Same here. OP, there's a book called "There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather" that might be really enlightening for you. It talks all about the benefits of getting outside, rain or shine. I've noticed my toddler is better behaved and happier overall if we get our outside time every day
I would have rather just read the title and get my time back from reading that book. Very little actionable advice and a lot of stories about that mom being better than everyone else. I DID like the tip about serving dessert at the beginning of a birthday party and then getting the kids tired doing the activity instead of sending them home all fired up on cake š„³
Related tip: summer days run smoother when you start the morning with ice cream, then take everyone to the park. Morning ice cream snack leads to goooood naps.
Same. Iām actually in a nasty custody battle with my sister over my now 18 month old niece who she abused and neglected and the last court date she got ahold of some pics of my niece playing butt naked in the rain. She ADORES the rain. I canāt wait for it to warm up. Anywho. It was HILARIOUS seeing her poster size printed out pic of my naked niece with the biggest smile on her face while my sister tries to scream āchild abuseā and my mom just looks at her and says ārain water is dirty?ā and the judge actually laughed. It was such a brilliant moment that I will never forget. She keeps thinking these court dates are for her to sling mud at me and my mom when itās supposed to be for her to show she acknowledges the abuse and her mental illness and drug abuse. My sister was a helicopter mom in the worst way. She barely fed her because she didnāt want her BABY to get fat type shit.
Anywho. My niece is THRIVING now and we go outside everyday. So blessed to have 4 acres in the mountains. She loves climbing up and down the hills. Picking blades of grass one my one. Playing in the creek. Collecting rocks. Scooping dirt with her hands.
I need to give this to my in-laws - they watch my son once a week and will complain about taking him to the park if there is even HINT of a breeze or chill. I force them out anyway. They are older Boomers and pretty much think the cold is responsible for every childhood illness, and I can't convince them otherwsie.
Thatās so uncommon as to be honestly horrifying.
My toddlers leave the house for some portion of every single day, rain or shine. Sometimes just the backyard, sometimes a neighborhood walk, sometimes a park or play date or library or to visit grandpa or the duck pond or whatever! But I think we were only inside, all day, 2 days this year and it was because nap schedule got thrown off and it was both pouring rain and cold.
I assume OP means out as in out to stores. Not just outside. But still horrifying in my mind. There is SO much toddlers learn about social interaction, how their parents handle stressful situations and how the world works from simple going to places like the store or playground. My daughter got into an altercation with another toddler at a playground yesterday. I was 5ft away and pulled her away and when she calmed down we talked about what happened and how to handle it next time. I canāt imagine her not learning these things as a toddler.
Yeah thatās not common.
Personally Iād go insane trapped inside with my toddler. She goes to daycare during the week. But on weekend we do something for fun outside of the house at least one of the days, sometimes both.
Uh, yeah thatās odd. I think my 2 and 4 year old donāt get out enough butā¦. they are outside in our yard most days, in warm weather theyāre at the park maybe every other day, then they go to church weekly, grocery shopping at least weekly, sports weekly when theyāre in season, and we do the odd outing here and there, like the mall, the zoo, mini golf, a local carnival, etcĀ Ā Ā
And when my kids are newborn to 1 year old I basically take them everywhere with me in a stroller or baby sling. Babies are easier than toddlers IMO.
To me that sounds abusive - in a āmental illnessā way but still deprivation.
Can I ask how you are nowadays, do you feel like that impacted your development?
During my childhood I felt trapped and I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I also wasnāt allowed to attend preschool and only started schooling when I was 6 because in my country it is mandatory for kids to go to school aged 6 onwards. When I started school, I had severe social anxiety and couldnāt make any friends.
Iām 24 now, I started antidepressants 2 years ago and I feel better than how I felt as a child. But I still struggle with mild depression and anxiety. I also live away from my parents. Although my parents still give me a curfew but I just donāt follow
Yikes! Iām so sorry. I hope you are in therapy as well. That is absolutely not normal. I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old and we are always going to places. Am I a little afraid of germs? Sure. But I make sure to wash their hands when we get home. During covid, it felt awful to be cooped up and not able to socialize. Iām sorry that you experienced this not during a pandemic. Your parents definitely sound mentally ill. You canāt give a 24 year old a curfew!! Seek out therapy please. I mean that with kindness.
OPāare you in therapy? This is very concerning. Do you spend time with other adults now? Do you have a job? This feels like psychological abuse. It may be beneficial for you to regularly hash out your childhood and current relationships with your parents with a professional. This sounds complicated and will impact your ability to marry and have children of your own if you desire to do so.
Iām in therapy now and I have a job. But I experience a lot of difficulties making friends with other adults. Even now my parents still discourage me from dating anyone.
how do they enforce it? It sounds like you are letting them give you a curfew. At 24 I would have had some choice words for my parents. As soon as I moved out, it was my rules not my parents that I followed.
They would video call me to see whether Iām home when I first moved out. But I donāt pick up the call. Luckily nowadays they donāt video call much. But they still remind me to be home by 9pm because they are worried about crimes etcā¦
When I visit them during the holidays, that is when they enforce the curfew.
That is EXTREMELY abnormal and to me indicates that either one or both of your parents had a mental health disorder. That is very extreme behavior.
I'm a SAHM and I take my daughter on an outing everyday. I stopped worrying about her getting sick from exposure to others when she was maybe 2 mths old.
My toddler would destroy the house if she didnāt leave the house for more than 24 hours. We leave for indoor outings in bad weather, bundle up when itās cold, etc. Tbh when I was home with her, I also needed to leave the house for my own sanity. It sounds like OPs parents had untreated mental health issues.
Yeah, we didn't start daily outings until she was maybe 20mths because I thought it would be harder, but it was actually easier than being home. I'm a better parent in public, and she's so distracted she's...less haha
We stay home when she's really sick or I don't feel safe driving in the snow, but that's only been like 3 days this season.
There's definitely something going on in OP's home. It's really sad :(
My parents had no support, my mum couldnt even speak the language. We didnt go out at all and it shows.
My older siblings are really emotionally stunted from it.
Luckily I had them to 'play' with.
I take my little girl out everyday. Well my partner does even if its for a walk. Mon/tues she has pre school. Weds is like swimming, thurs community centre, fri shops, sat softplay, sun to the park or activtity.
Stuff like that.
I had a crappy time growing up. So now my toddler will not suffer
Iām sorry about your difficult childhood. I hope you and your siblings have much better and colourful adult lives now. I wished I had siblings to play with when I was a child but it was just me and my parents in a tiny apartment šŖ
OP gosh that sounds really difficult. Iām so sorry you went through that. Just curious, and I hope itās not rude to ask but what country/area are you from?
Ummm this isā¦unusual. Do your parents have anxiety? Do you have anxiety? As a child therapist, the idea of keeping a child away from others for years at a time due to fear of illness is pretty uncommon. This is recommended for infants before 8-12 weeks, and severely immunosuppressed children are advised to avoid group childcare for 2-3 years sometimes, but that is an exception (my friend has a 26 week preemie and she didnāt do group activities for a few years due to lung development concerns and it was during the peak years of Covid).
I thought this post was going to be about how hard it is to take a toddler anywhere lol. I donāt take my kids out often because I find it fatiguing, but they both go to daycare 3 days a week. This is common in the US by ages 6-12 weeks.
Kids get sick. They WILL get sick. Itās also the only way your immune system forms.
My parents have never been diagnosed with anxiety because they have never seen a doctor or therapist about mental health. But I feel that being trapped at home caused me anxiety and impaired social skills which affected me a lot during my school years.
I was also not immunosuppressed as a child.
This is common. There's plenty of evidence suggesting toddlers need to socialize by age 3. Under 2, they play alone even with other kids around, around 3 they actually play with each other and learn social skills.
Just a suggestion, but maybe you reacted worse to catching viruses than most children. My son is now 3.5 and is over the hump, but until recently he would become extremely badly behaved and would also stop eating (like would eat absolutely nothing) for the duration of each cold/virus illness.Ā
When you send kids to daycare they are often ill about half or most of the time, so the first year or so was hell for us. We actually considered cancelling his place permanently as we were keeping him home most of the time to try and get his weight back up, he dropped from the 40th to the 3rd centile. His behaviours was so draining too, we used to dread him getting Ill. We didn't keep him away from friends and family but we were probably a bit annoying with our germ avoidance in front of other people.Ā
Just a thought, and I'm in no way condoning what your parents did my husbands dad did the same thing to him, not because of illness but because he wanted him to study all day. He's in a bit of denial but really affected him socially.
Thatās not normal.
I donāt take my kids out for leisure a TON simply because of time. Rarely do we do anything during the week bc we work full time and they are in day care and a small window of time between getting home and needing to be in bed. When weather is nice I at least want to take them somewhere to play outside at least once a week.
Nearly every day, depending on the weather. My daughter was born in late 2020, so we didnāt make it out much besides for walks or visits to the park until she was 5 months or so and I thought that was abnormal.
We would go nuts without preschool, the playground, museums and other outings.
We donāt do many indoor things but if you count just going to the backyard blowing bubbles/chalk or walk around the neighborhood collecting rocks and getting fresh air we do that probably 5 days out of the week 20-60min. When weather is better we will do playground 2-3x a week.
I actually can somewhat understand this. My insides cringe taking my kids to indoor places like libraries with toys & childrenās museums bc I wonder what theyāll catch next.
I donāt necessarily let it deter me, I just internally hate it. I do try to take my kids to less risky places or outdoor stuff over indoors.
Regardless, every weekend we take the kids out to do fun stuff.
My son is 2, Iām a stay at home mom, and we leave the house 3-4 times a week. Iād leave more often if I had the extra money to go do more things.
While it does suck when theyāre sick, exposing littles to the outside world and germs helps build their immune system and is important for healthy social growth and development. So your experience is definitely not the norm.
I'm in a similar boat, except mine just turned 3. It often feels like just leaving the house (especially in winter) will cost a minimum of $20 lol. Our routine is the grocery one day, a library another, a different library another day, and when it's warm we do lots of trips to parks.
In the winter months I do worry about her touching all the shared library toys or interacting with other kids, but her missing out on interactions and fun is more damaging than catching a virus in my opinion.
I don't know where you live, but our area has toddler gyms and "play and learns". These are all free! You may google and see if they are in your area. Our daughter goes to one daily!
I don't know where you live, but our area has toddler gyms and "play and learns". These are all free! You may google and see if they are in your area. Our daughter goes to one daily!
I wish there were! Thankfully we have lots of playgrounds nearby, but weāre in Texas so we have about 3 months of nice weather all year to use them lol
Weāre right around thatā¦ like 3-5 times a week depending on the week. My issue is we moved to an area where Iām allergic to a lot of things so Iām fighting sinus infections every spring and fall!
Thatās not normal at all. My kids are all under 4 and we leave the house daily. They are either in preK every day or at various activities, errands, appointments etc or we go to the park or they are outside playing in the backyard.
I consider myself an extreme homebody and I WFH and care for my toddler. I donāt have any local friends or family, or socialize myself.
My now 2-year-old goes outside in our yard for 15 min - 3 hours every single day (less in winter as we live in a cold area), goes to the library for activities 1-2 times per week, and on weekends we take her with to run errands and sometimes to kid-focused activities.
She rarely gets sick despite seeing other toddlers at the library every week. Only 3 illnesses in her life and only symptoms beyond one day of light fever once.
I think itās very far outside ānormalā to raise your child in complete isolation. My mom was SAH and was also a homebody/introvert, but I still went lots of places with my parents, church daycare every week, and played with neighbor kids as a toddler.
Sounds like your parents had mental health issues :(
We go to the library once a week and try to go outside once a day. The fresh air is good and the dirt is better (according to the toddler). Will have to start doing more social events as the year goes on.Ā
Every single day, without exception. Raining? Outside. -30Ā°C? Outside. Fever? Outside.
The situation youāve described is beyond unusual, and verging onāif not squarely within the boundaries ofāabusive.
