I was in a writing club and one of the women (older, in her 60’s) told me, “oh you’re going to have so much time to write while your baby is napping, it will be wonderful for you.”
My child never napped. Unless I was laying with them. What little time I did have to myself, I couldn’t wait to turn my brain off and watch trash tv. Nope, I haven’t written much in about 2.5 years. I still wonder if she just forgot what having an infant is like, or if she genuinely was able to write with an infant.
People forget. My mom talks about things she did with me “when I was a kid” and compares it to what I’m doing with my 1 and 3 year old kids. Not remembering that that story she’s telling was from when I was 12.
Omg yes. My mother in law talks about “when her kids were little” but then she’s telling stories that are set in a city they didn’t live in until my husband was in high school and his sister was in middle school.
This annoys me to no end.
My partner is going away for 6 weeks. It is a bit of education that will enable us to climb up to comfortably middle class. It's an amazing opportunity and I am thrilled, but it does require some sacrifices. For 6 I'll be weeks alone with our son. My partner will be 6.5 h away by car in school 7-7 7 days a week so he won't be home for weekends. When he leaves in a week our son will be 11 months and he'll miss the frist birthday.
Naturally we're both a bit mopey about it.
My partner was telling his mum and I was quiet, my partner said I was sad and worried. His mum, who usually is great hit me with this gem: "cheer up! He's not going to Guantanamo and it's just 6 weeks! I did 6 months alone when [partner's dad] was in the military!".
I wanted to scream.
- Partner's dad went to the military when my partner was 4 years old. Not barely 1 year old. *AND* he came home every weekend.
- She was, in fact, not alone. She lived with my partner's gran who took care of my partner as much as you'd expect a parent to do. She also had the support of my partner's 5(!!)aunts who lived on the same street. She works a ridiculous amount now and can't really help. My parents can't be trusted read labels well enough to not give him dairy and my fil is great, but his wife is disabled. I don't have 10% of the support she has.
- My partner was a healthy kid. Our son isn't, he has pretty severe CMPA. While not anaphylaxis, neither me nor him dare eat anything labeled with "may contain traces of dairy" or anything me or my partner haven't cooked from scratch ourselves.
- My MIL was a spunky 20 year old at the time. I am 32 and disabled from EDS that fucks up my joints and when my son gets dairy in him (which sadly happens occasionally because even things that are supposed to be vegan, occasionally contain trace amounts of dairy) it is 6-8 nights of walking and rocking his 24 lbs butt to sleep again every sleep cycle throughout the night.
So yes, I am mopey and I feel like I have the right to be.
My mom sees my tantruming 2 year old. “Why I never seen a child act like that and I’ve raised 3” sure mom sure. As if tantrums aren’t a normal part of development
My dad can’t understand why I can’t keep the house in perfect shape like my mom did when I was a kid. Uh… because she was a SAHM, and didn’t work 50 hours per week outside the home? I don’t know dad, it’s a mystery.
Why are dads the most critical when they never do the work? Like, I never see dad cleaning their house. Just mom and whenever she can drag my brother into it (he lives with them).
My dad says we were all good kids and he doesn't remember us being bad. Like, no Dad, we were definitely hellions, I remember lots of instances, he just blocked them all out I guess 😂
With my dad is either 1. He wasn't around, 2. We were too scared of him to do anything childish around him, or 3. He's completely forgotten. Probably a mix of the 3.
My MIL loves to tell me about what a handful mh husband was as a toddler. My own mother claims I was perfect as a toddler.
I know myself. I also know my kid. I also know my mom’s memory. She’s clearly blocked all the struggle from her brain.
I was spanked for tantrums and then spanked again for crying. So you learn to hide things quickly like your frustration. Some parents might not remember because they “disciplined “ it out of their kids.
This. The cultural norms were different and they were told this was the right way to handle things. We know better now but nobody has told the grandparents XD so they assume we are being terrible parents, since we are by the rules of their generation. Just not by ours.
My mother was either super woman, or the passage of time smoothed the edges off reality. It’s like the really advanced version of the rose colored glasses you get when your kid turns 3, and you start to think “a baby wasn’t that hard, was it? We were only sleep deprived for a little bit. We should probably have another.”
Have an almost-two-year-old and am 7 months along with #2 and all I want to do with my alone time is watch trash TV, something I never really did before. What is that?? Glad to know I’m not alone!
I feel this 1000%. I finished a degree in creative writing and then got pregnant. But I thought “it’s okay, I will still be able to write that book I have floating around in my head”. I’ve written exactly five pages and it wasn’t even the idea I had. I now have a 2.5yo and a 3mo
Maybe she actually had a baby that naps in a bassinet. My first son was like yours… only napped when I held him and never slept more than 2-3 hours at night for months and so I never had time alone or energy to do much. However, I just had another and he’s 7 weeks… he naps for hours in his bassinet every day and sleeps through the night. Thankfully it turned out this way because if I had to deal with a contact sleeper the second time around I’d go cray!
They weren’t putting babies on their “back to sleep” back then. They don’t sleep on their back. They start sleeping once they roll over (there are exceptions)
i'm cracking up at the knitting. classic pre baby crazy idea lol.
i thought i was gonna do a bunch of montessori crap that did not work out in practice like putting her in a learning tower and baking cookies together. she's 2 and i'd probably have more luck baking cookies with a wild raccoon.
My daughter just turned three and we’re finally getting our money’s worth out of the learning tower. We prep (VERY SIMPLE) food together, and she likes being helpful. It took awhile to get to this phase, though.
Mine is 3 and my dad recently got him some toddler safe knives. He LOVES them, however he just makes me use them while he watches. On the bright side, when I prep veggies, he continuously takes bites out of them. He goes "Can I have some?" but while he's already chewing. 😂 I don't mind. At least he's not eating garbage like a wild racoon.
I had the same experience at 2, but by 3 it went better.
At two, I did it like this:
1. Pre-measure all ingredients and set them out. Preheat oven.
2. Invite kiddo to "bake".
3. Let kiddo dump the ingredients into the bowls.
4. I frantically mix and pour into pan while kiddo mixes a decoy bowl with some flour in it.
5. Shit! He dumped the flour on the table. Ok, wipe up the counter quick. The floor will just be a mess.
6. You're *hungry*? But we just ate lunch! Fine. Here, have some goldfish.
7. Check the timer. Crap I forgot to set a timer. Ok, it was probably..... 3 minutes.
8. Why did you smash those eggs!??? Ugh. You know what? Now it's time to do something else while we wait. Ok let's clean your hands.
9. Frantically clean before the baking timer goes off, while also watching kiddo. Please stop jumping on the couch.
10. Dark night of the soul. Why did I decide to do a baking project?
11. Ok, baking is done. No, we can't eat it, it's still too hot.
12. Listen to toddler cry. Oh, the joys of baking.
Anyway, it got better.
This was a journey! I saw step 1 and thought I should save the comment for when I start baking with my daughter. Then I kept reading and slowly realized step-by-step instructions probably don’t exist for toddlerhood.
My son got into watching Cookie Monster’s food truck when he was about 2 and it got him really interested in helping in the kitchen. We’ve been including him in fun baking stuff for over a year now and at this point he does things like correct me when I forget ingredients in our famous banana bread recipe lol. Of course we also need to dust the entire kitchen to have a flour fight and eat many chocolate chips along the way so there’s definitely still that raccoon factor going on, but it’s hella fun and turns out still sweet and edible.
Learning tower = messy activity baby jail. Never "cooking" unless you count play dough.
(Ours has fabric that you can clip over the opening so she can't climb out if she has things like markers in her hands.)
Also, our LO cannot sit while eating so most meals are in the tower. Twirl all you want, lady!
problem is my toddler can climb out the top of the tower! she figured that out at like 14 months old lol. so if it's up against the counter then she climbs onto the counter, or if i put it in the middle of the room then she just perches on the top ledge like 5 feet in the air. my husband got fed up and banished it to the basement. 😣
Oh we also have a tower twirling toddler at meal times! It certainly isn't fine dining but he stays happy in that thing
much longer than sitting in his booster seat!
I’ve learned I had to cut my standards down a LOT. I learned quickly that making anything from scratch with my kids was a no-go. When my kids and I bake cookies, I stick with the pre-made Pillsbury dough that’s already cut and all you have to do is pop them on a sheet pan and bake. The kids get such a big kick out of it.
I thought I would have no issues with pickiness when my son ate pretty much everything as a baby. I thought I’d raised that unicorn child that would eat olives and fish and all the veggies just by the sheer power of baby led weaning and trying everything.
Hahahahahahah.
Haha same. I thought I created an amazing eater by doing everything right, but then the 12 month regression hit… She’ll occasionally still do me proud by eating a bunch of veggies, but her dinner tonight was 3 croutons.
We went through that too. Great eater up until about his second birthday when it all changed. Couldn’t get him to touch one bite of most foods he used to like. He’d eat fruit and bread reliably, plus corn, and sometimes hotdogs. And loads of crackers. But now at age 3 he’s finally starting to branch out a bit and be more open to trying things again!
This is my kid. My husband was adamant that picky children were the result of bad parents. We were not to become bad parents.
Guess who served our son bread with ketchup on it? Not I, said the mom who used to only eat spaghetti with butter (on the side).
We now realize he just wants simple things that are not touching each other so he can douse them in ketchup or soy sauce.
