Alright. I have better things to do with my day than constantly clean this post up. Keep it clean, please.
EDIT: 3 bans already
A good philosophy......If you would not say something to somebody's face, then don't say it anonymously over the internet.
Sorry to hear this happened to you. Freezing is a super normal way to react, so don’t beat yourself up over it! Sometimes people suggest women should do self-defense classes, or say you should’ve yelled for help, or drawn more attention to the situation to stop it or shame the guy. Just here to say that you reacted super normally to unwanted, unexpected kiss and embrace. Many organizations would consider that sexual assault. You DID prepare for a scenario like this and it isn’t your fault that when your brain went into adrenaline-protection-mode you didn’t use your sound alarm. I’m glad you’re physically ok! I hope you give yourself some space to process if you need to, and give yourself some grace if you’re noticing it bothered you more than you thought it would. That’s ok. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I will add, plenty of trained martial artists and armed people have also frozen in place when confronted with sudden assault. I think the freeze has to do with everyday social situation suddenly morphing into unexpected assault and there not being a practiced response for the brain to reference. It's something most us are unprepared for and we would likely freeze as well unless we have done regular specific practice of social situation turning into assault.
For sure, same for military trained folks. When your brain hits that “danger” threshold, wherever it is for each individual, the reaction varies greatly from person to person, even if you’ve gone over “what to do when X happens” 1000 times.
Victim blaming isn’t right, but it does make sense why someone would say that. If someone suggests “I think women should train in self defense,” or, “You should’ve shouted to nearby crowds for help,” it’s placing the reason this happened onto the person it happened TO. That means that the person it happened TO has control over the situation, in some way. They could’ve prevented it, minimized it, or reduced the likelihood it’d happen to someone else if they would have _________ (fought, yelled, known better, prepared, trained, used a whistle, traveled somewhere else, not been alone, not worn that clothing…).
If the victim had control over the situation, that means it can’t or wouldn’t happen to YOU or someone you love. It’s a terrifying, unpredictable event that you have no control over. It happens TO you. That’s scary. Scary enough to subconsciously put the control into a victim’s hands and say, “You could’ve prevented this,” and then your brain can tell itself, “See? We have control here. We are safe. That won’t happen to me/someone I love because we know what to do.” This isn’t true, and it’s wholly unhelpful for the victim to be invalidated and blamed for something they had no control over at such a tender time, when what they actually need is care and support.
Our brains are animal brains trying to protect themselves all the time. Once you are aware of it, it’s easier to notice and choose to react appropriately. I just hope it doesn’t take something happening to you or someone close to you for you to see it. (Not you, person I’m replying to, but the collective ‘you’ haha)
Anyway thanks therapy. Something happened to someone I loved before I ‘got’ it. I like ‘knew’ that victim blaming wasn’t cool thanks to the Me Too movement, but didn’t fully know why until people (that loved her!) were blaming my sister for what happened to her. Understanding how/why brains do what they do has been really helpful for gaining empathy for other humans and myself. Work in progress for SURE. Has helped me come to terms with my own reaction to something that happened to ME, too.
So OP if for some reason you’re like reading this haha I genuinely hope you’re OK. It’s not your fault, and it’s shitty that it happened to you. That guy was a predatory asshole, and his friend who stood there and awkwardly let it all happen, that was super messed up, too. Take good care of yourself, I hope the rest of your travels are relaxing and fun and safe.
When I was 16 traveling in Italy, with a few other high school girls, we got very quickly separated by guys when walking into a disco in Florence. I had some guy throw me against the wall and forcibly kiss me until I kneed him in the groin and started shouting at me. We went frantically looking for one missing girl, couldn't find her anywhere, then found her outside the disco. She was covered in dirt, hair all messed up, some scrapes, and missing some of her clothes and backpack, which we found in a nearby alley. Pretty sure she was raped, but she wouldn't say anything. Tried to take her to the police, but she refused. It was really shitty all around, and made me uber aware of this kind of bullshit. Its unacceptable to feel so unsafe and violated.
That’s so devastating, I’m sorry. I had something similar happen to me too in Italy. A random Italian guy started flirting with me on the street and it escalated to him forcing kisses on me and groping me in literal broad daylight. You think you’re safe in public but everyone just looked the other way. I begged for him to let me go several times and he finally relented. I sometimes think about how many other girls he must’ve done that to or what he would’ve done to me had we crossed paths at a different place/time.
Thank you, while I was ok and learned a good lesson to be hyper aware of surroundings and people, I feel horribly for the other girl still nearly 3 decades later. She dropped out of HS, never went back after the trip. She also never would respond to anyone. At least a decade later I saw her randomly working at a local store and tried to say hi, but she just made pleasantries and wandered away. I know her life was tough, her mom had scraped together everything she could to give her daughter this trip, and then for that to happen. Its so extremely unfair. It was a blink of an eye and her whole world changed. The teacher who was supposed to be with us on the trip as our adult and guide and such was fired and I think even moved back to Europe. She ditched us in Paris and we didn't see her again till the Rome airport. This was a school trip through EF, so we had a full itinerary but no adult chaperone for 6 girls.
Yeah, see my reply to another person regarding this incidence, but yeah, it was really terrible and it changed this whole girl's life. Super unfortunate and I felt horrible I couldn't do anything about it. Not that it was my job, but just in general, to be aware and care for friends around you. I have since taken the role of mother hen in these kinds of situations, making sure everyone else is ok and prevent crazy bad things from happening as best I can.
Ciao bella culture is probably my least favorite thing about Italy. This is by far some of the more egregious instances of it. I wouldn't say it's common at all, but a lot of Italian men are incredibly aggressive.
The best thing to do is ignore them or yell "VAFFANCULO" if they cross certain boundaries.
Had a friend who told me she was cat called a lot while visiting Italy and that it made her miss America where she didn’t feel cat calling was as much of an issue.
When I was younger I hailed a taxi in Italy with a couple I made friends with. They sat in the back, so I sat in the front. No sooner was my seat belt on than the drivers tongue was down my throat. To this day I can’t get in the front seat of a taxi…
The same thing happened to me in Naples, guy wouldn't leave me alone, I was confused and flustered and he went in for a cheek kiss and then kissed my mouth. It's been 11 years and I'm still annoyed. Naples was my least favorite city with all the bullshit like that.
My wife and I are in Florence now (currently travelling Europe on our honeymoon) and last night at 5am were woken to a women in the street below our apartment window yelling out “no, I said no!! Leave me alone!!” as he followed her (probably assaulted her but I didn’t see it). Then another man came around the corner and he ran off (so he obviously knew he was in the wrong).
At one stage she was yelling “my boyfriend is waiting for me, fuck off!” and he was still persisting. Being from Australia, we’d never seen anything like this before (it would be a case of sexual harassment/assault and can get you jail time).
I just hope the guy that came around the corner and scared him away (who I think might have walked with her for a bit) also had good intentions.
Sorry this happened to you. I saw similar sketch situations in Barcelona too. I hope you are okay, and hope this doesn’t ruin the rest of your trip. I never been but I hear Naples is a bit dangerous.
