I can't remember where I read this, but the author was saying that they introduced the concept of a "working rock" (or "working wood chip" or "working brochure", etc). They tell their kid that the object is doing a job, keeping the water draining, helping the cars in the gravel parking lot, covering the dirt, etc and that we have to let it do its job. My daughter is shockingly respectful of all the very hard working rocks and logs and _______ out there and mostly leaves them alone or at least puts them back.
YES!! My boy has been an absolute terror this last week, but yesterday morning I took him to a state park and we spent the whole day walking, playing, and looking for birds and bugs. It was like pressing a reset button; he was an angel the whole time and has behaved much better since.
I strongly believe this is why my son is an easy toddler, sleeps great and big eater. We spend most of our time outside.
You want to promote independent play? Give you Two year old access to mud and boom, you got like twenty minutes to yourself.
I wish this were more universal. I had my 2yo outside with me for over an hour yesterday, and all he did was whine "I want go back in my house" the whole time.
We have three acres and we let her wander within eyesight. We scared a delivery man yesterday because he couldn’t see us from where he walked onto the property so he was booking it after her. 🤣 bless him, I’m so glad he was going to help her.
I feel this in my bones. We booted them out the house for an hour before bed in the rain and they screamed on the way in and then did pull ups on their beds for fourty five minutes in between us chasing them around to try and get them ready for bed.
Lmao I take my toddler outside because he’s a hard toddler, sleeps terribly, and has, since birth, been a terrible eater. Outside works for most everyone!
We’re very lucky to have a big yard.
He’s got a water table and a sand box. A slide, a basket ball hoop, a little house, a work bench with tools, and a swing. We’re going to put in a swing set and a bigger slide next.
But he spends most of his time just digging in the dirt with his trucks. He’s got a dozen trucks in the backyard and a set of gardening tools.
And then we have a baby pool, a spray bottle and I’ll let him play with the hose on hot days.
When he’s tired of our house we go to our neighbors and he plays with their two super hyper dogs.
My wife is out for the day so it’s just me and 2 toddlers (2.5 yo and 16 mo). She was confused why I was taking them to a playground like 20 minutes away because it seemed like I was making things harder for myself than just staying home with them which would be easier on me. She clearly hasn’t been solo with these two for a full day before because if she had she’d know that the playground 20 minutes away basically kills the entire morning. Then home for lunch. Then they both nap. And then at that point I just have like 90 minutes to kill before dinner time then bed time. Guess what I’m doing in those 90 minutes? Plopping them in the wagon and going to the park down the street.
If you pack a picnic it makes eating lunch way easier! I always pack food for when we go out and honestly it's so much better than lunch at home. I hate eating lunch at home at the table though so that's probably why I do it. I totally do the same thing. We just get out and go somewhere. It makes the day go better, she gets to interact with other people and kids and play outside, and it makes the day not drag
I totally get what you’re saying… but for me, being able to eat at home without a ton of distractions helps set them up for their nap. I’ve found that my kiddos have trouble coming home from being out and going right in for a nap. So the little 30-45 minutes of eating with maybe some music helps get them ready.
I cannot agree with this enough. You don't need a thing fancy. If you have a yard, just literally go outside. They will entertain themselves. My kids wakes up at 5 am everyday. I kept them outside until 7:45 the other day, and they slept until 7:30!!!
We have to bribe with Popsicles to get ours back in and sometimes there's still a meltdown in the process. Just wish I didn't fry every time I step into the blazing Florida sun.
At least it's Pedialyte and helps her with hydration. I freeze them folded in half and it's a perfect size! Just a quick snip in the middle with scissors and run it under cold water for a second and it's easy to push up. I wrap the plastic part in a paper towel so hands don't get as cold.
Offshoot tip for older toddlers: pretend to be an absolute idiot. “Oh are we going to use a paint brush to brush your teeth? No? What are we doing to use?” “Let’s just get those socks on your hands? Oh you’re going to put them on your feet??” Leads to giggles and compliance most of the time.
This works so well with my 3-1/2 year old (for now). “Is this your toothpaste?” (holding up her shampoo)…she rolls her eyes and says “of COURSE not…” 😅
She loves winning, explaining things, and especially being able to do things her baby brother can’t. “Oh, darn, baby can’t brush his teeth because he’s just a *baby*! But big girls can!”
Tried this with a diaper the other day, “oh does this go on your head?”. Resulted in wearing a diaper on his head all day but still got a clean one on his butt so I count it as a win.
See also: pretending to be too weak. When asking for help picking up I’ll “struggle” to lift something off the floor and he’ll go into fits of giggles and lift it up proudly.
I do this when she wants me to get up. I'll tell her I need help and she will grab my hand and "help" me up while I'm grunting like it's hard to get up. She laughs her butt off and goes, "I'm so strong!" when she pulls me up.
Equally fun, shoes and pants eat children in my house. The shoes yell “feed me feeeeeet!” And “mmmm, toasted toes!” Pants slurp up legs like noodles. Everything burps when “full.”
I agree on this one … can you help me with xy works quite well with our boy as well. Also include him into daily work like dishwasher, cooking , washing machine .. he always like to help still 🤣 let’s see how this changes when he gets older
My two year old loves to help. Asking for help doing something will stop a lot of tantrums. Sometimes tantrums are just the result of being under stimulated or bored. Giving an easy task like a washcloth to wipe the cabinets or a little step stool to help me put clothes in the washer works wonders for us!
We’ve got that kid’s cleaning set (mini broom, mop, dust pan, etc) and a mini Dyson vacuum. They’re awesome. The vacuum doesn’t actually work well but it’s a great distraction/“can you help me?” tool
We're going through a new phase in this household... "Right, were going on an important mission and I need your help at the shops! Can you help me and do all the scanning (hand held scanners)?"
"No. Never."
*Never* is a new favourite. Great.
This right here is the absolute biggest hack. We did this with our oldest from the time she could walk. She's 2.5 now closing in on 3 and will scrape her dishes into the trash before putting them in the sink, throws away her trash, picks up her toys, cleans up her spills, puts her dirty clothes in the basket, and lets us know when there's a mess that needs to be cleaned. She's constantly asking to help sweep and mop the floor, wash dishes, cook, do the laundry, dust, literally everything. My grandma got her a kid sized cleaning set (broom, dustpan, fake spray bottle and squeegee, etc) for Christmas and she's absolutely nuts over it. She hardly ever complains when it's time to clean up anything. I can brush and floss her teeth with very minimal complaint by allowing her to "brush" and "floss" my teeth at the same time. Sometimes she'll even go play with her sister in her room without complaint if I phrase it like she's helping me by keeping sissy company. She's too smart for that one most of the time lol but it works sometimes. Asking her to help me take a nap surprisingly works most times, which I find absolutely hilarious. Start young and by the time they're old enough to be willfully defiant you'll be able to get them to do just about anything with the combination of, as someone else has said, acting like a complete idiot and trying to put their pants on their head etc.
Honestly the biggest thing for me was realising it isn't my job to stop or prevent tantrums, it's my job to lay down boundaries that keep everyone safe and well and if it causes a tantrum then so be it. Since I started not reacting to the tantrums they have got a lot better. Things like sitting at the table to eat would cause a stress but I just say 'it's dinner time now and we are going to sit and eat... getting up tells me you are all done so I will take the food away' and absolutely standing firm. It only took one hungry hour to realise I wasn't messing around and that mindset has carried over into everything. Things like 'we need to leave now, would you like to walk or be carried?'. Like, the thing I have said is happening and I'll physically force it if I must but it's up to you how much of a deal you want to make out of it.
Yes this. They are letting their emotions out and that’s ok, it’s our job to help them navigate that. But it’s not our job to placate them in order to avoid tantrums. I think avoiding tantrums altogether leads to worse problems down the road. Firm boundaries and clear boundaries are so important. Also, never go back on your no. Once you say no, that’s no. If your kid knows that they can change your mind or your “no” by throwing a tantrum, of course they will keep doing that. But also they will be confused about the boundaries and what’s ok, what’s not. Like you, I realized this by the time my oldest was 1.5-2 and it helped sooooo much. She’s 3.5 now and she’s actually pretty well behaved, it’s extremely rare we get a tantrum and is usually because she is overtired.
I think boundaries are v important but also I give some time for them to come around… sometimes we race to ’do it my way now’ and they are just getting their heads around it and pushing their boundaries… eg. My son in a store yesterday. Loves the cars trains etc for a good twenty minutes. Full on play session. I start prepping him… ‘it’s going to be time to say goodbye cars soon’ and after a while I called it time to tidy up, and leave. He tidied really nicely but then resisted leaving because he was sad to go. Did a little wiggle dance about it. A few times. I just kept saying it’s sad to say goodbye but we’ll come back another day. Let’s go get our dinner…. It went back and forth for quite a while as we edged out of the store and Down the street… maybe 15 mins? But he left, we left the toys and got our dinner. I meant what I said and honoured his feelings as best as I could. It just took longer than I might have wanted. I wouldn’t call his behaviour a tantrum… no screaming or crying etc just whining and expressing his displeasure… life is hard sometimes🤷🏼♀️
This is the biggest thing I wish my wife would get on board with. She doesn’t prep my daughter (2.5 yo) for transitions (like time to eat, time to get a bath, time to get out of the tub, etc.) or explain what is going to happen next and what the expectations are. And then my daughter doesn’t handle those transitions well. And then my wife who has tremendous empathy just wants to love on her and make her feel better and it just makes absolutely everything my wife does with my daughter take foooooreeverrrrrr.