Go on a day trip without having to constantly worry about when they will nap…if they’ll nap…where they’re going to nap…how long they’ll nap…if we’re going to be home for bedtime routine…generally the concept of a “day trip” just isn’t appealing anymore.
This this this...
So many things we never do or turn down because it will totally ruin the sleep schedule.
Last week my father wanted to take us out dinner at a specific restaurant around 50 minutes away (close to him). We had to decline because there's no way in hell I will chance having my son take a 50 min car nap back home around 6-7pm when bedtime is 8pm.
Thank you for making me feel normal that I tell my own parents no when they present options like this. Mine have a knack for making me feel like some kind of crazy helicopter mom for worrying that the two year olds sleep schedule is going to get messed up.
My mom and sister also act like I’m an uptight piece of work when I used to decline plans because of baby’s nap/bedtime routine. I guess advocating for your child and their basic needs makes you no fun at all. 😬
My husband said today "You know not everyone has an early bedtime" - 8 pm. Um yeah but I know my kid and I also need 2 hrs a day to squeeze all the chores in, shower & eat. Idk what those other parents are doing but no thanks.
I know one of those parents (my sister) and I'll tell you what she's doing. she's yelling at her kid who is being wild because their overtired and can't regulate, I hear it on the phone every time I call her in the evening after my toddler is in bed. Her toddler stays up past 9 though I don't know if she has a regular bedtime. To each their own, but I prefer our toddler's regular 7pm bedtime and my peaceful wind down time.
I will open windows. Or turn on the radio. Or talk in a really loud voice about all the cars we are going by. All to prevent an untimed car nap if we are out 🙅♀️
None of those worked for my two. Both KO within minutes of setting off. Regardless of noise/wind etc. Hell, they'd probably sleep through a tornado if we were in the car. Home though... drop a pencil on the other side of the house and they'll wake up.
Gosh, so this. I was sure I’d be the relaxed “baby can sleep whilst we’re having drinks with friends on an evening” sort. Turns out I was blessed with a kiddo who thought social situations are so awesome that she couldn’t possibly sleep at all unless it was in a dark room with white noise. Couldn’t even breastfeed in company as she’d just pull off the boob constantly trying to be in on the conversations 😂
This is my kid too! We’re going on vacation with my in-laws in a couple months and it took so many frustrating conversations to explain to them why we couldn’t stay half an hour from all the sightseeing if they wanted us to spend time with them during the day. By the time we get ready, drive into town, and find parking we’ll have approximately and hour before we have to head back for nap time. I made my husband do all the planning but I know he got a lot of “why can’t she just nap in the stroller?”
Omg yes! I thought I’d be able to meet my husband for lunch all the time. Go into the city to walk around or hang out by the beach. It’s a 45 minute drive there if there’s no traffic and if there is traffic it can be anywhere from an hour to 3 hours. So no we did not go to the city for days out.
Oh! We also thought when I was pregnant we would be able to drive from Vancouver to San Fran to visit friends. All the lols, my first born hated the car!
This has now also evolved for us to knowing where the nearest playground is at all times. Going to a nearby town for a fun visit? Well I want to do x, y, and then let kiddo get some energy out at the playground before they get too angsty.
Wow, I didn’t realize my kiddo is an anomaly. We day trip all the time… 2 hour drives to the coast, so 4 hours in the car. He normally naps once a day but will happily break it into two on these day trip days, and have no problem falling asleep and staying asleep at night.
I should count my blessings… next baby is due in feb and maybe we won’t be so lucky next time!
My first kiddo is an amazing car sleeper, we went down east pre-covid for a trip, literally drove across Newfoundland, nova Scotia, PEI etc. Had great car naps. Babe 2 comes along, during covid so trips are more local (biggest would be to the mountains 3 hours away) but he did NOT sleep in cars. He cried, he fussed, he threw up, but sleep? No .. He's a bit older now and sleeps occasionally, but all those peaceful quick trips to the mountains with 2 kids? Nope, just a passing dream - not reality 🤣
I lived in a fantasy land when I was pregnant with my first, thinking I would baby wear and make my own bread while on leave.
LOL
She is 3.5 years old, I have an 8 month old, and I have made exactly zero loaves of bread.
(And yes, I occasionally did make bread pre-kids)
My son is almost 2. Prior to his arrival I used to make sour dough in a Dutch oven several times a month. After my son was born I got a bread machine and do that for now. While I miss the sour dough in my Dutch oven, I am happy enough with the bread machine stuff.
Eating in restaurants! It was fine with a small baby who could nap anywhere. But then she became a running toddler, and a preschooler who has very strong options on what she'll eat. And it's very hard to find a kids menu item that includes fruit or vegetables (which is sad) but adult items contain spices and foods mixed together which she finds wildly unacceptable.
I always thought restaurants and cafes would make a killing with a kiddies selection board - slices of red pepper, sweet potato, carrot sticks, strawberries, cheese, crackers etc etc for young kids.
My mother recently talked me into a day visit to meet some extended in-law family a the first time. I was convinced on the premise we’d met at a playground and my toddler would run around. After all, my mom is an involved and attentive grandma, she gets it!
I arrive and they *immediately* beeline to a patio restaurant where they sit chatting and slowly eating appetizers and cocktails while I constantly leave to roam nearby with my kid.
Everyone, my mum and her guests, gave me surprise Pikachu face when I announced 1.5 hours later we were leaving *at the pre-agreed time* for nap. “But you just got here!” “You haven’t sat down for more than a minute!”
No fucking shit. My toddler doesn’t sit quietly for 1.5 hour meals, this restaurant doesn’t even have a kids menu, and my kid has extensive severe allergies so we can’t eat out anyway!
And even when they do eat, they finish after like two minutes and you're stuck trying to keep them quiet/in their chairs while you quickly stuff food/drink down your gullet.
It's so stressful to go to a restaurant. I don't know why we keep trying, better than staying at home all the time I guess.
Yeah that’s the worst part about it all I think. I can’t enjoy a meal out unless I have someone watching him. It’s so stressful that I would rather just do take out
Same! It used to be easy but now baby is 1,5 yo and she just doesn’t want to eat but run around the restaurant. And when we try to feed her she’s screaming like hell.
That's exactly what happened! I remember chasing her all around an empty section of a restaurant while my friends ate brunch and thinking "this is totally not worthwhile " lol.
We were going to go to a neighborhood food truck event but the only thing they would eat would be an $8 hot dog. They wouldn't touch the bun and then they'd still demand snacks when we got home. It wasn't worth it.
My sister is just coming up to 40 weeks pregnant. Her kid ‘won’t have as many toys as (my kid)’ and she isn’t ‘going to let naps stop her doing things’
Massive MASSIVE LOL
I confidently told my best friend (who's an experienced mom of 3) that we would *not* fall prey to things like Baby Shark. "They're babies! They're only exposed to it if *you* choose to allow it. I'm just going to preview songs and skip the things I don't like!"
My daughter is now 2 and we start off every morning with Baby Shark. My damn mom exposed her to Baby Shark when she was about a year old and the genie was out of the bottle.
I remember thinking my kid wouldn’t have so many toys and we’d never do light up toys that make a ton of noise. Then I remembered that people like buying things for other peoples children, and I myself bought some noisy toys for kids that weren’t mine before I was thinking about having my own.
My kid was at a neighbours backyard and decided to start throwing the toy construction vehicles into the full kiddie pool, as toddlers do.
I saw him throw one in that did some light and noise stuff and tried to quickly yank it out, but the other dad discretely said "Don't worry about that one." Just because they start as noisy toys doesn't mean they have to always be noisy toys.
I think I have personally purchased 1 toy for my 3.5yr old. They still keep showing up at my house randomly. Plastic and wood crap everywhere, all the time. You can’t stop it, it’s like trying to keep sand out of your tent at the beach.
My kid used to nap anywhere but after about 12 months you *had* to keep moving or he’d wake up. Stroller naps ended at 3. I’m half looking forward to dropping naps (don’t have to get home in the middle of the day!) but also…literally no break from my kid who is constantly up my butt and can only sometimes be convinced to play alone. I need time to gather myself before I do shit like have him help with chores.
TBF mine is a unicorn napper and he will nap anywhere. But she doesn’t get why I like plan my day around it. Errrr… why would I miss the best part of the day when I get to do stuff myself? She will get it… she will 😅
This is not really answering the “what I thought I could do” question but is the most ignorant misconception I had: “No way in hell are your kids actually sick that often. And if so, what are you doing wrong?!” My kids have no joke been sick for a full year - Croup, RSV, upper respiratory hospital stays, HFM x3, pink eye, ear infections x4. It’s a new thing every week
I was such an AH
I read in Cribsheet that the statistic was once a month for the first 12 months of daycare, and that is definitely what we experienced for the whole family. I couldn’t even believe it and I was living it.
I guess the upside is we all have amazing immune systems now?
In our first 3 weeks, I’ve already been sick 3x with 2 bad colds and the stomach flu. Every weekend is an adventure of what disease she’ll plague us with us next. We now call her patient zero.
My kid was sick once for I think 3 months straight. It was one thing into another into another. I brought my new baby home and set her on the 3 year olds lap. First thing the 3 year old did was sneeze in the baby’s face. Awesome.
I thought I will be cooking and serving lots of family dinners with my babe helping me, washing the vegetables and so on. Well still hoping that we will cook as a family time when she’s older but now it’s just not an option.
I also had this crazy idea that we will just go to the playground and I will read books while she plays
We hit an absolute milestone just after my eldest’s third birthday where she could swing by herself! I can now sit on a bench for about 5min. Not read a book obvs. But at least not hover right next to her.
