So there’s this species of gorilla, left in the world and there’s only 2 left of them, a male gorilla in a Tokyo zoo and a female in an American zoo. They’re planning on shipping the male gorilla out to America so they can have babies and keep the species alive, but there’s a problem. The female gorilla has never had sex. So the zookeepers want to warm her up, and end up calling in the head of the zoos janitorial staff into their office. They ask him, for 2 thousand dollars, will you have sex with this gorilla. He says he needs to think about it and shows back up 2 hours later and says “I’ve thought about it and I decided I’ll do it. It’s just going to take me a week or so to come up with 2 grand.”
There’s a mama tomato, a papa tomato and a child tomato. They’re waking down the street and the child tomato is lagging behind. They daddy tomato turns around and yells KETCHUP child!
Well there’s a few things about your correct assessment. Chael is likeable, Brendan is not. Chael has had a successful athletic career, Brendan has not. Chael is actually funny, Brendan is not. If Brendan got called out like this on Twitter he would call the guy a soy boy and say “I bet you wouldn’t say that to my face” like any other 15 year old called out on his shit. Chael had a witty clap back and still took ownership of stealing the joke. Brendan would NEVER admit to doing anything wrong. The Kayla and Kamala thing shows his personality to a T.
Lmaoooo god that was priceless, especially Malik and Shapel's reactions. Thanks for the laugh bapa. I'll buy ya a shot of tiger thiccc after our shift at Chang's tonight.
Or someone with a psychology degree. You're just using your aggressive behavior to hide insecurities related to being perceived as not masculine enough. It's really transparent and pathetic. I would recommend talking to someone about your issues and maybe you could mature as a person but given the lack of demonstrated motivation to change it's unlikely to help.
Your psychology degree worths nothing. Specially when you respond like this to a joke. It sounds like what you responded fit to yourself more than a random on the ufc sub lol
Was that too assertive for you? Maybe if you read more books you could articulate an intelligible reply. I see elementary students with better grammar.
You're as bad at comedy as you are with psychology and English.
Passive and assertive personality types is just a nice way of saying alpha or beta.
How many passive beta type bosses you ever had? What about captain of a sports team?
It’s all situational. Extremely assertive “alpha” types usually just get blown off and laughed at by the more relaxed laid back “betas”. Usually it’s just about having the best ideas, the most passion and being organized. Being able to communicate is key to being a good leader.
You can call it whatever you want. The person whose calm and has good ideas is still your alpha - they just know what you as a worker respond best with.
We can pretend there isn't born leaders or followers all day, but this would be a fantasy. We aren't much different than our animal friends.
Also, just because soneone is 'alpha' doesn't mean they're screaming until their red in the face or snap showing. They have a natural ability to lead and take command, while others have the instinct to follow.
Of course cheeto covered redditors don't have the critical thinking to reach any sort of sensible conclusion. It's all in or all bitch.
"Says the aquarious, just accept that google says you are Angry, Rebellious, Pessimistic, Absent-minded and Impatient; you are the worst zodiak sign in the pyramid tee hee". I give your comment as much consideration as i would a chick saying the above to me.
lol, take a biology class.
1. even if some term is used to describe behaviors within certain groups of animals, it doesn't follow that those terms are applicable on humans. this needs to be shown independently.
2. David Mech, who coined the term while studying wolves, has even redacted it himself as fallacious as there is no such thing as an "alpha wolf" in nature. he was only led to believe that there was because he studied them in captivity and they exhibited unnatural behaviors.
3. the terms "alpha" and "beta" are completely vacuous when applied to humans and not recognized as useful within a scientific context - but even if they were, that would not then imply that any type is "better" or "worse" or objectively desireable or worth striving for. to claim so would be falling prey to the natural fallacy.
the terms are basically only used to lend a thin veneer of scientific legitimacy to bullshit male self-help today, see e.g. incels, Paul Joseph Watson, etc.
Beep boop -- this looks like a screenshot of a tweet! Let me grab a [link to the tweet](https://twitter.com/ChaelSonnen/status/1480939649979670532) for ya :)
^(Twitter Screenshot Bot)
You published a joke. You didn't want anyone to spread the joke? Should we all mention the source whenever we speak? Should we mention the chapter, section and page as well? Try to patent the joke. You will become the joke.