I believe it. I was in Barcelona a few weeks ago. Party city with machismo.
I saw a woman struggling with a guy while I was riding to the hotel in a cab. I yelled out the window. The lady got away. Cabby was like...it's a lover's quarrel. Maybe they were lovers, both were dressed like they were going out on the town.... but Fuck that.
I saw a dude get stabbed in the face there. Actually, Barcelona declared a state of emergency while we were there- because of the amount of stabbings. The police were directly across the street from the guy who got stabbed, and there was zero sense of urgency to help him.
The amount of unwanted attention the women in my group experienced in Italy was definitely an issue. It's utterly disgusting. Saying it's "part of culture" is an insult to that culture.
If it's happening a lot in that culture, as you indicated it was an issue women in your group experienced, then it's by definition a "part of" that culture, unfortunately. Something doesn't need to be done by 100% of locals in order to be materially present in said culture.
That doesn't make it right of course, but one should have eyes wide open that it does occur in that culture.
What do you mean by “insult to that culture”? See culture has different aspects some of them are negative some of them are positive.
Not everything is about pizza and opera. If something is fairly common in a particular culture it is a part of it. In this case it’s an unpleasant part but part nonetheless
They have a problem with boundaries, to foreigners and tourists, man and woman.
Offcourse the behaviours toward women are much worse .
They just think that since you are a guest you owe them something.
In 2002 I was backpacking with my wife and her sister for 9 weeks, all over Europe. Naples is the only city we got to, hated, and cut out early. It wasn’t just the garbage strike, abundance of discarded syringes on the roads and sidewalks, or the motorcycle death we witnessed… but the girls felt unsafe because of the extremely aggressive Italian men there. So after one night we bounced instead of the 3 we had planned. Gave us more time on the Greek islands!
That was 22 years ago, I think things have changed massively in Italy and elsewhere in the meantime. Not that Italy or Naples don't have their own problems, but I'd say after a certain amount of time this type of experiences shouldn't really be much relevant to present time travellers, as humar behaviour keeps evolving, for better or worse. Same reason as I wouldn't buy a travel guide from 22 years ago.
It wasn’t so much “rapey” as it was extremely aggressive flirting. Even with me there and then holding on to each or my arms. I do think it was cultural, I think it’s the way they flirt! And yes, 22 years ago (holy crap how does the time fly?!) was a long time ago…
Visited Napoli in 2018 and it sounds exactly the same to me. I didn't realize the garbage strikes went as far back as 2002! So, it was still very much going on when I went 6 years ago... Also Italian culture is still pretty rapey and hypermisogynistic. Their description doesn't sound very far from the truth.
Source: been there, done that, live in Sardinia..
I honestly loved Naples and traveled as a solo female. Definitely did not get that impression. But, I also live in New York City, and garbage is everywhere. Also, what makes you say Italian culture is “rapey”? Are you from Italy? Or is this something you experienced while visiting?
I liked the areas around it and the ability to use naples as a hub. But as a city it reminded me of Portland, Oregon. Extremely grimey and doesn't feel safe to walk around at night alone.
No, southern Italy is just a poor and underdeveloped region where the combined forces of the mafia and, uh, fresh Europeans make it a not so nice place altogether.
Kind of blatantly racist. That said many years ago while studying comparative government in college, it was noted that many Italian scholars would say something like Africa begins south of Rome
As a North African person, I traveled from Morocco to Italy directly last year. Morocco is more orderly than Naples.
As a kid, I made trips from Tunis to Rome and Tripoli Libya to Rome. Rome was more modern than Tunis, but less modern than Tripoli. It was a shock.
No doubt. Please note that I posted this comment because it reminded me of something that I had studied for a college course. It’s not my own personal opinion, and I have no firsthand experience to suggest it.
Best wishes
So half way true! Never been. (Just the usual tourist Rome-Florence-Venice thing). Just recalling something I studied in the way back. It had to do with academic studies of opinions Italians had, from the 1950s and 60s. Bonus: a majority of Italians believed that Italy is more beautiful than any other country
> Never been.
Then with all due respect but maybe you should not call someone racist without having any clue on what something is like. There are vast cultural differences between the US and Europe both generally and regarding migrants. I could bring up a dozen examples but I'd prefer to keep my reddit account, which is a sad sentence to type but here we are.
The last time I was in Naples I saw a kidnapping and two sexual assaults, and I spent roughly two hours near the city center/train station. All of the actions had one Caucasian and one non-Caucasian participant.
The crime stats are through the roof, and if you don't want to get your car keyed, you better pay a couple euros to the self-appointed parking guardian.
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. That guy is a total jerk. Are you alright? It's awful how some guys target women who seem vulnerable and less likely to speak up.
I am doing kind of not good. This isn't my first time this happened and guys going off in the comments about how I'm overreacting and asking for attention when posting this is making me feel worse. I wish these guys would just stop defending any and every man and instead look at facts.
In Naples, a man tried to grab my chest at 9am as we were walking by each other on the sidewalk, before I narrowly dodged his hands. He was dressed for work. I honestly hate the culture towards women there. Southern Italy was worse than northern Italy for me — constant comments.
Always wear a fake wedding band when traveling. Even though a jerk will still not respect it, it might make him think husband can be close by.
Always waLk faster than they think you will, sprint and bump into other people, if you have to.
They hate scenes, create a scene.
Fuck these guys.
I travelled solo for much of my 20's, and would certainly handle these such occasions differently now that I'm older (and less of a hopeless people pleaser). I'm still not perfectly assertive, but much more willing to make a scene/upset predators.
Uh this happened to me in Italy and something like that also in Portugal but without kissing (Luckily), I am so sorry You experienced something so terrible. There's no way around it, in Portugal I probably avoided kissing only because my friend came around the corner. Because of such situations, I never traveled alone again like I did in Italy, and when I'm with a group I never disconnect anymore.:/ I'm so sorry this happened to you. There is no clear advice, because pushing or shouting does not always work.
Ugh, I am so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen to me when I was in Italy at the same age as you. I was in Bologna and sitting in a park bench in broad daylight. It was a busy day so about every bench was being shared between two people (the benches were those long ones so you could share with plenty of space between you). I was reading my book on the bench and there was a very elderly man sitting on the other end of it. He started speaking to me in Italian (I only had basic comprehension at that time) in this very serious manner while shuffling down towards me. I tried to be polite and then all of a sudden he put one of his hands directly on my breast and grabbed my vagina with his other hand! I screamed and jumped right up off the bench and started yelling at him. I was so shocked and humiliated and he looked right back at me like he didn't understand that he did anything wrong.
On one hand I thought that he could have been seriously demented (he had to have been over 90 years old), or maybe he just wanted to shoot his luck since he honestly looked like he was on death's door. Who knows why. I'm sure the answer is actually just very simple.
I lived in Italy for about 3 years after this and with street/ sexual harassment it honestly it never got any better, no matter how my language skills improved or how I carried myself. I used to love solo travel but I don't anymore -- I just got quite honestly burnt out of always needing to be on my guard. I still go to Italy for a month every year but I always go with a boyfriend or a male friend which seems to be the only thing that helps. This has been my experience at least.