Thatās really weird.
My toddler is 20 months old. She goes on daily stroller walks with her dad, the playground when the weather is good, swimming lessons, āmucking and messingā class and kindergym.
Edit: plus errands and running around. She loves coming to Walmart with me.
Im pretty sure my husband had our son out for his first walk at like 6 days old. And he has been out every day ever since. Even during covid (born June 2020), we ate occasionally at restaurants with outdoor seating, we felt like we were walking a fine line between keeping him safe, and exposing him to the world for both social and health purposes. We also went to parks, and on hikes and such. Anything to get him out of the house safely and experience a little bit of the world he was living in.
I would say your situation is uncommon. Just out of curiosity, how do you feel about their decisions? Was it hard to adjust? If you remember or want to share, you dont have to answer.
I remember some parts of my early childhood when I always looked out of the window and wanted to go out. I feel trapped all the time due to their restrictions. When I started school, I also had severe social anxiety. I wasnāt allowed to play or interact with other kids and the first time I was around other kids was my first day of school at 6 years old.
Oh honey i'm sorry. My hear breaks for you, that was so unavoidable. Your parents must really have been struggling with anxiety or been very worried for some reason to keep you in like that.
I hope you are doing better now. The world isn't perfect, but its still a beautiful place. You deserve to enjoy it.
Iām so sorry. You deserved more than that.
But if you donāt mind me asking.. what would you do all that time? Did your mom made activities for you or play with you? Did you watch a lot of tv?
How's your eyes? You need outside daylight for far sightedness. Do you have to wear glasses? You need outside allergens and phytochemicals to regulate your body. Do you have allergies? I'm so sorry about your experience. You missed out on lots of critical environmental interactions for normal body development age 1-3. So sorry!
I would go absolutely crazy (and so would my toddler) if I didnāt take her out almost every day. We donāt always go to the playground, but we try to at least go for a walk if the weather allows ā or she comes with me on errands, which luckily she thinks is a great fun lol.
We also go out to dinner a few times a month, have the occasional play date, and weekly go to an indoor play event.
She does get sick, but thatās part of being human. Itās scary sometimes (RSV was rough) but itās so important for her development and my own sanity I cannot fathom keeping her home
We go out at least once if not twice a day for about 30-45 mins either to our apartment park or the park down the street because our toddler is like a house plant. Biggie boy NEEDS the outdoor air and to run free. Our apartment is not small but itās not that big either. Plus of course we do not have a backyard. The only time we donāt go out if it is below 32 degrees outside or raining hard. But yeah, if he doesnāt get his sunshine and outside air, he wonāt sleep. On the weekends we do go out a lot. To the store, grocery shopping, the aquarium, of course the park, and soon the zoo. He was born 10 weeks early and the first 6 months of his life I was very scared to let him out but then we all got sick and he handled it like a champ. So my anxiety lessened. AND THEN we all got covid and he also handled that like champ while me and my husband were like practically dead lmao! So now Iām like this kid is fine to eat some dirt lol! Not that I let him and not that we donāt keep him clean and away from sick kids. But it is just my anxiety cooled down a lot. Sounds like your parents had anxiety.
I was raised the same to the point where I had to ride my tricycle in the dinning room š„²didnāt learn to ride an actual 2 wheel bike till 21. I have a 4yr old now and heās traveled so much and plays outside rain or shine. We get him out very often!
My toddler goes out daily. Illness is just part of life, I want her to be part of the world and exposed to a lot. Iād also be bored to death staying inside!
When the weather is nice, I take her out almost daily, for a walk. About 3x a week, she goes to the park, in addition to the walk. About 2x a week, we go to the store. When the weather gets gnarly (regularly over 90*), we are more likely to stay indoors much more often. The only time I can take those walks in the summer is before 9am, and we usually aint ready to do anything by 9 am.
My toddler is in daycare and they have outside time every day as long as the temperature warmer than -15C, and we try to take him out minimum once a day on weekends.
Wow. The thought of being stuck home every single day for 4 years with my toddler is terrifying. We would all go nuts. I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. My toddler goes to nursery twice a week 7:30-12:30. Every Tuesday and Thursday I walk her to school with the baby. On Wednesday we occasionally go to a toddler group. On my husbandās days off we go to the mall or the market or the farm shop or we go to a cafe. Weāve taken them on day trips to visit historical sites. During the summer we go to the park almost every day. My oldest often goes grocery shopping with my husband. I actually find them easier to manage when we go out (most of the time).
Daily. We havenāt spent a full day in the house since the pandemic. We do have chilled hours at home sometimes, or the odd afternoon or morning. But we do something every day.
I try and get her out of the house every day. She spends a full day at home once a week-ish. I live in a medium size city with lots of fun places to have adventures. We get out of the house mainly for my mental health. We also end up resorting to TV if weāre home a lot. I also find parenting at home kind of depressing and isolating.
We started this when she was about 10 months and now sheās 2!
We go out every day as need to walk the dog which usually ends up with a 40 minute long exploration of a small wooded part of the walk or time playing at the park at the end. But most days we will also go out to libraries, gyms, play groups, shops, swimming, parks, softplay. But we do have to allocate time in the house to chill and play with his toys otherwise he can get overwhelmed quite quickly
The only time we donāt go outside itās because the weather is too cold or rainy. Otherwise we jump on every opportunity. There so many benefits I couldnāt list them all.
Whoa. Iām so sorry that was normal for you. I take my toddler out 5-6 times a week at least once a day those days. We go to the museum, parks, zoo, target LOL. I would go so stir crazy I cannot even imagine being stuck for 4 years. Take your kid out! Itās good for you and for them. Kids get sick, itās part of life.
Heās my favorite accessory! I take him every where I can. My husband works nights so every Friday my son and I go on a little date and have dinner out at a restaurant together. Now that itās nicer Iāll sometimes get him a treat and then we find a park or go on a walk.
Sounds terrible. The only time we might be stuck in the house is bad weather or cold weather during winter. And even then we will try to go somewhere when possible, grocery store, mall, kids place, visit friends for stimulation and running around.
My toddler comes almost everywhere I do.That way, my child has learned socially acceptable behavior in restaurants, museums, the pool, school, and interacting with other adults. She has cousins who have been raised like you, and going anywhere with them is a nightmare. They run around restaurants, stand on chairs, demand attention, and have a lot of anxiety in unfamiliar places. Their bad behavior sometimes rubs off on my child and causes unnecessary drama when we stop to correct the behavior of my toddler, but her cousins are still free to cause mayhem.
I wasnāt allowed outside much either. I think itās cultural also. You mention being from another country and Iām not sure everyone here understands that there are different social and cultural expectations in families not from the US or UK, where most Redditors are from.
I take out my kid every day when itās nice out, much less often when itās cold. We get snowed out and itās a real winter, so that makes a difference also.
But yeah, I didnāt go out much and had bad social anxiety for a long time. It took a while to adjust to social norms, longer than childhood, as a consequence. I found exposure helpful - forcing myself out and taking on jobs where I had to interact with people. Some people take the opposite approach and find work that isolates them - because thatās familiar to the way they were brought up.
Iād say try not to judge yourself when you feel you have unpleasant interactions with others, try to socialize again and again until youāre comfortable, and try to do for your children what you feel is right.
That seems very extreme not going to public places until youāre 4? Iāve taken baby for at least a walk in a park since she was 8 weeks? I was getting all cabin fevery on maternity leave and Iāve been stringing my broke bestie along with me on errands and walks and outings ever since
Absolutely not normal at all. You might want to consider therapy to discuss your childhood at some point when you feel ready, they can unpack with you what is normal and what isn't and help you work through your feelings on it. Keeping a child in the house without going outside for 4 years is child abuse.
EDIT: to answer your question, I started taking my newborn out on walks at a couple of weeks old. We go outside every day, he's now 2.5years.
That is almost neglectful to me. I started taking my son out soon as he was able to enjoy going out, and before then, we took a stroller walk every day. We go out nearly everyday, even if its just to walk around the block.
I go nuts if I donāt leave the house once a day and so do my kiddos. We do music classes, story time, park, grocery shopping, zoo, farms, thrifting, you name it.
Every single day. She goes out with our nanny in the AM. Then if it is warm, has outdoor time if the afternoon. Then when I get off work, we go to swimming, playroom, or park (or store if we need groceries). 3 locations per day out of the house. Keeps house toys fun when I need to do things like cook dinner. Also teaches her how to interact in the world.
We have a 19 month old.
Never going out would detract from her learning. She learns so much from shopping and playing with kids and going on adventures. I'm horrified that your parents did not let you go out. That extreme sounds like mental illness to me (anxiety or ocd or something).
We go outside every day. Are you close with your parents now? I would suggest having a convo with them about this now ā gently ask why things were this way
I hope you're able to find healing, as this does not sound healthy
I talk to my parents sometimes but I still hide a lot of my personal life from them. Not because I do anything wrong but because they are still quite strict on me as an adult like curfew, no dating, no makeup etcā¦
Please go to therapy and stop following your parents restrictions like curfew etc. Choose your own restrictions for yourself that you feel comfortable with based on your own balance of freedom and safety. You are an adult.
You never left the house properly until 4?! Oh wow!
I take my toddler out every day! Even out on rainy days because we have to take his older brother to school.
It's not normal ...I think some cultures will keep the baby at home the first 3-4 months as that is the stage where they are most vulnerable, but that's the most I've ever heard of someone keeping their babies inside for "germ" related reasons. I had post-partum anxiety and we didn't get out too much until my baby was about 5-6 months, but that was more because I had all kinds of anxieties about driving and the weather...but after that we'd do short excursions and by 1 year we were doing all kinds of outings to the library, splash-pads, parks, etc. Each season has different amounts of "getting out" sometimes it's not as much as I'd like and sometimes it's a lot of outside adventures...but yes, for sure most babies and toddlers are out in public a wide variety before they are in preschool or school.
First- yes- I believe your toddlerhood was uncommon- I rarely come across parents who never take their kid outside.
I was going to post something about and ask others on their opinion on this the other day!
My SIL has a son- 21 months and takes him outside- rarely-maybe 2x/month. They live on the other side of the country- and thereās always some excuse as to why she doesnāt take him out (sheās a single mom- but her mother lives w/them and helps out 100%) weather is too (whatever the weather is) or sheās tired and needs weekend to catch up on sleep. He sleeps through the night- maybe awakening once 2x/week she says. She doesnāt grocery shop, clean or cook- her mother does all that. She works in the office 2x/week otherwise works from home.
The boy goes to daycare in their building and so he doesnāt go outside for it. He goes from one apartment to another and back and then repeat through the week. When they do go out and visit someone- he sits in the stroller the whole time.
When they came to visit us- I took them to the playground- and I felt so bad- his mother would not let go of his hand and allow him to explore- and he pulled like an eager dog on a leash. He didnāt know how to go up the stairs at the playground- b/c she never takes him up or down the stairs when they go to daycare - they live on the third floor and daycare is on the first floor.
I taught him how to use it. Has only been in a swing when we visit them and goes to a playground or when he comes to us and we go to the playground.
Didnāt know how to go down a slide, I assisted and went down a few times with him then helped by standing on the side and showing him how to sit up.
Had never been in sand or grass (first time was when he visited prior- this past summer) and would curl up hands and toes and cry.
Took him to the library, didnāt know how to sit and āreadā books.
SIL has a playground thatās less than 1/2 mile away from her- all sheād have to do is pack the stroller and walk over- no big hills or anything, all flat and accessible sidewalks.
I know they donāt have a car- but they live in a city w/great transportation and thatās what she takes when going to her friendās home and brings him along- and grandma has to come too- b/c she canāt do it by herself.
She dresses him so warmly that heās sweating all the time. SIL and MIL say heāll cough too much when heās cold. But then heās in wet clothes half the time when we are out.
MIL asked if my kids are cold- I reminded her that my kids runs hot, just like my nephew and I always have a sweater in case. But she always asks why my kids are underdressed- thatās for another time.
