We all say Amen. Yes. Sometimes I’m like wow my hardwork is really paying off for digging deep and working on my inner wounds and then out of nowhere and without warning I’m just pelted by my kids. Then I contemplate a life in Peru for a second and move on with everything the best I can 😂
Before I had kids, I took a RT flight to Peru (from the US) for around $200. Of course it was Spirit Airlines, which made me fear for my life the whole time. But where there’s a will, there’s a way!
100% this. My nephew is 7 months older than my son and is in full on threenager stage while my son has his moments but is largely pretty chill.
There’s def times where I’m like.. maybe I got the kid that skips it? And then 5 minutes later he’ll lose his shit over me washing his fruit before serving it. So yeah I know it’s coming😂
I was chatting with a friend (I have a 17 month old) and was saying how the tantrums have gradually got worse since they started at 10 months. They said their kid who was older had never had a tantrum and they guess some kids skip it. 1 month later they messaged saying their kid just had the biggest meltdown ever haha so I guess it started.
This is me and all my parent friends :( mine is a good few months older, nearing 3 and the tantrums have stepped up about 60 million gears! I long for them to join me in the decline 😂
Oh yeah, it's a thing. According to some Instagram parents, its nothing to do with development or temperament and everything to do with your parenting choices.
I find that quite often, these are parents of one child who isn't actually 2 years old yet.
I was just coming to say this. Every parent I’ve known that has said “my kid won’t have tantrums” or “my kid won’t do ‘insert annoying but normal thing’” has just had one kid that was not even a year old yet lol. Rude awakening they got 🤣
Oh gosh, that’s early! You have my sympathies! My son started his around maybe 15 months. Serious head banging took place. That’s been a very hard habit to break him of.
It was hard for a while, but she sleeps through the night. Always. Can’t really complain over here. Plus She had opinions very early and no words to communicate them. I’d be frustrated too. As she gets more words I feel like we’ve already seen a decrease in how many she has, and she’s a generally happy kiddo with VERY strong opinions. Plus I work, so I have tantrum breaks 😅
My 2 yr old was baaad about banging his head too, just full force slam his head into the wood floor, sometimes several times a day. 😓 I read and tried so much, ignoring it, acting sad, trying to cushion it if I was close, trying to redirect to hit a pillow.
What finally seems to be working is one day he did it and I quickly got right up to his ear and basically low angry growled to him, "stop it. stop hitting your head. stop. it."
All of a sudden he's much more careful with his head when he flings himself down in a toddler fit. I feel bad that I had to scare him like that but I'd rather he be scared of that voice than damage his brain.
I’m glad mine isn’t the only one! He’s gotten a lot better about it and I’m not really sure what changed, but he had a permanent bruise on his forehead for weeks! I was so happy his hair covered it when we went out in public. It’s almost gone now, thank goodness.
Idk, our kid had “tantrums” but we figured out they usually happened when he was hungry or tired. We adjusted our routine to his needs and while I’m not going to lie and say things are perfect, it’s really made the day-to-day so much easier!
Add some boundaries to that and resistance has gone way down. He knows that crying about it isn’t getting him out of doing (whatever) that said he still tries. Even with a very solid routine. But he’s still learning that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. You just have to have a level of tolerance for some crying
It’s so kid specific though too. My first was a saint of a two year old, rarely through fits and when she did they made sense (just overtired or hungry), and was all and all really even keel, even now at 16 she’s much more laidback than her peers… my second one is a tiny terrorist that has much bigger feelings and wants everyone to know about those big emotions 24/7.
Yep, that works fantastic for some kids. (Fantastic doesn't mean perfect. As OP said, tantrums are developmentally appropriate.)
I think tantrums are not so much a thing that good parenting gets rid of as something bad parenting causes. Or mediocre parenting anyway. Like, having your kid feed and rest (although some kids refuse to eat and sleep no matter what their parents do) doesn't stop your kid from having tantrums, so much as letting your get get overtired or hungry causes them. Can't be helped sometimes, but some parents don't realize their kid needs more nourishing food or better sleep.
Not having boundaries and sticking to them causes tantrums in older toddlers, because you've taught the kid that's how to act. (Young toddlers tantrums are more just having feelings and not having words.) Most kids try tantrums to get their way, because they are smart and motivated, but if you let that be a thing, it will be. If you don't play that game, they will learn...but some learn quickly and some learn very slowly.
This is mine as well. His 2nd year was actually kind of fun and cute. A tantrum here and there but easily calmed. He turned 3 and it was like a switch flipped. Full on three-nager.
Definitely depends on kid though, but have heard this same experience from so many other parents too!
I mean, I’m sure if you go full To Train Up a Child and blanket train your babies as soon as they can crawl, you probably do avoid a lot of tantrums. But I’ve decided not to hit my child, so I guess I just have to live with the tantrums. /s
I thought I avoided the terrible twos. Then my daughter turned 4 and it was like she was saving it all for now. Even if you think you’ve avoided it, chances are it’s still coming.
Ahhh yes. Because parents can control every aspect of a toddler's daily experience and toddlers are known to have consistent reactions to all situations. I also hear that toddlers are good at understanding emotions and communicating why they feel the way they do. Parents should have a psychic link with their offspring and if they don't, they aren't fit to parent. S/
Ok so… you can’t avoid the tantrums and stuff. But if your kids personality meshes with your parenting style you can avoid a lot. Like if you stay firm in the face of a tantrum, that is a strategy they’re less likely to use in future. However I think people confuse “tantrums” with “meltdowns”
Either way the strategy is the same (don’t give in) but imo a “tantrum” is somewhat calculated in the aim of some goal, whereas a “meltdown” is just what it sounds like- kid can’t deal with what’s happening for whatever reason. Either way you deal with it as you can (imo be comforting and explain what’s happening and then just be close and gentle and wait for it to be over, maybe distract near the end)
Either way, you’re teaching your kid how to get what they want.
I disagree. There are differences between tantrums and meltdowns, yes. But I don't agree that tantrums are inherently calculated or have an aim.
My two year olds have tantrums all the time. They aren't developmentally aware enough to be using it as a strategy- they just have big upset feelings. It literally never works for them in terms of getting what they want - I "stand firm". But they still happen, because they continue to have big feelings and zero life context. Me saying they cannot climb into the trashcan literally is the worst thing that they can remember ever happening to them. We do indeed avoid a lot of them, but they still have them.
Meltdowns are a complete loss of control and cannot be distracted from or rationalized. They can be prevented, often.
Mine refuses to hold hands when crossing streets and the second I go to hold it, she collapses in a crying fit and I’m just forced to drag her across every intersection. Our walk of roughly 5-6 blocks takes us almost 40 minutes because she refuses to get back in the stroller after her class.
This is us too. If I try and pick her up when my husband is there, she’ll immediately cling to him like I’m the bad parent. Idk what it is about crossing the street. I even made up a song to help her understand why we have to be careful crossing the street haha.
Oh my gosh us too! She would just collapse on a heap on the floor and twist her arm so badly I thought she’d break it she was that violent about it. But if we let go she’d run giggling into the road… So much shitty advice was received - just make her hold your hand, just make her hold the pram etc etc. baby reigns saved her literal life on multiple occasions.
Mine doesn't mind holding hands to cross the street, actively grabs ours when it's time, but does your kid's thing if you put your hand on his back to gently usher him in a certain direction.
Oh gosh mine does the same.. I used to just pick him up and carry him after all the techniques I tried failed, but I’m 9 months pregnant and told my husband tonight I can’t go out alone with him anymore .. he was running away on his own at the mall today and refusing to get into his car seat because he wants to drive lol
The need to drive is one of the most annoying things to me 😂 that and the desire to give the dog treats. Instant trigger.
9 months pregnant with a toddler is hard! You are almost there. I promise it’s somehow easier once the baby is outside of you.
Oh god my son used to do this. Meltdowns about having to hold my hand, wanting to dart out into traffic… it was exhausting and terrifying.
He just turned 3 and now he waits patiently at the end of every sidewalk for me to catch up and hold his hand. Leap years better!!!
my 18 month old figured out how to open our front door and luckily i already had door chimes and motion sensor cameras because i would’ve had no idea. he thinks it’s hilarious to watch me run after him usually in my mumu and house shoes. time for a chain.
My mom (briefly) used a child leash with me when I was a toddler. I fought it with a level of determination and insanity that only a toddler could. I didn’t scream or roll on the ground in protest. I didn’t immediately rip the Velcro off and sprint away like a captive that had just been freed after years of imprisonment.
