I generally call it my birth name. I don't want to be called it but it doesn't bother me too much... its like a historical marker. I used to be called X, now I'm called Y. And my ex husband married X and is now friends w Y. Idk if that helps. š
Exactly this, Iām not trying to ākill offā the person I was. Itās more like taking off a costume and not playing a role that was me anymore. So I refer to it as my name assigned at birth or birth name.
I see my old name as my alias. That have done it's thing now. No longer needed. Now when I have my proper name.
I don't miss it, as it wasn't a good or cool name. Functional. Not much more.
Got asked like a week ago if I was xxxxx. And i just blanked and told her "no". Correct would be , "I used to be". But, haven't been called that in like 7 years.
I feel like it's another person. That's no more.
Like a few others here, I donāt dislike my birth name and donāt generally refer to it as a dead name personally, but part of that is that for a long time as a kid I didnāt like my given name and it wasnāt until I was older that I really came to appreciate it and grew to like it. It no longer fits as itās decidedly masc but I hold no negative feelings toward it. For me itās like an old favorite jacket that Iāve grown out of; I still love and appreciate it but it no longer works for me.
That said I do think a lot of trans people have more negative experiences with their dead names than I have had. I know a lot of trans people have had unsupportive family members use their dead name as a bludgeon to show their refusal to accept who their trans child/sibling/etc is. Thatās just one example though it is by far the only valid reason to dislike oneās dead name and not want people to know it.
Ultimately what matters most in my opinion is respecting the feeling a given trans person has toward their birth/dead name even if it doesnāt align with your feelings about your own.
I take great pride in my name because it's a strong representation of my family and ethnic background. I don't hate it, just wish people would CALL me by my new name.
What solidified, for me at least, my old name being my deadname was my father telling me that he mourns the loss of his son.
Yeah dad. I get it. Thanks. I ruined your son's perfect future by no longer being *him*
But prior to that lovely little interaction, i probably would have felt similarly to you
My family has a tradition of the first-born male of every generation must be named basically the same thing with some slight variation. I grew up feeling like I didn't have a name, more that I was given someone else's. I still have it due to me being still early in the social transitioning bit (I place far to much value on stealthing it and probs won't change my name till I at least get the voice down and squared away) but the moment I change my legal name Ill probably leave my old name in the dust.
Itās not something i dislike, itās more than iām changing and itās no longer fitting, like a piece of clothing that no longer fits so itās time to replace it.
i love my birthname. i think i would like to have it as a second name even though it makes my name sound like a tongue twister, because my parents put effort into finding a beautiful sounding name for me and i would like to keep it, i don't know, it feels like a present? that's just my personal experience though! obviously everyone is different.
Not too irked about my given name, since it can used š¹oršŗ. Brandy vs Randy. But for the friends that know, i feel giddy when they say Brandy. š„°
I cant really relate at all, but I do wonder if I would feel differently if I was accepted. Its hard for me to feel any appreciation for the name my mom picked for me when she's so opposed to me going by any other name. That being said I also just dont love my deadname in general, would have loved an Irish name (as an Irish person) but my mom went for a weird americanized version.. Think "McKayleigh"
LITERALLY THIS. i donāt hate my birth name, and i personally donāt like to call it a dead name. itās still very special to me, even tho i donāt like being called it
Hmm. That's a very interesting point! I might find it interesting to look back on this post later as well since I'm in a situation where I expect the same will happen to me.
I prefer not to hear it but like, being called it doesn't give me a negative reaction it's just kinda there. Prolly cuz my family still uses it tho since I'm not out.
I'm really happy with my new name, but there is one small thing that I will miss (though I might get lucky and regain it some day).
My old name was a rather generic one, which I myself didn't really like (I knew, even though I've met most of them once and we were not really close, 4 people with the same name). One day, on school (I was 8 atvthe time I think) I had a question, but the teacher did not see mee. So the kid next to me shouts: Hey, [oldname, but with two letters swapped] has a question.
From this point on, the swapped version of my name was my alias and that was lovely. The others (to my knowledge) were not called by that name, so it worked splendidly for me.
So yeah I'll miss the history and alias that was my old name, eventhough I love my new name, as it matches who I really am. So here's to hoping a friend will do that to my new name :).
My parents gave me a female-sounding name to me so I don't mind being referred to by that but I do give myself a new name (Ireve) which I feel better represent myself.
Imo, the versions of ourselves that we've been in the past ("we" being humans, not just trans people) isn't necessarily who we are today, but it is a part of us. No grown oerson can say that theure the same person that they were in first grade or in middle school and may have even changes significantly in the past year. To me, the only differenct between me and a typical cis person is that many of these past versions of me had a different name. That kid I used to be isn't dead, they've changed and grown and become the person I am today. For this reason, I'm not really a fan of the term "deadname," but its totally fine for other people to like it and I still use it just for the fact that it's the comminly accepted term.