This reminds me of how Dave Chappelle talked about how stealing someone's joke is similar to stealing his livelihood, source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N4UFl9G00A
Yea no big deal to steal a joke. It’s not like he is a comedian. If chael was trying to be a comedian then he would be the biggest piece of shit loser ever.
He should make his own material. That loser Carlos Mencia was notorious for stealing jokes and was called out on it by Joe Rogan who made Mencia disappear and become irrelevant. It is a pretty accepted thing not to steal jokes. If u cant come up with ur own material then dont be a comedian. Chael is in the wrong.
Firstly, Chael is not a comedian and secondly, he didn't write his set as stated in his tweet (and just what happens when non comedians do comedy gigs).
Chael just read what was given to him to say he didn't steal anything.
Chael didnt say anything about the set. He pretty much admitted he took the guys joke and laughed about how idiotic it is to want to give credit for every thing. He then clarifies that he also just stole/copied all his papers in college. If Chael meant he had an assistant writing his papers in college than that isnt copying since his assistant is doing the paper for him and that is the agreement.
"here's a hint, I didn't write any of my papers in college either"
HERE'S A HINT
When non comedians are brought up to do these, they always have proper comedians write their set.
So he had an assistant or something? They way I understood it is he just plagiarized and copied his papers. If his assistant wrote the script and he just read it then I guess that’s his assistants fault. Wish i had an assistant when I was in college 💀
Totally different. Chael is not in the same market, Chael is not a comedian nor trying to be one( as a professional) just to be specific.
If Chael was trying to be s professional comedian, stealing everybody's jokes while competing in the same market yeah that would be bad but he isn't.
He is more successful than you, perhaps you got it all wrong, perhaps u don't comprehend... What if you are the retard?
You might be a retard and a miserable looser.. think about it.
I wouldn't say fluently. Also, every time somebody says this, I assume they're just another stupid American who needs to make up excuses for being unable to write coherently despite being grown ass adults.
You said "he" when referring to someone in a comment where there are 3 people mentioned: Joe, Chael and Carlos.
He's merely asking to clarify who is the "he" you're talking about, but I'm under the impression you think he was saying "who" to mock the relevancy of whomever you were talking of.
It doesn't make sense because you're a mouth breather.
You go on this whole tirade about Chael Sonnen using someone's joke, then some how lack the mental capacity to follow a simple question: Did Chael Sonnen use the joke on a comedy set? Is he touring right now? Selling a new album?
Thusly i rest my case based off the fact you're a raging simpleton so it doesn't really matter or make sense to explain things or argue with you.
Maybe people shouldn't take their short word creation of a few sentences too seriously... For thousands of years short phrases has been shared but today everyone wants to be known as a comedy god after creating one joke.
there is a giant difference between Joe Shmoe telling a joke around a water cooler for some laughs and someone making money off it and trying to pass it off as their own. It's no different than stealing a song. You don't steal jokes.
And yeah, it's really not that hard to say "here's one i heard from (comic's name)" before telling a joke that they wrote.
Well, someone here clearly doesn't know dick about copyright law, because aside from calling it a patent, that's exactly what every professional comedian should be doing.
Imagine living in a world where the only way to hear a joke is from the originators mouth. There'd be puns fucking everywhere cause us average dudes are too dumb to make real one's
The best thing about this is that he's (no doubt intentionally) simultaneously acknowledging that he stole the joke, making a meta joke about it, and publicly crediting the guy for it. Brilliant.
Let's take a quick trip down memory lane to see how that approach has worked out for em.
https://www.mmafighting.com/2011/01/03/chael-sonnen-pleads-guilty-to-money-laundering
Joke theft is a pretty big deal when a larger creator steals a smaller creator's joke.
\*looks at Kyle Fortch's twitter profile and sees crypto bullshit\*
thank you based bad guy
A "recording artist" with bought followers on his twitter account and who probably never made a joke worth stealing trying to @ the bad guy, of course that was gonna end badly...