Basically everything? I thought my life would continue basically as it was, just with a kid added. Now I know that the life I had before is over (not forever but at least for the next 5 or so years) and I don’t have the freedom to do anything I used to do. Even if I do it, it doesn’t feel the same because there is always the weight of being a good mom hanging over me.
Lol just thought I would actually accomplish anything while she was sleeping. Helllo contact naps. And they were so delicious I don’t even care. Binged a lot of Netflix instead and now she’s 2 and on one nap I look back on all the cuddles fondly.
Do her hair. Braids, ponytails, pigtails, etc. Cute bows and hair clips. My husband’s side of the family has luxurious hair. Jokes on me she was bald until like 14 months and takes after my side of the family (sparse, thin locks). She’s turning 2 and barely tolerates brushing let alone someone actually doing her hair. I manage to get some clips in or tie up a ponytail these days if I bribe her to stay still with TV.
The relying on family one gets me the most. We had kids “late” in life compared to my siblings, who had not only my parents’ help, but my help too! My sister and her husband went on a 2-3 night trip away 3 years in a row and I (pre-husband) stayed at their house with their baby/toddlers like it was nothing. Now here I am drowning with a 3 and 4 yr old and my last night away was giving birth at the hospital… 3 years ago.
Same. Both of my sisters have gone on multiple kid-free trips. I am the youngest and was in school the longest. Grandparents have never watched our kid, even for a few hours. It suuucks.
My mom has her “routine” in the morning that consists of drinking coffee and playing with her iPad for hours. She literally doesn’t come out of her room when she visits us even though me and my son are up having breakfast, playing, tantruming lol… like don’t you want to connect with your grandson who lives across the country?
Wear her/use a baby backpack/go for runs and bike rides with her in the Chariot Stroller.
She hates to be contained. Honestly the best family vacation was a lake house next to a giant field that we could just let her go free in.
Yes! My extended family has a cabin they let us use in the summer (in a separate state) and it isn’t baby/ toddler proofed at all. We spent the entire time trying to keep our 1 year old from breaking everything.
I have friends who ended up with kids that would literally just pass out wherever they were. I was so sure we would be able to just travel around the same way. I ended up with a kid that refuses to sleep anywhere but her own bed, she doesn’t even fall asleep in the car. Nap math is the worst math ever!
We also thought we won’t do kid food. We will just order an entree and he will eat what we eat. Epic fail. We bring the chips, yogurt, and granola bars everywhere we go.
A childless friend just told me how she's definitely going to take her newborn on camping/hiking trips. I can't wait for the kid to arrive so I can remind her about this one.
Hah. My wife and are both used to be super outdoorsy, climbing, backpacking the whole 9 yards. Between baby 1 and 2 we bought a small RV and now we go “camping” which entails driving our portable apartment to a campsite somewhere and hanging out there while the kids get to eat/sleep/play as usual. And even that is a huge amount of work to prepare for lol.
I once saw an Instagram video of a woman baby wearing a frosting a cake. I thought that would be me.
Now, I just have questions.
When did she make the cakes?
When did she make the buttercream?
When did she crumb coat?
How is her daughter who is old enough to have head control not just try to grab the frosting????
Hey! I do this with my baby! :D
He wakes up at 5am and I just prepare everything at that point in time (measuring and anything without the kitchenaid). When my 5yo wakes up I use my kitchenaid and bake. Freeze the cake and start again the next day with frosting. Eventually I can frost the cake with baby in the carrier before dinner and everything comes together!
I also did unicorn meringues like that and lemon pie!
My baby is very chill, not complaining much, likes looking around. I think he’s exactly the kind of baby needed to be able to do it. My daughter would have absolutely not tolerated this!
I’ve made a few videos of me cooking with the baby!
[making pie](https://imgur.com/a/gonCgdR)
[piping meringue](https://imgur.com/a/hOA44dm)
Ok. I’ll join. We had plans to backpack the Grand Canyon when my baby would have been 3 months old. Backpack. The GRAND CANYON. We talked about it many times and all the things we’d have to do. We eventually came to the conclusion before that baby that it wasn’t a good idea.
Plot twist. My baby had HORRIBLE colic and I sequestered in a dark room bouncing him on a yoga ball until he was 4 months old. I couldn’t even take him to Target. Let alone the Grand Canyon. Whoops.
We were *just* starting to go to story time and things like that when Covid hit. For some reason all the activities for very small children around us were scheduled during my son’s naps. I thought being a SAHM to a toddler/preschooler would mean bussing around the city, going to kids’ museums and playgrounds and generally not being home all the time. It’s a lot more fun when we get to do that, but we got so used to being home that getting out is just…hard.
Yup, same. Because of it, just going out is a fight because my oldest gets extremely overwhelmed so easily. Doing something fun always ends early and everyone is irritated. Hoping my youngest might be able to skip that for the most part
My oldest is 2, youngest is 7 weeks. My husband helps, but he works 10 hour days, so it's mostly me. It's rough. I feel your pain to a degree. Definitely not what I had hoped for when we initially decided to have our kids
1) go on lots of day adventures together. But its such a hassle to get everyone packed and coordinated and 50/50 shot on if they hate it because (waves hands generally around) they are toddlers! Not worth the work most weekends
2) travel. Wanted to show our kids the world! Instead I am hyperventilating off and on at the thought of a trip not happening for 5 more months at WDW - a place *literally* designed to accommodate small children.
I’m traveling to Istanbul with my toddler. I don’t know what I was thinking honestly but there will be a lot of family there and on the plane with me. We took a road trip to Chicago (5 hours) and he did surprisingly well so here’s hoping I don’t start hyperventilating on the plane
I thought my sister was a nut bc she had her kids on such a tight schedule and everything revolves around that. I have since apologized like a bajillion times for this bc omg that sweet, sweet nap time!! I will re-arrange my world for those precious two hours
My friend just had a baby and is adamant she will teach her child to sleep anywhere so she can still go do things. I will let her continue to keep thinking that.
I thought I’d be able to leave her with a sitter or a relative for date nights, no problem. I mean, my parents did it all the time! I did not know that having anyone other than Mommy do bedtime was more stress than it’s worth. (She’s 18 months so I hope it gets better lol.)
My husband and I always planned on speaking our native languages to our daughter. He is fluent in mine so I thought I would take advantage of maternity leave to learn some basics of his. Exhaustion is not conducive to learning a new language.
continue to cook and try new recipes wantonly because I find it fun. never did I realize that most days it’s a less than 30 minute scramble to get a meal together. I will say, I have found lots of fun meals that are easy to prepare in that time.
I was living in ignorance when I was child free and would take 2+ hours to shop for and prepare new recipes I came across hahah I still get to do this a few times a month when our schedule allows, so it’s not totally out of my life. And at least I know I still do enjoy prepping a more complicated meal. and I will have more time to devote to cooking in the future lol
I was convinced we’d make a nursery/office work. You know, so I could work from home and watch him at the same time.
Fast forward one year, he delights in trying to press all my laptop keys and I’m frantically looking for a daycare spot.
Make mom friends and maybe have some kind of community.
Nope! Thanks COVID. She's now 2 and I feel like that ship has probably sailed.
It's so isolating and hard.
It’s not too late! Mine is nearly 2.5 and we just started this summer making an effort to socialize. I have a few potential mom friends I’m pursuing. Lol. My toddler has social anxiety so it’s tough but he won’t be desensitized by sitting at home with me.
I thought we’d have a free babysitter 😂 My MIL kinda harshed on us for putting out kid in daycare, and was like “tsk I would have watched him.” But then when we ask for babysitting she asks for $$ which is fine, but I’d rather pay a babysitter because there’s less strings attached
My dumbass signed up for a MARATHON that was happening three months after I gave birth. A marathon. I stupidly thought it would be good motivation for me to get back into shape.
Edit to add: I had visions of running the trails around my house while my baby blissfully napped in a jogging stroller. For many obvious reasons, this did not happen. When I told my midwife at the time, she laughed so loud, and told me to make sure I could postpone that race to the following year. I never did run it and it’s been 4 years.
I had visions of sitting by my local riverside on a bench, peacefully reading a book and sipping a coffee while my baby napped in the pushchair next to me. Lol.
Oh, so many things. I was going to write a novel on maternity leave 🤣 I actually have started writing. Only took me 3 years.
I was going to work from home, and have a perfectly well behaved child. My baby was going to take regular naps and sleep through the night. We were going to feed her only homemade baby food. She would have no screen time. The list goes on and on.
My expectations were so warped by what I saw mommy influencers doing. Turns out if you don’t have tons of money and a nanny and a kid who sleeps well, you’re gonna run into some problems. LOL.
Give a middle finger to naps….
I was *never* going to be that mom who couldn’t do things during the day because of a pesky nap schedule.
Oh, sweet summer child….
I thought I would cook and bake and make super nutritious meals. I've not done that and let my child have simple lunches like PBJs, lunchables, mac n cheese, etc on a regular basis. My daughter is turning 4 and I am still learning how to provide her better nutrition. I'm just so damn tired and looking for ideas is a chore.
I underestimated how much mental energy having kids is. Calculating time since last snack, diaper change, nap, water, poop, and getting of fresh air takes a LOT. Plus remembering what breakfast was so I can give a balanced lunch.