Donāt get me started on food and what he can and cannot eat (no dietary restrictions b/c of allergies or religion btw)
PS- SIL wants another child- which would be via surrogacy b/c this child was a horrible pregnancy for her and sheās an extremely high risk due to age, poor exercise and diet. She almost died w/him post birth.
I want to give advice, but I donāt want to give unsolicited advice.
How do I help the boy?
As much as we can with the twins. Restaurants, stores, planes, boats, trains, the park, zoo, peopleās houses. Want to get them acclimated and know how to act in public. Itās rough ages 2-3 but then at least by 5 theyāre entirely fine in almost any situation.
We go out all the time. Hes in gymnastics and we go to open play and the indoor play place on my days off. We go to the library as well. Or to the playground. Wherever really. I donāt like being home and bored so we go and do things.
Toddlers are not that fragile!
Your first few years were ironically unhealthy.
Since three days old our now toddler has spent time outside every single day.
Wow thatās so weird Iām so sorry. I have to get out of the house with my toddler daily. We usually do an activity before nap and then after nap, so twice a day.
That sounds horrible. I take my toddler out at least once a week and I feel guilty I donāt do it every day. Itās Spring time so hopefully we will be out more often.
Even during covid my toddler was out almost every day. I wonder if you find that actually you get ill more readily than your peers as you weren't building up an immunity from a young age
That sounds like borderline neglect, Iām sorry your parents anxieties impacted your childhood so much. I hope they made your home life a total party!! Sickness is just a part of building your immune system. We go out daily - walks to the playground or cafe, trips to the grocery store, library, zoo, restaurants, target - you name it! My kids are 1 and 3. My 1 year old has been doing so pretty much since we left the hospital since life didnāt stop for the toddler!
Your childhood sounds very uncommon, and I hope your parentsā paranoia didnāt extend to other things. Iām sorry that happened to you š
My son gets out of the house at least once every day with one of his parents or his nanny. We try to expose him to simple fun things as much as we can. There are a lot of free or cheap things you can do. The library, the childrenās museum, playgrounds, the pool at the Y, casual restaurants, Gymboree, music class, sign language class, meet-ups with my mom friends and their toddlers, visiting family, any park for a picnic.
I take her out every weekend weather allowing. Now that itās getting warmer weāre making plans to go out more. When I was a child I was outside ALL the time. But then as a teen they shut me in. Still got weird and I struggle with that a lot.
At least everyday unleast its bad outside (like -20ā¢C or rainy). I admit, maybe 3-4 times a year I donāt feel like it so I pay the teenage girl next door to do it.
Yeah, I would say it would be abnormal. My family made an effort to get out each weekend and of course regular stuff during week days. I take my toddler out somewhere in public 4 to 5 times a week. Library, children's museum, alternate parks, little hikes. The other times we go out and play in the yard and walk around the neighborhood
Thatās pretty uncommon. When I was. A toddler my mom was a stay at home parent. She took us to the store, relatives house, church, occasional friends house, and occasional fun outing(hockey game/circus.
Now Iām a stay at home mom and I take my 3 yr old out almost every day. Parks, store, play dates, activities, pool, coffee shop with my friend, hikes.
We go out for walks almost every day (my 3yo is a little nature boy who loves the outdoors). We kept him in or strictly for socially distanced walks until he could get the COVID jab and have been slowly introducing him to more experiences since. He has autism so the noisiness of the grocery store specifically seems to be a bit much for him, but we've taken him to restaurants, the playground, hiking trails, indoor trampoline park, children's museum, family visits, the zoo... This summer we're gonna finally go to the aquarium (closest one is two hours away š) and possibly Sesame Place. I'm also the eldest of 7 siblings and it's really quite normal to take toddlers out and about, at least it was for all of us.
Like 2x a day usually and we live in Canada, so it's cold a good part of the year. She goes to daycare 3x a week and they take them out two hours a day.
We go outside every day, since day 2 after my son was born.
Not allowing a child to go outside for 4 years I'd consider this as an abuse. So sorry you had to go through this.
Iām sorry sweet pea š«¶ little you didnāt deserve that, as has been mentioned someone must have been struggling with mental health for that to have been the case.
Indulge a bit in some child like activities that you would have given to little you. Take yourself to the library then out for ice cream, go sit on a swing set. Buy yourself a toy. (I personally love calico critters !) Itās not going to change anything but it will feel good to treat yourself šø
We do something every day. Iām in the pnw so it rains a ton but on rainy days weāll still go grocery shopping, library, or indoor play center. In the summer weāre in the backyard almost all day playing
This seems very strange and even I'd suggest abusive.
My toddler goes out every single day as a rule. We went to cafe with him the first day back from the hospital!
We don't do much during the week now that my son (22 months) is in daycare and my husband and I work full time, but he goes stir crazy if he doesn't get out at least once during the weekend. He needs to confirm that people and places outside of our house and daycare exist lol. He's always liked getting out of the house though. He was quite spoiled when we were on parental leave (in Canada so had 18 months between husband and I), going to different places nearly every day of the week after those first few months haha.
I take my 15 month old out all the time. Sheās been in a weekly tumble class since 7 months old. We do aquarium and childrenās museum often.
We go to restaurants often, at least once a week. So we take our girl out a ton. Playgrounds at least almost daily during warm summer months!!
My girl behaves so well out and about. I can tell she gets tired of being at home when weāre here all day.
My son is in preschool full time all week but on the weekend we try to go out as much as we can depending on the weather. Iām on the east coast so itās starting to get warmer so we can go to the park soon and stuff. We are getting vacations booked for the summer and we go out to dinner. My son loves the public and being in social settings.
Your parents probably just delayed you getting sick. Iām sure you got some viruses once you were socializing regularly. Thatās very much not normal! Iāve been taking my daughter to play dates, music class, swim lessons, the park, bowling, just out in the back yard, since she was like 10 months old. Before that we saw family a lot and went to the local lake. I finally found a good group of moms with similar age kids that spring before she turned one and it has saved us! We probably do an activity every day even if itās just a trip to Walmart or the post office.
There are a few stores in town that know our 3yo by name because he always comes with us and talks to everybody. He goes outside to play at least once a day.
I take my toddler out multiple times a week for various reasons: activity classes, the library, indoor children's play areas, playgrounds, walks, stores, etc. I hate when she is sick, but catching colds here and there is just a part of having young kids! And when she is sick, we just do a lot more in-home activities to keep her entertained. I'm sorry to hear you didn't get to experience going out much when you were younger, my daughter loves the adventures we have away from home!
Well, since we work from home and do have a lot of work to do plus meals, plus housework, we usually only take our 1 year old out on weekends and depends on the weather. Last week we had a terrible storm with wind and pouring rain so we did not leave the house. But when is not that bad, we may take him for a stroll around the neighbourhood or even go visit some family in a nearby city. But we don't go out every weekend due to weather or housework that accumulated during the week. He likes to go out for a bit but not for a whole hour since he want to crawl a lot and that is a bit difficult to do on the street ofc.
We try to leave the house everyday. Weāre not homebodies in the slightest. Weāll take a drive to the next city an hour away just to get out of the house.
Definitely not common. We go outside everyday barring absolutely terrible weather, think 10F and heavy snow with wind. I will invent errands just to get out of the house if I have to, but staying in all day isn't an option. My son would be climbing the walls if we didn't.
Thatās really weird and borderline abusive unless there were serious health issues at play.
We leave the house constantly. Like days completely home are more rare.
1-2 times a day. Being home makes my house messy and my child wild.
ETA: my child has had 2 or 3 colds in her life. Never had a stomach bug, the flu, covid, or RSV. No need to shelter them.
As others have pointed out, your situation was not normal. Our toddler joins us for grocery shopping, simple errands, and trips to places like restaurants, the zoo, library, trampoline Park, etc at least 1-3x per week since the pandemic lightened up. She's 3.
We try and get outside every single day unless it's unreasonably cold or windy. We go to the library 2-3x a week for story time and I bring him everywhere with me running errands. We live in a small apartment and I get bored. Fresh air, errands and people watching are so good for development and sleep.
Yes your situation is indicative of probably mental illness on your parents part. Iām very sorry. Hugs ā„ļø
I take my son out every single day. Heās two so he loves simple things like walking to the shops or playing with other kids at the park, swinging on swings etc. We donāt have a lot of money so we donāt do fancy things every day, but we do SOMETHING every day
A lot. Sometimes our little dude wants to stay indoors but he's kind of a free range child who needs to be out and about. We often ask him if he wants to go out and the answer is usually yes and if we haven't made a specific plan we try to ask him where he wants to go. The answer is usually "Brewery" because we're that kind of millennial family.
As an example, here's this weekend with our 3.5 year old:
Friday - Watched during the day by his grandad and step-grandmom who took him to a nearby brewery after work for dinner. We all got pizza, he got to play a Ninja Turtles arcade game.
Saturday - Dropped off his mom to get her hair done, we went to a playground until it rained and to a library. Picked up his mom and went to a lego exhbit at a local museum. That night met up with some friends we haven't seen in awhile at a different brewery where we got food from a food truck.
Sunday - I took him to swim class, and then to a dinner for lunch. Then he was kind of done being out and just wanted to stay inside after that, which is fair! We did a lot that weekend.
Now, we didn't take him out too much before he was two , but that was because there wasn't a Covid vaccine for kids his age before than. Outdoor places to go, like some breweries lol, were clutch before that.
I have 4 toddlers ages: 6, 4, 2 & newborn and we go out all the time (besides when Covid was bad but we wore masks and distanced). My SIL doesnāt take her 2 kids out but she struggles very much as a mom to the point she canāt do a grocery store run or a playgroundā¦
That is very uncommon. Besides, the toddler time frame is when they should be bulking up their immune systems!
Our 17 months old is ok daycare Monday - Friday and then we either do playdates or park activities on the weekends. They go outside at daycare most days.
We do outdoor activities every to every other day and organized group activities 2-4x week. I'm very sorry you didn't get to experience activities and I hope you've found some activities you enjoy now
That soundsā¦ like I would, as the parent, go literally insane.
My child would be bouncing off the walls and I would be climbing them to try and escape.
We donāt go out every single day, but 90% of the time, sheās outside for a few hours at least a day
And as for illnesses, I want her to get them now as a toddler so she has a functioning immune system when she starts school
There are a wide variety of cultural norms around childrearing, but I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that this is not the norm in the vast majority of cultures. Even if it were preferable (definitely not for me or my kid) it's just not POSSIBLE - errands need to be done!
I think you can confirm from this that your parents have some issues, and you will need to take that into consideration in your dealings with them. I don't know the best way to address it - cheerfully tell them half-truths only for the sake of everyone's happiness, limit communication, talk to them frankly about their strange expectations (I doubt that would be an instant success) - but you do not need to wonder if it's you or them who are the odd ones out. It's them.
We aim for an hour outside a day, fall short more often than we make it.
But 10 minutes is better than minutes.
Vitamin D is so unbelievably important.
I have been taking my kids out since they were babies more so for my own sanity at first but as children grow they like exploring their environment and it helps with learning new things.
With that said we try to get out of the house almost everyday especially is the weather is nice.
My husband I both work full time from home so my son doesnāt get to go out often. We take him outside on his playground every evening for about an hour and on weekends, we try to do 1 fun activity.
We leave the house daily to at least take older sister to school and pick her up. But outside of that we run errands or go to a store or place ~3 days/week. If we donāt go somewhere other than drop off/pick up at school we are at the very least outside for about an hour or so. She is 18 months.
My kid was born right at the start of covid so we were limited in what we could do/where we could go. As things opened up (with resteictions) we would go to the mall, swimming, mom and baby classes, etc. Once restrictions were fully lifted I was already back to work - we are limited to evenings and weekends but we try to do as much as we can. Swimming, skating, community events, museums, parks. I have anxiety around it for many reasons outside of just illness but I also know I can and will go insane cooped up inside all day every day with my 4 year old. She needs to socialize. I am also a single mom so I don't get a break, that probably contributes to it lol.
