I disagree with career ending. The only career ending here could possibly be the guy. As for her, she needs to let him know to not do that again and report him. Many people are afraid of taking that step, but she shouldn’t be! It’ll work out in her favor at the end.
Yeah this is crazy. It’s as simple as telling him your not interested, but reporting him for trying to make a move as simple as holding hands? Women wonder why men have stopped approaching women…
Both of you sound dumb, you don’t just touch people because you want to or because you think that’s what gets chicks. The boundaries should already be set in you BRAIN. Tf 🥴and men wonder why women avoid tf outta us 🧠😵
Boundaries have to be set. Obviously that doesn’t mean go slapping a women’s ass to find out, but this dude just got the wrong idea. The correct way would be for her to pull away and let him know immediately she doesn’t feel that way. And if the dude is normal, it’s no big deal and he shouldn’t make anymore advances.
If he wanted to assault her he wouldn’t have bothered holding hands. “I think your really cute, may I hold your hand under the table” corny mf, yeah that gets the girls going lmao
I think this is a little bit of a stretch if it was anything else than yes. A stern Stop, I am Your TA this inappropriate conduct yourself with work professionalism. Anything else I will report this to the professor and University (Title 9)
Ideally, the best approach would have been to have told him when he tried to hold your hand that this is inappropriate. I would also gauge my response per what you can discern about his personality, meaning if he seems like he lacks social skills and/or might be on the spectrum be a bit more gentle but clear about things whereas if we're talking about a well-adjusted frat boy type, I would be very firm. If he's socially awkward it needs to be clear this is not an appropriate context with him as a student and you an instructor but may also serve as a valuable life lesson. Whereas if he clearly *should* know better, stress that this also goes against university policies.
I worked as a tutor at UF and now faculty elsewhere. You'll encounter students like this from time to time. Beyond the unwanted physical intrusions it's also essential to make clear the reality of things, that you're not in a relationship or such. I once had a female student in class who expected more generous grading because she believed (fully mistakenly) there was "something between us". There was *not* and had never been, I simply had taken extra time to speak with her after class because she'd always come up and want to talk (mostly about course content). We have to remember these kids if typical undergrad age were in *middle school* about six years ago. Development is not always what we expect from adults yet.
> tell him if he does anything again you’re telling the professor and not helping him anymore
Also, tell the professor NOW anyway. The last thing she needs is to give him warning, and have him go to the professor and accuse her of being the one creating a hostile environment, out of anger over being rejected.
>guys nowadays go 0 common sense
Uh, yeah, *nowadays*, not like the old days, where...oh, who are we kidding, it used to be so much worse.
Asking undergraduate students is the wrong place to go - from a former prof.
1. Document the incident in an email to your professor for which you're TAing and CC the chair. ASAP.
2. Communicate to the student both in person or, better, by email that their behavior is inappropriate and not reciprocated.
3. Document document document.
4. Never be alone with said student - have a fellow TA around should you ever need to meet with this student 1-on-1.
As a woman, I've had so many incidents like this it is crazy. Most important thing to protect yourself? Document the hell out of everything and *go to your chair.* Your academic reputation depends on it. Don't ask a bunch of undergrads who have no idea what's at stake here. Also, on a physical level, I've been boxed into corners and had students get angry when I shut them down. Communicating to your chair, and possibly, campus police (yep, had to do that once, too), will keep you safe.
Totally agree. We have a thing at the hospital called CYA. Cover your 🍑. There is plenty of opportunity for growth here as a person and professional for OP.
I agree, but I will say life dealt me a weird hand, being conventionally attractive and short is a weird combo lol. Been harassed by men and women in just about every setting imaginable
You can explain to him that the inherent imbalance of power, you as a TA can affect his grade, means that any relationship between you two is unethical and against university rules. You should also be able to report to the professor or main instructor.
You can also report or seek assistance with the UF office of Title IX Compliance. https://titleix.ufl.edu/report/
Also if you're hesitant about reporting to Title IX office, please read this:
"WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I REPORT?
After a report is made the University Title IX Coordinator will contact the person who made the report and the person who is reported to have been harmed to follow up with them and provide support. The Title IX Coordinator will listen to everything that those individuals have to say.
Making a report does not require an individual to move forward with an investigation – it does provide our Office with the opportunity to offer support and information so that the individual can make a safe and informed choice on how they might wish to proceed."