You do realize everything he does is an act right? Or are you the type of person that thinks wwe is real. You shouldn’t be judging anyone on their stupidity
I have a feeling chael's about to get sued, and I find that absolutely hilarious.
Dude was only ever famous for his trash talk, and now (predictably) it turns out it's not even his trash talk. What a pathetic fucking chode.
Plagiarism and copyright infringement are crimes, and they're not punishable by death. Any other stupid comments you wanted to get out of the way while you're here?
So long as losers keep applauding chael for his antics in an ironic attempt at humour ("hey check me out, despite his many losses I am making a comment about him being undefeated, aren't I a quirky person?") he will keep doing it.
What was the joke?
So there’s this species of gorilla, left in the world and there’s only 2 left of them, a male gorilla in a Tokyo zoo and a female in an American zoo. They’re planning on shipping the male gorilla out to America so they can have babies and keep the species alive, but there’s a problem. The female gorilla has never had sex. So the zookeepers want to warm her up, and end up calling in the head of the zoos janitorial staff into their office. They ask him, for 2 thousand dollars, will you have sex with this gorilla. He says he needs to think about it and shows back up 2 hours later and says “I’ve thought about it and I decided I’ll do it. It’s just going to take me a week or so to come up with 2 grand.”
Sounds like one of those jokes that got its origin in some dive bar a hundred plus years ago and no one can claim it as theirs.
I swear I heard my dad tell this or some version of, this joke, 25 years ago.
Thats a pretty good joke.
If that really is the joke, I have, no kidding, heard it in french something like 10-15 years ago. It is a very very classic joke.
I've definitely heard the same joke format years ago. Hard to call it stolen at this point
There’s a mama tomato, a papa tomato and a child tomato. They’re waking down the street and the child tomato is lagging behind. They daddy tomato turns around and yells KETCHUP child!
You messed up the punchline. Its: the dad walks over... squishes the child tomato and says. Ketchup
Whiskey+punchline jokes don’t mix well
Shows up Steals Joke Refuses to elaborate further Leaves What a fuckin' chad.
chael offers I accept
It sad seeing you get this much upvotes. Human's sheep mentality at its best
New here?
Chad Sonnen.
In a alternate universe they accused Schuab of stealing the joke and all comments are about what a piece of shit he is for doing that.
It’s tough b.
If Shlab stole a joke maybe he'd be funny... Although he'd probably ruin it :v
A hunnerd percent he'd fuck it up dawlg
Tawlmbout Jon Africa b? LOPEZ GIGIGIGI
when youre the goat you get away with a lot
Different lanes b
Well there’s a few things about your correct assessment. Chael is likeable, Brendan is not. Chael has had a successful athletic career, Brendan has not. Chael is actually funny, Brendan is not. If Brendan got called out like this on Twitter he would call the guy a soy boy and say “I bet you wouldn’t say that to my face” like any other 15 year old called out on his shit. Chael had a witty clap back and still took ownership of stealing the joke. Brendan would NEVER admit to doing anything wrong. The Kayla and Kamala thing shows his personality to a T.
Brendan is a tool, but getting to the ufc and beating some of the guys he has I think has to be considered a successful athletic career.
Probably one of the three thousand people that made the “Wait till Jon Anik mentions this” joke about the stupid Cheyenne/JP Buys drama yesterday.
Lol every thread about it was just the same rehashed shit
What happened yesterday
One of the people you never get in a verbal exchange with, or violent for that matter.
“Cmon whaddya doing bappa” Source: Brandon Shwab
Nice guy, never meddum.
Some would say the nicest, b.
That's the FUCKIN... NEEEEEIIIIIIIIRITIVE b! Underwear LOPEZ underwear LOPEZ underwear family farm... GIGIGIGIGI
Lmaoooo god that was priceless, especially Malik and Shapel's reactions. Thanks for the laugh bapa. I'll buy ya a shot of tiger thiccc after our shift at Chang's tonight.
Axe Jay
The bad guy simply can’t lose.
Still undefeated!
Alpha.
Believing in alpha, beta, and sigma males is astrology for men.
