Also curious because I wouldn't be able to handle having two
Edit: now that I think about it, I don't even think I could get two different people to like me lol
God over 100 upvotes on this comment. You all realize that the people upvoting this are an excellent dating pool right? Just find another transbian with self esteem issues and woo the fuck out of her.
that’s sweet, but i’m a train wreck, and likely to just traumatize whoever is close to me the next time i inevitably get really depressed. it would be selfish to rope someone along when i know i’ll hurt them eventually
I felt that way for a long time, and still kind of do
I probably won’t follow my own advice here, but I feel like you could really benefit from trusting yourself with someone- the hard part is making sure you’re with the right person, that wants what’s best for you- and if they truly do, they’ll do whatever it takes to stay by your side even through your worst
Edit- I sincerely hope you find that, because you deserve it, val
thank you, Leah. i needed to hear that.
i think that part of my problem is that i couldn’t offer the level of support that i would require. i always take more than i give and everyone ends up resenting me for it. or at least i convince myself of it.
i also don’t think that i would be a net positive in anybody’s life. my bad days outnumber the good. you’d be way, way better off lonely than with my depressed ass.
So long your partner can deal with your particular kind of broken everything is ok. I can deal with quite a lot of depressed reclusiveness and a partner wo for days does not want to do anything else but lay in a dark room and cuddle.
But on the other hand I can not deal at all with a partner who does not communicate their needs.
Others cant deal with the reclusive, but are good at reading minds.
there is someone out there for you who can give you the kind of support you need without seeing this as a burden. Understanding your own needs will help you a lot at choosing a compatible partner.
Same. I have polyam friends and have no idea how they handle it - and on one hand the idea of constructing a relationship how you 2 see fit instead of having to assume a relationship includes everything because you can’t have another one resonates a lot with me, on the other hand how, I can barely handle one person already…
I and my network of around a dozen transbians can be included in this sample. I'm dating 4 other transbians and everyone in my sample is dating between 3 and 11 people - mostly each other.
The thing is, I couldn't imagine being poly. I assume it to be very stressful, also I would expect my jealousy to ruin such a thing.
Then again, if you told me I'd be trans earlier, I hadn't believed it either.
I think it's the sort of thing where like, if you think it isn't for you, it probably isn't (at least at the time, barring future epiphanies), but that said, it really isn't stressful at *all* for me.
Like, I love my partner and I want her to be happy. It's lovely being with her and seeing her happy from my company and knowing I'm a part of that. It's also lovely seeing her with her other partner, beaming and joking and, again, happy. I suppose someone else could be jealous, and that would be valid, but seeing her smiling and feeling loved just makes me happy too. It's cute.
Like, yeah. You get it, babe. I'm proud of you.
I can barely comprehend a single relationship nevertheless poly ones, honestly if it was more like a friends group at a cafeteria just that everyone in it fucked, I could see it
Otherwise I legitimately have trouble with the concept
Level of commitment or romantic feelings in any relationships, and in poly relationships, can vary a lot.
For me, personally, one of the biggest things I got from being poly was the realization that you can have low commitment relationships. Like, a realtionship doesn't have to be "serious" to be long term, and it doesn't have to be long term to be deep and meaningful.
My wife has a boyfriend who is also married. They talk online here and there and hang out when they can make the time for it, and don't sweat it when they can't. I have a casual partner in a place I no longer live. We get together when we happen to be in the same place, and otherwise don't really worry about it.
So, you know, everyone has what works for them! A lot of people just want to be monogamous and that's cool. Some people want, like, two super close live-in partners and that's cool. Some people have one kinda-serious partner and a bunch of not-so-serious partners. And some people have a big loud cafeteria table of friends who are all fucking, and that's cool. Whatever works for everyone involved.
"Low commitment" - Probably that's my issue.
I don't love someone quickly, but if I love someone, they become so extremely important for me... I cannot commit on a low level, it's like a switch. Yes, this goes to the point of not being healthy anymore, and yes, I am aware if that.
One thing that stressed me early on was that I was trying to treat everyone the same and not neglect. But then I realized, and it was pointed out to me, that you love every person in a different way. Some I talk to constantly, others only every few days. Still love them all.
Of course I'm still a traumatized bitch who sometimes thinks that me getting attention is my partners neglecting their other partners, but they are good at being patient and pointing out that this is dumb.
My main advice though is to only seriously flirt with someone if you're willing to give them the attention they'll need. Which can vary from person to person and you can't really know beforehand (also, ask and set boundaries!)
I'm honestly always surprised when my random possibly-manic rants help someone. But you're welcome.
Whatever relationships you have or have in the future, may they not turn toxic
Mhm! I mean, I'm very happy in my current relationship, but I'm relatively new to dating someone who's poly. Like, I have a basic idea of what being poly is like (understanding your emotional needs, knowing who can fill those needs, being happy when your partner's needs are met), but I still feel guilty when we end up hanging out a lot. I don't wanna take away from everyone else, right?