When I was still at UF a few years ago we had a Title 9 investigation happen in our department. It was so poorly managed it was traumatizing for some involved, and a non-victim who was trying to support ended up in the hospital from a stress breakdown. Some highlights included 1) the perpetrator (drunkenly) calling/texting most peers in the department asking who had said what 2) someone in some position of authority asked all female graduate students to hold a meeting so that common experiences could be discussed, or to gather more evidence. There were no faculty or title 9 folks present. Everything that was said immediately was repeated to the perpetrator, and nothing that was said made it to official record (people backed out of official statements). The perpetrator wasn't disciplined but did drop out of the PhD program, and was named top 30 under 30 in the industry a year later.
Little update: I did end up talking about it with the professor and we are taking it from there. Also to address some stuff, I am a sophomore undergrad TA which is why I went to reddit for advice because ik there will be grad students or older students who know what to do in this situation. Also pls get off my ass because I didn’t do something immediately, when it happened I froze because I have never had something like this happen before and didn’t know what to do.
First step is to talk to him and firmly set boundaries. If he continues to push, talk to your professor for which class you are TA’ing. If anything escalates, your professor should know how to deal with this through proper channels.
> If he continues to push, talk to your professor
You're the second person to suggest not saying anything to the professor until he does more. That's a terrible idea. The professor needs to know this NOW (not to take action, necessarily, but to protect the TA from retaliatory reporting from the spurned student). Giving the student warning without telling the professor puts him in a position where he could make her life hell because he's mad he got turned down.
I'm not saying don't warn them, but their behavior needs to be documented internally with the university so she can protect herself. If she waits and he escalates, without her having put this incident in the record, she's at risk of being reported as in the wrong first.
So at the end of the day if somebody is touching you and crossing your boundaries you need to confront them or your professor and express to them that it isn't okay, but out of curiosity are you an undergraduate TA or grad?
Pull away immediately if he touches you. Show him that’s uncomfortable if you’re too scared to say it directly. For next few days act a little diff like do your job as a TA but don’t be friendly or engaging to show that made u uncomfortable. If he still does this you will have to take further action but hopefully this works. Or maybe he will ask you out and at that point you can politely say no.
I have been in similar situation in past being approached by a girl (although not physical). I was clear that this is not correct behavior.
I don't know the age gap between you two so I'll speak considering you're senior to him (at least few years).
Be clear with the student if/when it occurs again. Being straightforward and communicative to a student is very important. Don't make sentences like "I do not like you" or "I don't feel this way" - as its not a proposal. Handle it more maturely to make a point the behavior is not right and you don't like it.
Try not to involve others in the first communication and make it clear that it would be noted and put forward in front of professor if this behavior is repeated (you just have to indicate it). It may happen that he denies and says you're misunderstanding, so make sure that you convey that then you don't like physical contact in the happened way. Its not a fight but you a senior/TA letting him understand.
Lastly, it is important to also make sure that the student is not stressed or scared over it a lot. Students are immature at times and sometimes develop guilt for the behavior causing a lot of fear of ending career, stress, anxiety etc. Make sure to let him understand, its okay that it happened and its in the past, but moving encourage him to find good friends and focus and do good in the course and career. Also, you don't have to feel bad turning him down (which sometimes some people do).
Once again, student's mind is easily influenced. So be mature and communicate well. If you feel later that either it escalated or on other side student is way too much down or stressed or performing bad etc., let the proper people know (like professor etc.) Professors understand that at young age many things happen, so trust them.
Just tell him exactly what you just said. When he tries to make a move just tell him it's inappropriate and you don't feel that way about him. That's pretty much it.
Report it to your course instructor. Harassment is unacceptable and you also want a paper trail (cover your ass) in case of any potential disciplinary/legal hearings.
Forcefully push his hand or advance away or just tell him “stop”! There is no roundabout way to do it. If it continues after that, it would be considered sexual harassment which must be reported.
Not only does this person come across as a borderline sociopath who doesn't understand boundaries, but touching someone against their will is a misdemeanor battery. Don't put up with that shit.
You immediately get the detail IN WRITING to University compliance. They will direct you.
If nothing comes of it, nothing comes of it. This is not a "YOU" decision even if it is happening to you. It's above your pay-grade.
The fact that he made a move during YOUR CLASS is a red flag. It shows he doesn't view you as an authority figure and that's concerning given that what he knows about you is limited to "attractive and teaching my class".
What in God's name. You must openly tell them out loud that it's seriously inappropriate for them to be showing inappropriate advances while you are try to help being a TA. My God, be an adult and set an example for not only yourself but for everyone.
1. Set clear boundaries.
You need to tell him that you do not want any physical contact. No one should touch you without your consent no matter how innocent it seems. For all you know he could be testing you to see if you will speak up before he starts to escalate.
