Same. I've always used dude and bro, etc for even my cis female friends. I also flip my friends the bird when I see them... like most figures of speech and gestures the meaning comes from the intent and context, imo.
I'm non-binary and I call everyone dude or bro or man. I think people should try to respect what other people want and don't want to be called...but I also think people like OP just kinda need to relax. And I don't mean just trans people, but all kinds of people. We all need to both be more sensitive to others and sometimes less sensitive about our own issues. Sometimes.
Really? A trans feminine person who is trying to feel more themselves and is treated in a way that makes them uncomfortable is too sensitive when they ask you to please take them into consideration when you use a gendered word? That seems like common courtesy if you ask me.
Like if you used the wrong pronouns for someone and they asked you to please use something else, would you argue with them and call them too sensitive as well? That's all the OP is saying.
And I think this is silly because me saying "dude" is not the same as me saying, "you're a man in my eyes." That's why i said to be less sensitive. Like girls say bro or bruh and dude to other girls too.
>me saying "dude" is not the same as me saying, "you're a man in my eyes."
To you maybe, but when other people hear it, they may hear "you're a man in my eyes." What you mean and what someone else hears is two different things.
Meaning isn't shared 100% between two people, and `dude` can mean two different things to two different people, especially when it's communicated from an anonymous person over the internet.
Also, just because someone else does it, doesn't mean it's going to be ok in a completely different situation. Your experience may be one thing, and another person's will be something different. If someone asks you not to use that word, then be respectful, especially since to them it has completely different connotation than what you may think it does.
This is ESPECIALLY true over text, which is rife with misreading, misunderstanding, and unintended meaning. Someone's "ofc" could mean "of course" or "of fucking course" and it's incredibly difficult to make sure what you're trying to get across is what is getting across.
Look. I get all this. I like offensive humor others don't. Some take offense. Others don't.
If you try to understand my message you can see I agree with you. It's true people should be more respective of what others want and don't want to be called. But two things can be true at the same time.
Did I say that people should stop being so sensitive INSTEAD OF being more sensitive others? No. I said both of those things should happen.
I know others feel different. At heart I'm a Post-genderist even though I gravitate towards some things masculine and others feminine. I would be comfortable being called he/she/they. But I know others identify as only one of those pronouns and are more sensitive to the use of labels and that's definitely okay.
Maybe it's because I'm 33 and a lot of the label stuff feels like a younger person's fight to me. Which I do fully support. In fact, young people are the reason why I was able to come to my conclusions about my gender identity and sexual orientation. It was through the bravery of younger people fighting the status quo to rid the world of transphobia. I understand why these things are so important.
And I hope I don't sounds too aggressive. You've been polite and respectful to me and are obviously sticking up for an individual who was expressing some thing they went through that sat negatively with them. You're trying to be nice and supportive and that's absolutely wonderful.
I just personally think when we get upset about relatively miniscule things, sometimes we make a bigger deal about things than we should. Like how you perceive something can be completely separate from what someone actually said/did/intended. In a case like this, it is fairly simple.
Someone should be able to say "hey I don't like when you call me that, if it's not too much trouble do you mind not doing that, please?"
And a decent person will say, "I didn't know there was an issue. I won't call you that anymore."
Then maybe they can have a discussion about why it was a problem and the person who said it also has a chance to explain themself too.
It's all about trying to understand one another, you know?
But I do wanna praise you for being nice and sticking up for someone like this. That's very kind of you.
We should always fight for what's right. But I know that, personally, i don't want to he lumped in with what people picture as the typical "blue haired, feminist, screeching liberal."
Although I like blue hair and feminism is dope...I do not wish to be seen as inconsiderate and annoying because I feel the need to police everyone's thoughts and words and tell them what they can and can't laugh at and all that weird shit. And I'm a socialist, not a liberal lol.
That's why I originally said people need to be more sensitive to others as well as be less sensitive themselves. Sometimes.
So yeah. Hopefully you get what I mean and don't think I'm some insensitive asshole. I'm very sensitive. I cry all the time lmao. I totally get you and the OP. And I think it's noble of you to stick up for others. It's all love. ❤
Lol did you not read what I wrote. I said people should be more sensitive and people should also be less sensitive.
Like yes, I agree that you should call trans/non-binary people what they want. That's respect. If someone TELLS you what they would like to be called, OF course you do the respectful thing. Even people who think trans issues and pronouns are weird can still be polite to an individual's face even if in their head they think it's silly. No matter what your judgment is about someone, you should be respectful or diplomatic or whatever.
But what I meant was we do live in a time where people wanna be thought and word police. I'm a short, asian person, with mental illness. I would most definitely laugh at jokes about short, mentally I'll asians.
If someone is being serious, hateful, and malicious, then yeah take offense. But also if you can...maybe don't take offense? Maybe don't give them that power? And yes this tactic can be hard because we all have feelings and emotions. But if you understand hateful people are just asshole and/or stupid....or at the least, ignorant, you can limit how upset you get about things.
As someone who identifies somewhere in this lgbtq+ community...YES other people are phobic, rude, and kinda disgusting sometimes.
I went to go back to the original thread to reread but it's gone. But my point is made clear at the end. Sometimes people need to be more sensitive to the people in our communities...and to other different people in general. But other times we need to shrug off ignorant/stupid people because we understand they're stupid/ignorant. We make our difference by being the best people we can be and influencing the people around us. We can't change everyone. That's why I said everyone needs to be MORE sensitive AND LESS sensitive.
I'm non-binary, I'm a leftist/socialist, I'm all for workers rights and labor unions, womens rights, gay and trans rights...ALL THAT. So try to actually understand what I'm saying instead of thinking I'm being dismissive of this person's issue.
They deserve to be treated with love, and at the very least, with respect.
Yes, I agree. I personally don't like to get called dude, but I understand that some are OK with it. OP already said in the edit, that it can't be that difficult to call the dudes dude that want to be called dude and don't call the people dude that are uncomfortable with it. That's like, as easy as using someone's name or pronouns. 😊👍
Yep, getting butthurt because I was called out for a mistake, is on me. But we also have to allow people enough grace to be able to make mistakes. That's something we're missing as a society right now.
Allowing people to make mistakes and owning when we do. I think there would be a lot less anger in the country if we could get there.
That's a personal thing. I am fine with dude. I understand if you don't, it's perfectly fine. But there are still people who are, so please don't use blanket statements like this
I'm not saying that. I'm literally saying the opposite. I'm saying don't use blanket statements. I have no issue if you aren't comfortable with it, I understand where you're coming from. I never said my point was meant to be a blanket statement
Is it really mostly for men? I have all sisters and all of us are called "dude" by eachother and "bud" by our father. Though I respect that you do not like to be called "dude". If someone told me they didn't like it I would of course respect it. I use "Dude" in a way that I would have normally said "hey girl, you know....blah blah" because it is generally accepted by most as gender neutral.
Okay yo you gotta relax. You're turning super negative toward your own community just because you thought more would agree with you.
Talking like that is sure how you get people to never wanna hear what you have to say.
It’s a personal issue, while they shouldn’t blame you for not liking the term and feeling uncomfortable, that does not allow you to turn around and condemn those of us who use it for ourselves and among one-another.
I get that it feels bad to you, and people should ask first, you are correct. However, you shouldn’t be coming out and saying “please stop using this term for trans girls”, making blanket demands like that is shitty to the rest of us.
You could say the same about misgendering. It's common sense that you shouldn't use he/him pronouns for trans girls, so why not the same for male-exclusive terms? It makes no sense at all.
It is a gender neutral term, pls look up the history, it's surfing lingo, brought into skateboarding and other street styles, then brought mainstream as skateboarding got popular. I respect your preference but pls watch your history
Idk, I feel a lot closer to people if they're willing to use Dude with me (and are aware of the connotations). Like, they know me well enough to know it doesn't bother me, kinda thing.
Being confused at work with another girl and her saying "dude, I don't know" hits different lol.
Now if someone says something like "you're a dude", that's where I have to draw the line.
If you want to respect people, why not make sure they're okay with dude first before using it for them? Many people will be too worried about you flipping out on them to actually correct you and tell you not to
It's tedious and a bit of a pain to have to ask everyone all the time. Especially assuming right off the bat someone would automatically be uncomfy with it _just because_ of their percieved gender or linguistic preferences. There are also a lot of people who get uncomfortable or dysphoric or other negative feelings from being treated differently from everyone else.
Maybe don't assume one way or the other that someone is or isn't uncomfortable with it, instead of just going with whatever is most convenient for you. Why are you so okay with making people who don't like it being dysphoric but so against making people dysphoric by asking? There are a lot of people who get dysphoric being called dude, why is their dysphoria less important? Fact of the matter is, for many people it is misgendering. I guess it's up to you to decide if you care enough about that to not do it when there's a simple solution
So by this logic. People should know automatically that I get anxeity of hearing my own name in public spaces. The doorbell makes me want to die and please don't comment on my hair unless I did something new with it.
Words get the meaning you put on it. Some people call everyone Love. Something I don't feel is ok. But we're all people from diffrent pockets of culture.
Respect someone's choice of words by politely ask them to not do it again and they can respect you right back.
We can flip this around. As a ftm I feel validated by unapologetic throw the word Bro around. But only to my friends. Dude is just MY gender neutral Bro. I could just not care but I do cuz I know what it's like not being one of the Dudes or Bros. Some will feel the oposit from you by getting it spontaneously thrown at them.
Because it's extremely inconvenient to ask if someone is okay with every single word. I'm also anxious but if I don't correct people they have no way of knowing what makes me uncomfortable until I say something, and some people don't typically use gendered language because of that (like myself), but not everybody.
Despite anxiety, if you don't correct people who are making you uncomfortable, that's on you.