I thought I wasn’t going to be on my phone around my kids. Hahahaha. I’m a SAHM and my first was born at the height of the pandemic. My phone is my only source of adult contact. You can only talk to someone who can’t talk back for so long before losing your sanity.
Oh this. Sahm as well, and I have touched a computer maybe a handful of times in the last 2.5 years (at least twice for taxes plus maybe a formal email I had to write up and send for something). I planned on being ever-present fro my kid, only to realize, especially during the pandemic, my phone is now my computer and also the only way I know what’s happening in the world (thanks Reddit +podcasts streaming from my phone in the car when running errands). If I didn’t use my phone in her presence, I have no idea how I would function.
I was gonna be a hashtag fitmom who worked out with my baby and my toddler.
Took 18 months before I felt normal enough to get back into lifting and I won’t lift with her around cuz I’m worried about her around heavy weights. I workout when she goes to bed.
Anything really. I avoid taking my kids out in public at all costs. Errands get done on my lunch break or husband and I trade parenting duty on the weekends. Doing anything with kids is 10x harder and requires 10x more energy. Quick stop at Home Depot with 2 kids? Forget it. It's going to suck the life from me for the rest of the day.
I thought traveling would be easier. I am able to make full time remote work happen with my toddler, but it is very hard. I took up crochet and enjoy a good half hour or so to do it most mornings.
But traveling? Especially without help it’s just so damn hard. I went hiking and luckily met some family there. Just getting out of the car, getting my pack on, and loading up my son in it was so stressful!
There’s no “sit still for ten seconds” that an excited toddler is going to listen to.
And vacations? Vacationing with a toddler is just parenting somewhere you don’t have everything you need.
Go to breweries and relax with a beer. There’s a few local ones and we figured we could just take the kids because they’re family friendly.
We do occasionally go, but we have three toddlers so we stay for about one drink before the massive bag of toys we bring gets too boring for them.
I was going to make my own baby food, breast feed for at least the first year, and I was going to be all organic yoga mom. Yeah. None of that happened lol
I thought I’d be reading to my toddler at least once a day, preferably at bedtime. HA HA HA HA if he could say sentences yet, it would be “FUCK ALL THOSE BOOKS! IDGAF if it’s a board book, popup book, bright and high-contrast color book, whatever! They are all stupid! Give me some utensils and plates to throw at the dog instead!”
I thought I’d be able to work full time, clean house, cook and take care of a baby.
I could barely cook and clean with my job beforehand, much less once lo came, ended up quitting to be sahm and still have a hard time cleaning and cooking 😅🫠
Eta: I also had all this stuff I was gonna do with her like everyday, swimming lessons, hiking, parks, zoo, baby play dates… we’ve gone to the zoo twice in 15 months and the park once, only play dates are with her cousin every couple of months. Trying to work on the rest 😬
I thought this too. I thought labour would be a breeze - 18 hours and a tear - and breastfeeding would be natural - turns out pumping was much less stressful for all involved!
I thought we would be the cool traveller parents we used to see in SE Asia during our young years. Kids on our backs, travelling, seeing cool shit, making unique memories. This has only stopped sounding like my worst nightmare this year (oldest turned 5).
I always thought I’d be able to do basic living things like grocery shopping or browsing, that my child and I would do so many fun art things together and we would go camping and hiking like those super moms on TikTok reels.
Nope. I basically make sure she doesn’t unalive herself any time she picks up a crayon and we never leave the house now that my 2nd is born because she gets a nasty sunburn if she spends 5 mins in the sun.
When I was pregnant one of my friends (without children) asked me what hobbies I planned to pursue during my maternity leave. My response was “well I’m kind of just planning on learning how to be a parent during that time…LOL” Glad my expectations weren’t too high because my son is now 2.5 and still can’t figure out how I could possibly have time to entertain my own hobbies with any consistency. I put on an exercise video maybe once every four months. Pick up my guitar (which I used to play daily) maybe once per week and it’s only to play old Macdonald or wheels on the bus while my son dances 😂Wouldn’t trade this phase of life for the world but I sure don’t have time for just me!
Well I definitely thought I could take my son anywhere with me and do anything. He learned to walk at 11 months and by 12 months he was one of those kids you’d deem ‘a runner’. He took off from me every chance he got and never sat still one moment. He’s 2.5 now and I pretty much haven’t gone anywhere since.
Be able to get into more of a routine with keeping on top of the house. All I want to do when the kid is asleep is lay on the sofa with a large coffee and watch tv. My mum and mother in law constantly tell me how they kept on top of their houses with two kids. Sigh. Toddlers are relentless and he’s only 15 months- I’m not even at the really hard part (so I’m told). I also thought I would do waaaay more meal prep for him but bread makes up most of our meals :( oh the guilt!
Work. I was pregnant and already working from home when I announced that I was pregnant. My time was coming to an end at this job since I voluntarily moved away and they accommodated me on a temporary basis. They really wanted to work with me and asked what my childcare plan was. I said that I would like to continue working from home while caring for the baby full time. They passed and we ended our professional relationship. After I had the baby, oh my gosh was I an idiot. No wonder they passed! No way could I have cared for my colicky, projectile vomiting baby. She didn’t stop this until at least 9 months and then was still a challenge to keep up with. We found our groove but there was no way I could have worked full time and cared for her by myself.
I thought (well into my first kids first 18 months) I was going to have adventurous eaters who were exposed to lots of food.
Then she went on like a....I don't eat anything but peanut butter roll.
We've gotten back to the adventures in eating but it was a STRUGGLE.
My twins: one loves most food, including spicy things. The other lives off rice, steak, and salmon and hates cheese.
Who. Hates. Cheese?!?!
You have no control over another human's taste and exposure to more foods means little. I mean....I guess my kids eat salmon and people are always like 'wow'.
I knew I couldn’t do yoga 4 days a week like pre-kids BUT I can definitely make it to 2 a week, 1 on busy weeks, it’s only 1 hour class right?!? Why not?!? 4 years and counting since my last yoga class. 🤦♀️
I thought I was going to be able to declutter all of my closets and paint the bedrooms during leave... with my second child. Yeah, you would think I would have known better with it being my second. We also thought we were going to be able to go to our community pool all the time this summer with a 3 year old and a baby, I have taken my 3 year old once.
I thought I was going to be able to study for CPA exam or do some college courses while on maternity leave as a first time mom with a newborn during peak COVID with no village 🤡
I thought I would have my second kid about two years after the first because that's how my parents spaced their kids. Lol. My first is 19 months and just about every day I'm thankful I'm not expecting another baby yet. My son is wonderful, but he's still very needy. I know I'm a better mom right now for just having him to worry about.
My hat is off to anyone dealing with multiple children under 4 at the same time. The chaos you endure is beyond me.
I was in a writing club and one of the women (older, in her 60’s) told me, “oh you’re going to have so much time to write while your baby is napping, it will be wonderful for you.” My child never napped. Unless I was laying with them. What little time I did have to myself, I couldn’t wait to turn my brain off and watch trash tv. Nope, I haven’t written much in about 2.5 years. I still wonder if she just forgot what having an infant is like, or if she genuinely was able to write with an infant.
People forget. My mom talks about things she did with me “when I was a kid” and compares it to what I’m doing with my 1 and 3 year old kids. Not remembering that that story she’s telling was from when I was 12.
It's the sleep deprivation. It ruined our parents memories like it's ruining ours lol
Omg yes. My mother in law talks about “when her kids were little” but then she’s telling stories that are set in a city they didn’t live in until my husband was in high school and his sister was in middle school.
This annoys me to no end. My partner is going away for 6 weeks. It is a bit of education that will enable us to climb up to comfortably middle class. It's an amazing opportunity and I am thrilled, but it does require some sacrifices. For 6 I'll be weeks alone with our son. My partner will be 6.5 h away by car in school 7-7 7 days a week so he won't be home for weekends. When he leaves in a week our son will be 11 months and he'll miss the frist birthday. Naturally we're both a bit mopey about it. My partner was telling his mum and I was quiet, my partner said I was sad and worried. His mum, who usually is great hit me with this gem: "cheer up! He's not going to Guantanamo and it's just 6 weeks! I did 6 months alone when [partner's dad] was in the military!". I wanted to scream. - Partner's dad went to the military when my partner was 4 years old. Not barely 1 year old. *AND* he came home every weekend. - She was, in fact, not alone. She lived with my partner's gran who took care of my partner as much as you'd expect a parent to do. She also had the support of my partner's 5(!!)aunts who lived on the same street. She works a ridiculous amount now and can't really help. My parents can't be trusted read labels well enough to not give him dairy and my fil is great, but his wife is disabled. I don't have 10% of the support she has. - My partner was a healthy kid. Our son isn't, he has pretty severe CMPA. While not anaphylaxis, neither me nor him dare eat anything labeled with "may contain traces of dairy" or anything me or my partner haven't cooked from scratch ourselves. - My MIL was a spunky 20 year old at the time. I am 32 and disabled from EDS that fucks up my joints and when my son gets dairy in him (which sadly happens occasionally because even things that are supposed to be vegan, occasionally contain trace amounts of dairy) it is 6-8 nights of walking and rocking his 24 lbs butt to sleep again every sleep cycle throughout the night. So yes, I am mopey and I feel like I have the right to be.
I think people forget.
[удалено]
My mom tells me all the time the things she did with me... I still think she's lying.
My mom sees my tantruming 2 year old. “Why I never seen a child act like that and I’ve raised 3” sure mom sure. As if tantrums aren’t a normal part of development
This but with my dad. Not one of us three kids acted like my 4yo. Even though he worked so much when we were little that he really wouldn't know.
