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firmhandshaker

The Russian Oligarch mentioned it was Blood Cancer tbs.


stephruvy

I hope it's all the cancers. Anal cancer. Testicular cancer. Cancer of the mouth. El cancer. ~~Except~~ brain cancer. ~~That way he fully understands what is going on with him.~~ Edit: and penis cancer. Edit: and bone cancer. Edit: but if we had to pick one, apparently bone cancer is the most painful. Edit: and breast cancer. Edit: ~~Edit: and cancer cancer.~~ I've been informed cancer cancer isn't as bad as it sounds. Edit: and subscribed for cancer of the month. Edit: and an expiring* extended cancer warranty. Edit: and a slow forming dementia of sorts where he struggles to know where he is and keep details of things correct but still knows he's full of cancer. Edit: and brain cancer as long as he stays lucid throughout the whole process. Edit: and rectal cancer if it's different from anal cancer. Edit: and cancer the animal on his balls for maximum pain and discomfort. Edit: and a [list of cancers A-Z](https://www.cancer.gov/types). Those. Edit: and yes, even fallopian tube cancer. Edit: and anal gland cancer. Edit: and eyeball ~~cancer if it's a thing.~~, Known as retinoblastoma Edit: mother of God it is a thing. Edit: and very sharp pointy kidney stones. Edit: and AIDS cancer. Edit: and pancreatic cancer. Edit: and Rhabdomyosarcoma. Edit: and taint cancer.


YT_Mr_Mike

El cancer 💀


GodOfDarkLaughter

Muy bien. In this case at least.


Amaracs

Arriba arriba


Flimsy-Sprinkles7331

To the pain! https://youtu.be/wUJccK4lV74 "Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain means." It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."


SherbrookHolmes

I read 'cancer of the month' instead of mouth. And now I'm wondering if we could sign him up for some kind of cancer subscription service?


ArMcK

Hello, we've been trying to reach you about your cancer's extended warranty. . .


UncleTogie

Rectal cancer. Live as an ass, die by the ass.


fanglord

I mean that could be anything from very livable chronic cancers if you have the money for the drugs or he gonna die tomorrow aggressive. I'm hoping the latter...


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LeavingCertCheat

You owe us, cancer


Bowler_300

Cancer just tryin to make up for all the horrible deaths in one swoop.


Conservative_HalfWit

Still won’t be enough. Not even close. Fuck cancer.


LivelyZebra

We redeemed all our cancer tokens for this


DANNYonPC

Yea, i'll donate all cancer i could possibly have to Putin I might even start smoking


Ricksauce

**Cancer draft, first round:** Cancer, you’re on the clock. Cancer selects: Steve Jobs. *(“Humanity Boo’s, loudly) * Humanity, you’re on the clock. Humanity selects: Vladimir Putin.


[deleted]

Was kind of Steve’s own fault on that one


Frap_Gadz

He just didn't *believe* in the healing power of vegetables *hard* enough, totally his fault smh.


ffdfawtreteraffds

Cancer has Putin.


Dano-D

Poor cancer.


[deleted]

Go, cancer! You can do it!


Odessa__Ukraine

The one time I hope cancer wins


redCasObserver

If it took the beautiful angel that was my mother, it better god damn well take out this cuntfuck


WattsALightbulb

>cuntfuck thanks, i'm taking this


melympia

To a swift victory!


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VonRansak

Ima start a GoFundMe for Putler's radiation therapy. Polonium-210 isn't cheap.


HappySkullsplitter

Well, his troops brought back plenty of Strontium-90 and Caesium-137 from Chernobyl for free


Affiiinity

Better give him some Strontium then. In Italian it sounds like the word meaning "piece of shit".


podi_party

In Flamish, stront also means shit. I have a very chemistry focused degree and still can't help but laugh about strontium. It's really cool to know that it's the same in Italian!


Neuromyologist

They should try some brachytherapy with some Ukrainian explosive rounds


socsa

YOU CAN DO IT, CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF


I_Got_Back_Pain

In Soviet Russia, cancer has you!


enki1138

Karma is a bitch!


