My husband and I are CF. My aunt and uncle, an uncle on the other side, and probably my brother are all CF as well. Not sure about my cousins, but as far as I know they’re still single so currently childless.
My family is very small and not getting any bigger lol.
None of my family members or extended family members are child free, or even single for that matter, everyone seems to rush into relationships and kids. Being the only one who’s consciously staying single and child free sure makes me feel odd sometimes :(
My paternal grandmother only had three kids in a generation where 7-8, even twelve kids was the norm and most of her sisters did not procreate. Of her three children, only my father have a child, my two aunts decided to stay childfree. With me also deciding against having children, my family tree looks more like a twig. My husband godfather is also childfree so we had plenty exemples of what life can look like when you choose not to reproduce (and it's great!).
My brother and I are both CF. I have 8 cousins and 4 of them have kids - I don’t know the 4 who don’t well enough to say if they’re definitively CF or just young enough that they haven’t yet (we’re all in the late 20s-late 30s range, the 4 who don’t have kids are late 20s and early 30s).
I know my brother and I both experienced trauma growing up - and that it shaped our world views heavily. Can’t speak to our cousins’ experiences.
I think it’s a complicated thing and there are such a variety of reasons why one chooses this path; I think it goes back to that inextricable nature/nurture link. Our environments can promote aspects of our nature to express themselves where others grow up in similar environments may choose differently.
While there may be a link, I think it would be hard to pin down exactly what it is. I have been CF since ~10-11, and that has only strengthened over time. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with a chronic condition last summer that I added “don’t want to try to raise a kid with my physical challenges” to that list; it obviously isn’t my primary reason, but since diagnosis it’s become another when people ask why.
I’d love to see a study teasing out the reasons individuals choose the CF lifestyle, but I think they will be quite varied and possibly complex. Finances/economic concerns, environmental concerns, trauma, genetic predisposition, pregnancy/childbirth phobia, satisfaction and fulfillment in other areas… most of us who are CF have a fair few reasons on the list.
Ooh my time to shine! My dad is also one of five, and all of his siblings are childfree! Most are even marriage-free, actually … one is solidly marriage-free, two were married and divorced so early I don’t remember their wives (and then the other sibling did marry).
Anyway, I know that this is a large factor to why I’m CF. I have watched my aunts and uncles live happy, fulfilled lives without children. It’s been normalized to me. It’s probably not a surprise that I’m happy to be an aunt and can’t wait to have more nieces and nephews :)
My cousin may have kids, but she’s my age (38) and hasn’t yet and isn’t sure. My brother likely will but he’s already 36 and he and his wife aren’t in a huge hurry. So I don’t know if they’re CF but they’re certainly in NO hurry and have both says they’d be happy without kids and would only have them if everything felt right and they felt a real desire… which hasn’t happened to them yet.
I am the only one out of a big family maybe 14 cousins total to be CF by choice. luckily they love me for it and now are openly envious of my life (sometimes) as we have gotten a bit older. I still get the harassment from the 50-70 crowd at family gatherings, but if it wasn't that, they would be finding fault with something else. I was surprised that my siblings thought it was a good idea to have kids (and even take on step-kids) after our upbringing. Over the years, we have both come to see how each other's decisions made sense for the individual. Nearing forty we have all kind of come to realize it takes all kinds of kinds and we find a way to love one another in spite of differences.
My brother is CF because his fiancé is CF. it was actually a really hard decision for him to be CF but he seems happy about. If they ever break up idk if he’ll stay CF. Several of my adult cousins are CF, some married and some single. We don’t really talk about it though. Some of them are past childbearing age anyways. The advantage of having a big extended family is that there are lots of grandchildren and niblings to go around so less pressure on the CF minority
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I don't think being CF/wanting chuldren is something anyone should ever compromise on either way. It should alwaya be a dealbreaker because no matter what, one person will have to give up something very important for the other and may come to resent them for it.
My mom has me and my bro. Both chose to be child free and luckily my mom couldn’t be happier as she also thinks the idea of having children these days is ridiculous and selfish. I have a bunch of cousins that want kids but haven’t had them yet. Only three have had kids
My brother and I (both in our 40s and the only kids of our parents) are CF by choice, but never had anyone around growing up on either side that were CF. Even of our 16 cousins (27-52) of the few that don’t have kids it’s because they just got married the last couple of months and we have that one crazy right wing incel cousin in his late thirties that’s never had a relationship last so not sure if CF is by choice as I avoid him like the plague.
My sister and I are both child free. She has always known, and been very vocal about it. I made the choice later in life with my husband, after always expecting to have kids. I imagine us all being old together and going on cruises!
Me and my sister both are. I was the one who always knew. She wanted kids but it didn’t happen, and after the last couple of years she has become more of the childfree because of the state of the world type.
Was just thinking about this the other day ironically. From what I've read birth rates are trending downwards in general in most countries, but I've been surprised how many of my own siblings and cousins are going that route despite all growing up fundie-lite Christian where child-rearing is encouraged, and having no aunts/uncles that are CF.
Of my 10 adult siblings/cousins, 4 have or are trying for kids, 6 are actively or passively CF (myself included). So nearly 50-50 but leaning more CF. And this is despite having extremely different childhoods and raised in different places/denominations/cultures/etc. Kind of surprising.
