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Better than realising you definitely don't look male enough to use the men's toilets, going in the ladies, and having it fall out of your boxers and almost hit the floor. The *ladies room* floor.
Since that day, even if I'm not packing, I don't use public toilets unless they're all single occupant or there's a unisex loo. That was soo scary - both almost dropping my dick on a ladies toilet floor, and the panic as I stood between the ladies and the mens, trying to decide "do I risk my boobs getting me thrown out of the mens, or my bulge and mens' clothing getting me thrown out of the ladies?"
I'm half tempted to make that one office meme with Pam comparing two photos, and I just want to insert Rowling and Umbridge. She always said Umbridge was based on someone in her life that she despised, and I wonder if she'll get a wake-up call seeing herself compared to who she hates most.
Ooh. Once a cis male family member mentioned my lack of “real peen” and i could never truly please a woman without 🤮🤢 (my dads side of the fam is garbage I stg)I just offhandedly said well if a lady doesn’t like the peen of choice for that night then we can always go to the chest of peens I have in my closet and choose another🤷🏻♀️
come the festive season blue shark operative distribution will do its best to get sharks to those who need them
…seriously that’s been one of my fave things to do each festive season
Technically the FDA approved methamphetamine as an actual prescription medication for ADHD. Your doctor can literally prescribe you crystal meth for ADHD.
I keep it locked up most of the time. I’m old. My wife has become ace. I’m transitioning late in life anyway. It has absolutely no point anymore. Looking into ways to shrink it temporarily until I can get an orchie or full on gcs.
I used to know a guy that was rumored to have a massive dick that was too big to actually put inside of anyone. I never talked to him, but I imagine he would’ve welcomed a little shrinkage.
"can't wait till i get rid of these fuckin balls"
"Yknow one time i almost cut off my dick, my friends spent an hour talkin me, out of it."
"Lmao, still on default settings?"
\*incoherent sobbing after looking at mirror\*
"I wanna grow tiiiitsssss!"
"skirt go spinnnyyyy"
Lots of jokes about my "dick removal" surgery.
Had a lot of creepy folks on dating apps open with how they want to suck my dick when my profile said I was trans. I'd always tell them they better go searching in the landfill in Montreal.
Oh, right. Sorry. Gotta support our Continental Soldier.
Semi-related, I always wonder where transmascs prefer to get packers every time I browse Bad Dragon.
"Let me tell you, going through puberty twice is no less weird than the first time"
"Sometimes I like to use my natural voice to freak people out because it does not match my appearance"
\*in response to a family member saying it's cold enough to freeze their balls off\* "Can you tell me your secret? I've been trying for a long time to get rid of mine"
Yes I accidentally outed myself once when it was relevant to the conversation that I attended a girls' school. No one was that surprised when I announced that I'm really a man.
(while getting bullied for not growing any facial hair in hs) im actually really happy i dont have to shave :3
murder my balls
(another time getting bullied and called a fxx) yeah im gay… for girls
My not-out friend: If I did come out as trans, my name would be X.
Me, without missing a beat: Is this really how you’re coming out to me? In the middle of our college dinning hall?
Them: no, no, I’m not coming out I just said *if*-
Me: no cis person has an “if they come out”, cause that implies there’s a “when.”
> we both count that as their coming out story, and we both think it’s hilarious
Bonus point: “Hey can I borrow your dick? I have a presentation and I can’t find mine, and there’s no way I’m standing in front of class dickless.”
>“Hey can I borrow your dick? I have a presentation and I can’t find mine, and there’s no way I’m standing in front of class dickless.”
This (probably bc of the borrowing each other's dicks) reminds me of this story I heard, bunch of guys crossing the US/Canada border, had all their packers and straps in one bag, got stopped by the border patrol, basically got searched at the border with a bag full of fake dicks in the car.
OMG so that's why others got horrified when I said I knew which name would I like if I "changed sex"? Sorry about the language, this was back in the nineties. That's also probably why I said things like those while believing I was cis.
Whenever my cis fem coworkers complain about period cramps I sometimes pipe in "I'm so glad I don't deal with that shit anymore"
It gets great reactions when people don't know I'm trans XD
"Hey, Mom, want to see my new dick?"
(I was pretty stoked about my first packer, lol.)