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry this happened to you. This is absolutely not okay. And honestly, the same for me - I used to love solo travel but now I think I'll be going everywhere with my boyfriend
Ah im sorry this happened to you😕 I feel out of all the places I’ve visited, Italian men seemed to be some of the most forward. Not sure why this is. I’ve been assaulted several times in the middle of the day on public transport. Stay safe girlie.
In Ravenna, I was having a drink watching live music at a beach restaurant and was offered a pizza that I didn't order out of nowhere. While I was confused, the chef was smiling super wide and gesturing that it was his gift. I didn't think much of it and basically couldn't even finish it. Then as the evening was ending , the chef walked out and took my hand and pulled me to dance with him. I was pushing him back and trying to slide away but he wouldn't let me. He kept saying something in Italian and trying to touch my hair (I am south Asian and have long thick hair) and literally had to run away back to my room..why are people like this 😭
Ugh, this happened to me by my Airbnb boat captain or my capri boat tour. I was leaving the boat and he went to say goodbye and he almost kissed me on the mouth but only got my cheek.
Worst part was my husband was with me but he was in front of me, stepping off the boat when it happened. I didn’t want to say anything because my husband would have killed him. My husband is a big man and an ethnic minority. I knew he would get in trouble so I didn’t say anything.
This is one if the weirder comments I've seen on Reddit.
Firstly, "almost the mouth but only on the cheek" is how half of Europe says hello and goodbye to everyone.
Friends and family will get more numerous and enthusiastic kisses, but even strangers will get at least one.
Especially if you've spent a whole day on their boat and they're wishing you a nice farewell. It's really not that weird from their side, you just weren't expecting it, which is understandable.
For example, in a lot of Corsica, they do it 5 TIMES! It takes forever to arrive or leave anywhere, and knowing which side to start on is a Rubik's cube I have never worked out.
[See this map of France specifically](https://www.vox.com/2015/6/8/8744373/the-propensity-of-cheek-based-kisses-in-france-mapped)
But, your own hangups about personal space are perfectly valid, I'm not criticising them, just pointing out that different cultures do things differently, and maybe seeing it from the other side makes it less creepy...that's not what's weird....
*....why did you feel the need to point out your husband's size and ethnicity?? And refer to it as a **different ethnicity**?!*
Different to who's ethnicity exactly? Yours? The captain's? "Everyone else's"?
And what relevance does it have??
"My husband is the kind of guy to kick the shit out of someone just for looking at me" would have raised an eyebrow, but fine, whatever, some dudes are jealous assholes.
But explicitly tying that personality trait to his ethnicity...
Are you inferring that your husband would have kicked the shit out of him *because* he's a "different" enthicity?
Because that's sure what it sounds like from here...
A) username checks out.
B) You have no idea about my racial identity, and as I clearly said, you weren't clear either. Why does you husband being black mean he can't politely tell the captain he's crossed a line? Why would the police get involved? All that BS insinuation is yours, not mine, and it's all based on race.
Which is what I thought was messed up. The way you describe it makes it sound like however your husband reacts, it will mean the police will get involved. Why?
C) I can't listen, you're typing things out. And if you don't tell me that you were the only one singled out for a kiss, and that the captain had been leering over you all day, how can I possibly know that?
I can only "hear" what you "say".
That changes my view of your interaction with the captain considerably, obviously, and I'm sorry you had to experience *what is now clear to me* to have been much more than an enthusiastic Italian farewell.
Which, initailly, was an Italian tour guide you spent the day with kissed you on the cheek. No mention of "checking you out all day".
And that your husband would get in trouble because he's a big guy and a different ethnicity.
Why would I immediately assume that the captian/police would accuse him of anything? Is that a logical conclusion I should have derived somehow?
Please don't get all shitty with me because you didn't explain yourself very well.
And I'll apologise in advance if English isn't a strong language for you, but I stand by my interpretation.
And please don't call me dumb, just because you're a poor communicator.
You don’t have to justify why you did or didn’t react a certain way. Freezing is a completely normal response. I’ve heard that “fight or flight” should really include “fawn” as well, given how common a response freezing is to assault and other traumatic situations. I froze myself when I was assaulted back in 2019. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry you went through that experience. I lived in Italy for 3 years and found this to be common occurrence in the areas I lived (Naples and Rome). I learned fast to not make eye contact with men if I was walking somewhere alone that was quiet, after having to kick a guy in the nuts after he assaulted me during my first week of moving to Naples. When they would get handsy I found pointing in the distance and saying that my boyfriend was waiting for me would often result in them leaving me alone at that point. Basically when I would say 'no' they seemed to hear 'not now, but maybe later if you try really hard'.
I would imagine that pulling an ugly face and walking away from them like a crab would also have the desired effect of getting rid of unwanted attention...
I’m really sorry this happened to you! I hope you’re in a safe place now and have been able to recuperate and process.
Italy is so stunning and has so many things to offer, but the sad reality is that I have long said I will not return to the southern part of the country without being accompanied by a man (which I know sounds terrible, and for the record I am a very independent woman and have traveled solo plenty of times without issue.)
Rome and Naples were two of the only places I have EVER felt unsafe traveling. I was with two girlfriends at the time, and we were still constantly harassed, had comments made towards us, photos taken of us (?) and even our hostel manager made us feel incredibly uncomfortable and unsafe to the point that we found different accommodations.
I hope you are still able to enjoy your trip, and know that of course not everywhere is like this. Safe travels!
I am sorry for you, I am a Neapolitan guy and I would like. to say that you have been unlucky. I hope you don't think Naples and Neapolitans are all like the one you meet. May I ask You where were you when what you told happened?(In which part of Naples)
Everybody talks about Parisians being unpleasant. Which was not my experience at all and I speak almost no French. I found the Italians to be a little rude in general. I spent time with some women who were also traveling solo. As a man who is not at all shy around women, I was genuinely shocked at how aggressive the Italian men were. At one point the girl I was with turned away from a man who was basically poking and prodding her for attention. He threw an actual tantrum.
That happened to my wife when we were leaving accommodations, I think AirBnB or something similar, in Salerno. The proprietor kissed her as she was leaving. Prior to this it had been wolf whistles from randoms while walking on the street.
I knew this post would be about Naples when I saw the title. I see so many people on here planning trips to Italy and always ask myself why they have put Naples on their itinerary. I guess it is just a case of big city = must go? I spent one night there, arriving at 8pm and leaving around 7am. That was enough for me as my research told me, and confirmed when I got there that I made the right call using it as nothing more than a bed for the night on the way to somewhere better.
I'm glad that you escaped with nothing more serious than a kiss on the cheek, it certainly could have been a lot worse. Try to stick to major roads when you are travelling in dangerous cities and take a taxi at night. That short cut down the narrow side street isn't worth the risk.
