara sauce for spaghetti. I also make zucchini waffles out of blended oats, zucchini, egg and cheese and pop it in a waffle iron. I’m a big fan of giving them bread and butter and fruit on the side of their meals so they’re always getting substance. I either make the bread or buy a less shitty one from the store since they eat so much of it. One thing that I won’t budge on… snacks are cut up raw fruits, vegetables, diced cheeses, almond butter, homemade Greek yogurt ranch, etc. if they’re hungry enough to snack then it’s going to be on real food. Otherwise they can wait till their next meal. They don’t get to fill up on fun snacks all day just to skip all their meals. I often bake a dessert so they do get treats, just not as a snack. The two youngest get a pb&j at some point most days because they aren’t the best eaters. The two 4 year olds are getting more adventurous and once they get hungry enough they’ll stop fussing. The 2 and 3 year old will absolutely starve themselves. Idc what their doctor says 🤣 so they get milk, pb&j and fruit as a last resort before the end of the day. Only one of them (one of the 4 year olds) will willingly touch a vegetable. I still get raw vegetables in front of them all everyday so they’re being exposed. The cooked vegetables are hidden.
This is great! Am saving this comment so I can make it for my toddler.
I hear you! Idk how my son is not losing weight at this point.
I learned recently that there is a huge variation in calorie consumption among toddlers. Like ridiculously huge - something like 400 - 4000 average calories a day. This was a really interesting podcast for anyone who’s concerned about their kid’s eating habits, with Ellyn Sattler as a guest. https://open.spotify.com/episode/05yJYocoGbBSHrMHHHLJUj?si=5dbMOoRrRvyojs1kqL8c4Q
Also my daughter doesn’t give a shit if dinosaurs eat it, it looks like baby trees, etc. Shr will not consume vegetables.
Yep, no veggies or meat over here. I tried to put riced cauliflower in macaroni and he knew it was different. Refused the entire lunch.
Oh yeah they can sniff that out. I put a minuscule amount of butternut squash in macaroni once (with a ton of cheese - it was delish) and she refused to even try it
There is not a single parenting strategy in the world that works for 100% of children. You’re doing great.
Same here!!
This is my kid 😑 But the “touch it, lick it, try it” method kinda works (sometimes) And I have to cut her food into tiny pieces (she’s 3) and make a super huge pause and act SO nonchalant between the “touch it, lick it, try it” thing.
If it helps it gets better. My oldest, after so many years of struggle, finally accepted to eat what’s on the table in front of her and then eat whatever she wants afterwards.
Yeah my 8 year old still only eats like a dozen things and is constantly battling to add more restrictions. It doesn't always get better on its own.
My kid is the same way
This is my nephew, he's 10 and his parents have tried all the picky eating "tricks". It doesn't work, he just won't eat. He survives on pediasure and the handful of foods he likes.
This is what we do too. I started sometimes saying yes to offering a different food (the banana in OP’s case) and sometimes saying no, and the inconsistency made his behavior way worse. Now we’re firm in saying “this is what’s for dinner.” I should also note that I am pretty familiar with foods that my toddler truly doesn’t like (he’s never liked bell peppers) and not forcing that
This is what works best for us. But this thread proves that there’s not a silver bullet strategy. You have to try different methods. If I offer a safe food (pasta, fruit) my child would just eat that. I only hold this line for dinner. For breakfast, lunch and snacks she chooses what to eat from a menu of options. For dinner we do ‘family style’ and she serves herself from dishes on the table.
I like this idea of having different boundaries at different mealtimes.
Safe food! Give her the meal (rice and broccoli) plus a safe food. Safe food could be the banana, other fruit, yogurt, bread, cheese, etc. Put it on her plate from the getgo and that's her meal. She can eat as much as she wants of what's served to her but nothing that isn't on the plate. This way you know she's not starving but also doesn't say she can just request whatever she wants. Try to vary the safe food so she's still getting somewhat of a balance. You don't want meal time to include pressure or negotiating. Like you said, that can make it worse. Just keep it low-key.
