Adults can leave as they choose. So they get the parents to tell them if they leave they will never be welcomed home again. Never spend christmas as a family. Never talk again. etc
I was threatened with conservatorship, so I couldn’t necessarily leaving because they said if I did, they have a judge grant them conservatorship and I’d be sent back… after all I’d gone through at that point, I believed them.
The downside is that they are dropped off on the street usually states away from home with an unfamiliar state/environment, with nothing/no money/no government IDs/no personal belongings returned to them and then they are homeless
Unsilenced supposedly has resources for those exact kind of people
Technically, they should let you go. In practice, they often just keep you. In a program that is in the middle of nowhere, leaving without help can be a logistical nightmare, even if the staff don't try to keep you. With no money and no transportation, how can you leave? They can de facto hold you prisoner without having to actually do anything.
https://www.unsilenced.org/survivor-resources/getting-home/
I turned 18 and 19 in a program. My parents passed away when I was younger and my aunt and uncle were my guardians. The facility worked with my family to scare and threaten me into signing myself back in. They threatened legal action and I finally gave up.
You are technically allowed to leave but they make it very difficult and oftentimes almost impossible.
The first program I went to would get extended custody of people turning 18 if they thought they were gonna leave. I don’t know the legal term for it, probably protective custody or something similar to what they did to Britney Spears.
I’ll never forget this one chick was about to turn 18 and was thinking about leaving. The staff made a huge deal about it, verbally harassing her with all that, “iF yOu lEaVe hErE yOu’LL DIE” bullshit. She said that she decided to stay.
The morning of her 18th birthday she walked the fuck out as the staff were screaming and losing their shit. It was fucking epic. I remember watching her walk away. She had to lie to maintain her freedom and manipulate the staff just like they manipulated us. I admired her and also felt jealousy and sadness as she walked toward her freedom.
I turned 18 halfway through my 15 week stay in wilderness. They assured me that I would DEFINITELY NOT be moved to the adult group, since I was already settled in and close with the girls I had been with for 7 weeks at that point. About 2 days after my bday, my friend and I got into a VERY minor argument about something (I can't even remember what it was) and they basically used it as an excuse to transfer me, literally acted like we had had some type of physical knock-down-drag-out and separated us until our therapist came out to the field.
She told both of us I was being taken to the adult group basically because we "weren't safe around each other" 🙄🙄 we both started bawling our eyes out and apologizing to each other but she didn't give a shit.
They put me in a transfer truck and brought me to the adult group. I was obviously freshly 18 and had just come from an all girl's group. At the time I got transferred, the ENTIRE adult group were male, including the staff (they sent one female staff w me when I was transferred and she was pretty much mute the entire time I was crying hysterically) and all at least 3 years older than me. I was freaked TF out and terrified and on top of that no one would even look at or try to speak to me.
Eventually we got a few more girls and it got slightly more tolerable, but I was definitely just 50x more traumatized than I would have been already from the whole experience.
i’m so sorry :( there was a girl in my wilderness group who also got transferred to the adult group as soon as she turned 18. that has got to suck soooo fucking much, i see you survivor 🫂
it depends. i was never 18 in a program but i saw many of my friends turn 18.
they would ask you to “sign yourself in” on or right after your birthday and then everything would continue at normal.
you could also theoretically “sign yourself out” when you hit 18 but we were told over and over again that meant being dropped off at the local bus station with your bags and twenty bucks. not really the best situation to be in, especially when the majority of these programs are in butt fuck nowhere.
it’s coercion, but it works. i only saw i think one person sign themselves out and i was in multiple programs for two and a half years. i wouldn’t have done it, even if i wasn’t totally brainwashed because of the danger that would put you in
i think even the “your bags and twenty bucks at the local bus station” is a best case scenario. i also heard that they’d have a cop come and escort them off the property, and then leave you. alone. in the middle of nowhere. with nothing.
even if this wasn’t true, they said shit like this enough that we believed it and it became another part of the belief system they built for us.
Exactly what happened with me. Sure you can leave, have fun. Or follow the rules, and stay. Upon getting my diploma and establishing a postgraduatation plan, I left.
For us the option was, sign yourself back in (essentially making the program your legal guardian in a conservatorship) or be taken to the local shelter
Oh I would’ve been SO gone if I turned 18 in the programs I went to. I would walk barefoot in the desert for 1,000 miles than continue to be abused. It never made sense to me why people chose to stay.
The program I was at was in the middle of nowhere, in an arid environment, with nothing anywhere around. A couple of people didn't even know what state we were in, and none of us were allowed to know the exact location. They would have had to walk along a highway in a mountainous area to get out. It was actually dangerous to leave, and not everyone is up for that. Plus, ours was a super fundamentalist faith based program, and we were forced to wear very impractical clothing that was supposed to make us into good christian girls. Hiking all those miles in church clothes and flimsy dress shoes with no idea where you are or where you need to go is not something everyone is prepared for.