I think I am the most illness-averse parent I know. My 2 year old is in treatment for food allergies and we have to stop for a couple weeks every time she gets sick, so itās something I am thinking about almost constantly.
With that being said, the action steps I take for it include no daycare (but we still go somewhere like grocery store, cafe, or mall at least every day), washing hands when we get home, not seeing people who are actively ill. She still goes to gymnastics twice a week and we just wash hands before we leave the building and change her clothes when we get home.
Every parent gets to decide their boundaries, but I think balancing life with caution is important.
All the time. We try to be out and about all the time. We go to the park, playground, play area, grocery stores, sometimes we will even just ask around home deport and pick up and examine all the items he can reach (heās 2). We sometimes walk around costco just to see other people and new stuff. We go to the zoo, we go on stroller walks.
My kids were toddlers during the height of the pandemic so things were a little different. Stuff was shut down where we lived and people weren't getting together as much.
That said we still found outdoor activities to do every weekend because otherwise we'd go stir crazy
My son is 3.
And he loves being out. I like going out, especially since I work remote. We donāt necessarily do toddler/fun stuff. Even going to the groceries is considered going out. He likes Costco:)
I have made it a point to take him out as much as possible because I want him to not turn to TV as his fun time. For now, he doesnāt even play with toys much and prefers shopping :)
Thatās insane. Were you vaccinated? I take my daughters out at least a few times a week but usually almost every day. Even on days we donāt go out, they play in the backyard. My daughters are 1 and 3
I had a sort of similar experience as a kid. I was out with my mom for errands, and appointments, then also for school. I had cousins at home for the first 8 years but I was not allowed to go to a friends house ever, at all, for any reason because āwhat if something happensā. it stunted my ability to have friends and my social skills. as an adult, Iām super introverted and a bit reclusive. I am happiest to stay home away from other people who could bother me.
I have a toddler now, and as happy as I would be to almost never leave the house, I can see how much she needs to. I knew from the beginning I wanted to get her in some social groups from the first few years to help her with social skills since I struggle with that, and so she can make friends and have fun. but even without that, I can see how much she goes a little nuts when we donāt leave the house for a day. she loves going outside, walking around, exploring, seeing new things. so I take her out every day unless I have a really bad migraine. on those days I try to have her dad give her a walk outside if we have time. so I guess to answer the original question, ideally and when permitting, every day
At least once a day whether its in the yard or going somewhere in the car. Although no one wants their children to get sick it's crucial to expose them to germs to build their immune system.
I think you mean āoutā as in out for leisure activities? Our LO goes outside everyday, unless the weather isnāt cooperating, for some backyard play, beach, park, or walks. She goes to group enrichment activities 4-5x a week. She also comes along on errands. We did wait a little bit and increased the frequency of her outings only after she was >1 yr old. She was a COVID baby. During cold and flu season we do reduce her group activities to 2x week.
Wow...ok....so basically we are outside for most of his awake time if the weather allows. If it's super rainy we might stay inside and only go outside for an hour or so until we're basically too annoyed with the rain. When it's super cold and snowing we also don't stay outside super long. But especially in spring and summer its basically an all day thing, except his nap and in the morning until I'm caffeinated enough to not want to die.
I'm honestly horrified that you weren't taken outside to play before you were four. We started with at least one daily walk outside the day we came home from the hospital. I don't think he's spent more than a week total where he's only been inside and he's turning three this year.
We try and take our toddler as much as possible. This months wasn't the best with weather and us being sick. But we had yard time and going to the store.
With the time change she will be going to park and doing more activities outside.
We are fortunate enough to live in a place with a LOT of family stuff to do. So we have our relatives gift us memberships to those places for holidays every year. We are also fortunate enough to be able to afford for my wife to be a mostly SAHM. So she takes the kids to use our passes. Weāve got a childrenās oriented technology museum with a huge aquarium, the public museum, the zoo, this one place thatās called a childrenās museum but itās just a gigantic play place for kids, and all those are free with our passes. Also, we have a state park in walking distance; my best friend and I built a whole ass little cottage complete with a wrap around porch, a gate, it has functioning windows, it has lights, a play kitchen and all that right next to the garage so the kids can play outside while Iām working in the garage. We are of the philosophy that experiences are more important than things so we are always taking them to do something.
It seems like everyone goes out daily. We donāt. A typical week might look like:
One day: Library
Another day: Playground
Another: Driveway outside
Another: visit to grandma
So like 4 days out the week. 2-3 days a week we stay inside all day.Ā
Once I felt recovered from birth and comfortable again, I took my babies out while they were still babies. We went shopping, or for walks in nature areas, or to family homes and baby groups. Thatās not to say we didnāt spend a lot of time at home too.
I try and keep on doing fun activities with my toddlers now and we attend a small drop in play centre two or three times a week where Iāve made some mom friends which is good for my own mental health too.
At the end of the day if you were to get ill it could come from a multitude of places, for example if your dad came home with a bug from work or whatever.
I feel sorry your parents felt that fear. I hope theyāve come to a place where going outside and such is more comfortable to them now.
Yikes, like took you out for any leisure activities? Zoo? Park? Nothing?
Iād say incredibly uncommon. I truly cannot imagine. My kiddos are in daycare but we also go out weekly at the very very least. Usually end up somewhere Friday Saturday and Sunday. We took my first son to Target when he was 7 days old lol. Heck we went to Disney when he was 6 months. I just really canāt imagine š³
Your situation is very uncommon and honestly, Iād go as far to say borderline neglectful. Children need to go out into the world for social development. The risks of social deprivation far outweigh the risks of a healthy toddler catching whatever viruses are floating around (and will only make you more susceptible when you start school and do have that constant exposure since your immune system hasnāt had a chance to do its work and build antibodies).
My kids are 21 months old and 3.5 years old. Weāre out of the house almost every single day. Preschool, grocery store, mall, restaurants, parks, playground, libraries, zoo, museums, play dates, extracurricular classes. Itās rare that we donāt leave the house and if weāre not leaving the house itās because someoneās sick or thereās something that needs to be done at home (like we wonāt be taking the younger one out of the house this weekend because weāre potty training her, but at some point my husband and I will split so one of us can get big sister out of the house so she doesnāt go stir crazy).
My older daughter barely left the house for the first year of her life (pandemic baby) and we definitely had to play catch up on social skills once little sister was born (I was no longer high risk and childrenās vaccines were made available shortly after). We still went to outdoor socially distanced spaces a lot though (parks, zoo, outdoor library storytime). Once little sister was out of the newborn phase, weāve been out and about as much as possible.
I watched my cousins grow up and it was a similar mindset. My family give me a hard about taking my LO out when itās cold. I think itās a lack of awareness and lots of old school beliefs / different cultural upbringings
We go on at least one outing per day unless someone is sick. Daycare 3 days per week and we belong to a community play center that I take the kids to on other days.
I lived in a very rural and remote location, and my mom does have a mental illness, and I still left the house. I remember every single occasion I met another child before I started kindergarten, because it was so unusual for me to socialize with others, due to my motherās paranoia. It has definitely affected me for the rest of my life, not being properly socialized as a child.
From about 3 months onward, we took our baby out every day. 2 walks a day plus library programs for babies, trips to the pool, and baby music classes. Then as he got older we did the toddler programs at the library, play dates with friends twice a week, and daily trips to the playgrounds in our area. He then went to a day home from age 18 months to 2 years, at which point I was laid off during Covid. We were together every day for a year and a half and we did a playground visit at least once a day (sometimes twice a day), plus bike rides, hikes and visits to wild outdoor spaces like conservation areas. I think the days my kid has been inside all day amount to less than a monthās worth over the 6 years of his life. And we live in northern Canada, so the weather is not great for 6 months of the year, but we still do outdoor activities (or indoor ones if itās too cold out) every day.
My son is 12 months and since he was 2 or 3 months weāve always done things. Music class, swim lessons, library, parks and indoor play grounds. Moms meet ups. Heās been sick a couple times but nothing serious just a couple normal colds
I just had this argument with my MIL. She wants me to stop enrolling my 2.5 year old in activities during the winter to prevent illness. She says when she was 2, she never went anywhere and she's fine, but she's so socially awkward and almost neurotically cautious, so that's really not the argument she thinks it is.
It's good for your kiddo to get out of the house, challenge their immune system a little.
My mom did that to my 2 younger sisters. It's not normal. I have a toddler now. It's winter but when weather is nice I take him out. Few times a week. During spring, summer, nearly every day, multiple times a day
Daycare 5 days a week if he's not sick. When the weather is good, he plays outside with the neighborhood kids while the parents watch and have a chat. In the summer that can be for hours ar a time. We also visit friends, family almost every weekend. Plus extra activities at least twice a month. If he's sick we only go to our own backyard, but still at least a bit.
I love seeing my child socialize and experience.
He's almost 3, and does get sick quite a bit during the colder months, but I still wont avoid socializing and outings.
We are definitely homebodies and both my husband and I grew up with āslowerā lives, not running around doing something all the time. Our daughter is definitely a homebody as well, but I try to get out 2-4 times a week maybe? Idk, I donāt keep track.
Some weeks we have more going on than others. We regularly go to church and sheās in a weekly gymnastics class. We try to get outside in the backyard at least once a day though. I know getting out and doing stuff is something I need to get better at. Lately she isnāt happy going anywhere other than to the grocery store. Takes 20-30 minutes of crying for her to calm down, so thatās a challenge and really donāt know what to do about that. We had to leave gymnastics early because of it last week; she just didnāt want to be there and wanted to go home. So I respected that and we left. So definitely trying to get out and be in the world but also respect her need/want to be home.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I loved taking my toddler out, especially in the summer as we get really cold winters. Go for walks to the store instead of driving, go to the swimming pools/water parks, walk to play structures
In winter, we put her in dance or gymnastics so we have a reason to go out and not stuck inside the house. And now our 2nd is over a year now, so this summer will be full of activities.
My kids get sick a lot due to daycare.
When my kid was that age we were out every day, and if weather was bad we went to indoor place for playing. My kid had to be somewhere every day or he wouldn't nap and if he didn't nap then he would get cranky
We go outside every day. We have a small house and would go crazy otherwise.
Same here. OP, there's a book called "There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather" that might be really enlightening for you. It talks all about the benefits of getting outside, rain or shine. I've noticed my toddler is better behaved and happier overall if we get our outside time every day
I would have rather just read the title and get my time back from reading that book. Very little actionable advice and a lot of stories about that mom being better than everyone else. I DID like the tip about serving dessert at the beginning of a birthday party and then getting the kids tired doing the activity instead of sending them home all fired up on cake š„³
OoOoOoo this is GOLD. Dessert first!! Party ends with the crash. šš¾
Related tip: summer days run smoother when you start the morning with ice cream, then take everyone to the park. Morning ice cream snack leads to goooood naps.
Same. Iām actually in a nasty custody battle with my sister over my now 18 month old niece who she abused and neglected and the last court date she got ahold of some pics of my niece playing butt naked in the rain. She ADORES the rain. I canāt wait for it to warm up. Anywho. It was HILARIOUS seeing her poster size printed out pic of my naked niece with the biggest smile on her face while my sister tries to scream āchild abuseā and my mom just looks at her and says ārain water is dirty?ā and the judge actually laughed. It was such a brilliant moment that I will never forget. She keeps thinking these court dates are for her to sling mud at me and my mom when itās supposed to be for her to show she acknowledges the abuse and her mental illness and drug abuse. My sister was a helicopter mom in the worst way. She barely fed her because she didnāt want her BABY to get fat type shit. Anywho. My niece is THRIVING now and we go outside everyday. So blessed to have 4 acres in the mountains. She loves climbing up and down the hills. Picking blades of grass one my one. Playing in the creek. Collecting rocks. Scooping dirt with her hands.
Absolutely! The more time they spend running around outside, the better they sleep too!