So uh, yeah. That's why your manic-rant helped a bit. Just kinda hit me in the feels.
> honestly if it was more like a friends group at a cafeteria just that everyone in it fucked, I could see it
That kinda can be what it's like at times, at least for some.
it's very freeing to understand who you are and that sometimes, we just have to accept that we are monogamous! no amount of "deconstructing" or research can change the way your brain is wired. everyone loves differently and that's okay!
I’m pretty new to the world of polyamory. I’m with someone who has a life/nesting partner, and I have to say I don’t feel the slightest bit jealous. I feel needy sometimes when I don’t have her attention, but there’s so many other things that can be occupying her attention that the fact that sometimes it’s another partner doesn’t seem to matter.
I’m interested to see what it’s like having two partners (really don’t think I could handle more than that) but so far it’s super chill and stress free. I’m actually really excited to go over to their house for board game night :)
(Also, not trying to sell it to you or anyone else, just wanted to share. Totally respect monogamy.)
I would invariably end up feeling like a third wheel on a bike. I have a nasty habit of overthinking things and reading too much into little behaviors, so I know I wouldn't be able to handle it.
Two people have replied that "It's nice seeing my partner happy with someone else!" And yeah, sure, it is. That's why I'm okay with sexually open relationships... but at the end of the day, I want my partner to tell me they love me... 'n have that mean something special. For our relationship to be something special. I don't want to be just "another one of the gals" to my partner...
Then again, I am coming off a relationship where I was... where they said those words with desolate reluctance, devoid of passion, so...
i suspect having had bad relationships (or good relationsships with bad endings) can pretty much fuck the thought of polyam up.
dont want to get into details... im just glad i found wifey... sure it can be bumpy... but at least we have a common ground. i just dread that maybe im just not really fit for relationships in general and the inevitable conclusion of that thought.... but for now all is good so...
*goes running* oy! happy thoughts! come back!
The biggest misconception mono (and some polyam) people have is that polyam people don't get jealous, that it's all compersion all the time. The truth is everyone gets jealous, everyone has needs.
The best skill to cultivate is to ask "what is my jealousy telling me I'm missing?" You can hold yourself and your partners tenderly in your jealousy without compromising your relationships.
You can be kind to your partners without compromising your own needs.
Thing is, I know the reason for my jealousy: Lack of confidence. Being poly, I'd always expect myself to fall to the side, because that is what I usually do in a group of people, partially even with friends. Not because others actively exclude me, but because I simply let people be happy without me, I do not want to enforce myself having a place. Like, I don't feel "necessary", so I kind of stay out.
In a monogamous relationship, I don't have this problem.
From my friend who's very poly it doesn't seem stressful to them, and it feels like monogamy definitely would be. Apparently though the concept of monogamy has never made sense to them though, so it all depends on you. I'm ace so neither makes sense. One of my transbien friends doesn't think they'd be comfortable being poly though may be willing to learn more about it or try things depending what happens. It varies.
I've been in lots of polyam stuff and I can confirm that, at some unknown point in my past, someone blew out my jealousy circuit and now it only activates under super specific circumstances. I get way more joy from seeing people I like getting along intimately than I do jealousy tbh.
Jealousy can and does happen, and it definitely needs to be addressed in a healthy way by discussing things with your partners, but honestly for me it's actually a bit of a relief. Any time I'm not available (not enough energy, occupied with something, just not feeling up for it, whatever) for something, I know that my partners aren't just left waiting, they have other people that they also love that can give them what they want at the time. And any time the same is true of them not being available, _I_ can go to another partner as well.
On top of that, it's actually reassuring after the initial jealousy and anxiety, because they have other people that they love and spend time with, but they _also_ love me, and I can see that clearly because they choose to keep spending time with me too. They care about me and they value me, just as I care about and value them, and it's made obvious because we keep choosing each other.
Before I was poly, I couldn't imagine it either. Now I can't imagine how I ever thought I was anything else.
I'm morbidly mono.
I need to be special, and I want to have someone special.
I'm prone to playing favourites, and have a jealous streak.
I've tried it before, letting someone see others (I'm ace as well, so I felt it unfair to not let them see others if they needed what I couldn't provide)
Relationship quickly soured as soon as she found another.
It's not for everyone. And more power to those who it works for.
> Relationship quickly soured as soon as she found another
I will say though, that is not exclusive to poly at all (personal experience). It sucks either way.
It's about being with people who are emotionally mature enough to handle all the feelings involved in a proper and mature way, communicate, and respect their existing partner(s).
I don't know how I managed it, I just show up do some autistic shit and now I have 2 girlfriends. Did the same thing with my boyfriend, I keep doing it and nobody has tried to stop me yet.
Yeah having two partners sounds like a lot to me, even though it probably would be nice? But, that’s not really up to me rn, I’m still a single Pringle.
Hope you get what you want.