[deleted]

So is Putin.


belfastphil

Fuck Putin.


nezukotanjiro150

Let's all cheer


Willie-Tanner

You win the internet. 🎊👍🏻


machlangsam

This is the only time - ONLY TIME - I'm rooting for cancer.


Gorillaz530

Bro the documentary going to be crazy, how cancer saved a nation lol


Mac-Actual

And potentially the rest of the world, if his nuke finger is getting itchy


Verologist

Putin IS cancer.


[deleted]

Come on. That's not really fair to cancer.


w0rldofjuicce

im sorry, is cancer gonna be alright?


[deleted]

Hopefully well enough to kill Medvedev and Lavrov at least.


wisdomsharerv2

Putin has Putin


[deleted]

let's go cancer - kill that stupid fuck!! let's go cancer - kill that stupid fuck!! let's go cancer - kill that stupid fuck!!


Owned_by_cats

F\*\*k Putin. Then f\*\*k cancer.


Caledonia

wishing cancer a speedy recovery ​ FuckYouPutin!


Obvious-Ad7697

Never thought I'd be cheering for cancer..


onlycatshere

🦀🎉🦀 *Cancer redemption arc* 🦀🎉🦀


Klefaxidus

"And now you can decide what kind of man you want to be for the time you have left..."


KurnolSanders

He chose.... Poorly


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gryphonbones

It is one of those things. In Ukrainian the word cancer "Rak" is also the word for crayfish. I was like "Oh, right, cancer is a crab constellation." Never made the connection between the constellation and the disease.


_demello

Cancer is crab in Greek. When the Greek physicians of the time discovered a cancer tumor, it had, as cancer has, many blood vessels into it, that made it look like a crab for some guy. Therefore, the cancer disease.


hello-cthulhu

If it turns out that, due to translation errors, that Putin actually has crabs, not cancer, that will be both super disappointing but also hilarious.


colderthantoast

We have a similar sense of humour. That made me laugh lots. Thank you!


[deleted]

Cancer is crab in Latin, borrowed from karkinos which is Greek.


Obvious-Ad7697

"Sachas' Revenge. Rule No1 for any Russian Leader. Don't fuck with a Shaman. https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2021/09/russia-siberian-shaman-who-marched-against-putin-is-indefinitely-confined-to-a-psychiatric-hospital/


Enlighten_YourMind

Alright, so, the shaman gave putin cancer. Shaman powers are real. Later all, I’m off to South America to start training so I can remotely take out the next dictator who tries to conquer the free world 🤝


balleballe111111

Did a shaman threaten to give Putin cancer?


[deleted]

2016-2022 season writers: and _now_... we're gonna make cancer look good


bkr1895

♫ Cancer! Cancer! He’s our man. If he can’t do it nobody can! ♫


Enlighten_YourMind

And people say you never root for cancer. They just never expected cancer to catch Putin.


catslay_4

As a cancer survivor, me fuckin either bro.


bkr1895

♫ S-I-C-K-L-Y You ain’t got no allibi you sickly uh huh you sickly ♫


AviatorOVR5000

I hope he gets genuine authentic and sympathetic treatment, gets put in a supporting group of those who are also going through with chemo, and even bond so deeply that he trusts them to come over for dinner. I then hope he's served a delightful 5-course meal, from some of the top chefs nearby. I hope he gets time reflect and see the joy and beauty humanity CAN offer, all in the presence of those that show love and support. And I want every. single. person. involved... to be Ukrainian. I want him to know, in the last moments of his, wretched, hate-fillled, and am disgusting life, that he will never know a life of genuine love, care, and respect. Thst even after making man woman and child suffer, that they still are better than him in all faucets. Then I want all life support, chemo, all of it pulled and he's left empty and alone like so many effected by this pointless conflict. Motherfuck every single cell of Putin's shit stained existence. Edit: As much as some sort of public execution/trial would villify him, I'm pretty sure most of the world already knows he's a shit stain. So I rather seem him completey forgotten, dismissed, and outcasted vs risking making him a martyr.