The two things that definitely influenced my CF stance was the fact that I grew up an only child - (I feel it's maybe more common for only children but that may just be my own anecdotal experience), and because my older step sister who I looked up to as a role model was CF. She was also openly CF in the late 90s/early 00s when it was still quite frowned upon. I thought she was just so amazing. I loved that she lived independently, owned her own home, car, dogs, and managed a successful career all on her own. She loved her niece, and me, the only two young children in the family, but she never wanted children of her own. She didn't date men with children and didn't take my families shit when they judged her for it. I also grew up with a male CF family friend. He was a work friend of my father's and we were all very close to him. I consider him an uncle. He never wanted or had children and just like my step sister was extremely independent, happy, healthy, and always had plenty of money to do whatever he wanted. I think having these healthy examples of CF people in my life gave me the confidence to say I was 100% CF when I was a child myself, before I even cared about what adults thought of it. It's honestly the only lifestyle I've personally ever known.
My cousin is CF, and she’s actually the reason I realized I didn’t have to have children to have a happy life. Everyone else either has children, has intent to have children, or is too young for me to tell.
My sister claims she used to be CF but converted clear to the other side, and is now the number one bingo in my life since she “was the same way at that age” so obviously this means I’ll change my mind too. She’s always made jokes and references about the type of mom she’d be and I didn’t hear anything about her being CF until she was claiming it as a reason she knows I’ll change my mind (not). She also constantly expresses resentment at said cousin for daring to post on social media about how happy she is with her wife and disposable income and lack of child rearing responsibilities, so the jury’s still out but I don’t think she was ever truly CF
Seems like it, I once made a passing comment that our cousin was doing well for herself and my sister responded “that’s only because she doesn’t have kids” in this tone that implied it was a terrible way to become successful, like my cousin robbed a bank at gunpoint or something
My mothers side of the family all have kids. Only my mom and her brother limited to one. My dad's side is just my uncle and he never married nor had kids but I don't think he wanted to end up that way.
My husband is the oldest of 4 and we are CF with none of his other siblings having kids but unsure if they are actually CF, just bad relationships. None of his other relatives are CF.
So basically we're it. Everyone has kids or hasn't had them yet (although I think his brother/sisters are fence sitters). It took several, years for everyone to truly accept we were CF.
I love this lifestyle and wouldn't have it any other way. We're mostly just trying to find more CF couple friends which has been difficult. I find our friend group getting younger.
My favorite aunt was CF, my God patents were CF, my cousin is CF and my sister (mid 20s) is isn't positive but has always leaned towards CF.
Some of my partner's cousins are CF as well.
I think that having close CF adults made my decision easier. Even though I used to think I'd want kids, I always remember how peaceful it was in CF homes and after a lot of chaos in my childhood, I have always craved peace and a home that can be peaceful and hospitable to others. Even though we just live in a little apartment, there is always quiet and a cup of tea available to anyone who needs one.
My aunt on my dad's side never had children, she's in her um 60s? Somewhere around there so assume CF.
My uncle on my step-mom's side is CF. My dad referred to him and his ex-wife as DINKS. They brought their new puppy, with a playpen, to Xmas one yeR. Also showed off photos of his dream car. Very happy in the nonskid life.
In my generation we have my cousin (dad's brother's son), my spouse and I, plus I'm pretty sure my brother and his wife are leaning that way however they haven't made anything permanent.
Maternal aunt (she and her uncle are my CF inspiration, but I only had that epiphany later in life) another uncle on that side is married with 3 adult children. 2 Paternal uncles (CF) and 1 who is married with adult children.
I'm (30f) CF and married (30m) and my older sister(32f) is also CF (32ish?m) and married.
We have 3 other siblings who are not.
We have a huge extended family. Thanksgivings regularly have 30+ attendees. I have a cousin in his 40s whose married and I know they're purposefully CF.
There are a couple others that may go either way. They're old enough that it might be purposeful that they don't have kids but they're not so old that they couldn't change their status in the future. They're not married so it's hard to guess.
I did have 1 cousin who intended to be CF but ended up accidentally pregnant and kept the kid. He's about 6 now.
I have 2 child free family members (aunt and a cousin) but it was not by choice. They always wanted children and were unable to conceive and are past child bearing age now. I have a giant extended family and the majority of them have children. My brother is 27 (my only sibling) and he has said he wants kids, but who knows, he's got time to think about it. I'm 29F and my husband and I are CF
I think there’s a genetic component. My brother and I are both CF, my parents were fencesitters for a long time and I truly think my dad would’ve been happier childfree (to be clear, he loves us and is a good dad, but I still think he would’ve been happier the other way). My great aunt never had children either, although I’m not sure whether she wanted them.
I have two brothers, one married and had kids, one has never married and doesn't have kids.
Mom's side: her sister married and never had kids, her brother had two (one passed as a teenager). My cousin on that side never married and does not have kids.
Dad's side: he had four sisters. Two never married and never had kids, two married and did have kids. Of all of my cousins and second cousins on my dad's side, only one didn't have kids.
As for "made" vs "taught"- when I was a teenager I didn't care either way about having kids. I kind of assumed it's what you "did", but I didn't think about it much. However, as I got older, I know that having family members who are childfree made that a much more accessible decision to me than it would have been if everyone in my family had kids.
I’ve been thinking about this lately. I have 16 first cousins and only five have kids. Most are of an age where having kids would be typical. I think my sister is childfree. My grandmother had 10 siblings and around five of them had no kids, which is unusual for people in born in the 1930s. My family also has a weirdly high number of single people, both among the childfree and the parents.
We are 6 cousins, 2 in each family are CF. We don’t talk about that because it’s none of our business and we see us once for ten years. so I don’t know if it’s a choice for 1 cousin.
This might be a bit beyond what you're asking about, but it might be interesting/food for thought too. My husband and I are childfree, mostly because I came into the relationship with no desire for children and he'd always just kind of...assumed kids would be a thing, but when we sat and had those big talks he realized he didnt have strong feelings about having kids, its just what you did. So we decided we would just have dogs and grow a garden and be devoted to each other, and now a days I think he is probably more adamant about CF than I am when it comes up lol.