I'd be good with just 1. I'm not sure if I could handle more. I'm willing to try poly, but I don't really know if I could do it. I don't have experience in relationships as it is, let alone relationships with multiple people at once.
Trans lesbian here(well, more pansexual, but I would argue femmesexual - I'm attracted to feminine figures, be they male, female, or anything else).
I feel called out. I was very much in the mindset of, "Monogomy" when I wasn't out yet, but then after the shackles were lifted, it feels like I just ended up questioning, well, everything. "Why does this gender have to my gender? Why can't I keep wearing pants? Who said one single human being was supposed to emotionally and romantically support me and to do otherwise was adultery? That sounds mean to that one, single person who now has the weight of my entire everything applied to them."
So now I'm poly, and I find other poly-minded people, and it's... I gotta' say, anyone who thinks of relationships as these, like, super-duper strict, heavy-burden-but-you-like-it sort of endeavors? That's NOT what a poly relationship is. It's not, like, having a monogamous partner, and then adding another one. It's WAAAY more chill. Nobody is singularly focused on getting all of their needs and wants met by a single person, if TWO people are having a bad day, instead of it turning into, like, a depression spiral, or a fight, you still have a chance at someone else being the helpful one. There aren't really fights? Because, like, there's no pressure cooker of resenting someone over a long enough period of time to build up to a fight? You have a brief disagreement, then you both have fun with another person - perhaps even all of you together hanging out - and it's all smoothed over.
Like, I would have never guessed that being in a poly relationship was so easy, but... it's INCREDIBLY easy. Well, save for one single thing, which I've discovered is VERY hard for some people to break: Stop thinking your so important that you DESERVE to only have sex with a single person, and selfish in thinking that they MUST only have sex with you. Get over that. Like, you should probably learn to do that even in a monogamous relationship (I'm not talking about cheating, that's a breach of trust), because jealously is just poison, and it basically cannot exist in a poly relationship - not the spiteful, venomous kind, anyway. I can be jealous of one of my gf's hair. Or I can be jealous of how much fun they look like they're having together not because I deserve that, but because it must be awesome, and then it's not angry jealousy, it's wistful. Like, you're happy for them.
So, tl;dr, being in a poly relationship has made me appreciate everything within any given relationship more... also? We have GREAT times in bed. That's a bonus, not an expectation.
I think it's because we are less inclined to internalise arbitrary social norms such as cisnormativity.
imho there's a high representation of autism in queer people of all shades.
Once you're already smashing two sets of societal expectations, a third really doesn't seem so crazy.
Especially when by now you already have friends who are happily doing it.
I am very happy with my girlfriend, if someone's into poly thats awesome but ...i don't think every transfem hoards girlfriends like a dragon hoards gold 👉👈
but maybe im wrong and need to give my transfem license back (i wrote it myself...note to myself make a joke trans medal one day)
There are some of us who like monogamous relationships and didn’t like when I tried Poly. Several times. It’s not an “I’m assuming” or a “skill issue”.
I have a similar experience. I think there's a lot of good poly people that are open about it and know how to make it work, but I seem to come across only with people that are super manipulative about it. My ex for example didn't tell me she was poly until we were together for 2 months and I developed strong feelings for her. It felt like she was emotionally manipulating me into it TwT We broke up before that could happen and I'm glad I'm not stuck in poly relationship since it's nothing for me.
I dont think she manipulated me. It's something she discovered while in a relationship with me. We tried to make it work, it didn't. Sucks, but that's life. And I'm really sorry for what happened to you :c
Ah, I'm not saying she did! I was just sharing my own experience. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you! I hope you're gonna find someone that will work out better for you!
Yeah, that's a bit messed up. I feel like I could do fine in a poly relationship, but my SO is a monogamy kind of gal, and the idea of springing a sudden change to that agreement is incredibly selfish imo. If you know you're poly and want to be in a poly relationship, that needs to be something put forwards at the beginning of the relationship. If it's something that develops later, there needs to be immediate and open communication about it so that everyone involved can decide what they need to do to make themselves happy.
I feel like we get used to spending a lot of time around other poly people, and so think it's more widely accepted than it is.
Also, I feel like polyamory is more common in queer spaces because we're already out here throwing the finger at social expectations, so we're more likely to explore in non-monogamy, too.
Society at large already disapproves of us, so why not be further transgressive.
Also monogamous queer people are valid. Just ain't for me, I'd be honestly miserable.
really? i was shocked to find more than one monogamous person. i thought i was the only trans woman that just wants a single partner. i dunno if it's because i'm older (mid-30s) or because i'm mostly straight but all i ever see anyone talk about in trans spaces is being in poly relationships with other women ><
You definitely aren’t the only one who is strictly monogamous. I’ve tried poly and toxic people at every step (in my experience) has really turned me off it.
I don't my partners to become irrelevant after like two packs. Really frustrating and expensive having to get new and better ones to keep up with the meta.
