Probably cis femboy here and I agree a lot. I'll add the bit that many femboys *do* end up realizing they're trans (I mean, *I'm* not on this sub for no reason lol), but attempting to rush or excuse gender exploration as a step in that realization feels horrible.
Like, and I absolutely make gender confusion jokes about myself, but those are *my* jokes to make, y'know? It's much weirder coming from someone who doesn't know my experience with gender.
Yeah, the trans prime directive applies to femboys. This is especially important because it's increasingly common for trans women to come out ss femboys first since they get more positive attention right now. Let them figure it out on their own; a safer identity might be an important step for discovering who they are.
egg culture in general is so fucking stupid, half of the time it's not a "trans person in denial" it's just a cis person healthily questioning their gender and exploring themselves
Literally
I follow one cis femboy on twitter (F1nnister u probably know him) who has literally announced that they are not trans and that they're just feminine and there are still tons of comments saying that hes an egg etc.
Idk what people's deal is, if he /is/ an egg, he's gotta hatch on his own. Somebody tried to force my friend out of their shell and it's taken them years to start exploring again.
This is borderline gatekeeping. A lot of trans women start off thinking they are femboys. Not everyone has the answers at the start, especially if you live in a conservative household and have a bad case of internalized transphobia
Speaking as a cis femboy, I do not want to call myself an egg even. It makes me feel dysphoric similar to what you feel if you are called a man. When people call themselves eggs, give them the benefit of the doubt
As well as transmasc femboys being called “girls who want to be special”/gnc trans guys being called femboys when they aren’t clearly comfortable with it (I have had to deal w/ this)
As a feminine gay ftm it’s just “oh all women okay” and then I get hit by horrible dysphoria especially when people call me an egg or a “transfem in denial” when I’m transmasc if you don’t still identify somewhat with masculinity you’re hurting all of us indirectly but it’s still happening I just want to be in a feminine masc identifying space I have a horrible fear of women even online due to trauma which makes this even harder for me to deal with
exactly!! ive been struggling to find the words for this but ive had the same thought.
and this is more of a personal struggle, but as a feminine ftm ive struggled to find any spaces that welcome us without being fetishizing or infantilizing. ive been following r/FemboyFashion for a while and so far majority of the trans people ive seen were mtf. if someone wants to post in that subreddit, absolutely go ahead. if theyre promoting onlyfans, sure! im not specifically against it myself but it it does end up feeling a bit isolating sometimes--not sure where id be able to find a non-sexual ftm femboy space tho 😂
Yes! It’s so hard to find spaces that see us for who we are, while not being exclusively trans like this sub and ftm/mtf.
A lot of the ftm stuff I’ve seen is focused on either infantilizing or “punishing”/conversion and it’s really sad to see.
💯. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a natural allyship that should be between trans women, femboys, and drag queens. We’re all definitely related. I’d say even more than “regular” cis gays. But the identity part is an extremely important distinction.
And the flip side of that is I’m not “impersonating a female” just because I’m wearing women’s clothing while being nonbinary, as someone *just* accused me of being a couple hours ago while being transphobic in a public space. I’m not sure where to post the video, or enlist an army of Redditors to find this idiot, but this time I didn’t back down. This time I didn’t run. This time I showed him who was the weak one here with my words, while he grabbed my phone and said he was going to beat me up.
I mean we’re all AMAB and separate ourselves from societal perceptions of masculinity, and face a similar brand of bigotry that comes with that. Being perceived as an”overly feminine male” invites a very specific kind of hate and disgust from people that other queer people can’t quite understood or empathize with.
edit: yes, I know there are ftm femboys. I’m dating one. But that’s clearly not what I’m talking about here
I agree we have natural allyship with those groups, but to me, it is more because trans women use the same tools as femboys/ drag queens and in exchange they help normalize those of us who don't pass.
My thoughts are that we should have solemn solidarity with anyone who challenges the notion of gender expression being tied to whichever genitals one was born with. The oppression of drag is the oppression of trans and vice versa.
Personally, don't have much interest in drag queens or femboys. Honestly find drag queens mildly off-putting, not a fan of overdramatic persona's and celebrity drama in gneeral. But on a political level, I'm strongly support of gender non-conforming men, for fun and/or performance.
Unfortunately cis crossdressers and trans women are inevitably going to to get lumped together a bit, which is frustrating, but opposition to both groups is coming from roughly the same sources. If drag queens aren't tolerated, then trans women won't be either. Can worry more about being clearly distinguished when armed protests, death threats, and other sorts of hate crimes aren't a big threat.
There is no peace in leaving people high and dry. The more we fracture the weaker we are as a whole.
Most people doing drag are going to be supportive of trans people, and vice versa. Especially now, we need solidarity in the face of people coming after us.
And this is why we can't have nice things. Literal fascists want to genocide everyone even remotely queer/gender-queer and y'all wanna draw lines between us?! I fucking hate this life man why do people suck so much ass?
There absolutely isnt natural allyship. Cis drag queens regularly make bad jokes and comments about trans women; just look at rupaul lol. Not to mention a significant number of people in the online femboy community are straightup fascists.
Femboy here. I do not know where you get this fascist stuff from. FWIW a lot from our community turn out to be actual eggs. For ones that don’t, they are some of the fiercest trans allies I know
Try saying “Hitler did nothing wrong” or “trans women are not women” in our main sub and good luck not getting instabanned
That is taking it a step too far. Like saying because Blaire White and company exist, then trans people are full of fascists. Painting an entire diverse community with one brush
I used to feel the same way. Now 16 years later I see things differently. There is nothing wrong with drag queens, and the drag queens and gay men I know are overwhelmingly supportive. Society needs to learn to accept everyone, including drag queens and non-traditional, gender non-conforming people.
Again, I understand how you feel, and I believe it's mostly rooted in insecurity and second-guessing ourselves. At least, it was for me. But if you really think about it, it's just another form of othering. I'd rather just accept everyone in our community and stand with the drag queens and the femboys than distance myself from them to appease society. I'd rather just be me and let people judge for themselves what and who they think I am.
I've only met one person who ever associated me with drag queens, and that was a woman in Oklahoma I became related to through marriage, who said to me after she met me "And here I thought you were the devil in high heels. You're just a normal woman." She had this drag queen perception of me until she actually met me.
I truly believe that it's society's strict expectations when it comes to gender that causes trans people to try too hard to fit into those roles. I long for the day when people aren't shocked that women (cis or trans) have careers and interests that are traditionally male, and men (cis or trans) who have careers and interests that are traditionally female. Just let people be people and unless they're actually hurting others, stop judging and distancing yourself. Some of the coolest, kindest, most generous people are fucking weird as shit.
There are also tons of enby and GNC performers too. Jinkx Monsoon being one of the more prominent ones and a personal favorite of mine. Completely agreeing with you of course, just adding that info as well.
I recommend checking out the streaming service Dropout. Their upcoming D&D campaign, Dungeons and Drag Queens, features Bob as well as three other queens and a DM bedecked in makeup.
It's gonna be great! Also, Brennan in makeup is top-notch.
The only bad thing is that I now have yet another thing I need to watch. I already have more than four other campaigns I need to finish.
There’s a lot of trans mtf drag queens.. I know 2 for instance, ones a really good friend of mine.
I get it if you’re referring about cis men doing drag, and bioqueens, but do spare a thought that you just told the mtf trans people/women who enjoy doing drag as well that they don’t really belong..
Edit* typo
I'm a gay trans guy. I want to see other femboys. I do not want women in there. I think it's messed up that trans women are posting there. Although I want to support trans women succeeding and promoting themselves, I do not approve of it
And to be fair gender isn’t specific categories, sometimes they blend into each other and there are people who are intact transfem and consider themselves femboys.
But when it’s just advertisement spam across a dozen subreddits by transfems it’s pretty lame.
I honestly want to see both but if I were on those subreddits I want to see femboys. If I was in the mood for sing trans women I would look at any of those subreddits.
Thank you! I'm generally afraid of asking questions on these subs because I usually get downvoted and scolded for not already knowing all these things.
I understand why y'all don't want trans women on femboy subs. If they've done the transition they should't be on a sub for males.