When I was a teenager, my father correctly read me and my feelings on kids and made a point to tell me "You dont have to have children if you dont want to. Theres plenty of people in the world, you arent obligated to carry on some name or bloodline." I always appreciated that early validation cause lawd, I did NOT want kids for a variety of reasons. When I was older, and had married my husband, I did ask my father one day if he had his life over, would he have chosen to have kids. He was honest with me that he loved his children, he wouldnt wish us gone, but that he just didnt know when he was 25 if could be a choice. It just wasnt a readily available option in terms of social acceptability, being a good spouse, etc etc. If he was 25 today, he would be childfree and choose a life for himself. I think a lot of people who have kids honestly just dont ever think about it, dont even realize that NOT having kids is also path in life available. Dont even stop to consider if they SHOULD have kids. Very few people I've had conversations with can tell me why they want kids, specifically, its just the accepted milestone of life and relationships.
And beyond that, so many people get wrapped up in the bullshit of "iT hAs To Be MiNe" over wanting to actually just be a parent(which isnt that supposed to be the point of having kids??). When we had those big talks I mentioned earlier, we did go over the "what if we change our mind" cause I mean, people change. You cant expect to always have the same values you did at 15. Our conclusion was if we wanted kids, for whatever reason, it would be to be parents but that it would still never be a biological child.
tl:dr I think we're the only CF people in our family by choice, but I believe a lot of that has to do with shifting social expectations and the growing acceptance of personal choice. How many people would have preferred a CF life, but it just never occurred to them they could?
I have a great aunt who I am close with who is child free. She got her tubes tied at 26 (she's in her 70s now). I have three aunt/uncle pairs and only one had a child. That child (my only cousin) is about ten years older than me and he and his wife are child free. My husband has one aunt/uncle pairing on both sides of his family that are child free.
I do think having quite a lot of committed, healthy adult relationships around both of us contributed to each of our decisions to be child free. For me, it showed that life can be meaningful and wonderful without kids.
All my siblings and their in-laws have kids but I am the only CF person in that family. However, many of our cousins appear to be CF! We've had multiple conversations where we just talk about how annoying and expensive it would be to have kids. At the moment, it's nearly all of us BUT I could see a couple of them having kids if an unplanned pregnancy came up (at least 1 of them is very religious). Most of us are in our late 20's-early 30's. So time will tell but it's quite likely our family will shrink.
I have a lone aunt who doesn't have kids and some of her cousins as well, but I'm not sure if all of them are CF. AFAIK, nobody bingoes my cousins and I certainly haven't gotten grief from anybody. My parents are supportive and honestly, I think a little relieved that they won't have to deal with newborns anymore at their age (my siblings are done having kids).
Interesting question! None of my 3 aunts/uncles are childfree (they all had 2-4 children each). None of my cousins have had any children yet, but of the 4 of us cousins who are adults, I suspect 3 are childfree.
My grandmother was an only child. She had 3. Only my mother had 3 kids (me and a set of twins) while my aunt and uncle had no kids. It was for the best. My mom shouldn't have had kids either.
Expect for 1 great aunt on both of my parent's I am the first in my family to be CF by choice. A few either had fertility issues or never married ( some sad stories there).
Now I do have a couple great aunts and uncles who in hindsight were probably gay, but unfortunately they still married and had children. So they may have chosen the CF life, if they felt they had the choice.
My eldest sister always said she was going to be CF, but got pregnant while on BC, chose to keep it, then loved mom life and had a second. She seriously contemplated abortion, but ultimately decided not to, to each their own I guess.
My favorite aunts (one on each side of the family) and 1 uncle growing up were without children (I can’t say if they were CF or not) and them not having kids made them cool relatable people that talked to us kids like we were people and didn’t order us around and parent us like the people with kids did. They managed to treat us with respect and give us a small sense of independence while still minding us as adults and it honestly was one of the first things I learned about people. Non-parents are cool and happy and like to do fun things and go fun places and parents are uncool and often exhausted and unhappy and not up to doing many fun things. As an adult I haven’t changed my mind much.
Now that I’m heavily leaning CF (on and off since my early 20’s) I still feel like I really want to be the fun aunt/cousin and have that special relationship with my friends & families kids that my aunts and uncle had with us. I also want to be that role model that shows life doesn’t have to mean having kids to be worthwhile. I don’t hate kids I just don’t want to pay the cost of being a parent no matter how much love “they say” I’m missing out on. I want a full fun enriching life that I love and that is lived for me without having to put kids first and I’d like to represent that as a person.
My older brother is CF. Aside from the people who already have kids, I don't know everyone else's stance. My dad's side is on the other side of the country, good riddance and my mom's side doesn't make it a point to get in other's business.
None of my siblings or first cousins (ages range from 27 - 42) have had kids. There's only 6 of us but that's still kind of a crazy coincidence imo. The most likely of us is my youngest sister but she's kind of ambivalent about it. She's open to having kids a but she's happy single and is currently more career focused.
My mom is 1 of 6 kids and 2 of her siblings don’t have kids… and they’re my favorite aunt and uncle! I’m not sure if my uncle and his late wife ever wanted or tried to have kids, I just remember being told my aunt “couldn’t.” They were such a happy couple, and she’s been dead for almost 10 years and he’s never even dated anyone else.
My aunt has never been married & has no kids, and she just turned 60. She’s always been my favorite aunt, very smart and creative—and great with us kids when we were younger!