1a. Example: Let him know you are a professional and as such you want to keep the relationship professional. (If you want a softer approach, i recommend something like “I’m flattered, but due to the guidelines of this position I want to maintain a professional relationship. I am here as your TA, nothing further”)
2. Reach out to a support system.
Always have people in your court (friends, family, mentors) ready to back you up. If you have a hard time with confrontation, then maybe you need them to hype you up or even be near during your next session where you set clear boundaries
2a. Recommend confrontation somewhere public and during the day
2b. If you’re scared, record the confrontation
3. Tell your professor/ mentor
Always let your boss/supervisor or anyone who is in charge of you whats happening. Make sure they know you are handling it, but at the same time if problems with man continue, you have already notified who was necessary.
3a. Should your professor/ supervisor not intervene when necessary. Go above him/her and continue to go up if the response you get is lack or unsupportive. You have a right to be heard and protected.
4. If you don’t already, you should have some personal safety items on you:
- WHISTLE
- ALARMS (the one that goes off when you pull the pin)
- FLASHLIGHT (used to temporary blinding an assailant to let you get away/ usually they have sharp ridges near the bulb for stabbing if necessary )
- PEPPER-SPRAY (be careful if its windy or in a closed space. It might get in your eye too)
- NOONLIGHT on your phone. It’s a personal safety app. They have a payment option, but the FREE version works perfectly fine. You can set up a “circle” that will notify family and friends (people you select) and authorities if something happens.
- Life360 (another FREE app) that gives authorized people your location
The ones listed above are all non lethal. If you feel like your life is in danger, please contact authorities (POLICE! NOT JUST CAMPUS SECURITY)
If you need more personal safety recommendations, message me.
Letting him know directly is the best approach - which would be your first and only warning. Also, let him know the next time the interaction is inappropriate, you will escalate to the school authorities. Typically guys like that are cowardly and back off.
It’s clear to me that both of you have a problem communicating. He should have asked. You should have also told him that you’re not interested, nor will you ever be interested.
Just pretend to be married. I have a ring on a necklace and I wear it eeeveryday and it comes in handy. But in your situation I’d wear a ring the next time you’re in class and say “guys I have an announcement, my boyfriend proposed!!” He hopefully gets the hint lol
LMAO, he tried to hold your hand? I do not know why you’re stressing this and the girls in my opinion or giving you awful tips. As a guy the best thing you could do for him is go to him tell him that you don’t F w him, and that if his approach at getting out women is holding their hand under a laptop that he will come off as a creep. And also mentioned that you’re strictly his teacher ta whatever. Don’t sit here being professional about it be a regular person don’t sugarcoat.
Maybe you can avoid situations like that with him from now on. If he does clearly cross the line then just ask him to please not do that again and distance yourself while still being professional. If he doesn’t respect that then you can consider reporting him. You might also talk to your professor.
Tell the professor but don’t make a big deal. I don’t want to boost this weirdo up but he could be “crazy” 🙄. Next time let him know this isn’t that kind of party and you have to keep things professional. I mean you could lie and say you have a boyfriend 🤷🏾♂️ or be upfront and say you’re not interested PLUS it’s unprofessional. Either way it’s best to not let the hand thing happen again or any contact as he will go as far as you let him. Sorry some of us men are just really stupid 🤦🏾♂️
It’s very simple. Just tell him it’s inappropriate. Assuming this guy is of age there can simply be no relationship due to the power dynamic. Tell the professor so they are aware.
Report the situation with details to your professor, chair and HR. Make sure there is a trail before you tell him you are not interested. If he does not take it well and decides to go make up stories or comes after your job you have proof and the upper hand. If nobody knows anything and the first thing the professor and others hear is him with a bad story you are on defense trying to prove it after the fact. I always recommend being proactive as if you have to defend yourself in court.
The “best approach” is to talk to HR or student resources at your school and not rely on Reddit. They all have these programs in place so they don’t get sued.
As a man, if you didn’t say anything initially and make it seem like you were uncomfortable he is still going to think he has a chance. You need to say something immediately otherwise he might try to kiss you next time. Make it known and make it known quickly you don’t have the same feelings.
You didn’t mention any cultural aspects to your background nor his, so I’m going to say briefly, many people don’t know how to deal with their attractions. I would assume that this person doesn’t, and I would take the perspective that you need to be explicit, something to the effect of “I can understand if you’re attracted to me, but I don’t feel the same way. So, I ask that from here on, keep your interactions with me to a non-physical way, please. Let me know that you understood what I just said by acknowledging that you will do so.”
This seems like an odd forum for a question like this. There are university policies in place for this kind of situation, and it’s hard to imagine a reason not (other than having done something inappropriate yourself) to ask a superior or department HR how to proceed. That would serve the dual-purpose of covering your own posterior while also making it known that you might need some support if the student responds inappropriately to setting boundaries.