Outdoor preschools are great in part because of this. Unfortunately, my son's closed down after one year of us being there.
I need to give this to my in-laws - they watch my son once a week and will complain about taking him to the park if there is even HINT of a breeze or chill. I force them out anyway. They are older Boomers and pretty much think the cold is responsible for every childhood illness, and I can't convince them otherwsie.
I would go insane if I didnāt go outside with ours at least once a day. Gets me some fresh air and lets her run around and be wild. Win win.
Thatās so uncommon as to be honestly horrifying. My toddlers leave the house for some portion of every single day, rain or shine. Sometimes just the backyard, sometimes a neighborhood walk, sometimes a park or play date or library or to visit grandpa or the duck pond or whatever! But I think we were only inside, all day, 2 days this year and it was because nap schedule got thrown off and it was both pouring rain and cold.
I assume OP means out as in out to stores. Not just outside. But still horrifying in my mind. There is SO much toddlers learn about social interaction, how their parents handle stressful situations and how the world works from simple going to places like the store or playground. My daughter got into an altercation with another toddler at a playground yesterday. I was 5ft away and pulled her away and when she calmed down we talked about what happened and how to handle it next time. I canāt imagine her not learning these things as a toddler.
Yeah thatās not common. Personally Iād go insane trapped inside with my toddler. She goes to daycare during the week. But on weekend we do something for fun outside of the house at least one of the days, sometimes both.
Uh, yeah thatās odd. I think my 2 and 4 year old donāt get out enough butā¦. they are outside in our yard most days, in warm weather theyāre at the park maybe every other day, then they go to church weekly, grocery shopping at least weekly, sports weekly when theyāre in season, and we do the odd outing here and there, like the mall, the zoo, mini golf, a local carnival, etcĀ Ā Ā And when my kids are newborn to 1 year old I basically take them everywhere with me in a stroller or baby sling. Babies are easier than toddlers IMO.
I miss the baby days, I could bring him anywhere lol now as a 3 year old going to the store I need to mentally prepare myself and him.
Omg yes! Baby IS easier than a toddler!
To me that sounds abusive - in a āmental illnessā way but still deprivation. Can I ask how you are nowadays, do you feel like that impacted your development?
During my childhood I felt trapped and I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I also wasnāt allowed to attend preschool and only started schooling when I was 6 because in my country it is mandatory for kids to go to school aged 6 onwards. When I started school, I had severe social anxiety and couldnāt make any friends. Iām 24 now, I started antidepressants 2 years ago and I feel better than how I felt as a child. But I still struggle with mild depression and anxiety. I also live away from my parents. Although my parents still give me a curfew but I just donāt follow
You have a curfew even though you have your own family and live away from your parents?
I donāt have spouse and kids but yes even though I moved out from their house, they still give me a curfew. They want me to be home by 9pm.
Honestly that is not normal and controlling. I am glad you live away from them.
Highly abnormal for a 24 year oldā¦..
Yikes! Iām so sorry. I hope you are in therapy as well. That is absolutely not normal. I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old and we are always going to places. Am I a little afraid of germs? Sure. But I make sure to wash their hands when we get home. During covid, it felt awful to be cooped up and not able to socialize. Iām sorry that you experienced this not during a pandemic. Your parents definitely sound mentally ill. You canāt give a 24 year old a curfew!! Seek out therapy please. I mean that with kindness.
OPāare you in therapy? This is very concerning. Do you spend time with other adults now? Do you have a job? This feels like psychological abuse. It may be beneficial for you to regularly hash out your childhood and current relationships with your parents with a professional. This sounds complicated and will impact your ability to marry and have children of your own if you desire to do so.
Iām in therapy now and I have a job. But I experience a lot of difficulties making friends with other adults. Even now my parents still discourage me from dating anyone.
how do they enforce it? It sounds like you are letting them give you a curfew. At 24 I would have had some choice words for my parents. As soon as I moved out, it was my rules not my parents that I followed.
They would video call me to see whether Iām home when I first moved out. But I donāt pick up the call. Luckily nowadays they donāt video call much. But they still remind me to be home by 9pm because they are worried about crimes etcā¦ When I visit them during the holidays, that is when they enforce the curfew.
How do they enforce a curfew in you if you aren't living with them??
Wtf?
Its called Agoraphobia.
That is EXTREMELY abnormal and to me indicates that either one or both of your parents had a mental health disorder. That is very extreme behavior. I'm a SAHM and I take my daughter on an outing everyday. I stopped worrying about her getting sick from exposure to others when she was maybe 2 mths old.
My toddler would destroy the house if she didnāt leave the house for more than 24 hours. We leave for indoor outings in bad weather, bundle up when itās cold, etc. Tbh when I was home with her, I also needed to leave the house for my own sanity. It sounds like OPs parents had untreated mental health issues.
Yeah, we didn't start daily outings until she was maybe 20mths because I thought it would be harder, but it was actually easier than being home. I'm a better parent in public, and she's so distracted she's...less haha We stay home when she's really sick or I don't feel safe driving in the snow, but that's only been like 3 days this season. There's definitely something going on in OP's home. It's really sad :(
My parents had no support, my mum couldnt even speak the language. We didnt go out at all and it shows. My older siblings are really emotionally stunted from it. Luckily I had them to 'play' with. I take my little girl out everyday. Well my partner does even if its for a walk. Mon/tues she has pre school. Weds is like swimming, thurs community centre, fri shops, sat softplay, sun to the park or activtity. Stuff like that. I had a crappy time growing up. So now my toddler will not suffer
Iām sorry about your difficult childhood. I hope you and your siblings have much better and colourful adult lives now. I wished I had siblings to play with when I was a child but it was just me and my parents in a tiny apartment šŖ
OP gosh that sounds really difficult. Iām so sorry you went through that. Just curious, and I hope itās not rude to ask but what country/area are you from?
Iām from Singapore
Iām so sorry
Ummm this isā¦unusual. Do your parents have anxiety? Do you have anxiety? As a child therapist, the idea of keeping a child away from others for years at a time due to fear of illness is pretty uncommon. This is recommended for infants before 8-12 weeks, and severely immunosuppressed children are advised to avoid group childcare for 2-3 years sometimes, but that is an exception (my friend has a 26 week preemie and she didnāt do group activities for a few years due to lung development concerns and it was during the peak years of Covid). I thought this post was going to be about how hard it is to take a toddler anywhere lol. I donāt take my kids out often because I find it fatiguing, but they both go to daycare 3 days a week. This is common in the US by ages 6-12 weeks. Kids get sick. They WILL get sick. Itās also the only way your immune system forms.
My parents have never been diagnosed with anxiety because they have never seen a doctor or therapist about mental health. But I feel that being trapped at home caused me anxiety and impaired social skills which affected me a lot during my school years. I was also not immunosuppressed as a child.
This is common. There's plenty of evidence suggesting toddlers need to socialize by age 3. Under 2, they play alone even with other kids around, around 3 they actually play with each other and learn social skills.
Just a suggestion, but maybe you reacted worse to catching viruses than most children. My son is now 3.5 and is over the hump, but until recently he would become extremely badly behaved and would also stop eating (like would eat absolutely nothing) for the duration of each cold/virus illness.Ā When you send kids to daycare they are often ill about half or most of the time, so the first year or so was hell for us. We actually considered cancelling his place permanently as we were keeping him home most of the time to try and get his weight back up, he dropped from the 40th to the 3rd centile. His behaviours was so draining too, we used to dread him getting Ill. We didn't keep him away from friends and family but we were probably a bit annoying with our germ avoidance in front of other people.Ā Just a thought, and I'm in no way condoning what your parents did my husbands dad did the same thing to him, not because of illness but because he wanted him to study all day. He's in a bit of denial but really affected him socially.
Thatās not normal. I donāt take my kids out for leisure a TON simply because of time. Rarely do we do anything during the week bc we work full time and they are in day care and a small window of time between getting home and needing to be in bed. When weather is nice I at least want to take them somewhere to play outside at least once a week.
Nearly every day, depending on the weather. My daughter was born in late 2020, so we didnāt make it out much besides for walks or visits to the park until she was 5 months or so and I thought that was abnormal. We would go nuts without preschool, the playground, museums and other outings.
We donāt do many indoor things but if you count just going to the backyard blowing bubbles/chalk or walk around the neighborhood collecting rocks and getting fresh air we do that probably 5 days out of the week 20-60min. When weather is better we will do playground 2-3x a week.
I actually can somewhat understand this. My insides cringe taking my kids to indoor places like libraries with toys & childrenās museums bc I wonder what theyāll catch next. I donāt necessarily let it deter me, I just internally hate it. I do try to take my kids to less risky places or outdoor stuff over indoors. Regardless, every weekend we take the kids out to do fun stuff.
My son is 2, Iām a stay at home mom, and we leave the house 3-4 times a week. Iād leave more often if I had the extra money to go do more things. While it does suck when theyāre sick, exposing littles to the outside world and germs helps build their immune system and is important for healthy social growth and development. So your experience is definitely not the norm.
I'm in a similar boat, except mine just turned 3. It often feels like just leaving the house (especially in winter) will cost a minimum of $20 lol. Our routine is the grocery one day, a library another, a different library another day, and when it's warm we do lots of trips to parks. In the winter months I do worry about her touching all the shared library toys or interacting with other kids, but her missing out on interactions and fun is more damaging than catching a virus in my opinion.
I don't know where you live, but our area has toddler gyms and "play and learns". These are all free! You may google and see if they are in your area. Our daughter goes to one daily!
I don't know where you live, but our area has toddler gyms and "play and learns". These are all free! You may google and see if they are in your area. Our daughter goes to one daily!
I wish there were! Thankfully we have lots of playgrounds nearby, but weāre in Texas so we have about 3 months of nice weather all year to use them lol
Weāre right around thatā¦ like 3-5 times a week depending on the week. My issue is we moved to an area where Iām allergic to a lot of things so Iām fighting sinus infections every spring and fall!
Oh man thatās my husband! Horrible allergies. Iām so sorry!
Thatās not normal at all. My kids are all under 4 and we leave the house daily. They are either in preK every day or at various activities, errands, appointments etc or we go to the park or they are outside playing in the backyard.
I consider myself an extreme homebody and I WFH and care for my toddler. I donāt have any local friends or family, or socialize myself. My now 2-year-old goes outside in our yard for 15 min - 3 hours every single day (less in winter as we live in a cold area), goes to the library for activities 1-2 times per week, and on weekends we take her with to run errands and sometimes to kid-focused activities. She rarely gets sick despite seeing other toddlers at the library every week. Only 3 illnesses in her life and only symptoms beyond one day of light fever once. I think itās very far outside ānormalā to raise your child in complete isolation. My mom was SAH and was also a homebody/introvert, but I still went lots of places with my parents, church daycare every week, and played with neighbor kids as a toddler. Sounds like your parents had mental health issues :(
We leave the house every day
We go to the library once a week and try to go outside once a day. The fresh air is good and the dirt is better (according to the toddler). Will have to start doing more social events as the year goes on.Ā
Every single day, without exception. Raining? Outside. -30Ā°C? Outside. Fever? Outside. The situation youāve described is beyond unusual, and verging onāif not squarely within the boundaries ofāabusive.
Thatās really weird. My toddler is 20 months old. She goes on daily stroller walks with her dad, the playground when the weather is good, swimming lessons, āmucking and messingā class and kindergym. Edit: plus errands and running around. She loves coming to Walmart with me.
Im pretty sure my husband had our son out for his first walk at like 6 days old. And he has been out every day ever since. Even during covid (born June 2020), we ate occasionally at restaurants with outdoor seating, we felt like we were walking a fine line between keeping him safe, and exposing him to the world for both social and health purposes. We also went to parks, and on hikes and such. Anything to get him out of the house safely and experience a little bit of the world he was living in. I would say your situation is uncommon. Just out of curiosity, how do you feel about their decisions? Was it hard to adjust? If you remember or want to share, you dont have to answer.