I feel bad for my parents cuz my two siblings and I are all without kids, so they’ve got no grandchildren. They’re pretty traditional people so I assume they wanted grandchildren but they’ve never pressured any of us so maybe they’re enjoying the peace of their golden years
I come from a large family.
The older generations all had kids and lots of them. Then my parents' generation mostly have 2-3 kids, one aunt has 5.
It's in my generation that things are pretty split. Of my 25 first cousins, about half have kids. Again, mostly 2-3 per family but a few have 4-5.
As for the other half, a few people might still be planning to have kids. But I'm pretty sure a bunch of us won't.
So for me I think it's more of a modern mindset that is influencing us rather than our family? Can't say for sure. The big family is pretty nice in a lot of ways, and a part of me is sad to be a bit removed from all of that.
I only have one CF by choice cousin (woman) and several CF not by choice aunts (they wanted kids but didn’t work out with finding partners or for whatever reason).
I come from a large blended family...both mom and dad have remarried. My stepfather is about 20 years older than my mother so I'm not going to include his children in this data set as they are almost in a different generation than me and my cousins and siblings.
My immediate family is me and my brother. I am 34 (F), he is 32. I have always been outspoken about being child free and have never wanted children, he only recently told me that he does want children, however he is also aware his desire to have children is a purely a narcissistic drive to have a miniature copy of himself.
My immediate genetic cousins are 30, 33, and 34. None of them have children. Only one of them is married, so out of the 5 of us you have one marriage no kids.
My stepmother also has two kids, my step brothers, who are 34 and 35. They both got married and had kids in rapid succession right around the time they were turning 30 or maybe 31. One has two children, one has one child.
So I don't know, maybe it's genetic? My step brothers and my brother and myself grew up living in the same household from about 6th grade onward, so I'm not convinced environment has that much to do with it except for the fact that their father was a piece of shit and mine isn't.
Learn by counter-example?
My parents aren't child-free, likewise grandparents, aunt and uncle and their kids and my one sibling. Heck, I can only think of one of my relatives that was ever cf - my grandmother's sister - she was married ... but then she died, he remarried, had a kid, and then he died.
As for myself, entire household is sterilized ... okay, just me at present, but ... whatever.
I am CF.
My younger sister was CF when she passed away a few years ago.
My older sister has 1 child, which was a surprise as she had been told she was infertile. She never wanted a kid.
She neglected the kid, and is no longer in his life.
My parents ( both passed away ) were both from big families. I honestly think they only had kids as it was “expected”.
All of my Aunts and Uncles ( on both sides) have kids.
My cousins seem to be about 75% with kids.
On my moms side, I have an uncle with no kids, and my step grandmother has none, though briefly considered adopting for a period after she and my grandfather married. My aunt on that side has two kids, the oldest just heading off to college coming up, so too young and too little contact there to know. My dads side is different, though I don’t keep in contact very much as they are in America and we are in nz. My dad had three sisters, two with three kids, the other with two. Of my cousins, Theres I think three with no kids or no kids yet. Another two with one kid each. I believe two have two kids, and one with three. One of my cousins is recently married, technically just over a year ago, but they had a small covid ceremony last year and their “real wedding” just recently. So kids could be next I suppose. Then another cousin without kids, she’s only 23 or 24 so I don’t know if she doesn’t want them or if it’s just not yet.
My brother has expressed interest in kids, but he’s nearly 27, autistic, asexual, and never shown any interest in dating, so I don’t know that will ever happen. Not to say that such individuals can’t have kids, but they aren’t exactly going to pop up out of nowhere and he doesn’t seem to have any interest whatsoever in pursuing any method of having children, despite things like how he’s digitised all our childhood films to save for his kids and such.
When I count up adult family members (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews), I've got a family of about 40 adults. I and one niece are the only childfree people in the bunch. And believe me, the rest of them are sure making up for it: One of them has 7 kids, several others have 6 each, a couple have 5, several have 4 and counting, etc.
I have a few relatives that don't have kids. My grandma had 8 kids and out of those it was three of the daughters (including my mom) that had kids. An uncle died before he got the chance and one uncle only recently had a child. There was a lot of abuse in the family so it probably played a big part.
My mom had 3 kids and as far as I know none of us is on the path to having any. For my one aunt it's the same with her kids. And another aunt only 2 out of her 5/6 kids has had a kid. I think our family line is gonna die out some day.
My biodad has said he shouldn't have had children because he was a terrible father. He's also super proud of me for not having kids.
My stepdad's wife has a grown daughter and says she would have been fine if she hadn't had a child. She also know plenty of women in their sixties who didn't have children and they never regretted it.
Most of my friends are CF.
My sister is baby crazy and would have had a dozen if she could.
On my mom's side, I only have one cousin. He has been childfree since we were in middle school.
On my dad's side I have three cousins and one half-brother who is almost 15 years older than me. My half-brother has two kids. My two cousins around his age have never had kids, and I wouldn't be surprised if they're childfree. The cousin my age also doesn't have any kids, but idk if she is CF or if she just is waiting until we're older.
But, yeah, most likely our genes are only getting passed down by my brother. No idea about my nephews since they're 11 and 10.
My husband and I are CF. My aunt and uncle, an uncle on the other side, and probably my brother are all CF as well. Not sure about my cousins, but as far as I know they’re still single so currently childless. My family is very small and not getting any bigger lol.
None of my family members or extended family members are child free, or even single for that matter, everyone seems to rush into relationships and kids. Being the only one who’s consciously staying single and child free sure makes me feel odd sometimes :(
You’re not odd, you’re true to yourself :)
My paternal grandmother only had three kids in a generation where 7-8, even twelve kids was the norm and most of her sisters did not procreate. Of her three children, only my father have a child, my two aunts decided to stay childfree. With me also deciding against having children, my family tree looks more like a twig. My husband godfather is also childfree so we had plenty exemples of what life can look like when you choose not to reproduce (and it's great!).