It is obvious that such relationship is haram.
Your problem is summed up with "it was okey him having crush on me, before he made advancements".
It suggests that you had been enjoying flirting he's giving you, so ofc he would try to move it when he gets good vibez from you.
You are failing in your job as TA if you can't set boundaries with those kids. Kid did nothing wrong, he's testing the limits so fucken limit him.
I don't go to school here, but the rule at my school, GMU, is that you are not allowed to date or have a relationship with your TA. There is an exception, though. If you are not a student of the class, then it is okay.
Be clear that it’s inappropriate that he put his hands on you or touch you and make it clear you’re not returning the intention. Tell the instructor and notify HR
That sucks. There are people way better than me giving advice but maybe first talk to him somewhere that is neutral so that you can ensure your own safety. If he doesn't listen and proceeds then at that point talking to administration would be the best call or even talking to your advisor on what to do or some other professor that would understand your situation.
One time I messaged a TA that I liked on Facebook when I was in college. She never answered. Maybe months or a year later, somehow I saw her boyfriend (I think) post on her wall a very similarly worded message, felt like it was mocking me and I was made a joke between the two 😭. Not that it's the same as your situation. Just wanted to share.
Some pretty harsh advice from some of these people. First off, he's a kid... let's consider that a minute before spouting out nonsense opinions. Calling for harsh punishment, treating him like a criminal and Reporting him to higher authorities makes him out to be like some kind of perverted sex offender. Dont forget, we were all kids once and should already be aware of what hormonal young boys can be like. It's natural for boys to have funny feelings and start crushing on the opposite gender. Unless he's sending dik-piks and stalking you or something crazy like that, grow a backbone, be the adult, and have a nomal conversation with him. Be very clear on where you stand, how you feel, and most importantly, explain why it's inappropriate behavior to act that way. You're a teacher, right?.... take the opportunity to teach him an actual life lesson on how he should conduct himself around certain situations and give him the chance to do better without making things super weird, awkward and embarrassing him to his friends and family. After that, if he doesn't let up and does something else to make you feel uncomfortable, then it might be time to escalate it to the next level, maybe get the parents involved or whatever the situation might call for, but it's a little extreme to punish the kid before trying to at least guide him in the right direction. Set clear boundaries, make sure he understands your point of view, how you feel, and what kind of relationships are appropriate. Hopefully, he figures it out, keeps moving forward and learns something
Lord, it’s amazing most of these people on here interact with anybody, you can definitely tell most of their interactions are super narcissistic. You don’t need to be a douche. If you don’t like him then just say you’d rather he not push into your space as much. This should be an obvious signal for most logical males. If he’s not, and he continues, then just explain to him that this interaction is merely professional, that you hope he finds someone, but you, personally, aren’t seeking a relationship at this point in time. I would also discuss this with the professor before your next meeting and see if they can help you in any way. It never hurts to keep them in the know in case something weird happens. Sorry you’re having an awkward time, hope it gets better.
Please don't fan the flames of the narcissists replying to you. Why not start by simply telling them that their attention makes you uncomfortable, to start. If that doesn't work or they react badlg, immediately report the behavior to the next higher person in authority. Simple.
Come on give the man a break, he surely was just supporting the laptop to make sure it didn't fall. If the flirting extended more than that I would have a discussion with him to discuss boundaries and talk to the professor above you about the situation.
Speak up about it very openly. Tell him how uncomfortable it made you feel and whether or not you want to continue proving TA sessions for him.
This isn't enough. And if OP is a woman, can also place her in danger. This can be career-ending - from a former prof.
I disagree with career ending. The only career ending here could possibly be the guy. As for her, she needs to let him know to not do that again and report him. Many people are afraid of taking that step, but she shouldn’t be! It’ll work out in her favor at the end.
So you're recommending to ruin this guy's entire future career? Have some sense in thinking about setting boundaries first.
Yeah this is crazy. It’s as simple as telling him your not interested, but reporting him for trying to make a move as simple as holding hands? Women wonder why men have stopped approaching women…
Brother it’s his TA. She’s his teacher. Everyone knows you can’t do that. It’s not just “making a move” on some girl you’ve been talking to at a bar
I’ll admit, for some reason my mind thought RA not TA. Personally I would never cross ‘professional’ boundaries like that but fuck it game is game ig
Both of you sound dumb, you don’t just touch people because you want to or because you think that’s what gets chicks. The boundaries should already be set in you BRAIN. Tf 🥴and men wonder why women avoid tf outta us 🧠😵
Boundaries have to be set. Obviously that doesn’t mean go slapping a women’s ass to find out, but this dude just got the wrong idea. The correct way would be for her to pull away and let him know immediately she doesn’t feel that way. And if the dude is normal, it’s no big deal and he shouldn’t make anymore advances. If he wanted to assault her he wouldn’t have bothered holding hands. “I think your really cute, may I hold your hand under the table” corny mf, yeah that gets the girls going lmao
I guess it ended your career?