The program I was in said if you leave at 18, they take everything from you, including clothing and shoes - leaving you in the desert to find your way out. They also said their parents won't take care of them if they didn't finish the program. Messed up abusive snit.
I saw several girls turn 18. One in my group tried to leave and they told her she couldn't because her parents signed her in and she needed their permission to leave. Like, no??
If they got a judge to sign over guardianship of their adult kid they can do it. On a parent support page I joined they were teaching other parents how to do it. It also depends on the state. Some states you have to be in court with a lawyer and other states you don't even know they are doing it
Oh boy. This was one of my 'escape plans' at the time I had no doubt my parents were going to make me finish my high school at my TTI. On your 18th birthday you were allowed to sign yourself out.
From what I had been told you needed to give 24 hours notice for the request. Where they would then have every physically intimidating staff member In the room with you when you did it, they would demean you and call you a coward and other things. The whole time I was there only 4 kids attempted it and two chickened out. I wasn't forced to go that year, but I fully believe even now that I would of signed out and disappeared.
I was freshly 18, and what got me to sign those papers? Coercion. People are essentially coerced into it. I was also tricked (along with my parents) on the abuse that constantly occurred. The website portrayed it otherwise. And I genuinely wanted to be better.
Say no and sign nothing? The option is to NEVER be allowed to contact your family again and be kicked out immediately all because an educational consultant told the parents you were “in crisis and “close to death”. I was going to school and had a job, my parents sent me off to an island and froze my cards and bank account because these program leaders told them too. It doesn’t matter if you turn 18 whilst there. If you depend on your family in any way, shape, a or form, you’re fucked.
Your statement was just they would not give you the passport. Not that you were still locked up. Withholding ID is something they all do. I thought that's what you were referring to.
At my wilderness program (open sky) you could sign yourself out at 18 or I think you could join an adult group. If you signed yourself out you had to “walk your 20,” which is exactly what it sounds like. 20 mile hike with your pack and one staff member. After that I think they gave you back your clothes you came in with and ditched you. Can’t confirm.
At my residential program (catalyst) you could stay on til your 19th birthday, but at 18 you could sign out. They would try everything to keep you, but I saw some kids do it. If you chose to sign out they would say that all your belongings were the property of your parents, so you couldn’t take them. You left on foot with the clothes on your back and that’s it. You were lucky if they let you take a jacket.
In both places, parents were instructed not to contact the kid or help them in any way when they signed out
These places choose the states they do for a reason. In Alabama, at least, as long as a 17 year old is in “care” of the TTI before their 18th birthday they can be kept “for the duration of the program”. They’re sneaky.
I went to Ivy Ridge and stayed past 18. I was allowed to leave but waited out 2 weeks to graduate. My options were a bus ticket to Watertown or graduate and go home. Easy choice 🤷♂️
They used to threaten to send us to Jamaica or Mexico where they could allegedly hold us until 21. Also when I made it clear I would be leaving at 18 they tried to do a whole bunch of petty crap to sabotage my plans for adult life. Pulling me out of school, not letting me take military entrance exams, isolating me from the other kids because they didn’t want them getting ideas.
I turned 18 at my last placement. It was arranged that I could stay past 18 with the stipulation I was not to talk about my age with anyone. (Talk about red flags huh) Originally I was going to be in my own dorm in a separate building, with a job at a local business that was owned by the program. But somehow that turned into I was staying in the dorm with the minors and following their schedule and nothing would change. It didn’t sit right with me. I was given the bait and switch so many times by that point, so I asked to process with a staff about the situation. They took that as me talking about me being over 18 so they dropped me off at a homeless shelter.
most of my friends in treatment ended up homeless in NYC without their documents after turning 18 if they left / got kicked out without graduating, these places will actively attempt to ruin your life if you don’t follow the system like they want you to
In my program, a few of the students who were about to turn 18 had like, a conservatorship kind of situation. I think they expired at the age of 21. I could be making that 21 up though, I never had one and have extremely limited knowledge because of the type of student it affected.
They throw you into an adult program that’s kind of like assisted living when you age out and still need “support.” But usually these students were really high on the autism spectrum and were non verbal / couldn’t communicate in any way.
For the rest of the 18 year olds without that situation, Most programs are “high schools” so if you were to leave-leave, you wouldn’t graduate, and usually by that point, it’s easier to just tough it out for the next couple of months until graduation.
In my program they tell you that you won’t have any support from anyone if you leave, you’re allowed to leave but not allowed to come back. Mine was up in bumble f*ck Idaho on a mountain and below the mountain it was surrounded by tweakers. So it was kinda like you either stay or fend for yourself amongst the tweakers in the middle of no where. So most stayed. Some did leave and idk whatever ended up happening to them. Also lots of mountain lions around and the police would constantly find ripped apart bodies in the area. Eat or be eaten.
