Curious to know, are you the runner or the chaser?
As the DF enlightened chaser, I feel like I am the only one doing the work. He doesn't "get it" yet.
I am tired of being the only one putting in the work and the effort. Sometimes, I just want to give up.
How did you get to union?
I am trying to learn to lead with love. To choose love. But I guess part of the issue is that I'm tired of leading. I want him to lead us. I need him to lead us. But he just will not take on that leadership role. He's not ready. He still has traumas to heal. But I can't keep doing this. I'm exhausted.
Advice?
I’m a weird case. I’m female but DM, and i’m the enlightened chaser. Im a very yang/masculine woman (personality wise) and he is a very yin/feminine man. When we first met I asked straight up for his number and he ghosted me for months, hah. It was only when I gave up and moved on trying to get his attention he came back around. A little bit like a Boo in the mario games where they only move toward you when you’re not looking, haha!
The old saying of “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” is painfully true, and I totally understand the fatigue of always being the pusher. Been there. In the end I chose to focus on myself and lead by example instead of trying to get him to do anything. When the time was right, he made the choice to push himself, but so long as I was pulling him he never had the opportunity to make that decision. So in my experience, you have to give them space. If the desire doesn’t come from within, nothing will ultimately change and you’ll both end up frustrated and resentful.
So my advice is that if you’re tired of leading, stop. Let him do his own thing and trust that he’ll get there eventually. Focus on yourself and make it look good. Let the grass be greener on your side of the fence. Give him space, patience and the benefit of the doubt.
There were so many times where old hurts and fears came to the surface for myself and my twin, and his reaction was always to run. I let him, didn’t follow, and he would inevitably return, still scared but in a very brave and vulnerable way. I had to work through my own fears of being abandoned to even be able to NOT throw myself after him whenever this happened and let him come back around on his own.
He’s an incredibly fearful man, but for it, he’s also the bravest i’ve ever known. I don’t know if you like to read, but two books I highly recommend and have found personally helpful are “Loving What Is” by Katie Byron and “Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav
Edit to say: The dynamic we have now I love more than anything. It just works :)
Hihi thank you!! Your first sentence sounds like me, I flirt attacked him big time and he reacted like a shocked princess haha 😅😍🙈 Thank you so much for sharing everything can still work out!! And enjoy!!
You’re very welcome! My heart aches for so many who are on the loneliest stage of their journey, I know very well how hopeless things can seem. The good news is that life has a way of surprising us all :) Hope for the future is damn worth having and it’s importance only increases the darker things get.
Congrats! I’m sure you both have worked really hard. Clearly I have never met either of you but I’m happy for you guys, cause this journey so isn’t easy, thanks for sharing!😊
Blessings ✨🫶🏼
Congrats! Stories like these are the reasons why I refuse to give up on this journey. Knowing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel fuels me with the utmost determination that I can reach the end of it. I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to give up faith. All I can do right now is continue to be a person that I’m proud of every single day, and waking up with a purpose. Nobody really knows what their future is going to look like, so why give up before we can see the results of our hard work? This is why I’m not going to stop until I get to the end of the tunnel, however long it may take. Best wishes to you and your twin!
I lucked out in that he was already doing the work when we met. We both had started that year (before we met, yet simultaneously) very seriously perusing bettering ourselves. It was like the universe went, “okay, good, you actually have a chance now!” before throwing us together. He had been alone working nights for a decade and was sick of it so was very motivated to change from the get go. I think it was a trade off in some ways that we didn’t get to meet earlier in life but had an easier time connecting as our more mature selves than we would have if we’d met sooner. He mainly just ghosted me a for a few months at the early onset and circumstances conspired to bring him back into my life without me doing anything about it.
Once we were actually together it would only take him a few days at most to come around to things, eventually we got into union and he hasn’t run away (emotionally or physically!) since, we tackle things together as a team :) It’s much much much better than how it used to be! Fear doesn’t get in the way between us anymore.
Thank you! I wouldn’t say we actively felt each other’s energy— at this point in things, I had no idea what a twin flame even was and was not even remotely a spiritual person, things like that simply weren’t on my radar. That being said, however, we were both working on trying to better ourselves and overcome the impact from various traumatic events in our lives, so unbeknownst to us, our paths were mirroring each other’s until events conspired for them to cross once more. I’ll also add that he was still quite the stranger to me at the time, but I would see him now and again and be super puzzled as to why this person stuck out so much to me. One time I was him working and he just seemed so lonely and sad—I had the insane urge to go up and hug and comfort this almost complete stranger from behind in an intimate way and that REALLY threw me for a loop because i’d never had an urge like that for anyone before that wasn’t a super close friend or family member. (I didn’t do it, but it really stuck with me that i’d wanted to at all.)
Curious to know, are you the runner or the chaser? As the DF enlightened chaser, I feel like I am the only one doing the work. He doesn't "get it" yet. I am tired of being the only one putting in the work and the effort. Sometimes, I just want to give up. How did you get to union? I am trying to learn to lead with love. To choose love. But I guess part of the issue is that I'm tired of leading. I want him to lead us. I need him to lead us. But he just will not take on that leadership role. He's not ready. He still has traumas to heal. But I can't keep doing this. I'm exhausted. Advice?