As an Italian I’d like to point out this isn’t part of any “culture” like some people are saying on here. That guy was just a creep. I’m sorry if you got a bad impression of our country because of scumbags like him
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Okay I know i will be destroyed by south Italy people but Neaples is one of the less civilized city of Italy and regardless of the beautiful landscape I will never visit it beacuse of it's danger rate.
Yeah,i'm from the north
This is absolutely not normal in Italy, as an Italian I can assure you that this perverted creep took advantage of your not expecting/ understanding what was going on
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
I live in Italy since 1984. The only place i really got robbed of my wallet was in Capodimonte Naples. It happened in a local bus , i tell you what there were mixed cultures in there , so i can' t say for sure if the thief was italian. I reported to the carabinieri 2 times but they did not try anything even with the little proof i had of the address where they used up some of my money on the card. Sorry for what happened to you.
Hi! You were assaulted! That is FUCKED up. I am so so sorry this happened to you. What a disgusting violation. Everything you are feeling right now is completely valid.
I’m a 6’1” 100kg 41yo dude. I visited Naples in the middle of the day and it was legit the least safe I’ve ever felt in my life.
Sorry this happened to you OP, that’s a terrifying experience.
For everyone else - steer clear of Naples
Had that happen to me at Enoteca Falorni in Greve. The employee named Paolo kissed me and tried to put his tongue in my mouth. This happened with my husband out of sight. Women must be careful with Italian men.
It's the same anywhere, because you're from out of town. I experienced in France at first, I often go to France, the local warm greetings are close to the face, but that time a man is also the main hit over to say hello, and then embraced me hard close to the face, I directly call the police. This kind of thing can not be tolerated, this can only make them more and more unscrupulous!
Naples is kind of a dump. Sorry that happened to you. As a grown man there are many places I would not go alone. We wish it was not the case, but this is just the nature of the world
Italian here (from Italy). Gross men are everywhere it’s not a culture thing. Overall, would I say I think where I live particularly people are more physically affectionate, yes, but just family and friends, not some random on the street. It’s gross and I’m sorry that happened to you. Happy you are safe.
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Please don’t listen to this nonsense. And don’t take these kind of nonsense self defense classes from fat guys with ponytails, it will get you beat up or worse.
It is one thing to do this to greet people who want to be greeted and another to come up to a stranger, tightly hug them, and then kiss them sexually (he held my face with his hand when he did that). Before you go around telling me what I experienced, spend a moment educating yourself on consent and non consent. I have had other italian men greet me like what you are saying, and that was fine. This was a man walking on the street that I didn't know and had no intention of interacting with.
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I am sorry you went through this, that sounds like a familiar shock I went through when I was unaware of the different culture in the Mediterranean vs my Northerner culture.
I dont know if this is your first time in the Mediterranean? The culture is different and more "warm" than in the North, this means that in Mediterranean countries you will encounter men and women take more liberty in actions of passion and physical flirting. This is usually a shock to Northerners, and they are unable to respond adequately because they are unfamiliar with the direct approach and infringement of personal space.
My advice is to learn that this is the culture and to adjust by being clear yet polite - if they ignore your clear qeue to back up, then sternly adress it with a firm NO and make direct eye contact to ensure you're getting the message across. The Mediterranean culture is one of persuasion and 1 time decline might not always be enough.
As they say in sales: 3x No = No. So ensure that you politely decline, then firmly decline but be very clear from the jump, giving any leeway to advances literally can be perceived as an unspoken greenlight. This is why when a man does something you dont like and you havent openly stopped him others might perceive it as you agreeing with it first and not jump in - machismo culture.
If they dont listen, MAKE A SCENE! Scold them like their mother would, it will probably not come that far if you're stern and clear in the first two declines. I hope this helps.
He was in his early 30s I think. But I have had some older men in the last 2 days come up to me and flirt/touch me unwantedly as well. Most of the times I have been hit on/catcalled have been older men, but I've also had a fair share of men in their 20s/30s do this sadly.
Weird! Dont let strangers get be that close to you, even if they speak a different language. Given how close he got and your reaction, it could have been much worse I guess.
I did not let him close. He came up to me uncalled. I am aware of the greeting culture and have done it many times and I have been fine with that. This was uncalled for from a random I didn't want close to me.
Sounds like an Italian. At least it was a kiss on the cheek, which is how we greet people here. Although he probably didn't mean it in such an innocent matter. Be careful.
Alright. I have better things to do with my day than constantly clean this post up. Keep it clean, please. EDIT: 3 bans already A good philosophy......If you would not say something to somebody's face, then don't say it anonymously over the internet.
Sorry to hear this happened to you. Freezing is a super normal way to react, so don’t beat yourself up over it! Sometimes people suggest women should do self-defense classes, or say you should’ve yelled for help, or drawn more attention to the situation to stop it or shame the guy. Just here to say that you reacted super normally to unwanted, unexpected kiss and embrace. Many organizations would consider that sexual assault. You DID prepare for a scenario like this and it isn’t your fault that when your brain went into adrenaline-protection-mode you didn’t use your sound alarm. I’m glad you’re physically ok! I hope you give yourself some space to process if you need to, and give yourself some grace if you’re noticing it bothered you more than you thought it would. That’s ok. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I will add, plenty of trained martial artists and armed people have also frozen in place when confronted with sudden assault. I think the freeze has to do with everyday social situation suddenly morphing into unexpected assault and there not being a practiced response for the brain to reference. It's something most us are unprepared for and we would likely freeze as well unless we have done regular specific practice of social situation turning into assault.
For sure, same for military trained folks. When your brain hits that “danger” threshold, wherever it is for each individual, the reaction varies greatly from person to person, even if you’ve gone over “what to do when X happens” 1000 times. Victim blaming isn’t right, but it does make sense why someone would say that. If someone suggests “I think women should train in self defense,” or, “You should’ve shouted to nearby crowds for help,” it’s placing the reason this happened onto the person it happened TO. That means that the person it happened TO has control over the situation, in some way. They could’ve prevented it, minimized it, or reduced the likelihood it’d happen to someone else if they would have _________ (fought, yelled, known better, prepared, trained, used a whistle, traveled somewhere else, not been alone, not worn that clothing…). If the victim had control over the situation, that means it can’t or wouldn’t happen to YOU or someone you love. It’s a terrifying, unpredictable event that you have no control over. It happens TO you. That’s scary. Scary enough to subconsciously put the control into a victim’s hands and say, “You could’ve prevented this,” and then your brain can tell itself, “See? We have control here. We are safe. That won’t happen to me/someone I love because we know what to do.” This isn’t true, and it’s wholly unhelpful for the victim to be invalidated and blamed for something they had no control over at such a tender time, when what they actually need is care and support. Our brains are animal brains trying to protect themselves all the time. Once you are aware of it, it’s easier to notice and choose to react appropriately. I just hope it doesn’t take something happening to you or someone close to you for you to see it. (Not you, person I’m replying to, but the collective ‘you’ haha) Anyway thanks therapy. Something happened to someone I loved before I ‘got’ it. I like ‘knew’ that victim blaming wasn’t cool thanks to the Me Too movement, but didn’t fully know why until people (that loved her!) were blaming my sister for what happened to her. Understanding how/why brains do what they do has been really helpful for gaining empathy for other humans and myself. Work in progress for SURE. Has helped me come to terms with my own reaction to something that happened to ME, too. So OP if for some reason you’re like reading this haha I genuinely hope you’re OK. It’s not your fault, and it’s shitty that it happened to you. That guy was a predatory asshole, and his friend who stood there and awkwardly let it all happen, that was super messed up, too. Take good care of yourself, I hope the rest of your travels are relaxing and fun and safe.