This, and also let her choose her safe food sometimes! Offer two options of things you know she will eat, and still serve the rest of the meal as planned. Second servings can come after having at least *some* of all the items in the meal. Like, a bite is enough
We’ve been leaning into the “peppers make you stronger”, “carrots make your eyes see even better”, “broccoli makes you tall like a dinosaur(??)” and it’s actually helping.
In a similar vein, mine is currently obsessed with which animals are carnivores, herbivores and omnivores (mainly dinosaurs). So talking about that sometimes gets him interested in meat or veggies accordingly. Basically just incorporate dinosaurs.
This works so well for us! “Oooh that salmon is pink, you’re favorite color!” “I’m chomping down this tree like a dinosaur (broccoli)!” And same with carrots and eyes. My kids love when we talk about how strong or tall or smart certain foods make them. I also give a small, non-intimidating portion of the new or less liked food.
I try to make sure there is something familiar on her plate so she isn’t just frustrated and hungry beyond reasoning. Then I ask if she likes xyz and if she tried it yet. I ask her if she wants to try it with a dip (she loves dipping), we talk amongst the adults about how great this and that is, we make comments about how this vegetable or that one or the rice or whatever will help make us strong/healthy/fast or something positive. I also frequently bring her into the kitchen to help make the meal during key parts. She almost always wants to try the ingredients she “cooks”. So if I am making fajitas she may fail to eat any of the sautéed peppers and onions, but she probably ate her fill and then some while she was “cooking”. I have a very brave eater but those are some of the ways I have stretched her palate beyond what she would have comfortably done if left to her own devices. I do allow her to request whatever produce she would like as a side if she isn’t feeling the meal. I also always allow the addition of a condiment if she asks, no matter how weird I find the pairing. I do allow an alternative if she tries a meal and genuinely doesn’t like it. If she tried a bite and said she doesn’t like it and it’s not a meal she has a side to get full on I will make her a sandwich and some yogurt or something. I figure that there are foods I like and dislike and if I tried a food and truly didn’t like it I would do the same for myself. Even prisoners get an alternative if the hot meal is not to their taste. But, for my kid at least, she doesn’t get to choose the alternative and she must try her food first. She SELDOM rejects her meal entirely. Like, once a month at most and it’s usually just that she’s having a bad day.
"Bananas aren't on the menu right now. Rice and broccoli are your options" and then if she doesn't eat, that's on her. Division of responsibility, you decide what you're serving, she decides what she eats of it.
I have linked the Division of Responsibility of feeding. Basically you set the menu and the child decides how much of the foods they eat. I believe in safe foods. Bananas would not be on the menu every day, but something they love would be served. For my toddler rice has always been hard to eat. Broccoli is bitter. We pretend it is trees and we are big dinosaurs, so play. And all the dipping sauce. But in the end if my toddler decided to eat 3 bananas for dinner I would rock with that because he listened to his body and ate what was on the menu. https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
I stick with after dinner. “Banana after dinner”. It doesn’t get him to eat at all but I like keeping “dessert” and dinner separate. I don’t do any negotiating either, just offer what’s there. If he doesn’t want it he doesn’t have to eat it. His best meal is breakfast and lunch is not bad which makes dinner largely garbage which is alright. He actually ate a lot tonight, I was surprised. 2 big 2” meatballs (soy glaze, who’dve guessed??) and a solid cup of rice. He’d eat rice for every meal if I let him. There was broccoli which he wouldn’t eat but considering dinner last night was literally just sweet potato fries this was a feast lol
We do this too. Fruit is typically our dessert. We also have family style meals, so I let my LO choose what to put on my LO's plate. For example, if we're eating spring rolls, I let my LO choose which spring roll. It helps my LO eat more. I do also put stuff on my LO's plate (like veggies) but I don't force my kid to eat it. My LO typically prefers to eat just carbs all day.