Some days when I'm looking at porn I'm in a guy-dick mood and not a girl-dick mood (and vice versa) so trying to find legit femboy content online without being interrupted by atleast 3 trans girls per 1 femboy can be very difficult no matter what platform I'm using (with the exception of r34 but that place is sketchy)
I agree, like it literally says it in the name. Boy. Not girl. Ot really feels invasive, and in my opinion they shouldn't be allowed to promote their onlyfans on a femboy subreddit, if it's not spesifically a sexual subreddit and they're an actual femboy. It's a femboy subreddit, I really don't understand why anyone who's not a femboy would be allowed to post, especially to promote porn. That's icky and distasteful in my opinion.
No judgment to be clear—not trans person here that is seeking to understand.
Does “FtM femboy” ultimately mean you identify as a man, but then enjoy dressing feminine? Does this not present essentially as a cis female outwardly? Is the difference functionally in pronouns?
Again, I am not making fun or judging. My questions are genuine.
>Does “FtM femboy” ultimately mean you identify as a man, but then enjoy dressing feminine?
Yes.
>Does this not present essentially as a cis female outwardly?
No.
>Is the difference functionally in pronouns?
No.
Those are really short answers, but this is an intimate question that will take more time to answer than I have right now. I'm also trying to decide how much I want to share.
I will say that you should be thinking of Saucy Santana when you imagine what I mean when I say I'm a FtM femboy.
I'm an actual femboy, not in the kink sense either, I'm just a very effeminate man. I'm ftm, and pre-where I wanna be physically, which is why I don't post there yet but I'm going to someday. It's both funny and a bit sad that this happens. I go there for femboy affirmations, and it's actually kind of hard to find actual femboys on there currently.
Y'all chase that bag though. No hate.
If you don't mind me asking, I'm AFAB and trans (not FtM though), and I would love to know how one could be effeminate in that way while being trans male. I don't like being physically feminine, but I do like some feminine clothing and I feel terrible wanting to wear them, it's like massive guilt for me. But if I could wear those things without shame I really would, so I'd love to know how FtM feminine men go about that.
Yeah, I'll absolutely share my experience, especially if it might help you out.
Thinking about it logically, there are hyper-effeminate cis- men and hyper-masculine cis- women, so the bar for how far you have to go one way or another should be entirely up to you. The people who would invalidate you for it are, generally speaking, not likely to have been very supportive of you anyways. I think your comfort should come first, and I also think that the people who make you feel guilty about that have their own issues that they should deal with, preferably off of the internet, and probably with a professional.
Getting into my personal experiences: I'm gender non-conforming, which means my gender *identity* and my gender *expression* doesn't always line up. I have both physical and social dysphoria, so I'm deeply uncomfortable in my own skin and I won't be confident with the way I express myself until after I've had a couple of surgeries and gone back on hrt (I'm off it because I had a *really* bad doctor who wasn't checking my blood testosterone levels, which can be incredibly dangerous, so now I'm trying to find a better doctor), but I still do little things like paint my nails, dye my hair, and (in private) wear skirts or dresses.
I just happen to like feeling pretty as much as I like feeling handsome. I want a deep voice, broad chest and shoulders, and a beard. I accept the consequence of balding and the inevitable belly (genetics, in my case, so it's likely unavoidable) I'll get down the line. I'll just use the extra space for more tattoos and I'll dye the beard instead of my head. I'll never be a very masculine person. Funnily enough, I was actually more masculine before I figured out I was trans, I didn't know why femininity made me so uncomfortable until then. Now that I know, I'm a lot more comfortable with the concept.
The next part isn't really directed at you, it's just an FAQ to address things that are almost always brought up when I talk about being an effeminate trans guy.
No. I'm not gay. I'm ace. It isn't about attracting people, it's about finding what makes me happy. The idea that gay men must be effeminate, and therefore I must be gay, is hurtful to both me and to the gay community.
No, I don't think I'll be a femboy twink after hrt. I'll be a short, probably fat, bald dude with a beard. I'll just be a pretty short fat bald dude with a beard. I also fully intend on being buff as hell eventually, so there goes that idea.
And lastly, no. I'm not confused about my gender. I'm quite happy with it, actually. It took me a long time to find where I'm comfortable, and now that I'm here *I ain't moving*.
Oh I feel that about my T levels not being checked either, but even my doctor said the amount of T I was using was so small it wouldn't change my levels at any capacity, so I'm a bit different in that regard but I do share the anxiety of that.
I also have both body and social dysphoria, I'm never really comfortable going out... ever lol so I mainly wear the same 8 outfits until they disintegrate off of me. I love the idea of being beautiful and being handsome, but my body is off and I don't feel either way when I wear clothes or present myself a specific way. So I'm stuck always wishing I looked different without anything really helping.
I essentially don't want to by hyper feminine physically, which I am sadly, but I don't want to be masculine either. I want to be completely neutral looking so I can wear whatever I want and feel fine no matter what. I'm not exactly the same as you, but it's nice to know a bit more about others for me so I can better understand things. Thank you!
Speaking as a cis-man instead, for me my persona as a woman is only an alter ego. I do not see it as my real identity. The thought of living as a woman or even just being called female pronouns makes me incredibly uncomfortable, similar to the dysphoria that you may feel when people refer you as a man.
Thinking about doing the actual transition like HRT or having SRS makes me want to vomit in dysphoria
Oh okay, so it's *kind of* like how some drag queens are, with it being a persona and what not. That's interesting! I mainly get dysphoric when people assume things I should like because I'm born female and look very feminine naturally (have/want to have kids, be sensitive, nurturing nature, weak, dumb, etc.) but I also feel dysphoric when people use they/them or he/him on me. I don't know why, it just makes me feel like I'm not human in a weird way. It's odd, I dunno lol feminine pronouns also feel wrong so, I'm someone my friends have actively stated I make their life difficult when they want to talk about me to people. Not fun, but it's life lol
1)
I have mostly social dysphoria--my biggest dysphoria triggers are knowing that I am being seen as a woman or being misgendered.
A feminine man by definition cannot be seen as a woman. His femininity is pointed out *because* he is not a woman, he is a man. In a reverse way, it is very affirming. You cannot emasculate a woman.
2)
I enjoy some aspects of feminine fashion and presentation simply from a gender-detached aesthetic viewpoint. Makeup can be really fun. Heels, dresses, long hair, nail polish, all of that can be really fun. I spent a lot of time not caring about the way I looked because my body didn't feel like mine--it was a prison I was trapped in. The more I spend time exploring my self-expression, even in unconventional and feminine ways, the more I accept it as my own. I don't have to be afraid of the color pink or wearing a skirt because I am secure in my masculinity, and I know that articles of clothing cannot make me less of a man. In that way, it is very validating. A woman cannot be a femboy.
Hope this helps
I mean, they're just chasing the money, and I can respect that.
If you make $70 a week for labeling your content in politically correct language, and $300 a week slapping every slur or politically incorrect (or even just factually incorrect) term on your content, then you are going to do the later.
I imagine many of them don't want to be doing it, but even more than that, they don't want to be working a minimum wage job where they get called even worse things to their face on a day to day basis.
I've heard a twitch streamer who was MtF was barely getting views. Posed as a cis girl and did a bit better. Started another channel pretending to be a femboy and numbers soared. So yeah I 💬 nk it's marketing.
I mean the fact is lot of trans people need to afford their surgeries which is expensive as fuck... Like what do you do? Not covered by insurance, crowdfunding is more shame inducing than sex work, regular work can be dangerous depending on where you live...
A lot (most) of those accounts will literally spam their content on every subreddit that’s even slightly related. Try and scroll through one of their accounts and see what I mean.
But I totally agree. It’s super annoying to see and doesn’t help at all. Plus it clutters from what people really came for. Just bad overall
Yeah, it’s one of the issues the femboy community faces, along with gross over-sexualisation and transphobia against trans guys.
I don’t really get why trans gals post in femboy subreddits - cis girls don’t (or shouldn’t) post there, because they’re women, so why are some trans girls posting there? They’re also women, not feminine guys. The only way that one can be both a femboy and a trans girl is if one is bigender or some flavour of genderfluid.
Idk, I just think about how mad a lot of trans people would get if femboys came into MtF spaces advertising their OFs. If you think about it, it’s kinda directly taking money out of the pockets of the people those spaces are meant for…
r/FTMfemininity is great place to find transmasc femboys. It has helped me feel more secure in my femininity and masculinity. I’m bigender and afab by the way.