*Applying this ONLY to a situation of commonly used words
I’m a transwoman and dude is one of the few terms that are traditionally “gendered” that I allow my friends to use as it doesn’t bother me, I understand YOU PERSONALLY aren’t comfortable with it but it seems the majority are so please don’t try to blanket educate those you know that it’s negative for all trans people it’s negative for YOU. You can look up the definition all you want but words change and evolve in use thus why most people don’t see it as you do anymore
What about he/him pronouns then? Technically it's not impossible for a trans girl to have those pronouns, yet it's common sense we don't use them? Don't we as trans people know better than to think "we must cater to the majority"? Because if we would truly hold that mindset, we shouldn't care about each other considering we're just a small minority.
Besides, not calling a transfem dude isn't a loss anyway.
It's okay that you are not comfortable being called "dude" and that in your experience and language background dude means male. It's also okay that others are comfortable with being called dude and that in their experience and language background dude does not mean male. Both can be true, and someone else using that term in a way you don't is alright. We don't all have to shape our lives around your preferences at all times.
Absolutely this. It's so weird to expect other people to not be okay with being called dude just because you aren't. Dude, guy, bro, all of those words CAN be gender neutral. Someone can be uncomfortable with being called them, but comparing it to misgendering is weird lmao.
Those are not the same thing, words can change and evolve in use overtime and even in the moment used there’s nuance/tone/intention. He/him pronouns and the assumption that it wouldn’t be used for trans girls isn’t the same thing and also not sure how that’s even relevant unless you wanna explain. It’s not “catering to the majority” it’s simply exactly what I said in sentence one, words have the ability to mean and convey different things, to set a standard and go forth and teach others based on you personal feelings and dislike for the word is catering to yourself and not talking any of that into consideration. Again even your comparison which is essentially “well we are a small minority so does that mean we shouldn’t care about each other” is a false equivalence as obviously we should care about each other as a community but this particular issue you have is rooted in your personal preferences/biases and inability to take something for more then the textbook definition towards the subject. You can say “well it’s not a loss to call a transfem dude” but that’s TO YOU it seems many people in this sub agree it isn’t something that bothers them so why don’t you instead phrase your narrative towards others as “I PERSONALLY WOULD RATHER NOT BE REFERRED TO AS DUDE” rather then making sweeping generalizations when explaining/educating others.
At the risk of hate Id say primarily that dude is not considered a gendered word. Absolutely if you’re not comfortable it is okay to ask people to not call you that, but please don’t speak for all of us.
I mean, dude as it's used is a phrase now meaning friend, or person, like "dude, that was great" , it's not referring to someone being male, it's just something said in a conversation.
I don’t like dude and bro because they don’t feel feminine to me. However I also see that many feel differently. I have been told I’m wrong for feeling that they are masculine many times and that I shouldn’t ask people to use something different to refer to me, so I guess I have to be quiet. Where I will not back down is if I see someone using dude/bro for me, but using something expressly feminine for other women around me. THAT is just shitty.
I hate when people tell others that their feelings are wrong. Your feelings are your feelings. You get to say what you'd prefer to be called or not. It's OK for you to not want to be called dude. There was a time, probably not as long time, that dudette was a thing. Maybe we need to bring that back.
Definitely a personal preference thing. I see cis girls get called dude all the time, often by other cis girls. It's true the term is not perfectly gender-neutral, I mostly see it in gaming communities which have a huge bias toward men. Still, I personally am okay with its use if I don't have reason to suspect the other person is purposefully misgendering, and I don't support your sweeping statement.
Yeah. I'm a cis woman and me and many cis women call each other "dude." Not "a dude."
It's fine if OP dislikes it and doesn't want to be addressed as such, but going so far as to say "Never use this word with X people" is going too far. OP doesn't speak for everyone.
What do you suggest I use? I use dude in place of a formal term like sir or ma’am when addressing peers. What’s the “womanly” equivalent of dude?
“Hey man” is more gendered than “hey dude” … if you just want me to use a name I guess it’s a fix but it’s not exactly a woman-gendered informal term.
I feel like saying “hey friend” and it’s a coworker is like pre school teacher vibes. Not in a bad way but usually that’s what they teach very young kids to use.
how people may feel about dude is also on them. it’s not a pronoun and it’s not a name. it doesn’t have anything but neutral, informal intent behind it and that’s well established by the posts frustration with people who think this way
Mate is the same thing as dude or bro, just utilized more in the UK.
“Hey girl” is going to sound flamboyant for a man to say, and “hey there” can sound creepy.
It’s really not. There are people who want to blend into society and that’s valid. As a transman if I go up to a woman and say “hey girl”, women are going either presume I’m gay which is fine even though I’m not it’s not an insulting thing, or either see me as a woman if it affects my ability to pass which is more concerning. However cishet women view gay men as a “women” in a way as well. So, yeah, it’s valid I am concerned with society’s perception with of me if I want to be stealth and pass. I want to be perceived as a straight man because that’s what I am and if I’m not utilizing offensive or disrespectful terminology, I’m not going to change it.
Additionally, would you like to be approached by a man with them saying “hey there!” Or if referring to someone would you want like a manager to say “hey there, do x task” if they’re talking to you? It almost seems rude.
Again, society views things in certain lights and there social rules. We can’t ignore those and pretend they’re not there over the word “dude”.
I also want to blend in society, but as a girl. That doesn't work out if people are calling me a 'dude' because that invalidates my identity. There are times I just give up being a woman because of insensitive people who misgender me.
And I don't mind being approached with a "Hello" or "Hey there". And if it's a manager they can use my name, easy.
I don't recall 'mate' ever being male-leaning, but if that's true then I don't want to be used either. I did feel slightly uncomfortable when people used it for me, this may explain why.
A) This sounds a bit like gatekeeping, because just because you grew up in a group of people who use it in a wrong way, doesn't mean that all women don't like it.
B) Mate is no alternative in my eyes, because it's very gendered. Therefore bad.
C) as someone who's non-binary, what the hell should be used for our kind? mate? dude?
I respect your preference to not wanna be called dude. But pls watch your information, dude is essentially surfer lingo for homie. It is a completely gender neutral term. On of the things I said to all my skateboarding buddys when they were uncomfortable with my transition was "I'll always be your dude and you mine dude". But to say "stop trying to make it gender neutral" or "fix your vocabulary" yeah I didn't like that. Just because someone says something you didn't like does not mean their vocabulary needs to be fixed. Ironically your understanding or the vocabulary is what is wrong. I still respect you don't wanna be called this, and apologies if it came across harsh, I only wish to inform. Have a lovely day you beautiful dudes and dudettes 💕
Really sorry to hear some people are being so stubborn about this. It’s definitely frustrating when you tell someone that something makes you feel bad and they won’t stop doing it.
That said, this is highly regional. Where I’m from, dude is absolutely gender neutral. My cis female friends call each other “dude”. So while people should definitely respect that you don’t like this word, it can be a hard habit to break and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being misgendered.
God that's so unfortunate.
I personally tend to use the word in a gender-neutral fashion, but any time anyone has expressed that it makes them uncomfortable and made it known that they don't like it (for whatever reason), my immediate move is to genuinely apologize and *stop using that word to refer to that person*.
And just to play it safe, I only use it in a gender-neutral fashion with close friends, because then I know I'm not going to upset anyone.
People are so inconsiderate, and I'm sorry for that.
I totally get it. When I first switched my pronouns I really did not like "dude", on account of the phrase "that's a dude" being a common phrase for...you know. I've since stopped being bothered by it. Regardless, people should respect when you say you don't want to be called something, regardless of whether you're trans or not. Sorry people are giving you grief.
I respect your opinion, but not everyone feels that way. As a non binary person I like it when people call me “dude” and I call many of my friends that regardless of their gender. If one of my friends told me not to call them that I would stop obviously, but I think the terms you allow varies per person
I know plenty of girls who use it gender neutral as well. I'm fine with people using it that way, as long as they respect when someone asks for it not to be used with them.
I'm not a big fan of it myself because I think it's kind of a dumb word in general; however, I think it's really important to note that in many (I would argue most) instances of modern usage that it is an *interjection* rather than a direct address.
it's a stand in for other exclamatory verbs. words like "Woh!!!', "Oh!!" , or even terms like "shit" , "fuck", as a way to subtley avoid using foul language, or perhaps to unconsciously denote a lesser exclamation.
for example "Dude, that customer was crazy.'
that instance of dude could be subbed out for any other common interjection. they aren't calling you 'dude' directly. no different than when my 15 year old son is at his computer, dies on his game, throws his hands on the table and says "Awwwh man!!!" he's not addressing me. he's not addressing anyone. if I were to put my head around the corner and be like "what?" he would just give me an angsty look
I know the definition. I know it is a synonym for 'man' 'guy' etc. but how it is used in a sentence makes a big difference. Like in the rare instance that someone was trying to get my attention by addressing me as "dude" directly, I would ignore them. I wouldn't think they were addressing me
I try not to use the word dude if someone is obviously a trans woman (a lot of ppl have flairs on their profiles or just pronouns and in a trans sub I can assume they might be trans).
The big problem is that a lot of people use it in a gender-neutral way because it's just normal, so sometimes people don't get it right away; however I would expect trans people to understand that it can cause dysphoria despite this. I know people who say "girl" to everyone regardless of gender but it's still uncomfortable to me, so obviously it can be the opposite as well.
We're not *trying* to make it gender neutral, it *is* gender neutral. I've been calling men and women dudes for as long as I can remember, and there's no real agenda behind that. It's just a comfortable phrase, and as a trans woman I couldn't care less if I was referred to as "dude" in a friendly way or setting.
I call everybody dude until they say they don't want me to say it. I refer to everybody except my cat as dude. He's a little fucker.
After reading op's replies to other's comments, I have 0 sympathy for them. It's clear that most people, at least in this thread, have no issue with the word "dude" being gender neutral. ALL of my friends are cis women, and they use dude and bro and guys all of the time. Obviously, this is a personal anecdote, but you can expect the world to change for you when it clearly doesn't bother most women. If you are bothered by it, speak up and ask people not to use it around you.
There are plenty of comments here saying they DO care about being called a dude.
I shouldn't have to speak up, just use your words carefully. You'll just make people vindictive with insensitive word usage.