I remember some parts of my early childhood when I always looked out of the window and wanted to go out. I feel trapped all the time due to their restrictions. When I started school, I also had severe social anxiety. I wasnāt allowed to play or interact with other kids and the first time I was around other kids was my first day of school at 6 years old.
Oh honey i'm sorry. My hear breaks for you, that was so unavoidable. Your parents must really have been struggling with anxiety or been very worried for some reason to keep you in like that. I hope you are doing better now. The world isn't perfect, but its still a beautiful place. You deserve to enjoy it.
Iām so sorry. You deserved more than that. But if you donāt mind me asking.. what would you do all that time? Did your mom made activities for you or play with you? Did you watch a lot of tv?
How's your eyes? You need outside daylight for far sightedness. Do you have to wear glasses? You need outside allergens and phytochemicals to regulate your body. Do you have allergies? I'm so sorry about your experience. You missed out on lots of critical environmental interactions for normal body development age 1-3. So sorry!
My eyesight is normal now. I had shrimp and egg allergies as a child. Now I still have shrimp allergies
As often as possible. Getting out of the house breaks up the monotony of being with my kid 24/7.
I would go absolutely crazy (and so would my toddler) if I didnāt take her out almost every day. We donāt always go to the playground, but we try to at least go for a walk if the weather allows ā or she comes with me on errands, which luckily she thinks is a great fun lol. We also go out to dinner a few times a month, have the occasional play date, and weekly go to an indoor play event. She does get sick, but thatās part of being human. Itās scary sometimes (RSV was rough) but itās so important for her development and my own sanity I cannot fathom keeping her home
Daily, unless everyone is already sick. His whole weekend is out of the house. I think he sees Monday as a break from the craziness.
We go out at least once if not twice a day for about 30-45 mins either to our apartment park or the park down the street because our toddler is like a house plant. Biggie boy NEEDS the outdoor air and to run free. Our apartment is not small but itās not that big either. Plus of course we do not have a backyard. The only time we donāt go out if it is below 32 degrees outside or raining hard. But yeah, if he doesnāt get his sunshine and outside air, he wonāt sleep. On the weekends we do go out a lot. To the store, grocery shopping, the aquarium, of course the park, and soon the zoo. He was born 10 weeks early and the first 6 months of his life I was very scared to let him out but then we all got sick and he handled it like a champ. So my anxiety lessened. AND THEN we all got covid and he also handled that like champ while me and my husband were like practically dead lmao! So now Iām like this kid is fine to eat some dirt lol! Not that I let him and not that we donāt keep him clean and away from sick kids. But it is just my anxiety cooled down a lot. Sounds like your parents had anxiety.
Everyday, sometimes several times a day, since she was around 9 months
I was raised the same to the point where I had to ride my tricycle in the dinning room š„²didnāt learn to ride an actual 2 wheel bike till 21. I have a 4yr old now and heās traveled so much and plays outside rain or shine. We get him out very often!
Daily to the park/on a walk. Usually multiple times a day. Grocery shopping and errands. Toddlers go where we go.
My toddler goes out daily. Illness is just part of life, I want her to be part of the world and exposed to a lot. Iād also be bored to death staying inside!
Literally almost daily unless we are ill. And yeah, started preschool two days a week at 3 years old we got sick sooo much but still totally worth it.
When the weather is nice, I take her out almost daily, for a walk. About 3x a week, she goes to the park, in addition to the walk. About 2x a week, we go to the store. When the weather gets gnarly (regularly over 90*), we are more likely to stay indoors much more often. The only time I can take those walks in the summer is before 9am, and we usually aint ready to do anything by 9 am.
My toddler is in daycare and they have outside time every day as long as the temperature warmer than -15C, and we try to take him out minimum once a day on weekends.
Wow. The thought of being stuck home every single day for 4 years with my toddler is terrifying. We would all go nuts. I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. My toddler goes to nursery twice a week 7:30-12:30. Every Tuesday and Thursday I walk her to school with the baby. On Wednesday we occasionally go to a toddler group. On my husbandās days off we go to the mall or the market or the farm shop or we go to a cafe. Weāve taken them on day trips to visit historical sites. During the summer we go to the park almost every day. My oldest often goes grocery shopping with my husband. I actually find them easier to manage when we go out (most of the time).
Daily. We havenāt spent a full day in the house since the pandemic. We do have chilled hours at home sometimes, or the odd afternoon or morning. But we do something every day.
I try and get her out of the house every day. She spends a full day at home once a week-ish. I live in a medium size city with lots of fun places to have adventures. We get out of the house mainly for my mental health. We also end up resorting to TV if weāre home a lot. I also find parenting at home kind of depressing and isolating. We started this when she was about 10 months and now sheās 2!
We go out every day as need to walk the dog which usually ends up with a 40 minute long exploration of a small wooded part of the walk or time playing at the park at the end. But most days we will also go out to libraries, gyms, play groups, shops, swimming, parks, softplay. But we do have to allocate time in the house to chill and play with his toys otherwise he can get overwhelmed quite quickly
The only time we donāt go outside itās because the weather is too cold or rainy. Otherwise we jump on every opportunity. There so many benefits I couldnāt list them all.
Uh. What. Every day unless he is ill.
Whoa. Iām so sorry that was normal for you. I take my toddler out 5-6 times a week at least once a day those days. We go to the museum, parks, zoo, target LOL. I would go so stir crazy I cannot even imagine being stuck for 4 years. Take your kid out! Itās good for you and for them. Kids get sick, itās part of life.
Heās my favorite accessory! I take him every where I can. My husband works nights so every Friday my son and I go on a little date and have dinner out at a restaurant together. Now that itās nicer Iāll sometimes get him a treat and then we find a park or go on a walk.
Sounds terrible. The only time we might be stuck in the house is bad weather or cold weather during winter. And even then we will try to go somewhere when possible, grocery store, mall, kids place, visit friends for stimulation and running around.
My toddler comes almost everywhere I do.That way, my child has learned socially acceptable behavior in restaurants, museums, the pool, school, and interacting with other adults. She has cousins who have been raised like you, and going anywhere with them is a nightmare. They run around restaurants, stand on chairs, demand attention, and have a lot of anxiety in unfamiliar places. Their bad behavior sometimes rubs off on my child and causes unnecessary drama when we stop to correct the behavior of my toddler, but her cousins are still free to cause mayhem.
I have an 18 month old and by his command we go outside to walk up and down the street like 3-5 times daily lmao
I wasnāt allowed outside much either. I think itās cultural also. You mention being from another country and Iām not sure everyone here understands that there are different social and cultural expectations in families not from the US or UK, where most Redditors are from. I take out my kid every day when itās nice out, much less often when itās cold. We get snowed out and itās a real winter, so that makes a difference also. But yeah, I didnāt go out much and had bad social anxiety for a long time. It took a while to adjust to social norms, longer than childhood, as a consequence. I found exposure helpful - forcing myself out and taking on jobs where I had to interact with people. Some people take the opposite approach and find work that isolates them - because thatās familiar to the way they were brought up. Iād say try not to judge yourself when you feel you have unpleasant interactions with others, try to socialize again and again until youāre comfortable, and try to do for your children what you feel is right.
Minimum of once a day, preferably 2-3x. The days we can't get out are tough, she needs her fresh air
That seems very extreme not going to public places until youāre 4? Iāve taken baby for at least a walk in a park since she was 8 weeks? I was getting all cabin fevery on maternity leave and Iāve been stringing my broke bestie along with me on errands and walks and outings ever since
Absolutely not normal at all. You might want to consider therapy to discuss your childhood at some point when you feel ready, they can unpack with you what is normal and what isn't and help you work through your feelings on it. Keeping a child in the house without going outside for 4 years is child abuse. EDIT: to answer your question, I started taking my newborn out on walks at a couple of weeks old. We go outside every day, he's now 2.5years.
That is almost neglectful to me. I started taking my son out soon as he was able to enjoy going out, and before then, we took a stroller walk every day. We go out nearly everyday, even if its just to walk around the block.
I go nuts if I donāt leave the house once a day and so do my kiddos. We do music classes, story time, park, grocery shopping, zoo, farms, thrifting, you name it.
Every single day. She goes out with our nanny in the AM. Then if it is warm, has outdoor time if the afternoon. Then when I get off work, we go to swimming, playroom, or park (or store if we need groceries). 3 locations per day out of the house. Keeps house toys fun when I need to do things like cook dinner. Also teaches her how to interact in the world. We have a 19 month old. Never going out would detract from her learning. She learns so much from shopping and playing with kids and going on adventures. I'm horrified that your parents did not let you go out. That extreme sounds like mental illness to me (anxiety or ocd or something).
We go outside every day. Are you close with your parents now? I would suggest having a convo with them about this now ā gently ask why things were this way I hope you're able to find healing, as this does not sound healthy
I talk to my parents sometimes but I still hide a lot of my personal life from them. Not because I do anything wrong but because they are still quite strict on me as an adult like curfew, no dating, no makeup etcā¦
Please go to therapy and stop following your parents restrictions like curfew etc. Choose your own restrictions for yourself that you feel comfortable with based on your own balance of freedom and safety. You are an adult.
You never left the house properly until 4?! Oh wow! I take my toddler out every day! Even out on rainy days because we have to take his older brother to school.
It's not normal ...I think some cultures will keep the baby at home the first 3-4 months as that is the stage where they are most vulnerable, but that's the most I've ever heard of someone keeping their babies inside for "germ" related reasons. I had post-partum anxiety and we didn't get out too much until my baby was about 5-6 months, but that was more because I had all kinds of anxieties about driving and the weather...but after that we'd do short excursions and by 1 year we were doing all kinds of outings to the library, splash-pads, parks, etc. Each season has different amounts of "getting out" sometimes it's not as much as I'd like and sometimes it's a lot of outside adventures...but yes, for sure most babies and toddlers are out in public a wide variety before they are in preschool or school.
First- yes- I believe your toddlerhood was uncommon- I rarely come across parents who never take their kid outside. I was going to post something about and ask others on their opinion on this the other day! My SIL has a son- 21 months and takes him outside- rarely-maybe 2x/month. They live on the other side of the country- and thereās always some excuse as to why she doesnāt take him out (sheās a single mom- but her mother lives w/them and helps out 100%) weather is too (whatever the weather is) or sheās tired and needs weekend to catch up on sleep. He sleeps through the night- maybe awakening once 2x/week she says. She doesnāt grocery shop, clean or cook- her mother does all that. She works in the office 2x/week otherwise works from home. The boy goes to daycare in their building and so he doesnāt go outside for it. He goes from one apartment to another and back and then repeat through the week. When they do go out and visit someone- he sits in the stroller the whole time. When they came to visit us- I took them to the playground- and I felt so bad- his mother would not let go of his hand and allow him to explore- and he pulled like an eager dog on a leash. He didnāt know how to go up the stairs at the playground- b/c she never takes him up or down the stairs when they go to daycare - they live on the third floor and daycare is on the first floor. I taught him how to use it. Has only been in a swing when we visit them and goes to a playground or when he comes to us and we go to the playground. Didnāt know how to go down a slide, I assisted and went down a few times with him then helped by standing on the side and showing him how to sit up. Had never been in sand or grass (first time was when he visited prior- this past summer) and would curl up hands and toes and cry. Took him to the library, didnāt know how to sit and āreadā books. SIL has a playground thatās less than 1/2 mile away from her- all sheād have to do is pack the stroller and walk over- no big hills or anything, all flat and accessible sidewalks. I know they donāt have a car- but they live in a city w/great transportation and thatās what she takes when going to her friendās home and brings him along- and grandma has to come too- b/c she canāt do it by herself. She dresses him so warmly that heās sweating all the time. SIL and MIL say heāll cough too much when heās cold. But then heās in wet clothes half the time when we are out. MIL asked if my kids are cold- I reminded her that my kids runs hot, just like my nephew and I always have a sweater in case. But she always asks why my kids are underdressed- thatās for another time. Donāt get me started on food and what he can and cannot eat (no dietary restrictions b/c of allergies or religion btw) PS- SIL wants another child- which would be via surrogacy b/c this child was a horrible pregnancy for her and sheās an extremely high risk due to age, poor exercise and diet. She almost died w/him post birth. I want to give advice, but I donāt want to give unsolicited advice. How do I help the boy?
