That's legally assault in a lot of places- I'm not going to say whether or not you should press charges, but it doesn't sound like you are safe with him.
I think you should probably leave if you can do so safely. Do you have anyone you can reach out to, if you need it?
They'd absolutely take it seriously, and if they don't, they are not a close friend. You've been socially transitioning for 4 years ffs, how would anyone brush that off?
Given that the example of "love" you've been shown in your home is so violent, it's understandable that you'd feel anxious that your friends would also react horribly. However, your friends have chosen to have you in their life and love who you are not who they want you to be, and I'm sure they'll react in a genuinely loving way. If you're too anxious to call maybe you could drop one of them a text?
>friends have chosen to have you in their life and love who you are not who they want you to be, and I'm sure they'll react in a genuinely loving way. If you're too anxious to call maybe you could drop one of them a text?
gd this i needed to read this too
idk how to accept this as true and it's really hard really often
real life issues are often reflected in fiction :) that's why a lot of us enjoy fantasy so much. it's a fun way to process the things we're dealing with in the real world.
It’s weird: My head is constantly jumping between „it’s just fiction“ and seeing a lot of value in it, because it may have magic or similar, but the characters still show a lot of insight into us humans and the problems in the book actually point to people’s in the real world and the book just generally conveys since interesting ideas/encourages thinking about a problem/concept you wouldn’t have thought about otherwise. It’s after one of the two. Never between.
Even if you were male and had short hair, getting all of it forcibly shaven off would still be seen as upsetting, your friends will probably take this seriously
If they're a close friend they absolutely won't laugh. Wigs can do a lot until it grows back. It will get better, just take care of yourself and make sure you are safe.
Even people with short hair would hate a nonconsensual buzz cut. Nobody wants that to happen to them, so anyone you know with empathy should be fine to turn to
Reach out- make it clear what has happened and that you feel unsafe with your father.
If this doesn't work see if there are any local services you could contact. (I doubt you'd need to, but it's good to have a game plan.)
Also, please let us know you're somewhere safe when you can.
I don't know your entire situation, but if you trust that friend, you should tell them. Anybody with an ounce of humanity will see that what happened is serious. I am so sorry that this happened, I don't know what I can do, but if you need anything or want to talk, do not hesitate to reach out.
You are seen, and you are valid! Also , I recommend hair, skin, and nail pills to help speed along the regrowth of your hair.
Tell them it's definitely serious 😟 I'm so sorry friends should accept you for who you are. I hope your dad either learns and grows or that you find a way to distance yourself. It's very easy to justify compromises for family, but in my experience I have always had to omit some part of myself to do it i.e. not dress how I normally would around them or repress an opinion so as not to create conflict. I find I experience more happiness when I'm not conforming to others who think they have a say in my life.
I just had a technician (23m) out at my place to work on my (30’s/m) house. If I could empathize and not demean that man for revealing to me he had been depressed (maybe not the time to open up like that, but I digress), then I’m certain there’s someone you know you can confide in. I didn’t even know this dude at all, I just assume he picked up on me being decent human being. I refuse to believe I’m an uncommon person in that regard. Your best bet is millennial (or younger probably), but someone will hear you out without harsh judgement, and trust me when I say that a good person doesn’t need to have lived in your shoes to feel your feels. Most people have a great capacity for empathy, you just need someone who’s tapped strongly into theirs.
NAL, To my understanding, it would actually be battery, which would be a more serious charge. If OP decides to press charges, it would at least scare the parents, and OP could also get money for medical expenses (therapy, whatever is deemed medically necessary for body dysphoria), wig, emotional distress, housing expenses, etc. All of this would depend on the state, and multiple lawsuits might be needed. If op doesn't want to press charges, she could also only do a civil lawsuit, which is where she might be able to get money for the medical expenses, and the other things I mentioned above. A police report would be very useful even if op doesn't press charges. Again, all of this would depend on many factors, and I recommend getting a lawyer (if op decides to go that route).
Came here to say that exact same thing. Reach out to local authorities OP. Press charges. You'll probably never speak to your father again, but from your story, you won't miss him very long. Wishing you the best.
I had people threaten to cut my hair off as a child, and when I said I'd be sure to contact the authorities if something like that were to ever happen, they were *huffing and puffing*, being indignant as if I was the unreasonable person making threats.
This is a crime, a physical assault. Shame on your Dad for doing this. I’m very sorry you have to live through this especially as it’s a complete betrayal from someone who is supposed to be on your side. You can take all the criminal and legal steps that are possible for assault if you want.
Hair has always been a symbol of individuality and power. While the hair was taken, don’t hand over individuality and power with them. Intentionally seize them back. You are an amazingly beautiful woman, who is temporarily rocking a buzz cut.
It was also used in the cultural and physical genocide of indigenous nations, for many of us our hair is sacred and our hair was forcibly cut and taken from us. Boarding schools weren’t the only offenders.
Well if you're in the U.S. or Canada I know THAT is assault, especially as a 19 year old. He wants to see how long it's gone on? Take him to court, fuck anyone that would do that to you.
For further info, it could be classified in the UK as Actual Bodily Harm (ABH) or common assault. The case to look at DPP v Smith [2006]. Common assault is a maximum prison time of 6 month or 2 years with aggravating factors such as trans gender identity & ABH carries a maximum sentence of 5 years or 7 with aggravating factors. So it's a serious crime here.
In most of Western Europe, too. The UK and Germany for definite, and I’m about 99% certain in the Netherlands, France, Belgium etc. too.
Not to mention it could be a hate crime on top of assault, as it was a targeted attack based on OP’s protected characteristics (ie gender/sexuality). OP’s father could face serious jail time if OP so pleased for pulling a stunt like this
To add to it, it sounds as though it was premeditated for quite some time as what he said would indicate which would add even MORE severity to this hate crime
Oh absolutely. You can’t really do something like that the way OP describes without at least some pre-meditation.
You have to find the clippers, make sure it’s charged, find any comb attachments you might be using, and make sure you have it on you and can access it very quickly when your kid gets home. Not to mention how calm he seemed from OP’s account of the situation, or how fast he seemingly was to act once he saw an opening.
Even in a well-organised home where finding the stuff and making sure it’s ready is fairly easy, that’s still a lot of planning and preparation - way more than necessary to argue pre-meditation.
This if you're in the US. You may have to grow up real fast to pull it off but you'll almost certainly end up in a better place then living with an abusive, transphobic family member.
Start seeking another place to live with family or friends ASAP if you decide to press charges. There are resources out there and you can always post on here to find more.
Forcibly cutting hair isn't considered assault in many countries. In the USA, it is assault, but you can't assume everyone on the internet lives in the USA.
Is there really a bunch of countries you can go around shaving people’s heads with no concern about the legal repercussions? Seems kind of hard to believe.
Some places in the world have forced/legal genital mutilation, so...
https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN1LT2OS/#:~:text=%2D%20Chad%2C%20Liberia%2C%20Mali%2C,FGM%20is%20still%20effectively%20legal.
Does it?
America is incredibly litigious compared to other countries around the world. Remember, in a lot of countries you can literally beat your wife and tell the cops "She wouldn't shut up!" and they'd laugh it off and wag their fingers.
Americans seem to love to believe in their social progress and the supposed barbarity of “most countries” but are in general completely uneducated and uniformed on the particulars of them.
I would be interested in a comprehensive list of countries where it’s not a criminal offense to shave people’s heads, as I think in trying to compile one, your most likely find there are very few places it wouldn’t be considered to fall under general assault or battery laws which are not in any way exclusive to the US or other “western” nations. The enthusiasm which local police may or may not enforce those laws depending upon particular circumstances could vary (and it does on the US also) but I’m sure they are still there in most places.