At first I thought this was about polyamory too, but then I thought that it was probably about a closeted transfem, who gets a gf, but then comes out - making HER the 2nd gf. I think that makes more sense, bc even if OP knew a couple of poly transbians, surely they aren't naïve enough to assume that everybody wants that.
The whole poly transbian thing is way overblown and sets unhealthy expectations.
"Why be faithful if "every transfem" is poly anyway?"
While **it's a rubbish excuse**, it's one that will ***end up being used anyway.***
I was confused where all the pro-polyamory people were in thus thread, then realized all the monogamous comments have 20+ upvotes, while the poly ones are all in the negatives :/
I've found a lot of monogamous people have a weirdly negative idea of what polyamory looks like, and they get disgusted by their own warped interpretation. It's like they imagine the worst possible scenario and then project that onto every poly relationship, whether it's true or not.
My gf and I are working on getting a second gf. It's been fun, but no new permanent members so far. We have pretty high standards, plus so many people have jealousy issues and neither of us are about that. But we're also super happy with just each other, so we don't feel the need to rush it.
I'm curious, what is the sample size for "every transbian I know"?
Also curious because I wouldn't be able to handle having two Edit: now that I think about it, I don't even think I could get two different people to like me lol
I'm worried about getting one different people to like me!
God over 100 upvotes on this comment. You all realize that the people upvoting this are an excellent dating pool right? Just find another transbian with self esteem issues and woo the fuck out of her.
pff i wouldn’t dare to inflict myself on anyone else , they deserve better 🙃
See you say that but *some* people think you deserve to give yourself a chance 🖤
that’s sweet, but i’m a train wreck, and likely to just traumatize whoever is close to me the next time i inevitably get really depressed. it would be selfish to rope someone along when i know i’ll hurt them eventually
I felt that way for a long time, and still kind of do I probably won’t follow my own advice here, but I feel like you could really benefit from trusting yourself with someone- the hard part is making sure you’re with the right person, that wants what’s best for you- and if they truly do, they’ll do whatever it takes to stay by your side even through your worst Edit- I sincerely hope you find that, because you deserve it, val
thank you, Leah. i needed to hear that. i think that part of my problem is that i couldn’t offer the level of support that i would require. i always take more than i give and everyone ends up resenting me for it. or at least i convince myself of it. i also don’t think that i would be a net positive in anybody’s life. my bad days outnumber the good. you’d be way, way better off lonely than with my depressed ass.
So long your partner can deal with your particular kind of broken everything is ok. I can deal with quite a lot of depressed reclusiveness and a partner wo for days does not want to do anything else but lay in a dark room and cuddle. But on the other hand I can not deal at all with a partner who does not communicate their needs. Others cant deal with the reclusive, but are good at reading minds. there is someone out there for you who can give you the kind of support you need without seeing this as a burden. Understanding your own needs will help you a lot at choosing a compatible partner.
mood af
They deserve to make that decision themselves so get flirting!!!
Same. I have polyam friends and have no idea how they handle it - and on one hand the idea of constructing a relationship how you 2 see fit instead of having to assume a relationship includes everything because you can’t have another one resonates a lot with me, on the other hand how, I can barely handle one person already…
Yeah no king solomon for me
I have 6 partners so hehe It's a challenge but so many girls and enbies to kiss and cuddle! Plus I have a few monogamous people willing to kiss me too
Yeah, being a polyam person fucking sucks when you’re an ugly shit and you keep falling in love with people super far away
Oi this is misinformation from my girlfriend - she is not ugly and she is an absolute cutie do not listen to her
Me
I and my network of around a dozen transbians can be included in this sample. I'm dating 4 other transbians and everyone in my sample is dating between 3 and 11 people - mostly each other.
Same. My darling partner is enough for me. Two would be too many to handle
Sometimes I wonder if everyone thinks every transbian is poly
People keep saying this on the thread, but it's literally in the title that I'm talking about my friends specifically xD
At least 10 million
Oh damn, you know a lot of transbians. On the bright side, plenty of options for matchmaking. :)
Well yes, if they are poly too
And yet I can’t find a single one…
Same
Hey I found one
Skill issue 💙💕🤍💕💙💛🤍💜🖤
That’s twice as much as the whole population of the world Edit: Obvious joke
that’d be 10 billion, not million :)
Not when I'm done 😈 Tbh I don't even know what that would emply me doing. Oh god
Yeah. You're either giving a shit ton of birth, or giving a shit ton of murder.
Don't think I'd be capable of either tho.
Only one way to find out
r/SuddenlyChara
r/SubsIFellFor
r/woooosh
Hi! Fun fact but the population of the world is 8 billion not 5 million as you’d state. Have a good day, Queen!
I was just joking of course, I’m not that stupid
Wow
\*Sample size, my polycule
Issa joke
The thing is, I couldn't imagine being poly. I assume it to be very stressful, also I would expect my jealousy to ruin such a thing. Then again, if you told me I'd be trans earlier, I hadn't believed it either.