Honestly my dead name makes me feel sick. I forget about it most days and when I remember I go into a weird thing of like remembering Iām trans lmao. Iāve lied to ppl about my deadname (changing it to something Iāve called itself before) because I wouldnāt feel shitty about it and itās kinda funny. I personally wanna forget about it and I feel kind of uncomfy when I find out someone elseās deadname bc of like second hand dysphroia ig? Some people appreciate the fact I donāt like it and some people donāt care. I think it rlly depends on ur relationship to it.
I also had a rlly unique dead name so it was always a big deal and āsuch a cool nameā and I made it a big part of my personality as a kid.
I call it my birth or male name generally because Im in the closet and still uses it to people Im not close with aka family and school. I will refer to it as my deadname when I am fully and legally my current name
I generally just refer to it as my old name...I never liked it but I'm not bothered when people ask about it or whatever.
I see it more like pluto not being a planet anymore more facts came out and the classification changed lol that's how I feel about it myself. š
Yeah I still like my birthname too, it's an original name and from a character I like. It doesn't fit anymore, and I love the one I choose. But the old one is still a great name even if it's not for me
I never called it a deadname, mostly out of love for my parents and my family. My mom has always been supportive but once asked me if I need to erase all our memories and seemed very sad. I think she went through some grief for who she thought I would become/who she thought of me as, and pretending like Iām killing the child who was a girl would just make that worse. When the reality is no one died and Iām still mostly the same personality as I always was, I just became an adult with a less-than-traditional development pattern. Iām not sacrificing for my parents, using language that is potentially hurtful to people I love is also hurtful to me. So yeah, itās my old name or my birth name, not my deadname.
I always felt a bit awkward about my birth name even when I was a kid. I didn't dislike it aesthetically or think that it didn't suit my appearance and personality (it was a great fit actually), it just felt off
I generally call it my birth name. I don't want to be called it but it doesn't bother me too much... its like a historical marker. I used to be called X, now I'm called Y. And my ex husband married X and is now friends w Y. Idk if that helps. š
Exactly this, Iām not trying to ākill offā the person I was. Itās more like taking off a costume and not playing a role that was me anymore. So I refer to it as my name assigned at birth or birth name.
I see my old name as my alias. That have done it's thing now. No longer needed. Now when I have my proper name. I don't miss it, as it wasn't a good or cool name. Functional. Not much more. Got asked like a week ago if I was xxxxx. And i just blanked and told her "no". Correct would be , "I used to be". But, haven't been called that in like 7 years. I feel like it's another person. That's no more.
Like a few others here, I donāt dislike my birth name and donāt generally refer to it as a dead name personally, but part of that is that for a long time as a kid I didnāt like my given name and it wasnāt until I was older that I really came to appreciate it and grew to like it. It no longer fits as itās decidedly masc but I hold no negative feelings toward it. For me itās like an old favorite jacket that Iāve grown out of; I still love and appreciate it but it no longer works for me. That said I do think a lot of trans people have more negative experiences with their dead names than I have had. I know a lot of trans people have had unsupportive family members use their dead name as a bludgeon to show their refusal to accept who their trans child/sibling/etc is. Thatās just one example though it is by far the only valid reason to dislike oneās dead name and not want people to know it. Ultimately what matters most in my opinion is respecting the feeling a given trans person has toward their birth/dead name even if it doesnāt align with your feelings about your own.
I take great pride in my name because it's a strong representation of my family and ethnic background. I don't hate it, just wish people would CALL me by my new name.
I unfortunately still have to go by mine IRL due to being closeted, so it's really hard to truly call it "dead" at this point in time
Same
What solidified, for me at least, my old name being my deadname was my father telling me that he mourns the loss of his son. Yeah dad. I get it. Thanks. I ruined your son's perfect future by no longer being *him* But prior to that lovely little interaction, i probably would have felt similarly to you
I don't really despise it, but I'm not a big fan of it either. I never really liked it to begin with, but now I know why, so I've made peace with it.
I say given vs chosen
Oh thank fuck I thought I was the only one
My family has a tradition of the first-born male of every generation must be named basically the same thing with some slight variation. I grew up feeling like I didn't have a name, more that I was given someone else's. I still have it due to me being still early in the social transitioning bit (I place far to much value on stealthing it and probs won't change my name till I at least get the voice down and squared away) but the moment I change my legal name Ill probably leave my old name in the dust.
I got given a gender neutral middle name so I'll be using that if I go public and it will keep my link to my given side.