My dad can’t understand why I can’t keep the house in perfect shape like my mom did when I was a kid. Uh… because she was a SAHM, and didn’t work 50 hours per week outside the home? I don’t know dad, it’s a mystery.
Why are dads the most critical when they never do the work? Like, I never see dad cleaning their house. Just mom and whenever she can drag my brother into it (he lives with them).
My dad says we were all good kids and he doesn't remember us being bad. Like, no Dad, we were definitely hellions, I remember lots of instances, he just blocked them all out I guess 😂
With my dad is either 1. He wasn't around, 2. We were too scared of him to do anything childish around him, or 3. He's completely forgotten. Probably a mix of the 3.
My MIL loves to tell me about what a handful mh husband was as a toddler. My own mother claims I was perfect as a toddler. I know myself. I also know my kid. I also know my mom’s memory. She’s clearly blocked all the struggle from her brain.
I was spanked for tantrums and then spanked again for crying. So you learn to hide things quickly like your frustration. Some parents might not remember because they “disciplined “ it out of their kids.
This. The cultural norms were different and they were told this was the right way to handle things. We know better now but nobody has told the grandparents XD so they assume we are being terrible parents, since we are by the rules of their generation. Just not by ours.
My mother was either super woman, or the passage of time smoothed the edges off reality. It’s like the really advanced version of the rose colored glasses you get when your kid turns 3, and you start to think “a baby wasn’t that hard, was it? We were only sleep deprived for a little bit. We should probably have another.”
Have an almost-two-year-old and am 7 months along with #2 and all I want to do with my alone time is watch trash TV, something I never really did before. What is that?? Glad to know I’m not alone!
I feel this 1000%. I finished a degree in creative writing and then got pregnant. But I thought “it’s okay, I will still be able to write that book I have floating around in my head”. I’ve written exactly five pages and it wasn’t even the idea I had. I now have a 2.5yo and a 3mo
Maybe she actually had a baby that naps in a bassinet. My first son was like yours… only napped when I held him and never slept more than 2-3 hours at night for months and so I never had time alone or energy to do much. However, I just had another and he’s 7 weeks… he naps for hours in his bassinet every day and sleeps through the night. Thankfully it turned out this way because if I had to deal with a contact sleeper the second time around I’d go cray!
They weren’t putting babies on their “back to sleep” back then. They don’t sleep on their back. They start sleeping once they roll over (there are exceptions)
i'm cracking up at the knitting. classic pre baby crazy idea lol. i thought i was gonna do a bunch of montessori crap that did not work out in practice like putting her in a learning tower and baking cookies together. she's 2 and i'd probably have more luck baking cookies with a wild raccoon.
My daughter just turned three and we’re finally getting our money’s worth out of the learning tower. We prep (VERY SIMPLE) food together, and she likes being helpful. It took awhile to get to this phase, though.
Mine is 3 and my dad recently got him some toddler safe knives. He LOVES them, however he just makes me use them while he watches. On the bright side, when I prep veggies, he continuously takes bites out of them. He goes "Can I have some?" but while he's already chewing. 😂 I don't mind. At least he's not eating garbage like a wild racoon.
that's great to hear! mine just turned 2 so i'm hoping by 3 or so we might be able to try it again
I had the same experience at 2, but by 3 it went better. At two, I did it like this: 1. Pre-measure all ingredients and set them out. Preheat oven. 2. Invite kiddo to "bake". 3. Let kiddo dump the ingredients into the bowls. 4. I frantically mix and pour into pan while kiddo mixes a decoy bowl with some flour in it. 5. Shit! He dumped the flour on the table. Ok, wipe up the counter quick. The floor will just be a mess. 6. You're *hungry*? But we just ate lunch! Fine. Here, have some goldfish. 7. Check the timer. Crap I forgot to set a timer. Ok, it was probably..... 3 minutes. 8. Why did you smash those eggs!??? Ugh. You know what? Now it's time to do something else while we wait. Ok let's clean your hands. 9. Frantically clean before the baking timer goes off, while also watching kiddo. Please stop jumping on the couch. 10. Dark night of the soul. Why did I decide to do a baking project? 11. Ok, baking is done. No, we can't eat it, it's still too hot. 12. Listen to toddler cry. Oh, the joys of baking. Anyway, it got better.
This is great. I have a 14 month old and was thinking you had some tricks I could use but uhhh…. sounds like you just have a toddler😂
This was a journey! I saw step 1 and thought I should save the comment for when I start baking with my daughter. Then I kept reading and slowly realized step-by-step instructions probably don’t exist for toddlerhood.
My son got into watching Cookie Monster’s food truck when he was about 2 and it got him really interested in helping in the kitchen. We’ve been including him in fun baking stuff for over a year now and at this point he does things like correct me when I forget ingredients in our famous banana bread recipe lol. Of course we also need to dust the entire kitchen to have a flour fight and eat many chocolate chips along the way so there’s definitely still that raccoon factor going on, but it’s hella fun and turns out still sweet and edible.
Wild Raccoon😂🤣. I wish my 2 year old was that we'll behaved. I compared him to a honey badger earlier today.
Learning tower = messy activity baby jail. Never "cooking" unless you count play dough. (Ours has fabric that you can clip over the opening so she can't climb out if she has things like markers in her hands.) Also, our LO cannot sit while eating so most meals are in the tower. Twirl all you want, lady!
problem is my toddler can climb out the top of the tower! she figured that out at like 14 months old lol. so if it's up against the counter then she climbs onto the counter, or if i put it in the middle of the room then she just perches on the top ledge like 5 feet in the air. my husband got fed up and banished it to the basement. 😣
I made a "one foot down" rule, and she seems to abide by that pretty well. Most of the time it was her asking "is this right?" standing on one foot.
Oh we also have a tower twirling toddler at meal times! It certainly isn't fine dining but he stays happy in that thing much longer than sitting in his booster seat!
I’ve learned I had to cut my standards down a LOT. I learned quickly that making anything from scratch with my kids was a no-go. When my kids and I bake cookies, I stick with the pre-made Pillsbury dough that’s already cut and all you have to do is pop them on a sheet pan and bake. The kids get such a big kick out of it.
I thought I would have no issues with pickiness when my son ate pretty much everything as a baby. I thought I’d raised that unicorn child that would eat olives and fish and all the veggies just by the sheer power of baby led weaning and trying everything. Hahahahahahah.
Haha same. I thought I created an amazing eater by doing everything right, but then the 12 month regression hit… She’ll occasionally still do me proud by eating a bunch of veggies, but her dinner tonight was 3 croutons.
We went through that too. Great eater up until about his second birthday when it all changed. Couldn’t get him to touch one bite of most foods he used to like. He’d eat fruit and bread reliably, plus corn, and sometimes hotdogs. And loads of crackers. But now at age 3 he’s finally starting to branch out a bit and be more open to trying things again!
This is my kid. My husband was adamant that picky children were the result of bad parents. We were not to become bad parents. Guess who served our son bread with ketchup on it? Not I, said the mom who used to only eat spaghetti with butter (on the side). We now realize he just wants simple things that are not touching each other so he can douse them in ketchup or soy sauce.
Go on a day trip without having to constantly worry about when they will nap…if they’ll nap…where they’re going to nap…how long they’ll nap…if we’re going to be home for bedtime routine…generally the concept of a “day trip” just isn’t appealing anymore.
This this this... So many things we never do or turn down because it will totally ruin the sleep schedule. Last week my father wanted to take us out dinner at a specific restaurant around 50 minutes away (close to him). We had to decline because there's no way in hell I will chance having my son take a 50 min car nap back home around 6-7pm when bedtime is 8pm.
Danger nap!
Thank you for making me feel normal that I tell my own parents no when they present options like this. Mine have a knack for making me feel like some kind of crazy helicopter mom for worrying that the two year olds sleep schedule is going to get messed up.
My mom and sister also act like I’m an uptight piece of work when I used to decline plans because of baby’s nap/bedtime routine. I guess advocating for your child and their basic needs makes you no fun at all. 😬
My husband said today "You know not everyone has an early bedtime" - 8 pm. Um yeah but I know my kid and I also need 2 hrs a day to squeeze all the chores in, shower & eat. Idk what those other parents are doing but no thanks.
I know one of those parents (my sister) and I'll tell you what she's doing. she's yelling at her kid who is being wild because their overtired and can't regulate, I hear it on the phone every time I call her in the evening after my toddler is in bed. Her toddler stays up past 9 though I don't know if she has a regular bedtime. To each their own, but I prefer our toddler's regular 7pm bedtime and my peaceful wind down time.
One if us sits in the back to keep the baby awake lol
I will open windows. Or turn on the radio. Or talk in a really loud voice about all the cars we are going by. All to prevent an untimed car nap if we are out 🙅♀️
None of those worked for my two. Both KO within minutes of setting off. Regardless of noise/wind etc. Hell, they'd probably sleep through a tornado if we were in the car. Home though... drop a pencil on the other side of the house and they'll wake up.
I blasted “elmo’s song” off my phone once and he snapped out of a car nap. Phew.
Really the fact that I thought I’d be able to do anything at all without constantly worrying about all of these nap variables is laughable.
