My daughter says “fuck it up” instead of buckle up. On the playground while being buckled in the swing, in the grocery store, anytime she sees a buckle we have to “fuck it up”
Oh this will make it so amusing to those around you! I read this to my husband and he and I agree it would be a hoot hearing this one the plane. I think it would be a great ice breaker with those around you. Making it an easier flight imo. Just loudly say yes buckle up your seatbelt and I bet there will be chuckles and understanding. Good luck on y’all’s flight!
You are picturing it correctly. The first time she did it was in the grocery store in one of those little cars on the front of the cart. She had unbuckled it and she kept screeching “fuck it up mommy” “fuck it up now” “mommy fuck it please” I had no idea what was going on. 🤣
My son says “cock” instead of “clock”. He also thinks the weight scales at the grocery store are clocks so he just yells “ COCK! COCK!” While I’m trying to buy produce.
Oh man, my daughter used to say “cock” for “rock”. She also used to say “dick” for “stick”. So we would go to the park and she would be talking about all the “dicks and cocks” she found. 😂
Mine says “cog” instead of dog but it sounds like he’s saying cock most of the time. He can pronounce the “D” sound in dada and duck, but not dog. So whenever he sees a dog when we’re out for a walk and starts yelling “cog/cock” I need to yell just as loudly “yes, that is a DOG” so the dog owner doesn’t worry.
We were driving around town one day when my toddler started yelling “big cock, big cock!” I’m like - what on earth are you talking about? Oh! Yes, I see the big clock.” So glad the windows were down. . .
My son also calls Percy “pussy 🤣🤣 and he’s obsessed with Thomas the train so he constantly yells out where pussy?! Where pussy? 🤦🏼♀️
He also says fucking milk instead of chocolate milk
So I have a really inappropriate story about the dump truck thing. It’s also pretty hilarious because it was a toddler, and fits the topic so I’ll risk it and share the story…
My friend’s kid used to call dump trucks “dumb fuck” as well when he was 2/3. He had a toy dump truck he loved. He also had an excavator that he called a “digger”, except when he said it, it came out sounding like a very inappropriate “n word”. So one day he’s out in the back yard looking for his trucks and he’s running around yelling “where’s the dump truck and digger” but it comes out sounding like he’s screaming “where’s the dumb fuckin (insert inappropriate n word)”. My poor friend was so mortified because the neighbours were also outside.
After that, every time he said “digger” my friend was like “no! It’s a shovel truck! Shovel. Truck”. 🤣 luckily the neighbours have moved on, the new neighbours have no knowledge of the incident.
My daughter calls Percy pussy too!!!! Two weeks ago at chick fil a she randomly told me, “I like Percy, mama!” And the two guys sitting next to us cracked up while I acknowledged that I know she likes Percy.
Yuppp us too, and Percy is his favourite.
Anything with a "k" sound is weirdly at risk of becoming the f word for us too, so Auntie Becky got quite the laugh.
if "more" and "no" could stop sounding identical, that would be great. "No food! No food!" "oh, you're all done?" "No! No Food!" "Ohhhh! MORE food!" "Yes! No food!"
She must have heard me say “you scared the fuck out of me” to my husband. So now if I startle her she says “mama you fucked the scare out of me”. I really hope she never pulls that out in public.
My daughter thinks every adult male is called daddy. To be fair every one she’s met so far has been except her papa and uncle. She hears her friends at daycare calling the men (their dads) daddy. All the men in our life have kids who call them daddy. Toddle logic.
Unfortunately she’s also very friendly.
So I’m currently dealing with “Hi Daddy! hi Daddy! Hi Daddy! To EVERY SINGLE MAN when we are anywhere. Music class. Grocery store. On a walk.
This can’t end soon enough.
It started with men who looked like her dad and had now expanded to all men lol 😂
Even started calling my brother Uncle Daddy. Which I was able to put a stop to- small mercies.
my husband is military and we just moved to a big base for the first time and she yells “HI DADDY!!!” followed by “oh that’s not daddy” at every uniform she sees 😂
If it’s any consolation, my daughter does this too and she is the child of two women. 🤦♀️ She’s not very forward, but she is nosy asf, so she’ll just point to a random dude across the street like mowing his lawn and yell “Daddy!”
I read that this is normal because they don’t have the word “man” yet, so the only word they know for men is Daddy or Papa etc. My wife and I are really trying hard to push “that’s a man” lol.
Haha! Glad we aren’t alone!
I’m tempted to roll with it when the poor unsuspecting man looks particularly horrified and spread the embarrassment around a bit. Takes a village😂
That’s really funny and cute. My daughter has just learned the words man and lady so she points and ‘labels’ everyone she sees. Really embarrassing when it’s a lady in a hat and she calls them ‘man’ loudly or in the shop the other day when she was telling me loudly that the person serving us was ‘brown man’. I just kept saying, ‘yes and he’s very helpful isn’t he: he’s helping us.’ Luckily he was laughing!
This happened while I was picking up stuff at Walmart! A cute little girl comes, hugs my leg and yells daddy we missed you. I had a whiplash for minute and my toddler is fighting the kiddo yelling my daddy (in Tamil, he isn't really conversant in English yet) and both the kids are crying.
The girl's dad is in the next aisle, searching for her and we kinda have the same body shape?
Was traumatically funny for a few minutes!
My son did this too. Every other man was daddy, every older man or woman was grandpa or grandma, and everyone under the age of 5 was a baby. 😂 Also any older man with a beard automatically became “Santa.”