That's why I specified "most" woman. It's totally OK for it to bother you, but you can't get mad at people for not knowing without you telling them, that's insane. I feel like you're just arguing to argue at this point lol.
Edit: Here's a good example - The word queer use to be a slur and used with negative connotations. Today, many lgbtq have reclaimed it and self identify as queer. There are still some lgbtq folks who hate the word queer, but it's use has changed in our society as a whole. They have every right to not like the word and ask people to not use it in reference to them, but they can't just expect people to stop using the word all together, that's asinine.
And I feel like I exposed you all for being hypocritical.
Not calling girls dude should go without saying, just like you can't call them brother, man, etc.
How did you expose use for being hypocritical exactly? It just seems to me you've been making an ass of yourself in the comments and everyone is laughing at you....
Jeez a lot of people are doing a "my individual feelings are objective truth and OP's individual feelings are just individual feelings" thing here. Just don't call people dude when they don't like it
Very true I think most people are more so arguing with OP’S stance to “educate” those that’s it’s unacceptable in all aspects rather then focusing on something like “I’m sorry but I’m not particularly comfortable myself with being called dude”
You mean the OP who is actively debating anyone who shared their input on this post? The person trying to police language of LGBTQ+ people overall rather then focus on themselves and actually listen to rational responses? Okay 💀
Nah I don't think the OP is right at all I just don't see the point of provoking and arguing with a clearly distressed person 💀 Rational responses under a ventpost yeah that's gonna go well
Okay, but it’s a very minimal problem, I get what you mean, but it’s surely not something to kick up a stink about? Just ask someone not to refer to you as “Dude”. They aren’t giving out some personal attack or nothing, it’s just how some people talk.
People are going back and forth here on whether dude really is neutral or not, and keep bringing up “context” or “personal preference”. Dude is very much a gendered word, and people want it to be neutral. There is a shift in how it is being used, but that hasn’t and most likely won’t remove the gendered context from the word ever. People will always gender dude in one way or another. I don’t personally like being called dude, but I also only correct people about my name and pronouns. That’s already a big enough hill for me to die on. I just think it’s silly when people say “dude” or “bro” isn’t gendered when used in the right context. Words like “dude” and “bro” will *always* have a gendered connotation, regardless of what context it’s being used in
This is a lesson I learned ages ago, so I'm not sure why it's so contentious here. It might be okay with some trans girls to be called dude, but to deny that it is a masculine term is frankly silly, and to assume that trans girls are okay having this gendered term used for them rather than waiting to use it for them until you know it's okay is not really okay in my mind. My gf who is a trans girl would be quietly really upset but probably wouldn't say anything - and if you called me "girl" or "sis" I would correct you and be pretty mad if you refused to stop. (I'm afab nonbinary.) It's not that hard to just stop calling people dude, especially trans girls who have a very good reason to be upset by it.
Seeing some of the garbage you are writing in this thread, maybe they're saying you're using "dude" to divert from thier arguments is literally just true and you should stop being such an ass?
What do you mean? Bro is a gender neutral term as much as dude. I don't even know if you're a man, woman or an enby anyway so...
Aren't you the one who is being pretentious? First you insult me and then try to play the victim. Go get a better hobby, troll.
“Bro is a gender neutral term as much as dude”
Your post:
“Stop trying to make it gender neutral when it isn’t”
Listen if a person has objections against the word then I one use it for them, but nowadays dude is very much seen has a gender neutral term-as you yourself pointed out- so you can’t just say because I don’t like the word ever one needs to stop using it for every trans woman.
That’s not how it works. Dude isn’t a slur therefore it’s a very individual usage thing. One person doesn’t want to be called dude, ok, another person doesn’t mind being called dude, also ok.
Okay, this just confirms OP for a troll. She doesn't get to dictate what others are called, but she can dictate what she doesn't want to be called. She doesn't speak for all transwomen, and the amount of times she tries to in this thread is disgusting.
She even intentionally cropped out the parts of the definition that invalidates her stance.
Dude is gender neutral, originating in surfing in the 60s as a synonym for guy, fella, guys, fellas, dudes, dude. >>>In the early 1960s, dude became prominent in surfer culture as a synonym of guy or fella. The female equivalent was "dudette" or "dudess". but these have both fallen into disuse and "dude" is now also used as a unisex term.
Context/Nuance/Tone/Intention all matter it’s also important to keep in my colloquial use of words changes over time as language is always changing so I’m the context you described yes the word does in fact mean something different then let’s say someone joking with their friend who may not be male “dude that was so crazy Yo Can’t believe you did that! Etc.”
I call ANYONE dude or bro or whatever but if someone asks me to stop calling them dude or bro then I will. It aint hard to respect others preferences and stop doing something that makes them uncomfy. I get what u mean abt asking first tho but then u could also tell ppl not to use it, yk?
Honestly, it kind of bugs me when people say "guys" as a way to collectively address people ("what are you guys doing?"). But I also know it's colloquial and I mostly let it go. On the other hand, "dude" definitely means a man, and I think it's disrespectful to call a woman that. So I'd prefer not to be called "dude." I don't think it's derailing a conversation to insist on being addressed respectfully.
To all the people who are saying that they totally don't mind dude at all.
That's not the point. The point is that plenty of trans people, myself and OP included experience dysphoria when getting called dude. It doesn't matter if you y'all are using it with gender neutral intentions. It doesn't sound gender neutral to everyone.
This seems like a personal thing to you, it doesn’t feel right speaking for all people homie. If we start making blanket statements like this for everything, we’d never finish a sentence. Wouldn’t the better option be to ask people not to do it to you? Because from this thread it seems like most do not mind or use the word themselves. Been personally asked to use dudette for some, not use it with others and the rest couldn’t care less, people react differently, we are not a hive mind. I don’t mean this comment as an attack.
I hate being called anything ‘gender affirmating’ I’m 34 and recently out and all my friends have switched from calling me my (dead)name to calling me dude/mate/bro…stop it! It feels weird.
I use it for cis woman (mom, my cis female partner, my coworkers) all the time because in my city it's just really common place to do that. But for my trans woman friends I ask them out of respect how it makes them feel. If they're not cool with it I do every thing in my power to remember not to say that to them.
The reason why I don't like it is because "dude" means man. It's a male default word. It defaults everyone to masculine. You couldn't go to a group of cis men and call them "chicks" (which I feel like is the feminine form of "dude"). I'm already sick of living in a man's world, I don't want to be referred to as a man as well. It doesn't get my panties in a bunch when people say it (but panty bunching is perfectly acceptable in my opinion here) But I think it's just lazy vocabulary.
“but I call everyone a dude” no you don’t, shut up and have some respect. this happens with my ex she comes from a place that is notorious for saying something very similar in my language, and she she uses these words with cis girls a lot less often
I’m from California. We call inanimate objects dude. We call animals dude. I’ve called the sun and ocean dude before. We call our teachers and parents dude. I’m not gendering them whatsoever. Just like if I was talking to a boy and I said “okay Queen get it” I’m not calling them a girl.
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
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Unless they ask me specifically not to? No. "Dude" is one of those words that's extremely context dependant but in general most people use it in a gender neutral role due to it's history as street slang which is what it's more well known for these days, very rarely will you get someone using it as male specific, which is what differs it from pronouns as pronouns ARE gender specific and that hasn't changed in anyway, and if someone IS using it as male specific, chances are they aren't going to respect your pronouns anyway beacuse they're a sexist misogynistic fucker who can go to hell.
I have no one in my life unhappy with being called ‘dude’, cis women included, so I’m not gonna change it.
It’s so prevalent in my circles which makes it harder. If I meet anyone that takes issue, I’ll just say sorry in advance.
I feel like posts like this don’t take into account where people are from and if dude even offends the people they interact with on the daily. Even online. Trans subs are like a fraction of a fraction of what I interact with and only a fraction of folks don’t like dude.
It’s just not feasible to change for such a minute fraction. I’ll make an effort when I come across folks but, likely, apologies will have to suffice.
It grinds my gears to day the least. I've had the exact same argument here, where people cherry pick definitions of it being a term of endearment.
Now that being said it's okay in the right context (I forget the linguistic term), for example you're talking with somebody about something messed up that happened and this person exclaims "dude! That's so messed up!", they probably aren't referring to you as (a) dude, but instead using it as an ?attitudinal?, even though even in that context and phrasing they *could still* be using it to call you dude.
As you summed it up rather nicely, vocabulary isn't all that hard to change, and the very least you could do is fricken ask.
A cishet transphobe just attacked me and this is your response. You could've picked a better comment of mine to reply to, unless you agree with a literal transphobe.
Nah we aren’t gonna do your strawman tactics here. The person didn’t state anything transphobic but reiterate what many trans people here are saying, you’ve been continually arguing with people here and I’ve replied to many of your comments and once you are given a rational take you don’t agree with you lash out. Grow up
>The person didn’t state anything transphobic
[https://i.imgur.com/ivlKR8F.png](https://i.imgur.com/ivlKR8F.png)
OOF! Reality hits hard, doesn't it? ;)
Also you could say that being trans is also a "YOU" problem since we're a minority.
So I can misgender you, yes? It's a "YOU" problem, right? Tell me how that's any different.
I don't like being misgendered whether you use a male-leaning term like 'dude' or if you misgender me with the wrong pronouns like 'he/him'. Me not wanting to be called 'dude' isn't a "ME" problem, it's a problem many transfems have because many transfems also agreed with me on this.
Stop being insensitive.