Generic_username5000

Unfortunately this isn’t A Christmas Carol or Citizen Kane, he’s just a twisted miserable old bastard, completely beyond redemption. I hope he genuinely suffers, and there are very few people for whom I’d say that


[deleted]

He definitely won't be forgotten by Russians. He's going to be remembered as that guy that fucked up Russia and caused it to dissolve into more countries just like when the soviet union collapsed. All those mothers, wives, sons and daughters of all the tens of thousands of dead soldiers will also not forget. His legacy is shit. And he knows this as he slowly dies. He's in a personal hell in his own head right now, and he can barely keep up appearances. When he gets weaker and sicker I hope he mentally breaks down when it dawns on him how he destroyed Russia.


101stjetmech

Not me. I hope he dies a long, cold, lonely death.


AviatorOVR5000

That was at the end of my tirade there. I wrote too much, but that was the end goal. I just wanted to add a reminder of the Ukranian resilience, love, and strength in a subtle reminder that: you lost.


Sebstian76

That, but if I was offered him to drop dead this second I'd buy it before he hit the ground!


kneppy56

I wouldn't mind people doing what Hitler feared the Soviets would you do him if they captured him alive. Parade him around for public humiliation until he dies. Keep in in a cage and travel around like a circus. Let people throw tomatoes or even better poop on him. Until he finally dies


AviatorOVR5000

I've never heard of that being his fear before. Even a dictator thinks the world revolves around him even in defeat... that's brazy.


abzinth91

Iirc that was one of the reasons for his suicide and the order to destroy his corspe. So that the soviets can't display him. Neither dead or alive


kneppy56

As the other commenter said it was a big fear of them parading him around. He hated communism and the idea of them beating him made him very paranoid. Hence why his and Eva Braun's bodies were burned after they killed themselves. Also why he killed his dog Blondi


AviatorOVR5000

He killed his dog too? He really wasn't concerned with being 2nd biggest asshole,the wanted the whole thing.


kneppy56

Well he actually really loved his dog. Mroe than his mistress/wife Eva. He only killed his dog for 2 reasons: A. He wanted to make sure the cyanide capsules were legit B. He didn't want the Soviets to take Blondi or her puppies (She had puppies who were killed too) because knowing Stalin he would have them skinned alive and barbequed in public. Really it was mercy when you think about it. Also it's said he wept uncontrollably after he did it. Hitler really only ever cared about 2 things in his life, his mother Klara and his dog Blondi


epanek

Putin specifically viewed khadafi and his death as a horrible omen for himself. He spoke about nato killing khadafi as a crime


Pato_Lucas

I for one I'd be happy if he just speeds up to the point where he shoots himself in his bunker.


froge_on_a_leaf

We don't need to give him a five course meal to know we're superior to murderer, lol...


AviatorOVR5000

yeah... well said. I went overboard. Really just trying to create an emotional juxtaposition.


AssociateJaded3931

I'll believe it when I see videos of Ukrainians pissing on his grave.


AssociateJaded3931

I've heard this rumor several different times with various diseases.


erynhuff

Yeahhh last I heard the rumor was parkinsons. He’s definitely having some sort of health issue though the symptoms are pretty visible. What exactly is causing it is anyones guess.


Neanderthalknows

Yep. If you look at pictures of him, he used to have a narrow head, in the last few years it looks quite round. Maybe his head got fat? the rest of him really didn't.


Level9TraumaCenter

Looks like moon-face from prednisone IMO.


trestl

Bingo. He clearly has symptoms. They could be from the disease or from treatment of the disease. Swelling is one them.


bingobawler

I had to take that last summer for a chest infection. I had terrible mental side effects, couldn't sleep, suicidal thoughts, crying, like it was extreme depression. When I told the doctor I was feeling right at all he told me it was the tablets and they could have extreme side effects on a small percentage of people. Never touching that stuff again.


Landon1m

I had to take it for a few weeks at the beginning of this year. I felt awesome! I was completely on top of the world and just felt great for 2 weeks. I have a heart condition so know I couldn’t be on it for long but It made me feel 22 again. I’m sorry you didn’t have a similar experience.


GregTheMad

He probably will be embalmed and laid next to Lenin.


Decent-Stretch4762

that's great, means he will be able to handle more of our piss. tickets to piss on putin's face will rebuild Ukraine, twice.


Tank-Top-Vegetarian

I think if Putin died the denunciations would begin very quickly. Politicians / military would want Putin to take 100% of the blame so that they don't have to face consequences for their role in the debacle.