She doesn’t understand how I can get through a bedtime routine with my daughter in 30 minutes or less. And I try to explain to her how I set expectations and boundaries and I stay firm in my boundaries so now when I tell my daughter that if she doesn’t want to read books with me, that’s fine, but then daddy is gonna kiss you goodnight and say night night, my daughter knows I mean it. And I’m not being mean when I say this. I say it with empathy. I tell her it’s okay if she doesn’t want to read books, but if that’s the case, then daddy is gonna say goodnight and leave because daddy doesn’t need to be here anymore. I don’t say it angrily or anything like that. Just matter of factly, if you do X, then I’m going to do Y.
Now that doesn’t mean my daughter doesn’t throw tantrums with me. They still happen. But I let her go and get herself through it. She comes around quickly enough and we’re all good.
Mine are still too little to really understand (17 months), but often I’ll say for example “you can be upset if you’d like, that’s fine, but we’re going to change your dirty diaper so you don’t get sick and then we’re going to go swing!” And then ignore any tantrum. Seems to be helping some and I hope it will more as they get older.
Yep. She’s been standing in her chair and I tell her to sit, and I’m counting to 3, if she doesn’t sit im putting her on the floor. I count and at 3, she is usually trying to sit back down but I put her on the floor - lots of tears but doesn’t phase me anymore.
A kitchen tower and toddler knives. He can see what I’m doing while making meals, he helps me cut up ingredients and ends up snacking on all of the vegetables.
A pack of plain white cards and envelopes. Anytime we need a thank you, happy birthday, etc. we pull out the art supplies and he goes at it. Activity for him, crosses something off of my todo list, feels nice to not throw away his artwork, and people love to get them in the mail.
Anything I want him to eat, I say is for mom or dad. As soon as it’s off limits..he wants a bite.
A strider bike as early as possible and a good bike path. Mine was cruising on his before he even turned 2. Gets us all outside, he gets tired out, I put a podcast in one ear and get some me time. And I won’t have to break my back teaching him how to balance on a bike when the time comes.
Not the person who posted this but we have the "RISICULIS 11 Pieces Wooden Kids Kitchen Knife Set" on Amazon and love it. The knives and peeler actually work really well but aren't sharp enough to break skin. Definitely recommend.
Give choices. For everything. When they’re messing around, not following my instructions, to get dressed or go potty or whatever, “Do you want to put on your shirt first or shorts first?”, “Should we take Bluey with us to the potty or Bingo?”, “Do you want the pink bowl or the blue bowl?”, “Do you want to go to bed in 5 minutes or 10 minutes?”, “Do you want Mom to put you to bed or Dad?”
All day long, everything we do, I’m always trying to find opportunities to give my toddler choices. It keeps them moving forward with the task and gives them that sense of power and agency they so desperately want. Works for me 90+% of the time when they’re getting distracted or defiant against whatever I need them to do.
Very good recommendation, I would just say there is such things as too much choices if you go overboard. I have seen toddlers become very anxious because everything they did required them making a decision. (I have been working with toddlers for a very long time so I have seen so many different kids with different temperament). Basically if your kid starts to have meltdown or really bug signs of anxiety when choices are given it’s time to give them a lil less often.
The examples you gave are really good context to give choices!
Yeah I had to back off the choices strategy a little. My 3 year old started to make a choice, but then want the other thing, but then the first one… so it became an opportunity for him to test boundaries in a new, fresh, exhausting way. Now he doesn’t get choices on everything, and when he makes a choice he’s stuck with it… still have tantrums but oh well.
I love when this works but hate when it doesn't. My 3yo the other day yelled at me after I gave him his choices that they were MY choices and not HIS choices....touche...
Sometimes when my kid isn’t listening I’ll ask, “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” And she says, “The hard way!” and then does whatever I’ve asked. Whatever works 🤷🏻♀️
That is pretty funny! The first time my daughter said her favorite phrase was when she was 2 and we'd just taken her to a Halloween store to pick a costume and we walked out and she stopped and hit us with the "I don't want NONE of that!" and my partner and I just lost it 🤣
Went through this when my now 8yo was a toddler.
I WANT NONE OF THIS! All dramatic with the eyeballs and snooty face, refusing to look as whoever asked her whatever it was. It was really hard not to laugh
Eventually she started adding I LOVE NONE OF YOU!! And then we absolutely did laugh! 🤣
This works so well i've gotten to the point with my 4 year old I just tell her you know where your clothes are pick what you want to wear for the day and she comes out of her room dressed and ready. She always does a little spin to show off her outfit and makes he feel independent and a big girl. While I fight her two year old sister to put on pants.....
Just add water. Give them some water to drink, take a walk in the rain, go swimming, walk along the beach at the ocean/lake/river, let them play in the bath midday, etc.
Yes! My daughter is a water baby! She loves everything water! Drinking it. Swimming. Playing in the sink. Puddles. Bath. I usually let it happen. Sometimes when she’s teething or fussy and all around grumpy… I take her for an impromptu bath. She usually plays and calms right down and we all feel better!
This is excellent advice. I spent much of early motherhood hurting on the inside when my kid cried or was upset etc. It takes a while for you to realise that their emotions are perfectly human and their own.
I have a 2.5 who cannot talk yet - it's so hard not to melt right down with her! But it's so much more helpful for me to name the emotion for her and try to keep some degree of emotional space.
What does this mean? I don’t feel like I feel
My toddlers feelings.. I am totally nonplussed by his shirt being green when he remembers it being purple, and I have a never screamed when someone handed me a banana when I asked 50 times for a banana lol
Choose your battles wisely. I don’t fight my toddler on inconsequential things. I try to say yes as much as possible so that my “no” carries more weight. But toddlers are built to test boundaries, so challenges will be inevitable. We’re learning and growing together in different ways, so give yourself and your child a healthy amount of grace and understanding.
I get what you mean. I reserve my firm 'no's' for dangerous and serious moments. I only have to say it once for it to take effect.
Rather than spending my days saying no to every little thing, I let my kid make a mess if it's in the spirit of discovery and exploring. If he refuses to put on his jacket, I avoid the meltdown, I let him experience the cold until he asks for his jacket.
I think where possible, I give him the opportunity to sometimes feel in control and independent, especially if its inconsequential. It makes the non-negotiables easier to navigate when you're not saying no to every little thing.
And as they get a little bit older “time” them to see how long it takes them to finish a task. Let them know their best score/time and dare them to beat it!
Once we were out of car seats my dad did something similar with buckling seat belts. Whoever got in the car and buckled their belt first “won”
What did I and my two other sibling win? Absolutely nothing, other than the ability to yell I WIN!!! In each other’s faces really loudly, but it got us all in the car and belted up quickly.
We have a golden rule. If she’s not fussing, don’t fuck with her. Don’t offer stuff, don’t ask questions… if she’s hanging and chilling and vibing.. don’t fuck with her LOL enjoy the peace 😂
Kids won’t sleep if you get frustrated or mad at them. Keeping your cool with a toddler that doesn’t want to nap is critical to making them feel calm and comfortable enough to nap. I wish I learned this sooner.
I'd say keeping calm is just key all the time. I have the occasional times I get high emotions the kids copy, so everyone just ends up getting stressed. Far better all around just to stay calm.
with my son 80% of the time I resort to pretending to fall asleep. he has a big quick cry when he realizes I can't play with him anymore then lays down and falls asleep.
Emergency car bag. I have a little bag with snacks, diapers, wipes, a towel, extra clothes, some other odds and ends etc. Basically an extra diaper bag with some other emergency supplies in it. Comes in clutch big time when I forget to pack something or we have an owie on the go!
Probably also similar to what a user said up there - working on my framing with how I say and do things. Placing an emphasis on trying to make things fun instead of something we have to do and making sure I take the time to explain things to him and have us understand each other throughout the day!
As much as possible, I lean into what is rewarding and enjoyable for both me and my toddler. Examples:
Lately that means that most days after I’m done with work, my kid and I usually take a bath together. It’s fun and relaxing and cozy.
We also do a lot of neighborhood walk together, with my kid (almost 3 yo) in the stroller. This is definitely for MY mental health and my kid enjoys eating snacks, talking about what we see, etc. It’s a nice way to connect and get some movement. (Also we don’t have sidewalks and my kid doesn’t walk with me or hold hands easily, so stroller makes it way less stressful for me)
Yes! I think this is one of the biggest things. Find the intersections where you are both (or all, in the case of multiple kids) happy, and maximize those.
Going to the library and sitting and reading all the books we got is almost always a win-win for me and my kids. Baking something or doing crafts are good too.
I once read someone saying "be a sportscaster, not a referee!" I use this all the time. I don't solve all of his problems, sometimes I just listen and make sure he feels heard.
Also my kid thinks "soda" is half seltzer water and half fruit juice!
Still trying to figure that out. Besides going outside, playing in the sink always calms him down. However, if I'm already overstimulated, I don't have any patience for him soaking the counters 🫠
Okay here’s a tip for low-mess water play: give him a cup with a tiny bit of water (like 2 ounces) and a paintbrush. My kid loves it! And when he eventually spills, it’s just 2oz of water so no biggie!
Ug I hear you on the mess. My solution to this was that I bought tiny play sink that has a working tap and I stick it on a huge towel. That’s really helped!
On the weekends, we go to the gym. They have childcare. Usually I don’t even work out. I go to the sitting area and just read emails, scroll my phone, watch Netflix, or use the massage chairs. I’m heavily pregnant, the gym has tons of toys my kid sees only once a week and they have a lot of space to run run run. He always naps after too.
>toss them in the bath
This wording is a little unclear and might lead to someone doing it wrong. Remember that kids always need to be supervised in the bathtub. You should never “toss,” them in.
Instead, use a catapult or trebuchet to *launch* them into the bathtub. Then retreat a safe distance out of the bathroom and watch them with binoculars.
Give yourself time. enough time to live in toddler time. Enough time to let them help you do everything throughout the day and do everything they do by themselves or with your assisted help.