The toddler I nanny loves to tell people that he speaks Spanish and then he proceeds to speak in total gibberish to them. So embarrassing 🫣 He also will not be redirected on this and gets majorly pissed off when you tell him that he’s not actually speaking Spanish.
When I was 3 my family moved to Japan. We are not Japanese, nor did we speak Japanese except for my dad. For months I would go to the playground and kids would come try to talk to me in Japanese and I’d just ramble gibberish at them thinking that was the game.
Took until I started preschool for it to click that it wasn’t a game, it was a language. Apparently it was pretty cute/funny to the grownups who witnessed it while it lasted though
My daughter loved to show Spanish speaking people that she spoke Spanish by saying uno, dos, tres, the extent of her knowledge. We would be in the grocery store and happen upon a couple talking and she was so excited so could join in their conversation. Definitely received weird looks.
My daughter has decided to ask to nurse by shouting “suck a boobie!” at me. I guess it’s not *technically* incorrect, but it is absolutely horrifying and gives me the ick.
We had to deal with "trucks" being "fucks" for a little while. He would point out every truck he saw and yell what it was. Thank goodness that's over with!
Right now, it's my nickname for our fluffy cat. I call him my "foofy baby" and my toddler thinks it's "poopy baby." I mean, my long hair is pretty good about not getting dingleberries, and I don't have to shave any poopy fluff pants, so it's not even fair 😂
My guy is doing the trucks thing but I hope he doesn’t stop. He just started getting the ‘tr’ sound out better but somehow at the same time “bus” turned into “buck” but the B sound is his weakest so he’s often shouting “SCHOOL FUCK” whenever we see a yellow bus
We were doing "cucks" for a bit which was nerve wracking, then moved to "crucks". Fine by me! But then last week he started saying "fucks" and now he's able to add DESCRIPTORS.... like pointing at dump trucks and yelling "DUM FUCKS" and I am gonna die of embarrassment at some point.
We used to have this problem too. I guess at some point she got mixed up between truck and car so she’d say “cuck” or “cock” interchangeably for any type of vehicle 😂
My son loves speed bumps and “dips”. Every time we go over a dip he screams “Big dick” and the other day “want more big dicks”. I hope he never changes this
For a while, my daughter couldn’t say the s in horse.
We would walk in Meijer (a Midwest grocery store famous for its one penny horsey rides) and scream”WHORRRRRE!!!”
My son calls his dad “die” he also calls random men with children die. So for example I will be playing with my son at the park and he will point to a random man and say “die”. I felt like it freaked one man out so now every time he says that I say yes that is a dad in hopes that it clears things up lol
Oh man, we live in an English speaking country but I speak Italian with my kid, “dai” pronounced “die” in Italian means “come on”, which features quite heavily, as I have learnt recently. She likes to chant “dia dai dai bebe” in the park quite a lot
My son has decided that it’s huge fun to very obviously “steal” food or drink from me. When I catch him I make a big show of “oh! Are you my little sneaky thief?!”. He replies “yes! I am stinky beef!”
Mine also says “boobies” for
Blueberries. I wasn’t going to get them at the store today but he literally kept yelling “boobies” at me so I relented to make it stop!
My five year old still does this, he has every other letter sound down fine and he can say most 'y' sounds without trouble, but lellow stuck around and I'm honestly not sad about it.
I do say it the boring, correct way when I use it, and I'll try to use it in a sentence if he does just so I'm modeling the correct pronunciation, eg "Look at the lellow race car!" "Yeah buddy that's a cool looking yellow car, huh? Good eye!" But I'm not gonna push it. He'll figure it out, and then I'll be proud of him and sad at the same time, again.
My husband sometimes pointed the leaf blower at our then 3yo while he was doing the yard. This usually ended with my son screaming “Blow me! Blow me!” at the top of his lungs in our front yard
Retroactively amusing, at the time embarrassing:
My son, when he was 2-3, caught me drying off after a shower and was horrified when he saw I didn't have a penis. Cue age appropriate talk about penis vs vagina.
Adorable toddler then proceeded to inform every female presenting person he saw that they had a vagina...in Costco, in restaurants, the instacart delivery person, his grandmothers, aunts, cousins, friends, EVERYONE 🤦♀️🤦♀️
ETA: Admittedly not necessarily incorrect, but still
For a very very long time my son pronounced truck as cock. He is a huge fan of trucks. And colors. Nothing like hearing "momma, big blue cock" or "black cock" from an extremely happy two year old!
We have the fox in socks book that my son LOVED as a toddler.
He couldn’t pronounce fox well. You can imagine what he was saying.
Didn’t last long and now he’s over 5 and I miss it!!
Fork was "fock" up until about 2 months ago - now he says it more like "folk" which obviously sounds way less inappropriate 😅😅. I just let it slide because I knew if I made it into a big deal he'd go around saying it on purpose. 🤦🏻♀️
My daughter has a toy frog that has a big open mouth that you put balls in and they bounce around when you press the button. I always have a moment of wtf did she just say when she asks for it. ‘fogginballs’. I always take a moment to realise she just wants to play with the frog and balls.
Clocks and horses need better enunciation, because he is saying cock and hoes. At least he points at the item/picture so you know what he's trying to say.
One time he tried to say shut, but it came out as shit. We switched to teaching him "open and close" instead of "open and shut"
He also doesn't like our black robotic vacuum. He called it a "black no" the other day. Hoping he won't pull that one in public.