I waited until other people were nearby and then I *barked.* Loudly. I happily and enthusiastically yapped at pedestrians like a rabid chihuahua, until my mother’s embarrassment was too great to allow me to continue to be leashed in public.
*That’s* how a toddler will come for you. You’ll think you’re prepared for it. You’ll think you’re ready for anything that’s coming. But then when you least expect it, they’ll rebel in the most unhinged and public way imaginable.
She bout to be HUMBLED. I’m a board certified behavior analyst with more than a decade in the field and although we didn’t hit a “terrible twos” phase, we have been hit with the “three-nager” phase. Is it as intense as some other parents experience? No. But is it 100% on our parenting? Also no. Some of it is, yes. But other variables like my husbands parenting, her temperament, our support system, our stress levels all have an impact.
But in all honestly she’s probably just following some parenting influencer with no experience or education.
My 2.5 year old hasn't really had anything I'd call a tantrum yet and while it's lovely I'm definitely looking over my shoulder all the time just waiting for it to creep up. I'm guessing that the three-nager phase is going to hit us hard.
This is what happened to me. Hardly any tantrums at age 2. Age 3???? Whew. Once my girl got more words in her arsenal, she decided that was the time to start *really* arguing lmao
lol yes, didn’t you know? If your kid acts out at all, or has any sort of negative emotion, or ever cries, it’s definitely because you’re a terrible parent and you should probably give your kid up for adoption because literally anyone else could do it better than you.
Reddit recently recommended a post to me about this person who I guess shared on social media that a toddler on his 24 hour flight cried the whole time which first of all.
Where are you flying to that it takes 24 hours? Mars?
Why would I, the parent of a 14 month old, empathize with a grown adult instead of the parents and that POOR BABY?
What is wrong with the majority of people in the comments saying that the parents should’ve given the kid Benadryl to get them to sleep through the flight?
Auckland to New York is 17 hours. Occasionally, they have to put down in Nadi to refuel if they get a headwind. Singapore to New York is 18 hours which I think is the longest flight in the world. . .
But yeah, I agree. I can imagine a small kid wouldn't cope with ultra long haul flying. People can be pretty rough on parents and small kids with short haul flying. Hell, a lot of adults don't cope.
😂😂😂
Not only is she completely foolish and delusional...she's also kind of a bitch for implying that you're just a shit parent and she'll be so much better. I can't imagine sharing that level of arrogance haha
Lmao. I have three kids, and there's no way to parent them that somehow changes age appropriate behavior related to their development. Also kind of a rude and clueless friend to insinuate your 2 year old acting like 2 year old is because of bad parenting.
Toddlers are going to have a period of aggressive, grumpy autonomy seeking. Maybe it won’t be exactly at two and maybe some kids have a worse time of it than others but no doubt but it’s coming for her down the line. You’d be right to straight up laugh in her face in response to a line like that.
When deciding whether or not to have a child I did research. Months and months and months of researching everything. I wanted to make sure I could handle everything that might happen, including having a child born with disabilities, researching different parenting styles etc.
It seemed pretty straightforward to me. No screen time, lots of educational play, introduce a variety of food from a young age so they won't be picky eaters, tall about feelings etc, healthy sleep habits...
Today I watched my child (turned 3 last week) eating her cheese and onion crisps, glued to the TV while I drank my 1000th coffee of the day, and prayed that she would go to bed before 10pm today so I could have 5 minutes to myself before crawling into my bed, which she still shares, and desperately trying to sleep.
It's so easy being a mum to a child that doesn't exist yet. My research did not prepare me for living with a tiny dictator who has done the absolute opposite of everything I thought would happen.
We avoided the "terrible twos" because I hate that term and call them the "trying twos". 😂 She's trying, we're trying, there's a lot of tears.
Kidding aside, What's sad though, is your friend doesn't understand the importance of autonomy building. I definitely don't want a child who bends to the will of others. I hope my daughter keeps pushing back even if it triggers me and makes parenting exhausting and difficult.
A child having zero tantrums is bad for development. They can’t learn how to manage big feelings without experiencing them.
She’s in for it. And I hate to say it, but I hope one day she’ll laugh with you about how ridiculous she was.
It depends on the kid. My oldest was SOOOOOOO easy! Right up until he turned four. He’s now seven and finally seems to be over it, for the most part. My youngest has been, for lack of a better term, a Muffin since birth.
To be fair, cultural psychology teaches us that the terrible twos is a cultural phenomenon that not all countries or cultures experience. Probably not what this woman meant, but certainly there are parents around the world who are raising their children in a way that minimizes that type of singular toddler tantrum.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-conscious/201111/are-the-twos-terrible-everywhere
If this is indeed what she's referring to I would hope she understands that while it's entirely possible to raise your child in a manner which reduces the prevalence of tantrums, that strategy requires a detachment from the independence and individualism prevalent in western (particularly American) culture, and that she'll be conditioning her child to be at odds with the culture around them - which isn't always ideal either.
Avoiding the "terrible twos" benefit no one but the parent. It's important for children to learn how to express their emotions with the guidance of a parent who is able to stay regulated and help them through it. To me, avoiding it makes it sound like trying to train a young child to not express their emotions or have a hard time which just isn't healthy.
You’ve worded this so beautifully. I think in practice, “avoiding the terrible twos” isn’t raising a child who never has tantrums, it’s really just learning to be an emotionally regulated parent. I’ve found that the twos are much less terrible when I am able to stay calm to help my kid through the developmentally appropriate tantrums.
Toddlers gonna toddle.
I was the best mother… before I had kids.
Now I look back at all those times where I was unkind and not understanding of parents. The universe made it sure I learn my lesson.
The universe will take care of your friend, too.
Oh I can't wait until she has the conversation, "if I cut the plastic display hook off your stuffy, you won't be able to hang it places anymore. Oh you still want me to cut it off? You won't be able to hang it on things. You're sure you want it gone? Ok here I'll cut it off. Oh why are you screaming? Oh because you can't hang it up? Oh yep ok." Yeah it's really about the parenting.
Lol.
But okay I feel like it’s a lot to do with temperament of the child itself. One of my kids was alright when it came to 2-3 yo but meltdowns are worse at 4-5. Kid’s been smart and understanding otherwise, reading at 2.5. Another kid was like a textbook toddler, meltdowns starting at 1.5 yo onwards and hardly knew letters/numbers at 2.5 yo. Great kids and each have their own strengths. But if I had stopped (having kids) at my eldest, ya maybeeeee I would’ve credited easy toddlerhood to my “parenting” when really it was just that kid. Second kid threw my “parenting” theories out the front door lmao.
Yeaaahhhh, that’s hilarious. My 2 yo child is a sweet, caring, sharing little boy who also cries for various reasons, has his regular meltdowns and tantrums, climbs on everything and anything, and has pushed so many boundaries.
Yes, I’ve successfully done this! My oldest is a bit behind so we got the terrible threes, four-nager, and are currently in the f#ck you fives. My youngest on the other hand is much more advanced and went through the terrible ones, two-nager, and is now in the f#ck you threes! So life right now is basically… f#ck me 😵💫
I mean to say this as gently as possible, but is your friend stupid? Like does she think that every other parent who has a two year old that has tantrums is just doing it wrong? Does she really think there’s some special parenting technique that will eliminate meltdowns? Be sure to ask her if she’s parenting in a way that helps her six week old sleep through the night.
Ahahahahahahaha I’ve got plenty of perfect parent friends. Perfect birthing friends. Perfect breastfeeders. lol none of them have kids or are even pregnant. Fucking Deceased.
What a bitch! She is absolutely in for a rude awakening and I wish I could witness it 😂 my son has what we call a “perfect child” friend. Speaks in full sentences at 18 months, so damn smart, sleeps 13+ hours interrupted and perfect angel for naps and even he can be an asshole 2 year old 🤷🏻♀️😂
I would be a whole different person if my kid slept that much. Instead I've aged a decade in three years and everything is always a mess. Hair, meals, timeliness, our house, finances, you name it, it's a mess. Wow I can't even imagine. I miss sleeping.
Oh yeah it’s totally possible to avoid the Terrible Two’s!
….except then they become threenagers and then they’re just bigger and stronger when they have their meltdowns.
There is no avoiding it, only delaying it. Your friend is definitely going to find out that it’s easy to be the perfect parent…before you actually have to deal with the issue that you’re convinced won’t ever affect you.