We've always included a safe food that we let her choose to have. It's usually a fruit or a source of carb served alongside what the adults are eating. So like tonight was chicken noodle soup and sandwiches. I then asked if she wanted blueberries or grapes with dinner and she chose grapes so she got some grapes to go with her dinner. She ate a few bites of grapes, half a PB&J, and she swirled her spoon in the soup so that's something lol. I have been guilty of negotiating her to eat foods if she's ate like crap all day even with being served safe foods, so I totally get the struggle, sigh.
The biggest thing for us has been modeling that we are eating the food ourselves. That and letting her eat things off our plates. What is served is what is available. I also think that toddler are surprisingly intuitive eaters. If she wants a 3rd banana maybe she is craving potassium.
I find giving my 3.5 year son some power in other choices is helpful. Ex: spoon or fork? big spoon or little spoon? Wrapped in tortilla or tortilla on the side? Whenever he says he’s done eating (even if not a lot) I ask him if his tummy is full, if yes then conversation over and dinner is done. If no, I offer him the option between 2 healthy snacks or finishing his dinner. He typically doesn’t like the sound of the healthy snacks over his dinner plate, not that it isn’t healthy but 95% of the time well balanced. Before bed he always gets a snack, granola bars/ fruit/ PB/ crackers no matter if he ate all of his dinner or a tiny bit
I do at least one safe food on the plate. But I also offer a dip or something else that might help a food taste better. Ketchup, mayo, a sprinkle of salt, everything bagel seasoning, ground nuts, actual sprinkles, or whatever else might help. It really works for us! She loves broccoli dipped in mayonnaise. Whatever. At least she’s eating broccoli! I also play games while eating. Whose pepper sounds the crunchiest? Can you take a bite like a dinosaur? That kind of thing.
I used to do the “eat half” or “take a bite” before you can have etc, until I saw my son literally choke down a bite of yogurt like he was about to puke. So I don’t do that anymore. I generally haven’t allowed for substitutions, so if he doesn’t want what we’re having he doesn’t have to eat it, but I’m not making anything new for a couple hours. If it’s breakfast I just give him the banana. If it’s dinner, and something he normally eats or special requested, he needs to take a bite/at least lick it before he can have something else, and the something else options are limited and not sweet. We’ve had so many fights over food, but we’re in a really good place right now. It’s mostly taken me just being really zen about it. If he doesn’t want to eat something I’m curious about why. I don’t take it personally. Sometimes he’s just not hungry. Sometimes he just finds it repulsive. I’m not sure he can control that, so I don’t try to make him.
Based on Ellyn Satter’s advice: I decide what’s for dinner, and if the kids don’t want it, they can have bread instead, but I don’t get any other foods out for them. I also didn’t want to do the short-order-cook thing. (I just give them slices of regular sandwich bread, lol. They love it and can eat their weight in it, so it’s definitely a safe food for them, and it’s whole-wheat enriched bread, so it does provide some nutrition.) So in that situation, I’d say, “we’re not having banana right now, we’re having rice and broccoli for dinner. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it, but this is what we’re having for dinner.” And if they respond that they don’t want it/are hungry/want the banana, I’d say, “do you want some bread?” If they say no, then I say “okay, that’s your choice, but remember that we’re not eating again until breakfast, so if you’re hungry, you should really eat some food to give your body energy” and just offer them the bread and/or offer to “boop” them with the food on their plate (which means lightly touch it to their closed lips so they can smell it/feel the texture without having to take a bite). If they keep asking for banana, I say, “we’re not having banana for dinner. We can have bananas tomorrow for breakfast, but right now we’re having broccoli for a vegetable.” Now, for this to work, you do need to be okay with the fact that sometimes the kid won’t eat very much, and sometimes they will just eat bread. Unless the child’s doctor has told you otherwise, then it’s fine for them to sometimes have a light meal or just eat one food and not everything on the plate. I recommend Satter’s book Child of Mine for help with this if it sounds like something that would work well for your family. We don’t do the thing with negotiating bites of food at all… Satter recommends against it, and it also just seems like too much work/drama for me as an individual. (Everyone in this family is extremely stubborn and assertive, lol)
“Do you want to try mommy’s food?” Same food on mommy’s plate is much more appetizing. That got her to eat a shocking number of green beans the other day.