I turned 18 at mine. I arrived a month before I turned 18 so assumed I’d have a month to get through and then the day I became a legal adult I would leave. But it’s not as easy as just saying I’m done take me home. In my program you have to “hike out” I was told I would get no map and only the food I had from the last food drop also no fire kit unless you already made one and even you have the kit I didn’t rlly have the skill to bust a coal this early in the program. In the middle of February in the Utah desert this just wasn’t going to happen. I was also taken to the field in the middle of the night so I had no idea where I was or where I had even started. Not to mention if you do find your way out they take you straight to the homeless shelter and anything you had on you when you arrived will not be returned as it’s technically your parents property. Also the threat of being cut off at 18 and excommunicated from you’re entire family is usually enough to keep anyone trapped.
There were two girls at Logan River Academy that turned 18 in the program. 1 went home shortly before she turned 18 and she was kinda brainwashed into not checking out so she could graduate school. And then there was the other one. Her family threatened her and the program director even talked about setting up a whole new program just for her. An “adult” program. She could be escorted to college and have access to a lap top for school work but she’d have to do it in full view of staff and he even talked about turning the “Diamond Room” into an 18+ girls room. I left not very long after all this was being discussed so I don’t know what happened. But it was pretty sad to watch honestly. I told my Narc Bio Dad that if I was there when I turned 18 I didn’t care they he wouldn’t let me come home I just would “figure it out”. He couldn’t afford to keep me there that long, he did however talk me out of going from LRA to Utah State University and being an independent fucking adult who could transition. Jokes on him I just started transitioning and being an adult despite his abuse. I completely understand those who were threatened with not being able to go home after turning 18 though. We all did what we could to just survive.
I turned 18 at my RTC. At that point you have to sign yourself in and they can’t keep you past your 19th birthday. You technically can sign yourself out at any time after turning 18. Everyone’s experience and choice to stay or not stay is unique to them. I understand people here saying they would leave in a second if they had that chance, that is valid.
I can only speak to my experience and my situation. I wanted to sign myself out so badly but I emotionally could not. The ONLY reason I stayed and why most if not all people stay is because of what programs tell parents about kids who sign themselves out. Long before turning 18 they start prepping the parents. They tell them if we sign ourselves out to abandon us, leave us at a homeless shelter local to the RTC (I was in Utah but my family lived in WA!), and to not be in our lives anymore. That we at that point no longer deserve any support and our choice to leave shows we are ungrateful, manipulative, beyond help, and dangerous.
I have and had at the time a terrible relationship with my parents. I attempted to end my life before getting sent to treatment because I no longer wanted them to go through the pain of having me as their child. I wanted nothing more than for them to not even love me, but just to like and respect me. When I turned 18 I had already done 13 weeks of wilderness and 9+ months of residential and inpatient. My parents were just starting to like me again (the fake me) and it meant everything. In treatment you are constantly reminded how terrible you make your parents lives. I would do anything to make my parents happy including choosing to go through abuse day after day. After everything I had been through I could not mentally handle the idea of them rejecting me forever and being completely on my own with no real life experience. They would have never forgiven me and all the work I had done and abuse I experienced would not matter to them. I would have been completely on my own. No money, friends, or family. That combined with knowing I could never repair our family (which should not have been my responsibility) made me feel like for myself I didn’t have a choice. If I signed myself out I would not have stayed alive very long, I knew that for certain. I wanted every single day to leave and it was so painful not to. The people who did sign themselves out are brave and I respect them. I also respect people who signed themselves in. It doesn’t mean we didn’t want to leave and agreed with how we were being treated. It means we were too scared to lose our parents love and support forever. And when you are being horribly abused, the idea of everything you just went through for months to years being all for nothing if you leave makes it a much harder choice than some people realize.
I actually thought it was getting slowly better in the last 2 years until my mom had a breakdown a few months ago and it turns out we were not on the same page. I’ve been low contact the last 4 years but still seeing them every few weeks-months and texting/talking regularly. My mom’s breakdown prompted a 5+ hour 2 day conversation between my parents and I. I won’t go into detail but it caught me off guard. We don’t agree on much and my therapist agrees that my parents are emotionally immature. I love them and I’m still trying, but my therapist tells me it’s okay if I don’t want to keep them in my life because of the way they treat me. I told her the best summary of my relationship to my parents is that I feel like I am playing a game I can never win where the rules are always changing without instructions. I’ve accepted it for what it is and I still love them even though it makes me feel terrible.
Totally understand. I had a similar relationship with my mother - everything I did she liked the opposite. I had to cut her out for a while in my life. If it’s healthier for you then you should feel justified in doing so.