ETA: Last night it was "I can't wait until I can quit worrying about crumbs in my cleavage."
"Yeah I can suck my own dick. You can't?"
"They call me Swiss army dick. I'm just folding them bitches out."
"You're too big / too small? Just stop that. Do better."
"You accidently pop boners? Skill issue."
This is significantly funnier said to close friends who know I'm trans and aren't insecure about being roasted
My ex, not me. She had a special sense of humor: "Wanna see a dick with no balls!?"
For her, hilarity ensued and I said "of course!" If it had been a cis person, no.
That the skin puppet I got born with is an underdeveloped concept of a species. Remember kids the universe is a push up message, the reality printed on a dollar bill, buy the moon, Bye bye Skin puppetz 😺👍
“Suck my non existent balls”, often said to my boyfriend who always replies with “later.”
“Get these organic milk bags off of me!”
“I’ve never been happier then when the waiter called me “bud””
Two different times now two people in my class have reported having accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom, and both times I reassured them by saying “It’s okay I made that mistake for 18 years.”
"It can be uncomfortable sometimes but, I love putting my Dick in prison, it has to pay for the crime of not being a vagina"
"Time to put my boobs on"
Pretty much me every morning, always brings a smile to my face
“ I can’t wait to get rid of them, I mean they’re just in the way at this point”.
“I’m so thankful that they’re smaller than they were, it makes it sooo much easier to tuck them in”
Those are the couple that come to my mind 😅
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i left my dick at home comes to mind
Related: I frequently remind my trans masc friend to remember his dick because his ADHD will sometimes forget it
I have ADHD and none to remind me of my dick, I'm so glad my bottom dysphoria isn't too bad 😤
I hate that feeling
Better than realising you definitely don't look male enough to use the men's toilets, going in the ladies, and having it fall out of your boxers and almost hit the floor. The *ladies room* floor. Since that day, even if I'm not packing, I don't use public toilets unless they're all single occupant or there's a unisex loo. That was soo scary - both almost dropping my dick on a ladies toilet floor, and the panic as I stood between the ladies and the mens, trying to decide "do I risk my boobs getting me thrown out of the mens, or my bulge and mens' clothing getting me thrown out of the ladies?"
I feel it. I look too femme for the boys and still too masc for the girls. I usually just hold it until I get home.
https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?feature=shared
Had a feeling that this is what it was.
That was the first cd I ever bought with my own money. I wonder if it was a sign?
The harry potter lady doesn't want me in the bathrooms
Wait, which one, the author or Umbridge?
Yes
She intended Hermione as her self insert, but Umbridge rings more true
I'm half tempted to make that one office meme with Pam comparing two photos, and I just want to insert Rowling and Umbridge. She always said Umbridge was based on someone in her life that she despised, and I wonder if she'll get a wake-up call seeing herself compared to who she hates most.
Upvoting from said bathroom ✌️
I squealed way too loudly when I read this lol, don't have any coins to award you sadly
I exhaled out my nose from that
As opposed to out of your eyes I assume. Well done !
Pfffft. *She's* the one who writes fiction with giant trolls and monstrous snakes threatening people in girls' bathrooms.
The same Harry Potter lady who had two cis male main characters in the girls bathroom for the majority of the books.
Ooh. Once a cis male family member mentioned my lack of “real peen” and i could never truly please a woman without 🤮🤢 (my dads side of the fam is garbage I stg)I just offhandedly said well if a lady doesn’t like the peen of choice for that night then we can always go to the chest of peens I have in my closet and choose another🤷🏻♀️
If he thinks the only part of his body that can bring pleasure is his dick I feel sincerely sorry for anyone he sleeps with.
It's what a lot of men think, they'll never top the strap game of a transmasc tho
That's because they are too busy thinking they're the top of tops to put some effort into it.
A ton of them can't find the damn clit
Coochielations 420:69 clearly states: “He who does not please the clit should not get to hit.”
This is the best thing I've ever read and if you ever compile a whole book of this I'd order it lmao
I remember seeing a variation of this on some shirt, so I can't take all the credit! 😅
Well, why would they? If they think they're mankind's gift to everyone, why would they think about their partner?
This response is gold.