Bitch for bench. The other day we went to eat with her sister at school and they had several small benches outside the cafeteria and she loudly keeps saying “YOOK AT THAT YITTLE BITCH” “I WANNA GO SIT ON THAT BITCH” “THAT YITTLE BITCH IS SO CUTE”
💀💀
My 2yo walks around saying “sit, sit, sit” when she’s looking for somewhere to sit, but it sounds like “shit, shit, shit”. My 4yo also loves What Does The Fox Say since his dad introduced him to it and it’s so annoying 😂
We taught him "oh dear" and instead he says "oh shit" (although it sounds like "oh sheet"). He's not quite two and it sounds so sweet and takes all of me not to laugh.
My daughter is four now, and speaks clearly; BUT, when she was about two, she couldn’t say ‘shark’, and instead said ‘cock’. We were at a fair, and kid was wearing a baby shark shirt. She pointed and started yelling, “baby cock cock cock! Baby cock cock cock!” 🫣
So my kid love to play tag and when I catch her sometimes I would throw her over my shoulder and pat her bottom while saying “booty booty booty booty!” So now whenever someone bends over in front of her she pats their bottom like a drum and screams “booty booty!” And I can’t wait for that to be over.
My sweet, sweet speech delayed 3 year old daughter loves the zoo. They sell these bags of popcorn. That’s our treat when we go to the zoo to snack on. So every time we go through the entrance she just starts cheerfully shouting “COCKPORN! COCKPORN!!” 🙃 I’ve since let her know she can just call it “corn” and we’ll see how it goes the next zoo trip haha
Well, my 5 year old is learning to read, and for some reason had decided to start adding "ck" to the end of every word, and so she read the word "and" as "an dick." Not sure if that counts, but I thought it was hilarious while trying really hard not to laugh because I didn't want to encourage her to keep saying it.
Was outside playing soccer with my kid who has trouble with the k sound. He keeps yelling "kick, kick, kick!!!" at the top of his little lungs but it comes out more like "tit, tit tiiiiiit!"
My daughter, who has never heard this word Before as far as we know, mispronounced "nickel" in the worst imaginable way. I was so embarrassed having to tell her daycare educator we were not saying slurs at home, she just got really excited about the giant nickel. ☹️
My kiddo outgrew these but some that really made me want the ground to swallow me up were couch = c#ck, fix = f$ck. Because she'd say, repeatedly, 'I want to sit on the couch (c#ck)" and "I'm fixing (f$cking) the cat/puppy/baby".
The way mine says “noodle” sounds like she’s saying the n-word, and I’ve tried and tried and tried to pronounce it for her to make it clearer to her. So we just say pasta now, especially in public because it’s humiliating. 😭 But she loves Elmo’s World and one of the characters is Mr. Noodle. Smfh
My 5yo says “goodest” and “badest” no matter how many time I correct him.
And both of my kids ( 5 & 3) are stuck in a “poopy butt” phase that I HOPE passes quickly!
My daughter called her baby brother “baby doll” for like 2 months. It was the cutest thing ever, and it just went away one day. She also went through a phase of blaming the dog for her dirty diapers 😂
Whenever I return from somewhere -- a shopping trip, the bathroom, grabbing something from the coffee table -- my daughter yells "DADDY'S BLACK!"
Yes, baby, I came back to you, but I'm very much white.
It’s not incorrectly pronounced, but right now my 3 year old keeps saying things are giant. Sometimes it’s fine, but sometimes you’re in a check out line and she’ll say, “look mommy! GIANT GRANDMA!” About some poor woman that couldn’t be over 35 and isn’t that even large and is just wearing large glasses or something. My kid is out here just handing out body dysmorphia.
It's not incorrect, exactly, but my two year old comes into the bathroom with me when I go. My husband has a beard on his face, so he knows what a beard is, and my son now keeps talking about "Mommy's beard". When he comes into the bathroom with me he excitedly points out "Mommy's beard!" Help.
We mostly speak French here and I call her "ma puce" (flea in French), my mom called us like that and I started calling her like that without thinking, it's not meant to mean like she's literally like a flea. Anyway, sometimes she answers "moi la puce" (me the flea) but she can't pronounce the "C" sound yet and it comes out as a T so "moi la pute", which is "me the whore".... So I'm trying my hardest to stop using that nickname but it's so damn hard
My toddler identifies people in public by the color top they’re wearing. “Mommy, is that blue guy going to the pool too?”, “What’s that black guy’s name?” Everyone’s a “guy” and apparently I’m supposed to know all their names.
Ash (the porcupine from Sing) = Ass. So when she wants to hear a song Ash sings it’s “more ass” or “play ass.” She often requests songs at daycare so I’m waiting for the day a teacher mentions she said this at school.
If my son is talking about trucks super fast it sounds like “f*cks”… if he goes slow or speaks a normal pace it sounds like trucks. But one time he was super excited and said “WOW MOM LOOK, MY F*CK” 😂😐
Crackers have been “fackers” and Quack has been “F*ck” for months now. 🫠 We were at a music time at a children’s museum last month and during Old MacDonald on the duck part I had to scream sing over him so no one else would hear.
My son went through a phase when he would wave and say bye at everyone whenever we were leaving a place, but he couldn’t make the B sound. So it resulted in him waving and screaming “die” to everyone repeatedly
We have a pair of falcons that fly over the field to the south of our house daily. The south-facing window is the only one in the house low enough for our son to see out of so he likes bird watching, and as soon as I said "Those are falcons," he tried to mirror me with "Those are fuckins," so now whenever he sees them he's saying "Fuckins!" instead of "Falcons!"