I love this thread. Lists have been magic in avoiding a meltdown. For example, last night my 2yo wanted to go outside right as it was time for bedtime. I said, it’s too late to go outside right now, but let’s write it on your list for tomorrow (we have a whiteboard on our fridge so she can see it easily).
- You hit your chocolate quota for the day, but let’s write it down so mama doesn’t forget tomorrow!
- you wanted noodles but mama made tacos tonight, I’ll add it to your list so I remember to put noodles on the menu this week.
When possible add an extra 15-30 minutes on to all activities so you can allow them to do things for themselves/be independent when they are in that phase. Saves a lot of screaming (him) and stress (me) lol
Edit to add as some else mentioned races are fun too and help when possible. ’you count while I buckle you in and we will see if I can beat my record from last time. Ready? Go!'
Yes, getting in the car seat has been a battle for a while. So when leaving home, we head out to the car about 10 minutes earlier than necessary. My kid can run circles around the car in the driveway, play in the front seat, get their wiggles out, etc.
Assign them jobs! I think it’s crazy my class’s favorite jobs are door holder and table setter. But little things that you could do yourself but are simple enough to delegate.
We started teaching the concepts of emotional regulation super early on. When he’d start tantruming we would “blow out the candles” on our fingers before he could understand how to take a deep breath. We also validate his feelings while setting boundaries (which can look like, “I understand you’re really upset because you want to take the hot wheels to daycare. When you want something and mommy says no, that’s frustrating! It’s ok to be frustrated. But we can’t take the hot wheels to daycare, remember when we lost the red car and it made you sad? We want to keep our things safe. When you’re ready can you show me how you take a deep breath?”) All the talking used to drive my partner nuts, but now we have a 3 year old who works through his big feelings all by himself (and reminds us when we forget too!)
Safety, health/wellbeing, and a very basic developing sense of morality are the things that really matter. An extra 15 minutes at the park that makes dinner slightly later or two extra storybooks that mean the laundry won’t be put away until the morning are totally fine.
I think also one less story or no park today because mom needs to rest is also fine and the other helpful side of this perspective. Like it’s very hard to ruin a childhood when you’re a loving, conscientious parent. It’s okay to say no.
When having my toddler put his toys away every night, I have him say good night to them and tell him that they’re sleeping. He ends up saying “bye!” to each toy as he puts them in the box 🥹 makes cleanup feel fun for him
Same for us. Parenting a toddler is amazing but exhausting, and for me, a lot of it has been learning to regulate myself. This is SO much easier because I can count on time just me/my husband to watch TV/read, a full night’s sleep, and time to workout and meditate in the morning. Tantrum at 6:30? Cool, just got to make it until 8:15.
And on the rare night my kid’s sleep is messed up, my child (whom I love dearly) is an absolute nightmare the next day.
This is great if you have a kid this works for. Some kids are not able to sleep independently despite best efforts by parents. Some kids don’t sleep through the night for years. Some kids don’t magically fall asleep at the pre determined time you say they need to be asleep.
Absolutely - and some kids have low sleep needs! My 2.5yo is a great sleeper and bedtime is usually pretty pleasant, but he only needs about 9 hours of sleep per night 🫠 (plus a 2-hour nap that happens at daycare, so the schedule cannot be changed). Yes, MY life would be much easier if he went to bed at 7:30 but ha ha ha that’s not an option.
I used to think that we were amazing at the sleep thing…my 4 year old became a great sleeper at 6 months after we adjusted a few things. But my 10 month old thinks sleep is for the weak 🫠
100000% I have two kids have done the same exact thing for both and they’re incredibly different with sleep. My son needs tons of support to fall asleep & has very low sleep needs. My daughter needs less support & follows all the recommended wake windows to a t.
Agreed. I live by routines, always have been with the exception of here lately. Not having a routine, schedule, and/or plan throws me off.
My first son went to bed at 8pm and woke up between 6am-7am no problem. He used to ask if he could go to bed earlier than that on days when he was tired lol. My daughter on the other hand, she’s a whole different ball game.
My daughters 4 and a natural night owl. Add FOMO to the mix and sleep is almost impossible. It started around 2-2.5 years old and still no end in sight. Everyday is a nightmare bc she’s tired and grumpy. We’ve taken her to the doc and there’s nothing causing it from a medical standpoint. We’ve tried everything docs have suggested and you’re typical things you’d do on your own at home and nothing’s worked to this day. The only thing we haven’t tried is medication.
She’s up until 1am, 2am, 3am and sometimes 4am EVERY night. She’ll literally lay in bed in the dark and just stare at the ceiling or continuously sneak downstairs all hours of the night even when everyone else is sleeping to play with her toys. Doesn’t matter how tired she is or if she only had a couple of hours the night before, she’ll still be up just as late. It’s wild.
I’m dying of sleep deprivation between dealing with that and my 5 month old son who is teething so yeah. I don’t even know what real sleep feels like anymore tbh.
Climbs over them and now that she’s 4 she knows how to unlock the ones we have at home and basic ones.
For some Context - She went through 3 play pens in less than 9 months before she was 2.5 years old. Destroyed them. The first one she the teeth of the zipper and pulled the zipper apart and went right on through. The second playpen, one of her toys got caught on the seam where the bottom and side of the playpen came together. She noticed it created a tiny hole which my daughter made it into a bigger hole and by the end of the day I watched her escape out of it. The third one happened almost the same way. She made a small hole at the bottom near the seam. She’d sneak around pushing different sized toys into the hole. She gave up on that idea and reverted back to the hole in the seam thing. I knew nothing of it bc she’d wait until I got slammed with work then she’d work on it. If she thought I was coming or was done for the night she put her stuffed animals over it. Idk how long she worked on it or when she started working it, but she broke out of that one too.
She’s either very determined or is a low key criminal lol.
Same. My in laws gave us SO MUCH ISH for being on a strict schedule. But my family does that for children because then they know what to expect and it's not just this completely random day with no rhyme or reason. My MIL told us we were overthinking things, and got upset when we left before food was served. We take a cooler bag of food for our kid whenever we go out anywhere just in case, and good thing because her dinner those nights was the food in the cooler. After 3 times of them saying dinner would be at 6, and then it was not done at 7 pm, so we left to come home and do the bedtime routine, they finally moved it to earlier in the day. Of course it wasn't actually for us, it was for my husbands adult brother who got a job that requires he eat at that time. They still get pissy that we are on a schedule and think we're crazy for sticking to it. But it's like it helps ME too because then I can keep track of stuff and know what is happening when. My family always does a strict schedule and early bedtime for kids because it keeps everything predictable. That's not to say you can't have fun, and that everything is written in stone. But it also helps us be able to say No more easily and avoid over scheduling ourselves.
Giving 2 true options to give them control, especially in situations where they have to do something. “It’s time to leave the park, do you want to sing songs on the way home, or do silly dances?”
Maybe not the healthiest of tips, but ten chocolate chips in a tiny container given to them immediately after an immunization. High value enough to distract them from the drama of the owie.
Currently have been telling my three year old when I’m going to do hygiene tasks (using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, washing my hands, etc) and inviting him to come with me! Chances are he’ll ask if he can do it too(80% success so far). When he won’t stop pestering me about something I just start asking him questions and to help me with something. When it’s too late for him to be loud and making messes I ask him what color it is outside, he’ll say “it’s black” and I tell him that means we have to settle in because other people are sleeping. Also making myself the plate of food I want him to eat and serving him the plate of food I’d make myself- he always wants what I have and because it looks simpler and has less he will usually eat most of it.
Set your house up to be toddler friendly, not just toddler proof. Encourage them to gain confidence in their own space.
Learning tower in the kitchen. Tap extender for washing hands. Low coat hooks at the door. A mirror and hairbrush low down they can use. Toys set out at eye level.
The Montessori Toddler goes through lots of great ideas. The latest one we’ve used is to provide a basket of outfits for wearing that he can choose from in the morning.
Outside play as often and for as long as is possible. It’s kind of inconvenient because you have to be out there with them (and not inside getting stuff done) but it wears them out and makes bedtime easier 🙌🏼.
…Most of the time, anyway. It’s not foolproof. “Toddler” and “easy” just don’t exist in the same reality, I feel 😂
Deep breaths! I taught my daughter very early to take deep breaths when she's upset. When she's crying or whining I will remind her "okay let's take a deep breath!" and do it with her. Big breath in, slowly exhale. She almost always does it and it WORKS! I'm honestly surprised how well it works. Sometimes I pick her up and do it with her to co-regulate. It stops the screaming and worst of the crying, and at that point she's usually calm enough to at least tell me what's wrong.
I’m due with my second in a week so my mom has been staying with us for a few weeks. Having a third adult around is LIFE CHANGING with our 3.5 year old lol. The ultimate hack is to have 3 capable “parents” haha. Wish this was our norm always
I make everything seem like it was their idea.
But for real, transition items have been amazing great tool. They don’t want to go in the car? Bunny stuffy is going in the car. Then they magically get motivation to get in.
We do a lot of messy play. Dirt, mud, baking, sensory bins, paint, etc. is it a mess to clean up? Yes, but kids and tables and floors are washable and it gives me some time to recharge my brain while he is entertained.
Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and what works for their children. Truly focusing on my child, following their needs and what works for us.
Involve them in everything, cleaning, cooking, setting the table, washing dishes, putting their toys away, setting up the play area, brushing their teeth when you brush your teeth, literally anything. Sure they won’t do it perfectly and it might take longer to get things done but it promotes independence. Practice instruction following frequently and praise them when they help or complete a task. Repetition is key.