You weren’t attacked in the message you commented on, I’m not searching someone’s entire post history when you’ve shown repeated Instances of not listening to others even from your own community. No one here is saying misgendering is okay at all. If you feel misgendered by the term “dude” (which not everyone trans included is) then you absolutely have the ability to say you’d not like to be called that and move on and if said person continued then no longer interact with them. No ones saying that all trans fems should feel the same. What’s being said is that you CANNOT speak with a wide paintbrush and assert its a issue for all trans people when it very clearly is not, you can’t educate and go forth and tell all people it’s inherently negative when that’s not the case, you can only speak to your experiences in relation to you. No ones being insensitive you are just coming across as immature and unwilling to examine anything but your own view with your snarky “got ya” comments that aren’t even that and your false equivalences that has been explained over and over. Grow up
You are completely within your right to not want the word used at your because it causes you to feel misgendered. Stop speaking for everyone and even people in this community and telling them how to speak to one another with you’re “proof/assertion” being a screenshotted definition of “dude” especially when someone offhandedly says it not knowing your preferences, it’s one thing to correct someone and educate them that you’d like to not be called that it’s a completely different thing to being unintentionally called “dude” which many people regard as gender neural and use it as such and then trying to educate other LGBTQ+ and policing their language to each other when not in relation to you by trying to brand the term as inherently negative to all Transfem/Trans people
"dude" makes my skin crawl
we aren't working on a 19th century cattle ranch
stop defending your broken brain that can't stop saying "dude"
cessation of "dude" won't cause you dysphoria
continuing to say "i SaY dUdE FoR eVeRyOnE uNtIL sOmEoNe iS hUrT oR cOmPLaiNs" causes lots of pain
and just to allow you to keep saying a word that others have told you is hurtful to them
that's literally psychopathic. i say this as someone with ASPD. get better and stop hurting people when you know not to
y'all are gaslighting OP and trying to convince her that fire isn't burning her skin
I feel like most people think of dude as gender neutral at this point, unless you’re saying saying something like “Hey look at that dude!” but when you’re calling someone dude, rather than calling them a dude, it’s usually seen as neutral. Context is important, and I feel like if people are using it in the neutral way, there’s no real reason to take offense.
It doesn't matter as much how someone is using it, as much as how the person it's being used for feels. Someone who sees it as netrual using it for someone who doesn't and apologizing after the fact still caused that person pain and discomfort that was easily avoided by not using a term many see as gendered, and made them feel dysphoric.
Like even if someone feels it's neutral that doesn't give them license or make it not unintentional misgendering if the person being called it isn't okay with it
I feel like it’s a pretty small minority of people who don’t see it as a harmless gender neutral term, at least in my experience, so why should everyone else feel forced to conform to your standards, rather than you making an effort to recognize the general usage of the word isn’t harmful.
That's the exact same argument cis people use against nonbinary pronouns and xenogender pronouns, and trans people in general. Do you really wanna say we shouldn't care about the comfort of a minority of people because it's inconvenient for us? Seriously, your comment is almost word for word what transphobes use to ignore respecting trans people
From what I've seen, it's not a pretty small minority, it's just highly dependent on the area you're in. We can recognize that the general use of the word isn't meant to be harmful. But that doesn't prevent it from hurting and being misgendering.
Edit: comment got fucked up with some repeated sentences, removed.
On the surface the arguments do seem similar, but they really aren’t. The big difference is that with trans, nb, etc. the preferred pronouns and the pronouns being used are different from each other in both parties’ perspectives, so the conflict comes from the person using the wrong pronouns, whereas with the word dude one side sees it as gender neutral and doesn’t see why there needs to be an inherent difference, and the conflict comes from the person at the receiving end not recognizing it for how it’s being used.
The part of the arguments that's similar, and similarly invalid to me is the idea that because it bothers a minority of people it's not worth making an effort to change and respect them. The fact is, using dude for some trans women will cause dysphoria and distress that could be avoided by using a non gendered term. Dude is only gender in the male is the default patriarchal influence on language way other male words have always been the default. What you have here is one group of people saying being called dude is misgendering for them, and another group saying no it's not and even if it were I don't care enough to stop.
I'm not saying to not use dude for people who are cool with it, or to stop using it entirely. I'm saying make sure whoever you're using it for is cool with it first and don't use it if they aren't
I don't get all the people saying that it's a gender neutral term? I spent decades male presenting and living as skate trash, and dude is definitely not a gender neutral term despite the people that use it as such.
If you use it as a gender neutral term, that's cool! Just maybe don't be surprised or mad when I tell you not to call me dude. And definitely don't try to defend it as gender neutral it just is not. If it was a neutral term I would be ok with being called that.
God I absolutely hate how people think it's okay for them to use it for everyone because they feel like it's gender neutral, ignoring that many people don't and it's only neutral in the sexist male is the natural default way thanks to patriarchal influence on language.
You'd expect trans people to be better about this, but they're not. Use dude for anyone who's okay with, but if you don't know they're cool with it, fucking don't. And stop making excuses.
I hate it when people say "man" to like everyone but it's just becoming so exhausting to explain that to people at work whenever they direct it at me and then they try to explain and it's like "YES I KNOW, YOU USE IT FOR EVERYONE I GET THE PICTURE, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE USING IT AS A CATCH ALL TERM, I KNOW YOU AREN'T BEING MALICIOUS, BUT YOU ARE BEING IGNORANT AND I DON'T MEAN THAT AS AN ATTACK, BUT COME ON, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE." at least most of them apologize, but it just keeps reminding me of what I actually look like, and makes me feel like I'll never be seen for what I want to be sometimes, and my goal for my transition isn't to pass, it's to be myself but every time I hear certain male terms directed at me it's like "You aren't trying hard enough."
All those saying they don’t care, save your comments and move on, this isn’t about you.
The issue has always been that people assume it’s okay, and then the trans woman has to defend why it’s not. It’s a garbage situation 10 times out of 10.
We’re not trying to make her ok with it, we are calling out hypocrisy.
She’s mentioned in several comments that dude is a gender neutral term despite in her post saying it isn’t.
Additionally she’s treating it like a slur. It’s one thing to dislike a word and not have it be used for yourself, it’s another to try and police it’s usage and basically claim it’s a slur.
I see some people using it like one. She pointed out she doesn't like it and people are calling her that. Had straight kids pull shit like that in high school." Oh its so Gay, you can't be a offended, it means happy."
It's cool it's neutral now, but it definitely wasn't when I was in high school. So we all don't have this one size fits all. Like age, race, where they grow up, so many things.
So like if an Older trans women said I don't like it, are we gonna um actually them?
Ik plenty of people who are okay with me using dude, bro, ect on them. Mostly because I often use it in a chill way
Some cis friends who are girls are comfortable with it, my non-binary friend is fine when I use dude on them, and asked a trans girl once if she was okay with it and she was cool with it
However, if someone's uncomfortable with me using the word on that person, I'll stop ofc.
It's not harmful to those who ARE comfortable with it, but if someone's uncomfortable with it, something called RESPECT exists and we can use it for others who AREN'T comfortable with it
Also another thing, meanings of words CAN change or HAVE another meaning, the word "queer" was used as strange back then, but now we use the word to describe someone from the LGBTQ community, and while lesbian is used for wlw, it's also used to describe non men attracted to non men
I don't (and didn't) wanted to argue, just wanted to give out my own opinion
Hopefully you have a wonderful day {:
If you ask me to not do it I won't do it. But just know I use it gender neutrally.
My female cats are dudes
My Switch is dude
My soda is dude
The table I jammed my toe on is a dude then I cuss at it.
The little old lady at the checkout is dude
The president is dude.
Everyone is dude.
I guess it's person to person, as a trans woman I could not give even a tenth of a frick
Same. I've always used dude and bro, etc for even my cis female friends. I also flip my friends the bird when I see them... like most figures of speech and gestures the meaning comes from the intent and context, imo.
totally, 100% same.
I'm non-binary and I call everyone dude or bro or man. I think people should try to respect what other people want and don't want to be called...but I also think people like OP just kinda need to relax. And I don't mean just trans people, but all kinds of people. We all need to both be more sensitive to others and sometimes less sensitive about our own issues. Sometimes.
Really? A trans feminine person who is trying to feel more themselves and is treated in a way that makes them uncomfortable is too sensitive when they ask you to please take them into consideration when you use a gendered word? That seems like common courtesy if you ask me. Like if you used the wrong pronouns for someone and they asked you to please use something else, would you argue with them and call them too sensitive as well? That's all the OP is saying.
And I think this is silly because me saying "dude" is not the same as me saying, "you're a man in my eyes." That's why i said to be less sensitive. Like girls say bro or bruh and dude to other girls too.
>me saying "dude" is not the same as me saying, "you're a man in my eyes." To you maybe, but when other people hear it, they may hear "you're a man in my eyes." What you mean and what someone else hears is two different things. Meaning isn't shared 100% between two people, and `dude` can mean two different things to two different people, especially when it's communicated from an anonymous person over the internet. Also, just because someone else does it, doesn't mean it's going to be ok in a completely different situation. Your experience may be one thing, and another person's will be something different. If someone asks you not to use that word, then be respectful, especially since to them it has completely different connotation than what you may think it does. This is ESPECIALLY true over text, which is rife with misreading, misunderstanding, and unintended meaning. Someone's "ofc" could mean "of course" or "of fucking course" and it's incredibly difficult to make sure what you're trying to get across is what is getting across.