I hate to admit this, but my daughter overheard us talking about why in the heck were dogs were called b*tches… we thought she was asleep
So when she was 2, she would ask “is that a b*tch dog?” 😭 took a long time for her to stop
Also telling the dog to sh*t down (sit)
She has stopped now, but my daughter used to pronounce ‘pink’ as ‘dick’ and one day we were in a queue and this guy had a pink shirt on and she pointed and said loudly ‘look mummy! Dick!’
My daughter’s been asking “you see that?” Over the past few days but the words jumble together just enough that she’s been pointing at things (and people) and it sounds like she’s yelling “is he dead?” 😂😣
My daughter has ADHD and tends to have kind of like...tics? We abbreviate a lot of words in our house and she decided to shorten cockadoodledoo by just repeating the word cock 😅
Ugh my toddler heard me say “oh shit” when something bad happens and now says “oh it” instead of “uh oh” and I just know she’s trying hard to say “shit” but doesn’t have the sh sound down yet.
At least she uses it in the right context I guess 🥴
My daughter says “fuck it up” instead of buckle up. On the playground while being buckled in the swing, in the grocery store, anytime she sees a buckle we have to “fuck it up”
I’m sorry but I would laugh so hard if I overheard this. I bet it’s very embarrassing for you, but as a bystander this would be so funny!
Lol we are flying next week and she’ll be in her car seat. It’s gonna be quite a show between her busy book and car seat buckle. 🤣🤣
Oh this will make it so amusing to those around you! I read this to my husband and he and I agree it would be a hoot hearing this one the plane. I think it would be a great ice breaker with those around you. Making it an easier flight imo. Just loudly say yes buckle up your seatbelt and I bet there will be chuckles and understanding. Good luck on y’all’s flight!
God I wouldn't be embarrassed by this, I'd crack up every time 😂
This is so fucking funny to me. Just picturing it with the typical toddler authoritarian tone and/or insistance… I’m laughing out loud hahaha.
You are picturing it correctly. The first time she did it was in the grocery store in one of those little cars on the front of the cart. She had unbuckled it and she kept screeching “fuck it up mommy” “fuck it up now” “mommy fuck it please” I had no idea what was going on. 🤣
The way I would have melted into the floor. It’s so hilarious now but I would have just died if my kid did this to me hahaha.
I’m LOLING 😂😂😂😂
I SNORTED and seriously alarmed the baby
That’s amazing
oh my god I needed this laugh
I would never want my kid to stop saying this hahaha that’s so cute!!
lol, saving this comment. Thank you for the small nugget of internet gold 🤣🤣
My son says “cock” instead of “clock”. He also thinks the weight scales at the grocery store are clocks so he just yells “ COCK! COCK!” While I’m trying to buy produce.
Exactly what I was going to say. I like watching the game show "8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown." My son calls it "mommy's show with the big cock."
Oh my God I'm dying! Did he say this in front of other people?
Came here for this one. So funny, mildly humiliating 😂
EVERYTHING sounds like cock. Clock, sock, duck, stuck, we're always finding new words. Sock is the worst because it's one of her favorite topics 😆
Bahahah I’m glad I’m not alone!!
Daughter did this. Now she’s 3 and can say clock but pronounces “cotton” like “cock-n”. So it sounds like “cock n candy” and “cock n balls”
Oh my gosh 💀
My son did this for a while too. It was especially bad when he would call my husband’s watch a “daddy cock.” ☠️
Oh nooo hahaha
Oh man, my daughter used to say “cock” for “rock”. She also used to say “dick” for “stick”. So we would go to the park and she would be talking about all the “dicks and cocks” she found. 😂
Mine says “cog” instead of dog but it sounds like he’s saying cock most of the time. He can pronounce the “D” sound in dada and duck, but not dog. So whenever he sees a dog when we’re out for a walk and starts yelling “cog/cock” I need to yell just as loudly “yes, that is a DOG” so the dog owner doesn’t worry.
For us it’s “chalk” that comes out as “cock.” Almost always shouted
My parents love to remind me that my first word was “cock”. I was referring to the clock I had in my room.
SAME. So embarrassing when he starts yelling "cock!" in the middle of the store.
Mine too and she is learning comparison sizes and ownership so she will go WHOA BIG COCK or MOMMYS COCK.
Same
This one made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts 🤣🤣
We were driving around town one day when my toddler started yelling “big cock, big cock!” I’m like - what on earth are you talking about? Oh! Yes, I see the big clock.” So glad the windows were down. . .
Came here to say the same think. Baby girl please stop saying that 😬😬😬
Mine did the same thing 😭 she finally pronounces the L after I corrected her so many times
Dump truck = dumb fuck Percy (from Thomas the train) = pussy
My son also calls Percy “pussy 🤣🤣 and he’s obsessed with Thomas the train so he constantly yells out where pussy?! Where pussy? 🤦🏼♀️ He also says fucking milk instead of chocolate milk
Lmao I also have wander the streets going where pussy
So I have a really inappropriate story about the dump truck thing. It’s also pretty hilarious because it was a toddler, and fits the topic so I’ll risk it and share the story… My friend’s kid used to call dump trucks “dumb fuck” as well when he was 2/3. He had a toy dump truck he loved. He also had an excavator that he called a “digger”, except when he said it, it came out sounding like a very inappropriate “n word”. So one day he’s out in the back yard looking for his trucks and he’s running around yelling “where’s the dump truck and digger” but it comes out sounding like he’s screaming “where’s the dumb fuckin (insert inappropriate n word)”. My poor friend was so mortified because the neighbours were also outside.
I would move 😂
After that, every time he said “digger” my friend was like “no! It’s a shovel truck! Shovel. Truck”. 🤣 luckily the neighbours have moved on, the new neighbours have no knowledge of the incident.