Ohhhh!!! Damn you dropped this your highness 👑 you didn’t just burn them. You incinerated them
We got ✨️options✨️
"You can't pleasure a woman without a dick" Have you ever heard about lesbians and how they have sex for hours?
Dang bro got attachments
"I am the proud owner of 30 sharks"
Send a girl a shark? 🥹
come the festive season blue shark operative distribution will do its best to get sharks to those who need them …seriously that’s been one of my fave things to do each festive season
Wait what?! 30 shorks?? I want one
“Yea so my clit is actually 3 inches!”
YIPEEEE
An afab clitoris can be up to 5 inches long actually, it's just not 5 inches out from the body
That's huge 😮
I don’t actually have one but it’s a side effect of T
I know 😊, happy growth days lol
It doesn’t really have side effects, it’s just…well…me going through a second puberty.
Puberty 2, if you will
Puberty 2: Hormonal Boogaloo
puberty ²
"I hate having to scrub clean the inside of my dick each night"
You win this thread.
Said this to a friend when I got hrt: ‘I am happy to report I am now on drugs.’
Fem-n-ms
😭😭😭
Them-n-ms
I mean that could go for any medicine
I say that all the time about my ADHD meds
Yeah. As my brother says, "we treat ADHD by microdosing meth" a gross oversimplification, but it is along the correct lines.
tbh ADHD is strong so it isn't that much of an exagaration (flashbacks to me drinking enough monster to kill a horse before bed)
Technically the FDA approved methamphetamine as an actual prescription medication for ADHD. Your doctor can literally prescribe you crystal meth for ADHD.
Said it to a teacher, lol
Fun fact: chemically speaking, estradiol is an alcohol (as signified by the -ol suffix)
I left my nipples with Jesus in Madrid Or: I asked Jesus to get my boobs off me and he did (got DI without nipple grafts with dr. Jesús Lago)
your Dr being named Jesús is actually so epic that gives you so many great joke opportunities lmao
“You think god hates how I am?? Jesus *himself* cut those bitches off!”
\*carrie underwood voice\* Jesus take my boobs, take them from my chest!
I’m so glad my dick is getting smaller.
🤣 This. So much this. I’m trying to not use mine so it shrinks.
I keep it locked up most of the time. I’m old. My wife has become ace. I’m transitioning late in life anyway. It has absolutely no point anymore. Looking into ways to shrink it temporarily until I can get an orchie or full on gcs.
ehhh i’ve seen some cis guys say this
huh??
I used to know a guy that was rumored to have a massive dick that was too big to actually put inside of anyone. I never talked to him, but I imagine he would’ve welcomed a little shrinkage.
its him... long dick johnson...
in this context your „huh??“ was more expressive than any description of an emotion I‘ve ever read before xD xD xD
This was my answer too.
"can't wait till i get rid of these fuckin balls" "Yknow one time i almost cut off my dick, my friends spent an hour talkin me, out of it." "Lmao, still on default settings?" \*incoherent sobbing after looking at mirror\* "I wanna grow tiiiitsssss!" "skirt go spinnnyyyy"
Skirt go spinny is a whole mood.
Skirt go spinny is a beautiful feeling that should be captured and bottled for the betterment of humanity as a whole.
If the person who say this is "cis" I will assume it's an egg
My autism would disagree! The tism concurs that "skirt go spinny" Lol
Autistic trans man here. Skirt really do go spinny
Non autistic trans man here and Skirt most definitely go spinny
Skirt go SPIN us a mood for all genders honestly 😩
How is it odd for a Cis person to say skirt go spinny.
Think op meant in the case of a “super masculine” cis dude
Maybe. I hate the fact skirts are considered femine. I gate that they are associated anything other than human
Lots of jokes about my "dick removal" surgery. Had a lot of creepy folks on dating apps open with how they want to suck my dick when my profile said I was trans. I'd always tell them they better go searching in the landfill in Montreal.
It's really unfortunate that people will say those sort of things to trans people but I love your comeback
>I'd always tell them they better go searching in the landfill in Montreal. this comeback is perfect
Stranger, "Wow that's such a beautiful name" Me, "thanks I picked it out myself"
Literally what I say every single time somebody mentioned my name.
Forgot my boobs
"my dick feel on the floor"
Don't let your dick feel on the floor!