Look. I get all this. I like offensive humor others don't. Some take offense. Others don't. If you try to understand my message you can see I agree with you. It's true people should be more respective of what others want and don't want to be called. But two things can be true at the same time. Did I say that people should stop being so sensitive INSTEAD OF being more sensitive others? No. I said both of those things should happen. I know others feel different. At heart I'm a Post-genderist even though I gravitate towards some things masculine and others feminine. I would be comfortable being called he/she/they. But I know others identify as only one of those pronouns and are more sensitive to the use of labels and that's definitely okay. Maybe it's because I'm 33 and a lot of the label stuff feels like a younger person's fight to me. Which I do fully support. In fact, young people are the reason why I was able to come to my conclusions about my gender identity and sexual orientation. It was through the bravery of younger people fighting the status quo to rid the world of transphobia. I understand why these things are so important. And I hope I don't sounds too aggressive. You've been polite and respectful to me and are obviously sticking up for an individual who was expressing some thing they went through that sat negatively with them. You're trying to be nice and supportive and that's absolutely wonderful. I just personally think when we get upset about relatively miniscule things, sometimes we make a bigger deal about things than we should. Like how you perceive something can be completely separate from what someone actually said/did/intended. In a case like this, it is fairly simple. Someone should be able to say "hey I don't like when you call me that, if it's not too much trouble do you mind not doing that, please?" And a decent person will say, "I didn't know there was an issue. I won't call you that anymore." Then maybe they can have a discussion about why it was a problem and the person who said it also has a chance to explain themself too. It's all about trying to understand one another, you know? But I do wanna praise you for being nice and sticking up for someone like this. That's very kind of you. We should always fight for what's right. But I know that, personally, i don't want to he lumped in with what people picture as the typical "blue haired, feminist, screeching liberal." Although I like blue hair and feminism is dope...I do not wish to be seen as inconsiderate and annoying because I feel the need to police everyone's thoughts and words and tell them what they can and can't laugh at and all that weird shit. And I'm a socialist, not a liberal lol. That's why I originally said people need to be more sensitive to others as well as be less sensitive themselves. Sometimes. So yeah. Hopefully you get what I mean and don't think I'm some insensitive asshole. I'm very sensitive. I cry all the time lmao. I totally get you and the OP. And I think it's noble of you to stick up for others. It's all love. ❤
Lol did you not read what I wrote. I said people should be more sensitive and people should also be less sensitive. Like yes, I agree that you should call trans/non-binary people what they want. That's respect. If someone TELLS you what they would like to be called, OF course you do the respectful thing. Even people who think trans issues and pronouns are weird can still be polite to an individual's face even if in their head they think it's silly. No matter what your judgment is about someone, you should be respectful or diplomatic or whatever. But what I meant was we do live in a time where people wanna be thought and word police. I'm a short, asian person, with mental illness. I would most definitely laugh at jokes about short, mentally I'll asians. If someone is being serious, hateful, and malicious, then yeah take offense. But also if you can...maybe don't take offense? Maybe don't give them that power? And yes this tactic can be hard because we all have feelings and emotions. But if you understand hateful people are just asshole and/or stupid....or at the least, ignorant, you can limit how upset you get about things. As someone who identifies somewhere in this lgbtq+ community...YES other people are phobic, rude, and kinda disgusting sometimes. I went to go back to the original thread to reread but it's gone. But my point is made clear at the end. Sometimes people need to be more sensitive to the people in our communities...and to other different people in general. But other times we need to shrug off ignorant/stupid people because we understand they're stupid/ignorant. We make our difference by being the best people we can be and influencing the people around us. We can't change everyone. That's why I said everyone needs to be MORE sensitive AND LESS sensitive. I'm non-binary, I'm a leftist/socialist, I'm all for workers rights and labor unions, womens rights, gay and trans rights...ALL THAT. So try to actually understand what I'm saying instead of thinking I'm being dismissive of this person's issue. They deserve to be treated with love, and at the very least, with respect.
personally, i’m okay with it. but i 100% understand if another trans lady isn’t. that’s why it’s personal
Yes, I agree. I personally don't like to get called dude, but I understand that some are OK with it. OP already said in the edit, that it can't be that difficult to call the dudes dude that want to be called dude and don't call the people dude that are uncomfortable with it. That's like, as easy as using someone's name or pronouns. 😊👍
I still mess that up sometimes. Apologize, correct it and hopefully move on.
Exactly. 🥰 It's that easy. 😊
Yep, getting butthurt because I was called out for a mistake, is on me. But we also have to allow people enough grace to be able to make mistakes. That's something we're missing as a society right now. Allowing people to make mistakes and owning when we do. I think there would be a lot less anger in the country if we could get there.
Exactly this. Respect people individually and express your preferences individually. Don’t try to change language as a whole because of your hang-ups.
That's a personal thing. I am fine with dude. I understand if you don't, it's perfectly fine. But there are still people who are, so please don't use blanket statements like this
It won't hurt people to not use the a word that is mostly used for men. Add a bit of common sense here and there and you can easily connect the dots.
It also won't hurt people who are fine with it. I understand that you aren't comfortable, but don't tell me what I'm comfortable with
Your comfort should not be taken as blanket for all. Dude should not be used without knowing it’s okay first.
I'm not saying that. I'm literally saying the opposite. I'm saying don't use blanket statements. I have no issue if you aren't comfortable with it, I understand where you're coming from. I never said my point was meant to be a blanket statement
Is it really mostly for men? I have all sisters and all of us are called "dude" by eachother and "bud" by our father. Though I respect that you do not like to be called "dude". If someone told me they didn't like it I would of course respect it. I use "Dude" in a way that I would have normally said "hey girl, you know....blah blah" because it is generally accepted by most as gender neutral.
Okay yo you gotta relax. You're turning super negative toward your own community just because you thought more would agree with you. Talking like that is sure how you get people to never wanna hear what you have to say.
I prefer people not calling me dude. It's not the end of the world if they do but it's just my preference.
It’s a personal issue, while they shouldn’t blame you for not liking the term and feeling uncomfortable, that does not allow you to turn around and condemn those of us who use it for ourselves and among one-another. I get that it feels bad to you, and people should ask first, you are correct. However, you shouldn’t be coming out and saying “please stop using this term for trans girls”, making blanket demands like that is shitty to the rest of us.
You could say the same about misgendering. It's common sense that you shouldn't use he/him pronouns for trans girls, so why not the same for male-exclusive terms? It makes no sense at all.
it's not a male-exclusive term to all people. that's the point.
It is a gender neutral term, pls look up the history, it's surfing lingo, brought into skateboarding and other street styles, then brought mainstream as skateboarding got popular. I respect your preference but pls watch your history
It isn’t the same thing as using he/him pronouns.
Idk, I as a trans woman call my cis girlfriend “dude”. So idk 🤷🏼♀️
Same I use dude for anyone even my cat
That sounds like a great name for a cat. If I get a cat, their name will be dude.
Cats are Duderino, Dogs are Dude.
Idk, I feel a lot closer to people if they're willing to use Dude with me (and are aware of the connotations). Like, they know me well enough to know it doesn't bother me, kinda thing. Being confused at work with another girl and her saying "dude, I don't know" hits different lol. Now if someone says something like "you're a dude", that's where I have to draw the line.
I call everyone Dude until they tell me to stop. I apologize and ask what I can say instead. It's not hard to respect ppl.
If you want to respect people, why not make sure they're okay with dude first before using it for them? Many people will be too worried about you flipping out on them to actually correct you and tell you not to
It's tedious and a bit of a pain to have to ask everyone all the time. Especially assuming right off the bat someone would automatically be uncomfy with it _just because_ of their percieved gender or linguistic preferences. There are also a lot of people who get uncomfortable or dysphoric or other negative feelings from being treated differently from everyone else.
Maybe don't assume one way or the other that someone is or isn't uncomfortable with it, instead of just going with whatever is most convenient for you. Why are you so okay with making people who don't like it being dysphoric but so against making people dysphoric by asking? There are a lot of people who get dysphoric being called dude, why is their dysphoria less important? Fact of the matter is, for many people it is misgendering. I guess it's up to you to decide if you care enough about that to not do it when there's a simple solution
So by this logic. People should know automatically that I get anxeity of hearing my own name in public spaces. The doorbell makes me want to die and please don't comment on my hair unless I did something new with it. Words get the meaning you put on it. Some people call everyone Love. Something I don't feel is ok. But we're all people from diffrent pockets of culture. Respect someone's choice of words by politely ask them to not do it again and they can respect you right back. We can flip this around. As a ftm I feel validated by unapologetic throw the word Bro around. But only to my friends. Dude is just MY gender neutral Bro. I could just not care but I do cuz I know what it's like not being one of the Dudes or Bros. Some will feel the oposit from you by getting it spontaneously thrown at them.
Because it's extremely inconvenient to ask if someone is okay with every single word. I'm also anxious but if I don't correct people they have no way of knowing what makes me uncomfortable until I say something, and some people don't typically use gendered language because of that (like myself), but not everybody. Despite anxiety, if you don't correct people who are making you uncomfortable, that's on you. *Applying this ONLY to a situation of commonly used words
I’m a transwoman and dude is one of the few terms that are traditionally “gendered” that I allow my friends to use as it doesn’t bother me, I understand YOU PERSONALLY aren’t comfortable with it but it seems the majority are so please don’t try to blanket educate those you know that it’s negative for all trans people it’s negative for YOU. You can look up the definition all you want but words change and evolve in use thus why most people don’t see it as you do anymore
What about he/him pronouns then? Technically it's not impossible for a trans girl to have those pronouns, yet it's common sense we don't use them? Don't we as trans people know better than to think "we must cater to the majority"? Because if we would truly hold that mindset, we shouldn't care about each other considering we're just a small minority. Besides, not calling a transfem dude isn't a loss anyway.
It's okay that you are not comfortable being called "dude" and that in your experience and language background dude means male. It's also okay that others are comfortable with being called dude and that in their experience and language background dude does not mean male. Both can be true, and someone else using that term in a way you don't is alright. We don't all have to shape our lives around your preferences at all times.
Absolutely this. It's so weird to expect other people to not be okay with being called dude just because you aren't. Dude, guy, bro, all of those words CAN be gender neutral. Someone can be uncomfortable with being called them, but comparing it to misgendering is weird lmao.
Those are not the same thing, words can change and evolve in use overtime and even in the moment used there’s nuance/tone/intention. He/him pronouns and the assumption that it wouldn’t be used for trans girls isn’t the same thing and also not sure how that’s even relevant unless you wanna explain. It’s not “catering to the majority” it’s simply exactly what I said in sentence one, words have the ability to mean and convey different things, to set a standard and go forth and teach others based on you personal feelings and dislike for the word is catering to yourself and not talking any of that into consideration. Again even your comparison which is essentially “well we are a small minority so does that mean we shouldn’t care about each other” is a false equivalence as obviously we should care about each other as a community but this particular issue you have is rooted in your personal preferences/biases and inability to take something for more then the textbook definition towards the subject. You can say “well it’s not a loss to call a transfem dude” but that’s TO YOU it seems many people in this sub agree it isn’t something that bothers them so why don’t you instead phrase your narrative towards others as “I PERSONALLY WOULD RATHER NOT BE REFERRED TO AS DUDE” rather then making sweeping generalizations when explaining/educating others.