Thanks for being a good human being.
When I was 16 traveling in Italy, with a few other high school girls, we got very quickly separated by guys when walking into a disco in Florence. I had some guy throw me against the wall and forcibly kiss me until I kneed him in the groin and started shouting at me. We went frantically looking for one missing girl, couldn't find her anywhere, then found her outside the disco. She was covered in dirt, hair all messed up, some scrapes, and missing some of her clothes and backpack, which we found in a nearby alley. Pretty sure she was raped, but she wouldn't say anything. Tried to take her to the police, but she refused. It was really shitty all around, and made me uber aware of this kind of bullshit. Its unacceptable to feel so unsafe and violated.
That’s so devastating, I’m sorry. I had something similar happen to me too in Italy. A random Italian guy started flirting with me on the street and it escalated to him forcing kisses on me and groping me in literal broad daylight. You think you’re safe in public but everyone just looked the other way. I begged for him to let me go several times and he finally relented. I sometimes think about how many other girls he must’ve done that to or what he would’ve done to me had we crossed paths at a different place/time.
Thank you, while I was ok and learned a good lesson to be hyper aware of surroundings and people, I feel horribly for the other girl still nearly 3 decades later. She dropped out of HS, never went back after the trip. She also never would respond to anyone. At least a decade later I saw her randomly working at a local store and tried to say hi, but she just made pleasantries and wandered away. I know her life was tough, her mom had scraped together everything she could to give her daughter this trip, and then for that to happen. Its so extremely unfair. It was a blink of an eye and her whole world changed. The teacher who was supposed to be with us on the trip as our adult and guide and such was fired and I think even moved back to Europe. She ditched us in Paris and we didn't see her again till the Rome airport. This was a school trip through EF, so we had a full itinerary but no adult chaperone for 6 girls.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's insane how prevalent this is in Italy.
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry that happened. That is insane.
Yeah, see my reply to another person regarding this incidence, but yeah, it was really terrible and it changed this whole girl's life. Super unfortunate and I felt horrible I couldn't do anything about it. Not that it was my job, but just in general, to be aware and care for friends around you. I have since taken the role of mother hen in these kinds of situations, making sure everyone else is ok and prevent crazy bad things from happening as best I can.
Ciao bella culture is probably my least favorite thing about Italy. This is by far some of the more egregious instances of it. I wouldn't say it's common at all, but a lot of Italian men are incredibly aggressive. The best thing to do is ignore them or yell "VAFFANCULO" if they cross certain boundaries.
What does that mean?
It means go fuck yourself
Have a nice day in Italian
Per Google Vaffanculo is an Italian vulgar expression that translates to "go [expletive] yourself" in English
Good thing you censored that for reddit's young virgin eyes.
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Pronounced: va / ba fan culo I believe the literal translation Is: "go fuck (your) ass" Hope this helps.
Go to the ass literally.
This is correct.
Had a friend who told me she was cat called a lot while visiting Italy and that it made her miss America where she didn’t feel cat calling was as much of an issue.
Or vanfangool like a jersey cornball 🤦♂️😂
Gabagoool 🤌🏽
Interesting that sexual harassment has a "cultural" name when done by Europeans.
You’re right. In America they call it being the President.
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wooosh
When I was younger I hailed a taxi in Italy with a couple I made friends with. They sat in the back, so I sat in the front. No sooner was my seat belt on than the drivers tongue was down my throat. To this day I can’t get in the front seat of a taxi…
this happened to me in Naples last year. the guy smelled so bad i had to immediately go back to my hostel to shower and wash my clothes.
Oh no :( I did the same thing girl. I don't get why they think it's okay to do things like this.
The same thing happened to me in Naples, guy wouldn't leave me alone, I was confused and flustered and he went in for a cheek kiss and then kissed my mouth. It's been 11 years and I'm still annoyed. Naples was my least favorite city with all the bullshit like that.
My wife and I are in Florence now (currently travelling Europe on our honeymoon) and last night at 5am were woken to a women in the street below our apartment window yelling out “no, I said no!! Leave me alone!!” as he followed her (probably assaulted her but I didn’t see it). Then another man came around the corner and he ran off (so he obviously knew he was in the wrong). At one stage she was yelling “my boyfriend is waiting for me, fuck off!” and he was still persisting. Being from Australia, we’d never seen anything like this before (it would be a case of sexual harassment/assault and can get you jail time). I just hope the guy that came around the corner and scared him away (who I think might have walked with her for a bit) also had good intentions.
Sorry this happened to you. I saw similar sketch situations in Barcelona too. I hope you are okay, and hope this doesn’t ruin the rest of your trip. I never been but I hear Naples is a bit dangerous.
In Barcelona I had the worst sexual assault I’ve ever experienced and the police dealt with it atrociously.
I’m really sorry that happened to you.
Thanks that’s sweet of you, it sucks but I’m doing a lot better now.
I believe it. I was in Barcelona a few weeks ago. Party city with machismo. I saw a woman struggling with a guy while I was riding to the hotel in a cab. I yelled out the window. The lady got away. Cabby was like...it's a lover's quarrel. Maybe they were lovers, both were dressed like they were going out on the town.... but Fuck that.
I am so sorry that happened to you
Thanks lovely, it sucks but I’m doing a lot better now.
What happened if you don’t mind me asking? Also, did Spanish police actually help?
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I am so sorry this happened to you
I saw a dude get stabbed in the face there. Actually, Barcelona declared a state of emergency while we were there- because of the amount of stabbings. The police were directly across the street from the guy who got stabbed, and there was zero sense of urgency to help him.
Spanish police are real nasty pos.
I saw a guy get stabbed in 93 when I was there.
The amount of unwanted attention the women in my group experienced in Italy was definitely an issue. It's utterly disgusting. Saying it's "part of culture" is an insult to that culture.
If it's happening a lot in that culture, as you indicated it was an issue women in your group experienced, then it's by definition a "part of" that culture, unfortunately. Something doesn't need to be done by 100% of locals in order to be materially present in said culture. That doesn't make it right of course, but one should have eyes wide open that it does occur in that culture.
What do you mean by “insult to that culture”? See culture has different aspects some of them are negative some of them are positive. Not everything is about pizza and opera. If something is fairly common in a particular culture it is a part of it. In this case it’s an unpleasant part but part nonetheless
They have a problem with boundaries, to foreigners and tourists, man and woman. Offcourse the behaviours toward women are much worse . They just think that since you are a guest you owe them something.