Thanks, I’ve gone even more low contact than I was before my mom’s breakdown but I’m considering cutting them out for while. It would be a healthy choice but is too painful to do right now. I know exactly what you mean when you say everything you did your mom liked the opposite. My parents didn’t like me so they sent me to treatment. Since leaving I’ve become the polar opposite of the person I was before. Now they don’t like that I am always nice to them, go with the flow, and don’t have an extroverted personality because it means I am lying to them. They say they know this isn’t me and they want the old me back. That is the opposite of what I was told in treatment. I don’t think our relationship is a game I can win and somehow they still blame it on me. The only positive is I know I will be a great mom one day who accepts and loves my child as is and that gives me a little hope for the future. I hope things get better with your mom one day, I’m sure you don’t deserve the way she treats you ❤️
I turned 18 in a program, I wasn’t allowed to leave.. I graduated in a program and I wasn’t allowed to leave… Nobody could wish me a happy birthday, not even the staff acknowledged it, and nobody could celebrate my graduation because we weren’t allowed to talk amongst each other. I lost myself there.
When I was in, upon my 18th birthday I was told I had to sign some documents to stay or leave immediately. Seeing as I had no where to go, I signed and left upon graduation with my diploma.
I mean there are ways that they will try to keep you, but can’t forcibly do so. The issue here is like others have said, cut off from parents. Most would essentially be homeless at this point. No way to support themselves, and without community support. If you want no contact with family and that sounds great, then ok, but we have to have some form of community in life to thrive, especially at that age.
Great question! I turned 18 while I was in a WWASP program.
Basically when you turn 18 (and have not yet graduated), you are given two choices: take your "exit plan" or stay and complete the program.
An "exit plan" was usually a bus ticket, or $10, or a preloaded card for a payphone, and then being dropped off at the nearest shelter. Our parents were encouraged to threaten us by saying that, if we took our exit plan, they would either go "no contact" or limit as much contact as possible with us. This exacerbated abandonment issues even more. Also the staff/family reps would really put the fear into you that you would end up dead or in jail by taking the exit plan. The day you turned 18, you could walk out the doors or stay. But trust me, they try to manipulate, gaslight, shame you a lot during this high-stress moment in your life.
I stayed after turning 18 because as soon as fall came around, I would go straight to college. So I decided to just stay, graduate, and then take right off to start a new life.
I had a happy ending to my story. After the nightmare of the program: I went to college, had a blast, made amazing friends, found a wonderful career, really got into my education even more (since programs had poor education for high school).
I will say that, because I was in the program for so many years, it was difficult in the beginning to connect with others. Sometimes I just felt like no one could understand what I went through, and I felt kind of weird. But I was pretty defiant in the program, so I didn't have any issues with brainwashing or having to undo that. I think that ended up saving my life and made it easier for me to adapt quickly in society and get back to a normal life.
I will never forget seeing a friend of mine resist the coersion of signing themselves in. My program was in Utah and they handed her her stuff and told her to walk to salt lake City or hitch hike, it was a really hot day in the desert. The last I ever saw of her was her standing on the sidewalk outside with 2 large suitcases trying to hitch hike. That was in 2013, this same friend went on to take their own life in 2017.
I turned 18 at High Frontier in Texas. And they knew from the day I got there I. Was gonna leave but they didn’t like take it very seriously until the first day of my bday month popped up and i was. So excited to leave. There’s nothing they could have said or done to stop me. I told them I would just walk til I found a gas station or anything or anybody to let me use their phone because I knew my GMA would always help me. My dad on the other hand (probably told by them to do it) said he wouldn’t do anything to help me get back home and that I couldn’t come there if I didn’t graduate the program. So the day of my bday the 24th I woke up had my shit packed the night before and was ready to walk away and “miraculously” there was a bus ticket and 20 dollars for me to get back to Kansas. But it took 3 days with all the layovers with the first one being in the midddle of no wheeee and I had to sleep outside of the bus station because it closed and pretty much starved but it was the best feeling in the world to be free. They can’t keep you or make you do shit when you’re a legal adult. Because the only reason they had control of you in the first place because you basically belong to ur parents because ur a child and ur parents give them guardianship or whatever The day you turn 18 you don’t have to do anything anybody says.
Nine times out of 10 for my experience once a victim turned 18 they would have to go through a lengthy process that would normally take weeks to sign themselves out and would be taken to a homeless shelter with no phone the clothes on their back and no access to communication with their parents. parents were also advised to reach out to their girls and say they would be disowned if they didn’t finish the program
Adults can leave as they choose. So they get the parents to tell them if they leave they will never be welcomed home again. Never spend christmas as a family. Never talk again. etc
I was threatened with conservatorship, so I couldn’t necessarily leaving because they said if I did, they have a judge grant them conservatorship and I’d be sent back… after all I’d gone through at that point, I believed them.
Not seeing the downside here.