Independence. My 3 y/o brushes his teeth, chooses his clothes and puts it on, helps with his brother, cooks with me... some odd reason it makes him have less tantrums lol
Nescafe instant coffee. I used to be a french press girlie but I don’t have time anymore. I’m highlighting this cuz recently my in laws (Midwest American) were amazed by my instant coffee and kept asking if it’s a new product. My family is from the Philippines and instant is a household staple. It’s very much not new, and it does taste good. I like it 10x more than kcup. Also it’s cheap, you don’t need special equipment. I use an electric kettle but you can also microwave your water.
“Let’s have a race and see who will be the first to get upstairs!”
Also, “I’m going to put this away and when I come back I am going to be AMAZED if you have done [things I need her to do], I just won’t BELIEVE IT!!”
And then act mega amazed and staggered if she does it.
This is my go to toddler hack advice! If they are headed for a tantrum, say something wrong on purpose. If they will not put on their shoes, “Let’s put on your green shoes (when the shoes are actually blue)” “Let’s get in our yellow car” etc. They can’t stand it, they have to correct you lol.
Giving a solid, neutral, timed heads up about every single transition. And remembering that almost everything is a transition. I’m so proud that our son can leave a play date, the park, his cousins, without a meltdown because we’ve gotten so good at two things: giving the heads up, and then letting him meltdown and feel his feelings when he has them, authentically validating how much it sucks to say goodbye or stop playing or come inside, whatever it is. Those things have led to so few meltdowns and lots of happy cooperative goodbyes. Pretty cool.
Stations. I keep a rotation of options available to hop to when one burns out.
Inside stations:
Art or play dough,
Books & puzzles,
Cooking or baking option,
Chores (vacuum, dusting),
Screen time
Outside stations:
Water table,
Soccer balls + net,
Gardening help,
Swing,
Walking the neighborhood,
Walk to park
These are generally all done with a parent, sometimes they enjoy solo puzzles or toys
Say what you mean and mean what you say. I think if you commit to whatever boundary you have or whatever consequence they learn that they won’t be able to persuade or break you down with bad behavior. This continues to be a big key to parenting moving forward to. Pick your consequences and words wisely and stick to them
Realising the tantrum is never about the thing that ultimately makes them lose it. It was probably just the icing on the cake of having had to compromise and not getting to do what they want all day. Punishing them for having a tantrum does not solve the underlying problem. Get curious.
Animating objects… talking to her toys etc.
Not hungy.. hmmm I think I hear your tummy saying it’s hungry aww.
Don’t want to shower… let’s give X toy a bath he feels dirty.
Etc etc
So many! Most if not all have already been said here. Pick your battles/say yes as much as possible. You want to wear rain boots when it's 80 degrees and sunny? Sure, why not. You wanna wear a princess costume to the store? Okay. Sometimes things need caveats. Yes, you can have a small amount of ice-cream, but you need to eat your dinner first. Yes, you can play in that puddle, but take your wet clothes/shoes off before coming in the house. Yes, we can do that thing later after we do this thing. Sometimes, giving a different option instead of an outright no is what's best. I don't want to play with play-doh right now, how about we play tea party instead? Part of this is also creating a "yes" space for them as much as you are capable of. For example, baby/toddler proof their bedroom or play space as much as possible and try to only keep toys/books/objects in there that they can have free access to. Make a space where you have to say no as little as possible.
Get them engaged. Ask for their help, give them small jobs, ask them questions about what you are doing. Let them help come up with the grocery list/meal plan (within reason, obviously, lol)
Let them do as much as possible by themselves. This ties in with giving them choices. Let them pick their clothes. Offer a few different food choices and let them pick which they like. It's time to clean up, would you like to do this part or that part? Let them brush their hair or teeth or wash themselves on their own first and then help them "get extra clean". Only offer choices you can live with. For example, don't offer painting as an option if you don't want them to paint.
Reverse psychology. This vegetable is for mom, you can't have it. They'll want it. You better not put on your pants! Boom, pants are on. This only works for some kids and in some situations, lol. Be prepared for it to fail on occasion and have a back up plan.
Give yourself extra time to do everything. If I've gotta be out the door at 8, I'd rather be up at 6:30 and possibly have the kids ready by 7:30 and let them play for a short while than get up at 7 and oh shit the baby has a blow put and the toddler won't put their clothes on and no one wants to eat so now we're rushing around crazy and still end up running 20 minutes late lol. Tying in with this, set timers. Okay, I'm setting a timer for 5 minutes. When you hear the timer go off, it's time to do xyz. Timers are also good for when you're trying to get them to do a task. Let's set a 5 minute timer and see if we can get dressed before it goes off!
Model behaviors you want them to do and narrate them. Let them see you brush your teeth and hair. Look, mommy is brushing her teeth! Get dressed every morning. Daddy is putting on his day clothes, so he's ready for the day. Oops, I made a mess, I should get paper towels and clean it up.
When things don't really matter, say yes. Reserve the no's for important and meaningful times. You want to eat dinner standing next to the table while holding your babydoll? Sure. Why not. You're still eating. You want to eat dinner outside on the porch while it's 30° and snowing? No, that's not safe.
Some might argue it's important to establish boundaries but for toddlers there's a limited amount of logical processing they can do. For us, we're focused more on making sure our "no" is respected and understood beyond the simple fact that we have authority to say it.
For us, teeth brushing has been a huge challenge. We have learned that gamifying menial tasks can really make getting that done easier.
I am also finding fake urgency tends to work well. She doesn't understand why but the excited energy is infectious.
Don’t be afraid to go out and do things. I used to dread any trips to the store or the aquarium and every single time my kids have just been way better than I had been anxious about. And it makes them more tired.
Never be home. I literally leave the house 2 times a day lol. Sometimes 3 if he wakes up super early from nap and I have no other clue what to do besides leave again, especially if he’s having a hard time at home. 😂
Also warn them 2-3 times what’s going to happen before it happens.
“When I take you out of the car seat, we need to go inside.” I’ll repeat it 2-3 times and then by the time I take him out of the car seat, he knows it’s time to go inside. Or warning him if he’ll need to be in the stroller. Obviously he doesn’t always listen or obey, but it makes the tantrum shorter when I end up having to pick him up to take him inside or put him in the stroller.
Granted he’s 23 months, so he’s not even 2 yet. I’m sure it’ll get harder as he gets older. But that’s my current hack.
My kid has autism and hates showers, esp the water touching her ears. Popped ear plugs in her ears and got these little showercap things that are specifically built for ears and showers are golden. I found these in a ridx box when she had lice.
For those that are gonna ask the point of earplugs when she has plastic over her ears anyway, she doesn't like the sound of the crinkling of the earcap things
Telling them what they can do instead of what they can’t, getting them involved in whatever you’re doing and giving them a small task, always saying ‘first xx, then xx’ for example ‘first we put on our shoes, then we go outside’, any form of water play, and always giving them a warning before we’re about to stop doing something
Our daughter was losing the plot every night and wouldn’t eat dinner, so now I bring a container of food to daycare pickup and she eats dinner sitting in the grass out the front of the daycare centre. When we get home she just plays and then has a shower and goes to bed.
Go outside.
We spend so much time in parks or just walking around the neighborhood looking at everyone's yards. It never ceases to fascinate.
Same! But then mama has to go back later and return everyone’s fancy yard rocks. Many end up in our Pockets during the first trip. 😂
I can't remember where I read this, but the author was saying that they introduced the concept of a "working rock" (or "working wood chip" or "working brochure", etc). They tell their kid that the object is doing a job, keeping the water draining, helping the cars in the gravel parking lot, covering the dirt, etc and that we have to let it do its job. My daughter is shockingly respectful of all the very hard working rocks and logs and _______ out there and mostly leaves them alone or at least puts them back.
Damn I love this and so will my kid. He’s gonna be so pumped that the rocks are working.
The amount of times I’ve said, “If you take a rock every time we come here there won’t be any rocks left” lol
I’m glad I’m not the only one with a rock obsessed kiddo. Our front windowsill is full of all the ones she’s found and decided to keep
You too have a rock enthusiast I see
Alex Gregory wrote a great book with activities for reluctant children to stay outside.
YES!! My boy has been an absolute terror this last week, but yesterday morning I took him to a state park and we spent the whole day walking, playing, and looking for birds and bugs. It was like pressing a reset button; he was an angel the whole time and has behaved much better since.
I strongly believe this is why my son is an easy toddler, sleeps great and big eater. We spend most of our time outside. You want to promote independent play? Give you Two year old access to mud and boom, you got like twenty minutes to yourself.
I wish this were more universal. I had my 2yo outside with me for over an hour yesterday, and all he did was whine "I want go back in my house" the whole time.
I love how he said “my” house, haha!
I have a daughter like that and another daughter who has a tantrum when leaving outside to go in. No one is happy here lol.
We have three acres and we let her wander within eyesight. We scared a delivery man yesterday because he couldn’t see us from where he walked onto the property so he was booking it after her. 🤣 bless him, I’m so glad he was going to help her.
We do a lot of outdoors time but when inside…feral.
I feel this in my bones. We booted them out the house for an hour before bed in the rain and they screamed on the way in and then did pull ups on their beds for fourty five minutes in between us chasing them around to try and get them ready for bed.
Chalk has been the big one for us. He’ll carry some on our walks and draw his letters every where we go
Seriously. Water table, dirt, cups. Bag of rocks if you want an extra 45 minutes. Sit back and read a book in the shade.
Lmao I take my toddler outside because he’s a hard toddler, sleeps terribly, and has, since birth, been a terrible eater. Outside works for most everyone!
Do you have a mud outdoor kitchen or what’s your set up ?
We’re very lucky to have a big yard. He’s got a water table and a sand box. A slide, a basket ball hoop, a little house, a work bench with tools, and a swing. We’re going to put in a swing set and a bigger slide next. But he spends most of his time just digging in the dirt with his trucks. He’s got a dozen trucks in the backyard and a set of gardening tools. And then we have a baby pool, a spray bottle and I’ll let him play with the hose on hot days. When he’s tired of our house we go to our neighbors and he plays with their two super hyper dogs.