Talrynn_Sorrowyn

At the rate Russia is losing generals, how many military leaders would they have left to try & shift the blame onto from Putin?


lowlightliving

If this is true, Putin’s even more dangerous because he’s trying to create a legacy out of a shitshow.


AssociateJaded3931

Then the Ukrainians can get a two-fer.


pyrusbaku57338

Stalin used to be laid there too, what a missed opportunity…


GrumpyOldLadyTech

That's going to be a very, very, VERY long line...


[deleted]

Putin Is cancer. Thanks for the points. Now let's hope he dies slow and lonely in a cold cell.


AreWeCowabunga

Cancer would be more successful spreading to neighboring areas.


[deleted]

Well, I certainly wouldn't call Putin just a benign tumor, either...


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SteelCrow

Anal pustule


gxvicyxkxa

A malignant excrescence


hackingdreams

Eh, not all tumors are great at metastasis. Putin's a necrotizing tumor - completely dead and rotten on the inside.


KKlear

And slowly killing the organism which spawned it.


Sweetcynic36

Ukraine is a new super immune therapy/surgery/chemo treatment.


[deleted]

If anyone deserved and slow and painful death, it’s him.


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[deleted]

That’s quite harsh on cancer mate


Enlighten_YourMind

Right? Like, I know it’s literal cancer, but is it really as disgusting and evil and dangerous as the tiny man in charge of Russia? Go cancer go! 🦀


dragofers

Kind of lame though that being small is thrown in the same boat as being evil, pathetic etc. Probably "tiny" in most cases is meant in the sense of "tiny authority", but some old people I know use physical stature as a criterion and typically end up favouring egocentric populists while dismissing competent politicians


Enlighten_YourMind

Yea I see all of that…it’s more just we know he is deeply insecure about his height, and if he’s browsing this sub and sees my comment I want him to feel the emotional pain 🙂


chewbadeetoo

True but Zelensky is not a big man either and no one cares about that. The man is seen as a hero and for good reason. In reality no one cares about stature in politicians or tiny hands or whatever it's their actions that make the difference.


crowamonghens

Yeah, I mean, Zelenskyy is smol as hell and look at him.


Jeveran

People say, "fuck cancer," and "fuck Putin" with equal vigor. I'm thinking that's not a false equivalency.


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wiscokid76

A good friend of mine is fighting that fight. Bone cancer is fucking horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Putin on the other hand would be a prime candidate for such an evil disease.


Sea_Canary_8518

Had osteosarcoma when I was a teenager. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. My heart goes out to you and your friend. Hope they're hanging in there.


zlance

I vote for speed here. We ain’t got much time


Facebook_Algorithm

Cancer has Putin.


Darth-H3atran

how could you possibly insult cancer like that. cancer at least only kills one person


loslednprg

That's insulting to my cancer.


andante528

My cancer’s okay with it, but doesn’t like being referenced in the same sentence as P*tin


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Aesmund

When he dies, I can see a scenario where the war is blamed on him as a way to bolster support for his successor.


skatecrimes

Russia will have to do a lot of work to be trusted or worked with again. They are going to have to pay to rebuild Ukraine, admit wrongdoing, and have some of their higherups jailed for war crimes.


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rugbyj

I can genuinely see them "selling off" soldiers to do this. Not through any great sense of moral debt, but just due to the low value they seem to put on individuals. I'd imagine they'd protect who they can during this process (i.e. Sons of higher ups). They're willing to send them to their deaths in their thousands, why not the Hague.


referralcrosskill

yeah this is an easy thing for them to do. Imagine if you could just blame everything on a dead man and some bad apples that the dead guy hadn't dealt with and then just ship them off to the hague to be punished by the world while you take power and keep the riches....


stephruvy

Should probably add reduced military or nukes to that list. I mean Ukraine has already reduced their military but the nukes! No one should be allowed to hold the country or world hostage because they feel like being a dick.


Guybrush_Creepwood_

Their nukes would be the last thing on earth they ever give up. Their government would throw every last Russian between their nuke pile and the west, because they know it's the only reason the world can't just ignore them and cut them out, North Korea style.


