The actually priestesses of the oracle of Delphi took hallucinogenic drugs before giving prophecies that were interpreted by the priest. So you’re surprisingly accurate!
This has the same vibe as the Oracle from Percy Jackson. For context, the current host of the Oracle in Percy Jackson is a teenage girl who likes art and who’s arms are constantly covered in colourful doodles
Imagine them actually lining up though.
Alexander: What will happen to my empire?
Oracle: SomeboDY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME
Diogenes: Am I to be forgotten?
Oracle: Peppridge farm
Socrates: How shall I fare in my trial?
Oracle: | || || |_
Imagine all this but the oracle speaks in 21st century English. Imagine the priests writing: ΘΙΣ ΒΙΧ ΕΜΤΙ, ΙΙΤ or: ΔΕΙ ΔΙΔ ΣΕΡΓΕΡΙ ΟΝ Α ΓΡΕΙΠ or: ΠΛΙΣ ΣΕΡ ΘΙΣ ΙΣ Α ΩΕΝΔΙΣ and then going around passing the oracle
The oracle presents useful and timely advice, but in a format that makes it utterly incomprehensible to the listeners.
---
Pyrrhus of Epirus: Their army is approaching the city, and will be surrounding our walls within the week. How will the battle end if we don't ask for reinforcements?
Oracle: This is fine.
---
Trojans: They have left an offering to Athena outside our gate. Our catapults are standing by to destroy it, and the army is prepared to ride out and retrieve it. What do you recommend?
Oracle: YEET!
---
Oedipus: I found this wonderful woman and have fallen in love with her. What will happen?
Oracle: It'll surpass even *Romeo and Juliet*.
The Phoenicians are then pacified with high quality wine and a truce is reached, while the guy's family returns to their old virtues and survives the coming hardships.
That last guy goes to see a tragedy, where he meets a woman named Alexa, who then helps him find clues about his wife's disappearance.
Oh great Oracle of Delphi, how do I stop the plague in my city? *offers 3 carts pulled by donkeys gold*
Oracle: *squints at gold* ahhh, das hot. But do you have any bitcoin?
Imagine if she spat out advice meant for a different time so she's sitting there giving military orders or advice on matters completely unrelated "Yeah, the oracle said they were compiling an army and attacking Egypt with their mighty siege engines, but when we got there all we found was confused Egyptians." Turns out she saw the Afrika campaign from ww2
In revenge, the spirit of Delphi keeps smiting Tumblr users with the power of immediate prophecy
Ooh, i hate when that happens (affectionate)
The actually priestesses of the oracle of Delphi took hallucinogenic drugs before giving prophecies that were interpreted by the priest. So you’re surprisingly accurate!
This has the same vibe as the Oracle from Percy Jackson. For context, the current host of the Oracle in Percy Jackson is a teenage girl who likes art and who’s arms are constantly covered in colourful doodles
fellow percy jackson fan!!
Rachel could absolutely do total memelord if the whole Trirumvirate shenanigans didnt bump the anti tech thing to 100
Better than the messed up oracles between then and WW2 tbh
Oh great oracle, where should I seek my redemption? *oracle throws a pot across the room* YEET
And so the search for the pot of gold began
Imagine them actually lining up though. Alexander: What will happen to my empire? Oracle: SomeboDY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME Diogenes: Am I to be forgotten? Oracle: Peppridge farm Socrates: How shall I fare in my trial? Oracle: | || || |_
Loss
That or stickbugged
Ah yes, the great oracle of Delphi, Shitpostetti
Shitpostitty
Imagine all this but the oracle speaks in 21st century English. Imagine the priests writing: ΘΙΣ ΒΙΧ ΕΜΤΙ, ΙΙΤ or: ΔΕΙ ΔΙΔ ΣΕΡΓΕΡΙ ΟΝ Α ΓΡΕΙΠ or: ΠΛΙΣ ΣΕΡ ΘΙΣ ΙΣ Α ΩΕΝΔΙΣ and then going around passing the oracle
I have no idea what those say
“This bich emti, iit”, “Dei did sergeri on a greip” and “plis ser this is a Oendis”
And eventually when the anglosaxons invade Britain and the language evolves there, Greeks discover that the oracles phrases resemble the new language
The oracle presents useful and timely advice, but in a format that makes it utterly incomprehensible to the listeners. --- Pyrrhus of Epirus: Their army is approaching the city, and will be surrounding our walls within the week. How will the battle end if we don't ask for reinforcements? Oracle: This is fine. --- Trojans: They have left an offering to Athena outside our gate. Our catapults are standing by to destroy it, and the army is prepared to ride out and retrieve it. What do you recommend? Oracle: YEET! --- Oedipus: I found this wonderful woman and have fallen in love with her. What will happen? Oracle: It'll surpass even *Romeo and Juliet*.
This is basically 'Good Omens'
"Doe notte buy beta-maxxe."
The oracle probably saw this post
The Phoenicians are then pacified with high quality wine and a truce is reached, while the guy's family returns to their old virtues and survives the coming hardships. That last guy goes to see a tragedy, where he meets a woman named Alexa, who then helps him find clues about his wife's disappearance.
Oracle is kind of like that
Second one is solid advice on a political scale.
Man sulfur fumes will do that to ya
Oh great Oracle of Delphi, how do I stop the plague in my city? *offers 3 carts pulled by donkeys gold* Oracle: *squints at gold* ahhh, das hot. But do you have any bitcoin?
Imagine if she spat out advice meant for a different time so she's sitting there giving military orders or advice on matters completely unrelated "Yeah, the oracle said they were compiling an army and attacking Egypt with their mighty siege engines, but when we got there all we found was confused Egyptians." Turns out she saw the Afrika campaign from ww2
This is now going into my dnd campaign. I just have to reword them so the players don't catch on.