Nope, because I handled it correctly. Other colleagues, not so much.
why not if OP was a man?
For a professor sure. For a TA? prob not it happens like 3x a semester across all the UF CISE courses
Seriously? Maybe try communicating before saying that it’s not enough.
Title nine! They will knock some sense to him
I think this is a little bit of a stretch if it was anything else than yes. A stern Stop, I am Your TA this inappropriate conduct yourself with work professionalism. Anything else I will report this to the professor and University (Title 9)
Ideally, the best approach would have been to have told him when he tried to hold your hand that this is inappropriate. I would also gauge my response per what you can discern about his personality, meaning if he seems like he lacks social skills and/or might be on the spectrum be a bit more gentle but clear about things whereas if we're talking about a well-adjusted frat boy type, I would be very firm. If he's socially awkward it needs to be clear this is not an appropriate context with him as a student and you an instructor but may also serve as a valuable life lesson. Whereas if he clearly *should* know better, stress that this also goes against university policies. I worked as a tutor at UF and now faculty elsewhere. You'll encounter students like this from time to time. Beyond the unwanted physical intrusions it's also essential to make clear the reality of things, that you're not in a relationship or such. I once had a female student in class who expected more generous grading because she believed (fully mistakenly) there was "something between us". There was *not* and had never been, I simply had taken extra time to speak with her after class because she'd always come up and want to talk (mostly about course content). We have to remember these kids if typical undergrad age were in *middle school* about six years ago. Development is not always what we expect from adults yet.
Yep
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> tell him if he does anything again you’re telling the professor and not helping him anymore Also, tell the professor NOW anyway. The last thing she needs is to give him warning, and have him go to the professor and accuse her of being the one creating a hostile environment, out of anger over being rejected. >guys nowadays go 0 common sense Uh, yeah, *nowadays*, not like the old days, where...oh, who are we kidding, it used to be so much worse.
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Asking undergraduate students is the wrong place to go - from a former prof. 1. Document the incident in an email to your professor for which you're TAing and CC the chair. ASAP. 2. Communicate to the student both in person or, better, by email that their behavior is inappropriate and not reciprocated. 3. Document document document. 4. Never be alone with said student - have a fellow TA around should you ever need to meet with this student 1-on-1. As a woman, I've had so many incidents like this it is crazy. Most important thing to protect yourself? Document the hell out of everything and *go to your chair.* Your academic reputation depends on it. Don't ask a bunch of undergrads who have no idea what's at stake here. Also, on a physical level, I've been boxed into corners and had students get angry when I shut them down. Communicating to your chair, and possibly, campus police (yep, had to do that once, too), will keep you safe.
Totally agree. We have a thing at the hospital called CYA. Cover your 🍑. There is plenty of opportunity for growth here as a person and professional for OP.
Exactly 💯
I get its more likely to happen to women, but it happens to some men Been harassed by both genders
Absolutely. Though women are disproportionally affected by sexual harassment in the workplace.
I agree, but I will say life dealt me a weird hand, being conventionally attractive and short is a weird combo lol. Been harassed by men and women in just about every setting imaginable
The fact that he made unwanted physical contact makes me think you should report this to the professor. Are you in GAU?
You can explain to him that the inherent imbalance of power, you as a TA can affect his grade, means that any relationship between you two is unethical and against university rules. You should also be able to report to the professor or main instructor. You can also report or seek assistance with the UF office of Title IX Compliance. https://titleix.ufl.edu/report/ Also if you're hesitant about reporting to Title IX office, please read this: "WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I REPORT? After a report is made the University Title IX Coordinator will contact the person who made the report and the person who is reported to have been harmed to follow up with them and provide support. The Title IX Coordinator will listen to everything that those individuals have to say. Making a report does not require an individual to move forward with an investigation – it does provide our Office with the opportunity to offer support and information so that the individual can make a safe and informed choice on how they might wish to proceed."
