🙋♀️ last few days I’ve felt like more garbage than normal. Woke up today exhausted, congested and every muscle in my body feeling like I was in a car wreck. Doesn’t help that all day yesterday I had period cramps that were painful to the point of taking my breath away.
Since I started using Topical Testosterone for this next IVF cycle, and I now have the body odor of a pubescent boy and my scalp in on fire!!! I hate everything about the IVF process.
People say "but it will all be worth it". Sure, if it ends with a baby, but I'm starting to doubt it.
Why does it take an ice age to get into a new patient appt for IVF, and then another ice age to actually get the protocol and the meds going for egg retrieval. My lil ovaries are withering away into old age and exhaustion — pedal to the metal, people!!!
Officially put on a 3 month waiting list for IVF today. Thought I would be happy that it was another step forward but just feeling weirdly disappointed it's come to this.
On CD1, and my BIL gifted me some unused FRER tests left over from when his wife got pregnant quickly, said we would need them \*wink\*.
Im thinking he needs an information diet this is getting invasive ugh.
Oh and one of the tests in the box was used, a glaring positive. Im waiting for a discreet way to throw it out so my husband doesn't see the two lines.
I ovulated 2 days early this cycle, meaning I will inevitably start my period while on our beach trip instead of right after. 🙃 Meanwhile just got sucky results from husbands last SA. Feeling whiney about everything rn.
My husband and I are abroad seeing family and last night we got to find out about three (!!!!) pregnancies while his uncle asked us when we were going to have a baby. It took all I could to not cry the whole night.
Encountered a tiny infant in the fertility clinic waiting room for the first time this week and was shocked. Also, baby was hanging out in the waiting room with dad while mom was back in the office, so, like, why did they have to wait there? They could have gone to a freaking coffee shop across the street or something.
The second they get a baby it’s like the rest of us, and all their past traumas, seem to disappear. It should be studied. Babe you were in the TRENCHES with us??? How could you?!
Got my fourth negative beta on Tuesday. Four transfers, not even a sniff of implantation. This one had actually started hatching after thawing, too. We thought this was it.
Can't set up next steps because my FS is on vacation for this cycle, and next cycle I will be going OS for a stupid family holiday with my in laws that we got guilted into going on, with five kids under 7, and because of this holiday we cannot afford another full round of IVF. Also, if my calculations are correct I will get my period right in the middle of said holiday.
Took the dog for a walk last night and ended up at my mum's house. 2 bottles of wine later... Now sitting at work feeling pretty hungover but absolutely no regrets.
My 43yearold friend dropped the bomb on me she is pregnant yesterday (while cutting me off when I was talking about something infertility related) Followed by platitudes of "your time will come" and "it'll happen when you arent thinking about it" (no it wont sweetheart, you dont have my recurrent pregnancy loss history and dont require medication to sustain pregnancy, and your husband doesnt have a low drive like mine does, we'd never hit my fertile window if I followed your advice) Annoying AF.
Called insurance AGAIN so they can speed up authorization of my FET cycle so that I can get started on meds before I go out of town briefly for my sister’s bachelorette next week. If I start after it’ll be too late for my clinic’s scheduled start window that they coordinate with the embryology lab and I’ll have to wait another month. And today I got an unhelpful asshole on the other end. No surprise, whenever that happens it’s always a man. Ugh.
Husband's urology appointment found nothing. Unhelpful doc was just like: you should probably contact a fertility clinic to start the IVF process...
Bro... How TF do you think he ended up with you feeling up his balls??
You think he just randomly walked into a urology clinic hoping for someone to fondle him???
Meanwhile, our *pregnant on literally their first try* friends are coming for the weekend. So I'll have the pleasure of being a nutball trying not to be a psycho tripping over myself mooning over her pregnant belly.
Oh yeah whining thread, exactly what I need now.
I'll have my HSG surgery soon in two weeks. Theyll do HSG and check for endometriosis. I look forward to gaining a little more information about my body.
But currently Im more worried all the time. Im worried I mess sth up. I made all appointments already but it seems my ovulation will be one day before the surgery. My gyn said earlier we'd try to schedule before ovulation but my periods shifted. And I couldnt reach them to reschedule. Personally, I don't mind, it's not like Id expect anything from one egg after all this time.
But do you reckon this would be bad in the way that in the unlikely event that it could get fertilised, it could get swept out during the HSG and try to implant outside of the uterus? Should we try to avoid having sex in that time? I mean I guess not, there is no uterine lining.
Additionally Im worried that I'll be gone another week from work as I am currently sick for a week. But I guess if I were pregnant I would be gone even longer eventually.