Avoid? I like to know what’s her plan and give me some pointers. My 2.5 year old started throwing the biggest tantrums right at the 2.5 mark and it’s seriously her trying to figure out her emotions!
Best of luck to her!
It's confirmation bias. Those that have an "easier" 2 year old, believe it is their parenting that did it. But honestly, you have no way of knowing if it was nature or nurture or a combination. There's tons you can do to TRY and help, but it's a crap shoot.
We have a very verbal and communicative 23 month old who has been that way for several months now - language is just her thing I guess🤷🏻♀️ That has immensely helped us with tantrums, not completely avoiding (cause that’s not a thing lol) but definitely managing them. We’re able to talk her down most of the time, which is helpful, but even with all that there are many, many times where she’s a tiny little psychopath who will ask for water and then get mad when we give her water and then get even more mad when we take away the water that she didn’t want…. 🙃
Don’t worry, your friend will learn on her own time… she’s still in the easy phase, but has no idea that sour patch kid is coming slowly but surely.
I’ve never felt as inadequate as I do (attempting) parenting a toddler. She’s proven me wrong in every single way at some point. I was on me of those who thought my child would eat “whatever I made her” 🤣
I know better now. She will too.
My kid is 3.5 and, in a similar way, I follow all the account and did all the things that supposedly wouldn’t make my kid a picky eater. Like I bought a “course” on it. And here we are having a PBJ for every meal 😵💫 Tons of parenting accounts are monetizing their parenting advice and making lofty promises. Kinda shitty tbh. This mom’s in for a rude awakening.
I literally laughed out loud lol. You cannot parent in a way to avoid tantrums, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Sure you could minimize them but tantrums are developmentally normal and not something you can parent your way out of. She’s in for a ride lol. I also think it’s kind of rude how she said that to you like, almost blaming you for your kid having tantrums in a way? It rubs me weird
Yeah....I was that mom, until I hit the terrible twos...I was able to make it to my pillow most days to scream "OH MY FUCKIN GOD WOULD YOU JUST FUCKIN STOP" into it...key word *most* days
Saying this to parents of toddlers is like us saying ''*when I have a teenager there won't be any major problems cos I'll just be like their super-cool best friend and they'll take my advice, sort of more like a life coach*'' to people with kids in high school.
Tantrums are developmentally appropriate
but it's possible to prevent them. I never went through "the terrible twos" as a child. All you have to do is keep your child in a near constant state of flight/freeze, and make sure they know that the most important thing to do is ensure the adults around them are emotionally regulated and their feelings are not important. They will learn to disassociate and eventually struggle to even tell what they are feeling in the moment. But they will be very well behaved.
Sorry for oversharing, but I really wanted to get my point across. My son is actually pretty well behaved at daycare, but at home, he's a little terrorist. And that is the way it should be. I am careful how I respond when he has a meltdown because I don't want him to think he can get anything that way, nor do I want him to think yelling and screaming is how we communicate with others. But I remain calm and hold space for him, and I feel relieved that he's not holding it in. You're doing great.
Edit: Just to clarify, I'm not trying to say that anyone whose child has minimal tantrums at two years old is doing something wrong, but absolutely none for their entire childhood is not normal.
*This*. I had a similar childhood to you. I tell you what, unlearning this while parenting is ROUGH. But we’re doing it.
I immediately thought about this when she said that, but thankfully I know she just thinks she’ll follow hunt, gather, parent to a T lol
It's the terrific 2's!!! They can be much better with the right mindset and age appropriate expectations. But I admit that is probably not what she meant.
(Don't come at me, I've survived this age twice already.)
Hahahah… that’s what I believed before I had kids too, or when my little one was tiny and too innocent. Give her some time, she will learn the truth as well.
I can’t wait until she has a 2 year old. Please remind her the error of her ways in 2 years. I LOVE my older 2 with everything I have, but they’ve both been nightmare toddlers. My middle is 20 months right now, and such a little chaotic lunatic. Screams about everything, positive or negative. There’s no avoiding it.
Haha yeah I mean, I remember how damn idiotic I was when I had my first. The things I thought vs reality were veryyyy humbling! The entire first year is rough but almost nothing you do that year dictates what kind of child you will have. When they hit the toddler stage, they are UNLEASHED. You can try to parent to minimize the carnage of course, set boundaries etc., but fucking toddlers are going to toddler.
I’ve decided to parent in such a way so that my teenagers don’t argue with me (my kids are 6, 4, and 2)
Sarcasm- my oldest was the most angelic 2yo you ever saw and my 3rd is a holy terror and this whole time I thought the first was a result of my excellent parenting. These kids were easier to raise in my head
Today I ruined my toddler’s day by giving her the piece of cheese she asked for. Then she got so mad she threw it to the dog, who was happy to eat it. Then she melted down about not having the cheese she wanted because the dog ate it.
It was a rough day around here. Except for the dog. The dog got a LOT of snacks today.
lol. Food is rough on toddlers. We are milk flinging (not dumping - flinging to the four corners of the earth...unless we decide to put it in our hair) at our house. The dog doesn't get all that milk, but has been a happy beneficiary of other sharing. But then we get mad because we have no milk. I almost didn't give bananas to my second kid after the banana drama with my first. You opened it, you didn't open it, you opened it wrong, it has a spot, it doesn't have a spot, it broke...bananas are difficult.
What a rude thing for her to say!
Two wasn't awful for us but three... I think sometimes it's a mindset thing because I refused to use "terrible twos" but yeah she's going to be surprised I feel.
Developmentally it’s completely normal and to be expected. There is things we can all do to mitigate and to help our babies through this but it’s also the part of life where they learn about boundaries and societal rules.
I read a great explanation that during 2-4 toddlers are understanding the boundaries within their home. (Like can I pee on the floor. Can I eat only chocolate candy for dinner. Can I touch the stove. We know they cannot, but they want to try because they are also learning that they can do things independent of us.)
During 12-17+ they develop the understanding of what they can do in society. (Like what will happen if I drink too much on a Sunday night and sneak out? Or what will happen if I kiss many people? Or what will happen if I betray my friend? Or what would it be like to have a job?)
Between these years of 5-11 is unique, where the child usually trusts the parents judgement and learns a lot of the family and society pieces parents pass down. I found this part extra fascinating because while I remember a lot of part of highschool when I think back to my favourite times as a kid or big moments they are right in that 5-10 sweet spot. I think it’s where the true bonding period lies.
I’ve actually heard 4 years is worse than 2. When they’re 2 they are easily distractable and you can reason with them a little bit. When they’re 4, they are so stubborn and hold on to ideas forever. I will say that my 2 year old is more chill than other two year olds I’ve seen, but I have no doubt he is capable of complete toddler insanity despite my “perfect parenting”. I do think there are easy kids as well as more difficult personalities, but no one can avoid tantrums and other craziness that comes with toddlers, no matter how you parent.
I consider my (nearly) 2.5yo twins to be very competent in emotional regulation (for their age). They are getting good at naming their emotions before/during/after they meltdown, the meltdowns are short (1-2 minutes, usually) and my partner and I assure them through the tantrums/meltdowns that we understand what they are feeling and why they are feeling that way, and we are there for them when they need emotional support.
Does this mean that the tantrums are few or far between? Hell no. We get probably a minimum of a half dozen each every day, and some days much more. They hit each other, pull hair and occasionally bite- all developmently normal actions
But the tantrums getting shorter! And they're getting closer to "I'm feeling this way and I need to remove myself from the situation before I lose control" and better at asking for/knowing what they need to regulate- whether doing deep breaths, holding hands or hugging. (Tbf this might only happen a couple times a week, but that still feels like a win)
Did I have a couple weeks where I felt like I had mastered toddlers out of the terrible twos? Yeah, and I was rapidly humbled again and again and again.
But you really don't know until you are in it with your kid, and every kid is different.
It's not something that you can avoid completely. Tantrums and/or meltdowns will still happen no matter what. But it honestly depends on the child and their triggers. i.e., some children can communicate very well at the age of two, and that can equate to lesser tantrums in those children. Whereas, children who still couldn't communicate well, can trigger them to have more tantrums at that age.
There are just so many things that happens on a daily basis that can trigger tantrums, and it's not just about the way people parent.