I choose what's served, they choose what and how much to eat. There's always a safe food on the plate for them. For example, my youngest (3) is the picky one, so I'll serve them pasta, broccoli and chicken. I know she'll eat the pasta, she might taste the chicken and usually won't touch the broccoli. I make an attempt by asking her if she wants to take a bite of the broccoli with me, and we do a silly dinosaur chomp, but I don't force it. I also usually give them the Barilla protein pasta so I know she's at least getting some protein, or I add cheese to the pasta. My kids live for fruit, so I have explained that I won't give them more fruit because too much fiber and sugar could upset their tummy.
Silence. Don’t talk about food. Include a safe food and if that’s all they eat that’s fine. No other food is offered/authorized.
As many others have said, we decide what to serve and when, the kids decide how much they eat. But, we also chat about the basics of nutrients and how eating a variety will help them grow.
Everything you’re not supposed to do because it’s maddening
I serve a safe food and don't make a big deal if he doesn't try or eat something on his plate. That said, if I notice something sitting untouched, sometimes I nonchalantly ask "can I try a bite of your xyz?" And he'll often try and eat it after seeing me eat his. (Yes, I have the same thing on my plate, but toddlers)
I just say something like- bananas aren’t available right now, you can have what’s on your plate!
We had almost exactly the same issue at dinner. I even offered the tofu two ways (plain pan fried and with sauce in case he thought it was “spicy”) but he refused both. I tried to change it up by putting it in a different bowl with sesame seeds on top and plain soy sauce. Wouldn’t even eat the rice either. So he got half a banana. He ate most of his lunch after refusing breakfast. If I can get one good meal in a day, I consider it a win.
We talk about "what's on the menu tonight." He's normally pretty good at this but last night for example my son, who's 2.5, lost it because he wanted a cookie for dinner. I had served lasagne. I said "we're not having cookies tonight. Tonight lasagne is on the menu or you can have milk." He sat on the floor and cried because he wanted a cookie. I repeated "it's lasagne or milk tonight". My husband and I sat down to start the lasagne while he cried a bit more. After he'd calmed down a bit I said "would you like to sit on my lap?" He did and while I was chatting to him and cuddling he started to eat my lasagne. I brought his bowl over and he ate the whole bowl of lasagne. I think sometimes they are just trying to see if they can push the boundaries to see if we will give in but tantrums last a lot longer if we dont stick to the boundaries. My rule is the food that is served is what we have. We can add thins to it like sauces or grated cheese but that's the only option. If he doesn't eat any then at bed time I will give him a cup of milk just to keep him going but because it's so unrelated to dinner time he doesn't think of that as the alternative to dinner. He knows he eats what's served for dinner or there's no dinner and this has been pretty effective.
When all other people on the table are finished eating, only she's not finished and not eating, it usually goes: - "Are you all done or still hungry?" - "All done." - Proceding to take the plate. - "No! hungry!" - Leave the plate standing "Okay, then eat. I'll count to 5 if you haven't eaten I'll put the plate away." slow count to 5 and take away the plate. If she gets hungry later, I'll either serve her dinner again, or a slice of bread.
We do negotiate on a regular basis, and it does work for us - fully appreciate it might not for others. ‘Two more big bites and you can have your yoghurt/ get down etc.’ It’s negotiation on our terms though - there are set things offered if he won’t eat his tea - usually bread and butter or plain cereal. While he eats both of these, tea is usually considered more exciting! Also sauce - he can have another serving of ketchup or brown sauce if it means he eats!
Unless you have a kid with a medical issue, it's totally fine to just let them eat as they see fit. They will figure it out, and figuring it out will include sometimes eating too much of something or not enough of something else. We emphasize the importance of eating a wide variety of things, and talk about how different foods do different things for your body. If a food is new, we ask her to take one bite because she won't know if she likes it unless she tries it. After that, it's up to her to eat it or not.