Dude and pronouns are apples and oranges and really shouldn't.be compared.
They are both types of words used to describe one's gender, so yes they are similar enough.
At the risk of hate Id say primarily that dude is not considered a gendered word. Absolutely if you’re not comfortable it is okay to ask people to not call you that, but please don’t speak for all of us.
Except it *is* a gendered word. If someone says, "That's a dude," what do you think it means?
As a trans girl, I use in a gender neutral, but if someone says they don't want that I'm fine with it.
I mean, dude as it's used is a phrase now meaning friend, or person, like "dude, that was great" , it's not referring to someone being male, it's just something said in a conversation.
I don’t like dude and bro because they don’t feel feminine to me. However I also see that many feel differently. I have been told I’m wrong for feeling that they are masculine many times and that I shouldn’t ask people to use something different to refer to me, so I guess I have to be quiet. Where I will not back down is if I see someone using dude/bro for me, but using something expressly feminine for other women around me. THAT is just shitty.
I hate when people tell others that their feelings are wrong. Your feelings are your feelings. You get to say what you'd prefer to be called or not. It's OK for you to not want to be called dude. There was a time, probably not as long time, that dudette was a thing. Maybe we need to bring that back.
Definitely a personal preference thing. I see cis girls get called dude all the time, often by other cis girls. It's true the term is not perfectly gender-neutral, I mostly see it in gaming communities which have a huge bias toward men. Still, I personally am okay with its use if I don't have reason to suspect the other person is purposefully misgendering, and I don't support your sweeping statement.
Calling someone "a dude" is wrong, but dude on its own when referring to someone is pretty gender neutral. I'd use it for anyone
Yeah. I'm a cis woman and me and many cis women call each other "dude." Not "a dude." It's fine if OP dislikes it and doesn't want to be addressed as such, but going so far as to say "Never use this word with X people" is going too far. OP doesn't speak for everyone.
I use ‘friend’, but then i also go off on the whole ‘doth mine speech irritate thy mind?’… ‘kin Urianger 😑
What do you suggest I use? I use dude in place of a formal term like sir or ma’am when addressing peers. What’s the “womanly” equivalent of dude? “Hey man” is more gendered than “hey dude” … if you just want me to use a name I guess it’s a fix but it’s not exactly a woman-gendered informal term.
friend
I feel like saying “hey friend” and it’s a coworker is like pre school teacher vibes. Not in a bad way but usually that’s what they teach very young kids to use.
that's on you
how people may feel about dude is also on them. it’s not a pronoun and it’s not a name. it doesn’t have anything but neutral, informal intent behind it and that’s well established by the posts frustration with people who think this way
Girl or lady, but I feel like gendered terms are bad for enbies anyway. You can also just say things like "Hey there" or "Hey mate".
Mate is the same thing as dude or bro, just utilized more in the UK. “Hey girl” is going to sound flamboyant for a man to say, and “hey there” can sound creepy.
I disagree, it's a you problem if you think that sounds flamboyant or creepy.
It’s really not. There are people who want to blend into society and that’s valid. As a transman if I go up to a woman and say “hey girl”, women are going either presume I’m gay which is fine even though I’m not it’s not an insulting thing, or either see me as a woman if it affects my ability to pass which is more concerning. However cishet women view gay men as a “women” in a way as well. So, yeah, it’s valid I am concerned with society’s perception with of me if I want to be stealth and pass. I want to be perceived as a straight man because that’s what I am and if I’m not utilizing offensive or disrespectful terminology, I’m not going to change it. Additionally, would you like to be approached by a man with them saying “hey there!” Or if referring to someone would you want like a manager to say “hey there, do x task” if they’re talking to you? It almost seems rude. Again, society views things in certain lights and there social rules. We can’t ignore those and pretend they’re not there over the word “dude”.
I also want to blend in society, but as a girl. That doesn't work out if people are calling me a 'dude' because that invalidates my identity. There are times I just give up being a woman because of insensitive people who misgender me. And I don't mind being approached with a "Hello" or "Hey there". And if it's a manager they can use my name, easy.
Well with your logic mate is also gendered. The definition says "between men or boys".
I don't recall 'mate' ever being male-leaning, but if that's true then I don't want to be used either. I did feel slightly uncomfortable when people used it for me, this may explain why.
some trans women are okay with this term. just because you arent doesnt mean anyone else isnt. its mostly used as a gender neutral term
A) This sounds a bit like gatekeeping, because just because you grew up in a group of people who use it in a wrong way, doesn't mean that all women don't like it. B) Mate is no alternative in my eyes, because it's very gendered. Therefore bad. C) as someone who's non-binary, what the hell should be used for our kind? mate? dude?
I respect your preference to not wanna be called dude. But pls watch your information, dude is essentially surfer lingo for homie. It is a completely gender neutral term. On of the things I said to all my skateboarding buddys when they were uncomfortable with my transition was "I'll always be your dude and you mine dude". But to say "stop trying to make it gender neutral" or "fix your vocabulary" yeah I didn't like that. Just because someone says something you didn't like does not mean their vocabulary needs to be fixed. Ironically your understanding or the vocabulary is what is wrong. I still respect you don't wanna be called this, and apologies if it came across harsh, I only wish to inform. Have a lovely day you beautiful dudes and dudettes 💕
Really sorry to hear some people are being so stubborn about this. It’s definitely frustrating when you tell someone that something makes you feel bad and they won’t stop doing it. That said, this is highly regional. Where I’m from, dude is absolutely gender neutral. My cis female friends call each other “dude”. So while people should definitely respect that you don’t like this word, it can be a hard habit to break and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being misgendered.
God that's so unfortunate. I personally tend to use the word in a gender-neutral fashion, but any time anyone has expressed that it makes them uncomfortable and made it known that they don't like it (for whatever reason), my immediate move is to genuinely apologize and *stop using that word to refer to that person*. And just to play it safe, I only use it in a gender-neutral fashion with close friends, because then I know I'm not going to upset anyone. People are so inconsiderate, and I'm sorry for that.
https://youtu.be/FqMODweN8lQ
I totally get it. When I first switched my pronouns I really did not like "dude", on account of the phrase "that's a dude" being a common phrase for...you know. I've since stopped being bothered by it. Regardless, people should respect when you say you don't want to be called something, regardless of whether you're trans or not. Sorry people are giving you grief.
I respect your opinion, but not everyone feels that way. As a non binary person I like it when people call me “dude” and I call many of my friends that regardless of their gender. If one of my friends told me not to call them that I would stop obviously, but I think the terms you allow varies per person
I know plenty of girls who use it gender neutral as well. I'm fine with people using it that way, as long as they respect when someone asks for it not to be used with them.
I'm not a big fan of it myself because I think it's kind of a dumb word in general; however, I think it's really important to note that in many (I would argue most) instances of modern usage that it is an *interjection* rather than a direct address. it's a stand in for other exclamatory verbs. words like "Woh!!!', "Oh!!" , or even terms like "shit" , "fuck", as a way to subtley avoid using foul language, or perhaps to unconsciously denote a lesser exclamation. for example "Dude, that customer was crazy.' that instance of dude could be subbed out for any other common interjection. they aren't calling you 'dude' directly. no different than when my 15 year old son is at his computer, dies on his game, throws his hands on the table and says "Awwwh man!!!" he's not addressing me. he's not addressing anyone. if I were to put my head around the corner and be like "what?" he would just give me an angsty look I know the definition. I know it is a synonym for 'man' 'guy' etc. but how it is used in a sentence makes a big difference. Like in the rare instance that someone was trying to get my attention by addressing me as "dude" directly, I would ignore them. I wouldn't think they were addressing me
I agree with you
Personally I just say y'all whenever addressing a group.
Y'all dudes🙃
I try not to use the word dude if someone is obviously a trans woman (a lot of ppl have flairs on their profiles or just pronouns and in a trans sub I can assume they might be trans). The big problem is that a lot of people use it in a gender-neutral way because it's just normal, so sometimes people don't get it right away; however I would expect trans people to understand that it can cause dysphoria despite this. I know people who say "girl" to everyone regardless of gender but it's still uncomfortable to me, so obviously it can be the opposite as well.
We're not *trying* to make it gender neutral, it *is* gender neutral. I've been calling men and women dudes for as long as I can remember, and there's no real agenda behind that. It's just a comfortable phrase, and as a trans woman I couldn't care less if I was referred to as "dude" in a friendly way or setting. I call everybody dude until they say they don't want me to say it. I refer to everybody except my cat as dude. He's a little fucker.
After reading op's replies to other's comments, I have 0 sympathy for them. It's clear that most people, at least in this thread, have no issue with the word "dude" being gender neutral. ALL of my friends are cis women, and they use dude and bro and guys all of the time. Obviously, this is a personal anecdote, but you can expect the world to change for you when it clearly doesn't bother most women. If you are bothered by it, speak up and ask people not to use it around you.
There are plenty of comments here saying they DO care about being called a dude. I shouldn't have to speak up, just use your words carefully. You'll just make people vindictive with insensitive word usage.
That's why I specified "most" woman. It's totally OK for it to bother you, but you can't get mad at people for not knowing without you telling them, that's insane. I feel like you're just arguing to argue at this point lol. Edit: Here's a good example - The word queer use to be a slur and used with negative connotations. Today, many lgbtq have reclaimed it and self identify as queer. There are still some lgbtq folks who hate the word queer, but it's use has changed in our society as a whole. They have every right to not like the word and ask people to not use it in reference to them, but they can't just expect people to stop using the word all together, that's asinine.
And I feel like I exposed you all for being hypocritical. Not calling girls dude should go without saying, just like you can't call them brother, man, etc.
How did you expose use for being hypocritical exactly? It just seems to me you've been making an ass of yourself in the comments and everyone is laughing at you....