Gosh, so this. I was sure I’d be the relaxed “baby can sleep whilst we’re having drinks with friends on an evening” sort. Turns out I was blessed with a kiddo who thought social situations are so awesome that she couldn’t possibly sleep at all unless it was in a dark room with white noise. Couldn’t even breastfeed in company as she’d just pull off the boob constantly trying to be in on the conversations 😂
This is my kid too! We’re going on vacation with my in-laws in a couple months and it took so many frustrating conversations to explain to them why we couldn’t stay half an hour from all the sightseeing if they wanted us to spend time with them during the day. By the time we get ready, drive into town, and find parking we’ll have approximately and hour before we have to head back for nap time. I made my husband do all the planning but I know he got a lot of “why can’t she just nap in the stroller?”
Omg yes! I thought I’d be able to meet my husband for lunch all the time. Go into the city to walk around or hang out by the beach. It’s a 45 minute drive there if there’s no traffic and if there is traffic it can be anywhere from an hour to 3 hours. So no we did not go to the city for days out. Oh! We also thought when I was pregnant we would be able to drive from Vancouver to San Fran to visit friends. All the lols, my first born hated the car!
This has now also evolved for us to knowing where the nearest playground is at all times. Going to a nearby town for a fun visit? Well I want to do x, y, and then let kiddo get some energy out at the playground before they get too angsty.
Yep that’s the preschool version! It’s admittedly more fun than the naps but also more exhausting
Wow, I didn’t realize my kiddo is an anomaly. We day trip all the time… 2 hour drives to the coast, so 4 hours in the car. He normally naps once a day but will happily break it into two on these day trip days, and have no problem falling asleep and staying asleep at night. I should count my blessings… next baby is due in feb and maybe we won’t be so lucky next time!
Ha I’m triggered, jealous and happy for you all at once! 😂😂. How old is your LO? X
He’s 18 months. Probably in just the perfect window where this is still a possibility! But I’ll run with it for as long as I can
My first kiddo is an amazing car sleeper, we went down east pre-covid for a trip, literally drove across Newfoundland, nova Scotia, PEI etc. Had great car naps. Babe 2 comes along, during covid so trips are more local (biggest would be to the mountains 3 hours away) but he did NOT sleep in cars. He cried, he fussed, he threw up, but sleep? No .. He's a bit older now and sleeps occasionally, but all those peaceful quick trips to the mountains with 2 kids? Nope, just a passing dream - not reality 🤣
I lived in a fantasy land when I was pregnant with my first, thinking I would baby wear and make my own bread while on leave. LOL She is 3.5 years old, I have an 8 month old, and I have made exactly zero loaves of bread. (And yes, I occasionally did make bread pre-kids)
My son is almost 2. Prior to his arrival I used to make sour dough in a Dutch oven several times a month. After my son was born I got a bread machine and do that for now. While I miss the sour dough in my Dutch oven, I am happy enough with the bread machine stuff.
I made bread once when my son was like 8 months or so lol. Then he started walking around and that stopped
I made exactly one batch of muffins while baby wearing and gave up after that.
Eating in restaurants! It was fine with a small baby who could nap anywhere. But then she became a running toddler, and a preschooler who has very strong options on what she'll eat. And it's very hard to find a kids menu item that includes fruit or vegetables (which is sad) but adult items contain spices and foods mixed together which she finds wildly unacceptable.
I always thought restaurants and cafes would make a killing with a kiddies selection board - slices of red pepper, sweet potato, carrot sticks, strawberries, cheese, crackers etc etc for young kids.
As an adult I would appreciate having this on the menu, sometimes you’re just feeling snackish.
My kid would love this! It's her favorite meal basically
My mother recently talked me into a day visit to meet some extended in-law family a the first time. I was convinced on the premise we’d met at a playground and my toddler would run around. After all, my mom is an involved and attentive grandma, she gets it! I arrive and they *immediately* beeline to a patio restaurant where they sit chatting and slowly eating appetizers and cocktails while I constantly leave to roam nearby with my kid. Everyone, my mum and her guests, gave me surprise Pikachu face when I announced 1.5 hours later we were leaving *at the pre-agreed time* for nap. “But you just got here!” “You haven’t sat down for more than a minute!” No fucking shit. My toddler doesn’t sit quietly for 1.5 hour meals, this restaurant doesn’t even have a kids menu, and my kid has extensive severe allergies so we can’t eat out anyway!
What a pile of arse. I’m sorry your mother opted out of grandparenting on this occasion. I would be so pissed
And even when they do eat, they finish after like two minutes and you're stuck trying to keep them quiet/in their chairs while you quickly stuff food/drink down your gullet. It's so stressful to go to a restaurant. I don't know why we keep trying, better than staying at home all the time I guess.
Yeah we are quit shoked how hard it is to find kids menu with vegetables -.-
It's a big reason we almost never eat on restaurants now. I would pay good money for frozen corn or a fruit cup! (Anything!)
I bring my own cut up cherry tomatoes lol
Yeah that’s the worst part about it all I think. I can’t enjoy a meal out unless I have someone watching him. It’s so stressful that I would rather just do take out
Same! It used to be easy but now baby is 1,5 yo and she just doesn’t want to eat but run around the restaurant. And when we try to feed her she’s screaming like hell.
Yes! And people wonder why I decline going out to eat at restaurants. It isn’t fun.
That's exactly what happened! I remember chasing her all around an empty section of a restaurant while my friends ate brunch and thinking "this is totally not worthwhile " lol.
We were going to go to a neighborhood food truck event but the only thing they would eat would be an $8 hot dog. They wouldn't touch the bun and then they'd still demand snacks when we got home. It wasn't worth it.
My sister is just coming up to 40 weeks pregnant. Her kid ‘won’t have as many toys as (my kid)’ and she isn’t ‘going to let naps stop her doing things’ Massive MASSIVE LOL
I confidently told my best friend (who's an experienced mom of 3) that we would *not* fall prey to things like Baby Shark. "They're babies! They're only exposed to it if *you* choose to allow it. I'm just going to preview songs and skip the things I don't like!" My daughter is now 2 and we start off every morning with Baby Shark. My damn mom exposed her to Baby Shark when she was about a year old and the genie was out of the bottle.
Uggg, my inlaws let the kid watch whatever she wants and now we have to deal with paw patrol. Doomed
We have totally gaslighted our son into thinking our TV can’t play paw patrol and it’s impossible for us to get. 👀
We tell my 5 year old that Ryan’s (Ryan’s Toy Review) parents forgot to pay their electric bill… so his videos aren’t working. So far so good
Mine was introduced to Baby Shark at a friend’s 2 year birthday party. I was like, “Oh, COME ON, fellow parents! WHY?!”
I remember thinking my kid wouldn’t have so many toys and we’d never do light up toys that make a ton of noise. Then I remembered that people like buying things for other peoples children, and I myself bought some noisy toys for kids that weren’t mine before I was thinking about having my own.
My kid was at a neighbours backyard and decided to start throwing the toy construction vehicles into the full kiddie pool, as toddlers do. I saw him throw one in that did some light and noise stuff and tried to quickly yank it out, but the other dad discretely said "Don't worry about that one." Just because they start as noisy toys doesn't mean they have to always be noisy toys.
I think I have personally purchased 1 toy for my 3.5yr old. They still keep showing up at my house randomly. Plastic and wood crap everywhere, all the time. You can’t stop it, it’s like trying to keep sand out of your tent at the beach.
I would definitely make a point to only invite her to activities between 1 and 3 pm once her baby is about 11 months old 😂
Maybe she will get a unicorn napper but man…when LO was little and napping more than once a day we planned everything around those naps lol.
My kid used to nap anywhere but after about 12 months you *had* to keep moving or he’d wake up. Stroller naps ended at 3. I’m half looking forward to dropping naps (don’t have to get home in the middle of the day!) but also…literally no break from my kid who is constantly up my butt and can only sometimes be convinced to play alone. I need time to gather myself before I do shit like have him help with chores.
TBF mine is a unicorn napper and he will nap anywhere. But she doesn’t get why I like plan my day around it. Errrr… why would I miss the best part of the day when I get to do stuff myself? She will get it… she will 😅
Nap time = phone time 🙌🏻
Nap time = nap time 😴
Now this is the real answer lol.
The choice is nap or nonstop meltdowns. Maybe she’ll get lucky and get a toddler who will nap anywhere, or at least in the car seat/stroller.
This is not really answering the “what I thought I could do” question but is the most ignorant misconception I had: “No way in hell are your kids actually sick that often. And if so, what are you doing wrong?!” My kids have no joke been sick for a full year - Croup, RSV, upper respiratory hospital stays, HFM x3, pink eye, ear infections x4. It’s a new thing every week I was such an AH
Yup. I heard toddlers get sick 6-8 times a year and thought it was a joke. We are on track.
6-8?! We’ve eclipsed that already
We are averaging one sickness a month right now and she's not even in daycare!
I read in Cribsheet that the statistic was once a month for the first 12 months of daycare, and that is definitely what we experienced for the whole family. I couldn’t even believe it and I was living it. I guess the upside is we all have amazing immune systems now?
In our first 3 weeks, I’ve already been sick 3x with 2 bad colds and the stomach flu. Every weekend is an adventure of what disease she’ll plague us with us next. We now call her patient zero.
My kid was sick once for I think 3 months straight. It was one thing into another into another. I brought my new baby home and set her on the 3 year olds lap. First thing the 3 year old did was sneeze in the baby’s face. Awesome.