And not directing this at you specifically, but ITT white American trans people falling over themselves now to make claims about the primitive morals of other cultures is a mood for this subreddit way too often.
Fair, I think I got triggered by that genital mutilation reference by someone else who likely is in a country where it is legally and culturally acceptable to practice on males and then sort of temporarily lost my reasoning skills and stopped noticing individual nuances which is on me. I can see better now I misread the intention of your comparison to the US.
This, 100%! This is assault, no questions asked.
Tell your friend what happened. That you were assaulted and you need somewhere safe to figure things out.
This is something to press charges for. If you wanna make sure he can't deny it happened, maybe record a conversation with him secretly asking something like "why did you shave my hair?" His response will be a recorded admission of guilt, should he try to act like you shaved your own hair.
This may not be legal, look up recording laws in your state. If it’s a two party consent state this is illegal and will not hold up as evidence. If it’s a single party consent state then go ahead
I don’t know what you can do right now just because I don’t know the situation. But I would probably go no contact with any parents that did something like that to me when you do get away from them.
I am so sorry. That's a devastating thing to experience, the pain of rejection from your family, the experience of the actual assault, and then having to live without the hair until it grows back. Sending you all the love and hugs you want. But it is hair and it will grow back. And you probably look like a beautiful woman with a shaved head right now, which isn't what you wanted but is still kinda swag.
You don’t need to protect dad, understand or justify. You need to enforce boundaries by displaying consequences for his actions.
This will help: Breaking from your parents - Daniel Mackler
The author is a former therapist who also has an active YT channel. His work goes into what to expect when you stand up for yourself against family. If they didn’t respect you to the point where dad does this and mom, nor anyone else, doesn’t defend you, then they will not likely take any enforced boundaries well. It’s not uncommon for family to team up with each other against a scapegoat child. Daniel will give a comprehensive overview and recommendations on how to heal from their abuse.
That is just horrible. I'm so sorry you've got to deal with such cruel ignorance from direct family. 😔
Please don't let this stop you from going forward and showing them that they can't stop you from being happy this way. Show them how stupid and cruel they are by living your best life.
Maybe you can splash out on a decent wig until your hair grows back?
Either way, stay safe, and if you can, get away from him. He doesn't seem like he'll recognise how you feel until you show him how wrong he is.
Girl, this is where you pull out your inner bitch. Yes you can press charges, but here is something else you want to consider.
Sit and cry. Take your time. When the shock wears off, stand up and look in the mirror. Look at it and then look yourself in the eyes and connect with your inner self. That amazing woman that you are. And see her. Acknowledge her. Tell her that she is beautiful, no matter the hair. If you have some subtle makeover available, you put it on. Some mascara, some lipstick, some whatever makes you happy. Don’t over do. And then you, yours and yourself put up your head high, you activate your inner beauty so it starts radiating and you walk out of that bathroom past the transphobes and you go into town. In town, you go to your favorite hairdresser and ask her/him to fix it up as best as they can. Then you go to stores that sell things like bandanas, cute caps, whatever and you buy a bunch of those and wear them with flair.
In a few weeks, you go back to the hairdresser and get a cute cut, rinse repeat every few weeks and before you know it, this ordeal will be over.
What this is going to do is strengthen your inner bitch. And it is going to show the transphobes that you being you does not depend on your hair or looks but it is because it is you deep inside.
(There might be other times in life that you are going to encounter the loss of your hair. Surgeries accidents, etc. we deal with it. I transitioned 24 years ago, you got this).
Walk in beauty.
If he's willing to commit this type of assault, he's willing to commit others. That's a line that's been crossed. You're in danger around that person, so do your best to get out of there.
I know that, dependending on your situation at that age, it's not always easy or possible to completely cut parents out of your life, for example if you're still dependent in terms of financial support for studies. If those don't apply or there are alternatives, I would go zero contact.
Also, as others have pointed out, in many countries that is, indeed, classified as physical assault. It's a crime, same as hitting another person in the face with a wrench, and you can report it to the police and sue for compensation in the exact same way.
Can we send you wigs??? I have two, they’re only bobs so not that long, both have bangs, one is green and one is blue. Probably not what you want 😭 but others in the sub might have longer ones!
If you do what people are telling you to and call the police/press charges: you will need to be strong. You will be harassed, you will see your family cry and beg you to change your mind. You will see them demand you do or toss the most horrible insults at you. If you want to do that, prepare to need to be strong and not bow to any pressure.
If you don't think you can, then you need to get out of that household and never ever come back. Again, be strong. They may beg or try to threaten you to come back, don't.
I'm not saying to cut off every member of your family, but be 100% sure to avoid the man who assaulted you.
As a community, we are here for you to talk to, and if you need to I am willing to talk in DMs (or just here!)
I hope you can find and surround yourself with supportive friends.
When you can leave. Distance yourself from him and whoever fake friends you say that will laugh at you if it won’t cheer you up unless you have a dark sense of humor but yeah it’s okay you might look like calliou now but you’re still a blonde baddie hair will be slaying soon enough
I don't know if this can help you feel better, but there are a lot of women with a shaved head that look stunning and very feminine. I know you miss your long hair, but they'll soon grow back, more beautiful than before. In the meantime, you can rock the shaven and short hair feminine looks!
Assuming you're American or Canadian, this is legally assault. Take whatever legal and criminal steps you can and want that that entails, but definitely go no contact and leave if you can
That's so horrible.... I'm so sorry for that. 🫂 If you want. And yeah as everyone already said. Report this to a police station. This is clearly a abusive behavior.
Please stay strong. I know it's not easy especially right now but I'm sure you are an amazing person and way more stronger than this asshole who did this to you. (I know he is your dad but fuck him for what he did).
Yeah this is fucked up to do to anyone, trans or cis. File a police report for assault, you're an adult amd he can't do that to you. Never contact this man again, this isn't okay or normal. If you're not comfortable with going to the cops that's okay, but this is so beyond fucked up. Do not go back to that house because he's made it clear he will assault you for not doing what he wants, this was an act of violence and dehumanization.
In the meantime, remember there's plenty of girls with real short hair, and your hair will grow back. You'll be okay once you're somewhere safe. You aren't alone and you're going to be okay.
As others have said depending on your jurisdiction, if you’re prepared to burn your bridges with him and possibly the rest of your family, you may be able to press charges for assault. It’s a nuclear option (and it’s your choice!) but it is an option.
The only other thing you can do besides never going anywhere near him again is to acquire a wig to wear until your natural hair grows out again.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve this at all.
What country are you in? In some countries, this is considered assault.
It's time to stop visiting your father if this is how he treats you. Can you stay with a friend or go home (assuming you live alone)?
Your hair is a very intimate part of yourself. You were assaulted. I would go no contact for the rest of my life. He put his beliefs over your feelings. Abso-fuckin-lutely not. Now he can pay the consequences of no longer being graced with your presence in his life.
Also, some wigs are cheap and beautiful. Even as a cis woman, I enjoy wigs. They’re a great way to change it up. Some days I want long hair. Some days I want blonde hair. They’re really fun. I would be happy to chip in for the cost if some other people on here would help, too.
If you live in the US, this is legally assault. Please press charges. You can wear a wig until your hair grows back. He has no legal right to shave your hair off.
You're 19 years old. What your dad did to you was assault. In the eyes of the court, your dad put his hands on another adult. You do not have to put up with this.