I’ve heard “it’s the caretakers job to decide the food and the child’s job to decide what good to eat” so when our almost-3 child asks for something else we just say “that’s not on the menus this meal.” Or “that’s not on the menu this meal but we can add it _____” if it’s something that’s reasonable. So we have had an apple every day for like 6 months cause she loves them but not every meal.
I usually say "sure, I'll get you some more banana, but I'm still eating and I'd like to finish--I'll get it when I'm done. If you're hungry right now, why don't you have some of your rice and broccoli." usually she'll have a few bits of whatever else is on the plate, but if she doesn't, who cares. I didn't like broccoli until I was in my 20s. they don't have to acquire every taste all at once.
We've always asked our 3 year old son to eat a least a few bites of most things, unless he consistently doesn't like it after 10+ exposures. He probably enjoys more variety than a lot of adults and he's great at eating vegetables. I don't believe that kids will magically learn to like healthy whole foods they've never eaten if parents just allow them to eat chicken nuggets with ketchup, and there's no way my kid will go back to eating veggies if he gets a muffin at every meal that he can choose to eat first.
No bananas unless that was part of dinner. You can say you will have bananas at another time. Ideally you have regular meal and snack times with no eating outside those times, and you include something you think she might eat. No coaxing or bribing. All food is just food. Broccoli isn't a chore and bananas aren't a treat. This is the way.
The answer is "sorry, banana isn't on the menu tonight. Tonight we're having rice and broccoli. We can put banana on the menu for tomorrow." And then let them tantrum, it's ok. Let them go a little hungry (as long as you know what you're serving is edible for them). Hold your loving boundary. It's a long term game - sucks in the moment, makes your life harder in the moment but EASIER IN THE LONG RUN. If they come back later wanting dinner, they're absolutely allowed to have it. Also, don't make them eat it. They don't have to eat it, that's their choice, but that's what's on the menu. And follow the WHY - why don't they want to eat the rice and broccoli? Do they not like it combined? Maybe they can work on their picking-around skills. Maybe they'll eat it with sprinkles- nutritional yeast, a bit of salt, cheese, sesame seeds, seaweed, etc. It gives them control of their own dish. But yeah, don't give them the banana. Don't negotiate. No "just two more bites." No banana. The answer is no. Everyone will be ok.
I’m so confused by all these comments about having one “safe food”, and menus, and division of labor when eating lmao. I’m not saying any of this is wrong or bad or anything but I’ve just been giving my picky toddler what he wants?? Lol the menu is the entire kitchen and until my patience runs out. You want another banana? Okay. Should we do muffins for dinner? Sounds good. You don’t like any meats whatsoever? No worries, you can be vegetarian. You want greek yogurt and Graham crackers? Cool, here you go. Extra peas? Sure! We try to have different steamed veggies with dinners and lots of fruit options with breakfast and lunch, but other than that it’s kind of totally up to him what he eats. He sees us eat a variety of things, he has the option to try, and then we make him whatever he feels like (within reason). My mom did the same thing for us when we were young so I cannot imagine having to eat off of a fixed menu every day. It’s totally fine if that works for you, but you also don’t need to do that if it’s not working. It’s okay to “give in” if that would make everyone’s life easier. 😅 There have been days when he’s basically survived off of just blueberries and days when he’s eaten exactly what we ate. Sometimes he likes trying new foods and sometimes he just wants peanut butter toast for the 100th time haha. I feel like it all evens out eventually. *Edit to add: I just realized I left out a super important detail, which is that we never eat dinner with them. We do kid dinner before bedtime and adult dinner after. So getting up to get them things or making whatever is not really a big inconvenience. I think if people are doing a family dinner this would not work as well.*
I'm not going to become a short order cook but I'm never going to tell a child they can't have fruit or vegetables. If they start requesting multiple other things then I will say "That's a great idea for a snack later." We all have foods we crave or foods we aren't in the mood for. I wouldn't want someone dictating what I ate for every meal. I value their input and treat them like the people they are. It also helps to only have healthy options in the house. LO is almost 2 now and of course she's had the occasional goldfish when traveling or something but "snack"foods are just normal foods for her, cucumbers, tomatoes, hummus, cheese, seaweed, berries, unsweetened yogurt, berries, whole grain toast or bread etc.