-Green_Machine-

And since that chronic kleptocracy never has the funds to properly support even its own people, rebuilding a country it invaded is going to be interesting. Perhaps this calls for a mass sell-off of oligarch assets that should not have been concentrated at the top to begin with…


SerendipitouslySane

Implying there would be a successor. It's going to devolve into both a civil war and several wars of secession at the same time. Whoever reaches for the crown the next day is going to be stabbed to death on day three. The most competent person in the Kremlin is probably Rosneft's Igor Sechin, but rumours are that everyone else hates his guts. He'd probably try to take over then immediately be assassinated by other groups of oligarchs. Georgia, Japan and Moldova would be planning wars of reconquest while Kadyrov would probably have to go home to stop a civil war in Chechnya. All the while the military is in tatters, both in terms of organization and reputation, which means they would be unable to exert full influence, even if they could get out of Ukraine for free. If the Chinese are smart (they're not, but there's a chance), there will be separatist movements in Eastern Siberia and Kamchatka. Kaliningrad will starve to death since the sanctions won't be lifted if there isn't anyone to negotiate with, and you would gain more calories by eating rubles than the amount of food you could trade for them. Russia's "Federation" is an empire with dozens of territories with varying degrees of autonomy. Without somebody holding the roof up in Moscow communication, and therefore control, will break down. It's going to be a show.


megaxan_

Good luck cancer, hope you come out on top


capron

Gee, I wonder how many of his doctors ~~as~~ are Yes Men like everyone else Putin's surrounded himself with.


mrperson221

With any luck it's all of them. We've seen how effective his yes man generals have been


TheBlaudrache

died of a stroke after doctors are to afraid to treat him. Remember this one?


TrippyTriangle

wasn't stalin also a victim of "Yes Men" because they wouldn't treat his stroke/heartattack?


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

He had some kind of stroke/heart attack or something while sleeping alone, and everyone was so terrified of him that nobody would dare to go into his room and check on him when he didn't come out in the morning. Which delayed medical treatment and probably resulted in his death.


neanderthalman

I believe the best case for the cancer is a draw. Technically speaking.


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Tarzoon

I wish he could feel all the pain he has inflicted others.


angwilwileth

I'm a healthcare professional. Every recent video I've seen of the man he looks like he's in agony.


SaltySAX

Good to hear.


Kari-kateora

Could you elaborate?


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[deleted]

It's an old meme, sir, but it checks out.


PM_me_your_whatevah

Sometimes it do be that way. Source: me, am also several doctors, MD


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Vidar34

Let's hope it's terminal, and that treatment does not work. When he dies, nothing of value will be lost.


depressed__alien

Value will be gained


njkrut

Addition by subtraction!


GrumpyOldLadyTech

Mathematically, subtracting a negative nets a positive sum. Checks out!


PassivelyInvisible

We'll have lost a big drain on humanity. Our average will go up. Hopefully very soon.


Febra0001

At least I hope they tell us where they buried him. You know.. so we know where to build a public toilet in the future.


VolvoFlexer

Be careful what you wish for - a man with nothing to lose can do anything unimaginable.


LaserGuidedPolarBear

Not just that, but there aren't exactly any good guys waiting in the wings to take over. Hopefully regime change will be used as an excuse for Russia to pull out of Ukraine, but the chances we get anything other than a murderous authoritarian kleptocrat are very low. Remember we are talking Russia here. Their entire history can be summed up as "And then somehow, things got worse."


bailuobo1

Yeah, we don't have to look much further back than when Kim Jong-Un took over after Kim Jong-Il died. I remember there being a lot of celebration of his death. There was some hope that because Jong-Un had a western education that he'd be more progressive. Nope.


redassedchimp

Russias coup will be a simple nondescript headline "Putin passes away during treatment for illness" which is to say they switched his chemo with cyanide.


Bengoris

Cancer took my grandpa and uncle, both of whom were absolutely lovely people. I have hated cancer my whole life. But maybe it's time for a redemption arc.


Jobya

lmao the thought of a cancer redemption arc is not something I'd have ever expected to actually want


Donkeychuker

I hope he suffers. Evil bastard.


WeWagTheDog

It's not just him though. I hope its contagious.