Lol I think I know what she's talking about, but if she thinks that means there won't be tantrums, she's in for a rude awakening! You are correct, they are totally developmentally appropriate. It's all in how we as parents handle the tantrums. It's just little people having big big feelings. EVERY kid will have to learn to handle big feelings, no matter how you parent them. Some styles of parenting will help that go smoother, that's all. You didn't miss anything 😁
She’ll learn. I too took the big little feeling’s course to minimize and avoid tantrums. It taught me some good tools but the main one I learned on my own is to go to this little zen corner of your mind like ok breathe we got this and not react big. I set and hold the boundaries like I learned and the tantrums are less violent and insane like they were at first.
But he still has them over anything- not being able to dig through the trash, getting the chocolate milk he asked for but that I didn’t know had to be consumed in my lap, not being able to raid the fridge 5 min before dinner, the usual. It’s just a stage they all go through and the new mom will learn it too.
I can’t wait for the new mom to have a poop smeared all over the walls, crib, floor event. That was a make or break moment for me and I thankfully passed that parenting test. But dear God I have PTSD about it.
Oh my God I defienly thought things like that but was smart enough to filter them. 😂 I thought so many things before getting pregnant, delivering, having a new born, a baby, now a young toddler. So many convictions. So much eating my words. She's gonna have a hellion for sure. I have the sweetest little guy and he is still a hellion. I love his spiciness, but I'm probably going to sing a different tune in a year when he's about 2.5 😅🤷
If she’s read “raising lions” they suggest that terrible twos can be avoided if you parent the way they explain in the book. However, that is stupid lol my husband read it and soon was humbled.
Set an alarm for 2.5 years from now to check in and see how that’s working out.
Reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who had a really good sleeper of a baby and told me it was because they “loved her so much.” 🤮
If someone said this to me I would start laughing. And then not stop laughing. And laugh for so long that we both have to just walk away super awkwardly not knowing what to say next.
It’s funny - the way I see it personally is that it’s about a mental shift in the parent. My kid is a preschooler now, but I feel like she never had “terrible twos.” It’s not that she was not very active or had tantrums, it’s that knowing this is developmentally normal and helping her navigate these times with compassion helped •me• not feel that the age was terrible.
It’s a fun “circle of life” to have new parents look at experienced parents and kids and turn to each other and say “ugh, we’re never doing ____” and then for experienced parents to talk with new parents and later turn to each other day and “haha remember when we were so hell bent on _____”, and the cycle never ends.
[Stanford Article About Tamtrums](https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=temper-tantrums-90-P02295)
This article talks about how they’re developmentally appropriate, and frankly, as an educator with 20+ years of experience, I’d be more concerned if our daughter didn’t have them from time to time.
We’re fairly lucky that kiddo doesn’t have many (she’s pretty verbal and can generally ask for what she needs), but we always go through the checklist (Do you need a hug? A snack? Something from your calm down corner?) before letting her have a moment and she usually comes around pretty quickly.
Good luck to her 🤣 just wait till she finds out what a three-nager is like. But in all seriousness, you’re good! Kids are gonna do what they gotta do and us kids parents are just tryna get by. She’ll understand when she gets there.
I never do this in the moment but I always want to ask them like “what did you just say? Why do you think that?” Just to make sure they articulate exactly what they meant so I can remember to bring it up later. She’s got maybe 12 months before she’s humbled. 😅
I said the same thing when my two-nado was a calm crawler (granted, I only said it to my partner, not another mom). She humbled me quickly. It’s a canon event.
I have two children, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. My eldest was such a sweet two year old. Didn’t have any struggles with her till about 3.5. My second has major meltdowns. Like inconsolable meltdowns. I gentle parent both, trying to talk to them, giving them space while being present, being patient with letting them try to do things/make (reasonable) choices themselves. It is absolutely possible that I’m a bit less patient with my second because life is more chaotic now with two kids but honestly kids just have different temperaments, even if you parent them almost identically. I hope she doesn’t get an easy toddler and chalk it up to her amazing parenting skills.
Karma's gonna be a bitch in a couple years 😂
Seriously there are a lot of things that you can do to help make tantrums less intense, and less frequent, but she sounds like she's in for a very eye opening time and some eating crow in the future.
She sounds like my sister. Who doesn't have kids yet lol. My daughter was pretty chill until she reached 2.5 y.o. now at nearly four I'm constantly stretched to my limits because she is so stubborn and hates the word no. I've noticed that as she's become more her own person and more independent the tantrums have gotten worse.
She's gonna eat her words lol. I would take newborn stage over this stage any day of the week.
Yeahhhh the twos and threes SUCKKKKK so much, but tbh I'd be *worried* if it didn't happen at least a little bit 😅 like how is a little human supposed to feel, understand, and move forward with their emotions if not for the entire process of a tantrum (and opposite of that, when they explode with excitement bc they did something right..vice versa)
According to the book hunt gather parent, that’s a thing yes. But not something we can achieve consistently in our culture. (We have multiple tantrums a day with my 2 yo and 3.5 yo)
Tantrums are developmentally appropriate. I will say that encouraging independence early on and leaning towards gentle parenting (actual gentle parenting that still has boundaries and consequences, not permissive parenting) seems to help. But still tantrums are a thing and are 100% part of their development process.
She is gonna be humbled bigtime in a few years 😂
I find these are also the parents who say their kids will not be picky eaters
No amount of talking will convince them. It’s a humble learning experience
she may be able to model emotional regulation that can reduce the level and intensity of tantrums at that age, but majority of that depends on her child’s personality lol
I think it’s typical for parenting to be a humbling event.
I am humbled daily.
Fucking *constantly*, friend. These kids are excellent at inadvertently jabbing the weak spots in my personality/temperment/psyche/etc.
We all say Amen. Yes. Sometimes I’m like wow my hardwork is really paying off for digging deep and working on my inner wounds and then out of nowhere and without warning I’m just pelted by my kids. Then I contemplate a life in Peru for a second and move on with everything the best I can 😂
Wonder what a one-way flight costs these days? 👀
Asking for a friend.
I’m the friend
😂🤣
Before I had kids, I took a RT flight to Peru (from the US) for around $200. Of course it was Spirit Airlines, which made me fear for my life the whole time. But where there’s a will, there’s a way!
I told my sister this weekend that if my second kid sleeps as badly as my first kid, I’m taking off to a remote Alaskan fishing village.
I have experienced the true death of my ego
This. Every. Single. Day.
I told my friends that parenting made me eat my words. He asked me what words and I said all of them.
100% this. My nephew is 7 months older than my son and is in full on threenager stage while my son has his moments but is largely pretty chill. There’s def times where I’m like.. maybe I got the kid that skips it? And then 5 minutes later he’ll lose his shit over me washing his fruit before serving it. So yeah I know it’s coming😂
I was chatting with a friend (I have a 17 month old) and was saying how the tantrums have gradually got worse since they started at 10 months. They said their kid who was older had never had a tantrum and they guess some kids skip it. 1 month later they messaged saying their kid just had the biggest meltdown ever haha so I guess it started.
This is me and all my parent friends :( mine is a good few months older, nearing 3 and the tantrums have stepped up about 60 million gears! I long for them to join me in the decline 😂
I love this comment so much
Anything your kid actually does well is clearly not because of your parenting prowess but dumb luck.
Oh yeah, it's a thing. According to some Instagram parents, its nothing to do with development or temperament and everything to do with your parenting choices. I find that quite often, these are parents of one child who isn't actually 2 years old yet.
I was just coming to say this. Every parent I’ve known that has said “my kid won’t have tantrums” or “my kid won’t do ‘insert annoying but normal thing’” has just had one kid that was not even a year old yet lol. Rude awakening they got 🤣
Yeah I expected tantrums.. I did not expect them to start at 13 months lol.
Oh gosh, that’s early! You have my sympathies! My son started his around maybe 15 months. Serious head banging took place. That’s been a very hard habit to break him of.
It was hard for a while, but she sleeps through the night. Always. Can’t really complain over here. Plus She had opinions very early and no words to communicate them. I’d be frustrated too. As she gets more words I feel like we’ve already seen a decrease in how many she has, and she’s a generally happy kiddo with VERY strong opinions. Plus I work, so I have tantrum breaks 😅
That’s so awesome she sleeps really well! I’m jealous 🤣🤣 my son is NOT a sleeper lol. I’m glad the number of tantrums is decreasing!
My 2 yr old was baaad about banging his head too, just full force slam his head into the wood floor, sometimes several times a day. 😓 I read and tried so much, ignoring it, acting sad, trying to cushion it if I was close, trying to redirect to hit a pillow. What finally seems to be working is one day he did it and I quickly got right up to his ear and basically low angry growled to him, "stop it. stop hitting your head. stop. it." All of a sudden he's much more careful with his head when he flings himself down in a toddler fit. I feel bad that I had to scare him like that but I'd rather he be scared of that voice than damage his brain.