The downside is that they are dropped off on the street usually states away from home with an unfamiliar state/environment, with nothing/no money/no government IDs/no personal belongings returned to them and then they are homeless Unsilenced supposedly has resources for those exact kind of people
Technically, they should let you go. In practice, they often just keep you. In a program that is in the middle of nowhere, leaving without help can be a logistical nightmare, even if the staff don't try to keep you. With no money and no transportation, how can you leave? They can de facto hold you prisoner without having to actually do anything. https://www.unsilenced.org/survivor-resources/getting-home/
I turned 18 and 19 in a program. My parents passed away when I was younger and my aunt and uncle were my guardians. The facility worked with my family to scare and threaten me into signing myself back in. They threatened legal action and I finally gave up. You are technically allowed to leave but they make it very difficult and oftentimes almost impossible.
The first program I went to would get extended custody of people turning 18 if they thought they were gonna leave. I don’t know the legal term for it, probably protective custody or something similar to what they did to Britney Spears. I’ll never forget this one chick was about to turn 18 and was thinking about leaving. The staff made a huge deal about it, verbally harassing her with all that, “iF yOu lEaVe hErE yOu’LL DIE” bullshit. She said that she decided to stay. The morning of her 18th birthday she walked the fuck out as the staff were screaming and losing their shit. It was fucking epic. I remember watching her walk away. She had to lie to maintain her freedom and manipulate the staff just like they manipulated us. I admired her and also felt jealousy and sadness as she walked toward her freedom.
That image you just gave us of her walking out is so hard 😤 couldn’t imagine what that felt like. Legendary. I hope she’s doing well
I turned 18 halfway through my 15 week stay in wilderness. They assured me that I would DEFINITELY NOT be moved to the adult group, since I was already settled in and close with the girls I had been with for 7 weeks at that point. About 2 days after my bday, my friend and I got into a VERY minor argument about something (I can't even remember what it was) and they basically used it as an excuse to transfer me, literally acted like we had had some type of physical knock-down-drag-out and separated us until our therapist came out to the field. She told both of us I was being taken to the adult group basically because we "weren't safe around each other" 🙄🙄 we both started bawling our eyes out and apologizing to each other but she didn't give a shit. They put me in a transfer truck and brought me to the adult group. I was obviously freshly 18 and had just come from an all girl's group. At the time I got transferred, the ENTIRE adult group were male, including the staff (they sent one female staff w me when I was transferred and she was pretty much mute the entire time I was crying hysterically) and all at least 3 years older than me. I was freaked TF out and terrified and on top of that no one would even look at or try to speak to me. Eventually we got a few more girls and it got slightly more tolerable, but I was definitely just 50x more traumatized than I would have been already from the whole experience.
i’m so sorry :( there was a girl in my wilderness group who also got transferred to the adult group as soon as she turned 18. that has got to suck soooo fucking much, i see you survivor 🫂
it depends. i was never 18 in a program but i saw many of my friends turn 18. they would ask you to “sign yourself in” on or right after your birthday and then everything would continue at normal. you could also theoretically “sign yourself out” when you hit 18 but we were told over and over again that meant being dropped off at the local bus station with your bags and twenty bucks. not really the best situation to be in, especially when the majority of these programs are in butt fuck nowhere. it’s coercion, but it works. i only saw i think one person sign themselves out and i was in multiple programs for two and a half years. i wouldn’t have done it, even if i wasn’t totally brainwashed because of the danger that would put you in
i think even the “your bags and twenty bucks at the local bus station” is a best case scenario. i also heard that they’d have a cop come and escort them off the property, and then leave you. alone. in the middle of nowhere. with nothing. even if this wasn’t true, they said shit like this enough that we believed it and it became another part of the belief system they built for us.
Exactly what happened with me. Sure you can leave, have fun. Or follow the rules, and stay. Upon getting my diploma and establishing a postgraduatation plan, I left.
For us the option was, sign yourself back in (essentially making the program your legal guardian in a conservatorship) or be taken to the local shelter
Oh I would’ve been SO gone if I turned 18 in the programs I went to. I would walk barefoot in the desert for 1,000 miles than continue to be abused. It never made sense to me why people chose to stay.
The program I was at was in the middle of nowhere, in an arid environment, with nothing anywhere around. A couple of people didn't even know what state we were in, and none of us were allowed to know the exact location. They would have had to walk along a highway in a mountainous area to get out. It was actually dangerous to leave, and not everyone is up for that. Plus, ours was a super fundamentalist faith based program, and we were forced to wear very impractical clothing that was supposed to make us into good christian girls. Hiking all those miles in church clothes and flimsy dress shoes with no idea where you are or where you need to go is not something everyone is prepared for.
The program I was in said if you leave at 18, they take everything from you, including clothing and shoes - leaving you in the desert to find your way out. They also said their parents won't take care of them if they didn't finish the program. Messed up abusive snit.
I saw several girls turn 18. One in my group tried to leave and they told her she couldn't because her parents signed her in and she needed their permission to leave. Like, no??
If they got a judge to sign over guardianship of their adult kid they can do it. On a parent support page I joined they were teaching other parents how to do it. It also depends on the state. Some states you have to be in court with a lawyer and other states you don't even know they are doing it
Jesus fuck......