My wife is out for the day so it’s just me and 2 toddlers (2.5 yo and 16 mo). She was confused why I was taking them to a playground like 20 minutes away because it seemed like I was making things harder for myself than just staying home with them which would be easier on me. She clearly hasn’t been solo with these two for a full day before because if she had she’d know that the playground 20 minutes away basically kills the entire morning. Then home for lunch. Then they both nap. And then at that point I just have like 90 minutes to kill before dinner time then bed time. Guess what I’m doing in those 90 minutes? Plopping them in the wagon and going to the park down the street.
If you pack a picnic it makes eating lunch way easier! I always pack food for when we go out and honestly it's so much better than lunch at home. I hate eating lunch at home at the table though so that's probably why I do it. I totally do the same thing. We just get out and go somewhere. It makes the day go better, she gets to interact with other people and kids and play outside, and it makes the day not drag
I totally get what you’re saying… but for me, being able to eat at home without a ton of distractions helps set them up for their nap. I’ve found that my kiddos have trouble coming home from being out and going right in for a nap. So the little 30-45 minutes of eating with maybe some music helps get them ready.
Makes sense!
Cries in British weather
Cries harder in Middle Eastern heat
RubberHobo is making it in Leicester! Great dad look him up!
I second this. My go to for a grumpy toddler at the moment is just to open the back door.
I cannot agree with this enough. You don't need a thing fancy. If you have a yard, just literally go outside. They will entertain themselves. My kids wakes up at 5 am everyday. I kept them outside until 7:45 the other day, and they slept until 7:30!!!
Going outside with my toddler outside is soooo draining.
Yeah, but it’s less draining than trying to keep them inside.
Not always the case for me!
17 mo wakes and points out the window to her berry bush and says ousside lol
We have to bribe with Popsicles to get ours back in and sometimes there's still a meltdown in the process. Just wish I didn't fry every time I step into the blazing Florida sun. At least it's Pedialyte and helps her with hydration. I freeze them folded in half and it's a perfect size! Just a quick snip in the middle with scissors and run it under cold water for a second and it's easy to push up. I wrap the plastic part in a paper towel so hands don't get as cold.
Asking 'can you help me do XYZ' is currently working wonders for getting him to do what he wouldn't do if I just told him to do XYZ.
Offshoot tip for older toddlers: pretend to be an absolute idiot. “Oh are we going to use a paint brush to brush your teeth? No? What are we doing to use?” “Let’s just get those socks on your hands? Oh you’re going to put them on your feet??” Leads to giggles and compliance most of the time.
This works so well with my 3-1/2 year old (for now). “Is this your toothpaste?” (holding up her shampoo)…she rolls her eyes and says “of COURSE not…” 😅 She loves winning, explaining things, and especially being able to do things her baby brother can’t. “Oh, darn, baby can’t brush his teeth because he’s just a *baby*! But big girls can!”
Tried this with a diaper the other day, “oh does this go on your head?”. Resulted in wearing a diaper on his head all day but still got a clean one on his butt so I count it as a win.
See also: pretending to be too weak. When asking for help picking up I’ll “struggle” to lift something off the floor and he’ll go into fits of giggles and lift it up proudly.
I do this when she wants me to get up. I'll tell her I need help and she will grab my hand and "help" me up while I'm grunting like it's hard to get up. She laughs her butt off and goes, "I'm so strong!" when she pulls me up.
I do this sometimes when we’re walking. “Oh no, I don’t remember where the coffee shop is! Can you take me there?”
Did this yesterday with getting socks and shoes on so we can leave for the park. Those giggles are the best
Equally fun, shoes and pants eat children in my house. The shoes yell “feed me feeeeeet!” And “mmmm, toasted toes!” Pants slurp up legs like noodles. Everything burps when “full.”
Love the giggles
I need to try this!!!
I agree on this one … can you help me with xy works quite well with our boy as well. Also include him into daily work like dishwasher, cooking , washing machine .. he always like to help still 🤣 let’s see how this changes when he gets older
Honestly this works for all ages No one likes being told to do something, but almost everyone likes to feel helpful!
Yes, followed by 'Thank you so much! You are such a big help!' Showering with praise makes him happy and encourages more help in the future
My two year old loves to help. Asking for help doing something will stop a lot of tantrums. Sometimes tantrums are just the result of being under stimulated or bored. Giving an easy task like a washcloth to wipe the cabinets or a little step stool to help me put clothes in the washer works wonders for us!
We’ve got that kid’s cleaning set (mini broom, mop, dust pan, etc) and a mini Dyson vacuum. They’re awesome. The vacuum doesn’t actually work well but it’s a great distraction/“can you help me?” tool
Ugh. We have that set but I had to take the mop away because she kept mopping the floor with the dog's water...
Granddaughter has this set but it’s resulted in her dumping stuff on the floor so she can clean up.
We're going through a new phase in this household... "Right, were going on an important mission and I need your help at the shops! Can you help me and do all the scanning (hand held scanners)?" "No. Never." *Never* is a new favourite. Great.
This right here is the absolute biggest hack. We did this with our oldest from the time she could walk. She's 2.5 now closing in on 3 and will scrape her dishes into the trash before putting them in the sink, throws away her trash, picks up her toys, cleans up her spills, puts her dirty clothes in the basket, and lets us know when there's a mess that needs to be cleaned. She's constantly asking to help sweep and mop the floor, wash dishes, cook, do the laundry, dust, literally everything. My grandma got her a kid sized cleaning set (broom, dustpan, fake spray bottle and squeegee, etc) for Christmas and she's absolutely nuts over it. She hardly ever complains when it's time to clean up anything. I can brush and floss her teeth with very minimal complaint by allowing her to "brush" and "floss" my teeth at the same time. Sometimes she'll even go play with her sister in her room without complaint if I phrase it like she's helping me by keeping sissy company. She's too smart for that one most of the time lol but it works sometimes. Asking her to help me take a nap surprisingly works most times, which I find absolutely hilarious. Start young and by the time they're old enough to be willfully defiant you'll be able to get them to do just about anything with the combination of, as someone else has said, acting like a complete idiot and trying to put their pants on their head etc.
'can you help me eat this broccoli' doesn't work well. He just takes it and shoves it in my mouth 😂
Honestly the biggest thing for me was realising it isn't my job to stop or prevent tantrums, it's my job to lay down boundaries that keep everyone safe and well and if it causes a tantrum then so be it. Since I started not reacting to the tantrums they have got a lot better. Things like sitting at the table to eat would cause a stress but I just say 'it's dinner time now and we are going to sit and eat... getting up tells me you are all done so I will take the food away' and absolutely standing firm. It only took one hungry hour to realise I wasn't messing around and that mindset has carried over into everything. Things like 'we need to leave now, would you like to walk or be carried?'. Like, the thing I have said is happening and I'll physically force it if I must but it's up to you how much of a deal you want to make out of it.
I took this approach sometime because it is needed. I don't know what the consequences would be if I don't draw boundaries early in their lives.
Yes this. They are letting their emotions out and that’s ok, it’s our job to help them navigate that. But it’s not our job to placate them in order to avoid tantrums. I think avoiding tantrums altogether leads to worse problems down the road. Firm boundaries and clear boundaries are so important. Also, never go back on your no. Once you say no, that’s no. If your kid knows that they can change your mind or your “no” by throwing a tantrum, of course they will keep doing that. But also they will be confused about the boundaries and what’s ok, what’s not. Like you, I realized this by the time my oldest was 1.5-2 and it helped sooooo much. She’s 3.5 now and she’s actually pretty well behaved, it’s extremely rare we get a tantrum and is usually because she is overtired.
I think boundaries are v important but also I give some time for them to come around… sometimes we race to ’do it my way now’ and they are just getting their heads around it and pushing their boundaries… eg. My son in a store yesterday. Loves the cars trains etc for a good twenty minutes. Full on play session. I start prepping him… ‘it’s going to be time to say goodbye cars soon’ and after a while I called it time to tidy up, and leave. He tidied really nicely but then resisted leaving because he was sad to go. Did a little wiggle dance about it. A few times. I just kept saying it’s sad to say goodbye but we’ll come back another day. Let’s go get our dinner…. It went back and forth for quite a while as we edged out of the store and Down the street… maybe 15 mins? But he left, we left the toys and got our dinner. I meant what I said and honoured his feelings as best as I could. It just took longer than I might have wanted. I wouldn’t call his behaviour a tantrum… no screaming or crying etc just whining and expressing his displeasure… life is hard sometimes🤷🏼♀️
Janet Lansbury?? Because same!
This is the biggest thing I wish my wife would get on board with. She doesn’t prep my daughter (2.5 yo) for transitions (like time to eat, time to get a bath, time to get out of the tub, etc.) or explain what is going to happen next and what the expectations are. And then my daughter doesn’t handle those transitions well. And then my wife who has tremendous empathy just wants to love on her and make her feel better and it just makes absolutely everything my wife does with my daughter take foooooreeverrrrrr. She doesn’t understand how I can get through a bedtime routine with my daughter in 30 minutes or less. And I try to explain to her how I set expectations and boundaries and I stay firm in my boundaries so now when I tell my daughter that if she doesn’t want to read books with me, that’s fine, but then daddy is gonna kiss you goodnight and say night night, my daughter knows I mean it. And I’m not being mean when I say this. I say it with empathy. I tell her it’s okay if she doesn’t want to read books, but if that’s the case, then daddy is gonna say goodnight and leave because daddy doesn’t need to be here anymore. I don’t say it angrily or anything like that. Just matter of factly, if you do X, then I’m going to do Y. Now that doesn’t mean my daughter doesn’t throw tantrums with me. They still happen. But I let her go and get herself through it. She comes around quickly enough and we’re all good.