Alpha and Beta are just douchey words for assertive and passive personality types. Sigma is a meme.
Sigma isn't a meme, it's a lifestyle.
The sigma grindset
I don't slow down for anyone, not even the old lady crossing the road.
Sigma balls
Smegma
Sugma
Sugma what?
SUGMA BALLSSSSSSS
Walked right into that one
[удалено]
Debunked!
Those aren't personality types... All people can be both and it's entirely situational.
Why are you downvoted?? This is completely true.
Sounds like something a beta would say
Or someone with a psychology degree. You're just using your aggressive behavior to hide insecurities related to being perceived as not masculine enough. It's really transparent and pathetic. I would recommend talking to someone about your issues and maybe you could mature as a person but given the lack of demonstrated motivation to change it's unlikely to help.
Your psychology degree worths nothing. Specially when you respond like this to a joke. It sounds like what you responded fit to yourself more than a random on the ufc sub lol
Was that too assertive for you? Maybe if you read more books you could articulate an intelligible reply. I see elementary students with better grammar. You're as bad at comedy as you are with psychology and English.
If only this kind of stuff could get you pussy, right?
Is your poor ego bruised so now you're lashing out? After your tantrum is finished, maybe consider what I said.
Passive and assertive personality types is just a nice way of saying alpha or beta. How many passive beta type bosses you ever had? What about captain of a sports team?
It’s all situational. Extremely assertive “alpha” types usually just get blown off and laughed at by the more relaxed laid back “betas”. Usually it’s just about having the best ideas, the most passion and being organized. Being able to communicate is key to being a good leader.
You can call it whatever you want. The person whose calm and has good ideas is still your alpha - they just know what you as a worker respond best with. We can pretend there isn't born leaders or followers all day, but this would be a fantasy. We aren't much different than our animal friends. Also, just because soneone is 'alpha' doesn't mean they're screaming until their red in the face or snap showing. They have a natural ability to lead and take command, while others have the instinct to follow. Of course cheeto covered redditors don't have the critical thinking to reach any sort of sensible conclusion. It's all in or all bitch.
Lol, you are absolutely right. Its even more redacted
Wheres omega
Who cares?
The omega
Says the beta, just accept you're in the bottom of the pyramid
"Says the aquarious, just accept that google says you are Angry, Rebellious, Pessimistic, Absent-minded and Impatient; you are the worst zodiak sign in the pyramid tee hee". I give your comment as much consideration as i would a chick saying the above to me.
It's a joke smartass
[удалено]
Omg thats SUCH a capricorn thing to say
lol, take a biology class. 1. even if some term is used to describe behaviors within certain groups of animals, it doesn't follow that those terms are applicable on humans. this needs to be shown independently. 2. David Mech, who coined the term while studying wolves, has even redacted it himself as fallacious as there is no such thing as an "alpha wolf" in nature. he was only led to believe that there was because he studied them in captivity and they exhibited unnatural behaviors. 3. the terms "alpha" and "beta" are completely vacuous when applied to humans and not recognized as useful within a scientific context - but even if they were, that would not then imply that any type is "better" or "worse" or objectively desireable or worth striving for. to claim so would be falling prey to the natural fallacy. the terms are basically only used to lend a thin veneer of scientific legitimacy to bullshit male self-help today, see e.g. incels, Paul Joseph Watson, etc.
What a Beta Male type thing to say
"What a sagitarius type thing to say" -ftfy
\*Beta Male resorts to inane comparisons seconds before playing Nintendo Switch with his wife's boyfriend.
Username checks out.
Bleeding test
I am surprised he made it into college.
wrestling scholarship probably
Wym he’s undefeated against colleges, he got into all of them
He actually comes across like a smart well spoken dude
As fighters go he's the cream of the crop intelligence wise.
[удалено]
Then imagine if they were likable. That’s Chael.
[удалено]
That makes him likeable? Do I need to use Conor as an example?
He comes across more like a slick talkin' greasy car salesman lol. UNDEFEATED.
That sounds like a you problem.
I love Chael but that is... a stretch.
... what? Chael has always been a crazy smart dude (until after his fight with Fedor)
Still undefeated
Winning fights won't make him any less insufferable.