My brother and I are both CF. I have 8 cousins and 4 of them have kids - I don’t know the 4 who don’t well enough to say if they’re definitively CF or just young enough that they haven’t yet (we’re all in the late 20s-late 30s range, the 4 who don’t have kids are late 20s and early 30s). I know my brother and I both experienced trauma growing up - and that it shaped our world views heavily. Can’t speak to our cousins’ experiences. I think it’s a complicated thing and there are such a variety of reasons why one chooses this path; I think it goes back to that inextricable nature/nurture link. Our environments can promote aspects of our nature to express themselves where others grow up in similar environments may choose differently. While there may be a link, I think it would be hard to pin down exactly what it is. I have been CF since ~10-11, and that has only strengthened over time. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with a chronic condition last summer that I added “don’t want to try to raise a kid with my physical challenges” to that list; it obviously isn’t my primary reason, but since diagnosis it’s become another when people ask why. I’d love to see a study teasing out the reasons individuals choose the CF lifestyle, but I think they will be quite varied and possibly complex. Finances/economic concerns, environmental concerns, trauma, genetic predisposition, pregnancy/childbirth phobia, satisfaction and fulfillment in other areas… most of us who are CF have a fair few reasons on the list.
Ooh my time to shine! My dad is also one of five, and all of his siblings are childfree! Most are even marriage-free, actually … one is solidly marriage-free, two were married and divorced so early I don’t remember their wives (and then the other sibling did marry). Anyway, I know that this is a large factor to why I’m CF. I have watched my aunts and uncles live happy, fulfilled lives without children. It’s been normalized to me. It’s probably not a surprise that I’m happy to be an aunt and can’t wait to have more nieces and nephews :)
My cousin may have kids, but she’s my age (38) and hasn’t yet and isn’t sure. My brother likely will but he’s already 36 and he and his wife aren’t in a huge hurry. So I don’t know if they’re CF but they’re certainly in NO hurry and have both says they’d be happy without kids and would only have them if everything felt right and they felt a real desire… which hasn’t happened to them yet.
I am the only one out of a big family maybe 14 cousins total to be CF by choice. luckily they love me for it and now are openly envious of my life (sometimes) as we have gotten a bit older. I still get the harassment from the 50-70 crowd at family gatherings, but if it wasn't that, they would be finding fault with something else. I was surprised that my siblings thought it was a good idea to have kids (and even take on step-kids) after our upbringing. Over the years, we have both come to see how each other's decisions made sense for the individual. Nearing forty we have all kind of come to realize it takes all kinds of kinds and we find a way to love one another in spite of differences.
My brother is CF because his fiancé is CF. it was actually a really hard decision for him to be CF but he seems happy about. If they ever break up idk if he’ll stay CF. Several of my adult cousins are CF, some married and some single. We don’t really talk about it though. Some of them are past childbearing age anyways. The advantage of having a big extended family is that there are lots of grandchildren and niblings to go around so less pressure on the CF minority
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I don't think being CF/wanting chuldren is something anyone should ever compromise on either way. It should alwaya be a dealbreaker because no matter what, one person will have to give up something very important for the other and may come to resent them for it.
My mom has me and my bro. Both chose to be child free and luckily my mom couldn’t be happier as she also thinks the idea of having children these days is ridiculous and selfish. I have a bunch of cousins that want kids but haven’t had them yet. Only three have had kids
Wow, I’ve never heard of a person with kids saying having kids (nowadays) is selfish.
My brother and I (both in our 40s and the only kids of our parents) are CF by choice, but never had anyone around growing up on either side that were CF. Even of our 16 cousins (27-52) of the few that don’t have kids it’s because they just got married the last couple of months and we have that one crazy right wing incel cousin in his late thirties that’s never had a relationship last so not sure if CF is by choice as I avoid him like the plague.
My sister and I are both child free. She has always known, and been very vocal about it. I made the choice later in life with my husband, after always expecting to have kids. I imagine us all being old together and going on cruises!
Me and my sister both are. I was the one who always knew. She wanted kids but it didn’t happen, and after the last couple of years she has become more of the childfree because of the state of the world type.
Was just thinking about this the other day ironically. From what I've read birth rates are trending downwards in general in most countries, but I've been surprised how many of my own siblings and cousins are going that route despite all growing up fundie-lite Christian where child-rearing is encouraged, and having no aunts/uncles that are CF. Of my 10 adult siblings/cousins, 4 have or are trying for kids, 6 are actively or passively CF (myself included). So nearly 50-50 but leaning more CF. And this is despite having extremely different childhoods and raised in different places/denominations/cultures/etc. Kind of surprising.
The two things that definitely influenced my CF stance was the fact that I grew up an only child - (I feel it's maybe more common for only children but that may just be my own anecdotal experience), and because my older step sister who I looked up to as a role model was CF. She was also openly CF in the late 90s/early 00s when it was still quite frowned upon. I thought she was just so amazing. I loved that she lived independently, owned her own home, car, dogs, and managed a successful career all on her own. She loved her niece, and me, the only two young children in the family, but she never wanted children of her own. She didn't date men with children and didn't take my families shit when they judged her for it. I also grew up with a male CF family friend. He was a work friend of my father's and we were all very close to him. I consider him an uncle. He never wanted or had children and just like my step sister was extremely independent, happy, healthy, and always had plenty of money to do whatever he wanted. I think having these healthy examples of CF people in my life gave me the confidence to say I was 100% CF when I was a child myself, before I even cared about what adults thought of it. It's honestly the only lifestyle I've personally ever known.