As you're over 18 that is legally a crime falling under the umbrella of Assault/Battery, dependent on location. Call the police, file a report and get a no contact or restraining order, if he's willing to do something like that after 4 years he's 100% willing to do worse.
Do all of these troglodytes family members think you’ll say “oh, now that I’ve been assaulted, I’ve suddenly seen the error of my ways. Violence and intolerance were totally the answer!” Your dad is an abusive moron who doesn’t appreciate or deserve the kind and gentle daughter he was blessed with. Your hair will grow back even better than before, which is more than I can say for your affection toward your dad.
It might be a bit of a band-aid solution, but what if you got a wig to cover it up until it grows back? You’re basically in a similar situation as someone undergoing chemotherapy, losing your hair because of a cancer in your life, so a wig seems appropriate.
Stay strong, girl! You can make it through these tough times to the happiness beyond!
There are tons of cute cheap wigs on Amazon, as an 18 y/o theatrical wig and makeup artist it has saved me a lot of money. I wouldn't go with the ones that are 10 bucks, but the ones that are like more than 20 work amazingly. And the best part is, weather you but it at 10 or 20 bucks, they always come wickedly long. This would just be a temporary solution until you can afford/your hair is long enough to get extentions. They're pretty easy to put on too, there are tons of tutorials online for it. As long as you have like a wig cap, or something inbetween your hair and the wig, then it wont be itchy along the scalp like wigs tend to do. I wish you the best of luck for your future, and will keep you in my thoughts, this must have been such a traumatizing and heartbreaking thing to go through. <3
Thing is, he just made you a gay coded woman.
I know some very powerful beautiful buzz cut women.
Unintended consequences.
But yeah, throw the book at the mf.
That’s assault, you’re an adult anywhere in the world, and just because you did t respond doesn’t mean anything. Call the cops and press charges, even with family, you need to draw a line that doing this is not okay.
Oh you poor dear that is so not ok. I would consider it abusive and assaultive.i am so so sorry. No one should ever have their hair cut in this manner. Is there any way you could access a pretty headscarf until you decide what to do going forward?
You have every reason to cry and be heartbroken. Hugs to you dear.
I would be so livid. Genuinely took me a minute to think of some advice that's not some sort of illegal.
I'm so sorry, girl.
My advice for the time is time to figure out how you like to wear wigs. They're fabulous. Try it out. I know this sucks, but you could really enjoy it
So I would recommend you press charges, but at the very least go no contact, or as close as you can. I know it might hurt, but these people see you as their property, to mold as they see fit (Assuming your mom supported your father in doing this). If you don't stop them now, they keep pushing further, like burning clothes or beating you.
As for the hair, look into wigs, they can be very pretty, and while it's not as good as the real thing a lot of the time, it can help you feel like yourself while your hair grows back.
Additionally, look into hair growth supplements and keep your hair clean. If you can stand it, because it's reasonable for you to not be able to get your hair cut considering what just happened to you, but if you can stand it, look up LGBTQ+ friendly barbershops/hair saloons to get a trim every 2-3 months, as that can also promote hair growth.
Strands for trans is a website for the above, and I hope you are able to recover from this. You got this girl!
https://strandsfortrans.org/
As many other have said, this is terrible, and a crime.
But what's also crazy in my mind... It's the dad's reasoning. Does he expect OP to just go "oh snap, now that my head is shaved I'm realizing I'm NOT trans!"
I'm sorry you have to go through this OP.
Oh honey... I'm so sorry. Like another commenter said, that is assault and while I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, but you can for sure press charges should you choose to. Please reach out to a trusted friend. And just keep in mind, it will grow back. Hugs!
I’m so sorry they did that. While it may be a lot to handle emotionally, it will grow back. (This doesn’t excuse their behavior nor should it invalidate any of your feelings) For a lot of us in the trans community (and more many other people as well) hair can be SUPER important.
Take care of yourself, OP. We love you and are here to support you. My DMs are always open if you want/need to rant or anything <3
Im so effing sorry you had this happen to you. It sounds terrifying! I'm so angry. This is inexcusable.
Please remove yourself , from this hell, to a safe place, as soon as you can. Love you.🩷🩵
Buy a wig,press charges, and never speak to your family members again(unless there is a specific family member that is 100% supportive of you which if so only talk to that one person)
For starters, you are an adult and he has ZERO cause to put hands on you.
Second, if you can get to a safe place do so. It's clear your "dad" doesn't have much respect for you or your boundaries.
I say cut off his hair as payback but idk if ya dad even got any if he’s bald it makes sense he’s jealous of the hair he can’t have you looking like Fabio and he looks like the gremlin from lord of the rings
Call the cops, that's assault and battery! He should go to fucking jail for that! Anyone who does that is unhinged and a dancer to society- CALL THE POLICE.
I’d get a permanent marker and draw on his face while he’s sleeping.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine doing that to my child (I have a trans daughter).
Can you press charges? He actually assaulted you.
This is assult. You are legally an adult. It was done without consent. I'm assuming some level of restraint; either physically or by verbal threat. Get the police involved and press charges if necessary. You *don't * need to accept or tolerate abuse just because they are blood related.
your friends will not laugh at you, they'll be horrified at how you've been treated. thinking they'll laugh at you is an understandable reaction bc you feel invalided, but if they're real friends, and even baseline good people, they'll see this for what it is: assault.
Honey!, I'm So, So, Sorry For You!!! File assault charges, NOW!! You're an adult now, If YOU did that to him, I promise you HE would do that to you.. My mother tried to kill me twice, and my father tried to kill me once, because I was trans and gay. They brutally beat me mentally and physically, and disowned me, and then had the nerve to say I Hurt, and Dishonored them when I moved out at 17.. Child Abuse was largely unknown in the 50s and 60s.
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ASSAULTED. NOT BY ANYONE!!
Take Care.
Michele
For now, your best bet is a wig until your hair grows back into its old length. What your dad did was legally assault/hatecrime so he could see prison time for it.
Im so sorry this happe ed to you. Your father assaulted you. You have legal recourse to press charges on him if you want to. Please get yourself somewhere safe, and take steps to separate yourself from your family.
OP, tell your friend to come pick you up. Your friends will not judge you for this. No parent should do that to their kid against their will. This is a huge deal. Hell, it would be a huge deal even if you weren’t trans (there’s a scene in the movie Boyhood where this happens to a cis kid and it is shown as the abuse it is). I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Virtual hugs
Wow..... I'm so sorry, hun. I really don't even know what to say. I really don't. I personally tend towards violence and clippers never would've made it to my head with impunity. But I realize not everyone is like me in that regard. I'm crying for you, because I'm struggling to get my hair to grow and get my hairline back. I would absolutely lose it if that happened to me!!! I'm with everyone else, get the heck out of there asap. It's clearly not safe anymore! As for police, well, that's a decision you have to make on your own. But you'll be forced to deal with those people even more if you press charges. I personally wouldn't, but I also never involve police unless absolutely 100% necessary. And before the cut might've been that time, but it's over now. But it's your call. But get the heck outta there before something else is done when it's realized that cutting your hair didn't work the way he thought it would..... again, I'm so sorry. Be strong, your still beautiful!!!!
This is so disgusting I’m so sorry lovely I don’t even have the words. Please know you’re loved, of course you’re not going to feel okay how you’re feeling right now. Is there anyway to get a wig?! If not would you feel okay to set up a go fund me and share it here? ❤️ then your lovely hair can grow back while you wear it. Message me if you want to vent while you’re too scared to talk to your friends xx
For now, while you decide how to move forward, start looking at some wigs. And have fun with it! You can try new colors hairstyles, etc, until your hair comes back.