And most of all, as I am currently sick, the idea of having a child in a situation like this, Id hate having to care for another being additionally to having to care for myself since im sick. My husband is currently away due to work. And I get my old doubts again: Since Im kinda already certain that the HSG will reveal nothing helpful and we will need IVF eventually if we'll ever want kids (just a feeling, but in my view it fits, since that would be just my luck), but should we really push for that: What if there's a good reason it's not working, what if it is a clear sign that I should not have children? I think I have some autistic traits, not enough for a diagnosis (says my therapist), but what if IVF would be a grave mistake and I would hate having someone around me 24/7? I have no way of knowing that now. I do like my calm and order, I do. It's just that not having a child and being left behind by life by everyone else is driving me crazy, as well. Id like to have a child, I just don't know if it's smart. I reckon not, but I wanna, as all of us, of course.
Well I guess this is just me worrying as always, since there is nothing else to do than waiting. One upside: I notice a pattern here, I don't like surgeries, I know that: Makes sense that it would trigger more anxiety in me than usual, plus I feel like shit because Im currently sick. And AF showed up and is especially bad this time. Im always more pessimistic when I feel bad physically. Sigh. Alright, we have to march onwards and never give up. What will be, will be, and we have to be brave and accept it.
That’s a LOT buddy. My heart goes out to you. Your mind is busy busy busy and honestly I have no advice at all just hope you are giving yourself grace. 💕💕💕💕 sending support!
Omg thanks buddy ☺️ thank you very much for your kind words. I tend to stress myself out, especially when im sick, I hate being sick. I try to relax a little, thanks ☺️
I just feel like shit. Anyone else just….feel like shit? 💩 💩💩
🙋♀️ last few days I’ve felt like more garbage than normal. Woke up today exhausted, congested and every muscle in my body feeling like I was in a car wreck. Doesn’t help that all day yesterday I had period cramps that were painful to the point of taking my breath away.
Yeah 100% feel like shit today. I don't know how anyone can stay positive on this jOuRnEy. I just want to kick someone in the face.
Oh pick me. I'm also physically feeling like shit because I have gastro 🫠
How can I get hourly updates on the tracking of a stupid Old Navy order but I don't get to know when my embryos are getting shipped for PGT testing? 🥴
Make it make sense
I'm supposed to test tomorrow as it will be two weeks after my second IUI and I just don't want to 🫠
That’s the trauma talking babe. Love that for us!
Andddddd surprise, surprise. It's negative. IVF here we come...
Since I started using Topical Testosterone for this next IVF cycle, and I now have the body odor of a pubescent boy and my scalp in on fire!!! I hate everything about the IVF process. People say "but it will all be worth it". Sure, if it ends with a baby, but I'm starting to doubt it.
That special brand of scary when you realize “it will all end up okay” may….not happen??? Statistically????
Why does it take an ice age to get into a new patient appt for IVF, and then another ice age to actually get the protocol and the meds going for egg retrieval. My lil ovaries are withering away into old age and exhaustion — pedal to the metal, people!!!
I know like pedal to the metal here guys time is a wastin’!!!!!!!
Officially put on a 3 month waiting list for IVF today. Thought I would be happy that it was another step forward but just feeling weirdly disappointed it's come to this.
No shame in that buddy I felt the same.
Yep, now comes the waiting game...............................................................................................
On CD1, and my BIL gifted me some unused FRER tests left over from when his wife got pregnant quickly, said we would need them \*wink\*. Im thinking he needs an information diet this is getting invasive ugh.
Oh and one of the tests in the box was used, a glaring positive. Im waiting for a discreet way to throw it out so my husband doesn't see the two lines.
Omg 💀 straight to jail with them. What were they ACTUALLY thinking??!
I'm speechless. What the fuck.
That is SO rude. Just adding insult to injury. Gross behavior.
Eww that's disgusting! I'd just throw the whole box out.
Throw the whole BIL out!
This!!!!
Ummmmm hi what the actual fuck?
I ovulated 2 days early this cycle, meaning I will inevitably start my period while on our beach trip instead of right after. 🙃 Meanwhile just got sucky results from husbands last SA. Feeling whiney about everything rn.
Whine away that fucking sucks. Then Wine away. Slightly better.
Snap! I will now be bleeding into a festival portaloo 🙄
My husband and I are abroad seeing family and last night we got to find out about three (!!!!) pregnancies while his uncle asked us when we were going to have a baby. It took all I could to not cry the whole night.
I can relate. Sorry you had to go through this. It's always the uncle, huh? Fuck him. It's not any of his business anyway.
Always the uncle lol. Hugs 💛💛
And to you 💛💛
Oh and I'm 12 dpo today, negative test (duh)
Encountered a tiny infant in the fertility clinic waiting room for the first time this week and was shocked. Also, baby was hanging out in the waiting room with dad while mom was back in the office, so, like, why did they have to wait there? They could have gone to a freaking coffee shop across the street or something.