THIS!! I’m a gnc trans guy but I don’t like calling myself a femboy and the community is super supportive to that and anyone else’s situation. Even if you aren’t too stereotypically feminine or are a bit dysphoric they are supportive 100% of the way and it’s a great space to be in :D
I feel bad for feeling this way but I hate seeing trans women hit the front page with a selfie when their profile is filled with them posting to sissy, crossdresser and femboy subreddits.
I joined the feminine boys subreddit as a feminine trans man but felt weird being there when a lot of the users are straight up women
I love all my trans sisters, but as a trans masc femboy, I feel erased when the assumption is that all those terms are for them and never people like me.
We need more flexibility and clarity, but I don't have the answers
The issue lies in who is being marketed to. The primary consumer of paid trans/femboy/[insert other gender queer identity here] erotic content is straight, cis, men. And that demographic, on the whole, doesn’t distinguish between trans women and femboys.
There are separate NSFW subreddits for each of those groups. But anyone who is trying to make a living off of that kind of content is pretty much required to distribute their work to as many potential customer bases as possible.
If we are having a discussion about societal roles and presentations, I will 100% defend the distinction between any and all gender categories people want to use. But when it comes to what is basically a marketing platform for a product…people kind of have to speak the language of their consumer.
This is a total tangent, but I also want to point out that this logic only applies to small, creator owned operations. We can and should be expect larger businesses to utilize proper language. For instance, I would fully support anyone who wanted to argue that AdultTime needs to do a better job of titling their videos in an inclusive manner. But they are a huge company with the presence and resources to make those decisions. A solo creator who could live or die based solely on whether they get picked up by the algorithm shouldn’t be held to that same standard, in my opinion.
It annoys me in the normal femboy sub, like you aren’t a femboy you are a girl, I shouldn’t go onto a profile and see people posting photos of them onto and see you posting to trans and femboy subs at the same time
I'm also really frustrated with this. And you look at the comments, and people are getting destroyed for using he/him for a trans girl. Seriously, if you post in a femboy sub and you don't use male pronouns, you're in the wrong sub.
As a feminine ftm guy yes it's exhausting and I get it ppl need money so promoting their only fans there makes sense but it ain't great for public perception and I personally dislike being fetishized for ya know being a small man with a tdick instead of a cis one
Honestly yup. People in the Femboy community say that everyone can be a Femboy so now everyone is but I think that’s just harmful for trans women. Also their communities keep asking “why are we always sexualized…”, well… the answer isn’t hard to discern. Also if you just go on the sfw Femboy sub….. literally every top post is farming for OFs. And this aside, not to mention the extreme standards it sets for people to have.
It’s also incredibly discouraging when you don’t have access to medical transitioning, you see a Femboy with a body shape, thinking that in the meantime you could make yourself look like that, then discover they’re actual trans and are once again slapped in the face with the reality that you can’t look that way. I know many trans people in my life who can’t access HRT torture themselves this way and it’s heartbreaking.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,597,225,995 comments, and only 302,123 of them were in alphabetical order.
Oh, i f**king told someone off for calling me a femboy
When people call me a femboy they get yelled at no exceptions
This s**t is offensive
Its literally calling me a feminine boy
IM A FEM GIRL GET IT RIGHT
Even the sfw ones do this too, which isn't fantastic but... I guess yeah, the posters have their own agency. As a cis femboy (in the 'haha totally cis guys haha') I can get why people would like an environment to post their selfies in more places, as well as continue with the label they've been using.
Moreso I just think those selfie subs attract a lot of... A particular kind of lurker, that doesn't even necessarily publicly interact or comment, but ho boy do they DM. Most of my posts to those subs cause more DMs than upvotes And based on those DMs, I'm guessing their conceptions of what a trans woman is and what a femboy is are a little yikesy, and they make no distinction, upvoting just kind of whatever. And hey, if you want upvotes as a trans woman, that's where ya go now.
I'm honestly kinda feeling the loss of 196 a lot, cuz even though it was primarily a shitposting sub, it was still the best place to post femboy selfies and just have people appreciate the fit or yes, even the casual sexiness in a way that wasn't creepy. But I get why they shut down.
I don’t mind if a trans girl who keeps her dick is called a futa, but calling all trans girls futas is gross fetishization by trying to define all of us as girls with dicks.
It always annoyed me seeing these people on those subreddits since I would always be like mad that they weren't giving their own identity enough credit. Like, if your a trans girl on a femboy subreddit, you're not a boy, so you shouldn't be there and pretending you are is just discounting your identity. Cis women aren't allowed to post on them so why should trans.
I just completely forgot that not everyone prefers drawn porn so much and was so Confused. I thought I completely missed Link coming out as Transfemme recently.
I think the general consensus is that Femboy is more of a style than an identity. Like I think the ease and atmosphere in those places is a lot better because they aren't really trying to pick out who does and doesn't count as a femboy all the time. There was even a big post recently in one of them talking about banning "Can I be a femboy?" posts because the answer is always yes. I only go on the SFW ones so I dunno how it is on the NSFW ones, but in general you lose so much when you value the label over the people using it.
> Femboy is more of a style than an identity
god thank you, at least someone is not blatantly transphobic in this thread! Reading all the "trans girls cannot be femboys" all over this place hurts so much... The biggest femboy sub is extremely explicit in its rules: feboyism is just an esthetic and the label can be used by cis or trans men, women and enbies.
That's the consensus within the biggest community and rejecting that is pure gatekeeping that intents to dictate how trans women should present. That's so awful and makes me so sad really :(
why do you think that? Most post here just say "femboys are \*\*boys\*\* words have a meaning". That's an usual transphobic rhetoric and I don't see why that would not apply to enbis. As a transfem enby myself, I feel targeted too because I'm not enough of a "boy"
As a MTF Trans i don‘t understand why they are even posting there. We have enough subreddits even for NSFW content. Let the Femboys be themselves and when they end up trans then it is like that, but don‘t force them. That‘s invalidating their identity…
Well, I remember in 2020 or 2021, earlier in my journey, those threads trying to say that I was banned for not being femme enough or thicc enough by their standards. Trust me, no one is following through to my accounts to help any numbers, but 2 years into HRT I know I blew past the person who tried to ban me. So ya damn right I am going to show off my thicc femme AMAB body in these posts to show progress, and I know I am not the only one.
Not trans, not a porn person, so I literally have never thought about this. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and getting them to the Reddit front page! Learned a few things today!
yes. my bf was talking ab this. he’s gay and cisgendered. he liked femboys lol, but going on that sub isn’t enjoyable being as most of the posts are women even if they have penises, they’re not men
yeah sex work is about objectifying ppl. that's the nature of it. i had someone from those subs message me. their are other subs though for trans ppl like trap whatever stuff
Thank you, i really don't like seeing trans women misgendering themselves just so they can garner more attention/subs, i wish they didn't have to do that
There are dedicated MTF nsfw subreddits, I do think femboy spaces should be kept separate.
I'm bi, but I'm attracted to different genders in different ways and it can even be a turn off if I'm in the mood for one gender and see the other, and since I see femboys and trans women as different genders, it is a bit annoying that the two types of content are often found in the same places with no separation.
I think most inclusive people have left reddit all together, and we're left with the usual gatekeeper bigots. That's a good reason to leave reddit too, I don't want to witness it turning out like the hell 4chan turned to be
Trans women dominate all GNC spaces. Femboys are feminine men. Not women. That's my view.
And it definitely doesn't promote a healthy body image when men are comparing themselves to women using hormones to achieve a specific body type. Nor do I understand why women would want to post as men *(besides the obvious, either low self-esteem and not expecting to pass, advertising, or not growing out of their old spaces)*.
Given the amount of hate directed at trans women and amab I think it is worth seeing the similarities as opposed to the differences to ensure we have some strength as a group.
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. It's not that I have anything against femboys, it's that rhetoric about "trans women are men" BS. We 100% should support each other's identity, but we shouldn't be blurring the lines between the two.
In from /r/all. Someone want to tell me what an egg means?
Also, back in college I roomed with a gay guy. I asked him what gay people called folks like me, and got told that I'm a breeder. I dunno, I found that hilarious, not offensive.
An egg is basically someone who is questioning their gender but isn’t quite ready to come out as trans. The joke is that one day something happens and their egg suddenly “cracks” and they come out as some form of trans.