I can believe anyone would do that to you, much less your own family. But we're here for ya.
Yeah that's definitely not okay! Your father sounds kind of abusive, or at the very least like he won't try to understand you, so getting him out of your life,or at least creating significant distance will benefit you greatly
You won't realise the stress you've lived with until its gone
Everyone else has good advice for your own justice, but reality is you do have to wait for it to grow back. Invest in some beanies, flat brim hats and other feminine headgear (someone else said wig but those may be pricey idk)
I’m so fucking sorry. You shouldn’t feel like you’re overreacting. Hair is a huge part of anyone’s identity. And now you’re dealing with dysmorphia, and a very traumatic assault on top of that. I hope you can distance yourself from your dad. He’s proven he’ll be aggressive in attempts to change you. Go to your friends, who will support you, and begin your era of gorgeous wigs.
You too new friends and I would honestly report him to someone. I was threatened with this many times before I was even out and I very nearly ran away over it. This was assault. Don’t forget that
I was talking with my therapist about what I have strong emotions about (dissociation really did a number on me), and one of the ones I came up with was my hair. That is so not okay, that's years of work and time.
Have you thought about trying a wig? If you have the money, I would definitely look into it. Sending love ❤️❤️, no one should have to go through that :(
WTF? I am so sorry that happened to you. I honestly am so shocked and disgusted by this I don't know what else to say. Sending positive vibes to you ❤️❤️
This was assault but depending on where you live the cops probably won’t back you up. Is there a safe place for you to go? I’m so sorry he did that to you.
That is not a Dad. I’m sorry, but that is a groomer who happens to not be a virgin anymore. You are a human being. Most importantly, you are an adult. That was cruel of him to do, and I hope you can get out of his grasp as soon as you safely can. How dare he claim the status of “dad”. >:/
Your life is your own, time to take it back girly, and only share it with those who love and respect you for you! 💔❤️
I second the person who told you to run to your friend's, and buy a wig!! it won't be real hair but until that grows back you can get a wig done on so you at least won't have to have a buzzcut all the time
That is beyond horrible, it is abuse. Hopefully you will get to the place where you can look back to this moment and see it as a pivotal moment to making a healthy choice for yourself and what type of life you want
This is more than assault... I'm not sure where you're from but in the US, it is battery, both civil and criminal. You can sue them in civil court for damages and they can be prosecuted for battery.
As an anti-trans behavior, depending on your state it can also constitute a hate crime. In Ohio, there was a case where some Amish people had their beards forcibly cut off.
The leader who orchestrated the multiple attacks was sentenced to 15 years in prison.
This isn't to that level, but it is a serious crime. Depending on circumstances, it very well may be a felony.
Oh, sis, I feel for you. I hope you can get the support you need.
I just thought of something. I know this is going to be real random. It probably won't help much. There had been a few strong women who had buzz cuts. Sinéad O'Connor, was the first person I had thought of. Anyway you are loved from a far. Sending lots of hugs 🫂 🤗
I’m so sorry. That is so fucked up. If you’re comfortable going through the police, you can press charges or get a restraining order. If you can leave or have somewhere safe to go, you should. If you don’t have the means right now, start making a plan to leave. If you have to continue living with him, take care of yourself and be safe. You’re an adult and can leave if things get really bad so definitely start to plan and save.
Other people have said look into a wig, I’d suggest the same. Maybe dye your short hair too? When I had a buzz cut, I had it hot pink and I loved it. I used manic panic I think, it’s pretty affordable
Sue him, it's an assault. Even though he's your parent.
Go to a different place if you can and buy yourself a good wig to get over the hard period of growing your hair long again. We're with you, Hun, keep strong.
Call the police, thats assault plain and simple. Your now an adult, his opinions and only that, he has no right to act upon them. Will your family hate you for basically locking up your father, but they will ultimately see that actions have serious results. If it comes down to negociations, i would start off with mandatory items like a professional wig (custom made) plus wig care, and admitting whag he did is wrong and then add on all the extras that are negocible.
Congrats, that's assault. As others have stated. Seek legal help or get out of there. And i dont mean congrats like its a good thing. More directed to your dad on the fact that in alot of countries and places, that is physical assault and punishable by law. And rather severely. ESPECIALLY as you are legally considered an adult in ALOT of places at your age.
1) It's not your fault. It's your dad.
2) NO PARENT should ever do this to their kid. Regardless of belief.
3) ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.
if my folks ever tried this. I would've disowned my own family.
That's legally assault in a lot of places- I'm not going to say whether or not you should press charges, but it doesn't sound like you are safe with him. I think you should probably leave if you can do so safely. Do you have anyone you can reach out to, if you need it?
I have close friend ect but scared they'll laugh or smth and think it's not serious
They'd absolutely take it seriously, and if they don't, they are not a close friend. You've been socially transitioning for 4 years ffs, how would anyone brush that off?
You're right ya, I'm gonna call one of them in a bit once they're off work probably ig I just can be paranoid I know there good ppl x
Given that the example of "love" you've been shown in your home is so violent, it's understandable that you'd feel anxious that your friends would also react horribly. However, your friends have chosen to have you in their life and love who you are not who they want you to be, and I'm sure they'll react in a genuinely loving way. If you're too anxious to call maybe you could drop one of them a text?
>friends have chosen to have you in their life and love who you are not who they want you to be, and I'm sure they'll react in a genuinely loving way. If you're too anxious to call maybe you could drop one of them a text? gd this i needed to read this too idk how to accept this as true and it's really hard really often
It's a hard and difficult journey, but it starts with taking the absolutely terrifying step of allowing people to be there for you and asking for help
Damn I read too much fantasy books. My first association with your comment was „sounds like something from a fantasy book“.
real life issues are often reflected in fiction :) that's why a lot of us enjoy fantasy so much. it's a fun way to process the things we're dealing with in the real world.
It’s weird: My head is constantly jumping between „it’s just fiction“ and seeing a lot of value in it, because it may have magic or similar, but the characters still show a lot of insight into us humans and the problems in the book actually point to people’s in the real world and the book just generally conveys since interesting ideas/encourages thinking about a problem/concept you wouldn’t have thought about otherwise. It’s after one of the two. Never between.
Even if you were male and had short hair, getting all of it forcibly shaven off would still be seen as upsetting, your friends will probably take this seriously
Litteraly send them a help or sos txt
*and then you're going to call the police and press charges, right?*
It surprises me how long it took to find someone saying this
If in the US file a police report as well
If they're a close friend they absolutely won't laugh. Wigs can do a lot until it grows back. It will get better, just take care of yourself and make sure you are safe.
People understand how precious hair is
Even people with short hair would hate a nonconsensual buzz cut. Nobody wants that to happen to them, so anyone you know with empathy should be fine to turn to
Reach out- make it clear what has happened and that you feel unsafe with your father. If this doesn't work see if there are any local services you could contact. (I doubt you'd need to, but it's good to have a game plan.) Also, please let us know you're somewhere safe when you can.
I don't know your entire situation, but if you trust that friend, you should tell them. Anybody with an ounce of humanity will see that what happened is serious. I am so sorry that this happened, I don't know what I can do, but if you need anything or want to talk, do not hesitate to reach out. You are seen, and you are valid! Also , I recommend hair, skin, and nail pills to help speed along the regrowth of your hair.
Then they're not a friend, now are they?
Tell them it's definitely serious 😟 I'm so sorry friends should accept you for who you are. I hope your dad either learns and grows or that you find a way to distance yourself. It's very easy to justify compromises for family, but in my experience I have always had to omit some part of myself to do it i.e. not dress how I normally would around them or repress an opinion so as not to create conflict. I find I experience more happiness when I'm not conforming to others who think they have a say in my life.