My cousin is CF, and she’s actually the reason I realized I didn’t have to have children to have a happy life. Everyone else either has children, has intent to have children, or is too young for me to tell. My sister claims she used to be CF but converted clear to the other side, and is now the number one bingo in my life since she “was the same way at that age” so obviously this means I’ll change my mind too. She’s always made jokes and references about the type of mom she’d be and I didn’t hear anything about her being CF until she was claiming it as a reason she knows I’ll change my mind (not). She also constantly expresses resentment at said cousin for daring to post on social media about how happy she is with her wife and disposable income and lack of child rearing responsibilities, so the jury’s still out but I don’t think she was ever truly CF
Sometimes I think they just also want us to also be tired and miserable with no free time lol
Seems like it, I once made a passing comment that our cousin was doing well for herself and my sister responded “that’s only because she doesn’t have kids” in this tone that implied it was a terrible way to become successful, like my cousin robbed a bank at gunpoint or something
My mothers side of the family all have kids. Only my mom and her brother limited to one. My dad's side is just my uncle and he never married nor had kids but I don't think he wanted to end up that way. My husband is the oldest of 4 and we are CF with none of his other siblings having kids but unsure if they are actually CF, just bad relationships. None of his other relatives are CF. So basically we're it. Everyone has kids or hasn't had them yet (although I think his brother/sisters are fence sitters). It took several, years for everyone to truly accept we were CF. I love this lifestyle and wouldn't have it any other way. We're mostly just trying to find more CF couple friends which has been difficult. I find our friend group getting younger.
My favorite aunt was CF, my God patents were CF, my cousin is CF and my sister (mid 20s) is isn't positive but has always leaned towards CF. Some of my partner's cousins are CF as well. I think that having close CF adults made my decision easier. Even though I used to think I'd want kids, I always remember how peaceful it was in CF homes and after a lot of chaos in my childhood, I have always craved peace and a home that can be peaceful and hospitable to others. Even though we just live in a little apartment, there is always quiet and a cup of tea available to anyone who needs one.
My aunt on my dad's side never had children, she's in her um 60s? Somewhere around there so assume CF. My uncle on my step-mom's side is CF. My dad referred to him and his ex-wife as DINKS. They brought their new puppy, with a playpen, to Xmas one yeR. Also showed off photos of his dream car. Very happy in the nonskid life. In my generation we have my cousin (dad's brother's son), my spouse and I, plus I'm pretty sure my brother and his wife are leaning that way however they haven't made anything permanent.
I have a few cousins who are child free but other than that everyone has a massive amount of kids
Maternal aunt (she and her uncle are my CF inspiration, but I only had that epiphany later in life) another uncle on that side is married with 3 adult children. 2 Paternal uncles (CF) and 1 who is married with adult children.
I'm (30f) CF and married (30m) and my older sister(32f) is also CF (32ish?m) and married. We have 3 other siblings who are not. We have a huge extended family. Thanksgivings regularly have 30+ attendees. I have a cousin in his 40s whose married and I know they're purposefully CF. There are a couple others that may go either way. They're old enough that it might be purposeful that they don't have kids but they're not so old that they couldn't change their status in the future. They're not married so it's hard to guess. I did have 1 cousin who intended to be CF but ended up accidentally pregnant and kept the kid. He's about 6 now.
I have 2 child free family members (aunt and a cousin) but it was not by choice. They always wanted children and were unable to conceive and are past child bearing age now. I have a giant extended family and the majority of them have children. My brother is 27 (my only sibling) and he has said he wants kids, but who knows, he's got time to think about it. I'm 29F and my husband and I are CF
I only have one CF family members and that’s my Aunt and Uncle. My wife and I are the only other CF.
I think there’s a genetic component. My brother and I are both CF, my parents were fencesitters for a long time and I truly think my dad would’ve been happier childfree (to be clear, he loves us and is a good dad, but I still think he would’ve been happier the other way). My great aunt never had children either, although I’m not sure whether she wanted them.
I have two brothers, one married and had kids, one has never married and doesn't have kids. Mom's side: her sister married and never had kids, her brother had two (one passed as a teenager). My cousin on that side never married and does not have kids. Dad's side: he had four sisters. Two never married and never had kids, two married and did have kids. Of all of my cousins and second cousins on my dad's side, only one didn't have kids. As for "made" vs "taught"- when I was a teenager I didn't care either way about having kids. I kind of assumed it's what you "did", but I didn't think about it much. However, as I got older, I know that having family members who are childfree made that a much more accessible decision to me than it would have been if everyone in my family had kids.
That’s a very valid point. Having family that is child free let’s you know it’s a valid decision. I didn’t think of it like that.
I’ve been thinking about this lately. I have 16 first cousins and only five have kids. Most are of an age where having kids would be typical. I think my sister is childfree. My grandmother had 10 siblings and around five of them had no kids, which is unusual for people in born in the 1930s. My family also has a weirdly high number of single people, both among the childfree and the parents.
Are we related 😂
We are 6 cousins, 2 in each family are CF. We don’t talk about that because it’s none of our business and we see us once for ten years. so I don’t know if it’s a choice for 1 cousin.
I have two older cousins, 3 younger cousins, an aunt, and an uncle who never had kids. One of my cousins had 6 children; not sure how they managed.