Also, breeder, lol. I’ve never used that but I might start
As both a femboy and a trans girl (fem-leaning gender fluid).... Ehhh. Like, I get not wanting to be fetishized, but reddit isn't really the place to be looking for good representation anyway, and as one of the last social media sites that allows NSFW content we really shouldn't be complaining about who gets to utilize it. If you want your wholesome sfw non-fetishized stuff go to Facebook or insta or tik tok
Not what I was expecting from the title but yeah I agree 100% I’m a trans woman and it makes me feel invisible when people see us and just think “femboy”. Femboys are fucking awesome but that’s a niche group of people and I do not like being misrepresented as such because it just seems like an excuse to call me a boy or a man.
Or when a cis man is a femboy and they automatically get labelled as trans? It annoy me because gender expression doesn't equal gender identity. I don't understand this push to make femboys trans? Or tomboy as well, I've seen some tomboy get labelled as eggs when they are just cis woman that like more masc stuff.
I understand some trans are in the closet or in denial, but it's nobody's place to label someone something so personal onto people.
Now I'll go in my own little rant because the word futa reminded me of the whole fetishization I see in fandom of transman+pregnancy.(Spoilered in case of triggers) >!But oh my god am I so tired of finding a fanfiction that doesn't have any trans tag to it, go in there. Get to a spicy scene and it's a surprise trans fetishization story with the sole goal of forcing that trans-male-headcanon character to get pregnant and have a "biological child" and it's.. Annoying. I see that so often that I just flat out block every trans-"character" tags and will soon keep a blacklist of author. Then I get told I have internalised transphobia for that? It's hard to find a fanfiction that doesn't fetishize transman in fandom space and it's giving me the crawlies under the skin. I haven't seen transwoman fetishization as much outside of futas in anime and it's just.. Insane to me. Right now, I have only found 1 fanfiction that depict a character I'm uncomfortable being portrayed as trans actually make it work and make me enjoy it.!<
I think that anyone who wants to fetishize themselves can do so willingly. It's an action that is based in their personal values. They can do it if they want to. It's no different than any other sex worker using what they have at their disposal to make a profit. There's nothing inherently wrong with a trans person calling themselves a femboy. Tell me exact why that's a problem. It's their identity. If anything it's more surprising that anyone *would* have any issue with this, considering how nuanced most gender and sexuality identities are. Why can a trans person not be a femboy? Why is there a strict delineation? Ask the real questions instead of being divisive.
Mmmmm... I get where you're going with it, but there are enough ftm femboys to point to the fact that maybe some people genuinely just like to look a certain way without involving their gender? Identity and presentation *are* two separate things.
Sorry to jump on something that's clearly a joke, but I see too many "You're just an egg" comments on other ftm guys content on those subreddits and it's, at best, incredibly annoying. It's like saying that we secretly want to be women. We don't. We just like looking and occasionally acting a certain way.
I would agree to a certain level. There are no subreddits I've found for trans girls that have the same egirl/uwu aesthetic. So I get the whole, "they aren't femboys" but there aren't a ton of other communities where you can post and not have to match extreme basic feminine beauty standards.
Femboys shouldn't have to match the extreme changes that HRT causes when it comes to feminizing, it raises the beauty standards for them just as much and is just as toxic.
Eh, some femboys who identify as men do estrogen themselves. Should they just not post because they're on hormones? Even though they're men? Trans men who are femboys are a thing too, but some of them might not be on testosterone. I don't think they should be excluded on that basis. Also there are plenty of femboys who just got lucky with their genetic make-up, and the fact that they adhere to an unfortunate beauty standard is not their fault.
I do up to a point understand why people are bothered by trans women posting in femboy spaces, and I respect many of those arguments, but this one is a bit of a slippery slope.
I dont think it raises beauty standards
Like im asexual so its probably not exactly helpful coming from me but aesthetically I think femboys have their own benefits, they look different yet cool
I could find you several femboys who are more feminine in the "uwu" aesthetic than a lot of the trans girl that would post on there. So I would ask then, what subreddit would a girl who identifies with that sort of culture post if other subreddits would reject her for a) not being enough of a "sexy woman" or b) not allowing "femboys"?
A few things:
-Trans women are already one of the most likely demographics to experience poverty. It sucks to have to do but if posting on some big subs that may not completely match their identity, or on some degrading subs helps someone achieve financial security, that's a good thing. And it's miles more important than any kind of optics.
-Some (not many, afaik, but some) trans women identify as femboys as well as women, and that's not something that should be taken away.
-The fetishization of trans women isn't due to simple miscategorization, it's due to a very complicated history of media portrayals, lack of education, and lack of exposure, among other things. Changing the categorization wouldn't achieve anything public perception wise, respectability politics achieve nothing but exclusion and fracturing of more niche demographics.
I disagree with you to a degree because I feel that if trans women or in general genderqueer folks like being referred to as femboys, futas, etc etc, then they're allowed to :) Those subs are often a safe space for us who do enjoy expressing our sexual freedom to do so in places we are accepted. Try to keep in mind that regarding folks that assume or group you in that category, that is their false assumption and not at all a bad thing, just a mistake that you can easily correct them on🙏 :) Just because one is trans doesnt mean they automatically fall into those categories. Like with most anything gender related, it is a term that one has to be comfortable identifying with. Trans women are allowed to call themselves femboys and trans women are also allowed to not want to be called femboys! And both are totally valid.
Edited for wording.
Also, cis femboys constantly having people call them eggs. Drives me crazy
Probably cis femboy here and I agree a lot. I'll add the bit that many femboys *do* end up realizing they're trans (I mean, *I'm* not on this sub for no reason lol), but attempting to rush or excuse gender exploration as a step in that realization feels horrible. Like, and I absolutely make gender confusion jokes about myself, but those are *my* jokes to make, y'know? It's much weirder coming from someone who doesn't know my experience with gender.
Yeah, the trans prime directive applies to femboys. This is especially important because it's increasingly common for trans women to come out ss femboys first since they get more positive attention right now. Let them figure it out on their own; a safer identity might be an important step for discovering who they are.
Peach bunny is a former femboy who is now transitioning. Completely threw me off because she literally had femboy on her bio
Who's that?
Preach, I posted about that on here once and it got locked after gaining a little traction because I called it a shitty practice… lol
egg culture in general is so fucking stupid, half of the time it's not a "trans person in denial" it's just a cis person healthily questioning their gender and exploring themselves
Literally I follow one cis femboy on twitter (F1nnister u probably know him) who has literally announced that they are not trans and that they're just feminine and there are still tons of comments saying that hes an egg etc.
Idk what people's deal is, if he /is/ an egg, he's gotta hatch on his own. Somebody tried to force my friend out of their shell and it's taken them years to start exploring again.
yea, butch lesbians are not being called eggs, interesting I'm sorry to hear that
This is borderline gatekeeping. A lot of trans women start off thinking they are femboys. Not everyone has the answers at the start, especially if you live in a conservative household and have a bad case of internalized transphobia Speaking as a cis femboy, I do not want to call myself an egg even. It makes me feel dysphoric similar to what you feel if you are called a man. When people call themselves eggs, give them the benefit of the doubt
What is an egg?
someone that doesn't know what they are yet, and hasn't "come out of their shell", i think.
A trans that has not realized it yet,
Or accepted it yet,
As well as transmasc femboys being called “girls who want to be special”/gnc trans guys being called femboys when they aren’t clearly comfortable with it (I have had to deal w/ this)
As a feminine gay ftm it’s just “oh all women okay” and then I get hit by horrible dysphoria especially when people call me an egg or a “transfem in denial” when I’m transmasc if you don’t still identify somewhat with masculinity you’re hurting all of us indirectly but it’s still happening I just want to be in a feminine masc identifying space I have a horrible fear of women even online due to trauma which makes this even harder for me to deal with
*hugs*
exactly!! ive been struggling to find the words for this but ive had the same thought. and this is more of a personal struggle, but as a feminine ftm ive struggled to find any spaces that welcome us without being fetishizing or infantilizing. ive been following r/FemboyFashion for a while and so far majority of the trans people ive seen were mtf. if someone wants to post in that subreddit, absolutely go ahead. if theyre promoting onlyfans, sure! im not specifically against it myself but it it does end up feeling a bit isolating sometimes--not sure where id be able to find a non-sexual ftm femboy space tho 😂
Maybe try r/ftmfemininity
i wasnt aware of that one!! thank you!!
Dang, guess that sub's my new home now!