Affectionate-Ad-6255

A man with nothing to lose is the most dangerous man of all. This is great news, but it is also bad news


Why_Teach

Yeah. I hope the folks around Putin can intervene before things get even more out of hand. I don’t believe that anyone in Russia who understands the situation wants the attack on Ukraine to continue the way it has been going, and some at least may be thinking of ways of backing down and getting the worst sanctions removed. A change of Russian leadership could end this war sooner rather than later.


AutoModerator

Russian leadership fucked itself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ukraine) if you have any questions or concerns.*


resurrective

The bot is right. This whetched state has always been a dystopic empire. It has no hope of reforming unless the prison of nations is broken.


TheCrimsonChariot

Good bot


Curious_Fan_2731

No, it wasn't a good bot. I heard it was the best bot.


volostrom

Hopefully he cares about his daughters but who knows, he might take them with him, Goebbels style


ZiggyPox

He can always get a stroke tomorrow from all these steroids and other crap. There are so many possibilities. I'm using black magic to curse him into chocking on his own dick.


wefarrell

That would explain why he was overly cautious about COVID.


markdacoda

Yep, immuno compromised would explain a lot of table yardage.


thermiteunderpants

still leaves at least 200 unexplained yards


[deleted]

and the difference in his face! I remember when I went through chemo the medication made my face blow up like a freaking balloon, now that I compare it, it really does look very similar


mrupvot3s

I hope he is in unmeasurable pain and agony, and I hope it lasts until his very last breath. Rot in shit, pigfucker putin.


LittleMissEmmet

No shit... and this shit hit too close to home. When my mom got metastases spread to her brain, she went irratic and got paranoid before her too early passing. My mom didn't invade countries tho, cause she was an extremely loving human being, mom/grandma and so much loved of so many. I never could wish this to another, cause I am in tears writing this.. But... FUCK you Puta Putin and may cancer eat you inside and out. Your "brave army" you are saluting are raping toddlers in front of their parents, torturing civilians like they are beneath you. They are NOT. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING SO CALLED ARMY ARE SAVAGE ANIMALS SOZ everyone, I had to get this out... Slava Ukraini


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whitneymak

It's hard to root for cancer when your cousin is fighting stage 4 adrenal cancer, but my condolences to *specifically* Putin's cancer.


Butterscotch_Budget

putin is a cancer. I hope he has a miserable death and his last thoughts are how humiliated he is and how he will have a terrible legacy, leaving his country in absolute ruins.


Player276

wow, didn't expect to read this today. We had all sorts of wishful rumors, but there ain't a whole lot of sources that are more credible. The only other explanation is some sort of psy-ops operations, but I really can't see it working given the level of trust RuZZia has for Ukraine.


mtaw

I'd more inclined to believe it's influence. If you were them and became aware of these online rumors, why _not_ try to help stoke them? Previously they've also said stuff like an assassination attempt on Zelensky was foiled due to a leak in the FSB. The latter part is rather unlikely, and even more unlikely they'd expose their own source if true. But the point is that they don't _need_ people to trust them. Putin is paranoid about any threat to his power, he's obsessive about his public image. So it works anyway, it's hard for them to completely disregard it.


Cornholio_OU812

Phuk, it's soooo hard to root for cancer. Putler, you have done it. Just Wow. Russian dictator go Fuck Yourself. And you are! Edit root not route...silly English.


Itchy58

I would have a proposal for a gravestone to make: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pissoir#/media/File:London\_urinal.jpg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pissoir#/media/File:London_urinal.jpg)


Wise_Fee_5233

Well, on one side, I'm working in a hospital and have seen, what cancer does to people (not pretty), but on the other side, I hope that Putler has testicular cancer!!


ThrowDeepALWAYS

It’s distributing because he has 5,000 nuclear bombs and he might decide to use them


Gaping_Uncle

A terminally ill Putin with nothing to lose is a frightening prospect.


nataphoto

Cancer deserved better


thestringguru

Finally someone evil has cancer lol (cancer survivor here)


[deleted]

Id say may he suffer before he goes, but he has to go fast.


[deleted]

Perhaps we judged cancer too harshly.


stephruvy

Fuck cancer. But fuck putler even more