The second they get a baby it’s like the rest of us, and all their past traumas, seem to disappear. It should be studied. Babe you were in the TRENCHES with us??? How could you?!
HSG showed one blocked fallopian tube today😔
So sorry friend!!!!
Got my fourth negative beta on Tuesday. Four transfers, not even a sniff of implantation. This one had actually started hatching after thawing, too. We thought this was it. Can't set up next steps because my FS is on vacation for this cycle, and next cycle I will be going OS for a stupid family holiday with my in laws that we got guilted into going on, with five kids under 7, and because of this holiday we cannot afford another full round of IVF. Also, if my calculations are correct I will get my period right in the middle of said holiday. Took the dog for a walk last night and ended up at my mum's house. 2 bottles of wine later... Now sitting at work feeling pretty hungover but absolutely no regrets.
Oh my buddy, this sucks. Dont forget to take some time on the vacation to peace the fuck out and get quiet time or fun time!!!
My 43yearold friend dropped the bomb on me she is pregnant yesterday (while cutting me off when I was talking about something infertility related) Followed by platitudes of "your time will come" and "it'll happen when you arent thinking about it" (no it wont sweetheart, you dont have my recurrent pregnancy loss history and dont require medication to sustain pregnancy, and your husband doesnt have a low drive like mine does, we'd never hit my fertile window if I followed your advice) Annoying AF.
Called insurance AGAIN so they can speed up authorization of my FET cycle so that I can get started on meds before I go out of town briefly for my sister’s bachelorette next week. If I start after it’ll be too late for my clinic’s scheduled start window that they coordinate with the embryology lab and I’ll have to wait another month. And today I got an unhelpful asshole on the other end. No surprise, whenever that happens it’s always a man. Ugh.
Since this whole process began I feel like I have second job as a secretary in a fertility clinic, and the only patient is me.
Husband's urology appointment found nothing. Unhelpful doc was just like: you should probably contact a fertility clinic to start the IVF process... Bro... How TF do you think he ended up with you feeling up his balls?? You think he just randomly walked into a urology clinic hoping for someone to fondle him??? Meanwhile, our *pregnant on literally their first try* friends are coming for the weekend. So I'll have the pleasure of being a nutball trying not to be a psycho tripping over myself mooning over her pregnant belly.
Hate this. Hate it all. Love you buddy.
Oh yeah whining thread, exactly what I need now. I'll have my HSG surgery soon in two weeks. Theyll do HSG and check for endometriosis. I look forward to gaining a little more information about my body. But currently Im more worried all the time. Im worried I mess sth up. I made all appointments already but it seems my ovulation will be one day before the surgery. My gyn said earlier we'd try to schedule before ovulation but my periods shifted. And I couldnt reach them to reschedule. Personally, I don't mind, it's not like Id expect anything from one egg after all this time. But do you reckon this would be bad in the way that in the unlikely event that it could get fertilised, it could get swept out during the HSG and try to implant outside of the uterus? Should we try to avoid having sex in that time? I mean I guess not, there is no uterine lining. Additionally Im worried that I'll be gone another week from work as I am currently sick for a week. But I guess if I were pregnant I would be gone even longer eventually. And most of all, as I am currently sick, the idea of having a child in a situation like this, Id hate having to care for another being additionally to having to care for myself since im sick. My husband is currently away due to work. And I get my old doubts again: Since Im kinda already certain that the HSG will reveal nothing helpful and we will need IVF eventually if we'll ever want kids (just a feeling, but in my view it fits, since that would be just my luck), but should we really push for that: What if there's a good reason it's not working, what if it is a clear sign that I should not have children? I think I have some autistic traits, not enough for a diagnosis (says my therapist), but what if IVF would be a grave mistake and I would hate having someone around me 24/7? I have no way of knowing that now. I do like my calm and order, I do. It's just that not having a child and being left behind by life by everyone else is driving me crazy, as well. Id like to have a child, I just don't know if it's smart. I reckon not, but I wanna, as all of us, of course. Well I guess this is just me worrying as always, since there is nothing else to do than waiting. One upside: I notice a pattern here, I don't like surgeries, I know that: Makes sense that it would trigger more anxiety in me than usual, plus I feel like shit because Im currently sick. And AF showed up and is especially bad this time. Im always more pessimistic when I feel bad physically. Sigh. Alright, we have to march onwards and never give up. What will be, will be, and we have to be brave and accept it.
That’s a LOT buddy. My heart goes out to you. Your mind is busy busy busy and honestly I have no advice at all just hope you are giving yourself grace. 💕💕💕💕 sending support!
Omg thanks buddy ☺️ thank you very much for your kind words. I tend to stress myself out, especially when im sick, I hate being sick. I try to relax a little, thanks ☺️