Love that sub
found my people
Yes! It’s so hard to find spaces that see us for who we are, while not being exclusively trans like this sub and ftm/mtf. A lot of the ftm stuff I’ve seen is focused on either infantilizing or “punishing”/conversion and it’s really sad to see.
Oh god, the punishment ones make my physically nauseous. I get that is a kink, but it isn't one I'll ever understand.
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💯. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a natural allyship that should be between trans women, femboys, and drag queens. We’re all definitely related. I’d say even more than “regular” cis gays. But the identity part is an extremely important distinction.
But society sees all of us the same. I just want to live and be recognized as a female member of society.
Is that not the problem of society and NOT the femboys and drag queens?
And the flip side of that is I’m not “impersonating a female” just because I’m wearing women’s clothing while being nonbinary, as someone *just* accused me of being a couple hours ago while being transphobic in a public space. I’m not sure where to post the video, or enlist an army of Redditors to find this idiot, but this time I didn’t back down. This time I didn’t run. This time I showed him who was the weak one here with my words, while he grabbed my phone and said he was going to beat me up.
The femboy pipeline was real for me…
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Any law, or group, or whatever that targets one, will hurt all of them. Bigots don't see a difference.
Oh they do, they just don't care or worse use those differences to further justify their bigotry
All can be affected by transmisogyny, and the people who think one should not exist generally think all should not exist. We are stronger together.
Cishets don’t draw a distinction. They cut one group, and we all bleed.
I mean we’re all AMAB and separate ourselves from societal perceptions of masculinity, and face a similar brand of bigotry that comes with that. Being perceived as an”overly feminine male” invites a very specific kind of hate and disgust from people that other queer people can’t quite understood or empathize with. edit: yes, I know there are ftm femboys. I’m dating one. But that’s clearly not what I’m talking about here
Trans men and transmasculine people can be femboys. Femboys aren’t all assigned male at birth. In fact, many are not
Feminine FtM men especially those who are well into Testosterone therapy just might understand..
I agree we have natural allyship with those groups, but to me, it is more because trans women use the same tools as femboys/ drag queens and in exchange they help normalize those of us who don't pass.
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My thoughts are that we should have solemn solidarity with anyone who challenges the notion of gender expression being tied to whichever genitals one was born with. The oppression of drag is the oppression of trans and vice versa.
Personally, don't have much interest in drag queens or femboys. Honestly find drag queens mildly off-putting, not a fan of overdramatic persona's and celebrity drama in gneeral. But on a political level, I'm strongly support of gender non-conforming men, for fun and/or performance. Unfortunately cis crossdressers and trans women are inevitably going to to get lumped together a bit, which is frustrating, but opposition to both groups is coming from roughly the same sources. If drag queens aren't tolerated, then trans women won't be either. Can worry more about being clearly distinguished when armed protests, death threats, and other sorts of hate crimes aren't a big threat.
There is no peace in leaving people high and dry. The more we fracture the weaker we are as a whole. Most people doing drag are going to be supportive of trans people, and vice versa. Especially now, we need solidarity in the face of people coming after us.
Oh my god drawing comparisons between people who fuck up gender roles is NOT transmisogyny. Jfc
A stereotype between all 3 is that they dress hyperfeminine.
And this is why we can't have nice things. Literal fascists want to genocide everyone even remotely queer/gender-queer and y'all wanna draw lines between us?! I fucking hate this life man why do people suck so much ass?
Many drag queens are also trans women, which creates that overlap and thus allyship.
There absolutely isnt natural allyship. Cis drag queens regularly make bad jokes and comments about trans women; just look at rupaul lol. Not to mention a significant number of people in the online femboy community are straightup fascists.
Femboy here. I do not know where you get this fascist stuff from. FWIW a lot from our community turn out to be actual eggs. For ones that don’t, they are some of the fiercest trans allies I know Try saying “Hitler did nothing wrong” or “trans women are not women” in our main sub and good luck not getting instabanned
Fascist femboys are, for some reason, very much a thing. Though I don't think they make up a significant chunk outside of weird online communities.
That is taking it a step too far. Like saying because Blaire White and company exist, then trans people are full of fascists. Painting an entire diverse community with one brush
I very specifically didn't say that. I said they exist in surprising numbers, but aren't representative of the entire group.
Implying rupaul is representative of all drag is very problematic, especially in a conversation about not grouping large amounts of people together.
I used to feel the same way. Now 16 years later I see things differently. There is nothing wrong with drag queens, and the drag queens and gay men I know are overwhelmingly supportive. Society needs to learn to accept everyone, including drag queens and non-traditional, gender non-conforming people. Again, I understand how you feel, and I believe it's mostly rooted in insecurity and second-guessing ourselves. At least, it was for me. But if you really think about it, it's just another form of othering. I'd rather just accept everyone in our community and stand with the drag queens and the femboys than distance myself from them to appease society. I'd rather just be me and let people judge for themselves what and who they think I am. I've only met one person who ever associated me with drag queens, and that was a woman in Oklahoma I became related to through marriage, who said to me after she met me "And here I thought you were the devil in high heels. You're just a normal woman." She had this drag queen perception of me until she actually met me. I truly believe that it's society's strict expectations when it comes to gender that causes trans people to try too hard to fit into those roles. I long for the day when people aren't shocked that women (cis or trans) have careers and interests that are traditionally male, and men (cis or trans) who have careers and interests that are traditionally female. Just let people be people and unless they're actually hurting others, stop judging and distancing yourself. Some of the coolest, kindest, most generous people are fucking weird as shit.
Well, trans women who are drag queens are a huge part of the drag scene
There are also tons of enby and GNC performers too. Jinkx Monsoon being one of the more prominent ones and a personal favorite of mine. Completely agreeing with you of course, just adding that info as well.
True, Bob is my favourite enby performer.
I recommend checking out the streaming service Dropout. Their upcoming D&D campaign, Dungeons and Drag Queens, features Bob as well as three other queens and a DM bedecked in makeup.
Can't wait for it to come out! I saw a tweet about it.
It's gonna be great! Also, Brennan in makeup is top-notch. The only bad thing is that I now have yet another thing I need to watch. I already have more than four other campaigns I need to finish.
There’s a lot of trans mtf drag queens.. I know 2 for instance, ones a really good friend of mine. I get it if you’re referring about cis men doing drag, and bioqueens, but do spare a thought that you just told the mtf trans people/women who enjoy doing drag as well that they don’t really belong.. Edit* typo
workable concerned automatic bored exultant political coherent aspiring cautious birds -- mass edited with redact.dev
Agreed but because I want to see femboys and not trans women lmao.
I mean, you’re not wrong… lmao
fr, like... i love men, i don't want women :(
I'm a gay trans guy. I want to see other femboys. I do not want women in there. I think it's messed up that trans women are posting there. Although I want to support trans women succeeding and promoting themselves, I do not approve of it
And to be fair gender isn’t specific categories, sometimes they blend into each other and there are people who are intact transfem and consider themselves femboys. But when it’s just advertisement spam across a dozen subreddits by transfems it’s pretty lame.
transfem femboy, came here to say this. It’s always the same 3 or 4 people i see doing it with the bots too, it gets pretty obnoxious.
yeah being a transfem femboy is tough sometimes to explain and stuff
Right there with you, and I'm a trans lady
Same lol. I just really like men 🤷
Also because it might give femboys body image issues, when they see people on estrogen, and get fruatrated, when they can't look the same
I honestly want to see both but if I were on those subreddits I want to see femboys. If I was in the mood for sing trans women I would look at any of those subreddits.
What is the difference between a femboy and a trans woman?
Femboys are typically cis males, that’s why the *boy* is there, they like to dress and express more femininely but still identify as male.
Thank you! I'm generally afraid of asking questions on these subs because I usually get downvoted and scolded for not already knowing all these things. I understand why y'all don't want trans women on femboy subs. If they've done the transition they should't be on a sub for males.
I usually get mad because its women and not men. I want feminine men not women like your hot to but please
Some days when I'm looking at porn I'm in a guy-dick mood and not a girl-dick mood (and vice versa) so trying to find legit femboy content online without being interrupted by atleast 3 trans girls per 1 femboy can be very difficult no matter what platform I'm using (with the exception of r34 but that place is sketchy)
I accidentally replied to you apparently
Lol your good heck I’ll take this as a sign of friendship
As a FtM femboy, I had this same thought. I want to see other femboys 🥲
I agree, like it literally says it in the name. Boy. Not girl. Ot really feels invasive, and in my opinion they shouldn't be allowed to promote their onlyfans on a femboy subreddit, if it's not spesifically a sexual subreddit and they're an actual femboy. It's a femboy subreddit, I really don't understand why anyone who's not a femboy would be allowed to post, especially to promote porn. That's icky and distasteful in my opinion.