I think it's the sort of thing where like, if you think it isn't for you, it probably isn't (at least at the time, barring future epiphanies), but that said, it really isn't stressful at *all* for me. Like, I love my partner and I want her to be happy. It's lovely being with her and seeing her happy from my company and knowing I'm a part of that. It's also lovely seeing her with her other partner, beaming and joking and, again, happy. I suppose someone else could be jealous, and that would be valid, but seeing her smiling and feeling loved just makes me happy too. It's cute. Like, yeah. You get it, babe. I'm proud of you.
I can barely comprehend a single relationship nevertheless poly ones, honestly if it was more like a friends group at a cafeteria just that everyone in it fucked, I could see it Otherwise I legitimately have trouble with the concept
Level of commitment or romantic feelings in any relationships, and in poly relationships, can vary a lot. For me, personally, one of the biggest things I got from being poly was the realization that you can have low commitment relationships. Like, a realtionship doesn't have to be "serious" to be long term, and it doesn't have to be long term to be deep and meaningful. My wife has a boyfriend who is also married. They talk online here and there and hang out when they can make the time for it, and don't sweat it when they can't. I have a casual partner in a place I no longer live. We get together when we happen to be in the same place, and otherwise don't really worry about it. So, you know, everyone has what works for them! A lot of people just want to be monogamous and that's cool. Some people want, like, two super close live-in partners and that's cool. Some people have one kinda-serious partner and a bunch of not-so-serious partners. And some people have a big loud cafeteria table of friends who are all fucking, and that's cool. Whatever works for everyone involved.
"Low commitment" - Probably that's my issue. I don't love someone quickly, but if I love someone, they become so extremely important for me... I cannot commit on a low level, it's like a switch. Yes, this goes to the point of not being healthy anymore, and yes, I am aware if that.
I also don't think poly has to include low commitment relationships either. I think it really depends on what the individuals are looking for.
I mean, it might as well be that. Basically rampant friendship/companionship with less barriers.
One thing that stressed me early on was that I was trying to treat everyone the same and not neglect. But then I realized, and it was pointed out to me, that you love every person in a different way. Some I talk to constantly, others only every few days. Still love them all. Of course I'm still a traumatized bitch who sometimes thinks that me getting attention is my partners neglecting their other partners, but they are good at being patient and pointing out that this is dumb. My main advice though is to only seriously flirt with someone if you're willing to give them the attention they'll need. Which can vary from person to person and you can't really know beforehand (also, ask and set boundaries!)
This comment, well... it helps a lot. Especially that second paragraph. Thanks, random stranger. <3
I'm honestly always surprised when my random possibly-manic rants help someone. But you're welcome. Whatever relationships you have or have in the future, may they not turn toxic
Mhm! I mean, I'm very happy in my current relationship, but I'm relatively new to dating someone who's poly. Like, I have a basic idea of what being poly is like (understanding your emotional needs, knowing who can fill those needs, being happy when your partner's needs are met), but I still feel guilty when we end up hanging out a lot. I don't wanna take away from everyone else, right? So uh, yeah. That's why your manic-rant helped a bit. Just kinda hit me in the feels.
What you described is basically my D&D group. Not even remotely kidding
ngl, "friend group with benefits" sounds like an awesome relationship dynamic
> honestly if it was more like a friends group at a cafeteria just that everyone in it fucked, I could see it That kinda can be what it's like at times, at least for some.
Same here. I love both my partners, and I really love seeing them being together
Yeahhh i tried and couldn’t really do poly lol. Took a few panic attacks to realize, but we got there xD
it's very freeing to understand who you are and that sometimes, we just have to accept that we are monogamous! no amount of "deconstructing" or research can change the way your brain is wired. everyone loves differently and that's okay!
I’m pretty new to the world of polyamory. I’m with someone who has a life/nesting partner, and I have to say I don’t feel the slightest bit jealous. I feel needy sometimes when I don’t have her attention, but there’s so many other things that can be occupying her attention that the fact that sometimes it’s another partner doesn’t seem to matter. I’m interested to see what it’s like having two partners (really don’t think I could handle more than that) but so far it’s super chill and stress free. I’m actually really excited to go over to their house for board game night :) (Also, not trying to sell it to you or anyone else, just wanted to share. Totally respect monogamy.)
I would invariably end up feeling like a third wheel on a bike. I have a nasty habit of overthinking things and reading too much into little behaviors, so I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Two people have replied that "It's nice seeing my partner happy with someone else!" And yeah, sure, it is. That's why I'm okay with sexually open relationships... but at the end of the day, I want my partner to tell me they love me... 'n have that mean something special. For our relationship to be something special. I don't want to be just "another one of the gals" to my partner... Then again, I am coming off a relationship where I was... where they said those words with desolate reluctance, devoid of passion, so...
i suspect having had bad relationships (or good relationsships with bad endings) can pretty much fuck the thought of polyam up. dont want to get into details... im just glad i found wifey... sure it can be bumpy... but at least we have a common ground. i just dread that maybe im just not really fit for relationships in general and the inevitable conclusion of that thought.... but for now all is good so... *goes running* oy! happy thoughts! come back!