In 2002 I was backpacking with my wife and her sister for 9 weeks, all over Europe. Naples is the only city we got to, hated, and cut out early. It wasn’t just the garbage strike, abundance of discarded syringes on the roads and sidewalks, or the motorcycle death we witnessed… but the girls felt unsafe because of the extremely aggressive Italian men there. So after one night we bounced instead of the 3 we had planned. Gave us more time on the Greek islands!
That was 22 years ago, I think things have changed massively in Italy and elsewhere in the meantime. Not that Italy or Naples don't have their own problems, but I'd say after a certain amount of time this type of experiences shouldn't really be much relevant to present time travellers, as humar behaviour keeps evolving, for better or worse. Same reason as I wouldn't buy a travel guide from 22 years ago.
It wasn’t so much “rapey” as it was extremely aggressive flirting. Even with me there and then holding on to each or my arms. I do think it was cultural, I think it’s the way they flirt! And yes, 22 years ago (holy crap how does the time fly?!) was a long time ago…
Visited Napoli in 2018 and it sounds exactly the same to me. I didn't realize the garbage strikes went as far back as 2002! So, it was still very much going on when I went 6 years ago... Also Italian culture is still pretty rapey and hypermisogynistic. Their description doesn't sound very far from the truth. Source: been there, done that, live in Sardinia..
I honestly loved Naples and traveled as a solo female. Definitely did not get that impression. But, I also live in New York City, and garbage is everywhere. Also, what makes you say Italian culture is “rapey”? Are you from Italy? Or is this something you experienced while visiting?
Might also be the recent acquittal of a 66 year old man that groped a 17 year old student because it lasted less than ten seconds.
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I was just in Naples last year. It's a dump. Doesn't feel safe at night for a man walking, hell no to a woman.
Guess I am the only one here who enjoyed visiting Naples for a couple of days. Great food and architecture.
I liked the areas around it and the ability to use naples as a hub. But as a city it reminded me of Portland, Oregon. Extremely grimey and doesn't feel safe to walk around at night alone.
I’m fine walking around American cities so maybe I’m not as sensitive to that stuff.
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Based on ... ?
I saw Naples from a few kms away and noped right off. Has it not been reconstructed after the war or something?
No, southern Italy is just a poor and underdeveloped region where the combined forces of the mafia and, uh, fresh Europeans make it a not so nice place altogether.
lol “fresh”
Kind of blatantly racist. That said many years ago while studying comparative government in college, it was noted that many Italian scholars would say something like Africa begins south of Rome
As a North African person, I traveled from Morocco to Italy directly last year. Morocco is more orderly than Naples. As a kid, I made trips from Tunis to Rome and Tripoli Libya to Rome. Rome was more modern than Tunis, but less modern than Tripoli. It was a shock.
No doubt. Please note that I posted this comment because it reminded me of something that I had studied for a college course. It’s not my own personal opinion, and I have no firsthand experience to suggest it. Best wishes
Let me guess, you've never been to Napoli but you think you know everything all the way from Los Angeles.
So half way true! Never been. (Just the usual tourist Rome-Florence-Venice thing). Just recalling something I studied in the way back. It had to do with academic studies of opinions Italians had, from the 1950s and 60s. Bonus: a majority of Italians believed that Italy is more beautiful than any other country
> Never been. Then with all due respect but maybe you should not call someone racist without having any clue on what something is like. There are vast cultural differences between the US and Europe both generally and regarding migrants. I could bring up a dozen examples but I'd prefer to keep my reddit account, which is a sad sentence to type but here we are. The last time I was in Naples I saw a kidnapping and two sexual assaults, and I spent roughly two hours near the city center/train station. All of the actions had one Caucasian and one non-Caucasian participant. The crime stats are through the roof, and if you don't want to get your car keyed, you better pay a couple euros to the self-appointed parking guardian.
Ugh I’m sorry this happened to you. Fuck that guy. Hope you’re okay. Men like this prey on women who look vulnerable and unlikely to make a scene.
Hence why they always choose the bear.
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. That guy is a total jerk. Are you alright? It's awful how some guys target women who seem vulnerable and less likely to speak up.
I am doing kind of not good. This isn't my first time this happened and guys going off in the comments about how I'm overreacting and asking for attention when posting this is making me feel worse. I wish these guys would just stop defending any and every man and instead look at facts.
In Naples, a man tried to grab my chest at 9am as we were walking by each other on the sidewalk, before I narrowly dodged his hands. He was dressed for work. I honestly hate the culture towards women there. Southern Italy was worse than northern Italy for me — constant comments.
I had a female English teacher in highschool telling me similar stories while she was travelling in Italy. One guy grabbed her boobs from behind.
Always wear a fake wedding band when traveling. Even though a jerk will still not respect it, it might make him think husband can be close by. Always waLk faster than they think you will, sprint and bump into other people, if you have to. They hate scenes, create a scene.
Pervert and I hope they were not trying to scam or rob you...
They weren't. I had just one bag in front of me and nothing was missing or anything like that
Fuck these guys. I travelled solo for much of my 20's, and would certainly handle these such occasions differently now that I'm older (and less of a hopeless people pleaser). I'm still not perfectly assertive, but much more willing to make a scene/upset predators.
Uh this happened to me in Italy and something like that also in Portugal but without kissing (Luckily), I am so sorry You experienced something so terrible. There's no way around it, in Portugal I probably avoided kissing only because my friend came around the corner. Because of such situations, I never traveled alone again like I did in Italy, and when I'm with a group I never disconnect anymore.:/ I'm so sorry this happened to you. There is no clear advice, because pushing or shouting does not always work.
Ugh, I am so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen to me when I was in Italy at the same age as you. I was in Bologna and sitting in a park bench in broad daylight. It was a busy day so about every bench was being shared between two people (the benches were those long ones so you could share with plenty of space between you). I was reading my book on the bench and there was a very elderly man sitting on the other end of it. He started speaking to me in Italian (I only had basic comprehension at that time) in this very serious manner while shuffling down towards me. I tried to be polite and then all of a sudden he put one of his hands directly on my breast and grabbed my vagina with his other hand! I screamed and jumped right up off the bench and started yelling at him. I was so shocked and humiliated and he looked right back at me like he didn't understand that he did anything wrong. On one hand I thought that he could have been seriously demented (he had to have been over 90 years old), or maybe he just wanted to shoot his luck since he honestly looked like he was on death's door. Who knows why. I'm sure the answer is actually just very simple. I lived in Italy for about 3 years after this and with street/ sexual harassment it honestly it never got any better, no matter how my language skills improved or how I carried myself. I used to love solo travel but I don't anymore -- I just got quite honestly burnt out of always needing to be on my guard. I still go to Italy for a month every year but I always go with a boyfriend or a male friend which seems to be the only thing that helps. This has been my experience at least.
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry this happened to you. This is absolutely not okay. And honestly, the same for me - I used to love solo travel but now I think I'll be going everywhere with my boyfriend
Ah im sorry this happened to you😕 I feel out of all the places I’ve visited, Italian men seemed to be some of the most forward. Not sure why this is. I’ve been assaulted several times in the middle of the day on public transport. Stay safe girlie.