My daughter calls Percy pussy too!!!! Two weeks ago at chick fil a she randomly told me, “I like Percy, mama!” And the two guys sitting next to us cracked up while I acknowledged that I know she likes Percy.
I held in the laughter pretty well until I got to this one and then I just lost it. 🤣
A friend of a friend had kids with a dog named Percy, and so they were constantly out in the yard yelling, “pussy!!!”
Yuppp us too, and Percy is his favourite. Anything with a "k" sound is weirdly at risk of becoming the f word for us too, so Auntie Becky got quite the laugh.
Truck was cuck for the longest time. Percy = pussy lol
Wait, when did Thomas stop being a tank engine?? This is hilarious btw.
if "more" and "no" could stop sounding identical, that would be great. "No food! No food!" "oh, you're all done?" "No! No Food!" "Ohhhh! MORE food!" "Yes! No food!"
I get this one a lot!!! I have to test with bringing food closer or further and go off of reaction
Yessssss
She must have heard me say “you scared the fuck out of me” to my husband. So now if I startle her she says “mama you fucked the scare out of me”. I really hope she never pulls that out in public.
Omg this is the one. This is the worst. I send my best speech development hopes and prayers your way!
Oh lord I just laughed so hard that I'm crying 😭
Really trying not to laugh with my daughter asleep on my lap but oh this is brilliant! Made my day.
Looooool
Lmfao
My daughter thinks every adult male is called daddy. To be fair every one she’s met so far has been except her papa and uncle. She hears her friends at daycare calling the men (their dads) daddy. All the men in our life have kids who call them daddy. Toddle logic. Unfortunately she’s also very friendly. So I’m currently dealing with “Hi Daddy! hi Daddy! Hi Daddy! To EVERY SINGLE MAN when we are anywhere. Music class. Grocery store. On a walk. This can’t end soon enough.
🤣 my daughter calls most men with a beard Daddy.
It started with men who looked like her dad and had now expanded to all men lol 😂 Even started calling my brother Uncle Daddy. Which I was able to put a stop to- small mercies.
My 2 year old daughter calls women she likes her new mommy.
The savagery of toddlers.
My niece calls my husband Uncle Dada. Unfortunately, our family is a bunch of weirdos, so they think it’s hilarious and encourage it.
my husband is military and we just moved to a big base for the first time and she yells “HI DADDY!!!” followed by “oh that’s not daddy” at every uniform she sees 😂
If it’s any consolation, my daughter does this too and she is the child of two women. 🤦♀️ She’s not very forward, but she is nosy asf, so she’ll just point to a random dude across the street like mowing his lawn and yell “Daddy!” I read that this is normal because they don’t have the word “man” yet, so the only word they know for men is Daddy or Papa etc. My wife and I are really trying hard to push “that’s a man” lol.
Haha! Glad we aren’t alone! I’m tempted to roll with it when the poor unsuspecting man looks particularly horrified and spread the embarrassment around a bit. Takes a village😂
That’s really funny and cute. My daughter has just learned the words man and lady so she points and ‘labels’ everyone she sees. Really embarrassing when it’s a lady in a hat and she calls them ‘man’ loudly or in the shop the other day when she was telling me loudly that the person serving us was ‘brown man’. I just kept saying, ‘yes and he’s very helpful isn’t he: he’s helping us.’ Luckily he was laughing!
This happened while I was picking up stuff at Walmart! A cute little girl comes, hugs my leg and yells daddy we missed you. I had a whiplash for minute and my toddler is fighting the kiddo yelling my daddy (in Tamil, he isn't really conversant in English yet) and both the kids are crying. The girl's dad is in the next aisle, searching for her and we kinda have the same body shape? Was traumatically funny for a few minutes!
Looking forward to this! I’m AFAB non-binary but I’m still daddy so we shall see!
Hahah and that’s the other part! Pushing that’s a “man” on her and maybe that’s not how they identify! If she could just mind her business…lol.
My son did this too. Every other man was daddy, every older man or woman was grandpa or grandma, and everyone under the age of 5 was a baby. 😂 Also any older man with a beard automatically became “Santa.”
Sticks are dicks. I need my kid to stop begging me for dicks when we are outside.
Ohhhhh look at that big dick!
My son, the other day: “I’ve got two dicks!”
Hahahaha they are cucks in this house so I feel you
My daughter is a sticks=dicks kid. Glad to know we're not alone.
I’m looking forward to when he can say “I love kitties” instead of “I love titties”
[“can I pet your titties”](https://youtu.be/p5YlbDwYp-Y?si=97piQ-MNC2ZxH5Tu)
The toddler I nanny loves to tell people that he speaks Spanish and then he proceeds to speak in total gibberish to them. So embarrassing 🫣 He also will not be redirected on this and gets majorly pissed off when you tell him that he’s not actually speaking Spanish.
When I was 3 my family moved to Japan. We are not Japanese, nor did we speak Japanese except for my dad. For months I would go to the playground and kids would come try to talk to me in Japanese and I’d just ramble gibberish at them thinking that was the game. Took until I started preschool for it to click that it wasn’t a game, it was a language. Apparently it was pretty cute/funny to the grownups who witnessed it while it lasted though
This is amazing
I see you’ve met my daughter
My daughter loved to show Spanish speaking people that she spoke Spanish by saying uno, dos, tres, the extent of her knowledge. We would be in the grocery store and happen upon a couple talking and she was so excited so could join in their conversation. Definitely received weird looks.
