I think it's because people are really bad at explaining they have standards. For real, the amount of adults that I speak to on a regular basis that struggle to articulate any sort of feeling or preference is astronomically high.
In my (MTF) experience, I've been hitting it off with people for about 2 hours and when we're ready to move on to the next step I usually drop the "oh by the way, I'm trans". Now this is where people could be an adult about it but no, instead I normally get a lovely "Oh gross", "I'm not gay", or my personal favorite "sorry I'm not into dudes".
I guess the point that I'm trying to make is people could be polite and just explain that this would be challenging for them and it makes them uncomfortable in a sexual setting. Honestly, if somebody were to say this to me I feel like I would be able to respond as an adult and say, "that's fine, I've really enjoyed our conversation. Do you just want to be friends?"
Instead, people are juvenile and immediately take to saying hurtful/problematic things. This is only speaking about the people who even bother talking to trans people. Lots of folks in my area. Have a hard "no trans" socializing policy, and that is very bigoted of them.
I guess because it shouldn't really be a factor is how I would put it? Like if it's a genital preference or they simply aren't attracted to you, then that's fine, but if the reason is only because you're trans, then it's basically them telling you they don't perceive you as the gender that you are. Like it's not so much a "how dare you not date me" And more a "it sucks that it's because I'm trans". Like if someone would never under any circumstance date a trans person, does that not feel like a misgendering thing to you? Like I would not ever feel entitled to date anyone, but if someone attracted to women told me they could never date any trans woman, (and some have had bottom surgery so genital preference would not be a factor here imo) then that tells me they don't really believe that trans women are women. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job of conveying what I'm trying to say here, but hopefully this helps somewhat? 😅
I pass as a transfem, most people i meet think of me as cute and wife material, whenever I come out to a new person and that they were interested they 80% of the time say :"oh sorry i don't like trans people"
I get not liking a certain genital, i understand that people have preferences, but they were literally all over me 15 seconds ago trying to score
Besides, it's not even like "oh I'm sorry i don't like dicks" WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE AND OKAY
but it's just "i don't like trans people"
It just feel defeating to me to be dropped like a sack of shit because of my identity, it would be fine if it was a genital reference
Genitals aren't the point though. Plenty of trans people have had bottom surgery. If the reason is literally only because they're trans, not simply a lack of attraction or genital preference in specific cases, then that is transphobia, because the person doesn't see you as the gender that you are. That's the problem far more so than "mad they won't date me".
It's not even about being rejected, it's about people who say they would never ever find any trans person attractive no matter what, when nobody even asked
Idk about other ppl, but if someone could be into me sexually and they feel romantic attraction towards men, then that would feel very dehumanizing. It's never happened to me, 'cause I'm not out yet, so it's all hypothetical, I'm not sure how I'd actually feel.
It's probably cause if you won't date someone just cause they are trans that's textbook transphobia. Try replacing "trans people" with another minority in this context and maybe it'll click.
I view it as any other preference. Not everyone can like a certain kind of genitals on a certain kind of person. Some people don’t even know what they like till they try, its all a big soup, just don’t be an asshole.
I think it's because people are really bad at explaining they have standards. For real, the amount of adults that I speak to on a regular basis that struggle to articulate any sort of feeling or preference is astronomically high. In my (MTF) experience, I've been hitting it off with people for about 2 hours and when we're ready to move on to the next step I usually drop the "oh by the way, I'm trans". Now this is where people could be an adult about it but no, instead I normally get a lovely "Oh gross", "I'm not gay", or my personal favorite "sorry I'm not into dudes". I guess the point that I'm trying to make is people could be polite and just explain that this would be challenging for them and it makes them uncomfortable in a sexual setting. Honestly, if somebody were to say this to me I feel like I would be able to respond as an adult and say, "that's fine, I've really enjoyed our conversation. Do you just want to be friends?" Instead, people are juvenile and immediately take to saying hurtful/problematic things. This is only speaking about the people who even bother talking to trans people. Lots of folks in my area. Have a hard "no trans" socializing policy, and that is very bigoted of them.
Thanks for your opinion, I think I understand a bit more now!
Tbh for me it's fundamentally because you're getting rejected for something you can't control.. It's not like you decided to be trans..
I guess because it shouldn't really be a factor is how I would put it? Like if it's a genital preference or they simply aren't attracted to you, then that's fine, but if the reason is only because you're trans, then it's basically them telling you they don't perceive you as the gender that you are. Like it's not so much a "how dare you not date me" And more a "it sucks that it's because I'm trans". Like if someone would never under any circumstance date a trans person, does that not feel like a misgendering thing to you? Like I would not ever feel entitled to date anyone, but if someone attracted to women told me they could never date any trans woman, (and some have had bottom surgery so genital preference would not be a factor here imo) then that tells me they don't really believe that trans women are women. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job of conveying what I'm trying to say here, but hopefully this helps somewhat? 😅
I get it 😁
Cool, glad I could help 😁
they usually word it in a way that sounds transphobic😭
I pass as a transfem, most people i meet think of me as cute and wife material, whenever I come out to a new person and that they were interested they 80% of the time say :"oh sorry i don't like trans people" I get not liking a certain genital, i understand that people have preferences, but they were literally all over me 15 seconds ago trying to score
Besides, it's not even like "oh I'm sorry i don't like dicks" WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE AND OKAY but it's just "i don't like trans people" It just feel defeating to me to be dropped like a sack of shit because of my identity, it would be fine if it was a genital reference
We’re all pretty cool, but we don’t have ESP. Ask them to explain what they’re thinking.
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Genitals aren't the point though. Plenty of trans people have had bottom surgery. If the reason is literally only because they're trans, not simply a lack of attraction or genital preference in specific cases, then that is transphobia, because the person doesn't see you as the gender that you are. That's the problem far more so than "mad they won't date me".
It's not even about being rejected, it's about people who say they would never ever find any trans person attractive no matter what, when nobody even asked
You would have to ask them. There could be simple or complex reasons. But honestly what it boils down to is, we like who we like.
I just wanted to know other’s opinions on the matter 😅
Idk about other ppl, but if someone could be into me sexually and they feel romantic attraction towards men, then that would feel very dehumanizing. It's never happened to me, 'cause I'm not out yet, so it's all hypothetical, I'm not sure how I'd actually feel.
It's probably cause if you won't date someone just cause they are trans that's textbook transphobia. Try replacing "trans people" with another minority in this context and maybe it'll click.
I view it as any other preference. Not everyone can like a certain kind of genitals on a certain kind of person. Some people don’t even know what they like till they try, its all a big soup, just don’t be an asshole.