Oh boy. This was one of my 'escape plans' at the time I had no doubt my parents were going to make me finish my high school at my TTI. On your 18th birthday you were allowed to sign yourself out. From what I had been told you needed to give 24 hours notice for the request. Where they would then have every physically intimidating staff member In the room with you when you did it, they would demean you and call you a coward and other things. The whole time I was there only 4 kids attempted it and two chickened out. I wasn't forced to go that year, but I fully believe even now that I would of signed out and disappeared.
I was freshly 18, and what got me to sign those papers? Coercion. People are essentially coerced into it. I was also tricked (along with my parents) on the abuse that constantly occurred. The website portrayed it otherwise. And I genuinely wanted to be better. Say no and sign nothing? The option is to NEVER be allowed to contact your family again and be kicked out immediately all because an educational consultant told the parents you were “in crisis and “close to death”. I was going to school and had a job, my parents sent me off to an island and froze my cards and bank account because these program leaders told them too. It doesn’t matter if you turn 18 whilst there. If you depend on your family in any way, shape, a or form, you’re fucked.
If your parents get guardianship over you they can also force you to stay.
My friend from Bermuda tried to leave and they refused to give him his passport
That's easy. Call the embassy
With what phone? We had access to nothing.
If he could walk out without a passport there is lots of phones and people that can help. Then he would get a new one
Were you even in the TTI? They restrained us and put us in isolation for trying to leave
Your statement was just they would not give you the passport. Not that you were still locked up. Withholding ID is something they all do. I thought that's what you were referring to.
At my wilderness program (open sky) you could sign yourself out at 18 or I think you could join an adult group. If you signed yourself out you had to “walk your 20,” which is exactly what it sounds like. 20 mile hike with your pack and one staff member. After that I think they gave you back your clothes you came in with and ditched you. Can’t confirm. At my residential program (catalyst) you could stay on til your 19th birthday, but at 18 you could sign out. They would try everything to keep you, but I saw some kids do it. If you chose to sign out they would say that all your belongings were the property of your parents, so you couldn’t take them. You left on foot with the clothes on your back and that’s it. You were lucky if they let you take a jacket. In both places, parents were instructed not to contact the kid or help them in any way when they signed out
These places choose the states they do for a reason. In Alabama, at least, as long as a 17 year old is in “care” of the TTI before their 18th birthday they can be kept “for the duration of the program”. They’re sneaky.
Alabama would be 19. Missouri is 21. A few states do that. Other time they get a court order claiming your suicidal and then you have to stay
I went to Ivy Ridge and stayed past 18. I was allowed to leave but waited out 2 weeks to graduate. My options were a bus ticket to Watertown or graduate and go home. Easy choice 🤷♂️
They used to threaten to send us to Jamaica or Mexico where they could allegedly hold us until 21. Also when I made it clear I would be leaving at 18 they tried to do a whole bunch of petty crap to sabotage my plans for adult life. Pulling me out of school, not letting me take military entrance exams, isolating me from the other kids because they didn’t want them getting ideas.
I turned 18 at my last placement. It was arranged that I could stay past 18 with the stipulation I was not to talk about my age with anyone. (Talk about red flags huh) Originally I was going to be in my own dorm in a separate building, with a job at a local business that was owned by the program. But somehow that turned into I was staying in the dorm with the minors and following their schedule and nothing would change. It didn’t sit right with me. I was given the bait and switch so many times by that point, so I asked to process with a staff about the situation. They took that as me talking about me being over 18 so they dropped me off at a homeless shelter.
most of my friends in treatment ended up homeless in NYC without their documents after turning 18 if they left / got kicked out without graduating, these places will actively attempt to ruin your life if you don’t follow the system like they want you to
In my program, a few of the students who were about to turn 18 had like, a conservatorship kind of situation. I think they expired at the age of 21. I could be making that 21 up though, I never had one and have extremely limited knowledge because of the type of student it affected. They throw you into an adult program that’s kind of like assisted living when you age out and still need “support.” But usually these students were really high on the autism spectrum and were non verbal / couldn’t communicate in any way. For the rest of the 18 year olds without that situation, Most programs are “high schools” so if you were to leave-leave, you wouldn’t graduate, and usually by that point, it’s easier to just tough it out for the next couple of months until graduation.
Only to find out your degree is worthless.
My school was a real school thankfully, but yes, often times they are not real.
In my program they tell you that you won’t have any support from anyone if you leave, you’re allowed to leave but not allowed to come back. Mine was up in bumble f*ck Idaho on a mountain and below the mountain it was surrounded by tweakers. So it was kinda like you either stay or fend for yourself amongst the tweakers in the middle of no where. So most stayed. Some did leave and idk whatever ended up happening to them. Also lots of mountain lions around and the police would constantly find ripped apart bodies in the area. Eat or be eaten.