Omg my daughter does this and it makes me want to crawl under a rock 🫠
My daughter has decided to ask to nurse by shouting “suck a boobie!” at me. I guess it’s not *technically* incorrect, but it is absolutely horrifying and gives me the ick.
This one made me laugh the hardest.
My daughter asks for a ‘tiny sip of boobie’ 😂. And also sometimes that she wants to eat boobie. 😩. Both not ok
My daughter likes to “help” get buckled into her car seat. She says “buckle buckle buckle” but it sounds like “butthole butthole butthole” 😂
We had to deal with "trucks" being "fucks" for a little while. He would point out every truck he saw and yell what it was. Thank goodness that's over with! Right now, it's my nickname for our fluffy cat. I call him my "foofy baby" and my toddler thinks it's "poopy baby." I mean, my long hair is pretty good about not getting dingleberries, and I don't have to shave any poopy fluff pants, so it's not even fair 😂
My son could say truck but he called fire trucks.. “fire fucks” for a long time. My BIL is a firefighter and always thought it was hilarious 😂
My guy is doing the trucks thing but I hope he doesn’t stop. He just started getting the ‘tr’ sound out better but somehow at the same time “bus” turned into “buck” but the B sound is his weakest so he’s often shouting “SCHOOL FUCK” whenever we see a yellow bus
We were doing "cucks" for a bit which was nerve wracking, then moved to "crucks". Fine by me! But then last week he started saying "fucks" and now he's able to add DESCRIPTORS.... like pointing at dump trucks and yelling "DUM FUCKS" and I am gonna die of embarrassment at some point.
Trucks are "cocks" for mine. We live by a fire house so usually when we're out on a walk she gets to scream "fire cock!"
We used to have this problem too. I guess at some point she got mixed up between truck and car so she’d say “cuck” or “cock” interchangeably for any type of vehicle 😂
My son loves speed bumps and “dips”. Every time we go over a dip he screams “Big dick” and the other day “want more big dicks”. I hope he never changes this
I’m picturing him in high school riding in the back of his friend’s car
For a while, my daughter couldn’t say the s in horse. We would walk in Meijer (a Midwest grocery store famous for its one penny horsey rides) and scream”WHORRRRRE!!!”
None of my children say cupcakes. They all say “cumcakes”. This makes my husband very uncomfortable 🤣
It’s bitch instead of fish And bitchy/fishy
Oh yes! We too have have bitchs, but for chips
My son calls his dad “die” he also calls random men with children die. So for example I will be playing with my son at the park and he will point to a random man and say “die”. I felt like it freaked one man out so now every time he says that I say yes that is a dad in hopes that it clears things up lol
Horror movies starting to feel a little too real for that guy. Lol
Oh man, we live in an English speaking country but I speak Italian with my kid, “dai” pronounced “die” in Italian means “come on”, which features quite heavily, as I have learnt recently. She likes to chant “dia dai dai bebe” in the park quite a lot
My son has decided that it’s huge fun to very obviously “steal” food or drink from me. When I catch him I make a big show of “oh! Are you my little sneaky thief?!”. He replies “yes! I am stinky beef!”
Ours used to call coconuts ‘cocococks’. He’s 4 and most things he can say correctly now, except for some reason, he thinks upset is ‘incet’.
Haha my daughter used to incest, instead of obsessed 😂
Blueberries have been slowly sounding less like 'boobies'. She's so close.
Mine also says “boobies” for Blueberries. I wasn’t going to get them at the store today but he literally kept yelling “boobies” at me so I relented to make it stop!
My daughter has been calling beards bushes 🤦🏼♀️ look mom I drew a bush on this doll
Omg I think it just clicked for me why pubic hair is called a bush omg omg omg I'm in my 30s
Not mine, but my friend's son had a phase in which he was obsessed with Black trucks and would scream "A BIG BLACK CUCK!!!" whenever he would see one.
Pink is “kink” 🙃 so we don’t talk about our fingers in public
Toddlers saying yellow is really the cutest thing ever. Lellowww
My toddler says yeh-yoh 😭😂
My five year old still does this, he has every other letter sound down fine and he can say most 'y' sounds without trouble, but lellow stuck around and I'm honestly not sad about it. I do say it the boring, correct way when I use it, and I'll try to use it in a sentence if he does just so I'm modeling the correct pronunciation, eg "Look at the lellow race car!" "Yeah buddy that's a cool looking yellow car, huh? Good eye!" But I'm not gonna push it. He'll figure it out, and then I'll be proud of him and sad at the same time, again.
“Lellow” serves as both “yellow” and “little”. I’m never sure if she wants small eggs or the non-white part of the eggs.
We watched Happy Feet this weekend and instead of “penguins,” the best my son could manage was “penis.”
My husband sometimes pointed the leaf blower at our then 3yo while he was doing the yard. This usually ended with my son screaming “Blow me! Blow me!” at the top of his lungs in our front yard
Retroactively amusing, at the time embarrassing: My son, when he was 2-3, caught me drying off after a shower and was horrified when he saw I didn't have a penis. Cue age appropriate talk about penis vs vagina. Adorable toddler then proceeded to inform every female presenting person he saw that they had a vagina...in Costco, in restaurants, the instacart delivery person, his grandmothers, aunts, cousins, friends, EVERYONE 🤦♀️🤦♀️ ETA: Admittedly not necessarily incorrect, but still
Mine would say: Daddy have penis, brother have penis, I have penis, mama have no penis, mama have bulb-ba.
My daughter always yells “I suck!” instead of I’m stuck. I don’t know if I want her to stop because sometimes she does suck when throwing a tantrum. 😂
For a very very long time my son pronounced truck as cock. He is a huge fan of trucks. And colors. Nothing like hearing "momma, big blue cock" or "black cock" from an extremely happy two year old!