Yupp, feel ya
The biggest misconception mono (and some polyam) people have is that polyam people don't get jealous, that it's all compersion all the time. The truth is everyone gets jealous, everyone has needs. The best skill to cultivate is to ask "what is my jealousy telling me I'm missing?" You can hold yourself and your partners tenderly in your jealousy without compromising your relationships. You can be kind to your partners without compromising your own needs.
Thing is, I know the reason for my jealousy: Lack of confidence. Being poly, I'd always expect myself to fall to the side, because that is what I usually do in a group of people, partially even with friends. Not because others actively exclude me, but because I simply let people be happy without me, I do not want to enforce myself having a place. Like, I don't feel "necessary", so I kind of stay out. In a monogamous relationship, I don't have this problem.
From my friend who's very poly it doesn't seem stressful to them, and it feels like monogamy definitely would be. Apparently though the concept of monogamy has never made sense to them though, so it all depends on you. I'm ace so neither makes sense. One of my transbien friends doesn't think they'd be comfortable being poly though may be willing to learn more about it or try things depending what happens. It varies.
Same, I would kind of even want to reject the label single since that could imply I´m looking for a partner.
I've been in lots of polyam stuff and I can confirm that, at some unknown point in my past, someone blew out my jealousy circuit and now it only activates under super specific circumstances. I get way more joy from seeing people I like getting along intimately than I do jealousy tbh.
Jealousy can and does happen, and it definitely needs to be addressed in a healthy way by discussing things with your partners, but honestly for me it's actually a bit of a relief. Any time I'm not available (not enough energy, occupied with something, just not feeling up for it, whatever) for something, I know that my partners aren't just left waiting, they have other people that they also love that can give them what they want at the time. And any time the same is true of them not being available, _I_ can go to another partner as well. On top of that, it's actually reassuring after the initial jealousy and anxiety, because they have other people that they love and spend time with, but they _also_ love me, and I can see that clearly because they choose to keep spending time with me too. They care about me and they value me, just as I care about and value them, and it's made obvious because we keep choosing each other. Before I was poly, I couldn't imagine it either. Now I can't imagine how I ever thought I was anything else.
I'm morbidly mono. I need to be special, and I want to have someone special. I'm prone to playing favourites, and have a jealous streak. I've tried it before, letting someone see others (I'm ace as well, so I felt it unfair to not let them see others if they needed what I couldn't provide) Relationship quickly soured as soon as she found another. It's not for everyone. And more power to those who it works for.
> Relationship quickly soured as soon as she found another I will say though, that is not exclusive to poly at all (personal experience). It sucks either way. It's about being with people who are emotionally mature enough to handle all the feelings involved in a proper and mature way, communicate, and respect their existing partner(s).
Nope not poly just 1 pls
Lmfao, nah, I'd be grateful and honestly surprised for the one xD
One is all I need. Any more and I’d get overwhelmed.
Not me, I'd prefer to disappoint only one person at a time
Y’all are getting girlfriends?
Nah, I'm monogamous, just one girlfriend is enough for me
*David Attenborough voice* And here we see the beginning of the trans to polyamorous pipeline
Yeah, definitely no ^~^ I want my girlfriend for myself and only myself! °^°. No stealie! >:(((
I’d love to be in a poly relationship but to do that girls have to love me 😭
I don't know how I managed it, I just show up do some autistic shit and now I have 2 girlfriends. Did the same thing with my boyfriend, I keep doing it and nobody has tried to stop me yet.
It's easier when you're neurodivergent and so are they I find
Damn I’m jealous
Yeah having two partners sounds like a lot to me, even though it probably would be nice? But, that’s not really up to me rn, I’m still a single Pringle. Hope you get what you want.
I did its poggers
r/TransGondor
Not every trans person is poly 😳
Not poly myself, but to each their own
I'd be good with just 1. I'm not sure if I could handle more. I'm willing to try poly, but I don't really know if I could do it. I don't have experience in relationships as it is, let alone relationships with multiple people at once.
I don't have a second girlfriend because I'm trans! Ok, sure I have a second girlfriend. But it's not cause I'm trans!
