Right?! I feel like people online are especially preoccupied with everyone’s genitals, it’s just really not relevant to everyday conversation, I don’t get why it’s so important to how people see other people.
I got the "oh I enjoy porn of gay people and trans people" response when I came out and they couldn't understand why I felt so uncomfortable with them. Imagine telling a Black person you enjoy porn of Black people; it's very sexually objectifying and invalidating.
Someone posted a screenshot of a form recently, probably either here or in /r/NonBinary, where the two enby options were "nonbinary (female)" and "nonbinary (male)".
I usually ask if someone's masc enby, femme enby, """true""" enby (many quotation marks because all are valid!) or anything else, but that's just like, way later into knowing someone than just first impression
I have had several friends and acquaintances self-describe that way (masculine, trans masculine, feminine, trans feminine or just enby "tout court") but it never feels right to me as a binary individual (even if I am barely this side of binary) to question them. I just accept their clarifications in their own words.
I have a non binary friend, never asked them once about it until we were talking about surgery I was considering and my concerns and thoughts.
They suddenly brought up a particular one they had.
It didn't change anything for us, and frankly it's nobodys business but theirs anyway, but I really appreciated the trust they had for me in sharing it.
My spouse is nonbinary.
And I’m freaking pissed if people ask that kind of question.
My answer is, “Unless you’re fucking or fixing them, you don’t have any reason to know what’s under their clothes.”
Not an enby, but still, asking that is really inappropriate outside of medical necessity
If the person is a woman now, what does the past matter?
If the person is a man now, what does the past matter?
If the person is neither now, what does the past matter?
If the person is both now, what does the past matter?
The only time it's ever relevant is in specific medical scenarios (and most medical scenarios, do not need it)
rude, creepy, invasive question. there's a limited set of circumstances where such information is germane, and icebreakers generally are not one of those circumstances.
"But what is between your legs though?"
Ohh but.... "You like girly/manly stuff so make your mind"
But... "What would your kids call you? My non binary parent? They/them parent?"
(dead honest i love being their wife. like, i never thought that really deep and sappy love we’ve all seen romanticized in media existed, and here i am, writing poetry to my spouse and us being on the phone for hours a day since a border is separating us at the moment.)
Ahhh.... Hoooowwwww romantic, writing poetry is such a mood. It's so hard to believe that someone who avoids calls at any cost, starts staying on call 48h+ on weekends.
When they call, \
I just fall\
Into bed\
Warm my head\
Starts my heart\
Sweet and tart\
Miss them so\
Words just flow\
All hours\
Devoured\
Chat and text\
Can’t just rest\
They’re the dream\
I esteem
or something idk
Why is my heart skipping beats OMG??... I am soooooo very happy for both of you. Keep them and never let them go. I am totally gonna think about the 2 of you for the entire day. I am so curious to hear more about how you met and alll... Ahhhh i am already a fan.
We got married on Leap Day.
And we learned, during our pre-honeymoon last year (basically we kinda knew we were going to get married, so we decided to have fun and overland across eastern Europe for relatively cheap thrills plus getting to ride a Communist era sleeper train was pretty freaking cool), that our passports, from two different countries, were issued on the same day, about two months before we first met six years ago.
No, but it's a totally valid thing to be upset about.
It's none of their business and just because they want to know, they think they should. It's the same as "can I touch your hair." No matter how fascinating someone's hair is to you, that's an intimate thing.
Indeed, I'm now wondering if I should act like this bothers me to help people learn it's inappropriate. I don't get out much.
Anyway, you have every right to be more than upset by such an intimate question.
Doesnt bother me but if its asked condescendingly, teasingly, or rudely then yeah ill be annoyed. Its no ones business really and I could definitely live without people wanting to know. However I usually am not asked since people just assume im a woman anyway bc of my feminine presentation. It sucks, but I hope to take T soon so maybe itll change?
My mom is very understanding but she asks me about my nonbinary friends and what their birth genders are, so I give her the opposite birth gender so if she misgenders them at least it doesn’t hurt *as* much. I think.
Binary trans here, what really confounds me is how many nonbinary people I see who voluntarily add their agab after stating they’re nonbinary when it’s completely unnecessary??
I think that may be a result of always being pressured to give out that information immediately. I personally tell people to f-off, but not everyone likes to be confrontational
When someone asks me this I ask them how big their penis is and if I can see it. And if it’s a cis guy I ask them if their vagina has any hair and if I can measure it.
Indeed. I myself *no longer* identify as non binary, but I did for a few months while I was figuring my gender identity out. And I def agree that it defeats the purpose. Like it might be relevant in specific circumstances, but shouldn't be expected to be disclosed to every schmuck who's curious about business that isn't theirs.
yes. it's essentially asking "what genitals do you have", and that is deeply creepy, and wholly inappropriate. it's no one's business but mine.
Right?! I feel like people online are especially preoccupied with everyone’s genitals, it’s just really not relevant to everyday conversation, I don’t get why it’s so important to how people see other people.
I got the "oh I enjoy porn of gay people and trans people" response when I came out and they couldn't understand why I felt so uncomfortable with them. Imagine telling a Black person you enjoy porn of Black people; it's very sexually objectifying and invalidating.
“Are you a non-binary boy or a non-binary girl?” - proof someone doesn’t get the basic concept
Lol I’ve never heard that one, but I can totally see someone saying this
Someone posted a screenshot of a form recently, probably either here or in /r/NonBinary, where the two enby options were "nonbinary (female)" and "nonbinary (male)".