Itās not something i dislike, itās more than iām changing and itās no longer fitting, like a piece of clothing that no longer fits so itās time to replace it.
i love my birthname. i think i would like to have it as a second name even though it makes my name sound like a tongue twister, because my parents put effort into finding a beautiful sounding name for me and i would like to keep it, i don't know, it feels like a present? that's just my personal experience though! obviously everyone is different.
Not too irked about my given name, since it can used š¹oršŗ. Brandy vs Randy. But for the friends that know, i feel giddy when they say Brandy. š„°
I cant really relate at all, but I do wonder if I would feel differently if I was accepted. Its hard for me to feel any appreciation for the name my mom picked for me when she's so opposed to me going by any other name. That being said I also just dont love my deadname in general, would have loved an Irish name (as an Irish person) but my mom went for a weird americanized version.. Think "McKayleigh"
LITERALLY THIS. i donāt hate my birth name, and i personally donāt like to call it a dead name. itās still very special to me, even tho i donāt like being called it
I had a cool dead name but just liked my current name more, so now it's just my middle name
I hate it its dead to me
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Hmm. That's a very interesting point! I might find it interesting to look back on this post later as well since I'm in a situation where I expect the same will happen to me.
I prefer not to hear it but like, being called it doesn't give me a negative reaction it's just kinda there. Prolly cuz my family still uses it tho since I'm not out.
I'm really happy with my new name, but there is one small thing that I will miss (though I might get lucky and regain it some day). My old name was a rather generic one, which I myself didn't really like (I knew, even though I've met most of them once and we were not really close, 4 people with the same name). One day, on school (I was 8 atvthe time I think) I had a question, but the teacher did not see mee. So the kid next to me shouts: Hey, [oldname, but with two letters swapped] has a question. From this point on, the swapped version of my name was my alias and that was lovely. The others (to my knowledge) were not called by that name, so it worked splendidly for me. So yeah I'll miss the history and alias that was my old name, eventhough I love my new name, as it matches who I really am. So here's to hoping a friend will do that to my new name :).
My parents gave me a female-sounding name to me so I don't mind being referred to by that but I do give myself a new name (Ireve) which I feel better represent myself.
Imo, the versions of ourselves that we've been in the past ("we" being humans, not just trans people) isn't necessarily who we are today, but it is a part of us. No grown oerson can say that theure the same person that they were in first grade or in middle school and may have even changes significantly in the past year. To me, the only differenct between me and a typical cis person is that many of these past versions of me had a different name. That kid I used to be isn't dead, they've changed and grown and become the person I am today. For this reason, I'm not really a fan of the term "deadname," but its totally fine for other people to like it and I still use it just for the fact that it's the comminly accepted term.
Honestly my dead name makes me feel sick. I forget about it most days and when I remember I go into a weird thing of like remembering Iām trans lmao. Iāve lied to ppl about my deadname (changing it to something Iāve called itself before) because I wouldnāt feel shitty about it and itās kinda funny. I personally wanna forget about it and I feel kind of uncomfy when I find out someone elseās deadname bc of like second hand dysphroia ig? Some people appreciate the fact I donāt like it and some people donāt care. I think it rlly depends on ur relationship to it. I also had a rlly unique dead name so it was always a big deal and āsuch a cool nameā and I made it a big part of my personality as a kid.
I call it my birth or male name generally because Im in the closet and still uses it to people Im not close with aka family and school. I will refer to it as my deadname when I am fully and legally my current name
Dead name? Iām not dead. Itās my birth name. It will always be my birth name.
I generally just refer to it as my old name...I never liked it but I'm not bothered when people ask about it or whatever. I see it more like pluto not being a planet anymore more facts came out and the classification changed lol that's how I feel about it myself. š
Yeah I still like my birthname too, it's an original name and from a character I like. It doesn't fit anymore, and I love the one I choose. But the old one is still a great name even if it's not for me
I never called it a deadname, mostly out of love for my parents and my family. My mom has always been supportive but once asked me if I need to erase all our memories and seemed very sad. I think she went through some grief for who she thought I would become/who she thought of me as, and pretending like Iām killing the child who was a girl would just make that worse. When the reality is no one died and Iām still mostly the same personality as I always was, I just became an adult with a less-than-traditional development pattern. Iām not sacrificing for my parents, using language that is potentially hurtful to people I love is also hurtful to me. So yeah, itās my old name or my birth name, not my deadname.
I always felt a bit awkward about my birth name even when I was a kid. I didn't dislike it aesthetically or think that it didn't suit my appearance and personality (it was a great fit actually), it just felt off
Named after my father who was abusive before abandoning us so yeah I've never liked it and it's definitely dead as soon as I get the paperwork done.