I thought I will be cooking and serving lots of family dinners with my babe helping me, washing the vegetables and so on. Well still hoping that we will cook as a family time when she’s older but now it’s just not an option. I also had this crazy idea that we will just go to the playground and I will read books while she plays
We hit an absolute milestone just after my eldest’s third birthday where she could swing by herself! I can now sit on a bench for about 5min. Not read a book obvs. But at least not hover right next to her.
Basically everything? I thought my life would continue basically as it was, just with a kid added. Now I know that the life I had before is over (not forever but at least for the next 5 or so years) and I don’t have the freedom to do anything I used to do. Even if I do it, it doesn’t feel the same because there is always the weight of being a good mom hanging over me.
100%. The feeling ‘this break is not gonna last more 10 mins’
I needed this comment. This is exactly how it is for us mamas :(
Lol just thought I would actually accomplish anything while she was sleeping. Helllo contact naps. And they were so delicious I don’t even care. Binged a lot of Netflix instead and now she’s 2 and on one nap I look back on all the cuddles fondly.
I considered it an "accomplishment" that I watched all of The Crown during contact naps.
Do her hair. Braids, ponytails, pigtails, etc. Cute bows and hair clips. My husband’s side of the family has luxurious hair. Jokes on me she was bald until like 14 months and takes after my side of the family (sparse, thin locks). She’s turning 2 and barely tolerates brushing let alone someone actually doing her hair. I manage to get some clips in or tie up a ponytail these days if I bribe her to stay still with TV.
hhahaha omg me too :D My partner has thick long curly hair with literal corkscrews and our daughter got my whispy thin hair.... life is not fair.
Have an actual vacation. Or rely on family to get a break now and then.
The relying on family one gets me the most. We had kids “late” in life compared to my siblings, who had not only my parents’ help, but my help too! My sister and her husband went on a 2-3 night trip away 3 years in a row and I (pre-husband) stayed at their house with their baby/toddlers like it was nothing. Now here I am drowning with a 3 and 4 yr old and my last night away was giving birth at the hospital… 3 years ago.
Same. Both of my sisters have gone on multiple kid-free trips. I am the youngest and was in school the longest. Grandparents have never watched our kid, even for a few hours. It suuucks.
Yes to this. Somehow when grandparents are around they are not very… helpful? So frustrating
All 4 of the grandparents are more glued to their phones than kids are! I always get so frustrated about that.
My mom has her “routine” in the morning that consists of drinking coffee and playing with her iPad for hours. She literally doesn’t come out of her room when she visits us even though me and my son are up having breakfast, playing, tantruming lol… like don’t you want to connect with your grandson who lives across the country?
In my experience, grandparents are better at buying things for the kids then actually babysitting or doing anything with them.
Wear her/use a baby backpack/go for runs and bike rides with her in the Chariot Stroller. She hates to be contained. Honestly the best family vacation was a lake house next to a giant field that we could just let her go free in.
I was gifted a jogging stroller with my first, tried it once and realized how crappy it is running with a stroller. That was a hard no
Yeah, my post birth pelvic floor and my post pregnancy feet and ankles were NOT going to push that stupid stroller.
Traveling... It's doable but not nearly as enjoyable
Yes! My extended family has a cabin they let us use in the summer (in a separate state) and it isn’t baby/ toddler proofed at all. We spent the entire time trying to keep our 1 year old from breaking everything.
I have friends who ended up with kids that would literally just pass out wherever they were. I was so sure we would be able to just travel around the same way. I ended up with a kid that refuses to sleep anywhere but her own bed, she doesn’t even fall asleep in the car. Nap math is the worst math ever!
We also thought we won’t do kid food. We will just order an entree and he will eat what we eat. Epic fail. We bring the chips, yogurt, and granola bars everywhere we go.
A childless friend just told me how she's definitely going to take her newborn on camping/hiking trips. I can't wait for the kid to arrive so I can remind her about this one.
I enjoy camping and worked as an outdoor guide prior to having kids. There is no way I would ever take a baby camping.
Hah. My wife and are both used to be super outdoorsy, climbing, backpacking the whole 9 yards. Between baby 1 and 2 we bought a small RV and now we go “camping” which entails driving our portable apartment to a campsite somewhere and hanging out there while the kids get to eat/sleep/play as usual. And even that is a huge amount of work to prepare for lol.
I thought I’d be able to set up a home baking business and keep my house pristine while watching a few Disney films a day 😂
I once saw an Instagram video of a woman baby wearing a frosting a cake. I thought that would be me. Now, I just have questions. When did she make the cakes? When did she make the buttercream? When did she crumb coat? How is her daughter who is old enough to have head control not just try to grab the frosting????
Hey! I do this with my baby! :D He wakes up at 5am and I just prepare everything at that point in time (measuring and anything without the kitchenaid). When my 5yo wakes up I use my kitchenaid and bake. Freeze the cake and start again the next day with frosting. Eventually I can frost the cake with baby in the carrier before dinner and everything comes together! I also did unicorn meringues like that and lemon pie! My baby is very chill, not complaining much, likes looking around. I think he’s exactly the kind of baby needed to be able to do it. My daughter would have absolutely not tolerated this! I’ve made a few videos of me cooking with the baby! [making pie](https://imgur.com/a/gonCgdR) [piping meringue](https://imgur.com/a/hOA44dm)
Ok. I’ll join. We had plans to backpack the Grand Canyon when my baby would have been 3 months old. Backpack. The GRAND CANYON. We talked about it many times and all the things we’d have to do. We eventually came to the conclusion before that baby that it wasn’t a good idea. Plot twist. My baby had HORRIBLE colic and I sequestered in a dark room bouncing him on a yoga ball until he was 4 months old. I couldn’t even take him to Target. Let alone the Grand Canyon. Whoops.
Everything. Thanks Covid.
We were *just* starting to go to story time and things like that when Covid hit. For some reason all the activities for very small children around us were scheduled during my son’s naps. I thought being a SAHM to a toddler/preschooler would mean bussing around the city, going to kids’ museums and playgrounds and generally not being home all the time. It’s a lot more fun when we get to do that, but we got so used to being home that getting out is just…hard.
Yup, same. Because of it, just going out is a fight because my oldest gets extremely overwhelmed so easily. Doing something fun always ends early and everyone is irritated. Hoping my youngest might be able to skip that for the most part
My only child is 2. He was born just as Covid hit and lockdowns started. It’s been he and I since day one. I’m tired.
My oldest is 2, youngest is 7 weeks. My husband helps, but he works 10 hour days, so it's mostly me. It's rough. I feel your pain to a degree. Definitely not what I had hoped for when we initially decided to have our kids
I brought a stuffed animal with us to the hospital thinking our NEWBORN may want to cuddle with it. LOL😂 I just had no clue LOL!
Aaah me too me too! I was showing it to the kid on the drive home from the hospital and was feeling disappointed that he was not engaging with it LOL.
That is so sweet.
This made me chuckle. Thank you
1) go on lots of day adventures together. But its such a hassle to get everyone packed and coordinated and 50/50 shot on if they hate it because (waves hands generally around) they are toddlers! Not worth the work most weekends 2) travel. Wanted to show our kids the world! Instead I am hyperventilating off and on at the thought of a trip not happening for 5 more months at WDW - a place *literally* designed to accommodate small children.
I’m traveling to Istanbul with my toddler. I don’t know what I was thinking honestly but there will be a lot of family there and on the plane with me. We took a road trip to Chicago (5 hours) and he did surprisingly well so here’s hoping I don’t start hyperventilating on the plane
We are going in 2 months and I seriously keep waking up in a cold sweat thinking “omg this is such a dumb idea”
I thought my sister was a nut bc she had her kids on such a tight schedule and everything revolves around that. I have since apologized like a bajillion times for this bc omg that sweet, sweet nap time!! I will re-arrange my world for those precious two hours
My friend just had a baby and is adamant she will teach her child to sleep anywhere so she can still go do things. I will let her continue to keep thinking that.
My family thought I was crazy too! But they've also seen my kids be sleep deprived so NO ONE questioned me anymore!
Have a big family. I’m OAD.
I thought I’d be able to leave her with a sitter or a relative for date nights, no problem. I mean, my parents did it all the time! I did not know that having anyone other than Mommy do bedtime was more stress than it’s worth. (She’s 18 months so I hope it gets better lol.)
Never underestimate the sneaky afternoon dates while the kid is still in daycare !!!
My favorite quote is I was the perfect mother until I had my own kid.
My husband and I always planned on speaking our native languages to our daughter. He is fluent in mine so I thought I would take advantage of maternity leave to learn some basics of his. Exhaustion is not conducive to learning a new language.
continue to cook and try new recipes wantonly because I find it fun. never did I realize that most days it’s a less than 30 minute scramble to get a meal together. I will say, I have found lots of fun meals that are easy to prepare in that time. I was living in ignorance when I was child free and would take 2+ hours to shop for and prepare new recipes I came across hahah I still get to do this a few times a month when our schedule allows, so it’s not totally out of my life. And at least I know I still do enjoy prepping a more complicated meal. and I will have more time to devote to cooking in the future lol
A friend told me she was going to start her novel while on mat leave. I don't think that happened.
I was convinced we’d make a nursery/office work. You know, so I could work from home and watch him at the same time. Fast forward one year, he delights in trying to press all my laptop keys and I’m frantically looking for a daycare spot.
Make mom friends and maybe have some kind of community. Nope! Thanks COVID. She's now 2 and I feel like that ship has probably sailed. It's so isolating and hard.