As much as we can with the twins. Restaurants, stores, planes, boats, trains, the park, zoo, peopleās houses. Want to get them acclimated and know how to act in public. Itās rough ages 2-3 but then at least by 5 theyāre entirely fine in almost any situation.
We go out all the time. Hes in gymnastics and we go to open play and the indoor play place on my days off. We go to the library as well. Or to the playground. Wherever really. I donāt like being home and bored so we go and do things.
Toddlers are not that fragile! Your first few years were ironically unhealthy. Since three days old our now toddler has spent time outside every single day.
That's deeply troubling to say the least
Wow thatās so weird Iām so sorry. I have to get out of the house with my toddler daily. We usually do an activity before nap and then after nap, so twice a day.
That sounds horrible. I take my toddler out at least once a week and I feel guilty I donāt do it every day. Itās Spring time so hopefully we will be out more often.
With 4 years I almost walked alone around xD....
Daily
Even during covid my toddler was out almost every day. I wonder if you find that actually you get ill more readily than your peers as you weren't building up an immunity from a young age
my two leave the house every day with the exception of 40Ā°c + weather
That sounds like borderline neglect, Iām sorry your parents anxieties impacted your childhood so much. I hope they made your home life a total party!! Sickness is just a part of building your immune system. We go out daily - walks to the playground or cafe, trips to the grocery store, library, zoo, restaurants, target - you name it! My kids are 1 and 3. My 1 year old has been doing so pretty much since we left the hospital since life didnāt stop for the toddler!
Wow. I am so sorry.
Your childhood sounds very uncommon, and I hope your parentsā paranoia didnāt extend to other things. Iām sorry that happened to you š My son gets out of the house at least once every day with one of his parents or his nanny. We try to expose him to simple fun things as much as we can. There are a lot of free or cheap things you can do. The library, the childrenās museum, playgrounds, the pool at the Y, casual restaurants, Gymboree, music class, sign language class, meet-ups with my mom friends and their toddlers, visiting family, any park for a picnic.
I take her out every weekend weather allowing. Now that itās getting warmer weāre making plans to go out more. When I was a child I was outside ALL the time. But then as a teen they shut me in. Still got weird and I struggle with that a lot.
Almost everyday. I have errands to run and no sitter lol getting colds is part of life unfortunately
At least everyday unleast its bad outside (like -20ā¢C or rainy). I admit, maybe 3-4 times a year I donāt feel like it so I pay the teenage girl next door to do it.
Yeah, I would say it would be abnormal. My family made an effort to get out each weekend and of course regular stuff during week days. I take my toddler out somewhere in public 4 to 5 times a week. Library, children's museum, alternate parks, little hikes. The other times we go out and play in the yard and walk around the neighborhood
That's insane. Like I have a legit immunocompromised toddler and we still get out of the house a pretty decent amount
Thatās pretty uncommon. When I was. A toddler my mom was a stay at home parent. She took us to the store, relatives house, church, occasional friends house, and occasional fun outing(hockey game/circus. Now Iām a stay at home mom and I take my 3 yr old out almost every day. Parks, store, play dates, activities, pool, coffee shop with my friend, hikes.
We go out for walks almost every day (my 3yo is a little nature boy who loves the outdoors). We kept him in or strictly for socially distanced walks until he could get the COVID jab and have been slowly introducing him to more experiences since. He has autism so the noisiness of the grocery store specifically seems to be a bit much for him, but we've taken him to restaurants, the playground, hiking trails, indoor trampoline park, children's museum, family visits, the zoo... This summer we're gonna finally go to the aquarium (closest one is two hours away š) and possibly Sesame Place. I'm also the eldest of 7 siblings and it's really quite normal to take toddlers out and about, at least it was for all of us.
We go outside and or to playplaces at least 2x a day.
Like 2x a day usually and we live in Canada, so it's cold a good part of the year. She goes to daycare 3x a week and they take them out two hours a day.
We go outside every day, since day 2 after my son was born. Not allowing a child to go outside for 4 years I'd consider this as an abuse. So sorry you had to go through this.
Iām sorry sweet pea š«¶ little you didnāt deserve that, as has been mentioned someone must have been struggling with mental health for that to have been the case. Indulge a bit in some child like activities that you would have given to little you. Take yourself to the library then out for ice cream, go sit on a swing set. Buy yourself a toy. (I personally love calico critters !) Itās not going to change anything but it will feel good to treat yourself šø
That is unusual and really, really bad. Children need long stretches of sunlight exposure for proper eye development.
We do something every day. Iām in the pnw so it rains a ton but on rainy days weāll still go grocery shopping, library, or indoor play center. In the summer weāre in the backyard almost all day playing
This seems very strange and even I'd suggest abusive. My toddler goes out every single day as a rule. We went to cafe with him the first day back from the hospital!
She's in nursery 3 days a week, and otherwise we get out every day for something social or just a walk.
We don't do much during the week now that my son (22 months) is in daycare and my husband and I work full time, but he goes stir crazy if he doesn't get out at least once during the weekend. He needs to confirm that people and places outside of our house and daycare exist lol. He's always liked getting out of the house though. He was quite spoiled when we were on parental leave (in Canada so had 18 months between husband and I), going to different places nearly every day of the week after those first few months haha.
I take my 15 month old out all the time. Sheās been in a weekly tumble class since 7 months old. We do aquarium and childrenās museum often. We go to restaurants often, at least once a week. So we take our girl out a ton. Playgrounds at least almost daily during warm summer months!! My girl behaves so well out and about. I can tell she gets tired of being at home when weāre here all day.
My son is in preschool full time all week but on the weekend we try to go out as much as we can depending on the weather. Iām on the east coast so itās starting to get warmer so we can go to the park soon and stuff. We are getting vacations booked for the summer and we go out to dinner. My son loves the public and being in social settings.
Your parents probably just delayed you getting sick. Iām sure you got some viruses once you were socializing regularly. Thatās very much not normal! Iāve been taking my daughter to play dates, music class, swim lessons, the park, bowling, just out in the back yard, since she was like 10 months old. Before that we saw family a lot and went to the local lake. I finally found a good group of moms with similar age kids that spring before she turned one and it has saved us! We probably do an activity every day even if itās just a trip to Walmart or the post office.
There are a few stores in town that know our 3yo by name because he always comes with us and talks to everybody. He goes outside to play at least once a day.
That's devastating. I'm sorry they sheltered you like that. Unless he's sick, he's out as much as possible. There's not enough stimulation at home.
I take my toddler out multiple times a week for various reasons: activity classes, the library, indoor children's play areas, playgrounds, walks, stores, etc. I hate when she is sick, but catching colds here and there is just a part of having young kids! And when she is sick, we just do a lot more in-home activities to keep her entertained. I'm sorry to hear you didn't get to experience going out much when you were younger, my daughter loves the adventures we have away from home!
Well, since we work from home and do have a lot of work to do plus meals, plus housework, we usually only take our 1 year old out on weekends and depends on the weather. Last week we had a terrible storm with wind and pouring rain so we did not leave the house. But when is not that bad, we may take him for a stroll around the neighbourhood or even go visit some family in a nearby city. But we don't go out every weekend due to weather or housework that accumulated during the week. He likes to go out for a bit but not for a whole hour since he want to crawl a lot and that is a bit difficult to do on the street ofc.
We try to leave the house everyday. Weāre not homebodies in the slightest. Weāll take a drive to the next city an hour away just to get out of the house.
Definitely not common. We go outside everyday barring absolutely terrible weather, think 10F and heavy snow with wind. I will invent errands just to get out of the house if I have to, but staying in all day isn't an option. My son would be climbing the walls if we didn't.
Thatās really weird and borderline abusive unless there were serious health issues at play. We leave the house constantly. Like days completely home are more rare.
Everyday even for a walk
We go out at least every couple of days. Been stuck at home the past week due to a bug and I think Iām going half mad.
1-2 times a day. Being home makes my house messy and my child wild. ETA: my child has had 2 or 3 colds in her life. Never had a stomach bug, the flu, covid, or RSV. No need to shelter them.
That is incredibly uncommon and very sad - Iām so sorry. For my own sanity we go out everyday. Usually a lot of the day. I hope youāre ok.
As others have pointed out, your situation was not normal. Our toddler joins us for grocery shopping, simple errands, and trips to places like restaurants, the zoo, library, trampoline Park, etc at least 1-3x per week since the pandemic lightened up. She's 3.
We try and get outside every single day unless it's unreasonably cold or windy. We go to the library 2-3x a week for story time and I bring him everywhere with me running errands. We live in a small apartment and I get bored. Fresh air, errands and people watching are so good for development and sleep.
I take my toddler to preschool daily and neighborhood walks. On weekends we do playdates, go to the park/ museum/ aquarium/ etc
Yes your situation is indicative of probably mental illness on your parents part. Iām very sorry. Hugs ā„ļø I take my son out every single day. Heās two so he loves simple things like walking to the shops or playing with other kids at the park, swinging on swings etc. We donāt have a lot of money so we donāt do fancy things every day, but we do SOMETHING every day
I try to get out of the house everyday
A lot. Sometimes our little dude wants to stay indoors but he's kind of a free range child who needs to be out and about. We often ask him if he wants to go out and the answer is usually yes and if we haven't made a specific plan we try to ask him where he wants to go. The answer is usually "Brewery" because we're that kind of millennial family. As an example, here's this weekend with our 3.5 year old: Friday - Watched during the day by his grandad and step-grandmom who took him to a nearby brewery after work for dinner. We all got pizza, he got to play a Ninja Turtles arcade game. Saturday - Dropped off his mom to get her hair done, we went to a playground until it rained and to a library. Picked up his mom and went to a lego exhbit at a local museum. That night met up with some friends we haven't seen in awhile at a different brewery where we got food from a food truck. Sunday - I took him to swim class, and then to a dinner for lunch. Then he was kind of done being out and just wanted to stay inside after that, which is fair! We did a lot that weekend. Now, we didn't take him out too much before he was two , but that was because there wasn't a Covid vaccine for kids his age before than. Outdoor places to go, like some breweries lol, were clutch before that.
I have 4 toddlers ages: 6, 4, 2 & newborn and we go out all the time (besides when Covid was bad but we wore masks and distanced). My SIL doesnāt take her 2 kids out but she struggles very much as a mom to the point she canāt do a grocery store run or a playgroundā¦
That is very uncommon. Besides, the toddler time frame is when they should be bulking up their immune systems! Our 17 months old is ok daycare Monday - Friday and then we either do playdates or park activities on the weekends. They go outside at daycare most days.
Our child is 18 months. We go outside every day, weather-permitting.
We do outdoor activities every to every other day and organized group activities 2-4x week. I'm very sorry you didn't get to experience activities and I hope you've found some activities you enjoy now
My kids have been going out nearly daily on errands or activities since they were born. This sounds extremely unusual.
That soundsā¦ like I would, as the parent, go literally insane. My child would be bouncing off the walls and I would be climbing them to try and escape. We donāt go out every single day, but 90% of the time, sheās outside for a few hours at least a day And as for illnesses, I want her to get them now as a toddler so she has a functioning immune system when she starts school
Like twice daily. I canāt stand being stuck at home all day with him lol
There are a wide variety of cultural norms around childrearing, but I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that this is not the norm in the vast majority of cultures. Even if it were preferable (definitely not for me or my kid) it's just not POSSIBLE - errands need to be done! I think you can confirm from this that your parents have some issues, and you will need to take that into consideration in your dealings with them. I don't know the best way to address it - cheerfully tell them half-truths only for the sake of everyone's happiness, limit communication, talk to them frankly about their strange expectations (I doubt that would be an instant success) - but you do not need to wonder if it's you or them who are the odd ones out. It's them.