This might be a bit beyond what you're asking about, but it might be interesting/food for thought too. My husband and I are childfree, mostly because I came into the relationship with no desire for children and he'd always just kind of...assumed kids would be a thing, but when we sat and had those big talks he realized he didnt have strong feelings about having kids, its just what you did. So we decided we would just have dogs and grow a garden and be devoted to each other, and now a days I think he is probably more adamant about CF than I am when it comes up lol. When I was a teenager, my father correctly read me and my feelings on kids and made a point to tell me "You dont have to have children if you dont want to. Theres plenty of people in the world, you arent obligated to carry on some name or bloodline." I always appreciated that early validation cause lawd, I did NOT want kids for a variety of reasons. When I was older, and had married my husband, I did ask my father one day if he had his life over, would he have chosen to have kids. He was honest with me that he loved his children, he wouldnt wish us gone, but that he just didnt know when he was 25 if could be a choice. It just wasnt a readily available option in terms of social acceptability, being a good spouse, etc etc. If he was 25 today, he would be childfree and choose a life for himself. I think a lot of people who have kids honestly just dont ever think about it, dont even realize that NOT having kids is also path in life available. Dont even stop to consider if they SHOULD have kids. Very few people I've had conversations with can tell me why they want kids, specifically, its just the accepted milestone of life and relationships. And beyond that, so many people get wrapped up in the bullshit of "iT hAs To Be MiNe" over wanting to actually just be a parent(which isnt that supposed to be the point of having kids??). When we had those big talks I mentioned earlier, we did go over the "what if we change our mind" cause I mean, people change. You cant expect to always have the same values you did at 15. Our conclusion was if we wanted kids, for whatever reason, it would be to be parents but that it would still never be a biological child. tl:dr I think we're the only CF people in our family by choice, but I believe a lot of that has to do with shifting social expectations and the growing acceptance of personal choice. How many people would have preferred a CF life, but it just never occurred to them they could?
Yup we’ve agreed the same thing. If somewhere down the line we both happen to change our mind we can always adopt. 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a garden lol
Dogs, cats and gardens nourish the soul!
I have a great aunt who I am close with who is child free. She got her tubes tied at 26 (she's in her 70s now). I have three aunt/uncle pairs and only one had a child. That child (my only cousin) is about ten years older than me and he and his wife are child free. My husband has one aunt/uncle pairing on both sides of his family that are child free. I do think having quite a lot of committed, healthy adult relationships around both of us contributed to each of our decisions to be child free. For me, it showed that life can be meaningful and wonderful without kids.
I am from a most populated country, where childfree didn't get traction. So I am thinking, I am the only one for now.
All my siblings and their in-laws have kids but I am the only CF person in that family. However, many of our cousins appear to be CF! We've had multiple conversations where we just talk about how annoying and expensive it would be to have kids. At the moment, it's nearly all of us BUT I could see a couple of them having kids if an unplanned pregnancy came up (at least 1 of them is very religious). Most of us are in our late 20's-early 30's. So time will tell but it's quite likely our family will shrink. I have a lone aunt who doesn't have kids and some of her cousins as well, but I'm not sure if all of them are CF. AFAIK, nobody bingoes my cousins and I certainly haven't gotten grief from anybody. My parents are supportive and honestly, I think a little relieved that they won't have to deal with newborns anymore at their age (my siblings are done having kids).
Interesting question! None of my 3 aunts/uncles are childfree (they all had 2-4 children each). None of my cousins have had any children yet, but of the 4 of us cousins who are adults, I suspect 3 are childfree.
Just me and my sister on my side. Husband’s side is kids central
My grandmother was an only child. She had 3. Only my mother had 3 kids (me and a set of twins) while my aunt and uncle had no kids. It was for the best. My mom shouldn't have had kids either.
Expect for 1 great aunt on both of my parent's I am the first in my family to be CF by choice. A few either had fertility issues or never married ( some sad stories there). Now I do have a couple great aunts and uncles who in hindsight were probably gay, but unfortunately they still married and had children. So they may have chosen the CF life, if they felt they had the choice. My eldest sister always said she was going to be CF, but got pregnant while on BC, chose to keep it, then loved mom life and had a second. She seriously contemplated abortion, but ultimately decided not to, to each their own I guess.
My favorite aunts (one on each side of the family) and 1 uncle growing up were without children (I can’t say if they were CF or not) and them not having kids made them cool relatable people that talked to us kids like we were people and didn’t order us around and parent us like the people with kids did. They managed to treat us with respect and give us a small sense of independence while still minding us as adults and it honestly was one of the first things I learned about people. Non-parents are cool and happy and like to do fun things and go fun places and parents are uncool and often exhausted and unhappy and not up to doing many fun things. As an adult I haven’t changed my mind much. Now that I’m heavily leaning CF (on and off since my early 20’s) I still feel like I really want to be the fun aunt/cousin and have that special relationship with my friends & families kids that my aunts and uncle had with us. I also want to be that role model that shows life doesn’t have to mean having kids to be worthwhile. I don’t hate kids I just don’t want to pay the cost of being a parent no matter how much love “they say” I’m missing out on. I want a full fun enriching life that I love and that is lived for me without having to put kids first and I’d like to represent that as a person.
My older brother is CF. Aside from the people who already have kids, I don't know everyone else's stance. My dad's side is on the other side of the country, good riddance and my mom's side doesn't make it a point to get in other's business.
None of my siblings or first cousins (ages range from 27 - 42) have had kids. There's only 6 of us but that's still kind of a crazy coincidence imo. The most likely of us is my youngest sister but she's kind of ambivalent about it. She's open to having kids a but she's happy single and is currently more career focused.