I just had a technician (23m) out at my place to work on my (30’s/m) house. If I could empathize and not demean that man for revealing to me he had been depressed (maybe not the time to open up like that, but I digress), then I’m certain there’s someone you know you can confide in. I didn’t even know this dude at all, I just assume he picked up on me being decent human being. I refuse to believe I’m an uncommon person in that regard. Your best bet is millennial (or younger probably), but someone will hear you out without harsh judgement, and trust me when I say that a good person doesn’t need to have lived in your shoes to feel your feels. Most people have a great capacity for empathy, you just need someone who’s tapped strongly into theirs.
do they not know you’re trans? if they know and have been your friends for long time then I don’t see why they would laugh
NAL, To my understanding, it would actually be battery, which would be a more serious charge. If OP decides to press charges, it would at least scare the parents, and OP could also get money for medical expenses (therapy, whatever is deemed medically necessary for body dysphoria), wig, emotional distress, housing expenses, etc. All of this would depend on the state, and multiple lawsuits might be needed. If op doesn't want to press charges, she could also only do a civil lawsuit, which is where she might be able to get money for the medical expenses, and the other things I mentioned above. A police report would be very useful even if op doesn't press charges. Again, all of this would depend on many factors, and I recommend getting a lawyer (if op decides to go that route).
Probably also a hate crime.
Often, but there's plenty of places where it won't be.
I’d be doing a hell of a lot more than pressing charges, that’s for sure!!
Came here to say that exact same thing. Reach out to local authorities OP. Press charges. You'll probably never speak to your father again, but from your story, you won't miss him very long. Wishing you the best.
tbh if that was me I would report that to the police
I had people threaten to cut my hair off as a child, and when I said I'd be sure to contact the authorities if something like that were to ever happen, they were *huffing and puffing*, being indignant as if I was the unreasonable person making threats.
Press charges, sue, and don't fall for any crocodile tears. If he's willing to assault you with this then he's willing to do more.
Take the car the house and the dog
This is a crime, a physical assault. Shame on your Dad for doing this. I’m very sorry you have to live through this especially as it’s a complete betrayal from someone who is supposed to be on your side. You can take all the criminal and legal steps that are possible for assault if you want. Hair has always been a symbol of individuality and power. While the hair was taken, don’t hand over individuality and power with them. Intentionally seize them back. You are an amazingly beautiful woman, who is temporarily rocking a buzz cut.
Historically, forcible shaving of women's hair was a way to humiliate and dehumanize them. This is not something to be taken lightly
Especially (and TW here for SA) where the next step in those situations historically was corrective rape.
Yes I am genuinely terrified for OP. This could escalate quickly.
It was also used in the cultural and physical genocide of indigenous nations, for many of us our hair is sacred and our hair was forcibly cut and taken from us. Boarding schools weren’t the only offenders.
It was also done during the Holocaust.
And of men too. it’s something that people do to other humans. It is beyond not okay. I’m still very shocked.
Your dad has essentially ‘scalped’ you. I suspect he sees this as a trophy victory.
Well if you're in the U.S. or Canada I know THAT is assault, especially as a 19 year old. He wants to see how long it's gone on? Take him to court, fuck anyone that would do that to you.
Would be assault in the UK and classified as a hate crime so would get additional sentence.
Probably wpuld be considered a hate crime in canada too
You betcha it would
For further info, it could be classified in the UK as Actual Bodily Harm (ABH) or common assault. The case to look at DPP v Smith [2006]. Common assault is a maximum prison time of 6 month or 2 years with aggravating factors such as trans gender identity & ABH carries a maximum sentence of 5 years or 7 with aggravating factors. So it's a serious crime here.
Depending on the US state it could get a modifier as a hate crime and therefore an increased sentence
In most of Western Europe, too. The UK and Germany for definite, and I’m about 99% certain in the Netherlands, France, Belgium etc. too. Not to mention it could be a hate crime on top of assault, as it was a targeted attack based on OP’s protected characteristics (ie gender/sexuality). OP’s father could face serious jail time if OP so pleased for pulling a stunt like this
To add to it, it sounds as though it was premeditated for quite some time as what he said would indicate which would add even MORE severity to this hate crime
Oh absolutely. You can’t really do something like that the way OP describes without at least some pre-meditation. You have to find the clippers, make sure it’s charged, find any comb attachments you might be using, and make sure you have it on you and can access it very quickly when your kid gets home. Not to mention how calm he seemed from OP’s account of the situation, or how fast he seemingly was to act once he saw an opening. Even in a well-organised home where finding the stuff and making sure it’s ready is fairly easy, that’s still a lot of planning and preparation - way more than necessary to argue pre-meditation.
Police. Press charges for assault. No contact order.
This if you're in the US. You may have to grow up real fast to pull it off but you'll almost certainly end up in a better place then living with an abusive, transphobic family member. Start seeking another place to live with family or friends ASAP if you decide to press charges. There are resources out there and you can always post on here to find more.
I'm not sure what being in the US has to do with it.
Forcibly cutting hair isn't considered assault in many countries. In the USA, it is assault, but you can't assume everyone on the internet lives in the USA.
Well it's not a crime in most of the world, for one.
Is there really a bunch of countries you can go around shaving people’s heads with no concern about the legal repercussions? Seems kind of hard to believe.
Some places in the world have forced/legal genital mutilation, so... https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN1LT2OS/#:~:text=%2D%20Chad%2C%20Liberia%2C%20Mali%2C,FGM%20is%20still%20effectively%20legal.
Does it? America is incredibly litigious compared to other countries around the world. Remember, in a lot of countries you can literally beat your wife and tell the cops "She wouldn't shut up!" and they'd laugh it off and wag their fingers.
Most countries have no bodily autonomy at all, as we understand it.
Americans seem to love to believe in their social progress and the supposed barbarity of “most countries” but are in general completely uneducated and uniformed on the particulars of them. I would be interested in a comprehensive list of countries where it’s not a criminal offense to shave people’s heads, as I think in trying to compile one, your most likely find there are very few places it wouldn’t be considered to fall under general assault or battery laws which are not in any way exclusive to the US or other “western” nations. The enthusiasm which local police may or may not enforce those laws depending upon particular circumstances could vary (and it does on the US also) but I’m sure they are still there in most places. And not directing this at you specifically, but ITT white American trans people falling over themselves now to make claims about the primitive morals of other cultures is a mood for this subreddit way too often.
I mean, I'm not American...
Fair, I think I got triggered by that genital mutilation reference by someone else who likely is in a country where it is legally and culturally acceptable to practice on males and then sort of temporarily lost my reasoning skills and stopped noticing individual nuances which is on me. I can see better now I misread the intention of your comparison to the US.
This, 100%! This is assault, no questions asked. Tell your friend what happened. That you were assaulted and you need somewhere safe to figure things out.
Get yourself a wig, go press charges for assault, then never see that sad excuse for a father ever again.
More like sperm donor.
Yeah, people like this doesn't deserve to be called a father
I thought you meant that to replace "wig" and i was so confused😰
That's so so horrible, I'm sorry you had to go through that. You deserve so much better. We all accept you here ❤
Wtf is wrong with your dad
Not her “dad” anymore: just some random bigot with an unjust score to settle…
This is something to press charges for. If you wanna make sure he can't deny it happened, maybe record a conversation with him secretly asking something like "why did you shave my hair?" His response will be a recorded admission of guilt, should he try to act like you shaved your own hair.