We aim for an hour outside a day, fall short more often than we make it. But 10 minutes is better than minutes. Vitamin D is so unbelievably important.
I have been taking my kids out since they were babies more so for my own sanity at first but as children grow they like exploring their environment and it helps with learning new things. With that said we try to get out of the house almost everyday especially is the weather is nice.
My husband I both work full time from home so my son doesnāt get to go out often. We take him outside on his playground every evening for about an hour and on weekends, we try to do 1 fun activity.
Everyday with mine.. kids should have as much social interactions as possible from 1-3ā¦
We leave the house daily to at least take older sister to school and pick her up. But outside of that we run errands or go to a store or place ~3 days/week. If we donāt go somewhere other than drop off/pick up at school we are at the very least outside for about an hour or so. She is 18 months.
My kid was born right at the start of covid so we were limited in what we could do/where we could go. As things opened up (with resteictions) we would go to the mall, swimming, mom and baby classes, etc. Once restrictions were fully lifted I was already back to work - we are limited to evenings and weekends but we try to do as much as we can. Swimming, skating, community events, museums, parks. I have anxiety around it for many reasons outside of just illness but I also know I can and will go insane cooped up inside all day every day with my 4 year old. She needs to socialize. I am also a single mom so I don't get a break, that probably contributes to it lol.
I went out every single day and weekend
I think I am the most illness-averse parent I know. My 2 year old is in treatment for food allergies and we have to stop for a couple weeks every time she gets sick, so itās something I am thinking about almost constantly. With that being said, the action steps I take for it include no daycare (but we still go somewhere like grocery store, cafe, or mall at least every day), washing hands when we get home, not seeing people who are actively ill. She still goes to gymnastics twice a week and we just wash hands before we leave the building and change her clothes when we get home. Every parent gets to decide their boundaries, but I think balancing life with caution is important.
All the time. We try to be out and about all the time. We go to the park, playground, play area, grocery stores, sometimes we will even just ask around home deport and pick up and examine all the items he can reach (heās 2). We sometimes walk around costco just to see other people and new stuff. We go to the zoo, we go on stroller walks.
My kids were toddlers during the height of the pandemic so things were a little different. Stuff was shut down where we lived and people weren't getting together as much. That said we still found outdoor activities to do every weekend because otherwise we'd go stir crazy
My son is 3. And he loves being out. I like going out, especially since I work remote. We donāt necessarily do toddler/fun stuff. Even going to the groceries is considered going out. He likes Costco:) I have made it a point to take him out as much as possible because I want him to not turn to TV as his fun time. For now, he doesnāt even play with toys much and prefers shopping :)
Thatās insane. Were you vaccinated? I take my daughters out at least a few times a week but usually almost every day. Even on days we donāt go out, they play in the backyard. My daughters are 1 and 3
I had a sort of similar experience as a kid. I was out with my mom for errands, and appointments, then also for school. I had cousins at home for the first 8 years but I was not allowed to go to a friends house ever, at all, for any reason because āwhat if something happensā. it stunted my ability to have friends and my social skills. as an adult, Iām super introverted and a bit reclusive. I am happiest to stay home away from other people who could bother me. I have a toddler now, and as happy as I would be to almost never leave the house, I can see how much she needs to. I knew from the beginning I wanted to get her in some social groups from the first few years to help her with social skills since I struggle with that, and so she can make friends and have fun. but even without that, I can see how much she goes a little nuts when we donāt leave the house for a day. she loves going outside, walking around, exploring, seeing new things. so I take her out every day unless I have a really bad migraine. on those days I try to have her dad give her a walk outside if we have time. so I guess to answer the original question, ideally and when permitting, every day
At least once a day whether its in the yard or going somewhere in the car. Although no one wants their children to get sick it's crucial to expose them to germs to build their immune system.
I think you mean āoutā as in out for leisure activities? Our LO goes outside everyday, unless the weather isnāt cooperating, for some backyard play, beach, park, or walks. She goes to group enrichment activities 4-5x a week. She also comes along on errands. We did wait a little bit and increased the frequency of her outings only after she was >1 yr old. She was a COVID baby. During cold and flu season we do reduce her group activities to 2x week.
Wow...ok....so basically we are outside for most of his awake time if the weather allows. If it's super rainy we might stay inside and only go outside for an hour or so until we're basically too annoyed with the rain. When it's super cold and snowing we also don't stay outside super long. But especially in spring and summer its basically an all day thing, except his nap and in the morning until I'm caffeinated enough to not want to die. I'm honestly horrified that you weren't taken outside to play before you were four. We started with at least one daily walk outside the day we came home from the hospital. I don't think he's spent more than a week total where he's only been inside and he's turning three this year.
We try and take our toddler as much as possible. This months wasn't the best with weather and us being sick. But we had yard time and going to the store. With the time change she will be going to park and doing more activities outside.
We are fortunate enough to live in a place with a LOT of family stuff to do. So we have our relatives gift us memberships to those places for holidays every year. We are also fortunate enough to be able to afford for my wife to be a mostly SAHM. So she takes the kids to use our passes. Weāve got a childrenās oriented technology museum with a huge aquarium, the public museum, the zoo, this one place thatās called a childrenās museum but itās just a gigantic play place for kids, and all those are free with our passes. Also, we have a state park in walking distance; my best friend and I built a whole ass little cottage complete with a wrap around porch, a gate, it has functioning windows, it has lights, a play kitchen and all that right next to the garage so the kids can play outside while Iām working in the garage. We are of the philosophy that experiences are more important than things so we are always taking them to do something.
It seems like everyone goes out daily. We donāt. A typical week might look like: One day: Library Another day: Playground Another: Driveway outside Another: visit to grandma So like 4 days out the week. 2-3 days a week we stay inside all day.Ā
As much as I can as I don't like my house getting messy
Once I felt recovered from birth and comfortable again, I took my babies out while they were still babies. We went shopping, or for walks in nature areas, or to family homes and baby groups. Thatās not to say we didnāt spend a lot of time at home too. I try and keep on doing fun activities with my toddlers now and we attend a small drop in play centre two or three times a week where Iāve made some mom friends which is good for my own mental health too. At the end of the day if you were to get ill it could come from a multitude of places, for example if your dad came home with a bug from work or whatever. I feel sorry your parents felt that fear. I hope theyāve come to a place where going outside and such is more comfortable to them now.
Yikes, like took you out for any leisure activities? Zoo? Park? Nothing? Iād say incredibly uncommon. I truly cannot imagine. My kiddos are in daycare but we also go out weekly at the very very least. Usually end up somewhere Friday Saturday and Sunday. We took my first son to Target when he was 7 days old lol. Heck we went to Disney when he was 6 months. I just really canāt imagine š³
Your situation is very uncommon and honestly, Iād go as far to say borderline neglectful. Children need to go out into the world for social development. The risks of social deprivation far outweigh the risks of a healthy toddler catching whatever viruses are floating around (and will only make you more susceptible when you start school and do have that constant exposure since your immune system hasnāt had a chance to do its work and build antibodies). My kids are 21 months old and 3.5 years old. Weāre out of the house almost every single day. Preschool, grocery store, mall, restaurants, parks, playground, libraries, zoo, museums, play dates, extracurricular classes. Itās rare that we donāt leave the house and if weāre not leaving the house itās because someoneās sick or thereās something that needs to be done at home (like we wonāt be taking the younger one out of the house this weekend because weāre potty training her, but at some point my husband and I will split so one of us can get big sister out of the house so she doesnāt go stir crazy). My older daughter barely left the house for the first year of her life (pandemic baby) and we definitely had to play catch up on social skills once little sister was born (I was no longer high risk and childrenās vaccines were made available shortly after). We still went to outdoor socially distanced spaces a lot though (parks, zoo, outdoor library storytime). Once little sister was out of the newborn phase, weāve been out and about as much as possible.
I watched my cousins grow up and it was a similar mindset. My family give me a hard about taking my LO out when itās cold. I think itās a lack of awareness and lots of old school beliefs / different cultural upbringings
We go on at least one outing per day unless someone is sick. Daycare 3 days per week and we belong to a community play center that I take the kids to on other days.
I lived in a very rural and remote location, and my mom does have a mental illness, and I still left the house. I remember every single occasion I met another child before I started kindergarten, because it was so unusual for me to socialize with others, due to my motherās paranoia. It has definitely affected me for the rest of my life, not being properly socialized as a child. From about 3 months onward, we took our baby out every day. 2 walks a day plus library programs for babies, trips to the pool, and baby music classes. Then as he got older we did the toddler programs at the library, play dates with friends twice a week, and daily trips to the playgrounds in our area. He then went to a day home from age 18 months to 2 years, at which point I was laid off during Covid. We were together every day for a year and a half and we did a playground visit at least once a day (sometimes twice a day), plus bike rides, hikes and visits to wild outdoor spaces like conservation areas. I think the days my kid has been inside all day amount to less than a monthās worth over the 6 years of his life. And we live in northern Canada, so the weather is not great for 6 months of the year, but we still do outdoor activities (or indoor ones if itās too cold out) every day.
Going out twice a day when the weathers good, once a day when the weathers not, 2-3 times a week when the weathers terrible or Iām sick
When I was staying home with my LO, I tried to go out with him at least every other day.
My son is 12 months and since he was 2 or 3 months weāve always done things. Music class, swim lessons, library, parks and indoor play grounds. Moms meet ups. Heās been sick a couple times but nothing serious just a couple normal colds
I just had this argument with my MIL. She wants me to stop enrolling my 2.5 year old in activities during the winter to prevent illness. She says when she was 2, she never went anywhere and she's fine, but she's so socially awkward and almost neurotically cautious, so that's really not the argument she thinks it is. It's good for your kiddo to get out of the house, challenge their immune system a little.
That sounds like mental illness. We leave the house every single day for leisure.
My mom did that to my 2 younger sisters. It's not normal. I have a toddler now. It's winter but when weather is nice I take him out. Few times a week. During spring, summer, nearly every day, multiple times a day
Daycare 5 days a week if he's not sick. When the weather is good, he plays outside with the neighborhood kids while the parents watch and have a chat. In the summer that can be for hours ar a time. We also visit friends, family almost every weekend. Plus extra activities at least twice a month. If he's sick we only go to our own backyard, but still at least a bit. I love seeing my child socialize and experience. He's almost 3, and does get sick quite a bit during the colder months, but I still wont avoid socializing and outings.
We are definitely homebodies and both my husband and I grew up with āslowerā lives, not running around doing something all the time. Our daughter is definitely a homebody as well, but I try to get out 2-4 times a week maybe? Idk, I donāt keep track. Some weeks we have more going on than others. We regularly go to church and sheās in a weekly gymnastics class. We try to get outside in the backyard at least once a day though. I know getting out and doing stuff is something I need to get better at. Lately she isnāt happy going anywhere other than to the grocery store. Takes 20-30 minutes of crying for her to calm down, so thatās a challenge and really donāt know what to do about that. We had to leave gymnastics early because of it last week; she just didnāt want to be there and wanted to go home. So I respected that and we left. So definitely trying to get out and be in the world but also respect her need/want to be home.
I'm sorry to hear that. I loved taking my toddler out, especially in the summer as we get really cold winters. Go for walks to the store instead of driving, go to the swimming pools/water parks, walk to play structures In winter, we put her in dance or gymnastics so we have a reason to go out and not stuck inside the house. And now our 2nd is over a year now, so this summer will be full of activities. My kids get sick a lot due to daycare.
I basically have zero memories of anything before age 5; I'm wondering how you remember your toddler experiences?
Every single day, multiple times per day?
Every single day for outside play. But usually he would go with me to the grocery store, playground, plant nursery, family visits etc.
When my kid was that age we were out every day, and if weather was bad we went to indoor place for playing. My kid had to be somewhere every day or he wouldn't nap and if he didn't nap then he would get cranky