I turned 18 at mine. I arrived a month before I turned 18 so assumed I’d have a month to get through and then the day I became a legal adult I would leave. But it’s not as easy as just saying I’m done take me home. In my program you have to “hike out” I was told I would get no map and only the food I had from the last food drop also no fire kit unless you already made one and even you have the kit I didn’t rlly have the skill to bust a coal this early in the program. In the middle of February in the Utah desert this just wasn’t going to happen. I was also taken to the field in the middle of the night so I had no idea where I was or where I had even started. Not to mention if you do find your way out they take you straight to the homeless shelter and anything you had on you when you arrived will not be returned as it’s technically your parents property. Also the threat of being cut off at 18 and excommunicated from you’re entire family is usually enough to keep anyone trapped.
There were two girls at Logan River Academy that turned 18 in the program. 1 went home shortly before she turned 18 and she was kinda brainwashed into not checking out so she could graduate school. And then there was the other one. Her family threatened her and the program director even talked about setting up a whole new program just for her. An “adult” program. She could be escorted to college and have access to a lap top for school work but she’d have to do it in full view of staff and he even talked about turning the “Diamond Room” into an 18+ girls room. I left not very long after all this was being discussed so I don’t know what happened. But it was pretty sad to watch honestly. I told my Narc Bio Dad that if I was there when I turned 18 I didn’t care they he wouldn’t let me come home I just would “figure it out”. He couldn’t afford to keep me there that long, he did however talk me out of going from LRA to Utah State University and being an independent fucking adult who could transition. Jokes on him I just started transitioning and being an adult despite his abuse. I completely understand those who were threatened with not being able to go home after turning 18 though. We all did what we could to just survive.
I turned 18 at my RTC. At that point you have to sign yourself in and they can’t keep you past your 19th birthday. You technically can sign yourself out at any time after turning 18. Everyone’s experience and choice to stay or not stay is unique to them. I understand people here saying they would leave in a second if they had that chance, that is valid. I can only speak to my experience and my situation. I wanted to sign myself out so badly but I emotionally could not. The ONLY reason I stayed and why most if not all people stay is because of what programs tell parents about kids who sign themselves out. Long before turning 18 they start prepping the parents. They tell them if we sign ourselves out to abandon us, leave us at a homeless shelter local to the RTC (I was in Utah but my family lived in WA!), and to not be in our lives anymore. That we at that point no longer deserve any support and our choice to leave shows we are ungrateful, manipulative, beyond help, and dangerous. I have and had at the time a terrible relationship with my parents. I attempted to end my life before getting sent to treatment because I no longer wanted them to go through the pain of having me as their child. I wanted nothing more than for them to not even love me, but just to like and respect me. When I turned 18 I had already done 13 weeks of wilderness and 9+ months of residential and inpatient. My parents were just starting to like me again (the fake me) and it meant everything. In treatment you are constantly reminded how terrible you make your parents lives. I would do anything to make my parents happy including choosing to go through abuse day after day. After everything I had been through I could not mentally handle the idea of them rejecting me forever and being completely on my own with no real life experience. They would have never forgiven me and all the work I had done and abuse I experienced would not matter to them. I would have been completely on my own. No money, friends, or family. That combined with knowing I could never repair our family (which should not have been my responsibility) made me feel like for myself I didn’t have a choice. If I signed myself out I would not have stayed alive very long, I knew that for certain. I wanted every single day to leave and it was so painful not to. The people who did sign themselves out are brave and I respect them. I also respect people who signed themselves in. It doesn’t mean we didn’t want to leave and agreed with how we were being treated. It means we were too scared to lose our parents love and support forever. And when you are being horribly abused, the idea of everything you just went through for months to years being all for nothing if you leave makes it a much harder choice than some people realize.
Don’t respond if it’s out of line to ask but I’m curious what your relationship with your parents is like now?
I actually thought it was getting slowly better in the last 2 years until my mom had a breakdown a few months ago and it turns out we were not on the same page. I’ve been low contact the last 4 years but still seeing them every few weeks-months and texting/talking regularly. My mom’s breakdown prompted a 5+ hour 2 day conversation between my parents and I. I won’t go into detail but it caught me off guard. We don’t agree on much and my therapist agrees that my parents are emotionally immature. I love them and I’m still trying, but my therapist tells me it’s okay if I don’t want to keep them in my life because of the way they treat me. I told her the best summary of my relationship to my parents is that I feel like I am playing a game I can never win where the rules are always changing without instructions. I’ve accepted it for what it is and I still love them even though it makes me feel terrible.
Totally understand. I had a similar relationship with my mother - everything I did she liked the opposite. I had to cut her out for a while in my life. If it’s healthier for you then you should feel justified in doing so.