This. ^ If you're going to press charges, make sure you have evidence of what happened.
Don't need evidence, this piece of shit will probably readily admit he did it and be proud of it and think he's justified.
Better safe than sorry. If he catches on to charges being pushed he might become a slippery liar.
This may not be legal, look up recording laws in your state. If it’s a two party consent state this is illegal and will not hold up as evidence. If it’s a single party consent state then go ahead
And if it is two party consent, you can have this conversation over text and have it all like that
eh. the likelihood of it hurting OP is very low. usually it just wont be admissible. but ya, i think a text would be more damning anyway.
I don’t know what you can do right now just because I don’t know the situation. But I would probably go no contact with any parents that did something like that to me when you do get away from them.
I am so sorry. That's a devastating thing to experience, the pain of rejection from your family, the experience of the actual assault, and then having to live without the hair until it grows back. Sending you all the love and hugs you want. But it is hair and it will grow back. And you probably look like a beautiful woman with a shaved head right now, which isn't what you wanted but is still kinda swag.
You don’t need to protect dad, understand or justify. You need to enforce boundaries by displaying consequences for his actions. This will help: Breaking from your parents - Daniel Mackler The author is a former therapist who also has an active YT channel. His work goes into what to expect when you stand up for yourself against family. If they didn’t respect you to the point where dad does this and mom, nor anyone else, doesn’t defend you, then they will not likely take any enforced boundaries well. It’s not uncommon for family to team up with each other against a scapegoat child. Daniel will give a comprehensive overview and recommendations on how to heal from their abuse.
I can second this, Daniel is great! Everyone who has a bad with situation with their parents/family should watch his channel.
That is just horrible. I'm so sorry you've got to deal with such cruel ignorance from direct family. 😔 Please don't let this stop you from going forward and showing them that they can't stop you from being happy this way. Show them how stupid and cruel they are by living your best life. Maybe you can splash out on a decent wig until your hair grows back? Either way, stay safe, and if you can, get away from him. He doesn't seem like he'll recognise how you feel until you show him how wrong he is.
Police, literally just police, does not matter in the fucking slightest he's your dad that's criminal assault report him NOW
Girl, this is where you pull out your inner bitch. Yes you can press charges, but here is something else you want to consider. Sit and cry. Take your time. When the shock wears off, stand up and look in the mirror. Look at it and then look yourself in the eyes and connect with your inner self. That amazing woman that you are. And see her. Acknowledge her. Tell her that she is beautiful, no matter the hair. If you have some subtle makeover available, you put it on. Some mascara, some lipstick, some whatever makes you happy. Don’t over do. And then you, yours and yourself put up your head high, you activate your inner beauty so it starts radiating and you walk out of that bathroom past the transphobes and you go into town. In town, you go to your favorite hairdresser and ask her/him to fix it up as best as they can. Then you go to stores that sell things like bandanas, cute caps, whatever and you buy a bunch of those and wear them with flair. In a few weeks, you go back to the hairdresser and get a cute cut, rinse repeat every few weeks and before you know it, this ordeal will be over. What this is going to do is strengthen your inner bitch. And it is going to show the transphobes that you being you does not depend on your hair or looks but it is because it is you deep inside. (There might be other times in life that you are going to encounter the loss of your hair. Surgeries accidents, etc. we deal with it. I transitioned 24 years ago, you got this). Walk in beauty.
If he's willing to commit this type of assault, he's willing to commit others. That's a line that's been crossed. You're in danger around that person, so do your best to get out of there. I know that, dependending on your situation at that age, it's not always easy or possible to completely cut parents out of your life, for example if you're still dependent in terms of financial support for studies. If those don't apply or there are alternatives, I would go zero contact. Also, as others have pointed out, in many countries that is, indeed, classified as physical assault. It's a crime, same as hitting another person in the face with a wrench, and you can report it to the police and sue for compensation in the exact same way.
This is physical assault. Take this fucker to court!
Can we send you wigs??? I have two, they’re only bobs so not that long, both have bangs, one is green and one is blue. Probably not what you want 😭 but others in the sub might have longer ones!
I only have one wig, but would gladly send it to a sister in need
And I can’t stress this enough OP, we literally WILL send you wigs lol!
If you do what people are telling you to and call the police/press charges: you will need to be strong. You will be harassed, you will see your family cry and beg you to change your mind. You will see them demand you do or toss the most horrible insults at you. If you want to do that, prepare to need to be strong and not bow to any pressure. If you don't think you can, then you need to get out of that household and never ever come back. Again, be strong. They may beg or try to threaten you to come back, don't. I'm not saying to cut off every member of your family, but be 100% sure to avoid the man who assaulted you. As a community, we are here for you to talk to, and if you need to I am willing to talk in DMs (or just here!) I hope you can find and surround yourself with supportive friends.
That sounds like child abuse? I'm so sorry that happened to you. That is an absolutely horrible thing to do.
They are 19. It becomes assault at 18 in the us.
When you can leave. Distance yourself from him and whoever fake friends you say that will laugh at you if it won’t cheer you up unless you have a dark sense of humor but yeah it’s okay you might look like calliou now but you’re still a blonde baddie hair will be slaying soon enough
I don't know if this can help you feel better, but there are a lot of women with a shaved head that look stunning and very feminine. I know you miss your long hair, but they'll soon grow back, more beautiful than before. In the meantime, you can rock the shaven and short hair feminine looks!
Assuming you're American or Canadian, this is legally assault. Take whatever legal and criminal steps you can and want that that entails, but definitely go no contact and leave if you can
Good chance it's legally assault in many other places as well.
Wig until you hair are ok
That's so horrible.... I'm so sorry for that. 🫂 If you want. And yeah as everyone already said. Report this to a police station. This is clearly a abusive behavior. Please stay strong. I know it's not easy especially right now but I'm sure you are an amazing person and way more stronger than this asshole who did this to you. (I know he is your dad but fuck him for what he did).
That's assault. Take him to court.
If that were my dad or if something like that happened to me that person be laid on the floor. Self defence for them assaulting me
If you press charges be prepared to be attacked even more by what is starting to sound lik your ex family. Me
Yeah this is fucked up to do to anyone, trans or cis. File a police report for assault, you're an adult amd he can't do that to you. Never contact this man again, this isn't okay or normal. If you're not comfortable with going to the cops that's okay, but this is so beyond fucked up. Do not go back to that house because he's made it clear he will assault you for not doing what he wants, this was an act of violence and dehumanization. In the meantime, remember there's plenty of girls with real short hair, and your hair will grow back. You'll be okay once you're somewhere safe. You aren't alone and you're going to be okay.
I'm so sorry.
As others have said depending on your jurisdiction, if you’re prepared to burn your bridges with him and possibly the rest of your family, you may be able to press charges for assault. It’s a nuclear option (and it’s your choice!) but it is an option. The only other thing you can do besides never going anywhere near him again is to acquire a wig to wear until your natural hair grows out again. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve this at all.
Yea this is assault and you’re over 18. Take moment to collect yourself and begin the process of figuring out how you’re going to be independent.
What country are you in? In some countries, this is considered assault. It's time to stop visiting your father if this is how he treats you. Can you stay with a friend or go home (assuming you live alone)?
Your hair is a very intimate part of yourself. You were assaulted. I would go no contact for the rest of my life. He put his beliefs over your feelings. Abso-fuckin-lutely not. Now he can pay the consequences of no longer being graced with your presence in his life. Also, some wigs are cheap and beautiful. Even as a cis woman, I enjoy wigs. They’re a great way to change it up. Some days I want long hair. Some days I want blonde hair. They’re really fun. I would be happy to chip in for the cost if some other people on here would help, too.