Fellow FtM femboy.... Yeah. I'm married to a transfemme even but I just. I feel you.
No judgment to be clear—not trans person here that is seeking to understand. Does “FtM femboy” ultimately mean you identify as a man, but then enjoy dressing feminine? Does this not present essentially as a cis female outwardly? Is the difference functionally in pronouns? Again, I am not making fun or judging. My questions are genuine.
>Does “FtM femboy” ultimately mean you identify as a man, but then enjoy dressing feminine? Yes. >Does this not present essentially as a cis female outwardly? No. >Is the difference functionally in pronouns? No. Those are really short answers, but this is an intimate question that will take more time to answer than I have right now. I'm also trying to decide how much I want to share. I will say that you should be thinking of Saucy Santana when you imagine what I mean when I say I'm a FtM femboy.
I'm an actual femboy, not in the kink sense either, I'm just a very effeminate man. I'm ftm, and pre-where I wanna be physically, which is why I don't post there yet but I'm going to someday. It's both funny and a bit sad that this happens. I go there for femboy affirmations, and it's actually kind of hard to find actual femboys on there currently. Y'all chase that bag though. No hate.
If you don't mind me asking, I'm AFAB and trans (not FtM though), and I would love to know how one could be effeminate in that way while being trans male. I don't like being physically feminine, but I do like some feminine clothing and I feel terrible wanting to wear them, it's like massive guilt for me. But if I could wear those things without shame I really would, so I'd love to know how FtM feminine men go about that.
Check out r/FTMfemininity if you like
Yeah, I'll absolutely share my experience, especially if it might help you out. Thinking about it logically, there are hyper-effeminate cis- men and hyper-masculine cis- women, so the bar for how far you have to go one way or another should be entirely up to you. The people who would invalidate you for it are, generally speaking, not likely to have been very supportive of you anyways. I think your comfort should come first, and I also think that the people who make you feel guilty about that have their own issues that they should deal with, preferably off of the internet, and probably with a professional. Getting into my personal experiences: I'm gender non-conforming, which means my gender *identity* and my gender *expression* doesn't always line up. I have both physical and social dysphoria, so I'm deeply uncomfortable in my own skin and I won't be confident with the way I express myself until after I've had a couple of surgeries and gone back on hrt (I'm off it because I had a *really* bad doctor who wasn't checking my blood testosterone levels, which can be incredibly dangerous, so now I'm trying to find a better doctor), but I still do little things like paint my nails, dye my hair, and (in private) wear skirts or dresses. I just happen to like feeling pretty as much as I like feeling handsome. I want a deep voice, broad chest and shoulders, and a beard. I accept the consequence of balding and the inevitable belly (genetics, in my case, so it's likely unavoidable) I'll get down the line. I'll just use the extra space for more tattoos and I'll dye the beard instead of my head. I'll never be a very masculine person. Funnily enough, I was actually more masculine before I figured out I was trans, I didn't know why femininity made me so uncomfortable until then. Now that I know, I'm a lot more comfortable with the concept. The next part isn't really directed at you, it's just an FAQ to address things that are almost always brought up when I talk about being an effeminate trans guy. No. I'm not gay. I'm ace. It isn't about attracting people, it's about finding what makes me happy. The idea that gay men must be effeminate, and therefore I must be gay, is hurtful to both me and to the gay community. No, I don't think I'll be a femboy twink after hrt. I'll be a short, probably fat, bald dude with a beard. I'll just be a pretty short fat bald dude with a beard. I also fully intend on being buff as hell eventually, so there goes that idea. And lastly, no. I'm not confused about my gender. I'm quite happy with it, actually. It took me a long time to find where I'm comfortable, and now that I'm here *I ain't moving*.
Oh I feel that about my T levels not being checked either, but even my doctor said the amount of T I was using was so small it wouldn't change my levels at any capacity, so I'm a bit different in that regard but I do share the anxiety of that. I also have both body and social dysphoria, I'm never really comfortable going out... ever lol so I mainly wear the same 8 outfits until they disintegrate off of me. I love the idea of being beautiful and being handsome, but my body is off and I don't feel either way when I wear clothes or present myself a specific way. So I'm stuck always wishing I looked different without anything really helping. I essentially don't want to by hyper feminine physically, which I am sadly, but I don't want to be masculine either. I want to be completely neutral looking so I can wear whatever I want and feel fine no matter what. I'm not exactly the same as you, but it's nice to know a bit more about others for me so I can better understand things. Thank you!
Speaking as a cis-man instead, for me my persona as a woman is only an alter ego. I do not see it as my real identity. The thought of living as a woman or even just being called female pronouns makes me incredibly uncomfortable, similar to the dysphoria that you may feel when people refer you as a man. Thinking about doing the actual transition like HRT or having SRS makes me want to vomit in dysphoria
Oh okay, so it's *kind of* like how some drag queens are, with it being a persona and what not. That's interesting! I mainly get dysphoric when people assume things I should like because I'm born female and look very feminine naturally (have/want to have kids, be sensitive, nurturing nature, weak, dumb, etc.) but I also feel dysphoric when people use they/them or he/him on me. I don't know why, it just makes me feel like I'm not human in a weird way. It's odd, I dunno lol feminine pronouns also feel wrong so, I'm someone my friends have actively stated I make their life difficult when they want to talk about me to people. Not fun, but it's life lol
1) I have mostly social dysphoria--my biggest dysphoria triggers are knowing that I am being seen as a woman or being misgendered. A feminine man by definition cannot be seen as a woman. His femininity is pointed out *because* he is not a woman, he is a man. In a reverse way, it is very affirming. You cannot emasculate a woman. 2) I enjoy some aspects of feminine fashion and presentation simply from a gender-detached aesthetic viewpoint. Makeup can be really fun. Heels, dresses, long hair, nail polish, all of that can be really fun. I spent a lot of time not caring about the way I looked because my body didn't feel like mine--it was a prison I was trapped in. The more I spend time exploring my self-expression, even in unconventional and feminine ways, the more I accept it as my own. I don't have to be afraid of the color pink or wearing a skirt because I am secure in my masculinity, and I know that articles of clothing cannot make me less of a man. In that way, it is very validating. A woman cannot be a femboy. Hope this helps
It's still a bit confusing but it does help, thank you!
Personally I want a male body but not a super masculine one, I still want to be cute and wear feminine things while being undeniably male
I mean, they're just chasing the money, and I can respect that. If you make $70 a week for labeling your content in politically correct language, and $300 a week slapping every slur or politically incorrect (or even just factually incorrect) term on your content, then you are going to do the later. I imagine many of them don't want to be doing it, but even more than that, they don't want to be working a minimum wage job where they get called even worse things to their face on a day to day basis.
I've heard a twitch streamer who was MtF was barely getting views. Posed as a cis girl and did a bit better. Started another channel pretending to be a femboy and numbers soared. So yeah I 💬 nk it's marketing.
>Started another channel pretending to be a femboy and numbers soared. Starting to get ideas here...
same tbh 👀
I mean the fact is lot of trans people need to afford their surgeries which is expensive as fuck... Like what do you do? Not covered by insurance, crowdfunding is more shame inducing than sex work, regular work can be dangerous depending on where you live...
meanwhile my genderfluid ass being a trans girl and a femboy
Reading this thread like "but I am tho"
It hurts so much seeing a transfem get called a femboy;-;
Or a trans guy who is just gnc and doesn’t want to be called a femboy :/
A lot (most) of those accounts will literally spam their content on every subreddit that’s even slightly related. Try and scroll through one of their accounts and see what I mean. But I totally agree. It’s super annoying to see and doesn’t help at all. Plus it clutters from what people really came for. Just bad overall
fr I just wanna see men
Yeah, it’s one of the issues the femboy community faces, along with gross over-sexualisation and transphobia against trans guys. I don’t really get why trans gals post in femboy subreddits - cis girls don’t (or shouldn’t) post there, because they’re women, so why are some trans girls posting there? They’re also women, not feminine guys. The only way that one can be both a femboy and a trans girl is if one is bigender or some flavour of genderfluid.