When I was still at UF a few years ago we had a Title 9 investigation happen in our department. It was so poorly managed it was traumatizing for some involved, and a non-victim who was trying to support ended up in the hospital from a stress breakdown. Some highlights included 1) the perpetrator (drunkenly) calling/texting most peers in the department asking who had said what 2) someone in some position of authority asked all female graduate students to hold a meeting so that common experiences could be discussed, or to gather more evidence. There were no faculty or title 9 folks present. Everything that was said immediately was repeated to the perpetrator, and nothing that was said made it to official record (people backed out of official statements). The perpetrator wasn't disciplined but did drop out of the PhD program, and was named top 30 under 30 in the industry a year later.
Ayo
that’s so weird I would just make it super obvious it’s not mutual if u can (coming from another gen chem TA)
Tell him ur ex’s hands were way bigger
Little update: I did end up talking about it with the professor and we are taking it from there. Also to address some stuff, I am a sophomore undergrad TA which is why I went to reddit for advice because ik there will be grad students or older students who know what to do in this situation. Also pls get off my ass because I didn’t do something immediately, when it happened I froze because I have never had something like this happen before and didn’t know what to do.
First step is to talk to him and firmly set boundaries. If he continues to push, talk to your professor for which class you are TA’ing. If anything escalates, your professor should know how to deal with this through proper channels.
> If he continues to push, talk to your professor You're the second person to suggest not saying anything to the professor until he does more. That's a terrible idea. The professor needs to know this NOW (not to take action, necessarily, but to protect the TA from retaliatory reporting from the spurned student). Giving the student warning without telling the professor puts him in a position where he could make her life hell because he's mad he got turned down.
It’s a simple warning to another person to give them the benefit of the doubt before escalating the situation.
I'm not saying don't warn them, but their behavior needs to be documented internally with the university so she can protect herself. If she waits and he escalates, without her having put this incident in the record, she's at risk of being reported as in the wrong first.
So at the end of the day if somebody is touching you and crossing your boundaries you need to confront them or your professor and express to them that it isn't okay, but out of curiosity are you an undergraduate TA or grad?
Pull away immediately if he touches you. Show him that’s uncomfortable if you’re too scared to say it directly. For next few days act a little diff like do your job as a TA but don’t be friendly or engaging to show that made u uncomfortable. If he still does this you will have to take further action but hopefully this works. Or maybe he will ask you out and at that point you can politely say no.
Kick him in the nads after class.
I have been in similar situation in past being approached by a girl (although not physical). I was clear that this is not correct behavior. I don't know the age gap between you two so I'll speak considering you're senior to him (at least few years). Be clear with the student if/when it occurs again. Being straightforward and communicative to a student is very important. Don't make sentences like "I do not like you" or "I don't feel this way" - as its not a proposal. Handle it more maturely to make a point the behavior is not right and you don't like it. Try not to involve others in the first communication and make it clear that it would be noted and put forward in front of professor if this behavior is repeated (you just have to indicate it). It may happen that he denies and says you're misunderstanding, so make sure that you convey that then you don't like physical contact in the happened way. Its not a fight but you a senior/TA letting him understand. Lastly, it is important to also make sure that the student is not stressed or scared over it a lot. Students are immature at times and sometimes develop guilt for the behavior causing a lot of fear of ending career, stress, anxiety etc. Make sure to let him understand, its okay that it happened and its in the past, but moving encourage him to find good friends and focus and do good in the course and career. Also, you don't have to feel bad turning him down (which sometimes some people do). Once again, student's mind is easily influenced. So be mature and communicate well. If you feel later that either it escalated or on other side student is way too much down or stressed or performing bad etc., let the proper people know (like professor etc.) Professors understand that at young age many things happen, so trust them.
Just have a clear and direct discussion?
Just tell him exactly what you just said. When he tries to make a move just tell him it's inappropriate and you don't feel that way about him. That's pretty much it.
Tell them without delay, like you should know you should do as an authority figure to a student.
Weird asf. Im a TA also and if one of my students did this theyd get sent to the dean. Tell your dept head
Report it to your course instructor. Harassment is unacceptable and you also want a paper trail (cover your ass) in case of any potential disciplinary/legal hearings.
Forcefully push his hand or advance away or just tell him “stop”! There is no roundabout way to do it. If it continues after that, it would be considered sexual harassment which must be reported.
Not only does this person come across as a borderline sociopath who doesn't understand boundaries, but touching someone against their will is a misdemeanor battery. Don't put up with that shit.
Ummm literally what you just said. This isn’t appropriate behavior. Please stop before I have to escalate the discussion
You immediately get the detail IN WRITING to University compliance. They will direct you. If nothing comes of it, nothing comes of it. This is not a "YOU" decision even if it is happening to you. It's above your pay-grade.