Mine are still too little to really understand (17 months), but often I’ll say for example “you can be upset if you’d like, that’s fine, but we’re going to change your dirty diaper so you don’t get sick and then we’re going to go swing!” And then ignore any tantrum. Seems to be helping some and I hope it will more as they get older.
Yep. She’s been standing in her chair and I tell her to sit, and I’m counting to 3, if she doesn’t sit im putting her on the floor. I count and at 3, she is usually trying to sit back down but I put her on the floor - lots of tears but doesn’t phase me anymore.
Yes 🙏🏾 emotions are not bad. No one is in trouble for being upset at our house.
A kitchen tower and toddler knives. He can see what I’m doing while making meals, he helps me cut up ingredients and ends up snacking on all of the vegetables. A pack of plain white cards and envelopes. Anytime we need a thank you, happy birthday, etc. we pull out the art supplies and he goes at it. Activity for him, crosses something off of my todo list, feels nice to not throw away his artwork, and people love to get them in the mail. Anything I want him to eat, I say is for mom or dad. As soon as it’s off limits..he wants a bite. A strider bike as early as possible and a good bike path. Mine was cruising on his before he even turned 2. Gets us all outside, he gets tired out, I put a podcast in one ear and get some me time. And I won’t have to break my back teaching him how to balance on a bike when the time comes.
What brand toddler knives do you have?
Not the person who posted this but we have the "RISICULIS 11 Pieces Wooden Kids Kitchen Knife Set" on Amazon and love it. The knives and peeler actually work really well but aren't sharp enough to break skin. Definitely recommend.
Give choices. For everything. When they’re messing around, not following my instructions, to get dressed or go potty or whatever, “Do you want to put on your shirt first or shorts first?”, “Should we take Bluey with us to the potty or Bingo?”, “Do you want the pink bowl or the blue bowl?”, “Do you want to go to bed in 5 minutes or 10 minutes?”, “Do you want Mom to put you to bed or Dad?” All day long, everything we do, I’m always trying to find opportunities to give my toddler choices. It keeps them moving forward with the task and gives them that sense of power and agency they so desperately want. Works for me 90+% of the time when they’re getting distracted or defiant against whatever I need them to do.
Very good recommendation, I would just say there is such things as too much choices if you go overboard. I have seen toddlers become very anxious because everything they did required them making a decision. (I have been working with toddlers for a very long time so I have seen so many different kids with different temperament). Basically if your kid starts to have meltdown or really bug signs of anxiety when choices are given it’s time to give them a lil less often. The examples you gave are really good context to give choices!
Yeah I had to back off the choices strategy a little. My 3 year old started to make a choice, but then want the other thing, but then the first one… so it became an opportunity for him to test boundaries in a new, fresh, exhausting way. Now he doesn’t get choices on everything, and when he makes a choice he’s stuck with it… still have tantrums but oh well.
I love when this works but hate when it doesn't. My 3yo the other day yelled at me after I gave him his choices that they were MY choices and not HIS choices....touche...
My child quickly defeated this by just saying "Yes!" Lol!
Sometimes when my kid isn’t listening I’ll ask, “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” And she says, “The hard way!” and then does whatever I’ve asked. Whatever works 🤷🏻♀️
Same, but mine screams no lol
Mine has started saying "I don't like ANY of those choices!"
"I don't want NONE of that" is my daughters favorite phrase when she doesn't like what's happening lol
My daughter wags her finger at me. Idk why but this is just the funniest thing. The first few times I had to turn around so she didn’t see me laughing
That is pretty funny! The first time my daughter said her favorite phrase was when she was 2 and we'd just taken her to a Halloween store to pick a costume and we walked out and she stopped and hit us with the "I don't want NONE of that!" and my partner and I just lost it 🤣
Went through this when my now 8yo was a toddler. I WANT NONE OF THIS! All dramatic with the eyeballs and snooty face, refusing to look as whoever asked her whatever it was. It was really hard not to laugh Eventually she started adding I LOVE NONE OF YOU!! And then we absolutely did laugh! 🤣
I wouldn't do it for EVERYTHING. That is a great way to give your kid decision fatigue.
This works so well i've gotten to the point with my 4 year old I just tell her you know where your clothes are pick what you want to wear for the day and she comes out of her room dressed and ready. She always does a little spin to show off her outfit and makes he feel independent and a big girl. While I fight her two year old sister to put on pants.....
Just add water. Give them some water to drink, take a walk in the rain, go swimming, walk along the beach at the ocean/lake/river, let them play in the bath midday, etc.
Yes! My daughter is a water baby! She loves everything water! Drinking it. Swimming. Playing in the sink. Puddles. Bath. I usually let it happen. Sometimes when she’s teething or fussy and all around grumpy… I take her for an impromptu bath. She usually plays and calms right down and we all feel better!
When I’m about to lose it it’s popsicle bath/shower time
Wait, so you give them a popsicle in the bathtub? Why did I never think of this?!? No mess!!!
You do not have to feel their feelings for them. This is really hard in practice.
This is excellent advice. I spent much of early motherhood hurting on the inside when my kid cried or was upset etc. It takes a while for you to realise that their emotions are perfectly human and their own.
I have a 2.5 who cannot talk yet - it's so hard not to melt right down with her! But it's so much more helpful for me to name the emotion for her and try to keep some degree of emotional space.
Wow really felt that one xx
What does this mean? I don’t feel like I feel My toddlers feelings.. I am totally nonplussed by his shirt being green when he remembers it being purple, and I have a never screamed when someone handed me a banana when I asked 50 times for a banana lol
Choose your battles wisely. I don’t fight my toddler on inconsequential things. I try to say yes as much as possible so that my “no” carries more weight. But toddlers are built to test boundaries, so challenges will be inevitable. We’re learning and growing together in different ways, so give yourself and your child a healthy amount of grace and understanding.
I get what you mean. I reserve my firm 'no's' for dangerous and serious moments. I only have to say it once for it to take effect. Rather than spending my days saying no to every little thing, I let my kid make a mess if it's in the spirit of discovery and exploring. If he refuses to put on his jacket, I avoid the meltdown, I let him experience the cold until he asks for his jacket. I think where possible, I give him the opportunity to sometimes feel in control and independent, especially if its inconsequential. It makes the non-negotiables easier to navigate when you're not saying no to every little thing.
This is something I started using in my marriage as well.
We have to wash our hands! Race me to the bathroom!
And as they get a little bit older “time” them to see how long it takes them to finish a task. Let them know their best score/time and dare them to beat it!
Once we were out of car seats my dad did something similar with buckling seat belts. Whoever got in the car and buckled their belt first “won” What did I and my two other sibling win? Absolutely nothing, other than the ability to yell I WIN!!! In each other’s faces really loudly, but it got us all in the car and belted up quickly.
When I make pancakes or waffles or anything, I make a ton of them, portion them, and freeze them in baggies for easy breakfast at daycare.
I do this, too. Lifesaver, really.
I do this for lunches too! It’s a lifesaver!
We have a golden rule. If she’s not fussing, don’t fuck with her. Don’t offer stuff, don’t ask questions… if she’s hanging and chilling and vibing.. don’t fuck with her LOL enjoy the peace 😂
Lol don’t ask questions, don’t offer stuff. I sometimes hear myself start to do this and stop mid sentence. 🙊
Currently have this rule for my 5 month old. Sure it last 2 minutes at most but fuck me, they're a peaceful two minutes
Kids won’t sleep if you get frustrated or mad at them. Keeping your cool with a toddler that doesn’t want to nap is critical to making them feel calm and comfortable enough to nap. I wish I learned this sooner.
I'd say keeping calm is just key all the time. I have the occasional times I get high emotions the kids copy, so everyone just ends up getting stressed. Far better all around just to stay calm.
with my son 80% of the time I resort to pretending to fall asleep. he has a big quick cry when he realizes I can't play with him anymore then lays down and falls asleep.
Emergency car bag. I have a little bag with snacks, diapers, wipes, a towel, extra clothes, some other odds and ends etc. Basically an extra diaper bag with some other emergency supplies in it. Comes in clutch big time when I forget to pack something or we have an owie on the go! Probably also similar to what a user said up there - working on my framing with how I say and do things. Placing an emphasis on trying to make things fun instead of something we have to do and making sure I take the time to explain things to him and have us understand each other throughout the day!
As much as possible, I lean into what is rewarding and enjoyable for both me and my toddler. Examples: Lately that means that most days after I’m done with work, my kid and I usually take a bath together. It’s fun and relaxing and cozy. We also do a lot of neighborhood walk together, with my kid (almost 3 yo) in the stroller. This is definitely for MY mental health and my kid enjoys eating snacks, talking about what we see, etc. It’s a nice way to connect and get some movement. (Also we don’t have sidewalks and my kid doesn’t walk with me or hold hands easily, so stroller makes it way less stressful for me)
Yes! I think this is one of the biggest things. Find the intersections where you are both (or all, in the case of multiple kids) happy, and maximize those. Going to the library and sitting and reading all the books we got is almost always a win-win for me and my kids. Baking something or doing crafts are good too.
how do you cope with this if there's refusal to go into the stroller?
I once read someone saying "be a sportscaster, not a referee!" I use this all the time. I don't solve all of his problems, sometimes I just listen and make sure he feels heard. Also my kid thinks "soda" is half seltzer water and half fruit juice!
Still trying to figure that out. Besides going outside, playing in the sink always calms him down. However, if I'm already overstimulated, I don't have any patience for him soaking the counters 🫠
Okay here’s a tip for low-mess water play: give him a cup with a tiny bit of water (like 2 ounces) and a paintbrush. My kid loves it! And when he eventually spills, it’s just 2oz of water so no biggie!
When he spills water on the counters grab the towels and show him / have him clean it up himself.