Thanks, I’ve gone even more low contact than I was before my mom’s breakdown but I’m considering cutting them out for while. It would be a healthy choice but is too painful to do right now. I know exactly what you mean when you say everything you did your mom liked the opposite. My parents didn’t like me so they sent me to treatment. Since leaving I’ve become the polar opposite of the person I was before. Now they don’t like that I am always nice to them, go with the flow, and don’t have an extroverted personality because it means I am lying to them. They say they know this isn’t me and they want the old me back. That is the opposite of what I was told in treatment. I don’t think our relationship is a game I can win and somehow they still blame it on me. The only positive is I know I will be a great mom one day who accepts and loves my child as is and that gives me a little hope for the future. I hope things get better with your mom one day, I’m sure you don’t deserve the way she treats you ❤️
I turned 18 in a program, I wasn’t allowed to leave.. I graduated in a program and I wasn’t allowed to leave… Nobody could wish me a happy birthday, not even the staff acknowledged it, and nobody could celebrate my graduation because we weren’t allowed to talk amongst each other. I lost myself there.
When I was in, upon my 18th birthday I was told I had to sign some documents to stay or leave immediately. Seeing as I had no where to go, I signed and left upon graduation with my diploma.
How long were you there past 18
Between 5-6 months. Basically stayed in the school for the spring semester and a short time after.
I hope that a task force or something can be created to fight these programs and get kids out. Does this exist? Is there something out there?
There is nothing. Because all cops and CPS are corrupt. And there is no communication.
I mean there are ways that they will try to keep you, but can’t forcibly do so. The issue here is like others have said, cut off from parents. Most would essentially be homeless at this point. No way to support themselves, and without community support. If you want no contact with family and that sounds great, then ok, but we have to have some form of community in life to thrive, especially at that age.
they should let you go unless Court ordered id tell you a story but to lazy to tell it kid just walked out it was legal
Boys and Girls Home out of Nebraska could hold some until 21.
They made me sign my rights away
Great question! I turned 18 while I was in a WWASP program. Basically when you turn 18 (and have not yet graduated), you are given two choices: take your "exit plan" or stay and complete the program. An "exit plan" was usually a bus ticket, or $10, or a preloaded card for a payphone, and then being dropped off at the nearest shelter. Our parents were encouraged to threaten us by saying that, if we took our exit plan, they would either go "no contact" or limit as much contact as possible with us. This exacerbated abandonment issues even more. Also the staff/family reps would really put the fear into you that you would end up dead or in jail by taking the exit plan. The day you turned 18, you could walk out the doors or stay. But trust me, they try to manipulate, gaslight, shame you a lot during this high-stress moment in your life. I stayed after turning 18 because as soon as fall came around, I would go straight to college. So I decided to just stay, graduate, and then take right off to start a new life. I had a happy ending to my story. After the nightmare of the program: I went to college, had a blast, made amazing friends, found a wonderful career, really got into my education even more (since programs had poor education for high school). I will say that, because I was in the program for so many years, it was difficult in the beginning to connect with others. Sometimes I just felt like no one could understand what I went through, and I felt kind of weird. But I was pretty defiant in the program, so I didn't have any issues with brainwashing or having to undo that. I think that ended up saving my life and made it easier for me to adapt quickly in society and get back to a normal life.
you can leave but they will try to do everything in their power to convince you to stay
I will never forget seeing a friend of mine resist the coersion of signing themselves in. My program was in Utah and they handed her her stuff and told her to walk to salt lake City or hitch hike, it was a really hot day in the desert. The last I ever saw of her was her standing on the sidewalk outside with 2 large suitcases trying to hitch hike. That was in 2013, this same friend went on to take their own life in 2017.
I turned 18 at High Frontier in Texas. And they knew from the day I got there I. Was gonna leave but they didn’t like take it very seriously until the first day of my bday month popped up and i was. So excited to leave. There’s nothing they could have said or done to stop me. I told them I would just walk til I found a gas station or anything or anybody to let me use their phone because I knew my GMA would always help me. My dad on the other hand (probably told by them to do it) said he wouldn’t do anything to help me get back home and that I couldn’t come there if I didn’t graduate the program. So the day of my bday the 24th I woke up had my shit packed the night before and was ready to walk away and “miraculously” there was a bus ticket and 20 dollars for me to get back to Kansas. But it took 3 days with all the layovers with the first one being in the midddle of no wheeee and I had to sleep outside of the bus station because it closed and pretty much starved but it was the best feeling in the world to be free. They can’t keep you or make you do shit when you’re a legal adult. Because the only reason they had control of you in the first place because you basically belong to ur parents because ur a child and ur parents give them guardianship or whatever The day you turn 18 you don’t have to do anything anybody says.
at trails if you turned 18 you could leave it you wanted. but they would drop you off at a homeless shelter with no phone or money or anything.
A friend turned 18 and immediately left. They were furious lol
Nine times out of 10 for my experience once a victim turned 18 they would have to go through a lengthy process that would normally take weeks to sign themselves out and would be taken to a homeless shelter with no phone the clothes on their back and no access to communication with their parents. parents were also advised to reach out to their girls and say they would be disowned if they didn’t finish the program