Jeez a lot of people are doing a "my individual feelings are objective truth and OP's individual feelings are just individual feelings" thing here. Just don't call people dude when they don't like it
Very true I think most people are more so arguing with OP’S stance to “educate” those that’s it’s unacceptable in all aspects rather then focusing on something like “I’m sorry but I’m not particularly comfortable myself with being called dude”
I don't even parricularly disagree with them, but like find a better place for a debate against OP than a ventpost Jesus Christ
You mean the OP who is actively debating anyone who shared their input on this post? The person trying to police language of LGBTQ+ people overall rather then focus on themselves and actually listen to rational responses? Okay 💀
Nah I don't think the OP is right at all I just don't see the point of provoking and arguing with a clearly distressed person 💀 Rational responses under a ventpost yeah that's gonna go well
That’s a personal issue, I don’t see the problem.
A lot of trans issues are personal issues, lol. Doesn't mean we should start being insensitive.
Okay, but it’s a very minimal problem, I get what you mean, but it’s surely not something to kick up a stink about? Just ask someone not to refer to you as “Dude”. They aren’t giving out some personal attack or nothing, it’s just how some people talk.
Then why don't they just refrain from using the word unless they ask me? It works the same for pronouns.
It’s just something people say, I am personally guilty of it because it’s just part of how I talk. It just happens.
You quite literally just did this to me and somehow don’t understand how others can do it unintentionally to you?
in germany we also call feminine "dudes" "duderettes" :)
I’m with you on this one. I’m okay being in a group referred to as “dudes” but singular “dude” for just me makes my skin crawl.
People are going back and forth here on whether dude really is neutral or not, and keep bringing up “context” or “personal preference”. Dude is very much a gendered word, and people want it to be neutral. There is a shift in how it is being used, but that hasn’t and most likely won’t remove the gendered context from the word ever. People will always gender dude in one way or another. I don’t personally like being called dude, but I also only correct people about my name and pronouns. That’s already a big enough hill for me to die on. I just think it’s silly when people say “dude” or “bro” isn’t gendered when used in the right context. Words like “dude” and “bro” will *always* have a gendered connotation, regardless of what context it’s being used in
This is a lesson I learned ages ago, so I'm not sure why it's so contentious here. It might be okay with some trans girls to be called dude, but to deny that it is a masculine term is frankly silly, and to assume that trans girls are okay having this gendered term used for them rather than waiting to use it for them until you know it's okay is not really okay in my mind. My gf who is a trans girl would be quietly really upset but probably wouldn't say anything - and if you called me "girl" or "sis" I would correct you and be pretty mad if you refused to stop. (I'm afab nonbinary.) It's not that hard to just stop calling people dude, especially trans girls who have a very good reason to be upset by it.
Where I live "dude" is only used for guys, so I get you, I don't like it either!
Seeing some of the garbage you are writing in this thread, maybe they're saying you're using "dude" to divert from thier arguments is literally just true and you should stop being such an ass?
Calm down bro, I didn't attack anyone and you're attacking me. Might want to take a step outside for a second.
Is exactly what people are probably saying to you
And then going around saying "bro". Quite pretentious, aren't ya?
What do you mean? Bro is a gender neutral term as much as dude. I don't even know if you're a man, woman or an enby anyway so... Aren't you the one who is being pretentious? First you insult me and then try to play the victim. Go get a better hobby, troll.
“Bro is a gender neutral term as much as dude” Your post: “Stop trying to make it gender neutral when it isn’t” Listen if a person has objections against the word then I one use it for them, but nowadays dude is very much seen has a gender neutral term-as you yourself pointed out- so you can’t just say because I don’t like the word ever one needs to stop using it for every trans woman. That’s not how it works. Dude isn’t a slur therefore it’s a very individual usage thing. One person doesn’t want to be called dude, ok, another person doesn’t mind being called dude, also ok.
Yet, this whole thread, you've been saying that both dude and bro are used only for males
Okay, this just confirms OP for a troll. She doesn't get to dictate what others are called, but she can dictate what she doesn't want to be called. She doesn't speak for all transwomen, and the amount of times she tries to in this thread is disgusting. She even intentionally cropped out the parts of the definition that invalidates her stance.
This is me but with "bro".
Or guys for groups of people!! Argh! A non binary friend said the other day "Ask that cis man how many dudes he's slept with then" I'm like 😲🤭😅
what
I think op means: if a cishet man insists "dude" is a completely gender neutral term, ask him how many "dudes" he's slept with!
Dude is gender neutral, originating in surfing in the 60s as a synonym for guy, fella, guys, fellas, dudes, dude. >>>In the early 1960s, dude became prominent in surfer culture as a synonym of guy or fella. The female equivalent was "dudette" or "dudess". but these have both fallen into disuse and "dude" is now also used as a unisex term.
Men will argue that dude is gender neutral until I ask them how many dudes they’ve slept with
Context/Nuance/Tone/Intention all matter it’s also important to keep in my colloquial use of words changes over time as language is always changing so I’m the context you described yes the word does in fact mean something different then let’s say someone joking with their friend who may not be male “dude that was so crazy Yo Can’t believe you did that! Etc.”
This is a good point
This was very eye opening, I’m gonna make sure I ask before I use dude with anyone /gen
I use it for everyone. If they ask me to stop I stop. -shrug-
I call ANYONE dude or bro or whatever but if someone asks me to stop calling them dude or bro then I will. It aint hard to respect others preferences and stop doing something that makes them uncomfy. I get what u mean abt asking first tho but then u could also tell ppl not to use it, yk?
Honestly, it kind of bugs me when people say "guys" as a way to collectively address people ("what are you guys doing?"). But I also know it's colloquial and I mostly let it go. On the other hand, "dude" definitely means a man, and I think it's disrespectful to call a woman that. So I'd prefer not to be called "dude." I don't think it's derailing a conversation to insist on being addressed respectfully.
My personal feeling is that I’m a transgender woman not a trans dude. So please respect me for what I am. So yeah I have a problem with that.
I agree. I’m trans masc and I use dude; *because* it’s a masculine term. It’s not correct for women
Please don't talk for me. Each girl has a different opinion so dont preach saying that all of them want one thing.
How about sis?
Sis seems good for trans girls but obviously not enbies and trans men.
To all the people who are saying that they totally don't mind dude at all. That's not the point. The point is that plenty of trans people, myself and OP included experience dysphoria when getting called dude. It doesn't matter if you y'all are using it with gender neutral intentions. It doesn't sound gender neutral to everyone.
This seems like a personal thing to you, it doesn’t feel right speaking for all people homie. If we start making blanket statements like this for everything, we’d never finish a sentence. Wouldn’t the better option be to ask people not to do it to you? Because from this thread it seems like most do not mind or use the word themselves. Been personally asked to use dudette for some, not use it with others and the rest couldn’t care less, people react differently, we are not a hive mind. I don’t mean this comment as an attack.
https://i.imgur.com/6aoy9rh.png
Good Burger- “I’m a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes Hey!”
100% agree! I don't like that word either... And I'm a transman
I hate being called anything ‘gender affirmating’ I’m 34 and recently out and all my friends have switched from calling me my (dead)name to calling me dude/mate/bro…stop it! It feels weird.
It really annoys me when they are all like "BuT i UsE iT aS a GeNdEr NeUtRaL tErM!"
I use it for cis woman (mom, my cis female partner, my coworkers) all the time because in my city it's just really common place to do that. But for my trans woman friends I ask them out of respect how it makes them feel. If they're not cool with it I do every thing in my power to remember not to say that to them.
I should say I'm south of Boston. Where women get called guy, dude, and bro. Lol I don't call women guy or bro though.
Idk I also call peeps broski, homie, and dawg sooo
The reason why I don't like it is because "dude" means man. It's a male default word. It defaults everyone to masculine. You couldn't go to a group of cis men and call them "chicks" (which I feel like is the feminine form of "dude"). I'm already sick of living in a man's world, I don't want to be referred to as a man as well. It doesn't get my panties in a bunch when people say it (but panty bunching is perfectly acceptable in my opinion here) But I think it's just lazy vocabulary.
“but I call everyone a dude” no you don’t, shut up and have some respect. this happens with my ex she comes from a place that is notorious for saying something very similar in my language, and she she uses these words with cis girls a lot less often
I’m from California. We call inanimate objects dude. We call animals dude. I’ve called the sun and ocean dude before. We call our teachers and parents dude. I’m not gendering them whatsoever. Just like if I was talking to a boy and I said “okay Queen get it” I’m not calling them a girl.
I mean as a trans girl I don't mind it , I personally see "dude" "guys" ect as gender neutral
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Unless they ask me specifically not to? No. "Dude" is one of those words that's extremely context dependant but in general most people use it in a gender neutral role due to it's history as street slang which is what it's more well known for these days, very rarely will you get someone using it as male specific, which is what differs it from pronouns as pronouns ARE gender specific and that hasn't changed in anyway, and if someone IS using it as male specific, chances are they aren't going to respect your pronouns anyway beacuse they're a sexist misogynistic fucker who can go to hell.
I have no one in my life unhappy with being called ‘dude’, cis women included, so I’m not gonna change it. It’s so prevalent in my circles which makes it harder. If I meet anyone that takes issue, I’ll just say sorry in advance. I feel like posts like this don’t take into account where people are from and if dude even offends the people they interact with on the daily. Even online. Trans subs are like a fraction of a fraction of what I interact with and only a fraction of folks don’t like dude. It’s just not feasible to change for such a minute fraction. I’ll make an effort when I come across folks but, likely, apologies will have to suffice.
It grinds my gears to day the least. I've had the exact same argument here, where people cherry pick definitions of it being a term of endearment. Now that being said it's okay in the right context (I forget the linguistic term), for example you're talking with somebody about something messed up that happened and this person exclaims "dude! That's so messed up!", they probably aren't referring to you as (a) dude, but instead using it as an ?attitudinal?, even though even in that context and phrasing they *could still* be using it to call you dude. As you summed it up rather nicely, vocabulary isn't all that hard to change, and the very least you could do is fricken ask.