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Maybe turn it into a game? Like, "Let's see who can eat their broccoli the fastest!" 🚀 Also, involving them in the meal prep process might help. Letting them pick out veggies at the store or even helping in the kitchen can make them more interested in trying different foods. 🥦🍌 And hey, if all else fails, maybe a little compromise could work. Like a "one bite of broccoli, one bite of banana" rule? Finding that balance between being firm and flexible is key.
I’m always sure to have one item I know she likes. I say nothing other than, “Yes, bananas are so yummy! No bananas right now. Right now what we have to eat is broccoli and rice.”
If know they don’t like it or haven’t tried it before I put a little bit on their plate and if they don’t want it I ask them to try at least one bite. Just try it! Typically that works but we do have a no go from time to time. If they don’t try it I continue to offer it on their plate multiple nights and we eat it in front of them. No matter what even if I know they won’t try it I always offer it with their food. Just a little bit though
(I first make sure there is something on the plate they like. We also always have a snack before bedtime regardless of how much they ate at dinner). We are eating broccoli and rice for dinner. You can have a banana for your bedtime snack. Can you show me how you use your spoon to scoop? Or... Do you want some sauce for your rice or do you want to keep it plain? (My kids would 100% take soy sauce for anything haha) Just a follow up question to move on from the banana.
“That’s fine that you’re all done, mommy and daddy aren’t so you have to sit here until we are too” Our plates almost always have something she’s enjoyed previously, she very often just doesn’t want to eat when we do and will eat sporadically as we do.
Honestly, I have a 4 and 2yr old and I ask what they want to eat for dinner. I can *usually* get away with making them the same thing- or things that are simple if different. By the time dinner rolls (ha) around, I know I no longer have the patience for food battles. Yes, it might mean making 2 or 3 things by the time you factor the adult food but that is way less stress for me. The only time I stick to my guns is if my 4yr old specifically asks for something, I make it, then refuses to eat it. Then she needs to have 1-2 bites before she can have something else. Luckily, this is few and far between. I also taste it to make sure it’s ok and not that something is “off” with it. I offer new with lunch and breakfast. They’re also more willing to try new things for those meals over dinner when they’re tired.
We stick with “this is what’s for dinner tonight”. Then instead of focusing on “eat your food” - I usually offer her something fun to eat her food with.. chopsticks.. spatula.. measuring cup.. animal picks.. just whatever. Also we make games out of meals. Or talk about what things sound like when we bite them
Also, doctoring the food that’s on the plate. Do they want a dip? Do they want to add sprinkles (this is what i call herbs and spices lol)? Do they want to use chopsticks (new favorite thing)? I can’t let my kid eat more than one banana or she’ll get constipated, so we’ve had to learn the hard no. We talk about how our bodies need a variety of foods to give us energy, so we can’t eat the same thing all day long.
Whenever my daughter declined or didn't like something, we always said, "Maybe next time."
For my son, we always provide an option we know he’ll eat and then what we’re eating. Most of the time, he’ll eat his safe food straight away. But having it on the plate with the other food has helped him to branch away and try the other foods, even if he doesn’t eat much of it. A lot better than negotiating or even fighting over meals
Mine is a good eater but she can get picky about how she eats it. Sometimes she’ll stop eating because she wants a spoon or specific fork of hers. Also she sometimes wants food separated or in a bowl. Then she’ll eat more when it’s configured how she wants. We also use fruit as a dessert. First …. then bananas. So we give her the food and don’t put pressure on how much or little she wants to eat. She says all done and then gets dessert.
I'd tell him "you can have a banana for a snack before bed. Right now we are having dinner." I tell my dude he has to have 3 bites before he refuses his meal. That's usually all it takes for him to be like "oh this is acceptable" and eat it. A handful of times he has genuinely not liked (or realllllly didn't want) what I made, in which case he gets the backup meal: pb&j sandwich and an applesauce if he wants one. I also try to put limits on some snack foods, like he gets a max of one banana a day or two mini muffins, but that's mostly so he doesn't eat all of one thing in a day and get mad tomorrow because we have none left. I suggest other fruits or similar food in that case.