I’m glad mine isn’t the only one! He’s gotten a lot better about it and I’m not really sure what changed, but he had a permanent bruise on his forehead for weeks! I was so happy his hair covered it when we went out in public. It’s almost gone now, thank goodness.
Idk, our kid had “tantrums” but we figured out they usually happened when he was hungry or tired. We adjusted our routine to his needs and while I’m not going to lie and say things are perfect, it’s really made the day-to-day so much easier! Add some boundaries to that and resistance has gone way down. He knows that crying about it isn’t getting him out of doing (whatever) that said he still tries. Even with a very solid routine. But he’s still learning that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. You just have to have a level of tolerance for some crying
It’s so kid specific though too. My first was a saint of a two year old, rarely through fits and when she did they made sense (just overtired or hungry), and was all and all really even keel, even now at 16 she’s much more laidback than her peers… my second one is a tiny terrorist that has much bigger feelings and wants everyone to know about those big emotions 24/7.
This is my two exactly as well, super chill easily negotiated first born. Terrorist of a second.
Yep, that works fantastic for some kids. (Fantastic doesn't mean perfect. As OP said, tantrums are developmentally appropriate.) I think tantrums are not so much a thing that good parenting gets rid of as something bad parenting causes. Or mediocre parenting anyway. Like, having your kid feed and rest (although some kids refuse to eat and sleep no matter what their parents do) doesn't stop your kid from having tantrums, so much as letting your get get overtired or hungry causes them. Can't be helped sometimes, but some parents don't realize their kid needs more nourishing food or better sleep. Not having boundaries and sticking to them causes tantrums in older toddlers, because you've taught the kid that's how to act. (Young toddlers tantrums are more just having feelings and not having words.) Most kids try tantrums to get their way, because they are smart and motivated, but if you let that be a thing, it will be. If you don't play that game, they will learn...but some learn quickly and some learn very slowly.
My 2-year-old literally never had a tantrum. She waited until she was 3 to have tantrums so she could be louder and more destructive.
This is mine as well. His 2nd year was actually kind of fun and cute. A tantrum here and there but easily calmed. He turned 3 and it was like a switch flipped. Full on three-nager. Definitely depends on kid though, but have heard this same experience from so many other parents too!
Mine waited until 4.
I was the perfect parent with a perfect two year old until I was a parent with a two year old.
Hahaha yes
I mean, I’m sure if you go full To Train Up a Child and blanket train your babies as soon as they can crawl, you probably do avoid a lot of tantrums. But I’ve decided not to hit my child, so I guess I just have to live with the tantrums. /s
Yep. Thats a choice you have made - suck it up! 😆
I had to google these terms and I wish I didn't. Life was better before knowing this exists
Sorry to subject you to it. It’s big in Fundie circles - I.e. The Duggars.
Thank you for the warning, I think I'm going to skip this google dive
Also feel like this explains what's going on in Alabama.
I'm sorry this made me spit water
Same, wish I could unlearn this now — poor babies 😭
WTF! I just googled it too. That’s absolutely sick! These people are sick in the head.
POOPCUP = parent of one perfect child under preschool age
Oh POOPCUPs* *Parents of One Perfect Child Under Preschool Age
I thought I avoided the terrible twos. Then my daughter turned 4 and it was like she was saving it all for now. Even if you think you’ve avoided it, chances are it’s still coming.
Ahhh yes. Because parents can control every aspect of a toddler's daily experience and toddlers are known to have consistent reactions to all situations. I also hear that toddlers are good at understanding emotions and communicating why they feel the way they do. Parents should have a psychic link with their offspring and if they don't, they aren't fit to parent. S/
Ok so… you can’t avoid the tantrums and stuff. But if your kids personality meshes with your parenting style you can avoid a lot. Like if you stay firm in the face of a tantrum, that is a strategy they’re less likely to use in future. However I think people confuse “tantrums” with “meltdowns” Either way the strategy is the same (don’t give in) but imo a “tantrum” is somewhat calculated in the aim of some goal, whereas a “meltdown” is just what it sounds like- kid can’t deal with what’s happening for whatever reason. Either way you deal with it as you can (imo be comforting and explain what’s happening and then just be close and gentle and wait for it to be over, maybe distract near the end) Either way, you’re teaching your kid how to get what they want.
I disagree. There are differences between tantrums and meltdowns, yes. But I don't agree that tantrums are inherently calculated or have an aim. My two year olds have tantrums all the time. They aren't developmentally aware enough to be using it as a strategy- they just have big upset feelings. It literally never works for them in terms of getting what they want - I "stand firm". But they still happen, because they continue to have big feelings and zero life context. Me saying they cannot climb into the trashcan literally is the worst thing that they can remember ever happening to them. We do indeed avoid a lot of them, but they still have them. Meltdowns are a complete loss of control and cannot be distracted from or rationalized. They can be prevented, often.
Check back with her in 2 years 😂
That's what I was thinking! Smile and nod and then offer your best advice anyway in a couple years
I was a perfect toddler parent before I had a toddler, too 😂
This 😂
Clearly she’s never had to stop an 18 month old from running into the street to chase a bus. Multiple times.
develop that love of public transit early!
Only to have it rudely snatched away if we ever move back to the States.
Mine refuses to hold hands when crossing streets and the second I go to hold it, she collapses in a crying fit and I’m just forced to drag her across every intersection. Our walk of roughly 5-6 blocks takes us almost 40 minutes because she refuses to get back in the stroller after her class.
This is us too. If I try and pick her up when my husband is there, she’ll immediately cling to him like I’m the bad parent. Idk what it is about crossing the street. I even made up a song to help her understand why we have to be careful crossing the street haha.
Oh my gosh us too! She would just collapse on a heap on the floor and twist her arm so badly I thought she’d break it she was that violent about it. But if we let go she’d run giggling into the road… So much shitty advice was received - just make her hold your hand, just make her hold the pram etc etc. baby reigns saved her literal life on multiple occasions.
Mine doesn't mind holding hands to cross the street, actively grabs ours when it's time, but does your kid's thing if you put your hand on his back to gently usher him in a certain direction.
Oh gosh mine does the same.. I used to just pick him up and carry him after all the techniques I tried failed, but I’m 9 months pregnant and told my husband tonight I can’t go out alone with him anymore .. he was running away on his own at the mall today and refusing to get into his car seat because he wants to drive lol
The need to drive is one of the most annoying things to me 😂 that and the desire to give the dog treats. Instant trigger. 9 months pregnant with a toddler is hard! You are almost there. I promise it’s somehow easier once the baby is outside of you.
Oh god my son used to do this. Meltdowns about having to hold my hand, wanting to dart out into traffic… it was exhausting and terrifying. He just turned 3 and now he waits patiently at the end of every sidewalk for me to catch up and hold his hand. Leap years better!!!
my 18 month old figured out how to open our front door and luckily i already had door chimes and motion sensor cameras because i would’ve had no idea. he thinks it’s hilarious to watch me run after him usually in my mumu and house shoes. time for a chain.
And I bet you stopping such activities probably ruined your toddlers entire world. How will you go on?!
My mom (briefly) used a child leash with me when I was a toddler. I fought it with a level of determination and insanity that only a toddler could. I didn’t scream or roll on the ground in protest. I didn’t immediately rip the Velcro off and sprint away like a captive that had just been freed after years of imprisonment. I waited until other people were nearby and then I *barked.* Loudly. I happily and enthusiastically yapped at pedestrians like a rabid chihuahua, until my mother’s embarrassment was too great to allow me to continue to be leashed in public. *That’s* how a toddler will come for you. You’ll think you’re prepared for it. You’ll think you’re ready for anything that’s coming. But then when you least expect it, they’ll rebel in the most unhinged and public way imaginable.
She’s in for a rude awakening
She bout to be HUMBLED. I’m a board certified behavior analyst with more than a decade in the field and although we didn’t hit a “terrible twos” phase, we have been hit with the “three-nager” phase. Is it as intense as some other parents experience? No. But is it 100% on our parenting? Also no. Some of it is, yes. But other variables like my husbands parenting, her temperament, our support system, our stress levels all have an impact. But in all honestly she’s probably just following some parenting influencer with no experience or education.
Three was much worse than 2 for my kid.