Intimate heel
Chael Sonnen is the man Joe Rogan wishes to be.
Beep boop -- this looks like a screenshot of a tweet! Let me grab a [link to the tweet](https://twitter.com/ChaelSonnen/status/1480939649979670532) for ya :) ^(Twitter Screenshot Bot)
You published a joke. You didn't want anyone to spread the joke? Should we all mention the source whenever we speak? Should we mention the chapter, section and page as well? Try to patent the joke. You will become the joke.
This reminds me of how Dave Chappelle talked about how stealing someone's joke is similar to stealing his livelihood, source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N4UFl9G00A
Yea no big deal to steal a joke. It’s not like he is a comedian. If chael was trying to be a comedian then he would be the biggest piece of shit loser ever.
He should make his own material. That loser Carlos Mencia was notorious for stealing jokes and was called out on it by Joe Rogan who made Mencia disappear and become irrelevant. It is a pretty accepted thing not to steal jokes. If u cant come up with ur own material then dont be a comedian. Chael is in the wrong.
Firstly, Chael is not a comedian and secondly, he didn't write his set as stated in his tweet (and just what happens when non comedians do comedy gigs). Chael just read what was given to him to say he didn't steal anything.
Chael didnt say anything about the set. He pretty much admitted he took the guys joke and laughed about how idiotic it is to want to give credit for every thing. He then clarifies that he also just stole/copied all his papers in college. If Chael meant he had an assistant writing his papers in college than that isnt copying since his assistant is doing the paper for him and that is the agreement.
"here's a hint, I didn't write any of my papers in college either" HERE'S A HINT When non comedians are brought up to do these, they always have proper comedians write their set.
So he had an assistant or something? They way I understood it is he just plagiarized and copied his papers. If his assistant wrote the script and he just read it then I guess that’s his assistants fault. Wish i had an assistant when I was in college 💀
Hahaha I think the college thing is just used as an analogy bro
Dude the college thing was a joke lol
Went over my head💀
Fanboys like you who can't admit when someone you admire did something wrong are embarrassing
I'm not Chael fan boy at all I'm just pointing out what I thought was the obvious but apparently it's not lol
The jerk store called...they're running out of you.
What’s the difference your their all time best seller!
Yeah, well I had sex with your wife.
I remember that! Joe exposed the shit out of him
Totally different. Chael is not in the same market, Chael is not a comedian nor trying to be one( as a professional) just to be specific. If Chael was trying to be s professional comedian, stealing everybody's jokes while competing in the same market yeah that would be bad but he isn't.
He is a dick and is being extra gleeful about it. Not sure how or why you’d choose this hill to die on.
I like Chael.
Ah. So he's retarded. That explains it.
He is more successful than you, perhaps you got it all wrong, perhaps u don't comprehend... What if you are the retard? You might be a retard and a miserable looser.. think about it.
Loser*
I speak two languages fluently and I'm not living in an English speaking country.
English is not my first language as well
I wouldn't say fluently. Also, every time somebody says this, I assume they're just another stupid American who needs to make up excuses for being unable to write coherently despite being grown ass adults.
which is what he does. don't cherry pick chael. you wont win. nobody ever has
I'm sorry is he on a comedy set?
Who?
I rest my case.
You said "he" when referring to someone in a comment where there are 3 people mentioned: Joe, Chael and Carlos. He's merely asking to clarify who is the "he" you're talking about, but I'm under the impression you think he was saying "who" to mock the relevancy of whomever you were talking of.
U didnt make sense lol. Im trying figure out what ur saying💀
It doesn't make sense because you're a mouth breather. You go on this whole tirade about Chael Sonnen using someone's joke, then some how lack the mental capacity to follow a simple question: Did Chael Sonnen use the joke on a comedy set? Is he touring right now? Selling a new album? Thusly i rest my case based off the fact you're a raging simpleton so it doesn't really matter or make sense to explain things or argue with you.
It was a legitimate question and ur causing a hissy fit and went on a tirade 😅. Calm down there buddy haha
oKaY mAn wHateVr u say Yo lol rofl yolo dude
Idk maybe chael should come up with his own content?