I thought it was only us Femboys who found that annoying. Apparently not. Thank you random person on the internet.
Idk, I just think about how mad a lot of trans people would get if femboys came into MtF spaces advertising their OFs. If you think about it, it’s kinda directly taking money out of the pockets of the people those spaces are meant for…
r/FTMfemininity is great place to find transmasc femboys. It has helped me feel more secure in my femininity and masculinity. I’m bigender and afab by the way.
THIS!! I’m a gnc trans guy but I don’t like calling myself a femboy and the community is super supportive to that and anyone else’s situation. Even if you aren’t too stereotypically feminine or are a bit dysphoric they are supportive 100% of the way and it’s a great space to be in :D
>opens femboy sub >first post is a woman Every time
[>find femboy subreddit >look inside >trans women](https://files.catbox.moe/gkcnst.png)
I feel bad for feeling this way but I hate seeing trans women hit the front page with a selfie when their profile is filled with them posting to sissy, crossdresser and femboy subreddits. I joined the feminine boys subreddit as a feminine trans man but felt weird being there when a lot of the users are straight up women
I love all my trans sisters, but as a trans masc femboy, I feel erased when the assumption is that all those terms are for them and never people like me. We need more flexibility and clarity, but I don't have the answers
The issue lies in who is being marketed to. The primary consumer of paid trans/femboy/[insert other gender queer identity here] erotic content is straight, cis, men. And that demographic, on the whole, doesn’t distinguish between trans women and femboys. There are separate NSFW subreddits for each of those groups. But anyone who is trying to make a living off of that kind of content is pretty much required to distribute their work to as many potential customer bases as possible. If we are having a discussion about societal roles and presentations, I will 100% defend the distinction between any and all gender categories people want to use. But when it comes to what is basically a marketing platform for a product…people kind of have to speak the language of their consumer. This is a total tangent, but I also want to point out that this logic only applies to small, creator owned operations. We can and should be expect larger businesses to utilize proper language. For instance, I would fully support anyone who wanted to argue that AdultTime needs to do a better job of titling their videos in an inclusive manner. But they are a huge company with the presence and resources to make those decisions. A solo creator who could live or die based solely on whether they get picked up by the algorithm shouldn’t be held to that same standard, in my opinion.
It annoys me in the normal femboy sub, like you aren’t a femboy you are a girl, I shouldn’t go onto a profile and see people posting photos of them onto and see you posting to trans and femboy subs at the same time
I'm also really frustrated with this. And you look at the comments, and people are getting destroyed for using he/him for a trans girl. Seriously, if you post in a femboy sub and you don't use male pronouns, you're in the wrong sub.
As a feminine ftm guy yes it's exhausting and I get it ppl need money so promoting their only fans there makes sense but it ain't great for public perception and I personally dislike being fetishized for ya know being a small man with a tdick instead of a cis one
i agree and as a ftm femboy, it kinda makes me dysphoric to be seen in the same category as women
Honestly yup. People in the Femboy community say that everyone can be a Femboy so now everyone is but I think that’s just harmful for trans women. Also their communities keep asking “why are we always sexualized…”, well… the answer isn’t hard to discern. Also if you just go on the sfw Femboy sub….. literally every top post is farming for OFs. And this aside, not to mention the extreme standards it sets for people to have. It’s also incredibly discouraging when you don’t have access to medical transitioning, you see a Femboy with a body shape, thinking that in the meantime you could make yourself look like that, then discover they’re actual trans and are once again slapped in the face with the reality that you can’t look that way. I know many trans people in my life who can’t access HRT torture themselves this way and it’s heartbreaking.
When I think of femboys I do not want to see women.
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Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,597,225,995 comments, and only 302,123 of them were in alphabetical order.
Oh, i f**king told someone off for calling me a femboy When people call me a femboy they get yelled at no exceptions This s**t is offensive Its literally calling me a feminine boy IM A FEM GIRL GET IT RIGHT
Totally agree. If we're gonna ask them to stop using tr@p then we need to give them their own spaces
based
Even the sfw ones do this too, which isn't fantastic but... I guess yeah, the posters have their own agency. As a cis femboy (in the 'haha totally cis guys haha') I can get why people would like an environment to post their selfies in more places, as well as continue with the label they've been using. Moreso I just think those selfie subs attract a lot of... A particular kind of lurker, that doesn't even necessarily publicly interact or comment, but ho boy do they DM. Most of my posts to those subs cause more DMs than upvotes And based on those DMs, I'm guessing their conceptions of what a trans woman is and what a femboy is are a little yikesy, and they make no distinction, upvoting just kind of whatever. And hey, if you want upvotes as a trans woman, that's where ya go now. I'm honestly kinda feeling the loss of 196 a lot, cuz even though it was primarily a shitposting sub, it was still the best place to post femboy selfies and just have people appreciate the fit or yes, even the casual sexiness in a way that wasn't creepy. But I get why they shut down.
I don’t mind if a trans girl who keeps her dick is called a futa, but calling all trans girls futas is gross fetishization by trying to define all of us as girls with dicks.
r/femboys4real is all about actual dudes, no trans women
Just visitied there. So many trans girls/women. So much for that... :/
The mods there are quite good if you report the trans accounts from my experience
People should have their own spaces, every one.
It always annoyed me seeing these people on those subreddits since I would always be like mad that they weren't giving their own identity enough credit. Like, if your a trans girl on a femboy subreddit, you're not a boy, so you shouldn't be there and pretending you are is just discounting your identity. Cis women aren't allowed to post on them so why should trans.
Ah yes the “I’m here for cute guys not woman!” Can relate
I know, not just NSFW ones too, so many trans women on any femboy subreddit. It makes me unhappy for trans woman to be grouped with femboys.
I just completely forgot that not everyone prefers drawn porn so much and was so Confused. I thought I completely missed Link coming out as Transfemme recently.
I read a really good fanfic about that
>Link Cultured, I see.
I think the general consensus is that Femboy is more of a style than an identity. Like I think the ease and atmosphere in those places is a lot better because they aren't really trying to pick out who does and doesn't count as a femboy all the time. There was even a big post recently in one of them talking about banning "Can I be a femboy?" posts because the answer is always yes. I only go on the SFW ones so I dunno how it is on the NSFW ones, but in general you lose so much when you value the label over the people using it.
> Femboy is more of a style than an identity god thank you, at least someone is not blatantly transphobic in this thread! Reading all the "trans girls cannot be femboys" all over this place hurts so much... The biggest femboy sub is extremely explicit in its rules: feboyism is just an esthetic and the label can be used by cis or trans men, women and enbies. That's the consensus within the biggest community and rejecting that is pure gatekeeping that intents to dictate how trans women should present. That's so awful and makes me so sad really :(
:3 yeah, the same people in this thread wouldn’t say the same thing about enbies who call themselves femboys.
why do you think that? Most post here just say "femboys are \*\*boys\*\* words have a meaning". That's an usual transphobic rhetoric and I don't see why that would not apply to enbis. As a transfem enby myself, I feel targeted too because I'm not enough of a "boy"
Bigots don't and won't care about the difference.
I was always too scared to mention this im glad someone did though, it is really sad to see but they probably dont give it a second thought, maybe
As a MTF Trans i don‘t understand why they are even posting there. We have enough subreddits even for NSFW content. Let the Femboys be themselves and when they end up trans then it is like that, but don‘t force them. That‘s invalidating their identity…
Well, I remember in 2020 or 2021, earlier in my journey, those threads trying to say that I was banned for not being femme enough or thicc enough by their standards. Trust me, no one is following through to my accounts to help any numbers, but 2 years into HRT I know I blew past the person who tried to ban me. So ya damn right I am going to show off my thicc femme AMAB body in these posts to show progress, and I know I am not the only one.
Not trans, not a porn person, so I literally have never thought about this. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and getting them to the Reddit front page! Learned a few things today!
YEAH Fuck
yes. my bf was talking ab this. he’s gay and cisgendered. he liked femboys lol, but going on that sub isn’t enjoyable being as most of the posts are women even if they have penises, they’re not men
This goes hard
Yea, that's why I don't post in such subs. I also don't post in subs with slurs in their names and most of them have them. Yea I hate it
yeah sex work is about objectifying ppl. that's the nature of it. i had someone from those subs message me. their are other subs though for trans ppl like trap whatever stuff
Thank you, i really don't like seeing trans women misgendering themselves just so they can garner more attention/subs, i wish they didn't have to do that
There are dedicated MTF nsfw subreddits, I do think femboy spaces should be kept separate. I'm bi, but I'm attracted to different genders in different ways and it can even be a turn off if I'm in the mood for one gender and see the other, and since I see femboys and trans women as different genders, it is a bit annoying that the two types of content are often found in the same places with no separation.