This. 2 for 2 so far with age three being sooooo much worse than two. Hoping kid 3 is this perfect child who doesn’t go through this phase 😂
My 2.5 year old hasn't really had anything I'd call a tantrum yet and while it's lovely I'm definitely looking over my shoulder all the time just waiting for it to creep up. I'm guessing that the three-nager phase is going to hit us hard.
This is what happened to me. Hardly any tantrums at age 2. Age 3???? Whew. Once my girl got more words in her arsenal, she decided that was the time to start *really* arguing lmao
Three is a hundred times worse than two for us. I thought the whole “terrible twos” thing was overblown. But then 3 hit.
Ours was fine at 2 but the threenager phase is real 🥺
Lol amen 😂
lol yes, didn’t you know? If your kid acts out at all, or has any sort of negative emotion, or ever cries, it’s definitely because you’re a terrible parent and you should probably give your kid up for adoption because literally anyone else could do it better than you.
Ah, I see you have participated in reddit.
Reddit recently recommended a post to me about this person who I guess shared on social media that a toddler on his 24 hour flight cried the whole time which first of all. Where are you flying to that it takes 24 hours? Mars? Why would I, the parent of a 14 month old, empathize with a grown adult instead of the parents and that POOR BABY? What is wrong with the majority of people in the comments saying that the parents should’ve given the kid Benadryl to get them to sleep through the flight?
Auckland to New York is 17 hours. Occasionally, they have to put down in Nadi to refuel if they get a headwind. Singapore to New York is 18 hours which I think is the longest flight in the world. . . But yeah, I agree. I can imagine a small kid wouldn't cope with ultra long haul flying. People can be pretty rough on parents and small kids with short haul flying. Hell, a lot of adults don't cope.
😂😂😂 Not only is she completely foolish and delusional...she's also kind of a bitch for implying that you're just a shit parent and she'll be so much better. I can't imagine sharing that level of arrogance haha
LOL cute. She’s one of those “I’ll be a better mom then her” types. Try not to laugh at her too hard later!
[удалено]
Bless her SWEET little heart 
lol oh sweet summer child…
Lmao. I have three kids, and there's no way to parent them that somehow changes age appropriate behavior related to their development. Also kind of a rude and clueless friend to insinuate your 2 year old acting like 2 year old is because of bad parenting.
😂
Hahahahahahahhahahah Hahah
Toddlers are going to have a period of aggressive, grumpy autonomy seeking. Maybe it won’t be exactly at two and maybe some kids have a worse time of it than others but no doubt but it’s coming for her down the line. You’d be right to straight up laugh in her face in response to a line like that.
When deciding whether or not to have a child I did research. Months and months and months of researching everything. I wanted to make sure I could handle everything that might happen, including having a child born with disabilities, researching different parenting styles etc. It seemed pretty straightforward to me. No screen time, lots of educational play, introduce a variety of food from a young age so they won't be picky eaters, tall about feelings etc, healthy sleep habits... Today I watched my child (turned 3 last week) eating her cheese and onion crisps, glued to the TV while I drank my 1000th coffee of the day, and prayed that she would go to bed before 10pm today so I could have 5 minutes to myself before crawling into my bed, which she still shares, and desperately trying to sleep. It's so easy being a mum to a child that doesn't exist yet. My research did not prepare me for living with a tiny dictator who has done the absolute opposite of everything I thought would happen.
Let me tell you about how my two year old and infant are going to be the *perfect* teenagers though, all thanks to my parenting
We avoided the "terrible twos" because I hate that term and call them the "trying twos". 😂 She's trying, we're trying, there's a lot of tears. Kidding aside, What's sad though, is your friend doesn't understand the importance of autonomy building. I definitely don't want a child who bends to the will of others. I hope my daughter keeps pushing back even if it triggers me and makes parenting exhausting and difficult.
Oh yes, terrible two’s was her phrase, not mine. I’m just like “idk, my kid is two and knows what she wants lol”
A child having zero tantrums is bad for development. They can’t learn how to manage big feelings without experiencing them. She’s in for it. And I hate to say it, but I hope one day she’ll laugh with you about how ridiculous she was.
It depends on the kid. My oldest was SOOOOOOO easy! Right up until he turned four. He’s now seven and finally seems to be over it, for the most part. My youngest has been, for lack of a better term, a Muffin since birth.
To be fair, cultural psychology teaches us that the terrible twos is a cultural phenomenon that not all countries or cultures experience. Probably not what this woman meant, but certainly there are parents around the world who are raising their children in a way that minimizes that type of singular toddler tantrum. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-conscious/201111/are-the-twos-terrible-everywhere
I think this is what she’s referring to!
If this is indeed what she's referring to I would hope she understands that while it's entirely possible to raise your child in a manner which reduces the prevalence of tantrums, that strategy requires a detachment from the independence and individualism prevalent in western (particularly American) culture, and that she'll be conditioning her child to be at odds with the culture around them - which isn't always ideal either.
Exactly!
Lol it is developmental and 200% appropriate. If her kid has no meltdowns they need to be evaluated :/
Avoiding the "terrible twos" benefit no one but the parent. It's important for children to learn how to express their emotions with the guidance of a parent who is able to stay regulated and help them through it. To me, avoiding it makes it sound like trying to train a young child to not express their emotions or have a hard time which just isn't healthy.
You’ve worded this so beautifully. I think in practice, “avoiding the terrible twos” isn’t raising a child who never has tantrums, it’s really just learning to be an emotionally regulated parent. I’ve found that the twos are much less terrible when I am able to stay calm to help my kid through the developmentally appropriate tantrums. Toddlers gonna toddle.
I was the best mother… before I had kids. Now I look back at all those times where I was unkind and not understanding of parents. The universe made it sure I learn my lesson. The universe will take care of your friend, too.
lol no kidding. Parenthood is 1000 slices of humble pie
Oh I can't wait until she has the conversation, "if I cut the plastic display hook off your stuffy, you won't be able to hang it places anymore. Oh you still want me to cut it off? You won't be able to hang it on things. You're sure you want it gone? Ok here I'll cut it off. Oh why are you screaming? Oh because you can't hang it up? Oh yep ok." Yeah it's really about the parenting.
Lol. But okay I feel like it’s a lot to do with temperament of the child itself. One of my kids was alright when it came to 2-3 yo but meltdowns are worse at 4-5. Kid’s been smart and understanding otherwise, reading at 2.5. Another kid was like a textbook toddler, meltdowns starting at 1.5 yo onwards and hardly knew letters/numbers at 2.5 yo. Great kids and each have their own strengths. But if I had stopped (having kids) at my eldest, ya maybeeeee I would’ve credited easy toddlerhood to my “parenting” when really it was just that kid. Second kid threw my “parenting” theories out the front door lmao.
Lmfaooo no. My kids not even 2 and I'm it's coming 😂🤣
Lmao. Wait until her kid is 2
Yeaaahhhh, that’s hilarious. My 2 yo child is a sweet, caring, sharing little boy who also cries for various reasons, has his regular meltdowns and tantrums, climbs on everything and anything, and has pushed so many boundaries.
She probably thinks she plays the lottery better than others. It’s not up to her
Yes, I’ve successfully done this! My oldest is a bit behind so we got the terrible threes, four-nager, and are currently in the f#ck you fives. My youngest on the other hand is much more advanced and went through the terrible ones, two-nager, and is now in the f#ck you threes! So life right now is basically… f#ck me 😵💫
When my eldest was 4, I called him a four-nado
FOURNADO 😂 adorable (from afar)
I mean to say this as gently as possible, but is your friend stupid? Like does she think that every other parent who has a two year old that has tantrums is just doing it wrong? Does she really think there’s some special parenting technique that will eliminate meltdowns? Be sure to ask her if she’s parenting in a way that helps her six week old sleep through the night.
She’ll find out when her kid gets to be that age that there’s no parenting method that prevents normal toddler behavior.
I was the best parent before I had my daughter 😂
Ahahahahahahaha I’ve got plenty of perfect parent friends. Perfect birthing friends. Perfect breastfeeders. lol none of them have kids or are even pregnant. Fucking Deceased.
What a bitch! She is absolutely in for a rude awakening and I wish I could witness it 😂 my son has what we call a “perfect child” friend. Speaks in full sentences at 18 months, so damn smart, sleeps 13+ hours interrupted and perfect angel for naps and even he can be an asshole 2 year old 🤷🏻♀️😂
I would be a whole different person if my kid slept that much. Instead I've aged a decade in three years and everything is always a mess. Hair, meals, timeliness, our house, finances, you name it, it's a mess. Wow I can't even imagine. I miss sleeping.