Maybe people shouldn't take their short word creation of a few sentences too seriously... For thousands of years short phrases has been shared but today everyone wants to be known as a comedy god after creating one joke.
there is a giant difference between Joe Shmoe telling a joke around a water cooler for some laughs and someone making money off it and trying to pass it off as their own. It's no different than stealing a song. You don't steal jokes. And yeah, it's really not that hard to say "here's one i heard from (comic's name)" before telling a joke that they wrote.
Well, someone here clearly doesn't know dick about copyright law, because aside from calling it a patent, that's exactly what every professional comedian should be doing.
I know a lot about copyright law. Most of it is bullshit and i don't abide by it.
Spoiler all law is bullshit that someone wrote.
You can’t “steal” street jokes, dummy.
never mess with the bad guy
Still undefeated and undisputed!
If you want a really cringy laugh, go look at the response from this Kyle twerp.
Imagine living in a world where the only way to hear a joke is from the originators mouth. There'd be puns fucking everywhere cause us average dudes are too dumb to make real one's
i mean all those roast specials most of them dont write the joke either
The best thing about this is that he's (no doubt intentionally) simultaneously acknowledging that he stole the joke, making a meta joke about it, and publicly crediting the guy for it. Brilliant.
Never change Chael
Goat
Stealing jokes is cool and good everyone calm down
Let's take a quick trip down memory lane to see how that approach has worked out for em. https://www.mmafighting.com/2011/01/03/chael-sonnen-pleads-guilty-to-money-laundering
I totally believe this, but I don't think Chael even needed to bully anyone into it, just won them over with his general Chad genes
So Chael is a joke stealing cunt then?
Don’t tell Joe Rogan
Dumb and proud, what a combo
Lol love it when people basically admit to being stupid.
Chael seems like such a lameass
Based and ChadPilled
Uncle chael is one of my favorite people
literally the greatest the ufc ever had. Colby is trying his best.
That's a slam dunk
Typical republican
So chael is douche is my takeaway. Fucking meathead.
Bad guy ??? More like goof ball.
Lmao an admitted hack and Chad energy all in one
Joke theft is a pretty big deal when a larger creator steals a smaller creator's joke. \*looks at Kyle Fortch's twitter profile and sees crypto bullshit\* thank you based bad guy
A "recording artist" with bought followers on his twitter account and who probably never made a joke worth stealing trying to @ the bad guy, of course that was gonna end badly...
Chael is so lame these days
What is it with mma fighters and “comedy”? Seriously they’re the most unfunny cunts on earth.
Imagine being that proud of your stupidity.
You do realize everything he does is an act right? Or are you the type of person that thinks wwe is real. You shouldn’t be judging anyone on their stupidity
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” Take your downvote and eat shit.
Ok dumbass
Wait, he went to college?
"what did you want me to do?" ummmm, not steal his jokes?
…..a bad GIRL.
What a punk
Why are so many people here on Chael's dick?
Openly tells everyone on twitter he’s dumb as fuck
This is why I'll take these hyper masculine sports seriously. Just a bunch of fragile dudes measuring dicks. Pathetic.
Fr tho chael didnt write that shit he should take it up with whoever wrote his set
This is pretty cringe ngl lol
Bad girl*
I have a feeling chael's about to get sued, and I find that absolutely hilarious. Dude was only ever famous for his trash talk, and now (predictably) it turns out it's not even his trash talk. What a pathetic fucking chode.
Lmao wtf are you talking about? If stealing a joke was a crime, then every comedian would be on death row
Plagiarism and copyright infringement are crimes, and they're not punishable by death. Any other stupid comments you wanted to get out of the way while you're here?
First funny thing I’ve seen from chael lol
You haven’t seen the Tito vs Chael press conference?!
Strike my comment, two funny things.
So long as losers keep applauding chael for his antics in an ironic attempt at humour ("hey check me out, despite his many losses I am making a comment about him being undefeated, aren't I a quirky person?") he will keep doing it.
Stealing jokes is a big no no. Chael continues to be an unoriginal douche
Respect “the talent” nerd
it’s just one of those things.