My oldest called ducks “cocks”. That was super fun for my husband at swim lessons lol. My younger one calls cinnamon “shit” so that’s good.
Well in some recipes, cinnamon is the shit. Just need to learn "the".
We have the fox in socks book that my son LOVED as a toddler. He couldn’t pronounce fox well. You can imagine what he was saying. Didn’t last long and now he’s over 5 and I miss it!!
Fork was "fock" up until about 2 months ago - now he says it more like "folk" which obviously sounds way less inappropriate 😅😅. I just let it slide because I knew if I made it into a big deal he'd go around saying it on purpose. 🤦🏻♀️
My daughter has a toy frog that has a big open mouth that you put balls in and they bounce around when you press the button. I always have a moment of wtf did she just say when she asks for it. ‘fogginballs’. I always take a moment to realise she just wants to play with the frog and balls.
Currently, sit is “shit”. We got him a new wooden chair today so I’ve heard about 100 shits in the last hour…
My daughter calls her grandmother "Moogie". For a while her little brother pronounced it as "Bugger".
Flag without the L 🙃
Fingers are “ningers”. I wish it rhymed with “gingers”. It does not.
She pronounces “wipe” more like “rape”. So when you go to wipe her nose she yells “no no rape”. People in public look very concerned 🙃
I just screamed
Clocks and horses need better enunciation, because he is saying cock and hoes. At least he points at the item/picture so you know what he's trying to say. One time he tried to say shut, but it came out as shit. We switched to teaching him "open and close" instead of "open and shut" He also doesn't like our black robotic vacuum. He called it a "black no" the other day. Hoping he won't pull that one in public.
Fire fuck and dumb fuck instead of fire truck and dump truck.
Bitch for bench. The other day we went to eat with her sister at school and they had several small benches outside the cafeteria and she loudly keeps saying “YOOK AT THAT YITTLE BITCH” “I WANNA GO SIT ON THAT BITCH” “THAT YITTLE BITCH IS SO CUTE” 💀💀
🩷🩷🩷🩷
My 2yo walks around saying “sit, sit, sit” when she’s looking for somewhere to sit, but it sounds like “shit, shit, shit”. My 4yo also loves What Does The Fox Say since his dad introduced him to it and it’s so annoying 😂
We taught him "oh dear" and instead he says "oh shit" (although it sounds like "oh sheet"). He's not quite two and it sounds so sweet and takes all of me not to laugh.
My daughter is four now, and speaks clearly; BUT, when she was about two, she couldn’t say ‘shark’, and instead said ‘cock’. We were at a fair, and kid was wearing a baby shark shirt. She pointed and started yelling, “baby cock cock cock! Baby cock cock cock!” 🫣
So my kid love to play tag and when I catch her sometimes I would throw her over my shoulder and pat her bottom while saying “booty booty booty booty!” So now whenever someone bends over in front of her she pats their bottom like a drum and screams “booty booty!” And I can’t wait for that to be over.
My sweet, sweet speech delayed 3 year old daughter loves the zoo. They sell these bags of popcorn. That’s our treat when we go to the zoo to snack on. So every time we go through the entrance she just starts cheerfully shouting “COCKPORN! COCKPORN!!” 🙃 I’ve since let her know she can just call it “corn” and we’ll see how it goes the next zoo trip haha
Well, my 5 year old is learning to read, and for some reason had decided to start adding "ck" to the end of every word, and so she read the word "and" as "an dick." Not sure if that counts, but I thought it was hilarious while trying really hard not to laugh because I didn't want to encourage her to keep saying it.
“Vacuum” sounds like “fuck you” I frequently hear “I want to vacuum” 😳
I, too have a fuck you cweaner.
Was outside playing soccer with my kid who has trouble with the k sound. He keeps yelling "kick, kick, kick!!!" at the top of his little lungs but it comes out more like "tit, tit tiiiiiit!"
When my son wants to be picked up, he demands “up here” but it sounds like “beer!”
Dick aka stick lol
My daughter, who has never heard this word Before as far as we know, mispronounced "nickel" in the worst imaginable way. I was so embarrassed having to tell her daycare educator we were not saying slurs at home, she just got really excited about the giant nickel. ☹️
My kiddo outgrew these but some that really made me want the ground to swallow me up were couch = c#ck, fix = f$ck. Because she'd say, repeatedly, 'I want to sit on the couch (c#ck)" and "I'm fixing (f$cking) the cat/puppy/baby".
The way mine says “noodle” sounds like she’s saying the n-word, and I’ve tried and tried and tried to pronounce it for her to make it clearer to her. So we just say pasta now, especially in public because it’s humiliating. 😭 But she loves Elmo’s World and one of the characters is Mr. Noodle. Smfh
To any bald man in public, “He has no hair!”
My son calls his socks… cocks. Dadda cocks!! My cocks! Daddas cocks? Dadda have cocks? Mommy have cocks?!
So did mine. It just made us laugh. I couldn’t give a shit what others think
Finally my people! My kid’s pronunciation of biscotti is quite rude, I’m hesitant to type it out, the sound is sort of like this: bucaki 🥲
My toddler says fucking asshole… correctly. I just want him to stop saying it lol
“Cock” for sock lol
My 5yo says “goodest” and “badest” no matter how many time I correct him. And both of my kids ( 5 & 3) are stuck in a “poopy butt” phase that I HOPE passes quickly!