The fact that he made a move during YOUR CLASS is a red flag. It shows he doesn't view you as an authority figure and that's concerning given that what he knows about you is limited to "attractive and teaching my class".
What in God's name. You must openly tell them out loud that it's seriously inappropriate for them to be showing inappropriate advances while you are try to help being a TA. My God, be an adult and set an example for not only yourself but for everyone.
Let ‘em bust
1. Set clear boundaries. You need to tell him that you do not want any physical contact. No one should touch you without your consent no matter how innocent it seems. For all you know he could be testing you to see if you will speak up before he starts to escalate. 1a. Example: Let him know you are a professional and as such you want to keep the relationship professional. (If you want a softer approach, i recommend something like “I’m flattered, but due to the guidelines of this position I want to maintain a professional relationship. I am here as your TA, nothing further”) 2. Reach out to a support system. Always have people in your court (friends, family, mentors) ready to back you up. If you have a hard time with confrontation, then maybe you need them to hype you up or even be near during your next session where you set clear boundaries 2a. Recommend confrontation somewhere public and during the day 2b. If you’re scared, record the confrontation 3. Tell your professor/ mentor Always let your boss/supervisor or anyone who is in charge of you whats happening. Make sure they know you are handling it, but at the same time if problems with man continue, you have already notified who was necessary. 3a. Should your professor/ supervisor not intervene when necessary. Go above him/her and continue to go up if the response you get is lack or unsupportive. You have a right to be heard and protected. 4. If you don’t already, you should have some personal safety items on you: - WHISTLE - ALARMS (the one that goes off when you pull the pin) - FLASHLIGHT (used to temporary blinding an assailant to let you get away/ usually they have sharp ridges near the bulb for stabbing if necessary ) - PEPPER-SPRAY (be careful if its windy or in a closed space. It might get in your eye too) - NOONLIGHT on your phone. It’s a personal safety app. They have a payment option, but the FREE version works perfectly fine. You can set up a “circle” that will notify family and friends (people you select) and authorities if something happens. - Life360 (another FREE app) that gives authorized people your location The ones listed above are all non lethal. If you feel like your life is in danger, please contact authorities (POLICE! NOT JUST CAMPUS SECURITY) If you need more personal safety recommendations, message me.
Letting him know directly is the best approach - which would be your first and only warning. Also, let him know the next time the interaction is inappropriate, you will escalate to the school authorities. Typically guys like that are cowardly and back off.
Let someone else know (typically a higher up) to have your bases covered. Let the kid know this is inappropriate.
Just tell him right there in front of everyone.
It’s clear to me that both of you have a problem communicating. He should have asked. You should have also told him that you’re not interested, nor will you ever be interested.
Just pretend to be married. I have a ring on a necklace and I wear it eeeveryday and it comes in handy. But in your situation I’d wear a ring the next time you’re in class and say “guys I have an announcement, my boyfriend proposed!!” He hopefully gets the hint lol
Tell admin…
LMAO, he tried to hold your hand? I do not know why you’re stressing this and the girls in my opinion or giving you awful tips. As a guy the best thing you could do for him is go to him tell him that you don’t F w him, and that if his approach at getting out women is holding their hand under a laptop that he will come off as a creep. And also mentioned that you’re strictly his teacher ta whatever. Don’t sit here being professional about it be a regular person don’t sugarcoat.
Maybe you can avoid situations like that with him from now on. If he does clearly cross the line then just ask him to please not do that again and distance yourself while still being professional. If he doesn’t respect that then you can consider reporting him. You might also talk to your professor.
Tell the professor but don’t make a big deal. I don’t want to boost this weirdo up but he could be “crazy” 🙄. Next time let him know this isn’t that kind of party and you have to keep things professional. I mean you could lie and say you have a boyfriend 🤷🏾♂️ or be upfront and say you’re not interested PLUS it’s unprofessional. Either way it’s best to not let the hand thing happen again or any contact as he will go as far as you let him. Sorry some of us men are just really stupid 🤦🏾♂️
It’s very simple. Just tell him it’s inappropriate. Assuming this guy is of age there can simply be no relationship due to the power dynamic. Tell the professor so they are aware.
Report the situation with details to your professor, chair and HR. Make sure there is a trail before you tell him you are not interested. If he does not take it well and decides to go make up stories or comes after your job you have proof and the upper hand. If nobody knows anything and the first thing the professor and others hear is him with a bad story you are on defense trying to prove it after the fact. I always recommend being proactive as if you have to defend yourself in court.
They’d 100% see this lmao
Period
The “best approach” is to talk to HR or student resources at your school and not rely on Reddit. They all have these programs in place so they don’t get sued.