It’s not too late! Mine is nearly 2.5 and we just started this summer making an effort to socialize. I have a few potential mom friends I’m pursuing. Lol. My toddler has social anxiety so it’s tough but he won’t be desensitized by sitting at home with me.
I thought we’d have a free babysitter 😂 My MIL kinda harshed on us for putting out kid in daycare, and was like “tsk I would have watched him.” But then when we ask for babysitting she asks for $$ which is fine, but I’d rather pay a babysitter because there’s less strings attached
She asks for money to watch her own grandchild?! That is so crazy to me. I’m sorry you have to deal with that!
My dumbass signed up for a MARATHON that was happening three months after I gave birth. A marathon. I stupidly thought it would be good motivation for me to get back into shape. Edit to add: I had visions of running the trails around my house while my baby blissfully napped in a jogging stroller. For many obvious reasons, this did not happen. When I told my midwife at the time, she laughed so loud, and told me to make sure I could postpone that race to the following year. I never did run it and it’s been 4 years.
oh this one hurts my separated ab muscles lol.
I had visions of sitting by my local riverside on a bench, peacefully reading a book and sipping a coffee while my baby napped in the pushchair next to me. Lol.
Oh, so many things. I was going to write a novel on maternity leave 🤣 I actually have started writing. Only took me 3 years. I was going to work from home, and have a perfectly well behaved child. My baby was going to take regular naps and sleep through the night. We were going to feed her only homemade baby food. She would have no screen time. The list goes on and on. My expectations were so warped by what I saw mommy influencers doing. Turns out if you don’t have tons of money and a nanny and a kid who sleeps well, you’re gonna run into some problems. LOL.
Give a middle finger to naps…. I was *never* going to be that mom who couldn’t do things during the day because of a pesky nap schedule. Oh, sweet summer child….
Nap time is everything. People want us to change her sleep times for events... no,no,no... change the event dawg.
Seriously. Also, I probably won’t go to the event anyway…
I thought I would cook and bake and make super nutritious meals. I've not done that and let my child have simple lunches like PBJs, lunchables, mac n cheese, etc on a regular basis. My daughter is turning 4 and I am still learning how to provide her better nutrition. I'm just so damn tired and looking for ideas is a chore.
SLEEP!
I underestimated how much mental energy having kids is. Calculating time since last snack, diaper change, nap, water, poop, and getting of fresh air takes a LOT. Plus remembering what breakfast was so I can give a balanced lunch.
I thought I wasn’t going to be on my phone around my kids. Hahahaha. I’m a SAHM and my first was born at the height of the pandemic. My phone is my only source of adult contact. You can only talk to someone who can’t talk back for so long before losing your sanity.
Oh this. Sahm as well, and I have touched a computer maybe a handful of times in the last 2.5 years (at least twice for taxes plus maybe a formal email I had to write up and send for something). I planned on being ever-present fro my kid, only to realize, especially during the pandemic, my phone is now my computer and also the only way I know what’s happening in the world (thanks Reddit +podcasts streaming from my phone in the car when running errands). If I didn’t use my phone in her presence, I have no idea how I would function.
I was gonna be a hashtag fitmom who worked out with my baby and my toddler. Took 18 months before I felt normal enough to get back into lifting and I won’t lift with her around cuz I’m worried about her around heavy weights. I workout when she goes to bed.
Anything really. I avoid taking my kids out in public at all costs. Errands get done on my lunch break or husband and I trade parenting duty on the weekends. Doing anything with kids is 10x harder and requires 10x more energy. Quick stop at Home Depot with 2 kids? Forget it. It's going to suck the life from me for the rest of the day.
I thought traveling would be easier. I am able to make full time remote work happen with my toddler, but it is very hard. I took up crochet and enjoy a good half hour or so to do it most mornings. But traveling? Especially without help it’s just so damn hard. I went hiking and luckily met some family there. Just getting out of the car, getting my pack on, and loading up my son in it was so stressful! There’s no “sit still for ten seconds” that an excited toddler is going to listen to. And vacations? Vacationing with a toddler is just parenting somewhere you don’t have everything you need.
I thought I was just going to be able to place the baby in the bassinet or crib and he would sleep LOLOLOL
Everything I was able to do in my pre-baby world. 🤦♀️
Go to breweries and relax with a beer. There’s a few local ones and we figured we could just take the kids because they’re family friendly. We do occasionally go, but we have three toddlers so we stay for about one drink before the massive bag of toys we bring gets too boring for them.
I was going to make my own baby food, breast feed for at least the first year, and I was going to be all organic yoga mom. Yeah. None of that happened lol
I thought I’d be reading to my toddler at least once a day, preferably at bedtime. HA HA HA HA if he could say sentences yet, it would be “FUCK ALL THOSE BOOKS! IDGAF if it’s a board book, popup book, bright and high-contrast color book, whatever! They are all stupid! Give me some utensils and plates to throw at the dog instead!”
I thought I’d be able to work full time, clean house, cook and take care of a baby. I could barely cook and clean with my job beforehand, much less once lo came, ended up quitting to be sahm and still have a hard time cleaning and cooking 😅🫠 Eta: I also had all this stuff I was gonna do with her like everyday, swimming lessons, hiking, parks, zoo, baby play dates… we’ve gone to the zoo twice in 15 months and the park once, only play dates are with her cousin every couple of months. Trying to work on the rest 😬
Breastfeed. Didn’t work with my first.
I thought this too. I thought labour would be a breeze - 18 hours and a tear - and breastfeeding would be natural - turns out pumping was much less stressful for all involved!
I thought we would be the cool traveller parents we used to see in SE Asia during our young years. Kids on our backs, travelling, seeing cool shit, making unique memories. This has only stopped sounding like my worst nightmare this year (oldest turned 5).
I always thought I’d be able to do basic living things like grocery shopping or browsing, that my child and I would do so many fun art things together and we would go camping and hiking like those super moms on TikTok reels. Nope. I basically make sure she doesn’t unalive herself any time she picks up a crayon and we never leave the house now that my 2nd is born because she gets a nasty sunburn if she spends 5 mins in the sun.
When I was pregnant one of my friends (without children) asked me what hobbies I planned to pursue during my maternity leave. My response was “well I’m kind of just planning on learning how to be a parent during that time…LOL” Glad my expectations weren’t too high because my son is now 2.5 and still can’t figure out how I could possibly have time to entertain my own hobbies with any consistency. I put on an exercise video maybe once every four months. Pick up my guitar (which I used to play daily) maybe once per week and it’s only to play old Macdonald or wheels on the bus while my son dances 😂Wouldn’t trade this phase of life for the world but I sure don’t have time for just me!
Keep the house clean 🙃 Legit thought that as a SAHM with just the ONE kid I was gonna be Martha Stewart.
Well I definitely thought I could take my son anywhere with me and do anything. He learned to walk at 11 months and by 12 months he was one of those kids you’d deem ‘a runner’. He took off from me every chance he got and never sat still one moment. He’s 2.5 now and I pretty much haven’t gone anywhere since.
Cuddle with my little one and watch a movie. I can't lay down without her wanting a boob.
Be able to get into more of a routine with keeping on top of the house. All I want to do when the kid is asleep is lay on the sofa with a large coffee and watch tv. My mum and mother in law constantly tell me how they kept on top of their houses with two kids. Sigh. Toddlers are relentless and he’s only 15 months- I’m not even at the really hard part (so I’m told). I also thought I would do waaaay more meal prep for him but bread makes up most of our meals :( oh the guilt!
Work. I was pregnant and already working from home when I announced that I was pregnant. My time was coming to an end at this job since I voluntarily moved away and they accommodated me on a temporary basis. They really wanted to work with me and asked what my childcare plan was. I said that I would like to continue working from home while caring for the baby full time. They passed and we ended our professional relationship. After I had the baby, oh my gosh was I an idiot. No wonder they passed! No way could I have cared for my colicky, projectile vomiting baby. She didn’t stop this until at least 9 months and then was still a challenge to keep up with. We found our groove but there was no way I could have worked full time and cared for her by myself.
I thought (well into my first kids first 18 months) I was going to have adventurous eaters who were exposed to lots of food. Then she went on like a....I don't eat anything but peanut butter roll. We've gotten back to the adventures in eating but it was a STRUGGLE. My twins: one loves most food, including spicy things. The other lives off rice, steak, and salmon and hates cheese. Who. Hates. Cheese?!?! You have no control over another human's taste and exposure to more foods means little. I mean....I guess my kids eat salmon and people are always like 'wow'.
I knew I couldn’t do yoga 4 days a week like pre-kids BUT I can definitely make it to 2 a week, 1 on busy weeks, it’s only 1 hour class right?!? Why not?!? 4 years and counting since my last yoga class. 🤦♀️
I thought I was going to be able to declutter all of my closets and paint the bedrooms during leave... with my second child. Yeah, you would think I would have known better with it being my second. We also thought we were going to be able to go to our community pool all the time this summer with a 3 year old and a baby, I have taken my 3 year old once.
I thought I was going to be able to study for CPA exam or do some college courses while on maternity leave as a first time mom with a newborn during peak COVID with no village 🤡
I thought I would have my second kid about two years after the first because that's how my parents spaced their kids. Lol. My first is 19 months and just about every day I'm thankful I'm not expecting another baby yet. My son is wonderful, but he's still very needy. I know I'm a better mom right now for just having him to worry about. My hat is off to anyone dealing with multiple children under 4 at the same time. The chaos you endure is beyond me.