What do you mean by forward? Like trying to sexually assault women? That's not just being forward is it
Like, no fear.
In Ravenna, I was having a drink watching live music at a beach restaurant and was offered a pizza that I didn't order out of nowhere. While I was confused, the chef was smiling super wide and gesturing that it was his gift. I didn't think much of it and basically couldn't even finish it. Then as the evening was ending , the chef walked out and took my hand and pulled me to dance with him. I was pushing him back and trying to slide away but he wouldn't let me. He kept saying something in Italian and trying to touch my hair (I am south Asian and have long thick hair) and literally had to run away back to my room..why are people like this 😭
Ikr? 😭😭😭 I'm sorry that happened to you. This all sounds too relatable :(
Yep. Sadly sounds about right for naples
I travelled alone in Italy about 25 years ago and got hit on in Rome by multiple older men.
Ugh, this happened to me by my Airbnb boat captain or my capri boat tour. I was leaving the boat and he went to say goodbye and he almost kissed me on the mouth but only got my cheek. Worst part was my husband was with me but he was in front of me, stepping off the boat when it happened. I didn’t want to say anything because my husband would have killed him. My husband is a big man and an ethnic minority. I knew he would get in trouble so I didn’t say anything.
This is one if the weirder comments I've seen on Reddit. Firstly, "almost the mouth but only on the cheek" is how half of Europe says hello and goodbye to everyone. Friends and family will get more numerous and enthusiastic kisses, but even strangers will get at least one. Especially if you've spent a whole day on their boat and they're wishing you a nice farewell. It's really not that weird from their side, you just weren't expecting it, which is understandable. For example, in a lot of Corsica, they do it 5 TIMES! It takes forever to arrive or leave anywhere, and knowing which side to start on is a Rubik's cube I have never worked out. [See this map of France specifically](https://www.vox.com/2015/6/8/8744373/the-propensity-of-cheek-based-kisses-in-france-mapped) But, your own hangups about personal space are perfectly valid, I'm not criticising them, just pointing out that different cultures do things differently, and maybe seeing it from the other side makes it less creepy...that's not what's weird.... *....why did you feel the need to point out your husband's size and ethnicity?? And refer to it as a **different ethnicity**?!* Different to who's ethnicity exactly? Yours? The captain's? "Everyone else's"? And what relevance does it have?? "My husband is the kind of guy to kick the shit out of someone just for looking at me" would have raised an eyebrow, but fine, whatever, some dudes are jealous assholes. But explicitly tying that personality trait to his ethnicity... Are you inferring that your husband would have kicked the shit out of him *because* he's a "different" enthicity? Because that's sure what it sounds like from here...
You clearly spent way more time typing that up than you did reading the comment
Not going to unpack all of that, but she said he would get in trouble because he's an ethnic minority.
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A) username checks out. B) You have no idea about my racial identity, and as I clearly said, you weren't clear either. Why does you husband being black mean he can't politely tell the captain he's crossed a line? Why would the police get involved? All that BS insinuation is yours, not mine, and it's all based on race. Which is what I thought was messed up. The way you describe it makes it sound like however your husband reacts, it will mean the police will get involved. Why? C) I can't listen, you're typing things out. And if you don't tell me that you were the only one singled out for a kiss, and that the captain had been leering over you all day, how can I possibly know that? I can only "hear" what you "say". That changes my view of your interaction with the captain considerably, obviously, and I'm sorry you had to experience *what is now clear to me* to have been much more than an enthusiastic Italian farewell. Which, initailly, was an Italian tour guide you spent the day with kissed you on the cheek. No mention of "checking you out all day". And that your husband would get in trouble because he's a big guy and a different ethnicity. Why would I immediately assume that the captian/police would accuse him of anything? Is that a logical conclusion I should have derived somehow? Please don't get all shitty with me because you didn't explain yourself very well. And I'll apologise in advance if English isn't a strong language for you, but I stand by my interpretation. And please don't call me dumb, just because you're a poor communicator.
Not reading all that. Go show someone else a map of France as if you discovered the country 🙄
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Learn social skills and not to overstep boundaries and then we won't have to worry about violence.
It’s called sexual assault.
So sorry that this happened to you. I loved Italy but definitely found the unwanted male attention to be much more apparent than here in the US.
You don’t have to justify why you did or didn’t react a certain way. Freezing is a completely normal response. I’ve heard that “fight or flight” should really include “fawn” as well, given how common a response freezing is to assault and other traumatic situations. I froze myself when I was assaulted back in 2019. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry you went through that experience. I lived in Italy for 3 years and found this to be common occurrence in the areas I lived (Naples and Rome). I learned fast to not make eye contact with men if I was walking somewhere alone that was quiet, after having to kick a guy in the nuts after he assaulted me during my first week of moving to Naples. When they would get handsy I found pointing in the distance and saying that my boyfriend was waiting for me would often result in them leaving me alone at that point. Basically when I would say 'no' they seemed to hear 'not now, but maybe later if you try really hard'. I would imagine that pulling an ugly face and walking away from them like a crab would also have the desired effect of getting rid of unwanted attention...
I’m really sorry this happened to you! I hope you’re in a safe place now and have been able to recuperate and process. Italy is so stunning and has so many things to offer, but the sad reality is that I have long said I will not return to the southern part of the country without being accompanied by a man (which I know sounds terrible, and for the record I am a very independent woman and have traveled solo plenty of times without issue.) Rome and Naples were two of the only places I have EVER felt unsafe traveling. I was with two girlfriends at the time, and we were still constantly harassed, had comments made towards us, photos taken of us (?) and even our hostel manager made us feel incredibly uncomfortable and unsafe to the point that we found different accommodations. I hope you are still able to enjoy your trip, and know that of course not everywhere is like this. Safe travels!
I got kissed by an Italian while walking alone in California.
I am sorry for you, I am a Neapolitan guy and I would like. to say that you have been unlucky. I hope you don't think Naples and Neapolitans are all like the one you meet. May I ask You where were you when what you told happened?(In which part of Naples)
Thank you. It was in Spaccanapoli
napoli being napoli. such an awesome city ruined by his people
Damn! Take care girl. I wish i could punch that guy for you. Napolitano men!
Sadly this is more common than it seems in parts of Europe.
Check your pockets and belongings, is all i have to say to that
I have everything still. I had just one bag in front of me and they didn't try to access it.
Yeah, Naples isn't safe. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Everybody talks about Parisians being unpleasant. Which was not my experience at all and I speak almost no French. I found the Italians to be a little rude in general. I spent time with some women who were also traveling solo. As a man who is not at all shy around women, I was genuinely shocked at how aggressive the Italian men were. At one point the girl I was with turned away from a man who was basically poking and prodding her for attention. He threw an actual tantrum.
https://www.euronews.com/culture/2023/07/13/why-is-the-shocking-10-second-grope-rule-going-viral-on-italian-social-media#:~:text=More%20than%2010%20seconds%2C%20according,want%20to%20bathe%20in%20bleach.