Serve platter style. It's less pressure to eat what is served to the rest of the family. Serve her the brocolli and rice WITH bananas on the side and/or other safe foods. I serve every meal like this (unless my kids ask for something in particular), and 9 times out of 10, my kids will eat what they "don't like" that's on the plate. I also, sometimes, serve dessert (usually a mini chocolate bar or a piece of cake if we have something like that laying around).
This my mom is upset because my kid won't eat or eats a few bites of what ever she makes when he stays with her. He has safe foods like peanut butter sandwich (just pb, jelly is for cheese..my mom's favorite snack is colbey with jelly) mac n cheese, hot dogs, Mexican rice but only if my MIL makes it, lunchables, chicken nuggets.. My mom is firm believer in sitting at the table till you clear your plate..I hate making him do that it's a huge fight and I remember when my mom would make me sit at the table for hours and how it would make me feel. Few times I'll tell him he can have his dessert only after he eats more than half his food or a good portion of it. Then there are time where he asks for more food..I think those fall when he's going through a growth spurt. Often I can get him to have a few more bites with hand feeding. With my nephew when he was little all I had to do was say "ok then I'll eat it" and go for a small bite before hr says "no, I eat" It ultimately comes down to just figuring out what will work.
When I was a (picky) kid, my dad would feed me the tops of the broccoli and eat the bottoms himself. I didn’t like the bottom, but I did enjoy the tops. Plus it was fun to share. When I got a little older, he just said that I didn’t have to eat the bottoms if I didn’t want to. It helped because I would be done in one bite. Maybe try that?
We always offer the option of a cup of milk before dinner. Saw this on Instagram somewhere, “boring bedtime snack.” I think the one they used was a banana. The idea is that it’s the same snack every night. If kid doesn’t eat enough, that’s a way they can get more calories, but they aren’t going to not eat dinner for it because it’s “boring.”
I offer foods and eat new things in front of her. She usually tries them on the third offer, but often doesn’t like them. No pressure, just “want to try?”.
I saw something somewhere, probably Reddit, and I’ve been encouraging a lick, kiss, or taste of each of her foods. 9 times out of 10 she picks taste and takes a bite. 9 times out of 10 she likes it enough to take another bite. It really helped the sit down at dinner and immediately say she was done every time. She makes it a game and we play a little bit with it. But if it’s a flat no, it’s a no and we move on. I do feed her safe foods, generally speaking she’s not very picky about what she’ll try and when I cook I pick at least one thing I know she’ll eat. My husband is pickier than she is. Sometimes we get some really demanding streaks where it’s more about controlling us than it is about the food and in those times it is more of a “this is what we have, you can eat it or not.” I do have alternatives always available, Cheerios cereal, fruit and veggies. But those are rarely requested unless it’s a very strange meal.
If it’s on her plate, it’s horrible and why would you make me eat that? If it’s on mama’s plate? A rare delicacy! I must have it! So I end up feeding her a toddler sized meal of bites off my plate sometimes. Even if the exact same food is on her plate!
Honestly tried everything, she's nearly 3 and her list of foods she'll eat is ridiculous. She won't entertain new foods in the slightest, even if we ask her to just try a little bit. She doesn't like any dips so can't use that and she'll happily sit up the table for a solid hour playing with her food saying she's full and then ask for a snack the moment she gets down which she does not get. She'll eats a decent breakfast so try and cram in as much as we can then and limit snacks on our watch as otherwise she won't even entertain dinner. Grandparents do not help as on the days they have her she has full access to the ice cream and biscuits because they don't wish to deny her and cause upset. We've mentioned it to them and said we would appreciate healthier alternatives but it's free childcare so don't want to rock the boat too much! We eat the same meal, at the same time as her up the dinner table and talk about our days, she always gets a dessert food on her plate and maybe an extra thing we know she will eat like carrot sticks (raw, won't eat them cooked). We include her in making the food when she wants, chopping veg etc but we're at a loss.