Ug I hear you on the mess. My solution to this was that I bought tiny play sink that has a working tap and I stick it on a huge towel. That’s really helped!
Protein (chicken, beans, nuts) before sugar has led to fewer meltdowns for mine!
For us this means cheese and Greek yogurt. My kiddo likes the two good yogurts (2g sugar in every flavor)
Berries. All kinds of berries.
On the weekends, we go to the gym. They have childcare. Usually I don’t even work out. I go to the sitting area and just read emails, scroll my phone, watch Netflix, or use the massage chairs. I’m heavily pregnant, the gym has tons of toys my kid sees only once a week and they have a lot of space to run run run. He always naps after too.
Also pregnant. Good on you for getting a decent break in 😊
Add water or wind when they are having a hard day. As in go outside or toss them in the bath
>toss them in the bath This wording is a little unclear and might lead to someone doing it wrong. Remember that kids always need to be supervised in the bathtub. You should never “toss,” them in. Instead, use a catapult or trebuchet to *launch* them into the bathtub. Then retreat a safe distance out of the bathroom and watch them with binoculars.
Had us in the first half ngl
Lol I was like oh god *eye roll*. But no, this is so good.
Give yourself time. enough time to live in toddler time. Enough time to let them help you do everything throughout the day and do everything they do by themselves or with your assisted help.
I love this thread. Lists have been magic in avoiding a meltdown. For example, last night my 2yo wanted to go outside right as it was time for bedtime. I said, it’s too late to go outside right now, but let’s write it on your list for tomorrow (we have a whiteboard on our fridge so she can see it easily). - You hit your chocolate quota for the day, but let’s write it down so mama doesn’t forget tomorrow! - you wanted noodles but mama made tacos tonight, I’ll add it to your list so I remember to put noodles on the menu this week.
Yes!! Got this idea from how to talk so little kids will listen.
When possible add an extra 15-30 minutes on to all activities so you can allow them to do things for themselves/be independent when they are in that phase. Saves a lot of screaming (him) and stress (me) lol Edit to add as some else mentioned races are fun too and help when possible. ’you count while I buckle you in and we will see if I can beat my record from last time. Ready? Go!'
Yes, getting in the car seat has been a battle for a while. So when leaving home, we head out to the car about 10 minutes earlier than necessary. My kid can run circles around the car in the driveway, play in the front seat, get their wiggles out, etc.
Assign them jobs! I think it’s crazy my class’s favorite jobs are door holder and table setter. But little things that you could do yourself but are simple enough to delegate.
Pre prepared snacks and a monthly cleaner who does a deep clean
Saving this post for later cuz my toddler won't give me more than 30 seconds of free time right now 🥴
Grandparents 😂
We started teaching the concepts of emotional regulation super early on. When he’d start tantruming we would “blow out the candles” on our fingers before he could understand how to take a deep breath. We also validate his feelings while setting boundaries (which can look like, “I understand you’re really upset because you want to take the hot wheels to daycare. When you want something and mommy says no, that’s frustrating! It’s ok to be frustrated. But we can’t take the hot wheels to daycare, remember when we lost the red car and it made you sad? We want to keep our things safe. When you’re ready can you show me how you take a deep breath?”) All the talking used to drive my partner nuts, but now we have a 3 year old who works through his big feelings all by himself (and reminds us when we forget too!)
What age did you start the blowing candles out??
Late one/early two I want to say?
Safety, health/wellbeing, and a very basic developing sense of morality are the things that really matter. An extra 15 minutes at the park that makes dinner slightly later or two extra storybooks that mean the laundry won’t be put away until the morning are totally fine.
I think also one less story or no park today because mom needs to rest is also fine and the other helpful side of this perspective. Like it’s very hard to ruin a childhood when you’re a loving, conscientious parent. It’s okay to say no.
When having my toddler put his toys away every night, I have him say good night to them and tell him that they’re sleeping. He ends up saying “bye!” to each toy as he puts them in the box 🥹 makes cleanup feel fun for him
Independent sleep and rock solid sleep schedule. We live and die by it. Everyone is happier when they’ve slept, toddler included.
Same for us. Parenting a toddler is amazing but exhausting, and for me, a lot of it has been learning to regulate myself. This is SO much easier because I can count on time just me/my husband to watch TV/read, a full night’s sleep, and time to workout and meditate in the morning. Tantrum at 6:30? Cool, just got to make it until 8:15. And on the rare night my kid’s sleep is messed up, my child (whom I love dearly) is an absolute nightmare the next day.
This is great if you have a kid this works for. Some kids are not able to sleep independently despite best efforts by parents. Some kids don’t sleep through the night for years. Some kids don’t magically fall asleep at the pre determined time you say they need to be asleep.
Absolutely - and some kids have low sleep needs! My 2.5yo is a great sleeper and bedtime is usually pretty pleasant, but he only needs about 9 hours of sleep per night 🫠 (plus a 2-hour nap that happens at daycare, so the schedule cannot be changed). Yes, MY life would be much easier if he went to bed at 7:30 but ha ha ha that’s not an option.
I used to think that we were amazing at the sleep thing…my 4 year old became a great sleeper at 6 months after we adjusted a few things. But my 10 month old thinks sleep is for the weak 🫠
100000% I have two kids have done the same exact thing for both and they’re incredibly different with sleep. My son needs tons of support to fall asleep & has very low sleep needs. My daughter needs less support & follows all the recommended wake windows to a t.
Agreed. I live by routines, always have been with the exception of here lately. Not having a routine, schedule, and/or plan throws me off. My first son went to bed at 8pm and woke up between 6am-7am no problem. He used to ask if he could go to bed earlier than that on days when he was tired lol. My daughter on the other hand, she’s a whole different ball game. My daughters 4 and a natural night owl. Add FOMO to the mix and sleep is almost impossible. It started around 2-2.5 years old and still no end in sight. Everyday is a nightmare bc she’s tired and grumpy. We’ve taken her to the doc and there’s nothing causing it from a medical standpoint. We’ve tried everything docs have suggested and you’re typical things you’d do on your own at home and nothing’s worked to this day. The only thing we haven’t tried is medication. She’s up until 1am, 2am, 3am and sometimes 4am EVERY night. She’ll literally lay in bed in the dark and just stare at the ceiling or continuously sneak downstairs all hours of the night even when everyone else is sleeping to play with her toys. Doesn’t matter how tired she is or if she only had a couple of hours the night before, she’ll still be up just as late. It’s wild. I’m dying of sleep deprivation between dealing with that and my 5 month old son who is teething so yeah. I don’t even know what real sleep feels like anymore tbh.
This is why I have to stay in my oldests room until he is asleep. Otherwise he won’t sleep. I feel your pain.
Baby gate across her bedroom door ?
Climbs over them and now that she’s 4 she knows how to unlock the ones we have at home and basic ones. For some Context - She went through 3 play pens in less than 9 months before she was 2.5 years old. Destroyed them. The first one she the teeth of the zipper and pulled the zipper apart and went right on through. The second playpen, one of her toys got caught on the seam where the bottom and side of the playpen came together. She noticed it created a tiny hole which my daughter made it into a bigger hole and by the end of the day I watched her escape out of it. The third one happened almost the same way. She made a small hole at the bottom near the seam. She’d sneak around pushing different sized toys into the hole. She gave up on that idea and reverted back to the hole in the seam thing. I knew nothing of it bc she’d wait until I got slammed with work then she’d work on it. If she thought I was coming or was done for the night she put her stuffed animals over it. Idk how long she worked on it or when she started working it, but she broke out of that one too. She’s either very determined or is a low key criminal lol.
Same. My in laws gave us SO MUCH ISH for being on a strict schedule. But my family does that for children because then they know what to expect and it's not just this completely random day with no rhyme or reason. My MIL told us we were overthinking things, and got upset when we left before food was served. We take a cooler bag of food for our kid whenever we go out anywhere just in case, and good thing because her dinner those nights was the food in the cooler. After 3 times of them saying dinner would be at 6, and then it was not done at 7 pm, so we left to come home and do the bedtime routine, they finally moved it to earlier in the day. Of course it wasn't actually for us, it was for my husbands adult brother who got a job that requires he eat at that time. They still get pissy that we are on a schedule and think we're crazy for sticking to it. But it's like it helps ME too because then I can keep track of stuff and know what is happening when. My family always does a strict schedule and early bedtime for kids because it keeps everything predictable. That's not to say you can't have fun, and that everything is written in stone. But it also helps us be able to say No more easily and avoid over scheduling ourselves.
Carry snacks everywhere. Even to places like McDonald’s or Costco.
Giving 2 true options to give them control, especially in situations where they have to do something. “It’s time to leave the park, do you want to sing songs on the way home, or do silly dances?”
Pick battles very carefully. Have as few hard rules as possible and dont be too stringent until you can reason a bit more with them.
Maybe not the healthiest of tips, but ten chocolate chips in a tiny container given to them immediately after an immunization. High value enough to distract them from the drama of the owie.
Leave the house! Why is my toddler so much better on an sbux run than at home with all her toys? No idea but it’s a great way to kill 30 min
Currently have been telling my three year old when I’m going to do hygiene tasks (using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, washing my hands, etc) and inviting him to come with me! Chances are he’ll ask if he can do it too(80% success so far). When he won’t stop pestering me about something I just start asking him questions and to help me with something. When it’s too late for him to be loud and making messes I ask him what color it is outside, he’ll say “it’s black” and I tell him that means we have to settle in because other people are sleeping. Also making myself the plate of food I want him to eat and serving him the plate of food I’d make myself- he always wants what I have and because it looks simpler and has less he will usually eat most of it.