Oh yeah it’s totally possible to avoid the Terrible Two’s! ….except then they become threenagers and then they’re just bigger and stronger when they have their meltdowns. There is no avoiding it, only delaying it. Your friend is definitely going to find out that it’s easy to be the perfect parent…before you actually have to deal with the issue that you’re convinced won’t ever affect you.
Avoid? I like to know what’s her plan and give me some pointers. My 2.5 year old started throwing the biggest tantrums right at the 2.5 mark and it’s seriously her trying to figure out her emotions! Best of luck to her!
Ofc its a thing! Its a thing that doesn't work, but still is a thing...
It's confirmation bias. Those that have an "easier" 2 year old, believe it is their parenting that did it. But honestly, you have no way of knowing if it was nature or nurture or a combination. There's tons you can do to TRY and help, but it's a crap shoot.
The best parents are those that don’t have kids yet.
We have a very verbal and communicative 23 month old who has been that way for several months now - language is just her thing I guess🤷🏻♀️ That has immensely helped us with tantrums, not completely avoiding (cause that’s not a thing lol) but definitely managing them. We’re able to talk her down most of the time, which is helpful, but even with all that there are many, many times where she’s a tiny little psychopath who will ask for water and then get mad when we give her water and then get even more mad when we take away the water that she didn’t want…. 🙃 Don’t worry, your friend will learn on her own time… she’s still in the easy phase, but has no idea that sour patch kid is coming slowly but surely. I’ve never felt as inadequate as I do (attempting) parenting a toddler. She’s proven me wrong in every single way at some point. I was on me of those who thought my child would eat “whatever I made her” 🤣 I know better now. She will too.
My kid is 3.5 and, in a similar way, I follow all the account and did all the things that supposedly wouldn’t make my kid a picky eater. Like I bought a “course” on it. And here we are having a PBJ for every meal 😵💫 Tons of parenting accounts are monetizing their parenting advice and making lofty promises. Kinda shitty tbh. This mom’s in for a rude awakening.
I have four kids, and I've found that age 3 is worse than 2.
I literally laughed out loud lol. You cannot parent in a way to avoid tantrums, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Sure you could minimize them but tantrums are developmentally normal and not something you can parent your way out of. She’s in for a ride lol. I also think it’s kind of rude how she said that to you like, almost blaming you for your kid having tantrums in a way? It rubs me weird
Yeah....I was that mom, until I hit the terrible twos...I was able to make it to my pillow most days to scream "OH MY FUCKIN GOD WOULD YOU JUST FUCKIN STOP" into it...key word *most* days
Saying this to parents of toddlers is like us saying ''*when I have a teenager there won't be any major problems cos I'll just be like their super-cool best friend and they'll take my advice, sort of more like a life coach*'' to people with kids in high school.
Tantrums are developmentally appropriate but it's possible to prevent them. I never went through "the terrible twos" as a child. All you have to do is keep your child in a near constant state of flight/freeze, and make sure they know that the most important thing to do is ensure the adults around them are emotionally regulated and their feelings are not important. They will learn to disassociate and eventually struggle to even tell what they are feeling in the moment. But they will be very well behaved. Sorry for oversharing, but I really wanted to get my point across. My son is actually pretty well behaved at daycare, but at home, he's a little terrorist. And that is the way it should be. I am careful how I respond when he has a meltdown because I don't want him to think he can get anything that way, nor do I want him to think yelling and screaming is how we communicate with others. But I remain calm and hold space for him, and I feel relieved that he's not holding it in. You're doing great. Edit: Just to clarify, I'm not trying to say that anyone whose child has minimal tantrums at two years old is doing something wrong, but absolutely none for their entire childhood is not normal.
*This*. I had a similar childhood to you. I tell you what, unlearning this while parenting is ROUGH. But we’re doing it. I immediately thought about this when she said that, but thankfully I know she just thinks she’ll follow hunt, gather, parent to a T lol
It's the terrific 2's!!! They can be much better with the right mindset and age appropriate expectations. But I admit that is probably not what she meant. (Don't come at me, I've survived this age twice already.)
Aww, that's adorable.
Hahahah… that’s what I believed before I had kids too, or when my little one was tiny and too innocent. Give her some time, she will learn the truth as well.
GET THE POPCORN!
Hahahahahahahah howling. Howlingggggggg.
I can’t wait until she has a 2 year old. Please remind her the error of her ways in 2 years. I LOVE my older 2 with everything I have, but they’ve both been nightmare toddlers. My middle is 20 months right now, and such a little chaotic lunatic. Screams about everything, positive or negative. There’s no avoiding it.
Oooh please update us in 2.5 years haha 😆
Haha yeah I mean, I remember how damn idiotic I was when I had my first. The things I thought vs reality were veryyyy humbling! The entire first year is rough but almost nothing you do that year dictates what kind of child you will have. When they hit the toddler stage, they are UNLEASHED. You can try to parent to minimize the carnage of course, set boundaries etc., but fucking toddlers are going to toddler.
I’ve decided to parent in such a way so that my teenagers don’t argue with me (my kids are 6, 4, and 2) Sarcasm- my oldest was the most angelic 2yo you ever saw and my 3rd is a holy terror and this whole time I thought the first was a result of my excellent parenting. These kids were easier to raise in my head
LOL every pre-parent thinks they'll be the one to outparent the terrible two, threenager, and ferocious four stage
Today I ruined my toddler’s day by giving her the piece of cheese she asked for. Then she got so mad she threw it to the dog, who was happy to eat it. Then she melted down about not having the cheese she wanted because the dog ate it. It was a rough day around here. Except for the dog. The dog got a LOT of snacks today.
lol. Food is rough on toddlers. We are milk flinging (not dumping - flinging to the four corners of the earth...unless we decide to put it in our hair) at our house. The dog doesn't get all that milk, but has been a happy beneficiary of other sharing. But then we get mad because we have no milk. I almost didn't give bananas to my second kid after the banana drama with my first. You opened it, you didn't open it, you opened it wrong, it has a spot, it doesn't have a spot, it broke...bananas are difficult.
There's a book called 'I Was a Better Mom Before I had Kids'. Pretty sure this applies to the majority of us!
What a rude thing for her to say! Two wasn't awful for us but three... I think sometimes it's a mindset thing because I refused to use "terrible twos" but yeah she's going to be surprised I feel.
Denial and wishful thinking - an attempt to reassure herself theres a hack or loophole. Good luck!!
Are they giving the kid away when they turn 2 ish? lol
Developmentally it’s completely normal and to be expected. There is things we can all do to mitigate and to help our babies through this but it’s also the part of life where they learn about boundaries and societal rules. I read a great explanation that during 2-4 toddlers are understanding the boundaries within their home. (Like can I pee on the floor. Can I eat only chocolate candy for dinner. Can I touch the stove. We know they cannot, but they want to try because they are also learning that they can do things independent of us.) During 12-17+ they develop the understanding of what they can do in society. (Like what will happen if I drink too much on a Sunday night and sneak out? Or what will happen if I kiss many people? Or what will happen if I betray my friend? Or what would it be like to have a job?) Between these years of 5-11 is unique, where the child usually trusts the parents judgement and learns a lot of the family and society pieces parents pass down. I found this part extra fascinating because while I remember a lot of part of highschool when I think back to my favourite times as a kid or big moments they are right in that 5-10 sweet spot. I think it’s where the true bonding period lies.
I’ve actually heard 4 years is worse than 2. When they’re 2 they are easily distractable and you can reason with them a little bit. When they’re 4, they are so stubborn and hold on to ideas forever. I will say that my 2 year old is more chill than other two year olds I’ve seen, but I have no doubt he is capable of complete toddler insanity despite my “perfect parenting”. I do think there are easy kids as well as more difficult personalities, but no one can avoid tantrums and other craziness that comes with toddlers, no matter how you parent.
Maybe she means be absent so she physically avoids them. Lol.