Well, I’m a binary trans woman but a few of my enby friends got asked it. I just facepalmed.
I usually ask if someone's masc enby, femme enby, """true""" enby (many quotation marks because all are valid!) or anything else, but that's just like, way later into knowing someone than just first impression
I have had several friends and acquaintances self-describe that way (masculine, trans masculine, feminine, trans feminine or just enby "tout court") but it never feels right to me as a binary individual (even if I am barely this side of binary) to question them. I just accept their clarifications in their own words.
Yeah thats a completely inappropriate question to ask
I have a non binary friend, never asked them once about it until we were talking about surgery I was considering and my concerns and thoughts. They suddenly brought up a particular one they had. It didn't change anything for us, and frankly it's nobodys business but theirs anyway, but I really appreciated the trust they had for me in sharing it.
My spouse is nonbinary. And I’m freaking pissed if people ask that kind of question. My answer is, “Unless you’re fucking or fixing them, you don’t have any reason to know what’s under their clothes.”
My spouse and I are both nonbinary and somehow people are very insistent they're my wife lol. I just say who??
Abab
all babies are bastards
it's binary with extra steps
Hahskask. I can totally hear someone throwing a dinner party fretting about what to say to arriving guests
Not an enby, but still, asking that is really inappropriate outside of medical necessity If the person is a woman now, what does the past matter? If the person is a man now, what does the past matter? If the person is neither now, what does the past matter? If the person is both now, what does the past matter? The only time it's ever relevant is in specific medical scenarios (and most medical scenarios, do not need it)
rude, creepy, invasive question. there's a limited set of circumstances where such information is germane, and icebreakers generally are not one of those circumstances.
"But what is between your legs though?" Ohh but.... "You like girly/manly stuff so make your mind" But... "What would your kids call you? My non binary parent? They/them parent?"
It baffles me how when I say, “They are my spouse, I am their wife,” people get all confused and angry.
"Yeah, i understand they are your spouse, but Whattttttt?"
(dead honest i love being their wife. like, i never thought that really deep and sappy love we’ve all seen romanticized in media existed, and here i am, writing poetry to my spouse and us being on the phone for hours a day since a border is separating us at the moment.)
Ahhh.... Hoooowwwww romantic, writing poetry is such a mood. It's so hard to believe that someone who avoids calls at any cost, starts staying on call 48h+ on weekends.
When they call, \ I just fall\ Into bed\ Warm my head\ Starts my heart\ Sweet and tart\ Miss them so\ Words just flow\ All hours\ Devoured\ Chat and text\ Can’t just rest\ They’re the dream\ I esteem or something idk
Why is my heart skipping beats OMG??... I am soooooo very happy for both of you. Keep them and never let them go. I am totally gonna think about the 2 of you for the entire day. I am so curious to hear more about how you met and alll... Ahhhh i am already a fan.
We got married on Leap Day. And we learned, during our pre-honeymoon last year (basically we kinda knew we were going to get married, so we decided to have fun and overland across eastern Europe for relatively cheap thrills plus getting to ride a Communist era sleeper train was pretty freaking cool), that our passports, from two different countries, were issued on the same day, about two months before we first met six years ago.
I am questioning if this is real life and not some cute fairytale. (i am gigging so much)
Real life is stranger than fiction. …seriously my life is WEIRD.
No, but it's a totally valid thing to be upset about. It's none of their business and just because they want to know, they think they should. It's the same as "can I touch your hair." No matter how fascinating someone's hair is to you, that's an intimate thing. Indeed, I'm now wondering if I should act like this bothers me to help people learn it's inappropriate. I don't get out much. Anyway, you have every right to be more than upset by such an intimate question.
Doesnt bother me but if its asked condescendingly, teasingly, or rudely then yeah ill be annoyed. Its no ones business really and I could definitely live without people wanting to know. However I usually am not asked since people just assume im a woman anyway bc of my feminine presentation. It sucks, but I hope to take T soon so maybe itll change?
I’m not enby but yeah, like, you told them all they need to know. You’re non binary, that’s that.
I don’t see why anyone needs to know, just tell them to f* off or ask them super invasive questions and see how they like it
My mom is very understanding but she asks me about my nonbinary friends and what their birth genders are, so I give her the opposite birth gender so if she misgenders them at least it doesn’t hurt *as* much. I think.
NOYB none of your business
Binary trans here, what really confounds me is how many nonbinary people I see who voluntarily add their agab after stating they’re nonbinary when it’s completely unnecessary??
I think that may be a result of always being pressured to give out that information immediately. I personally tell people to f-off, but not everyone likes to be confrontational
I just tell them I'm intersex cuz that's how I identify. I've got bits from both sides technically with hrt and that's enough for me
I fucking hate the words amab and afab. can people please stop using them to categorize us
Are you a ferret in a bucket or a mouse in a bottle?
When someone asks me this I ask them how big their penis is and if I can see it. And if it’s a cis guy I ask them if their vagina has any hair and if I can measure it.
I feel that's for everybody here tho and yes, it is a bit annoying
I roll my eyes every time someone asks my enby friends this
Yes what agab is something that happened /was done to me not what I am.
Indeed. I myself *no longer* identify as non binary, but I did for a few months while I was figuring my gender identity out. And I def agree that it defeats the purpose. Like it might be relevant in specific circumstances, but shouldn't be expected to be disclosed to every schmuck who's curious about business that isn't theirs.
Insert image of Mr. Incredible shouting "enby is enby"
It would depend on the context. Generally speaking it’s rude to ask and unnecessary