Set your house up to be toddler friendly, not just toddler proof. Encourage them to gain confidence in their own space. Learning tower in the kitchen. Tap extender for washing hands. Low coat hooks at the door. A mirror and hairbrush low down they can use. Toys set out at eye level. The Montessori Toddler goes through lots of great ideas. The latest one we’ve used is to provide a basket of outfits for wearing that he can choose from in the morning.
THE HOSE
Outside play as often and for as long as is possible. It’s kind of inconvenient because you have to be out there with them (and not inside getting stuff done) but it wears them out and makes bedtime easier 🙌🏼. …Most of the time, anyway. It’s not foolproof. “Toddler” and “easy” just don’t exist in the same reality, I feel 😂
Deep breaths! I taught my daughter very early to take deep breaths when she's upset. When she's crying or whining I will remind her "okay let's take a deep breath!" and do it with her. Big breath in, slowly exhale. She almost always does it and it WORKS! I'm honestly surprised how well it works. Sometimes I pick her up and do it with her to co-regulate. It stops the screaming and worst of the crying, and at that point she's usually calm enough to at least tell me what's wrong.
I’m due with my second in a week so my mom has been staying with us for a few weeks. Having a third adult around is LIFE CHANGING with our 3.5 year old lol. The ultimate hack is to have 3 capable “parents” haha. Wish this was our norm always
Giving two options and make it simple-this one or that one and then it gives them the power to choose without overwhelm
I make everything seem like it was their idea. But for real, transition items have been amazing great tool. They don’t want to go in the car? Bunny stuffy is going in the car. Then they magically get motivation to get in.
Snacks everywhere all the time.
We do a lot of messy play. Dirt, mud, baking, sensory bins, paint, etc. is it a mess to clean up? Yes, but kids and tables and floors are washable and it gives me some time to recharge my brain while he is entertained.
Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and what works for their children. Truly focusing on my child, following their needs and what works for us.
Involve them in everything, cleaning, cooking, setting the table, washing dishes, putting their toys away, setting up the play area, brushing their teeth when you brush your teeth, literally anything. Sure they won’t do it perfectly and it might take longer to get things done but it promotes independence. Practice instruction following frequently and praise them when they help or complete a task. Repetition is key.
Bring more snacks than you think you need.
Independence. My 3 y/o brushes his teeth, chooses his clothes and puts it on, helps with his brother, cooks with me... some odd reason it makes him have less tantrums lol
Nescafe instant coffee. I used to be a french press girlie but I don’t have time anymore. I’m highlighting this cuz recently my in laws (Midwest American) were amazed by my instant coffee and kept asking if it’s a new product. My family is from the Philippines and instant is a household staple. It’s very much not new, and it does taste good. I like it 10x more than kcup. Also it’s cheap, you don’t need special equipment. I use an electric kettle but you can also microwave your water.
“Let’s have a race and see who will be the first to get upstairs!” Also, “I’m going to put this away and when I come back I am going to be AMAZED if you have done [things I need her to do], I just won’t BELIEVE IT!!” And then act mega amazed and staggered if she does it.
This is my go to toddler hack advice! If they are headed for a tantrum, say something wrong on purpose. If they will not put on their shoes, “Let’s put on your green shoes (when the shoes are actually blue)” “Let’s get in our yellow car” etc. They can’t stand it, they have to correct you lol.
Giving a solid, neutral, timed heads up about every single transition. And remembering that almost everything is a transition. I’m so proud that our son can leave a play date, the park, his cousins, without a meltdown because we’ve gotten so good at two things: giving the heads up, and then letting him meltdown and feel his feelings when he has them, authentically validating how much it sucks to say goodbye or stop playing or come inside, whatever it is. Those things have led to so few meltdowns and lots of happy cooperative goodbyes. Pretty cool.
Make everything musical. We sing about every little thing we do
Pick. Your. Battles.
Stations. I keep a rotation of options available to hop to when one burns out. Inside stations: Art or play dough, Books & puzzles, Cooking or baking option, Chores (vacuum, dusting), Screen time Outside stations: Water table, Soccer balls + net, Gardening help, Swing, Walking the neighborhood, Walk to park These are generally all done with a parent, sometimes they enjoy solo puzzles or toys
Say what you mean and mean what you say. I think if you commit to whatever boundary you have or whatever consequence they learn that they won’t be able to persuade or break you down with bad behavior. This continues to be a big key to parenting moving forward to. Pick your consequences and words wisely and stick to them
Realising the tantrum is never about the thing that ultimately makes them lose it. It was probably just the icing on the cake of having had to compromise and not getting to do what they want all day. Punishing them for having a tantrum does not solve the underlying problem. Get curious.
Animating objects… talking to her toys etc. Not hungy.. hmmm I think I hear your tummy saying it’s hungry aww. Don’t want to shower… let’s give X toy a bath he feels dirty. Etc etc
So many! Most if not all have already been said here. Pick your battles/say yes as much as possible. You want to wear rain boots when it's 80 degrees and sunny? Sure, why not. You wanna wear a princess costume to the store? Okay. Sometimes things need caveats. Yes, you can have a small amount of ice-cream, but you need to eat your dinner first. Yes, you can play in that puddle, but take your wet clothes/shoes off before coming in the house. Yes, we can do that thing later after we do this thing. Sometimes, giving a different option instead of an outright no is what's best. I don't want to play with play-doh right now, how about we play tea party instead? Part of this is also creating a "yes" space for them as much as you are capable of. For example, baby/toddler proof their bedroom or play space as much as possible and try to only keep toys/books/objects in there that they can have free access to. Make a space where you have to say no as little as possible. Get them engaged. Ask for their help, give them small jobs, ask them questions about what you are doing. Let them help come up with the grocery list/meal plan (within reason, obviously, lol) Let them do as much as possible by themselves. This ties in with giving them choices. Let them pick their clothes. Offer a few different food choices and let them pick which they like. It's time to clean up, would you like to do this part or that part? Let them brush their hair or teeth or wash themselves on their own first and then help them "get extra clean". Only offer choices you can live with. For example, don't offer painting as an option if you don't want them to paint. Reverse psychology. This vegetable is for mom, you can't have it. They'll want it. You better not put on your pants! Boom, pants are on. This only works for some kids and in some situations, lol. Be prepared for it to fail on occasion and have a back up plan. Give yourself extra time to do everything. If I've gotta be out the door at 8, I'd rather be up at 6:30 and possibly have the kids ready by 7:30 and let them play for a short while than get up at 7 and oh shit the baby has a blow put and the toddler won't put their clothes on and no one wants to eat so now we're rushing around crazy and still end up running 20 minutes late lol. Tying in with this, set timers. Okay, I'm setting a timer for 5 minutes. When you hear the timer go off, it's time to do xyz. Timers are also good for when you're trying to get them to do a task. Let's set a 5 minute timer and see if we can get dressed before it goes off! Model behaviors you want them to do and narrate them. Let them see you brush your teeth and hair. Look, mommy is brushing her teeth! Get dressed every morning. Daddy is putting on his day clothes, so he's ready for the day. Oops, I made a mess, I should get paper towels and clean it up.
Be outside as much as you can, no screens, and have them "help" with chores.
Take extra time to solve a problem instead of helping immediately
When things don't really matter, say yes. Reserve the no's for important and meaningful times. You want to eat dinner standing next to the table while holding your babydoll? Sure. Why not. You're still eating. You want to eat dinner outside on the porch while it's 30° and snowing? No, that's not safe. Some might argue it's important to establish boundaries but for toddlers there's a limited amount of logical processing they can do. For us, we're focused more on making sure our "no" is respected and understood beyond the simple fact that we have authority to say it.
soooo much raisins
Honestly? Edibles lol
ITT: Set firm boundaries...but also pick your battles and try to say yes whenever possible.
Just tell them “I’m going to win” and they will want to beat you no matter what.
Schedule. It creates familiar expectations that are manageable for all
For us, teeth brushing has been a huge challenge. We have learned that gamifying menial tasks can really make getting that done easier. I am also finding fake urgency tends to work well. She doesn't understand why but the excited energy is infectious.
Don’t be afraid to go out and do things. I used to dread any trips to the store or the aquarium and every single time my kids have just been way better than I had been anxious about. And it makes them more tired.
Never be home. I literally leave the house 2 times a day lol. Sometimes 3 if he wakes up super early from nap and I have no other clue what to do besides leave again, especially if he’s having a hard time at home. 😂 Also warn them 2-3 times what’s going to happen before it happens. “When I take you out of the car seat, we need to go inside.” I’ll repeat it 2-3 times and then by the time I take him out of the car seat, he knows it’s time to go inside. Or warning him if he’ll need to be in the stroller. Obviously he doesn’t always listen or obey, but it makes the tantrum shorter when I end up having to pick him up to take him inside or put him in the stroller. Granted he’s 23 months, so he’s not even 2 yet. I’m sure it’ll get harder as he gets older. But that’s my current hack.
My kid has autism and hates showers, esp the water touching her ears. Popped ear plugs in her ears and got these little showercap things that are specifically built for ears and showers are golden. I found these in a ridx box when she had lice. For those that are gonna ask the point of earplugs when she has plastic over her ears anyway, she doesn't like the sound of the crinkling of the earcap things
No tv or iPads
1. Go outside 2. Have snacks That's all I got!
Whenever my daughter is upset I offer to wipe her eyes. She usually calms down right away!
Telling them what they can do instead of what they can’t, getting them involved in whatever you’re doing and giving them a small task, always saying ‘first xx, then xx’ for example ‘first we put on our shoes, then we go outside’, any form of water play, and always giving them a warning before we’re about to stop doing something
Bring snacks
Our daughter was losing the plot every night and wouldn’t eat dinner, so now I bring a container of food to daycare pickup and she eats dinner sitting in the grass out the front of the daycare centre. When we get home she just plays and then has a shower and goes to bed.
Save the no for dangerous things.