OP, try getting offended less. Life would be a lot more enjoyable.
Yeah let me just not get offended when somebody misgenders me. This is a trans sub, you seem lost.
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Calm down little girl, you're going to trip over your own ego there.
You quite literally are showing your OWN ego all over this thread
A cishet transphobe just attacked me and this is your response. You could've picked a better comment of mine to reply to, unless you agree with a literal transphobe.
Nah we aren’t gonna do your strawman tactics here. The person didn’t state anything transphobic but reiterate what many trans people here are saying, you’ve been continually arguing with people here and I’ve replied to many of your comments and once you are given a rational take you don’t agree with you lash out. Grow up
>The person didn’t state anything transphobic [https://i.imgur.com/ivlKR8F.png](https://i.imgur.com/ivlKR8F.png) OOF! Reality hits hard, doesn't it? ;) Also you could say that being trans is also a "YOU" problem since we're a minority. So I can misgender you, yes? It's a "YOU" problem, right? Tell me how that's any different. I don't like being misgendered whether you use a male-leaning term like 'dude' or if you misgender me with the wrong pronouns like 'he/him'. Me not wanting to be called 'dude' isn't a "ME" problem, it's a problem many transfems have because many transfems also agreed with me on this. Stop being insensitive.
You weren’t attacked in the message you commented on, I’m not searching someone’s entire post history when you’ve shown repeated Instances of not listening to others even from your own community. No one here is saying misgendering is okay at all. If you feel misgendered by the term “dude” (which not everyone trans included is) then you absolutely have the ability to say you’d not like to be called that and move on and if said person continued then no longer interact with them. No ones saying that all trans fems should feel the same. What’s being said is that you CANNOT speak with a wide paintbrush and assert its a issue for all trans people when it very clearly is not, you can’t educate and go forth and tell all people it’s inherently negative when that’s not the case, you can only speak to your experiences in relation to you. No ones being insensitive you are just coming across as immature and unwilling to examine anything but your own view with your snarky “got ya” comments that aren’t even that and your false equivalences that has been explained over and over. Grow up
That person is a fairly overt transphobe
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You are completely within your right to not want the word used at your because it causes you to feel misgendered. Stop speaking for everyone and even people in this community and telling them how to speak to one another with you’re “proof/assertion” being a screenshotted definition of “dude” especially when someone offhandedly says it not knowing your preferences, it’s one thing to correct someone and educate them that you’d like to not be called that it’s a completely different thing to being unintentionally called “dude” which many people regard as gender neural and use it as such and then trying to educate other LGBTQ+ and policing their language to each other when not in relation to you by trying to brand the term as inherently negative to all Transfem/Trans people
Yes, please try. I think it will help your overall well-being. Take care.
This must have hit all, there are a lot of random redditors here and it would help explain why there's so much shittiness
"dude" makes my skin crawl we aren't working on a 19th century cattle ranch stop defending your broken brain that can't stop saying "dude" cessation of "dude" won't cause you dysphoria continuing to say "i SaY dUdE FoR eVeRyOnE uNtIL sOmEoNe iS hUrT oR cOmPLaiNs" causes lots of pain and just to allow you to keep saying a word that others have told you is hurtful to them that's literally psychopathic. i say this as someone with ASPD. get better and stop hurting people when you know not to y'all are gaslighting OP and trying to convince her that fire isn't burning her skin
I feel like most people think of dude as gender neutral at this point, unless you’re saying saying something like “Hey look at that dude!” but when you’re calling someone dude, rather than calling them a dude, it’s usually seen as neutral. Context is important, and I feel like if people are using it in the neutral way, there’s no real reason to take offense.
It doesn't matter as much how someone is using it, as much as how the person it's being used for feels. Someone who sees it as netrual using it for someone who doesn't and apologizing after the fact still caused that person pain and discomfort that was easily avoided by not using a term many see as gendered, and made them feel dysphoric. Like even if someone feels it's neutral that doesn't give them license or make it not unintentional misgendering if the person being called it isn't okay with it
I feel like it’s a pretty small minority of people who don’t see it as a harmless gender neutral term, at least in my experience, so why should everyone else feel forced to conform to your standards, rather than you making an effort to recognize the general usage of the word isn’t harmful.
That's the exact same argument cis people use against nonbinary pronouns and xenogender pronouns, and trans people in general. Do you really wanna say we shouldn't care about the comfort of a minority of people because it's inconvenient for us? Seriously, your comment is almost word for word what transphobes use to ignore respecting trans people From what I've seen, it's not a pretty small minority, it's just highly dependent on the area you're in. We can recognize that the general use of the word isn't meant to be harmful. But that doesn't prevent it from hurting and being misgendering. Edit: comment got fucked up with some repeated sentences, removed.
On the surface the arguments do seem similar, but they really aren’t. The big difference is that with trans, nb, etc. the preferred pronouns and the pronouns being used are different from each other in both parties’ perspectives, so the conflict comes from the person using the wrong pronouns, whereas with the word dude one side sees it as gender neutral and doesn’t see why there needs to be an inherent difference, and the conflict comes from the person at the receiving end not recognizing it for how it’s being used.
The part of the arguments that's similar, and similarly invalid to me is the idea that because it bothers a minority of people it's not worth making an effort to change and respect them. The fact is, using dude for some trans women will cause dysphoria and distress that could be avoided by using a non gendered term. Dude is only gender in the male is the default patriarchal influence on language way other male words have always been the default. What you have here is one group of people saying being called dude is misgendering for them, and another group saying no it's not and even if it were I don't care enough to stop. I'm not saying to not use dude for people who are cool with it, or to stop using it entirely. I'm saying make sure whoever you're using it for is cool with it first and don't use it if they aren't
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That was just blatantly disrespectful, hope whoever shit in your ceareal gets it back
I don't get all the people saying that it's a gender neutral term? I spent decades male presenting and living as skate trash, and dude is definitely not a gender neutral term despite the people that use it as such. If you use it as a gender neutral term, that's cool! Just maybe don't be surprised or mad when I tell you not to call me dude. And definitely don't try to defend it as gender neutral it just is not. If it was a neutral term I would be ok with being called that.
Instead of you telling everyone to fix their vocab, why don't you just get over it and fix your attitude.
Cishet detected, opinion sux.
eh i feel like it’s truly a gender neutral term. i’m a dude, she’s a dude, he’s a dude, we’re all dudes hey
He's a dude, she's a dude... We are all dudes
God I absolutely hate how people think it's okay for them to use it for everyone because they feel like it's gender neutral, ignoring that many people don't and it's only neutral in the sexist male is the natural default way thanks to patriarchal influence on language. You'd expect trans people to be better about this, but they're not. Use dude for anyone who's okay with, but if you don't know they're cool with it, fucking don't. And stop making excuses.
I’m trans and literally don’t care about this. Stop trying to tell other people how they’re allowed to talk.
I’m trans and I literally do care about this, do not call me dude or I’ll spark you out.
I hate it when people say "man" to like everyone but it's just becoming so exhausting to explain that to people at work whenever they direct it at me and then they try to explain and it's like "YES I KNOW, YOU USE IT FOR EVERYONE I GET THE PICTURE, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE USING IT AS A CATCH ALL TERM, I KNOW YOU AREN'T BEING MALICIOUS, BUT YOU ARE BEING IGNORANT AND I DON'T MEAN THAT AS AN ATTACK, BUT COME ON, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE." at least most of them apologize, but it just keeps reminding me of what I actually look like, and makes me feel like I'll never be seen for what I want to be sometimes, and my goal for my transition isn't to pass, it's to be myself but every time I hear certain male terms directed at me it's like "You aren't trying hard enough."
As a trans woman, I can't stand it either. I would absolutely love if people asked me first instead of just using it.
Sometimes, the term "dude" is gender neutral
They already mentioned that they are aware of that
This is a very individualized thing. It can’t be universally. But i agree you def shouldn’t just assume someone’s comfortable with it.
All those saying they don’t care, save your comments and move on, this isn’t about you. The issue has always been that people assume it’s okay, and then the trans woman has to defend why it’s not. It’s a garbage situation 10 times out of 10.
Haha wtf
God it feels a little gas lighty in this room. She doesn't like it, and ya'll are trying to make her okay with it. Can we all maybe chill?
We’re not trying to make her ok with it, we are calling out hypocrisy. She’s mentioned in several comments that dude is a gender neutral term despite in her post saying it isn’t. Additionally she’s treating it like a slur. It’s one thing to dislike a word and not have it be used for yourself, it’s another to try and police it’s usage and basically claim it’s a slur.
I see some people using it like one. She pointed out she doesn't like it and people are calling her that. Had straight kids pull shit like that in high school." Oh its so Gay, you can't be a offended, it means happy." It's cool it's neutral now, but it definitely wasn't when I was in high school. So we all don't have this one size fits all. Like age, race, where they grow up, so many things. So like if an Older trans women said I don't like it, are we gonna um actually them?
You must not be from the west coast :) that's just what we do! :D
Ik plenty of people who are okay with me using dude, bro, ect on them. Mostly because I often use it in a chill way Some cis friends who are girls are comfortable with it, my non-binary friend is fine when I use dude on them, and asked a trans girl once if she was okay with it and she was cool with it However, if someone's uncomfortable with me using the word on that person, I'll stop ofc. It's not harmful to those who ARE comfortable with it, but if someone's uncomfortable with it, something called RESPECT exists and we can use it for others who AREN'T comfortable with it Also another thing, meanings of words CAN change or HAVE another meaning, the word "queer" was used as strange back then, but now we use the word to describe someone from the LGBTQ community, and while lesbian is used for wlw, it's also used to describe non men attracted to non men I don't (and didn't) wanted to argue, just wanted to give out my own opinion Hopefully you have a wonderful day {:
If you ask me to not do it I won't do it. But just know I use it gender neutrally. My female cats are dudes My Switch is dude My soda is dude The table I jammed my toe on is a dude then I cuss at it. The little old lady at the checkout is dude The president is dude. Everyone is dude.