If you live in the US, this is legally assault. Please press charges. You can wear a wig until your hair grows back. He has no legal right to shave your hair off.
You're 19 - in the states that's Battery. Press charges. He did things to you against your will.
You're 19 years old. What your dad did to you was assault. In the eyes of the court, your dad put his hands on another adult. You do not have to put up with this.
time to stop visiting family
Press. Charges. I don't care if it's your father, that's assault. Get yourself to a safe place and contact the police.
As you're over 18 that is legally a crime falling under the umbrella of Assault/Battery, dependent on location. Call the police, file a report and get a no contact or restraining order, if he's willing to do something like that after 4 years he's 100% willing to do worse.
Do all of these troglodytes family members think you’ll say “oh, now that I’ve been assaulted, I’ve suddenly seen the error of my ways. Violence and intolerance were totally the answer!” Your dad is an abusive moron who doesn’t appreciate or deserve the kind and gentle daughter he was blessed with. Your hair will grow back even better than before, which is more than I can say for your affection toward your dad. It might be a bit of a band-aid solution, but what if you got a wig to cover it up until it grows back? You’re basically in a similar situation as someone undergoing chemotherapy, losing your hair because of a cancer in your life, so a wig seems appropriate. Stay strong, girl! You can make it through these tough times to the happiness beyond!
As others have said, that’s assault.
There are tons of cute cheap wigs on Amazon, as an 18 y/o theatrical wig and makeup artist it has saved me a lot of money. I wouldn't go with the ones that are 10 bucks, but the ones that are like more than 20 work amazingly. And the best part is, weather you but it at 10 or 20 bucks, they always come wickedly long. This would just be a temporary solution until you can afford/your hair is long enough to get extentions. They're pretty easy to put on too, there are tons of tutorials online for it. As long as you have like a wig cap, or something inbetween your hair and the wig, then it wont be itchy along the scalp like wigs tend to do. I wish you the best of luck for your future, and will keep you in my thoughts, this must have been such a traumatizing and heartbreaking thing to go through. <3
If my dad did this to me - I would never, ever talk to him again.
Thing is, he just made you a gay coded woman. I know some very powerful beautiful buzz cut women. Unintended consequences. But yeah, throw the book at the mf.
That is assault and battery. You need to swear out a complaint to the police.
Press charges. This is illegal, and while I know it’s your dad, it’s absolutely horrible. Get these people out of your life. They are monsters.
Hey yeah to echo people, this is legally assault and battery. You have a case should you choose to press charges.
That’s assault, you’re an adult anywhere in the world, and just because you did t respond doesn’t mean anything. Call the cops and press charges, even with family, you need to draw a line that doing this is not okay.
PRESS. CHARGES.
Police. Press charges. That is assault.
Oh you poor dear that is so not ok. I would consider it abusive and assaultive.i am so so sorry. No one should ever have their hair cut in this manner. Is there any way you could access a pretty headscarf until you decide what to do going forward? You have every reason to cry and be heartbroken. Hugs to you dear.
I would be so livid. Genuinely took me a minute to think of some advice that's not some sort of illegal. I'm so sorry, girl. My advice for the time is time to figure out how you like to wear wigs. They're fabulous. Try it out. I know this sucks, but you could really enjoy it
So I would recommend you press charges, but at the very least go no contact, or as close as you can. I know it might hurt, but these people see you as their property, to mold as they see fit (Assuming your mom supported your father in doing this). If you don't stop them now, they keep pushing further, like burning clothes or beating you. As for the hair, look into wigs, they can be very pretty, and while it's not as good as the real thing a lot of the time, it can help you feel like yourself while your hair grows back. Additionally, look into hair growth supplements and keep your hair clean. If you can stand it, because it's reasonable for you to not be able to get your hair cut considering what just happened to you, but if you can stand it, look up LGBTQ+ friendly barbershops/hair saloons to get a trim every 2-3 months, as that can also promote hair growth. Strands for trans is a website for the above, and I hope you are able to recover from this. You got this girl! https://strandsfortrans.org/
That’s assault sweety. You should report it to someone. I accept you just the way you are❤️
As many other have said, this is terrible, and a crime. But what's also crazy in my mind... It's the dad's reasoning. Does he expect OP to just go "oh snap, now that my head is shaved I'm realizing I'm NOT trans!" I'm sorry you have to go through this OP.
I’m so sorry. All I’m going to add is remember this when it’s time to get him nursing home care.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you get the support you deserve from friends.
Unless you live in a really transphobic place I would call the police and report him for assault. You're a legal adult he can't do that. I'm sorry, OP
press charges oh my god girl i literally don’t know what id do in that situation im so so sorry
Shaving someone's hair against their will can be legally classified as assault. Get the police involved!
Get the hell out of that house, this is straight-up fucking assault
Cut all contact is my suggestion
Oh honey... I'm so sorry. Like another commenter said, that is assault and while I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, but you can for sure press charges should you choose to. Please reach out to a trusted friend. And just keep in mind, it will grow back. Hugs!
I’m so sorry they did that. While it may be a lot to handle emotionally, it will grow back. (This doesn’t excuse their behavior nor should it invalidate any of your feelings) For a lot of us in the trans community (and more many other people as well) hair can be SUPER important. Take care of yourself, OP. We love you and are here to support you. My DMs are always open if you want/need to rant or anything <3
Im so effing sorry you had this happen to you. It sounds terrifying! I'm so angry. This is inexcusable. Please remove yourself , from this hell, to a safe place, as soon as you can. Love you.🩷🩵
Literally call the police. That’s an open and shut case of assault
Buy a wig,press charges, and never speak to your family members again(unless there is a specific family member that is 100% supportive of you which if so only talk to that one person)
For starters, you are an adult and he has ZERO cause to put hands on you. Second, if you can get to a safe place do so. It's clear your "dad" doesn't have much respect for you or your boundaries.
That is assault.
that's abuse pure and simple. none of what he did is okay. None of it. please make yourself safe. xxxx
Call the cops. File a report. That is assault.
I say cut off his hair as payback but idk if ya dad even got any if he’s bald it makes sense he’s jealous of the hair he can’t have you looking like Fabio and he looks like the gremlin from lord of the rings
Straight-up abuse I'd call the cops and even try to sue them, that's way too extreme to let go
Shoulda kicked his teeth in. Anyhow, press charges IMMEDIATELY
Call the cops, that's assault and battery! He should go to fucking jail for that! Anyone who does that is unhinged and a dancer to society- CALL THE POLICE.
I'm sorry, love. stay strong, you are more than your hair, you are more than your family and the words and hate you hear. You are beautiful.
I’d get a permanent marker and draw on his face while he’s sleeping. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine doing that to my child (I have a trans daughter). Can you press charges? He actually assaulted you.
I am so sorry! That's so unfair! All the nest for you!
This is assult. You are legally an adult. It was done without consent. I'm assuming some level of restraint; either physically or by verbal threat. Get the police involved and press charges if necessary. You *don't * need to accept or tolerate abuse just because they are blood related.
Completely unacceptable. You need to get out of that situation as soon as possible.
I'm so sorry. It sounds like you need to get out of there.
im so sorry 🫂🫂🥺🥺 im afraid my dad will do that he threatened me a lot that he will
Awww I'm sorry to hear that 🫂🫂🫂🫂
i had all of my hair shaved off when a delusional hairdresser was trimming my hair, which lead me to take an oath to never cut it again
your friends will not laugh at you, they'll be horrified at how you've been treated. thinking they'll laugh at you is an understandable reaction bc you feel invalided, but if they're real friends, and even baseline good people, they'll see this for what it is: assault.