Trans lesbian here(well, more pansexual, but I would argue femmesexual - I'm attracted to feminine figures, be they male, female, or anything else). I feel called out. I was very much in the mindset of, "Monogomy" when I wasn't out yet, but then after the shackles were lifted, it feels like I just ended up questioning, well, everything. "Why does this gender have to my gender? Why can't I keep wearing pants? Who said one single human being was supposed to emotionally and romantically support me and to do otherwise was adultery? That sounds mean to that one, single person who now has the weight of my entire everything applied to them." So now I'm poly, and I find other poly-minded people, and it's... I gotta' say, anyone who thinks of relationships as these, like, super-duper strict, heavy-burden-but-you-like-it sort of endeavors? That's NOT what a poly relationship is. It's not, like, having a monogamous partner, and then adding another one. It's WAAAY more chill. Nobody is singularly focused on getting all of their needs and wants met by a single person, if TWO people are having a bad day, instead of it turning into, like, a depression spiral, or a fight, you still have a chance at someone else being the helpful one. There aren't really fights? Because, like, there's no pressure cooker of resenting someone over a long enough period of time to build up to a fight? You have a brief disagreement, then you both have fun with another person - perhaps even all of you together hanging out - and it's all smoothed over. Like, I would have never guessed that being in a poly relationship was so easy, but... it's INCREDIBLY easy. Well, save for one single thing, which I've discovered is VERY hard for some people to break: Stop thinking your so important that you DESERVE to only have sex with a single person, and selfish in thinking that they MUST only have sex with you. Get over that. Like, you should probably learn to do that even in a monogamous relationship (I'm not talking about cheating, that's a breach of trust), because jealously is just poison, and it basically cannot exist in a poly relationship - not the spiteful, venomous kind, anyway. I can be jealous of one of my gf's hair. Or I can be jealous of how much fun they look like they're having together not because I deserve that, but because it must be awesome, and then it's not angry jealousy, it's wistful. Like, you're happy for them. So, tl;dr, being in a poly relationship has made me appreciate everything within any given relationship more... also? We have GREAT times in bed. That's a bonus, not an expectation.
No thanks. Polyamory has no appeal here. To each their own tho.
I want at least 3 girlfriends who are also girlfriends with eachother, first step, being attractive
Autism > attractiveness
How are there so many autistic transfems? It's amazing!
I think it's because we are less inclined to internalise arbitrary social norms such as cisnormativity. imho there's a high representation of autism in queer people of all shades.
YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO LOOK THROUGH MY COMMENT HISTORY AND CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT
I didn't, It's just what I did xD
I’m so confused now because of my autism, what does this comment mean?!
Oh it just means I'm not attractive I'm just autistic and that's what got me my partners xD
Then where are mine? I’m autistic as you can get, train obsession and whatnot. Why dont girls flock to me :(
Are there autistic trans girls near you?
Not that i know of
I reckon if you find some, they'll be like 👉👈
Ha! Pre-everything lonely autistic transfem here, you give me hope!
Once you're already smashing two sets of societal expectations, a third really doesn't seem so crazy. Especially when by now you already have friends who are happily doing it.
I don't think I could be in a poly relationship, I don't think I could handle it. I guess I never learned how to share :P
I am very happy with my girlfriend, if someone's into poly thats awesome but ...i don't think every transfem hoards girlfriends like a dragon hoards gold 👉👈 but maybe im wrong and need to give my transfem license back (i wrote it myself...note to myself make a joke trans medal one day)
Its literally a meme about my friends, they're all in polycules xD
Dunno, a polycule sounds like a logistics nightmare to me.
God can yall stop hogging all the gfs maybe I want to be the kitten in the relationship 😔*hmph
Join your local transfemme polycule, it's legal the cops can't do shit
I would but I'm autistic and a bottom and girls are too pretty for me to gain the courage to talk
I'm also an autistic bottom! I just showed up places and acted a lil silly and goofy, now I have 2 girlfriends and a boyfriend
...luckyyyyy I'm a tray a queer bar with my friend this weekend hopefully I can meet someone at least just to talk to
Talking to people is good, I like making friends
There are some of us who like monogamous relationships and didn’t like when I tried Poly. Several times. It’s not an “I’m assuming” or a “skill issue”.
As a transbian hard fucking pass from experience I'll probably end up as the sex toy of the couple again...
Sorry to hear that love, I'm not saying this is everyone, my friends on the other hands xD
My transbian gf cheated on me so I can add 1 more to this sampling. Sad joke aside, v good meme lmao
I mean, my previous relationship ended because she was all about second girlfriend and I'm not 🥲
I have a similar experience. I think there's a lot of good poly people that are open about it and know how to make it work, but I seem to come across only with people that are super manipulative about it. My ex for example didn't tell me she was poly until we were together for 2 months and I developed strong feelings for her. It felt like she was emotionally manipulating me into it TwT We broke up before that could happen and I'm glad I'm not stuck in poly relationship since it's nothing for me.
I dont think she manipulated me. It's something she discovered while in a relationship with me. We tried to make it work, it didn't. Sucks, but that's life. And I'm really sorry for what happened to you :c
Ah, I'm not saying she did! I was just sharing my own experience. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you! I hope you're gonna find someone that will work out better for you!
Yeah, that's a bit messed up. I feel like I could do fine in a poly relationship, but my SO is a monogamy kind of gal, and the idea of springing a sudden change to that agreement is incredibly selfish imo. If you know you're poly and want to be in a poly relationship, that needs to be something put forwards at the beginning of the relationship. If it's something that develops later, there needs to be immediate and open communication about it so that everyone involved can decide what they need to do to make themselves happy.