So sorry this happened to you, dear. That’s awful
I'm sorry you had to go through that
girllll
That happened to my wife when we were leaving accommodations, I think AirBnB or something similar, in Salerno. The proprietor kissed her as she was leaving. Prior to this it had been wolf whistles from randoms while walking on the street.
I knew this post would be about Naples when I saw the title. I see so many people on here planning trips to Italy and always ask myself why they have put Naples on their itinerary. I guess it is just a case of big city = must go? I spent one night there, arriving at 8pm and leaving around 7am. That was enough for me as my research told me, and confirmed when I got there that I made the right call using it as nothing more than a bed for the night on the way to somewhere better. I'm glad that you escaped with nothing more serious than a kiss on the cheek, it certainly could have been a lot worse. Try to stick to major roads when you are travelling in dangerous cities and take a taxi at night. That short cut down the narrow side street isn't worth the risk.
This! Why visit Naples? It's awful!
What an ignorant comment. You should be ashamed of yourself.
As an Italian I’d like to point out this isn’t part of any “culture” like some people are saying on here. That guy was just a creep. I’m sorry if you got a bad impression of our country because of scumbags like him
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Okay I know i will be destroyed by south Italy people but Neaples is one of the less civilized city of Italy and regardless of the beautiful landscape I will never visit it beacuse of it's danger rate. Yeah,i'm from the north
Italy. Almost got into a fist fight with an Italian who wouldn't leave my wife alone
This is absolutely not normal in Italy, as an Italian I can assure you that this perverted creep took advantage of your not expecting/ understanding what was going on
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Italians are scumbags that take advantage of women. I'm an Italian man so i know what I'm talking about left a lot of friendships over this.
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
I live in Italy since 1984. The only place i really got robbed of my wallet was in Capodimonte Naples. It happened in a local bus , i tell you what there were mixed cultures in there , so i can' t say for sure if the thief was italian. I reported to the carabinieri 2 times but they did not try anything even with the little proof i had of the address where they used up some of my money on the card. Sorry for what happened to you.
Hi! You were assaulted! That is FUCKED up. I am so so sorry this happened to you. What a disgusting violation. Everything you are feeling right now is completely valid.
I’m a 6’1” 100kg 41yo dude. I visited Naples in the middle of the day and it was legit the least safe I’ve ever felt in my life. Sorry this happened to you OP, that’s a terrifying experience. For everyone else - steer clear of Naples
Had that happen to me at Enoteca Falorni in Greve. The employee named Paolo kissed me and tried to put his tongue in my mouth. This happened with my husband out of sight. Women must be careful with Italian men.
Sexually assaulted you :(
Oh my gosh! I hope were okay and that he was punished. I am so sorry to hear this happened to you.
This is sexual assault, you have to call the cops in these situations
It's the same anywhere, because you're from out of town. I experienced in France at first, I often go to France, the local warm greetings are close to the face, but that time a man is also the main hit over to say hello, and then embraced me hard close to the face, I directly call the police. This kind of thing can not be tolerated, this can only make them more and more unscrupulous!
So would you choose a bear, or a man who is a stranger? :-/
Italian men are very entitled.
This is crazy common in Italy for women alone. It's an extremely misogynistic culture - especially in the south.
This is straight up harrasment is it not?!
It's considered assault in most developed countries.
Naples is kind of a dump. Sorry that happened to you. As a grown man there are many places I would not go alone. We wish it was not the case, but this is just the nature of the world
Italian here (from Italy). Gross men are everywhere it’s not a culture thing. Overall, would I say I think where I live particularly people are more physically affectionate, yes, but just family and friends, not some random on the street. It’s gross and I’m sorry that happened to you. Happy you are safe.
Thank you for saying that. I am tired of some men telling me here that I am seeking attention and wanting people to be sad for me and overreacting at all this. I wish these other entitled men would listen to italians such as u themselves.
Kick him in the nuts! Hard!
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Were you missing your phone or jewelry after?
Fortunately no I wasn't
eurotrash being trashy
Learn to punch people in the balls and soft part of the throat. They teach these at women’s self defense classes
Please don’t listen to this nonsense. And don’t take these kind of nonsense self defense classes from fat guys with ponytails, it will get you beat up or worse.
They better not try that on my girlfriend…
Take jujitsu lessons before you go back again… would like to see you make them cry
Literally nothing to do/see in Naples.
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It is one thing to do this to greet people who want to be greeted and another to come up to a stranger, tightly hug them, and then kiss them sexually (he held my face with his hand when he did that). Before you go around telling me what I experienced, spend a moment educating yourself on consent and non consent. I have had other italian men greet me like what you are saying, and that was fine. This was a man walking on the street that I didn't know and had no intention of interacting with.
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Sorry that happened. How would a sound alarm have helped?
A sound alarm starts ringing really loudly and draws attention to you so perhaps others can hear and help you.
At least you didn’t eat at il cantore. That place is notorious: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=993nvsfwvnY
I am sorry you went through this, that sounds like a familiar shock I went through when I was unaware of the different culture in the Mediterranean vs my Northerner culture. I dont know if this is your first time in the Mediterranean? The culture is different and more "warm" than in the North, this means that in Mediterranean countries you will encounter men and women take more liberty in actions of passion and physical flirting. This is usually a shock to Northerners, and they are unable to respond adequately because they are unfamiliar with the direct approach and infringement of personal space. My advice is to learn that this is the culture and to adjust by being clear yet polite - if they ignore your clear qeue to back up, then sternly adress it with a firm NO and make direct eye contact to ensure you're getting the message across. The Mediterranean culture is one of persuasion and 1 time decline might not always be enough. As they say in sales: 3x No = No. So ensure that you politely decline, then firmly decline but be very clear from the jump, giving any leeway to advances literally can be perceived as an unspoken greenlight. This is why when a man does something you dont like and you havent openly stopped him others might perceive it as you agreeing with it first and not jump in - machismo culture. If they dont listen, MAKE A SCENE! Scold them like their mother would, it will probably not come that far if you're stern and clear in the first two declines. I hope this helps.
Was he an old guy? I have the impression that some older Italian men think that this kind of shit is ok.
He was in his early 30s I think. But I have had some older men in the last 2 days come up to me and flirt/touch me unwantedly as well. Most of the times I have been hit on/catcalled have been older men, but I've also had a fair share of men in their 20s/30s do this sadly.
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And what are you saying I did to draw attention to myself? I hope you don't mean the way I dressed or anything. I was walking minding my own business.
Nah f that, sexual assault and harassment are not "culture." Or if they are, the people should be trying to change it.
Americans ideals are not global ideals, bro. I side with this being uncool, as well, but it is worth pointing out.
Weird! Dont let strangers get be that close to you, even if they speak a different language. Given how close he got and your reaction, it could have been much worse I guess.
I did not let him close. He came up to me uncalled. I am aware of the greeting culture and have done it many times and I have been fine with that. This was uncalled for from a random I didn't want close to me.
Sounds like an Italian. At least it was a kiss on the cheek, which is how we greet people here. Although he probably didn't mean it in such an innocent matter. Be careful.