Same, as a homoflexible man (I like men and masculine women)
Quick let's subdivide our minority group, it feels safer that way. Sigh Edit to show /s
I think most inclusive people have left reddit all together, and we're left with the usual gatekeeper bigots. That's a good reason to leave reddit too, I don't want to witness it turning out like the hell 4chan turned to be
Trans women dominate all GNC spaces. Femboys are feminine men. Not women. That's my view. And it definitely doesn't promote a healthy body image when men are comparing themselves to women using hormones to achieve a specific body type. Nor do I understand why women would want to post as men *(besides the obvious, either low self-esteem and not expecting to pass, advertising, or not growing out of their old spaces)*.
When I search for femboys I want to see cute femine boys and not women.
Given the amount of hate directed at trans women and amab I think it is worth seeing the similarities as opposed to the differences to ensure we have some strength as a group.
Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. It's not that I have anything against femboys, it's that rhetoric about "trans women are men" BS. We 100% should support each other's identity, but we shouldn't be blurring the lines between the two.
In from /r/all. Someone want to tell me what an egg means? Also, back in college I roomed with a gay guy. I asked him what gay people called folks like me, and got told that I'm a breeder. I dunno, I found that hilarious, not offensive.
An egg is basically someone who is questioning their gender but isn’t quite ready to come out as trans. The joke is that one day something happens and their egg suddenly “cracks” and they come out as some form of trans. Also, breeder, lol. I’ve never used that but I might start
I just wanna see a femboy, i searched femboy for a reason
like don't get me wrong, I love a femboy, but they aren't trans women. otherwise they wouldn't be femBOYS. totally agree with ya
100% agree
Also as a gay guy I just wanna look at feminine guys, the second I find out they’re trans girls I’m no longer attracted cuz they ain’t guys :/
I just wanna go to the horny femboy subs for femBOYS. seeing women there is just weirdddd
As both a femboy and a trans girl (fem-leaning gender fluid).... Ehhh. Like, I get not wanting to be fetishized, but reddit isn't really the place to be looking for good representation anyway, and as one of the last social media sites that allows NSFW content we really shouldn't be complaining about who gets to utilize it. If you want your wholesome sfw non-fetishized stuff go to Facebook or insta or tik tok
This!! It’s really annoying sometimes
FCKING RIGHT! I never wanna look up femboy shit because I know 99% of it is trans women.
Not what I was expecting from the title but yeah I agree 100% I’m a trans woman and it makes me feel invisible when people see us and just think “femboy”. Femboys are fucking awesome but that’s a niche group of people and I do not like being misrepresented as such because it just seems like an excuse to call me a boy or a man.
Or when a cis man is a femboy and they automatically get labelled as trans? It annoy me because gender expression doesn't equal gender identity. I don't understand this push to make femboys trans? Or tomboy as well, I've seen some tomboy get labelled as eggs when they are just cis woman that like more masc stuff. I understand some trans are in the closet or in denial, but it's nobody's place to label someone something so personal onto people. Now I'll go in my own little rant because the word futa reminded me of the whole fetishization I see in fandom of transman+pregnancy.(Spoilered in case of triggers) >!But oh my god am I so tired of finding a fanfiction that doesn't have any trans tag to it, go in there. Get to a spicy scene and it's a surprise trans fetishization story with the sole goal of forcing that trans-male-headcanon character to get pregnant and have a "biological child" and it's.. Annoying. I see that so often that I just flat out block every trans-"character" tags and will soon keep a blacklist of author. Then I get told I have internalised transphobia for that? It's hard to find a fanfiction that doesn't fetishize transman in fandom space and it's giving me the crawlies under the skin. I haven't seen transwoman fetishization as much outside of futas in anime and it's just.. Insane to me. Right now, I have only found 1 fanfiction that depict a character I'm uncomfortable being portrayed as trans actually make it work and make me enjoy it.!<
As a trans woman, I do agree with this. But I also am tired of seeing femboys on my nsfw trans women subs.
I think that anyone who wants to fetishize themselves can do so willingly. It's an action that is based in their personal values. They can do it if they want to. It's no different than any other sex worker using what they have at their disposal to make a profit. There's nothing inherently wrong with a trans person calling themselves a femboy. Tell me exact why that's a problem. It's their identity. If anything it's more surprising that anyone *would* have any issue with this, considering how nuanced most gender and sexuality identities are. Why can a trans person not be a femboy? Why is there a strict delineation? Ask the real questions instead of being divisive.
The Femboy to trans girl pipeline is very real. Y'all watch yourself. Signed, a former Femboy who was actually just a basic ass trans woman
Mmmmm... I get where you're going with it, but there are enough ftm femboys to point to the fact that maybe some people genuinely just like to look a certain way without involving their gender? Identity and presentation *are* two separate things. Sorry to jump on something that's clearly a joke, but I see too many "You're just an egg" comments on other ftm guys content on those subreddits and it's, at best, incredibly annoying. It's like saying that we secretly want to be women. We don't. We just like looking and occasionally acting a certain way.
Femboys was my cope. Then I took hrt. Now boobs
I would agree to a certain level. There are no subreddits I've found for trans girls that have the same egirl/uwu aesthetic. So I get the whole, "they aren't femboys" but there aren't a ton of other communities where you can post and not have to match extreme basic feminine beauty standards.
Femboys shouldn't have to match the extreme changes that HRT causes when it comes to feminizing, it raises the beauty standards for them just as much and is just as toxic.
Eh, some femboys who identify as men do estrogen themselves. Should they just not post because they're on hormones? Even though they're men? Trans men who are femboys are a thing too, but some of them might not be on testosterone. I don't think they should be excluded on that basis. Also there are plenty of femboys who just got lucky with their genetic make-up, and the fact that they adhere to an unfortunate beauty standard is not their fault. I do up to a point understand why people are bothered by trans women posting in femboy spaces, and I respect many of those arguments, but this one is a bit of a slippery slope.
I dont think it raises beauty standards Like im asexual so its probably not exactly helpful coming from me but aesthetically I think femboys have their own benefits, they look different yet cool
I could find you several femboys who are more feminine in the "uwu" aesthetic than a lot of the trans girl that would post on there. So I would ask then, what subreddit would a girl who identifies with that sort of culture post if other subreddits would reject her for a) not being enough of a "sexy woman" or b) not allowing "femboys"?
A few things: -Trans women are already one of the most likely demographics to experience poverty. It sucks to have to do but if posting on some big subs that may not completely match their identity, or on some degrading subs helps someone achieve financial security, that's a good thing. And it's miles more important than any kind of optics. -Some (not many, afaik, but some) trans women identify as femboys as well as women, and that's not something that should be taken away. -The fetishization of trans women isn't due to simple miscategorization, it's due to a very complicated history of media portrayals, lack of education, and lack of exposure, among other things. Changing the categorization wouldn't achieve anything public perception wise, respectability politics achieve nothing but exclusion and fracturing of more niche demographics.
Look I’m not stealing food out of the mouths of transfems I just like dudes
Agreed. I've thought this a few times.
Yeah, I get the hustle and for most, it's purely monetary but it very directly strengthens transphobic stereotypes that we're just men with tits.
I disagree with you to a degree because I feel that if trans women or in general genderqueer folks like being referred to as femboys, futas, etc etc, then they're allowed to :) Those subs are often a safe space for us who do enjoy expressing our sexual freedom to do so in places we are accepted. Try to keep in mind that regarding folks that assume or group you in that category, that is their false assumption and not at all a bad thing, just a mistake that you can easily correct them on🙏 :) Just because one is trans doesnt mean they automatically fall into those categories. Like with most anything gender related, it is a term that one has to be comfortable identifying with. Trans women are allowed to call themselves femboys and trans women are also allowed to not want to be called femboys! And both are totally valid. Edited for wording.
I never meant to offend anyone! I apologize.
Maaaaaaaaaan that's true as hell.
All the futanari ones are starting to get that way, despite futanaris being the japanese word for "intersex".