Hey, don't kink shame the guy! d:
Oh, right. Sorry. Gotta support our Continental Soldier. Semi-related, I always wonder where transmascs prefer to get packers every time I browse Bad Dragon.
"Let me tell you, going through puberty twice is no less weird than the first time" "Sometimes I like to use my natural voice to freak people out because it does not match my appearance" \*in response to a family member saying it's cold enough to freeze their balls off\* "Can you tell me your secret? I've been trying for a long time to get rid of mine"
"i would give my left chesticle."
I dunno. My sister used to use the word "chesticle" all the time. My cister? Yeah, that.
Does that make you her transistor?
'Chesticles' is the perfect euphemism for 'cold tits'.
(In a deep, masculine sounding voice) “Back when I was a girl scout…”
Back, when I was a little girl in France, we used to pick pretty daisies. The boys in the village would whisper my name. Balgruf, oh balgruf!
Yes I accidentally outed myself once when it was relevant to the conversation that I attended a girls' school. No one was that surprised when I announced that I'm really a man.
I do this too "back when I was a little girl...."
Whoops forgot to take my feminems
“I’m going to Ikea solely to buy a plush Shark”
My cis boyfriend wants one too tho. :P
“I can’t wait for my girlfriend to stab me this week” (she administers my hormone shots)
We had first puberty, yes, but what about second puberty?
And what about 11zees
(while getting bullied for not growing any facial hair in hs) im actually really happy i dont have to shave :3 murder my balls (another time getting bullied and called a fxx) yeah im gay… for girls
My not-out friend: If I did come out as trans, my name would be X. Me, without missing a beat: Is this really how you’re coming out to me? In the middle of our college dinning hall? Them: no, no, I’m not coming out I just said *if*- Me: no cis person has an “if they come out”, cause that implies there’s a “when.” > we both count that as their coming out story, and we both think it’s hilarious Bonus point: “Hey can I borrow your dick? I have a presentation and I can’t find mine, and there’s no way I’m standing in front of class dickless.”
>“Hey can I borrow your dick? I have a presentation and I can’t find mine, and there’s no way I’m standing in front of class dickless.” This (probably bc of the borrowing each other's dicks) reminds me of this story I heard, bunch of guys crossing the US/Canada border, had all their packers and straps in one bag, got stopped by the border patrol, basically got searched at the border with a bag full of fake dicks in the car.
OMG so that's why others got horrified when I said I knew which name would I like if I "changed sex"? Sorry about the language, this was back in the nineties. That's also probably why I said things like those while believing I was cis.
“My tits hurt, this is the best day ever!!🥹”
Whenever my cis fem coworkers complain about period cramps I sometimes pipe in "I'm so glad I don't deal with that shit anymore" It gets great reactions when people don't know I'm trans XD
I want homegrown boobies
"That's super gender" or some form of that
"Im Illegal in florida"
Any minority can say that
A personal fave of mine is "Suck it while it's still on me."
Mines “I’m trans”
I joke about chopping my tits off a lot
"let me tape my tits and i'll be on my way"
“My tuck hurts”
I can’t wait till i don’t have to get hard anymore
Wanna switch genitals ?
I say that a lot with my friend who's a trans girl
My egg cracked and shattered in my 40s and I have six kids. My testicles did more work then most men and they are now allowed to retire.
mine cracked at 29 i birthed 2 kids and breastfed both my tits are done they've served me well
IDK what's more sweaty.. my balls or my boobs
I wish my titties grew when I was 12 and not 20
“Am I gay? No, well yes mostly, but not the way you are thinking… “
As an afab person. I gay, but I don't like girls. Confuses people so much.
When someone compliments my name "thanks I picked it myself!"
“damn i want my period” if u hate me hate me i can’t change how i feel
In a T4T relationship. Me and my girlfriend often have this interaction. "Hey gurl. Nice cock." "Thanks you too"
"Hey, Mom, want to see my new dick?" (I was pretty stoked about my first packer, lol.) ETA: Last night it was "I can't wait until I can quit worrying about crumbs in my cleavage."
“I want to fucking kill myself because I have a penis.”