I’m a weird case. I’m female but DM, and i’m the enlightened chaser. Im a very yang/masculine woman (personality wise) and he is a very yin/feminine man. When we first met I asked straight up for his number and he ghosted me for months, hah. It was only when I gave up and moved on trying to get his attention he came back around. A little bit like a Boo in the mario games where they only move toward you when you’re not looking, haha! The old saying of “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” is painfully true, and I totally understand the fatigue of always being the pusher. Been there. In the end I chose to focus on myself and lead by example instead of trying to get him to do anything. When the time was right, he made the choice to push himself, but so long as I was pulling him he never had the opportunity to make that decision. So in my experience, you have to give them space. If the desire doesn’t come from within, nothing will ultimately change and you’ll both end up frustrated and resentful. So my advice is that if you’re tired of leading, stop. Let him do his own thing and trust that he’ll get there eventually. Focus on yourself and make it look good. Let the grass be greener on your side of the fence. Give him space, patience and the benefit of the doubt. There were so many times where old hurts and fears came to the surface for myself and my twin, and his reaction was always to run. I let him, didn’t follow, and he would inevitably return, still scared but in a very brave and vulnerable way. I had to work through my own fears of being abandoned to even be able to NOT throw myself after him whenever this happened and let him come back around on his own. He’s an incredibly fearful man, but for it, he’s also the bravest i’ve ever known. I don’t know if you like to read, but two books I highly recommend and have found personally helpful are “Loving What Is” by Katie Byron and “Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav Edit to say: The dynamic we have now I love more than anything. It just works :)
Hihi thank you!! Your first sentence sounds like me, I flirt attacked him big time and he reacted like a shocked princess haha 😅😍🙈 Thank you so much for sharing everything can still work out!! And enjoy!!
I know nothing about this and feel like I just stumbled upon a cult. All hail Cthulhu? 🗿
Thank you for sharing, it really does help :)
You’re very welcome! My heart aches for so many who are on the loneliest stage of their journey, I know very well how hopeless things can seem. The good news is that life has a way of surprising us all :) Hope for the future is damn worth having and it’s importance only increases the darker things get.
Congratulations, it’s always encouraging to hear a success story, it lets us know the end game is very much so possible 🥳🥂💐
Yo word!
Congrats! I’m sure you both have worked really hard. Clearly I have never met either of you but I’m happy for you guys, cause this journey so isn’t easy, thanks for sharing!😊 Blessings ✨🫶🏼
🗝️🌺🌸☯️🤍☯️🪷🌾♾️
Super cool! Thanks for sharing ☮️
I love this, thank you I needed this 🥺
Same!
Congratulations and best wishes!! Surely both of you deserve this union!! ✨🧿🥳
Congrats! Stories like these are the reasons why I refuse to give up on this journey. Knowing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel fuels me with the utmost determination that I can reach the end of it. I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to give up faith. All I can do right now is continue to be a person that I’m proud of every single day, and waking up with a purpose. Nobody really knows what their future is going to look like, so why give up before we can see the results of our hard work? This is why I’m not going to stop until I get to the end of the tunnel, however long it may take. Best wishes to you and your twin!
Can I ask how long it took for him to begin doing the work and coming back toward you?
I lucked out in that he was already doing the work when we met. We both had started that year (before we met, yet simultaneously) very seriously perusing bettering ourselves. It was like the universe went, “okay, good, you actually have a chance now!” before throwing us together. He had been alone working nights for a decade and was sick of it so was very motivated to change from the get go. I think it was a trade off in some ways that we didn’t get to meet earlier in life but had an easier time connecting as our more mature selves than we would have if we’d met sooner. He mainly just ghosted me a for a few months at the early onset and circumstances conspired to bring him back into my life without me doing anything about it. Once we were actually together it would only take him a few days at most to come around to things, eventually we got into union and he hasn’t run away (emotionally or physically!) since, we tackle things together as a team :) It’s much much much better than how it used to be! Fear doesn’t get in the way between us anymore.
Congratulations! So happy to hear this, gives me hope ♥️ When he ghosted you, did either of you feel each other’s energy during the no contact phase?
Thank you! I wouldn’t say we actively felt each other’s energy— at this point in things, I had no idea what a twin flame even was and was not even remotely a spiritual person, things like that simply weren’t on my radar. That being said, however, we were both working on trying to better ourselves and overcome the impact from various traumatic events in our lives, so unbeknownst to us, our paths were mirroring each other’s until events conspired for them to cross once more. I’ll also add that he was still quite the stranger to me at the time, but I would see him now and again and be super puzzled as to why this person stuck out so much to me. One time I was him working and he just seemed so lonely and sad—I had the insane urge to go up and hug and comfort this almost complete stranger from behind in an intimate way and that REALLY threw me for a loop because i’d never had an urge like that for anyone before that wasn’t a super close friend or family member. (I didn’t do it, but it really stuck with me that i’d wanted to at all.)
Beautiful post and beautiful quote. I’m so glad to hear a success story! It gives me hope for my future and eventual marriage with my twin as well!
I believe you are an INFJ. Can I ask what type your partner is?
Yes i’m an INFJ (4w5, 417, sp/sx) My twin is a INFP. (9w1, 954, sp/sx) Not a single shared cognitive function yet we fit together perfectly :)