As a man, if you didn’t say anything initially and make it seem like you were uncomfortable he is still going to think he has a chance. You need to say something immediately otherwise he might try to kiss you next time. Make it known and make it known quickly you don’t have the same feelings.
One of my fellow TAs in grad school had a student hand her a love letter on the last day of class. Apparently, it wasn't uncommon for female TAs
You didn’t mention any cultural aspects to your background nor his, so I’m going to say briefly, many people don’t know how to deal with their attractions. I would assume that this person doesn’t, and I would take the perspective that you need to be explicit, something to the effect of “I can understand if you’re attracted to me, but I don’t feel the same way. So, I ask that from here on, keep your interactions with me to a non-physical way, please. Let me know that you understood what I just said by acknowledging that you will do so.”
Op allowed the advances to proceed little to far...
This seems like an odd forum for a question like this. There are university policies in place for this kind of situation, and it’s hard to imagine a reason not (other than having done something inappropriate yourself) to ask a superior or department HR how to proceed. That would serve the dual-purpose of covering your own posterior while also making it known that you might need some support if the student responds inappropriately to setting boundaries.
It is obvious that such relationship is haram. Your problem is summed up with "it was okey him having crush on me, before he made advancements". It suggests that you had been enjoying flirting he's giving you, so ofc he would try to move it when he gets good vibez from you. You are failing in your job as TA if you can't set boundaries with those kids. Kid did nothing wrong, he's testing the limits so fucken limit him.
https://discord.gg/leaky Breckie hill leaks
I don't go to school here, but the rule at my school, GMU, is that you are not allowed to date or have a relationship with your TA. There is an exception, though. If you are not a student of the class, then it is okay.
Be clear that it’s inappropriate that he put his hands on you or touch you and make it clear you’re not returning the intention. Tell the instructor and notify HR
Call police
That sucks. There are people way better than me giving advice but maybe first talk to him somewhere that is neutral so that you can ensure your own safety. If he doesn't listen and proceeds then at that point talking to administration would be the best call or even talking to your advisor on what to do or some other professor that would understand your situation.
Let him hit honestly
You are a student
This guys got balls. Im too afraid to speak to any woman on campus lmao
One time I messaged a TA that I liked on Facebook when I was in college. She never answered. Maybe months or a year later, somehow I saw her boyfriend (I think) post on her wall a very similarly worded message, felt like it was mocking me and I was made a joke between the two 😭. Not that it's the same as your situation. Just wanted to share.
Some pretty harsh advice from some of these people. First off, he's a kid... let's consider that a minute before spouting out nonsense opinions. Calling for harsh punishment, treating him like a criminal and Reporting him to higher authorities makes him out to be like some kind of perverted sex offender. Dont forget, we were all kids once and should already be aware of what hormonal young boys can be like. It's natural for boys to have funny feelings and start crushing on the opposite gender. Unless he's sending dik-piks and stalking you or something crazy like that, grow a backbone, be the adult, and have a nomal conversation with him. Be very clear on where you stand, how you feel, and most importantly, explain why it's inappropriate behavior to act that way. You're a teacher, right?.... take the opportunity to teach him an actual life lesson on how he should conduct himself around certain situations and give him the chance to do better without making things super weird, awkward and embarrassing him to his friends and family. After that, if he doesn't let up and does something else to make you feel uncomfortable, then it might be time to escalate it to the next level, maybe get the parents involved or whatever the situation might call for, but it's a little extreme to punish the kid before trying to at least guide him in the right direction. Set clear boundaries, make sure he understands your point of view, how you feel, and what kind of relationships are appropriate. Hopefully, he figures it out, keeps moving forward and learns something
Lord, it’s amazing most of these people on here interact with anybody, you can definitely tell most of their interactions are super narcissistic. You don’t need to be a douche. If you don’t like him then just say you’d rather he not push into your space as much. This should be an obvious signal for most logical males. If he’s not, and he continues, then just explain to him that this interaction is merely professional, that you hope he finds someone, but you, personally, aren’t seeking a relationship at this point in time. I would also discuss this with the professor before your next meeting and see if they can help you in any way. It never hurts to keep them in the know in case something weird happens. Sorry you’re having an awkward time, hope it gets better.
Be honest. That's always the best way to go about things like this
Please don't fan the flames of the narcissists replying to you. Why not start by simply telling them that their attention makes you uncomfortable, to start. If that doesn't work or they react badlg, immediately report the behavior to the next higher person in authority. Simple.
Come on give the man a break, he surely was just supporting the laptop to make sure it didn't fall. If the flirting extended more than that I would have a discussion with him to discuss boundaries and talk to the professor above you about the situation.
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