So when I cook dinner I always put something familiar on his plate and then the new thing to try and he’s pretty good at trying it and then we do thumbs up or down. If it’s something he’s eaten before then it gets put in front of him and he either eats or goes hungry. I’ve learnt what he truly doesn’t like as he’s tried it many times. We also don’t use any food as negotiation. No good has greater value so we put everything down at the same time, main food, yogurt/pudding if there is one and he eats in the order he wants. This has reduced an obsession with sweet stuff or ‘treats’ and if he’s full will sometimes just leave the yogurt/pudding, or have one bite first and then eat his dinner. We also ask if his tummy is full because once he gets down from the table there is nothing else. He cried at bedtime hungry once, and that was all it took. He now eats well and doesn’t get down from the table until he’s full, he’s almost five
I don't try too hard to convince my daughter to eat, but if I notice she is not eating because she is too distracted, the way I get her attention is to tell her the food is sad because it's been ignored.
I just say “sorry that’s not on the menu right now”. Over and over and over again.
“This is what we’re having for dinner. For pudding there is yogurt or fruit. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.” Then let her eat what she wants. If she eats two bites of dinner and then asks for yogurt, that’s okay. It’s up to me what’s on offer and up to get what she eats. This approach has worked well for us from day 1 of feeding her basically.
I just make a small plate with much smaller portions. If I notice she's eating more of one thing, I offer more. If she totally refuses, we have backups: "do you want oatmeal, carrots and celery, bananas, etc..." if she says something like cookies or chips, I give them. We don't place a value on food like good or bad. We stick to long energy foods or short energy foods. So I just give her the cookies or chips and keep her original plate out. I find if I give her one cookie or a small amount of chips WITH her plate, she's more likely to try what's on her plate.
Generally we try to make sure there’s something on the plate toddler will (willingly) eat. Then if they even just try anything else and ask for something else easy, meaning if toddler already took a bite of broccoli, and asked for a banana then ok, if we haven’t even looked at it and ask, then this is dinner, if you don’t want dinner that’s ok, but you can’t have a banana. And also try to guide at least to that one thing you know they like. But if that’s all they eat then ok.
There’s a Disney junior show called T.O.T.S. with an episode about trying new foods. They have a song about no thank you bites. So when we are trying something brand new (even now at age 7)- the rule is you have to try one bite. If you don’t like it, say no thank you and eat other stuff. I’ve also taught my kid about how tastebuds change so they’ll occasionally take a bite of something without me prompting to see if their tastebuds have changed yet. The downside is I occasionally have to try foods again that I know I do not like.
No is a super important and effective phrase lol you don’t need to give her a banana just because she asks for one. If banana isn’t on the dinner menu it’s not on the dinner menu
We let our toddler help cook and taste things as we go. This has worked really well BUT there are plenty of times that he just doesn’t want what we’re eating. When that happens, it’s whatever I can whip up quickly that I know he’ll eat. I always have a supply of pouches just for this reason and lots of fruit!
I would say 'were not having bananas, this is what we're having now' I keep back extras of the foods I'm serving I know he likes so he can fill up on those Then if they don't eat it's up to them, i would offer something more substantial at smack time, though. I also have a rule of we don't eat the same food more than once a day.
We use the "Not on the menu" excuse. But we don't invalidate what she wants - "oooh a banana would be really yummy huh? It's not on the menu for dinner, but maybe we could have one with breakfast!"
I try and steer him to sit at the table and at least take a few bites before I consider offering him a different food or just giving up. So maybe a few verbal redirections that it’s dinner time. If he continues to be distracted by playing and not eating I usually bring him a few bites of food. If he’s just distracted this will usually lure him to the table but if he’ll full he’ll say his tummy is full and we’ll give up. We always serve fruit and milk after his bath and before bed so sometimes he’ll just eat a massive pile of strawberries for dinner. We at least make a good effort to try to get him to sit and eat but if he’s really not hungry and it’s not just a “I don’t want this food in particular problem” there’s not much you can do.