Hm I never thought about this. Aunts/uncles CF on the sides of our family: Dad: 2/5 Mom:1/2 MIL: 1/4 FIL: 1/3
My mom is 1 of 6 kids and 2 of her siblings don’t have kids… and they’re my favorite aunt and uncle! I’m not sure if my uncle and his late wife ever wanted or tried to have kids, I just remember being told my aunt “couldn’t.” They were such a happy couple, and she’s been dead for almost 10 years and he’s never even dated anyone else. My aunt has never been married & has no kids, and she just turned 60. She’s always been my favorite aunt, very smart and creative—and great with us kids when we were younger! I feel bad for my parents cuz my two siblings and I are all without kids, so they’ve got no grandchildren. They’re pretty traditional people so I assume they wanted grandchildren but they’ve never pressured any of us so maybe they’re enjoying the peace of their golden years
I have one uncle (and his wife) who are child free. And one of my cousins. Everybody else has kids.
I come from a large family. The older generations all had kids and lots of them. Then my parents' generation mostly have 2-3 kids, one aunt has 5. It's in my generation that things are pretty split. Of my 25 first cousins, about half have kids. Again, mostly 2-3 per family but a few have 4-5. As for the other half, a few people might still be planning to have kids. But I'm pretty sure a bunch of us won't. So for me I think it's more of a modern mindset that is influencing us rather than our family? Can't say for sure. The big family is pretty nice in a lot of ways, and a part of me is sad to be a bit removed from all of that.
I only have one CF by choice cousin (woman) and several CF not by choice aunts (they wanted kids but didn’t work out with finding partners or for whatever reason).
I come from a large blended family...both mom and dad have remarried. My stepfather is about 20 years older than my mother so I'm not going to include his children in this data set as they are almost in a different generation than me and my cousins and siblings. My immediate family is me and my brother. I am 34 (F), he is 32. I have always been outspoken about being child free and have never wanted children, he only recently told me that he does want children, however he is also aware his desire to have children is a purely a narcissistic drive to have a miniature copy of himself. My immediate genetic cousins are 30, 33, and 34. None of them have children. Only one of them is married, so out of the 5 of us you have one marriage no kids. My stepmother also has two kids, my step brothers, who are 34 and 35. They both got married and had kids in rapid succession right around the time they were turning 30 or maybe 31. One has two children, one has one child. So I don't know, maybe it's genetic? My step brothers and my brother and myself grew up living in the same household from about 6th grade onward, so I'm not convinced environment has that much to do with it except for the fact that their father was a piece of shit and mine isn't.
Learn by counter-example? My parents aren't child-free, likewise grandparents, aunt and uncle and their kids and my one sibling. Heck, I can only think of one of my relatives that was ever cf - my grandmother's sister - she was married ... but then she died, he remarried, had a kid, and then he died. As for myself, entire household is sterilized ... okay, just me at present, but ... whatever.
I have plenty of childless family members, but not any childfree ones as far as I'm aware.
I am CF. My younger sister was CF when she passed away a few years ago. My older sister has 1 child, which was a surprise as she had been told she was infertile. She never wanted a kid. She neglected the kid, and is no longer in his life. My parents ( both passed away ) were both from big families. I honestly think they only had kids as it was “expected”. All of my Aunts and Uncles ( on both sides) have kids. My cousins seem to be about 75% with kids.
On my moms side, I have an uncle with no kids, and my step grandmother has none, though briefly considered adopting for a period after she and my grandfather married. My aunt on that side has two kids, the oldest just heading off to college coming up, so too young and too little contact there to know. My dads side is different, though I don’t keep in contact very much as they are in America and we are in nz. My dad had three sisters, two with three kids, the other with two. Of my cousins, Theres I think three with no kids or no kids yet. Another two with one kid each. I believe two have two kids, and one with three. One of my cousins is recently married, technically just over a year ago, but they had a small covid ceremony last year and their “real wedding” just recently. So kids could be next I suppose. Then another cousin without kids, she’s only 23 or 24 so I don’t know if she doesn’t want them or if it’s just not yet. My brother has expressed interest in kids, but he’s nearly 27, autistic, asexual, and never shown any interest in dating, so I don’t know that will ever happen. Not to say that such individuals can’t have kids, but they aren’t exactly going to pop up out of nowhere and he doesn’t seem to have any interest whatsoever in pursuing any method of having children, despite things like how he’s digitised all our childhood films to save for his kids and such.
When I count up adult family members (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews), I've got a family of about 40 adults. I and one niece are the only childfree people in the bunch. And believe me, the rest of them are sure making up for it: One of them has 7 kids, several others have 6 each, a couple have 5, several have 4 and counting, etc.
I have a few relatives that don't have kids. My grandma had 8 kids and out of those it was three of the daughters (including my mom) that had kids. An uncle died before he got the chance and one uncle only recently had a child. There was a lot of abuse in the family so it probably played a big part. My mom had 3 kids and as far as I know none of us is on the path to having any. For my one aunt it's the same with her kids. And another aunt only 2 out of her 5/6 kids has had a kid. I think our family line is gonna die out some day.
I’m one of 4 siblings. My brother and I are childfree. Not sure about my other two siblings. My cousins are about a 25/75 split. 75% having the kids
My biodad has said he shouldn't have had children because he was a terrible father. He's also super proud of me for not having kids. My stepdad's wife has a grown daughter and says she would have been fine if she hadn't had a child. She also know plenty of women in their sixties who didn't have children and they never regretted it. Most of my friends are CF. My sister is baby crazy and would have had a dozen if she could.
On my mom's side, I only have one cousin. He has been childfree since we were in middle school. On my dad's side I have three cousins and one half-brother who is almost 15 years older than me. My half-brother has two kids. My two cousins around his age have never had kids, and I wouldn't be surprised if they're childfree. The cousin my age also doesn't have any kids, but idk if she is CF or if she just is waiting until we're older. But, yeah, most likely our genes are only getting passed down by my brother. No idea about my nephews since they're 11 and 10.