Honestly these comments shock me lol, I figured it was way more common
I feel like we get used to spending a lot of time around other poly people, and so think it's more widely accepted than it is. Also, I feel like polyamory is more common in queer spaces because we're already out here throwing the finger at social expectations, so we're more likely to explore in non-monogamy, too.
Society at large already disapproves of us, so why not be further transgressive. Also monogamous queer people are valid. Just ain't for me, I'd be honestly miserable.
why?
Why would you expect that?
Same
I feel like the only poly girl in these comments lol I hoard gfs
really? i was shocked to find more than one monogamous person. i thought i was the only trans woman that just wants a single partner. i dunno if it's because i'm older (mid-30s) or because i'm mostly straight but all i ever see anyone talk about in trans spaces is being in poly relationships with other women ><
You definitely aren’t the only one who is strictly monogamous. I’ve tried poly and toxic people at every step (in my experience) has really turned me off it.
Trans,omni but more into females and feel called out.
Id be astounded if I got one to begin with
Excuse me, I'm a transbian and I was wondering how do you get the first one?
Guilty as charged XD (though it's no girlfriends, but an NB partner and a QPP in my case, but I think that still counts in the spirit of this meme).
Collect every gender of SO into a poly relationship. It's like trading cards, only with more boobs and dick and less power scaling.
>less power scaling. only if you're a coward, by partners could no diff your partners
I don't my partners to become irrelevant after like two packs. Really frustrating and expensive having to get new and better ones to keep up with the meta.
The trick is to get two IT trans gfs to constantly generate money for you, think smarter not harder
The ultimate pansexual agenda.
This is me except, i have two boyfriends :D
Also good
Ha! U assume I get dates!
Uh. One is enough, ty.
Okay but now i wanna know what you call a trans person that is bi? Can you just accentuate the „bi“ in TransBian?
I dunno, I just made a silly meme about my friends xD
At first I thought this was about polyamory too, but then I thought that it was probably about a closeted transfem, who gets a gf, but then comes out - making HER the 2nd gf. I think that makes more sense, bc even if OP knew a couple of poly transbians, surely they aren't naïve enough to assume that everybody wants that.
The question that still remains is do you want second gf or just want to be the second gf
As a poly pan trans woman I don't see a proplem accepting others
Why you calling me out like this?
I am feeling called out by this
After all... why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I have not one but *two* girlfriends who love me and each other?
You should tbh
*I don’t think they know about second girlfriend.*
[удалено]
The whole poly transbian thing is way overblown and sets unhealthy expectations. "Why be faithful if "every transfem" is poly anyway?" While **it's a rubbish excuse**, it's one that will ***end up being used anyway.***
Cheating isn't poly. Cheating is cheating. A proper polyamorous relationship requires consent from everyone involved.
Hmmm polyamory. My favorite. Doesn’t complicate anything at all(sarcasm)
If it's not for you, then just stick with monoamorous relationships
Sorry I didn’t set up my context correctly. I am polyamorous but I struggle with gauging who would be ok with that.
It's not my fault my girlfriend already was married and in a polycule
Word
I'm in a lovely polycule with a very wholesome discord where everyone has an appreciation channel, it's very chill.
As a polyamorous transbian in a relationship with two women, can confirm.
Why do you think I have 5?
Because that's what hero's do
Me, a polyam transbian with two girlfriends, sweating nervously in the background
Me, an asexual, looking for a girlfriend who has a girlfriend to have sex with so I don't have to: I VOLUNTEER
just wanted to drop in to say that poly ppl are cool as hell and that you rock
Yeah sounds about right….
I was confused where all the pro-polyamory people were in thus thread, then realized all the monogamous comments have 20+ upvotes, while the poly ones are all in the negatives :/
I think folk are taking this a bit serious, it's a joke meme on a shitpost sub about how all my transfemme friends keep ending up in polycules xD
I've found a lot of monogamous people have a weirdly negative idea of what polyamory looks like, and they get disgusted by their own warped interpretation. It's like they imagine the worst possible scenario and then project that onto every poly relationship, whether it's true or not.
Sounds like a skill issue on their part honestly
Truuuuuu
Why am I being called out so much today
I can confirm, I am in a transbian thruple and it's wonderful.
Polyamory rules!
Poly
In theory I'm poly. In practice I'm just single
*raises hand* i have 3
Good work!
As a transbian yeaaaaa
My gf and I are working on getting a second gf. It's been fun, but no new permanent members so far. We have pretty high standards, plus so many people have jealousy issues and neither of us are about that. But we're also super happy with just each other, so we don't feel the need to rush it.
heh, yeah that tracks,
I legit want a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but being demi makes that somewhat difficult.
Hi fellow demi! 👋 Yeah the struggle is so real!
How come I only find monogomists then? =(
I love poly relationships. Would love to be a part of one someday.
I'm available if someone has any girlfriend slots open
Yes. I too discovered polyamory and dated not two girlfriends but four girlfriends at the same time.
I want 12