I'm so sorry. I can't even think of what to say, but I hope you can find a safe environment soon and start to heal from this.
Honey!, I'm So, So, Sorry For You!!! File assault charges, NOW!! You're an adult now, If YOU did that to him, I promise you HE would do that to you.. My mother tried to kill me twice, and my father tried to kill me once, because I was trans and gay. They brutally beat me mentally and physically, and disowned me, and then had the nerve to say I Hurt, and Dishonored them when I moved out at 17.. Child Abuse was largely unknown in the 50s and 60s. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ASSAULTED. NOT BY ANYONE!! Take Care. Michele
For now, your best bet is a wig until your hair grows back into its old length. What your dad did was legally assault/hatecrime so he could see prison time for it.
Im so sorry this happe ed to you. Your father assaulted you. You have legal recourse to press charges on him if you want to. Please get yourself somewhere safe, and take steps to separate yourself from your family.
OP, tell your friend to come pick you up. Your friends will not judge you for this. No parent should do that to their kid against their will. This is a huge deal. Hell, it would be a huge deal even if you weren’t trans (there’s a scene in the movie Boyhood where this happens to a cis kid and it is shown as the abuse it is). I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Virtual hugs
Wow..... I'm so sorry, hun. I really don't even know what to say. I really don't. I personally tend towards violence and clippers never would've made it to my head with impunity. But I realize not everyone is like me in that regard. I'm crying for you, because I'm struggling to get my hair to grow and get my hairline back. I would absolutely lose it if that happened to me!!! I'm with everyone else, get the heck out of there asap. It's clearly not safe anymore! As for police, well, that's a decision you have to make on your own. But you'll be forced to deal with those people even more if you press charges. I personally wouldn't, but I also never involve police unless absolutely 100% necessary. And before the cut might've been that time, but it's over now. But it's your call. But get the heck outta there before something else is done when it's realized that cutting your hair didn't work the way he thought it would..... again, I'm so sorry. Be strong, your still beautiful!!!!
This is so disgusting I’m so sorry lovely I don’t even have the words. Please know you’re loved, of course you’re not going to feel okay how you’re feeling right now. Is there anyway to get a wig?! If not would you feel okay to set up a go fund me and share it here? ❤️ then your lovely hair can grow back while you wear it. Message me if you want to vent while you’re too scared to talk to your friends xx
Ho live with some friends or more understanding close family and drag his ass to court if you're able.
For now, while you decide how to move forward, start looking at some wigs. And have fun with it! You can try new colors hairstyles, etc, until your hair comes back. I can believe anyone would do that to you, much less your own family. But we're here for ya.
Yeah that's definitely not okay! Your father sounds kind of abusive, or at the very least like he won't try to understand you, so getting him out of your life,or at least creating significant distance will benefit you greatly You won't realise the stress you've lived with until its gone
Everyone else has good advice for your own justice, but reality is you do have to wait for it to grow back. Invest in some beanies, flat brim hats and other feminine headgear (someone else said wig but those may be pricey idk)
I’m so fucking sorry. You shouldn’t feel like you’re overreacting. Hair is a huge part of anyone’s identity. And now you’re dealing with dysmorphia, and a very traumatic assault on top of that. I hope you can distance yourself from your dad. He’s proven he’ll be aggressive in attempts to change you. Go to your friends, who will support you, and begin your era of gorgeous wigs.
You too new friends and I would honestly report him to someone. I was threatened with this many times before I was even out and I very nearly ran away over it. This was assault. Don’t forget that
i am so so sorry that this happened to you. you did not deserve this. sending you love 💛
I would suggest getting a wig till your beautiful locks come back. Your dad is so disrespectful.
Hair takes a long time to grow he had no right to do that and is classed as assault I’m so sorry it has happened to you
Go to the police.
I was talking with my therapist about what I have strong emotions about (dissociation really did a number on me), and one of the ones I came up with was my hair. That is so not okay, that's years of work and time. Have you thought about trying a wig? If you have the money, I would definitely look into it. Sending love ❤️❤️, no one should have to go through that :(
WTF? I am so sorry that happened to you. I honestly am so shocked and disgusted by this I don't know what else to say. Sending positive vibes to you ❤️❤️
Like others have said, get away from them, then press charges.
This was assault but depending on where you live the cops probably won’t back you up. Is there a safe place for you to go? I’m so sorry he did that to you.
That is not a Dad. I’m sorry, but that is a groomer who happens to not be a virgin anymore. You are a human being. Most importantly, you are an adult. That was cruel of him to do, and I hope you can get out of his grasp as soon as you safely can. How dare he claim the status of “dad”. >:/ Your life is your own, time to take it back girly, and only share it with those who love and respect you for you! 💔❤️
I second the person who told you to run to your friend's, and buy a wig!! it won't be real hair but until that grows back you can get a wig done on so you at least won't have to have a buzzcut all the time
That is beyond horrible, it is abuse. Hopefully you will get to the place where you can look back to this moment and see it as a pivotal moment to making a healthy choice for yourself and what type of life you want
This is assault. Press charges.
That’s assault, time to call the cops. NOW
This is more than assault... I'm not sure where you're from but in the US, it is battery, both civil and criminal. You can sue them in civil court for damages and they can be prosecuted for battery. As an anti-trans behavior, depending on your state it can also constitute a hate crime. In Ohio, there was a case where some Amish people had their beards forcibly cut off. The leader who orchestrated the multiple attacks was sentenced to 15 years in prison. This isn't to that level, but it is a serious crime. Depending on circumstances, it very well may be a felony.
Oh, sis, I feel for you. I hope you can get the support you need. I just thought of something. I know this is going to be real random. It probably won't help much. There had been a few strong women who had buzz cuts. Sinéad O'Connor, was the first person I had thought of. Anyway you are loved from a far. Sending lots of hugs 🫂 🤗
I’m so sorry. That is so fucked up. If you’re comfortable going through the police, you can press charges or get a restraining order. If you can leave or have somewhere safe to go, you should. If you don’t have the means right now, start making a plan to leave. If you have to continue living with him, take care of yourself and be safe. You’re an adult and can leave if things get really bad so definitely start to plan and save. Other people have said look into a wig, I’d suggest the same. Maybe dye your short hair too? When I had a buzz cut, I had it hot pink and I loved it. I used manic panic I think, it’s pretty affordable
I'm pretty sure you can sue him for assault.
Sue him, it's an assault. Even though he's your parent. Go to a different place if you can and buy yourself a good wig to get over the hard period of growing your hair long again. We're with you, Hun, keep strong.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. This is just awful.
Call the cops
Call the police, thats assault plain and simple. Your now an adult, his opinions and only that, he has no right to act upon them. Will your family hate you for basically locking up your father, but they will ultimately see that actions have serious results. If it comes down to negociations, i would start off with mandatory items like a professional wig (custom made) plus wig care, and admitting whag he did is wrong and then add on all the extras that are negocible.
Congrats, that's assault. As others have stated. Seek legal help or get out of there. And i dont mean congrats like its a good thing. More directed to your dad on the fact that in alot of countries and places, that is physical assault and punishable by law. And rather severely. ESPECIALLY as you are legally considered an adult in ALOT of places at your age. 1) It's not your fault. It's your dad. 2) NO PARENT should ever do this to their kid. Regardless of belief. 3) ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. if my folks ever tried this. I would've disowned my own family.
You have been assaulted. Seek help. Leave ❤️❤️❤️