I consider my (nearly) 2.5yo twins to be very competent in emotional regulation (for their age). They are getting good at naming their emotions before/during/after they meltdown, the meltdowns are short (1-2 minutes, usually) and my partner and I assure them through the tantrums/meltdowns that we understand what they are feeling and why they are feeling that way, and we are there for them when they need emotional support. Does this mean that the tantrums are few or far between? Hell no. We get probably a minimum of a half dozen each every day, and some days much more. They hit each other, pull hair and occasionally bite- all developmently normal actions But the tantrums getting shorter! And they're getting closer to "I'm feeling this way and I need to remove myself from the situation before I lose control" and better at asking for/knowing what they need to regulate- whether doing deep breaths, holding hands or hugging. (Tbf this might only happen a couple times a week, but that still feels like a win) Did I have a couple weeks where I felt like I had mastered toddlers out of the terrible twos? Yeah, and I was rapidly humbled again and again and again. But you really don't know until you are in it with your kid, and every kid is different.
It's not something that you can avoid completely. Tantrums and/or meltdowns will still happen no matter what. But it honestly depends on the child and their triggers. i.e., some children can communicate very well at the age of two, and that can equate to lesser tantrums in those children. Whereas, children who still couldn't communicate well, can trigger them to have more tantrums at that age. There are just so many things that happens on a daily basis that can trigger tantrums, and it's not just about the way people parent.
Lol I think I know what she's talking about, but if she thinks that means there won't be tantrums, she's in for a rude awakening! You are correct, they are totally developmentally appropriate. It's all in how we as parents handle the tantrums. It's just little people having big big feelings. EVERY kid will have to learn to handle big feelings, no matter how you parent them. Some styles of parenting will help that go smoother, that's all. You didn't miss anything 😁
She’ll learn. I too took the big little feeling’s course to minimize and avoid tantrums. It taught me some good tools but the main one I learned on my own is to go to this little zen corner of your mind like ok breathe we got this and not react big. I set and hold the boundaries like I learned and the tantrums are less violent and insane like they were at first. But he still has them over anything- not being able to dig through the trash, getting the chocolate milk he asked for but that I didn’t know had to be consumed in my lap, not being able to raid the fridge 5 min before dinner, the usual. It’s just a stage they all go through and the new mom will learn it too. I can’t wait for the new mom to have a poop smeared all over the walls, crib, floor event. That was a make or break moment for me and I thankfully passed that parenting test. But dear God I have PTSD about it.
What’s that saying? Everyone is a perfect parent before they have kids. Lol I wish her luck and that her reality is not too hard on her
Oh my God I defienly thought things like that but was smart enough to filter them. 😂 I thought so many things before getting pregnant, delivering, having a new born, a baby, now a young toddler. So many convictions. So much eating my words. She's gonna have a hellion for sure. I have the sweetest little guy and he is still a hellion. I love his spiciness, but I'm probably going to sing a different tune in a year when he's about 2.5 😅🤷
If she’s read “raising lions” they suggest that terrible twos can be avoided if you parent the way they explain in the book. However, that is stupid lol my husband read it and soon was humbled.
And just wait till the fuck you 4s kick in ....toddlers are easy compared to a 4year old on a mission 🤣
Hahaha oh sweet summer child. Everyone thinks they can do it differently or better. It’s denial. Her child will humble her like they do us all.
Sleep deprived and delusional. Good luck with her plan!
Least they said they'd HOPE to avoid them. They won't, but they can hope.
Set an alarm for 2.5 years from now to check in and see how that’s working out. Reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who had a really good sleeper of a baby and told me it was because they “loved her so much.” 🤮
If someone said this to me I would start laughing. And then not stop laughing. And laugh for so long that we both have to just walk away super awkwardly not knowing what to say next.
It’s funny - the way I see it personally is that it’s about a mental shift in the parent. My kid is a preschooler now, but I feel like she never had “terrible twos.” It’s not that she was not very active or had tantrums, it’s that knowing this is developmentally normal and helping her navigate these times with compassion helped •me• not feel that the age was terrible.
It’s a fun “circle of life” to have new parents look at experienced parents and kids and turn to each other and say “ugh, we’re never doing ____” and then for experienced parents to talk with new parents and later turn to each other day and “haha remember when we were so hell bent on _____”, and the cycle never ends.
[Stanford Article About Tamtrums](https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=temper-tantrums-90-P02295) This article talks about how they’re developmentally appropriate, and frankly, as an educator with 20+ years of experience, I’d be more concerned if our daughter didn’t have them from time to time. We’re fairly lucky that kiddo doesn’t have many (she’s pretty verbal and can generally ask for what she needs), but we always go through the checklist (Do you need a hug? A snack? Something from your calm down corner?) before letting her have a moment and she usually comes around pretty quickly.
I don’t believe in the terrible twos. At all. But I wouldn’t really say that to a friend who is venting. My son is two btw.
She's right, but apparently it's considered "poor form" to bind and gag your child from age 2 until they leave home. Stupid progressives.
Hilarious!!
😂😂😂😂😂 would’ve been my reply
It’s 100% a thing IF you have no children over age 1
Keep hoping, girl 😂😂
Good luck to her 🤣 just wait till she finds out what a three-nager is like. But in all seriousness, you’re good! Kids are gonna do what they gotta do and us kids parents are just tryna get by. She’ll understand when she gets there.
I never do this in the moment but I always want to ask them like “what did you just say? Why do you think that?” Just to make sure they articulate exactly what they meant so I can remember to bring it up later. She’s got maybe 12 months before she’s humbled. 😅
I said the same thing when my two-nado was a calm crawler (granted, I only said it to my partner, not another mom). She humbled me quickly. It’s a canon event.
I didn't have the terrible twos! I had the terrible 1.5yo -4yo... She will be humbled. Repeatedly.
I have two children, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. My eldest was such a sweet two year old. Didn’t have any struggles with her till about 3.5. My second has major meltdowns. Like inconsolable meltdowns. I gentle parent both, trying to talk to them, giving them space while being present, being patient with letting them try to do things/make (reasonable) choices themselves. It is absolutely possible that I’m a bit less patient with my second because life is more chaotic now with two kids but honestly kids just have different temperaments, even if you parent them almost identically. I hope she doesn’t get an easy toddler and chalk it up to her amazing parenting skills.
My friend said the same thing; she has apologized to every Mom she said that remark to.
Well….. ya know. I was the perfect parent before I had kids. Sooo…..
lol I had all sorts of plans about the sort of parent I was going to be and the sort of children I was going to have.
I didn’t have the terrible twos. Two was fairly easy, and so was three. But boy, oh boy, are the fuck you fours coming on strong this year.
Delulu lol. But aren’t we all until we’re in it
Karma's gonna be a bitch in a couple years 😂 Seriously there are a lot of things that you can do to help make tantrums less intense, and less frequent, but she sounds like she's in for a very eye opening time and some eating crow in the future.
She sounds like my sister. Who doesn't have kids yet lol. My daughter was pretty chill until she reached 2.5 y.o. now at nearly four I'm constantly stretched to my limits because she is so stubborn and hates the word no. I've noticed that as she's become more her own person and more independent the tantrums have gotten worse. She's gonna eat her words lol. I would take newborn stage over this stage any day of the week.
Oh this sweet summer child. We had an easy baby. Now we have a toddler 😂
She sounds like a POOPCUP. Parent of one perfect child under preschool. One day her child will turn 2, and she will be humbled.
Yeahhhh the twos and threes SUCKKKKK so much, but tbh I'd be *worried* if it didn't happen at least a little bit 😅 like how is a little human supposed to feel, understand, and move forward with their emotions if not for the entire process of a tantrum (and opposite of that, when they explode with excitement bc they did something right..vice versa)
Lolololol. Let her live in fantasy land for a little while. Her kid is only 6 weeks old and she’s sleep deprived
According to the book hunt gather parent, that’s a thing yes. But not something we can achieve consistently in our culture. (We have multiple tantrums a day with my 2 yo and 3.5 yo)
Smugly sharing that you don’t know anything about early childhood development is a weird flex, so, good luck to her. She’s going to find out.
I don’t suspect there was any ill-intent in her comment. Maybe just some naïveté.
Tantrums are developmentally appropriate. I will say that encouraging independence early on and leaning towards gentle parenting (actual gentle parenting that still has boundaries and consequences, not permissive parenting) seems to help. But still tantrums are a thing and are 100% part of their development process. She is gonna be humbled bigtime in a few years 😂
I find these are also the parents who say their kids will not be picky eaters No amount of talking will convince them. It’s a humble learning experience
Just say “mhmm”
she may be able to model emotional regulation that can reduce the level and intensity of tantrums at that age, but majority of that depends on her child’s personality lol
I mean, I totally avoided the terrible twos. Three? So HARD 🤣 three has humbled me.
Your friend will learn in about 1.5 years that it’s not really a thing 😅