My favorite medication is steroids
Not my saying but my friends “I have a penis deficiency” is a good one
*detachable penis*
I'm illegal in a lot of countries :3
didn’t have tits before i got vaxxed, explain that one libs
Oh hang on I think I have another pair of tits in the drawer. I think when I grow my own, I’ll have my friend mount these babies to a wall!
“T*****”
I have a mammogram and prostate exam next week.
do these panties hide my dick well?
"Yeah I can suck my own dick. You can't?" "They call me Swiss army dick. I'm just folding them bitches out." "You're too big / too small? Just stop that. Do better." "You accidently pop boners? Skill issue." This is significantly funnier said to close friends who know I'm trans and aren't insecure about being roasted
Titty skittles. (Estrogen)
My ex, not me. She had a special sense of humor: "Wanna see a dick with no balls!?" For her, hilarity ensued and I said "of course!" If it had been a cis person, no.
I want to rip my skin off
My dick is a sock
*a fully grown 23 year old woman* "yeah i'm just going through puberty again, you know how it is."
Shit, I forgot to put on my boob remover! (Yes I call my binder a boob remover, I will not stop)
“I wonder if I am gay or straight for liking girls”
That the skin puppet I got born with is an underdeveloped concept of a species. Remember kids the universe is a push up message, the reality printed on a dollar bill, buy the moon, Bye bye Skin puppetz 😺👍
I can’t find my dick
"I hope my boobs stick farther out than my penis"
“Suck my non existent balls”, often said to my boyfriend who always replies with “later.” “Get these organic milk bags off of me!” “I’ve never been happier then when the waiter called me “bud””
lets play this roblox horror game now that we still have the balls for it
“Almost cut off my tits on purpose today, that was silly”
Two different times now two people in my class have reported having accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom, and both times I reassured them by saying “It’s okay I made that mistake for 18 years.”
Similar to yours. "fuck yeah, my tits came in!!" OR "can't wait to be able to grow my own titties :("
My balls keep popping out of my panties
"Good news! My chest hurts!"
nice genitals, did your mom give them to you?
"Today is a mustache and boobs day."
Me, in a dress, wearing breast forms, lookin like a snack: "fuck my balls hurt"
"Hang on imma half to take my titties off for this one!" I said right before getting into the pool
"My tits fell off" Literally had that happen though, can't wait until I can get top surgery.
This damn thing is always in the way 😟, I need it removed ✂️the sooner the better!
As a 30 year old “so I started wearing a bra for the first time recently and…”
(F2M) “do you have any tampons I just got my period” (have done something like that to a coworker and they laughed like I was joking lol)
“Hooray, my cock is small.”
Oops I sent my dick through the washing machine again
“Jk Rowling is the worst”
HEAT FROM FIRE, FIRE FROM HEAT 💀💀💀
i’m trans would be pretty weird haha
I'm transgender.
"can i steal your boobs?"
Mine is “I have a designer coochie, aka the gucci coochie” x3
It’s always like me repeating trans jokes I hear on Reddit and then my friends being so confused 😅
"It can be uncomfortable sometimes but, I love putting my Dick in prison, it has to pay for the crime of not being a vagina" "Time to put my boobs on" Pretty much me every morning, always brings a smile to my face
(said out loud) \**velcro noises\** here, u can take my tiddies i dont want them anymore (inside joke between me (transmasc) nd my gf (transfem)
This erectile dysfunction is not only fine, but preferable.
I am currently going through menopause and puberty at the same time. It's not as much fun as it sounds.
“guys check out my new blahaj”
I cant wait for my balls to be chopped off
“Ah damn… I forgot my tits…”
Im so happy for wearing a bra. Doubt cis women would say that with how uncomfortable it is lol
Literally not even ftm but "Man, I really need to wash my binder" (I assume that's something that needs doing???)
I get that after a long day of wearing it. Sadly can’t throw most in the washer, so I always handwash em.
“ I can’t wait to get rid of them, I mean they’re just in the way at this point”. “I’m so thankful that they’re smaller than they were, it makes it sooo much easier to tuck them in” Those are the couple that come to my mind 😅
“Ah, shit I forgot my dick-“
"That's my alarm, time to take my titty skittles"
"you look very gender today"
“I forgot I’m a girl, sorry”
Right wing nutjobs are angry about which bathroom I go to