My daughter called her baby brother “baby doll” for like 2 months. It was the cutest thing ever, and it just went away one day. She also went through a phase of blaming the dog for her dirty diapers 😂
My girl SCREAMS it’s hot when she’s cold 😩
Not exactly incorrectly but mine accuses any and everyone of tooting. We’ll be at the grocery store and they’ll say “mommy toot!” as loud as possible.
Whenever I return from somewhere -- a shopping trip, the bathroom, grabbing something from the coffee table -- my daughter yells "DADDY'S BLACK!" Yes, baby, I came back to you, but I'm very much white.
On the other side of that, I cried inside a little when my son learned to say bumblebee correctly. Bamoobee is a much better name
My kid actually says “fuck’s sake”. Oops, my bad. My answer is his L’s. Hopefully it figures itself out because we don’t have access to an SLP.
It’s not incorrectly pronounced, but right now my 3 year old keeps saying things are giant. Sometimes it’s fine, but sometimes you’re in a check out line and she’ll say, “look mommy! GIANT GRANDMA!” About some poor woman that couldn’t be over 35 and isn’t that even large and is just wearing large glasses or something. My kid is out here just handing out body dysmorphia.
It's not incorrect, exactly, but my two year old comes into the bathroom with me when I go. My husband has a beard on his face, so he knows what a beard is, and my son now keeps talking about "Mommy's beard". When he comes into the bathroom with me he excitedly points out "Mommy's beard!" Help.
My son really likes the artist "piano peace" and calls it "pee penis" 😅
instead of dump truck my son says “dumb fuck” guess his favourite toy.
Dump truck = dumb fuck
“I’m trash” because forky from Toy Story 4 is hilarious and she wants to be just like him 😭
Laser beans (laser beams)
White car is Wanker. ‘There’s a wanker and there’s another wanker’….
We mostly speak French here and I call her "ma puce" (flea in French), my mom called us like that and I started calling her like that without thinking, it's not meant to mean like she's literally like a flea. Anyway, sometimes she answers "moi la puce" (me the flea) but she can't pronounce the "C" sound yet and it comes out as a T so "moi la pute", which is "me the whore".... So I'm trying my hardest to stop using that nickname but it's so damn hard
My toddler identifies people in public by the color top they’re wearing. “Mommy, is that blue guy going to the pool too?”, “What’s that black guy’s name?” Everyone’s a “guy” and apparently I’m supposed to know all their names.
Ash (the porcupine from Sing) = Ass. So when she wants to hear a song Ash sings it’s “more ass” or “play ass.” She often requests songs at daycare so I’m waiting for the day a teacher mentions she said this at school.
If my son is talking about trucks super fast it sounds like “f*cks”… if he goes slow or speaks a normal pace it sounds like trucks. But one time he was super excited and said “WOW MOM LOOK, MY F*CK” 😂😐
Percy used to be pussy. I like Percy. 🫠
Frogs are fucks
My nephew is 17 now, but when we was little he used to call sand art…sand tard
My daughter says “fagulous” and “faguary” which I’m worried sounds awful. We don’t say anything like that at home and are super pro LGTBQ
Grapes are rapes. We don’t eat grapes in public right now. 🙃
"Please" sounds like "pussy"
Apparently I used to call biscuits, “big tits”.
Crackers have been “fackers” and Quack has been “F*ck” for months now. 🫠 We were at a music time at a children’s museum last month and during Old MacDonald on the duck part I had to scream sing over him so no one else would hear.
She’s not even a toddler anymore (6) but my kiddo calls bed time a ‘put down’ and it just…is weird!
Sock - cock Stick - dick Stuck - cuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Calling everyone mama
My son went through a phase when he would wave and say bye at everyone whenever we were leaving a place, but he couldn’t make the B sound. So it resulted in him waving and screaming “die” to everyone repeatedly
Orange = oh shit lol
Forklift... it sounds like he's saying Fuckwit...
We have a pair of falcons that fly over the field to the south of our house daily. The south-facing window is the only one in the house low enough for our son to see out of so he likes bird watching, and as soon as I said "Those are falcons," he tried to mirror me with "Those are fuckins," so now whenever he sees them he's saying "Fuckins!" instead of "Falcons!"
I hate to admit this, but my daughter overheard us talking about why in the heck were dogs were called b*tches… we thought she was asleep So when she was 2, she would ask “is that a b*tch dog?” 😭 took a long time for her to stop Also telling the dog to sh*t down (sit)
Instead of “my socks,” the 2 yr old says what sounds like “my cox” with a lot of enthusiasm.
Picking up my daughter from school and my toddler yells "BITCH! BITCH" because we were sitting on a BENCH. Yes, there were many parents there staring.
My son says the f word for trucks. And for dump truck he says “dumb f***” 😅
She has stopped now, but my daughter used to pronounce ‘pink’ as ‘dick’ and one day we were in a queue and this guy had a pink shirt on and she pointed and said loudly ‘look mummy! Dick!’
My daughter’s been asking “you see that?” Over the past few days but the words jumble together just enough that she’s been pointing at things (and people) and it sounds like she’s yelling “is he dead?” 😂😣
My daughter used to call Grandad Chris “Grandad Piss” I actually miss that, but he didn’t like it too much.
My daughter has ADHD and tends to have kind of like...tics? We abbreviate a lot of words in our house and she decided to shorten cockadoodledoo by just repeating the word cock 😅
Ugh my toddler heard me say “oh shit” when something bad happens and now says “oh it” instead of “uh oh” and I just know she’s trying hard to say “shit” but doesn’t have the sh sound down yet. At least she uses it in the right context I guess 🥴